#Do- young be like: don't play the 'break up card" with me because i'll play it right back!!
Text
2 batteries away
𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫.: if he can choose to spend time with someone else rather than you, daryl would do it. not because he hates you. he simply doesn't have any type of connection with you. and you are so young. but when rick demands that you join him on a scavenge hunt, he doesn't have much of a saying into it, and chooses to act unbothered. he also chooses to ignore the way you tease him the whole trip, your hips swaying just a bit more when walking than usual.
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: daryl dixon x female reader
𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: alexandria, pre-negan
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5k
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: big age gap, reader is half daryl's age
𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: voyeurism, masturbation, breath-play, subtle ddlg, toys, subtle dacryphilia
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: swearing
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: i am on season ten of twd (my first time watching) and it feels like this man's clothes keep getting tighter and tighter each episode and i am so here for it. also the way his arms magically always glisten in the sun as he subtly flexes when the camera is on him? give me a break I BEG
Also I miss Rick very much 🥺
*
"i have a special request. if i'm allowed to do that." a playful voice calls behind you.
you turn around, squinting. the sun is high up in the sky, and right in your eyes. you make out carol's short hair, and nod at her as a sign to keep speaking.
"i'm gonna need something i can make cookies or cakes with. hazelnut, chocolate, almonds,... you know. cake stuff." the woman smiles.
"i'm going out for ibuprofen and possibly viagra, not chocolate."
"viagra? for who?"
you chuckle under the cap rosita has given you, and try to subtly glance over at the man loading the car with weapons. he grunts, glaring at you and instantly shutting down the bullying party you wanted to start.
"i don't need no damn viagra." he slams the trunk door shut, and walks past you, intentionally pushing his shoulder into yours.
you fall a step back, holding in a laugh. carol has her hands on her hips, but her laugh isn't hidden. she knows daryl can't say anything to her.
"oh, come on. i know that you like to stay quiet and mysterious, but a little joking in hard times never hurt anybody." the woman defends you, scrunching her eyebrows at daryl.
"it's hurting me." he yells from the car, slamming the door shut.
"how am i supposed to survive this trip with him, ricky?" you complain, shoulders hanging with rising irritation with the situation.
"you survived a walker flooded prison with nothing but an axe before you found us on the other side, and you're telling me you can't survive a grumpy old man for a few hours?"
"thing is, i killed walkers. i cannot kill him. boo-hoo, the precious tracker. i also, when i see a footprint on the floor facing a certain way, know that someone is headed there. wild, right?"
rick pats your head, messing up the cap in the process just to tease you.
"bring me some shirts on the way back, i'm getting sick of these flannels. and get yourself something nice."
one would think that he gave you his credit card to buy him those shirts at the nearby mall. telling you to get yourself something nice, that idiot. the less fun truth is that you are headed towards a landfill two hours away from alexandria, in hopes of finding anything. glenn and morgan haven't had any luck for a few days now, so rick decided to change the route and the team. daryl and you, apparently, make a great one. that pain in the ass of a man.
"i'm leavin'. you stay and talk 'bout me all you wan'. i'm the one actually doin' something for this place."
"stuck up much? see," you open the car door, sitting inside annoyed, "with the viagra, you'd be a much more pleasant person to be around."
"enough with the damn viagra. fuck's the matter with you?"
"god, just start driving and drop me off somewhere in the middle of the road and i'll find my own shit from a different place. rick doesn't need to know."
"no," he simply responds, not sparing you a glance.
rick waves at you with a smile on his face, knowing damn well what he did putting the two of you together for such a long quest. he's so going to hear from you tonight. if you make it out alive while trying to kill daryl.
"so, what are you hoping to find? booze, peanut butter, new clothes? i'm starting to think you stapled those clothes to your body."
he says nothing, eyes focused on the road. you sigh. maybe you're the problem. you're poking him too much, knowing he has zero patience and doesn't very much like your company. you decide to keep quiet for the rest of the drive, only occasionally glancing over at him out of boredom.
you can't lie, he is an attractive man. you don't know why you're mean to him. he is gorgeous to you, your taste in older rugged men not failing you. you're surprised rick isn't the one you fell for. but next to daryl, he looks too... neat. daryl is just perfect. most of the time his deep raspy voice has you subconsciously rubbing and squeezing your thighs, led by a tingling sensation in your lower stomach. his clothes have recently gotten very tight on him, the buttons of his black shirt threatening to pop and give you a view of your lifetime. he has been working out a lot, you've seen him. fuck, not only have you seen him, you also stayed there, secretly snapping pictures with your polaroid your father had left you before disaster struck. you only had a few films left, yet no self control. something about seeing daryl all sweaty as he did push ups, grunting and almost moaning, thinking that nobody can see him, did things to you.
"wha'?" he asks, sensing your intense gaze.
you turn your head away, flushed. "nothin'."
"mmh."
he keeps it short and stern, and if your panties weren't drenched as your brain replayed the memory of his glistening arm muscles, you'd probably make a sassy remark. he raises an eyebrow, probably also wondering why you aren't being mean for so long now.
"shoes." he says after some time.
"what?" you ask, absent-mindedly staring into the tall trees and the walkers hidden among them.
"i'm hoping to find some shoes. it's gettin' hard to walk in these. i also hope i find sum more arrows."
you nod, surprised that he has actually graced you with an answer. you thought he'd say something like cigarettes or alcohol. you hated people who smoke. but daryl is an exception. he looks damn hot doing it.
"you?" he asks.
"well, new underwear would be nice. i ripped all my good panties, and let me tell you, these thongs are not apocalypse friendly."
"shit, girl, oversharing much?"
"what, you disgusted by female underwear?" you poke back, playfully.
"not female underwear. your underwear."
you're offended. you squint at him, and have to fight the urge to smack the back of his head.
"for your information, you don't look or smell all flowery and fresh yourself. i could use your hair to grease up carol's tray for her cakes. and your fingernails? they have their own ecosystem at this point."
and back to the bickering it is. he grunts again, furrowing his eyebrows. he secretly glances at his fingernails. indeed, they had a layer of dirt under them, but daryl thinks that he has bigger issues than some dirt that will get washed off anyway.
"oh, i also wish to find-"
"yeah, lost interest." the man interrupts. "also, for future conversations, you do not mention your... thongs... to people that are ol' enough to be your father."
ew.
ew.
ew.
he did not.
"what, is that how you see me? you could be my father?"
how utterly disappointing. there you were, sitting next to him, imagining him going feral between your legs, all while he is viewing you as his child. there goes your masturbating material for tonight.
"well the age fits the description."
"fuck you. seriously." you sigh, turning your body towards the window so you can fully ignore him.
arriving at the gates, you immediately notice a few things that you will be taking home. how foolish of you to not take a truck instead of the crusty old car.
"watch it." just as he says it, an arrow passes by your head, followed with a loud thud.
you don't have to look back to know that a walker had managed to sneak behind you, while you were foolish enough to stay swooning over his arms glistening in the sun with sweat.
"damn it, girl, i don' know what it is with you, but you gotta snap outta it. i can't keep saving ya ass."
"yes, dad." you reply, annoyed.
"hey." he calls, hand reaching to cup your jaw and turn your head towards him. "shut it before i make ya."
if it weren't for the feeling of his rough hand on your face and his raspy voice sending you a warning turning you on, you would've slapped him and told him not to touch you. but oh, you were going crazy inside. you found a new way to push his buttons, and you're going to have so much fun with it.
you walk behind him into the landfill, the smell of junk pinching your nose. daryl is also bothered by it, seeing his scrunched expression as he scanned the first piles of garbage.
"there." he points his crossbow a certain way.
you follow the invisible line, your eyes landing on what seemed to be several taped boxes. they could have three things inside: food, weapons, or traps. weird how nobody has discovered this place yet. or maybe they have, and they took all valuables already.
daryl doesn't wait for you. he makes his way towards the boxes, keeping his crossbow ready if something goes wrong. you, on the other hand, have tucked your knife safely and are walking around like there isn't walkers scratching at the fence, waiting to sink their teeth into your skull.
"dammit."
you hear rattling. you turn around, only to find the man kicking the boxes angrily. the can he has just thrown on the floor rolls up to your feet, and you crouch down to examine it. it is food, but expired. eating it would be like playing russian roulette.
"i mean, we can still... ya'know, take it with us. what happens happens."
"dixon, if i'm gonna die, i'm gonna die from a bullet or a bite. not from a rotten macaroni."
he raises an eyebrow at you, amused with your laid back attitude. he doesn't give you much attention, just silently walks next to you while scanning his side of the landfill.
"ah, sweet!" you cheer, running towards a pile.
"wha'?"
you almost trip over the broken wooden chairs, trying to get to a certain little box in the pile.
"the hell are ya doin'? we're losin' time!"
your eyes instinctively roll at his voice. you know he has nothing smart to say. finally reaching the box, you jump back on the floor, eagerly opening it. seeing that the item still has the foil sealed on it, you victoriously raise it in the air, cheering.
"you have made it a goal for yourself to die today, didn't ya?"
"nah, not anymore. i found something that will keep me occupied and will fuel my will to live a little longer."
you continue your way forward, leaving daryl to stare at the box you have discarded, trying to figure out what it is. but he has decided he has no time for your immaturity. he needs to ask rick to not ever put him with you on a hunt again. he's lost a lot of time already, and hasn't found a single thing to bring back.
"clothes." you point, the pile of fabric sitting on top of a garbage hill.
"you gonna go get 'em?"
"why would i go? you go."
"you wanted your... thongs... so, you go get that."
you scoff, setting the newly acquired item on the ground and slowly climbing up the hill.
"what is this, anyway?" his curiosity wins.
you sit on top of the pile, examining the clothes and discarding the ones with holes in them.your eyes dart to the man below you, and you chuckle when you see him crouch and take the item in his hand.
"it's a wand."
"wand?"
"yes."
"for?" he keeps pressing, his eyes never leaving the pink gadget.
"masturbating."
thud.
you look down, mortified. he better not break it.
"careful with that, what's the matter with you?!"
"you're fuckin' crazy, girl."
you silently mock him, sticking your tongue out at him and repeating his words with exaggerated face expressions. he really gets on your nerves. you gather the clothes you have found into a bed sheet, tying it up and putting it over your shoulder, then pick up the gadget from the floor. it seems alive, it didn't break. you only hope it works. you're young, inexperienced, surrounded by people that are either too young or too old for you. though, the old part never was a problem for you, it was for them.
feeling bored, you decide to keep poking him. he is just so grumpy, and silent. and inviting to irritate.
"so, dixon, you've never heard about one of these?" you wave the gadget in front of his face.
he spares you a glare, and continues walking.
"come on, we're talking. nobody's around. tell me, since all of this started, how many times have you even approached a girl? do you even mastu-"
"'m not in the mood to be picked on right now."
"i'm not picking on you. i promise. just trying to converse."
"you want to be useful? hold this. it's in my way." he throws his vest at you, now only wearing a tight black t-shirt.
you scowl at him, shoving his vest into your backpack.
"you're so fun to be around. i get why rick put us together."
he grunts, leaving you behind. rolling your eyes, you go down a different path, hoping to find something useful to all of alexandria and not just you. turning a few lefts, you find yourself standing in front of a little shed like structure. you bang on the door with your foot, and when hearing no growls, you bravely enter. it is dusty and dark, with a singular armchair and a few cupboards.
you open each one of them, happily shoving all the food you managed to find into your backpack, opening a protein bar along the way and chewing on the oats and dried fruits. you missed having those with yogurt for breakfast.
not only will carol be happy with the amount of nuts and flour you have found, rick will be proud of you. you might even ask for a reward when he sees the amount of canned tuna and jam you have found. you forgot what pancakes taste like.
after clearing the room, you peek out the window. daryl is in the distance, going through piles and kicking stuff out of his way, as if playing. you've collected way more than him, and the sun is at it's highest point. the shaded room seems like a perfect place to take a nap, or just rest your feet and ears from him.
you plop on the armchair like a star washed up on the shore. it feels so lonely lately. rick has michonne, carl has enid, rosita has her boytoys, even gabriel might be having more fun than you. as wrong as it was, you stay up listening to the noises coming across the street. they're loud, there's no way you could ignore them even if you wanted to. even rick had to step in and ask them to be quieter. but what is a problem to someone else is a solution for you. is it wrong to touch yourself while listening to someone else fucking? yes. but is it the only way that works for you? also yes.
you eye up the toy that peeks from the backpack, then glance out the window. daryl is busy with his crossbow, having found something that he could use on it.
fuck it.
you unbuckle your pants, not bothering to take off the panties. your fingers are quick to pop the batteries that come with the package in the gadget, and when the lid clicks, you admire it for a second. there it is, in all its glory. waiting to be abused every day by you, until you find a replacement. hopefully a softer and live one.
taking off the thin protective foil from the head, you position yourself on the armchair. you glance at the window again, carefully monitoring daryl. now, if you thought that eavesdropping and touching yourself was bad, what was this? watching daryl's fingers work on his crossbow, arms glistening in the sun, all while the pink toy softly vibrates on your pulsating clit.
you sigh at the newfound pleasure, rubbing the toy up and down your slit, while your eyes stay focused on the man unaware of your situation. he probably even forgot about you. or is thankful that you have left him alone. even better for you. you get to be a pervert without him ever knowing.
you arch your back, throwing your head on the backrest as you focus on chasing the release. it's been awhile, it won't take you long. your eyes open again, just enough to see if the man is still in his spot. your fingers change the vibration strength on the gadget, and instantly, you gasp. it is so intense, and so much, but you don't want it to stop. this thing is your new best friend, you better get used to it.
something else peeks out of the backpack, the leather catching your attention and giving you an idea. like an animal in heat, you grab the vest, burying your nose into it and spreading your legs further. daryl's scent takes over your senses, making you lose control and become a moaning mess. you are getting wetter by the second, the toy now slipping up and down your slit with ease and giving you maximum pleasure.
"fuck- daryl-" you can't help but gasp, enveloped in his manly scent and fabric.
your hips hopelessly rub against the toy, chasing and chasing after something that isn't quite getting closer, even though it feels like it.
"the hell?"
your eyes widen at the interruption. you drop the vest in your lap, hiding the crime scene from him. the man stands at the door, expression unreadable. yours is one of horrified mixed with desire, the way he stares down at you angrily sending arrows to your core.
"daryl- i- did you, uh, find anything?" you try to play it off, foolishly.
"yeah. i found an animal in heat it seems. couldn't wait for alexandria to do that shit?"
"I-"
"is that my vest?"
he slams the door shut, leaving you two in darkness. you gulp, moving the gadget from your core and letting your panties fall back in place.
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry-" you stutter, failing to put a sentence together while he intensely glares at you.
"ya ain't sorry." he grunts. "ya know why i despise being around your ass? you're inappropriate."
"no, look," you try, but he points a finger at your face, making you close your mouth.
your eyes burn, tears announcing their arrival.
"it's not like that-"
"shut up, dammit! i'm talkin' now! do you have any idea in how many uncomfortable situations you've put me? all those snarky dirty comments, all that flirting, now this? do you understand what that does to me?!"
he's yelling, frustrated and angry with you. but why are you getting wetter? why can't you think rationally? he is scolding you for being inappropriate, and you continue to be even more inappropriate by sexualising simple yelling. not your fault he looks damn hot while he does it, though.
"you're- you're half my age. i can't allow myself to play your games, no matter how tempting."
what?
"what will alexandria think? they already have no good opinion on me. engaging with someone half my age the way you want me to engage is- it is a horrible idea. i'll be out faster than i was in."
silence swallows the room. you still lay on the armchair, half naked with his vest covering you. he paces around the room, fingers running through his hair as he tries to gather his thoughts. you think whether it's time to finally say something, but you wait another moment. you need to gather your thoughts too.
tempting, he said. so he thought about it too. he saw past your jokes, and has been controlling himself so well. if only you knew what it would take to shatter that control, even for just a moment.
"since when do you care what other people think?" you start.
"since rick chose to trust me."
you hum, understanding.
"listen-"
"so you've been thinking about it." you're the one to interrupt now.
his head snaps up, looking at you with his eyebrow raised, as if asking you where you're going with that statement.
"there's nothing wrong with it. it's not like we're getting married or something."
"i'm older than you. way older than you."
"so?"
"i could be your father."
"if you say that word to me one more time i swear i will turn this landfill upside down to find another sex toy to shove up your asshole."
"why do you get so triggered by it?"
you roll your eyes, looking anywhere but at him. you press your thighs together, missing the warmth and buzzing from earlier. fun killer.
"because."
"why?"
"doesn't matter."
"tell me," he presses further.
you finally look at him, frustrated. "because i have fucking daddy issues and the thought of you being so much older than me turns me on. there."
you get up from the armchair, putting his vest on so that you can cover yourself. it almost reaches your knees, hiding your body from his gaze. he says nothing, and does nothing for a few moments. you have your back turned to him, hands resting on the counter of the half chipped kitchen cabinet. your head hangs low with embarrassment from the confession that just left your mouth.
tears stream down your cheeks, luckily hidden by your hair. but daryl doesn't miss the little sniff that comes your way. he sighs, then paces around the place a little more. when you don't hear him anymore, and finally face the fact that nothing will be the same with him anymore, you dare turn around. you almost gasp when you come face to face with him, his chest pressing against yours.
"wha- what are you-"
"shh..." he hushes you, eyes roaming your face.
you aren't sure what to do, or what he wants to do. if he tries to comfort you by giving you a hug, you will break down. and you will never face him again. you thought it was only sexual, but the way he looks at you and hushes you as you cry is awakening new emotions inside of you. ones that you will push down for now, because it is not the time.
"daryl, i'm sorry." you hiccup, genuinely feeling sorry for ruining whatever you had with him.
you feel his hands on the back of your thighs, and before you can react, he picks you up and places you on the counter. you instinctively spread your legs, letting him in closer.
"don't be. or else i might regret this."
you look at him doe eyed as he places his hand on your neck, gently holding you just beneath your jaw and softly pressing into the sides of it. he brings his head close to you, eyes half closed as he stares at your lips.
"daryl." you whisper, not sure of this anymore.
"just hush."
and with that, he presses his lips into yours, softly moving them with rhythm only known to the two of you. his other hand caresses your thigh, then creeps to your bottom and pulls you to the edge of the counter, enough to have your crotch press against his.
you can taste your tears while you kiss him, and he probably can too. he doesn't say anything, hell, you even feel him twitch between your legs. you grind on him, unable to control yourself. it is different than the wand. it's warm, and it responds back. it's better.
"hey," you call, slowly pulling away. "i don't want you to do this because you feel sorry for me or something like that. are you doing it because of that?"
"nah."
before you can continue bombarding him with questions and overthinking, he places his lips back on yours, this time a little rougher than before. you open your mouth, tongue eager to taste him properly. and fuck, he tastes good. you hated cigarettes and alcohol, but from his mouth, you adore it. you finally give in, arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him impossibly close. finally.
it doesn't take long for him to have you whining and grinding on him, wanting more than just kissing and thigh grabbing and occasional choking. you beg into his mouth, quietly at first, but with each kiss he gives you, you become louder and more demanding.
"touch me, please, please, please," you're desperate.
he smiles, for the first time in a while, and snakes his hands under your top. you hurriedly take off the vest and the top, to make it easier for him, but he pulls his vest back on your body. you are now wearing nothing but panties and the leather vest, making daryl incredibly impatient.
"ya just needed some attention, didn't ya?" he kisses your neck, his hand cupping your breast and thumb playing with the hard nub. "some sense fucked into ya to shut that mouth."
for someone that almost never talks, he is quite the talker now. and you can't complain, when his words have you clenching around nothing down there.
"needed someone older to take care of ya."
you moan at his words, spreading your legs further and raising your hips into his crotch. his hand reaches down to your panties, landing a light slap on your clothed clit as a warning. there's growling outside of the shed, but not enough to make you care. you'll get what you want, and no amount of walkers will stop you, even if it'll be your last.
daryl moves your panties aside, pulling away from you to see you. he hums, thumb coming to contact with your clit and circling it a few times. you shake under his touch, throwing your head back. it isn't something you haven't done before, but the touch is foreign, and different. his fingers are rough and big, an opposite of the soft flesh of your clit. he rubs your slit up and down, enough to smear your arousal so he can touch you better.
"fuck..." you trail, grabbing the edges of the counter and digging your nails into the hard surface.
"didn't find a boy your age to open you up?"
you shake your head. he hums again, fingers now circling your tight entrance.
"that's a shame, then. i'm gonna have to take my time with you."
"what? why?" you ask, disappointed.
"i'd split you in half, little one."
every word in that sentence sent arrows to your core. fuck, just how big is he?
"then, what are we doing?"
he turns around, leaving you yearning for his touch while he grabs your discarded toy from the armchair.
"you share toys?"
"sometimes."
"good."
he pulls himself out from his pants, and you are left with your jaw dropped. it fuels his confidence, the way you're staring at him as he rubs himself up and down. he isn't big. he's huge.
"daryl, how will that fit in me?" you ask, actually concerned.
"it'll take a little time. i'll train ya, and you'll take it like a good girl, the way i teach ya. but ya have to start listening to me and stop pissing me off."
nodding eagerly, you push your hips towards his hands, searching for his touch again.
he turns the gadget on, pressing it against your clit. you moan out loud, grinding on the buzzing toy and sliding with ease. you hear him grunt, and even a quiet moan. your eyes drop to the situation between your legs, and when you see him pressing his cock to the gadget, you swear you could squirt all over him. he rocks his hips with yours, pushing you up against the wall and grunting in your mouth, just like you moan into his. he doesn't break eye contact with you, instead getting off on it.
"i'm gonna cum, daryl." you whine, hands reaching into his hair to pull.
"give me a second."
you'd give him two if he wanted. you try your hardest to focus on not yet cumming, but the way he sweats and grunts for you doesn't make it easy.
"daryl-" you warn, moans becoming high pitched and inviting the walkers around the shed.
he sticks two fingers in your mouth, keeping you silent and helping himself get closer. you only needed to swirl your tongue around him a few time and take him all the way to his knuckles to have him moaning and cumming all over your stomach, rubbing the toy up and down in a sloppy pace.
you follow, pleasure washing over your body along with a thin layer of sweat, the sight of his seed on you making it more intense. you are dehydrated, hot and filthy. and you love it, because he is the same. you'd be like that every day, if it meant getting him the way you just had him.
"you didn't have to..." you say as he helps you dress up, wiping his seed from you with his bandana and discarding it.
"i wanted to. before, today, too."
"you sure?"
"yes."
you nod. he sees that you are not convinced, and he sighs. he pulls you in for a hug, resting his chin on the top of your head.
"i rarely regret my actions. trust me."
"yeah, well, i hope i'll get more of these actions you speak of."
he chuckles, planting a kiss on your forehead.
"you know, for someone who just came all over me, it's weird to see you so sentimental and comforting."
you don't even finish the sentence, he already playfully throws the bandana at you, rushing outside to hide his smile and to hide from your attempt at attacking.
"oh, you- you- you asshole!"
"right back at ya."
***
yippie! my first twd oneshot, idk how to feel about it lol. had this in the drafts for a while now. feel free to send feedback, doesn’t matter if it is good or bad 🩷
#twd#twd imagine#twd smut#twd daryl#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixon smut#daryl x y/n#daryl dixion imagine#daryl x you#daryl x reader#daryl imagines#daryl dixon x y/n#daryl dixon x you#daryl dixon x female reader#the walking dead daryl#the walking dead imagine#the walking dead smut
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The glory
Ha Do Young x reader
Part 1
Year 2019
three years before the series
"Don't you want to get revenge too?"
Moon Dong Eun and I have known each other for eight years now. At that time, I had lied about my age to work in the factory and have a roof over my head. When she found out, she didn't try to tell the manager as I feared.
She looked at me with her usual look and said, "It's brave for someone your age to work in a factory, but this is not a game. Make yourself small and work hard to leave this place.
After that, I started to like her. She never approached me, but she would stand up for me when I got in trouble. And for the 14 year old I was admirable
Because of her reserved personality, I didn't want to stick to her and bother her. Instead, when I noticed that she was starving herself, I would steal some bread and canned salmon from the storeroom and leave it next to her whenever she was studying late. The day she left, she had left me a note that said < when you get out of here, come see me and I did. Today, we have grown so close that I call her big sister.
"While I was away, they set their sights on you. There are no causes without consequences y/n . I will make jeon jae joon pay for what he did to you but for that you must give me your help.
"Dong Eun you know that I don't want to see him or his gang again. I just want to be away from all this.
"Don't you want to avenge your son? How can you tell him to walk with his head high in the streets if his own mother is always walking with the fear of running into her criminals again? "
After hesitating at first, he replied, "What should I do?
"I will give you an identity thing and you have to seduce Park Yeon Jin's husband.
2022
Ha Do Young pov
I walk in the newly opened Go park. My first goal was to play with someone who would like to play with me, but given the early hour I quickly drop the idea. Instead I decide to take a walk and soon I'm rambling about my problems.
Lately I have more and more suspicions that ye-sol might not be my daughter but jeon jae joon's. No matter how many times I think about it, I can't bring myself to do it. I love this child too much to give her away.
So I continue in my devaluations without really taking notice of what is happening around me until I hit a person and felt an intense burning in my stomach.
"Excuse me. Being in a hurry I wasn't really looking where I was going and you were in my way. It's nothing your fault of course".
Look at the agitated young woman in front of me who was trying to make amends as best she could
"The tea must be burning you sorry. Wipe yourself with this" she said, handing me a pocket towel. I gladly took it.
"It's early and I've already ruined your blouse. I apologize for that.
"It's nothing.
"Please send the dry cleaning bill to this address. "
She handed me a card which I took before continuing
"Excuse me again but I have to go or I'll be late" she said bowing in politeness and left
Funny woman. I threw the card and went to change. Fortunately I have a change of clothes.
Y/n pov
Yeon jin what will you feel when you see the burn on your dear husband's belly. The same place where your and jae joon marked me with oil?
________________
It was my lunch break so I went out of the hospital in which I work at the general medicine station to have some tea and sushi and change the air. The tea here is much better than the one in the hospital.
I wonder what my son is doing at this hour. I would like to spend lunch with him but it is impossible. I take a sip of my drink when someone calls out to me
"I nodded too quickly to see who it was.
"I apologize for disturbing you during your meal.
Ah Ha Do Young. How surprising that my prey comes to me alone
"You are the man from Go Park, I recognize you. Sorry again about your shirt.
"About that you told me to send you the bill but I misplaced your card.
Aren't you rich enough to pay for the dry cleaning yourself?
"Oh, I see," I said as I slid a new business card towards him.
"When you didn't contact me I thought you had forgotten about me.
"Oh no. It's not every day that people with such an atypical appearance as you have in Samyong.
This comment I received a ton of times for good or bad. Being a black skinned woman with frizzy blond hair is not easy in Korea (of course you can change the appearance of y/n)
"Don't take it the wrong way of course".
When I didn't react he must have thought I was offended
"Not at all. Being Melanesian in Korea sometimes has these advantages I stand out easily in a crowd".
"But I guess you didn't take your time just to talk to me about money, did you?"
"You're right. I realized that I didn't know the name of the one who had me throw away a new shirt early in the morning.
I'm kidding of course."
"Yu In-soon" I said and held out my hand.
"Ha Do Young" and he'll hold my hand in return.
"My pose is ending soon. See you again Mr. Ha".
"Likewise Miss Yu"
Part2:
#the glory#lee do hyun#kdrama#park yeon jin#Ju Yeo-jeong#Moon Dong Eun#Ha Do Young#Ha Do Young x reader#the glory x reader#netflix#the glory kdrama
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I've been thinking about doing uber. How long do you drive for $200-$300 and usually what time of day? Any sage advice?
I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED (being serious)
i really do enjoy doing uber! however, like most jobs, no job is perfect, there are shitty moments that make you wanna unalive yourself after a shift and that's normal. there are moments where i'm happy as f*ck driving to different areas in virginia and sightseeing during my breaks and then there's stressful moments where you can't find the person to pickup at the airport because of a language barrier (happened to me recently, big yikes). here's my unsolicited experience/advice:
the best parts about doing uber: you can get paid instantly, so if you got rent money due before the month ends, and you make like $700 from uber in a week, then instantly deposit that. there's an uber debit card that you should get, i use that. all the money you make instantly goes there and i just use it as a separate checking account to buy drinks and groceries and stuff, completely separate from my main.
another perk of doing uber is...obviously nobody tells you what to do. there's no boss telling you to clock in, you can just do a shift whenever, skip a day, work all day, etc. besides like customer support if something bad happens. which i heard is pretty shit btw so good luck. i love the freedom that uber gives me. i decided to catch up on grinding in my MMORPG (maplestory lol) and take like 1-2 days off. i can just go back whenever and that's beautiful. i love being my boss.
you can do early morning shifts near busy shopping centers, airports, and get decent money. i personally avoid the airport though, but i have done airport rideshares. IMO do not do uber after the sun sets, obviously #1 if you're a young looking woman driving alone at night you're probably a target, and #2 it's just spooky and you should be tucked in at home playing video games when it's dark. it's hard to see the road at night, it can be dangerous. just do early morning, evening, but when you see that sun getting lower, drive home asap.
so you can choose from doing rideshares (driving people) or food deliveries, i personally do both. if you don't like people, you can just turn on food. you legit just go inside a mcdonalds or even a fancy 5 star restaurant in the city, and then drive to the person's house and drop it off. for food deliveries the tips are calculated like 1 hour later, so if you get like very little money after dropping off your first food order, just be patient and check back later. the most important thing is choosing good orders, don't do something that's like $5 for 10 miles. always do something that's like $10 for 5 miles. your car's health is very important, don't milk it too hard.
on that note, cars...you obviously use your car to drive people and food around. make sure your car is well kept. if you're driving a piece of garbage, it's honestly kinda good to "milk" it with uber until it finally combusts. while doing uber, there's a lot of risk you're putting yourself in. only sign up for the job if you consider yourself a good driver with 0 accidents in the past like 5 years or so.
idk there's a lot about uber, i don't wanna yap your ears off. if you're interested, go on youtube and type in uber driver stuff. there's nice youtube shorts of it, and full on youtube guides about uber/doordash/grubhub etc. they're all considered "gig" work so it's not like a 9-5 which is what i loathe and avoid doing in my mid 20s.
if you sign up, i'll give you some personal tips i made up:
keep a gallon of water or two in your car. snacks too, but they might melt if your area is hella hot during the summer. keep yourself loaded. you'll be driving a lot. i do tend to eat out at fast food restaurants or stuff like panera before, during, or after shifts.
calculate the distance (mileage) and the money $$$ involved when you get a request. do not take bad orders. bad orders are like, very little pay (customers tipping like shit) for HIGH mileage which is basically you just losing money. rule of thumb is like, 1.5x or 2x the pay for the mileage. for example, 5 mile food delivery for $10 total payout.
when picking orders, be aware that if you do a long distance trip (like 10 miles+) you're gonna end up in a different city or area in the state that you live in. do not drive too far away, because you eventually have to drive back home. and sometimes you end up in sketchy areas, so stay safe and make sure you know your state, the roads, and how to navigate. your GPS is your best friend.
#this is a lot i know#also one more thing#do not do uber as your main income source#just do it as a filler gig#i do uber currently because i find it fun but also because i already have money coming in passively#so uber is nice money but you'll get exhausted asf so just do it for shits and gigs y'know#also i rarely make $200 in one day because i like doing short shifts#it's not a consistent job at all#you'll have shit days#again uber is if you absolutely hate working for a company and being a slave to capitalism and nightmare scheduling#alsooo the taxes for uber are kindaaa#y i k e s
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Re: relationships in Potion Permit
The grind in Potion Permit is awful and tedious. The player's options for money/resources definitely fall short of the variety in Stardew Valley or Coral Island. But, I've decided this game is not for the player who actually wants a lot out of the central simulation. This is for the simulation player who wants to see character development in the NPCs, and not just in the romanceables.
Often, the other townies are even more interesting than the dateables. Every single townie — even the freaking cat — has a storyline to unlock. Everyone is figuring something out about themselves, or about the town, or about you, and you just need to get to know them to be part of the process.
As usual, there's a lot of busted stuff around town that only gets fixed as you progress through the game. But, at least the way I've been playing, making friends is part of that progress. Because I'm getting mixed up in people's lives and getting to know everybody, I know I'm not the only one working for the betterment of the town.
So, it doesn't really feel as though everyone is just sitting around while I pay for everything. The mayor, the law enforcement, the crafters, the rangers — they all seem genuinely interested in doing their part for Moonbury, and genuinely grateful for my help. I'm forever needing to chop a gazillion thousand wood and break a bajillion thousand rocks 🥴, but hey, if it helps restore the environment, or helps a mother and a daughter hone their craft and respect each other, maybe it'll be worth it.
I also appreciate the dose of realism the Chemist gives every character whose story involves a potion request. Yeah, I'll give you something for your insomnia, but you still need to work through your anxiety and fix your sleep schedule. We all need to do the work.
Romance in this game definitely leaves something to be desired. [SPOILERS] Once you reach the dating stage with someone, after the thrill of the confession cutscenes, little else changes besides the option to go on a date every now and then. And I do like the dates — I like the idea of hitting the bathhouse with my boo after a long day chopping wood / breaking rocks (gods, so many rocks 😩😩😩). But maybe marriage in Stardew has spoiled me; it would be nice to be able to move in with my Potion Permit partners, start and end the day with them, and get a bit more variety in the cycle of dialogue lines now that our relationship has changed.
As for the options: Rue reads as too young and naive for me. Martha, the first person to try to make friends with the Chemist, is a real sweetheart who deserves to be happy and loved. Leano — haven't actually made level-two friends with her as I don't go to the beach that often, but I can see the appeal. I picked Matheo purely for the tsundere enemies-to-lovers arc, but I genuinely respect his ideals and his conviction. Xiao is logical and studious, but also surprisingly forward — I hear his wanting to spend more time with me in the same matter-of-fact tone I imagine the rest of his dialogue, and it always catches me a off guard. Reyner is a tough guy who needs to soften up, and he has the most suggestive cutscenes. 👐🏼👀
Oh — *is handed a card; squints* — I've just learned that partners don't get jealous if you date other people! That will at least save me from the wood/stone grind of a new save just to explore all the romantic options.
The devs have also said they'll be adding more romanceables. I guess I'll just keep fingers crossed for Lucke (sweet farmer boy genius), Helene (cheeky button-pushing games mistress), and Runeheart (could probably break me in half with her arms).
Overall, this game is pretty low in the mechanics department (seems dumb that you can't use your own healing potions on yourself). But I've still really enjoyed meeting all of the characters and becoming a part of Moonbury.
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Game 258 - Just Dance 2023 / 2024 by Ubisoft
Inexplicably, this game does not let you screenshot it - so I've cobbled my screens together from a variety of YouTube videos. I'm playing on Nintendo Switch because the idea of dancing with my highly throwable phone in my hand gives me the terrors.
What did I think it was at first? I've been trying to get more physically active this year since I'm 30 now and I feel my body slowly dying. I started the year playing Ring Fit Adventure but wanted something to break it up a little bit since the levels and exercises were getting a little stale. I was in high school when the Wii was popular and spent a lot of time with my theater buddies playing Just Dance of various types at people's houses, so when I saw it on sale I figured it was 20 dollars why not try it.
How was the character creator? You have a little "dance card" that serves as your profile. You can choose your titles (gender neutral ones too! you can be an It Enby!), a cartoon, the background, a frame, and effects for each time you score. The characters are all the same paper-white color but have diverse facial features and general styles.
How was the game? Setup was a little convoluted (you have to have an app on your phone even if you're playing on Switch and you don't need your phone to control the game) but once I got it up and running I was away!
The basic premise is that you replicate the choreo on the screen and the remote tracks your movements. These choreography videos have become much more elaborate since I was young! They're super colorful and bright and fun. There's also a TON of songs available, including many from the older games. Everything is marked for difficulty but I find their rankings to be a little hit and miss.
Dancing more unlocks more customization options for your card and also you get to dance more. I think I like that there don't seem to be any songs behind unlocking other songs.
I've played with my husband several times and it's fun. I've played alone and it's fun. I don't see why I would want to play online?
Have been enjoying shaking the demons out of my body with Lady Gaga dances and kpop. One of these days I'll earn superstar on How You LIke That!
What did I not love? There's a few quibbles I have:
The game has a huge song library but is barren as far as features. There's no way toc reate a playlist or mark aongs as favorites which makes it a pain to keep a workout flowing - and the predictive algorithm which recommends new songs after finishing one doesn't seem to have a good handle on my taste. Anyone playing with you can't set their own name card or do their own profile which is annoying.
I also really hate the games as streaming model? I bought 2024 first which has a lot of songs I like, and then I bought 2023 to get the Taylor Swift song and Telephone my god I love Telephone. Buuuuuuut if you want the whole library you have to pay monthly. This has the bonus of making me work out but I think I've missed some great tracks due to overwhelm. I would have liked to buy "track packs" of a certain artist or style of dance - then my library doesn't get bloated, I can keep the game fresher for longer, and Ubisoft probably gets more of my money.
I also do NOT understand why this game wants me to be on the FLOOR so MUCH my joints do not like it I wish I could filter out moves or sub them for versions where I don’t get on the floor even if the dancer isn’t doing the same thing my KNEES humbly beg you
At 11.5 hours and $50 plus $3/month subscription, was it really worth it? It's helping me keep my workout routine pretty fresh. Dancing makes my body feel good and I've lost 10 pounds with this and calorie tracking which is nice? It can be very physically tough at times though. If you're on the fence, try the demo. I definitely wouldn't get it on any platform besides Nintendo Switch though.
This is really fun and dancing with my husband is one of my favorite parts of my day when it happens.
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tagged by @yournowheregirl and @judasofsuburbia to show 6 characters I relate to!
here i give you the "if they can relate to mirrorball, the archer, and you're on your own kid by ms. taylor swift then they are a reflection of me" list
steve harrington (stranger things): listen if there was one character that i think truly is a perfect reflection of me, it would be steve. i don't want to bore you all with the thesis i could write about him so here are the cliffs notes: protective, people pleaser, romantic at heart, sarcastic, gifted child burnout, specifically this line from mirrorball "shimmering beautiful, and when i break it's in a million pieces"
steve rogers (marvel): ahh yes, and then the other steve that is the other side of the mirror. loyal to a fault where i would start a civil war for those i love, a leader, compassionate, stubborn, wants to dance the night away in a jazz club with my baby on my arm as we sway to the crooners, living in an idealized version of the past, not very good at taking compliments, specifically this line from the archer "i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke, and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold on to you"
lorelai gilmore (gilmore girls): i knew that watching gilmore girls from such a young age would have a lasting effect on me. we both hold grudges from things in the past. both like to go back to those things thinking things will be different only to realize we still want to run away. witty, uses too many media quotes for our own good, lives off junk food and spite, crave the small town life and the smell of snow, specifically this line from you're on your own kid "from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, i gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this. i hosted parties and starved my body like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss" (this whole song is lorelai coded btw choosing just one line was hard)
jo march (little women): oh man, where to start. writing as an escape from a world that feels to small, wanting to explore and see the world and the beauty that hides in it, craving love but not knowing how to give it away freely, on the other hand craving attention and soaking it in, fierce, loyal, would do anything for those she cares about no matter the consequences, specifically this line from you're on your own kid "i didn't choose this town, i dream of getting out, there's just one who could make me stay"
dean winchester (supernatural): hi hello daddy issues! but also never being able to live up to you father's expectations and dealing with the fact that your sibling is the favorite no matter how hard you try, covers everything up with a smile and joke or anger and a clenched fist, hopelessly obsessed with women but confused over sexuality because of a pretty men, loves road trips with the windows down playing classic rock, would fight god bare handed if it meant that the people i love got to live (i'll refrain from going into religious trauma but if y'all want the full essay on how much i love dean winchester, please let me know), specifically this line from the archer "combat, i'm ready for combat, i say i don't want that, but what if i do? cause cruelty wins in the movies, i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you" (this song is so dean coded i didn't know how to just choose one line)
oikawa tooru (haikyuu): tries so hard to be perfect only to have someone more naturally gifted best you, serving cunt with a smirk, whiny baby who wants their way, kind of weird but hides it as best as they can, showing their full deck of cards to people who deserve it, specifically this line from mirrorball "i'm still on that trapeze, i'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me"
i'm not sure who all has done this so feel free to use this as me tagging you if you'd like to along with these no pressure tags!: @scoops-stevie @thefreakandthehair @buckleydiaz @vecnuthy @stevethehairington @riality-check
#bee coded#tag meme#i could literally go into all of these in way more depth but i figured i should stop it there#shoutout to all my mirrorball/the archer/yoyok trifecta girlies!!
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Television on in my living
This is the first time my eyes hurt, not from the bluelight
But from the horror glimmering in it
Ghastly images of humans who look and feel like me
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready
And the forth one was killed
Someone beside me says it's a sorry sight
Moves on to watch NFL and what not
All the story tales in the world live inside a small box
How so different they seem
We are all flesh and blood
Bones beneath skin and a heart beneath the armour
Some of us die from boredom
Some of them die of starvation and waste
The reporter with her face carved of stone exclaims
'The hostages were showered in gold and platinum'
Then killed in broad daylight with barbs made of silver
Skip the channel and you are saved
For us how easy is it to escape
The portal to escapism lies in our hands
Their hands are filled with sticks and stones and guns
So young, yet so old
So full of hope, but the eyes are filled with doom
The fat monster with his sticky hands and shiny shoes
Sits atop a jeweled throne
Brandishing statements about what he would do
Just for a second I believe him,
Because it is easier to believe than face the reality
Making proclamations in comfort is nothing revolutionary
I do it to, so does my dad, and the guy across the street I see everyday
All of us share the earth, we were told
Then why do we get it for free while they have to fight for it?
I have five homes across the world
There's a child of 3 who belongs to no one
No country, no homeland, and no mother to call his own
Things that are nightmares for you and me
Imaginations that haunt your teen
Is a normal day for the child of three
I can't do much I say, after all what power do I have to make any change
We delude our ourselves, make ourselves weak, play the victim card,
Break our bones and refuse to mend
Just so we don't have to fight the war
Just so we can say 'I'm powerless'
How do I tell my daughter that this world is pretty and kind and generous?
When she turns on the TV, she's gonna call me a liar
How do I tell my son that the men are strong and powerful and virtuous?
When he turns on the TV
He's gonna give me a look soo murderous
I'll tremble in fear
------
In a faraway land,
A mom sings a lullaby
While a child falls asleep to the sound of a gunshot
How can I enjoy a glass of wine if it reminds me of blood
How can I read in bliss, when words are stolen from their lips
How can I feel the sun on my back, while there's someone shivering in the cold
How long can this land hold the grief and suffering
The soil is sick with blood
We are the gen-z crowd, we proudly convey
We are meant to care about deeds and feats our parents didn't even think about
But when it comes to action, we are as useless as a broken condom
The millennial and boomers in here, you haven't done anything much either
Because some of you started it in the first place
I believe that by writing this poem
I'm doing the world a favour
That I'm someway, somehow doing my part
There's that damn delusion again
Always creeping up in the wrong places
So you didn't put in a brick in the fire
That doesn't mean you didn't stroke the devil
That doesn't make you innocent
We wave white flags all around
Ask for peace, ask for love, ask for humility
Did any of you get it?
Bright Sunday morning
Reading the body count like it's a math problem
When did we become so emotionally stunted
We care about our nails and hair and suits and house and cars and perfumes and all the bullshit things that don't make any sense
But if someone asks us for a pen we'll stab them in the eye and call it a prank
--------
It's very simple the universe follows our lead
The universe doesn't make us, we shape it
By our thoughts, by our actions, the way we speak to each other
And frankly the current state of affairs isn't surprising to me
The world has seeped our energy, it seems
We label callous behaviour as cool
And if someone dares to speak up
They are called intense and aggressive and too much
We shun them into silence
Send positive thoughts, mediate, the stars look so pretty tonight
Such bullshit!
My earth is failing and you ask me to look up at the stars!!
No, i won't sit and listen,
I won't forgive and forget,
Won't turn the other cheek or a blind eye
We have been silent for far too long
Our activism has made us weak, given us a reason to not do anything
So I won't sit and listen
I won't forgive and forget
I will be positive not because I want to ignore the venality and depravity
It's because my treacherous heart still believes
#war#poem#original poem#poetry#poems on tumblr#sad poetry#poets on tumblr#depressing shit#social justice#social causes#equality#justice#youth#child abuse#emotional abuse#stop the war#sad poem
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ahhh i would love a a sequel!!! would also love to hear your thoughts on artem’s birthday card as well if you’re up for it
ahhhh thanks anon! ok i'll get cracking haha <3
on his birthday card... I think I just didn't get the whole conflict thing. If anyone wants to explain it to me please feel free, perhaps I'm just not understanding this right.
So a couple things:
Firstly, the whole thing about Artem needing help to resign from Themis Law Firm as the cover story didn't make any sense at all lmao. It's not something that a third party like Ellice White can help with since he's literally not in the law firm. And resigning is just something the partner/associate can decide to do on their own. Unless, the issue is whether Artem will be allowed to take his clients with him (since the firm will technically be losing its clients to him if he does that) - but that's not what was mentioned in the story so I really don't know what they were trying to do here. I just don't think this game understands how law firms work? Or maybe something was lost in translation. Idk. But yeah they could have come up with a better cover story than this (eg. needing Ellice White's help to influence the outcome of a case).
Secondly, Artem seems to be concerned about things that aren't actually related: (1) The fact that people around him (including the people he looked up to) could change for the worse and (2) what MC thinks of him (because he was able to play the role of the villain so well i guess).
I mean (1) is fair, although it seems like a very juvenile thing to be upset about at his age. With the things you see as you grow older I think you just kind of accept that people can / will change as a matter of fact, and that many people aren't actually good people (idk as a lawyer I've seen shit and I imagine Artem would/should have as well). So yes maybe someone you looked up to might change down the road but it's also not something he should have to consider because it's all hypothetical. I get being shocked by the fact that eg. Ellice White changed so much, but I can't really see why it would cause such a seismic shift in his mood.
As for (2)... really didn't understand this part because by now Artem and MC have been dating and you'd think he'd know what she thinks of him and his character already?? WHY IS THIS SOMETHING HE'S QUESTIONING AT THIS STAGE. THEY'VE WORKED WITH EACH OTHER FOR SO LONG, IF THE RIGHTEOUS JUSTICE-FOR-ALL SAINT MC THOUGHT HE WAS A BAD GUY SHE WOULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN TO DATE HIM AT ALL. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH. It's like I'm reading a shoujo manga and with the female lead constantly second-guessing the male lead's feelings for her at every single plot point. Did not like this!! And then he was also scared that maybe he might change? That, well, I mean, going rogue is a conscious decision you make and it's hypothetical and just... don't be corrupt..? You'll be fine Artem. Trust me.
And for my last point it's actually more of a question because MC gets shocked when she sees the video interview of Artem when he just won that old case as a young attorney because it's different from what he told her but ??? I didn't get it. At all. I don't even understand how different it was from what he told her. Maybe someone with a full brain can explain this to the half-brained me haha.
So yep. These are my thoughts on Artem's birthday card. If anyone is better able to break this down in a way that makes this story make sense please do share!! But yeah overall I remember being SUPER disappointed with this card story and just annoyed because one of the reasons I like Artem is because he's supposed to be more mature, notwithstanding his hilarious lack of experience in his love life. But the things that he gets worried about in this card story just seem so juvenile and not very well thought out. Feels like the writers just decided to give him an internal conflict for shits and giggles instead of the usual "here's a secret talent you never knew Artem had, now go off on a new, different activity today for this card story" approach. T_T
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At the end, I don't have any other place to ramble long texts aside here; It took me a while but I think I'm finally ready to put into words what Toriyama-sensei meant to me.
I was very young when DBZ was airing over here, I don't think I was even alive when DB aired and thanks to my great grandma dementia antecedents, I don't find it odd that I have a hard time trying to remember my childhood but I have this tiny bit of memory when I was about 5 or 6, watching the DBZ Majin Buu arc, specifically when Goten and Trunks were training to fuse, I was so excited and maybe I was trying the fusion dance by myself too and after the episode (episodes? can't recall if we got more than 1 ep per day) I was tired and took a nap with the good memory of the episode, when I woke up I found that my mom put a blanket on me and closed the curtains, it was nice.
On school, I had a hard time getting along with girls and instead, had boy friends who liked Dragon Ball and we would play we were DB charas and me despite being a girl would often pick Gohan or Mirai Trunks (don't ask me how the roleplay went because don't remember).
Between Digimon and Dragon Ball, I began to draw when I was about 7-8 years old and by then, I was already aware of kid Goku from the original DB series but never had the chance to watch the anime, instead it was another fun story:
Don't remember my age but by then I probably already watched all DBZ and I was shopping (probably at Walmart) with my mom and I saw a magazine (Manga of course, didn't knew what manga was back then xD) with kid Goku and Krillin on the cover, it as very cheap so my mom gladly bought it for me.
When we came home, I quickly took off the envelope and opened it the wrong way (as the baby I was, didn't knew how to read manga) but read it very happy, it was the first Dragon Ball thing my mom bought for me and I would even bring it to school to read it over and over again, it was the volume of the beginning of the tenkaichi budokai where we meet Tenshin-han and Chaozu and of course, I still have it in my hands and treasure it with all my heart.
Then, around the age I began to draw, colectionable cards were released and everytime I was given my allowance, I would buy cards although there were times when I didn't had money, my mom was kind and bought them for me. My friends also bought cards so it was a nice way to bond over, at the end, the only friends I had in school was thanks to Dragon Ball (I got bullied for liking Digimon "instead" of Pokemon so it was nice to have friends with at least one of my same interest).
Indirectly, Toriyama-sensei helped me to have friends, someone as shy and introverted like me was able to have friends and when I drew Goku in class, the other kids praised me (and some where jealous) and it helped me to have a little bit of self esteem, I owe Toriyama-sensei the feeling of being praised for something I drew!
One day my mom bought me an activity magazine of the Cell tournament and by tracing a Goku drawing from it and coloring (at my home) I cheated and told my friends that I drew it by myself; honestly I felt very proud of how I colored it and even my teacher praised me. Later I decided to try my own stuff and you might know or not, but I drew two saiyajins, a red and blue one; yes, I drew the Super Saiyajin God Red and Blue when I was 11 and I still can't believe it! Although, back then I was just thinking on making Saiyajins who would control fire and water. The amount of times DBZ aired in my country open TV are years worth of my very own live, even today open TV is airing DBZ (and DBS now too) and just the day the news spread, our open TV channel Azteca 7 aired a marathon of movies from 1:30 pm until midnight (with a break of 2 hours due a soccer match) and this week, we are getting the DBZ finale once again, I don't think I'm ready to rewatch carrying these feelings but I'll do my best.
You might be aware or not, but the very reason I began drawing was Digimon and Dragon Ball as stated before.
It was Dragon Ball what gave me friends and a somehow decent primary and middle school experience, it was great when all the kids (and I of course) would sing Chala-Head chala during break or try the fusion dance, even in my university years (less than 10 years ago) we would still do those things! For almost 30 years, Dragon Ball and Toriyama-sensei have been part of my life and I assure you, it will remain.
Regarding characters, I'm pretty sure I began to had my gay awaken with Android 18, she was so pretty in my eyes and even today, I'm jealous of Krillin. Also as I said before, I began watching DBZ before DB so I easily attached to Gohan, as a kid myself I was impressed by how he survived alone in the Saiyajin arc and constantly asked myself if I would even be able to do that and also became very fond of his relationship with Piccolo.
When Trunks arrived to kill Freeza, was a turning point in my life tbh; despite Freeza being very important, I never liked that arc (yes, I thank Freeza for giving us Super Saiyajin Goku but just that) so when he destroyed Freeza, I was extremely happy and immediately became my favorite. Mirai Trunks and Gohan are still my top favorite character even today along with the androids.
I suppose is no secret that we all know Piccolo was sensei's fav character so even today, I'm very happy SUPER HERO was made, I don't have proof but I don't have doubts either that THIS was the movie he always wanted to make, it felt to DB to the core and it quickly became one of my favorite movies; sure, Broly was a great movie too but at the end, I feel it was just Toriyama-sensei agreeing on making Broly canon rather than having fun with his very own characters which is why now I feel a very dear feeling towards SUPER HERO.
When DAIMA was announced, I was very happy to finally have something cute from the hand of Toriyama-sensei, I felt like he was finally given the freedom to make something for himself rather than for us and because of that very reason, I was (still am) looking forward to it! I can already hear the very same dude bros who complained that it wasn't "serious" or "cool" enough complaining again. I hope that now they can appreciate the series, sensei literally died working! Anniversary works don't need to be serious, they are meant to celebrate things and have fun os I really hope sensei was able to fulfill his work on DAIMA having fun.
I think I went a little far with my ramble (even going off track xD) so to resume, the impact Toriyama-sensei had not just in my artistic journey but in my life is irreplaceable, now Goku and co. are in our hands so we better take good care of then for him, thank you for the good memories sensei, I promise to keep doing my best and carry on your legacy by never forgetting what you gave us.
Lastly, I would like to scream something at hollywood and the AI dude bros: RESPECT TORIYAMA AKIRA-SENSEI WISHES OF NOT DOING A DRAGON BALL LIVE ACTION. DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO TOUCH DRAGON BALL FROM NOW ON AND IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF RESPECT FOR HIS ART AND STORY, YOU WILL STOP GENERATING AI IMAGES OF HIS WORKS. THE BEST WAY TO HONOR HIM IS LEARNING TO DRAW! FUCKING DRAW SOMETHING AND STOP DOING THOSE STUPID "Check out how [insert DB chara here] looks in real life according to AI" SHIT BECAUSE THAT'S AN INSULT NOT JUST TO SENSEI BUT TO ALL THE ARTISTS IN THE WORLD AND THE ARTISTS HE, TORIYAMA-SENSEI INSPIRED. Thank you.
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Bonfire
Fic-o-ween Day 4
Bonfire
All character credit goes to @lumosinlove
Prompt credit goes to @noots-fic-fests
The song is all of me by John Legend
**********
Finn was sitting in front of Logan, staring into the flame of the bonfire. He had a beer in his hand, watching as the rest of the team played on the shore of the lake, or in the water.
“Do you think Leo would marry us if we asked? He’s so young, and I want him to enjoy his youth, but at the same time, he’s nineteen, got drafted right out of college, and plays a professional sport thousands of miles away from his family.
“I don’t know. I think somehow, he would always say yes. We didn’t work in college because we didn’t have him, but now, we do, and he makes us so happy. Should we wait, probably, but at some point, we have to realize that he’s not a little kid. If he wanted to enjoy his youth a little longer, I feel like he would say no, but he seems happy.” Finn smiled up at Logan, and Logan leaned down to give him a soft peck on the lips.
“I just want to give him his ring.”
“I know baby, me too.”
“I brought it with me.” Finn reached for the bag he had kept on his person all day. It contained a journal, a pen, the ring, and a guitar pick. He handed the ring box to Logan and grabbed the guitar pick.
He reached over to the guitar he had previously discarded, picked up, and started playing a simple tune.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding
I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me
But I'll be alright
Finn had a shockingly good voice. After yelling so much for his job, it gained a rasp that added so much depth to the song.
My head’s underwater
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
The team had started to gather around Finn. His eyes were closed, and he was gradually getting more comfortable with singing and playing.
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh
How many times do I have to tell you?
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You’re my downfall, you’re my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm, and blues
I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head
My head’s underwater
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it’s hard
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh
At the end of the song, Logan handed the box to Finn, knowing that this was the perfect moment. They were surrounded by their family, and Leo was smiling so hard that it looked like his cheeks were going to break.
Finn set the guitar down, and moved to his knees, setting one foot on the ground. Logan moved to join him a second later.
The team was smiling like they knew all along, and Leo looked confused, but his smile never dropped or faded.
“Leo Knut, ever since we met you on your first day on the team, somehow we were drawn to you. Immediately, you meant everything to us, and now, we can’t imagine our lives without you. The first time I hugged you, it was like your arms were made to fit around me. The first time I saw you in my kitchen, it was like you had lived there your whole life. From the first moment, you just fit. You fit into our lives, our homes, and our family.” Finn’s voice was cracking, as he gave his impromptu speech.
“I can’t imagine where we would be right now without you. Finn and I would never have worked without you. You brought us back together, and you continue to hold all of us together. So, Leo Knut, Will you marry us?”
Leo had tears dripping down his face as he rapidly nodded, grabbing both of his boys' hands, He hauled them to their feet, wrapping an arm around each of them, alternating whose forehead he gave a kiss. “Yes.” he whispered.
The team let out a collective cheer and moved to wrap all of them in a hug.
“We’re having a wedding!” James shouted, squeezing them harder. “I love love!”
**********
Fluffy fluff.
I think we all need it after day 2's work...
#leo knut#lumosinlove#logan tremblay#coast2coast#c2c#coops#sweater weather#fic o ween 2022#oknutzy#o'knutzy#finn o'hara
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«────── « HEADCANON » ──────»
TAGGED BY: @moonspower
TAGGING: @vendettavalor , @mayxthexforce , @ppravitas , @unrclypirxte , @thephoenixnomore , and anybody else who wants to do this! Feel free to tag me if ya do <3
MUSE PLAYLIST || MICHAEL DE SANTA
► MAIN: Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears
↳ I can't stand this indecision; married with a lack of vision. Everybody wants to rule the—Say that you'll never, never, never need it. One headline, why believe it? Everybody wants to rule the world. All for freedom and for pleasure; nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world.
► SILLY: Too Much Time on My Hands - Styx
↳ Now, I'm a jet fuel genius - I can solve the world's problems without even trying. I got dozens of friends, and the fun never ends… That is, as long as I'm buying. Is it any wonder I'm not the president? Is it any wonder I'm null and void? Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands?
► DETERMINATION: Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
↳ In the day, we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream. At night, we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines. Sprung from cages out on Highway 9 […] We gotta get out while we're young. 'Cause tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.
► BATTLE: Apocalypticism - Moon Walker
↳ He woke up in a cardboard box and put a bullet in a sawed off shotgun. He took his orders from a man who hid his cards behind a microphone. He came baring the heart of a liar; Wearing the face of an honest man
► SAD: I Don't Care Anymore - Phil Collins
↳ And it seems to me there's a means to an end. They don't care anymore. And as for me, I can sit here and bide my time. I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind; I don't care anymore. I don't care no more.
► RELAXED: Magic - Pilot
↳ Never been awake. Never seen a day break. Leaning on my pillow in the morning. Lazy day in bed; Music in my head. Crazy music playing in the morning light.
► CONTEMPLATIVE: Fire and Rain - James Taylor
↳ Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun. Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around. Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come. Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
► HAPPY: Mesmerised - Scenic
↳ It's only a matter of time before it takes hold, and starts to open up your mind. Finally, I feel that maybe it's more than a dream. I'm starting to see, that I've got the vision in me.
► HARD WORK MONTAGE: Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen
↳ We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks, but all he kept talking about was: Glory days, well they'll pass you by. Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye. Glory days, glory days (alright).
► LOVE THEME: Rebel Yell - Billy Idol
↳ I walked the world for you, babe. A thousand miles with you. I dried your tears of pain, babe; A million times for you. I'd sell my soul for you, babe. For money to burn for you. I'd give you all and have none, babe. Just to, just to, just to, a-just to, to have you here by me. Because—In the midnight hour, she cried, “More, more, more”! With a rebel yell, she cried, “More, more, more,” wow!
► BREAKUP / HEARTBREAK: White Room - Cream
↳ Silver horses ran down moonbeams in your dark eyes. Dawn light smiles on you leaving, my contentment. I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines. Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves.
► FAILURE / DEFEAT: Take Me Home - Phil Collins
↳ Seems so long I've been waiting, still don't know what for. There's no point in escaping, I don't worry anymore. I can't come out to find you, I don't like to go outside. They can turn off my feelings like they're turning off the light. But, I… I don't mind […] 'Cause I've been a prisoner all my life.
► FINAL BATTLE: The Man Who Sold The World - Nirvana (Cover)
↳ He said I was his friend, which came as a surprise. I spoke into his eyes: I thought you died alone, a long long time ago. Oh no, not me. We never lost control. You're face to face with the man who sold the world.
#(headcanon)#(m: michael de santa)#(long post)#moonspower#( real talk rebel yell being his love song bc it's like. that's him and amanda hardcore. that WAS the song he'd play for her back then )
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Black Book is a near-masterpiece.
"I give it a 9.5" -- IGN
Black Book is a narrative card-battling/deck-building game based in Russian Slavic folklore. You play Vasilisa, a young woman whose lover has died. She seeks to break all seven seals of the black book in order to make a wish to bring him back, as legend tells she can. I spent 43 hours completing the game.
The Good
Black Book does a great job of presenting Slavic folklore to the player. The proper Russian words are used for many elements: the zagavor, the izba, chorts, rusalka, banya; these are words I'll remember, and it was good for the developers to stay true to the roots. I never felt like I was confused by the usage of these words, or traditions that were evident on-screen. It was clear that the developers spent a lot of time researching lore and mythology.
Black Book isn't the type of game for the player to skip dialogue. You're often presented with questions and riddles that test your knowledge of the mythology, and everything they'll ask has been delivered to you prior. The book contains entries for anything you've learned, given as you learned them. I read every entry; the ones in the final chapter are some you don't want to miss.
The game is surprisingly long. I typically trust How Long To Beat and go by the completionists' reported times. I played on hard difficulty and typically took my time, exploring "every nook and cranny" as I always do. I clocked in over 8 hours more than the other completionists.
But there's good reason to replay: while you will get the same linear journey each time, the details of how you played are important. Which characters were by your side, who's alive and not, who shows up later at a bonfire; the game never lets you forget that your actions had consequences, both good and bad.
Black Book delivers. It's fair to say in gaming, I've gotten used to being unable to sock it to some jerk boss, or conceivably unconquerable foe, with the game handling their demise in some other way. In Black Book, you're always given the chance to say: nah, your deal sucks, not compromising, time to die. The player's reward is a tough boss battle that also fits thematically with the boss; all I will say is Chapter 7's bosses were some of the more memorable boss fights I've had in years. They were entirely optional and allowed me to skip a short set of trials.
The ending also delivered. I'll admit by 35 hours my interest was starting to wane, but I was absolutely hooked with the end sequence of chapter 6 and beyond.
It keeps itself fresh, introducing periodically introducing new mechanics both via new cards, and in-battle mechanics such as koldun and puzzle fights.
The Bad
Durak was a miss for me; I appreciate that they wanted to include a card game from their culture, but the rules were confusing and I found it to be more of a distraction in an already long game. It didn't have the up-front enjoyment of Witcher 3's Gwent. It actually subtracted from the experience because there are items and skills built to allow you to cheat in it.
I didn't feel connected to the lover at all. He was clearly a plot device, despite a short segment where we experience Vasilisa's pain of losing him once again, where she reaffirms her dedication to him. Honestly, I thought Alexander was a fine chap and would have liked to spend eternity with him.
Often enough, the (excellent) narrator and words on screen don't match up. You can tell the English-speaking voice actors offered some direction upon delivery of their lines. It was a bit distracting, but my understanding is the game is best played in Russian and the writing was solid enough that I could forgive it.
There's an investigation segment which could have been done better. It was slightly buggy and a little hard to follow. My pick wasn't even an option in the end, and the person I least expected was it. This was a system constraint; they just needed a better system for this chapter.
Money became irrelevant around the 4th chapter. As a completionist, it's not uncommon for me to accrue resources and become overpowered, but I felt like some end-game gold sinks would have been warranted. I was disappointed that in the final dramatic chapter, no new items were offered (that I could tell).
Damage calculation could have been done better. The game requires you to calculate accurate damage any time you're doing AoE because it sums that AoE damage. This is a common complaint with the game and I'm not sure how they released a battle-focused DLC without addressing this!
Chort management seemed annoying; I ended up going for a sinless playthrough, so I didn't have to assign them constantly, but I can imagine how annoying it would have been to do so.
All in all, I would still say it was nearly a masterpiece. It achieved what it set out to do, imperfectly in small ways, but it was everything it had to be. The Russian voice acting cast is about three times the size of the English one, and I can only assume the story was delivered better in proper Russian. I would recommend any Russian gamer to play it, and if you like the good points I described, give it a shot on sale. I personally got it through a Humble Bundle.
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My father is dead
Somewhere in the archives of this blog is a post about my grandmother dying. It talks about the different reactions my mother and I had: to her the woman was a bitchy mother in law, a rival and enemy while to me she was a nice old lady who gave me Nutty Buddies and watched wrestling with me. One of the reasons my mom hated her was that she and her husband weren't there for my brother and I, and that's certainly a legitimate complaint; they kind of evaporated when I was 10 and were never seen or heard from again. I only found out she was dead third hand. But to me, Nanny and Poppa will always be Little Debbie snacks, WWF pay per views, Bob Ross, and cold coffee. And those are memories to cherish. I don't have the energy to resent what wasn't.
And yet
Last week, that woman's son died. By a strange coincidence, he happened to be my biological father. He and my mother divorced when I was still too young to be forming permanent memories, so my memories of him are all holidays, birthdays, and the occasional weekend when he would actual step up for his custody agreement. (part of the reason I have so many fond memories of my grandparents is that they would take my brother and I on his weekends just to give my mom a break. Where he was and what he was doing I never knew) Like Nanny and Poppa, dad was a sometimes presence in my life: a bushy mustache that tickled my nose when he kissed me (gimme some sugar, he would say every time), a present and a card. And then one day, like his parents, he just...vanished. No more visits, no more presents or cards or phone calls. I was ten. By the time I was thirteen I had stopped wondering what happened and just started quietly hating him. By the time I was twenty I had stopped thinking about him.
I'm 40 now, and he's dead.
When I first learned of his death, I immediately shrugged it off. Thirty years of my life have passed without this man in it; he could have died in 1994 as far as I'm concerned, right?
And yet
It's been eating at me, gnawing away at my brain, for days now. And it infuriates me. Why do I care? How am I not over this? The man made a choice not to be part of my life. He missed my entire adolescence and young adulthood, the times when a boy really needs his father. And in an age of text messaging and social media, he has continued to make that choice every. Single. Day.
And so did I.
I could have reached out. I looked him up on Facebook once, years ago. I could have sent a message, tried to establish contact. But my pride wouldn't let me. He walked out on me...let him be the one to offer the olive branch.
But he never did.
And now he's dead.
Except
A couple of years ago, he reached out to my younger brother. Wanted to make contact, reconcile, whatever. And my brother hesitated. Came to me. I told him it was his choice to make but I'd back his play. IN the end they had a couple of empty phone conversations about nothing, and then he faded back into the ether.
Why he chose my brother and not me, I'll never know. My brother doesn't know.
I have a personal philosophy of not regretting my decisions. Every dumb mistake and poor choice I've made in my life has led me to where I am, and if I changed one tiny thing, who knows what I would lose? Which friendships would never exist? What experiences would I never had had? I look forward, always. But this is different. Because this is someone else's decision as well. And I'll never understand why I wasn't good enough for my own father.
There. I said it.
I wasn't good enough for my own father to want to be a part of my life, and what kills me even more than that basic fact is that I have lost any opportunity to find out why. I'm not going to miss him; that ship sailed decades ago. But now I'll never get to know. And I'll never know why, when he did finally reach out and the end of his life, he chose my brother and not me. Specifically excluded me, in fact.
And that's not even the end of it. Because I realized something today: by abandoning me when and how he did, he immortalized himself in my mind in a certain way. When I think of him, I don't think of the absentee father. I don't think of the abusive monster my mother describes. I think of an easy smile, a mustache that tickles my nose (gimme some sugar), of hugs and love and the innocent joys of childhood.
I can't hate that man.
That man's my dad.
And now he's dead.
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Committing to Being a Swiftie Part 3: Speak Now (TV)
Song: Mine
Would Save?: Since 2010
Best lyrics: "She is the best thing that's ever been mine"
Song: Sparks Fly
Would Save?: Since 2010
Best Lyrics: "Get me with those green eyes baby as the lights go down"
Thoughts: This song (especially "give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around") is just straight up like "oh, taylor fucks now"
Song: Back To December
Would Save?: Since 2010
Best Lyrics: "I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't" //
"I'd turn around and make it all right"
Thoughts: This is the first song (I think) where she admits she's the problem in the breakup, and she painted my most intense celeb crush as the most perfect boyfriend to ever exist so how was I not going to love it?
Song: Speak Now
Would save: Saved upon (TV) re-release -- Spring 2023
Best Lyrics: "The organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march"
Thoughts: Obviously this is fake?! But should she be breaking up a wedding...
Song: Dear John
Would Save: Upon TV re-release
Best Lyrics: "Don't you think nineteen's too young to be played by your dark, twisted games when I loved you so? I should've known"
Thoughts: I recently learned that she copied his guitar style to write this absolutely savage track about him. Slay, Tay.
Song: Mean
Would Save: Earlier this year/last year - due to hearing it out so often
Best Lyrics: "Someday, I'll be, living in big ol' city and all you're ever gonna be is mean"
Thoughts: this song always reminds me of boystown and rising above homophobia
Song: story of us
Would save: upon TV
Best lyrics: “why are we pretending this is nothing?”
Thoughts: would gravitate to this occasionally as a Teen because it’s high school drama to. The. Max.
Song: never grow up
Best lyrics: 14 there’s just so much you can’t do and you can’t wait to move out and call your own shots // memorize what it sounds like when your dad gets home, remember the footsteps
Thoughts: I only heard this when I was grown up 🥺 but it’s so sad!!
Song: enchanted
Would save: since 2012
Best lyrics: “please don’t be in love with someone else” // “dancing round all alone”
Thoughts: literally got goosebumps listening live. Listened to the audio split for like 20 minutes on repeat (also get goosebumps each time) on my most recent plane ride. The owl city reply is not it. But I used to be obsessed at 17
Song: better than revenge
Would save: upon tv
Best lyrics: she’s better known for the things she does on the mattress (#SlutShamingVersionSupremecy)
Thoughts: I just connected that all the cheating songs on fearless are about this.
Song: innocent
Best lyrics: “your string of lights is still bright to me”
Would save: no
Thoughts: this song is about Kanye but why tf is he assuming what his childhood (on the south side of Chicago) was like. Come on now….
Song: haunted
Would save: upon TV
best lyrics: “come on come on don’t leave me like this.”
Thoughts: this was my favorite song upon listening to TV
Song: last kiss
Would save: first one I’m saving on this listen
Best lyrics: Because I love your handshake, meeting my father. I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
Thoughts: I too would not want a last kiss with Joe Jonas
Song: long live
Would save: 2nd one I’m saving on this listen
Best lyrics: “tell them how the crowds went wild. Tell them how I hope they shine.”
Thoughts: this was the perfect end to eras
Song: Ours
Would Save: no
Best lyrics: "people throw rocks at things that shine"
Song: Superman
Would save: no
Best lyrics: "I wish the cards were from you, I wish the call was from you"
Thoughts: Could this song be more about romanticizing the idea of someone?
Song: Electric Touch
Would Save: no
Best lyrics: "I'm trying hard not to look like I'm trying"
Thoughts: When I heard about this collab I was so excited -- only to be let down
Song: When Emma Falls in Love
Would Save: Did upon TV
Best Lyrics: "Sometimes I wish I was her"
Song: I Can See You
Would Save: Did upon TV
Best Lyrics: "You Can See me as your secret Mission"
Thoughts: This song was way too horny to come out in 2010 for Taylor Swift
Song: Castles Crumbling
Would Save: no
Best lyrics: Now they're screaming at the palace gates, used to chant my name
Song: Foolish One
Would Save: Actually unliked it LOL
Best Lyrics: "Stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love"
Song: Timeless
Would save: hell no
Best Lyrics: "even if we met on a crowded street in 1944..." (uh.....)
Thoughts: The audacity of this song... yes I know its about her grandparents who fought in WWII but something tells me she won't be performing it in idk, all of Europe next year. How did not think this through and claim to be a mastermind??? I literally gasped when I heard it the first time because how many people in the world literally did not feel comfortable walking down the street in 1944.
Final thoughts: this is my favorite TV (so far!) and it got me to listen to the whole album since it came out in high school. 15/22
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What the Fuck am I doing ?
I went on to blogspot today and damn September 15th me was head over heels with liam/TS/shr1.
ok but that was young hurt me who wanted escape. i still want escape though, just from different things.
Anyways, I logged on to blogger to write a better phrased suicide letter (m not killing myself ofc but just in case yk) cos my previous one was garbage and also mentioned ym and alot of my "friends". But right now the only person I'd address in it would be me and maybe my sister so she doesn't have to go through what I do, or at least try to.
i have no idea what i am doing anymore. i feel dead from the inside, literally nothing makes me smile anymore. i remember my computer science teacher told me that i lost my glow and my chirpyness and i told her i didn't know if it was gonna come back. I just wanna go away I suppose, all of this was never meant for me.
I dont know what i am going to do about morphi. He's the love of my life (atleast we think so) but not only does he deserve better but i also find it extremely unfair to him, having to deal with me. and i know i told him i wouldn't play the saint card and i wont, but i feel so numb right now. He would want me to vent to him and talk to him about it and i wish i could do that without feeling like a worthless entity occupying space in his life. i love him but its not enough.
I don't even want to call this a low. I broke down like 3 times already today and in the past 3 days it has probably crossed 10. I didn't hurt myself because my family is being extremely hovering and they constantly keep asking me to talk to them if I feel like it and to not worry and that everything is going to be alright. I know they are trying to be nice but this isn't going to work.
I feel like once I get out of my city, I am so going to delete all my social media accounts and cut everyone off and start new. I want to build my life up from the start. ill buy my own house and ill be in a crappy job maybe or i might even make it, i defo want a nice car. i'll probably like being single too. its been forever since i have been "available", lmfao. RIP tsunami i suppose. thats mean. (i do wanna get married to him but i wont be able to take it). If life is kind i hope me and morphi never break up and eventually do get to do everything that we planned but that's more uncertain by every passing test i give.
I would be A-Okay with dying right here right now. The Gift of Death. to feel no pain no misery. to be exempted from the horrors of remembrance. to leave evrything and move foward. where it doesnt hurt. where it doesnt hurt, it doesnt hurt.
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Y/n is Sirius and Regulus' cousin and she dates Remus but they break up, everyone thinks she turned dark. After graduating from Hogwarts Y/n has a hard time with the war going on in the wizarding world, she almost gets killed and shows up at Remus and Sirius' home. She tells them the truth about Regulus and that Peter is a traitor. Eventually Y/n and Remus are in love again.
Pairing: young!Remus Lupin x fem!reader
Words count: 3k
Tw: Y/n being a bit toxic in the beginning
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Difficult times
The day was supposed to be good. Y/n was going to just 'exist' through all the lessons and then enjoy a date with her boyfriend, Remus. But apparently, the date was canceled.
"I do not always have to be right!" Y/n disclaimed, when Remus accused her of not being able to take being wrong.
It all started with just a discussion about homework. Y/n made a mistake, but she was certain about being right. After all, Remus turned out to be right, but Y/n's pride didn't let her accept it.
"I'm not saying that," Remus argued, "I'm just stating you're pathologically incapable of being wrong."
Being a Black meant that you're a drama queen with anger issues. And this comment angered Y/n so much. Everyone would say she was exaggerating, probably even she knew that, but it wasn't Y/n-like to admit it.
"Well, if that's true, why don't you break up with me?" The girl crossed her arms.
A moment of silence fell between the couple. Y/n was looking straight into her soon-to-be-ex boyfriend's eyes.
"You know what? We should take a break. I love you, but I can't be with you if you don't stop acting like...this."
Y/n smirked, thinking Remus is joking, but after a second she understood he was serious.
"So that's it? This is the end?" The girl asked, not believing or not wanting to believe what has just happened. "We're breaking up over a stupid homework?"
"No. We're breaking up, because being with you is draining. I'm sorry, Y/n, I really am."
"Fine. Go back to my blood traitor of a cousin and his idiot friends." And there she pulled out the pureblood supremacy card. She could swear she wasn't like her family, she had nothing against muggleborns nor half-bloods. If she did, she wouldn't date Remus, not only he was a half-blood but also a werewolf. But when Y/n was angry, she felt as if someone else was taking control of her and she was just watching everything from a third person view.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Days went by and Y/n and Remus didn't seem to be getting back together. Sirius, James and Peter hated Y/n, Remus told them that 'it's all good', but it didn't do much.
One evening Y/n was hanging out with Regulus at the Clock Tower Courtyard. They were playing wizard's chess, but Sirius' sudden arrival interrupted them.
"What're you doing here and where have you lost your goons?" Y/n asked mockingly as Regulus sent Sirius a cold stare.
"I knew you could be a bitch, it runs in the family," Sirius stated, "but I'll never forgive you for hurting Moony."
"I'm not asking for forgiveness. Could you go now, or do I need to hex you?"
After that evening, a little war started between the Marauders and Y/n. Remus tried to stop it or at least calm it down, but the boys didn't want to stop and Y/n didn't even want to talk to Remus.
At some point, Y/n got a boyfriend just to play with Remus' feelings. She was spiteful and wanted him to regret breaking up with her.
Y/n's new boyfriend was Evan Rosier, Regulus' best friend and one of Death Eater wannabes. As soon as other students found out about their relationship, the gossips didn't have an end. Everyone was very much convinced Y/n went dark and was going to eventually get the dark mark. Damn, some people said that she had already got it. Y/n didn't want to neither confirm nor decline any of rumors.
The Marauders often caught Remus looking at Y/n in the Great Hall. They tried to distract him every time, but it was a difficult job. Poor boy just couldn't believe it. Y/n was so sweet, so pure, he loved her. And when they broke up, she turned into a different person. Not only personality-wise but also her appearance was changed. Her y/e/c eyes were once bright, Remus could stare into them for hours. Now, they looked darker and tired, as if they were asking for help.
'Is Evan treating her right?' was a question Moony often asked himself and a question he hoped the answer for would be "yes" and Y/n's tired eyes were an outcome of late night studying. Remus didn't want bad things to happen to Y/n, even if she didn't love him anymore or ever at all.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Months later, Y/n and Remus still weren't even talking. After they graduated from Hogwarts, they went different ways and lost any contact with each other at all.
Everyone's lives were in ruins. Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters were attacking a lot. They wanted to control everything and they would do anything to succeed.
1979 was especially difficult for Y/n. She had nobody. Evan left her. Her parents disowned her once she told them she didn't want to have anything to do with their blood purity views. Regulus went on a mission to destroy a horcrux of Voldemort and died. Y/n spent months crying and she had no one to help her. Voldemort found out she's against him and it was obvious he will kill her. One of her sisters would gladly do it, another one wouldn't stop the first one. The third sister got disowned as well as Y/n, but the girl didn't want to ask Andromeda for help. She had a daughter, Nymphadora, it would be so irresponsible to put the family in danger.
So there she was, by herself, all alone, in a tiny apartment in some area of London. Each day Y/n regretted not apologizing to Remus. Things would be so different, maybe they could even save Regulus with the help of James' parents, like they did with Sirius. Why did Y/n have to be so full of herself? If she just tried to change, she could have a much better life. Anything would be better than hiding in some dark, moldy flat like a damn criminal.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
There wasn't a day when Remus didn't think about Y/n. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she safe? Did she need help? Did she work for Voldemort? He would pay millions of galleons to just know an answer to one of these questions and any amount of money to have her around. To have her here, in a flat he shared with Sirius.
She would be safe there, Remus would protect her. He wished he could protect her from every possible danger. After all these years, he still missed her. Maybe he just had an idealized image of Y/n stuck in his head, but he was so in love with her still.
Remus was happy with his friends around, but there was an empty place in his heart that Y/n would perfectly fit in. Sirius tried to make him start going on dates, but Remus refused. He considered Y/n his first and only love, Sirius couldn't understand it no matter how hard he tried.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"Hey, could you open the door?" Sirius asked, hearing banging on the door. "It's probably James and Lily."
The newlyweds were supposed to visit Remus and Sirius. Sirius recently found out how much fun it is to cook without using magic and wanted to show off his skills on a dinner.
Remus quickly got up from the sofa in the living room and walked to the door. What, or rather who, he saw when he opened the door, shocked him.
Y/n was standing in the doorway. Her left hand on her stomach, blood on her hoodie and both hands. Her hair was a mess and her face was dirty.
Y/n didn't think she'll see her ex boyfriend that she still had feelings for. She was told to apparate here. Y/n had a mix of many feelings inside her, but had to ignore them for now.
"Are you going to let me in?" She asked harshly.
"Yes, yes." Remus quickly replied and helped the girl walk inside and lay down on the sofa.
She looked tragically, Remus wasn't sure what to do. He pulled up Y/n's hoodie enough to look at the bleeding wound. It wasn't very deep, but it was big and looked, well, serious.
"Sirius, come here!" Remus shouted.
"Hey, the stag family is- what the hell is Y/n doing here?" Sirius asked pretentiously, before he noticed Y/n's injury. When he did, he changed the tone of his voice. "What happened?"
"I'll tell you later! Could someone please stop me from bleeding?" Y/n bellowed.
"Don't you have your wand?"
As a reply, Y/n pulled it out. Well, a half of it. The girl didn't know if she should look for a way to fix it or just go buy a new one, but it wasn't the most important thing right now.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Once Y/n's wound had been taken care of, she sat in the kitchen with the rest, telling them the whole story. Remus had much knowledge about treating injuries, thanks to being a werewolf.
James and Lily were surprised to see Y/n, James even thought she might be sent there on a Death Eater mission.
"I was trying to finish the business Regulus started." Y/n explained, her hands on the table as she fiddled with her fingers.
"Wait, what business?" Sirius asked curiously.
"He found out the Dark Lord made horcruxes, it's an object of your choice that holds a part of your soul, so you can be immortal. To make one, you have to kill someone. We have no idea how many the Dark Lord made, but Regulus found one."
"But my brother is dead. And I've always thought he supported Vold-" He didn't get to finish the sentence, as Y/n stopped him.
"Don't say that name, it has some hex put on it. It locates everyone who says his name."
"Okay, then can you tell us how Regulus died?"
Tears appeared in Y/n's eyes. It's been a few months since he died, the pain of loss was still in Y/n. She was still grieving.
She went through the denial phase, when Kreacher told her everything that happened in the cave. Then anger came, Y/n felt so helpless, so frustrated, she hated herself for not going with Regulus to the damn cave. Then barging, because what if she did go with him? He would be safe and alive. What if she went instead of him? What if she did something so that nobody had to go? They could run away, but then there would be nobody to destroy the horcruxes. Currently, Y/n in the stage of depression, where she barely slept or ate, spending a lot time crying. She's never felt more lonly. The next stage to come was acceptance, but Y/n didn't think she could ever accept Regulus' death. He was like a younger brother to her.
"One of the horcruxes is a locket of Salazar Slytherin, it was hidden in a cave. Reg went there to get it, he was with Kreacher the house elf. When inferi attacked him, he ordered Kreacher to come to me. With the information that Reg wasn't coming home."
Tears were rolling down Y/n's face, which wasn't dirty anymore. After taking care of the wound, Remus helped the girl clean up. He also gave her clean clothes.
"Is the locket still in the cave?" Lily asked, since Sirius was quiet.
Sirius understood his brother was on the good side. Regulus wanted to fight Voldemort, he died trying to kill Voldemort. Regulus died a hero. Sirius would never forgive himself for all the years he spent hating Regulus, insulting him. Regulus did more than Sirius, Remus, James, Peter and Lily and probably the rest of the Order together.
"No, it's not." Y/n reached to her bra, to take the Slytherin's locket out of it. She put it on the table, everyone's eyes were on it. "I tried to destroy it, I went to the woods. Nothing works for it, I tried every spell possible. I even tried hitting it with rocks!"
"But why did you get injured?" Remus asked. He looked at Y/n to see her eyes were also looking at him.
"I said the Dark Lord's name. That's how they found me. Do you know who came to kill me? My very own sister, Bellatrix."
"Your sister wanted to kill you?"
Remus was surprised. He knew from Sirius' stories that Bellatrix was crazy, but he didn't think she would try to kill her own sister. Well, turns out Bella was ready to do anything to get Voldemort's attention.
"Pretty much. She made me fall over, my wand snapped, I was defenceless. She used some spell that gave me the wound on my stomach, then she tortured me with cruciatus. I was lucky though, because McKinnon found us. I was told to apparate to this address while she fought Bellatrix."
Everyone sat in silence thinking about Y/n's story. That was much shock for one day. Lily and James came to eat dinner with Sirius and Remus, but ended up finding very important information. The most shocking thing was that Regulus was actually a good person and he would live if anyone helped him get out of the Voldemort business.
"So, my brother didn't support Vol- You-know-who?" Sirius asked in a whisper.
"No, but do you know who does?" As Y/n said it, all eyes were on her. "Pettigrew. He was on their little meetings, he has the dark mark and all that."
Lily stood up from the table.
"James, let's go, we have to tell someone about it."
Both James and Sirius got up.
"I hate him. I'm going to kill him. This fucking traitor." Sirius cursed and stormed out of the room.
"No, Padfoot," James tried to stop him, "he has to go to prison."
But words were pointless, Sirius didn't stop, he was full of anger. And hatred towards Peter.
Lily and James ran out of the house after Sirius, leaving Y/n alone with Remus.
"I can't believe that." Remus gulped. "He had been a literal rat all this time."
"I'm so sorry." Y/n looked at Remus. She was still so much in love with him.
Everything in her wanted to kiss him, but she didn't know if he still even likes her. What if he found someone else? He didn't seem to be married, but he could have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend.
"No, I'm sorry. Everyone thought you and Regulus were working for...You-know-who."
"That's not surprising." Y/n chuckled. "At some point we were, I just haven't got my dark mark yet. We had to be close to him to be able to destroy him. Didn't go very well. But I still have a chance."
"We'll help you, the whole Order will help. Do you realize how much important information you gave us?"
"Thank you." The girl smiled, but soon the smile was replaced by a sudden yawn.
"Oh, you should probably have a nap. The bed in my room is pretty comfortable, if you'd..."
"Thanks, the sofa will be enough. I don't want to be a problem."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Y/n took a nap on the sofa in the living room under the softest and warmest blanket ever. Remus smiled, as he tucked her in. He wasn't in love with an idealized image of Y/n. He was in love with the Y/n in front of him. After hearing what she had been through, he felt like he loved her even more.
Lily, James and Sirius were back by the late evening. It was completely dark outside. The sound of the door being opened woke Y/n up. She felt much better after the nap.
"We told the Order everything," Lily announced, "Dumbledore wants to talk to you, when you feel ready."
"Okay, thank you. What's up with McKinnon? Is she okay? I'd never forgive myself if something happened to her." Y/n asked, hint of worry in her voice.
"Yes, Marlene is all good. She helped capture Bellatrix."
Y/n smiled. Sirius walked up to her and put and hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you for...well, everything. Thank you for helping Reg all this time and-"
"You're welcome." Y/n stopped her cousin from finishing the sentence. She didn't need to cry once again.
Remus looked at the three of his friends. He wanted them to leave the room, so he could talk to Y/n privately. They understood and left the living room.
Y/n was sitting on the sofa, still wrapped in the blanket. Remus sat next to her and assuringly took her hand in his. He was glad she was there.
"So um..." the girl started, "do you live with Sirius alone or does someone else live here? Like, I don't know, maybe someone you're, you're, romantically interested in or..."
Remus chuckled at Y/n's not so secret way of asking if he's single. She was so adorable when nervous.
"Yes, there's this girl I really like. She doesn't live here, but I hope she'll move in soon." Remus announced with a smile on his face.
Y/n's face saddened. She expected Remus to get in a new relationship, she acted like a bitch to him a few years ago, but it was still kind of upsetting.
"Oh, really?" Y/n asked.
"Yes," Remus beamed, "she's very intelligent and very beautiful. And she's sitting on this sofa right now."
Y/n understood Remus was talking about her. A slight smile immediately appeared on her face. Without a word, she kissed him. He kissed her back without hesitation. Sure, their lives were in ruins because of the war, but now that they had each other, sun was shining bright above these ruins.
They knew future will be better. They felt it. They would kill Voldemort, make the world a safe place for them, their friends and their families. Deep down they knew everything that happened was fate and someday they were going to be happy. Together.
#Remus Lupin x reader#young!Remus Lupin x reader#Remus Lupin imagine#Remus Lupin one shot#Marauders x reader#Marauders imagine#Marauders one shot
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