#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight
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#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly#But like#The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking#I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally#got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it#I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But.#I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute#And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just...#I don't know#Not what I wanted it to be I guess#And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing#But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up#Even if they really weren't#I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way#I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm#And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along#But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute#But no#I still don't. Not really.#It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly#I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small#It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed#And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight#But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time#I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor#to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically#It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help#So I just... I don't know#It's just hard.
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