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#because libraries around here close between 4 & 6PM most days and i can't get to one after my partner gets home from work before they close
caffeinated-bibliophile
·
1 year
Text
I'm still crying 😠
#this is the kind of blow that would have made me actively suicidal a few years ago and yes i realize how stupid that is
#as things are now... I'm not coping *well* but I'm managing to hold onto anger so the depression doesn't totally take over
#but i can not stop crying
#every time i think I'm finally done it starts up again
#this has also pushed my anxiety to the point where i feel like I'm going to pass out throw up or both and i can't stop shaking
#audiobooks with my noise canceling headphones were my best/only semi-effective tool for dealing with anxiety
#and yes i know. reading is a privilege and i should just be grateful that books are available in my country & that we have libraries at all
#this year has been one thing after another and even small things like this pile up and eventually become overwhelming
#and this happening as my seasonal depression is really ramping up was just the fucking cherry on top i guess
#i almost just. deleted this blog lmao. what's the point of having a book blog when i can't really read right?
#but i keep telling myself nothing lasts forever and i will regret it if i throw away an 8 year old side blog
#but even looking at books is making me feel even more nauseous and shaky right now
#so i might be on hiatus after my queue runs out idk
#depends on how long this churning pit of despair lasts i guess
#and also. this happened at a holiday weekend all i can't even make a 1-2 hour drive to a library to renew or get a new card
#because libraries around here close between 4 & 6PM most days and i can't get to one after my partner gets home from work before they close
#everything about this situation is like. worst timing.
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