#do you think each couple is like talking MAD SHIT about things that also applies to them
Note
is it true that logan had a crush on zoey? I read it on the fandom wiki
There was an implied mutual attraction in the show, but I think they dropped that idea around season 3, maybe season 2 (thankfully)
I don't think Logan's crush on Zoey was ever that serious, I think he just found her attractive and wanted to make out with her, same way he wanted to make out with most girls. He grew to like her as a friend later on, and the make out jokes never felt like he meant them since then.
I really believe he fell for Quinn on season 3, so he completely got over any left over attraction for Zoey by then. And she also seemed to drop that as well, way earlier. The fact that they both annoyed the shit out of each other probably helped get rid of it.
You didn't ask about Quinn but I'm gonna talk about Quinn
Before their kiss, Logan described Quinn as "smart, pretty and kinda fun". Those things could apply to Zoey too, so why didn't he fell for Zoey instead? Well he might have said only those things, but those were not the only reasons he fell for Quinn. She's much more than that.
Quinn also annoyed him and challenged him, like Zoey, but he ended up falling for her still (dare I say, because of it). Quinn had other attributes that attracted him, I think Quinn's weirdness/quirkiness and personality played at hand for why he feel for her but not Zoey. Like Erin and Matt mention recently mentioned Quogan have more in common than people think. I think their shared interest in science was something that drew Logan in, despite himself. They're also both romantics, again, despite himself. They have mad chemistry, something that just comes naturally with couples, and something that wasn't really there with Zoey.
She's different from Zoey on many things, and I believe Logan loved every single one of those differences.
Quinn is kinder and less self-centered than Zoey. She doesn't make every issue her problem, yk? and she is actually a pretty sweet girl.
She's not self righteous like Zoey, something that often causes Logan and Zoey's fights (even tho he kinda is also, in a way that he always thinks he's right too) Oh, actually that last part just made me realize another reason why Logan and Zoey never developed feeling*.
Quinn is always willing to help her friends, when asked, unlike Zoey who simply inserts herself in the situation and give advices without asking first.
Quinn took revenge on Logan as well, but I don't think she ever went as far as Zoey had, like in Anger Management, for example.
Quinn is not as judgy as Zoey either, probably bc of the fact that she's an outcast tbh.
Zoey has a serious communication problem, connected to her self righteousness, where if she feels wronged, she never let the other person explain themselves (it's mostly Chase), while Quinn makes things less complicated and expresses those things (like when they were laughing behind her back and she told them it hurted her, bc she expected it from Logan but she thought of them as her friends, no one made a move to apologize or talk so she left). Basically both Quinn and Zoey are confrontational, but in completely different ways.
*What I realized, is that Zoey and Logan have a lot in common too. Like how they both want to be in charge at all times and have troubles accepting their wrong doing. The things they have in common are their flaws, while with Quinn, they have their better parts in common. I don't wanna bring Dana into this, but I believe this would have been the case for her and Logan too if she had stayed. So, I guess Quogan would still had been endgame (now I kinda want a fic where while Quinn was with Mark, Logan had a messy relationship with Dana, Quogan is still endgame at the end, I think it'd be more dramatic and make Logan also experience what's like to have a healthy relationship after coming out of an unhealthy one)
One could argue that Logan's attraction to Quinn's less dominating qualities and attitudes in comparison to Zoey could be attributed to his sexism and his own dominating personality at the time, but then again, Quinn is a dominating girl too, we see that in her relationship with Mark, so I don't think it's only that, I think at the end, it was more about Quinn's healthier way of dealing with things drew him in. He really needed someone that was at his level on that aspect but would match him and work with him for the better instead of someone who made things worse.
Logan and Quinn balance each other and bring the best in the other. Logan and Zoey, despite their moments of friendship, bring out the worst. They're too similar to like each other while Quinn is has the right amount of similarities and differences to make their relationship work and generate an attraction that later turned into love.
Now he's not only too in love with his wife to still harbor a crush on her, he also doesn't seem to like Zoey very much.
TL;DR: kinda but it wasn't that deep, Zoey and him weren't compatible like that.
#ask box#anon#one thing about me is that I will always talk about Quinn#anti zogan#quogan#logan reese#zoey brooks#zoey 102#zoey 101#did I accidently proved why dana x logan would still end in quogan endgame?#take it as a bonus lmao
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A Lover And A Fighter - Richie Tozier
word count: 3122
warnings: swearing, sight sexual harassment
summary: Richie promised (y/n) that he wouldn’t get into fights anymore, but sometimes he just can’t help himself. Especially when it comes to protecting her.
___
It was an understatement to say that Richie was protective of you. The boy was downright insane about it. Everyone in Derry knew not to fuck with (y/n), not unless they wanted Richie Tozier tracking them down and beating them half to death.
You’d given him a talk numerous times. But not once did they work, it always went in one ear and out the other..
He’d beaten up three ex boyfriends, a couple guys that looked at you the wrong way, and Greta Keene. He was proud of that amount.
But he’d promised that he would try his best not to act out on your behalf anymore. And you made him pinky promise. That’s a big deal. And he didn’t want to break your trust or your promise.
However… once he walked past Henry Bowers and his dumbass friends, and heard your name being mentioned, he couldn’t stop himself from getting involved.
“What was that?” He spoke before he could think things through.
The boys turned to him, each bearing a scowl that wasn’t out of character.
“I said, (y/n’s) not fucking worth it,” Henry practically growled out. “Now why don’t you fuck off, Tozier?”
“Your damn fucking right it’s not worth it,” Richie spat back, turning away, doing the right thing. “I’d break your goddamn nose” He muttered under his breath.
“It’s not worth it to try and get in her pants,” Henry called out before Richie could walk far enough away.
He stopped in his tracks.
“Cause she’s such a slut anyways, it’s not a real victory to fuck-”
Richie had never whipped around so fast. And with the punch he delivered went all common sense, and all the promises and reassurances he’d given you to prove he was going to ‘mature’ as you’d begged him to do.
___
“Hey, Richie,” You held your phone between your ear and shoulder as you painted your toes. “This is like, my fifth message… so… call me back, I guess. Okay, bye”
You sighed as you set the phone back on it’s holster. Richie wasn’t the type of guy to stand you up, especially on taco tuesday. And even if something came up, he always always, called. But now he couldn’t even bother to return one of your calls, leaving you to assume that he was upset with you for some reason, and therefore ignoring you.
You weren’t sure what you did, and at this point, you also weren’t sure that he was going to tell you either.
When Richie didn’t want to talk to someone, he was the damn best at avoiding them.
But he’d never given you the cold shoulder. And there was a time that you’d thought he never would. Richie was your best friend, you trusted and confided in him more than anyone else, even the other Losers. And in the last seven years of being his best friend, he’d never treated you this way. In fact, he always treated you amazingly, like a princess, it was very surprising actually, the way he cared about you.
It was that care that always led him to picking fights where he shouldn’t be, though. It started with your ex boyfriend. He broke up with you once a ‘better, prettier’ girl showed interest (his words), and the next thing you knew, Richie was throwing him against the lockers.
When your next boyfriend straight up cheated on you, Richie took care of him too.
He broke the third one’s nose.
And then there was the Greta Keene incident… Beverly may have let it slip that Greta had been writing nasty rumors about you in the girls bathrooms. And Richie declared that he didn’t have a problem beating up a girl if it was justified (and if that girl had man arms). That was when you drew the line, and made Richie swear to try and control his anger. And he pinkie promised to work on it, and that he wouldn’t get into any more fights over you.
You weren’t sure why he got so enraged over these things. It was just drama, and you found it pointless that he tried to bring you justice, since he was so reckless about it.
It was getting late, and you knew that Richie wasn’t going to return your calls. So you finished painting your toenails blue, and decided to spend the night in your room, reading, alone.
Even though you should have been eating a bunch of tacos and gossiping with Richie.
Just as you got situated in bed, and had turned off the overhead light in exchange for the soft glow of your lamp on the bedside table, there was a knock on the window.
When you glanced over, you could tell it was Richie by his silhouette, and you frowned slightly.
Nonetheless, you got up and unlocked the window, before sliding it open.
“Where the hell have you been?” You asked.
He could tell that you couldn’t see his face very well.
“Busy, you gonna let me in?” He grinned.
“Richie, it’s-” You glanced over your shoulder to the alarm clock on your table, before glaring back at him. “-midnight. Are you kidding me? Did I do something to piss you off?”
“What? (y/n/n), no-”
“Then how come you were dodging all my calls? And you’re seven hours late?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest..
Richie crawled in through the window, even though you hadn’t invited him in yet. But he figured it was only a matter of time before you cave anyways.
Your distressed face disappeared as you caught sight of him now that he was in the light. His left eye was bruising, and so was his right cheekbone. Along with a split lip and a bloody nose, it was clear what had happened.
“Oh, Richie…” You mumbled, hand reaching up to cover your mouth as your eyes widened at the sight of him. “Tell me you didn’t-”
“Look it’s not what you think-” Richie tried to protest.
“Don’t give me that shit”
He knew he fucked up, because you weren’t yelling. Your voice was soft, and low. You were heartbroken.
He stared down at the ground, too anxious to look at you anymore. Not when you looked so disappointed in him.
“You promised- you-you pinky promised me-”
“I know-! I know and I’m sorry, really, I’m really fucking sorry” He told you, desperately hoping that you’d forgive him.
You shook your head at him, and gestured for him to sit before you left the room. Richie was the most frustratingly complicated person that you knew, and it drove you insane. Why he couldn’t just walk away and not beat the shit out of people… you weren’t sure. But it really hurt you that he didn’t even seem to try, and he broke his promise.
Richie was sitting on the side of your bed when you came back into the room. He chuckled as he eyed the first aid kit in your hands, the same one that you’ve used the last four or five times you dealt with the aftermath of his episodes of rages.
“You don’t have t-”
“Yes I do” You cut him off and unpacked what you’d need.
You were upset, you were fuming, actually. It angered you that Richie broke his promise, not even a month after making it. That promise was important to you, because he was important to you. And now here he was, waiting to be fixed up by you once again after he so stupidly, so recklessly got himself beaten to a pulp.
But no matter how angry you were, you remained silent. Dabbing at the excess blood under his nose, which at least wasn’t bleeding anymore. And when you were finished with his cheek, you moved on to rubbing cream over the bruise on his cheek. Richie’s eyes fell shut as he sighed in relief at the feeling of the cool lotion, and your gentle fingers.
He knew your silence wasn’t a good thing. In fact, it was the worst thing. It meant he messed up beyond redemption. And he’d never fucked up that bad before. Sure, he’d pissed you off and frustrated you on the daily, but that was just the hallmark of his friendship, and it was never anything serious. Just when he dragged you out in the middle of the night for slushies, or got you in trouble in class because he was running his mouth. He’d never made you this genuinely upset before.
“(y/n)-”
“Save it” You muttered before he could even start with the apologies.
That was another hallmark of his friendship. You knew what came next. The apologies, the excuses, the begging for your forgiveness, followed by a playful ‘you know you love me, you need me’ and puppy dog eyes that you couldn’t refuse. Except tonight, you might just be able to.
He took you by surprise when he didn’t protest, and snapped his mouth shut. Your eyes met his for a moment, before you started applying a smaller amount of lotion on the bruise surrounding his eye. It was going to look a lot worse in the morning, but this would help with the pain now.
You hated that your heart ached for him right now. You hated that you wanted to cry and hold him and make him feel better. Because you were so fucking mad-
“I don’t understand,” The words suddenly spilled out of your mouth, as if your mind just couldn’t take them swimming around in your head anymore. “I just- I- I don’t fucking get it”
He nodded, ducking his head down, only for you to lift it back up by his chin and continue with the lotion.
“I care about you, dumbass, and all I asked, which I thought was simple, all I asked was for you to stop with the fighting-”
“I know” He mumbled back.
You stared at him skeptically, wondering if he really did know, or if he’d show up again in a few weeks with the same battered face and guilty look in his eyes. Richie didn’t look back at you. He couldn’t.
“Who?” You asked, trying to soften your voice so he wouldn’t whither away from you like he was doing right now.
“You’re not gonna like it” Richie answered, fingers pinching at your bedsheets in an attempt to distract himself. From the pain that burned across his whole face, or from the intensity in your eyes, he wasn’t sure, but he needed the distraction.
He hadn’t had a smoke in months, but it sounded pretty damn good right now.
“Well, newsflash, I don’t like any of this,” You told him. “But I think I deserve to at least know what happened”
Of course you do, Richie hung his head in his hands. You deserve so, so much better.
You watched as he rubbed his palms over his eyes, and it took everything in your power not to take his hands and hold them in yours, to tell him it was okay and you forgave him.
“Bowers”
He muttered the single word without even looking at you. But he didn’t have to look at you to know exactly what you looked like in that moment. You probably had a dropped jaw and furrowed brows. Disappointment, disgust, anger, all displayed in one heartbreaking look.
“Richie…” You murmured without meaning to. “Why? Why would you-”
“I had to, okay?” He shot up suddenly. “I know that you hate it, and as soon as I swung I- I knew I fucked up, but I had to”
You wanted to argue it, argue that there’s always another option, that he can always walk away. But you bit your tongue. Something about the way he spoke told you that there was more to this than his stupidity.
“I’m sorry, (y/n/n), I am. But I… I don’t regret it”
Your heart sunk all the way down to your stomach. Richie had such a toll on your emotions and he didn’t even know it.
“Tell me what happened” You said quietly, and shifted closer to him.
You wanted him to know he had your undivided attention, and that he should have the chance to at least explain what happened. You pulled your leg up to rest on the mattress, and turned your body to face him.
Richie looked at you before looking back down at his hand, which was now fisted in your blankets.
“Richie,” You hummed, brows furrowing as you saw how reluctant he was to opening up. “Tell me” The words were so soft, it was almost inaudible.
You wondered what Henry could have done that Richie didn’t want to tell you about. He must have really outdone himself.
“He was just talking shit-”
“Richie,” You cut off his bullshit before he could even start. “Come on, the truth”
“It’s not-”
“I deserve to know, Tozier! Whatever it is, I don’t care, okay? Just tell me-”
“He said you weren’t worth sleeping with!”
Just like that, you’d gotten him to snap.
And you shut up instantly, shocked by the outburst. His words processed slowly in your head.
“He said it wasn’t worth trying because you’re- because you’re a slut, and it wasn’t fucking true!” Richie continued to yell. Not at you, he just couldn’t contain his own anger anymore.
And you thought you were pissed.
“Motherfucker had your name in his nasty fucking mouth and he was telling his buddies fucking lies and I couldn’t- fuck I couldn’t walk away. I should’ve fucking killed him”
You were staring at him, speechless. You should’ve known it was about you, Richie was always so fiercely protective of you. And Henry’s wouldn’t be the first nose that he’d broken protecting you. But this wasn’t like before. He’d beaten on your ex boyfriends after they broke your heart. Henry hadn’t said or done anything to you, he was just doing what boys do. (Make shit up because they think it makes them impressive when really they’re even shittier than they look)
“I didn’t mean to break your promise,” Richie huffed. His face was slightly flushed after his mini tantrum. His hands grabbed both of yours, holding them close to him. “I’m so sorry I put you through this again”
You were still silent, but he knew this wasn’t a bad silence. You were still processing, still trying to figure out how to forgive him while making sure this was the last time he crawls through your window looking like this.
“I hope you know that it came from a place of- of caring about you,” He added. “Caring about you too much, I guess” He mumbled as an afterthought.
Your stupid lovesick heart skipped a beat at the sweet words. Richie wasn’t one for words, at all, but he somehow managed to say the most loving things without even realizing it.
“I can’t promise it won’t happen again, that much is clear. And if Bowers says one more goddamn thing about your ass I’ll fucking string him up- I will- but I can promise I’ll try, okay? I will, I’ll really try”
He squeezed your hands a little bit, hoping you believed him, hoping you trusted him.
Your eyes flickered between his for a moment, and you could see in them that he was being sincere, and that he was broken up over hurting you.
“You…” He started to speak, but trailed off unsurely. “You deserve better” He finished.
His eyes flickered to yours for a brief moment, before he turned away.
You shake your head, before you let go of one of his hands, and took his chin between your thumb and index finger, turning him to look back at you.
“(y/n/n)-”
You cut him off when you leaned in and gently kissed him, trying to be mindful of his split lip.
Richie’s eyes remained focused on your closed ones, too stunned to close them, or really kiss her back.
He wanted to kick himself when you pulled away. He managed to miss his fucking chance because he was too slow to do anything about it.
Your eyes fluttered open in such a beautiful way Richie swore you were holding his heart in your perfect little hands.
His brows were furrowed like you’d confused him, and you absolutely had. He hadn’t expected you to kiss him.
“Why’d you do that?” He asked breathlessly, and your cheeks burned pink.
Your shoulders raised a bit in a shrug, and you had to bite your lip to keep from smiling too much.
“I just… wanted to” You whispered.
A smile twitched on the corner of Richie’s lips before his hand cupped your cheek, and he pulled you in again, so he could kiss you right this time.
Your lips were just as soft, if not softer, than he’d imagined they’d be. And he’d imagined countless times what they’d feel like. Daydreaming in class, before he fell asleep, and being right by your side for the last seven years.
Kissing you was bliss.
He did it again, taking your face in both of his hands and pulling you impossibly closer. He could feel your lips smiling against his own, and once again, his heart was beating out of his chest trying to get to yours.
“I’m in love with you, (y/n/n)” He murmured when you parted, and you laughed softly.
“That makes sense,” You replied, reaching a hand up to play with the curls on the back of his neck. “And… I love you too”
Richie gave you a sunshine smile, which you couldn’t help but return.
“I’m still upset, by the way,” You told him, still playing with the curls. “But only cause I’m tired of seeing you covered in bruises, okay?”
He nodded, and you leaned your cheek further against the palm of his hand.
“I promise to try” He said, and then raised his pinky.
You looked from his hand and then back to him, a slight glare in your eyes.
“Come on, just do it,” He urged, you rolled your eyes, but he was persistent. “Just link fuckin’ pinkies with me”
With a giggle you hooked your pinky with his, and held it for a moment.
“You want to go get tacos now?” He asked, and you grinned, nodding your head.
“You read my mind” You answered, and followed him back out the window.
It dawned on you that Richie was both your lover and your fighter. And he held those titles proudly.
As he took your hand and walked alongside you down the street, he decided there were no other title he’d want to be labeled, besides yours.
___
taglist: @thegr8kush
xoxo ~ jordie
#it#it chapter one#it chapter two#it fanfiction#richie tozier#richie tozier x reader#richie tozier scenario#richie tozier imagine#richie tozier fanfiction#finn wolfhard#finn wolfhard x reader#bill hader#bill hader x reader
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♦ busting SYNASTRY MYTHS ♦
11th HOUSE SYNASTRY - THIS SYNASTRY DOESNT MEAN SOMEONE SEES YOU AS A FRIEND OR YOU ARE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS, STOP REPEATING THIS SURFACE LEVEL SHIT YOU’VE BEEN EATING UP FROM MODERN ASTROLOGY POSTS. This is the house of wealth and gains, it’s the fullfillment of our desires and sudden profits. It’s an indicator of your sources of income and allies. So of course, you will have strong foundation with someone you have 11th house synastry with because it will be built on a ground of trust and support. Along with emotional connection, there’s also a mental connection that makes you share your secrets and ideas to them as you would do to a friend but that’s only one piece of the puzzle WHICH DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU WILL BE GOOD FRIENDS (you can’t make that comment for any type of relationship in this synastry because if 11h is afflicted by malefics that will most likely bring a negative result which can make you enemies or drain one another’s life force lmao). More than anything, especially if you have your 7th house lord in your partner’s 11th house you will gain so much from them in so many ways including oppurtunities and finances and helping you achieve your earthly desires. They will be your ally and support, supporting you in your pursuits and opinions. It’s like a debate team with financial support lol. It can also indicate you will go back to university and complete your education or get a new degree after you get together with this person. Most of this also goes for 3rd house synastry.
5th HOUSE SYNASTRY - “This indicates a fleeting romance” FUCK NO. That’s one of the most trumped-up interpretations i’ve heard. You CAN’T predict the longevity of a relationship based on house overlays. Ever heard of Davison charts? Anyway, prominent 5th house is anohter EXCELLENT synastry. It often donates a relationship where you can discuss ANYTHING - your wildest thoughts, plans and experiences. Someone you jump from topic to topic. Very often the planet person is the “childlike” one which the house person adores and takes inspiration from. Planet person becomes a ball of joy and energy that makes the house person destress and cheer up, thought it can feel like an ‘overdose’ sometimes. Both parties become some sort of an energy source for each other. You play games together, indulge in fun activities, create things (can even be an invention) together. Even doing nothing and just talking to each other feels fun and full of laughter (unless there are some other placements disturbing this synastry). This is the synastry of never-ending honeymoon. A couple with rahu/mars in 5th house might have a son as the first child. If venus is there with the nodes, it might be a son with venusian qualities. You can also get more popular or lucky if you are with someone you have 5h overlay with. The house person also pushes you to focus on your studies more.
12th HOUSE SYNASTRY - There’s a lot of stigma around his house (8h as well) and people often fear it. Weeeeeell...It IS a karmic house so people you have this synastry with are likely to be karmic partners. HOWEVER, don’t take this to oH NO this is not my TWIN FLAME this is a KaRmiC pErson shit. Literally almost everyone is a karmic partner lmfao, there’s a difference between good and bad karma. This synastry can play out good or bad depending on your own individual karma with this person and how you are managing your life. You can look to Rahu/ketu & saturn to get more info on the karma and to see how it’ll play out. Basically the planet person becomes your escape especially if their sun/moon falls into your 12h. They can end up being your savior. There’s an undeniable theme of profound change that this synastry brings. It often leads you to liberation, through a path of restriction. You need to overthrow the restrictions the other person brings to achieve total liberation. This is often a part of the soul’s karma. A couple with this overlay often keeps a secluded relationship from their relatives (maybe even ghost their families lol) and tend to travel together. They often open up to each other surprisingly quickly about their past and traumas, though there’s a really odd distrust within the couple.
6th HOUSE SYNASTRY - People have a very poor understanding of the 6th house, it’s often condensed to ‘service’. 6h synastry is similar to 12h synastry as they are the same axis anyway, but the difference is 12h’s effects are more abstract meanwhile 6h’s effects are much more physical and can be observed on a practical level. The theme with this house is “either serve or die” and has a karmic tone to it too. It’s not often this dramatic tho lol but usually a couple with 6h synastry feel a deep sense of responsibility towards each other which can make it hard to leave even if it turns toxic. Planet person often triggers the house person’s instincts to ‘serve’ the planet person in one way or another - the house person may do random gestures, buy lots of gifts, support them every way possible etc. so in this way it’s a very cute and beneficial synastry, because they are very much involved in each other’s lives and make a visible impact. They often make one another’s daily routines change, so they can spend time better. Though, one of them can treat the other like an assistant or in worse case scenario, a slave. Think I’m a slave 4 U by Britney Spears lol. They can begin constantly demanding things and get mad when the other doesn’t live up to their expectations. They can also become a disciplinarian for the other (this can also apply to 10h synastry)
OTHER NOTES ♥☺
If you have a mutual mars overlay with someone in 10th house (your mars in their 10h, theirs in your 10h) your aggressive energy as a couple will most likely be public. Meaning you are prone to have public arguments or fights. Alternatively you can also do illegal business or outlaw activities together, often involving some sort of violence or marsian quality.
If someone’s rahu falls into your 4th house, they will feel peace in our presence but they might drain the peace out of you, meaning they can emotionally and physically drain you, bring conflict and chaos into your life. It may become addictive in some cases. Rahu person will keep wanting more. If at the same time your rahu falls into a water house in their chart (so if ur rahu falls into their 4h,8h,12h houses) you will keep giving more and also find it addictive and hard to get out of. It will push you to surrender.
Rahu in 7th overlay indicates a pre-destined marriage/partnership
Moon in 1st or 2nd house is a very common overlay between soulmates and married couples. Moon in 2h is especially a very auspicious placement in terms of material wealth. The planet person often spoils the house person and knows EXACTLY what to get to the house person as a gift, they have a natural understanding of what the planet person would like and their needs (unless afflicted or outweighed by other malefics placements)
[personal experience] Gemini moon men always try to make me talk about myself so they can gather and store information about me, all the while i’m a sagittarius moon (so sidereal scorpio and in opposition to their moon) and i never reveal anything important or “deep” about myself - i can make myself look like i’m being vulnerable and intimate but when the conversation is over, they realize i didn’t reveal to them anything that is actually valuable and important SHDAIWHJGJGKJG which is why after some time...like in about 2 days they even start trying harder. One of them literally begged me to talk about myself and i think this is a good example of the synastry between this axis
#astrology#synastry#house overlays#6th house#12th house#11th house#5th house#overlay#leo#aquarius#rahu#7th house#4th house#10th house#mars#moon#1st house#gemini#sagittarius#scorpio#sun
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A Failed Betrothal (6)
Here is a new chapter for you guys. I am terrible at writing feelings and this is my best shot.😅 Tell me what you think.
[Masterlist]
(PART 1)(PART 5)
-------
(Words in bold is French)
“Tch, Drake is going to be busy trying to find Hawkmoth. He can’t go around Paris, being Dupain-Cheng’s boyfriend. Besides, he can’t be a proper boyfriend even in his most lucid moments. I will be her boyfriend instead.”
Tim was glad he didn’t take a sip of his coffee when Damian volunteered to be Marinette’s boyfriend. But he still choked on air. Jason with his limited knowledge of french was confused. Damian didn’t do what he heard, right?
“No, you can’t. Chloe already told them about Tim. If I come in with a different boyfriend, they would get suspicious. We can work on Hawkmoth while we go on those dates. Besides, I thought you don’t like me. That’s not going to sell the image of a loving couple.” Marinette pointed out. (She also doesn’t want to do this fake-date thing. Not because she likes Damian and she had always been a goner for green eyes and totally would be date him if it weren’t for some stupid curse dictating her feelings for him and fake-dating him might get her catch feelings for him and she would get her heart broken when this is all over and she would stay single forever and be a lonely old lady with hamsters and cats for company.)
“Actually, Mari-bug, I only told the class how romantic your boyfriend is. I never told them what he looked like. Just in case, Timothy couldn’t make it. I have back-up favors to cash in.” Chloe explained.
Marinette didn’t even know why she was surprised at that, this was Chloe after all.
“You have more than one American boy around our age in your debt who you intend to be my boyfriend? Sounds like you, Queenie. So that also means that Damian doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to.”
“My offer still stands. I will be your ‘boyfriend’ before I have to go back. I will be more understanding than those other American boys when you have to rush out for an attack. That is to assume that they can come here or agree. In our initial meeting, I didn’t like that weak girl act you put up. Recent events have made me realize that you are a much stronger person. (Careful Damian, that sounds like a compliment.) You are a decent partner to date.(Shit. Shit. Shit. That wasn’t a compliment, right?)”
Damian couldn’t see why Dupain-Cheng would refuse such a good deal. He supposed her feelings might be still hurt from his first impression of her. He would give her an apology when they are alone and away from his brothers who would make a big deal of it.
“Fine. At least, the curse will at least make this fake couple thing more believable.” grumbled Marinette. The light pink blush on her face is not because he said she was someone he would date.
Oh right, the curse. He swore internally, it had possessed him to be Dupain-Cheng’s boyfriend. He now would have to endure the hand-holding, kissing and staring into each other’s eyes, and try to resist the curse which will be much harder now. Somehow, he didn’t regret it a little bit. It sounds more bearable with him doing those things with her than her with Drake. This was just a mutual agreement to ward off her suitors and prove to her classmates that she was off the market.
Chloe clapped her hands,“If we have everything sorted out, you can start being a good boyfriend by walking Marinette to school today. We want to be on time now.”
The others started packing up their stuff or finished what they were eating. Marinette was dragged out of the bakery by an impatient Damian. Chloe and Alix picked up what Marinette left behind and followed out. The rest soon left right after, leaving the two boys in the bakery.
“Hey, Replacement, tell me if I am wrong but did Demon Spawn willingly ask a girl out?” Jason asked, stealing a croissant from Tim.
“Try making himself the perfect candidate to be her fake boyfriend out of many choices, including me, and get her to agree to it. Now he has to go on a few romantic dates with Marinette in order to ward off this really pushy guy in her class. Demon Spawn also has a crush on her and he’s in denial of it. We are not hallucinating either. I’ve checked.” Tim replied, sipping his coffee.
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“Damian. Let go. Hey, Wayne, are you listening to me? Let me go. This is not how you treat your significant other. And you are not even going in the right direction.” Marinette all but yelled at him.
He released his grip on her. “My apologies for manhandling you but I wanted to tell you this away from everybody else.”
“What?” She asked, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.
I- This is a little difficult to say for me,” Damian started. (Why were his palms sweaty? It’s just an apology. He had done it before although it was mostly because Grayson told him what he did wrong and made him do it.) “But I am sorry for calling you weak, pathetic and every other bad thing I have said about you when you have shown that you are anything but those. I was mad at myself for being caught and took it out on you.”
Her glare softened.
“Apologies accepted. The school is this way.” She said with a smile and went towards the school. Damian walked by her side, his hands in his pockets.
Marinette looked at where his hands were, “If we are going to do this fake dating thing, I suggest we hold hands.”
Damian grabbed her hand and continued walking in silence. Her hands were so small and fitted perfectly in his. Oh God, it’s the curse again. Turning him into a sap. Do not think about her hands. And the fact that she took down a man twice her size with them which was an amazing sight to watch.
“Why are you so stiff? Loosen up a little. You are with the love of your life. Smile a little.”
Damian plastered on a fake smile, “Happy?”
“It looks fake. Being a model he will be able to tell.” Marinette remarked, “Are you sure you want to do this? We can still go get Tim to be my boyfriend.”
“I can do this. Drake wouldn’t be a better choice. It doesn’t help that you are relentlessly nit-picking me. Or are you that bad of a girlfriend?” Damian couldn’t help but sniped back. “Maybe that’s why Chat Noir left you.”
He found himself back against the world and her elbow at his neck. (He would forever deny that he liked it.)
“Look here, Wayne. You know nothing about me and you shouldn’t assume that you do. Chat Noir was revoked of his status as a hero for his behaviour. If you don’t act the part properly, I am going to have my former partner, who has absolutely no sense of boundaries, harassing me in my civilian life and I have already dealt enough of his advances to last a lifetime. I have given you so many chances to get out of this which you refused and yet, you are half-assing it. So are you in this 100 percent or not? Because I am at the end of my patience right now.”
“The boy who is obsessed with you is the former Chat Noir?”
“Yes, I will explain about that later but what’s your answer?”
“I will give it my best shot but I have never pretended to be in love.”
“Were you not taught in the League?”
“There were seduction tactics shown to members when they were old enough and I left them when I was 10 but I am not sure if those skills can be applied here.”(Slamming your opponent against the wall wasn’t one of them but she was doing a great job of it so far. No. No. No. He is not his father. This is different from whatever he has with Kyle.)
She released her hold on him and grabbed his hand, leading him towards her school.
“Well then, here are the basics. Everytime you look at me, just think of your favourite things to make your smile a little more genuine. Maybe call me by a pet name if you want. Keep your touch on me like you can’t keep your hands off of me and act really reluctant when you have to let go. You will only keep them my shoulders, arms, hands and waist or I will break your hand. I will do the same. If you are going to have to kiss me, give me a warning.” He looked into her blue eyes and nodded.
“Alright.”
“Oh. I almost forgot. In case they try to question our relationship. My favourite colour is red. My favourite song is ‘Fearless’ by Jagged Stone.(I love Taylor. Sue me) And we met online a few months ago. You came all the way to Paris to see me a month ago and asked me out. We will talk more that later. Oh, I also love designing and have dreams of being a famous fashion designer.-”
Marinette rambled on which Damian found a little endearing. He looked forward to knowing more about her. He added a few comments here or there about himself (because it was only fair.) and ways to improve their cover story about their relationship.
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“We are nearly at school. Let’s start the act, Romeo.” Marinette whispered at him and looked at him with a bright smile that brought a tiny smile to his face. Okay, maybe he liked Marinette a little bit but that doesn’t mean he’s in love with her.
He moved her hand holding his to the crook of his elbow.
“Is this acceptable, my lady?”
She wrinkled her nose, (Adorable. No. Don’t go there) “This is fine. But can you not call me that? And princess too? I may have erased his memories as Chat Noir but it could be a trigger to bring them back.”
“Understandable. What about Malak?”
She blushed. Marinette had learned Arabic a while back and was very fluent in the language.
“It’s okay.” She said in a soft voice. She put her other hand on his bicep and leaned on his shoulder.
“You don’t look like a touchy-feely person so is this fine?”
“Yes.”
“Cool, let me tell you more about the atrocious lies that had passed her mouth.”
They walked into the school courtyard, arm-in-arm, for the entire school, especially Marinette’s class, to see. The perfect picture of a loving couple. Marinette’s blush from earlier was evident on her face, leaving no room for doubt about her new relationship status. (Many guys, gals and pals were upset over it.) As they both walked up the stairs, whispering and laughing about who knows what (gulliable and idiotic classmates they have to suffer learning with), two pairs of green eyes followed them.
In this case, the saying ‘green-eyed monsters’ was true. One was envious of the boy who held the girl he wanted in his arms and the other was envious of the attention the couple was receiving.
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Damian escorted Marinette to her class. He gave her a kiss on her cheek and said, loud enough for the class to hear, “Bye, Malak. I will pick you up after school for our date.”
“B-bye, Damian.”
He took her hand, gave a kiss to the back of it and departed, leaving a very red-faced Marinette behind. The rest of the class parted the way as Damian walked past.
She rushed into her seat where Chloe sat beside it, grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
“Sooooo, Mari-bug, how was your date? You two rushed out of there so quickly and left your stuff behind. So eager to spend time with your boyfriend, eh? You enjoyed it very much by the looks of it.”
“Sorry about that, Chloe. Did you bring my bag and the cheese danishes?” Marinette tried to change the topic. And she also wanted to make sure a god of destruction doesn’t go hungry and angsty during school.
“Yep, here you go,” Chloe said, handing Marinette her bag and a box of cheese-flavoured snacks for Plagg, “Your mom packed some for you.”
“Marinette. Where have you been the last two days? And you came back with a boy. I am honestly worried about your behaviour.” Lila played the concerned classmate wonderfully.
“Yeah, Marinette. This is a new low, even for you.” Alya added.
Marinette readied herself to tell the cover story Damian and her worked out on the way here.
“Lila, I appreciate your ‘concern’. But the last four days have been a little hard on me so excuse me if I am a little snappy today. You see, Damian disappeared and didn’t return home after school on Friday. So when he didn’t pick up for our weekly video call, I panicked and called his family and they told me what happened. They sent me a plane to get out of Paris so I can’t get akumatized.”
“Was that why you were gone on Saturday?” Chloe asked, playing along although she already knew why Marinette wasn’t in Paris the last four days.
“Yeah. Sorry for not telling you guys. It was sorta last minute. Thankfully, he wasn’t kidnapped actually. His biological mother picked him up but never told his father that she was taking him. I just came back last night. Dami followed me to make sure I am okay.”
“What a bunch of bullcrap.” Alya said, “I don’t believe you.”
Oh. The irony...
“Alya, I don’t care if you do. My life is my own business. So keep your nosy nose out of it. Your opinions don’t matter to me anymore, stranger.” Marinette internally was tired of this silly routine and wanted this to end already.
Alya wanted to pick a fight with her over the smallest things she did for the past months. She wondered why her former best friend hated her this much.
“Lila told me that you were skipping school and you paid an actor to be your pretend boyfriend.”
Pretending to not hear what Alya said, Marinette turned towards Chloe, “Hey, you never told me about how you met Tim. I can’t believe that you two are friends.”
“We met at one of those charity galas-”
“Hey, we were talking to you.” Alya cut her off. To which Chloe glared at the ombre-haired girl.
“I thought our conversation was done. What else am I supposed to say?”
Marinette was frustrated and hid that fact well, showing any reaction would give the game away. If she had reacted, it would further fuel the fire of Alya’s self-righteousness, making her believe that Marinette was somehow guilty of what Lila told her about. Lila managed to turn nearly the entire class against her by appealing to their ‘hero’ side and outbursts from Marinette and the others made them more sure of themselves of being in the right. It was so deep-rooted that nothing would sway them to logical reasoning. Maybe except Phase 2. Phase 1 was made a little easier when Talia kidnapped her and made her miss a few days of school.
Phase 2 was to not acknowledge the lies or just appear uninterested. It would illustrate the point that people don’t have to listen to them if they don’t want to. If possible, sow little seeds of doubt to the ones Lila had a looser grip on. The more people they can slowly get on their side, the better.
Alya was confused, usually Marinette would throw a ‘temper tantrum’ about how she didn’t do that and Lila lied.“I-, you should-, You should apologize to Lila.”
Marinette raised an eyebrow, “For what this time?”
“For saying that she was lying.”
“Pray tell, when did in any of our conversations so far did I do that? I mean I don’t like the fact that she just accused me with little evidence of paying my someone to be my boyfriend but I am not going to fight with anyone over it. Maybe I did do that, Maybe I didn’t. Maybe there is a good reason I did those things. The thing is Lila should keep to her own business and I will keep to mine. And as should you. I know you are a reporter at heart but you should at the very least respect my privacy.”
Alya stayed silent, fuming. Everyone was looking at them now. She realized that the designer was right and if she pushed further, she would be the bad guy.
“I thought so. Now, go away. I have nothing else to say to you. Let Chloe finish her story of how she met Tim which you so rudely interrupted.”
“Who’s Tim?” Lila asked, wanting to know more about Marinette’s boyfriend to work on an angle to get him away from the ravenette.
“Mari-Bug’s boyfriend’s older brother. Now, shoo peasants, we are talking. Anyways, Mommy took me to when I was younger so I could mingle with all the other rich kids and get connections. Timothy was there and back then, he was still with the Drakes...”
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Lila and Alya returned to their seats, both were visibly upset although Lila was seething inside. When Marinette was not at school for the last two days, the Italian thought that it was the last she had seen of her. Today, she showed up with a handsome boy on her arm and by the looks of his clothes, rich too. If she manages to get ‘Damian’ to break up with that pest and date her instead, then she would have a rich, handsome boyfriend devoted to her and that brat would be so heart-broken that an akuma so powerful would be made that even Ladybug won’t be able to defeat. A two for one deal. Lila started planning (scheming) to take her boyfriend away.
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(Part 7)
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Edit: I am so sorry. I forget to add the taglist.
Tag list: @alysrose-starchild, @buginetye, @lookatthestars1, @blackroserelina, @macncheesemonster, @mochinek0, @myazael, @tonicxworld, @thewitchwhowaited, @t1dwarrior-of-earth, @kissa-chan, @iwantasecretidentity, @theymakeupfairies, @user00000003, @woe-is-me0, @kashlyn, @mochegato,@moonlightstar64 , @greatcatblaze, @moongoddesskiana, @tazanna-blythe. @tonicxworld, @toodaloo-kangaroo, @frieddonutsweets, @local-witch-of-mn, @lady-bee-fechin, @iglowinggemma28, @indecisive-mess-named-me, @k-tea-and-coffee, @jayjayspixiepop, @all-mights-asscheeks, @idk-j-go-with-it , @loysydark, @thenillabean, @lolieg, @zalladane, @silvergold-swirl, @henie04, @blueblossombliss, @khneltea, @mochegato, @itsmeevie01, @roguishredaxion, @alyssadeliv, @steph-hearthlight, @adrestar, @eliza-bich, @abrx2002, @hikari55ttva, @doglover82, @daminette5074, @moon5608,@justafanwarrior, @allis-sun, @animegirlweeb, @aespades, @corporeal-terrestrial, @mildlydeadly, @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl,
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Jealous!Reader with AOT characters pt.2 (Porco, Bertholdt, Pieck, Zeke)
A/N: y’all really liked the first one I made here, so here’s a pt.2 with different characters
TW: none really apply, sort of suggestive for Zeke, Modern AU, GN!reader
PORCO GALLIARD
I am a firm believer that in a modern AU, Porco and Reiner would be the type of people to go to sport restaurants like Hooters, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Twin Peaks. They give me that macho man type of vibe. Of course though, Porco would make you tag along with him almost every time he went. He feels that it’s a very nice way for the two of you to bond. Which honestly it is.
You have a deep sense of security within yourself and enough trust in Porco to not be bothered by the waitresses there, as you should, knowing that it’s only their job to be enticing like that. Hell, you even enjoy it when the waitresses would flirt with you sometimes or you’d get the really pretty ones who look like they’re straight off of a magazine. Not to mention that you visit places like this often, so most of them know you and know that you and Porco are in a relationship together.
They all respect your boundaries and don’t try to push at them at all.....until this one waitress comes around. You can quite obviously tell that her flirting is different from the “trained” flirting that the other girls often do. She lingers at your table a little longer than she should be trying to talk to Porco to the point where other waitresses have to tell her to go check on other tables and she’s disregarding you completely, asking Porco questions that should be aimed at you and being very rude in general.
Porco is hardly paying her any mind, too focused on the game to really pay attention to what’s going on, but any piece of attention he gives to her she latches on too it. But still, you remain cordial and calm on the inside. Not wanting to come off as one of those significant others and cause a scene that doesn’t need to be caused. If someone looked at you for too long they might notice an eye twitch or two coming from you.
Really it’s Porco’s hand holding underneath the table that’s keeping you sane and reminding you of how secure your position in your relationship is. You almost calm down entirely, but of course the waitress has to come back and try desperately to get his attention again. At one point he zones out into the game and to try and get his attention she attempts to tap him on his shoulder.
Strong on the attempt because you grabbed her wrist before she could even brush her fingers against his shirt and gave her a stern “Aht! Aht! That is not going to be happening tonight and definitely not in front of me.”
And Porco, this menace to society, finally speaks up like, “I was wondering when you were finally going to say something. I was getting afraid that I didn’t mean anything to you anymore.” He would’ve eventually intervened himself though if she was actually successful in touching him.
The waitress gets the hint for the rest of the night, but just incase she doesn’t he holds you close to his side with his arm draped over your shoulders.
BERTHOLDT HOOVER
Despite his soft spoken nature and personality that sometimes falls on the shy part of the spectrum, Bertholdt is actually an easy person to come up to and start a conversation with. Of course, you have to be the one to start the conversation, but after that it’s like he can’t shut up, likes he’s compelled to answer back to everything and keep a conversation going.
It’s a trait of his that you’ve come to love, but also come to hate on days when you’re out in public with him and can just see the twinkle in a girl’s eyes when she’s getting ready to come over to him to flirt. It’s usually in awkward situations too like when you’re out shopping and he’s standing off to the side because he has no business looking at what you’re shopping for, so the fact that he’s kind of alienated from you and doesn’t know how to respond to flirting all that well in the first place really has him in an awkward chokehold.
He’ll get asked for his number and instead of saying flat out no, because he doesn’t want to be harsh, he struggles to let words out at all as he tries to think of what to say. And people really prey on his shyness and don’t even give him the chance to respond before they’re forcing themselves on him more, handing their phone out to him just waiting to input a number.
Imagine the shock and anger on your face when you turn around from your shopping happy ready to show Bertholdt what you got and instead you see a girl trying to get his number! You’re over there in an instant, legs carrying you as fast as they can and a scold on your face as you go over there and the first thing you do is push that phone as far away from him as you can.
“I know my BOYFRIEND and something tells me that he is not interested in the direction this conversation is going with you whatsoever, so I suggest you leave him alone before I make you 😤” The girl leaves like immediately after that.
Bert is just behind you the whole time with a ☺️ look on his face like “Yes, that is indeed my significant other!” Which is so funny because he’s like 6’3 and towering over you, but you’re the feisty one!
He does feel kinda guilty for not cutting off the interaction before it got that far, so he wraps his arms around you and nuzzle his face into your neck all like, “I’m sorry baby 🥺🥺 you know I don’t like anyone else but you 🥺🥺 I was trying to tell them no thank you but it wouldn’t come out 🥺🥺”
You couldn’t stay mad at him even if you wanted to, that’s all it takes for you to forget about it altogether.
PIECK FINGER
It’s almost impossible to see someone as fine looking as Pieck and not shoot your shot. If I saw Pieck out in public the first thing I would do is shoot my shot.
It happens allll the time whenever you two go out. Out at the mall shopping for clothes? Someone’s going to come up to you two and try to hit on Pieck. At the club minding each other’s business and trying to have a good time? Some guy is going to come over and try to ruin that for you too.
At first it was like a bragging rights thing for you. Everyone noticed your hot girlfriend was hot but you were the one who went home to her everyday and not them, but at some point it switched from a bragging right to down right annoying. It’s like you can’t leave her alone for more than a couple of seconds because here comes someone breathing down her neck being a weirdo!
Poor Pieck doesn’t even know what’s going on half of the time because she be baked out of her mind, thinking about nothing but how some ruffles and ice cream can really hit right now. So she’s just going along with the conversation like “mhm, yeah ☺️” every ten seconds hoping that they’d get the hint that she’s not thinking about them at all and to leave her alone. But, of course, they don’t.
Her body language becomes stressed out and agitated, not knowing what to do because you’re in the gas station buying snacks for the two of you while she’s far away at the gas pumps doing her best to get an ending with this weirdo where they don’t kidnap her.
Luckily, just on time you exit out the gas station and even before you get any closer to Pieck you’re already pissed off at the fact that someone is probably hitting on her, but after you see her do that awkward little shuffle with her feet signifying that she’s uncomfortable? You’re over there in a heartbeat.
See, maybe you would’ve been a bit nicer if her body language didn’t tell you that they had been pestering her for a while despite how everything about her screamed ‘not interested.’
So what do you do? You take the bottle of sprite you bought and bop them on the head with it. Head empty no thoughts just ‘protect my stoner girlfriend.’
Pieck is so messy too, she’s in the background like “Ohhhhh shit *giggle* fight! Fight! Fight!” You were ready to rumble too, but if you were so ready to hit them in the head with a sprite bottle the other person definitely didn’t want to know what else you were confident with doing. So they recuperated from their sprite bottle hit and went running to their car.
This was a proud girlfriend moment for Pieck the whole drive home. She could not stop talking about how much of a badass you were and how she loved that you would do anything for her.
ZEKE JAEGER
I wrote soft Zeke already, so now it’s time for me to give y’all the menace Zeke y’all have been waiting for.
Zeke is the type of significant other who’s big on teasing and messing with his partner is general. There’s something about seeing them all flustered after he does something to embarrass them, like fake propose to them in public or something, that really cracks him up. That being said, he’s not opposed to flirting with someone in front of you to get you riled up and see your reaction.
Let’s set the scene; He drags you to Sam Ash with him, because we’ve all just collectively decided that modern day Zeke is a music pretentious asshole, to go get something for his guitar or at least that’s what you assume he was complaining about. You weren’t even listening, just excited to go and mess with the drums and guitars there. It’s the first thing you do once you get there and Zeke sees this as his opportunity to finally mess with you.
He goes over to the drum set display you’re playing on and calls over and employee with “inquiries” about the set you’re playing on. He pretends to ask a few genuine questions at first but eventually he’s able to get the conversation to shift to something a little more personal. Which isn’t terrible, but once he starts throwing out lines like “Oh you like (said band)? I’ve always found myself gravitating towards people who like them. They’re always the most attractive people, I’ve found 😏.” Is when you start getting agitated.
You’re just trying to play We Will Rock You on the drums and here he goes killing your vibe immensely. And it’s hard to ignore when they’re standing right on the side of you. Not to mention how the employee is eating all of this up, blushing and all. It’s at the first mention of numbers being exchanged that you’ve decided you’ve had enough. Without a word to Zeke you get up and storm out of the store.
Was this a dick move on his end? Absolutely, but you’re a couple who’s relationship is filled with debating and bickering, bickering especially, so part of him thought you would play along with his little game and be like “Whatever. I don’t care.” But instead, you were genuinely upset. You didn’t even know where you were going but you were going somewhere. And that somewhere was the outside of the Sam Ash store because you realized you really didn’t have a choice.
Sorry guys, but I have to switch over to soft Zeke now.
He comes running after you, “y/n! Y/n it was a joke!” But that just makes you even more mad and oops, a year drops down your face and he feels terrible.
Kisses all over your face, words of assurance spilling out his lips, and a tight ass beat hug.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m such a dick I know. I didn’t mean to make you this upset though.” He would get down on his knees if he had to!
I guess you can forgive him just this once, but only on the terms that you get Sub!Zeke tonight and get to act as a pillow princess/prince cause he has a lot of making up to do.
#sorry if there are any typos i was kinda rushing#aot x reader#attack on titan x reader#porco galliard x reader#bertholdt hoover x reader#pieck finger x reader#zeke yeager x reader#zeke jaeger x reader#aot imagines
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I really, really dislike the narrative that surrounds romantic relationships that if you don’t want to spend 100% of your time together, you’re not in a healthy relationship. And I don’t mean “ugh I can’t stand them right now” or the whole “wimmin, amirite? Can’t live with ‘em, but still expect them to clean up after me” heteronormative, hateful bullshit. I mean the fact that romantic ideals have been elevated to such unhealthy peaks of unrealisticness, that even wanting time and space to yourself is considered abnormal.
Like some of the things people are describing when it comes to their “ideal” relationship? Honestly just reminds me of the codependency worksheet my therapist made me fill out, and I ought to know because I’m extremely dependant on my partner to stay alive. Granted, my situation is a little different from people who aren’t disabled or chronically ill. But this still doesn’t change who we are as people, even if it has changed the dynamics of our relationship.
But we’re still emotionally very independent people, and like doing things on our own. We always have, even before my health issues, we had our own friends. We loved wandering off and doing stuff on our own pre-Corona. And even now we still like having some downtime apart, even if it just means he’s watching TV in the other room, and I’m on the computer talking to all y’all. That downtime doesn’t mean we’re dysfunctional or dealing with unresolved resentment with each other, it just means we don’t feel the need for constant physical proximity to feel close. We’re still getting our needs met, we’re still happy. And yet some people would say that because we don’t feel the need to do everything together at every minute of the day, we must secretly be unhappy. Why? Why are some of you so dysfunctional you can’t spend any time apart? (See how not nice it is for someone to say something like that?)
And also, while I’m at it, erase the idea that you’re so in love with someone you will never be mad at them because that’s also not healthy or realistic. There will be times your partner will irk you. There may even be times that they outright piss you off or vice versa. What matters is how you handle those moments and work through them together. And if you’re continually framing your relationship in terms of “we’re so in love we’ll never be angry at each other, so I don’t even have to think about it,” you’re not preparing yourself to deal with real and very valid emotions that are part of the human social experience. You can be the most in love, most in tune, best-matched couple ever, and still find yourself annoyed by something. And it’s the people who break up who either don’t know how to deal with this, or just plain won’t because it breaks their internal narrative of True Love(TM) overcoming all, not realizing that love is both a feeling and a choice, and sometimes you gotta choose to work at it.
And this applies to queer relationships as well. All too often, I see people saying, “we’re queer, so this will never be an issue” when what you really mean to say is, “we’re queer, so these particular problems that are prevalent in heteronormative relationships will not affect us in that way.”
But that does not mean you will never come across a problem that does put a strain on your relationship. Like, say, a fucking global pandemic that locks most people in their homes for a fourth, fifth month in a row with no other means of socialization or stimulation.
Or one of you getting sick and suddenly requiring constant care...
And that shit ain’t easy regardless of who you love. Being a caretaker is emotionally and physically draining, and I could write for hours about why there need to be better support systems in place for the caretaker spouses of chronically and terminally ill/disabled partners and how they often become chronically ill themselves. (I was a caretaker myself from the age of 9 onwards. I know this shit isn’t easy. It’s why I made ETD go to therapy when we realized I would need him to take care of me if we wanted to keep me alive.) But that’s another topic for another post.
Like, honestly, maybe it’s me. Perhaps it’s my experiences and how I view love and relationships, but the whole idea of “I don’t need to take time for myself I’m in a loving relationship!” is just... not good. Everyone needs their own space sometimes and demonizing that as unhealthy is, well, not healthy.
Humans are human, we’re social creatures for the most part. But sometimes you just gotta go off by yourself into the metaphorical woods of the psyche and spend some time being comfortable with yourself. And if you can’t do that without feeling like your relationship is in trouble, well, maybe you ought to evaluate why.
#long post#listen#when a romance author is calling you out#you might want to think about your expectations#this shit is my bread and butter#and even I know some of you want a therapist instead of an SO#and that's not healthy
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Found you
Oikawa Tooru x gn!reader
Summary: you fell in love with him at the wrong time, slight enemies to lovers trope
Warnings: angst (disappointed but not surprised)
Word count: 1909
a/n: sorry I’m a sucker for pain and I’ve been CRAVING unrequited-love-kinda-heartbreak for the past week so yeah sorry again. Also I just finished reading the song of Achilles and didn’t cry so I NEED this
———————————————————————
You first thought he was an asshole. Always wanting to be the center of attention, being the teacher’s pet but talking shit about them as soon as they turned around to continue with the lesson. He was the typical perfect boy who everyone loved, so sweet, so polite, so talented. Or so they thought.
You changed school during your third year of high school and started going to the same one as your childhood friend, Aoba Jōsai High. Kyōtani (aka mad dog) wanted to join the volleyball team but didn’t want to go alone ‘cause he knew he’d screw it up and go back to training by himself. So, you offered yourself to go with him and apply for the manager position. Boy was that the worst choice you’d ever made. Not only did you have to spend lots of time (worth of studying) in that stupid gym but you also had to deal with their self centered captain. The first thing he said to you was “hey cutie where’s my hug at” (a/n: I’m so sorry but he would) you wanted so badly to punch him in the face, but you knew better so you just rolled your eyes and ignored him.
He kept flirting with you every now and then but he grew tired of your indifference pretty quick and started behaving like the spoiled child he was. He’d argue with you during practice over some stupid shit or blame you for having given him really cold water to drink during the last match on purpose just to make his throat sore and sabotage his performance. You were petty and didn’t let him off with this behavior so easily, you’d point out every wrong answer he gave during class just to piss him off or boo him every time he’d miss a serve.
The team seemed to find your relationship with Tooru entertaining. They’d make bets without the two of you knowing, wondering who’d win the next argument or how long it would take you to punch their captain in the face.
After a few months as the team manager you grew closer to the boys and started to listen to their personal problems, giving them the best advice you could think of in order to help them out. They became your friends. Even Oikawa came to you every once in a while to ask for your opinion on some ugly outfit he was thinking of wearing to some party, only to then clarify that he was asking you so he’d do the opposite of what you’d said.
Eventually the bickering ceased and you two started to get along, greeting each other when you crossed in the hallways and making small talk when you were the only ones left in the gym. That last one happened very often. Oikawa was known not only for his good looks and popularity but also for his hard work and volleyball skills. You’d seen him staying at the gym practicing until god knows what hours of the night, Iwaizumi always being the one trying to get him to stop but failing.
One night it was just the three of you, you were about to leave when the two boys started screaming at each other. You’d seen this exact same scene before, Iwa begging him to stop and Tooru yelling at him for not being a good friend and support him. But this time it was different, Iwa was tired of this and didn’t know how to help his stubborn best friend so he exploded.
“ You are a stupid, selfish asshole ” were the words that left the boy’s mouth “ You’re so blinded by your goals that you don’t realize how bad the people who love you are suffering. All because of you and your stupid need for perfection. And I’m tired of this shit”
After that he left the gym and headed home, leaving you alone with Oikawa. The boy seemed to ignore your presence as well as his friend’s words and continued with his practice. He served over and over again, running out of breath with every hit. You didn’t really understand what the big deal was, why he would overwork himself or why Iwa was so mad at him.
“Hey, shittykawa ” you called, expecting him to ignore you. He turned around, volley ball in hand and nodded his head at you.
“What? You gonna yell at me too?”
“No, actually I just wanted to ask you what is going on. I’m still new to this whole manager thing but I’m pretty sure part of my work is to make sure you guys’ heads are working all right, and yours seems to be a bit fucked up ” it wasn’t until the words left your mouth that you realized what you had said. You looked up at him and waited for the argument to start. Again, you were surprised.
“I know, I can act like an idiot when I’m hating myself” his answer was meant to be sarcastic but his face said otherwise.
That day something changed between you two. You sat in the middle of the court and Oikawa opened up to you. He told you about his dreams and goals and how close he had gotten to achieving them, only to have them snatched away because of some mistake he had made. Kyōtani had told you about the match against this Karasuno team and how the lost had affected them, but you felt there was something he wasn’t telling you. Now you understood. Oikawa blamed himself for it. And that wasn’t all, he also talked about the amount of stress and pressure he had put himself under and how tired he was of giving it all only to be beaten by more talented people. You watched him cry and throw balls at the wall, screaming about some first year student who was a better setter than him even though he had worked ten times harder. He was mad, furious but also exhausted. You didn’t really know what to say so all you did was listen to him. Once he had calmed down he apologized for his behavior and walked you home.
That night you couldn’t sleep. You hadn’t expected to see that side of him, you hadn’t even considered that maybe that annoying egotistical self was just his shield, a mask. Ever since that night you started being nicer to him, asking him how his day was going, if he had drank enough water, etc. You were becoming friends.
It wasn’t long until Oikawa’s fans started rumors about the two of you being a couple, the team would make fun of him but he’d just brush it off and deny it. He was Oikawa Tooru, the great king, he couldn’t date someone like you. That’s the lies he’d tell himself but the truth was that he had found a good friend in you and was scared to loose that.
Late night talks in the gym became a regular, he’d always walk you home after practice (along with mad dog ‘cause he was your neighbor) and every now and then you’d have lunch with him. At first it felt nice, you liked being friends with Tooru and being able to help him out with his problems, letting down his walls and showing you his true self. It was close to the end of school that you started to feel weird around him. Suddenly the gym seemed a bit smaller than it used to be, the air felt a little dense too specially after watching Oikawa train intensely, sweat running down his neck. It’d get harder to swallow and talking to him without going blank was a challenge, something was wrong with you but you couldn’t tell what.
You didn’t tell mad dog about it, knowing he wouldn’t really have an answer to give you, so you kept it to yourself and waited for it to go away. It didn’t. You started to think about him on a regular basis, wondering what it’d feel like to hold his hand in yours or to cup his face and give him a soft pe- wait what, oh shit. Could it be? Could you be in love with Tooru?
One night, while he was walking you home after practice you decided to put your feelings to the test. Without really thinking much about it you got your hand out of your pocket and grabbed his hand. It felt cold, harsh, it wasn’t soft at all like you had imagined but you still liked holding it.
“ What are you doing?” you looked up at him with a boring expression on your face, his cheeks were... red?
“ I’m holding your hand” god you were stupid.
“Yeah, I can see that. Why?”
“ I don’t know it just... looked cold, I’ve heard you have cold hands and so I thought I’d help you out” it sounded like a better excuse in your head.
“ Oh, eh okay, thanks I guess?” He gave you a small smile and squeezed your hand, holding it tight until you reached your home.
After that incident you decided you were definitely in love with him. That same night Oikawa realized his feelings towards you were purely platonic, he loved having a friend outside of the volleyball team who could see him for who he really was and would not be afraid to judge him, you cared about him and weren’t afraid to show it. He remembered the words you’d said to him that night at the gym after his fight with Iwa.
“You’re lucky to have someone who cares so much about you, I can really tell he loves you. I know you probably can’t see it right now, but all those things he said he only did cause he’s worried you’re gonna get yourself hurt. He loves you”
He loves you.
The graduation day came and you all cried, laughed and hugged each other. You had planned to confess your feelings to Tooru once the ceremony was over, but before you could get a change it all went to shit. It’s like it all happened in slow motion, him grabbing your hands and pulling you into his arms, making you feel so warm inside.
“ Thank you for giving me a second chance, you’re such a good friend” Ouch. “ I need your advice once more, please?” He looked at you with his puppy eyes and you couldn’t say no. He took you away from the crowd of students and guided you through the halls, finally sitting on the steps of the stairs.
“Okay, so, what is it?” A part of you hoped this was a love confession, the other part knew that it wasn’t.
“ I’ve been thinking about what you said to me that night at the gym” he started “ The night I had a fight with Iwaizumi” his checks were turning red, he was playing with the rings on his fingers, and suddenly you understood. This was a love confession, except he wasn’t confessing to you.
“ You love him” Tooru looked up at you and smiled, you’d never seen him smile so bright.
“ I think I do, but I’m scared. He’s my best friend you know, there’s a lot at risk. I couldn’t bare to loose his friendship over some crush.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “But I’m sure this isn’t it, it’s not just a crush” Ou-“ I love him” -ch.
Next part
#haikyuu!!#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa torū#fluff#oikawa angst#angst#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu angst#oikawa x iwaizumi
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more svsss notes! from “shen qingqiu’s short but aggravating time in jail” to “shen qingqiu Fucking Dies” :]
...this got long. oops
so the book does this a lot but i’m always a huge fan of when a character (in this case little palace mistress) spouts off a cliche and sqq internally goes “oh my god here we go again. cringe.” it’s like... the reader gets to experience the drama of the cliche but also laugh at it
airplane has gay and homophobic vibes. or like...... araki jojo vibes. it’s so funny
the system keeps forcing sqq into plots that were originally meant for binghe’s harem members, which is of course hilarious (more so now that binghe’s not a teen anymore) - but i’m thinking about the fact that the system is literally powered by binghe. i wonder if binghe’s feelings are subconsciously influencing the system/the rest of the plot? like we know he has plot armor; does he also have enough influence to shift the story’s genre without knowing it? shit like this is why i love this novel. i’m really curious if it’ll be addressed
more of sqq being absolutely terrible at communication <3 please sir. say your FEELINGS. i’m sure you could figure out some way to explain without revealing that you know how the og plot goes...
another thing i find super interesting about sqq’s character is how sure he is that lbh’s gonna turn out how he did in og pidw. he’s just refusing to accept that lbh’s changed in any way, or that he cares about sqq at all anymore. there’s some line somewhere where sqq is like “oh no, being nice to him just made it worse... i’m stuck with him hating me even more now...” like NO. you’re just refusing to see all the signs of lbh’s hidden feelings. love unreliable narrators lmao
fate/destiny is such a big theme i keep noticing stuff about it
the system giving him a multiple choice answer to binghe’s “do you regret it” question, dating sim style, is of course hilarious, but it’s also a fascinating moment for a couple reasons. first, it shows how much of a crutch the system is for sqq - sqq’s leaning on it to fix his problems instead of actually putting in the work himself to get better at interpersonal communication. i hope that in a key moment later he’ll choose to defy the system. i think that would be a nice pivot point for three themes: first, accepting that sometimes he needs to fix problems on his own, without any omniscient outside guidance, second, accepting that not everything is written in stone (either by airplane or by the system), and third, recognizing that binghe and the rest are “real people” (ymmv on whether or not you think they are, but i think this is where i think sqq’s arc is headed) rather than video game objects to be manipulated.
i think that some shifts in his attitude do start to happen in chap 43 though when he sacrifices himself
back to slightly less analytical observations! sqq getting his clothes torn up. oh my god. and lbh’s REACTION...
dying at shang qinghua’s “coded” letter and the fact that its content basically amounts to “i fucked up, please escape from jail asap thanks bro”
gongyi xiao my BELOVED that prison break was pretty great. also i am so fucking sad about him. binghe WHY
so lbh wasn’t actually a disciple of meng mo? huh...
seems like the words of sqq’s vengeful ex weren’t completely true. i very much doubt the trial’s gonna happen now but i bet this will come up later
seriously losing it at sqq’s tavern disguise? smeared his face with dirt and drew on whiskers?? CATBOY SHEN QINGQIU???
love this development ning yingying’s gotten. the disciples’ relationships with their shizun in general are so cute omg
liu qingge keeps saving sqq from situations and it’s very fun. bros :)
also how lqg was like SO down to fight binghe at the end of that chapter?? king shit
binghe held out his hand to sqq when they were on the roof..... what was he planning to do.........
oh my god that whole confrontation. what is it with mxtx and Climatic Fights On Roofs
here is where the fate theme gets REALLY clear. sqq uses “we can’t avoid fate” as an excuse/coverup but lbh is like “no. was it fate that made you do all those horrible things to me?? i’ve decided that fate doesn’t actually exist. fuck the world i do what i want!”
which like. YEAH. protag energy. the rules of the world don’t apply to lbh so much do they???
im so excited for these themes to be explored more
also like. hell yeah. binghe finally sharing his emotions at a super climactic moment
and then sqq SACRIFICES HIMSELF...
god damn.
it’s a bit out of nowhere but also like. i kinda love it? because sqq knows he can’t talk his way out of this. he can’t say “hey it wasn’t me who abused you/made the choice to push you off the cliff.” so he goes and does the most drastic action he can think of. and it WORKS
now initially i was a lil mad about lbh changing his mind so quickly but i actually think it fits for 2 reasons. first, he’s a webnovel character. they do that. second, his mind has just been cleared of xin mo’s influence, which had been plaguing him during his most angry/violent moments, so with all that anger suddenly gone it makes sense for his feelings to shift. and deep down, he really does care about sqq!
sqq fuckin DEAD and finally binghe is sharing his feelings,,
i do think that lbh should be allowed to feel mad about what og!sqq did to him in the past though? like. it was wrong, and though sqq may feel like he’s made up for it, i do think he owes lbh a proper apology and (if possible) an explanation. there’s much more work (and communication) to be done between them but i’m glad they’re finally getting somewhere...
but of course i don’t think they’re gonna be seeing each other again anytime soon :]
#svsss#svsss spoilers#my post#analysis#oh god this is so fucking long. sorry#after i finish the novel i might come back to some of this analysis and clean it up and post it as its own thing#because i have a lot of thoughts#finn reads scum villain
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Hello vale <3 May I request a Kuroo scenario where he jokes about wanting to spend time with his s/o so they have a “girls” day together with a at home spa and etc 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 and I would find it cute if you also wrote the scenario for one of your comfort characters too but you don’t have too! Well 🥺 thank you sm vale. Love ya -🛸
“girls” night spa hcs with kuroo, sugawara, and yaku
pairings - tetsuro kuroo x reader, koushi sugawara x reader, morisuke yaku x reader
word count - 1600
genere - fluff
fem!reader
warnings - none <3
under the cut since these got long
Tetsuro Kuroo
so you guys are hanging out, after volleyball. you were watching those old youtube videos of like vlog-style/ expectation vs. reality type of thing
the good ole’ days
anyways
kuroo was scrolling on instagram to see one of your friends had posted a throwback to one of your sleepovers on her private. you guys had on face masks and a hair mask on the picture
“baaabe?”
“yes suro?”
“when was this?”
“ooh, i remember! that was months ago. haven’t had one in a while.”
“let’s do it.”
“wait what-”
in all honesty, you couldn’t say no. what was the worst that could happen? it could actually be fun
you guys go to the store and purchase everything you need. surprisingly, kuroo actually knew what to get
well, could you be surprised? man knows everything about chemistry, it’s no surprise he knows his way around what’s good for your skin
“suro how do you-”
“don’t question it.”
you took initiative on the hair care products since that’s self-explanatory-
as you were about to pay he smacks your hand and pays for himself
like, sir ???
anyways
you guys head back and start the spa night
you both took turns in applying everything on each other, you make sure to scrub that hair mask well into his hair to at least make sure he’s a healthy rooster head
“did you just purr?”
“wouldn’t you like to know.”
you guys post a lot on instagram and snapchat.
the team group chat going off:
kenma just said kuroo looks stupid with his hair flat. lev was accusing kuroo of cutting his head off since he looked shorter, yaku was yelling at lev. kai was just telling you guys to have fun, and yamamoto was sobbing, saying how kuroo doesn’t know how lucky he is.
for sure at one point you guys went to scare kenma.
like kuroo has a key so you guys snuck into kenma’s house
you were just sitting on the couch, recording
kuroo turned his wifi off so kenma got up to go fix it
“was the cord too heavy..?”
“surprise pudding head”
“what the fuck-“
and kenma grabs a pillow and full-on throws kuroo to the ground.
like
sir-
where that strength coming from?
“KENMA MY FACE MASK-“
“WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE? I JUST GOT DISCONNECTED FROM AN AMONG US GAME! YOU ASS!”
“MY FACE!”
now you have a great video
overall you both really enjoyed the little spa night, promising to do them more often.
on the plus side, kuroo had really soft rooster hair. you had succeeded.
Koushi Sugawara
okay so you being the supportive girlfriend that you are, you attended their volleyball practice. you just so happened to have finished a really difficult assignment a while ago but you were still exhausted
coach ukai gave them a break before they started individual practice. being the loving boyfriend sugawara is, he immediately ran over to you
he was too busy practicing earlier to see you stressing over the now completed assignment. even though that assignment was taking up your time, you managed to multi-task and do both the assignment and watch them
“hi my love, did you see the- woah hey, what’s wrong?”
“huh? oh, nothing. i was just working on the assignment that i mentioned to you earlier. but yeah, i saw the play you guys are doing great. you're going to practice the synchronized attack later right?”
“well- i mean yeah but you should have been paying attention to your work.”
“nah it’s fine, i got it done anyways.”
“spa night.”
“what”
“you heard me. spa night. your sleeping over tonight and staying the weekend so it’s fine. i will not tolerate this stress in you, plus it will be fun!’
“you know, you could use one too.”
“well, then more reason to do it right?”
dammit, he’s convincing.
so after practice, you guys make it on your merry little way to the store and bought everything
no really
everything.
any mask you started reading: in the cart.
any facial cleanser? consider it bought.
face serum? you got it
oh and snacks. lots of snacks.
mans didn’t even let you pay
you knew this would happen so you sneaked and bought something and just hid them in your bag
so you know you guys are spamming your feeds everywhere. tiktok, snapchat, instagram, twitter you name it
you guys took a couple of pictures with your face masks on
since you had to wait a while for the face mask to set, you guys were going to watch something while eating
but no you had other plans
“no put the controller down.”
“what why?”
“because.”
you pull out a manicure kit, you had hidden this from suga
“i’ve gotta make sure my favorite setter has well-taken care nails. wouldn’t want an injury to happen.”
“...”
“kou?”
“i love you so much.”
“i love you too kou”
so you guys take turns feeding each other little snacks while doing suga’s hands. standing up to wash the masks off then continuing where you left off.
the whole time you guys would talk about anything so it was a nice time
once your done he thanks you and kisses your nose
i love him if you can’t tell
you guys definitely have more of these in the future.
you guys used one of the pictures you took together and now have matching profiles, you having sugawara as the profile picture and him having you.
morisuke yaku
you being nekoma’s unofficial but at this point you are the manager you always go to every practice, game, you name it
so you get to see your lovely libero boyfriend practice
and also becoming the mom of the team
oh and let’s mention lev
he’s a great boy, he has potential but does he strike a nerve at yaku sometimes
it seems more recently the team has been pushing these said strikes
while thinking of ways you could help him de-stress, you look up to him smiling at you, only for it to turn to yelling at lev
“what are you thinking about bab- LEV SHUT UP!”
“hmm, i got it!”
“what?”
you point at him and he’s like ???
“you. me. spa night when we get to your house.”
“what- i mean i’m not opposed to it but any reason why? are you okay?
this man doesn’t even realize-
anyways
you take his water bottle he was drinking from and he goes back to practice
you see him working hard, getting his receives, and digs to near perfection. you can’t help but notice how red his arms are getting. more red than usual.
you made a mental note of them and to remember to purchase something at the store later.
after practice ends you guys go to the nearest store and buy everything you need. getting some snacks, face masks, etc.
he goes to the other side of the store to see if he can find any athletic tape and you take your opportunity.
you go into the aisle, pick up the items run to pay, hide them, and boom mission complete.
he comes back with the tape and he doesn’t let you pay
like wtf square up
but it’s fine he kisses you when guys leave the store since he can feel the anger seeping from you
mad —> happy
you guys get back and he throws a hoodie on you, the typical routine.
he’s actually really excited to be doing this! he’s been wanting to do this with you for a while but didn’t know how to bring it up. plus poor baby needed to relax.
“baby let’s do this one!”
“wait mori we need to do this one first”
“oh”
pouty baby
you have your masks on now, waiting for them to set. you pull out a nail file to smoothen out a nail that had chipped in the corner.
“are we doing nails?”
“nope”
”aww”
“oh wait, mori roll your sleeves up”
huh? okay..”
you pull out some massage oil and lotion, the two things you went in search of at the store.
“i’ve seen your arms mori, let me do this.”
“truth be told, i got the tape for that reason.”
you get to work, massaging the arms of the nekoma setter. the pent up stress he had was now gone, due to the fact he was talking to you about it and you massaging his arms.
after you finished, you both wanted to go pick up some food. so you guys head out.
only one thing
you forgot to take the masks off.
“wait mori-“
“oh shit”
“oh well”
so the two of you chaotic people just went to get the food with your face masks on.
before that you guys took pictures
you get to the place you guys wanted to get food from and low and behold:
most of the team is there.
“YAKKUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING”
“SHUT UP ROOSTER HEAD”
“YAKU-SAN IS DYING!”
“lev it’s just a face mask he will live”
“YAKU YOU LUCKY LITTLE-“
“i think they are adorable”
“KAI WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE FUN OF HIM”
“oops”
you guys get your food then r a n
he kisses temple as you both walk out of the food place
please i love him
his arms are feeling so much better! he no longer needs the tape.
it became a silent agreement that more arm massages and more spa nights would take hold in the future.
these were so cute to write i love them-
general taglist- @drabblily @visaintes @bellesowl @miki-snake
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu x reader headcanons#sugawara koushi#sugawara#sugawara hcs#sugawara headcanon#sugawara x reader#sugawara koshi x reader#yaku morisuke#yaku#yaku headcanons#yaku hcs#yaku x reader#yaku morisuke x reader#kuroo#kuroo tetsurou#kuroo hcs#kuroo headcanons#kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader
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What the fuck is "femininity", anyway? Pt. 2
I was watching a video a few months ago about Evangelical Christians complaining about what they perceived as androgyny - women wearing pants and not having long hair, men not going fishing or wearing beards - and then said something to the effect of "These people are straying from God's design!"
I suppose the Bible does have some parts that can be construed as saying that women should have long hair, men should have short hair, and they should both look different and do different things. However, wearing certain clothes or hairstyles, or doing the majority of tasks don't have a biological component. If men were naturally, biologically, by-God supposed to have short hair, it should grow to be an inch long and stop, right? I've seen some Christians rebut the "only men can wear pants" argument on the basis that the stereotypical Christian man wouldn't like, nor properly fit into a pair of women's pants. I would take that a step further, because I think it's hilarious, and say that if women wearing pants were a 100%, by-God biological impossibility, they would have one leg, or be like nagas or mermaids and it would be physically impossible to make pants for them.
Another example: musical instruments are assigned gender stereotypes for some fucking reason. A friend from middle school said she wanted to play the trumpet, but was given a clarinet because it was a "feminine" instrument. Conversely, I've seen boys who started school band on a flute or clarinet either switch instruments, or quit band altogether. Perhaps small hands make it easier to play the piccolo, and it's less annoying for a strong person to carry around a tuba, upright bass, or bari sax, but there's no reason for the player's genitals to enter the equation. During the 18th century, the acceptability of an instrument for women was based on whether the player had to spread their legs to play it. Pianos, violins/violas, and flutes were allowed, but a cello was indecent. I'm not sure, then, how harps became stereotyped as "feminine instruments" when they're both gigantic and require the player to straddle them...but here I am trying to make sense of nonsense again...
Finally - and this is the big one - there is the downright schizophrenic relationship some male communities have with female attractiveness and things women do, or have done to them, to change how they look in pictures and videos.
I feel I must preface the rest of this point with something: "men" and "women" are not hive minds, and it's important to not strawman half the population based on a conglomeration of the worst representatives you have experienced. If you go outside, in real life, and think about the couples you see, it becomes very obvious that the majority of men you will see are attracted to women who aren't skinny blondes with big boobs/asses and the majority of women you see are attracted to men who aren't 6-/7-figure earners. People who seem to express that they are totally alone and perpetually shit-on by a world of "Chads" and "Staceys" feels like the same type of mindset school kids have, where they obsess over not being included by the popular kids while they're befriended and included just fine by kids they actually have more in common with. It's not a healthy mindset to have, but excusable in school kids because kids are immature by nature and they mostly grow out of it; however, to be an adult and still think like this is a good sign to get help.
I'm talking primarily about the incel community and perhaps some of the groups that this mentality spills into.
A post was going around several years ago and I think the photos were taken from a clickbait which was taken from a makeup artist's portfolio. The MUA might actually have been Goar Avetisyan (https://www.goaronline.com/courses) but the before and after pictures resembled the ones on the link above -- one with absolutely no makeup or hair styling, and then the other with full glam, special occasion makeup and styled hair, a wig, extensions, etc. The way it was presented was "LOOK! HERE'S PROOF W*MEN AREN'T ACTUALLY HOT! WAKE UP SHEEPLE! THEY'RE LYING TO YOU! ILLUMINATI EXPOSED!!!!"
I can see why they're mad, because the dishonesty surrounding makeup, but especially photoshop, plastic surgery, posing, and airbrushing can get toxic. I'm old enough to remember the old-fashioned mindset where women were supposed to hide their "beauty secrets". Don't apply makeup in public, keep your roots touched up so nobody knows they're dyed, and if you have any treatments or surgery always deny having them. Wear your makeup to bed, then wake up early and fix it before your guy sees you.
I couldn't imagine how awful I would feel if I had Instagram or TikTok when I was growing up. I had enough moments of feeling frustrated because I didn't naturally look how other people looked, and I didn't realize that people in TV and movies were wearing makeup, that magazine ads were photoshopped, etc. Just being an extremely average-looking human being with no concept of basic grooming, comparing myself to other kids at school was hard enough without the rapist-run media adding another layer of bullshit.
When I realized the layers of lies, it was like...how long have I been wasting my time and money on this totally made-up problem? How much did I actually improve my life and happiness chasing it? Or, did it actually make me more miserable? How much could I have accomplished if I put the same amount of angst into a different pursuit -- instead of fixing my face, I could have been fixing my art...When it comes to pursuing an unattainable ideal, there is no end to the horror.
So, I suppose, when a group of men (...boys, whatever) realize that "hot women" are a spook, and the the ethereal creature they've been told by society to put on a pedestal is actually not far removed from them, and it shits and farts, it seems very reasonable to feel angry and like you've been taken for a ride by "the system". It can be easy to blame women for this, and hate them. And it's probably easy to get stuck here.
Instead of being perpetually angry, they have to mourn the death of this ethereal spook-woman, and move on with an acceptance of reality as it is. Women, too, have to kill and mourn the spook-woman as part of self-acceptance.
One positive evolution of the makeup fandom is that while the makeup has gotten more intense and elaborate, makeup tutorials have demystified makeup. When tutorials started to become popular, there was a lot of "Excuse my eye-circles, excuse my pimple, excuse my skin, excuse my hair, excuse my lighting, excuse my room, excuse my, excuse my, excuse, excuse, excexcexcexCEXEXEXEXEXEX- *boom*" and thankfully someone eventually came along ($10 says it was a drag queen) and said, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, NOBODY CARES," and eventually the makeup fandom became okay with letting a bare face be a bare face. You wear the makeup, you don't wear the makeup. It doesn't matter. It's just a hobby.
To refer back to my original point, the confusion of makeup (something culturally feminine) with biological femininity has really fucked up both men and women. Everyone is better off extracting the two from one another, and it seems like many people are in the process of doing that. It helps women hate themselves less, and it helps men humanize women and have better relationships.
However, the image of the spook-woman, "10/10 model" is so ingrained in some parts of the culture, as the apex of the vertex of femininity, that despite complaints about how makeup is a lie, discarding that in favor of just a healthy, bare-faced woman feels like embracing post-modernity and a slippery slope to embracing ugliness as beauty. I think the lack of exaggerated femininity that spook-woman makeup provides feels threatening because the woman's face looks more masculine in a purely relative sense. The exaggerated femininity of the spook-woman, as it is for the Evangelical Christians who follow strict gender roles, provides additional separation between the sexes which serves to reassure men who are A) preoccupied with their level of masculinity and B) hyper-aware of their standing toward the bottom of this hierarchy of masculinity. I think the entire hierarchy benefits from them being placated by more separation from women, because if the bottom whatever percent of men are too dissatisfied with their standing, they may start punching upwards or wanting to attack the hierarchy itself. The men at the top don't want that because of the benefits they receive for being at the top.
MGTOW and the incel movement really kicked off after Gamergate, and intensified with subsequent "waves" of feminism. The discontent men direct their frustration at women, but they also direct their frustration at the men not troubled by what women do. There's suddenly a lot of interest in whether you're an alpha, a beta, a gamma, omega, a sigma, a ligma male, etc. and which one is the better type of male to be. There's a lot of hatred for "Chads" and I see a lot of jealousy directed toward men who are married and have families, usually in the form of "She's just gonna divorce you, take half your shit, and then manipulate your kids to hate you. You'll see...you'll realize you should have spent your whole life banging whores."
This all seems like the result of the ol' spending money we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like. This is undoubtedly the idealist in me, men and women would be better off to cut each other some slack. We could see one another as fellow tragic, flawed individuals instead of fleshlights and ATMs, escape the Matrix and spit in the faces of our rapist, media elite overlords.
#femininity#performative femininity#mgtow#mass media#makeup#spooks#traditional gender roles#women don't exist#gender roles are a spook#hollywood rapists#jordan peterson#stop putting women on pedestals
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Me: doesn't know anything about Witcher and so didn't read your post about it; I mainly follow you for RWBY takes
Also me: reads an anon call you an idiot for having the 'incorrect' Witcher opinion
Me again: goes back and reads your Witcher post even though I don't know anything about the material because now I want to know what's wrong with this 'Yen' person
Ooooh yikes, that character sounds emotionally abusive as hell. I guess, it's good to know that RWBY isn't the only fandom out there where you're "supposed" to ignore and deny that a character *has flaws* and you're considered "wrong" if you *personally dislike* them for said flaws.
I don't understand why some people can't get it through their heads that no single character/show/story is perfect, and that some people like/dislike different things. There's nothing wrong with a character who has flaws. Those flaws don't need to be 'dismissed' and 'denied' in order to like a character (like you said with the John Mulaney voice; liking a flawed character is fine) but no viewer should be forced to like a character and told that they're 'misreading things' or 'misrepresenting things' or are just 'too stupid' for not pretending those flaws never existed and forcing themselves to like a character anyway.
I guess there really is a 'Yen' for every 'Yang.'
That is a god tier level pun, anon, fabulously done! 😂
More seriously though, I think the closest comparison I could make (which, admittedly, isn't a great comparison but I'm doing my best here) would be to Weiss. Yen improves in the later Witcher books. Weiss improves in the later RWBY volumes. Yet some fans are still uncomfortable with Weiss' racism. So imagine for a moment (actually we probably don't have to imagine, I'm sure this drama exists somewhere online lol) that someone disliked Weiss because of where her character started out. It could be any reason from the complex "Sorry, RWBY didn't give her development enough nuance. I can't back the character who once compared the minority to a trash can and then just... forgot about her racism I guess??" to a simple "She's so arrogant and snobby. Yeah, I get that that's her thing and it's meant to just be a mask or whatever, but it drives me up the wall." Now imagine that whenever you mentioned disliking Weiss fans came out of the woodwork to remind you about her amazing character development. And nothing else you might say matters. How RWBY handled that development, or how much content we got with Weiss' flaws on full display, or how that development fits into the larger themes of the franchise, or that you're just not inclined towards the Ice Queen type characters... if you don't adore her now that she's developed you clearly didn't understand her. She's best girl! The whole point is that she moves from unlikable to, you know, the best. So you're like no... I get it... I understand how characters work... but that doesn't mean I have to like her. But they're not listening. It's two different conversations going on. A "I just don't like this character" vs. "I do like this character, so if you disagree you must not know how to read a story 'correctly.'"
Now take that very generalized situation and apply it to a character who is not an abused teenager, but rather a nearly 100yo sorceress; not spewing rhetoric taught by her abuser, but pulling informed stunts like taking over her future lover's mind to seek revenge on others; not improving very early in the series, but rather working against a franchise where, roughly, 4/5ths of the material keeps her in that pre-growth state. All wrapped up in a love story that hinges on non-consensual magic tying these people together for all time. There's a lot to unpack there! Personally, I think there are a lot of reasons to dislike Yen and I'm constantly surprised that so many in the Witcher fandom don't, as you say, just shrug and accept that as a given. She's a polarizing character. People are likely to either love her or hate her, with little in between. Yet one of the most common arguments (in both Witcher and RWBY) is that this character is The Best because they're so well-rounded, complex, nuanced in their development and flaws... but the flipside that few acknowledge is that this complexity/flaws/need for development can lead to just... not liking them. Precisely because of those things. Yen is a great character. That's not the same thing as her being a character everyone has to like. "But she's not supposed to be likeable! That's part of the point of her character." Well then congratulations, the author succeeded in making me not like her. Why are you mad again?
Honestly though, the Witcher and RWBY fandoms both suffer from that need to dismiss all flaws. Yes, even while simultaneously insisting that those flaws are what make them a great character. We've seen that with Ruby: she's not perfect, of course she's made mistakes, look she's so upset about how things have turned out... but also no, she shouldn't have done anything different, ever, how dare you criticize her. I'm not neck deep into this fandom so I definitely can't speak to all pockets, but I've been watching the Shadow & Bone adaptation (read the books a while back) and it has been SO REFRESHING to see discussions where people just... talk about how much they love The Darkling while also acknowledging how very messed up he is. Like, rather than bending over backwards to absolve him of everything to justify liking the Darkling/Alina ship (because purity culture, I guess?) fans are just going, "Oh their relationship is a mess I'm so here for it 👀" I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd bet everything I own that the same drama exists because what fandom doesn't have it? But it feels like if you grabbed an average fan, shook them by the proverbial collar, and went, "But don't you know he's manipulating her? Don't you know that relationship is abusive?!?!" they'd be all, "No shit, that's why they're interesting as a fictional couple." I have no idea why I personally latch onto some "problematic" ships and despise others, but I honestly think I might have been at least slightly more keen on Geralt/Yen if the books and fandom acknowledged the problems in that relationship more, rather than painting it with a generalized, "But they love each other, and are meant for each other, so everything else is fine" brush. When you point out things like, "Geralt was sure that Yen was going to attack him with her magic for disagreeing with her... that's kind of not great..." the reaction tends to be an essay detailing why that's not actually a problem, you ignorant person, rather than just going, "Oh yeah, the relationship has so many problems. That's one of the reasons I love it."
ANYWAY what I love is that you're out here reading nonsense posts for a franchise you know nothing about, anon lol. I'm the exact same when I see people I follow going on passionately about fandoms I'm not in. I've got the imaginary popcorn like, "John Doe did what now? Oh yes, spill the tea."
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😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤯🤯😭😭😱😤😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬😭 What did you think of the episode? I always look forward to reading your thoughts.
Yep. Your emojis pretty much sum it up, don't they? LOL. I think the episode is decent in terms of quality, it was well-paced, very dramatic, the acting from Hande and Kerem was astounding, but watching it was just like constantly toggling between pain and fury, and that is not that fun.
Part of me wants to say it was a well written episode, because it definitely made me feel and I thought it flowed well, but part of me wants to say it was terribly written because the number of contrivances and character assassinations (spoiler alert, I don’t list Serkan in that number) that had to occur to set it up is way too much. So maybe I'll settle on that the episode was well written, but the nonsense they needed to make it work was hackneyed.
This was the first time I cursed the 2+ hour format. On shows I'm used to, if an episode is hard to take, you just have to suck it up for 42 minutes, 2+ hours was a lot of sucking it up. My apologies in advance if I curse a LOT. I think I'm going to approach this by giving my take on each character in turn. I'll start with the characters on the shit list and it will go from shittiest to slightly less shity. Characters not on the shit list are down below. (spoiler alert: Serkan and Eda are safely on the NOT shit list)
(Keep reading below the cut)
CHARACTERS ON SHIT LIST
Selin - WTF? I've thought she was a huge, pathetic turd since episode 18, and I thought she left in a disgraceful way, siccing psycho Balca on him, and it was frustrating that she never had to answer for any of her psycho moves, but this is a new level of crazy, bitter, fucked up that I could not have imagined for her. The writers really said: how can we make her the worst person ever? Plot wise, at least they made it make sense why he would call her. The last time period he remembers, she was his girlfriend. I get it, and I think I get why they did it. As I've said before, if amnesia Serkan wakes up and finds this amazingly beautiful woman standing over him, and finds out she's his fiancé, even if he doesn't remember her it's not the worst thing in the world. They decided, I suppose, to make their journey back together that much harder and earned. They wanted him in the least receptive frame of mind when he met the amazingly beautiful woman. Enter Selin to manipulate and poison his mind. And lose any last shred of dignity she might have retained from the first time around.
Is there anyone who didn't want to slap the shit out of her every single second she appeared on screen? I have no idea where she got the confidence this episode. The only saving grace is the bitch is going down hard. Piril and Ferit both tried to warn her, as did Eda, but it's not going to be pretty for her. And the only thing I hope is that she actually pays some sort of price other than the utter emotional devastation and humiliation she's going to get. Frankly, I think she should be charged with kidnapping since she was hiding someone with diminished capacity that was the subject of a missing persons case. (Aydan can go down with her for not reporting it) Outside of soap operas, that is criminal. However, I doubt any of that will happen, she'll just slink off once she's found out and Serkan turns on her.
Aydan - WTF? I don't think any of us predicted she'd be a villain this episode, and this is the first of the character assassinations that was required to make the plot work. First, her son was in a plane crash, and is recovering from severe injuries, she gets a call from Selin and she doesn't grab Eda and catch the first plane to where he is? He has amnesia and she thinks he's able to make rational, proper decisions? So she just respects his wishes not to be disturbed and leaves him with his obsessed ex-girlfriend? Who is this woman? Not Aydan. For the first 16 episodes she didn't give a damn about what Serkan wanted, she imposed her will on him and even though he resisted, she never lost him. She thinks she's going to lose him by flying to his bedside and bringing the love of his life? This makes no sense. Second, she allows devastated Eda to continue being in the AGONY of not knowing what happened to Serkan??? FUCK OFF, AYDAN. But again character assassination required to see it work.
The one thing that's sort of in character, I think, is her hedging her bets with Selin and Eda. I've always said her acceptance of Eda was born out of self-interest. True, she saw how devastated Serkan was when they broke up and she wanted him to be happy, but mostly because she found out he was moving away from her and she thought she was losing him. She's a shrewd woman and she saw that the path to keeping him was Eda, so she got on the Eda train. I do think she genuinely cares for Eda, but if the Selin engagement lasts more than a couple days I could see her not fighting it like she should. Because where was she this episode in trying to get through to him? I get that everything happened over two short days, but she could have tried harder to talk sense into him and to probe for what Selin was feeding him. And she could have questioned Selin a whole helluva lot more.
Piril - WTF? What is with Serkan's best friends just accepting Selin back into the fold under these circumstances? How is Piril not furious that Selin knew her good friend and business partner was alive and didn't tell her??? Selin let Piril and Engin continue to mourn him and think he was dead when he was alive, and Piril is calling her her good friend? WHAT THE FUCK? I'm not sure if this is character assassination because Piril is a bit of an odd ball, but this is assassination on just basic human reactions. Who wouldn't be furious? Who wouldn't be repulsed and incensed that she tried to move in on a brain-damaged man who had been about to marry someone else?
Piril doesn't even need to be his best friend or to have participated in all his wedding festivities to know that's fucked up. How was Piril not screaming "BITCH YOU BE CRAZY" at her? Like it takes Olympic level handwaving to accept Piril's conversation with Selin. Especially since she knows Selin wanted to ruin his happiness at all costs! Yes, she at least brought up the subject and very weakly said "You know we all know they are very much in love" and warned her that things might end badly, but it should have been a helluva lot stronger than that, and she should have been furious.
Ayfer - She actually didn't do much this episode, which is the problem, because she also did very little to support Eda. TBH, I can't stand her to begin with so she makes it to this spot on the list, above people who should have been better.
Engin - He gets a few points for telling Serkan the story and trying to bring it up again, however, he just always stopped shy from actually defending Eda or really probing for what Selin told Serkan. Again, there's a short timeline, and maybe he's planning to do it and not overwhelm Serkan, which isn't a bad thing. I just don't feel like he relayed how happy Serkan became after he met Eda. Though, to be fair, I sort of get why we didn't get really heartfelt testimonials for Eda, we want Serkan to start to fall for her again without being told to. I think they're going for a situation where Selin is the only voice in his ear, poisoning him against Eda, but even under those odds, he'll fall for her again.
But his interactions with Serkan are not why he's on the shit list. He makes this list for just seemingly accepting Selin back and not voicing any concerns over her UTTERLY, PSYCHO, BIZARRE, eFFED UP behavior. Everything I said about Piril applies here. How is he okay that she kept the news of Serkan's survival from his best friend and business partner? Engin was the person Serkan confided in, he knows how he felt about both of those women. How is he not calling Selin out to her face?? So I don't need his friends to be in his ear telling him how much he loves Eda, but I do need them in his ear poking holes in the nonsense Selin is telling him and setting him straight on the state of their relationship when the plane went down. And I need them to be calling Selin out to her face.
Erdem - He remains on the shitlist for gargantuan dumbassery not committed this episode.
Ferit - Ferit is low down on the shit list, but he still makes it for once again not coming down HARD on Selin. As her ex-fiancé he's in a unique position to call her out, and while he did issue her a warning, trying to soften it in terms of him not wanting her to get hurt was weak and ineffective and it feels like maybe he is still harboring feelings for her. UGH. Man, stop it! What is attractive about this bitter, manipulative psycho? Get in there and battle her on her own terms. Threaten her with the truth, push her, make her feel pushed into the corner so she gets reckless. Threaten to tell Serkan in front of her about the conversation you overheard that made you decide to leave her at the wedding table. Do something, and make it not for her own good.
NOT SHIT LIST
Leyla - Little she could have done, in light of her relationship with one year ago Serkan, but it would be nice if at some point she gets some sort of dig in at him, "You were a better person after you met Eda."
Seyfi - It seemed like he was in the dark about Serkan being alive, Aydan must have kept it from even him, so he can be on this list. (Again Aydan would never keep it from Seyfi, so more OOC from her)
Deniz - So far he seems like a genuine, not psycho guy. He might be harboring feelings for Eda, but he didn't do anything creepy and was genuinely there for her more than almost anyone else. Did anyone catch the vibe between him and Ceren when she was leaving his shop? Ceren wasn't even mad at Ferit at that point, but there was a definite... charged moment. However this show does that from time to time, remember when Fifi seemed to have a weird tension-y moment with what's his name, Babaanne's bodyguard in one of his first episodes? That never surfaced again.
Ceren - She was trying her best to be there for Eda.
Melo - She was trying her best to be there for Eda.
Sirius - Good boy! You know who your mama is.
Serkan - Look, Serkan was a grade A asshole (you were right, Kerem) this episode. However, I have so much sympathy for him. He is a VICTIM. The man was in a plane that went down, had injuries including a traumatic brain injury, and lost the last year of his life. He appeared to be having some sort of PTSD with the nightmares. (Also thank you jebus he's sleeping on the cabin couch and that witch was going to her own home at night in Istanbul). It's natural he called the person who he thought was his girlfriend. He was not to know that she's an evil psycho who was going to brainwash him. She is manipulating him, and I'll say it again, he is her victim. Also, I know lots of people think he was out of character and more harsh than he was in the pilot. He definitely was harsher than the pilot, but I don't think he was out of character. In this episode, think of him as episode 3 Robot Bolat, but throw in having amnesia, experiencing trauma, being brainwashed by someone he trusts, and suffering from PTSD.
It's a lot. He was so overwhelmed. I say episode 3 Serkan, because that's when Serkan realized he was starting to fall in love with Eda and it caused him to freak the fuck out and he was so cruel to her. He was a grade A asshole then too and we had that again, but heightened, in this episode. Sounds like he had these inklings of feelings before he even came back (he told Engin) that he didn't know what they were, but clearly they confused and frightened him, just like in episode 3. This is a man who doesn't believe in love. So to find out that he not only fell in love, but he fell so hard he became someone he doesn't recognize, I think made him recoil even faster and further, especially after Selin had brainwashed him into thinking he was manipulated into it by a bad person. So every time that Eda came near him and it affected him, whether it was physically like his heart, or that ineffable pull he felt, it made him retreat to a robotic defensive position. He didn't understand the feelings, they confused him and Selin made him fear them. Plus you add in how emotional Eda was, including the slap, and it was more than he could handle.
It was enjoyable to watch the moments where Eda affected him, (kudos Kerem because you could see it on his face). However, those moments just pushed him into a corner, so he retreated to the place he thought was safe, which is Selin. He said it to Engin, in his retrograde amnesia mind, everything had changed but her (little does he know). It's interesting that the few flashes of Eda he had were from very early episodes. So he's not flashing to when he was fully in love with Eda, and was sure of his own heart and mind. He's flashing back to when he first started falling in love and was also scared, confused and felt out of control. And remember he's a control freak. So I'm sure that a taste of those wild, exciting, out-of-control, confusing first feelings are also fueling his current crazed state of mind.
And that's how the events unfolded, with that state of mind. When Eda kissed him, he felt it, and it scared the crap out of him. And he said it right there in the moment, he wasn't going to let her "confuse" him, and he was going to put an end to it. And that's what he did, try to put an end to those very confusing feelings for a person he's been told is trying to manipulate him and take advantage of him. So to make the out-of-control feelings stop, the robot malfunctioned and did the one thing he thought would get Eda to stop pushing him and shut all of it down. He proposed to the person who currently represents safety and for whom there are no confusing, wild, uncontrolled feelings. He doesn't love Selin, so there are no scary emotions attached. But did you see him when he made that speech? He was confused, and stuttering, and stumbling and looked dazed af. That's someone in acute crisis. And that shot of his face when he's hugging Selin? He looks like someone just shat on his head. Could he be more miserable? Poor baby.
Eda - THE REAL POOR BABY! And the other victim in all this. Hande knocked it out of the park! She was so good. How many times did she break me this episode? A bunch. I loved that Eda was unwavering in her belief that Serkan was alive, even though everyone else had given up (except Aydan the lying sack of shit). I'm glad we know that Eda was so upset she wasn't leaving her room or eating, but I'm also glad we didn't see that. It's enough to know she started out devastated without the viewer having to wallow in it in an already upsetting episode, it was a smart move to immediately time jump 2 months. However, she wouldn't be Eda if she wasn't able to pick herself up and do what needed to be done. Which in this case was take care of Sirius, take over the firm, and keep track of the manhunt for Serkan. That's a lot on her plate, and of course she thrived.
It was nice the whole company was behind her when she brought home the award, too bad they couldn't have backed her up like that when it came to Selin! (pick a side, Piril!) They all need to stop acting like it's normal what Selin did! It's not normal!!!! Stop normalizing it and her! It felt like Eda was being gaslit at times, like none of the people Serkan remembered cared that Selin had obviously been preying on someone sick and injured and with diminished mental capacity. Why were they all like that!?!?! I know, because if they’d reacted like a normal person would, Selin couldn’t have continued the charade.
I was wondering how their first meeting would go down and Eda fainting seems entirely appropriate. And of course, he caught her without even knowing it's his job, “If you fall, I’ll catch you.” *sob* Eda pulling out the old classics to get him to remember was the best. Even through the pain and fury, I thoroughly enjoyed many of those moments. I, along with everyone, was thrilled to see the handcuffs back. Good move, Eda! And they fell right back into bickering and bantering. Though I think they should have taken his car, because all their memories are driving together in that car.
Bless her heart, she was doing everything to jog his memory, and I applaud that. But on one hand I think maybe she made a critical error in being so emotional (not that she could help it) because he was really freaked out by her, and I know she had been put through the wringer and Serkan not remembering her was the blow to end all blows, but she sort of lost it during that first meeting. And he was so overwhelmed that of course he shut all the way down. The truth is it's not his fault he had amnesia, he's a victim. She's totally entitled to those feelings, and the anger at him and the situation and the universe, but in trying to get through to him the heightened emotion might have been a critical error, because he just wasn't receptive to listening to her after that. On the other hand, that's how their relationship has been from the start. She's emotional and spontaneous and fiery and he navigates it. So one might hope it would spark something that he would remember.
Same thing goes for the confrontation at his house. He was such a dick, and she broke my heart, but she was so overwrought that I don't think Serkan of a year ago, who has now been traumatized and manipulated, could handle it and it caused him to become the worst version of himself. Again I don't fault Eda, most of us would have collapsed due to the sheer weight of what she'd been through, but her approach, coming in hot, did fuel the situation and I can see how Serkan got to that emotional place.
At least they gave me one thing I asked for! The password. Serkan, maybe stop saying it's something you would never do, when you demonstrably did it. You bought her a star and then the coordinates were your password. At some point your brain needs to put two and two together here. But actually I want him to check and see that he really did name a star after her. Her stealthily leaving so she didn't have to give it to him, and thus not be able to change the password, was great.
As for the last scene, girlfriend was looking FIIIIINE when she walked in that restaurant and boyfriend was having to command himself to stop looking at her. The kiss was a big swing, but she had to try and I'm sure we all wanted to hug her when he malfunctioned and did a crazy thing out of sheer panic.
We, along with Eda, were put through the wringer this episode, but we survived and it can't get worse... okay nevermind, I'm not going to say that. Instead I'll just say, it WILL GET BETTER. There will be a reward for this pain. It's coming. We will see his awakening feelings in the next episode, I know it! Just hang on!
#Sen Çal Kapımı#Sen cal kapimi#edser#serkan bolat#eda yildiz#sckask#sck episode discussion#edser discussion#sck 1x29#asklizac#anonymous#Anonymous
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No Going Back | Emily Sonnett
first imagine done, lmao hope u guys enjoy!
warnings: a little steamy but nothing nsfw, swearing.
word count: 2,318
You wouldn’t consider you and the blonde in front of you friends. Because you weren’t. But at this point - the late nights talking, the late night walks, the late night occasional sleepovers had to be called something.
In all honesty you couldn’t stand each other. You’d both find something about each other to be annoyed by but it would never get in the way of what you guys had.
“Hey” Emily said for what felt like the fifth time.
Right - she was your roommate. That’s what you guys are. That’s the label you can put on it: Camp roomies.
The girl's attempts at snapping you out of your thoughts finally worked, “what?” you snap back.
She laughs at your tone knowing you didn’t mean it, “what are you doing tonight?” she asks curiously.
You look at her as if she asked the stupidest question, “it’s camp. sleeping probably?”
Emily lets out a sarcastic chuckle, “boring lets do something” she says making an effort to wiggle her eyebrows
You slip back into thinking about how this was like a routine for you two. You’d both find a way to sneak away and do something together. Just the two of you. It may sound suspicious but you both thought it wasn’t.
Starting to get annoyed at nothing really, you lock your phone, “I’m going to Tobin’s room.”
⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒
“Heads!” You hear but not quick enough, courtesy of the ball that just hit your head.
“What the fuck?!” you let out already having been annoyed and exhausted from the strenuous training session the team had just endured.
“Sorry...” the culprit, Emily says sheepishly in your direction knowing the amount of shit she’ll get from you for this.
Your reputation as the team's asshole, as much as you hate to admit, did proceed you.
“Watch were you’re fucking going Emily” you say, tone laced with venom and not even bothering to look at her.
“More like the ball” a guilty Emily jokes trying to ease up your attitude.
You were about to snark something back but before you could
“Y/N! Take it easy” you look to find Christen Press who had just overheard your conversation. “She’s being annoying, no” you say, sticking your tongue out to show you’re not actually that mad.
“Come kick it with me” Emily offers hoping it equals an apology.
“So you can hit me again?”
“I- will you stop arguing everything I say?”
You give up and get up, snatching the ball from her hand using your other to untie the sweater around her waist for good measure. You try to ignore the fact she froze when your hand touched her as if she panicked but before you could put in more thought you run away with a devious smile on your face.
“So what’s up with you?” the blonde asks now that you’re away from the team.
You guys did this a lot. Never really talking while around the team. You’re both not sure why, part of you thinks it’s because you’re more comfortable with her than anyone else. You’d never admit that out loud though. Neither would she.
“Nothing” you huff our trying to move on.
She takes the hint and you guys continue kicking the ball back and forth for a while, talking about random things like the next friendly, the weather, the fact that Emily’s sister has a boyfriend.
It’s domestic.
“You still wanna do something?” you ask starting to open up to the idea of socialising.
You watch Emily pause, a smile plastering her face, “duh.”
You smile hesitantly trying to hide the bigger one that was trying to break through.
“Okay.”
⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒
“Bar or restaurant?” your roommate sticks her head out from the bathroom.
You raise your eyebrows jokingly, “is this a date?”
She laughs, “I’m not paying for you.”
You’re half way through applying some makeup before a knock fills the room, replacing the “god awful music” as you call it for a brief moment. You can't ignore the dread that feels you knowing that there’s a chance that whoever is behind the door would tag along tonight.
Making your way to the door you prep yourself as you swing the door open, relief when you see it’s only Jill.
“Hey..?” you drag out thinking that you could be in trouble.
“Hi girls, I’m going around reminding everybody that we have an excursion tomorrow, and the bus leaves at 7 am.”
Emily chuckles, “you couldn’t have just emailed us that?”
Jill smiles, “I couldn’t figure it out.”
You join in the laughter and say your goodbyes, closing the door and sighing out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.
“You good?�� Emily asks, noticing your behaviour.
“Yeah.”
“And Emily?”
“Yeah?”
You smirk a little, “bar.. 100% bar.”
⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒
Making your way out of the hotel with ease, you and Emily stand outside waiting for an uber.
“I should have brought a fucking jacket” she says, rubbing her bare arms in attempt to get warm.
You raise an eyebrow, “I literally told you too.”
A few passerby’s overhead what you were saying and giggled at the two of you bicker over the weather.
Emily noticed it but you didn’t. Emily thought about how they probably think that you two were a couple. She pushed it down though.
Finally seeing the uber has arrived you both climb in, and she tells the driver where the two of you are going. You’re pretty sure it’s a dive bar called O’Malley’s but it didn’t bother you both since getting wasted wasn’t the plan.
Boy were you wrong.
4 shots, who knows how many beers and 3 games of pool later it’s pretty safe to say you two were in fact wasted. You had no idea how it happened, you weren’t much of a drinker. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the bar, how boring it was since it was you and Emily plus a few frequent flyers.
You’ve been sneakily touching each other all night. Whether it be hands, hips or legs you both feel empty without the presence of each other. You blame it on the alcohol, while she tells herself it’s nothing.
“I love this song!” Emily slurs in your ear, having no real reason to be that close other than the fact of the bar seats.
You giggle at her excitement, “and?” you ask knowing what’s about to come next.
She hops down from the stool and grabs your arm, “we’re gonna dance, obviously!”
You two spend probably about 10 minutes making fools out of yourselves dancing to classic late 90’s songs while continuing to fill your blood with cheap tasting beer.
The beat of the song that plays gets slower and so do you. Coming closer like magnets you hook your arms around her neck, pretending it’s innocent.
Finding your ear once again Emily whispers, “if you wanted to dance like this you could have just asked” wanting you to know that she’s been wanting to do this for a while.
You almost forget how to breathe before pulling her in closer. Suddenly feeling like you need to touch her. Need to have her closer.
The song picks up as you too continue, to what looks like everyone else grinding on each other. You two call it friendly.
She twirls you around playfully following the beat. Yeah this certifies it. You really can’t breathe. It doesn’t stop you though, pushing yourself back into her.
You know what you’re starting to feel but you can’t stop. It’s like you're stuck together. Her hands make their way down to your waist, the same place you had yours today.
“Y/N” she sort of sighs out.
This is all it takes, the way her voice sounded desperate is what makes you turn back around and smash your lips against hers. She takes a second to react but kisses you back wanting this just as much as you do. It’s fast, it's rushed and it’s hungry. As if you’ve been waiting for this your entire life.
You have.
She has too.
Suddenly remembering that you’re in public you laugh into the kiss before hesitantly pulling away, feeling the temperature rise 100 degrees.
“I’m going to the bathroom!” you yell over the music. Not really sure on what to do next.
Much to Emily’s dismay she internally agrees. Suddenly feels a little too sober now with your presence gone.
Becoming anxious as to what you’re doing she follows you into the dingy bathroom. She shouldn’t have expected a nice one.
“Y/N” she calls out, not wanting to yell just in case there’s someone else there.
Rounding the corner she sees you sitting on the dirty bathroom counter, you both not knowing what to say.
“You okay?” she asks you, it slowly becomes a pattern.
“Are you?” you ask back.
“Asked you first.”
“Come here” you ask her
She pauses for a second, frowning her eyebrows before walking closer to you. More specifically she puts her body in between your legs.
“Hi” you whisper now that she can hear you.
Emily’s not sure what’s about to happen.
“Hi.”
“We’re drunk right?”
“Right.”
“Good” is all you say before leaning in.
⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒
The alarm you forgot you set is what wakes you up, but the sleeping body next to you is what gets you up.
You sit up before remembering last night's events which slows your beating heart.
Looking over to Emily, you’re not sure what’s going through your head. A few thoughts of regrets pass through your head before you tell yourself it’s not really regret. You smirk at yourself remembering what went down stuck in your own bubble before also remembering that you had the alarm the night before for a reason.
The bus leaves at 7:00 am.
It’s 6:50 am.
You’re pretty sure yesterday you thought that since you naturally wake at 6:00 am ish each day the alarm was just a warning.
Shaking Emily you almost get distracted but the adrenaline cuts it off.
“Emily!” you croak out.
The worried sounding “Em!” is what wakes her up.
“Yeah?” she groans sleepily before getting hit by her has to be her jeans.
“The bus leaves in 10 fucking minutes.”
“What? Bus?” she sits up trying to gather her thoughts which her pounding headache is blocking.
You don’t have time to explain before going into the bathroom, hearing a “oh” from the bed knowing that she just figured it out.
“I can't find my pants” you say.
She tries to help you while getting dressed herself but fails, “here just take these” she tells you holding her shorts out with her number on it.
“Emily,” you say, coking your head to get your point across.
“It’s fine” she says rubbing her sleepy eye, “we’re roommates, roommates get their clothes mixed up all the time.”
You were gonna make a Tobin and Christen joke but opt against it once the feeling of anxiety about missing the bus refills you.
“What do we even need to bring” she asks, finally dressed.
“I don’t fucking know” you say panicked.
She grabs you as you walk past.
“Hey” Emily says softly, getting your attention.
“It’s fine, we’re fine. They’ll wait for us. Just grab sneakers, maybe a jacket and I’ll get a backpack.”
Her attempts to calm you down work. So easily. Normally once you feel anxious nothing can ever stop that but she just did.
Focusing on your task you finally feel a little better seeing how it’s now 6:55 am and you’re somewhat ready.
Grabbing sunglasses from the bathroom knowing you’ll need them you look back at Emily who still looks half asleep.
Smiling at yourself, it drops from your face when you see yourself in the mirror.
More specifically our neck.
“Fuck” you mumble under your breath.
Not having time to put makeup over it you grab your concealer, chuck your hoodie on and make your way to the door.
She could tell by the way you’re fixing your hood that it’s so cover something.
“Sorry” she tells you, trying to hide a smile.
“Fuck you” you say half joking half genuine.
“Yeah you did” she hits back quickly.
Before you could even scold her a loud banging at your door makes you both jump.
Since Emily is the closest she answers it, “yeah yeah we’re coming!” she says opening the door to reveal Rose and Mal.
You all greet each other, before the girls in front of you yell at the both of you for being this late.
“They’re going to kill us, let's go.”
Practically jogging through the lobby you both finally make it to the bus, offering an apology to Jill and a few others who're waiting outside for you girls.
Knowing that you’ll be sitting with your bus buddy you make the way down the aisle, searching for Tobin.
The smile on her face tells you 1 of 2 things. Either she knows or she just finds it amusing that you, out of all people were late.
Sitting down in your seat you let out a slow breath trying to calm down your stomach and head.
“Shut up” you tell her, feeling as if she was about to say something
You just get comfortable as you hear your phone ding. Not being bothered to get it from your bag you look at Tobin, silently asking her to get it for you.
“What did you do last night?” she asks teasingly.
She retrieves your phone, furrowing her eyebrows at the number on your shorts that caught her eye when she was coming back up.
She bites her lips to stop a laugh forming before handing you your phone.
When you answer whoever that was texting you, you lean back into the surprisingly comfy bus seat.
Tobin matches you, leaning over with a wide smile.
“I know what you d-i-i-d” she singsongs
#emily sonnett imagine#emily sonnett x reader#emily sonnett#tobin heath#uswnt#uswnt imagine#uswnt x reader#woso imagine#woso#wlw imagine
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Soulmate AU
Bucky Barnes x Deaf!Reader
Marvel Cinematic Universe
Summary: In a world where everyone is born with their soulmates last words said to them before they die or leave is tattooed somewhere in your body, but your soulmate is unable to see them.
Warning: Angst, death, but fluff before all that.
Word count: 3k, yeah a bit long, sorry.
A/N: I felt like doing a deaf!reader in a soulmate au because why not. And this idea is not mine, i saw it somewhere and credit to them. And also, I kinda love having a deaf character.
Gif ain’t mine but THOSE EYES THO.
Soulmates last words appear as a silver-inked mark on people’s bodies as a punishment from the angels to their actions, yet you didn’t care about them, you saw not actual point in having the last words of the love of your life tattooed, you didn’t understand what did humanity did to have such a bitter punishment as the words you’ll last hear from the person you will love the most just to know that they won’t be there anymore. People actually didn’t enjoy this soulmate thing a lot since they lived wondering if they are with their actual person and won’t find out until the day comes.
So, indeed you didn’t paid too much attention to these words on your collarbone who seemed pretty damn sad and made you want to not even meet them, you didn’t want them to hurt if the scenario of your or their departing was as tragic as the words wrote in silver were.
“Doll, you can’t leave me now, not now.”
You couldn't imagine a happy and calm scenario where those words can be said, no, they were sad, depressive and desperate words, yet you didn't knew if they were because you died too soon or you lived a long live with someone who wasn't ready to let you. Anyway, whoever says does words is hurting and you don't want them to hurt.
You lived your live worrying internally about it to the point that no one else knew about your words and you didn’t spoke about them if you were asked. Yet, your heart now belonged to a man who you deep inside prayed wasn’t the one your words came from, the man whose arm you repaired when you met and made what nobody else has done for you in order to make you happy, Bucky Barnes.
Bucky and you got to know each other in a special way, it happened when he entered the laboratory searching for the person that was going to change his arm after a rough mission. You were arranging the tools you were about to use to place someone’s metal arm as Tony indicated you to. The one-armed man greeted you with a “Good night” and felt a little bit disrespected when you didn’t even flinch to his words, he repeated in case he spoke too softly but yet received no answer.
He sat kind of mad in one of the stools of the lab, waiting for someone else to come and stayed in silence for a while at the same time you searched for something in a shelf, not being tall enough to reach it. “You need help?” He offered talking loud enough for you to be able to hear, but you didn’t. He pursed his lips while staying there, watching you trying to reach for whatever you needed, standing on a stool.
He knew he did some things wrong in the past but you were disrespecting him quite a lot when you didn’t even greet back the simple good night he gave you. He stayed there again, waiting for someone to pay him attention.
Yet you kept there, in your world, not saying a word. After around ten minutes he stood there and you were still submerged in your own world. The impatience winning him over and in need of the repair he stood up the chair and walked to you.
“There’s actual no need to be rude to me, it’s kind of disrespectful.” He said firmly while approaching to where you stood, tapping your shoulder once and make you to flinch quite a lot.
You turned around scared and defensive, moving so quickly you tossed a couple of tools away the table.
The petrified look on your eyes made him feel some kind of pressure in his chest, a guiltiness like no other for scaring the fuck out of you. “Oh shoot, sorry ma’am.” He said but you didn’t answered him again.
You did a sign with your hands, dragging your index finger from your ear to your mouth. By the confused look on his face you stretched to grab a notebook you always had near you and wrote something with a black pen.
“I’m sorry, I’m deaf.” He read in the note, feeling even guiltier if that was possible, he got so mad at you for ignoring him around five times and it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t able to hear him.
“You read lips?” He wrote back in the notebook once you handed it to him, receiving a nod from you. “I do.” You said in a soft almost inaudible voice.
“I’m here for the arm Stark talked about.” He says not as fast as he was used to so you didn’t struggle and then pointed at his arm.
You gave him a soft, warm smile and pointed to a chair so he could take a seat, grabbing the set of things you already had prepared. “I’m really sorry ma’am, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said when you looked at him before starting, gaining a weak “Don’t worry” in response.
Your voice was really weak, yet soft and warm that his first instinct was to protect you, feeling crazy for thinking such a thing about a women he didn’t knew. You kind of explained to him through the notebook that you were going to replace his arm with a new one Shuri sent from Wakanda and if something hurt he must tell you immediately by rising his hand or something; while he read the message he couldn’t help but think about how beautiful your handwriting was and how much patience you had with him to write everything. He nodded in response and left the book aside.
You started by asking him to remove his shirt so you could remove the arm, yet you ended helping him when some strands of cloth got stuck in the open metal. You couldn’t help yourself by looking for a few seconds to the man’s shirtless torso before starting to remove his old broken arm. You let the arm aside, now starting to fix the wires and cutting open some others so you could connect the shoulder to the new sensorial adjustments Shuri created. You applied him some anesthesia on the shoulder skin and flesh that was still there so the adjustment to the neurons wouldn’t hurt him.
The procedure went well until the readjustment part, he grabbed your hand with his flesh one when he felt a stung in his shoulder that hurt enough even with his really high pain tolerance. You stopped, looking worried at him as he closed his eyes shut, he hated being like this but shit, that hurt badly. After a while he nodded and let you continue with your worked.
He stared at you through the process, paying attention to the little details on your face so he could distract himself of you working and seeing his scars, he noticed the little wrinkles by your eyes when you smiled and noticed how calm you were and looked while working, without the terror he caused you a while ago.
You remember when you finished and connected the wire that made the arm functional, you remembered how he opened his eyes widely at the sensorial panels working, feeling your hands on his forearm. He looked at you in surprise and you chuckled a little under your breath.
You left the tools beside his old arm and watched his reaction, his metal arm moved, readjusting to the size of his shoulder and with his metal hand he reached to you but stopped, considering he could hurt you without knowing this arm’s strength so he instead reached for a tool near him, feeling the cold metal in his fingers and smiled.
“When something hit you abruptly or penetrates the covering top of the panels they will shut down so you won’t feel the hurt.” You handed him the notebook.
“Thank you...” Then it hit him, he hadn’t presented himself to you or asked for you name, where did his manners went? Back in his times his mom would’ve smacked him in the face the second she knew.
“Y/N” You said while doing the hand signs to it. Then he questioned himself about how to say to you his name, he reached out for the notebook again and wrote it so you could know it.
“It’s a pleasure Bu... Bucky?” You said in a question, not knowing how to pronounce it. Then smiling widely at him when he nodded to you, you said it right.
“The pleasure’s mine.” He said and stood up after you did. “I’m still sorry for scaring you.” He said with shame on his voice.
“No big deal, it happens usually.” You say in your soft weak voice and smile at him.
Now he had nothing to do there so you both walked to the entrance of the lab in slow pace in silence, when he got to the door he stood there. “How do you say goodnight?” He asks, wanting to properly greet you this time.
Your warm smile grows in your lips and you do slowly the hand sign, he copies you with concern and doubt in his expressions, smiling proudly when you say it back.
Then he was gone even if he wanted to stay longer, you light up a curious and interested side in him like no one else did before.
The days passed by with him coming periodically to see you for the reviewing of his new arm. Around the second Thursday of visiting you at your lab he greeted you in sign language, surprising you and making you feel extremely happy, he had seen you talk in ASL to your lab colleagues and felt bad for you having to write down everything for him or at least what you couldn’t speak.
He talked to Steve and Sam about you all the time to the point they knew more about you that they should. He talked about your facial expressions while talking in ASL, about how soft your voice was when you spoke, even about how now you knew he entered the lab with the new bracelet Tony made for you with its own AI named MAC (that stood for More Awesome Creations) which was connected to FRIDAY and buzzed in morse code when someone came in the lab.
After some more weeks the visits became biweekly yet he found a way to see you more often than that and you didn’t complain about it at all, you were really happy with having him around.
He got to know about you more and more every time he went, he learned your interests, your manners, your hobbies and even learnt about you past, he now knew that you became deaf twelve years ago at age of fifteen in an accident so you can still talk without hearing yourself. He started asking FRIDAY to show him some pages about learning ASL so you could talk freely with him and to surprise you.
In the matter of months, you two were like best friends, Tony hired you officially and permanently around four months before when you accomplished six months around here. Yet Bucky didn’t just felt things for you like he felt for Natasha or Wanda, his feelings were far away of what friends felt and each day they grew further to the point that Steve, Sam and even Tony and Nat were telling him to ask you out, but he was too afraid of rejection and to make your friendship go to waste that he kept his feelings for himself, befriending you.
On the other hand, you were like a part of the team by the year of being there and they all were pretty happy about your presence. They all had their very own way of friending you, Sam struggled a little bit with learning sign language so he uses quite a lot the little pocket notebook you gifted him so he can talk to you, Tony gifted you for your birthday an intelligent watch that writes in its screen what people are saying to you in case you don’t read the lips fast enough so you can use it in reunions.
Natasha and Clint didn’t struggle at all with learning the language and Steve was actually really agile at learning it too, surprising you a lot. Wanda struggled a bit more so she had another little notebook and pen in her pocket like Samuel, the Queens kid, Peter, was pretty fast at learning it to the point he easily became like your little brother since he spent most of the time at the lab upgrading his suit and his talkative-self forced himself to learn ASL so he can keep telling you about his day at school every day.
And so it went with everyone else, they adapting to you or you adapting to them, whatever came first.
Then, today was the day Fury finally decided to send you in a mission with the team since they were extracting some new tech and you were crucial to take care of it and evaluate it.
Obviously, you were left at the jet with Bruce, who even had some tea onboard to calm the nerves the mission gave him before his time to shine green came.
Bucky was actually really worried for you throughout the mission, thinking about finishing this as fast as possible so all of you can go back to the compound and to have you out of risk, save in his arms.
When the objective was achieved the super soldier was heading back to the jet with Wanda by his side. He smiled at the thought of being back at the compound, laying in the sofa watching a movie while you were reading and playing with his hair, as always.
But that wasn’t in the plans of destiny.
You smiled at both of them warmly and welcomed them, you hugged Wanda, who was the first one on board but when you were about to hug the super soldier his enhanced hearing sensed something, a click and some branches moving and before he could turn around someone shoot you, letting you stand there as a big red stain formed on your chest, right were you heart is, and another two stains formed on your stomach.
Both of them froze for a moment, looking at you as if it wasn’t real, then he finally turned around, spotting the sniper behind a bunch of trees, shooting at him with his weapon.
Bucky raced to reach you before you fell, grabbing you between his arms and leaning you down to the floor slowly as his eyes started to water.
“Doll, hey Y/N, look at me.” He said knowing you couldn’t hear him, his eyes terrified at the idea of losing you. “Doll, look at me, please.” He begged, his voice cracking as his hands were now stained with your blood.
You looked at him, staring right into his blue watery eyes, giving him a little warm smile just as the one you gave him when you first met. “Hey, I’m here.” You whispered with your soft and even weaker voice, rising your hand to spoon his cheek, rubbing your thumb in there to comfort him.
Wanda was shocked, standing by his side, she got down to her knees, putting her hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he held you in his arms, watching a scene no one will ever want to watched.
Then Steve and Tony came over, their joyful expressions breaking at the sight that welcomed them at the jet.
“Don’t leave me Y/N.” Bucky said desperately, you read his lips and tried to smile. “You can’t.” Shit. No, no, no, no, you didn’t like where this was going, no, shit no, it can’t be him, you’d prayed each night and day for him to not be the one so he wouldn’t hurt add he was doing now.
“Bucky, I love you, okay?” You whispered even weaker against the growing pain in your heart, rubbing the tears away of your man’s face. “I love you, remember that.”
It felt like a knife was stabbed in Bucky’s heart when those words came to his mind, no, you said the words that were tattooed on his ribs since almost a century ago, he couldn’t lose you now. “Doll, you can’t leave me now, not now.” He said with the pain in his chest increasing, his tears falling down his cheeks as your eyes were fixed in his.
You were his soulmate and you were just about to die, there was nothing to do, if there was the words wouldn’t be there.
Your chest hurt but not because of the bullet, not anymore, it hurt because of his words, you were soulmates but you were too afraid of ruining everything that didn’t even got to be together. The look in his eyes, his face, he knew it too but even if you tried to speak, no words came out. Both of you were crying, you wanted to kiss him to at least know how it would’ve felt but you couldn’t move too much anymore, you were giving your last breaths.
Bucky thought about it too, leaning until your nose touched his, giving you a delicate and sad first and last kiss. Then he couldn’t hear your heartbeat anymore, he separated a few inches to see you, lifeless with your eyes peacefully closed. “No, doll.” He muttered, not even caring about his colleagues seeing him. “Y/N...” He held your fragile and dead body against his, crying his heart out in your hair. After a little while Steve approached to his friend, putting his hand on his other shoulder.
“Buck, we need to go, more are coming.” He whispered carefully, as if the simplest words could shatter his friend in pieces.
“She was her all along, Steve, and I lost her.” He cried without letting you go and those words were like a bucket of cold water for the rest, Tony and Wanda crying you silently as Steve stepped back to give him the time he needed.
Their friend had just lost the love of his life.
You.
#bucky barnes x reader#Bucky Barnes#bucky fanfic#bucky x reader#bucky#james barnes#deaf!reader#soulmarks#soulmate#soulmate alternate universe#soulmate au#au#scientist!reader#angst#death
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Ooh hello may I get a matchup with a guy pls? My pronouns are she/her. I'm a Virgo and an INFP.
I love using swords and polearms in game but if I were to wield the weapon irl I'd def use a catalyst lmao I'm weak and a nerd (I just don't like how slow they are in game lol I like fast attacks)
Even though I'm introverted I do come off as pretty friendly bc I'm always smiling and ready to chat with people. It's more bc I'm too socially awkward to gracefully decline any social interaction lmao but I also generally don't want to seem rude
However if someone's willing to listen I will ramble nonstop about my interests. I could literally spend hours telling you about this ancient species of mushroom that grew as tall as trees or how hammerhead sharks have 360 degree vision or that avocados only exist bc humans like them since their only seed disperser went extinct millions of years ago. As long as my conversation partner is interested I will keep going. They don't even have to understand anything lmao
I have a tendency to always want to handle things myself bc 1. I don't trust other people to do it right and 2. I don't want people to think I'm incompetent. This generally applies to important things but it bleeds into the small things too like if I'm struggling to open a jar and someone's like "do you need help?" I always give it one more try and manage to open it lol
I'm generally a very honest person who can't lie for shit lmao so this relationship is gonna have lots of open communication and no secrets
My love language is quality time and physical touch
I love drawing, creative writing, and piano! I'd never let anyone watch me doing these things though. If we're in the same room each doing our own thing that's fine but if they're looking over my shoulder then that's a no
I also love science and learning all the secrets of the universe. I tend to collect trivia and science enables me to expand my collection
I love cats and really any living being. Maybe it's because I'm a biologist that I have an appreciation for all life (except mosquitos dskvnsj I will kill them on sight >:( )
As for dislikes, I generally don't like things that lead to miscommunication like hiding something from your partner bc you think they'd be mad (which just makes things worse when the partner eventually finds out) or intentionally trying to make them jealous bc you feel neglected (instead of just,, talking to your partner????)
Okay this was kinda long lol but I hope it's okay!! Thank you in advance :D
your vision & s/o would be...
albedo
vision: anemo
for your first date, you guys would go to an aquarium!
as a couple, albedo would listen to you talk for literal hours. your theories, rants, nothingness– he'll listen to it all!
he loves your voice, and your theories! he tries to imply as much of it as he can to alchemy and is very happy when it's a success
albedo admires your truthfulness. he finds it refreshing and is glad you never lie to him!
he invites you to work on your biology in his lab with him! he'll often get distracted by you though. always planting kisses on your cheek every 2 minutes
he always tries to help you even though you typically never except his help
mosquito? splat. it's gone!
when you told him you play the piano, he wanted to listen! but he noticed your emotions shift when he brought up the subject, so he quickly dropped it
overall, you guys would have a healthy relationship!
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The trope Last Minute Hookup shouldn’t be used for LGBTQ+ relationships.
AND DEFENDING MY LAST POST ABOUT THIS.
I DO NOT hate any of these pairings. A good many of them could have been handled differently by the creators, writers, and networks. But this isnt me hating the relationships or characters or shows. Just going off about how they shouldnt have been tacked on at the end of their respective series.
As of writing this all of these shows have ended their original runs. Except for Supernatural which is on its last few episodes. And Supergirl, which announced its coming to end with season 6.
LGBTQ characters and relationships aren’t as common in the media as straight-cis characters and relationships. Sure things are improving but a lot of networks and writers still don’t fully understand why representation is important why they can’t keep using the same throwaway tropes they’ve been using for the straight-cis relationships.
You could name any piece of media and find and name one character that isn’t LGBTQ+, but you can’t do this with LGBTQ+ characters. We haven’t gotten to the point where they are as common as non-LGBTQ characters.
I have a whole paper I wrote on why asexual representation is important to have in the media and the same logic applies to any part of the LGBTQ+ or anything that falls under minority.
Back to the topic on hand. The trope of “Last Minute Hookup.”
Its exactly what it sounds like. Characters get to together at the very end of the story. These characters could have a on and off again relationship, lots of ship teasing, the classic “Will They or Wont They?” trope. What makes it different for non-LGBT characters in relationships to do this, we know what these relationships look like. Not to say the that both Non and LGBT relationship cant have similar struggles, however members of the LGBTQ+ community know how hard it is to feel like your identity and self matters and is normal.
I know that the whole “will they, wont they” thing is done for drama and networks and showrunners think if they give the fans what they want that they’ll start losing viewers and they have nothing to look forward to. Which is true to some degree. But most of this comes from the writers not knowing how to fucking write relationships.
Let’s just focus on whats it like to be in a non-straight relationship.
Heres an example: you have an action series, with 2 male leads and halfway through the show, they get together. Cool. Now you have a Battle Couple.
By making LGBTQ relationships happen at the end of a series that’s already had plenty of other non-LGBTQ relationships happen before it, it makes it look like the people in charge don’t care for it or were afraid of backlash. But it’s the end of the series so its not like they can get the show cancelled or anything. (The only people who are going to lash out at LGBT couple or characters are homophobic people, we don’t want them around any way so just make stuff super gay, so they’ll leave)
This is especially a problem when the writer and network have spent the whole series queerbaiting the audience with these characters.
Side note for anyone is doesn’t actually know what queerbaiting is:
It’s a marketing technique used in entertainment, which the writer or creators hint at but then don’t actually depict sex-same romance or LGBTQ representation. They do this to attract (bait) the LGBT/queer or straight ally audience into the show with the suggestion of representation but at the same time avoiding this as not alienate other audience members *cough* (homophobes) *cough*
Definition is from Wikipedia, not a reliable source says my highschool teachers and college professors but fuck em
The Legend of Korra is a great example of Last-Minute Hookup. Korra and Asami had VERY little ship teasing, and that was in the last 2 books/seasons. Any thing that was perceived as romantic came from the fans wearing shipping goggles. So to a lot of people just casually watching, yes this looked like it came out of nowhere. Nickelodeon had some serious balls to say how brave they were for putting 2 girls into a romantic relationship.
Theres a few problems with this.
A. It never actually aired on TV (to my knowledge). The last 2 seasons of Korra were put on Nicks website.
B. The confirmation that this Korrasami was canon had to come from the creators on twitter because of how unclear it was.
C. The show did the bare minimum when it came to hooking them up in the series. They walk off holding hands (very cute btw). They didn’t even get a kiss. Aang and Katara had a Last Minute Hookup at the end of ATLA after 3 seasons of ship tease and THEY GOT A KISS. Hell the original end of LoK*, has Korra and Mako kissing. *(the first season, they didn’t know they were getting more seasons at the time, no matter what you hear the writers say, they’re full of shit)
D. Anything continuation of Korra has come in the form of comics, which her and Asami are in a fairly well written relationship. Yes, they do kiss. Yes it would’ve been great to see this stuff happen in series.
A show that handles this a little bit better is Adventure Time. Not by much though. It implied several times that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have history together and its shown more and more in its last few seasons that there is some ship tease happening. However its not until the finale where they kiss, and they are shown in the last minute of the show cuddling together in Marcy’s house. HBO has picked up Adventure Time and has a miniseries called Adventure Time: Distant Lands, where Bubblegum and Marceline’s past relationship is shown.
I had brought up in my original post about being upset with networks making LGBTQ+ relationships canon in the last season/episode. I originally had Catradora tagged. While Catra and Adora have history together, they did not become official couple until the end of the series.
Yes, I was wrong about the network making things canon in the last episode as they’ve always had ship tease with each other, and it probably was the writers’ intent to put them together by the end. They do technically fall under the Last-Minute Hookup, however.
I wanna talk about Once Upon a Time really quick. Fans of the show were hoping and wishing for an LGBTQ couple for the show as a lot of characters, especially Regina and Emma, have alot Ho Yay moments. The showrunners weren’t going to put those two together, for whatever reasons they may have for that (im indifferent on all the shipping going on with this show). The showrunners thought to put two characters together, and hoo boy did it not make people happy. The characters they put together are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Ruby the red riding hood, which would be fine if they had properly been developed.
The entire episode they did this in was a mess. They stopped the current arc during the season 5 episode ‘Ruby Slippers,’ to go over the characters that haven’t been seen in years, Dorothy was introduced and last seen in season 3, and Ruby was introduced in season 1 and was last seen in season 5 before ‘Ruby Slippers’. The characters get together in the same episode the meet in and are never seen again. The characters barely interacted, barely got along, and showed little to no ship tease or interest in each other and BOOM they are in love and together aaaaaannnnndd they’re gone. Other than having One Million Moms, a Christian fundamentalist organization, protest against the show and want it taken off the air (yes this really happened). The fans weren’t please with this development of the characters either.
(also Mulan was right there and already knew Ruby from a previous episode, and Mulan already is established to like girls as shown by her being in love with Aurora. Don’t know why the writers didn’t just put these 2 together but whatever I guess)
So they tried again in season 7 with MadArcher. The characters of Alice, a version of Alice in Wonderland from another realm (its complicated) and Robin, the daughter of Robin Hood and the Wicked Witch (it’s also complicated). And the writers did a lot better here. Both characters were allowed to have time together and have a history together too and it was done over the whole season. Not just one episode.
Now even though the writers decided to do something different with the last season and it could be detached from the previous 6 seasons, MadArcher is not really a Last Minute Hookup per say but still falls under my thing about it being the last season so who gives a fuck if One Million Moms gets mad us and tries to get us cancelled again.
I would like to say I have never watched a single episode of Supernatural in my life. I may one day. But as of right now my knowledge of it is coming primary from what ive seen on tumblr. You know a great source for doing research and looking for reliable information among the piles of shitposting.
From what I know from fans, the writers of Supernatural have been queer baiting for years. I mean it’s the CW, I’m not that surprised. What also wouldn’t surprise me, that by the end of the series Castiel is back and he and Dean actually start and relationship or strongly hint at starting one. I actually fear for the writer lives if they threw out a confession scene after years of queerbaiting and potential ship tease (debatable) and they don’t put them together. Fans are going to be angrier than they probably ever have been with this show and the showrunners and writers really would be known for queer baiting.
From what I know about how previous shows have done and if anyone that has ever worked on this show wants to continue living, Castiel will be back from Super Hell (is that what yall are calling it?) and he will get together with Dean. And they will fall under the Last-Minute Hookup trope and my networks make LGBTQ relationships canon last season.
One last show I want to talk about is Supergirl, which in has been recently announced that the 6th season will be the last. The show started on CBS but moved to the CW after the end of season 1. So more CW bullshit. There is no confirmation about whether the CW or any of the Supergirl writers are planning to do this, its all speculation. Supergirl is more LGBTQ friendly than some other shows on the Network. One of the main characters came out a few years ago and had a girlfriend a season and has had plenty of hookups with other ladies around the Arrowverse. They even introduced a trans-woman superhero in the form of Dreamer.
Let’s talk SuperCorp. Lena Luthor was introduced in the 2nd season and has been a major character in Kara’s life ever since her introduction. Even if she isn’t involved in the plot, Kara always goes to her to talk and check in on her and worry about her. They are best friends. Since the 2 have met, there has been plenty of Les Yay going on. The writers seem to be aware of the fans wanting SuperCorp to be canon and they keep throwing in moments like Kara and Lena struggling together or Kara carrying Lena bridal style.
Why I bring this up after the announcement of Supergirl’s final season to start next year. We may get SuperCorp. Kara has a relationship with William in the show and not a single person likes this relationship. The writers may scrap it and get put Kara and Lena together for the final season. This is a big maybe though. The Supergirl writers and crew get called out a lot for queerbaiting.
Let me know if you guys have any other examples of last season/last episode LGBTQ+ hookup.
And please let me know if you see any mistakes. This was all done in one sitting so I may have some things wrong.
Also check out the video by @aretheygayvideos on this topic too.
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#lgbt+ representation#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtq community#legend of korra#korrasami#she ra netflix#she ra#catradora#adventure time#bubbleline#supergirl#supercorp#supernatural#destiel#once upon a time#ruby slippers#madarcher#atla#cw#nickelodeon#cartoon network#hbo#abc#disney#queerbaiting#stop queerbaiting#why can i sit down and write 2000 words about lgbt rep in one sitting#but not my fucking research projects#i care about rights too much
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