#every taylor swift album can be orange if you try
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Concertina
Writing this story was very therapeutic for me. I hope someone else, cardiophile or otherwise, can get some comfort and reassurance out of it, too.
"I'm not policing what you think and dream," was the lyric I fixated on, though it was only the first verse of the song. Every explanation of the song "Concertina" I'd read contradicted my own interpretation. Wasn't it mostly a song about feeling bold enough to be strange, even if it was frightening? There was applause in the bar when I finished, and made me feel like the risk of a new track selection had paid off. Tori clapped with the most vigor, as she usually does.
"Girl, who sang that one?" she asked, noting that it was different from my usual selections like Stevie Nicks and Pat Benetar. I stared at her drink, something with pineapple and gin if I recalled, with this hypnotic red-orange-yellow ombre effect. Without taking my eyes off of it, I said, "It was a Tori Amos song. Not a big hit or anything though. You share a name," I said, lightly touching her shoulder, "You should sing something of hers one night."
"Not if the DJ has anything Taylor," she laughed. It was fair. Tori loved to sing Taylor Swift at karaoke, just like how she loved to talk about Gaylor theories, analyze her lyrics, speculate about what her various IG and Tumblr posts might foretell, and scour Stubhub and every other possible site for the least-bankrupting concert tickets. I was just along for the ride, though I had a couple of her albums at home myself.
"Ok, do something from Lover," I suggested.
"I don't know. What if all they have is "YNTCD?" she whined, abbreviating Taylor's divisive LGBTQ anthem from 2019, one that I happened to enjoy despite any criticism.
"I know you like it, and maybe I'm being a terrible Swiftie, but isn't she just trying to hijack our trauma and claim it as hers? *Unless* she is gay but didn't want to say so explicitly in the song. It's great that she gave so many queer people screen time. I didn't even know who Billy Porter was until I saw the video. But then again, why did she make it about resolving her beef with Katy Perry? That was so random. Anyway, I'll see what I can do...for you, Elena." She ran her hand down my arm and then squeezed my hand for a second. She's drunk, I thought, but I appreciated the affection. Her hand was soft and it felt right--sensual without the suggestion of something more. I wouldn't want anything more.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. I had come to feel at home with Tori over the past year--my first close friend since college who also happened to be queer. I had lingered longer when hugging her, and since she knew I was asexual, I didn't think she ever took anything the "wrong" way. At home I had a bright magenta stethoscope that sat on my nightstand, waiting. But since I'd never told Tori that 1) I loved heart sounds, 2) loved using stethoscopes, and 3) wanted to use one with her, my stethoscope could have been waiting for Godot. I had strongly considered putting her (the stethoscope--named Alex for my love of Wizards of Waverly Place) in the living room so that Tori could just happen to notice her while we were watching a movie. But I played the conversation out in my head and felt mortified with every possible script I wrote. Still, whenever I pictured her wearing the binaurals and listening to my heart, I felt like skipping through a field of daisies. It just seemed like I was struggling with level one of a video game while ravenously reading walkthroughs of the battle with the final boss I might never meet. Not that it was a game to me--my love of heart sounds was and always had been one of the most important things in my life. It kept me sane and grounded, and most of all, it was how I felt close to someone I cared about.
I felt a bit of envy as I watched her throw her arm around the DJ, whose adorable curly head of hair and petite stature brought to mind Jorgeous from one of my favorite shows--Rupaul's Drag Race. But I wasn't jealous that Not-Jorgeous was enjoying Tori's affection; I wished I could have that sort of magnetism that drew everyone to me and put them immediately at ease. Trauma had prevented me from being so gregarious. I watched as four more karaoke singers ran up to Tori, happy to see a familiar face (she was there every week) and get their expected hug. No, I didn't necessarily want that much attention, I realized--I only wanted the confidence and grace to be completely open with her.
When I heard the first few sharp, synth-laden notes, I knew exactly what song it was. Tori was deadly serious in her delivery and everyone in the bar turned to gaze at this tall, striking woman who would almost look imposing if her face weren't so soft and kind. "Combat, I'm ready for combat," she sang, and I was shocked that the DJ would have this track from Taylor's Lover album that we could agree on. In a moment of accountability that Taylor-haters never acknowledge, the singer tells us she's been "the archer" and "the prey," and feared her propensity for causing hurt as well as her own crippling wounds might make her difficult to live with. As Tori deftly crescendoed her way into the bridge (I had been given numerous lectures on her distinctive bridges), I felt like my heart beat louder as well. Suddenly embarrassed, I turned away and stepped onto the bar's patio, my long wrap skirt catching a doorknob in my haste. I pulled it out and turned to look at the wisteria still bright near sundown and the brick water feature with the goldfish. There was a couple in the corner deep in conversation, voices so hushed I couldn't make out a single word. That was my last drink, I thought, staring at the crescent moon and the smattering of stars I could see in spite of light pollution. I felt too much; why didn't alcohol make me numb like it did everyone else?
"Hey, did you like it?" I heard her say behind me. I turned and saw the sheepish grin on her face.
"Oh, it was beautiful!" I exclaimed. "I was just out here getting some air is all."
"I was thinking about what you said last week." She came closer and put her arms around me as she said it. My head landed near her chest, and I could almost hear something if it weren't for her thick jacket. I let myself fall into her embrace. "I think it would be exciting, actually. I want to do it. I've never done that with anyone before," she continued.
I racked my brain and tried to remember what she could be talking about, slowly recalling that I'd had 3 cocktails and 2 shots last week. There were a few portions of my last karaoke night that I didn't recall at all. "Wait, what are you talking about?"
She looked at me, her eyes crinkled a little. Gently, she pushed my hair out of my face. "You're such a silly drunk and you don't remember any of it," she said, shaking her head. "You surprised the hell out of me by talking about having a stethoscope and wanting to listen to my heartbeat. And that you wanted me to listen to your heartbeat. And I was speechless because that seemed like such a weird, random thing to say. But then I thought about it and I'm really curious now. None of my girlfriends ever wanted to do something like that. Not that you're my girlfriend, but a friend who happens to be a girl, anyway. I'm down."
I breathed in sharply. How could I have said all of that without realizing what I was divulging? My heart was really pounding then, and as if she read my mind, she placed her hand on my chest. "Oh!" she squeaked, surprised. "Am I embarrassing you? Please don't feel that way! I guess I should've thought you might've forgotten, like that time you went on for like 10 minutes about whether Drag Race All Stars is rigged like you were the only person in the room and had zero recollection of it the next day." Without really thinking, I quickly placed my hand over hers, holding it fast to my chest. Her hand so near my heart felt just right somehow. I closed my eyes and only opened them when she pulled away to check her phone.
"Our Uber is on its way. I told them to go to your apartment. Is that ok? Mine is a mess and Savannah has her boyfriend over, anyway. He always brings that cheap, stinky weed. Plus, we could watch more Babylon 5. I want to see if the praying mantis thing is a 'legitimate businessman' ha."
The N'Grath reference made me smile. "That sounds great," I almost slur, grinning like an idiot.
Mollie, my dachshund, is almost wider than she is long, so it's a struggle for her to make it up to the couch to properly greet Tori when she comes over. This night was no different. "She doesn't even eat that much," I said for probably the twentieth time. "It's like she just has the worst possible metabolism, poor babe." I stroked under her chin.
The DVD was loaded, and with the confidence that only alcohol could summon in me, I'd stealthily transferred Alex from my bedroom to the coffee table in the living room while Tori was in the bathroom. When she emerged, she smiled all big and plopped back down on the couch. My voice boomed in my head when I picked up the stethoscope and said, "This is Alex. She was named for Alex Russo, you know, when I was younger. Well, not that much younger. But still. Yes, I know it was a kids' show," I say shyly, wondering why I can't shut up.
Tori laughed and picked her up, turning the chestpiece around over and over again to switch from diaphragm to bell, hearing that satisfying click each time. "She doubles as a fidget toy, I see," she said. "Oh what's that?" I had to follow her gaze because I was staring at her chest (not her breasts--give me some credit) rising and falling and could barely think of anything else. She picked up a pill bottle from the coffee table, one that I usually put away when someone is over out of an overabundance of caution. But I hadn't realized we were both coming back here tonight. "Spiro?" she asked. "I used to take that, like in my 20s when my acne was a lot worse. What do you take it for?" she asked innocently.
I looked up at her, struck dumb and wordless. We both stared in silence for a few seconds too long, and that was when it dawned on me. Elena, she doesn't know, you moron. You're about to ask her to do something intimate and she doesn't know. Does it matter? Maybe, maybe not. I sighed. This was not the way I wanted her to find out. What if she changed her mind, decided I'm not one of her girl friends after all? What if she declared this some kind of "trick"? What if she got mad, felt betrayed, and blabbed all over social media? What if it got out at work? This wasn't something to play with, I realized, and it made me feel like I was suffocating suddenly, imagining all the worst case scenarios. They flicked through my brain rapidly, like someone pressing the lever on one of those retro viewfinders at lightning speed, taking in all of the little thumbnails in a blur. I gasped and then deliberately began to breathe in and out very slowly and evenly. I grabbed the arm of the couch as if I was falling.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry. You don't have to answer that. It's none of my business," she insisted apologetically. I could tell she was uncomfortable. I had made her uncomfortable. But it didn't feel like there was any escaping it now. The mood had changed dramatically, all thanks to my reaction to her question, and as much as I yearned for her to listen to my heart and had pictured it many times in the last few months, it was pounding because I was terrified. She put Alex down on the couch, where Mollie reached over to lick her eartips, and took my hand. "What's wrong?" she whispered.
I looked up at her and it felt like someone else's voice when I choked out, "I'm trans." Her brow furrowed. When she didn't respond right away, I added, in a whispered rush, "I grew up a boy. I mean I'm not one. I never was. I thought you knew. That's what the prescription is for." I exhaled loudly, then realized I'd been staring at the floor and not facing Tori. She let my hand go, almost in slow-motion, and she looked at my body as though she was seeing it for the first time. Oh god, I winced. Please don't look for masculine things.
"I'm such an idiot," she finally said, almost inaudibly. I stared in horror as she said, "Why didn't I know?!?"
I felt my mouth go dry. My voice was hoarse. "It's not like I wanted everyone to know," I said. "It's not like I want to lose my job."
"Oh, Elena!" she exclaimed. "You weren't thinking it would make a difference, were you?" When I didn't respond, she wrapped her arms tightly around me, and tears flooded my vision. "You're one of my best friends. You're my only friend who will go with me to karaoke, for one," she laughed. "You're the only person besides my mom who listened to me carry on about my undying devotion to Amari, even after the third time she fucking cheated. Not my finest moment, but that woman had a hold on me." I inadvertently let out a snort, remembering her beautiful but treacherous ex.
She kept one arm around me and reached again for Alex. "She's probably got Mollie slobber on her now," I pointed out.
"Ha, I'm not worried about it," Tori said. I watched her insert the ear tips, thinking she had a 50/50 chance of putting them in correctly, and she managed it. There was something transformative about her wearing the binaurals, and it dried my tears to see it. She was only about ten years my senior, but in that moment I felt like the child I was always meant to be--one who was free to play how I wanted, with whatever toys I wanted, and just be who I was without being called names I didn't even understand. She was the older, wiser one who could really see me. I was safe. She unfastened just the top button of my shirt and I looked at her face as I could feel the coolness of the metal circle on my skin.
A minute passed, then another, and they were brief but filled with knowing that she could hear me so well. "That's so cool," she said softly. "It was fast at first and now it's slow and steady. I kind of feel like...I know you in a new way," she smiled and looked at my face before looking back down at the instrument. I felt so happy I thought I could cry again. She moved the chestpiece around--left and right and center, then between my breasts. "It sounds different in different areas," she observed. "Like, the first sound is louder in some places and the second is louder in others."
"You're listening near a different valve each time," I whispered, thrilled that she heard those nuances that most ordinary people don't seem attuned to. She nodded, the look on her face one of wonder. I breathed along with her for another few minutes while she listened, and it felt like the sort of connection I only dreamed of feeling, knowing that most people don't "get" this. I felt almost reborn, and completely satiated.
When it was my turn to listen, I tried to push past my reservations and self-doubt. "Is it ok if I put this under your shirt?" I asked tentatively, pointing while holding the chestpiece.
"Girl, yes!" she practically sputtered. "After all the poking around I just did? It's only fair," she laughed.
Mollie jumped up to grab and lick my hand as I moved to place the stethoscope on Tori's chest, and we both had to stop what we were doing to laugh. When I slipped it underneath her blouse, the sound was clear and strong. She watched my eyes as I breathed in several systoles and diastoles and it made her smile. First, I listened for the semilunar valves--aortic and pulmonic, then, gaining confidence in what could have been an uncomfortable endeavor, moved downward to listen properly at the atrioventricular valves--tricuspid and mitral. Tori leaned forward so I could easily access these different auscultation points. I stayed at each one for awhile, trying to commit this sound to memory in case we never did this again. When I was finished, she said, "Wow, that was kind of a vulnerable feeling but not in a bad way."
"You sounded so, so beautiful," I told her softly, and was pleased when that display of raw emotions didn't elicit a raised eyebrow. This wasn't a night I'd forget anytime soon.
Thanks so much for reading! If you're able and would like to, click here to donate to the Trans Lifeline, a hotline that provides life-saving assistance to trans people, staffed by trans people.
#cardiophilia#cardiophile#stethoscopes#auscultation#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#lgbtqia+#asexual#asexuality#acespec#aspec culture#queer#asexual fiction#lgbtq fiction#lgbtq+ fiction#lgbtqia fiction#lgbtqia+ fiction#asexual reads#Taylor Swift#cardiophile story#cardiophilia story#cardiophile stories#queer fiction
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What are your thoughts on 1975 fans trying to attribute a lot of Easter eggs to Matty in the new video? :( Someone on Twitter put a visual together of all the highlights and it’s so annoying because when it’s laid out like that I see it and I hate that I see it. Just like lighting visuals being very similar, and particular dates being significant to the 1975 and/or Taylor. For example, the July 9th 1:38 people are saying is for Taylor and Matty’s birthdays (the 13th and the 8th). I guess the timeline makes sense because early April when she filmed this video would have been around the time when she was hanging out with him and doing whatever pr nightmare that was…talk me off the ledge pls! Lol.
Hi!
Don't worry, I went and check the threads you were talking about and I'm confident that it's not related or at least not as they think.
The lighting in I Can See You Lyrics Video is the bisexual lighting and fits really well with the theme of the song.
Her comparing being in love with another woman to being a spy and having to navigate cautiously to not be seen.
The spy scene is remisnescent of a commercial she did:
(X)
And what she was trying to protect back then in the briefcase was a microphone you know to "Speak Now" maybe...
The videoclip has a lot of references to Look What You Made Me Do both MV and Eras Tour number, and I think it's very important and meant to point at Karma.
A girl, that is remisnecent of Lizz comes and save her with her beard at the time that shielded her.
All her outfit of her public appearance (X) emprisonned behing glass.
Side note on all of this is reminescent of the Tom Ford commercial Karlie did not long ago
With the lyrics video too:
Her being locked up in a Vault. With an orange door.
And the Eclipsed Sun imagery (do with that that you will ;-) )
Also some Karlie's parallel:
With Long Live lyrics on her arm.
"I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you"
Long Live was written a month after Chely Wright came out. And if you take the time to really look at the lyrics, you see how well this all fits together.
Someone counted all the marks on the wall, and there's 1468 lines/days.
The exact number of days between when her masters got stolen and her releasing Speak Now Taylor's Version (X)
When she's finally free. All the glass closet shatter.
And even more. The building holding her captive explodes once and for all.
The person who help her escape has stars on her right side (Eye theory I'm looking at you)
Stars on the face are there always to depict Taylor Swift TM public personna.
And she's the only one that can actually see Taylor and help her out.
Some say it might be gaylors, who can actually see the real Taylor.
But whoever this person is meant to represent.
She codes...
And has a ring on her right ring finger....
Now the dates:
It's tonight.
Remembre how Taylor said that Speak Now her version would be out on July 7th just in time for July 9th where we would be able to celebrate?
Now the time 1:38. The mission starts at that time. But how much time would it take to get her out? 20 minutes maybe?
Wich leads to: "Lit through the darkness at 1:58" and "That July ninth, the beat of your heart"
Both lyrics from last kiss.
To me it does sound like a rendez-vous. Now the only thing to determine is: is it 1:38 ET or 1:38 Liverpool time wich would be 8:38 ET (just before Taylor goes on stage for the show tonight).
And notice that in the countdown yesterday. Beside the clock in the front, every other clocks pointed to 1:58
And the other date is where it gets really interesting...
I found this last night.
May 22 2020
Here's what happened for Taylor on that date:
And when you type the adress, you are still led to her website with this ULR message:
"they wouldn't me do it Karma" (X)
And yes, I think it is exactly what you think it is...
Remembre how last week right before Karlie posted 6 palm trees (Karma was supposed to be TS 6th album)
The URL on karmaonthewall.com changed for "after Midnights it starts" to "Ready For It"
Suki, Austin and Kristine Karlie's sister also posted palm trees last week....
Here's a post I did about how Ready For It is relevent for all of this (X)
So yeah... everything in that MV is sooo important.
Nothing is related to Matty.
Now we just have to wait and see. And show a lot of support and love for that amazing woman who's been throught so much and deserves the world.
And after this URL change of last night... I think we can safely agree that karmaonthewall.com is really related to Taylor too...
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“imo her all around career peak” why not folklore
because the success of folklore was not as big as the success of 1989. in every conceivable way. just off sales alone, 1989 remains her highest selling album, both in album units sold, singles, streaming, and charting. in august of this year, it entered the 400th week on the billboard charts, her only album to chart for that long. i lost track of it after that so curious to know where it is now. it was omnipresent for years afterward, cementing her as a central cultural figure for 2 years straight and a well respected one. everything involved with it, videos, tour, etc, were the highest levels of engagement and demand she's ever received for a single album. everything she did was a major hit. for two years. she was the most famous and prolific person, on every single magazine cover and talk show. her career, as a pop star, had never seen such all around success all at once, and hasn't seen it since.
folklore as a piece of art is great, and in a lot of ways too much of an apple to 1989's orange to compare. they're completely different genres and meeting completely different needs musically. but she is not a songwriter, that's not her job. she is a pop star. and a pop star needs more than just a good album, they need that album to be a cultural phenomenon. folklore wasn't able to show it's ability to perform culturally cuz of the pandemic and a post-streaming world, sure, and so it's a bit fruitless to even try to put them side by side. but even just by numbers it can't hold a candle to 1989, and given the same ecosystem, folklore would not have done the same numbers. It's not doing those numbers now! the tail on folklore has petered out in just the two short years since its release, while 1989 still remains a high engagement album DESPITE its age.
1989 was a rip roaring success because of it's universality, which you can attribute to it's pop-oriented sound and bouncy happy wistful content. universal in it's age range, able to be enjoyed by 3 year olds and 63 year olds. universal in it's commercial applicability, with songs able to be used for movies, commercials, bar mitzvahs, and on the speakers at your local CVS. and the universality of who she was presenting to the world; not too young that adults see her as the silly girl with the guitar, but not too old that 12 year olds think she's no longer cool. it's not a shock that it was successful, universality always wins in the end, but the fact that she was able to thread some really deft lyricism and still keep the core Taylor Swift brand of song subject matter is what remains one of the most impressive things about it, imo.
tldr, people can say whatever they like, but numbers always tell the truth. people can say folklore is their favorite or fearless or what have you, but statistically, the taylor album almost everyone will play, in most situations and age groups and at any given time, is 1989. as of right now, it's her strongest legacy. and to throw a dash of my own opinion here, i think thats what its all about, no? making music that is remembered, so that you are remembered. and music that people play that makes them happy, that they want to share with their kids and grandkids during the best moments of their lives. musicians can spend their entire life trying to make an album like that, hoping their music resonates like that and can financially float them for the rest of their life. she pulled it off, in a big way. she reached the most people she's ever reached with 1989, cemented herself as a part of their lives forever and for a woman obsessed with legacy i can't imagine a better legacy than that.
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𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐭 — favorite characters I play / played ; play
so i did the math and over the course of ten years here at walt I've played 26 characters. not including mickey, scar or next gen babies ( because if I had to count my kids from beyond the grave we'd be here forever ) THATS A LOT. now I have ten ( nine active ) and I'm like wow !! how do I pinpoint a favorite !! i love all my characters. asking me to pick my favorite character is like asking me to pick my favorite kid. I won't do it for the present gen but for next gen I say with my whole chest it's josh. this is my current favorite roster of characters I play. whether it's because of their story, connections or because they hold a special place in my heart these are my top four. it would have been top three but the PSD I used had 8 slots so top four for present and next gen let's goooo.
jasper skellington
jasper is the most complex character i have ever written and created. for that I'm very protective of him because, like jack skellington as a whole, he can easily be misunderstood. i can't continue talking about him without thanking bee for creating a character with such love and depth and bea for taking orion and pushing my creativity because her idea for what orion framed jasper for was the catalyst to a lot of jasper's development. listen, I love my bone man. he's one of the more stressful characters I play but writing him often pushes me out of my comfort zone and forces me to use my creative muscles. i noticed long ago that I had a habit of picking up characters who were human and didn't have powers or if they did, I didn't mention it often. jasper is the first non-human character I've played. and let me tell you I've ran with it. creating what a skeleton monster is has been great. I've had a lot of fun developing lore for hallow falls, the skellington lore, what being a skeleton monster means for jasper and what being a skellington means for him. you know, his story is the story of what happens to a good person when they're finally pushed too far. exploring the fine line between revenge and redemption has been interesting. if I had to pick one piece of media that perfectly encompasses him it would be taylor swift's album reputation. the entire album. like there's not a song from it that doesn't fit him in some way. on her rep tour, one quote was "and in the death of her reputation she truly felt alive" and that's jasper. he had to kill his old self to survive and the loss of what he was to the town has allowed him freedom. i mean not really with orion's shenanigans but eventually when it's all said and done jasper will get the peace he's sought after. again, I love the complex dynamics between him and other characters, the development that he will go through during the amulet plot and just jasper as a whole. I'm very thankful that one day I decided I wanted to play him. it'll be a year soon that I've had him and I haven't known peace since.
leonardo hamato
listen i don't remember what life was like before I had leo. suddenly one day I had him and now he's just part of me. realizing I was indeed the blue turtle was a wild discovery but one I am very happy for. leo is now what wally was once to me. he is the muse I pour most of myself into. where I begin and he ends is a very thin line. like jasper, I have enjoyed world-building with leo. Much love, care and time have been put into the hamato-verse. i am thankful every day to have tori, mike and bee with me as my red, orange and purple. we do indeed share one brain-cell. I've gone above and beyond with leo as a character. from his mutations and what would be left behind from it, researching red ear sliders, what traits he would take on from his turtle DNA ( the amount of research and analysis videos I've watched is silly. i didn't do this much research in school for fun ), and how that would affect him in the long run, the hamato ninpo and what that means for him and his powers and trying to mesh all these turtle media together to bring to life a character that is reminiscent of the past leo's we've seen but also making him my own. i enjoy the journey he goes on from an insecure leader thrust into a position he didn't ask for to the wise sensei we all know. ( and yes he is a snitch in the future. he doesn't care he's 44. he's too damn old for his brothers to be acting a fool. he's letting splinty know the buffoonery that happens. ). i definitely have put a lot of love and time into him in the short amount of time I've had him. like sometimes I just talk about him and I just cry because I love him so much. again, he's a character that has pushed me out of my comfort with writing. i have made myself cry many times with his replies because I just don't know when to shut up with all this inner dialogue. i love leo, I love the hamato brothers, i love the future hamatos, I love the extended hamato family and i just love turtles.
reagan cymbeline
my angel ! my baby ! my sunshine ! we know what tangled and rapunzel means to me. the fact it took me until 2019 to take her up. FOUL. CRIMINAL. i love reagan so much. to have the opportunity to play a character that means so much to me I can't put into words how that feels. I'm lucky to have such an amazing flynn rider ( literally when I tell you I could have not asked for a better eugene. like tiff is a god sent. an angel. the better half of new dream ) to bounce off of and bring blondie to life with. like leo, reagan is another facet of me. rapunzel is a character that I hold near and dear to me. she is the character I see myself most in. literally people see tangled things and tell me they thought of me. that's how intertwined we are. so to bring her to life has been so much fun and like LOWKEY cathartic. her story had taken twists and turns ( hi benny ) but I am very excited to delve more into tangled lore, play out big plot points and have her reach her life after happily ever after.
wally axiom
i played wally from when i was 15 to 25. that is many seasons of life. that's a long ass time to play one character consecutively. my brain fully developed while I played them. there is a frontal lobe now. for ten years they were the character that meant everything to me. they were the character that I pour so much of my soul into. they were the character everyone knew me by. wally and I we've been through it together. we've seen some things, we've experienced some things. some were great. others things... not so much. i am very proud of the journey they have gone on. an ending I wish to have myself one day of happiness, growth, and fulfilled dreams. i know they're happy somewhere in retirement with their lovely boyfriend and wonderful kids. AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S WHAT THEY DESERVE.
joshua axiom-hawkins
i already said josh was my favorite child and i stand by that. he was my first next-gen baby. the first baby to be born in the present gen. MY first baby to be born in present gen. he's gonna be nine in September. jim and wally have a whole nine-year-old. that's crazy. like the fact, I know when he's born is foolery. ( it's September 12, 2014 ). I've enjoyed exploring him through his adolescence and adulthood. i love that he now has fight club to be part of, I've love expanding on that and his life with dante. and also he has like a great dad. give it up for great dads. jim hawkins you will always be famous. i love josh so much. like that's my baby fr.
wesley skellington
my favorite child of next-gen that's not josh title bounces around with each next gen. for some time now wes has held that title. i get emotional every time I think about wes is the part of jasper that died that gets to live on. jasper gets to protect his younger self in a way that he wasn't and have his son grow up in love. he's gone through many changes in these last few months. he is not the wes you all saw last next gen. I'm very excited to reintroduce him to you when the time comes. i love his thirst for knowledge and to dismantle the skellignton patriarchy, his devotion to his family and though he is a genius, dare he say ( and emphasis on he ) the smartest in his family man does some headass shit and I love him. he is indeed my favorite menace to society. wes & harry u own my heart.
caspian mcqueen
my favorite scallywag. i love caspian. idk what else to say. like he held that second favorite title for so long before wes was born. he's the first character I had to really have powers when we decided to add a magical element to walt. I've enjoyed curating what it means to have these ghost abilities and how he fits into his giant family with them. caspian is the odd one out because of his powers and it's an interesting dynamic to explore, especially because he has a big family. so there are many moving parts. then you add on extended family and PHEW. that and having a famous race car driver for a dad and a pirate turned adventurer for a mother it's all fun to explore. he might live in a world with powers and magic but he was made to feel like a freak because his powers were paranormal and supernatural so having to deal with that truth has been fun for me. i love his silly band, I love his relationship with hallie ( they're happy somewhere on their ship hehe ), I love his bromance with davu and he's really grown up a lot in the four years I've had him. so like I'm proud of him fr.
fox jones
i don't play many villains or mean characters most of the time. in my roster, there are three and fox is one of them. i gave him a tragic ass backstory because I was left to my own devices. now I have this feral bastard. playing out his story of overcoming your circumstances and not letting them taint you forever has been one I've enjoyed. he's not a villain he's just a boy. a boy who needed love and he found it in his family and in stefan. when jean and I were talking about sereddy's future and their kids her saying that serena knew that their kids were meant for them really fucking got me. so to play with that idea and for fox to begin in a place with such hostility to now be raised in love, it makes me weepy because serena and freddy had it HARD growing up ( part of the my dad sucks club you know ) so their kids know nothing but love. it's a hard adjustment for him but you know it's called growth baby. he's getting there. he's pretty, he's feisty and I love coming up with dumb comebacks for him. he's had some iconic one-liners over the years.
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hi! do you have any random jessica riley headcanons?
━ 𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒
𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Jessica Riley x G/N!Reader
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, slight angst, mostly fluff, literally all fluff actually
𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope/not really
𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - Sorry this took so long! once requests open again I cannot wait to write more for until dawn! so they will be open soon just a little longer! but here this is, ily!
Alrighty Jessica
Jess is quite the gal let me tell you and as sweet as she is she's 'high maintenance' and she'll admit it
Not even admit it, she knows it and doesn't hide it
So when you come along and you deal with her attitude and her snarky remarks when she gives them Jess falls in love
You know she never means it to heart, and definetely appreciates when you hold some of her bags while shopping
Jess has a small addiction to lip gloss, she loves makeup but lip gloss is something she cannot go without even when she's fresh faced
But she's not shallow, Jess pays attention to details like extremely
You might think she's not listening but she'll hang on to every word
And I mean every word
So sweet, like Jess is very sweet to you even if she isn't to other people sometimes
Likes to buy you gifts
Likes to buy other people gifts, but not as much as you and it really depends on who
Not as addicted to her phone as you might think
Jess likes romance novels, but not when they're super cheesy
Well, sometimes she makes exceptions but if it gets bad she'll put it down and then complain to you about it while you're doing something
Likes when you read to her
Gets flustered when you kiss her hand or knuckles, it makes her feel special and loved
Pretty sleeper?
Probably wheres those sleep masks for her eyes because she cannot sleep with lights on and if she has her TV on when she sleeps she's gotta wear the mask and it's probably something cute
Her favorite color is pink or purple but has a good relationship with blue
Not the biggest fan of orange
Has an entire photo album of her friends, you and other fun stuff like nail designs
Likes to send you photos of her nails when she gets them done and will ask your opinion before she gets them done
Likes to do your favorite color sometimes, or incorporate it sometimes
Hates and loves scary movies - hates it because it's y'know scary but hiding in your shoulder and having you hug her will never get old
Bounces her knee when she's waiting or nervous
Almost always sits with her legs crossed or her knees together
Dances to music she hums or that's playing
Loves face masks just for fun and will make you do them too
Big Taylor Swift fan
Secretly likes some country music even though most of it she finds atrocious
Doesn't like tomatoes of any kind but will eat tomato sauce with things
Almost always has those little Starbucks coffees and just really likes coffee but only from a shop she won't make it at home
Will spend hours on a phone call with you even if you're not really responding because you're doing something, she'll talk
Always cold and uses you like a heater
Expect cold hands on you when you're trying to spoon her
Speaking of that, she's little spoon, she likes being pampered and held
But if you need a hug or held, Jessica will not hesitate
Has a hard time knowing when you're in need but once she knows she knows
Likes to give cheek kisses and see the lipgloss mark on your skin
Likes having different colored hair ties and color codes them to her outfits and color codes to your outfits sometimes
Likes to match my not the corny matching, just similar outfits or having the same pieces on but not full matchy-matchy
Has trouble expressing her feelings to you because she doesn't want to be a lot, she really doesn't
But you can read her like a book, it's one of the many, many reasons she loves you
really likes pros and cons lists and will read the entire thing to you
then ask your opinion
Loves winter more than summer but not many know that
Likes when you spin her around when holding her hand
Giggles a lot, just in general
Jess really loves when you show her off and she'll do the same for you
Skips a lot and randomly
Pokes you, a lot
It's her love language <3
No but she does love her some physical touch but if you had to point her main love language
It's gift giving, but not always ?
A/n: Love her for her she's amazing, wonderful, magical I like women.
#jessica riley x reader#jess riley x reader#jess riley#jessica riley#until dawn x reader#until dawn#nevy writes
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What are the top three things that happened in the last year or so that make you so confident they are still together? No “sources”. No small coincidences. Real things that make sense. No eye theory allowed! Go!
ok anon, i’ll bite!
-taylor’s sudden and sustained use of baby, child, and father imagery and language from lover era through folklore and evermore and now. karlie has done some of it too.
i could list it all up but this post would get very long and it’s, you know, a touchy subject. but i think it’s been pretty noticeable if you’ve been open to it. plus idk, taylor creates a whole album about a secret love and talks about wanting to be her lover’s end game but somehow it’s not supposed to include starting a family? and if it does it needs to be done publicly?
-taylor’s continued use of the crest symbol (something kaylors identified far earlier than swifties)
beyond the Lover music video, we see it in the evermore album photos, and she’s now used it on The Vault. it’s the snake looking like an S and the butterfly looking like a K, for me. plus.. crests are made for *families*
-social interactions with mutual acquaintances.
for example, cara delevigne going to see taylors SNL performance and also publicly sending karlie bottles of wine. misty copeland dancing for taylor’s AMA performance and then also posting a pic wearing a LIKE A KLOSS tshirt to instagram. lily aldridge wishing karlie a happy birthday using a pic where taylor’s right there in the frame. the haim sisters hanging out both with taylor and with karlie on multiple occasions. etc. and then brandon maxwell adding taylor swift songs to his runway shows, and cs often featuring pics on instagram of taylor in dresses he’s designed. all this while karlie hosted project runway with them as judge and mentor. if you believe taylor and karlie were ever together, these kinds of sustained moments should give you pause because they just wouldn’t happen if there was a breakup.
***
honorable mentions:
-taylor making the noticeable public pivot towards “fictitious songwriting” with folklore and evermore.
this isn’t so much a proof as something that i think really sets her up well for the future. for me, trying to wean the public off of searching for connections between lyrics and her real life is a way of protecting what she has. plus it has allowed her to write about a greater variety of things.
-the red rose dresses
i’m sorry say what you will about twinning being abstract (yes sometimes it is) but, this kind of thing is just obvious. what’s more, we can deduce that taylor started working on that video before karlie started designing her dress, and karlie then designed hers, debuted it, and taylor then went and did the video without change. to a similar extent you could argue a similar pattern with the yellow dresses in 2019 (elle cover/off-white runway) and the orange thing (yntcd/carolina herrera vogue cover/adidas/match.com) that went into 2020. there’s a pattern of one of them debuting a look, the other puts out a similar look, then it gets revealed the other was working on it earlier, etc… plenty of opportunities to course correct these bold primary color twinning moments if they didn’t want anything to do with one another. and in general, they’ve still twinned a lot in this post lover era
-taylor continuing to wear the vsfs ring (which is undeniably a kaylor bat signal)
on significant days such as kissgate anniversary in 2019, while accepting an award in 2021, and at her birthday party just this month. honestly i could write a dissertation on other jewelry things (karlie wearing the cartier necklace through the pandemic onset and her pregnancy, the alison lou of it all… or the awe le duo necklace lolol, but the angel wing ring takes the cake)
moreover, it’s just all this and every other thing, in aggregate. they’ve both maintained my attention!
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Rules: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better
I was tagged by @sapphic-slasher (thank you so much Giselle!!)
Favorite time of the year?: Autumn, for sure!! It’s not too hot or too cold, the leaves turning red and yellow and orange and falling off the trees makes everything look especially pretty, and as anyone who’s been around me for longer than 10 seconds most likely already knows, I love Halloween and the spooky time of year :P And I love pumpkin spice EVERYTHING
Comfort food: CHOCOLATE and cotton candy flavored anything but especially ice cream :P And because I’m the movie fanatic that I am, popcorn.
Do you collect something?: I’m kind of in the same boat as Giselle, with collecting collections :P I collect Funko POPs, pins, charms, jewelry, movie posters, DVDs, plushies, art books, various other memorabilia, the list goes on and on XD I just have that autistic dragon hoarder brain that urges me to COLLECT STUFF 8D
Favorite drink: I am a BIG OLD SLUT FOR SOFT DRINKS. Pepsi is the main enabler of my caffeine addiction, but I’ll also shill for root beer every chance I get, and I make a habit of trying all of the different Coke flavors I can possibly get my little gremlin hands on.
Favorite song/artist: AGAIN, everyone who’s even taken a cursory glance at me or my blog knows I am a TAYLOR SWIFT STAN FIRST and a human being second :P though among other artists I would consider myself a stan for are Florence + the Machine, Emilie Autumn, Halsey, and Harry Styles :3
Current favorite songs: at the moment, I’m obsessed with the Cyrano 2022 movie soundtrack (especially Overcome and I Need More just to name a couple), and Florence’s new album Dance Fever, my fave songs of which include Free, Dream Girl Evil, and Choreomania but the whole album is a VIBE.
Favorite fics: nothing you can prove :P I mean HEY IF YOU WANNA READ MY FICS, I’m DarkQueenSigyn on AO3 XD
I’m tagging (with no obligation of course): @malhare @codedreams @maddymoreau @gellavonhamster @afoxnamedmulder
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What’s you’re all time favourite album ? Rank it too!!
💗💗❗️💙❗️
Jas my love 💕 thank you for this fun question *mwah*
it was very hard to choose one album, because there is so much albums I adore, basically every couple of months there is an album that I feel like captures what I'm feeling.
Golden Hour by Kacey Musgraves.
It's such a beautiful album, its like a walk in the meadows, a warm hug on an autumn day, like the flowers blooming in the spring, seeing the rainbow after heavy rain, I'll shut up with the metaphors.
The production is gorgeous, lyrically it's stunning, it's the closest thing I have to an album I would call perfection.
it's hopeful, sadness in happiness, yearning, and longing, being alone, feeling lonely but not necessarily hating it, looking at the world and realising how beautiful it is, falling in love, acknowledging how vulnerable humans are but embracing it.
Ranking, which was very hard, I love all of the songs on this record.
Rainbow
Love is a Wild Thing
Happy and Sad
Butterflies
Oh, What a World
Lonely Weekend
Wonder Woman
Mother
Space Cowboy
Slow Burn
Golden Hour
High Horse
Velvet Elvis
I feel like I can't not mention some of my personal favorite lyrics:
If you could see what I see / You'd be blinded by the colors
Yellow, red, and orange, and green / And at least a million others
So tie up the boat, take off your coat / And take a look around
'Cause the sky has finally opened / The rain and wind stopped blowin'
But you're stuck out in the same ol' storm again / You hold tight to your umbrella
Well, darlin', I'm just tryin' to tell ya / That there's always been a rainbow / Hangin' over your head
-
You can't find it sitting on a shelf in a store / If you try to hide it, it's gonna shine even more
Even if you lose it, it will find you / There's no way to stop it, but they'll try to
Running like a river tryna find the ocean / Flowers in the concrete
Climbing over fences, blooming in the shadows / Places that you can't see
Coming through the melody when the night bird sings / Love is a wild thing
Oh, I can feel it, magic in your fingertips / And I can hear it in the words coming off your lips
-
Is there a word for the way that I'm feeling tonight? / Happy and sad at the same time
You got me smiling with tears in my eyes / i never felt so high
No, I've never been this far off of the ground
And they say everything that goes up must come down
But I don't wanna come down
-
Kiss full of color makes me wonder where you've always been
I was hiding in doubt 'til you brought me out of my chrysalis
And now, you're lifting me up 'stead of holding me down
Stealing my heart 'stead of stealing my crown
Untangled all the strings 'round my wings that were tied
I didn't know him and I didn't know me, cloud Nine was always out of reach
Now, I remember what it feels like to fly, you give me butterflies
-
You can have your space, cowboy / I ain't gonna fence you in
Go on, ride away in your Silveradou / gess I'll see you 'round again
I know my place, and it ain't with you / Well sunsets fade, and love does, too
Yeah, we had our day in the sun
When a horse wants to run, there ain't no sense in closing the gate
You can have your space, cowboy
-
Baby, don't you know? / That you're my golden hour
The color of my sky / You've set my world on fire
And I know, I know everything's gonna be alright
I used to get sad / and lonely when the sun went down
But it's different now / 'Cause I love the light that I've found In you
You make the world look beautiful, ooh / I thought I'd seen it all before
But looking through your eyes / It looks like paradise
honorable mentions: Red, Evermore, Speak Now, and 1989 by Taylor Swift, Bloom by Troye Sivan, Punisher and Strangers in the Alps by Phoebe Bridges, melodrama by Lorde, flicker by Niall Horan, every Paramore album, manic and badlands by halsely, dedicated and emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen, dirty work by all time low.
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175 - The October Monologues
[static]
[slightly distorted]
The trees are dying again.
You know it, I know it.
The trees know it.
They have known it for decades, centuries in some cases.
The shiver of cyclic, symbolic death.
A rattle in the cold night air.
A rustle in the footsteps of a hungry deer.
It is October and something is different.
It is October and the trees draw the crackling red and orange curtain in the year’s final act.
It is October, and so listeners, dear listeners,
Night Vale community radio is proud to introduce
The October Monologues.
Faceless Old Woman: I am lonely. Oh, I see people. I see lots of people every day. I see you right now. I see you, Caleb, sitting in your rolling desk chair, hunched over your computer. I am a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, watching you download yet another video game, Caleb.
But seeing people and being with people are different things. Different ideas altogether. I miss touch most of all. A father’s hand, a friend’s arms. A lover’s chest. I still touch, am touched, but it is not the same. It is not a mutual touch. My touch is unwelcome, unfriendly, unwanted. Yet I touch because I love.
And I love you, Caleb. I do. I know you don’t believe me after what I did to you tonight, but I do. My love is not romantic nor maternal. It’s not platonic, either. I love you the way a deer loves a cornfield. It is safe, it is nourishing. It is in its DNA to want to be there, to hide, to eat, to play. You’re very much like a cornstalk, Caleb. You are loved and you are benign. Better than benign, you are a contribution to this world. The cornstalk is unaware that a deer loves it so much that it will bend it and stomp it until its edible morsels spill out from its crumpled empty husk. The cornstalks, there are so many cornstalks, do not understand that they are so loved by the deer as to be devoured.
You’ve seen a kitten before, Caleb, I know you have. Sometimes kittens are so cute. So so so so cute that you wanna put them in your mouth. Do you understand that kind of love, Caleb, that kind of touch? You do not, no one does. And this is why I’m lonely. But I think you know that. You’re different. You’re lonely too. That’s not what makes you different, we’re all lonely in our own way.
You’re different, Caleb, because you know I am here. You see me even when I do not want to be seen. No one has been able to do that in at least 200 years.
Sometimes you speak to me. Not in terror, not in rage; I’ve heard many of these voices in my life from those who feared and detested my presence.
No, you ask me my name. I won’t tell you, not yet. You tell me about your day, I’m sorry your new boss is so mean, I will rectify this. And last night, you prepared a dinner for me. You’re not a good cook, I can smell that much, but it was your gesture of generosity that touched me. You made cashio e pepe, a recipe you learned from TikTok, and you prepared a bowl just for me. You waited to see if I would appear, and when I did not, you told me you understood wanting to eat alone, so you left it for me on the dining room table, as you went to play the new flight simulator.
Few men have ever been this kind to me before being frightened into it first, or without using their kindness as a disguise. I think you genuinely understand your own quiet desperation among the mass of men. And in turn, you understand others too.
I don’t trust the kindness of men, Caleb. I don’t trust the kindness of women, either. Or anyone else’s kindness, to be truthful, but I especially don’t trust men’s kindness. There are exceptions. Andre, whose kindness was loyalty and honesty, and Albert, although his was a much different kind of kindness.
But Caleb, 23-year-old, unshaven, video game loving, boss hating aimless Caleb, your kindness frightens me. I’m scared of what you want, what it is you plan to take from me. Kind men have stolen my childhood, my morals, my money, my love, my life, and my family. What will you take from me, Caleb, that I have not already lost? I’m afraid. I’m afraid to respond to your gentle bait of friendship, because I am afraid you will take my loneliness from me. I am lonely, and that is a choice I have made for myself.
One day, Caleb, you will die. I know exactly when. It will not be of my hand, although I will do nothing to stop it. It is my fate, my path, to know such things. And in your death, you will return my loneliness to me, and it will be a horror to behold, bloody and misshapen. My loneliness, not recognizing its former owner, will howl an unholy and unceasing cry, and I will not be able to bear it.
This is what I fear, Caleb, and this is why I took the bowl of cashio e pepe you left for me and hurled it against the wall, just missing your cheek. I’m not sad that you screamed at me, I’m happy that you did so. This is how it has to be. We are not enemies, Caleb, no no. I love you deeply. Deeper than you can know. I am your deer Caleb, and you are my corn.
Cecil: The fiery flash of fall leaves stuns us, captivates us. Fireworks in slow motion. Or the crackling embers of a finishing flame. Upon the leaves are written instructions for how to make oxygen, how to give life, with every exhalation. How to find flair in fading grace, and how to raise new life by falling to your death. The leaves know they will return again, so much will return again. We return now to the October Monologues.
Michelle Nguyen: There’s this new song I like, but I don’t wanna tell you what it is. I find it kind of embarrassing. Usually I love to talk about my favorite music. There was that summer I was obsessed with the new single by Saint Vincent. The single came in the form of a glazed vase containing three blue flowers. Only one was ever made, and I got the only copy. I found it very catchy, but the flowers eventually died. Or the year I spent listening over and over to that new Janelle Monae album. I forget the name, but the cover was a black and white picture of a well, and if you didn’t share it with someone else in 7 days, you would die. Of course no one ever died, because the album was so good, people just couldn’t stop telling their friends to listen.
My favorite song of all time is a blank cassette tape still in its plastic wrapper. It was owned by a man named Gary Joy. He was a real estate lawyer, reasonably successful, but he always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter. He dreamed all the time of quitting his job and writing songs, but he had never even written one song. Then one day, in a fit of optimism and energy, he bought this cassette, intending to make his first memo. But the day got away from him, and then the week, and then the rest of his life, and he never quit being a lawyer, and he never even wrote one song. This blank cassette tape, still in its wrapper, contains the potential of all the songs he could have written but never did, which is better and more powerful than any song anyone’s actually managed to write. The potential of the thing is always more perfect than the reality of the thing. However, and this is the crucial drawback, the potential is absolutely useless and the reality, however imperfect, can be quite useful.
Anyway, I like to hold Gary Joy’s unwritten demo and imagine what it would be like. Hold on, sorry. There’s a customer.
[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records. What? No, no. No. No! No. OK, bye! [bell dings]
Sorry about that. Some people are so unreasonable. I don’t even know what a Taylor Swift is.
But there’s a new song I like, and it’s not cool like my other favorite songs. It’s not a song that fits the kind of image I like to project. When I put on my mirrored leggings, my extra long jorts, and my really big hat, people expect something from me. They expect me to be on the cutting edge. They expect me only to be into bands that aren’t popular yet, or will never be popular, or that frankly don’t know how to play their instruments very well.
And the song I like now is not any of those things. It’s… ordinary. It’s… popular. I don’t wanna say what it is. Remember when I only listened to the sound of beez buzzing? That was a good summer. Of course I got stung once or twice or 30 times. [sighs] Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.
[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records! Hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! HEEEEY!
Thanks, nice to see you again. [bell dings]
Sorry about that.
I’m tired of being cool. I was going to say trying to be cool, but trying implies the possibility of failure, and there has never been a moment when I’ve failed to be cool. But here’s the hard truth I’ve come up against: being cool is a young person’s game. And that’s not because young people are better or more interesting than older people. God no. God no. God no! It’s that coolness itself is a concept tied to youth. Coolness is a reactionary manifestation of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the cooler you need to be. It’s colorful plumage.
But as I’ve gotten older, I no londer need flashy plumage. I just wanna sit in the comfort of who I am, and not worry about what that looks like from the outside.
Anyway, I can’t stop listening to “Karma Police” by Radiohead. It’s just… a good song, you know? Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.
[bell dings] You! You’ll never catch me alive! [sound of running] [bell dings]
Cecil: An abundance of words, words falling, fluttering to the earth. Words crunching beneath our feet. They were beautiful once, the words. Now they are beginning to rot, to wilt, to compost, to ferment new growth. To fertilize new words growing upon great trunks of paragraphs and chapters, but not now. Those will come later. Now the words sputter and drop in spiraling arcs to the ground. Here, then, are the final few brightly painted words falling upon you now. The October Monologues.
Steve Carlsberg: What does it mean to be believed? I’ve always known that Night Vale isn’t like other places. As long as I can remember, I could see that. I could also see that no one else could see it. I was alone in my knowledge. Knowledge may be power, but power is often lonely. My grandfather knew. He could see that I was like him.
“Steve,” he would say, “us Carlsbergs have always been the town pariahs, but just because they hate you, doesn’t mean they’re right.”
I would sit at night as a kid and listen to Cecil on the radio. He was the same age as he is now, and at the time he seemed so wise. But I would hear him dismiss what I knew shouldn’t be dismissed. I would hear him cover up what should be uncovered, and I would know with a child’s certainty that it was wrong. I loved him still. Everyone in town loves Cecil. It is possible to love someone who you know is doing wrong. It’s terribly easy, in fact.
What does it mean to be believed?
As a teenager, I started trying to express what I saw about the world. I gave a presentation in my social studies class called “Night Vale – there’s literally nowhere like it”, and I thought it was informative. The class all plugged their ears in unison. The teacher stopped me a minute in, glancing nervously at the 8 surveillance cameras monitoring the classroom.
“Are you trying to get us all killed?” the teacher hissed at me. I remember that her breath smelled like Strawberry Jolly Ranchers, and there was a lose crumb of mascara in the sweat of her temples.
“No,” I said. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not the kind of question that demands a sincere answer. The report earned me a trip to the principal’s office, and then the re-education pit, which honestly is not as bad as its name. I mean, almost not as bad. It’s pretty bad. It’s a pit, for re-education.
So, certainly learned something from that re-education. I learned that you’re equally likely to be punished for being right as you are for being wrong.
What does it mean to be believed? I was a young man entering the workforce, and I had long ago learned to hide away what I knew about my city. I had learned the handshake and the smile, the nod and the necktie, all the signifiers that hid what I truly signified. All of life is a code, and I had been thought the key against my will.
I got a job as a bank teller at the Last Bank of Night Vale. I studied with great interest the townsfolk who came and went there. I learned about their lives and their secrets, and what kind of money they made for the whispered deals out back of quiet parking lots just before the sun went down, pulled up next to a black Sedan that contained their handler who they only knew by a false first name. but I couldn’t forget what I knew, even if I learned to playact that I had. What I know shapes who I am. I can’t close my eyes, not to this town I love. This weird and secret town I love.
What does it mean to be believed?
Then I married into the family of Cecil Palmer, host of Night Vale community radio! And he hated me, because he could see that I knew. And after all these years, my mask had slipped a little. I’d lost my interest in hiding. I wanted to speak the truth as I knew it, nothing could be more threatening to Cecil. His life and livelihood depended on speaking the truth as the City Council wanted it. Or as the Vague yet Menacing government agencies crafted it. And here I was, pointing out to him the sky. There are glowing arrows in the sky, there are dotted lines and arrows and circles. The sky is a chart that explains the entire world! I tried to tell him, and this only made him hate me more. I tried to share who I was with him, and this only made him recoil.
Abby listened to my stories, but she never shared my enthusiasm for the truth.
“Let it lie,” she would say, “let it lie.”
But that’s he point, I can’t let it lie and I can’t lie! We’ve done that for too long! We’ve let our town sit heavy under the weight of euphemism and half truth, and unless someone just said what they saw for once, we would be crushed eventually by that weight!
And then it all changed. I wasn’t alone. The others saw that we lived in a weird place. And you know what? We kept existing. Our world didn’t end merely because we dared acknowledge it.
Cecil and I are friends now. I haven’t forgotten how he treated me, but I understand it and I forgive it.
Forgiveness and understanding are not the same as forgotten.
What does it mean to be believed?
It means everything. It means all.
Cecil: And as the leaves are done, so are the October Monologues. All that can be said has been said. And all that can be said will be said again.
Today’s proverb: Listen, it might seem like everything’s bad right now.
#welcome to night vale#welcome to night vale transcripts#episode 175#the october monologues#sorry again for being so tardy#was swamped at work#but here it is
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yesss the letter format 💝💓💘💖💞💕💖💞💓 (lovely anon)
my dearest aria (a hamilton reference lmao),
i’m home alone (bc i wanted the house alone to get my head together after my brothers were mean to me 🙃) and i’m so hype LMAO but i’m watching chloe x halle’s tiny desk concert and honestly just vibing. (this is so random) besides zendaya like they are my badass black women role models. my one accomplishment would be to learn to body roll like them LMAO
oh nevermind i can’t have anything nice, my dad just came home 🙃 WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THIS ASK WTFFF
i’m liking tfatws, the second episode was veryyy intense imo but WANDAVISION IS SO GOOD😭 i knew it was going to be my favorite from the really old trailer but it’s really good and i promise it’s not just sitcoms, girl especially cuz you’ll have all the episodes already out- we were having to wait every week😭 BUT ITS SO GOOD I PROMISE HDJSHDJSH lmao reading this i was like “i- the episodes aren’t an hour long” but i feel that, it’s hard for me to watch tfatws bc they are an hour long and i’m like 😐 but wandavision episodes are less than 30mins bc I KID YOU NOT they have the damn 10 MINUTE CREDITS DHDJSJ no i don’t think we’ve talked about this b4 lol but it all depends on the series for me. i binged love island uk in less than a week bc i was so invested and LITERALLY LOVE IT but uh those episodes are like an hour and a half, but say i was binging tfatws (it’s so hard to type that ohmigosh) i honestly would not be able to do it bc of the intensity (you may be like what intensity but if you’ve seen episode 2 by the time you’re reading this.......... isaiah and the scene afterwards is all i have to say, esp me being black it was so tough :/)
girl you’re fine, as long as you’ve experienced it once hahaha i think the reason why it’s so important to my family (this letter feels so personal and extreme HSJSJA IM SORRY) is bc my grandmother loved it and in my family i guess it’s just important to us lol like my mom and dad love it too and we have the literal VHS tapes LMAO, but it only came up recently cuz my youngest brother was watching lion guard HAHA and he wanted to see the originals :) and fun fact (unless you already know) but there’s a lion king part 2 and 1 1/2 and i have all three ON VHS HAHAHA but i love lion king 1 duh (the og) but part two’s music and love story..... is so good. anyway. 🦁
I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE THEATER ENCOUNTER THING HAHAHA AND WHEN SHE WAS SAYING AWKWARD I WAS LIKE WTF THE NOISE LMAOOOO i don’t think there’s a better way to describe that whole situation than ZKDHDJSHAJAJSHDJSNAHA. yeah. yeaaaa at the cinemas (i like the word cinema more than movies 🥰) here they have chips (fries), some have ice cream, nachos, drinks, hot dogs, the cinema we were at had pretzels and like BURGERS I WAS LIKE HUH OKAY and ya know obviously popcorn but i don’t know why the theaters (or cinemas) here do that, it started a long time ago though like yearsssss
PLEASE i have the longest movie watchlist and uhh haven’t seen any of them JDJSKA (istg i use HSJSSKSH as a period - like . ) i’m still hype for cherry but very hesitant (idk if i can handle it) but i’m thinking about watching it in the next couple of weeks? i know it’ll take me forever bc i’m gonna have to keep pausing and shit but idk. i’ve asked around for very specific trigger warnings and time stamps so i REALLY know what’s coming (even if it spoiled the film a bit for me) but i do really wanna see it (i think? writing this now i’m not so sure lol) so whooooooo really knows lol, but chaos walking YES i was really excited about it :))) and about my friend uhh dude you don’t sound mean at all i was literally thinking the same thing but worse HAAKL idk what she was there for???? she bought my ticket tho so 💁🏾♀️ whatever
“SIMS ahh, BUNK BEDS ahh” had me cracking up lmao and you know my sims status JAJAHHAJ but i’m gonna become like you, saving every 5 minutes 😭 but that’s exactly what happened to me, i really didn’t know whether to shut it off or not but after 2 hours i was heartbroken lol i’m literally making a list of things i need to redo that wasn’t saved lmao
CAN I JUST SAY UR A MASTERMIND THOUGH??? UR SIMS GAME SOUNDS SO *chefs kiss* IM CRINE university is PAINFULLY long and LITERALLY I FEEEL THAT like you can’t do anything else without failing, i had my sim go to a party once for like a few hours and i felt so dumb afterwards like urgh he should’ve been studying LMAOO just cracking down on work honestly. UR NEIGHBOR!AU IN THE SIMS PLEASEEE i am very much in love with it, yes. (pouring rain has just suddenly begun where i am rn wow ok) i love that you put them on the same lot, that was really really smart and i love that ur living out your sexuality in the sims😭 i was abt to say “now you can say you’ve got experience bc of the sims” but ANYWAY IGNORE ME fhdhs THE ALIEN BABY DHSJSK i hope it’s not a dealbreaker for enisa. that’d be tragic. IM BACK IN UPPERCASE THO BC YES MAKING OUT IN THE SIMS IS SO HOT TO ME??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE STFU OH MY GOSH- all the stuff, whispering sweet nothings, and the making out, and JUST ALL OF IT!!! AM I TOUCH STARVED????? there was this time i made my sim just continue to woohoo bc it was turning me on big time. ANYWAY
half way through that i had to go to my grandmothers house (not the one that likes lion king, but uh hmm idk if you remember but i was talking abt my shit family so yeah that grandmother lol) so now i’m finishing this 🥴 and instead of chloe x halle i’m watching a tom interview lmao & if this takes me longer than 30 minutes.... imma cry
I REALLY WANNA ASK- IS IT BC UR GERMAN LIKE YOU CAN JUST WRITE OUT THAT LONG ASS WORD???? i mean i can’t write out supercalafrag- anyway, but that word is a bit nonsense, UR WORD IS A REAL WORD DUDE HDJSHS i love how ur like “maybe i mixed up these words” YEA OK.
lol i had to google what are waveformers lol (lol makes a comeback) and they look like curlers that you would sleep in (here we would call them curlers or uhm i forgot uhhhhhhh rollers i think) but ur fine when am i ever making sense?? i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌
H20 H20 H20 OH MY GOODNESS SHE BROUGHT UP H20 OK MY LIFE WAS H20🥲 I HAVE THEIR LOCKET NECKLACE AND (short storytime) when i was younger i thought they were american despite their accents (idk i was dumb) but then i figured they weren’t when lewis went to go study in america HAHAH ALSO FAVORITE COUPLE CLEO AND LEWIS UGH WATCH ME REWATCH THE SHOW NOW THANKS (also i hated elizabeth so much) but anyway back on topic, when lewis went to go study in the US i looked up where the show took place and all that good stuff and i found out they were australian HAHAH and that started my obsession with accents LMAO the uk :’)) (i’m proofreading AND AUSTRALIA IS NOT A PART OF THE UK LMAOO IM SOO DHSJSSHS) also it is now one of my many goals (besides the body roll HAHAH) to go to mako island (that’s what it’s called right??)
about music, i googled stormzy and i might listen to a song of his.. LOL I WANNA GIVE IT A TRY IMMA DO IT FOR YOU NFDVSFSG lmaoo the german rapper had me cackling (autocorrect once again being helpful and said raper and i’m like nOO) i mean we all have that one person. can’t lie, won’t lie. my one (IM SORRY BUT AUTOCORRECT HAD “MY ONE TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT” SITTING AND READY HDJSJA I DONT EVEN TYPE THAT wHAT) person out of my white soft boy with brown hair and brown eyes type would beeeee pete davidson. love me some petey. i was gonna say rex orange county as well lmao but i don’t really loveeee him i’m just in love with his music... and wanna be friends with him..... so 👉🏾👈🏾 (i never do that fdshsh)
oh my goodness, i love tattoos too- GASP what are you thinking of getting 🥺 i want tattoos too but i’m too indecisive to figure out what to have & where. especially in my family... idk they aren’t frowned upon but my mom’s not applauding the thought lol, if i got one it would have to be meaningful but i am absolutely in love with (for example) ariana grande’s finger tattoos !! they’re so cute and simple :’) i don’t even know if i can get tattoos? my skin is... interesting. not in a bad way!! just like.... idk how to explain it??? keyloids run in the family & i got a piercing once and it got infected soo :/ the doctor also confirmed that if i wanted tattoos they couldn’t be in color so LMAO
ONCE AGAIN THIS WHOLE THING FEELS SO TMI DHSHSSJ IM LIKE OHMIGOSH SHUT UP SHE DOESNT CARE JESJSKS
in regards to you not sleeping, i wanted to mention that dumb bird, what was the reason it was up so early aT 4AM???? SIR WHO YOU CALLING TO??? also it’s 11:30pm and idk why i’m tired???
yeah i was never SUPER into justin so i don’t know exactly what albums you’re talking about lol, i do know yummy though.. but everyone did hahaha also i listen to so much pop 🙈 i mean maybe... idk what would count as pop and what wouldn’t. that new person feeling though.. i get that. it’s like who is this new person..? i kinda feel like that with taylor swift (i was never THAT into her either though so it’s like oh wait i didn’t know you from the beginning instead of hello old friend but you’re different lol)
about the concerts, thanks 🥰🥰 that’s so sweet what you did for your mom too, it’s nice seeing them so happy like 🥲 awh AND GLEE IS AND WAS MY LIFE FOR A V V LONG TIME, i’ve been meaning to rewatch it for the longest time lmaooo but i’m just so lazy and it’s such a commitment... i’ll have to get emotionally involved again and idk if i want that rn. but i have a friend on instagram and she runs a glee fan account and it’s such a big part of her life i really don’t think i could ever be THAT obsessed with something. like another one of my friends loves tom holland so much that she changed her mom’s name in her phone to what tom’s mom’s name is in his phone (that was confusing lol) and obviously i’m not judging them AT ALL, it just couldn’t be me lol
CONCERTS LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN 😩😩 LIKE THE EXPERIENCE AND THE FEELINGGG URGHSJS i wanna see a few people live like ari and chloe x halle and- hmm.... idk who else FJDSJ rex orange county i guess huh anyway, the experience just sounds so amazing and the atmosphere is just ✨✨✨ yeah
aria do it do it do it do it do it- watch hamilton!! but with subtitles bc you won’t catch half of the things they’re saying without them LMAO (me and my family watched it and they all didn’t like it bc they didn’t know what was happening lol) BUT DONT WATCH IT AT 4AM LMAO ITS LITERALLY 3 HOURS LONG
yes!! superior peter fics 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and it just shows how much of an incredible writer AND PERSON you are through your fics that you can turn a blurb into 2k....... like what.
LMAO the annoying thing, sometimes i feel like i’m bothering people (like right now HAHAH) but i think it’s my antisocial side being like yeaa no one wants to talk to you like you wanna talk to them :’) idk it’s strange!! sometimes i get really ✨insecure✨ and overthink everything LOL like is this too long, im talking too much, i’m swearing too much, oh lord i’m a pain, all that good shit lmao so that’s fun:))
ALSO YOUR BLOG IS SO FUN TO ME HAHAK LIKE ITS JUST YOUR OWN AND I LOVE THAT!!! like you talk about everything and anything on here lol,, and i say that bc what you said lmao how if i was someone else i would want to fuck me so bad😭 i honestly don’t understand how i don’t have people lining up though..... but if no one’s gonna tell you... then you tell yourself, period (and sometimes telling yourself is fucking yourself HSHAJKS OK NEXT)
ohmigosh the realization you had that you graduated last year and are going to uni this year🤧 but the fact that you had a teacher who LEFT THE GROUP CHAT bc she was mad at y’all i- 😭 but yeah about your maths (i always wondered why you guys call it maths and the US calls it math. like i know so many people out of the states, not just in the uk that say maths) teacher- i saw this post that said online school is looking a lot like dora the explorer😭😭 “you have any questions?” 🦗 “okay bye then” lmao and please i love when tests have nothing to do with what you studied like ??? thanks? sometimes i get scared that my teacher will somehow find out that i googled everything? or like my answer is too close to the answer sheet or something. i get sooo nervous lol but i’m already past that point of not being able to do anything myself DHJS i mean i’m still learning like i said!! read the question, read the answer. boom. now i know the answer to the question and i learned!
THANKS 🙈🥰🤧 idk how else to explain my feelings LMAO i feel it’s cool that you find my dance lessons and voice lessons cool so thanks :’)
oh god not headache season 😭😭 allergies are the worst like it’s not even funny. is headache season just when the seasons are changing or is it like... all throughout the summer? cuz i love the summer lmaoo i love the winter too but i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO
GIRL IF THAT BIRD DONT STOP CHIRPING- i am 100% convinced that it is the same bird trying to give you headaches and no sleep and it needs to stfu 😤 and pLEASE ur theme is adorable and pretty and cute but also it just feels like you? idk if i’m explaining this right or if it’s bc i’ve been talking to you for a bit but it’s cute but not innocent in a way that i’m surprised that you write smut and- yeah, that didn’t make sense!! but ur new theme is gonna look pretty too and as long as you like it, it’ll be amazing🥰
yessssss the fact that megan is gonna be ur pfp YES JUST YES
edit: ok i just need to 🥺😭 sometimes u make me wanna cry cuz i feel like you’re just a kind person. i truly mean this, the fact that you celebrate yours & others stretch marks makes me so 🥺🥺🥺 i honestly don’t know anyone who has said they want need more stretch marks and it’s just all very lovely to me :’)) OKAY IMMA STOP BEING SAPPY
#yes my fake tags are back #by popular demand #aka me #and look i have actual tags this time! #i’m seriously craving water ice rn....... huh #but it’s past midnight and i fr fr want a snack #aw man #i wrote that last paragraph while doing my tags yes #and i hope you become responsible for that anon’s orgasm #assuming they had one #and i saw your response to the tom thing and yeaa when they only look like that for something and it’s like aw bae be yourself #i’m gonna shut up now and find a snack but goodnight!! morning?? IDK #IF THESE TAGS END UP AS ACTUAL TAGS I AM SO SORRY HAHAHA #alright proofreading done and i’m gonna go eat cereal
okay i‘m on my way to a driving lesson rn and afterwards i have a zoom uni thing, and then another uni thing lmao. but hopefully i can reply to this in between because i‘ve been dying to talk to you since i got this ask dldjds💘💘💘 (i really like this heart. i had a 💖 phase for a while and now it‘s 💘 (seems like a very romantic heart but.... it is what it is idk dkddj)
^okay that was literally all i wrote before my lesson lmfao. just had the worst driving lesson ever dbdvsnylkxsksj i think i‘ve gotten too used to being good at driving and now i‘ve gotten too cocky with it 🥴 anyway i‘ve had such a stressful day and overall week but tbh i‘m already feeling better bc i can (indirectly) talk to you <333
omg i went to chloe or halle (i don‘t remember who out of the two)‘s instagram the other day and found out that they are not twins alejeleksjsksj but yes oh my god their voices are literally angelic and i can‘t wait to see Halle as Ariel (Arielle??)🥰 and omg it‘s literally 2021 and we‘ve only had......... one(?) black Disney Princess like it‘s about fucking time (I might be forgetting someone, I‘m not too familiar with the new Disney films, but as far as I remember there‘s only Tiana right? (who is literally a frog for 3/4 of the film 😭😭) so yes i‘m here for it too😌😌😌 (obviously she‘s not a cartoon like tiana ekdlek but she‘s a disney princess you know what i mean ddkjdh)
pfkejdj i‘m already overwhelmed with my parents i can‘t imagine having siblings too 😭😭 (sometimes i wish i had siblings but then other times (like after reading what you wrote dksjj) i‘m glad that i‘m an only child lmao like your brothers being mean to you and i remember when you cried and he was just like 👁👄👁 ok. like i’m totally okay being an only child sksjsj———and he doesn‘t listen to music 🤧🤧🤧 (although i guess that‘s good for you because at least he can‘t annoy you by listening to loud music that you hate dmdn)
okay okay i might watch wandavision then??? I‘ll definitely let you know!!! and yes omg i‘m loving tfatws (that really is so fucking hard to type omg) but same i totally get what you mean, i‘m not used to watching action series at all and every episode so far has been like a little movie so i‘m glad that i didn‘t wait until it was all out cause there’s no way i could binge watch that lol) and yes last episode was really intense. i‘m glad that marvel are talking about racism because (from what i‘ve seen) they haven‘t been the best in that department, and i‘m really curious to see what they‘ll do in the next episodes (curious isn‘t the right word but excited isn‘t the right wort either, like i‘m excited but in a neutral way ? i‘ll shut up dslsksj i hate that german has so many words that you cant translate because theres a really good german word that describes how i’m feeling but i cant think of a good translation ugh)
okay i absolutely need to watch lion king (and part 2 and 1/ 1/2 dksksj) AND hamilton, i might even do it soon 👀
BURGERS AT THE CINEMA? EBEEISNDBEKSK i‘ll come to the US just to go and watch a movie lmaooo, i think all the popcorn sizes and drinks are bigger as well, i‘ll come and watch chaos walking with you 😌😌 does next week work?
and yeah i‘ve seen posts with specific time stamps and trigger warning for cherry too so if you haven’t looked on tumblr yet i’ve def seen some! (but ive also seen some on twitter and yeah- i mean idk youve probably looked on tumblr but yeah- then there’s also imdb which doesn’t have time stamps i believe but quite specific warnings, mostly without spoilers!)
Tbh i don‘t think i would have even considered watching cherry if tom wasn‘t in it... (i’m personally fine with most of the triggering topics/things like for some reason i’m just stoic when i’m watching the most tragic films ever dldldldlbut the plot just... idk if it‘s for me you know? just entertainment wise?).... and even with tom in it i‘m unsure skeldls, i‘d totally get if you decide not to watch it but let me know if you do i‘d want to hear your thoughts! <3
SKSLSJJ my sims both finally graduated!! i think i played sometime last week, and i literally got the achievement/notification that i‘d been playing with this household for 24hours.... and that was BEFORE they graduated dldjdldkdksjjs
oh no my tumblr broke and three paragraphs of me talking about sims were deleted 😭😭😭
WAIT NO I TOOK SCREENSHOTSSKSK because i couldn’t press save so i knew they might be gone okay okay okay i‘m a genius
*move out
oh no idk if the quality is too bad to read... idk how good your eyes are dkdkdjjd (also sometimes it will be really bad quality for some but not for others so i hope that the you can see the pics in a normal/good quality)
Okay let me continue
OMG THE ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL STUFF IS THE BEST PART ABOUT THE SIMS DIDLDKJIkdkj i kind of miss how in the sims 3 they would be making out basically lying on top of each other if they were on a bed— but in sims 4 when they‘re sitting next to each other and everything that‘s definitely hot too 😌😭 or with hot tubs dkdkdk how one sim climbs on the other sim‘s lap before they woohoo (i used to make them skinny dip in the hot tub and then make out and woohoo so they’re like naked on top of each other even if you can‘t see anything- en e waysss)
Dkdkdkdj so @ Rindfleischet.. blah bla. so it‘s basically just loads of individual words put together/connected and that‘s a really big part of german. so yesterday i had an online Einführungsveranstaltung for uni (like it was a zoom meeting where they just talked about general stuff about the uni and i was really anxious before, idk why, but it turned out absolutely fine so) and that words consists of the two words Einführung (introduction) and Veranstaltung (event) which are also two individual words but you can make a new word (Einführungsveranstaltung, so in english that‘s basically “introduction event“ lmao) by combining those two words. there are obviously some rules like you can‘t just combine random words in a random order but you can basically make infinite words (technically). for example (i feel like i‘m teaching a class just skip this if you don’t care 🙃🙃🙃djdjdkdlns)
for example i could say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer (which is not underlined with red by tumblr because it is a grammatically correct compound word (i think that‘s what they‘re called?)) which is the words introduction + event + participant, so that word just means “participant of an introductory event“ but instead it‘s one word? i hope that makes sense? dkdkkdksks i mean it makes sense in german but idk if it makes sense to you cause idk if i‘m explaining it very well lmao,
(I just deleted a really really long paragraph that i wrote about gender in the german language and grammar, you‘re welcome slsksksj)
my capacity to think has now been used up for the week 🥴🥴🥴 i absolutely do not blame you if you just skipped over that part or can‘t be bothered to (re)read my awful explanation edkflsksjdjdj (again, i had double the amount of words but i just deleted it dkdkdlslsl but what‘s left lf my german lesson is probably confusing enough already😭i‘m sorry🥴)
so to answer your question LEJDKSKJ: it‘s really common to have long words in german, words that are just word+ word+ word + word made into one long word. obv rindfleischetikettierung..... is a very extreme example and it‘s normally just 2-4 words made into one! So yup i think that comes mostly from german and talking german and growing up here and going to school here and everything dmdfnsksx
i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌— YES. YES. Yes. I love that about us 😌😌🥰🥰/ I love us. Yes.
okay but your friend changing her mom‘s name into tom‘s mum‘s name (was that right? Dkdkdjh)—— so Justin Bieber once posted something where you could see that his Dad‘s number was saved as „Daddy Cakes“ (which, thinking back, sounds very weird ekejjej) and till this day I have my Dad’s contact name as Tata (which is serbian for Dad lmao), “Tata🍰“ in my phone because of it 😭😭😭😭🙃🙃🙃 it‘s not because of justin anymore like i‘ve just gotten used to it by now but at first i did it because of justin lol........ but nowadays i don‘t think i‘m THAT type of fan of anyone- like you know how people have fandom names (Justin‘s fans are the Beliebers, One Direction fans are Directioners (writing that hurt my soul💔💔💔)) and I wouldn‘t consider myself a fan of anyone like that. like even with tom i wouldn‘t call myself........ does tom even have a name for his fans??? Well if he does, I wouldn‘t call myself that. Like i used to be such a hardcore stan for any celebrity that i liked and now it‘s just... okay, i like em. (She says on her blog where she writes fan fiction about Tom Holland — WJDJEJDKELSKSKKSNSNDXB🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃)
Omg rex orange county!!!!!! I don‘t know that many songs like I‘ve only listened to the album pony, but i love it 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘
thanks again for what you said about my fics/writing I‘m🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Pete Davidson Pete Davidson Pete Davidson I‘m-🥰🥰🥰🥰 and I can‘t explain why. But as blissfulparker said the other day (i don‘t want to tag her and make her read through all of this lolll) “I like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death 😍“ (or something along the lines of that) eskkejs okay pete isn‘t that bad, he looks quite good on some days but other days you‘re like... is this man alive? Like i don‘t want to be mean I love Pete so much The King of Staten Island is literally my favourite film ever (although it‘s not my #1 because of how he looks, but i mean he does look good) VUT ALSO
(Okay i was gonna look for a terrible picture of him but he really doesn‘t look as bad as people say??? like. i think he‘s hot. can‘t necessarily explain why. so that‘s that on that.)
i‘m not going chronologically right now (i just keep scrolling up to your ask and replying to whatever i see first sksksksh) so i might miss a thing or two that you said
Okay Stormzy, you really really don‘t have to dkdkdjd like i think you said you don‘t really listen to rap, and uk rap is a whole nother thing from us rap because of the accent i feel like??? (That sentence did not make sense) BUT if you‘re looking for a few songs that aren‘t like RAP rap, then I‘d recommend One Second (feat HER), Superheroes, Own it (which you might know?), ummm maybe the song Lessons?, he has a ton of Lion King references by the way dkdjdj for example in Rachael‘s Little Brother but that‘s like more RAP again if you know what I mean?😭 and it‘s also like 5 Minutes long and tbh i only started liking that song a year after that album came out lmao but Rachael‘s Little Brother is possibly my fav Stormzy song, then there is Shut Up which you absolutely need to listen to just for fun dldjdjd like it‘s just pure fun and also a little funny lmao, especially if you‘re not British (i imagine so at least) cause he‘s like shuTTTT up idk dldkdjdldkjdhdhfjfbfldlsksksks
Vossi Bop is one of his classics, and then maybeee - ok so there‘s Blinded By Your Grace Pt. 2 lmaoobdjsj it‘s very (Christian/) religious but i like it a lot even though i‘m not really Christian (at least not practicing or anything) so idk about your views on religion but i do like the song a lot just by like the sound lmao
Okay so again you absolutely DO NOT have to listen to any, especially not for me dlskdj but I really do recommend the songs Superheroes, One Second and Rachael‘s Little Brother (and all the other ones i mentioned but if you don‘t listen to a lot of his songs you should at least give these three a try <3333) also let me know some of your songs? 🥺 like i dont care who they‘re by but i‘d love to listen to some that you like and Recommend 🥰🥰🥰
Okay so skdjdjdjddhhddhdhjsk... I used to watch all of my series in German (like H2O) bc obviously they were on german tv so they were german- and i knew that most of these actors i saw on tv were american and i was always SO fascinated that they all learned german for this show??? Like I actually thought they were the people‘s real voices and that these English and American actors were learning german so they could re-record the whole ass show and do everything in german dkdkdldjdjjd... i swear I thought that until I was like 14 omg. And then the first time that I watched H2O in the original version i was sooo confused about their accents because to me all actors who spoke english were American?? I mean MOST of those shows are American so I wasn‘t completely off but yeah i was definitely caught off guard when I heard all of their Australian accents for the first time 💀💀😭😭😭
@ math vs maths, math actually makes more sense in my opinion. like you have the word mathematics, then the abbreviation would obviously be math... why would English people randomly add the s from the end??? Or maybe it makes more sense after all because it‘s like plural??? Now I‘m unsure dkdkdkdj but i do say maths because that‘s how i was taught to say it and i hear the word maths more than math but yeah dldkdjs i think math might even make more sense (okay i just tried saying math and maths is easier to pronounce but again tjat might just be me, oh god i‘ll stop talking about that disgusting thing (mathematics).)
not the crickets and dora LMAOOOSNSNSMDNBS yeah that teacher was... a lot. a lot a lot a lot didjjd but she kinda liked me so she always gave me good grades/marks but the people she didn‘t like..... ooft. OOF.
Fksksjsj idek about headache season like i just know that i get headaches from the sun and i‘m allergic to only one.. type of...pollen??? (I don’t understand the science of that whole pollen thing and idek if it’s called pollen in english i just know sex pollen from fan fics😔)and yeah we have this weird wind that makes a lot of people get headaches yeahd dkdkdj. i loved the i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO lllioool i love that i really do. i always struggle so much in the summer cause i never have anything to wear. i feel like i buy so many new summer clothes every year but when i end up looking for an outfit i don‘t ever find anything 😭 (so i just go naked— lmao jk jk) but i‘m generally not the biggest fan of summer so-
OMG THIS FUCKING BIRD ISTG, okay the first time i heard it i went to sleep at like 5 am, so the next day i was like let me go to bed earlier so the bird doesn‘t keep me up, so i went to bed at 4 am (🥲) and THE BIRD JUST STARTED FUCKING CHIRPING SO LOUDLY, so the next day i went to bed at 3 am AND IT FUCKING STARTED AT 3 AM and it‘s still there 😁 every. night.
and since you said you‘ve gotten used to my theme and everything (idk where this transition came from😭) so tomorrow (2nd april) we have our... wait what‘s an anniversary but for a month.? I think month is like mensus in latin OK NO THATS DEF WRONG DKDKDJ wait
So Tomorrow is our... mensiversary💘💘💘💘💘💘 or at least from the first time you sent an ask. i couldn‘t find it on my tumblr anymore because tumblr is a bit of a bitch but i remember the first thing you ever sent (in an ask) was something lovely about my writing and i always take screenshots of stuff like that, and i found it in my gallery. and i took that screenshot of your ask on the 2nd of march so i‘m assuming that‘s when you sent it 🥰🥰 i feel like i‘ve known you for a week not a month like how is it a month already????? (i mean this in a good way lmao but i really can’t believe that its been a month wtf)
omg no you make me want to cry because i just love you so much 😭😭🥺 but about the stretch mark thing it‘s just.. it‘s not even me trying to empower other women (or anyone else who has stretch marks) to shake off these dumb insecurities that the patriarchy and capitalism have instilled in us— ok no it‘s definitely that too lmao. But i mean I‘ve always loved stretch marks, i‘ve just always loved loved loved them so much so it makes me genuinely sad that people don‘t like them. so yeah. i dont really know how to explain it lol, like i‘m not (only) hoping that people realise that hating your stretch marks is giving the men and the patriarchy what they want per se- (that made no sense) it‘s just because i love stretch marks and think they‘re beautiful and also sexy. idk dldkdjls and omg the fact that you called me kind 🥺🥺🥺 like i don‘t really have a goal in life or anything, but if i had to choose a ‘goal‘ in life it would just be to be kind. (i‘ll end this here otherwise i‘m gonna talk about being kind for 30 more lines—)
And please. Do not ever feel like you‘re annoying me or sending too much. never ever ever. I get so happy when i see that you‘ve sent me an ask. No matter if it‘s a long one like this or just a short one where you‘re saying something about a post that i reblogged or something. I love hearing from/about you and talking to you 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘
P.S: i‘m so sorry for the tags you‘re about to read they make even less sense than this post, also i reached the tag limit dkdkdj but i said some butterfly tattoos look tacky... and the next thing i said was since we‘re already speaking about Ariana- I DID NOT MEAN THAT SHE WAS TACKY dldkdjsj, i meant since you already mentioned some of her tattoos lmao
#lovely anon#<3#ALSO I LOVE YOUR TAGS SM DKDJDKDL#i definitely (accidentally) didn‘t say something about every single thing you said#but this is so long already and i don‘t want to force you to read even more of my shite dldkdjsj#(i dont day shite i say shit but sometimes shite sound funnier)#*say#omg its too mate to speak english what i meant was i‘m sire i forgot to adress some of the things you said but i tried my best iwjwskb#omg adress (address? lmao) sounds so negative i mean i‘m sure i forgot to reply to some things- also *late not mate loool#omg ignore my whole german lesson i cant believe i actually wrote all of that wtf#but it took me like 20 minutes so i don‘t want to delete it 😭#and omg i hope you got to re do everything that your sims game didnt save and that it all worked out the same#😭#I NEARLY DELETED THIS ASK WITJ MY ANSWER OH MYFUCKING GOD MY FUCKING HEART#also i realised i didnt say anything at all about uni but i dont have any news like that Einführungsveranstaltung (😭) I went to was literall#just about schedules and credits and boring stuff mostly lmao#oh and tattoos!!!! it sucks that you might not be able to get the ones that you want/get any :((((( but hopefully you can at least get some#that arent in colour? 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼#so my parents aren‘t that supportive either like they most definitely wouldnt pay for it (even though they pay for a lot of my stuff lmao)#but i think in the end they know that i‘m old enough and they can‘t stop me and they‘d accept it one day so they‘re definitely not THAT bad#maybe your parents will change their mind over time? :(#or maybe youll just get one one day and ig theyll have to get used to it lol#so i want a butterfly (thats the only thing that i‘m sure about) and there are a lot of butterfly tattoos that look really tacky#but speaking of her i actually really like ariana‘s butterfly! but idk if i want that much shading- i have a whole album with like 35 photos#of just butterfly tattoos lol- i‘ll stop here tho. ldkdkd#omg im rereading this all and it‘s so messy good luck dkdkkddl#my tags got messed up and idk how to fix it#wait did i reach the tag limit and you cant even see half of these? 😭😭😭#i‘m so confused about these tags why are they not in the correct order? 😭😭😭 ily snd i‘m so sorry for dropping this post on you none of it#none of it makes sense.
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taste-in-music’s top 30 songs of 2020
Hey everyone! If you missed it, you can check out my year end wrap-up post going over my favorite albums and EPs of the year. This list will go over my favorite songs of 2020, whether they happen to be on those projects or not. My only limit is one song per project, and thirty songs total. Now then, let’s get started!
First Aid by Gus Dapperton: There is one easy way to get me to love a song, and that’s if an artist adds in another person’s vocals for the bridge and final chorus, hence infusing them with more dimension and meaning. “First Aid” is the best usage of that device all year. The song tackles Dapperton’s struggles with mental health, citing his sister as a large help in the midst of it all. Who best to come in for the bridge and final chorus, then, but his sister (who goes by the stage name Amadelle)? It all comes together to make the final act of the song hit like a gut punch.
Josslyn by Olivia O’Brien: Every year I have to have my helping of big, sugary, bombastic pop tunes on this list, and “Josslyn” was the first of that type of song I fell in love with this year. This song is full of snark and blunt lines, (maybe don’t listen with mom in the room,) but god help me if it didn’t have one of the catchiest chorus melodies of the year. I’ll shout along to the entire song every time I hear it.
Frustrated by Lauren Sanderson: Okay, I only found this song by chance, like, last week, (another good reason for postponing these lists until the year is actually over,) and I have to include it. If you love the hooky guitars lines of The 1975, vocalists with a gritty edge to their delivery, and a free-spirited feel that captures the euphoria of youth, then this is the song for you. I may have just discovered it, but I’ve already played it countless times.
To Me by Alina Baraz: Everything about “To Me” communicates blissful tranquility, from the watery production to the subtle confidence in Baraz’s delivery. Every time I was feeling overwhelmed or stressed this year, (and lord help me, that was a lot,) this was the song I’d always return to to center myself. Baraz demanding respect out of her relationships and the best things out of life was downright inspiring.
Do It by Chloe X Halle: If there is one word I would use to describe this it would be effervescent, this song is so fresh, bouncy, and bubbly, like orange soda in musical form. With its tropical production and effortless vocals, this song made me want to hit a dancefloor like nothing else this year. It was the perfect pop Summer smash that deserved a better Summer.
ringtone (Remix) by 100 gecs ft. Charli XCX, Kero Kero Bonito, and Rico Nasty: This is probably the best remix of the year? The original “ringtone” was a cute, hooky fragment, but this turned it into a fleshed out, full-on posse-cut where each guest gets a moment to shine. Charli XCX turns the hook into an earworm, Kero Kero Bonito contribute their signature chirpy vocals, and Rico Nasty jumps in for an awesome bridge that provides a nice change of pace. And, of, course, 100 gecs are the glue that holds everything together. If you’re new to the gec train, this is a great place to start.
By Myself by Maya Hawke: “By Myself” was the song that proved that Maya Hawke was way more than the usual actor trying to cash in a quick buck. She was a bona-fide craftswoman with the potential to being tears to my eyes with blissfully simple yet artfully constructed folk ballads. This song feels like a long-forgotten lullaby, gentle and beautiful with just enough woeful melancholy to remain emotionally resonant the whole year.
killing boys by Halsey: “killing boys” is the epitome of short but sweet. This song is a fifteen second long dialogue bite Jennifer’s Body followed by some of the most focused, atmospheric pop of the year that only lasts two and a half minutes. The way the thudding heartbeat, low plucked strings, and Halsey’s hushed delivery all build to the distorted end is a pure adrenaline rush every time. It always had me coming back for more, and by the end of the year it had climbed its way up into my top 5 most listened to songs of the year.
Bloom by Donna Missal: It’s not a list of mine without a Donna Missal song, is it? As soon as I saw the name of this song on the Lighter track list, I just had a feeling I was going to love it. “Bloom” is the most stripped-back moment on the album, with just a guitar accompanying Missal, and yet it is also one of the most memorable and evocative songs it has to offer. What the stripped-back production allows is for Missal’s sheer, raw talent as a vocalist to blossom, especially in how she displays so much power not by belting, but by holding back. Accompanied with lyrics that detail the fear of holding someone back in a relationship, “Bloom” is awe-inspiring every time.
fever dream by mxmtoon: mxmtoon’s double album from this year didn’t leave much of an impression of me, but lead single “fever dream” got countless spins. This song feels like a warm hug, with mxmtoon’s amiable vocals, pillowy indie pop production (the chirps! the chimes! the gentle woodwinds!) and comforting lyrics that seemed to synthesize everything I was feeling while giving me a comforting pat on the shoulder at the same time. Take the line: “I want something more than / More than restless mornings / Getting by is so boring.” Gee, I wonder why I would’ve hit a nerve in a year like 2020?
Shoulda Known Better by Nasty Cherry: From the first chord of the intro’s ringing guitars, this feels dug up from a mid-2000s coming of age soundtrack. In fact, there is an inexplicable nostalgic feel to this whole song, from the frankness the lyrics, to the filmy vocal processing, all of it. And the way the song kicks into a faster groove on the chorus is so fun, it makes me want to speed down a highway every time I hear it, and I hate driving! I guess that’s just the power of a great pop rock song.
Heart of Glass by Miley Cyrus: Do you ever hear a song that stops you clean in your tracks and makes you sit in stunned silence until it’s over? Hearing this cover for the first time did that to me. I had been wanting Miley Cyrus to take the rock route for a while, but this cemented that my intuition was 100% correct. It’s not necessarily better than the Blondie version, (Debbie Harry’s original delivery is very smooth and nonchalant, Miley’s is more gritty and rough around the edges,) but it fills an entirely different purpose. And that purpose is to be listened to on a never ending loop, in absolute awe.
WIGS by BLACKSTARKIDS: SURF traverses a slew of sounds, from boisterous rock to hip hop to indie pop. One of the albums best moments, however, comes when all those sounds meet in the middle “WIGS” is a blissed-out in the best way, still providing a memorable hook, (one of the best the album has to offer,) while also letting you relax and hang on for the ride.
Dead Horse by Hayley Williams: This was the most unexpected bop of the year. The lyrics may be all about betrayal in the lead-up to divorce, but the delivery is so upbeat and bouncy that I can often forget just how soul-crushing the content is at times. The production on this is so catchy, with the chirpy, tropical synths, the “ya-ya-yas,” and Williams’s stellar vocals.
this is me trying by Taylor Swift: My favorite songs on folklore came to me in waves. First, “epiphany” was my favorite, with its timely lyrics and orchestral arrangements. Then, it was “the lakes,” with its nostalgic, poetic feel, (consider it a very close runner-up.) But in the end, it was the slow burning ache of “this is me trying” that didn’t just become my favorite on folklore, but one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs ever. Looking back, “this is me trying” synthesizes what I like about those other two songs. It has a grand, atmospheric instrumental and pointed, detailed lyrics, combining the two into a single, perfect, emotional wrecking ball.
Susie Save Your Love by Allie X ft. Mitski: This was my most anticipated duet of the year, and it didn’t disappoint! This song goes by like a long sigh on a humid Summer night, filled with breathy vocals set against a churning groove. The lyrics detail parties gone wrong and unrequited love with a best friend with just enough ambiguity to allude to something darker hovering under the surface. Mitski’s vocals work great in an alt-pop context, I love what she does with her solo work but I certainly wouldn’t be mad if she hopped onto more tracks like this. Also, that guitar solo makes me levitate every time.
Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple: Okay, who had “Fiona Apple meows on a song” on their 2020 bingo card? But it works, it works so well! From its opening clatter of percussion, “Fetch The Bolt Cutters” establishes a locomotive groove that never stops moving forward. In fact, the entire song seems to be dedicated to that sentiment, each lyric linking lines about middle school bullies, media critics, and Kate Bush references into their perfect place. It’s a narrative that may span a lifetime, but it still feels as timely as ever.
forever by Charli XCX: I’ll admit I haven’t returned to How I’m Feeling Now all that much throughout 2020, but I have returned to “forever,” again and again and again. The sugar-sweet hook at the heart of all the blown-out bass is just irresistible. The way it manages to fight to the forefront, cutting through the clouds of distortion like a shimmering pink diamond, is nothing short of hopeful.
Fit N Full by Samia: This was my instant favorite off The Baby. The glistening guitars make for a sweltering summery jam that you can’t help but move to every time you hear it. The way Samia weaves lyrics about the agonizing pressures of womanhood, diet culture, and body image into a catchy pop hook is pretty genius. She wraps them all up into a pretty package for consumption, just like women are forced to do with their pain.
Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan: Niall Horan has made folksy balladry his mainstay, which is all fine and good, but god help me if his turn towards stadium-rocking power pop didn’t result in one of the most anthemic songs of the year. “Heartbreak Weather” is sharply written, lushly produced, and performed with so much spirit and heart that I can’t help but think that this is the genre Horan has been meant to fall into all along. It’s certainly deserving of its title track status.
Pretty Please by Dua Lipa: Future Nostalgia was an excellent showcase of Dua Lipa’s mastery over nonstop pop bangers, (”Physical” is the very close runner up for this list.) But surprisingly, it was the breather moment on the album, the song where everything slowed down, that really hooked me. I’m gonna say it, “Pretty Please” is so fucking sexy. The whole song screams sensuality, from the lyrics, to the bass line, to the funky synths, to Lipa’s delivery. It may not be as in-your-face as its peers, but it deserves just as much hype.
Woo! by Remi Wolf: I had such a hard time picking a Remi Wolf song for this list that I had to resort to the raw data. “Woo!” ended up on my Spotify Wrapped, so “Woo!” gets this spot. This song just works in some ramshackle way I can’t describe, all the disparate pieces come together with so much charm. The way Wolf’s performance effortlessly flip-flops between jaunty half-rapping modulated with distortion to full-blown, raw belting on the bridge is a wild ride of the best kind every time.
gold rush by Taylor Swift: We have another entry for the highly esteemed category of songs that capture the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. This latest Antonoff-Swift collaboration is a wistful, glittery whirlwind that captures the simultaneous excitement and soul crushing realization of a blooming crush. The way the dreamy intro snaps into the steady thrum of the rest of the song, before the song fades out in the same way, as if to illustrate how your mind can race to dozens of different places all within in the moment of meeting someone? Damn, I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it.
Eugene by Arlo Parks: “Eugene” is a testament to soft-spoken heartache, as Arlo Parks details watching her straight crush in a relationship with a man. The song is incredibly intimate, both with Park’s hushed vocals and the specific details she utilizes in her writing, (Sylvia Plath poetry, a cigarette hanging between purple lips.) It all comes together to make the song all the more personal and heart-aching.
People, I’ve been sad by Christine and the Queens: Christine and the Queens have perfected setting emotionally resonant sentiments against wire-tight grooves, and “People I’ve been sad” may just be their most elegant effort yet. The echoing, stuttering drums, fluttering backing vocals, and reverb give the track a wide sense of space, which perfectly illustrates the loneliness Chris describes. But there’s also this intangible warmth to the song too, harking from the strings and Chris’s introspective performance. Just gorgeous.
XS by Rina Sawayama: Picking a song of SAWAYAMA for this list was damn near impossible. My first favorite off the album was the nu metal rager “STFU!,” then the slinky intrigue of “Akasaka Sad,” then the glitter-flinging “Tokyo Love Hotel.” But did those songs end Karl Marx’s career with their razor-sharp critique of capitalism? No. Hence, “XS” gets this spot. The craftmanship of this song is so impressive, with the rock guitar hits contrasted against the glossy pop production, Rina’s pitch-perfect performance, the witty lyricism, everything. This will go down as a classic in Ms. Sawayama’s discography, no doubt!
Guilty Conscience by 070 Shake: I didn’t even realize this was one of my favorite songs of the year until I was writing this list and felt like something was missing. This feels like a song that plays for the last stragglers on a prom dance floor. It’s melancholic yet just upbeat enough, sprawling yet buoyant, and hooks you in with the perfect balance monstrous, shimmering 80s synths undercut with rattling modern trap percussion. It’s just irresistible. If HBO doesn’t put this on the next season of Euphoria then they’re fools.
I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers: I don’t even know if I can describe the full impact of this song, so I’ll keep to short. One word: catharsis. The way this sound builds up from signature Phoebe Bridgers Ballad™ to forceful rollick to gut-wrenching climax gives me chills every time. I don’t want to spoil it. If you haven’t heard it before, go listen to it, (preferably with the rest of the album, too.) If you know, you know.
Delete Forever by Grimes: Okay, now who had “Grimes makes the best country song of the year” on their 2020 bingo card? I certainly didn’t. I’ve loved Grimes’s work in the past for its ability to transport me to another place. “Delete Forever” does the exact opposite in its discussion of loss, exhaustion, and hopelessness, rooting me right to where I am. But you know what? I think I like that a lot more, especially when the song incorporates a lush acoustic guitar and strings, sunny synths, and just enough optimism to remind me that there is always hope to keep the darkness from fully taking over.
circle the drain by Soccer Mommy: This song was in the running for my favorite song of the year since even before the pandemic began, for its classic 90s-alternative sound, for its clever production choices, and for its anthemic feel. But as the year went on, it just kept getting more and more emotionally potent. I’ve been wanting to look at the songs and albums I’ve discussed on these lists without putting on pandemic-tinted glasses, but the truth is, that experience drastically shaped my year, and how I consume music. The lyrics in this song were so goddamn relatable as this year kept spiraling and it felt like I was along with it. “circle the drain” showed me that it’s okay to be feel like I was “falling apart these days.” Because those feelings are not new, I’m not alone in feeling them, and I may keep feeling them, but you know what? I’ll still have this song, in fact, many of the songs on this list, to return to when I do.
Here are some songs I loved this year that didn’t come out in 2020: “Nikes” by Frank Ocean, “Prom” by SZA, “Rhinestone Eyes” by Gorillaz, “Anyone Else But You” by The Moldy Peaches, “Cold War” by Cautious Clay, “Plans” by Maude Latour, “Sleepyhead” by Passion Pit, and “Narcissist” by No Rome ft. The 1975.
Whether you liked, reblogged, or commented on a post, sent me an ask, or interacted with this blog in any way, thank you so much for all the support throughout the year! I can’t express how much I appreciate it.
What were your favorite songs from this year? Did I miss anything? Send me an ask and let me know. I’ll tell you my thoughts, or put it on my to-listen-to list if I haven’t heard them.
Here’s to 2021! May it clear the extremely low bar set by this year.
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Are you currently wearing anything red?
my red nail polish
Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today?
nope
What would you say is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted?
not a fan of christmas pudding but would I say its the most disgusting thing ever? hmmm probs not maybe I need to try more foods and get back to you
What was the last food you got a random craving for?
toast, but that is a daily occurrence
Has anyone/anything made you angry recently?
yes.... I arranged to stay with my friend for a weekend to which she announces that she has also arranged for another one of her friends to stay. So instead of telling her friend that she’s busy, this friend is gonna crash and it made me angry because I wanted to spend the weekend with her, I don’t mind meeting her friends but now they’re gonna be there 24/7. I made my peace with it now
Who did you last go to the cinema with?
probs the same friend mentioned above haha
What was the last song that got stuck in your head?
Little Big Town - Better Man
When was the last time you listened to it?
the other day
Who was the last person to say something thought-provoking?
my friend questioned our group if we think we’re fat phobic so we had an open discussion about it and it got us thinking
On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day?
who knows
How old were they?
probs 22 or 23
What did you/are you having for dinner tonight?
I had steak, yum
Is your best friend in a relationship?
I have a few close friends, some are dating and some aren’t, tis a mixture
How old were you 5 years ago?
17
What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at?
dancing, hehe
Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’?
probs Cara :)
What colour are that person’s eyes?
brown
Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating.
CUCUMBER FOREVER
What is your favourite Studio Ghibli film?
hmm haven’t seen many Studio Ghibli films but Howl’s Moving Castle was a rollercoaster, note to self: watch more Studio Ghibli creations
Do you have a favourite hair accessory? What does it look like?
yes and no, I love using sunglasses or normal glasses to push my hair back so its both a hair accessory and isn’t
What’s your favourite type of insect?
one that leaves me alone
What’s your LEAST favourite type of insect?
slugs
Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?
Laura!
What’s his/her favourite food?
I do not know haha
Did you have a good day yesterday? What did you do?
hmmm it was a stressful day, my dad and brother were driving up to join us for my grandad’s 90th over the weekend but they broke down on the M1 and took the car back to home in a lorry. mum was stressed and I was sad that we wouldn’t have use of our car to travel back in
When was the last time you went to a fancy dress party?
have I ever? maybe when I was like 10
Who/what did you dress as?
witch?
What genre was the last film you watched? Did you like it?
FANTASY - I re watched Narnia Prince Caspian and oh wow
Have you made a sandwich today? What did you put on it?
nope I had a salad
Do you remember the last time you overheard part of a random conversation?
nope, I do like to eavesdrop but can never remember what I hear
Did it make you feel awkward?
nah, I doubt it
What were you doing at 10 o'clock this morning?
showering
How many vowels are there in your first name?
3
What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you?
Taylor Swift - right where you left me. It reminds me of my last relationship and it’s literally just ONE moment it reminds me of because the song is about the narrator being left at the restaurant and I can just vividly see the moment when my partner and I went for korean bbq. He didn’t leave me at the restaurant and I don’t know why the song would remind me of that moment besides it being at a restaurant. Crazy how taylor works her magic
What flavour was the last cupcake you ate?
tomorrow evening I’ll be able to tell you because we have cupcakes for my Grandad’s 90th :)
When was the last time you complimented a stranger?
in a pandemic? pfffttt hardly spoken to anyone let alone a stranger
What’s your favourite milkshake flavour?
nutella and oreo
Have you had an interesting or amusing dream recently?
nope they’re all stressful and weird
Do you know how old your favourite actor is?
27
Is there anything worrying you right now?
yes
If so, have you talked to anyone about it?
I want to but I just can’t bring myself to
Is there anything you desperately want, that you can’t have?
bread
When will you next see your best friend?
a couple weeks time but we keep in touch every day
Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight?
read
What’s the age difference between your parents?
5 years
You can only have one flavour of ice-cream for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?
chocolate always
Are there any foods you’ve been craving, or eating a lot of, just recently?
I always crave yoghurt so situation normal there
When was the last time you wanted to do something, but didn’t do it?
I wanted to drive my dad and brother back from the station
Why did you choose not to do it?
I knew it would cause a fight with my mum so I let it go
When was the last time you ate an apple?
within the last week for sure
What’s the nicest thing your best friend has ever said to you?
it’s not something they say once it’s more that they keep coming back to say more nice things :)
Have you ever experienced a hangover?
yep
What was the last food or drink that you tried for the first time?
blood orange gin
Did you like it?
yes
What do your friends think of the person you’re currently interested in?
I’m not interested in anyone rn
Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ’S’
sausage!!!!
The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do?
waited for my parents in the car whilst our parents went food shopping
Who was the last blue-eyed person you spoke to?
padre
Is there a person you’d like to speak to right now?
I hope to get a response from Rena soon but I can wait
Why that person, specifically?
She has organised a party and I need more details haha
When you woke up this morning, what was on your mind?
It is spider season :/
At this moment, what are you most looking forward to?
CAKE (for my grandad’s 90th bday) and ofc seeing the extended family
Do you have any scented candles in your home? What scent(s)?
I do, sea salt, bergamot & another one from & other stories
Are you planning any special outings with family or friends?
YES my grandad’s bday dinner is tomorrow
Who were the last 3 males you talked to?
my padra, mon frere and Yao
Do you ever wear lipstick? What colour(s) do you prefer?
either nudes or deep reds, difficult to not look like a clown in the latter, that is always the fear
If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her?
I don’t :(
Do you have a favourite Celine Dion song?
nope
Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ‘C’
chicken!
Does the person you love/like have a car? What colour is it?
I’m sure Timothee Chalamet does not sure what colour
Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing?
yes
Have you had any caffeinated beverages today?
nope
What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time?
blood orange gin
Did you like it?
yes
Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind?
so much
The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you?
older
When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused?
mum wanted me to not have so much smoothie but I wanted the smoothie haha
What’s your favourite feature of the person you’re currently interested in?
nobody right now but I always notice a nice smile and kind eyes
How many people have you hugged today?
loads! twas my grandad’s 90th bday - we had the whole family come to celebrate
Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex?
I don’t
Do you remember the first CD you ever bought?
it was probably taylor swift’s 1989 album. If it was the first CD I ever bought I dont know but I sure remember buying multiple copies of 1989 to get the polaroid collection
Is there anyone on your mind atm?
not in particular
The last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone?
nope
Is your birth year an odd or even number?
odd
Have you eaten any of your favourite foods today?
CAKE!
What did you have for lunch yesterday?
fish finger salad!! I hope I’m never too old for fish fingers
Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?
Laura
How many different towns/cities have you lived in?
4
What are your parents’ middle names?
Steven & Anne
Are your eyes the same colour as your sibling’s?
nope
How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?
I don’t have any! we used to have bunnies and I would love some more again
Do you prefer still or sparkling drinks?
depends on the mood
Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?
Little Big Town’s Better Man is on repeat rn
Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night?
nope
Which friend do you confide in most?
I kinda tell the world my problems hehe
Who was the first male you talked to today? What colour are his eyes?
either my dad or brother, dad has blue eyes, brother has brown
Are you wearing any accessories in your hair? Describe them.
nope
When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong?
I caught this WEIRD bug that would just make me feel awful all of a sudden and then drained my energy. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt it made me miss the normal cold
If given the chance, would you change anything that’s happened today?
the food came later than expected so I would change how much breakfast I had
Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person?
nope
Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you?
It fits my name
Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift?
nope
Have you received any compliments about your appearance today?
yes! my auntie said I looked like a doll and how much I’ve grown since we last saw each other!
Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?
nope
Have you ever had an argument with the last person you text messaged?
probably
What colour is your shampoo bottle?
pink
Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?
she is wonderful but I am not attracted to her in that way haha
Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it?
chocolate & raspberry
Have you spoken to any of your neighbours today?
nope
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rafa... it’s okay king ... go into the light
good evening to bilingual short kings, soccer haters, aerosmith cover bands, owners of orange 1972 competition fender mustangs, Gays™, bicons, ghosts that are in a band, band members that are not ghosts, radio assistant hopefuls, sad boys, rock fans, mechanics who will change your oil for a bag of doritos, supportive parents ( deceased ), and supportive parents ( alive ).
i’m emily & in addition to spending my days as a bio research tech, i will be ur host for the evening. i’m 22 for for 13 more days, i use she / her pronouns, i’m from the est timezone, & i am deeply sorry in advance.
u can find rafa’s full app here & his pinterest here if ur so inclined ! trigger warning for death bc he is, as we know, dead.
THE BASICS !
skeleton. nocturne.
full name. rafael medina.
age. twenty-four.
gender / pronouns. cis man, he / him.
faceclaim. taylor zakhar perez.
THE BACKGROUND !
now it’s time for what you missed on glee <3
baby rafa was born to a single mom named beatriz in london & she was a dancer for the royal ballet ! p much as soon as she was cleared to dance after giving birth, she dragged him along, so he grew up watching ballet
he was always a lil bit of a scamp but he knew to be polite around the dancers and musicians, Especially during rehearsals
one day he wandered into the pit while they were playing and was in Awe of the first chair violinist
his name is alexei and we love him <3
five yr old rafa asked a million questions abt his violin & basically said okay magic man ur coming to my house for dinner to show me more of your crazy techniques... but lemme ask my mom first
beatriz debby ryan hair tucks and says yes 😌
spoiler alert they get married 🥺 a happy family 🥺
rafa grows up... gets better at the violin... makes first chair in high school... has a gay awakening when he sees abs in the locker room for two (2) seconds
strike one: the teen magazine that rafa stole off some girls told him his crush is “hot like burning” and he got so stressed he threw it away. strike two: his crush kissed him in the MIDDLE OF GYM CLASS. nasty. strike three: when rafa tried to talk to him in the hallway he said ‘do i know you’. ouch
so anyway ladies theydies and gaydies never trust a man
i’m so sorry to do this to y’all but just when rafa is about to play with the royal ballet orchestra for the first time as part of an internship... his parents die before ever making it to the performance :/
rafa... does not take it well and i do not blame him
he moves to the US to get away from all the memories & buries himself in as much work as possible to distract himself from his grief
some of the only things he brought with him were alexei’s violin & beatriz’s pointe shoes but he can barely look at them 😔
fun fact he gets fired from his job at the times square olive garden ( also known as the ninth circle of hell ) for telling a customer to go fuck himself after ordering his 15th round of unlimited breadsticks. king shit
anyway he eventually moves from nyc to la to get even Farther away and after making some friends, he eventually stumbles upon photography !
he’s surprisingly good at it, and he especially loves combining it w his love of music when he starts photographing shows and music festivals
eventually he meets this big indie artist named phoenix, whose music style is, as i recently described to admin a, “absolute hipster asshole fedora bastard” bc this was 2013 after all
*tolerate it by taylor swift plays*
spoiler alert: we still don’t trust a man :/
rafa gets caught up in all the allure of fame and thinking he’s in love, even though phoenix is the Worst kind of self-absorbed asshole who won’t even call him his bf
eventually he’s like hey ! this is bullshit ! and decides to break up w phoenix after a show that he’s shooting that night
except he uhhhh gets robbed at knifepoint but refuses to give up his camera and d words
but it gets WORSE bc phoenix writes a whole ALBUM about it and goes on TOUR for that album while rafa’s ashes sit in a cheap urn in a closet in his house in la
this dude is shitty i’m telling u
final edition of Rafa Gets Bamboozled: he gets SCAMMED out of his soul bc this kind-looking dude that reminds him of alexei promises to help him figure out his unfinished business but just straight up steals his soul instead
so sorry to that man... i know i did this to him but at least i’m sorry abt it
THE PERSONALITY !
GAY. big gay. yes this is a personality trait
usually Gruff and Not Fun but like... can u blame him damn
he does have a heart underneath it all but every time he’s attempted to have a connection with someone it’s ended in disaster so he’s not really trying to do that anymore :/
absolutely not a fan of opening up to anyone for any reason ever. if he had ever gone to college i think he would’ve physically fought his orientation leader for like... asking where he’s from SDGDSLKJG
sarcasm and dry wit r the name of the game babey. if u catch him making a pun the rafa u know is dead and gone ( for real this time )
in conclusion he needs to be loved
congrats u made it through the chaos ! now it’s time to plot xoxo
#if u want a serious explanation of who rafa is ... i linked the app SKLDJGSD#intro? exclusively for the funnies#✶ — 𝒏𝒐𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆 › intro.#phqs.intro
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I Did Something Bad
A/N: Today is my lovely adoptive mom’s @burnsoslow birthday! I never thought me making a post about yk what would lead to our friendship and Kryce! I hope you have the best day ever and that it is every bit as amazing as you are! I’m so thankful for your friendship and how you make me laugh until I cry or pee fvhujskdghfn and you’re the only one who could ever make me into a Drake stan. I love you so much! Eat all the cake you can for me! Happy birthday, love! I hope you know how much I adore you ❤
A/N 2: This is very much full of Donald Trump hate and despitement because who wouldn’t hate him anyways jkhkdjgh there’s also quite a bit of cussing
Word Count: 2,613
Thank you @rigatonireid for pre-reading!!
“This is bullshit,” Kurns exclaimed as Bryce and Dick were watching the events unfolding at the United States Capitol. “This is why you don’t vote for oranges.” She said while rolling her eyes.
“Agreed,” the two men replied in unison.
“Jinx!” They replied again at the same time that led to twenty minutes of them saying “jinx again” in response until Dick finally gave in and let Bryce win.
“You win, Bryce-y poo,” he had said. Kurns had kept her attention glued to the television during their little game.
“You okay over there, banana flavored moonpie?” Dick asked, directing his attention over to Kurns.
“No, look at all those turnips. And the cult leader himself told them to do this shit. People actually voted for this moron? They should all get head CTs to check for brain damage which they undoubtedly have.”
“Would it make you feel better if we overthrew the government while kidnapping Donnie?” Dick asked seriously.
“Yes, actually,” she answered with a wide grin.
“Okay, let me make a few phone calls and can you download some episodes of My Little Pony on Netflix for Bryce?” Kurns nodded her head in response, she also took the liberty of downloading Among Us on their phones so they wouldn’t be bored on the flight.
The flight from North Delanois was a little over eight hours and being on a plane that long with a toddler, well Bryce, was going to be a challenge.
It was a private jet so hopefully it would be more bearable, but just in case she also downloaded a few episodes of Max and Ruby and Yo Gabba Gabba. She also downloaded some episodes of Parks and Rec and Friends for herself.
After packing the essentials; clothing, toiletries, handcuffs, whipped cream, ice cubes -who knew- and My Little Pony gummies, they were off to the airport.
“Dick Kock,” Dick said introducing himself along with Kurns and Bryce.
Kurns was decked out in a Taylor Swift 1989 t-shirt and a pair of leggings with her trusty white vans whereas Bryce was dressed in a rainbow colored polka dot shirt, black and white striped pants, one blue croc and the other was yellow, and socks with weed on them. Him and Kurns had forgotten about meth since it already landed them in jail one. Chris P. Bacon was still a sore subject for the pair.
They boarded the plane and Bryce immediately went to find his gummies. Kurns took a seat next to Dick and pulled up CNN news to get an update on the attack on the Capitol.
Suddenly breaking news flashed across her phone screen: Taylor Swift set to release her tenth studio album later today.
“OH MY GOD! BRYCE LOOK!” Kurns exclaimed, jumping up out of her seat to show Bryce.
“OH MY GOD! TS10! TS10! TS10!” He chanted.
“Oh wow, that sure is exciting!” Dick chimed in.
“By the way, D, I think we should call this Operation ‘I Did Something Bad’ in honor of Taylor’s new album.”
“That’s a spectacular idea, Kurnel Mustard!” Bryce said with a smirk, it had been a new nickname he had given her after the three of them had played Clue one night.
“Shut up, Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the Fur,” she retaliated, mocking the Little Pony named Apple Jacks.
“Stfu,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“You must be really mad if you’re talking in text.”
“Dick,” he pouted, “she’s doing it again.”
“Be nice you two, we have a long flight ahead of us.”
For the first two hours, they each did their own thing; Dick was reading a hunting magazine, Kurns was watching the news, and Bryce had already finished the entirety of My Little Pony.
“Do you guys wanna play Among us?” Kurns asked out of the blue.
“Hell yeah! I just bought the baby crew mate and I’m dying to use it,” Bryce responded.
“I’ve never played before but sure!”
“Okay so you’re either a crew mate or impostor and if you’re a crew mate, you have to do these tasks whilst trying not to die and if you’re an impostor, you go around killing other crew mates trying not to get caught in the process. You’ll get the hang of it eventually,” Kurns explained.
“Thanks love bug,” Dick placed a quick kiss to the side of her head.
The three of them found an open lobby and talked in the chat box waiting for the game to start and when it did, Dick asked the question of, “why is my name red?”
“Oh my God, Dick! Don’t say that. It means you’re an impostor,” Bryce explained at the same exact time Kurns called an emergency meeting.
“It’s purple,” Kurns typed in the text box, referring to Bryce’s color.
“What the frick! It’s so not me. I’m not playing anymore,” he pouted, turning off his phone and crossing his arms over his chest.
“Now, children, can you two not get along? Think about the bigger picture,” Dick intervened.
“True, but I’m still not going to play with her.”
His statement didn’t affect Kurns in the slightest and she went back to playing the game. Dick joined her while Bryce was running away from an imaginary dragon and he ended up colliding into one of the seats, face first.
“Ow,” he rubbed his forehead that was now bright red.
“That’s what you get for being a baby,” Kurns said, not looking up from her phone while Dick went to go check on his blueberry muffin.
“You okay, strawberry flavored fig bar? That’s quite a hit you took.”
“Yeah, a kiss would make it feel better though,” he said, using his puppy dog eyes. Dick smiled softly at him before kissing his forehead all better.
The three of them spent the next six hours playing games, eating, and watching movies from the age of the dinosaurs that Kurns had saved since she was over 10,000 years old.
After landing in Washington D.C., the trio headed straight to the Whitehouse, if people could storm the Capitol, how much harder could it be to kidnap the president? That was Kurns logic at least and as it turns out, it wasn’t that much harder.
Kurns went to the Oval Office while Dick and Bryce went to the bunker since that apparently seemed to be Trump’s favorite place in the Whitehouse. But unexpectedly, Kurns found the Donald Duck under the office in the Oval, tweeting away on his iPhone 4s.
“Mr. Racist,” she called and he immediately turned to look at her.
“What? I’m tremendously busy if you can’t tell.”
“I see that, Mr. Pigman.”
“That is hugely racist towards me. I happen to be winning very bigly at the moment. I’m trending on Twitter!” He said proudly, he then proceeded to show Kurns his crusty ass phone.
“Come on, I have some candy for you if you come with me,” Kurns coaxed him out from under the desk and led him to the white van they had brought with them, you know, the kind your parents warn you to stay away from.
“Fake news!” Trump exclaimed with a huff. “You must be friends with sleepy Joe.”
“You’re right,” she winked.
“You know, frankly, this doesn’t make America great.”
“I disagree, I think this definitely makes America great again,” Kurns retaliated.
“Does Mikey know about this?”
“Yeah, we planned it with the fly,” she snickered.
“Well, it’s fake news, believe me.”
“What?”
“Nothing you libtards wouldn’t understand it anyways. Anyways, what's that thing on your face?”
“My mask?”
“Yeah, what’s that for?”
Kurns shook her head, not even being surprised by the question. “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, Donald Dump.”
“What’s a panoramic?”
“Don’t worry about it.” She got out her walkie talkie to talk to the boys. “The orange has expired. Over,” she said, their code word for getting Trump out.
“Okay, bet, we’re on our way out. Over.”
“Good job, K!” Dick said.
“See you soon and thanks! Over.”
Fifteen minutes later, Dick and Bryce arrived with a six foot cutout of Donald.
“What the fuck is that?”
“Hey, that’s me!” Trump chimed in.
“Shut the fuck up,” Kurns said, she was quickly losing brain cells being in his proximity.
“That is rude, quite frankly.”
“We found it in his bedroom… along with some other, uh, questionable things,” Bryce explained.
“Like what?”
“Like a, uh, dildo with Pence on it.”
“Ew…” they all turned to look at Trump who was looking away and whistling, trying to pretend he wasn’t there.
“Oh, um, about that. That was a tremendous invasion of privacy.”
“Shut the fuck up,” they all said in unison and he pulled an imaginary zipper over his lips and threw away the key like a literal child.
“I can’t be near him anymore,” Kurns said suddenly, getting out her phone to call someone.
“Who are you calling?” Dick asked.
“Joe, I was gonna invite him to go get some ice cream.”
“OMG! I wanna go too!” Bryce exclaimed.
“And me!” Trump said.
“No, to both of you. You two have to keep an eye on Don and make sure he stays off of Twitter.” She was explaining when Joe picked up the phone. “Hey, Joe, do you want to go get ice cream somewhere?”
“Duh! Taylor is actually here right now and you don’t care if she comes do you?” He asked to make sure.
“Of course not! You can bring Champ and Major too! I know Jill is busy right now.”
“Okay! On our way!” He said before hanging up.
“Where are you going to go?”
“Probably McDonald’s or something, Taylor is also coming with us, he said.”
“YOU MEAN THE TAYLOR?” Bryce asked in shock.
“Yeah, him and Taylor are like BFF’s.”
“I still like her music 25% less, okay?” Donald brought up.
“Shut the fuck up,” Kurns said again.
“Fine, fine. But could you make sure Barron is fed?”
“Oop,” Bryce slapped his hand over his mouth.
“Yes, now shut up.”
Kurns was getting ready to go meet Joe and Taylor when Melania walked up to the van. “You have Trump?” She asked quietly.
“Yeah, why? You need him?”
“Yeah, could you make him sign this?” She placed some papers in Kurns hand. She read them and wasn’t shocked after realizing they were divorce papers.
“No problem, hold tight real quick. Dick, make him sign these!”
“Of course, ladybug.” He took a hold of Trump’s hand and wrote his name for him since he wouldn’t do it himself.
“Here you go,” Kurns handed the papers back to Melania and she left without looking back. “Okay, I’m leaving. Be careful with that moron and for the love of God, don’t let his supporters know you have him.”
“Roger that!” Bryce responded.
“Don’t worry, vanilla brown sugar! We’ll hold down the fort while you’re gone. Have fun!” He called after her.
She met Joe and Taylor at a local McDonald’s and greeted both of them with a hug. “Congratulations on winning the election and congratulations on album number ten!” She reached down to pet both of the German Shepherds who happily wagged their tails.
“Thanks!” They replied in unison.
“So how are the boys?” Taylor asked.
“Good! They sent their regards. They’re actually, uh, holdingtrumphostage,” she said fast enough so hopefully they couldn’t understand but they are actually educated.
“WHAT?” Joe exclaimed.
“Miss gurl, how did y’all pull that off?” Taylor asked while hysterically laughing.
“It was easier than I thought! Either security sucks or they wanted Trump gone and I can’t blame them for that.”
“Amen sister!” Joe replied.
“Can we see him?” Taylor asked.
“I mean, yeah if you want!”
“Okay let’s go!” She went to get up when Joe gently grabbed her arm.
“But the ice cream…” He reminded her.
“Of course, how could I forget?” She playfully rolled her eyes. They all ate their ice cream before heading back to the Whitehouse.
Once arriving, Taylor and Joe headed straight to the front doors while Kurns stood there like 🧍♀️. “Hey guys, he's actually right there,” she said, pointing to the white van.
Taylor opened the door to find Bryce half asleep on the ground, Dick was listening to ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ and dancing in his seat meanwhile, Donald had his lips glued to the side of the door, making out with it.
“What the fuck?” All three of them asked at the same time.
“OMG TAYLOR! HI! HOW ARE YOU?” Bryce shouted, jumping up off of the floor and pulling her into a hug.
“Hi!”
“Hello, Ms. Swift,” Dick greeted, gracefully bowing. “Mr. President,” he nodded.
“How did you all meet?” Don asked.
“We actually just met, our hate for you is what we bond over!” Joe explained in terms he would understand. Hopefully.
“Oh,” was all he said and started to play with his fingers. “I don’t know if you knew this, but Washington D.C. is actually the capital of the United Stats. Did you know that?”
“What did you think it was? And it’s the United States, not… Stats.” Kurns asked in a surprisingly concerning tone.
“I thought it was like a stat… or well state. Whatever it is.”
“Oh,” Kurns said while Taylor called him an idiot under her breath.
“That’s embarrassing miss gurl,” Bryce chimed in.
“ARE YOU TALKING TIKTOK TO ME? I WILL BAN YOU,” Trump threatened.
“Please, these empty promises you keep making are getting really old just like your term,” Dick said, making the others die of laughter… no literally, some Trump supporter that had been walking by had just collapsed and died.
“And I oop-” Kurns and Bryce said at the same time.
“IFHCBXNZNZ, HAHAHAHA,” Bryce barked out.
“Can we get something to eat? I really want some Dino nuggies 🥺,” Trump pleaded.
“No,” they all replied.
“So what are we going to do with him?” Taylor asked.
“I don’t know, what do y’all want to do with him?”
“Excellent question, K, I say we feed him to some alligators!” Bryce exclaimed, flapping his two arms together to make an alligator jaw and started running towards Donald who jumped back in fear.
“That’s not nice,” he pouted, a lone tear trickling down his cheek.
“Fuck you, but not literally or physically,” Taylor said, making sure to explain what she meant.
“I want some My Little Pony gummies!”
“Me too!” Donald said with a smile now on his crusty, orange ass face.
“No,” they replied again.
“Fine,” he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his back to them, like the toddler he is.
“Anyways, y’all want to go get Cookout?” Kurns suggested.
“Yeah, of course!” Joe responded.
The five of them headed to the nearest Cookout to get food and milkshakes, leaving Trump behind all alone. After hanging out with Taylor and Joe, it was unfortunately time to head back to North Delanois. With promises to meet up soon, the trio were soon enough taking off at the airport.
“What ended up happening to Trump?” Bryce asked seriously.
“He went to prison.”
“As he should, period,” Kurns said with a smirk.
“What are we going to do when we land?”
“Sleep!” Kurns and Bryce said.
“Of course, my love doves. I’m going to try to do that right now, so please try to get along.”
“Promise!” Kurns said, holding out her pinky finger which he took and kissed. The rest of the flight was surprisingly peaceful, Kurns and Bryce were able to get along while Dick slept. It had been a fun trip, one they hoped they would actually never have to make again.
Tags: @burnsoslow @ao719 @callmeellabella @rigatonireid because no one else should have to read this :)
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I’ve been tagged by @shieldmaidenofsherwood @batmantaking-hobbits2gallifrey & @theamiableanachronism to list ten things that spark joy, or as Anna says, JOY SPARKLERS. So instead of being a normal person and listing ten, I’m gonna list all 30. because we can ALL use some more sparkly joy in these trying times!
What else can I say first besides Taylor Alison Swift, Actual Light of My Life? I keep saying that she’s showed up just in time to comfort me in this month when I’ve needed her, and I am so grateful that she is the artist and the person that I love so dearly. folklore and all the surrounding hubbub has been one of the sweetest album releases I’ve ever been a part of & I just adore everything about it.
My sweet darling mama finally having time to cook again during quarantine has led to her, every week, excitedly cackling and planning over what she wants to try her hand at next.
This song specifically because of the line life is being fine with how it is
The absolute sincerity of an old Golden Age musical! always cheers me up. you might think you’re sad until Judy Garland sings wide-eyed & with her entire chest about love and then you’re NOT anymore.
Nothing has ever been funnier than watching the Critical Role cast try to play a game of telephone remotely while all trying to fake German accents and count to ten allllmost successfully every time.
The past couple of weeks I’ve been gaining the habit of calling somebody I love around once a day and it is absolutely the best thing for my soul & I recommend it to EVERYONE.
Robin McKinley has been the very much-needed discovery of this year, and it seems every so often everything I need in the world is to sit down and read one of her books in one sitting to feel alright again! (My favorite remains The Blue Sword, in case you were wondering, but Spindle’s End is also darling and has the most fun magic system so far)
The freshly-cut-hair feeling when the ends of your hair are still all evened out & it feels like your hair is somehow shinier and better than it was before
My collection of post-it-notes on my wall that I look at every day to bring me strength, happiness, or just a little laugh. (One of them is even a math identities note that I still use sometimes! Who knew!) My favorite one is the LOTR quote- it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. because it’s good to be reminded of that, and it makes me happy.
when you are peeling a tangerine with your hands so you smell oranges for hours to come and all of the rind comes off in giant pieces and you start asking everyone if they want a piece of tangerine and then someone acquiesces and you go yES I HAVE OFFERED FOOD SUCCESSFULLY. best feeling in the world.
the calluses on your fingers when you start playing an instrument again, especially if it’s been a long time since you have. the filling sense of pride & accomplishment you get from it is unmatched.
when you go out one morning and the weather has, by way of willpower or patience itself, made the impassable shift into your favorite season. for me, there is always some September day where I spend it all skipping about on the high of the frost on the leaves that morning. there’s only a specific blue, blue, blue that fall brings to the sky in my town, and I wait for it all year long, and it never disappoints.
friendship, sweet undying forgiving ever-patient ever-gentle friendship, especially when you most need it. (give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other)
Taylor Swift album reactions are my favorite genre of videos. I’m so blessed to live in another golden age of them.
Eden has new pearl drop earrings and her whole life is sparklier because of them
Mary Oliver? Can I just say Mary Oliver? I love Mary Oliver. go read trilliums by her.
being able to indulge in my favorite part of the evening again which is when the kitchen is just finished being cleaned & is sparkling again and I make a cup of perfectly hot tea and pace around for twenty minutes slowly turning out all the lights while listening to music and sipping slowly. oftentimes a new album is not really REAL to me unless I give it this treatment to let it soak into me. it brings healing to my soul.
Spaghetti. Love me some spaghetti. And sticking an inordinate amount of cheese on spaghetti. And eating up an entire bowl of the self-same drowned-in-parmesan spaghetti.
anything that has a flower print on it to cheer up my sweet lil Eden-flavored heart, especially bags/scarves/shirts
the feeling when you have a fresh ball/spool of yarn when you’re just about to start a new project and you can sink your hands into the soft fluffiness and linger amongst all the possibilities still present in the yarn for what it could be and what comfort it could bring!
the long-hair-wearer feel when you’ve been wearing your hair up all day in a bun (or otherwise) and you FLING the pins out of your scalp and gently pry the hairtie out and your hair gets to be free again, with the plus of looking like Hagrid until it readjusts to gravity. unmatched.
freshly washed sheets and specifically, comforters, are the best and coziest things in the WORLD. an absolute luxury, if an everyday one.
the Brooklyn 99 scene where Captain Holt tries to write a wedding speech and comes up with “love...............it susTAINS you.........it’s like oatmeal” never fails to cheer me up
I’ve been having such strong BA test kitchen withdrawals that this Babish video with Sohla made my ENTIRE WEEK (significantly aided by the fact that she is an angelically sweet person and he is the funniest healthily-self-deprecating person ever and watching them mess up making candy together was the best thing ever)
last Christmas one of my brother’s gifts to me was a giant Hershey’s kiss that has been languishing waiting to be eaten, and today we shattered it and used it to make almost four (4) sheets of peanut butter chocolate-topped cookies and it was GLORIOUS.
Holly Warburton’s art makes me so *chef’s kiss* happy. it’s about the vibrant colors. and people holding hands.
my diaries from when I was a little girl & I was so excited about everything everyday that I would start every entry with “what a day! :)” because I was a young sweet baby!!!
when you spend an entire day out in the sun (with proper amounts of SPF coverage obvs) & when you come back inside and have cooled off, you can still feel your skin glowing from it. :)
when Kristoff says “My love is not fragile” at the end of Frozen. bless him. that absolutely sparks joy for me.
how lucky I am to be alive right now!!!! I wake up every day and I have enough to eat!! I get to go to sleep at the end of the day! There’s sunsets in front of my house and sunrises behind it!!! There are books to read and people to love and bread to bake and things to write and movies to see and I have so much. left to live for. There is so much good in life, still, even though some things are really hard right now. It’s still a beautiful world, after all. thank goodness for that.
who hasn’t been tagged already? @magpie-trove @iseult-blanchemains if y’all would like to list ten things that make you happy (not thirty that’s just me being me) then I would love to see it!!! 💖
#tag#i always forget about tags so this is my way of trying to offset that!!!!#i love you all out there#have a good night
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cloud ten.
you’re my first and last.
pairing: kim taehyung x reader | jeon jungkook x reader
genre: angst, fluff
type: soulmate au
word count: 11,929 words
warnings: none
playlist: death by a thousand cuts (taylor swift) ⋆ you were good to me (jeremy zucker & chelsea cutter) ⋆ salvation (gabrielle aplin) ⋆ time lapse (taeyeon) ⋆ two (sleeping at last) ⋆ my first and last (nct dream)
author’s note: sike you thought this blog was dead? i’m here to drop my biyearly update. shout out to t swift’s lover album for giving me motivation to finish this and thank you @nochanchu for listening to all my rambles ily mel ♡
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE FOUR.
At only four years old, life was simple. Your favorite question comprised of three words: “What’s for dinner?”, and your biggest worry was being able to claim your favorite heels and purse that were both much too big for you during dress-up time at preschool. And the so-called disease labelled “cooties” that girls your age screamed every time they saw you and Jungkook playing together at the swings was something you did not care about. Jungkook liked superheroes, and so did you, and that was all that mattered in terms of forming friendships for you.
At only four years old, a girl in class informed you that girls and boys who were friends meant they were boyfriend and girlfriend. You didn’t know what that meant. So she asked you if you loved Jungkook, and you didn’t know what that meant either. She said that it meant that you wanted to kiss him the way Cinderella and Prince Charming kissed. You and Jungkook were curious, and that was how your first kiss happened inside the large, multicolored, plastic rocket that stood in the corner of the playground area. Jungkook’s lips were red and slightly chapped, and you did not like the kiss very much, so you guessed that meant you did not love Jungkook.
At only four years old, you didn’t quite understand what love was yet, but all you knew was that your stomach did funny flip flops whenever you were in the presence of a certain six year old who lived next door named Kim Taehyung. You liked the way his eyes always sparkled like the pretty stars in the sky and how he always saved his grape flavored fruit snacks for you because he knew they were your favorite. His lips looked pink and soft, and maybe, just maybe, you might be okay with kissing him the way Cinderella and Prince Charming kissed.
At only four years old, you learn about the soulmate system.
It was an ordinary afternoon when the newfound concept of soulmates is introduced to you. You and Jungkook had walked home together with Taehyung from school and are now sitting on the couch, munching on fruit snacks and juice in front of the television set. But the show playing on the screen is long forgotten, and you are wide eyed, soaking up every single word that came out of Taehyung's mouth. Said boy speaks in hushed whispers as if he is revealing top secret information, but punctuates every sentence with wild hand gestures.
"You see the cool gold tattoos that our parents all have? That's 'cause they're soulmates!"
"They're all soulmates together?" Jungkook scrunches his nose as he frowns in confusion, and you tilt your head in agreement, mouth still preoccupied with the straw puncturing your apple juice box.
"No, silly! Your mommy and daddy are soulmates to each other," Taehyung points at Jungkook before continuing, "And _______'s parents are soulmates to each other."
"How do you know that?" you pipe up, looking at the older boy with your interest piqued.
"They all have gold tattoos. I heard some big kids talking about how they only turn gold when you meet your soulmate." Tae explains importantly, "And you get your tattoo when you're older!"
“How much older?”
“Eighteen!”
You scrunch up your nose in disgust. “That’s old.”
"What happens if you don't like your soulmate?" Jungkook asks, staring at Taehyung with anticipation, his fruit snacks now abandoned on the cushion next to him.
"Why wouldn't you like your soulmate?" you interrupt, perplexed as you squeezed the now empty juice box in your hands, before Taehyung could answer. "You and your soulmate are perfect together."
"Well, who do you want to be your soulmate?" Jungkook points his stare at you now, and your cheeks turn rosy as you avoided his gaze.
"Um..." You peek over at Taehyung, who gives you a toothy grin, and your face becomes an even darker shade of crimson as your stomach begins to fill with butterflies again. "... Taetae?"
Jungkook's impossibly large doe eyes widen even more at your answer in surprise, and Taehyung beams happily, his eyes rivaling the crescent moon. The butterflies multiply in your tummy as he plops down on couch next to you and grabs your hand innocently.
"I want you to be my soulmate, too!"
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE FIVE.
As kids, your attention span was smaller than a goldfish, and the topic of soulmates did not come up again until the following year. Taehyung burst through the front door of your home and skids his way into kitchen. Being older than you and Jungkook, his school day would last longer than yours now, a fact he often complained about. Jungkook suggested Taehyung move down to your and his grade, but Taehyung’s mother said no and the boy sulked for the rest of the day.
You and Jungkook are quietly settled at the table, drawing pictures of your respective families that are needed for class tomorrow. Your teacher announced that the following day would be Parents’ Day in which one or both of your parents will come in. You will show them around your classroom and give them your drawing as a present. And most importantly, there will be cake and juice.
Taehyung peers down at your drawing with slight interest before plopping himself down in one of the empty chairs and grabbing a chocolate chip cookie from the center of the table for himself.
“Today, I got to see my teacher’s tattoo change,” he announces loudly, munching on his snack.
Your curiosity piqued, you look up at Taehyung, all thoughts of finishing your drawing flying out the window. Jungkook carefully finishes the family member he is working on before capping his marker and placing it down, his eyes inquisitively trailed on Taehyung now.
“What was it like?” you ask eagerly, bouncing in your seat as Jungkook stares at Taehyung, impatiently waiting for his answer as well.
“Well,” Taehyung starts, his voice hushed as if he is divulging an important secret. And in a way, he is. “Miss Kang was helping me add numbers together and then the new fourth grade teacher, Mister Jung walked into the classroom on accident. I think he got lost, but when Miss Kang saw him, her tattoo started getting all shiny! She showed it to us before and it was a boring black, but I saw it start to shine! It was like glitter!”
“What happened next?” you ask, eyes round in anticipation, as Taehyung slowly takes another large bite of his cookie.
“I touched her tattoo and told her it was glowing! And we stared at it until it turned all gold!” Taehyung says enthusiastically, crumbs spraying everywhere. “And Mister Jung’s tattoo was gold, too, and he asked Miss Kang out for… oh, what’s that drink grown-ups always have? The one that your mom says makes you short?”
“Coffee!” you supply, and Taehyung nods at you fervently, “Yeah, that one!”
“Coffee is gross,” Jungkook quietly says, scrunching his nose. “He should get her milk.”
“Yeah,” you agree, frowning a little now. “Or apple juice. I hope my soulmate likes apple juice.”
“I like apple juice!” Taehyung exclaims, grinning at you, a smudge of crumbs and melted chocolate on his cheek. You smile back at him happily. Jungkook observes the two of you quietly, eyes flitting back and forth between you and Taehyung.
Apple juice is good. But he still likes milk better.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE SIX.
In a make-believe world fueled by your mind and Jungkook’s, you become superheroes, race car drivers, astronauts, dragons and knights—because you refuse to sit in the treehouse like some prissy princess. It’s much more fun to pretend to be a dragon and chase Jungkook the knight with your fire breathing skills, conjured up with bits of orange and yellow construction paper and a sprinkle of imagination.
You are in the midst of another game of pretend when Taehyung stops by, waving around one of those twenty-four pack of markers that every kid on the block envies. “_______! Kookie! Want to try out the new markers I got?”
Game now forgotten, you and Jungkook hurriedly stumble over to Taehyung, following him back to his house where he haphazardly spread the markers across the kitchen table. The three of you settle down with sheets of paper and markers of your favorite colors, happily scribbling across the blank canvases. Engrossed in your art, none of you hear the front door open, and Taehyung’s older brother and his friend entered into the kitchen.
“Jinnie! Was basketball fun? Are you on the team?” Taehyung bounces in his seat, his attention focused fully on his brother. Seokjin grins as he opens the refrigerator door for some milk. Yoongi stands next to him quietly, but a proud smile adorns his face.
“Yeah, I made it onto Yoongi’s team! We have a game in two weeks, and coach said I can play shooting guard!” Seokjin exclaims, beaming, and an identical smile is found on Taehyung’s face. “Maybe mom can take _______ and Kookie, too, if they want to watch?”
“Yes! I wanna watch the game, too!” You nod fervently, and Jungkook echoes your agreement.
“Let’s make a banner for their team!” Taehyung suggests, and the three of you busy yourselves with making a brightly multicolored sign that might even put actual rainbows to shame.
Yoongi quietly observes how Taehyung carefully passes markers between him and you as Jungkook silently and slowly works on his corner of the banner. Seokjin and Yoongi slip away from the kitchen wordlessly, leaving you three alone.
“You think they’re soulmates?” Yoongi asks, nudging his friend as they make their way up to Seokjin’s room.
“Who? Tae and _______? Or _______ and Kookie?”
Yoongi shrugs. “Either one.”
“Maybe. Who knows?”
“If they are, it’s gonna suck for one of them.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE SEVEN.
“This is Jiminnie! He’s in my class, and he just moved here.”
Taehyung introduces you and Jungkook to his new friend, a chubby cheeked boy with nicely combed black hair. Jungkook hides behind you, peeking out and carefully scrutinizing the newcomer. Jimin shyly waves at the two of you, and you do the same cheerfully.
“We’re gonna go ride our bikes to the park. See you later!” Taehyung pulls Jimin away with him, leaving you and Jungkook standing in your front yard. You stare at them riding off wistfully. Their bikes don’t have training wheels anymore. Maybe you can ask your mom to take those off later. You are a big girl now, too, right? Maybe Taehyung will let you play with him and Jimin if you can ride your bike without training wheels, too.
“I’m gonna take the training wheels off my bike,” you announce, and Jungkook frowns, furrowing his eyebrows.
“That’s dangerous! You can’t do that.”
“But Tae doesn’t have training wheels,” you points out before Jungkook tugs at your sleeve.
“Because he’s a big kid and he and Jimin are playing big kid games. Let’s play Mario Kart. We don’t have to take turns because Tae isn’t here.”
You follow after him to his house, sulking. “Does this mean he’s not gonna play with us anymore?”
Jungkook scrunches up his nose. “I don’t know. But we’ll have fun! C’mon, let’s play before you have to go home for dinner.”
“Okay…” You trail behind him, looking over your shoulder once more in the direction of the park.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE EIGHT.
You stand at the base of the tallest tree in your neighborhood, craning your neck to see the highest branches above your head, as Lisa and Rosé huddle together nearby. Lisa had climbed up a few of the branches earlier before quickly clambering down. Yugyeom and Jaehyun are already sitting on some of the branches, calling for Jungkook to climb up with them.
“C’mon, Jungkook! Race you to the top! Winner gets a whole carton of chocolate ice cream!” says Jaehyun. In a flash, Jungkook nimbly makes his way up the tree, rapidly reaching the other two boys.
Chewing on your bottom lip, you too want the ice cream, but the thought of climbing up all those branches makes you shudder. Your stomach wins over your mind however, and you start the ascent mere seconds later.
“Be careful, _______!” Rosé cries out, but you rise even higher than the three boys, who watch you in awe. Finally, you are perched precariously on the top branch, grinning down widely, as the other two girls now cheer for you.
“_______ gets the ice cream.” Jungkook shrugs, sliding down from his seat and beginning his descent. Jaehyun and Yugyeom mumble in agreement as they start to get down as well. The smile on your face that might as well be the spitting image of the Cheshire cat’s now dims when you see how far you really are from the ground. Hastily, you wrap your arms around the trunk of the tree, clutching on for dear life.
“C’mon, _______, let’s go get ice cream,” says Yugyeom as all five of your friends waited at the bottom, looking up at you.
“I can’t! I don’t think I can get down.” Your bottom lip quivers slightly, but you keep the tears at bay.
“Should we get an adult?” Lisa pipes up.
“No! We’re gonna get in trouble for climbing.” Others chime in agreement, and you almost regret climbing up here, but the prospect of getting ice cream still shines in your mind. You tighten your grip around the tree, clinging to it.
“What’re you doing?” A familiar voice is heard, and soon, Taehyung stands under the tree with Jimin in tow.
“_______’s stuck!” exclaims Lisa as the others point up to where you sat, trembling. Taehyung and Jimin both look up at the same time, eyes widening when they see your tiny figure at the top. You try to give them a brave smile and a wave, but you quickly put your arm around the trunk again. In a flash, Taehyung clambers up to where you were.
“I’m gonna climb down first, but you follow after me, okay? I’ll show you where to put your foot to get down,” he instructs you, and you nod. He stretches down, finding his footing, and settles on a lower branch. You try to mimic him, foot dangling down, and you tremble slightly.
“Almost there!” he cheers, and you find the right footing before carefully moving down and sitting next to him. He beams at you, and you smile back at him, relieved. The two of you follow the same pattern until you finally reach the ground to your utmost relief.
The two of you split the ice cream.
After all, he reached the top, too.
And you don’t mind, of course.
It’s Tae after all.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE NINE.
You and Jungkook are sprawled outside on your front porch, a pile of board games stacked haphazardly next to you. The game of “Sorry!” spread out in front of you barely piques your interest as you keep glancing out towards the yard. Jungkook grows tired of reminding you to roll the dice every time it was your turn, huffing loudly in annoyance.
“What are you looking at?”
You whip your head back towards the game, automatically reaching for the dice. “Nothing.”
He scoffs, “It’s my turn. Pay attention, dummy.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “Then why didn’t you go already, dummy?”
“It’s no fun when you’re not paying attention,” he complains before throwing the dice and eyeing the large red construction paper next to you. “Stop looking for Tae.”
Your face immediately feels warm before you screech out, “I’m not!”
“Hi, _______!” Taehyung’s voice rings out and you quickly turn to see him standing at the edge of the front lawn. Hurriedly, you scramble up and pick up the crimson paper beside you. Rushing down the front steps, you skid to a stop in front of the surprised boy and thrust the valentine into his hand.
“This is for you!” you manage to stammer out, digging the toe of your shoe into the dirt anxiously, as you clasp your hands together behind your back. He grins widely, eyes forming miniature moon crescents and sparkling as they always do like the stars in the night sky. He gazes at the brightly decorated card with delight, and perhaps, your little heart speeds up a tiny bit.
“Thank you!” He digs around his pocket before pulling out a purple wrapped lollipop. “I got this for you, too. It’s grape flavored!”
Nine-year-old you nearly swoons, and that was the moment when you knew you wanted Taehyung to be your valentine every year after that.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE TEN.
“Hey.”
Jungkook pokes your shoulder harshly. Both your parents had finally agreed to let you both have a sleepover in his treehouse, so the two of you lay side by side in sleeping bags, surrounded by an abundance of snacks and several stuffed animals.
You roll over to face him, poking him back with just as much force. “What?”
“Do you…” he hesitates before continuing, “Do you believe in love?”
“Yes,” you answer immediately, hugging your pillow to your chest.
“But… you know Jin and his girlfriend?” he asks, and you hum in acknowledgment. “What happens if they find out they’re not soulmates? But they love each other?”
You stop fiddling with the zipper on your sleeping bag. “Well… if they love each other, then why wouldn’t they stay together?”
“But they’re not soulmates.”
“Does it matter? They’re in love.”
Jungkook sits up, wide eyed. “Wouldn’t you love your soulmate? When you meet them, you fall in love.”
“But do you stop loving your girlfriend then if she’s not your soulmate?”
“Well… a soulmate bond is stronger than that,” he says confidently.
“Huh,” you mull over his words before a sly grin spreads across your face. “Does this have to do with the new girl in our class? Is little Kookie in love? Does he want her to be his soulmate?”
“Shut up!” His face turns red before he throws his pillow at you. Laughing, you toss it back at him, hitting him square in the chest. He falls back onto his sleeping bag, glaring at you.
“I feel bad for whoever’s gonna be your soulmate.”
“Right back at you, Kook.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE ELEVEN.
At age of eleven, you experience your first heartbreak. It’s funny how a boy can break your heart when he never knew he held it to begin with. You didn’t even realize that’s what heartbreak is until that moment. All you knew is that you didn’t want to see him holding her hand anymore.
“Hey, _______! Jungkook!”
You and Jungkook stop in your tracks and turned to see Taehyung waving excitedly at the two of you. Your eyes immediately drop to where his hand is being tightly interlocked with a very pretty girl’s. When he halts in front of you, you can feel Jungkook nudging your arm subtly.
“H-hey, Tae,” you manage to mumble out.
“I just wanted you to meet my girlfriend!” he says proudly, and the girl smiles at you shyly, introducing herself. The two of them continue speaking to you and Jungkook, but you can’t for the life of you pay attention. She is simply too pretty, too nice, too perfect, and you want to throw up.
“I-I need to go—stomachache.” You dash up the block and up the walkway to your house, fumbling with the keys before letting yourself in. Jungkook is startled, only staring at your retreating figure, before turning to face the surprised couple. “I’m gonna go check on her. Nice to meet you.”
“I hope she’s okay,” Taehyung says, concerned, and Jungkook almost found himself glaring at the older boy. “Yeah, me too.”
Jungkook quickly departs, letting himself into your house. He makes a beeline to your room where you are curled up in the center of your bed. Clearing his throat, he awkwardly stands in the doorway, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, uh, I can beat him for you?”
You let out a strangled laugh, sitting upright. “No, it’s okay. Just… pretty dumb of me to have a stupid crush on him all this time, huh? What was I thinking?”
Jungkook shuffles over and sits on the edge of your bed. “You’re not dumb. Taehyung’s the dumb one. And if you ever tell anyone I said this, I will eat all of your Hot Cheetos stash, but… he doesn’t deserve you anyway. My best friend deserves someone who isn’t dumb.”
You smile gratefully at him. “Thanks, Kook.”
“Anytime.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE TWELVE.
“So you… broke up with him?”
“Yeah.”
You sit cross legged on your bed, idly twirling your pen in hand, as you continue to work on your science homework. Jungkook stares at you, mouth agape and math worksheets abandoned. You and Minghao agreed the two of you were better off as friends, and that was that.
“But why?”
“I just…” you shrug, tossing the pen onto the comforter and leaning back onto the palm of your hands. “I didn’t like him that way. I thought I did, but when I was with him, I don’t know, it felt like hanging out with a friend. What about you and Eunbi?”
“Oh. We broke up a week ago,” he mutters, fiddling with the edge of the sweater sleeve.
“What? I thought you liked her! You liked her since last year!”
“She didn’t feel like my soulmate.”
“Soulmate?” you repeat incredulously. “We literally just got our first boyfriend and girlfriends, and you’re already thinking of soulmates?”
“Well, you broke up with your first boyfriend, too,” he fires back.
“Yeah, because I didn’t like him that way,” you explain slowly, “But you just broke up with her because you didn’t think she was your soulmate? How can you even tell who your soulmate is?”
“I’ll know!” he exclaims defensively before smirking and leaning forward, “Just like how you know Taehyung is your soulmate.”
Your face flushes, and you scowl at him. “He is not my soulmate.”
“But you want him to be,” he teases you, and you throw a discarded crumpled paper at him. He easily dodges you much to your disdain. “Well, you didn’t deny it.”
Your voice is quiet when you finally answer him.
“He doesn’t like me like that.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE THIRTEEN.
At the age of thirteen, you discover red tattoos. No one had told you anything about them before, and you didn’t even know they existed until Yoongi showed up at Jin and Taehyung’s house with one. While Jin was ecstatic about the discovery of his own tattoo and his girlfriend’s turning a pretty shade of matching gold a few months earlier, the same could not be said for his friend.
When Jin quickly pushes Yoongi past everyone with prying eyes and up to his room, you hear faint mumblings from the smaller teenager about not wanting to go home just yet. Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook had begun to shout happy birthday, which quickly dies down when the two older boys brush past them, ignoring the drooping birthday banner entirely. You are the only one to see the new glaring tattoo on Yoongi’s wrist. You recognize the name as belonging to a very kind upperclassman who had graduated from your middle school a couple years ago. But what you don’t understand was the color of the tattoo.
It is crimson.
When you go home that day, you ask your parents during dinner why a tattoo would be scarlet. Your parents exchange indiscernible looks before your mom quietly answers your question.
“Your tattoo turns red when you meet your soulmate... but their soulmate isn’t you.”
At only thirteen years old, you learn that the soulmate system isn’t fair.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE FOURTEEN.
After encouraging Jungkook to try out for football and finding out he made the team, you no longer had a walking buddy to go home with. When Taehyung found out about this, he had taken it upon himself to designate himself as your new walking buddy. And every day, without fail, he greeted you at your locker, and the two of you started the journey back home.
You were halfway to your houses when Taehyung halted in his tracks, dropping his backpack on the ground and unzipping it before rummaging through its contents. You patiently wait for him a few steps ahead, gazing at the pretty flowers blooming alongside the road.
You hear him close his backpack and make his way towards you once more. “Hey, can you hold this for me real quick?”
You outstretch your hand, paying no mind to whatever it is, when he nimbly slides his fingers through yours and squeezes your hand gently. His hand is large and warm, enveloping yours completely in a way that makes you feel safe instantly. Eyes widening, you stare down at your intertwined hands, mouth agape.
“I—we’re holding hands,” you manage to stammer out, and he smiles at you, albeit nervously.
“Is that okay? Sorry, I should have asked first and—”
“No, it’s okay, I like yo—I mean, I like it.”
There’s an ear splitting grin across his face now as his eyes sparkle like the stars. “Were you about to say you like me?”
“W-well, I—”
Stammering, you start to back away, but Taehyung tugs you towards him. Your face can rival a tomato at this point, but all you can focus on is how close his face is to yours. You can count nearly every single one of his long dark lashes framing his pretty eyes, and you so badly want to kiss the little mole on the tip of his nose. He gently places a kiss to your cheek, and your heart nearly implodes.
“I like you, too.”
You don’t think it’s possible to feel any happier than you did that day.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE FIFTEEN.
Jungkook lounges around on your bed as you pace back and forth in front of him in your heels. Taehyung is taking you to junior prom, and you had spent months, searching for the perfect dress, and even had Jisoo and Joy come and do your makeup and hair.
“Calm down. You look fine.” Jungkook says, looking up from his phone.
“What if I trip and fall down the stairs? What if I spill food? Oh god, what if I step on his foot during the dance?”
“_______, listen to me.” Jungkook stands up in front of you. “I’m one hundred percent sure that if you trip and fall, Taehyung will help you up. If you drop your food, he’d get you a new plate. If you step on his foot, he’ll still love you.”
“We, uh, we’ve never really said the L-word yet,” you mumble, wrapping your arms around yourself.
“_______, he’s whipped,” your best friend deadpans. “Trust me, he’s in love with you.”
When Taehyung knocks on the door to pick you up, your father sets him with a steely look before letting him in. He waits anxiously for you with your corsage in his hands. And when you descend down the steps, he is absolutely enamored. He nearly drops the flowers and stumbles over his words as he tells you that you look beautiful. He shakily slides the corsage onto your wrist, and your mother refuses to let the two of you go without taking a dozen or so pictures.
He drives the two of you to the dance, hand clutching yours the entire time. The two of you loudly sing along to every love song on the radio, and he presses your hand to his mouth, leaving a soft kiss, at every red light.
When the two of you are at the dance, he pulls you closer for every slow song. At some point, you pass by Jimin, and he winks at you before whisking off his date. The paper decorations and crinkling stars spin around gently overhead as the blue lights are dimmed, and Taehyung softly sings along to the ballad to you. You rest your head on his shoulder, swaying along to his voice.
“Sunshine,” he murmurs, and you raise your head to look up at him. His hair is ruffled, and there’s the softest expression on his face as his eyes shine. He leans down and captures your mouth against his. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, a hazy smile playing on his lips.
“I love you.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE SIXTEEN.
Taehyung knocks on your window at 11:55 p.m. and you carefully open it, scared of waking up your parents. He crawls in before pulling you in for a hug. You wrap your arms around him, burying your face into the cozy sweater he is wearing.
“Five more minutes until your birthday,” you murmur, and he squeezes you to his chest even tighter. You can hear his heart thudding so quickly, and you imagine yours is the same.
“I wish time would stop. I want it so badly to be your name,” he whispers, and your heart almost stops. “If it’s not yours…”
He can’t bring himself finish the sentence, and you tilt your face towards him to kiss him gently. When you pull away, he laughs softly, leaning down and giving you one more kiss.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to ever stop loving you even if it’s not your name, sunshine. Your laughter, your smile, your very being, I don’t know if I can live without you.”
When midnight comes, you and Taehyung stare at the black ink now permanently found on his wrist: your name in pretty cursive. He embraces you, laughing breathlessly, as he can’t tear his eyes away from the new marks on his skin. He tenderly traces his finger across your cheek before cupping your chin and leaning down to nuzzle his nose against yours. His eyes hold all the stars in them as he stares into yours with the loveliest gaze.
“It’s you. It’s always been you. You’re my first and last.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE SEVENTEEN.
It is the day before Jungkook’s birthday, and you know he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life. He texts you nonstop the moment he wakes up, asking you if you think the new pretty transfer student could be his soulmate or maybe the girl who sits three seats behind him in AP Physics. Or perhaps, his soulmate lives on a different continent and in that case, how is he supposed to meet her then? You reassure him about all his worries, and he continues to message you about the various scenarios he’s conjured up in his mind about how they will meet and how he’ll ask her out.
Your phone buzzes nonstop up until midnight.
And then it’s radio silence.
He leaves your text message unanswered when you ask him who she is. You are left wondering the entire night. Perhaps, it’s someone he doesn’t like. Maybe she already has a soulmate. What if he didn’t get a tattoo?
He continues to evade you at school and everywhere else. His friends prove to be no help, and when his mother can only offer you an apologetic smile when you visit his house for the nth time this month, you finally give up.
Losing your best friend hurts more than you can ever imagine.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE EIGHTEEN.
Today is the day.
Today was not just any Friday or your regular school day. It was The Day. You had woken up earlier than usual, giddier than usual, as you went through your morning routine and set off for school. Classes felt as if they went in slow motion; you were more preoccupied with watching the hands of the clock tick tock around and around in circles until it reached 3 p.m. Your friends all gave you shouts of encouragement, and you waved at them before rushing home.
You tried to concentrate on your homework and managed to do the bare minimum needed. Dinner was a rushed affair, and your parents exchanged knowing looks.
After all, today was the last day without a tattoo.
When midnight appears, you will finally have the name of your soulmate written upon your skin.
You are pacing back and forth in your room, impatiently waiting for the last few hours to trickle by, when the doorbell is heard throughout the house. You hear your father opening the door before the sound of footsteps are pattering up the stairs.
“How have you been, sunshine?”
Eyes widening and heart nearly stopping in your chest, you immediately turn your attention to the figure leaning against the doorway. Taehyung widely smiles back at you, and you immediately rush into his embrace, burying your face in the space between his neck and shoulder.
“I’ve missed you!” you manage to mumble out despite pressing your face into his shirt, inhaling as you are hit with the familiar faint scent of strawberries, pine, and home. His laugh vibrates through his chest, and he presses a soft kiss on your forehead.
“I missed you, too. I tried to take the earliest train after my last class to come here, but I’m a little late, sorry. But I made it! Oh, and here! I got you these.”
He presents to you a lovely bouquet of sunflowers, lavenders, and baby’s breath. “The flower shop lady helped me pick them out, and I even learned the meanings of each one.”
“They’re gorgeous,” you breathe out, carefully taking them into your hands. “Thank you so much, Tae.”
He grins sheepishly. “Anything for you.”
When the two of you finish getting a vase and arranging the flowers to stand on your desk, you and Taehyung are curled up together on your bed. You lean your head on his shoulder, still admiring the flowers.
“What do they each mean?”
“The sunflowers are for loyalty and happiness,” he starts, taking your hand into his gently. “The lavenders are for devotion.” He then intertwines his fingers and yours tightly. “And the little white flowers are for long lasting love.” He carefully tugs your hand up, placing a tender kiss on the back of your hand.
He flips your hand over to reveal the blank canvas on your wrist. Carefully, he traces his name on the empty expanse of your wrist with a soft smile making its way across his lips. “Are you excited?”
“Yes.” You reach out to grab his other hand and lovingly trace the familiar letters etched on his wrist. “I still can’t believe you have my name.”
You line your arm up next to his. “And in a few moments, I’ll finally have yours.”
He nuzzles his nose in your hair before you lean up and place a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. He laughs, giddy at the mere thought, before excitedly giving you a proper kiss.
A fleeting feeling of warmth spreads across your wrist, and the two of you finally part, dizzily smiling at each other, before gazing at your new tattoo. Suddenly, it feels like someone has dumped an entire bucket of ice water on you. Your blood runs cold, your heart stops, and the mismatched colors start to blur as the tears begin to cluster.
Rather than matching gold on your wrists, the taunting colors of ebony and crimson glare back at you.Your name, now in red, is branded harshly on Taehyung’s skin.
And there, permanently stamped on your own wrist, are unapologetically bolded letters in black.
Jeon Jungkook.
You blink away the tears, staring at the name in horror. Immediately, you begin scrubbing away at your wrist, shades of red blooming on your skin, as you try to scratch the name off. Taehyung covers your wrist with his hand, grabbing your hands with his other.
“Please stop,” he says softly, “you’re hurting yourself.”
“No! I don’t—I don’t understand!” Your voice cracks before it rises in volume. “This isn’t right! This is a mistake! This is wrong! They gave me the wrong name!”
The sound of rushing footsteps is unheard over your cries, but your parents soon crowd into the room. “W-what’s going on?”
Hysterical, you wave your wrist wildly in their direction before clawing at the black script in despair. “This is the wrong name! This isn’t Tae’s name! Why isn’t it Tae’s name?”
You collapse on your bed, tears pouring freely down your cheeks, as your parents finally see the tattoos of red and black adorning his and your wrists. Taehyung gently gathers you in his arms, and your hands desperately clutch onto the front of his shirt as you bury your face into his chest. Numb, you can barely register the feeling of wetness on the crown of your head as he embraces you tightly and cries with you.
At the age of eighteen, you experience heartbreak for a second time.
At only eighteen years old, you learn that the soulmate system is cruel.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
Your birthday is not a celebration, but rather, a farewell.
Saturday is dreary with gray clouds hanging overhead. Stray pieces of newspaper are scattered by the wind, flapping around aimlessly. Save for a few other people far from earshot, you and Taehyung are alone on the train platform in the early morning.
“Sunshine...” he begins before swallowing hard. “_______, I don’t think we should be together anymore.”
You freeze, staring at the train tracks in front of you. They run parallel, stretching on for miles, never touching.
“_______?”
“You don’t mean that,” you say at last, voice barely above a whisper.
“We don’t belong together,” he says quietly. He reaches out for your hand before stopping himself, retracting his hand slowly. “You don’t belong with me.”
You grab his hand and hold on tightly. “Stop saying that. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“_______... I’m not your soulmate.” His voice breaks, and he finally turns to you, cupping your chin gently with his hand. His gaze is soft, but resolute. “Your soulmate isn’t me. I can’t make you as happy as your soulmate can. You were made for me, but I wasn’t made for you.”
“Tae...”
He leans down, and his lips touch yours tenderly, before he pulls away. His eyes still glimmer like all the stars. Stars always shine the brightest before they extinguish. He smiles wistfully, caressing your cheek softly, before hugging you tightly. “Thank you for making me so happy. Even if it’s not with me, I want you to find happiness, too. I want you to have the love you deserve.
Thank you for loving me. You’re my first and last.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
Taehyung doesn’t return any of your calls. You simply receive radio silence from him from there on out. And you tried reaching him on nearly every single mode of social media possible. His parents offered no help either, merely polite answers and avoidance of mentioning their son. Jin is sympathetic, but you hit a wall with him as well.
Your friends had said nothing since two Sundays ago during your birthday party. They had made no mention of your new ink after they noticed it covered by several large bracelets and hair ties. The only acknowledgment from them were well wishes of happy birthday and thoughtfully chosen presents. They comfort you, exchanging words of condolence and sharing tubs of your favorite ice cream, when you finally told them about the red tattoo, but left out the name of your soulmate.
At school, you remain quiet, barely participating in conversations. Rosé looks at you worriedly as you push back and forth the vegetables on your lunch tray absentmindedly.
“_______, are you feeling okay?” She gently pries, and you smile tiredly at her.
“I’m fine, really, I—” you cut yourself off, spotting a familiar figure disappearing out the cafeteria door. “Hold on.”
You jump out of your seat, leaving your friends bewildered, as you rush towards the same entrance, pushing your way out into the hallway.
“Jungkook!”
Your voice rings out, bouncing against the walls, and the boy stops temporarily before speeding up. You run down the hallway now, hand reaching out until your fingers wrap around his arm. He finally turns to look at you for the first time in months, and when his eyes meet yours, the tingling feeling of warmth begins to make its way across your wrist.
You rapidly shove up the sleeve of your sweater, now staring at the glowing, glittering letters of gold stretched across your skin. You only faintly register the gasp from Jungkook when he recognizes his own name before he exposes his own wrist, your name emblazoned in the identical color.
“You... you’re my soulmate,” he whispers, gazing at the shimmering names, almost entrances. He reaches out to touch his name, but you jerk your arm away, covering it up with your sweater once more.
“This isn’t—this isn’t right,” you start to back away and turn away. “It’s supposed to be red.”
“Red? You wanted a red tattoo?” Jungkook grabs your hand and stares at you incredulously.
“God, Jungkook, you ruined everything!” You yank away your hand and start to storm off down the hallway, but Jungkook refuses to let you get the last word, calling out from behind you.
“Are you kidding me? I ruined everything? I didn’t choose to be your soulmate!”
You whirl around on your heel, fiercely looking him in the eye. “No, Jungkook. Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me you had my name instead of avoiding me like the plague? What the hell is wrong with you? You refused to talk to me at all and now you just expect me to accept this?”
“Because I thought my tattoo would be red!” he explodes, “Because I’ve been waiting for my soulmate my whole life, and then I saw it was you. I thought you and Tae are soulmates, so mine would be red. Why would you want a red tattoo?”
“Because this is a mistake!” you burst out. “It’s supposed to be Tae! I thought if this turned red, that meant the whole thing would be a mistake, that it’d be okay that Tae’s tattoo is red because both of ours would be the same color!”
“The universe doesn’t make mistakes!”
“Then what is this?” You bare your wrist at him, the sparkling letters making him wince. “We’re not even in love!”
“A lot of soulmates didn’t know each other and weren’t in love when they got their tattoos!”
“Well, we’ve known each other forever! We didn’t fall in love!”
He falls silent, and the two of you just stand there. And for the first time in a long time, you really take a look at him. He looks scared and small, shoulders hunched. You know this isn’t fair for either one of you. You know how long he’s waited for his soulmate. You can’t imagine what he went through alone when he received his tattoo.
Finally, you turn and leave.
He doesn’t stop you.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
You avoid Jungkook after that. It becomes an unspoken rule between the two of you to stay clear of one another. Your last message to Taehyung about your changed tattoo two months ago was left unanswered. As much as it pains you to sound like any other angst filled teenager, your friends and parents don’t understand you. They don’t understand why you refuse to acknowledge your soulmate. High school relationships aren’t meant to last, your mother says, your soulmate is the one made for you. You wonder if she would be relaying the same sentiments about short-lived juvenile relationships if your tattoo spelled out Taehyung’s name.
“How is he?” you ask, lingering near the CD racks and trailing your fingers across the spines of them. Yoongi remains a few steps ahead of you, sorting through the box of discs in his hand to place the correct one on the shelves. After graduating college, he had taken on a second job at the music store downtown in exchange for working in the backroom music studio at night for free.
“He’s… better. His latest art piece is nominated for an art show.”
“Oh, that’s amazing!” You reach over to pick up a few CDs from the box and arrange them on the shelves. “I’m really happy for him—”
“_______.”
“—and if he gets into the art show, maybe I can go and see it!”
“_______.” You stop short as Yoongi calls out to you a second time. “What?”
“This isn’t good for you.”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.” You reach out to grab another CD to shelf, but Yoongi drops the carton on the floor. “Listen to me, _______. You need to move on. This isn’t what Taehyung would want.”
You drop your hands to your side, shoulders sagging. “How would you know that?”
“Because I have a red tattoo, too.”
His quiet confession shakes you to the core. While you had caught a glimpse of it five years ago, he had never mentioned anything about his tattoo to anyone after that day. Everybody else had merely assumed he will meet his soulmate sometime in the future, and you sometimes wonder if what you remembered was a figment of your imagination. But he lays out the bare truth right here and there.
“You—I—what?”
“We were school friends. She never knew I had her name though. She had her tattoo first. I saw her fall in love with her soulmate. I saw her tattoo turn gold when he came to school with her name the day after his birthday. I saw when her name turned gold for him. I wondered why mine turned red instead.” He stops suddenly before glancing over at you. “Do you know what’s the most fucked up part about a red tattoo? You get to feel your soulmate’s most intense emotions.”
Your mouth feels dry, and you want to reach out towards him but for some reason, you can’t.
“I felt it when she cried over her father’s death. I felt it when she found out she got accepted into med school.” He swallows hard. “I felt it when he proposed to her, and she said yes.”
“Yoongi…”
“But you know what?” he continues, eyes turning fierce as he finally fixates on you. “Feeling her become happy… that was my peace. My soulmate was the happiest she’s ever been when she’s with him.”
You are silent, and Yoongi reaches down to pick up the discarded box. He resumes stacking various CDs and records on the walls and shelves.
“That’s how I know.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
You had sat down on the bleachers, gazing out across the football field in front of you. Practice had still gone on for another fifteen minutes, but you knew Jungkook spotted you the moment you stepped near the grass. When he walks off the field, you are waiting for him by the entrance.
“What is it?” He is guarded, and you don’t blame him.
“I just…” You start, but trail off, and his eyes soften. He notices the defeated look in your eyes, but your eyes don’t waver when you stare into his, asking gently, “Do you really think we can really fall in love?”
He falters, his hand coming up to wrap around his wrist and gently touching the golden script. He looks down and traces the letters of your name.
“Of course. We’re soulmates.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
When you announce to your parents that you and Jungkook have begun dating, you can’t help but loathe the way your mother’s eyes light up and how easily your father accepts him into the family. Your friends chatter on excitedly about prom and how the two of you will easily win King and Queen. Jungkook is the star quarterback after all, and your high school is a living cliché, so you don’t doubt that he would get the crown. Everyone accepts you and him together as a pair.
All because of a tattoo.
As you take down the pictures of you and Taehyung and the small mementos in your room—all the things that documented your relationship and remind you of him—you can’t bring yourself to throw them away. So you tuck them into a shoebox and push it into the corner of the tallest shelf in your closet.
However, the vase of dried sunflowers, lavenders, and baby’s breath remains on your desk.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
How do you dress when you’re going out on a date with your best friend? Well, former best friend, but still. Rummaging through your dresser drawers and closet, you try on various outfits before finally opting for a pair of jean shorts and your favorite shirt for a bit of luck. You put on a pair of comfortable shoes before slipping out the door and sitting on the front porch steps, waiting for Jungkook. Your friends have all sent their well wishes and good luck’s to you in the group chat, and you reply to them in the meantime.
“Hey, _______.” Jungkook awkwardly stands in front of you, hands shoved into his jeans pockets. “I was thinking we could go to the arcade?”
“Alright.” You give him a half smile as you stand up, and the two of you begin the walk alongside each other to your destination. You walk in silence, but you feel comfortable, a slight hazy feeling coming into play. There’s something that draws you to him that wasn’t there before, and it slightly unnerves you with how at ease you are just within mere minutes of your date.
Jungkook must have felt the same way because a few seconds later, his hand gently brushes against yours once or twice, before he bravely slips his hand into yours. And they fit perfectly together, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
As if your hand was meant to be held by his.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
A month into your newfound relationship, you find new flowers on your desk.
When you finally reach home after finishing your afterschool club activities, you find Jungkook sitting on your bed, waiting for you like old times. He smiles proudly, greeting you happily, and you are slightly confused until you notice the fresh flowers. Blooming daffodils, daisies, peonies, and roses burst forth in bright colors.
“I thought it’d be a nice surprise if I replaced your flowers… they were all dried and… _______, are you okay? Why are you crying?”
To your surprise, you belatedly realize there are tears slipping down your cheeks, and before you can wipe them away, he stands in front of you, tending brushing them away. The way his fingers gently graze on the apples of your cheeks leave a trail of sparks on your skin, and you can’t bring yourself to push him away. His face is inches from you, and you know he finally registers this fact when his eyes flicker down to your lips, and he swallows nervously. Hesitantly, he slowly leans in, and his lips meld against yours perfectly.
It’s your first kiss with him, and it’s perfect.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE NINETEEN.
Jungkook makes it onto the football team at the university you both decide to attend, and you go to every single home game, sitting in the bleachers alongside your friends and wearing his jersey number. When his team scores the winning touchdown and the game is over, he runs over to you, clambering up the bleachers to meet you, adrenaline still rushing through his veins, as he pulls you in for a kiss with a breathless “I love you” slipped in between.
“My lucky charm,” he affectionately calls you as the two of you celebrate together with the team and their significant others at a nearby diner.
“Kook, it’s all you,” you say, giggling before stealing several fries from his plate. Grabbing an onion ring from your dish in retaliation, he shakes his head. “Nah, it’s because you’re there cheering me on.”
“And you’re here.” He taps his wrist where your name still glimmers like the very first day. “You’re with me on the field, too. My lucky charm.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE TWENTY.
It’s winter break, and with your parents gone for the weekend, Jungkook sleeps soundly next to you. You stare at your phone, watching as the clock ticks down each second from 11:59 p.m. until it hits midnight. Your thumb hovers over ‘send’ button as the simple text message of three words stares back at you.
Happy Birthday, Taehyung.
Jungkook rolls over, wrapping his arm around your waist before pulling you closer to him. He nuzzles his face in your hair before drowsily murmuring, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Kook. Go to sleep,” you whisper, and he curls himself around you even more, nodding off. You take one last look at the message before deleting it and setting your phone on the nightstand next to you.
That night, your dreams are visited by a boy with stars in his eyes and sunflowers tucked in his hair.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE TWENTY-ONE.
The two of you sit across from each other in the café, partaking in another one of your join study sessions. You help him with math, and he helps you with science. It’s a great trade off, save for the fact that Jungkook tries his utmost best to distract you from your work at all times.
“Hey, _______. Give me your hand.”
“Why, so you can give me your hand to hold?” You say absentmindedly as you flip to another page of the chemistry textbook in front of you. Jungkook chuckles, reaching out and taking your hand himself. “No, but if you wanted me to hold your hand, you could’ve just asked.”
“No, I—” You stop yourself as nostalgia from a past familiar memory hits you like a tidal wave. A similar conversation with a different boy replays itself in your mind, and that familiar pang in your heart resurfaces. “Never mind, what is it?”
Jungkook gazes at you with an unreadable expression before brightening up and sliding on a folded paper ring onto your right ring finger. He raises his own hand and wriggles his fingers around to show you a matching one. “Look, I made us couple items. Custom, one of a kind soulmate items!”
You hide a smile. “Is that what you’ve been doing instead of studying?”
“I’m trying to be cute here, and you ruined it,” he whines, frowning, and you laugh before reaching out and squeezing his hand, familiar tingles spreading down from your fingertips, your heart speeding up just a fraction. You feel so, so happy—the happiest you have ever been.
“Thank you, Kook.”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
AGE TWENTY-TWO.
The opened envelope produces a creamy white invitation that announces the matrimonial union between Jin and his girlfriend. You stare at it, the RSVP portion laying out in front of you, pen held loosely in your hand. Your mother insisted that you go, while slipping in a thinly veiled hint about how you can learn from it when the time comes for you to plan a perhaps near future wedding.
“Jin’s getting married? We’re going, right?” Jungkook comes up behind you, and you nearly jump out of your skin, the pen clattering onto the counter. Chuckling, he wraps his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. You curse the butterflies that still erupt in your stomach every time.
“Y-yeah, I guess we are.” You watch as Jungkook picks up the pen and checks all the boxes before tucking it back into the return envelope. “C’mon, let’s go send this out. Lisa’s been giving me the stink eye ever since I came into your apartment.”
“She’s still mad at you for eating that last slice of cake she was saving last week.”
“I said I was sorry!”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
You knew he would be there, but nothing could have prepared you for seeing him again for the first time in so long.
Taehyung stands as best man for his brother, looking as beautiful as ever. It’s been four years, yet he looks the same as he used to, perhaps a little softer around the edges. Your eyes are focused on him throughout the entire ceremony, absorbing in his presence. His hands are clasped in front of him, and you wonder if they are still as soft and warm as they were on the very first day he held your hand. His lips are pulled into a genuine smile, one that you haven’t seen in ages and very dearly miss, as he laughs at the amusing parts of his brother’s written vows. His eyes gleam brighter than ever, like all the stars are captured within them, and your heart aches as you wish, just once, he would glance over in your direction.
When the ceremony is over, Jungkook takes your hand as you walk over to the reception. The two of you drop off your gift before making your way over to the artfully decorated tables, searching for your name cards. As you weave around the tables scanning the place cards, you bump into someone, teetering slightly in your heels, and they quickly grab your arm, steadying you.
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” You laugh a little sheepishly before looking up. Familiar eyes—ones teeming with all the stars and unspoken words—gaze back at you, and suddenly, you forget how to breathe as the air is knocked out of your lungs. Suddenly, you feel like you are fourteen again, a silly teenage schoolgirl stuck on a crush. You are suddenly hyperaware of how his hand gently grasps your elbow still, and how much you miss his warmth when he lets you go.
“It’s okay, sunshine.” His quiet baritone voice is heard before he gives you a soft smile and walks off.
Jungkook squeezes your hand, and startled, you look over at him, still dazed. He purses his lips slightly before saying, “I think our table is over there.”
“Okay.” You follow after him, and the rest of the night passes by quietly.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
We need to talk.
After complete silence from his end for the past few days, the simple text message from your boyfriend filled you with dread, and when you walked through the door of his apartment, the tension was already palpable. You sit down at the kitchen table with an untouched mug of green tea with a teaspoon of honey prepared beforehand for you. He is leaning against the counter, a similar mug placed next to him.
“You’re still in love with him.”
His voice cracks the silence, and you wince as the accusation hangs in the air.
“We barely spoke to each other.”
“God, _______, you didn’t even need to! Literally everyone in the room could tell.” He paces around back and forth. “It was obvious that he still loves you. It was obvious that you still love him!”
You stay silent, angry and sad tears beginning to mingle, and you harshly blink them away. He looks at you, frustrated, as his hand wraps around the mug in front of him tightly. “It took us months, years to get our relationship to where it is now, and he undoes it all in seconds! I don’t understand it! I don’t even know if you love me.”
His voice wavers near the end, and your heart wrenches. You start to speak up, but he shakes his head, forlorn, as he asks quietly, “If the situation was reverse… if I was the one with the red tattoo, would you fight for me, too?”
Your heart clenches in your chest, and you turn away, unable to meet his gaze.
“I see.”
“Kook,” you plead with him softly, “It’s not like that…”
“Then enlighten me please. What’s it really like?”
“You just—you want me to stay with you because of the tattoo, and then, you expect me to stay with you if you didn’t have the tattoo? I don’t understand what you want!” You stand up from the table, the chair making the most horrific screech across the tiled surface.
“I want you to choose me!” Jungkook bursts out, roughly wiping away a stray angry tear. “We both had your name on our wrists, mine was the gold one, yet you still chose him! You always chose him. Even now, you choose him.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Don’t I?” he laughs bitterly, “I’m your soulmate after all. Even if you don’t want me to be, I am. I know you better than anyone else.”
Silence falls like a heavy weight, and neither of you makes a move. The two of you sit there on opposite ends of the table like opposing sides of a chessboard, until you finally crack.
“Jungkook, do you even love me?”
“Of course I love you!” Jungkook raises his voice, frustratingly carding his hand through his hair before his voice softens, “I love you.”
“But why?” you whisper, “Why would you love me?”
“Why?” he repeats incredulously. “Because you’re my soulmate.”
“But, Kook, that’s the thing,” you say softly as you finally look him in the eye. “You love me because I’m your soulmate.
But would you have fallen in love with me if I wasn’t?”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
Jungkook finds himself wandering the streets for several hours afterwards, stuffing his hands into his pockets, as he replays your words over and over in his mind. What did you mean by that? He loves you for you because well, you are his soulmate. The universe chose you for him and him for you. The word ‘soulmate’ and you are synonymous. Aren’t they?
When Jungkook looks around, he realizes that his feet had taken him to the front of a very familiar bar. Stepping inside, he is welcomed by Namjoon with a wave and shuffles over to take a seat in front of the dimpled bartender.
“How have you been?” his friend greets him, already pouring out the usual drink order.
“Confused,” he answers honestly. “Joon, what do you think about soulmates?”
Namjoon sets the drink down in front of him. “It’s an interesting system. We’re taught that there is someone out there who’s perfect for you, yet it’s never specified in what way. We all assume it is a romantic bond, but who’s to say it’s not platonic?”
“So you’re saying best friends can be soulmates?”
“Soulmates are about a connection between two people,” he explains, “A soulmate is someone who understands you on the deepest level. Your minds have this unexplainable connection strengthened by mutual respect, understanding, and love. It’s someone who can understand your mind and heart and accepts you for who you are. Whether that is platonic or romantic, I believe it can vary.”
“So then _______ and I were made for each other,” mumbles Jungkook, tracing the rim of his glass absentmindedly. “The universe doesn’t make mistakes.”
“Tell me, Jungkook. What do you think of those with red tattoos?”
“Well, they’re mista—” he cuts himself short, jaw going slack.
“But the universe doesn’t make mistakes,” Namjoon hums as he wipes down the counter.
“They’re meant to be alone then.”
“Then why are they given a tattoo to begin with?”
He falls silent, staring at the amber liquid in front of him. Is it possible to have multiple soulmates? Only one name shows up on your wrist though. Not two. Just one. His.
“But it’s my name on her wrist.”
“Do you love her, Jungkook?”
“Of course I do,” he says, his hands curling into the small fists, “She’s my soulmate.”
“Does she love you?”
“Yes.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Because…” He unfurls his hands, small crescent shaped indents now littering his palms. You do love him. But not because of some soulmate tattoo. And he knows that—
“… Because she stayed. Because she loves me enough to stay.”
For all these years, he finally realizes, you did choose him. You chose to stay with him. You chose to be with him.
“But I know she loves him more,” he murmurs. “And I know he loves her, too. He’s been in love with her from the beginning. And that’s what I don’t understand. He had her, and he let her go.”
“Taehyung loves her enough to let her go,” Namjoon muses, tapping his fingers on the scratched wooden surface. He looks at Jungkook, gazing at him with such intensity that the boy, for some reason, cannot look away.
“Do you?”
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
When you return to your apartment after your last class the next day, Lisa greets you before gesturing towards the envelope on the counter.
“He left that for you.”
She disappears into her room soon after, and you gingerly pick it up. Opening the envelope, you tip the contents out and find a folded note resting in the palm of your hand. Unfolding the lined paper, you instantly recognize the messy scrawls of handwriting.
Thank you for loving me.
Taped to the bottom is a familiar, well-worn paper ring.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
“Tae!”
You bang on his door loudly. Several minutes pass, but you remain persistent, knocking on the door in rapid succession, until the sound of rushing feet is heard, and the door swings open. Taehyung stands before you, a look of shock quickly morphing into one of concern and confusion.
“What are you doing here? How do you know I’m here?”
“Yoongi finally told me.”
“Sunshine… you shouldn’t be here.” He looks tired, sad, as he retreats back into his apartment, beginning to close the door. “You should go back home. To Jungkook.”
“We broke up.”
His eyes widen. “What? Why?”
“Because I love you.”
The words tumble out of your mouth as you listen to your heart for the first time, rather than your mind, soulmate system be damned. Your heart pounds faster than ever in your chest, blood rushing through your veins, as you stare at the man in front of you.
Taehyung inhales sharply. “Sunshine, you belong with your soulmate, not me.”
“No. No, I don’t belong with someone because of some ink on my wrist. I belong with someone because I choose to be with them. Because I choose to want them. Because I choose to love them.”
You take a step forward, and Taehyung watches you with soft eyes as you gently touch his face, your bodies now millimeters away from each other. There are no sparks, no electricity igniting beneath your fingertips, but you feel a comforting warmth that curls around your heart and makes it bloom.
“I love you, Tae,” you repeat softly, “I’ve always loved you. You’re my first and last.”
So you close the distance and press your lips against his.
You choose the boy with the starry eyes.
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆
EPILOGUE.
Rays of morning sunlight peek through the gossamer curtains hanging on the windows, creating light patterns upon the duvet. With his arm draped around your waist and his other one resting beneath your head, you are held gently in your husband’s embrace. Still chasing the last remnants of sleep, you drowsily rub your eyes. Tilting your head upwards, the corners of your lips tip upwards into a soft smile at the sight that meets your eyes.
The light hits his face in all the right angles, shining the softest of glows that illuminates his sun kissed skin. It filters through his long, dark eyelashes, casting shadows onto his cheeks. Small puffs of breath escape between his lips with a quiet snore. His hair falls close to his eyes, and you carefully brush the strands away.
“Mama! Daddy!”
A bundle of energy launches herself at the two of you with a squeal. An audible oomph is heard from next to you as you let out a laugh, pulling into your arms the little girl whose eyes mirror her father’s and smile identical to the one on your face.
“Hello, my little munchkin.” She greets you back happily, rubbing her nose against yours in an Eskimo kiss before sloppily placing a kiss on your cheek. You return the gesture, a kiss gently pressed on both of her rosy cheeks, as she giggles before rolling over to her father.
He groans when one of her flying elbows land in his stomach, but he quickly scoops her up, pulling her into his chest. She wriggles out of his embrace in seconds, but her interest is immediately caught onto a tattoo inked upon her father's wrist that's identical to the one on your own skin, and you already know the next words on the tip of her tongue. It is her favorite question to ask every morning after all.
"What do the flowers mean?" she asks, admiring the art etched permanently upon forgotten, faded letters of red and gold. She clutches her father's hand in one hand and your hand in her other, comparing the two tattoos as seriously as any four-year-old can, and you answer her question softly, smiling over at him, as he gazes at you with the same star struck look in his eyes all those years ago.
"They're called lavenders. They stand for devotion."
But they also stand for so much more. And your daughter will learn this when she’s a little older, whether she chooses to follow the tattoo on her wrist or the one on her heart and whether they are one and the same for her.
“The lavenders stand for how much your daddy and I love each other.”
They stand for shared childhood memories that you hold close to your heart. They stand for late night arguments and loud disagreements that end with good night apologies. They stand for hands that do not perfectly fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but still hold onto each other as tightly as possible. They stand for lips that were not made for each other, but still find each other every morning and every night and all the times in between. They stand for the ups and downs you two had to work for to get to where you are now. They stand for your love for each other. Your first and last.
The journey to finding your love was not easy. It was not like the love story of soulmates. It was not simply a change of color to gold. You had to work for your love by learning to understand each other and enduring hardships together. Your love was not built upon the universe's red strings of fate, but instead, upon trust, loyalty, care, and ultimately, devotion. While your love may not be as intense and solid as a soulmate bond, it runs deeper, stronger, more genuine.
Love is not simply a feeling. Love is a choice. It is choosing to work through the difficulties and hardships instead of taking the easier path and walking away. It is choosing to stay. It is choosing each other yesterday, today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your lives.
It may not be as serendipitous and magnificent as walking on cloud nine hand in hand with the one who was named on your wrist, but you don’t care one bit. It doesn’t matter to you. It doesn’t matter at all because he carved out a piece of heaven just for you.
Because Kim Taehyung takes you to cloud ten.
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