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opalmothnightingale · 7 years

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The Dark, Light and Bright Heart

9- 14- 17 -

One thing I like to do is to blur the lines between depressed and not-depressed. Sometimes, in order to introduce and focus on and remind myself of all the many things that are coping skills and practices, for depression,...

But without reminding myself of “That Word” (Depression), which that word, and all of the thoughts and feelings it brings up for me can be problematic, even when I try to view it from the most positive, constructive angle and to heal it and all that stuff, even STILL..

It becomes this thing, that grows in my mind and heart, despite good attitude and ideologies about the whole matter.

I don’t know why, but so it is. And there is a thing I do that works really great at overcoming that hurdle, often, it seems. And that is that I blur what I’m talking about and why, when I discuss, think of or write depression-related things.

And, I also mix it in with lots of other non-depressive related stuff, or not clearly depression related stuff, and I don’t make it clear which is which, because well, .. Lol You know, for me, the line between depressed and not depressed is not that clear.

Since I have been dealing with it for like 20 years and created this masked, walking depression. The line between when and what are depressed states or not really is quite blurry for me. But the blessing is tremendous for me when I can do this.

It has the effect sometimes anyway, to lift up the depression, to start to blend it with better states, and bring out the best in it. It has the effect to wrap the depression in love, and spirituality, and fun, and all these other good things.

It has the effect of approaching depression like a friend, like a loved one, and giving it all the attention and appreciation and cooperation, lack of fear, lack of anxiety, that I’d give any other state, any other emotion...

And Spirit loves to help us when we’re suffering, and when we’re open and open hearted, open minded, not clinging to our suffering, and genuinely seeking the good, love, wisdom, and knowledge to help ourselves, and help others who are suffering like that. And that is why it’s one of the most beautiful, uplifting, spirit-filled things, to approach depression in this way, sometimes.

Spirit does want to help us in our suffering, when we are open and full of heart and faith and willing to receive and practice the things that we’re given or shown to do.

I think it takes that, though.. That open hearted, willing faith, willing to be led by the one who knows better and knows more and not have to control it all ourselves, not have to direct everything or figure it all out mentally.

If we can surrender to that, then great blessings can pour in, and what comes to us at the darkest times is not “low vibration”, in that case, but actually the high vibration which is attracted to us and wants to help us with the special grace, to lift us out of the lower, to help us, throw us a ladder.

Grace is real and you don’t have to be “high vibration” through and through to deserve and recieve it,...

But you have to be open hearted and willing and open minded to it, and then it will often be better than all the high vibrational alignment and intellectual searching that you could find, even though you find it when you’re low.

Especially because of the fact that you find it when you’re low. It’s there to show you that we’re not alone in our darkness and lostness,... If we dare to reach out to spirit and to love, and reach out in love and humililty and surrender.

What does it take to surrender anyway?

Maybe it takes breaking before we finally open the door to the greatest treasure and power and beauty and empowerment?

To see that to join forces with and surrender to spirit is to lift our human selves and individual unique selves too?

That after all spirit knows the callings of our hearts and passions and has a plan that includes that,...

but only if we surrender some of our knowing or imagining we know, controlling or imagining we could control, wilfulness, and imagining we could will all the things we want anyway?

That’s been my experience with depression and grace, at least. It took me a long time to get there as much as I am now...

And now, calling on spirit in my depression is one of my biggest coping methods too,... And always is very powerful indeed.

Yet, as I thought on this some more, I realized, I haven’t always felt that way, that openness to spirit, guidance and faith. It wasn’t always wise to be that way. It needs a foundation of experience and reason to trust. Why trust? Why follow? Why seek outside oneself?

What is the reasoning and the basis for that? What makes it believable or dependable?

What makes it something worth trying for? And how do you create that connection to spirit, where you can really believe and have reason to believe? Where you can depend and have reason to depend? Because that is so important to me, and is the basis upon which so much else is allowed to flower and grow,...

And so much of the fruitfulness of my life is founded on (that is fruitful and joyful and bliss-filled, even alongside depression, which is a miracle in itself to me)... But how could I share it with others?

How could they reach that point? How and why would they want to turn to and depend on and believe in and feel that grace? If grace if founded on right faith, right knowledge and right action, then what is this so-called “right knowledge” that spurs on faith and right action?

If faith and dependence on spirit is important instead of depending on one’s own knowledge and will, then how can one know this is really true? How does one prove it to oneself? How does one reach the point where they have seen it for themselves? Because I see it, for myself, as plainly as day. And that I want to explain to others, and so.. Ok, for another post, another day, I may write more about this.

I understand, why trust, why believe, if you have not been shown strong reason to do so. It took me a long time to get there, but the question is why even try to get there? And I’ll try to explain, if I can see how. Or could it be it has to be grace as in the bestowing of miracles, or change of heart,...

A change of heart that is inexplicable to reason or emotional appeals but only happens by some type of mysterious energy or something like that? Indeed, that is what happened to me, combined with the extreme circumstances that made me desperate to try something, anything, however far-fetched it might seem.

That is what has led me so far and deep into my faith and connection to spirit, as it exists for me today.

Can someone and would they willingly experiment with faith so deeply unless they had been pushed to it by desperation or by some miraculous phenomenon that shook their core? I don’t know. Maybe not so much... Why believe if there is no clear reason for it, after all? Why try so hard or trust so much in something that might not even be real or reliable or trustworthy?

But you have to experiment with things to prove if they’re real or trustworthy, when it comes to spirit. That is just the only way. Unless you go the blind faith or dogma route,...

which I don’t recommend at all, of course, having gone far astray with that, in my own past, unfortunately. Though that path seems popular, like grasping at straws just to feel some sense of order or control, even if it’s fake or even if it’s harmful and malevolent, dabbling with fire,...

As I also learned about the hard way, being very cautious what and how you are dealing with spirit. Oh well, more to write about, another day and time, I guess...

#core practices for coping with depression #little things that help with depression #depression #mental health #grace #depression and spirituality #depression healing #posts to elaborate on #post ideas #guidance

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