#or the rest of the group's performance
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I need to think out loud - feel free to ignore
#I really want to quit the event for trans day of visibility#I just don't see what I can give to the conversation#and I haven't for a while now#there is already a person that does all the posters#when I did the budget it was all wrong#half the ideas I've come up with has been having big holes#and honestly I don't think that comfortable in the group#I feel like I am back at school or university being put in a group for a project that I cannot pull out of because it will affect my grade#or the rest of the group's performance#but there's no grades#there is a performance of sort being the event#and that could still be great#but I don't feel like I have the spoons or the experience for this#I am just smiling (barely) and nodding along#yet a part of me are also scared of dropping out now#there is not a lot of time left#and so it wouldn't be fair on the other people to ditch this last minute#but would it be more fair to let me just tag along not doing anything of value?#and I should probably decide soon since we are getting closer#it is this big dark cloud over my thought rn#I am trying to concentrate on my drawing challenge yet I don't have any joy in it#because all my thoughts go to this event#I don't know what to do#I really don't want to do this#but I did say yes#and I hate tapping out and be seen as untrustworthy as well#micahs thoughts
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season 1 of theodora reminds me of atonement (2007) which makes it all the more gut wrenching soul crushing and heartbreaking
#screaming into the void#THEO AND LAWRENCE DESERVED MORE TIME TOGETHER#THEO AND LAWRENCE SHOULDVE SETTLED DOWN IN HIMWORDE AND GO TO FRIEDRICH'S PERFORMANCES AND JOHN SHOULD'VE STAYED TOO AND WORKED IN THE HSPTL#AND BRUNO WOULD'VE GROWN UP SURROUNDED BY THE MOST AMAZING FOUND FAMILY IN THE WORLD#THIS IS STAGE THREE OF GRIEF BTW!!!#I CRIED SO HARD LAST NIGHT I WOKE UP WITH A HEADACHE FUNNNN#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FALL FOR ANTONIO WHOS A VERY CHARMING DADDY WHEN I WILL NEVER BE OVER LAWRENCE AND THE REST OF THE GROUP!!!!#AND CHARLOTTE MY SWEET DELICATE FLOWER DESERVES THE WORLD BUT MY HEART IS BREAKING WHENEVER I BUY HER 💎OPTION#tldr im not fine#romance club#rc theodora#rc lawrence#theodora avery#lawrence barkley
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obsessed with Hunter's roles at Rendezvous which, so far, appear to include:
✔️ the owner of the bar
✔️ the bartender
✔️ the cleaning crew
✔️ the clean-up crew (murder question mark)
✔️ security
✔️ making tea in the mornings
✔️ being vaguely threatening to inquisitive patrons
#on top of finding the time to nudge his regulars towards finding true love#love a guy who can do it all!#the jungle#the jungle the series#but also there's something about hunter slash his bar forever playing matchmaker to the guys of the jungle#while he himself remains solitary and all alone#(like not a SINGLE co-worker even)#for all their camaraderie and shared secrets#hunter still always remains slightly removed from the rest of the group#there's the prey and the predators playing out the naturals laws of the jungle#and hunter... only oversees so far? oversees. facilitates. protects.#but never hunts#yet at least#anyway idk where im going with this#but heh kinda like idea of a fantasy AU esque thing where#not only is Rendezvous a place you'll never find unless it wants you to find it (when the Jungle decides they want you to find it)#but hunter being the same#kinda like those coffeeshop AUs where the fantasy coffeeshop appears when it wants and changes the trajectory of your life#anyway Hunter choosing to watch this iteration of the Jungle perform their roles and live their lives and fall in love#watching and narrating#and once this part of their stories wraps up and his job here is done#rendezvous and hunter disappear from their lives to reopen elsewhere in space and time and facilitate the stories of a different group#or something. idk I should stop rambling in the tags when I'm sleepy#anyway. hunter's lack of a staff at his bar amuses me greatly. that's what this post was supposed to be yes#placeholder tag
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see i have a handful of hw event ideas in my head and i would loveee to ramble abt wonder stage return event but. i would need to finish the previous event ideas in my head first. nhfghfdfn
#mono’s stuff#currently the idea i default to is. emu1 > wonder halloween rui1 > nene > tsukasa1#BUT. nene’s event could also maybe go first. first steps of getting over her stage fright.#emu’s event has to go before rui’s though. cause now that ik i want wonder stage to come back wonder halloween happens there#and emu event is when the rest of the group gets properly introduced to the wonder stage i believe#im not sure abt what tsukasa’s event would entail though. maybe smth about him overworking himself for a show. trying to make#sure his performance is good enough. not accepting help or breaks. i dunno. something along those lines.#probably after rui event? it could work before rui’s though…..#fhgndhagfn. i love thinking abt them. but why are they hard to sort out….#the only one i have a kind of solid idea on exactly what happens in the event is emu. i’ve thought a lot abt rui wonder halloween but im#still thinking abt what happens post-tsukasa injury#dont mind me rambling in the tags like this dkjhjfsudjfo
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“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha
#my stuff#dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day#bc i skipped lab to take a nap#and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates#like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em#or at least not as much as they seem to without me#it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space#and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl#idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism#it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work#bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter#i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit#i want it to stop#i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work.#i want to cry and scream and#like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here#i don’t wanna wuss out#but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself#why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much??#like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get#i’m tired of being tough#i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure
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kpop dudes in the army will just pop up in the most random ass places doing the most random things 😭
#and the whole time they'll be absolutely glowing from getting three meals a day and full night's rest for the first time in 10+ years 😭#like what even is this festival they're all at rn where they gathered all the idols#and made them perform a song from each group + super shy 😭#why did i see a video of yonghoon at an ice cream truck and another of him embarrassing himself in front of a bunch of students 😭#m: kpop
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fe3o4 sounds more polished but expérgo is more cohesive and well. i like the songs better :)
#*🐥*#i think overall dash+boom > expérgo > the rest of fe3o4#couldn't get round o.o and dice (sorry nswers..) but i've liked tank and cool since the first time i heard them so yeah#and the vocal direction is absolutely insane best of any group everrr i think#i've already seen some music show performances will probably look for some concert videos next
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Hi, just popping in to say I'm alive, still working on the next chapter and those ask responses, everything's good. |'D In case anyone was worried!
#i'm so sorry it's taking so long y'all#i'm just going through some INTENSELY STRESSFUL SHIT and it's taken a huge toll on me#but i'm doing my best i promise#i've had to take quite a few mental health breaks in the past few months#didn't help that a big part of the chapter was pretty difficult to write from a linguistic and technical perspective#but i've completed it!! now i just... gotta write the rest :'))))#maybe i'll do another poll for splitting the chapter or not because my god i am gonna finish this one in august at this rate#also random thoughts but#sometimes i think it'd be nice to join fnaf servers and meet and talk to people#make some more friends who love fnaf as well with whom i could talk and stuff#i keep going ''hmmm that'd be nice'' BUT#then i remember how i barely am active even on the server i am a mod for and i think of how big this fandom is#and i break into hives just thinking about it lmao#i don't want to be in a huge server i know it'll just stress me out and i'll end up muting it forever OTL#i perform so much better in little groups or one on one#but#to find these cool little groups or the cool people to talk to 1-on-1 i NEED to go through these hugeass servers and honestly no thank you#i am too autistic for this ;v;)#or maybe i am just growing old :'3#i know there are some very cool people who follow me (how did it even happen i do not know) who i'd love to reach out to#who probably don't even realize that we'd be mutuals if it wasn't for this being a sideblog i can't follow back from#and i kinda want to keep my main blog kinda private just for online living hygiene reasons#*long wistful sighing* ah well
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oooh you’re watching the buccaneers?? idk if im just crazy but the girl playing nan reminds me so much of grace van dien, when i first saw the trailer i had to immediately look up who was playing her
I am! And YES, they look like they could play sisters (more so than the actress actually playing her sister, haha) and definitely have a similar charisma and energy on screen. I think she's really charming and definitely one of the better actresses among the main cast.
#i'm finding imogen waterhouse VERY wooden#which is a bummer because i think while the acting's pretty patchy among the girls the rest of the core group do have screen presence#which is half the battle sometimes#i'm curious to see more of aubri ibrag because i think she performed the shock to internal horror of her character's assault p well#plus she's australian and has survived a j*ggi production so she deserves a break lol#the buccaneers#the buccaneers spoilers#in the tags at least#st cast
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Half an hour left for taemin's mv but I have to do #reallifestuff
#i have to audition for my solo performance#AND THEN#teach my groupmates the rest of the choreo that they can't do#group mates who skipped yesterday's rehearsal for no reason#knowing full well that the audition is today.#ira.text
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dropping off some sillies bc i think we all deserve it <3 (i hope ur essay went well :])
ALSO SKZ CB HOW WE FEELINGGGGG
ENHYPEN MAKNAE LINE <//////3 ugh love them sm :,,,,,) def needed this video ........ the essay......went as well as it could i think,, i prob could've started outlining it earlier, but it is what it is bc it has been submitted LMAO🧎🧎🧎
UGHHHH,,,, this might b a controversial take, but i..........did not rly like s-class as an album ... like, i enjoyed s-class and item, but honestly, the rest of the album was literally skz's FIRST skips for me which made me kinda sad :((((( SO, i'm hoping i rly like this rock concept!!!!! i like punk rock and 90s rock so i'm hoping this album will be a HIT for me!!! r U excited tho??? how did u like s-class???
#; — cass answers: nyx 🌌#UGHHH i feel like a fake fan#but i rly mean it when i say being a multistan is rly hard for me#it's so hard for me to gen keep up w 2 groups rly heavily at one time#but i hope it's rly good!!!!#n then (as much as ik they like to work and perform) i hope they get to chill and rest !!!#skz my workaholics <3
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#there's this ONE super insane song my choir is doing and i wanna be insane over other groups' performances of it#but i cant FIND ANY#violence and death and grief on planet earth#winter speaks#its like.....we sing a verse of a song. abt death and rest and release. and then we sing the same verse#except every singer takes a different tempo. and its like. a kaleidoscope of sound.#ughhghghghghgh#it is soooo hard to be a choir girlie sometimes (cant find the MUSIC i want to ABSORB)
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As someone who so badly wants to see ateez live and plans to go to KCON, KQ… please please please please please DO NOT LET THEM GO TO KCON
#ik they’re touring in august#but considering there’s a gap between their Bangkok and Mexico City date#I would not put it above kq to have them do kcon in between#istg ateez is one of the most overworked groups I’ve seen in terms of touring and travel king for performances#like wtf#let them rest istg#ateez#kcon#kq
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The public execution did not re-establish justice; it reactivated power... Its ruthlessness, its spectacle, its physical violence, its unbalanced play of forces, its meticulous ceremonial, its entire apparatus were inscribed in the political functioning of the penal system. This enables us to understand some of the characteristics of the liturgy of torture and execution — above all, the importance of a ritual that was to deploy its pomp in public."
— michel foucault, discipline and punish, tr. alan sheridan, pp. 49
#execution#foucault#capital punishment#prison#this is really reminiscent of southern lynchings#as a phenomenon that rested on public performance of violence against a particular group of people
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no cuz snow had no idea how ppl in the districts live and what the fuck an oral tradition is and how songs get passed down. katniss doesnt even need to be covey descent the citizens of 12 just loved their songs of course they would share them through generations
#and its the capitals fault for rounding them up like that#also…a group of travelling ppl who perform and get stuck where they are oppressed the rest of their lives…#miss collins!#bosas
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i always feel like i’m still mentally 16-18 but then i’ll see teenagers interacting with each other and it’s suddenly clear that I’ve grown a lot since then
#me and my gf went to see mitski last night (it was an insane performance) and it felt like we were the oldest people in the crowd lmao#there was a group of girls and most of them were 15-17 but one of them was 18 and she kept talking about how she’s an adult#but she and the rest of them were screaming crying and yelling like teenagers the whole concert#which is like yeah that’s what teenagers do lmao go scream and be a little bit annoying at your favourite artists show#it was just funny to witness because i’m not around teenagers anymore like all my siblings are in their 20s now#i forgot how far away i actually am from that now and i’m so glad of it#mitski is one of my favourite artists ever and we had to plan around everything to get to that concert#and when she was performing these girls were losing their minds and me and my gf were just 👩🏻❤️👩🏻 and :-)#not that we don’t like her any less i think if i was a teenager again i would also be outwardly losing my mind too#but at this point i’m like this is a really intelligent performer who is also just a regular person and i really enjoy her art#idk it’s just a funny observation literally no shade to teenagers losing their minds at concerts bc we’ve all been there#i just remembered that i’m not that age anymore! i’ve gone from idolising her as a teen to really just appreciating her art as an adult#anyway! it was a very good concert and i am still in shock that i finally managed to get to see her perform
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