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alltoowille · 13 days
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will u ever finish doesn’t everyone belong in the arms of the sacred it's literally my life 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have maybe 3.5k words written but it doesn’t feel like I have the real meat of the chapter fleshed out yet and I kind of like that it’s unfinished in a weird way? Maybe bc it feels so personal that I almost don’t want a huge audience and just want people who care enough to engage w it even as an incomplete thought. But also I’m very proud of it and I enjoy seeing things through. I have a few other ideas I’m working on more and don’t have much time to write these days, but never say never—I finished the lake house fic after not updating it for nearly two years lol (again… never say never…ch counts can lie…)
This is such a vague response but that’s where things stand currently <3 ty for reading, if anything has spurred me to go as far as I have on this, even though publishing it is scary as shit, it’s the people who engage with it and care enough let me know it resonated, so thank you, love you 🫶🫶
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alltoowille · 14 days
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My love
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alltoowille · 23 days
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Georges Bataille, Guilty (tr. Bruce Boone)
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alltoowille · 1 month
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thinking more about authorial insecurity in fiction... it truly is frustrating to me when an author is clearly ashamed of their own premises, or is preemptively responding to imagined criticism. this is where you get a lot of unfunny humor about how stupid genre conventions are and how Unrealistic fantastical/speculative elements are. like ultimately the reason that authors undercut and overexplain their own works is because they're insecure about audience reaction and want to get ahead of the haters by proclaiming that they're Not Cringe. this will not work because I, the ultimate hater, will eventually find them and make one million posts about how much I despise irony poisoning
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alltoowille · 2 months
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Young Royals is anti-monarchist propaganda (always has been) 
I think it’s fair to say that most of the fandom was quite happy with the finale. However, I’ve seen a handful of posts of people that were unhappy, specifically  those who were unhappy with Wille giving up his place in the line of succession. These criticisms range in everything from dismissing Wille’s choice (Wilhelm has made a harsh decision without thinking of the consequences, this won’t actually make the media circus around him go away), to those disappointed in how the monarchy in general was represented (Wille could have modernized the institution, no one in the show attempted to consider how the monarchy could be good actually). I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings about the finale. If you didn't like it, that’s more than ok and I don’t want to argue with anyone about their taste. 
But when it comes to criticism about Wilhelm giving up the throne,  I do find myself frustrated at what I see as a fundamental misunderstanding of what this show was trying to communicate. Young Royals, plain and simple, is a story that  denounces the incompatibility of antiquated and hierarchical institutions (Hillerska, the monarchy) with equality and justice. 
If you’ve had the displeasure of being my fandom friend you’ll know that I’ve spent the last 3 years yelling about how this show is about abolishing the monarchy. I even wrote a lengthy  fanfic with the sole excuse of having Wilhelm arrive at this conclusion. Still, I knew that whatever statement the show wanted to arrive at, we’d only really be getting to it at the end of the show. 
Seasons one and two were setting up all the characters on the chessboard for the end: Wilhelm is the Crown Prince, although he does not want to be. He and Simon are in love, but Wilhelm’s role draws an edge between them. Erik’s legacy and August's spot next in line are keeping Wilhelm in his place.
 From episode one, I think the show was telling us of the many things that are wrong with the monarchy, but I don’t think it’s until season three that these discussions become more explicit. Is this why some people were disappointed by the ending? Maybe so. Still, I wanted to look at how season three in particular answers some of the questions or issues  people are bringing up regarding both the monarchy and the role. 
What do you like about the monarchy? 
Season 3 Episode 4 is the first time we hear an explicit discussion about why the monarchy could potentially be a good institution. I’ve seen some people complain that the show didn’t give this idea enough thought. 
I completely disagree with this take: the short conversation Wille and Simon have in this episode  is succinct, but still effective at creating this conversation. A  longer and more drawn out conversation would have been a bit unrealistic and probably boring to watch. These are not academics having a debate, but two teenagers who are talking about what for them is an emotionally charged topic.
There’s also no need for a longer, more detailed discussion: Wilhelm does provide a very good answer to the question: The monarchy is there to unite the people. To be a neutral party in situations when the government cannot or will not interfere. 
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A quick civics lesson: In parliamentary democracies, the monarch serves as the head of state. 
This role is predominantly representative , although in many places the government is formed in the name of the monarch. This could, theoretically, grant them some political power-- since they could technically reject the winning party from forming a government. However, in most parliamentary monarchies, the King or Queen simply has to accept whatever decision is made based on election results.
However, the value of the head of state is precisely in its apolitical nature. Regardless of who’s in power, the head of state is a neutral ambassador of the nation, both in and outside of their country. Their job is diplomatic and representative, and one that is thoroughly divorced from politics. This is what Wilhelm meant when he said that the monarchy was there to ‘unite the people’. Whenever I’ve spoken to pro-monarchy folks about their beliefs, they cite this as the reason why they like it. 
It’s easy to see why Wilhlem would latch on this as his main argument to defend the institution. I don’t think there is anything inherently bad about having a separate head of state that represents the country. I don’t think the major grip with this issue is the having a head of state, but the fact that the head of state is an hereditary position. Simon says this himself twice in this episode: the issue is not that the head of state exists, but that the head of state is not an elected position. Furthemore, the head of state is a role that is imposed on a person not by their talent as a public speaker or negotiator, but by a simple accident of birth. 
The job’s legitimacy or importance should not be above any individual’s right to autonomy and self-determination. Furthermore, considering that taxpayers are the ones who finance this position, shouldn’t they be able to elect who it is? 
Let’s imagine a scenario where a friend tells you they’ve gone into a career because everyone in their family works in that industry, and they simply had no choice in the matter. It wouldn’t even matter if they were good or bad, they had a job in this career guaranteed from birth. 
 Would you not be concerned that maybe your friend is unhappy for a rather unnecessary reason? Would you not think that perhaps someone who actually wanted the job would be better suited for it? Would you think it right for a company to hire someone simply because of their family history? Would you consider any of this fair? And what is so special about monarchy that makes us have a different answer for it than we would if the question was about law or medicine? 
You’ll always be famous. 
Another common criticism I’ve seen is that Wilhelm will inevitably regret his decision, especially once he realizes that public scrutiny will not be going away. This is true, Wilhelm will likely always  be a figure of public interest. But to me, this has always been a negative consequence of the monarchy, and I have a hard time seeing this is a valid reason why he should stay in it. 
From the second we meet him, we know Wilhelm is uncomfortable with both the public attention and the scrutiny placed on him. However, this goes a bit further than that. I’d argue than more than the  scrutiny  itself,  Wilhelm is weighed down by having to keep a public image. Because, remember folks, Wilhelm is not merely an awkward teenage boy with acne and a crush. No, no, Wilhelm is the State. Wilhelm is going to be a publicly-funded representative of the nation . This means, of course, that there’s a narrative, as he mentions himsef, that needs to be put forward. One that’s generic, serious, and unproblematic: 
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From the get go, Wilhelm is uncomfortable with the inauthentic  and performative aspect of his role.This is a constant we see with Wilhelm in seasons one and two: every ‘performance’ he has to do fills him with nausea, anxiety, or some sort of discomfort.
In season three, Wilhelm begins acquiescing to this performance. Uncomfortable as he may be, for most of season 3 he’s accepted that this is his role. However, the attention this season shifts from Wilhelm to Simon, who’s now the one facing public scrutiny. The difference is that, unlike Wille, there’s no role for Simon to play. Nothing about who he is or what he believes is compatible with the public image. The only thing he can do in this situation is disappear, and Wilhelm is tasked with having to ask that of him. 
I know a lot of people were exasperated at Simon’s very bad and clumsy social media presence. I’m not gonna argue that my boy wasn’t being a bit cringey, because he absolutely was. But I think the larger commentary here has more to do with the expectation that these two teenagers have to censor and edit themselves to comply with this particular image. 
Ultimately, the criticism that Wilhelm will always be famous leads us straight back to the institution. Why does an underage boy have the same PR expectations of a politician? Why is a teenager dating his classmate + being cringe online justification for doxxing him? Unfortunately, no abdication is really going to undo any of this, and things are certainly going to be crazy once Wilhelm announces he’s stepping down 
However, this time around both he and Simon will at least have the agency to decide what they want to do with their public image, including the decision to disappear from the public completely if that’s what they want.
Queer representation 
This sentiment has been in the fandom for some time now. This was the main argument why some people wanted Wille to stay in the monarchy. Sure, the institution has always been about bloodlines and tradition. But wouldn’t it be so nice to have Wilhelm as a symbol for the queer community? I’ve always found this idea a bit shallow. I’m not sure how much of a symbol of a queer and progressive country Wilhelm could be, when the whole idea is predicated on absolutely no one having a choice in the matter. Is it really impressive to accept the queerness of the guy you already had no choice in accepting?  
There’s three scenes in season 3 where the potential Wilhelm -and by extension Simon-  could have for the queer community.  Farima brings it up in the first episode. However, the framing is reversed. Wilhelm isn’t serving the LGBTQ community by being a queer Prince, but the monarchy is using Wilhelm to appear progressive.
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The show does humor this idea of the impact they could have with the May 1st photo. We see what Simon and Wilhelm could potentially do for the community, how by simply existing as who they are they can be inspirational. It gives Simon, briefly, hope that maybe something good could come out of this. 
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But this moment is quite literally framed by politics. It doesn't matter that Simon is not participating in that manifestation, anything that is slightly connected with politics is a challenge to neutrality of the monarchy. This same idea is stated more explicitly int the next episode, when Wilhelm is reviewing the options for his charity.
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Ultimately, anything action significant enough to be truly impactful, would be bordering the limits of what could be considered political. He's got to stick it out with these quite frankly boring and limited themes, all for the sake of staying on the very narrow lane of things that are not political.
The weight of the crown. 
Stories about Kings and Queens usually carry the same fundamental tension of duty vs self. 
In order to rule, our protagonist has to sacrifice themselves, usually for the sake of their country and people. The Crown is an excellent example of this type of story. Sacrifice in that series is framed as something noble and selfless. 
Young Royals started out with this same fundamental tension, but the main difference is that Young Royals has framed this debate as a question: 
Why should Wilhelm give himself up, his happiness, the love of his life,  and  his mental well-being? What’s so important and valuable about this institution that requires this sacrifice?
Wilhelm’s journey is about accepting and voicing his answer. He doesn’t want to be Crown Prince, he doesn’t want to be King. 
But by virtue of taking part of this journey with him, we’re able to examine this question from a different perspective: Is this institution valuable enough to justify all of this? I think the show is inviting all of us to evaluate this situation and arrive at the conclusion that it isn’t.
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Even someone like August who wanted this, is weighed down by the realization of just how much the crown weighs. Of course, a big part of the fandom probably doesn’t live in countries with parliamentary monarchies. Still, considering the worldwide popularity of the British Royals, for example, I still think it’s a worthwhile exercise to question the validity of these institutions. Are they really worth sustaining? And if they’re not, why should we continue to drag them on into the present, citing tradition?
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alltoowille · 2 months
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“However bad life is, what’s important is to make something interesting out of it. And that has a lot to do with the physical world, with looking at stuff, snow and light and the smell of your screen door and whatever constitutes your phenomenal existence from moment to moment. How consoling—that this stuff goes on and that you can keep thinking about it and making that into something on the page.”
— Anne Carson explains an idea that she and Alice Munro have in common (attachment to the physical world and the details in life), from The Art of Poetry No. 88, Paris Review  (via podencos)
#r
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alltoowille · 2 months
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i'd like to get to know you i'd like to take you out we'd go to the hail mary and afterwards make out. instead, im typing you a message that i know i'll never send, rewriting old excuses delete the kisses at the end. when i see you, the whole world reduces to just that room and then i remember and i'm shy that gossip's eye will look too soon and then im trapped, overthinking and yeah, probably self-doubt you tell me to get over it and to take you out but i can't, i'm too scared and here's the night bus, i have to go and the doors are closing, and you were waving and i like you, and i'll never let it show and you won't wait, and maybe i won't mind i work better on my own and now i'm home, a little bit drunk and i ask myself what if it's not meant for me? love. what if it's not meant for me? love. a few days pass since i last saw you and you've taken over my mind im retelling jokes you made that made me laugh pretending that they're mine i wanna tell the whole world about you i think that that's a sign im losing self-control and it's you, it really is, 1000 times i look at your picture and i smile how awful's that? im like a teenage girl i might as well write all over my notebook that you rock my world but you do, you really do. you've turned me upside down and that's okay, i'll let it happen 'cause i like having you around im electric, a romantic cliché yeah, they really are all true when we catch eyes at that stupid party i know exactly what to do i'll take your hand, and we will leave french exits from me and you and now im home, a little bit drunk some things don't change, and i know now me and you were meant to be in love
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alltoowille · 2 months
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Sallie McFague, Models of God for an Ecological, Nuclear Age
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alltoowille · 2 months
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alltoowille · 3 months
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alltoowille · 3 months
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lose something babe, risk something // you're losing me
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alltoowille · 3 months
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Say what you will about Sargust, I have never seen a better depiction of daddy issues. All Sara wants is someone to choose her and provide for her. The first thing August does is kiss her, even though he’s with the most popular girl in school. He’s a man in all the ways her father fails to be—he’s able to help her become a boarder at Hillerska; he’s a leader, a hard working, strong older guy who takes care of himself. Most importantly, he repeatedly chooses her, even when she doesn’t choose him. And when they aren’t together in season 3, she’s with her dad for the first time in years while he sings about how he can change and he’s not the same. But he hasn’t changed, he is the same, and as soon as Micke lets her down again, she needs August to fill that void and make her feel safe again
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alltoowille · 3 months
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Anthony Thomas Lombardi, from "self-portrait as murmuration"
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alltoowille · 3 months
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the one thing i want to be able to do as a writer is make people come back to something ive written. i want that piece of text to haunt them, i want their thoughts to be briefly consumed by this. i want this to be something they remember long after its time. thats the one thing i want to do
#:)
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alltoowille · 3 months
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Emilio Villalba (American, b. 1984)
Candles, Fruits and Faces, 2022
Oil on canvas
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alltoowille · 3 months
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Jerusa Simone - Warnings, 2022
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alltoowille · 4 months
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