Coming back from the club like 

it’s so disturbing to think back and realize the stuff you allowed people to do to you simply because you didn’t respect yourself enough to not let it happen

The cognitive dissonance caused by a society that tells its children to “follow their dreams” through messages in films, literature, etc. and then punishes them for not choosing safe, money making careers in adulthood is fascinating, to say the least.

nurse: doctor!!! This man needs an IV right away!!!! roman empire doctor: four??? Four of what????? He needs four of what??????????

anonymously send me a

brick to the face

Sometimes it’s easier to blame yourself than to admit that someone you care about has the capacity to continuously let you down

I mean, I’m not calling you a liar Windows, but that sounds like something someone who’d fucked about with my files would say

Simpsons reference in Kill Bill volume 1

A perfect duet.

there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me

it’s called the throne

BOND is a tiny touch module. It can be a pendant or a bracelet but it comes in pairs. You keep one and you give one to a friend. When you touch it, your friend feels it. No matter where they are on the planet. We don’t do tweets, we do tickles.

funny story

i went to this girl’s party the week after she beat the shit out of my friend. while everyone was getting trashed, i went around putting tuna inside all the curtain rods and so like weeks went by and they couldn’t figure out why the house smelled like festering death. they caught me through this video where these guys at the party were singing beyonce while i was in the background with a can of tuna

“ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ ”

When you think you speak a language properly and go to that Country. This so accurate it hurts (apply to slang and weird accents too)