anonymous-dentist
11 Foot Tall Canon God
A.D. | She/her! | QSMP and Hermitcraft | q!Cellbit Apologist | Breaking Dawn and Bad Romance author | Banner and PFP by @Comfymoth
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So you've found me!
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I’m playing ridiculously fast and loose with the rules of the universe as I’m writing this oneshot. But like. I think it’s funny!
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Checking out the new ordem merch for Fun and uh. Google's auto translate is greeeeat
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I Was Just a Catboy in the Village Doing Alright... Chapter 4
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NEW CHAPTER NEW CHAPTER
COMMENT COMMENT
YIPPEE!!!
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"Remember for who do you fight for"
Los extraño mucho 🤲🏻❤️
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Is the fic about Pepito and Pepito’s Apa Roier? Yeah. Do I think a spiderbit wedding could be perfect? Yeah 🥰
Literally insane, but the merpepito au might be the first fic I’ve EVER written to have a wedding in it
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Literally insane, but the merpepito au might be the first fic I’ve EVER written to have a wedding in it
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So here’s what happened:
It’s late November, and Roier has finally managed to find his husband’s location on Purgatory using his computer. He gets Pac and Mike to help him fix up the boat (that looks a lot like Cellbit’s shoes.) They adore Roier, so they don’t want him to go alone. They tell Richarlyson to stay with Bagi while they go help Roier, and, of course, Richarlyson tells Bagi, and she follows them onto the boat because she is NOT letting all of them go and get killed without her! Her brother is on that island! Richarlyson comes, too, because he’s a stubborn little fucker. And Felps is asleep on the ship already, anyway: in the ship’s walk-in freezer.
But who else is on the island? That’s right, Baghera. And so Pomme says she’s going, too. Not wanting her to go alone, and not wanting his bro to get killed, Etoiles comes along. With him comes Antoine, who’s sick of Cucurucho’s bullshit. And Pierre comes, too, because he actually liked Purgatory.
They all get to the island and pick up Cellbit and Baghera… quite literally, because they’re in disbelief that people came to save them.
Once everybody’s safe and on the ship, Pierre, who’s driving, realizes that they can just. Go now. They’re on a boat! They can just go!
So they do.
And that’s how the Brazilians (and their honorary Brazilian) and the French leave Quesadilla Island and make it home safe and sound.
(Later, there’s a prison break. The remaining islanders are running towards the beach, including Fit and Tina, and the guards are right behind them, and who shows up but Brazil’s most famous prison escape artists: Tazer e Craft and the silly little raccoon steering their boat.)
The End.
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Can't wait to figure out how to translate this into Breaking Dawn
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someone said that they would do this tiktok trend and I wholeheartedly agree
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A very confusing day in the Merpepito AU
Richarlyson is being weird.
...Okay, so Richarlyson is usually weird, but now he's being super weird! Maybe he's dying. He has a worm in his brain eating it or something. Oh! Or there is a sea cucumber growing between his ears!
Pepito isn't a doctor, but he thinks that Richarlyson might actually be dying. Because there's no other reason why Richarlyson would be hanging out with Apa Roier so much.
It's been a week since the Sky fell, and maybe Richarlyson got hit by a piece of the Sky and his brain started bleeding, because he's decided that he's Apa Roier's new best friend. (Which is crazy because Apa Roier doesn't have friends! He always says so.)
Every morning, Richarlyson sits next to Apa Roier at breakfast. He helps Apa Roier with his chores. He brings Apa Roier cups of water when it starts getting hot out. He eats lunch next to Apa Roier. He tells Apa Roier that he'll take care of his afternoon chores so Apa Roier can take a siesta. He eats dinner next to Apa Roier. He calls Apa Roier cool, he says that Apa Roier is the strongest Pepito he's ever seen, he says that he hopes that Apa Roier stays forever on the ship.
It's weird! Richarlyson has to be dying.
...But maybe Apa Roier is dying, too, because he's been talking to Richarlyson a lot over the past week. He saves Richarlyson a seat at the table between himself and Captain Celbi, but he's never saved Pepito a seat. He says that he's going to teach Richarlyson how to fight, but he won't teach Pepito how to fight.
But it's fine! Pepito isn't upset at all! Pepito is happy that Apa Roier is making friends... even if his new friend is the person who hates Pepito the most.
Pepito doesn't interfere. Pepito keeps doing Pepito's chores: helping Richarlyson and Pomme mop the deck, helping Mister Pac sort through foods in the kitchen, helping Mister Felps tie knots. Miss Mouse says that she's gonna teach Pepito how to do magic soon, and Miss Baghera wants to teach Pepito how to draw and read maps.
Pepito likes being a pirate. It's super fun! Pepito likes the ocean, and Pepito likes the stars- and his best friend, the Moon. Pepito likes helping around the ship. Pepito likes watching Captain Celbi at the wheel. (He's so cool!)
...Pepito just misses Ama Rivers and Apa Carre and Apa Mariana and Apa Quackity and Awuelo Foolish and Leo and Empi and Sunny a lot. And Pepito thinks that Apa Roier misses them, too.
He has to.
But Apa Roier has been smiling a lot, recently. He smiles when he's near Captain Celbi, and he smiles when he's with Richarlyson. Sometimes he smiles when he's with Pepito, but not always.
He doesn't smile when he's talking to Captain Celbi about Pepito's brother. Bobby always makes people sad, though, so Pepito doesn't think about that too much.
Pepito thinks about Pirate Things instead, because Pepito is going to be the Best Pirate Ever!
Apparently, Pepito is a really Good Pirate because Captain Celbi wants to talk to Pepito alone in his office!
Pepito is sooooooo getting promoted! He won't just be the ship's Pepito, he'll be the ship's Pirate Pepito. He'll get a fancy pirate hat and everything; Richarlyson doesn't have a fancy pirate hat, so Apa Roier is going to look at Pepito and pick him up and tell him that he's such a Good Pepito that he's going to sit with Pepito at dinner and teach Pepito how to fight!
"Now, Pepito, I called you in here for a very good reason," Captain Celbi says as soon as Pepito is sitting (evilly!!) in the chair in front of his desk.
Pepito nods, serious.
Captain Celbi takes that as a sign to continue: "I understand that you're Roier's son?"
Pepito nods. Pepito is Apa Roier's Pepito!
Captain Celbi sighs, relieved. "Okay, good."
And then Captain Celbi's face falls. He almost looks ready to cry- his face is all red and his eyes are all wide and he looks really super freaked out.
"What does your dad like?" Captain Celbi asks, face all scrunched up like he's in pain. He sticks his hands up under his hat and pulls at his hair so hard that his knuckles knock the hat off of his head. The pointy things on the top of his head lay flat, unable to be seen through his hair.
Pepito blinks. Apa Roier likes Bobby? But, no, Bobby just makes Apa Roier cry. Hmm...
Captain Celbi groans and slumps back in his chair, his wrists and arms covering his face.
"He's impossible," he moans. "Every time I've tried subtly asking him, he's just shrugged!"
That sounds like Apa Roier. He's never liked talking about himself. Pepito didn't even know his name until all of the other Ocean Pepitos yelled at and made Apa Roier take Pepito home.
"He's always just-" (Captain Celbi's Pointy Things twitch, and he pitches his voice up in an impression.) "-'Hey, man! I don't know, man! I like lots of things, man! I like fish!' Like!" (He drops his impression and his hands, sitting up in frustration.) "What fish!? We're on the ocean! There are lots of fish in the ocean!"
Pepito nods sagely. There are lots of fish in the ocean. Captain Celbi is very smart, that's why he's the captain!
Captain Celbi rubs his eyes with his thumb and pointer finger.
"He deserves something nice," he sighs, much quieter and much calmer. "Better than fish. He deserves... gold. Silver. Diamonds. Rubies. He deserves good things."
Apa Roier has never been one for shiny things. That's always been Apa Quackity, even though he can't ever afford anything shiny because of how many times the Sea Witch has blown up his house with Sea Witch Magic, and Awuelo Foolish, who is basically the King of the Reef.
Apa Roier likes fish. He likes Bobby. He hates pirates. He likes crabs. He likes blue and red coral. He likes Miss Niki's candy. He likes-
Captain Celbi looks at Pepito seriously. "I need your help, Pepito. I want to get your father a really nice gift. It has to be perfect."
Pepito looks at the notepad on Captain Celbi's desk.
Following Pepito's gaze, Captain Celbi slides the paper over along with a pen.
Pepito hums, and he thinks. What does Apa Roier like most?
Aha!
Pepito draws exactly what Apa Roier would like! Once he's done, he flips the notepad around to show Captain Celbi with a triumphant grin.
"Pepito," says Captain Celbi, smiling only a little, "that's a picture of me."
Pepito nods. Captain Celbi makes Apa Roier really happy! The perfect gift!
Captain Celbi sighs, and he leans across the desk to ruffle Pepito's hair.
"That's a good thought," he says, "but let's try and think of something I can buy him."
Ooooooh! Okay!
Pepito turns the page and starts to think again. Something you can buy...
Oh! Pepito knows!
So, Awuelo Foolish has this friend named Mister Vegetta, and Awuelo Foolish wanted to give Mister Vegetta the BEST gift ever. So Awuelo Foolish found the most perfect shell at the Bottom of the Ocean, and he put it on a string of kelp, and he gave it to Mister Vegetta, and now they're Best Friends! They have sleepovers every night and they kiss a lot, which Pepito thinks that Married Pepitos do, but Awuelo Foolish and Mister Vegetta aren't Married Pepitos yet, they're just Best Friends who make each other super happy.
So Pepito draws the shell, and he draws the string, and he even draws Captain Celbi giving Apa Roier the necklace.
He holds the picture up to Captain Celbi, and Captain Celbi grins.
"That's perfect, Pepito," he says. "The next time we're near a beach, you and I are going to find your dad the perfect seashell."
YES!! Another secret mission with Captain Celbi!
Take that, Richarlyson! You might be friends with Apa Roier now, but are you going on secret missions with the captain? Nuh-uh!
Pepito is the best pirate ever!!!
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To Be Continued...
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Gods, Cellbit wants to know what Roier’s blood tastes like. How soft is his hair? Does he have both of his kidneys? Does he get freckles in the sunlight? Does his blood taste as good as he smells?
…Sure, Cellbit sounds like a bit of a creep, but Roier is trying to kill him. He’s allowed to be a little weird about the guy trying to kill him. It’s allowed.
Whyyyy did Bagi have to fire him? Now Cellbit will never see him again! Unless Roier breaks into the castle again! To try and stab him again! He won’t ever see Roier again outside of that!
It sucks, and not in the vampire way. If only Cellbit wasn’t royalty, then he and Roier could live their best lives as best friends and maybe-hopefully lovers in the far future once they got to know each other better.
The life of a prince is so hard
Vampire Cellbit who’s stuck living in the castle because his twin sister is the Vampire Queen, but he’s much happier about this than he used to be because there’s a cute human working in the kitchens who’s almost definitely a vampire hunter who’s been sent to assassinate Cellbit and/or Bagi. But, like. Cellbit isn’t dead yet, and this guy is really pretty. And funny. And charming. And handsome. And strong. And clever. And beautiful.
Oh, if only he wasn’t human. They’re so fragile…
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And then, three days later, Cellbit wakes up in the middle of the day to find Roier in his bedroom pacing around looking entirely distressed: one hand in his hair, mouth turned into a (handsome) frown, knife held tightly in other hand
Ah, Cellbit thinks, he’s finally going to do it
Nobody else in the castle, save for the human guards, is awake. Such is the curse of vampires, yeah, whatever. Point is: Cellbit is alone, and he’s going to die
And so Cellbit rolls over and goes back to sleep. Somehow, he feels like he’s going to wake up alive
And he does
Vampire Cellbit who’s stuck living in the castle because his twin sister is the Vampire Queen, but he’s much happier about this than he used to be because there’s a cute human working in the kitchens who’s almost definitely a vampire hunter who’s been sent to assassinate Cellbit and/or Bagi. But, like. Cellbit isn’t dead yet, and this guy is really pretty. And funny. And charming. And handsome. And strong. And clever. And beautiful.
Oh, if only he wasn’t human. They’re so fragile…
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Roier: ‘The paranormal does not come into our world easily’, okay? And? I’m not a taxi, what the fuck? I don’t mess with that stuff, man. Bad vibes! Ghosts and demons and shit… no, thank you!
[It’s Roier’s wedding day. He approaches the altar, and he stands before his groom with a brilliant smile on his face. The bleeding, oozing red chains wrapped around Natalan’s body don’t bother him at all. After all, he put them there!]
Cellbit: Why are you asking all of these questions, anyway? Who are you? The library is closing in fifteen minutes. I’d get out of here before you really find out how ghosts are made… I’m not threatening you, by the way. It’s just. You know what they say, ‘sticks and stones won’t break my bones, but words will always hurt me.’ What do you mean that isn’t how it goes?
[The inside of a prison cell, eight years ago. There are words painted along Cell’s arms, the side of his neck, his face, all the same red as the blood spilling from his latest victim’s neck out in the hallway. This time, it’ll work…]
I can’t wait until I understand Ordem’s universe implicitly so I can write a proper spiderbit ordem au
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