i made one

Odysseus: Achilles, I dare you to-

Patroclus: Achilles isn’t allowed to accept dares anymore

Achilles: apparently I have “no regard for my personal well-being”

Achilles: Thruth or dare?

Patroclus: Thruth.

Achilles: Do you want to kiss me?

Patroclus: Dare.

Achilles: [ leans in ] I dare you to kiss me

Patroclus: Never have I ever-

Achilles: THAT’S NOT THE GAME

Patroclus: I know you think my judgement is clouded because I like Achilles a little bit

Briseis: You doodled your wedding invitation

Patroclus: No, thats our joined tombstone

Briseis: My mistake

Patroclus, texting Briseis: So I just walked into a party and some guy yelled dibs

Achilles, texting Odysseus: IM REALLY DRUNK AND A CUTE GUY WALKED IN TO THE PARTY AND I CALLED DIBS

Patroclus: Don’t say a word

Achilles:....fergalicious

Patroclus: Achilles! What did I say?

Achilles: Oh I see, two weeks ago when we played scrabble it wasn’t a word. But now it is, how fucking convenient for you

New fic up after ages!

21 Questions

I was tagged by @itspatrochilles​ for this a while back and finally got around to doing it, sorry for the delay!

1. Nickname: Moni, sometimes dad calls me “cosita” which is little thing in spanish

2. Zodiac: Libra

3. Height: 5′ 7 

4. Last Movie I Saw: Postcards from London

5. Last thing I googled: the song lyrics for “follow you” by bring me the horizon

6. Favourite Musicians: COIN, Frank Ocean, NCT, BTS, Troye Sivan, Arctic Monkeys, Coldplay, Daniel Caesar, Girl in Red, Florence + The Machine, (I can keep going forever)

7. Song Stuck on my head:  White roses by Greyson Chance, its beautiful

8. Other Blogs: @savage-asshole-king-minyard, @sweet-tea-chalamet, @staccato-moans

9. Do I get asks?: Never

10. Blogs Following: 3,289

11. Amount of sleep: Probably like 4 to 5 hours this semester of university

12. Lucky Number: 13

13. What I’m wearing: Denim on Denim and brown sandals (I’m a disaster right now)

14. Dream Job: Writer, Museum Curator.

15. Dream Trip: Korea, Egypt and Russia

16. Favourite Food: Mofongo (traditional Puerto Rican food)

17. Play any instruments: no, I don’t really have the patience to learn

18. Languages: Spanish and English

19. Favourite Songs: Lucky Strike- Troye Sivan, White Roses- Greyson Chance, Paris in The Rain- LAUV, Would You- Pink Sweat, Ocean Drive- Duke Dumont, Outro Wings- BTS, I Feel it Coming- The Weeknd, Tokyo Drift- Teriyaki Boyz, YESTODAY-NCT U, Otra Noche en Miami- Bad Bunny

20. Random Facts: I am a moronic bisexual, I can’t do basic math, Sometimes I wish I was a boy and I can understand people very well despite my shit social skills. 

21. Describe yourself as aesthethic things: books, watercolour, a satchel bag, yellow headphones, nike of Samothrace, 2D animation, Art History, tulips, pastel yellow, the ocean, stretch marks and under eye circles, yawning all the time, singing while driving, a big bed of warm blankets when its cold w lots of pillows and a cup of tea...

I did this because I was excited someone actually tagged me so I’m gonna tag random accounts!!!

@dovounq, @oceantwinks, @moonlightshomata, @honeyminyoongi

Patroclus: does Achilles have to be perfect at everything? Even his posture is great

Briseis: Yeah, it’s the straightest thing about him

made the mistake of reading up about Alexander the Great’s relationship with his best friend Hephaestion and learnt that he was kind of a drama queen because

after Hephaestion died, he spent maybe 1.5 billion dollars on his funeral which is a conservative estimate 

spent all night weeping over the body until they dragged him away

extinguished a light only reserved to signify the death of the king (i.e. himself, Alexander the Great)

went to the oracle and petitioned to have Hephaestion granted the status of a god but was denied

nine months later, was still planning expensive monuments dedicated to his pal, except then he died, so what can you do

people say the only thing that ever defeated Alexander the Great was Hephaestion’s thighs

there’s so much more

w   o   w

Achilles: Listen Patroclus, in this world you either crank that Soulja boy or that Soulja boy cranks you

Patroclus: I’m literally begging you to stop

Fighting haters of TSoA

Because I am a complete nerd, I love reading reviews of books after I read them.  So, I opened up this review from The New York Times, ready to read someone express praise for this book equal to mine.  However, I found nothing but critique.  So I’m going through it piece by piece to destroy it since I’m now very angry. 

1. The disproportionate structure between pre-Illiad and Illiad moments

This one is too easy: this book is a reformulation, not a summary.  The author cites that the Illiad’s comparative success is due to the fact it is more focused on Achilles’ character, but how can we believe Patroclus and Achilles love each other without having the necessary backstory of Patroclus’ character so it can develop.  We need to know how he is an outcast and why to make Achilles’ claim of interest in him backed up.  Or else it’s just sloppy and rushed writing to catch up with a plot point that exists earlier than it should.

2. Patroclus dying first “forces Miller into an odd narrative corner indeed” 

Yes, I have to admit, reading this through the narration feels uncomfortable because it feels like simultaneous past and presents tense.  BUT THAT’S THE POINT!  It’s Patroclus remembering (a present-tense action) what happened in his life (his and Achilles’ past-tense actions), which is why he can still speak beyond the grave: he was doing so the entire time.  It takes the entire book to realize this, but it makes the ending that much more beautiful and, in some way, entirely realistic.

3. Important historical points (battles, abduction of Helen, the formation of the Greek Armanda) were rushed through while parts between Patroclus and Achilles were unnecessarily long

But were the historical sections really rushed?  Half of the book (at least) focused on the war.  But the thing is, Patroclus didn’t have a part to play in it as much as Achilles did (which is ultimately important in Patroclus becoming a foil to Achilles when he finally feels the pride in being a worthy soldier and therefore a worthy son, allowing his newfound hubris to kill him whereas it saved Achilles from being killed— Achilles’ “heel” was rage, which is, ironically, just the trait explored in the Illiad this critic puts on such a pedestal) so you can’t blame Miller.  Blaming her for rushing is ultimately blaming her for the actions of a Greek boy in his twenties that fell in love with the best Greek warrior and just wanted to be with him for as long as they had.  If those things were told in greater detail, it would have felt ingenuine to Patroclus’ character.  Also, it allowed Patroclus’ character to a) not be stereotypically masculine and b) act as a foil to Achilles in knowing the men in the camp better due to treating their wounds, whereas Achilles’ sitting on his high horse restricts him from making such relationships.  This is also why so much of the story is about their love: Patroclus’ entire fucking world is Achilles.  He was exiled from his family and home.  He literally has no ties to the world for most of the book other than Achilles.  Plus, isn’t it true that when you love someone, you see them more sharply than everyone else?  Isn’t Miller’s unbalanced favor towards Achilles’ and Patroclus’ alone time, therefore, an extremely accurate stylistic parallel to what it is like to be in love? 

And I have to put in a special note about this one quote, “The sacrifice of Iphigenia is dispatched in two paragraphs: ‘We were horrified and angry,’ Patroclus blandly reports.”  It was told in two paragraphs because it happened quickly.  But the effect?  The aftershock?  That lasted pages and multiple conversations between Achilles and Patroclus and Patroclus and Thetis.  And maybe it was a stylistic choice to make it fast and guttural, because, like Patroclus, even though we don’t know this girl well, we know such little respect (stylistically, respect out of time being written about in the novel) is still wrong.

4.  Miller’s writing style being torn between “‘lyrical’ overwriting” and “a misguided attempt to give smoothness to Homer’s antique tale” 

As someone who’s writing aesthetic is never ending a goddamned sentence, I want to scream at this critic for one reason: no one writing style is better than the other.  No voice is inherently superior; like everything in life, taste in writing style is subjective.  Personally, Madeline Miller is one of my writing heroes for the same reason this author detracts from her merit.  Therefore, this bit of critique-on-critique is probably more ranty than the others (I apologize for that). 

I also thoroughly understand the exact struggle Miller must have gone through while writing this: how to make dialogue natural, but go off in narration.  People don’t speak the way I write.  It’s not my fault.  And, it’s something I absolutely loathe in YA like The Fault in Our Stars, where Agustus and Hazel speak exactly like how they are written.  There’s a reason vernacular exists.  Why slang exists.  Why I text horribly but have been told by English teachers I write like Maylis de Kerangal.  People do not speak with the artistry with which they write.  So why the hell should characters in books be expected to talk in ways that match the craftsmanship of their descriptions?  If that was the world we lived in, it would take me five minutes to get out a sentence, and five minutes to say it. 

5. Making the heart of this work a love story 

The critic cites how the Illiad deals with big themes (”who we are and why we act and what remains of us after we die”), Miller’s hyper-specific detailing of Achilles and Patroclus’ love, “makes it hard, in the end, to take these characters seriously.”  From a personal standpoint, I hate this argument, because it basically shits on romantic novels as a whole, saying that if the heart of a novel is a romance, then its words are wasted on a subject that’s not as important as others.  As if we all experience war in our lives firsthand, but not love, so we have to talk about the concept of immortal glory from being a battle hero over struggling to love someone despite how they harden over time. 

Other than making me angry in general, this whole argument is wrong.  Did this critic not read the sections where Achilles got war-hungry and killed Hector’s family, just to turn around and regret it from a human standpoint?  His shrewd observation that though Hector still hadn’t done anything to him, Hector could no longer say the same about himself?  I could (and maybe will) write an essay on how Achilles becomes quite a monster at the end of the book, and how that is because he becomes able to separate his empathy from his mindset in battle.  And isn’t it fascinating how Patroclus actually says it is alright to do so, because if Achilles didn’t kill them, they’d kill Achilles?  Just because a novel is a romance doesn’t mean that the romance is the only thing it is about.  A big deal of it revolves around Achilles dealing with his role, Patroclus’ lack of self-worth, how horribly women are treated in Ancient Greece (we have to give Miller points for Patroclus being mindful of this and acting upon his morals).   

But beyond that, romance is important because it answers those same questions as the Illiad does.  “What remains of us after we die,” is answered by the beloved “I am made of memories,” line: when we die, what remains of us are memories.  But there’s a gorgeous duality to this: Patroclus is, in a sense, actually made of memories of his time with Achilles because they gave him a sense of importance due to being loved; at the same time, this line can be read as Patroclus only living on in Achilles’ memory because only Achilles loved him, so when Achilles dies, so does Patroclus’ memory, hence his name not being put on the tomb because no one finds this importance in him anymore (think the synopsis of Disney’s Coco).   This is why Achilles’ son and Thetis (initially refused to bury Patroclus beside Achilles: Achilles’ son thought Patroclus worthless due to his monetary rank, Thetis thought him worthless due to his mortal status.  But, once Thetis listens to those memories of Achilles Patroclus is made up of, he becomes increasingly made up of memories because someone remains to remember how much he loved Achilles.  This allows for Patroclus to actually die, both body and soul (the separation of which is another thing the critic praises the Illiad for over Miller, yet Miller actually accomplishes it beautifully), because someone remembers him for his life’s purpose: loving Achilles. 

A side note of this is the critic’s distaste towards Achilles and Patroclus’ first time being detailed, as, he takes from Mary Renault, ‘“If characters have come to life one should know how they will make love… inch-by-inch physical descriptions are the ketchup of the literary cuisine’.”  Something that the critic fails to praise Miller for that I think must be highlighted here is that Achilles and Patroclus never actually express their love by saying, “I love you.”  It’s all in actions, thoughts, or dialogue like Achilles’ proclamation of relief when Patroclus says he’s happy Thetis can’t see them in the cave.  So physical acts like this make sense because this is one of the few forms of reciprocation Patroclus and Achilles have.  Also, he hates on Miller thus making, “an ancient story of heroes into a modern tale of hormones,” as a result of this.  But guess what: these boys were hormonal.  When they first slept together, Achilles and Patroclus were in there mid-teen years, going through puberty.  On top of this, they were both knowingly into one another and shared a bedroom at a historical time where sex and nudity were not as shamed as they are today.  Just because this is “modern” doesn’t mean they exist in the norms of today’s society.  Therefore, I feel like that sex scene was well justified, not only in context but also as a way of saying “I love you” without saying it at all (Miller’s fucking specialty, if I do say so myself).

tldr; I love The Song of Achilles and will defend it and Madeline Miller with my whole life

I will do this soon! Thank you for tagging me!

21 questions

i was not tagged - i just saw this on my dash and said, oh well you might as well get to know a bit better (if you want lmao)

Nickname: i don’t really have any tbh

Zodiac: sagittarius

Height: 165-166 cm

Last movie I saw: Glass

Last thing I googled: vlogging cameras (don’t ask me why IDK)

Favourite musician: Drake, The Weeknd & Rihanna

Song stuck in my head: look back at it - a boogie wit da hoodie

Other blogs: @thejohnlocked

Do I get asks: sometimes

Blogs following: 145

Amount of sleep: 5-8

Lucky number: i don’t think i have one

What I’m wearing: pyjama bottoms, sweatshirt and socks

Dream job: travel b/vlogger

Dream trip: Tokyo

Favourite food: pasta i think

Play any struments: nope (i’m talentless)

Languages: Greek, English, Italian and German 

Favourite songs: jesus of suburbia by green day 

Random facts: i’m a daydreamer lol 

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: vans, neon lights, matches, fire

soooooo idek why i did this cause i’m bad at these but anyway! i’m gonna tag a few people just for the hell of it lmao 

@princesofphithia - @patroclusdefencesquad - @helene-of-spain - @he-is-half-my-soul & @apathes-patrochilles

anyone else is welcomed to join!! (tag me when you complete it so i can see your answers!!)

Achilles: [ordering cake over the phone]

Employee: and what would you like your cake to say?

Achilles, covering phone to to look at Patroclus: do we want a talking cake?

Icarus: You know what?

Daedalus: What, Icarus?

Icarus: I'm gonna fuck the sun

Daedalus: What?

Icarus: I'm gonna fuck the sun

Daedalus: Icarus, no!

Apollo: Daedalus, my man, let the boy speak.

Dentist: Open up

Patroclus: Sometimes I get sad

Dentist: that’s not what I meant-

Achilles: Let him speak

What ever you do, don’t think about how much Achilles loved Patroclus.

Don’t think about how at such a young age, Achilles knew that he wanted Patroclus to be his most loyal companion and his brother of arms.

Do not think about how Achilles immediately moved Patroclus into his own room.

Do not think about how Achilles trusted Patroclus so much that he allowed him to watch him train for battle.

Do not think about how upset Achilles was when his mother sent him away to Chiron only to be relieved when Patroclus followed him.

Do not think about how Achilles defied his mother by keeping his friendship and relationship with Patroclus.

Whatever you do, do not think about how upset Achilles was when he heard about the war and how he knew that he had to go and fight.

Do not think about how much Achilles protected Patroclus in the battlefield. Not letting a single person touch his beloved.

Do not think about how conflicted Achilles would have felt when he help Patroclus suit up in his armor. How upset he was and how the guilt already started to set in.

Do not think about how distraught Achilles was when he saw Patroclus’ body. When he saw the blood and the unmoving body. How guilty he felt and how angry he felt and how sad he felt.

Do not think about how Achilles’ first reaction was to grab his sword and slit his own throat because he did not want to live without his beloved, only to remember that he gave his sword to Patroclus.

Please, please, do not think about how enraged Achilles was for all the time after that. How he wouldn’t leave Patroclus’ body and how he would mourn for every second of every day. How angry he was at himself, for letting his love go out into battle knowing the chances of his surviving were slim.

Do not think about how Achilles went mad afterwards. How he mercilessly killed soldiers and Hector. How he wouldn’t return Hector’s body to his family because he did not feel like he deserved it.

Do not think about how Achilles welcomed death. How he knew that he would see Patroclus in Elysium and finally be reunited with the one person he loved the most in the world.

Don’t think about any of these things. Don’t think about a story more tragic that Romeo and Juliet. Don’t think about how much Achilles loved Patroclus and how much Patroclus loved Achilles.