cr3per
Too Fat To Be Loved
Depression / Borderline / Rückfall seit Anfang März 2016
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just want to share some thoughts about finding peace.
as someone with a lot of trauma in my childhood i have spent so long and so much grief wishing i could go back and time and save that little kid, because that kid so desperately needed saving, but i’ve always thought it’s too late, bc it all already happened, and no one saved her, so she’ll never be saved and she’ll never be okay,
and i’ve spent the second half of my life mourning the first half.
but my therapist recently made me realize, that little kid is still inside me. i was her, and in a lot of ways i still am her, because i still carry her pain. it’s not too late. she needed an adult to listen to her, and i am that adult. i’m listening. i can tell her that none of it was her fault, and she can believe me, and i can believe me.
she’ll be okay, because i’ll make sure of it, and then I’ll be okay. you can be okay. if you find yourself carrying a lot of hurt, and blaming yourself, or anyone, think of the child who went through that. because no matter what you think of yourself, you know a child didn’t deserve that. and it’s time an adult told them so.
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From @lovejee27: “제리는 심자오빠가 젤로 조아🐱💕🐈” #catsofinstagram [source: https://ift.tt/2LSiTFP ]
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From @sarperduman: “Behind the scenes with Melahat” #catsofinstagram [source: https://ift.tt/2LunoWW ]
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maybe children aren’t selfish when they want to leave their parents, maybe their parents tried to demand more than they’re due, maybe what parents wanted was so intolerable and mortifying the child was choosing between a life in misery, and being considered selfish by their parents and the rest of the world.
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Wie oft hast du schon dein eigenes Verhalten so sehr bereut, dass du deswegen weinen musstest? Wie oft hast du dich gehasst für das, was du getan, nicht getan oder zugelassen hast?
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im tired of feeling like everything I do is wrong and that im the problem. I try to help out, but even that isn’t enough. no matter how hard I try, im still the one making things worse for everyone.
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ich vergraule menschen, einfach mit meiner art. so bin ich.
ich halt.
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“Es tut mir leid, dass ich so bin wie ich bin, kann ich leider nicht ändern.”
— Vist, Es tut mir leid (via habdichverloren)
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i hate when someone tells me i shouldn’t be tired bc i slept enough like sweetie i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired
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“Du spielst Psychologe für andere und verreckst an deinen eigenen Problemen.”
— Anonym
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