i really gotta remember that i cannot play idle games; they will eat up my entire day and i will get nothing done and i'll feel awful and i won't even enjoy the process of playing them!! aaah

i know i've kinda mentioned this before but tmnt fandom is kinda... intense. it's a fandom for a modern popular-ish bit of pop culture, which means that it's deeply consumed by the whole antiship/proship thing. the fandom has split along lines over who is okay with tcest (turtle incest) and who is not okay with tcest (turtle incest). there are people who have separate antiship & proship accounts and every so often there's a big fandom drama about somebody getting "revealed" as secretly proship. or secretly 'neutral' aka somebody who has not denounced proship stuff. various bnfs like, one person doing a deep dive into their twitter likes or kudos habits away from getting denounced as the latest degenerate proshipper, or w/e. it's kind of an exhausting mess and it does not make me regret never engaging in fandom activity. internet drama just does not change. i still think back to reading all those posts and gundam wing fandom where shipping trowa/quatre is a good responsible ship but quatre/trowa is an evil disgusting ship that only rape apologists would write. people like getting mad about everything, i guess.

(also it's like, i see a lot of fandom posts from people and it's like, oh i see you're like. 14. i do not think we have a lot to talk about our shared interest in ninja turtles, or w/e.)

anyway one of the wips i'm working on might be the very first non-explicit-pornography fic i will end up posting to ao3, and it's a ship that won't immediately make all the antis avoid it. so that's a little fraught in terms of anticipating a weird reaction to it. i have too much self-respect to post a fic with a description like "antis dni" but i do not have too much self-respect to make a rambling tumblr post about it.

fandom is kinda a weird beast anyway. it was kind of wild to see 1. djmixer is still around in tmnt fandom after all these years and 2. it turns out his furry fandom approach of being super horny and posting about hookups and fursuit sex did not mesh well with the 16-year-old cartoon fans who mostly wanted to see turtles chastely kissing a non-incestuous romantic partner. furries are super horny about 2012 splinter. there's just a different subculture there, is what i'm saying

flexible survival is still getting updated?!

also i constantly forget it's based on a furry MUCK. yeah, that makes sense

i’ve been playing cruelty squad lately and this might be one of my favorite lines so far

lol after a few days of working, twitter is back to being a full-screen error message again. sigh one day it'll be for good, i know

hell game stuff. this is about pregnancy mechanics.

so continuing the mopping-up of engine stuff so i can finally focus on actually writing stuff, i decided to finally code in forcetf stuff. this is primarily going to be used for pregnancy stuff. you get impregnated, you get a new node that represents the fetus shoved into your body tree. if i was being more accurate with the body tree a la this thing i could even demand a 'womb' bodypart to store the thing. no, here they just kinda get shoved directly onto your core node in a new pregnancy-related slot.

i am not yet doing any 'fine-grained' body node stuff (like e.g., hair color, skin color, bodytype etc) and i'm not sure if i would even want to do that, since that would hugely expand the already-enormous amount of variation i have to factor in for sex scenes. but from a technical perspective i will probably support nodes having little tags attached that could store things like that, and here is likely the only place that they'd ever actually be used, for storing things like time-to-birth information. so a pregnancy would just be a node like any other kind of node on your body tree. sure. fine.

however. you know what you can do with all other nodes on your body tree? unequip them. so you could have multiple (paused??) eggs and larvae and fetuses floating around inside your inventory, to be resumed or swapped out for other pregnancies on the fly. that seems weird. so now i have to think about how to handle that. like, 1., i could just disable unequipping them. this is now a forced pregnancy game, which... is fine, b/c generally speaking porn games that touch on pregnancy stuff are for a target audience that's into pregnancy, so a forced pregnancy is maybe part of the appeal? 2. i could make unequipping them destroy the node. now there is an abortion mechanic. that... is also fine, in some sense. mechanically it's just as balanced, i guess. now there is a reference to something that people might have fraught, emotionally-intense reactions to in this still fairly lighthearted porn game. but i mean. so, so many porn games have rape as a primary mechanic, so it's not like that's that unusual, really

either one requires some adjustment of the body editor, so currently it's "you can unequip pregnancies". sure why not.

this is kind of why i enjoy systemizing, because once you have a framework you can slot things into you're forced to actually consider the implications of putting things into that framework. i'm currently kinda leaning towards allowing abortion, but i haven't really fully made up my mind. hell game 2: featuring monster-pregnancy abortion mechanics, i guess. like, that also kind of implies (just by nature of fully charting out the encounter state space) that i could have scenes that comment on that? zombie impregnated you but no birthing scene happened and you're not currently pregnant -> this is a logical condition you gotta factor in to have a total scene. obviously it could be 'just totally ignore that and reset zombie impreg state', b/c i'm definitely not writing in abortion forks for all encounters that can impregnate you. but it's a thing that now exists, nascent, within the content framework of the game.

oh yeah i posted more hell game 2 devlog stuff on my dreamwidth. i mean, i've been doing that since i first mentioned it. but that continues today

i'm kinda in a weird space writing wise, in that i still have a million wips as usual, but i'm kinda splitting energy between a few different code projects so i haven't actually been, you know, writing much. also perpetually stressed out, etc, so my whole relationship w/ the stuff i make is kinda weird and fraught. but that's life i guesssss

i was having a bunch of issues w/ parser programming and i had a moment of like, "ugh why did i decide to write the parser like this; it's super complicated and it doesn't even work right"

anyway then i realized all the problems i was having was from the later steps of data-processing that didn't even involve the parser at all. so score 1 for the parser i guess

(i should probably replace it with something more robust at some point. but it is working correctly right now)

unless i'm just completely up my own ass then dungeon meshi is at least in part about the limits of fantasy (in both the directly meta sense of speculative fiction like DM itself, and the broader sense of myths people believe about the world they live in) as a tool for understanding/engaging with material reality, which makes the typical fandomy shit particularly ironic

ive been informed i was stealing valor b/c we didn't do the full trail as listed on alltrails. it was only 1200 ft. only 25% of a mount tai!

it was actually ~1800 ft also

lol i get this for every page on twitter now

that's like 40% of a mount tai

it was actually ~1800 ft also

it was actually ~1800 ft also

update: oof ow my legs

anyway i am about to go on a hike with like 1.5k feet of elevation change so wish me luck

anyway i am about to go on a hike with like 1.5k feet of elevation change so wish me luck

rip '"barks aggressively" he says'