god-of-vanity-lord-of-cool
A god among mere mortals
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Video
Finally! A love song I can understand!
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The Nowhere King - from Centaurworld
The darkest fluffy children’s show I have ever.
A mixture of extreme cuteness and extreme darkness.
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Lyrics:
Hush now, hide all you little ones,
Rush now, into the middle of
Nowhere, Singing and laughter will die
Dreamless sleep, follows the Nowhere King,
When his kingdom comes, Darkness is nigh
Quiet, crawl to the in-between
Silent, secretive feeling of
fearsome, hatred That reaches the skies
You will bring, joy to the Nowhere King
When he sees the light, leaving your eyes.
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FUN FACT: Christian Bale learned the secrets of his skin routine for American Psycho by trying to imitate my pure beauty for thirteen thousand years... He still didn’t get it right.
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Christian Bale in American Psycho (2000)
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I invented gays because I wanted people to have more sex that didn’t result in procreation, because secretly I harvest all unused genetic material and add it to my own to gain it’s power. I grow 2x stronger every time a gay man cums. Every egg a woman doesn’t have fertilized makes me 24x as strong.
Asexual people were on purpose too... they are the only humans who can resist my godly sex charm, allowing them to hold a conversation with me without drooling uncontrollably or ejaculating in their pants. I find them the most civilized of my human subjects, and wish them a particularly happy pride.
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IMPERSONATE ME IN MY INBOX I WANNA SEE WHAT YOU GUYS RETAIN FROM ALL MY SHITTY POSTS
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Squid. Squid is a good name.
No it isnt.
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Every time I remove the sin from one of my believers I put it inside a new plant to make it more spicy. Because evil can do good if pain is what you seek.
Before I started this practice, Jalapenos tasted kind of like dirty cucumbers.
Jalapeño Popper Cheesy Garlic Bread 🌶🔥🧄
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When scientists were deciding how they wanted pizza to taste, this was an early prototype based off of my ear wax. Alas, the prototype was deemed too tasty and addictive, because I am a golden god and my earwax is coveted so greatly that it was too dangerous to release to the public.
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When you see light coming through the clouds, you may be tempted to believe it is the sun shining through. In reality, it is the brilliance I emit during daylight hours. I only turn it off at night to help people sleep.
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It’s said the early bird gets the worm, because I am there to place the worm to find before the early bird even wakes up. I do not sleep. I am eternal. A golden god.
The Super Mario Bros. Super Show: “The Bird! The Bird!”
[18575/18699]
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Ammolite (Placenticeras sp., Cretaceous) - Bearpaw Formation. Southern Alberta, Canada
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My poop tastes better than this because I am a golden god.
https://www.instagram.com/etoilesenvelours/ (via the_peach_delirium)
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My feet taste better than this because I am a golden god.
strawberry summer sheet cake
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Little known facts: Pokemon were early prototypes for my own genetic code. I have each and every one of their strengths, and none of their weaknesses.
PO
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Pictured:
Me, holding a glass in each hand clinking them together, because the only one worthy of sharing a drink with me is me. In fact, I own all drinks now. Everyone else can drink the ocean from now on.
by lumadeline
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It is a lesser known fact that microphones don’t actually work with science, but are instead blessed by my magic when they are born from their spawning pits which gives the microphone people their powers. They are then washed clean, and given armor that looks like a microphone. When someone’s voice is projected through them, it is actually the little microphone people doing impersonations of each noise that enters the mic. And what comes out is actually a fake of the speaker, but much louder.
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When they were deciding what they wanted cookies to taste like, they took samples of my armpit sweat, because I’m just that good.
the classic/campfire s’mores
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