hoshizor4s
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yknow. for screaming into the void (lov / 24)
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crying apparently Zheng Yi Sao was born almost 60 years after Stede and Edward died irl lmao David Jenkins said fuck historical timelines get a bad bitch Chinese woman in here
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OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH
Season 1 // Season 2
#HELL YEAH I LOVE A GOOD PARALLEL!!!!!!#god the different circumstances of the jeff scenes. is kinda getting to me rn#ofmd
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yeah actually i love that ed externalized his self hatred as fucking hornigold because hornigold was probably the second biggest abusive presence in ed's life, and the fact that ed still remembers felix's name and what happened to him in horrible explicit detail shows how much of a traumatizing event it was, and, ed does not see his self hate as the kraken or blackbeard, but as hornigold. the guy who defined piracy for him. who treated him worse than a dog.
ed learned piracy from a guy who thought a great lesson on not stealing rations was making one of the youngest members of the crew die a horrific death. ed became The Blackbeard after the experience of being captained by that guy and when he is near death and wants to talk and wants to get it out and try to explain himself he imagines that guy because that guy will make him feel like shit which is what he thinks he deserves because he believes himself unlovable.
he's not unlovable, he did drown himself in pain and try to push someone to kill him (and my god the multiple fics where he tries to get jim to do it were all so right all those authors feel a very you called it in this chilis tonight!!!!!) but even then he had to pick one of the worst guys he knew to do it because even hating himself he wanted to hear it from someone else. a part of him was still pushing back, still needing it confirmed by a theoretical outsider.
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The scenes with Ed talking to Hornigold (himself) gave us so much insight and context into Ed as a character and how he sees himself, and it says so much about how he sees Stede, too, that I am falling at David Jenkins feet and kissing his boots for how much easier he’s made my job as a writer and as a viewer trying to understand Ed.
He told himself that no one knows the fact he killed his dad because he’s never told anyone. He knew Stede for…let’s see. A few weeks? And then told him a secret he’s told anyone else ever. That’s insane. That recontextualizes so much about their relationship. Ed wasn’t just being vulnerable with Stede, not even just being vulnerable with himself and others in new ways, he was openly starting to process trauma he’s never told anyone, not even his mother. He trusts Stede so implicitly its kind of scary actually and maybe a bad thing.
Not only that, but its a secret that he sees himself as carrying with him in his hair and his leather and his tattoos. Its written on his body and everyone can see it. Ed sees his trauma as obvious and glaring faults, even before processing it, and it’s something that Hornigold says, so that means its something he hates about himself. He seems himself as obviously vulnerable and broken. It’s proof to him that he’s unlovable.
And that makes all of those moments where Stede looks at him, where Stede sees him but really sees him: the red silk under the moonlight, Ed in the bath crying over a flashback, it makes those moments just that much more intimate and kind. Ed feels like he can be seen and loved. That is love to Ed: being seen. He just wants to be seen as lovable.
#im weeping on the floor#head in hands#all of this all of this#beautifully written#time to cry some more#ofmd
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Guess who's back?
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Ed: I don’t think anyone is waiting for me :(
Stede:
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you know me better than anyone has ever known me, and i dare say the same is true for me about you.
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"Girl, how are you?" is the funniest line I've ever heard and I know I'm gonna be quoting it at least once a day forever. Anyway girls (gn) how ARE we?
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Three solid things, that's a good start.
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Lucius and Pete reunited 💗
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Dear Ed: things are terrible.
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+ bonus
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I'll never leave you. I'll never leave again.
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Raise your motherfucking glasses !! 🥂
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