It’s not glamorous, it’s not cute, it’s not the manic pixie dream y’all want it to be. It’s a fucking nightmare and I would literally do anything to not have this diagnosis.

please don’t leave,,

I CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU

When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it's not.

I think the worst part of borderline is when during the psychotic, no emotional regulation phases I can see myself from a rational perspective and I’m screaming at myself to stop being stupid. It’s like looking through a window at myself as I set everything I love ablaze.

And it gets worse when people see me for the arsonist, not the girl screaming through the window. I need people with strong emotional regulation around me, but it just feels like everyone wants to watch me burn.

What is a FP (bpd term)

A favorite, or otherwise called fixated, person is a bpd term for an extremely strong attachment towards a person.

It can be someone you've just met, a family member, a friend, a teacher, someone you're dating, a celebrity even. It's anyone that a person with bpd forms a very strong attachment to.

The person with borderline's well-being, emotions, even life - depend on that fp. The way the fp treats the person with bpd is how the person with bpd will feel. Them replying to a text can bring extreme euphoria and comfort. And being left of read or taking too long to reply can bring out a depressive episode, rage, confusion. If the fp treats the person well - the person with borderline's self esteem will be through the roof. But if the fp treats the person with bpd horribly, the person with bpd will feel like they are the most horrible piece of shit of a person.

It's important that the fp, is educated on bpd and is willing to try to work through it together. Otherwise the connection between the two can be so toxic, from the fp themselves and from the person with bpd. But its no excuse for someone with bpd to be abusive and toxic, nor is it okay for the fp to treat them very poorly because they know they're attached to them and are vulnerable.

People with bpd can be very jealous of every aspect of their fp. They can mirror the way the person looks, talks, basing their entire personality to the fps. They can drop other friends and family, thinking the fp is the only, most important person in the world and they don't need anyone else but them. They can get jealous of their fp hanging out with friends, family, pets and paying attention to anyone or anything but them.

People with bpd struggle with emotional permanence, just like object permanence, but with emotions. We wake up feeling unloved, like nobody needs us. When someone says they love us or compliments us we feel so full of happiness and appreciation, but after a couple hours we forget what that feels like again and need it more.

But don't be discouraged!! The friendship/connection/relationship between someone with borderline and their FP can be beautiful, loving, amazing even :) What's important is that the person with bpd is reassured by their fp and the fp is willing to understand bpd more in order for it to work. And the person with bpd needs to work through their jealousy, emotional permanence and so on in DBT or therapy in general.

FPs aren't chosen, the attachment happens unplanned and we can't control who it is. Not everyone with bpd have a fp!! It doesn't make you any less valid. There are over 100 different variations of borderline personality disorder so some things one person with bpd has, another may not relate to some of the symptoms.

“are you okay?” no i’m not can we please change the subject before i start crying

Having an fp is so fucking embarrassing. Like “hey🥺I’m willing to do anything for you and you don’t even think about me🥺I will respond to each and every single comment you make and lather you in attention when I barely get anything from you🥺my heart skips a beat when you come online🥺you’re my everything look at these 10 things I found just for you🥺please talk to me please please I’ll do anything for your attention🥺” like kys

i feel like when we talk about bpd there are a lot of symptoms that get missed out on, so shoutout to my fellow psychotic borderlines, to borderlines who age regress, to borderlines who are paranoid more than not.

you’re valid.

cant talk rn i'm busy being a danger to myself

they’re minor inconveniences to you, to me they’re world-ending tragedies

Don't ask me "wyd" i really just be in my room going insane and being a danger to myself

Me every single week

I literally jumped out of a moving vehicle because my fp made me feel like they were leaving me and hated everything about me. BPD psychotic episodes are no fucking joke. I peeled a whole window down, opened it from the outside and jumped. 3 grown adults couldn't even hold me back, the absolute rage that was going through my body is no joke. It's so embarrassing

Comorbid BPD + ADHD/ASD

What a lot of people aren't aware of is that if you have BPD, you likely have ADHD and/or ASD. There's two decades missing of information on this, so I wanted to spread this information so more people are aware. 18%-34% of people diagnosed with ADHD as adults often have comorbid BPD and 14% of people diagnosed with ASD have BPD too. So you could possibly have ADHD, ASD and BPD all together, or just two of those. And that's percentage is probably way higher, because so little know about this. Borderline personality disorder are diagnosed between late teens to peoples 20s and 30s, that is most commonly caused by childhood trauma like neglect, sexual/verbal/physical abuse, abandonment and other traumas. Now here is where the ADHD/ASD comes in, they're both developmental disabilities. Growing up undiagnosed ADHD/ASD is also traumatic! Having to grow up being told you're supposed to fit in with the neurotypicals, is so so hard on someone. Therefore most people who are born with ADHD/ASD can develop BPD, for the sole reason that growing up being told the way you act and do everything is wrong - is traumatic. The messed up thing is that if their parents would've taken their child to get tested at an early age, gave them attention, love, care - they wouldn't even have a BPD diagnosis. So if you have BPD, please get tested for ADHD/ASD because just from that you could've been traumatised. If you have BPD and think "But I've never experienced severe childhood trauma so why do I have bpd" its probably from masking your whole life trying to please others.

So for all my late diagnosed ASD/ADHD people out there that first got diagnosed with BPD - I'm so sorry that your parents didn't care enough to understand you and instead belittled you into fitting in the neurotypical standards. There was never anything wrong with ya'll, you just have brains that are wired different, and that's a beautiful thing.

how about we stop romanticizing the whole fp thing and talk about how TRAUMATIZING it is to get attached to someone to the point where they control how you feel at any time given