kyletogaz
gaz nation
jess • black • 32 • i’m she🔞@buffalowingtea on twitter@userryanguzman is my sideblog
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in the morning, i get on tumblr and reblog beautiful images, but by the evening i devolve into madness
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me leaving simon’s house after he blows my back out
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stressed? take a little nap. feel unlovable? snooze it out bestie. want to end it all? snork mimimi
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damn i wish i was her
sucking kyle’s dick and getting backshots from simon at same time…yeah
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when your girlmutual is losing her mind on the dash it is your duty to support her! you like that post whether you understand it or not , otherwise the economy will go to ruin
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My tumblr notes when mutuales clock in to like my posts
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Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II - gifs 23/? | Ghost + 🔪
BONUS:
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*KILL BILL SIRENS*
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Through Me (The Flood) - secret baby fic
Simon Riley / female reader
Simon's short term rental is almost claustrophobic.
He tries to stay out of it, tries to keep himself busy. Active. After a week since you asked him to go home, to give you some space, he noticed he's lost weight. The thick of his ribs, his stomach, his thighs, has thinned out, cutting his bulk, exposing more muscle.
The grief feels more fresh than it has in years. Talking to you, telling you, has dredged up long buried things, agony and regret, pain that steals his breath and leaves him paralyzed. He forces himself not to think of it, but it still finds a way to creep in. To make him feel torn apart, turns him into a ghost.
He walks a lot. Walks to the store. Walks to the pub. Walks to the park. Sometimes he sits on the bench and watches mums push their buggies, wondering if it's something you might enjoy, if you were feeling better. Wishing he had made more of an effort to get you out of the flat, into the sunshine.
He's still walking to your building at night, standing under the tree, watching the lights flicker on and off. Your windows stay lit longer now, periods of sleep more infrequent, leaving him to worry that you're not getting enough rest, not taking care of yourself.
He walked all morning into early afternoon today. Tried to quell the nausea swirling in his stomach, tried not to watch the clock, or count the seconds. Tried to brace himself for the bittersweet he knew was coming.
>Hey, I'm going to be leaving pretty soon for work, and could be gone for a while. Could I see Orion before I go? Spend some time with him?
>Sure.
Your reply still rings in his ears. Short. Torturous.
But he doesn't blame you. He did it the wrong way. You have a child, his child, to protect, to take care of. Of course, you should be concerned. Maybe he should have found a better way to tell you. Maybe he shouldn't have told you at all.
A large part of him, the instinctual part, considered refusing you, when you asked him to give you some time, and he still hasn't made a decision about what he will do in the long run.
It would be so easy, to hide you away. To take you in the middle of the night, wake you up in a brand new home, high in hill, in a whole new country across a border.
When the knock on his door finally comes, he crams the overflow of emotion coursing through his heart into a teeny tiny box, and prays he'll be able to keep a lid on it.
"Hey." Orion turns in your grip, looking for Simon's voice, and you smother a wince at the shift in his weight.
"Hi." You look through him. Past him. To the left of his elbow, at his shoulder, the floor. Anywhere but his eyes.
"Thanks for letting me spend some time with him." Your lips go flat, but you shuffle the baby into his arms, managing to avoid skin to skin contact with him. It makes his stomach hurt worse than it already did.
"Of course, you're... you're his dad." You peek around him, trying to get a better look of the flat. "Do you uh, have stuff for him?"
"I went to the store."
"Okay. Well, good." You hand him the bag next. "I wasn't sure what you had so there are a few changes of clothes in there, just in case, and some bottles. They should probably go in the fridge. Diapers, some toys. Just in case... I didn't want.... I wanted you to have everything you might need." It's thoughtful of you, and he wants to smile, but you won't look at him.
"Thank you." You nod.
"Alright well, I'll come pick him up later? Just text me I guess, when you're ready. Hopefully he'll take a bottle."
"I can bring him-"
"No, that's okay." you cut him off sharply, shaking your head. He frowns.
"Why not?"
"I- I don't mind, coming by to get him."
"But if it's dark..."
"I can manage." You snap, and he purses his lips, but says nothing.
"Alright well, see you later then." You make some noncommittal noise, and then step closer, mouth pressing to Orion's cheek.
"Bye baby, love you." You finally look up at him, really look, and he holds his breath when he sees it all in your eyes. Pain. Confusion. Worry.
He did that.
The evening goes too fast. He manages to get Ry to nap, and drink over half a bottle, a huge win, but spends most of the time just holding him, walking him in circles in his flat, trying to memorize the feeling of his baby in his arms. He's fussier than usual, crying anytime Simon tries to put him down, which he doesn't mind, but concerns him. Is he like this at home, with you? Is this why you've been up more at night?
Still, it's over too soon, and when you're knocking on the door again, he stands on the other side a few seconds too long, wishing he had more time.
He's always wishing he had more time.
"How was he?"
"Good. More fussy than usual, but I got him to take most of a bottle. Is he doing alright?"
"He's been like this, the past few days. He's either going through a growth spurt, or developing some late colic. I hope it's the growth spurt." Oh no.
"Well, I'm here if you need anything. If you want me to take him at all." You nod.
"When uh... when are you leaving?"
"Two weeks or so. Once the guys get back, they'll have a few days debrief and then... we'll be off."
"Okay, well. Just let me know, when you want him again?"
"I will." He kisses Orion's cheek, whispering in his ear how much he loves him, before passing him to you. You have to reposition your posture to support his weight, and winces. "Are you okay?" You blink at him, skeptical and surprised.
"I'm great Simon. Really peachy."
"Look, I know I really sprung-"
"Sprung? Is that what you're calling that? Simon... you blindsided me. You... you-" He holds up his hands.
"I'm much more careful now. I've learned a lot of hard lessons, and I would never, ever allow anything to happen to you or Orion." His shoulders slump, and he drops his eyes to the floor. Ashamed. Grief trying to work its way, trying to break him down just as it has all these years before. "I've learned from my mistakes." There's a long, uncomfortable since between the two of you, one that Orion fills with fussing, and then your voice cracks.
"Simon, that wasn't your fault.... I'm not... I'm not upset about... that. Or anything, that happened to you. I mean, I'm upset but not at you for that..." You take a deep breath. "I am upset for you, that those things happened to you, that you've been through such trauma, such horrible things." Tears wet your cheeks, but he doesn't move. Doesn't breathe. "I would never hold that against you. I'm upset about your job. And the danger it puts us in. I'm upset that I didn't know that you'd been gone for weeks, possibly months at a time. I'm upset that you promised me you'd be here, and then never mentioned the super secret task force that will... take you away from us." Orion cries, and you bounce him back and forth, finally looking Simon dead in the eye, facing him head on. "It feels like you've been lying to me, for weeks now. I thought we were in this, together, that we were- we were building something, together. Now it just feels like... I could lose you at any second instead. That Orion could lose his father, grow up without you." The last word rips from your lips in a sob, and you shake your head as he steps close.
"You will never lose me. Do you understand? That will never happen." He vows it, swears it, forces it out into the universe as a covenant, but you only shake your head sadly.
"You can't promise that."
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looking up the scottish gaelic word for “wolf” bc i need a title for this werewolf!soap fic and please, madadh-allaidh is such a unique word
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what a beautiful day to remember that buck and eddie are the loves of each other's lives <333
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Community – 3.04: Remedial Chaos Theory
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Challengers 2024, dir. Luca Guadagnino
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Christians: "You're going to hell."
me: "You mean the eternal play party with all the hot sexy demons and enormous eldritch tentacle monsters? Sounds good to me."
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