memoriesofthefuckingbullshit
let's get this over with.
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do you know what's been going on since you made that callout post? thank you for making it, by the way-ManiaKnight's actions definitely seemed like it needed a spotlight shone on. I wish more people knew about what he's done
From what I heard, the emotional abuse in the event got reeled way in. Most people I heard from said the event in general was still a chaotic mess, but at least people weren’t getting actively harmed from it anymore, meaning my efforts were not in vain. While I agree more people should be aware of his actions, the goal was never to “cancel” Mania because it would turn into an all-or-nothing split written off as just “toxic tumblr cancel culture” people defaming him when all I wanted was to protect these kids from emotional abuse via fictional characters they use to escape from their IRL struggles. This was achieved and I am satisfied, because I know I can’t save everyone, particularly if they do not believe they need saving.
The event ended abruptly a few weeks ago, and all channels associated with it deleted. People were given time to archive the channels at least. Apparently he’s starting a new event server soon. I’m not going to keep up with it at all and while I sincerely hope he has learned his lesson I doubt it, and this blog will remain up to keep him accountable for his actions.
Stay safe, everyone.
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I’d like to preface this with a personal note:
I do not want to write these posts. I absolutely hate that there is a need for it and it’s been chewing me up. It’s taken me the better part of a month to round up all the evidence (I had to be sure and double-check my sources) and to put this together, in bits and pieces so as to not overwhelm my own mental health.
I loved the Underfell Fangame community. I briefly met Mania at ATLANTALE early 2018, before I even knew about the project. I became a patreon supporter because he seemed to genuinely love the community and Undertale and the game he was working on. I joined the Underfell community in March and made a second home there.
I considered him a friend. Looked up to him as a fellow creator, game developer. A fellow community admin. And I thought it was really cool the way he did the whole community server events Ink vs. Error stuff. I loved the concept and have been passionately involved in it since its start over a year ago. I’m closely involved in the development of the comic series based on these server events, called Memories of the Multiverse War and have spent countless hours dedicated to expanding the world our comic takes place inside the Doodlesphere.
I have since learned much is a horrific farce. And I’m really unhappy about it.
But if I don’t do or say something before I go I could never live with myself.
There are so many victims already. And more than a few look up to me like their big sib.
There are good ways to make the audience cry.
This is not one of them.
It hurts me knowing the other Event Masters put their heart and soul into creating fun content, intended for people to enjoy, while Mania twists their work into ways to torment people, and even drags them to emulate his behavior. How much more will get swept under the rug, if I don’t speak up?
It boils down to:
Mania knowingly emotionally abuses server members, most of whom are children between the ages of 13-19.
He shows no remorse for it.
Our Mental Health is a Joke to Him Part 1*
(xFrisk debacle; please take trigger warnings seriously)
Our Mental Health is a Joke to Him Part 2
(Fallout from the xFrisk debacle)
Ink Was Never Going to Die
(He just liked fucking with us)
No, He Really Hasn’t Changed, And Won’t Be Anytime Soon*
(xPapyrus introduction, and all this matters)
*If this much reading overwhelms you, prioritize this post and starred pages above.
Important:
Event Masters are not the ones at fault here. They’re just doing as they’re told to play out the story Mania calls for, and probably do not even realize the impact their actions have on people since they’re told it’s all just for pretend. When they are aware, they’re under threat by Mania to keep quiet.
Abuse through role play is particularly insidious. Yes, the server events are a form of role play, by definition. Pretending to be a character, or otherwise assuming the role of as a way to interact with others is fundamentally role play.
In terms of power balance, the server events are more like a D&D campaign than traditional online roleplay. We even have “Event Masters” to parallel the “Dungeon Master” who has nigh god-like power over what happens in the dice-based roleplaying game.
There are dozens of articles about proper DM etiquette, and how to tell a uniquely engaging story to invoke high emotions in effective ways:
There's no shame in manipulating your players' emotions, because that's part of your job as a storyteller. But, like anything else, it requires a deft hand. Be mindful of how your players react, and be careful not to go too far. If anyone at the table starts to feel uncomfortable about the situation you're presenting, it can quickly start to take people out of the game. Be mindful of your players' limits, and give them the option of saying when something isn't going over well with them. But once you start to get the hang of it, you can turn a night of goofy dice-rolling over drinks into a tense situation, or provide a moving, emotionally honest moment for your characters.
In short: It was mere storytelling until the moment the characters reacted to and responded to the players. At that point, it is role playing and the concept of consent comes into play, because real people with real feelings are part of the story, which, curiously, is canonically enforced:
And it’s it’s our fault for taking hurtful things that characters say and do personally?
Jerking player emotions around for laughs isn’t just an asshole thing to do; it’s straight up bad storytelling.
There is no excuse for choosing abuse.
End of story.
I am hesitant to come forward with this, as I do not have evidence compiled other than the threat itself, and considering the nature of the issue there are privacy concerns regarding the victims. He has a tendency to target 17-19 year old girls, as a 28-year old. This was sent to me while playing minecraft while in server voice chat on June 16th, 2019.
I’m including it because this is a perfect example of how he’ll backtrack and play upsetting things off like a joke. The threat has since been deleted so I’m glad I grabbed a screenshot while it existed. He has a habit of deleting things that could be used as evidence.
hahahahahahaa no sir you do not get to drop a threat like that on someone and then play it off like a joke, particularly when “if you didn’t hear it doesn’t matter”
It does matter.
They matter.
All those kids are important. They matter and so do their feelings and all the grief they’ve experienced at your hands. The event may be more like a D&D campaign setting, in terms of balance of power, but this article does a great job breaking down the cycle of online roleplay abuse.
Here’s an excerpt:
Some people roleplay to heal their wounds, others play for fun or to escape. Any way you cut it, a good chunk of roleplayers have personal investment in their roleplay.
The human brain is a curious silly fickle sort of thing, a person who is capable of empathizing can empathize with anything that has human traits, be it a brave little toaster, a cartoon dog, a character in a book,crying at a movie, or screaming at the little man on playing sports ball on the television. People feel empathic sadness from witnessing sadness of others,people can feel empathic excitement by watching sports, in some cases to the point of violent outbreaks after their favorite sportsball team wins the big game.
Human beings are capable of immersing ourselves in the situation of others, and we are capable of feeling a wide variety of emotions as we endure the human experience of whatever we immerse ourselves in. This experience of emotional stimulation is not just a flaw in emotions or an inability to tell in character from out of character. Feeling this way does not make someone insane, weak, or flawed.
It is, in fact, a physiological chemical reaction in the human body. It’s chemistry, it’s oxytocin, it’s cortisol, it’s adrenaline, it’s dopamine, it’s serotonin, it’s estrogen, it’s testosterone, and who knows what else. When things happen in online roleplay we really feel it. (This is why consent is so important.)
In both roleplay and interpersonal interactions in online communities, and the feelings we feel when engaged in these things are real,are chemical, and they are not in our head.
Online community narcissists engage in their own flavor potentially insidious psychological abuse and manipulation, and it can cause real life distress, depression, anxiety, all in a situation where people are trying to escape, to relax, to have fun, and to heal wounds.
More importantly, this serves to validate the feelings of that the narcissist’s victims, be it ex-roleplay partner or a storyteller silenced.
You are not overreacting to a video game. Your pain is valid. The people you are interacting with on the other side of the screen are real; you are having real interpersonal interaction. The emotions you are experiencing are real chemical reactions in your body not a personal flaw. You are not crazy or stupid.
It is okay to cry about stupid online drama. It is okay to talk to your therapist if you have one. Know that even if you feel isolated and alone, even if you think everyone hates you. The truth is that outside of the narcissist’s circle, there is going to be people who do not even know of you let alone hate you, who do not care or believe the bullshit the narcissist tried to feed them.
—Credit to @zanpyr. Thank you for this wonderful article.
Now. All of you, on the server, who’ve been subjected to all this fucking bullshit over the months or years you’ve been in the community: It’s not your fault. Your feelings and heartache are valid. You matter, and you deserve better than how we’re made to feel through this series of fucking bullshit. You’re not weak for caring about these characters; caring about characters is WHY we loved Undertale so much. You’re not stupid for getting hurt by someone you trusted and considered a friend. You can get through this and you’re gonna grow up and do great, okay?
And any other adults who’ve been emotionally manipulated too: It’s not your fault. You’re no more at fault than the kids for falling for his tricks because guess what: you’re human and you have empathy. Those aren’t bad things.
I know from personal experience that online interactions can be clinically traumatic, as in, diagnosable trauma response symptoms that should be taken seriously. I’ve already been talking people through their thoughts and feelings about this stuff and I recommend you do the same. Sorting out all the self-blame from guilt-tripping is important and if you have signs of trauma related to this event, please please please seek treatment even if it seems silly to be that affected by “a fucking discord event.” Gaslighting from any source messes with your perception of reality and doubting your ability to perceive the world can have lasting effects that topple like a domino effect.
Once you’ve developed trauma response symptoms, you become more vulnerable to developing further symptoms by more common disturbing events. Don’t do like I did and let it go untreated for over a decade of accumulating traumas and Traumas. Many of you are already suffering with depression, anxiety, and existing trauma. The sooner you seek treatment the better.
Outside Sources:
Quoted/Linked in Article:
How To Manipulate Your Players (Into Having Emotions)
Wikipedia - Gaslighting
Abuse Through Online Roleplay
Adventures In Random Roleplay: Safety/Consent Tools in Gaming
Additional Reading:
Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting
Three of the Easiest Ways to Manipulate Someone
Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted
Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships
Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality
Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”
20 Tips For Becoming A Better DM: Lessons Learned At The Table
One final addendum:
As vindictive as I may feel after slogging through so many horrific conversations, I absolutely do not condone any attempts to actively harass him. Hold him accountable for his actions but do not send him hatemail, threats, or any other shit like that. He’s a fucked up human being but he’s still a human being and this whole effort has been to call attention to how much online interactions affect our mental mental health. Don’t do that shit to anyone, even if you think they deserve it. And don’t be a flying monkey, please.
Okay, that’s it.
Stay safe everyone.
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So, everybody noticed it:
Mania!Ink took a vested interest in Citri and Excel over anyone else participating in the event, Citri moreso than Excel but both had plenty of direct character replies and callouts.
Mania intentionally and methodically went out of his way to ensure Citri remained unhealthily engaged with the event. It took over her IRL responsibilities and affected her mental health and capability to perform everyday life functions.
Important:
Event Masters are not the ones at fault here. They’re just doing as they’re told to play out the story Mania calls for, and probably do not even realize the impact their actions have on people since they’re told it’s all just for pretend. When they are aware, they’re under threat by Mania to keep quiet.
He even had Kyzer voice a “Cassette tape” specifically for Citri from Ink to lure her in. Click the link to listen.
“Citrine. I know we’re on different sides of this war. But regardless of the statements I’ve made in the past, I wish there was another way. But you must understand, that Lord xGaster wants what’s best for all of us. This may end badly, but know that I have no regrets in the choices I’ve made. Perfection is achievable; you are the best example of that, my friend.”
Mania knew Citri took the event more seriously than most people, so he intentionally kept her hooked and unable to put her phone down for fear of losing her friend. He dragged at the expense of her IRL well-being because he thought it was funny.
Meanwhile in Event Master group DM:
Afterward, he had the gall to tell Citri when asked, that Ink really was going to die, but he saved him for our sakes.
After months of toying with us.
Private DM with Citri
Ink was never going to die! But if any of the EMs said anything, they’d get fired, so they had to keep quiet.
Oh. Yes. Definitely don’t ask anyone who would know the truth know you lied to us. Then we might find out, huh?
In #team_cross chat:
This is what kicked off the whole investigation. Helix asked how MotMW was going and I gave an enormous answer, stating we were still reeling from Ink’s almost-death.
DMs with gnocchi:
DM with Vitals:
DM with Jeya
“A little mean” is an understatement.
But I get it, guys. You couldn’t say shit and committing potential social suicide (like I’m doing) is soul-crushing.
There’s so much more I could put here but god. There’s so much in this rabbit hole and the longer this goes on the longer people are getting manipulated and hurt.
roger that, cactus boss. 👀👌
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Looks fine so far, right? People are excitedly welcoming him, but still respectfully giving him his space.
How wholesome. :D
Oh. The villain we’ve been dealing with for 8+ months appears. Wonder how people would feel about that.
People are understandably annoyed The Bad Guy is here but there’s more excitement for Halloween than anything.
Not too bad though, everyone’s in a good mood since xPapyrus joined us and it’s amusing that xGaster is still in his halloween costume. The halloween event went pretty well-received, too, so that’s good!
? ? ?
Hold the goddamn phone.
now give the phone to me.
What did people actually do to warrant this response?
What the fuck do you mean “they no longer wished for my rehabilitation”?
They stopped paying attention to you for all of a minute to respond to someone else who talked to them, and now the OT is at fault for being overbearing and uncaring?
Important:
Event Masters are not the ones at fault here. They’re just doing as they’re told to play out the story Mania calls for, and probably do not even realize the impact their actions have on people since they’re told it’s all just pretend. When they are aware, they’re under threat by Mania to keep quiet.
What’s happening below the cut is literally the same blame game as the xFrisk debacle. If you haven’t read that yet, please do, so you’re aware of the parallels.
That’s why Dreamalgamate got introduced too, huh?
Fundamentally, this is the same as the xFrisk debacle.
This is punishing the players and blaming them for a choice they didn’t make. This is gaslighting participants for daring to care about fictional characters. The fact xPapyrus distrusted the OT and left with xGaster isn’t the issue here; it’s the ass-pull blame shoved onto the players as punishment for the simple act of having emotional investment. There are a hundred better ways for that to have happened without punishing people excited to see their favorite character after half a month of buildup.
If xPap was simply distrustful of humans and preferred a familiar face, people would have been disappointed, but it wouldn’t have been the blatant gaslighting it is here. Blaming the actions of the OT as to why he left with xGaster is unfair since they did nothing wrong; they were literally preparing hot cocoa and blankets to welcome him whilst respecting boundaries. And his reasoning makes no goddamn sense: How dare people stop paying attention to him for one literal minute to respond to someone else who spoke? Yeah, okay.
Jerking player emotions around for laughs isn’t just an asshole thing to do; it’s straight up bad storytelling.
This happened in November. Mania hasn’t changed since the xFrisk event won’t be changing anytime soon. Even if he is changing, he has absolutely no business in running a community event full of literal children with this level of sadistic glee or at the very least, irresponsibility with regards to their emotional health.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the 11/11 xG birthday event, or how the portrayal of Blueberror is straight-up just an excuse for more gaslighting under the guise of some kind of “being unhinged.”
Mania!Blueberror in a nutshell:
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
And it’s not simply a matter of leaving the event if it makes you upset; this event is a social commitment and people don’t want to leave their friends behind.
Can we take a step back for a second?
Just one second?
And think about why so many people need breaks from the event for their mental health?
. . .
seriously, think about that for a moment.
. . .
WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
IT SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE PERIOD.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay!
There was even an announcement about it, to pre-emptively shift the blame to victims, and the abuse has only gotten more and more blatant since.
This is silencing the right to complain.
Another painful aspect of this gaslighting effect as well as the effects of trauma is that we begin to rationalize, deny and minimize the impact of the abuse in an effort to survive a hostile, toxic environment. We essentially begin ‘gaslighting’ ourselves and blaming ourselves for the abuse, though certainly not with the same intent or awareness as our abusers.
The level of internalized blame here is horrifying.
This is not okay!
This is not okay!
This is not okay!
Look.
Intentionally upsetting someone and then blaming them for reacting is the bread and butter of narcissistic gaslighting. When chronically enforced, this will cause permanent mental harm to the victims who can’t even recognize what is happening to them.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay!
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
This is not okay.
. . .
Wake up!
Main Post
Cited in article:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/12/five-ways-we-rationalize-abuse-and-why-we-need-to-stop/
Outside Sources:
Wikipedia - Gaslighting
Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting
Abuse Through Online Roleplay
Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted
Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships
Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality
Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”
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These vents are in direct response to the xFrisk debacle, an impromptu event Mania ran involving a 10-minute countdown to death as the OT was faced with The Sadistic Choice; forced to choose a favorite character to kill.
Mania chose to run it after laughing at everyone upset about recent events; someone had even “vagued suicide.”
Yeah. Hilarious.
View the xFrisk debacle here for context, including behind-the-scenes DMs from private Event Master chat I was granted access to.
youtube
So there you have it folks. The official theme song of Memories of the Fucking Bullshit server events.
Event Master group DM:
Vitals again trying to alert him to the fact he’s hurting people, and Mania again finding it hilarious.
xFrisk Debacle
Main Post
Outside Sources:
Wikipedia - Gaslighting
Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting
Abuse Through Online Roleplay
Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted
Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships
Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality
Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”
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Audio
Mania!Ink says:
CitriPhos, I can't even begin to fathom how you feel right now. I know this must be frustrating for a young mind such as your own.
I have something for you, and while it's directed specifically at you - it's something everyone can learn from.
If and when I do perish, I want you all to remember what we did in the past... the things we accomplished together. Memories create strong emotions, and those emotions can topple kingdoms.
This is not my path, however.
Please... take this and play it whenever you feel upset. Know that even though I'm forced to fight, it was for you... all of you. I just want what's best for everyone."
Audio Transcript of Cassette_Tape.mp3:
“Citrine. I know we’re on different sides of this war. But regardless of the statements I’ve made in the past, I wish there was another way. But you must understand, that Lord xGaster wants what’s best for all of us. This may end badly, but know that I have no regrets in the choices I’ve made. Perfection is achievable; you are the best example of that, my friend.”
This post is part of the Keeping Citri Unhealthily Engaged segment.
Main Post
Outside Sources:
Wikipedia - Gaslighting
Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting
Abuse Through Online Roleplay
Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted
Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships
Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality
Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”
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Look at those fucking timestamps.
#omega_timeline August 4th, 10:09 PM EST, partway into xFrisk event
After xFrisk’s initial encounter, which is what was stressing everyone out in the above #vents, Mania decided to pull this nonsense out of his ass in response to Vitals trying to alert him to the fact he’s hurting people.
It’s a long, stressful read, under the cut.
Trigger warning: gaslighting, emotional abuse, child mental abuse
Important:
Event Masters are not the ones at fault here. They’re just doing as they’re told to play out the story Mania calls for, and probably do not even realize the impact their actions have on people since they’re told it’s all just for pretend. When they are aware, they’re under threat by Mania to keep quiet.
If you can’t stomach the full log, please do at least read the closing notes.
There’s more, but the rest can be summarized as more audience panic and gaslighting from Mania to make the players believe they caused the situation that he came up with on the fly to “teach those kids a lesson.”
Back in private Event Master Chat:
what fucking lesson.
what fucking lesson!?
most of these are literal children you are making a conscious choice to hurt on the basis you think they genuinely care too much for something you and others have created?!
later in #vent channel:
what fucking lesson?
what fucking lesson were they supposed to learn that could only be taught through The Sadistic Choice, and forcing them to feel responsible for it in a role play scenario?
#omega_timeline toward the end of the xfrisk event chaos:
You’re telling us we’re “not taking this seriously” enough, minutes after scoffing at how “fucking everyone is upset about a fucking discord event”?
It doesn’t matter what you claim your intent was. It doesn’t matter if it was for some twisted “greater good.” Multiple adults expressed similar feelings of distress and yet you still demand these kids “grow up”!?
You were 100% aware your actions would hurt them and you laughed at their despair as you chose to hurt them.
You sadistic fuck.
...
I did not hesitate to call Mania out on his BS at the time, even before I had the context of the Event Masters private chat. I gave him benefit of the doubt, so I spoke from a neutral, practical perspective, instead of being confrontational about ethics.
* If the image is too blurry I have transcribed the following messages for easier reading, below the image.:
back in #vent:
Excel Lynt said:
tbh these recent events are leaving a bad taste in my mouth, particularly tonight's. I was trying to do the Adventure Mode thing that we've struggled to hold consistently and getting pings about my favorite characters on a countdown to die was extremely distracting.
Numerous people have already stated that recent events have been pretty intense for them. Generally if people are interested in these events period they have an emotional investment. The mechanics of this aren't compelling enough to participate for the gameplay alone. It's a social investment. If people don't care enough they don't participate. Period. People caring is why they're here.
so doing things like this, intentionally jerking their emotions around in super intense situations, things they're supposed to be personally invested in, and then being told if it's upsetting to them to leave, that's literally telling a significant portion of the players to fuck off. Even if it's not like, giving them panic attacks or w/e, shit being too serious stops being fun and people lose interest due to their friends losing interest. People are still reeling from Ink's almost-demise and his HP is low enough it's still a critical situation.
Emotional fatigue has already set in for a fair number of people. so threatening to kill off a character like that??? just to tell people to take this shit more seriously?? wtf.
We're also being told simultaneously that it's all characters talking, don't take it seriously, while the characters are telling us to take things more seriously. If we're supposed to not really be affected by what the characters say, we shouldn't take their warnings seriously after all, since it's only a game, and characters talking. Right?
Which is it?
If there needs to be a change in people's behavior during events and people need to take it more "seriously" there should be an out-of-game announcement/discussion about it so people know to take it more seriously instead of blowing off the characters, or winding themselves up so much they can't handle participating anymore.
And look at this fucking reply:
HAHAHAHA bitch you WHAT.
Maniaknight said:
First and foremost you need to understand that the way people are taking fictional events is completely not the fault of the event masters.
This is a story arc we're following, and it was completely in-character. Nothing is stopping someone from taking a break or stepping away. One thing people need to understand, and quick is the difference between in-character and out-of-character.
You do not take things said in-character into real-life; if you do then you need to step back. These are fictional characters, being written into a fictional story that are being projected to 600 or more people at a time and giving fictional warnings. Those warnings were in-character and had nothing to do with real life. Don't get it confused.
The pressure is real, as it's meant to be, but it's not our fault if someone is unable to handle it; everyone handles things differently and we aren't altering the story to tip-toe around that, I'm sorry. I feel that it can be pressuring, but again, take a step out and away from the event if you're feeling pressured.
In regards to the roleplay event being run during AM, yeah, that is my fault and none of the other EM's, I had forgotten about AM since it's something that hasn't been consistent until last week, so I apologize for that.
And I may add, if at any time one wants out of the event they're more than welcome to DM me to have their role removed. Nothing is forcing them into this nor do I want them to feel forced.
... huh, sounds familiar.
Fallout vents in response to xFrisk
Main Post
Outside Sources:
Wikipedia - Gaslighting
Lovebombing, Gaslighting, Benching, and Ghosting
Abuse Through Online Roleplay
Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Signs of Being Gaslighted
Emotional Abuse in Non-Romantic Relationships
Signs an Abuser is Twisting Your Reality
Trauma: Big “T” and little “t”
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