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milky-aeons · 14 days

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I AM SUCH A MESS RN BUT IN A GOOD WAY UGH THIS !! THIS RIGHT HERE !!

luna, my dear, you know how much i adore these pieces that you write for me !! im so sorry im late to this one but it was so worth the wait, oh my god. it had heartbroken izana to kakucho being the mom friend to the make up in the end ദ്ദി ꒦ິ꒳꒦ິ )✧ i loved it so so so much !!

you're such a star 🥺 thank you from the very bottom of my heart, i always come back to read these !!

Wonder If She Loves Me

⊰⊹its 3 in the morning and Izana misses you.

˙❥˙ warnings : breakup,makeup, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending

♫♪ music : Wonder if she loves me By JVKE

a/n : maybe this got too angst...oops? Hope you enjoy it tho, darling @milky-aeons

It's 3 in the morning and Izana can't sleep.

He's been staring at his ceiling for the past 2 hours or so (honestly he has lost the track of time),and something interesting about the cracks on the walls has his eyes wondering over to them every five minutes. his throat is slightly aching, but he cant really bring himself to get up and have a glass of water;so he just lays there,with his violet eyes wide open and his hands clamps over his chest. Usually,on these kind of nights,he would busy himself scrolling through his phone.

Not tonight though.

It's been a whole week since Izana had checked his phone; he's sure it's death already,but that's for the best. He doesn't need to look at his phone because there are only pictures of you greeting him.

He doesn't need a reminder of you.

But as time goes by,and the clock keeps ticking,Izana lets out a loud groan and pulls his pillow from under his head,and pushes it against his face;he desperately tries to stop himself from reaching out for his phone. To unlock it and find your contact.

To push a single button and call you, but he cant.

Because Izana is too much of a burden,and he knows that you deserve way better. You,who has the heart of gold,smile brighter than the sun,and gods above,your eyes-

Izana misses you. But he can't do anything about it;after all,he was the one who pushed you away. He was the one who suggested you two take a break. And like a coward he is,he just holed up inside his house for a week,not bothering to go outside or talk to anyone. But as each minute goes by, Izana's eye twitches more-

He reaches over and takes his phone.

Its dead,as expected;and he has to wait until the screen is lightened up again when he plugs it in. There are lots of missed calls and texts from his friends,and its a wonder that none of them have brought the door down already. They probably know he's not in the mood and just let him be for awhile. As Izana's scrolling down his texts,his phone vibrates in his hands and upon seeing the ID,he answers it with a sigh.

"What is it,Kakucho-"

"You have some balls to talk like that,Izana. I was about to grab an axe from the storage and knock your door down." Kakucho sounds mad. Izana doesnt understands why, "you've been ignoring our calls and texts all week. You've had all of us worried sick!we didn't know if you were death or alive or-"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why have you been worried?"

There's silence on the other side,and the Kakucho sighs. Izana can particularly see him pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Stop with that. You know we..." Another pause. "..care about you." Kakucho finishes awkwardly.

And Izana doesnt get that; because all his life,no one's ever cared about him. Not when his own mother abounded him. Not when his older brother died and left him all alone.

And there's you.

Izana didn't know he loved you well pasted your friendship. He always though its just a friendship thing;like how he doesn't mind having Kakucho around. But as time passed by,he understood he didn't just like having you around;he wanted you all to himself. He wanted to call you his;to hold your hand and hear your sweet laughter. To be the reason for your every smile,and protect you just like how he always wished to be protected.

But now you're gone,and its his fault.

"Is this about y/n?" His friend's voice brings him back to the reality.

Because Kakucho could always read him like an open book.

So he rolls over,and lays on his side;his eyes have long adjusted to the darkness,and the faint light coming from the clock on his bedside has him staring at the staring at the small picture frame that's sitted upon it;a picture of you when he had taken you on a ride for the first time. You're grinning so brightly in the picture; your hair is slightly tousled and your cheeks are flushed. The sky is sunny behind you,but your smile is brighter than any star. He stares at the picture until its craved on his mind,and when he closes his eyes,he can see your face behind his eyelids.

"Izana..." Kakucho's voice is softer this time, "call her. You know she loves you."

"I was the one who suggested this. I broke her heart."

"She understands."

"She deserves better." And at last,after a week long of staring aimlessly at the pictures on the wall,Izana finally grits out the thought that hunted his every waking moment and sleep.

Because it was true;you deserved someone better.

That's why Izana did this;why he broke your heart. Why he invited you over to your favorite cafe and when you were laughing about something silly that your friends did,he blurted out those words.

"Let's break up."

And he had given himself a moment to admire you one last time;to see how your face had crumbled,and your pretty smile had suddenly vanished completely. He waited and felt that sickening twisted in his heart;like a knife had dug itself deep in his chest. But he was sure a knife wound would've hurt less than the defeated look on your face.

He hadn't waited for you to ask why; because he couldn't tell you the reason. He couldn't bring himself to tell you how much you mean to him, but you deserve someone who's not so broken and obsessed with revenge.

So Izana had left;had rode home, feeling absolutely nothing. He had turned off his phone,and buried himself under his covers.

It's 3:15 am,and gods above,he misses you.

As if sensing his every thought, Kakucho breaks the heavy silence.

"Call her,Izana." And with that,he hangs up.

Izana listens to the silence before opening his eyes once again. He stares at the too bright screen of his phone,but he's just lost in the picture of the two of you as his wallpaper. The smiling face of his own face feels alien,but your blinding one is all too familiar.

The picture is months old,his favorite one yet,but it feels like he'd taken it yesterday.

The day he'd asked you to be his girlfriend,he had promised you he'll always protect you. You had laughed,called him your hero with a cheeky grin,and kissed him softly.

He had promised you to be a better man in his heart,but he was always good at breaking his promises.

But now,as he stares at your contact,and the clock shows 3:30 am,his finger hovers over the 'call' button;he knows you're sleeping. You dont have any reason to dwell over someone like him. Because he's a rotten soul,and he knows it fully well. But he can hear your voice telling him he's wrong;that you love him no matter what. He can see you frown,your beautiful eyes shining sadly as you cup his cheeks and kiss his forehead.

He can still feel the ghost of your lips on his skin.

Izana sighs and closes his eyes;he drops the phone on the mattress beside his head,the screen laying down. Like this,he can't see your smile on on his phone. Like this,blinded by the light of his phone,he can't momentarily see the picture frame on his bedside.

Like this,he can pretend you never existed;that he was all alone since day one.

But that's impossible. Stupid even; because the day you entered his life with your smile and understanding eyes,Izana hasn't been alone ever since. And now that you're gone, there's a hole in his heart;right in the middle of it where you belonged. No, that's not right.

There's a hole where his heart used to be,and the day he left you in that cafe,he clawed his heart out and left it with you there.

There's a hole in izana's chest that he knows will never be filled.

His room is quiet, eerily so. So when his phone starts vibrating right next to his face,his eyes snap open.

He's ready to tell Kakucho off;that he doesn't need to call you and ruin your life any further. He's ready to yell at his only friend,and then shut off his phone and never turn it back on again.

But when he turns his phone over and is ready to press the 'answer',he sees the ID.

Your name, along with the heart emojis you'd insisted he put beside it,makes him stare at the too bright screen until his eyes are burning.

Its almost 4 in the morning. There's no way you're calling him.

Maybe its just a dream;he hasn't slept well these past few days,always tossing and turning until the dawn. Maybe he'd fallen asleep the minute Kakucho had hang up. He's sure he's dreaming, because you're supposed to forget all about him;to move on with your life and forget someone as rotten as him.

Izana's sure he's dreaming.

He presses the 'answer' button.

There's a moment where neither of you say anything;he can hear the sound of your trembling breathing,and he closes his eyes. It must be a dream;his worst nightmares. That you always call,but doesn't say anything and he has to suffer through it knowing you will never talk to him ever again.

"... Izana?"

His eyes snap open.

"Iza...?are you there?"

And Izana doesn't know what to say; this isnt like any dream or nightmare he ever had. Usually, in his dreams,he watches you suffer because of his selfishness;cryin, bleeding.

Dying.

But now,as he hears your soft and gentle voice (always so caring with him),he knows he's not dreaming.

That its 3:47 am,and you've actually called him.

"Yeah," he chokes out, "yeah, I'm here."

At that,you let a shaky exhale and grow quiet.

"I-... I'm sorry I called at this hour.you were probably sleeping."

"I wasn't."

"You.. weren't?"

Izana laughs breathlessly. Bitterly.

"No,i wasn't." His fingers play with a loose thread on his sheet, "why..."

"I never got the chance to ask why, Iza." Your voice sounds broken,hurt. Izana wants to rip his heart out;maybe bleeding hurt less than hearing your broken tone, "was it...was it something i did?i wasn't good enough?"

And gods above,he was never so tempted to kill himself in his whole damn life.

Because,how even for a second did you think that you were the problem?

That you were anything but perfect?

"No baby, no" and Izana hates how his voice shakes; his body trembling because he doesn't have the right to act this way when he was the one who broke your heart, "it was never you. How could you think that?"

"But you left," Izana squeezes his eyes when your first sob comes out, "and didn't even tell me why."

And this is his punishment,Izana thinks;to listen to your muffled sobs at 4 in the morning and not being able to reach out. To comfort you,to hold you close and tell you how sorry he is.

Because Izana is a rotten, rotten man. He doesn't deserve someone like you.

"Iza," you say between your sobs, "its been a week and you didn't call. Kakucho-kun said he couldn't get a hold of you. I was worried sick!" When your voice cracks, Izana clenches his fist so tight his knuckles turn white.

Even after a whole week of suddenly breaking up with you and not even bothering to tell you why,you still worry about someone like him.

"Babe, listen to me." His voice is calm,if not slightly shaky, "nothing was ever your fault,i just..."

"Then why?"

You sound so small. Izana can see you burying your face in your pillow;your tears already soaking through the sheets.

"Because," he chokes slightly;voice cracking, "babe...i..."

He takes a deep breath.

"You deserve so much,much better.i couldn't have done that to you."

You're quiet. You don't even breath.

Izana shuts his eyes and sighs.

"Y/n...baby doll,you were everything to me;my whole life,my only reason for living. But..." And Izana doesn't cry,he doesnt. But his eyes burn and his throat is closing up, "but i had to let you go."

"So you gave up on me. On us?"

"I never gave up on you. But i couldn't -"

"Iza," you softly cut him off, because that's all you've ever been with him;too gentle,too caring, "the things that's going on in your head,i cant stop them. But babe...i love you so much."

"I'm broken."

"No one's perfect,darling." You tell him. Ever so patient, "broken or not, you're still my Izana. And i..." He can feel you biting your lips, "still love you too much to let you go.."

And for the first time in the entire week,he thinks he can breath a little better.

"I love you too." He whispers,eyes glued to your pictures frame.

"Then..lets try again?" There's a hesitation in your voice,a slight quiver. "This time,no hiding secrets though,alright?"

And Izana smiles,for the first time in forever and nods.

"Deal." Then he glances at his digital clock, "can i...come over?"

"Its 4:15 am,babe." You sound surprised;like he hasn't done this before. Izana rolls his eyes, "dont you wanna sleep?"

"I cant sleep without you in my arms. Please?"

And when you giggle, although voice slightly hoarse from all the crying,his grin widens more.

"I take that as a yes." But even before saying that, he's already grabbing his jacket and keys,and rushing out the door toward his motorcycle.

"Be careful!!"

And your laughter,makes him let out a laughter on his own;how could he ever,even for a second,think he could let you go?

Oh,he has a lot to makeup for.

#📖 — milky's must reads #🫂 — moots #tokrev #kurokawa izana

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