sarumansorkorphanage
Saruman
"Sa-ru-man" I like the sound of that name.
To a certain extent it expresses what I am not.
And to a certain degree it expresses
What I aspire to be.
It's a powerful name. It looks great on paper and it happens
To be a name of a Lord of the Rings related character.
This blog is not dedicated to the Lord of the Rings.
Not really.
It's dedicated to me.
I guess that means that some Lord of the Rings related content
Might sneak in.
I intend to write some poems. In English,
But also in German and French, the two languages
I grew up with.
Appreciate it. Or get used to it.
If you can't-
Well, just get lost.
Because this is my blog. Dedicated to me only.
And on this blog, my name is "Sa-ru-man". "Man of skill" in Mercian dialect of Anglo Saxon English. Saruman. Sa-ru-man. Good name,
Saruman
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It’s weird being on here again realy.
I don’t think I actually wanted to leave this plattform at any point.
One moment I just realised I had.
You see- I don’t really see myself as a tumblr person and this might be because I’m awefully biased against all of you guys without even really evaluating you.
I just asumed there were certain characteristics to a tumblr person- which I am sure the majority should have- amongst which you could find a certain level of narcissism (not the clinical form, you know, just higher levels on the personal trait-scale) and psychological issues. Or some really intense form of fandom. Or both.
So yeah- while that may or may not be true, these are the reasons why I didn’t want to be a tumblr person. I just didn’t feel I had any major psychological issues, maybe a certain tendency to fancy attention or something, but we’d all be sub-clinical on that, and my degree of fandom was in my humble opinion not worrysome at all.
So you see- no judgment whatsoever, I could even list a couple of good traits amongst which a high intellect, a certain degree of empathy and creativity (though this might be due to my filter bubble).
Now- rest assured- I did have nihilistic thoughts before and I didn’t have any suicide, self-loathing or self-harming fantasies. Not at all. So I don’t quite understand what I’m doing here, but the fact is my head seems rather troubeled and I need an outlet, so- I just felt I should come to a place where people would see me as a bit weird maybe, but most wouldn’t be either detrimental or judgmental. Even though they might be just mental.
(Yeah the pun just came and I won’t cut it because I feel it’s kinda cute.)
So- maybe it’s time to re-introduce myself. My name is- well, Saruman for you guys, sorry ^^, and I haven’t been on tumblr for about half a year or so- and actually I didn’t really plan on coming back, nor do I pan on staying now.
I am a fan of Tolkien’s work, you know- all that Lord-of-the-Ringish, Hobbity, Silmarillionesque stuff. I did use to write poetry in up to three different languages, some were good, some were bad and some I like or dislike depending on the mood, but I usually didn’t edit too much. Maybe out of a sense of self-importance and a weird grasp on creativity in art- or you can just call me lazy if you will, either will do and I’m sure I have hown all those tendencies at some point or another.
Why did I leave this place where you can get little haertsies for pouring out your sad emotions, your happy emotions or any form of emotion in any text there is, really? I don’t quite know. Honestly I like the concept, it’s utterly shallow, sure and I won’t become a great writer of you al support my lazyness and self-importance (which I actually don’t really want to), but it’s also profoundly human. It’s a little utopia. A little shire, if you want to come back to Hobbitses (and this is official Gollum-plural). This is beautiful.
All those fucked up souls and mental wrecks here, or at least those who pretend to be such get positive feedback in their actions- or even better, moral support. Which they probably can use better, for some of their striving s disturbingly detrimental and not going to help them in any manner.
If you were looking for reasons to leave, sure there would be plenty: This place is shallow and cringy at it’s core, full of pretentious little artists amongst whom I have counted myself and I can proudly say- I still am a pretentious little artsist from time to time. People here honestly think brainy is the new sexy and take a Tony Stark as an example. Yeah he plays a brainy arrogant prick, but he mostly is rich, that’s the sex appeal. Same for Loki, the Hiddleston guy.
And I know. I come just back here on this plattform, ranting a bit becaus eit feels good on short notice and actually I don’t contribute to harmony etc. right now.
Actually I might have said a few things which have seriously offended one or another person- if that is- anyone has read this bullshit text.
So why’d I come back? I’m not back in that sense. It’s a note in my journal, that’s what it is. And this is not an actual journal, it’s a metaphor for me leaving something here and probably never reading it again.
Am I a bitter person?
Well sometimes I am, yes, so have I observed. Though I do not think of myself as such. I used to be a positiv child, that is my belief and- what child is not positive at some point in its life? Most children have every reason to be positive about... things.
To the point:
Yesterday I looked at myself and realised- let me use another Tolkien metaphor here even though I am aware I have extended the privilege quite enough: I am not only not the young bright Arragorn I imagined myself becoming as a kid, but I am rather turning into a Gollum creature tacked back in the misty mountains cave off my room, with the one ring of Netflix and losing even the taste of good food. I haven’t eaten an apple in a long time! Though I had an avocado yesterday and a really good salad before that, so I think this is where the comparison might stop.
You know I did use to do martial arts- not to worry it was only for my own content- and I did get a rather appealingly shaped body, I wasn’t strong or ripped or anything gorgeous like them fitness guys bloating around like coqs (I’m fairly sure this is the French spelling, I can’t seemt tom remember the English one) on an animal farm. But I was in rather fine physical shape. And my body was... probably appealing. To some. Not the great majority, I wouldn’t go as far, but some.
And now I don’t du martial arts, I eat a lot less well than I used to- miracle- this isn’t my mom’s stove anymore so I cook when I had time and the grace to make an effort. And so my muscles are fairly thin, I lost about half my strength and it only shows a little bit, but I’m convinced in training I would soon come to realise my limits have shifted.
And that’s a bad thought.
And honestly i have two easy ways to feeling better: I could get out and do something for myself or I could get to work in here and - oh look, it’s raining, suddenly it’s more appealing to stay and studdy for university instead- but I get locked up in front of... books and series... and movies... so I don’t do shit in the end.
And at the same moment I feel this reticance... why do you care? why should I care? Couple thousand years ago and I’d have been living about half my life, so what’s the deal? And yeah, I’m 20 experiencing the pressure of puberty, feeling like I can look through the whole system including the ridiculous part that I play myself. And that’s the point.
I am hyper aware of my actions and their consequences, I am aware of other people’s actions, I am aware of a big chunk of modern society and I could now write you an essay about how to achiev in the system I live in. But I’m too lazy to care and I don’t feel like it.
So yeah- I am angry at myself. Probably. According to myself I am, so I must be right? And I know I don’t need to be. Same as...
Actually that’s a good point, I’m in puberty, I ddon’t like it, I write because I feel like I suck and I know I don’t or at least I don’t need to cause I could just walk out here and perform, but I can’t because... brains be brains, right?
And I don’t like people expecting me to do anything. And I don’t like competition either. I don’t like competing about grades, jobs, money, social status or female encounters. Which the last one I luckily don’t have to anymore, I just have to keep being myself, which I find a slightly more odd form of cometition because my competition is my self.
You know all those boys talking “Tell me about women?”. Ya, well tell me about boys. Tell me about myself. Seriously, I like when people try to get a grasp of me I used to like the part of myself, where you can’t stick me in a box, cause it’s like putting water in a basket.
“I shall remain freeee!” - And never seize my freedom because puberty forces me to take a harsh looka the manner in which I seize my oh so well accomplished freedom. Uhhh hate my brilliant brain (it’s just above average, not brilliant, my IQ is about 120, or was last I checked).
So this pittyful document of my puberty shall remain here until some company tries to get a grasp at me. Good luck trying guys ^^
No I seriously usually am a nice guy, I just don’t get a grip on myself lately, but even now I perform according to task. Or almost.
Should I check my spelling, because I just couldn’t have cared less while writing? Ahhh meh.
#duh#puberty#tell me about it#hashtags suck#i should serously stop swearing#and why do i keep doing it when i write in english?#pop culture has gotten a hold on me#good to know anyone has#i certainly haven't#hahaha#why do i just keep writing my text in the hastags?#idk#anyway#better get going#^^
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Astarte‘s bediamonded crescent
Fuck me this is beautiful- E.A. Poe (Ulalume)
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How are meditation and Cyberpunk together in any list? How are Voodoo and Harry Potter?
I do not strictly adhere to Wicca or Voodoo, but thank LotR I am SO doomed 😂😂😂
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You
Thou, who stood strong,
Wouldn’t let life have its will.
It took you the feet for the dancing
But your head rocketh still
/
Friday night rock in the labyrinth
Not ever blocked from attending the scene
/
And be you a woman
Of twice, thrice my age
I see in thine eyes
determination and rage
/
On wheels on the floor
And KoRn plays “Get Up”
And you don’t even flinch
But celebrate the vibe.
/
Stand thou as example
For the ones who don’t dare.
For life has crossed you once
But to rock you still dare.
#rock#disability#courage#party#fun#music#disco#poem#poetry#poetryriot#spilled ink#writerscreed#poets on tumblr#spilled thoughts#love#abstract developement#brave#example
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Why I care
After watching yet another disencouraging Daily Show about a helpless idiot on the Helsinki summit:
Yes, I am not an American citizen, so what do I care?
Because, because America is supposed to be the super democratic (Ik Electoral College) ideal? The defender of the Western values?
Man, you guys have been waging war against non-democratic folks (okay, sure bc ressources) for the past century now, now that you are anti-democratic and Russia-friends and stuff- are you going to attack to everyone who abides by the Western values? (Or tries to officially)
And if that’s not reason enough, because, because Facebook has my data?
I need Tumblr, I need Netflix, and most of all- I need YouTube. Google, Apple, Wikipedia, all these other people and tech stuff producers...
What am I going to do without that?
So here’s why I care (not that anybody asked), so let me ask you a question (doubtful logic ik): Why the hell doesn’t (half) the US care?
Yeah I know it’s hard to answer, so here’s to our common frustration.
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It is genuinely disgusting and also genuinely funny.
And I‘m happy for these guys, for they do not seem to lack self-esteem which is very important these days.
You know what’s funniest though?
I just wrote an exam about multitasking etc. and the word „poetry“ correlates rather highly with the OCEAN-model trait “Openness” (Yarkoni et al. 2010), which in turn could correlates highly with intelligence (according to my professor, Markus Appel).
So if you run liwc (a word recognition program) over the hashtags published on these profiles, it is likely to assess them a higher IQ for these pranks.
Edit: I found the evidence:
Okay, admittedly I do not have the “poem” hashtag, but poet r = 0.29 and poetry r = 0.28
References:
LIWC:
http://liwc.wpengine.com/
You can use the demonstration with 5000 character limit on the bottom of the page, it’s free and shows how it basically works. ^^
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2885844/
people who post dick pics under the poem hashtag need to find a special place in dick pic hell
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50 minutes to the exam
Knowledge, words, thinking,
Everyone’s but mine,
Ferguson, Vorderer, Appel, Gnambs,
Words, graphics, lines and dotted lines,
numbers, numbers, numbers,
text, colours, bars
Zuckermann, James, Chan, Yakoni,
YouYou et al 2015
2015, 2010, 2010, 2014, 2007, 2017, 2017, 2018, 2011
Correlations, causations, no causations and more correlations,
Smartphone use, Facebook use, passive/ active
narcissism, need for affect, sensation seeking, phubbing, p-phubbing,
lickert scales,
time displaement theory,
Kraner et al 2013 and the Facebook study, SCIENTISTS CONTROL AFFECT!,
Bridging, Bonding and Maintained Social capital,
Grice (1975,1979); Sperber & Wilson (1981); Clark & Gerring (1984);
Blame by praise _kind irony_
Praise by blame _sarcastic irony_
lie/ humour/ satire/ parody/ sarcasm/
metaphor???
Parental Mediation
oh... mediation...
Yes... mediation.
#studying#poem#poetry#poetryriot#writerscreed#spilled ink#poets on tumblr#spilled thoughts#exam#student#names#statistics#media#people
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How are you so good at writing Your stories are point on and they just pierce my heart. I'm sorry, it's not really a question, but I wanted to tell you I love your posts.
Thank you so much for you feedback!I just... do stuff when it comes to me- and this is probably where I should apologise for not being able to post stuff more frequently- and my writing is a fine example.It can issue from a thought, a discussion, a picture in my head, phonetics which I happen to acknowledge almost randomly... Basically some days the easiest little knock can push me into writing and sometimes I don’t manage to even though I try hard to get anything done. I really appreciate for you just asking- or better stating that you get something out of... what I do I guess^^ And if you do have questions, don’t hold back to write me again ^^
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Ants
This is the story of an ant, which I‘m making up right now. Let’s name it Anton, just a name, for us to use to address it.
The ant Anton was called Ant by Antonia and Anthony, who were two of Ant‘s ant-friends. And ant, „Ant“, Anton, Antonia and Anthony were friends with Anita, the completely exchangeable ant which dies towards the end.
Don’t get too attached.
So Anthony and „Ant“ were scavenging the beech above their heap looking for anything edible they could find. They parted just above the second branch sunside of the beech, Ant went left and Snthony went right, and Ant smelled Antonia‘s scent and found her milking the greenflies.
Ant went on to help her when a human finger laid its huge shadow above the two of them.
Ant went left and almost collided with Anthony, warned him of the danger and went on running. Somewhat higher he turned left again, for he had smelled greenflies, ready for the milking.
The finger was there and Anton had to climb it to get to the greenflies. Then it took off, leaving destruction among the fine structures of lichen and causing big fragments to fall towards the floor.
Ant was quickly joined by Anthony and Antonia, who helped him with transport and milking, so that they could quickly get down again. But imagine their pain, when they saw Anita, a gorgeously normal ant, strudead by the the sheer power of a human squeeze. Her parts were spread over various centimeters and quickly Ant (Anton), Antonia and Anthony sent out and scent to mourn the passing of ant Anita in her young age.
And at their return at the heap they still smelled of mourning, death and grief, and thus they spreaded the word amongst all the ants in the ant heap.
That death had struck Anita in the blossom of her life. Sudden and hard, leaving only her dead carcass and the reek of greasy human fingers.
______
I have not checked for mistakes, this is an ant story I made up whilst writing.
Stay safe ^^
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memories.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
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No Sir, this is an international kidney stone. An utterly unneglectable reminder that democracy is only worth the value people give it. Not ideologically, but in imminent action.
How you vote, how you interact with democracy and politics, this is what shapes a democracy.
And in the US it seems that to many people, it’s worth just as little as voting for an spoied egomaniacal 70 year-old kid.
I vote for laser removal.
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A quantum love
I have just come across
An odd form of “best wishes”
Stating “Much love”
Which puzzeled me.
I’ve never yet
Drawn - into consideration,
That love could be
A quantity
So take some love
Which I have spare
For I have much
For you to share
For one thing only,
Please, take care
For it is finite
Be aware
So make sure you leave some for tge others,
okay?
#poem#poetry#poetryriot#writerscreed#love#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#spilled words#a quantum love#thinking#cute
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Collecting sincerities
-
You told me to
Delete the picture
Picture of
Your brooding face
-
But I instead
Kept it for later
One day you’ll see
Yourself again
-
You offered I
Replace the picture
That you‘d pose
And smile some more
-
Put on a mask
And truly wondered
Because I never
Took the shot
-
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💥❤️
And in an unrequited instant
Of solitude
We touch.
We stand.
And meet inside our eyes.
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To strive towards perfection can be a very dangerous ambition:
There are chances you may be deceived. Or worse yet- you may not be.
Peace n love:
Saruman
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Elle reviendra
Elle reviendra
Elle reviendra
Et je ne cesse
De tâter l’air
Je tente de la saisir
Accroché au plaisir
Elle qui n’est pas là
Elle qui reviendra
Elle qui reviendra
#poem#poetry#french poem#french#poème en langue francaise#poète#poème#poésie#elle#amour#love#partie#saisir le vide#elle est partie#elle reviendra#à demain#au revoir
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Die Blum‘ eines Jüngling
Ich hatte vier Blumen
Die trug ich nach haus‘
Zusammen ergaben sie
Ein‘n schönen Strauß.
Da kam Frau Nachbarin
Und ihr Freund mir entgegen
Da hab ich den beiden
ein Blümlein gegeben.
💐
Ich hatte drei Blumen
Die trug ich nach haus‘
Zusammen ergaben sie
Ein’n dünnen Strauß.
Da traf auf dem Roßmarkt
Ein’n Musiker ich,
Dem gab ich ne Blum‘
Und da er freute sich.
🌷
Ich hatte zwei Blumen,
Die trug ich nach haus‘
Zwei Blumen ergeben
Ohn‘hin keinen Strauß.
Da gab ich einer Frau
Zu Muttertag eine her,
Der Tag war der falsche
Doch freut‘ sie sich sehr.
🌹
Nun bleibt eine Blume,
die trag‘ ich nach haus‘
meine Freundin die freut sich
Ob Blum‘ oder Strauß.
Knapp anderthalb Stunden
Fahr ich mit der Bahn
Die hätten dem Blum‘strauß
Nicht besser getan.
#blumen#gedicht#blumengedicht#jüngling#poem#poetry#german#lyrik#geschenke#freude#freude am geben#love#flowers
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