Hi I’m Elle Rose and this is my tumblr. Lot about asexuality and demisexuality. They/them. ADHD. All that stuff. Other stuff too. Stuff stuff. All the stuff.
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as an optimist i dream of a beautiful world where people are fucking normal about aromanticism
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Mirroring what your cat is doing is also a good way to get them to start to trust you
This guy is mirroring the shoebill and the shoebill doesn’t react as if it’s in danger when the guy gently pets it
therefore, shoebills are cats with giant mouths and feathers
Shoebill interacting with a human (Source)
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The fact that homelessness is controversial tells you everything you need to know about conservatives.
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Corporate greed stole your money, charged you more, made their packaging smaller, and made smaller servings.
#Shrinkflation #Greedflation
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So a few months ago there was the discourse about would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods. I didn't want to touch it while the discourse was hot and everyone dug in hard because those are not good conditions for nuance, but I waited until today, June 1st, for a specific reason.
I'm not going to take a position in the bear vs man debate because I don't think it matters. What is really being asked here is how afraid are you of men? Specifically, unexpected men who are, perhaps, strange.
People have a lot of very real fear of men that comes from a lot of very real places. Back when I was first transitioning in 2015 and 2016, I decided to start presenting as a woman in public even though I did not pass in the slightest.
I live in a red state. I knew other trans women who had been attacked by men, raped by men. I knew I was taking a risk by putting myself out there. I was the only visibly trans person in the area of campus I frequented, and people made sure I never forgot that. Most were harmless enough and the worst I got from them was curious stares. Others were more aggressive, even the occasional threat. I had to avoid public bathrooms, of course, and always be aware of my surroundings.
I know how frightening it is to be alone at night while a pair of men are following behind you and not knowing if they are just going in the same direction or if they want to start something - made all the worse for the constant low level threat I had been living under for over a year by just being visibly trans in a place where many are openly hostile to queer people. You have to remember, this was at the height of the first wave of bathroom law discussions, a lot of people were very angry about trans women in particular. My daily life was terrifying at times. I was never the subject of direct violence, but I knew trans women who had been.
I want you to keep all that in mind.
So man or bear is really the question "how afraid of men are you?", and the question that logically follows is "What if there was a strange man at night in a deserted parking lot?" or "What if you were alone in an elevator with a man?" or "What if you met a strange man in the woman's bathroom?"
My state recently passed an anti trans bathroom bill. The rhetoric they used was about protecting women and children from "strange men", aka trans women.
Conservatives hijack fear for their bigoted agenda.
When I first started presenting as a woman the campus apartment complex was designed for young families. The buildings were in a large square with playgrounds in the center, and there were often children playing. I quickly noticed that when I took my daughter out to play, often several children would immediately stop what they were doing and run back inside. It didn't take me long to confirm that the parents were so afraid of "the strange man who wears skirts" that their children were under strict instructions to literally run away as soon as they saw me.
"How afraid are you of a strange man being near your children?"
I mentioned above that I had to avoid public bathrooms. This was not because of men. It was because of women who were so afraid of random men that they might get violent or call someone like the police to be violent for them if I ever accidentally presented myself in a way that could be interpreted as threatening, when my mere presence could be seen as a threat. If I was in the library studying and I realized that it was just me and one other woman I would get up and leave because she might decide that stranger danger was happening.
Your fear is real. Your fear might even come from lived experiences. None of that prevents the fact that your fear can be violent. Women's fear of men is one of the driving forces of transmisogyny because it is so easy to hijack. And it isn't just trans women. Other trans people experience this, and other queer people too. Racial minorities, homeless people, neurodivergent people, disabled people.
When you uncritically engage with questions like man or bear, when you uncritically validate a culture of reactive fear, you are paving the way for conservatives and bigots to push their agenda. And that is why I waited until pride month. You cannot engage and contribute to the culture of reactive fear without contributing to queerphobia of all varieties. The sensationalist culture of reactive fear is a serious queer issue, and everyone just forgot that for a week as they argued over man or bear. I'm not saying that "man" is the right answer. I am saying that uncritically engaging with such obvious click bait trading on reactive fear is a problem. Everyone fucked up.
It is not a moral failing to experience fear, but it is a moral responsibility to keep a handle on that fear and know how it might harm others.
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The placebo effect isn't real. Sugar pills actually just cure everything that could possibly be wrong with you.
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Think about this quote like all the time and how it really undermines so much shit in capitalism
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Happy "the husband lesbian is a better husband than I was" anniversary!
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This year's Pride discourse starting out with "bi girls' straight boyfriends" apparently.
Love you all*, thank you for making sure I don't feel like I belong here.
*by "you all" I mean the shitbags I don't see, not the actual friends on my dash who of course think that you can't tell someone's orientation or gender by looking and also straight allies are welcome at Pride anyways, straight allies have always been part of Pride and also bi women aren't some sort of Schrödinger's queer where a single one exists in a state of superposition whereas one in a relationship is Actually Straight if she has a boyfriend and Basically A Lesbian if she doesn't. (Note poly-inclusive language choice there.)
Fuck. Can we please go back to whether wearing a dog mask in public is basically the same thing as groping someone's genitals?
Bonus poll just because it's so easy to hit a create a poll button by mistake:
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LET ARO PEOPLE HAVE SEX
LET ARO PEOPLE BE VIRGINS
LET ACE PEOPLE DATE
LET ACE PEOPLE BE SINGLE
LET ARO PEOPLE DATE
LET ARO PEOPLE BE SINGLE
LET ACE PEOPLE HAVE SEX
LET ACE PEOPLE BE VIRGINS
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probably my most powerful interpersonal communication hack is to, whenever possible, ask either/or questions rather than yes/no questions
for example, when chatting with coworkers, i’ll often ask if they have any fun weekend plans. but let’s be real - we all feel like friendless losers when someone asks that question and we go “uhhhhh… no.” so instead, i phrase it as “so, do you have anything fun planned over the weekend, or are you just going to enjoy having some time to relax?”
phrased like this, there’s rarely any awkwardness. you’ve presented two options & given both equally positive connotations, so your conversational partner has an automatic “out,” so to speak
but it works for higher stakes conversations too!!!! my mom was saying this weekend how she and her neighbor both like walking around the neighborhood & that she wanted to suggest they take a walk together sometime, but was worried about how to approach the conversation
so i said “how about you just say ‘i’ve noticed we both like taking walks! would you be interested in going for one together, or do you use walks for some precious alone time?’”
now Walking Neighbor has an automatic “get out of jail free card” if she wants to say no!!!! which means my mom doesn’t have to worry about the conversation being uncomfortable, because she’s set it up to go smoothly
either/or questions rather than yes/no questions. it is really like magic
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recipes will be like "prep time: 3 minutes" & the ingredience list is like "2 sweet potatoes peeled & diced" girlie they do not come like that
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Highlighting a specific family’s GoFundMe me. I k kw a lot of families need help, so if you can spare change and are looking for individual families to help, here’s one
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this reddit post is so good.
a trans guy who is also a butch who dates both men and women-- I aspire to be like this. oh, to play 5d chess with gender.
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