Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker (2006)
Most movies are obviously good or bad. Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker (or simply Stormbreaker in certain regions) has what it takes to entertain young teens but its low points are subterranean. I hesitated to call it a miss until I saw the villains. This adaptation of the book by Anthony Horowitz is derivative of every spy movie you've ever seen. Even if you can forgive that, there’s no way you can take the bad guys seriously.
Orphaned at a young age, Alex Rider (Alex Pettyfer in yet another bad YA Novel adaptation) is recruited by MI-6 when his uncle (Ewan McGregor) is killed in action. His mission? Pose as a contest winner and get close to billionaire Darrius Sayle (Mickey Rourke) to find out the real reason he created “Stormbreaker”, a computer system he claims will change the world.
It’s ridiculous to believe a 14-year-old would be recruited by a government agency but that’s part of the fantasy. Turns out Alex has been subconsciously trained by his uncle for years. He can stand toe-to-toe with ruthless thugs (in cleverly conceived action scenes by John Woo that are unfortunately not convincingly shot). He just needs the chance to prove himself. Then he’ll have the opportunity to get his revenge… and save the world too. In Bond-like fashion, Alex is given a variety of amusing gadgets disguised as everyday “kid” objects. A yoyo, a pen and a Nintendo DS (available in stores now!). Those are pretty cool.
Whenever Stormbreaker starts winning you over with its teenage charms, a disappointment is unfortunately right around the corner. When they introduce Mickey Rourke’s Darrius Sayle, you’ll be flabbergasted. With pimp-like clothes, a cane, a ponytail and blue eyeliner, he looks like a caricature. You think that’s as bad as it’s going to get but then Missi Pyle as Nadia Vole opens her mouth. Her accent is so bad and cartoonish it’s like she’s in a comedy sketch.
And then, there are the contrivances and coincidences, not to mention the poor planning. Sayle has a personal vendetta against the Prime Minister (Robbie Coltrane) so he’s filled the Stormbreaker computers with a deadly virus. Not a computer virus; a green liquid that will kill millions of children when his old enemy presses a big red button as part of the launching ceremony. Said big red button is encoded to launch the virus only if the Prime Minister presses it. This means Sayle couldn’t release the virus (the literal virus. I can’t get over it) even if he wanted to!
This sort of logical head-scratcher isn’t alone. It’s accompanied by a double-whammy of bumping into the right person, at the right time. To prevent the big button from being pressed, Alex desperately needs help. Who happens to be at the ceremony providing security? None other than the soldiers he was training with a week ago. The authorities must’ve had a great deal of confidence in them considering their first mission is this high-profile. Alex uses one of their weapons and destroys the button. His evil scheme down the toilet, Style runs away. Alex goes to pursue him but oh no! Traffic! How could he possibly catch up? Well by asking his school crush, Sabina (Sarah Bolger) for a ride! She just happens to be riding a horse right outside the building! Sure, why not?
Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker is not a Harry Potter ripoff in the same way as the Billy Owens or Percy Jackson franchises but it’s pretty clear it wanted to cash in on the craze. An orphaned boy who discovered he belongs to a secret organization, access to special powers/resources, a film series whose leading man is destined to grow into a hunk for the girls, action scenes to appeal to the boys, a twist on an old formula to make it fresh (in this case, James Bond). Yeah, it fits. Unfortunately, this first chapter has none of the metaphorical magic needed to have lasting power. Plus, it’s just not a good movie. Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker is yet another mid-2000s flick that ends on a note promising a sequel that never happened. (July 31, 2020)
5 notes
·
View notes
Movies/TV Watched 2023
The Postman Always Rings Twice / Bob Rafelson (1981)
Secretary* / Steven Shainberg (2002)
Spirited Away* / Hayao Miyazaki (2001)
Watcher / Chloe Okuno (2022)
The Talented Mr. Ripley / Anthony Minghella (1999)
Pride & Prejudice / Joe Wright (2005)
Moonage Daydream / Brett Morgan (2022)
Volver / Pedro Almodóvar (2006)
Belfast / Kenneth Branagh (2021)
The Last Picture Show / Peter Bogdanovich (1971)
I, Tonya / Craig Gillespie (2017)
The Postman Always Rings Twice / Tay Garnett (1946)
Rocketman / Dexter Fletcher (2019)
The Unholy / Evan Spiliotopoulos (2021)
Mara / Clive Tonge (2018)
Frogs / George McCowan (1972)
Prometheus / Ridley Scott (2012)
Men / Alex Garland (2022)
All the Right Moves / Michael Chapman (1983)
Poseidon / Wolfgang Petersen (2006)
Saint Maud / Rose Glass (2019)
Monstrous / Chris Sivertson (2022)
Wander Darkly / Tara Miele (2020)
Howl’s Moving Castle / Hayao Miyazaki (2004)
Iris / Albert Maysles (2014)
Lamb / Valdimar Jóhannsson (2021)
In Fabric / Peter Strickland (2018)
The Elephant 6 Recording Co. / C.B. Stockfleth (2022)
The Visitor / Justin P. Lange (2022)
Smile / Parker Finn (2022)
Yellowjackets [szn 1-2] (2021-2022)
It Comes at Night / Trey Edward Shults (2017)
Everything Everywhere All at Once / Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert (2022)
Black Bear / Lawrence Michael Levine (2020)
mother! / Darren Aronofsky (2017)
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story / Eric Appel (2022)
X / Ti West (2022)
I Heart Huckabees* / David O. Russell (2004)
The Right Stuff / Philip Kaufman (1983)
Goliath Awaits / Kevin Connor (1981)
Poltergeist* / Tobe Hooper (1982)
Doctor Who [TV Movie]* / Geoffrey Sax (1996)
Earthstorm / Terry Cunningham (2006)
Lake Eerie / Chris Majors (2016)
Fantastic Planet* / René Laloux (1973)
Synecdoche, New York* / Charlie Kaufman (2008)
Flight of the Navigator* / Randal Kleiser (1986)
NOPE / Jordan Peele (2022)
Women Talking / Sarah Polley (2022)
Striking Distance / Rowdy Herrington (1993)
Vivarium / Lorcan Finnegan (2019)
Saw* / James Wan (2004)
A Peculiar Noise / Jorge Torres-Torres (2016)
In the Earth / Ben Wheatley (2021)
Cats 2 / Jake Jones (2023)
Bringing Out the Dead* / Martin Scorsese (1999)
The Last Blockbuster / Taylor Morden (2020)
The Dance of Reality / Alejandro Jodorowsky (2013)
In the Mouth of Madness / John Carpenter (1994)
The Chamber / Ben Parker (2016)
Tenet / Christopher Nolan (2020)
Synchronic / Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead (2019)
Paprika / Satoshi Kon (2006)
The Menu / Mark Mylod (2022)
Sunshine / Danny Boyle (2007)
Devil’s Island / Sean King, Taylor King (2021)
Benedetta / Paul Verhoeven (2021)
Scotland, PA* / Billy Morrissette (2001)
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover / Peter Greenaway (1989)
The Color of Pomegranates* / Sergei Parajanov (1969)
Face/Off* / John Woo (1997)
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial / Steven Spielberg (1982)
The Gilded Age (PBS American Experience) / Sarah Colt (2018)
Aniara / Pella Kågerman, Hugo Lilja (2018)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas* / Chuck Jones, Ben Washam (1966)
The Quake / John Andreas Andersen (2018)
The Guilty / Gustav Möller (2018)
The Muppet Christmas Carol* [VHS] / Brian Henson (1992)
M3GAN / Gerard Johnstone (2022)
Caught / Jamie Patterson (2017)
Shot / Jeremy Kagan (2017)
A Charlie Brown Christmas* / Bill Melendez (1965)
Body at Brighton Rock / Roxanne Benjamin (2019)
Trancers / Charles Band (1984)
Higher Power / Matthew Charles Santoro (2018)
*Asterisk = rewatch
Favorites first watched in 2023: Men, In Fabric, Yellowjackets, Everything Everywhere All at Once, mother!, NOPE, The Dance of Reality. (ETA: Vivarium and Aniara, which I wouldn't necessarily call "favorites" but they've stuck with me.)
Favorite rewatches: Secretary, I Heart Huckabees, Poltergeist, Bringing Out the Dead
7 notes
·
View notes
White Noise and White Noise 2 (also known as White Noise: The Light) will be released on Blu-ray together on July 11 via Mill Creek Entertainment.
2005's White Noise is directed by Geoffrey Sax (Stormbreaker) and written by Niall Johnson. Michael Keaton, Deborah Kara Unger, Chandra West, and Ian McNeice star.
2007's White Noise 2 is directed by Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine) and written by Matt Venne (Mirrors 2). Nathan Fillion, Katee Sackhoff, Craig Fairbrass, and Tegan Moss.
Existing special features, listed below, will be included for both titles.
White Noise special features:
Audio commentary by director Geoffrey Sax and actor Michael Keaton
Hearing is Believing - Actual E.V.P. Sessions
Making Contact - E.V.P. Experts
Recording the Afterlife at Home
Deleted scenes
Architect Jonathan Rivers (Michael Keaton) is happily married to author Anna (Chandra West), but tragedy strikes when she is killed in an accident. Deep in grief, Jonathan hears from Raymond Price (Ian McNeice), who claims that he has intercepted messages from Anna via electronic voice phenomena. Jonathan eventually comes to believe Raymond's claims, but, as he is drawn further into investigating the phenomenon, a sinister supernatural presence invades his life.
White Noise 2 special features:
The Making of White Noise 2
Journey into Madness
Exploring Near-Death Experience
Deleted scenes
Abe Dale (Nathan Fillion) has a good job and a loving family - until one day his family is murdered in front of him in broad daylight by a man named Henry Caine (Craig Fairbrass), who then kills himself. Following this horrific event Abe himself attempts suicide, but he is brought back from the brink of death by a strange bright white light. He soon discovers that he now has the ability to identify people who are about to die, and begins saving them from their demise - only to discover the perils of interrupting death's plans.
Pre-order White Noise / White Noise 2.
13 notes
·
View notes