The Decadent Decedent.

Lost in the streams of code.

Made for a Spotify playlist! Check it out!

I put a lot of careful effort into making sure the music flows with a certain storyline kind of feel. If that makes any sense. (I might just be saying things TBH)

It does have an order though, I'd suggest not shuffling it!!!

The fall into despair of a man maddened by his own design, by his own creation, destined to his fate by his own hands.

shout out to @iamtiredofyourhorror for giving me the inspiration <3

I’m not sure if your matchup reqs are open, so excuse me if they aren’t!! (*╹▽╹*) anyways, I’ll start. I am an istj female, though I believe to be honestly pretty social if I’m comfortable around you. I can be loud sometimes, but that varies from the day. I’m a bisexual grayromantic, so I barely have had any crushes within my life time if any at all. I’m 19 years old, and I’m around 164cm (5’4 I believe), though I don’t really care about height, or anyone’s appearance, as long as you’re caring and kind, then I’ll stay. I’m not really fond of kids (mostly babies), but if you know how to behave then I’ll probably take a liking to you. I like people that are smart, but at the same time can be loud sometimes, and I don’t prefer people that are rude or emphatic that much. I’m a pretty emotional person, and even tho I dont like physical touch without asking if you can touch me (for something as simple as holding me), I do crave it a lot. my love language is giving or spending my own money on my s/o. I’m very sensitive to loud noises, and I can get headaches very easily if I’m in places that are loud. however, I like the sound of cities and people talking in the background a lot. it feels comforting to me, and it makes me feel less alone. my hobbies are playing handball and the piano. I’ve been doing both for around 15 years, so I would say I’m pretty good. I don’t have a lot of relatives compared to many others, but at the same time, I don’t want children, and I’m not really sure if I want to get married. actually, this might sound somewhat shocking, but I don’t like shy people that much. hence rei’s character in the beginning of nge, she was so closed towards everyone, and well yea. if I was to try and become friends with someone that was shy like her, it probably would have went with me trying to talk with her about my interests, but if it didn’t work and we didn’t have much it common, I probably would stop trying because even if we did become friends, it wouldn’t even last long because we didn’t really have somewhere to start at. I’ve been told that I’m seen as nice and kind, and I think I somewhat agree with that. I mostly am, but I’m also the type of friend that would get mad when someone doubted them, or that fights with many people if they’re rude, but I truly don’t have any bad intentions. I don’t prioritize my own needs that much, and I’m not exactly sure if I’m personally fine with that or not, but as long as everyone has it fine, then I am as well. I am a very big overthinker, and often need reassuring. that’s why I might often ask questions, so I’d probably like someone that wouldn’t get tired of it, or annoyed. sorry if this is so long!! I feel like everything out together is pretty random, but my whole personality is so mixed that I dont even know at this point 😵‍💫

yumpty talks: hey love!! I hope you like this >:D!! also, PLEASE CHAT/DM ME, YOU LITERALLY SOUND LIKE SUCH A COOL PERSON-

me wants to know you >:)

I match you with...

R O M A N C E :

I match you with Yoimiya and Gorou!! (Inazuma squad go brrr)

I matched you with Yoimiya because even though she can be loud, she can also be serious. She thinks it's cute when you're loud, and honestly, she gets why you aren't a big fan of kids. She knows how they can be, and doesn't judge you for it. She is extremely smart, much more than she seems, and as you probably know, can be pretty loud at times lol. She's not rude, and she is empathetic, but not SUPER empathetic, so it probably won't bother you. She is a pretty cautious person, and I think in a relationship in general, she is one to ask if she can touch, hug, or kiss you. She's always really flustered when you spend money on things for her, and it's really cute ngl. She fireworks might be a bit of a problem, but she makes sure you guys are always far enough away for you to hear them, but the sound isn't super loud. In her house, you'll constantly have that background noise you want lol. She thinks your Handball playing is AWESOME and wants you to teach her. I think she would be an amazing singer, so some nights when you're both tired you'd softly play, leaning your head on her shoulder while she softly sings to you. (EEEEE-) Despite Yoimiya being friendly with children, I think she'd be fine with you not wanting children. When you told her, hoping you wouldn't crush her heart, she just shrugged and said, "Fine with me love!!"

Yoimiya is not at all shy, and she loves how you're nice and kind :D!! She helps you with your urges to fight people and stuff, and after a few months of dating her, I think quite a few people were starting to notice the difference in you. She does NOT like that you don't prioritize your needs, because you need to take care of yourself >:|!! She doesn't mind your constant overthinking, and if you need reassurance, she's your gal >:)!! She would NEVER get tired of your questions, she thinks it's the CUTEST and is more than happy to answer them :)~!!!

---

I matched you with Gorou because of literally HOW WELL you two would work together!! Gorou, like Yoi, thinks your sudden loudness is ADORABLE, and tbh, he doesn't really like kids either. He doesn't have a problem with them, it just seems they have a problem with him. Yea-. Kids do NOT like him for some reason loll. Gorou is a general in the resistance, of course he's a smart-ass. Gorou can be loud, but he knows when he can be and when to tone it down a bit. Gorou is not rude, and tbh isn't the most empathetic person out there, hehe...

Gorou is excellent at reading people, and he always remembers to ask if he can hug, touch or kiss you. He always insists you shouldn't spend Mora on things for him, but of course you don't listen lmao. The army base is pretty quiet most of the time, so loud noises shouldn't be a problem. The only time they might be a problem is on the battlefield, but he makes sure to keep you as far away from the fighting as possible. With plans always being made and things being fixed at the base, you'll once again have your precious background noise. Thinks your Handball playing is hot and badass asf and always stares at your ass while you play that little shit-

Thinks your piano playing is cute, and always asks you to write a theme song for him lmaoo. Gorou doesn't really want marriage or children either (at least at the moment) because of Inazuma's current uh, predicament. He is a wanted man, and does not want to bring a child into this hell.

Gorou is NOT shy, and loves how nice and kind you are :D!! Doesn't mind your urge to fight people, I think he deals with similar things. He always forces asks you to take care of yourself, because our puppy boy loves you :(. He will also reassure you all the time, no matter who, what, where, when, why, or how. Always answers your questions, and thinks it's super cute you ask them <33!

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K I N :

Diona >:D!!!

Daughter!Reader x Negan, Reader x Daryl: Chapter 5. Secrets hurt

First | Previous | Next

Listen I don’t know why I decided to give each chapter an artsy title I just did. Also as anyone following this may have noticed this story isn’t gonna be regularly updated but rather updated when I have something I’m proud enough to post though I am determined to finish this series, just school comes first. I hope you understand.

I’ll only post more chapters if previous chapters get a good reaction so if you enjoy this please heart it, reblog it, and/or reply to it. Interaction inspires.

if you wish to be added to the tag list please dm me. All chapters can be found under the tag AJ’s Negan’s Daughter AU

The winter continued like that. He’d bring you food and you’d give him goods, even visiting multiple times a week. Sometimes he’d tell you about the stuff, holding up a jar of applesauce ‘from The Kingdom. The guy who runs it used to own a tiger’ or loaf of bread ‘the hilltop grows the grain, but Alexandria makes it.’ You would hum and nod along, knowing he was just trying to convince you to come back. Mainly because he’d ask if you wanted to come back with him and you would be ‘grateful but happy where you are’

You had asked him to start making lists so you knew what to find and you always tried your best to deliver. Cloths, blankets, kitchen utensils, baby bottles-

“Baby bottles?” you asked, pointing at the item on the list. He nodded.

“John and his wife are pregnant and we don’t have enough to go around.” He explained from the comfort of your couch, feet up on the table.

“But you have some?” you continued, not believing what you were hearing “You have...children? As in...babies?”

“Yea. I keep telling you we’re building a society.” he laughed at your bewilderment. “You’d fit in gr-” your mind ran as what you knew was coming ‘Here it comes again. No never works with these people. How do I get him to shut up?’

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” you cut him off, smiling. You turned to your kitchen unit, pulling out a large bot, a can of vegetable soup, and salted beef that Daryl had brought that day. “You’ve brought me so much it’ll probably go bad before I can eat it all.”

In that time he had stood up and walked over to the kitchen, now leaning on the counter. His sudden appearance made you hold your breath “When did ‘get out’ become ‘stay for dinner’?” he asked, seemingly amused.

“When you stopped understanding what ‘I don’t wanna be part of your group’ meant.” You retorted, cutting up the salted beef with a dedicated kitchen knife. “Are you staying or not?” you turned to him, stopping your cuts for the moment. He nodded with a shallow ‘yeah’, making you smile then go back to cutting. You poured the meat and soup into the pot, placing the lid on top. “Some snow on top to water it down and we’ll be sleeping with full stomachs tonight.”

You had him carry some bowls and a ladle up to the roof. Within an hour the fire outside was lit and the food was cooked atop four bricks you were lucky enough to be able to upgrade your cooking fire with, the old lamp now repurposed into a weapon. There was no conversation but you didn’t feel like you needed it. The wind was calm, letting Daryl look out over the city. “Do you know where the museum is?” He asked while you were stirring the soup.

“A couple of blocks down,” you called back. “Why?”

“Me and a few others are planning on raiding it in the summer” he answered, not turning back to you.

That’s when you realised something. You had heard about all these friends. Carol, Michone, Saddiq, Rosita, Eugene, Henry, Ezekiel, Lauren. He’d mentioned them in passing, saying how they made something he brought you or appreciated something you brought him. Yet he always came alone. It would’ve made more sense if Rick was doing these deliveries, you’d met him before the winter. Sure you stitched up his leg.

The two of you were sitting in front of the fire as it fizzled out when curiosity got the better of you. You swallowed the food in your mouth.

“Why are you always here alone?” you asked, he looked up at you from the other side of the fire. “It makes more sense to have people watching your back but for the past month or so you’ve been visiting me on your own. Why?”

“That’s how it is” he scoffed between mouthfuls.

“That’s how what is?” you snapped.

“You’re allowed to be all secretive but I’m meant to have my cards on the table.” he cut back. You thought it over a second, then went back to eating. You both finished up as the fire mellowed, taking your leave back inside. You carried the pot while he held the bowls. Back in your unit, you piled the dishes into the sink.

“I should get going,” he said, going to pick up his back.

“Y/N!” you nearly yelled. “My name is Y/N,” He looked back at you incredulously. A tense silence fell over you both “Before this,” you waved your hand to motion to the apartment “I was with a few people...including my father. We managed to secure a building, kept the walkers out but after some time new people arrived and a few of them got...Protective, I guess. Including my old man.” You crossed your arms and leant against the sink, the floor now far more interesting than the man in your apartment. “People died keeping me safe when they didn’t need to, all ‘cause my old man refused to let me help, but we were still bringing in new people but not everyone was helping, either cause they weren’t allowed to or didn’t want to. That caused anger to boil in the group and then...more people died.” Thinking back on the Sanctuary tears began to flow, but your voice didn’t shake and your body stayed firm. “I ran away and I’ve been hiding ever since ‘cause I know they’ll kill me if I’m found.” You finally looked back at Daryl who had been hanging on to your every word. You wiped away your tears. “You said I can’t be secretive, well there it is.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“You don’t wanna go home” you cut him off. “You don’t like where you rest your head, that’s why you’ve been spending more and more time out here with me. I get it.” you pushed off the sink, leaning under it to pick up a jug of water to do the dishes with. “You can leave or you can stay the night. I don’t mind.”

You turned your back on him to focus on the dishes. He picked up his things and left without another word. ‘That’s it’ you thought as you scrubbed the pot, now getting more aggressive with it, ‘you fucked up Y/N.’

The following morning you woke up, opened your bedroom door, and saw a familiar red-neck on your couch. You couldn’t stop the smile that plastered your face, but you did grab some clothes from your closet then went back to your room to dress. This time when you left he was up. “‘Morning” he croaked as he stretched. “This couch was a lot comfier the first time.”

Your relationship continued like that for the next while. He’d visit you more regularly, stay for dinner, and usually, he’d stay for the night. You got tired of the complaints about the couch and cleared out the second bedroom. You liked having him visit and were willing to facilitate it. He’d even begun leaving a few things there. Functional stuff like arrows for his bow and fuel for his bike. You found him some clothes and extra blankets, and a bigger bag to carry stuff home.

You didn’t ask why he didn’t want to be with his people. After keeping everything a secret for so long it didn’t feel right, but you could guess. Between your family and your time in the army, you had developed a skill in reading people, a skill you noticed he also had. Maybe that’s why every second didn’t need to be filled with conversation. Though you wish it was so you could know more. He was kind, there was no question of that with everything he did for you without even knowing your name. Though when he came to your apartment he was tense, and he was never happy to leave. This made you think he was going somewhere he didn’t want to be, but he had to be. He always talked so highly of the settlements, trying to get you back there. He must be going someplace else.

The winter passed, your garden began to flourish again, and the walkers thawed. You thought after the winter Daryl would stop visiting but he still showed up. He didn’t come as often for a time, saying he wasn’t gonna make the trip unless he had enough to offer you. You frowned at this “Do come out” you ordered him. “You’ve got people relying on you. Children and everything and I’m able to find stuff in the city you need.”

“I don’t wanna leave you short. Our deal ya know-”

“Screw the deal, Daryl.” you huffed “You’re my friend and I wanna help you”

“Oh we’re friends?” he commented, with a cheeky smirk “Didn’t you try to kill Rick.”

‘So Tara told them’ you thought. “Yes,” you said “In a friendly way.” normally he wouldn’t find that funny, but these past few weeks escaping away to your hide-out had given him a chance to get close to you. “Come and visit me when you can, please? I got nobody else to steal my food.” That afternoon you both search for some last pieces for Daryl, having to go deeper and deeper into the city. You talked about his group’s plan to go to the museum and raid it for seeds and old machinery. You saw first-hand what a crack-shot he was with his crossbow, you whistled as another went down “Not bad bow-boy. How’d you get so good with that?”

“Before all this” you started, walking ahead to pull the arrow out of the dead one. “Me and my brother, Merle, used to move around a lot. We used to hunt sometimes for sport, sometimes for food, but he’d always make it a competition. Decided to learn a quieter weapon so I could beat that son of a bitch.” Another two walkers approached as he spoke. He shot a bolt through one of them while you took the other down with your knife. “After that, he never helped hunting again”

“Sounds like a sore loser” you commented, pulling the arrow out of the walker's head and handing it back to Daryl. He took it and reloaded the bow.

“You have any brothers or sisters?”

“Nah” you shook your head, keeping a lookout while he reloaded. “My old man said I was a miracle baby. Mom was always sick. They thought they’d never have any. I used to hate it but after hearing how Merle left you in a cell while he ran off with your girl, I’m glad.”

“Ahh, he wasn't all that bad,” he commented, walking alongside you.

“No one is as bad as they seem when you know them. At least that’s what my superior officer said”

That evening he couldn’t stay, but he left with a heavy bag and that made you happy. As the evening descended you went back to your unit. The following week would be quiet since Daryl had his big raid coming up. Though you didn’t realise how quiet until you were in the midst of it.

You had scavenged a few things. At this stage, the apartment building had been picked dry but you had a few children’s cloths and some old bandages from first-aid kits that had seen better days. As usual, you had piled everything in Daryl’s room. As usual, you were reading another book. As usual, it failed to entertain you since you’d read it about three times now. As usual, you fell asleep on the couch, not completely though because you heard the front door open.

You sat up sharply. “Dary-”

Thwack

~ Tag List ~

@softsebastian​

*Sending this anonymously since I'm not out* (please don't try to out me, I will cry. If you think you might know who I am, pls don't ask if you're right. I have anxiety and I'm scared to share this as is)

So what you said about being asexual and demiromantic and not feeling like you can contribute to conversations, I FELT that.

I feel like the only way to join conversations about attractive people is by lying. I feel so guilty because I have never figured out what else to do. They all just look like people?

I've literally created a checklist in my head of society's standards because I have no idea what else to judge on. Calling everyone beautiful feels so fake but to me they just... are. People are only "ugly" to me when they're mean. Like to me, beauty is based on personality and I dont understand how other people do it. How can you rate a face without a story? (Like I can only do that when I assume things about people's lives based on their looks??? And it's normally wrong assumptions because "don't judge people based off looks alone" is correct??? Yet people just... do this? Like "they're hot" but isn't that what you're not supposed to do, like???)

I recently came out to my best friends as ace, and even then, they still bring it up every time they're rating people or talking attractive characters, as in the "we know you have no opinion or whatever" and I hate it. Like now that they know I'm ace, it feels like they're actively pushing me out of conversations or want to see what an ace rates them as. (They wouldn't if I asked, but it's kinda fun to participate, I feel more normal. Even if I am just lying) I feel a bit uncomfortable rating people because they think it's based of asthetics but to me I'm just making up numbers. (Its less lying now that they know I'm not sexually attracted to people, but it still hurts. It's nice that they recognize I don't relate and I'm not banning a conversation topic, it just hurts and I'll just take it silently instead of making a fuss. I guess this is just what I was just born to endure, huh.)

Literally, people used to ask me if my ex (SO at the time) was cute or whatever and I always said yes. I was making it up because ya know, I didn't feel that way. I had NO sexual attraction to them but I sold that lie to be normal. I finally came to terms with the fact that I am asexual recently, almost a year to the date I broke up with the only SO I ever forced myself to have. (That tale is a tragedy and I have massive amounts of guilt for the lies I told them to sell that I was a normal hetero cis person. I did so much wrong by them and I hope someday I can forgive myself for it.)

I thought I was bi when I first let myself belive I'm not a normal straight because I felt the same level of attraction across the gender spectrum. (I accepted how I felt about the person of the opposite gender was a crush and then realized I felt the same way about someone of the same gender. That was a crisis) Zero equals zero, wasn't really lying.

Anyway, all that to say that:

You are valid and realateable AF. Conversations about attraction is so uncomfortable and isolating and I'm so thankful you're brave enough to bring it up

I'm also really trying to figure out if I'm panromantic, or demiromantic, or whatever and I'm unsure what to do. Why can't there just be an accurate uquiz.... :(

Like, I think I may be demi something because I have literally only ever had "crushes" on my best friends. I'm not 100% sure what a crush is, but I'm assuming that when I tell myself "don't think of your friends like that, that's wierd" that I'm just mad at myself for acquiring a crush on my bestie.

I have no one to talk to about this because they are firm believers in not dating friends (both have been burned) and I am terrified they'll find out that I can't imagine a relationship with anyone other than a best friend. Like what do I do? I'm so tired fam. I don't think they will be mad if I tell them I'm demi romantic (I'm currently going with panromantic since that just seems easier) and I'm scared they'll find out I realized my sexuality through crushed I had on them, since they're opposite genders and I've had the same "crush" on both of them.

Only wanting romance with friends is so hard because to most people, friends aren't for dating but for talking about potential dates and I hate it.

It's nice to know that I'm following a fellow ace person who gets the romantic struggle. I think you're an icon, and I'm glad that you're in a place where you can be out.

I know we're not close or anything, but I'm really happy to know that there's someone else out there who I can relate to when I can't say a word anywhere else. I hate keeping up the charade, but I'm not in the kind of place where I can drop it. If you're interested in my situation and why I'm forever closeted, I've got quite the tale. but I've ranted enough here. (I won't force my life story on you, I know you want a positive blog and this ramble isn't very positive. I can shut up and vanish if you never want to hear from me again)

Thanks for having your anons on <3

I wish I could dm you and just chat (if you were even interested) but I can't (IRL people know my Tumblr and I dont want to make a new one unless it's necessary.) If there's anything you wanna chat about, I hope I stumble across it on my dash. I hope its okay if I hide behind anon asks.

Thanks for representing people like me. Sorry for the ramble, I guess I needed to get more off my mind than I realized. Thanks for being a safe space to vibe for a while. It's nice to be around other, perfectly valid people like me. I look up to you in a sense ♡

(But seriously, if this is too much drama and you don't want me to do this again, you don't even need to post this I won't bother you again without your consent)

I- wow.

That’s really all I can say.

I’m very glad that you feel just as recognized here as an asexual as you should be. And I know what every single one of these struggles is like. Personally, I never Liked to force things onto myself which has been Both a blessing and a curse.

It’s great because I don’t have to deal with a relationship but over time people stop wanting to be around you for it. But eventually, I found a friend group who respected what I did and didn’t want to talk about. And unfortunately even though some people may be nice and friendly to you, that doesn’t mean that you and that person are going to click.

I think you might want to start being more open about not wanting to talk about these things when you’re around them, and if that’s scary and difficult, start small. I get it. But the more you stay quiet and the more morning is going to change.

So yea, I don’t mind the ask! I guess I didn’t even realize that me just openly existing as Aspec was a huge thing to a lot of people, so I’m glad I could help, I hope everything gets better for you anon. Have a lovely day/afternoon/evening 💖💖💖

as someone who’s only been on hockeyblr for a few months I think it’s not that it’s unfriendly it’s just intimidating. like all the friendships feel well established and it can be scary to try to interact with blogs u think are cool bc what if they don’t like u?? what if what ur saying is dumb?? but also every time I have talked to someone or sent in asks it whatever everyone is always nothing but kind even when they disagree with u. anyway the internet is such an interesting social dynamic but I think at the end of the day people just want to share their interests w people who are just as enthusiastic as they are and as long as that’s what you’re doing and you’re doing it without bringing anyone else down you’ll be fine. whoops that got long lol

ahhh yea i 1000% thought it was intimidating when i became active again. if it makes you feel better i've fully leaned into (in my head) the "i'm going to say dumb and dramatic things and people can explain things to me if they want" vibe while i learned more and more about the way hockey works. it's weird but it's kinda worked i think lol i like saying ridiculous things and then suddenly whipping out a well-thought out answer to an ask or something. the duality of a blogger!

but yea i get intimidated and in my head ALL the time about interactions you are not alone. if i didn't make gifs i would be a chronic lurker fr. i've never been able to just... start messaging people on any social media platform and i'm impressed that people can. even when they're like omg my dms are open like AH that's a lot no thanks i need a more pointed in than that.

BUT YES! to your last point it's fun when you find some people to yell with. or tangentially yell with? i'm glad people have been good about respectfully disagreeing tbh i'm pleasantly surprised :) it really is an interesting social dynamic since the types of relationships you form (on here, in the beginning) are solely based on the way you speak about a single topic. literally nothing else. wild!!!

Get to know me tag thing that I’ve not gotten a tag for in a real long time so I’ve sorta forgot how they work but I’m just gonna wing it and hope it’s okay in the end. I have been tagged by @kaiachu to do the “get to know me tag” thing, I normally don’t get tagged for this sort of thing so I’m happy to give it a shot :D (Thanks by the way!) 

This got way longer than I thought it’d be so, here’s a read more for the people who follow me and don’t have any kind of xkit thing to blacklist “#long post”

1ST RULE: tag 10 people you want to get to know better (I’m horrible with that sort of thing so I probably won’t have 10 people but I’ll try to at least tag some people in this (and yet I’ll fail, trust me.))

2ND RULE: bold the statements that are true (Personally this format sorta confuses me so I’m just going off what was already listed and just gonna swap out details to be facts about me hope that’s alright, rules are weird, I’m not really a rebel but sometimes it’s easier to make your own rules :P)

APPEARANCE: -I’m nearly 6 foot but I genuinely forget the exact, though I know I’m rounding up so that’s a thing. -I have black hair and brown eyes -My hair doesn’t know what it wants to do, some days it’s super curly other days it’s straighter than the most cliche straight white boy. -I’m tall and skinny which is honestly a little annoying -I’m not super pale but I’m what I’d call “white” if my Native American heritage and culture didn’t make me salty about everyone calling me white :P -Imagine Akira from Persona 5, except I can’t summon demons and also I’m not anime, and also I’m not as attractive as him, and also I remember to turn off the light when I go to sleep (there’s a joke for anyone out there who’s played Persona 5 and got annoyed when Akira continuously left the damn lights on every night, no wonder he needs glasses!) Basically I’ve got that same general tall skinny guy build with curly poofy hair and right now it’s actually pretty short so I could actually style it like that if I wanted.

PERSONALITY: -I’m an unintentionally sassy/sarcastic friend if you know me well enough to know I’m joking. -I am always up to help someone however I can, be that listening to their problems or taking direct action to help solve said problems. Though I dislike the idea of being the therapist friend who is only ever spoken to when someone has a problem. -I have more social anxiety in casual settings, however during important/formal social events I find that I already know my role and I’m relatively calm so I’d not say I’m anxious in every social situation. I just need to know my role. -I really try to be a chill person, however I feel like a lot of our culture says “chill” and means “has no opinions on anything and won’t take a stand against something they don’t believe in.” I say that mostly because I find that people will often talk about how chill I am right up until something strikes a nerve with me and I stand up for my morals or beliefs and suddenly it’s “wow you’re so dramatic!” For the record no I’m not talking about the MANY times I’ve actually been way too god damn dramatic (believe me I’m all too aware of those times). -I love all animals, I’ve volunteered at cat shelters quite a lot in my early life because we had a no-kill shelter near my house that needed someone to work with the unadoptable cats. However I’ve been part of a family who has rescued anything from squirrels to snakes to bearded dragons to dogs, to one legged parrots, at one point we had a tarantula and weirdly enough I wasn’t quite as scared of it as I am with most spiders... still didn’t want it anywhere near me. However yeah in general I’ve helped treat tons of animals in my life and I’ve learned to appreciate them all.

ABILITY: -I’d say I can’t draw to save my life but Bob Ross basically dedicated his life to explaining that anyone can make art so yea I’ll respect that. I’m not exactly good at it though. -I’m reasonably athletic but it depends on the activity. I’m a fine sprinter but a bad jogger, I’m good at fencing, I can bike for quite a while, I work out fairly often when I get the chance and according to the numbers the machines give me I’m healthily athletic? I’m not some sports person though. -I personally hate sleeping, it feels like a waste of my time. -I love to play/write music. Music is such a beautiful form of art that can make people feel so many different emotions. Music means a lot to me and I love to sit down and play an instrument with friends or write a new song.

HOBBIES: -I play a LOT of games, anything from video games to tabletop D&D to dice games and casino style gambling games with friends :P -I tend to draw, write, or make music for fun whenever I have an artistic itch to scratch. -I previously mentioned that I work out, I don’t say that to brag or anything I just genuinely find it fun to run around a gym listening to motivational music and having an outlet for all my energy. -It may sound silly but a legitimate hobby of mine is to listen to music, I will sometimes just sit down and put on music I like, this is often something I’ll do at night, I like to just sit down with some tea and relax with good music. -I also enjoy driving, mostly night driving but I’m not going to be picky. Getting lost out in the middle of nowhere and admiring the scenery around me is always really fun, it’s part of why I love night-driving I really enjoy getting away from the light pollution and looking up at the stars. I drive a convertible so it makes it really easy to see everything around me while I drive, but it’s sort of a death trap if I get in an accident so I tend to take in the sights when I’m at a stop and not in the middle of a drive :P

EXPERIENCES: I’m prefixing this with the fact my life is boring and the more interesting experiences of my life are things I don’t much care to just share with the internet -I’ve flown out to New York numerous times to visit my ex (who I was dating at the time) and that was always fun, it was always weirdly freeing to know that I had saved the money and independently flown myself out there. -I once stabbed my foot with my own pocket knife by somehow flipping it open as it fell off my desk it hit a vein in my foot and I was squirting blood down the hallways at like 2 AM. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as you’d think but it wasn’t fun to say the least. -Meryl and I used to often go night driving and actually managed to get out of the car and go hiking a few times at like 2 - 3 AM it was fun, except one time we managed to get a flat tire out in Washington and didn’t have a spare tire so it was exciting to find a way of getting home at midnight when we were a whole state away. 

RELATIONSHIPS: -I’m not gonna list my previous relationships or anything I don’t really feel like that’s respectful to the people I was in the relationships with, even if they weren’t all the best people (though most of them were/are fine people) I don’t want to disrespect other people’s privacy. -However I will say that I’m currently single as fuck. 

MY LIFE: -My life has been sorta interesting lately. -I’ve recently really connected with my local friends, I’m part of a D&D group which helped me make a new friend, and an old childhood friend of mine recently texted me saying he lives in the area and wants to hang out sometime. I love all my friends, and I care so much about my internet friends don’t get me wrong but it is also nice to be able to get out of the house and hang with a friend every now and then. -My family is pretty small, I’ve got 1 older brother (I know I have some siblings from my dad’s previous wife but outside of my half brother I sadly don’t know them well). -I live in Oregon but I can be found driving throughout the west coast at night, you’ll know if you find me because I’m the asshole in the red convertible playing music at like 3 AM but really quietly because I want to respect people who might be sleeping but also just loud enough that you can kinda hear it in the distance because it’s a fucking convertible and road noise makes it hard to hear... oh and also I’ll have the top down even if it’s like 10 degrees out because I like the cold and I’m probably wearing like literally a tank-top and leather jacket to balance the temperature. -I’ve literally had over 50 animals in this house at the same time. Currently however we have 1 Rhea, we just got another few chickens I think we have 3 - 4 now? We have 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 ball python, and... I think that’s it right now?

RANDOM SHIT: -I’m currently 22 -I love talking to people but I’m bad at starting conversations... -I’ve currently been playing Warframe, Guild Wars 2, FFXIV, and PSO2, though to be honest I’ll play just about anything if a friend asks me to :P -Personal favorite food is Cheesecake unless you don’t count that, then it’s Pad Thai, then Sushi, then Shrimp in general. -In person I can hold a conversation for hours, on the internet I’m awful at it. -I often feel like I’m overbearing to new friends because I am easily excited at the concept of making new friends. -I will start writing 20 D&D campaigns knowing full well I’ll never actually get to DM them for anyone, it’s a weird obsession I have with the concept of storytelling through experiences.

I mentioned this at the start, I’m bad at tagging people so the only thing I can really say here is that if you’re someone who (like myself) likes listing off random stuff about yourself, feel free to take it upon yourself and consider yourself tagged. If you’re not the type to be comfortable with this sorta thing that’s cool too, no pressure. If you DO write up one of these after seeing mine, feel free to tag me in the post so I know :P

019. I'm Triggered.

Today, exactly at night, you shared me about Vkook fanfict which makes Taehyung then top and Jungkook the bottom. I need to admit that top!taehyung is hot but.. it makes me unmood. Truthfully, i have a bad experiences with a Top!Taehyung x Bottom!Jungkook. Lemme tell you some. I wasn't that new being bangtan fan but, 2013 i was.. more into Seokjin x Jimin. Seriously first time being yaoi as Bangtan after they debuted, i was a Seokjin at first then i dated a Jimin. So i kinda more into Seokjin x anyone. Then 2014 i am into Jimin? or Jungkook i guess. Thats why i have that bot acc as Jimin since 2014. And i just into Taehyung x Jungkook at 2015 after i saw some Vkook moments. Thats why i start to rp ing as Taehyung and searches for a Jungkook? I guess. I forgot. So here's my bad experiences, related with a Top!Taehyung x Bottom!Jungkook. 1. It was 2015 and i made new agency with Aimee, and two other friends. And we all be 1995 liners there. Me as Taehyung, Aimee as Kei, another friend as Jimin and another one as Seolhyun. And yeah we kinda promote to many people again? And i promoted it to one of my noona. I asked her to join but girls' spot currently full so i told her to be Jungkook. But not bcs i like VKOOK so i wanna be vkook with her. Its just i want her to join but sadly no girls reservation open. But well, she said she would love to, so okay. She joined as Jungkook. And i am a Taehyung there, ofc i acted like "Yah maknae!" and he be like "Hyeong!" and i was like, damn its vkook and it feels cute. Bcs it was my first time interested to vkook i guess. And then, i start to flirt him and be like yeah, make one agency shipped us and etc. Until i got jailed so i dmed this Jungkook, telling him i got jailed and he just laughed like a normal reaction but we kept on talking. And idk why it leads to kissing parts? Which made me gone wild and started to fuck him. I really was. And he kinda into me, and i really into him.. and i dated someone in my previous agency that time but i havent tell him. And after i told him i will break up with my couple for him, he suddenly dont want and said he dont wanna be a third wheeler. istg. That was my great time being a Vkook and he just lose hope on me and even left the agency after i keep begging that i will serious with him. But yeah. It was hurt enough but i still break up with my couple because my couple currently never active again even after i checked that account a year later so. nvm her. And yeah that was my first and worst experience being a Vkook. 2. This one with someone i know from intl closed agency too. I joined as a Taehyung there.and ofc theres a Jungkook. It was a simple hi and having fun at first, until people start shipping us because we usually ise matching dps and headers, teasing each others. Though i didnt intend to flirt him because i was just wanna have fun? But then when i jailed, as always, i dmed everyone included that Jungkook. And yeah we talked again. But we are not that intense yet, we just talk like usual i guess? Until we moved to fl acc. And in fl acc he was a suga there? So we Taegi. But still no special feelings. But though its not, i usually give him a peck on lips like before sleep or supporting him. Things like that. But this person kept on avoiding my flirt idk why so its kinda hard to hit on him. Until he, himself, confessed to me. But when he confessed, at that time i alr interest with someone else and also date a Yoongi on kakaotalk. Look how player i was. Then yeah he kinda lose hope and disappear and i never talk to him again until now. 3. That jerk. Yeah that ex who dmed you that day. We were VKook as well. Eventhough he was the someone that i have interest with when i was with the 2nd person, we were not Vkook that time. So i meet this asshole at 2015, may, on his closed agency. Yea its his. And my boyfriend (a seokjin) who dragged me there. And i was a Taehyung. Then in that agency, my bf seokjin is a jungkook so i joined as Sehun for 2days i guess? Then i kinda tell my bf, i want to be Jungkook and asked him to be Seokjin so KookJin. And he agreed. So yeah we be KookJin and ofc i meet the Bangtan Hyungs in their Bangtan Group chat. And this Taehyung aka that asshole dated an Eunji noona there like for months alrd. But i admit hes friendly to meet a stranger/new person. He dmed me personally and asked me things like where i come from, my selca, real age, etc. And we kinda be close friends there. But then after that, i was also active in another agency and this other agency is more fun so i drag my seokjin along but he be a girl, CLC's seunghee there. And we be more active there so i kinda abandoned that asshole's agency which i being KookJin there, until we unverified. Then after that 1st person, scandal i really want to break up with seokjin but he never shows up so i just left message then abandoned the acc. i guess. but i guess i revamp that acc as new rp acc- ok nvm. Then, after that, weeks later i dated a Yoongi (which was my dad in another ca, wow joined so many ca before) on kakaotalk and i be a Jimin there. and a bottom. istg i think i was a bottom too like 40% before. And though this Yoongi only active on kkt (katanya sih) so i joined many closed agency right. And thats why i joined one with my noona, and i be seulgi at first. I also drag my Yoongi along but he be predebut IKON's Chanwoo there, and he kinda inactive. Then after that i cc as BTS' Jimin and i think i suit as a boy more. UNTIL a new Taehyung joined and i can sensed him somehow. He shared a fact about himself and i know his kind of typing so we chat on dm. And im right, it was that asshole. And since i dont really have strong feelings with him i was just like happy to meet my old friend so we kinda chat and exchange kakaotalk and line. After that, idk why this taehyung he always sad about his ex eunji in that first ca i met him months ago. So he told me alot and i be his temen curhat right. And you know la i can be playful sometimes but he know i have a bf and i know he have a gf so we kinda tau dirilah. But then idk why we shared things about VRene, on LINE. and we keep fanboying about how cute vrene is, blablabla. and suddenly he changed as an irene? to tease me idk- so i changed from Jungkook pic to Taehyung. And since i really into vrene, i kinda turned on so i want to touch him as irene. So, i kissed him, as Taehyung to Irene. And surprisingly he didnt stop me so we keep going until... i fucked him. I mean her. That was our first sex and we were vrene that time with me as the top. After that sexting time, he confessed that he actually have feelings for me since first time we met but he knows that we both have someone like everytime we met so he just wanna confess it. But ugh, he make me interested to him so i said i also like him and asked him to wait if he want us to be official, we should break up with our couple first. Well thats how we start into the serious part but we kinda start to be official a month later, as Vkook. And guess what? Yeah, he is the Top!Taehyung. He fucked me as the Taehyung who called me baby boy while pounding on me. Istg, for that 2015 until 2016, for a year, he really make me crazy of him. Make me cant even let him go. Though it became me 60% Top after that, but our first yaoi sex is Vkook and he as top!taehyung. 4. This last one happened october 2016. Yeah after i break up from that asshole, i know this Taehyung from fl ofc. He is a girl on fl, but she said she want to make a Bangtan group chat on kakotalk so i want to make one also, i chatted her then. She said she is a Taehyung on kkt, and since im a Jungkook fc, we only need to look for the rest of members. After we being friends on kkt, idk why its like only 2days after we talk, i just suddenly turns clingy to him and i want to cuddle. I seriously was only close with him that time so i asked him to hug me, etc. Tbh i was going to be a dom? But then he be more dom than me. He pampered me and i hate to admit that he have a skill. Though he is a girl on fl, on kkt he can be a very gentle dom for me. I think thats the first time i have interest to someone without having sex first. bcause i usually have interest after i see how they sexting. heh. bad me i know. BUT, however i keep on hurting this Taehyung.... because my asshole ex keep coming and want to be with me. So i kinda confused since this Taehyung been nice to me so idk what reason to tell to let him go from me, so i lied that i have no interest to him again because he changed his ava as a Mark on kkt. I said i think i love him as Taehyung more though its not true. I like him a lot but i love my ex more that time. So yeah... he hate me. Until now. He called me facechaser then we really.. never talk again because he unfollowed me then blocked me. Like really block, i cant see his profile anymore- smh. I just dont want to date him while i still have feelings to my ex. He will be more disappointed later so i do this for his sake too. So you see... Almost all of my Vkook experiences with Taehyung as a dom, have a bad stories behind it. Which makes me turned into a Dom!Jungkook because i dont wanna see myself being weak towards a Taehyung again. Its like a trauma and makes me...idk. I just dont like it. Though i admit even at first time trying to be Vkook, i like Dom!Taehyung better. But pain changed people. Everytime i tried to accept someone as my dom, esp Taehyung fc, it got me scared again and i dont want to continue anymore. im just-its wrong i know. I am sorry if i turned weird tonight. I still cant get over it but i'd like to- and i want you the one who help me to get over it? Ah its too long, you prolly bored with this page already- heh. Lets sleep aight? Goodnight♡

I’m 18M and I’ve known her (19F) for about 4 years now, we’ve been to school together, I’m about to be in the same college with her, and we’ve always been good friends. I always came to her to talk about stuff and she came to me about her’s. I’ve always loved talking to her, it just felt natural to talk to her, and that’s just what I wanted in a girlfriend, someone that’s just open and love to spend time with.In the call earlier we just talked back and forth about a lot of things. Now I wasn’t planning to ask her out before the call even started, I really only thought about it while we were talking during the middle of the call because of the things we talked about, which I’ll get to later. Anyways, we really talked about interesting stuff, like her weird experiences at work, my stories about hanging out with my other friends, etc, etc. Most notably she talked about one of my friends throughout the call, who’s been hitting on her constantly. He would DM her things like “Hey I think you’re really cute” and “You should come over,” that kinda shit, she’s never met talked or met him in her entire life, and she was not into that at all. That’s been old news for awhile, but she brought it up because she told me she was insane that she started to actually like him. This surprised me because we literally talked about how she wouldn’t want to get with a guy like him. Keep in mind, this dude is known for hooking up with people and throws them away when he’s done with them (yea I know he’s my friend but he’s actually a good guy when he’s not like that). A while ago, him and I actually talked about how he didn’t want to be like that anymore because it was wrong, which I agreed. So this is the part where it gets weird, earlier I tried to call another friend of mine, who lives with the friend I just talked about, but he didn’t pick up my phone call. So the girl I was on call with called him, and he picked up. After they talked, she called me back, and she just told me that they told her to come over and get drunk. The friend that I tried to call was about to leave to go to his gf’s house so I’m guessing he wanted to try to get her to hang with my other friend while he was gone. She said no and that her car was in the shop, she wouldn’t have gone even if it wasn’t. They offered to go pick her up, she also said no, and then, my friend that literally told me he wasn’t going to hook up with random people anymore and that he changed, DM’d her again after the call ended and said, “come over and get drunk.” At this point we were like, “yeah I’m disappointed.” She didn’t know what to send, so I just told her to send a meme, she did, and she sent me a screenshot of the chat, and I died laughing.So after all that, we went back to our regular conversation, and this is the part where I started to think about asking her on a date, and typing all of this right now, I think I’m the stupidest man alive. She started to talk about her past relationships, all the wrongs about them, how a lot of them she really regretted, and how she just wants a future with a guy that cares about her. She thought my friend, who DM’d her, really changed, I even told her how he told me that he wanted to become a different person. She just told me she probably wouldn’t go for him.Later we talked about how she just wants to do simple things with her partner like watching movies at home and baking, and I told her that’s exactly what I would want to do too. We also talked about date ideas that we both really liked and even going places outside the country. We’re both Vietnamese and we appreciate our culture too and we talked about how we want our partners to be accepting to them too. We both just talked about how we want to be in a really good relationship. Then she starts telling me stuff like, “You’re girlfriend’s gonna be lucky to have you” and “If you don’t invite me to your wedding, I’ll hunt you down,” which I told her I would haha. During this time, I’m just thinking in my head, “Could this be my chance? Do I see a future with her? Can I really be the one for her?” Stuff like that. I wasn’t thinking about the marriage part per se, I just would like to see how a relationship with her would be and I thought it would’ve been great. My last one ended pretty badly and I wouldn’t even call it a relationship anymore so maybe this was my chance for a REAL one.It’s 4 am. She told me she didn’t want to keep me up for too long and I told her to wait. She asked “what’s up” and I told her exactly, “Would you like to go on a date with me any time next week? It can be whatever you want going out to eat, watching movies together, baking, you name it, I’d do anything.” She told me she was sorry and said no. She told me we were just talking about relationships, that it would’ve been awkward if we did go on a date, and she said the thing of, “I see you as a brother,” and in my head I’m like “gotdammit she did not just say that,” haha. So she apologized again and I told her it’s no problem and I was “chillin.” Am I kinda bummed? A little bit but I’ll sleep it off. Did I really want it to happen? Yes, absolutely, for the longest time I’ve felt pretty empty, and I just wanted to be someone with a girl like her because she is one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met, but it’s ok. And I guess I’ve been on “dates” with her before. We’ve had lunch multiple times with just the two of us but, of course that’s not the same thing. I’m still young and I’ll keep doing my thing. I’ll be honest, I did say to myself I want to take my time to be in relationship, but I just thought it would’ve been the right moment. At the same time I do think it was also wrong of me to ask because she did talk about other guys to me.I’m about to start college in about 2-3 weeks, my goal is to do well in school to get a good job, get super fit with toned muscles and 6 pack, and just be the best person I can be before I start a relationship with someone. Thank you to anyone reading through my experience, it was actually kind of nice to write all of this down and I’ll take all of this as a lesson, once again thank you and have a good day. via /r/dating_advice