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jaelvr · 2 days

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Nectar

Home | NCT 127 masterlist |

Requested : yes by @couturethiquefemboy

Prompts ; 121. “I miss you, more than I thought possible.” + 66. “kiss me harder.”

Pairing : frat! jaehyun x gn! reader

Pronouns : you/yours

Type : fluff, suggestive

Word count : 5k

Content: mutual feelings, opposites, college au, basketball jock, dancer reader, fluff, slightly ooc

Have a great day !!

——————————

You excused yourself from the group in the living room, making your way through the sea of bodies to the kitchen to grab another drink, refilling the red plastic cup of God knows what. He was sat on the counter, quick to dismiss the people in front of him as he saw you, sliding himself off before approaching you. His red-tinted sunglasses sat on top of his freshly dyed hair, the leather jacket pulled over his iconic jersey. "Hey sunshine." he murmured, his hand finding your waist. "I was wondering when you were going to come and annoy me." you chuckled, eyebrows raised as you sipped your drink. Jaehyun snickered at your retort. He was hoping you'd speak to him tonight, watching you all evening. “Just taking a break. I’ll go find someone else to annoy.” He smiled, his dimple showing against his smooth skin. “Unless you want me around?”

"Never do." you joked back, a small grin playing on your lips as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He smiled down at you, grip on your waist tightening as he pulled you closer to his body, arms tight on your waist. "Never say never. I'll win you over eventually." Jaehyun gave you a cocky grin, gently nuzzling into your neck and placing kisses against it. "Keep dreaming, pretty boy." you whispered, biting your lip gently as your hand ran through his hair. Jaehyun smiled against your skin as your hand was in his hair. He kissed down your neck to your collarbone. His hands slowly made their way to your hips. Jaehyun kissed his way to your lips and finally claimed them. One hand gripping your hip, the other gently holding your chin. Your hand gently tugged on his hair as you made out, cheeks flushed. He smirked against your lips as he nipped at your bottom lip. His hand on your hip pulled you even closer. Jaehyun's tongue slipped through your lips to explore your mouth. His hand that held your chin slowly moved down your body to your thighs.

You grinned, pulling away as you heard your name being called in the other room. "That's my cue to leave." you murmured against his lips, pecking them one more time. Jaehyun was left disappointed. He wanted to keep kissing you. He leaned his forehead on yours with a smile. “Will I ever get you alone?” He whispered against your lips. Jaehyun pulled your face in for another quick kiss, his lips lingering. “I should let you go now. But please promise you’ll find time for me tonight.” He moved his hands to your hips so you could leave easily. His gaze not leaving you. "No promises, pretty boy." you giggled, kissing his cheek, your lipstick leaving a mark before you disappeared back into the crowd. Jaehyun watched you leave, still standing in the middle of the kitchen. He smirked, placing a hand over his cheek that still had your lipstick mark. He fixed his leather jacket and red-tinted sunglasses before going off to find someone else to pester.

He loved the chase, that's for sure.

----

Jaehyun slowly entered the studio, he watched your body move in the mirror. His eyes followed you gracefully throughout the room. Jaehyun loved watching you dance. He watched with such admiration. He was leaning on the door frame, just watching not wanting to interrupt your practice. You hadn't noticed him until you finished, seeing him smile as you looked up in the mirror. Jaehyun began clapping and whistling as you walked over to the stereo to turn the music off. He couldn’t help but watch you as you walked over to him. “That was quite the show sweetheart.” He smirked, his gaze roaming all over you. "Stalking me now?" you teased, shooting him a smirk as you wiped the sweat on your forehead, grabbing your towel. He followed behind you. His eyes were glued to your body as it was covered in sweat. Jaehyun bit his lip, shaking his head softly. He leaned down to your ear and grinned. “Just admiring the view.”

"Shouldn't you be in basketball practice?" you asked, head tilted as you drank some water. Jaehyun shrugged, leaning against the back wall. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I got out of practice a little bit ago. Figured you’d still be here so I came to bother you.” he smirked. “Besides… I got a better view here.” he murmured, eyes still wondering. "You always this insufferable? or just to me?" you asked, purposely bending down to place your water bottle back down. Jaehyun chuckled lightly. “Just you sunshine. You bring out the best in me.” His attention was pulled to your body when you leaned down. He licked his lips before going over to you. “You look… hot when you’re sweaty.” he murmured, arms wrapped around your waist again. "Is that so?" you murmured, hands resting on his chest.

Jaehyun's hands slowly found their place on your hips. He smiled down at you, his thumbs gently rubbing circles. “You have no idea the things I’ve dreamt about…” he murmured, leaning a kiss to your neck. He planted a few loving kisses on your heated skin, nipping here and there. "Please do share." you murmured, smirking at him as you teased him with your wondering hands. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you closer to his body. He nipped and kissed all over your neck and lower jaw. “We could start out here. We could go over there.” Jaehyun gestured to the wall next to the stereo. His lips nipped at your earlobe. “Or… I can just take you right here...” Jaehyun's tone changed to a husky whisper as he kissed your skin. "What if someone walks in?" you murmured, lips brushing against his neck. Jaehyun pressed his body against yours. “Mmm… I don’t care if someone walks in. Do you? I’d love for them to see how pretty you are.”

"Jae..." you murmured, his name slipping out of your lips as he pressed kisses to your neck. Jaehyun paused. He pulled away slightly, looking into your eyes. He was surprised you had called him his actual name. “Say it again…” his tone was softer now. He caressed your cheek, his thumb brushing your cheekbone. "Jaehyun…" you murmured, looking up at him. “Much better. That pretty little mouth shouldn’t say my other name. It shouldn’t say any other guy's name.” Jaehyun had pulled your whole body against his. His lips captured yours. He poured his frustrations out through his kisses. They slowly grew more desperate. "Jae, please..." you let out whimpers, messily making out with him. “Mmm? Now you ask for things...?” he whispered into your ear. He nipped at your skin to tease you. “What do you want sunshine? Tell me.” Jaehyun's voice in your ear low and dark. The want building up inside of him. He began leaving more bruising kisses on your neck and collarbone. "You..." you murmured, in a daze.

“You have me sunshine.” Jaehyun murmured against your skin. He nibbled at the skin between your neck and collarbone, leaving soft and bruising kisses in his path. “All mine...” he nipped at your skin with a grin. Jaehyun took your hands in his and backed you into the wall. “Just like that. All mine.” There was a hint of possessiveness and jealousy laced in his tone. Just as things started getting more heated, his phone went off, interrupting the moment. Jaehyun was breathing heavily. His lips trailed to your collarbone and neck one more time. He stopped before pulling away altogether, reaching into his back pocket for his phone. “Goddamn it…. It’s probably coach.” He checked his phone and sighed. His breath was quick and his cheeks flushed. "S'alright, take it." you murmured, clearing your throat as you pulled away. Jaehyun paused and looked at you with an apologetic smile. He was obviously frustrated, and so close to losing it with you. He took a moment and pulled out his phone. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.” He sighed, stepping away from you. He went outside to take the call.

you let out a huff, running a hand through your hair. While this was nothing new between the two of you, it had never escalated this far. You sat down, reminding yourself that it probably meant nothing to the frat boy, doing this all the time with other people. Jaehyun took the call outside, his phone against his ear. He was pacing back and forth. The fact you let him kiss you like that was eating at him. You had turned him on more than anyone in a long time. he sighed as he hung up after a few minutes, and slowly made his way back into the studio, looking for you. Jaehyun's eyes were glued to your body as you started going through the routine again. Your body was so beautiful and graceful. He was mesmerized by you. He couldn’t help himself, his eyes took in every inch of you. Jaehyun finally stopped leaning against the doorway to walk over to you, he came up behind you. His hands slowly went around your waist, and he stood directly behind you. "Was it your coach?" you murmured, avoiding his eyes.

Jaehyun shrugged, his hands gently rubbing your sides. You could hear him take in your scent. “He can wait.” Jaehyun murmured. It drove him crazy. He moved your hair out of the way so he could plant a soft kiss on the back of your neck. "You should probably go to practice." you whispered, voice wavering slightly. "I was about to finish up and go home anyway." you lied, looking away. Jaehyun sighed, grabbing your hips tightly. He turned you around to face him. It was hard for him to be so close to you and not want to have you right there. “I just want one more moment with you before I go. Come here.” his grip tightened, not letting you out of his reach at all. "Jae-" you started before he cut you off. Jaehyun silenced you as he put his fingers against your lips, he pulled your hips against his body again, his body pressing against yours. “One minute. One more minute with you. That’s all I want and need.” He murmured, his lips meeting yours. His kiss was passionate and hungry. His hands gripped your hips, and he held you closer.

"You should go to practice now." you murmured once the pair of you had parted, not looking at him as you grabbed your stuff. Jaehyun stared at you. His lips curled in a slight frown. He hated the way you’d dismiss him. He'd had never felt such jealousy over someone before. He felt you belonged to him. Jaehyun knew he’d never be the guy to just let you go so easy. “You’re really leaving?” he muttered in a low and deep voice. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jaehyun." you murmured, sparing him a glance before walking out of the studio, leaving him standing in there alone. He watched you leave, His body was screaming at him to go after you. Every fibre in his being was pushing him to find you. But Jaehyun's ego, his pride wouldn’t let him chase after you. He clenched his fist and stomped out of the door. His mind screaming to go after you. Jaehyun leaned against his car in anger as his phone buzzed with another text and call from his coach.

You were so confusing.

----

Over the next few weeks, you avoided him, not responding to any calls or texts he'd left you and making sure not to bump into him in college. You were currently getting ready for your performance in the showcase for dance, doing a duet with Chan. He was part of the other frat group, and the rivalry between skz and ncit was strong, but you got along with both perfectly, his charming nature making it easy to bond. Your nerves were slowly kicking it, pacing around backstage. Jaehyun had given up on texting and calling you. He was frustrated and didn’t know what he did wrong. He knew he didn’t have any reason to be jealous or possessive of you, but that was exactly how he was feeling. knowing you would be performing tonight, he decided to come and watch your performances. Jaehyun entered the back room, standing close to the wall in the corner where he could see you without anyone noticing. He kept his eyes glued to you when you entered. He felt a spark of jealousy seeing Chan talk to you.

"Is it that obvious I'm nervous?" you murmured gently, looking up at Chan who was already gazing at you. Chan smirked, leaning against the wall. He had one arm crossed over his chest and his legs were crossed. He was trying hard to be cool and casual, it was hard with you so close to him “Yeah. It is pretty evident.” Chan mumbled. He leaned in close to you, placing his hands on your sides and whispering. “I’m sure you’ll do fine. You always do." He comforted, hands tightening. "What if I mess our dance up?" you frowned, unsure. Chan smirked. He leaned down close to you, his eyes looking into yours. He smirked and shook his head slowly. “Impossible. There’s no way you can mess up. Because if anyone screws up. It’ll be me, just so you know.” Chan leaned in to whisper against your ear. He smirked as his hands gripped your sides a little tighter. “But if you mess up. I’m making you come home with me tonight.” You wiggled slightly in his grip, laughing nervously, thinking he was joking.

Chan was definitely not joking. He had every intent on taking you home with him tonight. His plan was to charm you so much that you wouldn’t be able to say no. Chan had a cocky smirk on his face, his arms tightening around your waist. Before you could say anything, your names were announced, your cue to come on stage. You made your way on, your breath hitching as you saw Jaehyun in the audience, not expecting him to come. Jaehyun's eyes were glued on you, the way the spotlight hit your skin just made you shine like a bright star. He hated that Chan was by your side. He could see the two of you dancing together, and it drove him crazy, attention was on you and not the performance. Jaehyun leaned back against the wall in the back to get a better view. Chan was taking a few steps with you, his hands gripping your waist tightly. Chan whispered sweet nothings in your ear as you guys danced. Jaehyun was fuming.

You focused on the dance, not paying attention to either of the boys throughout the performance, locking eyes with Jaehyun as you finished the routine. Jaehyun smiled as you locked eyes with him. His eyes were filled with pride as you finished the dance routine with Chan. He had seen your whole performance, his body was filled with jealousy and possessiveness during every movement Chan made with you. He clapped his hands as soon as you finished the performance, a jealous smirk on his lips as he saw Chan grab your wrist. you watched as you saw him disappear before you walked off stage, slightly tense with Chan's arm still around your waist, knowing that Jaehyun would be meeting you backstage.

Jaehyun was waiting for you outside of the backstage room. His mood was different now. Instead of being frustrated and annoyed, he was possessive and jealous. You could see a dark aura around him. He grabbed your arm firmly, pulling you away from Chan’s grasp. “Come on, sunshine. I’m taking you home.” Jaehyun growled out as he pulled you deeper into the dark hallways. "Jae-" you started, eyes wide as he gently intertwined your hands. he shut you up by covering your mouth with his hand. One hand was still holding onto yours, the other one placed over your mouth. Jaehyun dragged you deeper into the back hallways, away from anyone else. “I don’t wanna hear a word of your bullshit right now sunshine.” he murmured. He dragged you into one of the empty rooms. "Jaehyun-" you murmured, trying to get him to listen. Jaehyun slammed the door shut, locking it. Jaehyun turned you around, so your back was against the door. He pressed himself against you. With his hands gripping your arms, he pinned you against the door. “Shut up for a minute and listen to me.” Jaehyun growled. His stare was intense and his grip on your body was tight.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re playing at, staying away from me. Ignoring my texts, and my calls and dodging me every chance you get.” Jaehyun muttered, his tone was angry and harsh. He looked as if he wasn’t himself. “I don’t know what to make of your little game. But I’m not going to sit back and let you just play with my feelings and mess me around. Got it?” His frustration was palpable, tension filling the room and his anger turning you on. "Just let me explain-" you started before he shook his head, finger on your lip again. “No. Don’t say a word. You've been ignoring my calls. you've been avoiding me. And the first time I see you in TWO weeks, you’re hanging onto a damn skz frat boy.” he bit back. Jaehyun gripped your waist tightly. He was a lot angrier than you had ever seen him. He felt his temper start to overtake him when he saw Chan take your arm and lead you away. He was so jealous that he felt as if he would blow a fuse right there. “I don’t want your damn explanations. I want you. I’m done with all the games. Whatever you’re playing at, stop it right now. Stop dodging me and coming up with excuses. And that little skz brat has no business having his hands all over you.”

"And you do?" you retorted, giving him a bratty attitude to rile him up. Jaehyun glared at you. Your bratty attitude had gotten to him. The anger from earlier was rising back up within him all over again. Jaehyun was losing his cool. His fists were clenched so tightly, his nails digging into his palms. “Yes. Yes, I do. I have every damn right to have my hands on you. I want you…all to myself. But you make it damn near impossible when you keep running from me.” he groaned. "I'm not running, I-" you grumbled, pausing as you struggled to come up with a reason. “Oh really? You’re not running away? Then how come every time I call you, you’re not answering, every time I text you, you text me back two hours later and you dodge me whenever I attempt to come see you?” Jaehyun muttered. His fingers dug into your hips and held you flush against the door. His body was pressed up against you so closely, his breath hitting you right against the neck and ear. He leaned his head in to whisper, his lips pressing in so close to your skin. “Quit the bullshit right now.” he ordered, looking at you. you let out a sigh, avoiding his eyes, not bothering to argue.

Jaehyun stared at you. It infuriated him that you wouldn’t even be making eye contact with him. The anger was building up inside of him. Jaehyun gripped you tightly, one hand twisting into your hair. His breath was quick and heavy. he lowered his head close to your lip. “Look at me.” Jaehyun murmured. His voice was low and almost dangerous. He waited with bated breath for you to follow his order.” ...I'm sorry." you murmured, looking back up at him. Jaehyun released a soft sigh when you looked up into his eyes. His eyes blazed with anger and desire. He was so possessive of you at that very moment. Jaehyuns mood shifted at once he saw your eyes look up at him. His hands dropped to your hips again, his fingers digging in tightly. “I don’t want to hear your sorry. That’s not good enough. I’ve been dying to be in your life more. To be with you more. You are so damn beautiful and yet you keep running from me. Why?” he mumbled. "I…I got scared." you whispered, breath hitching. “Scared? Of what?” Jaehyun mumbled. The anger left him as soon as you said you got scared. Jaehyun's eyes instantly softened as he noticed how scared you were. His voice went softer, his hands dropping to your waist again. “Scared of what, baby?”

Your heart jumped at the nickname, liking how it sounded from him.” ...You know Jiung, right?" you asked hesitantly. Jaehyun nodded. He knew him pretty well. He knew the type of boy he was. His eyes dimmed at the mention of him. Jaehyun's jealousy got the best of him just thinking about him and what he'd possibly done to you. “Yeah…I know him. I know what kind of guy he is too. What did he do?” he asked, his face softening and voice full of concern and genuine. "I uh…me and him dated, last year. we...we were like this at the start, all over each other. Until I found out to him, we were never really serious, and he'd just led me on, seeing other people all the time. He laughed when I'd confronted him and told me I was stupid for ever believing a frat boy could change." you opened up, nervous about his reaction. Jaehyun's eyes darkened as your words sank in. His hands tightened on your waist, his grip starting to tighten once more. He couldn’t imagine a guy doing something so horrible as to break someone's heart. No wonder you kept him at arm’s length. Jaehyun could hear your heart pounding a mile a minute, not even notice how tight his grip on you was getting. “And you thought I’d do the same? You thought I’d play you the same way he did?” he asked, his voice low.

“...I guess. I was scared you would, so I thought pushing you away would be better and it wasn't because, fuck, I miss you, more than I thought possible." you explained, voice cracking. Jaehyun paused. He couldn’t believe what you were saying. You kept pushing him away because you were scared that he would break your heart. He finally loosened his grip on your hips and turned you around to face him. He brushed his fingers across your cheek. “I would never, ever do that to you. It’s not in me to break your heart. I’d tear the world to shreds rather than see you hurt or sad.” Jaehyun murmured. His fingers trailed down your cheek to your nose, his touch gentle. "I know you would. And I'm sorry for avoiding you." you murmured, forehead against his. Jaehyun gently gripped your hips again. His arms wrapped around you tightly, pulling you against his chest. Jaehyun's eyes were fixated on your lips. Everything about you right now was making him crazy. “I haven’t been able to sleep just knowing there is a chance that someone out there might hurt you. Someone like that, that frat boy…he had no idea how lucky he was to have gotten a chance with you. If only I knew I would have beaten his ass to hell and back…”

you laughed gently, shaking your head. "You two were good friends, I doubt you would've-" you started before he interrupted, kissing your forehead. He chuckled. Even with his frustration over thinking about how a guy could do that to you, your laugh and dimple were still so cute to him. Jaehyun leaned down and placed his lips against your forehead, kissing it gently. He pulled back. “I’m guessing you broke up during the summer?” he murmured, brushing the hair from your face. "Yeah, just before we started the second year. just before you started annoying me." you joked, poking his chest. He smirked to himself. He took in your adorable giggle and playful side. Everything about you was so irresistible, so beautiful. Jaehyun's eyes were glued to your lips once more, his hands slowly sliding to your hips. He pulled you back against him, your bodies pressed together, His breath hit you once more as he leaned in close to your ear. “I plan on making up for all that wasted time. I’ ’m going to be the best damn boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

"Who said you were going to be my boyfriend?" you teased, eyebrows raised in amusement. Jaehyun laughed at your comment. He smirked as a low chuckle escaped his mouth. Your brattiness was something that he absolutely loved about you. He grabbed your hips, pulling you flush against him once more. His body felt so close to yours, almost like he never wanted to leave you. “Who said I wasn’t already?” He murmured. Jaehyun was so serious right now, he wanted and needed you to be his. He couldn’t stand the thought of you with anyone else, especially Chan. you giggled, leaning forward and connecting your lips in a sweet kiss. Jaehyun groaned as your lips pressed against his. Every time you made a noise, it was like a jolt of electricity going through him. Your kisses were everything he wanted. And just how much you had missed him, made him want you even more. Jaehyun was kissing you eagerly, one of his hands sliding back up to your chin. He gently tilted your head back, his eyes glazed with desire. He couldn’t get enough of you, he never could. "Kiss me harder." you murmured in between kisses, arms around his neck. Just the sound of your whisper was enough to get his blood boiling. Jaehyun couldn't believe the amount of heat you were capable of generating in him. When you whispered those words, Jaehyun felt every nerve tingling inside of him. He wanted to kiss you harder, to kiss you deeper and keep you in his arms. Every inch of his body was screaming at him to do so. So, he did just that. Jaehyun grabbed your hips firmly, lifting you up in his arms. He pressed his lips on yours once more, the force of his kisses intensifying.

This was going to be a long night.

----

cheers filled the sports hall. you stood up, cheering loudly, his jersey on as you watched him celebrate the win with his teammates briefly before he locked eyes with you. Jaehyun looked up from the huddle and saw you standing there. His heart skipped a beat when he saw you in the crowd with his jersey on. The cheers and voices around him faded as he locked eyes with you. Your cheering put a huge smile on his face. Jaehyun quickly broke away from the team and ran over to you. “Babe! What did I say earlier? You’re my good luck charm!” Jaehyun exclaimed once he got to you. He swung you up in his arms, lifting you as high as he could. You squealed, tightening your grip on him and laughing gently. "Well done, love." you murmured, caressing his cheek. Jaehyun grinned, the crowd cheering. The noise around them faded as he locked eyes only on you. “Thanks. But it’s all because of you. You came here and it brought me good luck.” He brought you down to his height and kissed your head gently. “Let’s get out of here. I wanna spend the night alone with you.” Jaehyun muttered passionately. He was ready to leave the game and spend an entire night with you. As he brought you close to his chest, his hand gently gripped your hip. "Got a reward for you at your place." you smirked, winking cheekily at him as your lips brushed against his neck.

Jaehyun sighed at how playful and sassy you were with him. It got to him. The way you brushed your lips right against his neck made him want to pull you into the nearest room and shut the door. But not yet. He smiled when you mentioned the reward you had for him. But you could always have something new with Jaehyun, you were his reward. “Oh. I can’t wait to find out exactly what that reward is.” Jaehyun muttered sarcastically. But all of that sarcasm suddenly disappeared when your fingers grazed his waist. "I'm leading tonight though, baby." you murmured, your voice low as you kissed his neck. he moaned at the feeling of your lips pressing against his neck. When your fingers were lightly gripping his waist, that alone drove him crazy. Jaehyun could feel your hand on his side. His hips buckling, every cell in his body wanted to pull you to the nearest room. Your smirk only drove him crazy. The cocky grin on your face was hot as hell. Jaehyun groaned softly, leaning his head in close to hear better. “You think you’re leading tonight?” he whispered playfully, his voice hoarse. "Uh huh. gonna reward my baby..." you murmured, gently biting his earlobe and hands travelling down his chest.

"Give me one taste of your nectar."

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lowkeychenle · 2 days

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Guilty As Sin? [ZCL] (M)

Description: Chenle is everything you want--everything you need. Somehow, the thought of him manages to pull you back in even after you were free. Messy kisses, late night trysts, and him tracing the word 'mine' on your thigh--barely anything, so how could you possibly be guilty as sin? (based on Guilty As Sin? by Taylor Swift)

Genre: Smut/Fluff/Angst (there are like text message screenshots in here too!)

Content Warnings: Smutty smutness, use of the word 'slut' in a couple different instances, uhhh self...help lol, explicit, rough, unprotected sex, and I think that's it for now *MDNI*

Word Count: 9k

Taglist: @niinjo @dinosaurtoothbrushwithninjasauce @sleepyvic @christinewithluv @lostinneocity @thisisnotjacinta @toursworld

Permanent Taglist: @neozon3nha @sunnybutcloudy

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!Reader (features roommate!Renjun, Mark, Jaemin, aespa Karina! and other Dreamies sporadically lol i don't even remember who's in here)

A/N: sorry if this feels a bit rushed :( busy season approaches again

Juliet's Masterlist | Tell me what you think? :)

Lips brush against your neck and trail up to your ear, and you feel his smile before you hear his chuckle. His hand grips your thigh, but as he pulls back, his eyes travel along your face. His irises have gone dark, and he gulps. The room is far hotter than it should be, and as you sit next to Chenle on your couch, his fingertip traces a single word on your skin, over and over again.

MINE

“(Y/N), are you listening?” Chenle’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and hopefully nobody notices how your stare was stuck on the way he taps his fingers on his jeans. Your face heats up, but you try your best to hide it.

“What? Sorry, tired today.” You sit back in your chair, glancing around the room to see your roommate, Renjun, and several of your other friends sitting on the various seats around your living area.

“You don’t look tired.” Karina raises her eyebrow at you.

You glare back at her. “How do you want me to fix that?”

“Chenle was asking us if we wanted to go to a party next week,” Jisung adds. “A friend we don’t know of his is turning twenty-three.”

“Uh, sure. I’ll be right back.” You launch up, heading for the kitchen. Before you turn fully, you make eye contact with Chenle. He leans back on the couch cushion, legs crossed, and head tilted. He’s dressed so simply, sweatpants and a dark, loose-fit T-shirt, but you could ignore those things for your own sanity.

What you can’t ignore?

The quirk of his eyebrow. Did you just imagine the way he looked you up and down? Every inch of your skin feels hot, and you think of those fucking fingers on your thigh all over again.

Before you embarrass yourself any further, you quickly move towards the kitchen, throwing the door of the refrigerator open to grab a water bottle. You set it on the counter after inhaling half of it, and then brace your palms on the edge, too. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath. You’re not sure why you can’t stop fucking thinking about it.

His hips slam into yours while his hand covers your mouth to keep you quiet. Your eyes roll back in pleasure. No matter what, you’re lost in the feeling of him inside you, the sweet stretch and how his jaw is clenched hard to keep his own noises at bay. You want to feel him everywhere, to truly lose yourself in the moment.

You wrap your legs around his waist to get him closer, and he curses a little louder than he should—

“You okay?” Chenle’s voice startles you so much, you jump and let out a loud gasp.

“Fuck, why would you sneak up on me like that?” You try to focus on this Chenle, and not the one you’d been thinking about two seconds ago. Your body is on fire, and all you can do is hope everyone leaves soon.

“I…I didn’t.” He chuckles.

As soon as his fingertips graze your arm, you stop breathing. Your gaze darts down to the contact and you gulp. “What are you doing?”

“Uh, nothing? Are you okay? What’s gotten into you today?” He retracts his touch, concern flashing across the deep brown color of his eyes.

“I think I’m getting sick or something.” You scratch your forehead. “Sorry if I’m being weird.”

The next thing you know, he’s stepping closer to you. Your back is pressed into the countertop, and he slowly lifts his hand to press the back of it to your forehead. You try to control your breathing, but it’s no use.

“Hm,” Chenle murmurs. “You feel hot. You should go lay down and get some rest.”

That alone has embarrassment traveling through you at the speed of light. What the fuck is happening right now? He’s much too close, smells too good, and his voice is making your insides flutter.

“I…” You clear your throat and pull him away by his wrist. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

You grab your water bottle and practically run away from him, not stopping to acknowledge the rest of your friends as you travel the distance to your room. Closing the door behind you, you rest your back against it and let out a shaky breath. You pat your cheeks, trying hard to force it all out of your mind.

You can’t want Chenle right now. It’s severely inconvenient.

To be honest, you’re not even sure how it got this bad. How you got to the point where being around him has you on fire, craving to take off everything you’re wearing and cool yourself down.

You crawl into your bed instead, lying flat on your back and staring up at the ceiling. Mark’s obnoxious laugh sounds from the living room, but you try to tune everyone out. You don’t realize your hand resting on your lower abdomen until Chenle comes barrelling back into your thoughts.

“You gonna be good for me?” he murmurs, kissing your shoulder and breathing you in.

“Yes,” you say.

“Good girl.” His lips press against your jawline. “Can you show me? Show me how you want me to touch you, baby.”

You curse under your breath, the heat finally becoming too much. The stickiness between your legs is humiliating with your friends really only a few feet away, but you can’t find it within yourself to care. You lift your hips and quickly remove your shorts.

“Don’t be shy now,” Chenle scolds you, grabbing your wrist and guiding it down. “How else do I learn what you like, huh?”

You slide your hand beneath your panties, biting down hard on your bottom lip as you come in contact with your clit. A whine gets stuck in your throat, and you dip just a bit lower to gather wetness from your entrance. You pant, your arousal easily coating your fingers.

“Don’t rush.” His voice fills your ears, resonating deep inside you. “Make yourself feel good. Mean it.”

As your fingers make it back to your throbbing bud, you look at him. He sits on his knees, gaze locked on your core. He seems just as impatient as you—his hips rock his cock into his fist as he watches you.

“You’re so fucking wet. Little slut wants my cock that bad?”

“Yes.” You don’t mean to let it slip out for real, but the fast, tight circles have you lost in the clouds.

“Bet I’d make that tight little cunt feel better than you could, huh?”

“Fuck me.” You’re basically pleading at this point. “Fuck, I need it so bad.”

You lift your hips up, desperate for more. Your other hand grips the pillowcase next to your head. Pleasure tingles up your spine as you give yourself some much needed relief. Whispering curses under your breath, you allow yourself to slip two fingers inside. He’s right—yours would never compare to his. So long, so precise, so able to take you places you’ve never been before.

“I’ll give it to you soon,” he whispers, strained. “I need to see you cum first. Make a mess for me so I know you’re ready for my cock.”

You have no fucking clue what it is, but Chenle always has you cumming fast. As you pump your fingers inside, you use your other hand to stimulate your clit. Butterflies flutter in your stomach.

“So fucking desperate. Bet you want me to cum inside, don’t you? Fuck you full of my cum and watch it spill out.”

Just a little more, that’s all you need. You mutter his name quietly, refraining from whining as your hips buck.

“It’s okay, baby, I know you need me.” Chenle’s lips brush yours as slowly rocks against you. Your walls stretch so perfectly around him, you think you’ll go crazy. He lets out a curse when you dig your nails into his back, wreaking havoc on his skin.

God, you swear if you close your eyes and think hard enough, you can feel it. Your stomach twists and turns, and your high approaches way faster than you’d like. You want to savor him and all he has to offer.

You call his name, your body matching his every movement. Sweat covers both of you, sticking your chests together as his tongue wrestles with yours. He pulls away to meet your gaze and stares at you through hazy, clouded eyes.

He releases his grip on your hand, and you immediately lift it from where he pinned it on the mattress to his hair. When you tangle your fingers in it, he gasps, his hips stuttering against yours. He lets out a shuddering breath as he reaches down to thumb your clit, his forehead dropping onto your neck. Your entire being vibrates from being touched by him. It doesn’t take long for you to reach your high, your walls clamping down as you quickly bite down on his shoulder to muffle yourself.

The moan that leaves his lips is high pitched, short, and mixed with a few pretty curse words, and his hips buck one more time before he spills inside you. You clench your eyes shut as the two of you take a moment to regulate yourselves.

When you open them, you’re met with your ceiling instead of a sweaty, blissed out Chenle. You sigh in disappointment, but remove your fingers and try to recuperate your oxygen. You let yourself rest for a second, and then you’re swinging your legs over the side of your bed. Even the mere thought of Chenle doing those things to you has your legs tingling, almost uncomfortable to walk on as you make your way over to your dresser.

Once you change into a clean pair of panties and slide your shorts back on, you go into the bathroom and wash your hands. You look into the mirror and gulp, letting different thoughts take over.

Your towel is wrapped tightly around you as you walk back into your room, surprised to find Chenle still scrolling on his phone in your bed. Heart caught in your chest, you blink away your shock. “You’re still here.”

“Do I seem like someone who would leave after something like that?” He quirks an eyebrow at you, letting his screen fade to black before he tosses it on the bedside table. “C’mon, now, you should know me better than that.”

“I…” You clear your throat and scratch your forehead.

“Do you want me to go?” he asks. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything. I just thought…”

“No, no,” you interrupt him. “Of course not. It’s…different, though. This is us.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, it is.”

“Okay.” You nod, almost as if convincing yourself. “We can still…be us.”

“We can,” he confirms.

You splash some water on your face to get yourself to stop thinking about him. Nothing good will ever come from it. When you’re back in your room, you check your phone. A single notification is on the screen from Chenle. Embarrassment floods through you as you type a response, unable to shake how this is the man that had your legs shaking less than ten minutes ago. Not that he had to do anything to make it that way.

You slap a hand to your forehead. Guilt replaces your embarrassment. Chenle is a sweet guy, and always looks out for you as much as he can. You shouldn’t be lying to him like this.

His typing bubble comes up and disappears several times, like he’s debating on what he should say to that. He wants to take care of you. You shouldn’t let that mean this much to you, but you can’t help it. Finally, your phone dings with his response.

Being alone with Chenle makes you more nervous than you’d care to admit. You pace until you hear the knock on your door. The rest of the apartment is silent as you quickly make your way over to let him in. Of course, tonight was the night Renjun had to leave you alone.

You take a deep breath before allowing him inside. His form takes up the doorway, the darkness cascading over his features and making him that much more defined. You step out of his way, and he walks in without hesitation. He sets the plastic bag on the counter, but doesn’t look at you even as you approach.

“You really didn’t have to.”

“I know,” he says. “I wanted to.”

“Why?”

He shrugs.

“Chenle.”

“It’s a family recipe,” he replies, pushing the bag toward you. “I won’t stay, but make sure you eat it, alright?”

“I don’t have a fever,” you insist.

“Can you stop being so stubborn?” He frowns as he turns to you, his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on with you lately?”

“With me?”

“Yeah. You don’t even want to be in the same room as me. Did I do something?” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I came up to you in the kitchen earlier and you acted like I’m the scariest person alive. So, was it me? What happened to make you so uncomfortable with being alone with me?”

You let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t want to do this right now. It’s past midnight and, according to you, I’m sick.”

“Alright.” His annoyance pulls his lips tightly together. “You’re going next week, right?”

You chew the inside of your cheek and nod. “Of course.”

“Cool. I guess I’ll see you then.” He doesn’t let you say another word before he leaves, and as soon as the door closes behind him, you let out a long sigh.What the hell are you supposed to do? He brings you food when you’re sick, texts you to make sure you’re okay, and is always conveniently timed in all of it. You push that thought away. The last thing you need is more to think about.

From the car, you and Renjun can hear the music from inside the house. You look the property up and down. People are everywhere, and you suddenly feel way too overwhelmed to actually go inside.

“Before we get out,” Renjun starts. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You and Chenle.”

“Well, that’s not a question.”

He glares at you. “So he shares his location with me, and the other night, I clicked on his contact so I could give Jaemin his number. He was at our place and I definitely watched him leave before I did.”

“Yeah, and? Chenle and I are friends.” You stare back blankly.

“Come on.” He sighs. “You were basically ready to pounce on him from across the room, and then he comes back after everyone is gone?”

“Pouncing across the room is a little crazy, Jun.” You roll your eyes. “I promise you, I didn’t do anything with Chenle that night. I wasn’t feeling well and he came back to give me soup.”

He pauses. “In the middle of the night?”

“I can literally show you the text messages. And I solemnly swear I did not fuck nor intend to fuck Chenle.” You purse your lips and give him a pointed look. “Can we go inside now?”

“If you like him, you can tell me. We’re friends, you know.”

“Like Chenle?” Your voice raises a few pitches. “Renjun, this is ridiculous. Let’s just go.”

“And you should know, he wouldn’t just leave his house in the middle of the night without a reason. So, you being a little sick must be a really big deal to him.” Renjun covers his chuckle with a fake cough. “But yeah, let’s go.”

It’s been decided. You need a drink.

As you walk through the door, your phone buzzes in your pocket.

You send a quick glance over to your roommate, only to find him already deep in conversation with Jeno. Using that as your opportunity, you head to the direction of the kitchen, hoping you’ll find it in this giant house.

Chenle’s laugh sounds over the music, and you snort as you continue your path. You walk in, and Jaemin throws back a shot of…some mysterious liquid while Chenle and Karina grimace at him. His face scrunches up and a loud groan passes by his lips as he shakes his head.

“That shit is strong.” Jaemin fakes a gag and immediately grabs a can of Sprite to use as his chaser. “Disgusting.”

Chenle sees you first and smiles, and your heart plummets into your stomach. You’re not used to feeling this way around him, not really, but after the other night, everything feels awkward. Maybe he somehow secretly knows what you did.

He beckons you over, immediately grabbing another empty cup and mixes you a drink. You pause, blinking at him. He knows what your favorite is, and you have to wonder how.

Instead of standing next to Chenle, you take Karina’s other side and accept the cup. His smile falters but he doesn’t let it show for too long. Soon enough, he’s back to making fun of Jaemin.

Jisung peeks into the room, waving the four of you down. “You guys. Truth or dare. Living room. Now.”

“For fucks sake.” You sigh, and before you follow Jisung, you grab the bottle from Chenle and dump more alcohol into your drink.

You’re gonna need it.

The good thing about playing this game with your friends is that if you don’t want to answer, you just have to take a shot. Knowing Renjun, he’ll try to do something to make you admit the truth, and you can’t let that happen.

“Okay, drink penalty is two shots per skipped question,” Donghyuck starts. “Three if you skip a dare.”

There’s a devilish gleam in Renjun’s eyes from where he sits across from you, and all you know is you’re in for a whole new world of mental torture.

“I’ll start.” Renjun raises his hand.

“Cool.” Donghyuck replies. “Have at it.”

“Chenle,” Renjun says, making his selection quickly. “Truth or dare?”

“Me first?” Chenle inhales through his teeth. “I don’t trust you. Truth.”

“When’s the last time you got laid?”

Chenle visibly recoils, scratching the top of his head. “Wow, that’s crazy. I don’t know, a couple weeks ago?”

You don’t allow yourself to have a reaction to that. How can you?

“Jaemin.” He points to the pink haired man across from him.

“Dare. Obviously.”

“I dare you to remove one article of clothing every time someone skips a question.” Chenle grins.

“Sure.” Jaemin shrugs in response. “Easy. Mark, what about you?”

“Truth. Your dares are ridiculous.”

The night goes on like that, and eventually, Renjun is asking you the dreaded question.

You roll your eyes, but pick dare. Mistake.

“I dare you to kiss whoever you think the most attractive person is.”

You turn to Jaemin. “Looks like you’re finally taking your shirt off.” You grab the bottle of alcohol and the shot glass, much to Renjun’s dismay.

As you lift the first one to your lips, you catch Chenle’s gaze. His eyes are narrowed as you throw the first back and cringe. While Renjun refills the glass, you and Chenle are in a staring match, almost like he wants to know who you would’ve picked.

Renjun hands you the alcohol. “I’m trying to help you, you know.”

“I don’t need help,” you shoot back. “Stop helping.”

It doesn’t take long after your third for you to feel it, the room spinning slowly as you fight to pay attention to the game. Jaemin found that his shoes counted as an article of clothing, so all he’s got left are his pants, underwear, and one sock.

“Chenle, truth or dare?” Mark asks.

“Dare.” A chorus of ooh’s flood after Chenle says it.

When Renjun leans over to whisper something to Mark, you almost groan out loud.

Mark turns his attention back to Chenle. “Pick one of the girls, and they have to sit on your lap for the rest of the night. If they say no, you have to do the three shots.”

With the alcohol raging through your system, you wouldn’t have the energy to pretend you don’t want that to be you. You won’t hesitate to climb over, despite that being the last thing you should do.

He looks at you, his eyes dancing over your figure before he beckons you over with a single nod. He’s already done his fair share of passing on truths this round, so there’s no way you’re making him take three more shots. He’d be cooked.

Giving yourself a mental pep talk, you shuffle over to him. You hesitate about actually getting on top of him, but he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arm tightly around your waist and pull you as close as he can get you. All you hope is that the catch of your breath isn’t noticeable.

In the split second you look back at him, your gaze travels down to his lips. He’s so close, but you know you have to stop. You can’t let this happen right now. But as soon as you feel the warmth of his body pressed to yours, your thoughts run rampant all over again. It takes every ounce of barely existent willpower to get you to turn towards the group again.

“Relax.” Chenle’s breath tickles your ear as his arms wrap around your midriff. “They want a reaction.”

“How do you—”

“Jaemin, truth or dare?” Chenle ignores whatever question you were about to ask, and your shoulders slump.

A few more rounds pass, and Renjun asks you if you’re interested in anyone. Drunk you can’t lie, so you take two more shots. You shift on top of Chenle to get your shots, and he loosens his grip a bit to give you more room. Without hesitation, you throw the shots back and watch as Jaemin pulls his sock off.

As you take your spot on Chenle’s lap again, you move to try and get comfortable. He holds you still suddenly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I’m drunk and you’re just moving and I can’t help it—”

“What are you—” And then you feel it.

“Please don’t freak out,” he says, panicking. “They’ll all know and I’ll literally never live this down. If you want to move, just…do it fast.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him. “Relax.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t pick when it does that.” You shrug. “If I move, will they see it?”

“Um, yeah.” He gulps. “It depends on if they’re sober enough to look, I guess.”

“Next time one of us gets the chance, we’ll just…dare the other something to get us out of here,” you suggest.

“Us?” he mutters, and you feel his breath shudder against your neck.

“Is it really just because you’re drunk?” you ask.

Before he has the opportunity to respond, Renjun’s voice catches you off guard. “(Y/N), truth or dare?”

“Dare.” You grip Chenle’s arm tightly.

“I dare you to kiss Chenle.”

You immediately think of the three shots you’ll have to take if you skip this one. Rolling your eyes, you decide you’ll show your friend up this time. You turn around so you’re straddling Chenle’s lap instead. The hard bulge in his sweats presses right against your core, and you swear you’re going to lose your fucking mind.

“Is this okay?” you ask him, shamelessly staring at his lips.

“God, yes.” He tangles his fingers in your hair and pulls you in, his mouth meeting yours harshly. You have to keep reminding yourself not to grind against him.

Your core throbs with want, and you’re sure your panties are ruined at this point. The only thing that pulls you away from the man beneath you is the woops and hollers of your friend group. The tips of your ears burn as you realize what you’ve just done, but you want to get him out of there now more than ever.

“Chenle,” you say, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Truth or dare?”

His fingers are still in your hair, like any shame the two of you would’ve felt is out of sight. He wets his lips. “Dare.”

“Come upstairs with me.”

The uproar around you almost drowns out Chenle’s question.

“Are you sure?” he whispers. “Even if we don’t do anything, they’re gonna think—”

“Stop worrying so much. Walk close behind me so they don’t see.”

Chenle glances up at the ceiling like he’s contemplating his options. Before long, he’s nodding. You carefully lift yourself off his lap, and the two of you stand at the same time. While you’re in front of him, the bulge in his pants is undeniable, and you almost grin in triumph. As he leads you through the group with your back basically pressed to his chest, you glare at Renjun, who smiles widely as if he’s won or something.

He leads you up the stairs and down a hallway, stopping at one of the doors in the middle. “This is where I stay whenever I drink too much.”

“So open the door, then.”

“You need to decide what you want right now,” he says, scanning over you. “If all of that was to save me from the embarrassment of our friends seeing how you made my dick hard, you don’t have to come in here.”

“If you knew half the shit I’ve thought about when it comes to you, I think you’d stop talking to me.” You let out an airy chuckle. “Open the door, Chenle.”

He does, gesturing for you to walk in first. You don’t even take a second to admire the room, because as soon as the outside world is blocked off, you pull his wrist until he’s pressed against you.

“You think about me?” He tilts his head. “What kind of things?”

“I’m not the one who popped a boner just from me sitting on your lap. Do you have some thoughts you’d like to share?”

“Oh, come on, now.” He narrows his eyes and weaves his fingers through your hair to tug your head back. “I fucking know you’re soaked. The way you kissed me out there? Whatever way you’ve thought about me must be…”

“Why tell you when I can show you?” You lean up, his lips brushing yours.

His chest rises and falls rapidly, his grip tightening as he kisses you and walks you backwards. The back of your knees hit the mattress, and he lets you fall onto it. When he moves to climb over you, you spread your legs to accommodate him. His mouth is back on yours in an instant, his hands everywhere.

“Need you so fucking bad,” he groans against you. “You drive me fucking crazy.”

You roll your hips up, and as his hands slide under your shirt, the rest of the night gets blurred.

When you wake up, you’re surprised to find your headache isn’t that bad. At first, as you’re staring at the ceiling, you forget what happened yesterday.

But then you feel the warmth of Chenle’s body next to you, his bare skin lighting fires on yours. He looks like an angel while he sleeps, but you feel an overwhelming urge to run. This wasn’t how you wanted it to happen. At the end of the day, you’ve wanted him for a long time, to the point where you’d created versions of him in your head.

The Chenle you daydreamed about is not the one in front of you, but you wonder how similar they could be.

You wish you could remember last night–the way he felt inside you, how he treated your body. All of that waiting to not even remember what it felt like.

You carefully remove his arm from around you and gather up the courage to get out of bed. As quietly as possible, you dress yourself and make your way to the door. With your hand on the handle, you blink at his sleeping form. You wonder briefly if he’ll remember the events from last night, if he’ll remember it was you, and if he’ll be upset you’re leaving.

The thought is quickly squandered and shoved away, and you leave him curled in his sheets like an angel. You sigh as you make your way down the stairs. Whatever peace you may have known within your silent daydreams are gone, considering your entire friend group watched you go upstairs with him last night. You and Chenle had been friends for years, but you’ve always wanted him in more ways than you’d let everyone think. Years worth of daydreams and hopes and wishes led to some form of delusion where you felt like you knew him cosmically.

Now you’ve done exactly what you’ve craved for so long, but it doesn’t feel right. And even though you feel like you know him, you only know the idea of him, truly. A made up version in your head that has you all kinds of fucked up.

You curse under your breath, letting your eyes roll as you blink back tears. The kitchen comes into view, and you’re surprised to be met by Jaemin and Renjun, too.

“Well, well, well.” Jaemin tsks, narrowing his eyes. “Are you sneaking away from the man of the hour?”

“Sneaking away is a little strong,” you mutter. “Renjun, you drove.”

“I figured you’d be wrapped up all day.” Your roommate pouts.

You glare at him. “Could you stop that? And get your ass out of this house so you can take me home? I need to shower.”

“I’m sure Chenle wouldn’t mind if you—”

“Renjun.”

The serious tone of your voice has both Renjun and Jaemin losing their smiles. They exchange glances, and then your roommate grabs his keys and follows you out of the front.

“Is everything okay?” Renjun asks once you get in the car.

“I—” You sigh. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just feel…sticky, and I’d like to shower and change my clothes.”

“Does he know?”

“Know what?”

“That you left.” He raises an eyebrow at you.

You gulp, wondering if it would’ve been so bad if you’d stayed until he woke up.

But it would’ve. You’re closer to him than he’ll ever be with you, and you have your own mind to thank for that. You’ve imagined late night trysts, laughing with him over nothing, kissing him just because you felt like it. If you’re going to let yourself cross a physical line with him in the real world, how the hell do you build something with someone you’ve already mentally created an entire home with in your head?

“He likes you, you know.” Renjun taps his fingers on the steering wheel, but his eyes are locked on the road. “He wouldn’t have slept with you otherwise. And this is just gonna make him think you don’t like him back, and literally everyone knows you do.”

“It was…all wrong, okay? And I can’t even remember it, so does it even count for anything?”

“So…you left?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” You shake your head, cross your arms over your chest, and stare out the window. “I’m sure he’ll bring it up.”

As soon as you get home, you get in the shower. You mentally chastise yourself the whole time, and then you get out and change your clothes. Logically, Chenle would be up by now, and he’d notice you were gone. You don’t even want to look at your phone. None of it even has to do with him—you’re just not ready to shatter the image of who he is in your head. What if he’s nothing like the Chenle you’ve created?

But when you grab your phone, you have no notifications on your screen. You swallow hard, knowing that in attempting to save your precious image of him, you might’ve hurt him by leaving him alone.

The Chenle from your head would’ve rushed over the second he realized you were gone. You lay on your bed, grab one of your pillows, and cradle it to your chest as you stare at the wall. How do you explain you’re in love with a man that’s not real? That you’ve made him into someone he’s not and spun stories upon stories that he’ll never actually share with you?

A knock sounds at your door.

“Go away, Renjun,” you grumble, still facing the opposite direction.

It opens anyway.

“Does Renjun usually come to your room a lot?” Chenle’s voice startles you from your fetal position, and you drop your pillow as you whip around to face him.

His shoulder presses into the doorframe and his arms are crossed over his chest. A different pair of sweats clings to his hips, and a simple, long black T-shirt covers his upper half.

“Why do you look so surprised?” he asks. “Did I tell you I wanted you to leave?”

“Chenle, I—”

“Do you regret it? Is that why you left? I’m just trying to figure this out because, at the very least, I don’t want things to be weird between us. So, let’s talk about it.”

“Aren’t things already weird?” You bring your knees up to your chest.

“Well, they were. And I kind of figured that’s what resulted in last night. It doesn’t matter what happens at the end of the conversation as long as we’re good, okay? I’m not expecting anything from you except for us not imploding our friend group.” He taps his foot on the ground.

“Okay.” You take a deep breath and pat the spot next to you. “Close the door.”

He does as you ask and then takes the spot next to you, keeping his hands flat on his thighs. Staring forward, he can’t seem to sit still.

“Do you have something you’d like to say?” You tilt your head. “You seem nervous.”

“I just—I guess I just really want to know why you left.” He laughs at himself. “Not even for my ego purposes, but…did you not like it? Was it bad for you?”

You scratch your forehead and scrunch your face up. “To be honest, I don’t remember any of it.”

Realization dawns on him, and his cheeks paint a gentle pink as he averts his gaze from yours.

“We were drunk, Lele, I didn’t forget on purpose.” You want him to say whatever it is on his mind. He looks like he’s biting his tongue.

“No, I know that.” He nods. “It was kind of a big deal for me. Not that I’m trying to make you feel bad or anything because that’s also not your fault, but I…I really like you, (Y/N). So, that was…real for me, I guess.”

His confession takes you off guard, despite Renjun already telling you. You created a perfect version of Chenle in your mind, but never for a moment did you believe he might live up to those expectations. Now, you’re not sure.

“Drunk or not, I wouldn’t have slept with you if I didn’t like you, too, you know.” You nudge his shoulder. “It was a lot. And I was pissed at myself for not remembering it.”

“Yeah, I’d probably be freaked out if I didn’t remember.” He pauses. “Are you okay? If I’d known that would happen, I wouldn’t have—”

“Relax,” you reassure him. “It’s embarrassing how long I’ve wanted to do that. Even more embarrassing that it actually happened and I have no clue if I made a fool of myself.”

He clears his throat, eyebrows jumping up. “You did not.”

“Well, in that case, everything is right in the world.” You shrug.

“So…” Chenle sighs. “What now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do we do from here? Are we…a thing? Is that what you want?”

His fingers trail up and down your spine, his eyes meeting yours through the darkness. He’s gentle with you, and the brush of his skin on yours is almost too soft to feel. With every blink, his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks, and you trace over his features mentally. You stare at him, the stillness of the room around you making him that much more heavenly.

“I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers, pulling you closer. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that, but I think I am.”

In order to be with this Chenle, you have to let the one in your head go. But how can you do that? How do you erase complete storylines?

“I think I need some time.” You inhale slowly. “It’s a lot all at once, and I just need to make sure it’s a good decision—”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” he says, putting his hand on your knee. “I get it. Do whatever you need to do, and I’ll obviously respect whatever you decide.”

“You okay?” he whispers, pulling you closer. “You seem sad today.”

“I’m never sad when I’m with you.”

“I…I’ll see you around, okay?” He doesn’t do well at hiding his hurt and disappointment, and while that tears you apart, you need to figure out if this is something you’re willing to risk. The perfect image of him might shatter, and is that really fair to either of you?

You place your hand on top of his and nod, finally looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Lele.”

“I promise, it’s okay. I get it.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m here for you if you need anything. Seriously.”

His words sink in, and your stomach twists.

“You know I’m here for you if you need anything,” Chenle tells you, brushing your hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to be alone anymore. Not when I’m here.”

“You scare me,” you admit to him. “Falling for you scares me.”

“I’d be more worried if you weren’t scared.” He laughs and leans back against your couch, spreading his arms across the back.

“Come on,” you deadpan.

“How about you relax a little? C’mere.” He beckons you closer. “I’ll show you how nice it is to be with someone.”

At this point, it all feels real. Every thought you’ve manufactured about him has become so real to you, you can’t fathom the Chenle sitting in front of you isn’t the same person.

He leans forward and presses his lips to your cheek, but within the blink of an eye, he’s standing up and walking away from you. If your vision didn’t blur, you wouldn’t notice the tears welling in your eyes. It feels like the end. The end of a beginning you never really had, but you know something has to happen. You have to figure your own shit out before you can even think about him.

They’re the same person, but an overwhelming feeling of guilt takes over. You’re lying to him. Both versions of him, actually. And now you’ve got yourself caught up in the real world with no way to explain why you can’t move forward with him. How do you tell him it’s because he’s not who you pictured him to be?

But how do you know that if you never give him the opportunity?

You bury your head in your pillow and scream. The answer would come sooner or later.

When you fall asleep that night, the answer comes quicker than you thought it would. You fade into your dream world, which is the only time you get with him uninterrupted. These always feel so…real.

Dreams and imagined thoughts become fact, reality. Where do you draw the line?

His form is warm next to you, but here, fear doesn’t exist. You curl closer to him. He hums in content and kisses the top of your head.

“What’s going on?” he mumbles, voice deep with sleep. “You okay?”

“I don’t know.” You inhale shakily. “Why does this feel real?”

“What? Because it is.” Laughter intertwines with his voice, but your irritation sets in. Now your delusion has a mind of its own.

You sit up in the bed, looking over at him. “Chenle, I’m serious. We both know this is all fake.”

“The love isn’t fake. The admiration and the way we want each other. You didn’t want to sleep alone, and this was a safe option. What’s changing your mind?”

“You.” After a brief pause, you drop your head into your hands. “The real you. No matter what I do, if I stick around here, I still wake up alone. I don’t have anything without this, and this is barely even…”

“I can’t tell you what to do,” Chenle replies. He reaches over and intertwines his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb against you. “Do what you think is right. If you don’t give him the opportunity to prove himself, you’ll be stuck here. If you do, and he fucks it up, you can always come back. I’ll always be there for you.”

“That’s the problem, I think.” You furrow your eyebrows and shake your head. “As long as I know you’re here, I’m never going to want him. It’ll always be you.”

“Then you know what you need to do.”

“I’m scared.”

“That’s natural. He’s not going to hurt you. He loves you.” This version of Chenle is so soft with you. So gentle. So overly cognizant of everything going through your head.

Because you created him. Because he knows every corner of your brain.

Expecting the real Chenle to be this way is…unfair, to say the least. He’s separate from you.

“But we—” Your voice breaks. “If I do that, you’ll be gone. Everything we had will be gone.”

“We don’t have anything, (Y/N). You know that. Don’t let him slip away because you’re scared he won’t live up to expectations. Go, and love him. You deserve to be happy.”

He wipes away the tear that falls down your cheek with his thumb, a small smile gracing his features as he regards you with all the care in the world.

“I’m so sorry.” You sigh and pull him away by his wrist. Quickly, you press your lips to his forehead and hug him. “Thank you for everything. But I have to let you go now. I can’t believe I’ve let it go on this long…it feels like I already have a life with him. Like all of this is real and he’s waiting for me to admit it, too.”

“Thoughts don’t make you a bad person. Wanting someone doesn’t make you evil. Not giving them the opportunity to love you back does. Don’t think of all of this as a vow to him, but a vow to yourself. You know what you need, and you shouldn’t accept anything else.” His gaze travels over your face. “Let me go. It’s okay.”

Your jaw quivers as you will reality back in. As you watch this perfect, handmade version of the man you love dissipate right in front of your eyes. He gives you a reassuring smile as he fades into nothing, and your heart pangs as you see the same thing happen in all of the memories you forged.

You’re free. And that can only mean one thing.

You give yourself a week of space from Chenle. Any version of him. In that time, you find the one created in your head doesn’t appear nearly as often. On the seventh night, you’re alone, staring up at your ceiling while trying to sleep.

At times like these, you’d usually depend on the man you crafted, but the longer you’re away from him, the more you crave the real version. He admitted he likes you, and all you have to do is tell him you feel the same. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Your phone tells you it’s just past midnight. You throw your blanket off of you, and you don’t even change out before you’re preparing to leave your house. Maybe showing up at his place at this hour with soft pink shorts and a matching shirt would introduce some problems, but you don’t care about any of them.

His lights are still on when you pull into his driveway. You give yourself one last mental pep talk, and then you’re launching out of your seat and approaching him for the first time in a week. You knock on his door. Inside is silent, so you pace while you wait for him to let you in.

He opens it, blinking in shock at you. Everything about him is so simple right now, and you might like him best like this. A thin, silver chain is clasped around his neck, dipping beneath the neckline of his oversized T-shirt.

“It’s freezing outside,” he scolds you, pulling you into the house. “Are you alright? You didn’t tell me you were—”

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him. He lets out a short gasp, but he quickly recuperates and gives you back everything tenfold. His hand lies flat on the small of your back as he presses you as close to him as he can. He spins you around and walks you back until you’re between him and the wall.

You don’t realize the force behind the action, but something around you clatters to the floor.

“Shit,” he groans as he pulls away from you.

When he looks over his shoulder, you peek past him, and find Jaemin, Karina, and Renjun staring at you with wide eyes. Your face burns as you drop your forehead against Chenle’s chest.

“I…yeah, they’re here right now.” He lets out a breathless chuckle. “I would’ve told you, but…you know.”

“Actually, we’re about to head out.” Jaemin clears his throat. “Like don’t let us interrupt anything. Karina was just saying how tired she was, and Renjun really doesn’t like being out this late anyway. So we’ll…see you guys tomorrow. Or not. Depending on how tonight works out. But it looks like she’s a woman on a mission so—”

“Jaemin, shut the hell up.” Karina glares at him.

“Right. Bye!” Jaemin giggles as the three of them exit, leaving you and Chenle alone to bask in whatever the hell this aftermath is.

“You—you’re here.” Chenle leans away from you to catch your eyes. “Are you okay? Sorry, they probably made that awkward.”

“I’m okay. Great, actually. I…I thought about it, about us, and I want to try. As long as that’s what you still want.”

You fidget with your hands, and he reaches down to stop you. Intertwining his fingers with yours, he grants you a soft smile.

“Of course, I still want that. I’ve liked you for so long, I’m not gonna randomly stop now.” He pulls you in for a hug, breathing you in.

When the two of you move away from each other, you can’t help the way your gaze naturally locks on his mouth. Nothing compares to the feeling of them on yours. You cup his cheek, and the next thing you know, both of you are leaning in.

He stops just before your lips brush. “You’re sober this time, yeah?”

“Seriously?” You push at his chest. “Of course, I am.”

A smile breaks out on his face, and he cuts his chuckle off by kissing you. You mold into his body and sigh against him when you feel his hand on your lower back. A shaky breath escapes you as his palms travel downward, squeezing your ass before reaching your thighs. With his unspoken hint, you allow him to lift you up, and then he’s taking you down the hall.

Before you’re even in his bedroom, he’s putting you down and sliding beneath your shirt, pulling the silky fabric over your head. He pauses at the sight of your bare breasts, immediately leaning down to latch his lips to your collarbone. You sigh and grab the hem of his T-shirt.

“Tell me how it was last time,” you whisper, the ache between your legs already too much to bear. “Was it good?”

“So fucking good,” he confirms, dragging his lips up your pulse to kiss your jaw. “I laid you down on the edge of the bed and made you cum on my tongue. Did you know how much you fucking squirm?”

You press your thighs together. “Chenle…”

“You were so wet when I fucked you.” He pushes your shorts down. “How long were you waiting for that moment? Hm?”

“Why don’t we do it all again?” You grab his hand and guide it between your legs. He easily complies, his fingers finding your clit through your panties.

You grind down against the pressure he barely applies, throwing your head back at the sensation. He nips on your neck before sliding the embarrassingly wet fabric away from your core. Two of his long fingers stretch you open, and you can’t help the moan that falls from your lips.

You don’t know how you possibly could’ve forgotten this last time, because you certainly never will now. His palm hits your clit with every thrust of his hand, and your brain quickly turns fully focused on finding a way to reach euphoria.

“So wet for me again,” he mumbles. “So fucking perfect.”

You grab at his wrist to get him to remove his fingers, and then you’re turning him around and pushing him to sit on the edge of the mattress. Like you’ve lost every sense of control, you climb onto his lap, tugging at his shirt. He finally takes it off while you work on pulling his sweats down enough to get his cock out.

“You gonna ride me?” He grips your ass and squeezes. “Gonna show me how bad you want me?”

“Is that okay?”

“Of course.” He moves his hands to your hips and lowers you a bit more on his lap.

You reach down and line him up with your entrance, watching as he inhales in anticipation. Sinking all the way down, you whine at the feeling of him stretching your inner walls.

“Pretty pussy’s all mine,” he murmurs, rocking his hips up. “Wanted me so much you can’t even wait ‘til I make you cum first.”

Your body urges you to move. Nothing is enough to satiate this growing urge except for him. You slowly lift up to tentatively sit back down, and then you hold on to his shoulders, keeping a steady pace in how fast you take him. His eyes grow hazy at the pleasure, and he digs his nails into your skin. Everything else in the world disappears as he stretches you out, as he reaches a deep spot inside you that has you crying out.

Short, low moans leave his lips as he thrusts up harder, leaving your body shaking in his grasp. Nobody has ever made you feel the way he does. Your thighs begin to ache from your increased pace, but when he reaches down to rub circles on your clit, you easily forget the burning sensation.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” His eyes roll slightly, but he’s determined to keep his pace. “You gonna cum for me? C’mon, baby, squeeze my cock.”

Your speed increases more, but your movements are more erratic, chasing a high that’s so, so close to you. He leans forward and wraps his lips around your nipple, and flicks it with his tongue.

Your orgasm hits you like a truck, and as you spasm on top of him, you attempt to keep your pace. Curses spew from his mouth, and he wraps his arm around you to flip you onto your back. He puts your legs on his shoulders and grips onto your hips. His skin slaps against yours and despite your overstimulation, he finds your throbbing, sensitive bud again as he thrusts hard enough for the bed to join you in crying out.

“That’s it, baby,” he groans. Strands of his hair stick to his forehead in sweat, but he doesn’t relent. “Almost there. You can give me one more.”

You whine his name, squirming wildly until you feel another knot tying deep inside you. He stretches you to your limits, and never fails to reach that spot that has your eyes rolling back.

His eyebrows furrow in concentration as the bed squeaks unforgivingly below you. He moves your legs and turns you to the side, digging his nails into your thigh as he picks up his speed. His hips smack into you so hard, your whines and moans are loud and distorted from the movements.

He thrusts into you one more time before he spills his load. You’re both panting. Shock courses through you at the course of events, but you fucking loved it. He pulls out slowly, guiding you onto your back.

He pushes his sweats all the way down but settles his cock back in his boxers. Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to your cheek.

“I’ll be right back. Gonna grab something to clean you up.” He heads toward his bathroom and leaves you on his mattress.

You’re asleep before he even comes back.

When you wake up, you’re staring at your own ceiling, in your place in your own bed. Disappointment weighs heavily on your shoulders, but you know exactly what this is. The emptiness on the other side of your bed proves to you all you needed to know—It’s getting pathetic at this point.

There’s an ache between your thighs from the aftermath of the dream, but since you’ll be meeting up with everyone later, you’d feel bad for taking care of yourself at the thought of one of your closest friends railing you.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it?

Soon enough, you'll confuse yourself between the fantasy you've built in your brain and the real world. You’ve never actually touched him, not really. So, at the end of the day, is there anything to be guilty about?

But that thought does more damage than it helps. It’s not going to work out for you, and you’ll always be here, Chenle heavy on your mind, all while you’re guilty as sin.

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