one of the most frustrating things to hear when you're suicidal is "you don't really want to kill yourself." you have to be ready to hear that, and 99% of the time, you wont be. the truth of the statement comes in a way that people don't hear followed up as often (a shame), which is "- you just want a different life." you don't really want to kill yourself, you just want a different life.

i think that clicked with me, almost. i still wasn't ready to hear it, i rolled my eyes, but it made its home in my brain, for the moment i'd be ready.

it's 50/50, coz sometimes the things that make you wanna kill yourself are things that cannot be changed-- or at least, not changed easily. you have to jump that huge hurdle before something changes most of the time. break up with that abusive partner, move out of your parents' house, quit that job, drop out of college.

it didn't fully click for me until i woke up from my 3-day coma, after a suicide attempt. i felt what it was like to be dead, and i realized, hey, i don't want to do that. i want to live. i just needed things to be better. i haven't been suicidal since.

so maybe things suck a lot, maybe it'd be really, really hard to get to the point in life where you feel it's worth living. maybe it'd take moving out, maybe it'd take a near-death experience, maybe it'd take risking leaving that abusive partner. it's not easy no matter what you have to do.

but you don't really want to kill yourself, you just want a different life. remember: we love you, always have, always will. and if it helps; you will die naturally someday, why not fuck around til then?

Christopher Abbott as Kevin On the Count of Three (2021) dir. Jerrod Carmichael

npd culture is trying your hardest to word posts better so people love you more but really wanting to just end posts with "i will kill myself in front of you" when making posts about people saying horrid shit.

.

I think I need to break up with my partner not bc I don't love them, but bc they have been suicidal in the decade we have lived together and they have zero vision for the future and i feel trapped/unable to do things as I'm the only one working/cleaning/errands/paying bills/maintaining the car and home/like essentially living alone. but we have gone thru a lot together and I love them a lot and I know it's harder to live like they are than me experiencing the effects. Am I a bad person

No, and neither are they. But you cannot be expected to sacrifice your own health, energy, stability, time and happiness indefinitely just because you really love someone. That's not a fair expectation to place on anyone. You don't have to do that. And you're definitely not a bad person for not being able to do it ❤️

this straight up changed me as a person. killing myself in front of you to forever change your bond and the trajectory of your lives

reblogs off since im tired of the dumb fucking discourse happening here, go read this long post and reblog it instead please.

ok so tumblr also really needs this reminder based on some posts ive seen around lately, the "babygirlification" of JSTOR is bad. like Bad Bad. did you all just collectively forget history? did you alll just forget they have blood on their hands? just because they publish science stuff in an ever so slightly more ethical way than springer and are a little silly on social media sometimes? JSTOR killed aaron swartz (wikipedia). in his fight for freedom of information he downloaded papers off of jstor (with acedemic access from MIT) to share and make freely accessible (as all information should be), for this he was charged with wire fraud, computer fraud, unlawfully obtaining information from a protected computer, and recklessly damaging a protected computer. he was facing up to 50 years in prison and a 1 million USD fee for a simple act of downloading files he lawfully had access to. with this court case the US government drove one of the most important online activists and programmers (he is behind so much stuff you all take for granted) into suicide in the name of JSTOR.

JSTOR isn't the cool girl on the block. this isnt a call to boycott them (though please learn how to use things such as sci-hub and fight for open science and freedom of information in general please <3), but please dont glorify them as some sort of cutesy platform.

There is something deeply wrong with some of you I’m ngl

HEARTBREAKING: local food blogger thinks it's funny to put on a rude persona in their recipe videos

CONSTANTINE (2005) dir. Francis Lawrence

This Reddit story is frigging nuts, though.

Were you depressed before? Well, now here’s some crushing medical debt!

⚠️tw: for torture, abuse, and brutality in the following posts⚠️:

A closeted person, forcibly outed as having a trans online persona by a "conservative news site," died by suicide after being publicly ridiculed after the outing.

Then, the head of that "news site" sent condolences to Bubba's "victims and family."

There aren't any victims, of course, because the clothing you wear in private and the fiction you write isn't anybody's business, but it's important to understand that these people really do think that trans people have "victims" bc we are somehow hurting people just by existing.

Do not add any kind of transphobic or anti-closet rhetoric to this post.

Turns out there were plenty of good reasons for him to stay closeted, nu? Show his memory the same grace and gentleness you'd want shown to someone you love.

Joan Tierney

NPD + Depression culture is thinking that you’re too important to kill yourself

.

btw the secret to not killing yourself is to find something small to look forward to. like maybe seeing a friend at the end of the week, or getting an overpriced coffee, or going to the cinema. you wait for that. & then it happens. & then you do it all over again

the terf hatemail game has finally been upgraded with some more girlboss econ major email swag, i shall reserve a slot for it on my calendar when i return after the holidays