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mitamicah · 2 months

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I need to think out loud - feel free to ignore

#I really want to quit the event for trans day of visibility #I just don't see what I can give to the conversation #and I haven't for a while now #there is already a person that does all the posters #when I did the budget it was all wrong #half the ideas I've come up with has been having big holes #and honestly I don't think that comfortable in the group #I feel like I am back at school or university being put in a group for a project that I cannot pull out of because it will affect my grade #or the rest of the group's performance #but there's no grades #there is a performance of sort being the event #and that could still be great #but I don't feel like I have the spoons or the experience for this #I am just smiling (barely) and nodding along #yet a part of me are also scared of dropping out now #there is not a lot of time left #and so it wouldn't be fair on the other people to ditch this last minute #but would it be more fair to let me just tag along not doing anything of value?#and I should probably decide soon since we are getting closer #it is this big dark cloud over my thought rn #I am trying to concentrate on my drawing challenge yet I don't have any joy in it #because all my thoughts go to this event #I don't know what to do #I really don't want to do this #but I did say yes #and I hate tapping out and be seen as untrustworthy as well #micahs thoughts

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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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cloudpalettes · 2 months

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#alien stage #alnst #alnst mizi #alnst sua #mizisua #ERM HEEYY HEYYYY #ngl i've been into alnst for a while now but i haven't drawn them Until Now #DOOMED YURIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!#pov you haunt the narrative #EVERYONE IS DOOMED HERE

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hiding-under-the-willow · 3 months

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anyways. What

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #hc s10 #docm77 #joehills #joe hills #juppet #vintagebeef #doc beef and joe just slowly fucking loosing it throughout this interaction is one of my favorite things that's ever happened on hermitcraf #also. watching his fucking gigantic hour glass slowly grow in the background of other peoples videos for the last week #why did he do that to himself so early in the season omg 😭#it literally is so ridiculously large it is insane. it looks insane next to everything else around it. it takes up the entire skyline #im thinking about keralis. who built his lake facing the shopping district so he could avoid looking at iskall's monolith while fishing #or mumbo and grian joking about making the biggest mega build in the shopping district for their wart shop. good luck with that now lmao #seriously if you haven't already y'all should go watch Wels' last video if only to see that thing grow in the background throughout the vid #wels built an entire castle on accident in that video and i still spent the entire duration going 'DOC WHAT THE HELL' it was so distracting

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inkskinned · 6 months

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i had been used for my body before, i didn't mind it. i had a good trick about it - i didn't have to be there, not in my skin. i could wear the mirror, wear the puppet. you would see your perfect girl, a little monster i had concocted. she would glisten, distilled out of my own blood and venom. it meant i would be using you instead - you think you are taking from me? darling, i think this is a fucking joke, a role i am playing. you can't hurt me, i'm not present for the event. this is just a body, like a book is only words.

and then you came into my life, easy and honest. reaching for my hand in the crowded holiday market. passing me a water before i realize i'm thirsty. checking on me once, twice - the first time i said i'm okay, you knew i was lying. i keep thinking about the shape of your blue eyes and the wild of your hair the last time i saw you. how you got out of my car and when you looked back, i was looking back too. your quiet breathing in a hotel room.

you kissed me like you meant it, is the thing.

i don't know how to be a person yet, not fully. i don't know how to let you kiss me and touch bone. i tell my friends i hate this so much i want to throw up. your name slips into my head - i am no longer really ever alone. a little frazzled heartrate keeps splattering against my collarbone. my therapist asked yesterday - why are you afraid? what is the cost of vulnerability?

a terrifying thought: when i'm with you, it feels like finally coming home.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #i got distracted while writing this so i don't like it lol #btw the coming home thing is a good feeling i just resent it bc i have spent the last 18 months #being like #lOVE ISNT REAL >:(#to the point that i haven't been writing love poems on here #and NOW?????????? WHAT HAVE U DONE TO ME??????????????????????????

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kyuhudraws · 4 months

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a favour for a f-f-friend

#tgcf #mu qing #feng xin #fengqing #tgcf spoilers #kinda #feng xin gets all flustered when he notices mu qing is genuinely kind to xie lian #that's the hc now #I haven't done a little comic in a while I kinda felt rusty #ahhh I love fengqing #heaven official's blessing #long post #is the writing even readable?

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sunn-mechanic · 1 month

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[ID in alt]

He's on break :)

#it was fun experimenting with his design #since i haven't drawn him a lot until recently #and this is my first time actually coloring him lol #debated with myself for a while on if he should have a mouth or not #but settled on no mouth (for now at least)#anywayy hes so pretty #sunn art #undertale #grillby #fanart #artists on tumblr #dont repost

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expelliarmus · 1 month

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#mine #doctor who #dwedit #david tennant #catherine tate #beloveds!!!!#i saw the newest dw trailer on tv today!!!#i need the new episodes now!!!#oh and i've gotten back into catching up on my big finish audios #i'm listening to the newest classic doctors new monsters set #it's been very fun #oh also i got a new student today #and his mom was a bit worried about how he'd be on his first day at a new school #but he saw my lanyard during carpet time and was like 'is that raichu?'#and all of my other kids were like 'LOOK AT ALL HER OTHER POKEMON THINGS' and he was very happy #and i was like bro you are going to fit right in #ok i haven't talked in the tags about my day in a long while hahaha #byeee good night tumblr friends!!

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dannyuta · 27 days

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9-1-1 | 7x05: You Don’t Know Me

#jenkinsbarry #roderickstrongs #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #911edit #*#*911 #*gif #i haven't stopped thinking about this in weeks #i listened to pierce the veil's cover of karma police while making these and now i'm going to cry myself to sleep

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nibbelraz · 11 months

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Human courting methods: Gift Giving

#svsss #shang qinghua #mobei jun #moshang #scum villains self saving system #scum villain self saving system #the scum villain's self saving system #scum villian self saving system #sqh #mbj #I HAVEN'T ANIMATED LIKE THIS IN A VERY VERY LONG TIME but of course it would be Shang Qinghua to get me back into it #truly i think even while courting Shang Qinghua is so sure Movei is gonna go back to his demon courting methods anyday now but suPRISE #hes only been pat on the head softly and given INSANE AMOUNTS OF GIFTS AND PRESENTS #so much so his room in the kingdom is overflowing that he has to move into Mobeis room 💕#my art #nibbelraz #my animation

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5qui99l3draws · 7 months

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cringe is dead, I made a fursona

#ocs #I guess?#fursona #sure.#listen I've been a vocal ally of the furry community for a good while now #the only reason I haven't posted a fursona sooner is that I never liked my attempts at drawing one #this still isn't anything special like I deffo did not go the sparkledog route #it's just me as a rat #but that's a comfortable and accurate enough representation of myself so ig it works #anyway. little break from the commissions today #I'm trying to get more comfortable just posting doodles without obsessing over details

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seventh-district · 23 days

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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

#boothill #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr incorrect quotes #hsr memes #honkai star rail memes #hsr meme #honkai star rail meme #hsr textpost #hsr boothill #boothill hsr #hsr spoilers #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them #still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving #anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord #i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now #i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post #but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest #i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end #he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops #i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak #anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now

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spiders-in-the-city · 2 years

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give this guy the Scringliest orange kittie known to man

#jason todd #red hood #hi i haven't posted in a while #i'm into batman now #my art

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s0fti3w1tch · 5 months

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scared for us both.

[Image Description: Digital drawing of a slightly smaller Tentative Devotee AU Leo/Trainee sleeping against Casey (Cass), who looks at him with her face obscured. They're sitting in a blacked out void except for two grave holes in the forground. Trainee's scarf leads into one of the graves. /End ID]

#buwan's art #my art #I haven't really drawn in a while #I'm gonna take things slow for now #i know i've already been slow #but i'm being easier on myself i guess #td!au leonardo #td!au cassandra #tentative devotee doodle #rottmnt tentative devotee au #note: trainee is not that small compared to Casey that's just her perspective

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eveningrainstorm · 16 days

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cycle knots

#i've had all of these sitting around for a while and haven't felt like posting them #but since i don't have time to draw anything new right now i figured i might as well #i've been drawing a lot of these textpost doodle thingies for psychonauts and it's mostly because normally i would make textpost edits #with talk sprites and stuff. but psychonauts doesn't have those and for some reason i'm super resistant to making them with screenshots so.#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #uhhh am i tagging all these guys. i guess i am #otto mentallis #ford cruller #compton boole #cassie o'pia #bob zanotto #razputin aquato #norma natividad #lili zanotto #chloe barge #sam boole #putting these all together really makes it obvious how differently i color raz every time i draw him huh.#for some reason his color scheme is just hard for me to figure out. the bright yellow skin throws me off #my art

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misc-obeyme · 1 month

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cc. your tags on the boudoir post. MAMMON recieving an album of those photos. i'd love to hear your thoughts on his reaction (and everyone else's, if you're feeling particularly inspired?)

Ah, Daisy, my dear, thank you for asking!

I apologize for this late response, but I knew I was gonna be getting wordy with this one. Because I looove the boudoir photos idea in general and OH MAN just thinking about all their reactions is making me crazy lol. I was going to just do my regular sort of response, but this turned into full on headcanons oops.

So just in case anyone missed it, here is the original post!

My thoughts change a little bit depending on whether MC is present when the characters receive the pictures, so I included both! I only did the bros but I might be willing to do the rest upon request!

the brothers react to MC giving them an album of boudoir photos

NSFW MDNI

Warnings: suggestive but that's about it, nothing explicit

Lucifer

When you're with him, Lucifer is calm and courteous, but with a flare of arrogance. Of course you would give him such a special gift. It's only natural that you would trust such intimacies to him.

He asks you if you're trying to tell him something. Has he perhaps been neglecting you, MC? Did you give him this so that he wouldn't be able to help himself? He's onto you.

No matter your reason, he can't look through too many of the pictures before wanting the real thing that's sitting right next to him. Tell him you still have some of that lingerie in your possession. Especially if you happen to have some in his colors.

If you aren't with him, he's going to be a lot less arrogant in general. He will find you later, make no mistake. But he's honestly so touched by your gift that he spends a lot of time looking through the album, simply admiring you.

Mammon

Mammon is freaking out no matter where you are the time. If you're with him, it's definitely a lot worse. Blushing profusely. Opens the album then slams it shut because he can't handle looking at it for very long.

You can't help but giggle at his reaction and then it's all stop laughin' at him MC!! You'll need to take his hands or maybe kiss his cheek, let him know that you genuinely just wanted to give him a nice gift, you aren't trying to tease him or anything.

Ask him if he likes it. You'll get a serious response. Calms down enough to say 'course he likes it. Likes it so much, he suddenly can't keep his hands off you.

If you aren't with him at the time, he buries it under his pillow or otherwise hides it because this is now one of his treasures and nobody gets to see it but him!

Leviathan

Levi is another one who'd be a blushing mess no matter what, but if you're there at the time, he might retreat to his room and not let you in. He needs that barrier between you because if he sees you right now, his heart will explode.

He'll let you back in eventually, but it might be a minute. He needs to calm down. Are you trying to kill him, MC?! Even when he does let you in, he can't look at you directly. He's probably covering his face with his hands.

Reassure him that you gave these photos to him because you trust him with them. They're personal, intimate, and you want him to be close to you. He's going to calm down the more you talk to him. Pull his hands away from his face and when he sees the sincerity in your eyes, it flips a switch. Might even slip into demon form just to wrap his tail around you possessively.

If you're not with him at the time, he's going to need to take care of that raging boner of his right away. He won't be able to focus on anything else until he does. He's so embarrassed, he has to watch several episodes of Ruri Hana to recalibrate.

Satan

He will try to keep his expression unreadable. He's not having any over the top reactions, but as he flips through the photos, he keeps getting redder and redder. You're sitting right next to him, how can he not react? At some point, he has to close the album because he feels like he's looking at something he shouldn't.

Satan is quiet about how flustered he is, but he's having a hard time looking at you. He tries to say something and incomprehensible lines about how beautiful you are fall from his lips. He sounds like a broken record of spoken word poetry or perhaps a very drunk beat poet.

Recovers himself after a minute. As soon as he's composed, you're in his arms. You knew what this would do to him, didn't you, MC? You'll find yourself pressed up against the nearest wall in moments.

If you're not with him, Satan will tuck your album into a stack of his other books. He thinks it's well hidden there - in plain sight. But he's hyper aware of it. Keeps coming back to look at it. Ends up having to put it on the bottom of a stack behind a different stack to make it more difficult to get to.

Asmodeus

Thrilled. Absolutely thrilled in every way. Oh, wow, MC, you look amazing. He's breathless. He's entranced. He's even blushing because he knows what it means that you've given these to him. He's so in love with you, he can't stand it.

Asks you about everything you may be wearing. Comments on the skill of the photographer. Tells you that next time, you should do one together. He has so many ideas. He wants to do one where all you're wearing is jewelry - bright and sparkling, just like your soul.

Covers you in kisses. He's not shy about how this is making him feel, how much he wants you. He just wants to see your beautiful figure here and now in real life, MC! Won't you let him worship you?

If you're not with him, he will find you immediately so he can say all of the things he needs to say in that moment. You can't leave him alone with all these feelings, both physical and emotional. He brings them all to you without hesitating.

Beelzebub

It might take him a minute to understand exactly what he's looking at, mostly because he's never even heard of this. He doesn't know what a boudoir photo shoot is, so you might have to explain it to him. Once he understands, he starts lightly blushing as he looks through them. His expression is serious because he's beginning to see just how special this is.

Honestly surprised that you would give him something so intimate. He's touched. He's going to hug it to himself and look at you with tears in his eyes because he can't believe how lucky he is.

Give him another couple minutes to look through them and then he's having different feelings. He's not sure if he can hold back, MC. Tell him it's okay, that you don't want him to, and you'll find yourself on your back on his bed in zero seconds flat. You're quickly reminded why he's the Avatar of Gluttony.

If you're not with him at the time, he will figure things out on his own, though he'll have a plethora of questions for you later. He keeps it close to him at all times until you answer them because he knows one thing for sure - he doesn't want anyone else seeing these.

Belphegor

Oh, he sees what you're playing at. Trying to fluster him, are you, MC? Trying to rile him up? Are you sure you can handle him when you do that? He's so wound up by the gift he can't act normal about it. He's actually very touched by it, but he's not sure how to deal with the feelings, so he comes on too strong.

You laugh because to you, this is expected. You understand that this is Belphie's way of dealing with his own shyness. You respond by meeting him with just as much intensity. It's all kisses and touching and fumbling in the dark.

It's only later, when both of you are calm, when you're nestled in his arms, that he admits to you how much it means to him. That he tells you how he'll cherish the album you gave him. That he says he's stunned by how gorgeous you are, even more brilliant that the stars in the sky.

If you aren't with him at the time, you'll be dealing with a petulant but horny demon later on. He's going to be annoyed at you for leaving it for him and then not being there when it inevitably turns him on. Just as possessive as his brothers, he hides it in the attic where no one is likely to find it.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

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