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ladykissingfish · 8 months

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Sasuke: Big brother, I hesitate to ask you this because I don’t want to be in your personal business, but … what’s your orientation?

Itachi: My orientation? Well right now I’d guess I’m facing about north, maybe north-east, so —

Sasuke: No! I mean, um, w-what kind of people do you like? Romantically?

Itachi: Oooh. Why do you wish to know?

Sasuke: I just wanted to know if, maybe, you ever liked boys? Like if that was a normal thing or completely weird? I tried to talk to father about this but all he did was clear his throat a bunch of times and tell me to do some push-ups.

Itachi: … is this about that blonde boy that you hang out with? The one in your genin squad?

Sasuke, blushing: N-no! Why would this be about that idiot?! He’s annoying and a loser and —

Madara, from behind his paper: In other words, you’re ready to propose marriage.

Itachi: Not helping, gramps. Sasuke, it’s completely normal and okay to have feelings for any and all types of people, regardless of gender. You shouldn’t decide whether you want a person based on what parts they do or don’t have; it should be based on their personality, their kindness, their interests, their soul.

Madara: For God’s sake, just because the boy is gay doesn’t mean you need to turn him into a sissy as well!

Itachi: Grandfather!

Madara: Listen, Sasuke. You go up to this boy and claim him, you hear me? Uchihas are conquerors, and we don’t easily lose. Lay waste to your competition and take what’s yours. This young man, what is his name?

Sasuke: Naruto Uzumaki. He’s —

Madara: UZUMAKI?! He’s from that treacherous clan?! Fuck that, stay far away from that boy and anything related to him! You’ll only end up heartbroken and alone!

Sasuke:

Itachi: … grandfather. Just because you had one teeny tiny bad experience with an Uzumaki doesn’t mean that —

Madara: UZUMAKI MITO STOLE HASHIRAMA FROM ME, boy!! All because he liked her stupid red hair and her stupid nine-tails!

Sasuke: Actually Naruto has the Fox inside of him now, grandpa.

Madara:

Madara: *unleashes an unholy shriek, sets the curtains on fire, and stomps out*

Sasuke: Just once. Just ONCE I’d like to be able to walk in here, ask for advice, and hear something both helpful and normal. Just. Freaking. ONCE.

Itachi:

#sns #narusasu #sasunaru #sasuke x naruto #the uchiha clan #granddaddy Madara back at it again 😭#itachi uchiha #sasuke uchiha #madara uchiha #naruto uzumaki #hashimada I guess 🙃#hashimada #hashirama x madara #hashimito #hashirama senju #mito uzumaki #kurama

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