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#he doesn't understand. how much he has shaped the community
horsemeatluvr23 · 1 month
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watching xb's hermit Q&A and he asks everyone "what inspired you to start making videos" and NEARLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON SAYS ETHO. and they all just unanimously agree that hermitcraft probably wouldn't exist without etho
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rubra-wav · 3 months
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The Main Hazbin cast x taking care of sick reader
A/N : I'm going off of flu-like symptoms type sickness for this one
Cw: Sfw, gn reader, Niffty being strange asf - injection mentions
[ Part 2 ] >>
Charlie
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- no. 1 caretaker of those who are sick istg (in theory at least)
- She pulls out every single thing; medicine, soup, heating bottles, electrolyte drinks, extra blankets, entertainment stuff, etc. Etc.
- She will straight up fixate upon you getting better so you can come back to group exercises without the others worrying about your contagiousness.
- The only issue with her is that she won't leave you alone like at all.
- Vaggie needs to come drag her out so she'll stop talking about all the 'work' you've missed while you've been away recovering and all the theory behind it while you're trying to rest.
- Charlie 100% gets sick as well.
- Probably will try to keep hugging you and stuff like that, disregarding your grossness because she doesn't want you to feel 'lonely'.
Vaggie
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- Understandably a bit avoidant of you, but not straight up averse.
- She needs to stay in top shape to guard the hotel.
- She would wear a mask around you and come see you still in short intervals, though, bringing you some stuff you need occasionally.
- insists you stay in your room so the hotel doesn't have a sweep of whatever the hell you have. Even with you wearing a mask or something yourself, she's iffy.
- Apologises each time she has to pull Charlie out of your room so you can sleep in peace.
- Also apologises when Alastor and Niffty show up to be menaces.
- Wants you to get better probably just as much as Charlie does.
- But mostly so she'll stop having to personally come drag away her overly good-natured girlfriend and the other two.
- Probably ends up getting sick eventually because Charlie ends up getting sick.
Angel Dust
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- Avoids you like the plague.
- If he has to give you stuff, he will just leave it outside, knock, then bolt.
- Would probably talk with you over phone calls a fair bit while you're bedridden.
- The absolute last thing Angel needs is to get sick in his mind. It's not sexy at all, and with the hours he works?
- Fucking hell no.
- And he doesn't want to find out if there's a kink about that.
- Sorry, not sorry, but he's staying away.
- Would probably dress in a sexy nurse outfit while he delivers stuff to your door as a joke.
- If you don't answer the door, he'll assume you are asleep and will send a selfie with whatever he's left at your door and send it to you with some kind of 'get well soon' esque message so you know it's there.
- Wants you to get better but isn't gonna actively take any kinds of risks.
Husk
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- Would also not want to be around you.
- Another person with a 'I can't get sick with my job' mindset.
- Would probably just purely communicate over messages, wouldn't actually come up to your door.
- May make you special (nonalcoholic ofc) drinks to help you recover and get someone else to send them up to you - makes the excuse that he needs to be at his 'post' at all times so he can't himself.
- I hc him as secretly being really good at cooking and liking to, so makes you lots of soups and things like that.
- Annoyed because he then has to deal with other people complaining about why he isn't making food for them as well.
- He's confident you're going to get better so doesn't really care all that much.
Pentious
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- He's genuinely worried.
- Both for himself, but also for you as well.
- He comes from a time where people got what you got and died very quickly with no treatment available, so he's scared shitless about it even if everyone's insisting it's not going to kill you.
- Doesn't go see you in person because he's freaked out about it, but sends his eggs to come talk to you, ask you how you are and deliver messages from him to you every day.
- Will lie and say he doesn't care at all, then probably go cry in private about it.
- When it's clear you're no longer sick, he's going to be so relieved.
- Will probably genuinely show physical affection without thinking about it.
- Glomps you via wrapping himself around you, and then acts like it never happened.
Alastor
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- He's such an awful cunt the whole time.
- Always shows up to go see you but its only to laugh at you like you're the funniest thing ever.
- Will bring you stuff, but it's very obviously not goof faith.
- He cannot get sick off of normal things, so he's all up in your business the whole time he decides it's 'go bother (name)!' Time.
- If you're delirious with temperature he'll probably openly talk to you about certain secret things because if you remember and bring them up he can just gaslight you about it.
- "Oh (name), you must be misremembering because you were so unwell!"
- He is the absolute worst about you being sick.
- Vaggie is your saviour in this situation, shooing him out of your room when she realises that he's once again back.
Niffty
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- Okay, Alastor is objectively the worst, but Niffty is also fucking terrible.
- She's seemingly good faith with her bs at least, though.
- Acts like the insanest, most unhinged nurse taking care of a child with you.
- Will be there trying to cram food and drink down your throat aggressively, spoon feeding you things while gripping your mouth open way too hard.
- Dresses up like a nurse as well, courtesy of Alastor of course.
- Will show up with God knows what in syringes and try to inject them into you.
- Probably will try get a blood sample from you as well for some terrifying reason.
- You probably end up tripping balls at some point because she's injected you with some unidentifiable substance.
- Also needs to be escorted out by Vaggie so you aren't straight up killed by her attempts to... help(?) You get better. The motivation is unclear.
-
I may also make one about reader taking care of them when they're sick too atsp 🤔
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sanemisstalker · 10 months
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Incel! Gyutaro, but it's a modern western college! au and you whip him into shape real fast. My ex won't talk to me, so I'm very much fantasizing about a man that will be obsessive over me ---> gyutaro NSFW
CW// Fem reader / AFAB genitalia / Breasted Reader / INCEL MENTALITIES : Sexism, Poly Hate / BDSM dynamics/ Implied ED (Gyutaro is a gym junkie who should definitely be eating more) / SH / Men's Mental Health / Inconsistent POV because I'm writing this with my hand down my pants (I am joking)
PART TWO <-
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-You go to community College with him. He's some fucking dude in your necessary math course they wouldn't let you drop. He sits next to you in the booths.
-He's not awful looking. He's got some weird scars across his face, but like, they're kind of artsy. They add a flare the guy would be lacking otherwise.
-His vibe is a little... weird. He doesn't talk in class ever. You see him around campus and he doesn't seem... at all versed in social interaction. You once watched him get into a fight, which was a little sexy, but since it was with Tengen Uzui, your eyes were much more interested in the latter.
-Gyutaro is used to that though. Never being the one looked at. Typical of women like you. You're always frothing at the mouth over fucking Chad's like Tengen- He got it. Tengen was built, strong jawed, and just reeked of sex appeal wherever he walked. He always had the glaze of one of those five sluts he hung out with on his lips-
-Tengen was lucky. He's apparently been training since he was young- to look like a Greek God and all. Gyutaro spent the first years of his life fighting to survive in a hospital, and then every year after fighting to live in his home safely.
-and girls like you- sluts like you were always going to favour Tengen. Always assholes.
-After that fight, you began speaking to Gyutaro. You didn't come onto the topic immediately- you didn't want to pry- So You'd mention his shirt.
-'Is that Death Cab For Cutie?' His heart dropped when you spoke. He didn't even register you were talking about his shirt.
-'Are... Are you talking to me?' He'd croak. His voice was quite nice. Soft, but low.
-'Yeah- Your shirt? That's... That's death cab for cutie, right?'
-'Y-Yeah.'
-As classes rolled by, you came to understand that Gyutaro was a very... disturbed individual. Aside from being generally jumpy and odd, his moral opinions specifically toward women were less than desirable.
-You came to know of his opinions toward Tengen as well. The level of insecurity dripping from every word was palatable... even through the venom.
-He called women 'femoids' and constantly tried to express that Tengen had been given a bigger genetic stick in life. You could never decide if he was referring to Tengen's dick or not.
-You were different, though, He'd assure. You always got what he was saying. Even if you were just letting him mindlessly ramble about his awful, borderline questionable mentalities.
-with said mentalities, you began to realize that Gyutaro was a very easy man. An incredibly easy man. Who was incredibly attracted to every woman he met- but especially you.
-'Gyutaro, have you ever slept with anyone?' You'd ask one day, on the way to the cafeteria. On the few days he chose that over the gym, he'd walk with you. You worried about him, occasionally.
-The question would visibly startle him.
-'I-No. I'm - ha- I'm not... Why?' He'd cut over his own words, face burning.
-'Just curious. You seem all cool, like you get around.' You'd melt a little at that prideful look on his face. How absolutely smitten.
-Maybe the power went to your head, but you began to seek little moments of affirmation from Gyutaro. You'd bend over, a little too close to him- The chronic porn addict. Knowing what it did to him.
-You'd always compliment his shirts- All of his bands incredibly main stream despite his insistence that they weren't.
-You remembered the noise he made when you grabbed his arm in class, once. The teacher had decided to round up the class grade- just barely passing you- and you turned and clung onto his arm, and it was almost like he choked.
-'Hey, Gyutaro, can I come over and study?' You'd pose one day. His face would turn red, a hand flying to his scarred wrist. He itched the skin off- almost always raw.
-'To my- my dorm?'
-'Mhm.'
-'My room isn't-' He'd pause. 'Why? What do you want?' His emotions would flit, unsure of your reasoning. You'd roll your eyes.
-'To hang out? You know? On the one night a week we don't have homework?'
-'Aren't you going to go... party? You do every other weekend.' You found the tang of malice on his tongue adorable. Irritating, but adorable.
'One, I don't party every week. Two, I think you'd be fun to hang out with. What, am I not pretty enough to bring back to your roomate? Am I not allowed in the great and powerful lord Gyutaro's room? ' You'd taunt.
-'N-no. You're pr- no I-'
-'Cool! You live in the good dorms, right?'
-Gyutaro did live in the good dorms. He was also very lucky to be in a one man dorm. Apparently his old roomate, Akaza, had moved out to join a frat.
-Not that you could tell it was a good dorm. The thing was filthy. It smelled like hell, too. Like Gyutaro.
-'I'm sorry for the mess.' He'd grumble. 'I get really busy...'
-'You're fine. Are you a PC gamer?' You'd point to his massive set up.
-'Y-yeah.'
-'Thats cool- ooooh, a Scott Pilgrim poster. I love that movie.' God, you just knew everything, didn't you? All the things girls weren't supposed to like. Gyutaro had been fantasizing about this very moment since you bothered to open your mouth at him. He guessed his work outs had been paying off.
-'Yeah its a good comic, too.'
-The conversation would sway too and frough. Not every really finding a groove. A girl in his room, and he could barely speak to her- you decided to take drastic measures.
-'Hey, Gyutaro, do you want to like do something? Like... a game.' You'd ask, turning to face him.
-'I- um- I have some two players-'
-'Not a game like that.' You'd laugh. He'd quirk an eyebrow. 'I'm like... horny. Like a party game'
-If you'd suddenly fired a gun next to his ear, the effect those words had on Gyutaro would've been the same. He gaped at your bluntness.
-'You're horny?'
-'Yeah... I want to do something... Dirty, I don't know.' You jerked the air off.
-'A-are you gonna leave?' He'd ask, sounding pathetic. 'Do you need me to leave?' What a dumb question, he realized, the second it left his mouth. This was his home, why would he let you jerk off-
-'Do you want to watch? It'd be rude to make you leave.' You completely understood the absurdity of the words coming from your mouth. Every word made Gyutaro's face twist into something akin to... excited disgust. It was fascinating.
-'W-watch?' He didn't understand why he stuttered so much around you.
-'Yeah... Watch? We don't need to like- play like... strip poker or anything. I just want to do something raunchy.'
-'We-we're not dating. You should do that with your boyfriend.'
-'Gyutaro, you know I don't have a boyfriend.' You'd remind. 'Are you scared?'
-'I'm not scared- I-'
-'We're adults. We can do what we want.' His traditionalist mindset was wanning by the word. He wanted you something awful, and here you were, offering to... touch yourself infront of him-
-He'd been leaning on his bed, and you began to creep forward.
-'Do you have any toys?'
-'You mean like vibes?' If his voice wasn't cracking, it was dry. Painfully so. 'I-'
-'Any you haven't put in you?'
-'I'm not into that.' He'd defend. A lie. A painful lie at that. 'I-'
-'Into what?' You'd bring your hand toward the edge of his shirt. He'd begin shaking under your touch. 'No bandaids over your nipples?'
-You'd been so kind and casual to him thus far. Always appreciating his bands and asking about his games. You're eyes had never even fixated on his birthmarks- He never expected you to actually like him-
-'I-I'm not some... some freak.'
-'You think I'm a freak for being into that?' His heart would ache at the sigh in your voice, guilt growing in his stomach as your hand left. 'Sorry, I guess I'll just go back to my dorm.'
-As you turned to leave, Gyutaro would scramble off the bed, eyes blown wide. His foot would knock into an empty can on the floor, and He'd probably tip over some of the comics on his nightstand.
-'Wait-wait!' He'd step over a pile of clothes, and begin rummaging around in the drawer behind his bed.
-His thin hand would come back with a small pink vibe- attached to a thin white wire. You could barely fight back the evil grin on your face as he resurfaced, face just as pink as the vibrator.
-You feigned needing help onto his bed, just so he'd pick you up and set you there. His tenseness was comedic. As you fully situated yourself, Gyutaro just stood, hands in his pockets-
-'Well, come on?' You ushered, nodding to the space between your legs. Gyutaro looked to the spot and then back to you.
-This couldn't be real. You couldn't be fucking real. Even as you spread your legs infront of him, revealing your dripping fucking pussy-- it could not be fucking real. It was too pornographic. You couldn't be serious- Any second you'd snap your legs shut, realize how fucking disgusting he was- how worthless and weird- and you'd spit on him, get up, and leave-
-But you didn't. You pressed the vibe to your clit and Gyutaro watched in awe as your pussy clenched around nothing. Begging, pleading for a cock to fill you, just like all the forums said it would.
-You swore you heard him whimper- gasp- Feeling all powerful under his watchful eye. You were very pleased to find he was bulging through his sweats, a small wet patch already forming.
-He wouldn't be able to get over how fucking wet you were. How good your pussy responded to the vibrations, how good you looked when you craved dick-
-'You should... Your hard on looks like it hurts.'
-Fuck, everything hurt. Your voice made his balls ache, begging for release. He didn't want to cum so early- Didn't want to be a minute man infront of you.
-You wanted him to cum early so bad. His dick had already soaked through his sweats with pre- you knew you could get him worse.
-'Gyutaro, can you- Can you finger me?'
-So fucking cruel. So fucking evil-
-You knew he'd be no good. Too rough and fast, but to your surprise, he shook his head. Very admant.
-'Why not?'
-'I- my hands are gross.' He'd whisper. The poor thing sounded close to tears. He wanted to finger you so bad, but he was all to aware of the cracks and scabs along his knuckles. 'I don't want to get you dirty.'
-'Do you have gloves?' You were surprised by the desperation in your own voice. Fuck.
-'L-like latex?'
-'Mhm'
-Gyutaro had cleared the bed and rush to his bathroom, yanking the gloves from the medicine cabinet. You heard the faucet start, and then a crash and a bang-
-And then Gyutaro was back infront of you, one hand covered with a glove. And he smelled like cologne. You held back a laugh.
-He shivered at the way your pussy sucked his finger in. And then a second not even a minute later.
-'It hurts... You should get on top of me. It'll help.' You reasoned.
-Gyutaro watched you with wide eyes as he bent down next to you, the curve of his wrist allowing him to begin an all too gentle thrust into your pussy.
-His face was right by yours, drinking in the sight of you growing heavy eyed and huffy with awe.
-He picked up his speed. Fuck- you were a real doll, alright. So fucking perfect. All for him. All his- you were his, he decided, deluded by the intimacy of the situation.
-You weren't going to be allowed to go anywhere with any other man- ever again. Nobody else could see this. Nobody was going to see you cum other than him, make you cum, other than him.
-'You keep going just past it-' You'd groan with frustration.
-'Past- What?'
-'I need you to- my g-spot you keep hitting everything but it-'
-His face would turn bright red at the critique.
-'Your g-spot?'
-'Of course you wouldn't know what that is.' You'd snark, reaching down to grab his wrist. His jaw would tighten as you began to guide his hand in and out of your pussy, back arching as he grazed a textured part of your walls.
-He felt like a dildo, an object for you to chase your high-
-Gyutaro came before you, his free hand rushing to try and prevent it, but you'd feel him shiver and hear a soft-
-'Fuck- fuck!'
-And you' look to see a wet patch on the crotch of his sweats. It looked like he pissed himself, the stain starting at least midway down his thigh-
-You imagined such a gigantic load being forced past your cervix. His cock had to be huge- fucking huge- with enough cum to spill for days after.
-'I'm-I'm cumming-' You'd squeak as the vibrator paired with Gyutaro's shame sent you spiraling. His head would snap up to watch-
-You'd leave with nothing but a thanks, and a small comment on how he needed to clean his room - The look of shock on his face borderline second orgasm worthy- He'd already gotten hard again. He wanted to go- wanted you.
-But he'd get a text from you later that night. You'd be at a party- like he knew you were supposed to be.
-'Lol' would accompany a photo of you in a slutty little dress next to Tengen Uzui and those three bimbos always by his side. It would dock his confidence, send him spiraling- panicking-
-But it'd be there...a thin little wire peaking out from between your thighs.
-You'd send him your address and hope he'd have the balls to do something about it.
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lurkingshan · 2 months
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Japanese QL Corner
It's a quieter week as a few shows have just wrapped and the next wave hasn't started yet, but there is still Japanese ql airing, including what is shaping up to be an all time fav. Both of these current airing shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!
Love is Better the Second Time Around
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This show is so good, and so mature in exactly the way I hoped. And I don't mean mature as in explicit--there is sex in this show but it's not some wild heat level. It's mature in that it's a story about characters who know themselves, know what they want, and draw boundaries. Both Iwanaga and Miyata are going down as favorite characters for me; I especially love that Miyata is a more knowing and self aware spin on a really well known bl archetype (think Rain from LITA but if he actually knew exactly why he was reacting the way he was to Payu and was mad about it instead of just overwhelmed and confused). This week we got a lot deeper into his teenage hurt over Iwanaga and now have a firm understanding of why he's alternately giving into and resisting this attraction. I am looking forward to Iwanga figuring out how to repair the damage he caused and earn his trust back.
My Strawberry Film
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This was easily my favorite episode so far of this meandering little show. Every week I am left wondering what exactly this drama is trying to say and be; it certainly doesn't feel like a bl. We have spent the vast majority of our time on doomed het romance while Ryo quietly pines for his oblivious friend in the background. But this week we finally got to know Minami outside of Hikaru's narrow gaze, and I like her a lot. Her scene with Ryo where they discussed their romantic woes and established each other as a safe zone was very sweet, and showed how perceptive she is about all these dynamics happening around her. I was discussing with @bengiyo whether the show is going for an aromantic read with her, and I'm not sure. I see the makings of it, but the presentation of her feelings on romance feels a bit muddled. I loved her calling Hikaru out on being self-centered and having absolutely no patience for his petty jealousy. Hikaru thinks he likes her, but he doesn't actually know her (or his own best friend). I liked the final scene between Ryo and Hikaru as well, and the terrible angst of Ryo's confession that he immediately took back. The way the lights and audio from oncoming traffic played over his face in that scene was a really fantastic way to communicate both a moment of clarity and a moment of fear in the aftermath. I'm curious to see where this show takes the ending; a romantic conclusion for the two boys would not feel genuine to me at this point, but I could see them leaving us on a note of burgeoning curiosity and hope.
Bonus: No Touching At All
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I recently watched this 2014 jbl on @twig-tea's recommendation, and I really loved it (I have already watched it twice and will definitely be doing so again). This is a classic office romance between a young gay man, Shima, and his "straight" boss, Toga. It's a simple story but well executed, and the film has a strong sense of place that I really loved. Shima and Toga have a fairly instantaneous attraction, and Toga is the kind of laidback character who simply never gave much thought to his sexuality and doesn't care about the fact that Shima is a man; he likes who he likes. Shima, however, is carrying a lot of internalized homophobia and trauma from closeted men messing him around in the past, and has a hard time believing in Toga's sincerity. I really love the way this conflict plays out in the story, and I especially love the way Toga talks to Shima. He's a no bullshit kind of guy and he tries his best to reassure Shima, but he's not a pushover, either. Ultimately Shima has to work through his own insecurities and make the choice to be brave to make the relationship work. The ending of this one is amazing and left me feeling very confident in this couple, and I can't recommend it highly enough. It's the grey for this one, unfortunately, but if you have trouble finding it in HQ let me know and I'll point you (don't watch it on YT, the version on there is potato quality).
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murderofravens · 5 months
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it doesn't matter now | y.i.
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yuuji itadori x reader (any gender)
warnings: dubcon/noncon, blood, emotional and physical abuse, emotional manipulation and mention of death.
post shibuya yandere yuuji whose psyche is so fucked up that he begins using sukuna as an excuse to abuse you. maybe the two of you were in a healthy, loving relationship. you've been his rock through and through, but the aftermath of shibuya came with these slight differences in yuuji's personality and treatment towards you. he gets angry more frequently, he's colder, a little distant. sex with him is different too— he's rougher, degrades you more often, seeks his own pleasure and often leaves you hanging. his strength only ever increases, and sex with him is more hurtful than it is pleasurable.
his lack of control over his life results in him wanting to gain more control over you— which he expresses through a myriad of purple bruises in the shapes of his fingers and bleeding bites all over your body. and even though you only ever want to help— it is clear his treatment has a negative impact on you both physically and mentally. if you try to reject his advances, try to make an excuse; he only manages to emotionally manipulate you into believing that this is what he needs. one time, he choked you so hard you almost passed out. he slaps you into silence if you cry or tell him to slow down. he doesn't recognise his own strength, of maybe he does, he just doesn't care— so it often results with a dark, blossoming bruise the size of his hand on your cheek. those bruises on your neck are too dark to hide with concealer, and you try to be patient, to communicate about how hurtful this is to you, that he's changed, but it's always the same excuse. you want to be understanding— you've loved this boy with everything in you. he used to be a ray of sunshine, your light in the darkness, untainted by the horrors of the world. a smile so bright, it erased all problems in your life.
you want to be there for him, but he's changed. him not taking a no for an answer and his emotional unavailability eventually leads to you seeking an out from the relationship.
it doesn't sit well with him, of course. he lost everyone in his life— he can't lose you either. he tries to force you back into his life, and no matter how much you fight back, he's always stronger. he only tells you that he needs you— through a flurry of forceful kisses that feel more like bites and sharp thrusts that leave you breathless and wanting to throw up. he's made you bleed one too many times. when it gets too much— you scream at him to stop, claw at his arms, kick and thrash, but he doesn't. it only fuels the fire in his veins. it reminds him of mahito, a little, how he was thrashing and crying when he was below yuuji. it fills him with a burning sensation to take out the anger of his losses on you.
and when he's done, and you're a mess of bloody bruises and tears, refusing to meet his eyes— he showers you with kisses that only make your heart race with fear. your old yuuji would never do this. and he tells you that wasn't him. that it was sukuna's influence. that he loves you and he'd never do anything bad unless he was truly provoked. he tells you sukuna has been prompting him to do this, but you know all too well the difference between your once loving boyfriend and the demon that resides inside him. but there's no one you can go to help now— nanami is dead. he would have saved you. he was like a father to you, afterall. nobara is dead too. she would have helped you— she was strong. she would beat the common sense back into yuuji. and gojo is sealed. you're afraid megumi wouldn't believe you if you told him— he's too blinded by his belief in his best friend. yuuji wasn't always like this, afterall, and at the end of the day, it's not like yuuji will let you out of his sight long enough for you to ask for help.
it doesn't matter now. yuuji will do all he can so he doesn't lose you too, and if he has to take extreme measures to keep your life under his control, he'll do it. all you can do is sit back and take it, and hope your yuuji will return to you someday.
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harrystylesfan2686 · 5 months
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Ferryman
Pairing: Azriel x Archeron!Reader.
Summary: (I have no idea how to summarize this.)
Warnings: slight mention of suicide and hating oneself.
A/N: This is an idea i got after watching TVD and Legacies. For those who dont know, Ferryman is a psychopomp, the ferryman of the Greek underworld, also known as Hades. He carries the souls of those who have been given funeral rites across the rivers Acheron and Styx, which separate the worlds of the living and the dead. This definition is taken from wikipedia. I changed the legand a little bit. I hope you like this. 🫶
Masterlist
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My life changed entirely after me and my sisters were forced in the world of fae.
Being thrown in a cauldron and turned into a powerful being can be dreadful after having heard all the stories about fae. Hearing how cruel they were to humankind sure was terrifying but after knowing what they looked like and how they acted, I have different thoughts.
The man male, my sister married is one of the most powerful lords of Prythian. One that is so sweet to two of my sisters and so rude to the other.
After we were all thrown into the cauldron, we all got different powers along with our immortal bodies. As we slowly discovered our powers, we got our names too. Elain got named a Seer, discovering her ability of supernatural insight. Nesta became The Death Lady, because of her silver flames.
And I?
I became the Ferryman.
The one who connects the living world and after life. The one who carries souls to their finale destination after death. The anchor guilding the lost souls.
Every fae that dies has to touch me in order to go to the after life. Now while they have a painless journey, I on the other hand, feel everything they did while dying. When they touch me, I feel thier pain, distress, sadness and everything that filled them in their last moments.
At first I was alright with it. But it got tiring very quickly. Then I started despised it. And now? I'm petrified.
I fear it so much, I'm starting to hate myself. I dread my every living moment, just fearing that I will see a soul lurking around and will have to send them to the other side. Feeling thier pain and going through it all over again.
Everyday exactly like the one before. See a soul, touch, feel, hurt, and do it again and again with no end in sight.
Can't you just handle it and get over yourself?
Nesta had hissed at me when I tried to share my feelings to her. Indeed, she was in pain too but she isn't the only person our father's death has effected. I wasn't there that day. At least they got to see father for one last time before he died. I didn't. I was held up in a tent, following Rhysands commands, saying it's too dangerous for me out there.
Her cruel words still roam my head everytime I try to feel sorry for myself. I can't communicate my feelings to anyone anymore.
Feyre forced me to reveal myself one day and couldn't do anything else as she, too, doesn't understand what I go through everyday. She told me that she'll see what she can do and try to help me but hasn't said or done anything else so I believe nothing can be done about this except to accept it just as what it is.
I just suffer in silence and not tell anyone.
-☆-
I take a sip from the wine bottle I stole from Rhysand's finest wine stock, and rest it between my spread legs, holding the bottle from it's neck. I look down at the mountains beyond me. My legs dangling off as I sit on the balcony edge.
It's starfall tonight.
And I'm sitting on a balcony of the only room I saw empty. It only views is mountains, lining up from The House Of Wind, of all sizes and shapes.
It's a beautiful site.
Stars in the dark sky, shining down on the mountains and forests that rest between them. I can see nothing but the hills and the beautiful start sky. It's so peaceful not being around strangers and just staying here, lost in the nature, drinking wine and just being with your own thoughts.
"What are you doing here alone?" A deep voice asks behind me. I don't turn to see who it is, already knowing it is the Spymaster.
"What does it seem like?" I take another sip of the wine. The sound of boats against the floor, walking towards me. His presence looms behind me, his shadows already wrapping around me. They seem to like me. Always surrounding me whenever we are near. I raise my free hand to play with one.
"You going to fall." He grunts.
"Nothing's going to happen. It's not like I can die." I chuckle at the irony, the sound doesn't seem real.
It's true. I truly cannot die. I'm the anchor, after all. If I die, nobody is going to get their haven after life. I tried a few months ago, when I finally decided I couldn't live in this much pain my entire life. It didn't work. I'm still standing. I did end up with a lot of injuries though.
I take another sip.
"I hope you know you can talk to me whenever you want. We can sit without talking too." He sits beside me. Dangling his feet off of the edge too.
I silently offer him the wine bottle. He silently accepts. We sit there for god knows how long, just quietly passing the wine around and looking out in the sky. Drinking and enjoying one another's company in silence. I feel good, comfortable around him.
Suddenly stars start to move. Skiping through the sky, shimmering glitter. Colors of all kinds fill the sky. I breath out. My lips tug up on thier own, curling into a small smile I can not contain.
"It's truly beautiful, isn't it." My eyes on the stars when I speak to Azriel.
"It truly is." He whispers.
I force my eyes to move to him, noticing he's not looking at the sky.
He's looking at me.
His eyes on my face, switching between my eyes and lips. I feel a rush to my cheeks. For a minute we don't move at all. Just looking at each other, drinking in how we look under the sparkling colourfull stars.
We smile at the same time and look away from one another.
For the first time in a while, my face holds a genuine smile.
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fallingdownhell · 1 year
Note
Hi! I love your writing! :D Ive never made a request before so i hope i am in the right place haha. I'm being completely self-indulgent here... but could I get Kaeya, Wanderer, Tighnari, or Diluc ( or anyone else you may want to write for) fluff with a reader who is sweet and kind? Like they dont have a mean bone in their body, constantly compliment their s/o, cook them cute breakfast pancakes in the shape of a heart, bunny or with a smiley face,,, wear clothes that match theirs/clothes in their favorite color. Just super pure wholesome relationship shenanigans. :3 Thank you!! I hope this all made sense. And if you'd rather not write this then that's totally okay!!
First of, thank you so much for saying that. It really means a lot to me<3
Second, you're fine, it made perfect sense. I don't usually write a lot of fluff, even though I adore it, so I don't know if I'm any good at it.
But I gave it my all, so I hope something good did come out of it.
Characters Included: Diluc, Tighnari, Wanderer, Kaeya
Content: just pure fluff, nothing to worry about
Word count: 2,1k words
Thank you so much for your request. Hope you enjoy<3
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Diluc
Your sweet and caring personality is a stark contrast to Diluc's own rough and closed of one, so I feel like at first, it would be a bit too much for him
He definitely has to get used to it first
He can't remember the last time he was showered in compliments that didn't regard his strength or wealth
simply just you existing, complimenting his choice of clothes, his hair or anything else, has this man speechless and sometimes, even blushing
and if you ever were to give him a... riskier compliment.. hope you enjoy watching a malfunctioning Diluc right in front of you
his face would explode in all shades of red, stuttering like crazy, trying to process what you just said
Diluc can take a bit of teasing, but don't take it too far with him or he will combust on the spot
the relationship with you also greatly improved his communication skill. He is still rather reserved and quiet, but he is a good listener and great at remembering stuff
over time, it gets easier for him to communicate about his wants and needs, what he likes and doesn't like
he can now openly talk about it with you, without fearing to upset you of feeling guilty about it, because he felt like that would be too selfish of him
everyone around you can see what a great influence you are to Diluc's everyday life
He feels much more at peace and doesn't look like he's constantly on edge, like he's about to murder the next person that comes into his line of vision
I feel like Diluc's love language would be quality time. He likes to spend time together, just the two of you. And he doesn't really care how the time is spend
It could be on a long walk, baking or cooking together in his kitchen, cuddling on the couch or the bed, he really doesn't care as long as he gets to be alone with you, no one and nothing to distract you around
invites you to permanently live with him in his mansion after only a few months of dating. Would be understanding if you told him that this would be too fast for you, but if you agree? He's over the moon, because that means he can spend every single second of the day with you when he's also at home
really grew to enjoy cuddling over the course of the relationship. Didn't see the appeal of it at the start, but now he knows why everyone is such a big fan of it
Cuddling is a must when you lay in bed together at night, he can't really sleep right anymore without you hugged close to him. He needs you right by his side
Diluc becomes more vocal a bit later on, starting to also give you compliments
overall, he needs a lot of time to settle in and feel comfortable in a relationship, but if you are willing to give him the time he needs, the rewards you'll get will be so worth it
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Tighnari
Now, I may be a bit biased with him, because I love Tighnari, but I don't care
Tighnari would be a very attentive lover
he dates only with the intention of settling down and having a forever with you, so if you're not up for that, please tell him upfront so he doesn't waste his time
would take great pride if he is the sole provider for the both of you, since his instincts play a big part in that
he would take his time in a relationship, trying to ascertain if it works out between you two
feels very sure and secure in the relationship, but that doesn't mean that he never gets jealous
funnily enough, I headcanon Tighnari as one of the most jealous men ever. He knows you would never do anything to him behind his back, but he can't help his instincts. And when every little thought in his head just yells "MINE" he can't help but act on them. Don't blame him for it.
once he is sure that you are the right one for him and that he wants to spend his life with you, he would sit you down and talk to you about mating
he told you a few things about it and how he and his instincts work (because he is a hybrid and all), but he never went into too much detail
if you were to agree to becoming his life partner and mate, he would be so happy that he starts crying a bit
hugs you close to him and doesn't let you go for the entire night
He never thought that love and romance would be for him, nevertehless thought that he would ever find a mate in the first place. So excuse him for feeling overjoyed at the way his live is playing out right now
Tighnari's love language I think would be both physical touch and acts of service
he loves to pamper you and one of the best ways to do that would be to help you with household chores
every once in a while, when you decide to sleep in a bit, don't be too surprised when you wake up to the dishes from the night before being done and properly stored already.
The laundry that you washed and folded but didn't put away yet? Suddenly gone and neatly stocked in the closet.
When asking him about it, he just looks at you and goes "What? Am I not allowed to help my mate around the house a bit?"
Doesn't really expect a reward from you, but also won't complain if you give him kisses and cuddles for his help.
He really, REALLY, enjoys your cooking. Even when sometimes you make stuff he's not really into, he still eats it and every time finds something he does enjoy about the meal. But maybe that's just the effect you have on him as a whole..
Also, physical touch.. Tighnari can't go a day without touching you. It starts every morning, instisting to stay in bed for five more minutes for morning cuddles.
You're still cooking when he comes home from a long day? Hugs you from behind, kisses your neck and either helps you with the cooking, or just stays there and basks in your presence
He has to touch you in some way, shape or form every time he sees you, even if you just walk by him. He can't help it, just let him induldge, please
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Wanderer
Now this man..
Hope you brought some patience with you, because you're going to need it
Before even thinking of getting into a relationship with him, you first have to earn his trust. And that's not something easily achievable
But, if you manage to do it and make him fall in love with you while doing it? Congratulations, he will be your forever loyal and loving partner from now on
He's still very bad at communicating, so maybe learn to read between the lines with him
He always acts like he doesn't like stuff that you do, but if you look closely, you can see the way he turns his head so you don't notice his red cheeks or how his tone gets a bit softer when he's embarrassed about something
In reality, he loves and appreciates everything you do for him
Even though he never fails to tell you how ridiculous you are for making his breakfast pancake into a heart-shaped form, he still quietly sits down and eats it, head turned to escape your gaze. He just hopes you'll never see how red his face gets every time
He once saw a stall on a market he was walking through that sold necklaces. On a whim, he bought one that had a single, indigo coloured crystal dangling from the string
When he noticed you wearing it almost every day, he felt like he suddenly gained a heart, and it leaped and wanted to jump out of his chest again. He didn't say anything but just hugged you from behind, holding you a bit tighter than he usually did
I think Wanderer would appreciate you even more if your love language happened to be words of affirmation
He can't even begin to tell you how much it means to him to get that constant, verbal reassurance that you love him and want to be with him
It's something he still struggles a lot with, not thinking that he's worthy of all the time and effort you put into him. But your words really help him, it starts to sink in that you're with him because you want to, not because he manipulated you or anything
As for the Wanderer himself, I feel physical touch would most likely be his love language
Not only because he gets the physical reassurance that you're actually here with him and this whole thing is not just a delusion or dream his mind came up with. It's also because it reminds him that you're alive and well in his arms, and you're not planing on going anywhere
one of his favourite moments is when you two cuddle, either in bed or on the couch, with his head laid on your chest. He can clearly hear your heartbeat like that. He feels safe listening to it and it is a safe method for him to enter the dreamworld without much problem.
A very devoted lover, although difficult at first, but again, the pay-off is more than worth the effort
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Kaeya
There is one, very important rule in a relationship with Kaeya. One he will never, under no circumstances, ever break
Once a week, there will be a couple's night
During that time, the both of you stay at home together. No outings, no work, no going out with friends or family, nothing
Just the two of you, dressing up in cute little matching onesies, making dinner together (maybe have a little food war in the kitchen), cuddle up on the couch afterwards
Sometimes you play games together, other times it's a full on spa night with face masks, where you give each other massages and just pamper the other.
But the both of you are so grateful that you decided to implement this rule into your relationship
Kaeya's job as a knight can get rather busy from time to time, it happened on more than one occaison that he stayed at the headquarters for a few days uninterrupted. During that time period, you rarely got to see him.
Still, when it was time for date night, neither of you made exeptions. No matter how much work was waiting for him, Kaeya would put it on hold for this night. Because that's what you both agreed on and also, he really needs the break. He missed your presence and touch
Kaeya is another one who I think expresses his love for you through physical touch and quality time.
Precisely because he doesn't always have much time to spend with you, every second counts for him. To him, it does not matter how that time is spent, so long as it's with you
There could be thousands of other people around you, it could be on a night out with friends. As long as he gets to touch you, feel you close to him and have you there with him, he is happy.
Kaeya also trust you deeply. You're one of the only people he feels comfortable enough around to take his eye patch off.
Once you learned that his right eye is fine under that patch - except for a not so nice looking vertikal scar - and saw it for the first time, Kaeya also told you the story behind how he got that scar
Of course he is scared about your reaction to it, but when you lean close to him and softly kiss the scar, he realized that he never, not even for a second, had to worry about it. Because it's you. You are here with him, you make him feel loved and cared for. Of course there was no reason for him to ever doubt you
Wants to put a ring on your hand as soon as he can, but with how hectict his life can get, he would rather wait for it to calm down
But he knows, deep down, that you will be the only person he will ever love like that. And for nothing in this world would he ever let go of you..
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suzukiblu · 7 months
Text
Day four of fic NaNoWriMo, obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.
"Dead," Tim says, because it's not like it's a secret in the community or anything. "Joker happened to him."
And a lot of other things. Sheila Haywood and Felipe Garzonas and Bruce's eternal control-freak paranoia and constant inability to just talk, to name a few. But Joker, in the end.
Still, Tim can't help thinking about the chances to have avoided what happened to Jason. Especially when thinking about what's currently happening to Kon.
If Kon gets taken advantage of or hurt or killed because no one's paying enough attention . . .
Tim takes another drink.
"That sucks," Kon says with a grimace. "No wonder Batman goes all weird mama Bat on you all the time."
Tim chokes on an incredulous laugh and also a mouthful of soda, because Bruce is definitely not that and this isn't something to make light of either, but–
But also, he thinks about how no one ever goes "weird mama Bat" on Kon. No one ever has, as far as he knows.
No one takes care of him at all.
Tim really, really doesn't like that. Kon shouldn't have to rely on working for people who think they can build custom-designed personal-use superheroes based off of stolen dead bodies and are constantly making clones that are just inhuman-looking enough to not be able to blend into society outside the lab, and therefore don't have a choice about where they live or what they do with their lives.
Maybe it's not as bad as it sounds, or at least not as malicious as it sounds, but it's still the results of what Cadmus is doing either way. Kon has the option of being a superhero, at least, but he also has a custom-designed face that looks exactly like the face of one of the most famous heroes in the sector and was given absolutely no idea how to either establish or support a civilian life, so that's just about his only option.
Aside from, again, just working for Cadmus for the rest of his life.
Tim definitely hates the world.
"Please don't call it 'going mama Bat'," he says to distract himself.
"Please tell me what else you'd call it," Kon says.
"Micromanaging," Tim replies matter-of-factly, and Kon chokes on a laugh of his own.
"What, is being Robin your after-school job?" he teases. Technically it is, Tim supposes, but he doesn't exactly think of it that way.
"I consider it more of an unpaid internship," he says, since explaining the whole "emotional support sidekick" thing would probably damage Bruce's Bat-mystique, and if he tells Kon the full story there he's basically telling all of Young Justice. Kon barely seems to understand the concept of secrets, much less the concept of keeping them. "Like I get an expense account but not a paycheck, you know? And sometimes we get cookies in the Batcave."
"Cookies. In the Batcave," Kon echoes, his eyebrows shooting up. "Are they bat-shaped?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," Tim replies with a pleasant smile. Alfred doesn't usually bother with anything quite that on the nose, but according to Dick there are Halloween cookie cutters in the kitchen that he's not above bringing out when Bruce has been being especially ridiculous, so . . .
"Oh my god," Kon says delightedly. "Does he make them himself? Is there a Bat-apron? A Bat-oven? Or does he just order them special from the Bat-bakery?"
"There is not a Bat-bakery," Tim says, trying not to laugh again. Goddammit, Kon shouldn't be so fucking funny all the time. He's not even that funny, objectively; Tim is just a smitten idiot.
"So there is a Bat-apron?" Kon says with a smirk.
"I plead the fifth," Tim says, since explaining the novelty Halloween apron Jason bought Alfred when he was thirteen is not actually on the table. Details compromise identities, loose lips sink ships; all that.
"Listen, man, Cadmus doesn't have a bakery unless you count the test tubes they cook us up in," Kon says with a snigger, grabbing himself another slice. Tim thinks thoughts about incendiary devices. "They buy our cookies frozen or just get the industrial-sized pudding cans. Or make bread pudding, the bastards. So you gotta tell me about the Bat-cookies."
Tim winces at the thought of industrial-sized pudding cans and bread pudding, because that sounds absolutely horrifying and he never, ever wants to taste industrial pudding. Ever.
"Well, they're definitely not frozen," he says. "But Nightwing started being Robin a lot younger than I did and the last Robin started younger than me too, so I think I'm just reaping the benefits of younger kids needing after-patrol snacks and everyone else getting in the habit of it."
"I could get into that habit," Kon says musingly as he tears a bite off his newest slice. Tim immediately resolves to order takeout after every possible Young Justice mission that he can. Or they could go get ice cream or something, he doesn't know. "What do you think, wanna make me Bat-cookies sometime, Rob?"
Every weekend for the rest of their respective lives, although Tim would never actually say that. He's not even a good baker. He doesn't even like to bake.
This crush is definitely a problem.
"You're not Gothamite enough to handle Bat-baking, Kon," Tim says dryly, and Kon sniggers.
He also ducks his head a little, looking . . . oddly soft, for a moment. Tim doesn't understand why, until he realizes–oh. It's because he just called him "Kon", isn't it. He wasn't even thinking about it; just did it reflexively.
Tim is pretty sure he needs to ruin the credit of every single "responsible" adult in Kon's life for not naming him sooner. Well–Dubbilex can have a pass, considering he was also made by Cadmus and his own name is Dubbilex, so it probably never occurred to him that "Superboy" wasn't a perfectly acceptable name. And also he probably doesn't have credit either. But all the rest of them, definitely and for sure.
Superman is getting an envelope of powdered Kryptonite in his fucking mailbox, to start. Or maybe Tim could aerosolize it and pepper-spray him with it. That might work.
"You don't know, I could be," Kon huffs, putting on a mock-offended expression. "I was born and raised in a lab, I'm way tougher than the average guy."
"A Metropolis lab," Tim says pityingly. "Might as well be a kindergarten science class."
"Oh fuck you, Batboy!" Kon protests with a laugh. "Tell that to the next alien invasion."
"Aliens know better than to invade Gotham," Tim says. Kon laughs again. It's–weirdly nice, honestly. Usually Kon's too busy trying to act cool in front of whatever "audience" he thinks they have to actually, like . . . just talk all that much or anything. And also usually he gets offended really easily or starts being annoying about something he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does about or just . . . something.
Tim admittedly is less and less annoyed and more and more endeared by that kind of stupid behavior these days, but still. It's the usual pattern their interactions follow.
He guesses they're actually just, like, hanging out right now. It's not like there's a bad guy or a crisis or even any teammates around or training to do, so . . .
Yeah. He guesses they're just hanging out.
Kon decimates the pizza and wings, Tim pretends to be helping and takes a few mental notes on how much Kon is eating and what that may or may not say about his required caloric intake, and they just kind of keep . . . hanging out, really. And they talk, at least as much as Tim lightly interrogating Kon and subtly evading providing any personal identifying information counts as "talking".
Tim really doesn't know if the guys at school or Young Justice are more authentically his "friends", at this point, but at least Young Justice knows there are things they don't know. Everyone from school . . .
Not so much, with them. They all only know Tim Drake, and none of them have any reason to suspect the existence of Robin. Young Justice only knows Robin, but at least they know there is a Tim Drake somewhere, whether they know him or not.
Maybe they are the ones who are more his friends, thinking of it that way.
It'd explain why things never really go anywhere with civilians and he's developed this stupid inadvisable crush on Kon, at least. Though not why things fizzled with Steph, since she knows Robin better than anyone in Young Justice. If he should be having a stupid inadvisable crush on anyone, at least it could've been someone with an equally stupid and inadvisable crush on him.
Unfortunately, he and Steph have officially friend-zoned each other and also Kon exists, so Tim is having his stupid inadvisable crush on an alien hybrid metahuman clone in a terrible living situation with stupid taste in sunglasses and a mysteriously infinite-seeming supply of leather jackets. So now Tim is in this situation and his supervillain timeline needs recalculated, and also he's going to be buying Young Justice so much takeout to make sure Kon gets to eat something that isn't cafeteria food in a way he won't get offended by.
Hopefully, anyway.
"Well, I'm glad the new job's working out," Tim comments eventually, after some very careful conversational maneuvering, and Kon . . . pauses.
"I guess," he says after a moment, picking olives off the remains of his current slice and not quite looking at him as he says it. Tim resists the urge to absolutely pounce on the blood in the water and makes himself wait. "I mean, it's fine, it's not like it's bad there. Like, I don't love that it's my only real option and I don't love the same lab that made me out of DNA that it literally got out of a literal grave being in charge of me, but it's not like Westfield's still running the place or anything. So like, could be worse."
Tim hates the world. All of it. Seriously. Alfred's snickerdoodles get an exception and that's it. Nothing else.
"I'm sure it'll all work out," he says, because yeah, he officially needs to actually do something about this. He doesn't know what something, but something. If he doesn't, who else is going to?
Kon puts on a fake grin and says something stupid and easy in reply, the comment lighthearted and dismissive and a screamingly obvious coping strategy from someone who doesn't see any way out of their current situation but through, and Tim . . .
Tim finishes his Zesti and starts to think.
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meownotgood · 15 days
Text
more mermaid reader x sailor aki. part 2 of this. ignore how long this is... my... brain worms...
aki returns to sailing a few days later. granted, it's in a much smaller boat: one of his spare fishing boats he used before he saved up enough to purchase a proper one. the ocean can never keep him away for long, no matter what it chooses to throw at him. the familiar sun warms his skin, his lungs filled with breath after breath of the sea. rays shimmer off of clear, cool water. it's hard to believe, almost, that this sea was once rocky and wild. that pelting rain, strong winds, and salty depths almost claimed him.
the water is clear enough, in fact, to allow aki to easily spot a glimmer of green scales and a long, damaged tail.
you've been swimming not far from the shore for a few days now. aki figures you can't head back into the deeper parts of the ocean; you're weak, after all. he can spot you for brief moments amongst the rocks and seaweed, but each time he brings his boat in your direction, you disappear as quick as he noticed you.
aki is beginning to question if he's even capable of helping you in the first place. he doesn't fault you for being scared, for not trusting him. he can hardly think of a reason why you'd choose to save him, really. but if he doesn't get you out of this cove, someone is going to notice. someone with much worse intentions.
so aki throws himself back into his boat and sails into the water, again and again. to little success, of course. after days of trying, the closest he ever gets to you is a few feet away; you hover close to the surface of the water, your hair flowing around you, stray nets of fishing line caught in the mess of your tail. your eyes meet his. aki remains still, wonderment in his gaze. but when he reaches out, fingertips hesitantly skimming the surface of the water, you twist and dive deeper, vanishing into the distance.
he's almost ready to give up. to accept you don't trust him, and leave you to your own whims. until, when he's taking a break from searching, lying back on his boat and watching puffy white clouds pass, he manages to spot a shimmer in the very corner of his vision — aki turns, to see you're already staring at him. head tilted, soft eyes on his, your fingers delicately holding the edge of his boat. you let go as he sits up, but for once, you don't disappear. you swim back a bit, and you eye him up and down, the same pinch in your brows he remembers seeing before. but for once, you stay.
aki feels like he's just struck gold. his heart pounds, and he holds as still as possible, trying to think of something to say, something to do. he has his hair half-up, shell-shaped earrings glitter on his lobes. you notice he has nothing in his small boat, save for a brown pack in a far corner. you examine him cautiously, anyways.
"hello," aki manages. he cringes at how nervous he sounds. can you even understand him? he's known sirens to be able to imitate human speech, but mermaids are completely different. they have their own manner of speaking, and they try to stray away from humans whenever possible. your expression changes slightly when you hear him speak. he can't tell if you have any idea what he's said or not. you look annoyed, almost, the fins on your ears pulled back like a cat about to hiss.
raising out of the water a bit more, you give him his first clear view of your face. parts of your shoulders and chest are textured with the same layer of scales as your tail. you raise your hands above water, and you sign.
aki wishes he paid more attention when he was a kid, to the sign language lessons his parents tried to teach him, because then, maybe, he would be able to speak to you freely. his parents were fishers too. they spent every sunlit day on the ocean, up until when they passed away. there's no use in communicating with mermaids, aki thought — he doesn't care to understand them when they have no interest in people.
and yet, you are different. you're here. you saved him. the storm on that fateful night could have taken him, just as it had once taken his parents. when his brother went out to look for them, only to never been seen again, aki prayed for the cruel ocean to have mercy. he hated it. hated the smell of the sea and the whisper of calm waves, but it was all he had left.
it would drown him some day. he knew it would have him in the end, grasping him in dark watery clutches, like how it took everything he once cared about. when the water was choking him, invading his lungs and promising to be his coffin, until his vision was fading into frothy nothingness, he wasn't afraid of death. the ocean is a home for those with nothing left to lose. still, you saved him from that fate.
why, why was his family left to die, while he was made to live?
he's not sure. there probably isn't a reason. no god is taking pity on him, nor the universe, nor the ocean itself — even though its fierce waves should be punishing him. this is his fault. he's the one who toys with death, who doesn't give a damn towards his own well-being. he's the one who got his brother killed.
all he knows now, is that if he gave up here, if he let you die, he'd only be allowing another sacrifice to be in vain. mermaid or not, it doesn't matter. he wouldn't forgive himself.
your mouth presses into a line. your tail sways, while you gesture to him, to yourself. aki takes a moment or so to grasp what you're trying to say. I know who you are.
blinking, he stares at you with slight confusion. your palms cup together, and they imitate the bob of a vessel on waves. boat. your fingers splay and cross over, matching the crosshatch pattern of mesh, before you reach out and imitate a large shape. net. you make a gripping, stabbing motion. harpoon.
"oh," aki swallows, gaze darkening. "I... I get it."
he tries to formulate a response as quick as possible. you watch, wide-eyed, as he clumsily — endearingly, somewhat — attempts to recall what signs he knows. safe, he demonstrates, with a swift movement of hands clenched, arms crossed over. and then, help, followed by an awkward point to himself. he swears under his breath sharply, stalling, struggling to remember. until finally, he signs hastily: sorry.
your gaze scans him, unreadable. he begins to move slowly, his eyes kept on yours. he reaches back, he grabs the strap of his bag. abruptly, you flinch, dipping below the water slightly.
"no, no, it's okay," aki reassures, holding up his palms. you freeze, and perhaps you can understand him, or maybe it's just his smooth voice reassuring you — but still, again, you don't run. thankfully. aki places his bag in his lap and fiddles with the zipper, shaky, nervous hands struggling to do it right.
"I brought supplies. to help you," he says; he digs around his bag once he has it open, he grasps a roll of gauze and takes it out to show you. "see? don't know how well this'll work, but-" he shows you a small bottle, "I brought disinfectant," another bottle, this one is clear, with liquid sloshing inside, "fresh water." then, he pulls out a large hunting knife, the blade sheathed in leather. still, you know exactly what it is. "to cut the fishing line."
your eyes are wide. you tense, you retreat into the water on instinct, leaving just the top of your head visable.
"it's okay, don't run- no knife? alright, okay. that's fine."
aki stands, the boat wobbling slightly from the shift in his weight. you lift up again, just in time to watch him chuck the knife as far as he can into the ocean. it hits the water with a slight plip, only to sink down until it's gone from view.
"there. I won't hurt you, I promise." his gaze meets yours again, and you seem to breathe deeply, relaxing. your expression carries a hint of understanding. aki kneels down, close to the boat's edge. "it's alright if you don't trust me. but please, at least let me repay you. come here, I'll pull you up."
he extends a hand out towards you, and you give him one more quick once over. carefully, hesitantly, you swim closer. aki admires the way sunlight shimmers in the scales on your cheeks, the way your finned ears twitch in interest. you reach up, your delicate fingers brush his — warm, you are warmer than he thought you'd be. delightfully warm. you take his hand, your palm is soft, yet slippery. aki grasps back, and he pulls.
you're dragged up, as aki heaves you onto the boat, making the whole thing sway and his brows knot from the effort. he grasps both your forearms to make it easier. when the weight of your large tail finally rests down in the boat, he's stumbling back. the entire boat is shifting, and you're falling forward as he's losing his footing.
aki tumbles onto his back with a huff, you settle on his chest — oh, how your poor heart races, pattering to a rapid rhythm between your ribs. your hair drips with water, echoing a steady noise when droplets hit the wooden deck of his boat. his palm idly presses to the small of your back as he sits up.
his touch, the reserved sailor you saved that night, with long dark hair, and handsome features you found unforgettable. he was alone when you decided to follow him. sailing alone, late at night with only the light of the moon and the lanterns on his ship to guide him, while thunder rolled overhead and promised sleeplessness to come. he was either a reckless idiot, a self-sabotaging fool, or both. the dark water hid you from view as you followed in the wake left by his ship. you weren't intending to meddle, but when lightning struck down and his boat crumbled, when he went plummeting into the deep, were you just supposed to leave him to the waves?
should you have just let him die?
you pondered it, while hiding in the rocks of the cove, busying yourself with trying to pull splinters of driftwood from the gash in your tail. you have no allegiance to humans, especially senseless ones. you could have left him so easily and never once turned back. but —
aki glances up at you, lightly catching his breath. and he smiles. his eyes crinkle, his lips tip upward. the way he looks at you is the softest, most genuine thing you've ever known.
you've been hiding all your life. you have never been familiar with anything but the depths, and the occasional ships that drift past. you know humans are dangerous. you haven't spoken with your own kind since you were a child, but you've witnessed what they can do, you've been told they'll hunt you if they see you. for your tail and your scales and the glory; you shouldn't have saved him, that much is obvious. everything was telling you that you shouldn't have.
but aki is the first human you've ever met, and the first person to ever smile at you. in a singular moment, all of your regrets disappear, to be replaced by tender, heart-pounding warmth.
"hello," he repeats, breathing a slight sigh in satisfaction. god, he did it, you trust him. adrenaline runs thick in his veins. he has a damn mermaid in his lap, of all ridiculous things.
he allows his gaze to trail over you. he examines your tail, delicate fins tangled up in fishing line. most of your tail looks salvageable. with the missing section of your end fins, you'll likely never swim the same. but once the wound is given a chance to properly heal, he thinks you could definitely be able to leave the cove.
your arms have scales, your wrists and waist are adorned with pearls and shells tied to form makeshift jewelry. around your neck, you're wearing a familiar, rusted silver pendant.
aki reaches towards you, gazing at you gently. your eyes narrowing, he notices when you flinch, and he stops, but you don't move. instead, you allow him to reach close enough to carefully grasp the pendant around your neck.
his thumb runs over the engraved surface. he knew what he saw glinting around your neck wasn't just his imagination. "my locket. you found it."
you eye him silently, for a moment. then, you push away from his chest. you sit up, curling your tail around yourself. aki props up along with you, and you begin to reach back, searching for the clasp on the necklace. you sign one-handed, by pointing to your forehead, then to him. for you. you hold out the necklace, aki's palm outstretched to take it.
for you. his heart skips a few beats at that, somehow.
although, first, you're carefully prying the locket open. you place it into his palm, facing him. your fingertip points to the small picture on the inside. a black and white photo, torn and faded, of a young smiling boy with short, black hair.
you point towards aki next, brows raised. you?
"oh, no," aki shakes his head. he closes the locket, and he puts the necklace into his back pocket.
brother, he signs with both hands. he takes a steady, shuddering breath. then, he glances away for a second. his next sign is done much slower. almost as if every word is formed in earnest. thank you.
you hesitate. a part of you wants to tell him you're welcome, another part of you is set on just staring at his pretty face until he notices. in the end, as aki's dumb, soft smile makes your heart race faster, your lips are left to purse into a pout.
you, you're pointing. foolish, you gesture hastily, almost angrily, with your thumb and your pinkie finger. your temple is knotted, droplets of water shimmer over your skin. then, you sign something he doesn't recognize. some form of movement that certainly carries a hint of disdain, pointing to him first, before two of your fingers press to your palm.
you demonstrate the sign again when he has no response, no reaction besides a small smirk — moving faster, hastier this time. he only shrugs. you breathe a frustrated exhale, and decide to spell the word instead. recalling what you've read from dropped books and drifting bottles, you picture the letters, and you let your hand carefully sign each one.
h- u- m- a- n.
aki shakes his head. he points to himself, he signs instead: a- k- i.
aki. you've never heard such a thing before. his name, perhaps? in that case, you don't think you'll be able to forget it.
"my name is aki," he murmurs. the breeze from the sea rustles his dark hair. it brushes over your cool skin, and you blame your resounding shiver on that, instead of his voice. finally, he points to you, this time. "and you?"
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nartml · 25 days
Text
To Pimp a Butterfly and 1989: a rant
Listen here, three things about me are that I'm a) white as snow, b) Greek, c) still a minor.
What does this mean? It means that I obviously wasn't raised with hip-hop, and I got into Kendrick Lamar's music pretty late.
As in, early this year.
I've known of him for some time, and the moment I found out he had a Pulitzer prize at some point in late-ish 2023, I decided I had to sit my ass down and pull out Spotify.
Now, as an avid reader of both fanfiction (ao3 raised me) and books [I feel the immense need to clarify that I don't associate myself with mainstream booktok. Capitalism's consumerism has overrun that shit and all I see are the same 20 books being recycled and recommended (a substantial amount of those are Colleen Hoover and her variants). Tropes and spice* are officially the defining factors of whether a book is worth it (*your porn addiction ain't cute) and quantity is heavily prioritized at the expense of quality. Also, diversity who?], I was, for a lack of a better word, hyped.
A Pulitzer prize is nothing to scoff at in general, more so in music, more so in hip-hop.
(Edit: Upon quick reflection, I realize that putting emphasis on hip-hop can come across as coded.
I am in no way, shape, or form trying to undermine hip-hop or say that it's somehow less 'sophisticated' than, for example, classical music. I'm very aware of the amount of skill and technique one needs to write a masterful hip-hop album, and I'm not doubting that there are hip-hop artists out there who are also incredibly deserving of such a prize. I meant it in the sense that I've unfortunately never heard of another hip-hop artist who won a Pulitzer before, which is quite telling.)
That's some huge shit, and I'd be a fool not to be intrigued.
Admittedly, I didn't get on that immediately. For a while I procrastinated, because I wasn't in the mood to hyper-fixate on anything new just yet.
Which of course meant I ended up forgetting about it for a few months, because of course I did.
But then I came across a TikTok that talked about how it was insane that '1989' won the Grammy when To Pimp a Butterfly was right there.
Now, a fourth thing about me is that I don't fuck with Taylor Swift.
And a fifth thing about me is that I'm not baseless in anything that I do, say or feel, and that includes annoyance.
Her immature understanding of activism and feminism leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The way she built up her fan base around this portrayal of her as a relatable girl's girl, her refusal to accept criticism, and always making a victim out of herself (even now when she's in her thirties and is a fucking billionaire) while never using her position of power and privilege for good are all reasons that serve to fuel my dispassionate dislike.
And before any Swifties get on my ass, no, I don't think that "But she's a singer! Why are you expecting so much out of her, she isn't even qualified to speak on XYZ—" is a good enough excuse.
She has always been rich, and now she's a billionaire. There are no ethical billionaires, and that includes her.
Fame is influence is power. Uncle Ben said it all: With great power comes great responsibility.
And let me tell you, I don't see her owning up to that responsibility, especially after all that talk about how she supports women, supports the LGBTQ community, and supports the BLM movement. Has she ever actually put her abundant money where her mouth is?
I've never seen her speak about anything that doesn't immediately concern her.
Don't get me wrong. She's not the only celebrity like this out there. I'm sure there are worse cases. I know it for a fact.
To wrap this segment up before I get even more sidetracked, I'll outright state that I don't hate her, because hating her would by definition mean that I, in some way, actually care about her, and that just sounds exhausting.
Best way to describe me is indifferent, leaning towards distasteful.
She's annoying.
And that's how I feel about both her as a person and her as an artist.
I'm not denying her talent, nor her impact on the industry, nor the fact that she does have good songs that even I like.
A select few, of course, but still.
Apart from those...what? Ten songs? I have never, ever been able to listen to any other song of her's all the way through.
I get bored. They do nothing for me. They sound empty. Hollow. Plastic. Repetitive.
Her lyrics, that are praised by fans for being deep and complex, sound pretty surface level to me.
Not all of them. But I'm a sucker for analysis. A literature nerd. Greek is my native language. I can tell when something's deep and when something wants to be deep.
(Not necessarily including Folklore and Evermore in that category. Her storytelling ability is actually great.)
Her music largely sounds like it wants to be deep.
Most recent example being her latest release, The Tortured Poets Department.
Anyway, back to Kendrick.
My initial plan was to listen to 'DAMN.' first, because that's what he won the Pulitzer for in the first place.
There was a change of plans after that TikTok.
I decided to compare the opening tacks.
I put on Welcome to New York, and predictably, I felt nothing.
The rhythm is dance-y, I suppose. But there's nothing substantial about it. There's nothing exciting about it.
The lyrics are juvenile, and I get it, it's a pop song and she was in her twenties.
Nobody is expecting Shakespeare (no matter how much you scream or kick your feet, the only reason Shakespeare couldn't write Taylor Swift is because he's in another league entirely) or Odysseus Elytis. Nobody is expecting mind-blowing lyricism.
But it's the opening track to an apparently Grammy-worthy album. The very least I'd expect from it would be some additional levels of artistry.
Am I being harsh? Probably. Do I care? No.
Disappointed but unsurprised, I put on Wesley's Theory.
I ascended within the first minute.
Don't get it twisted, I barely understood shit.
Not only am I white, I am also entirely removed from America and its culture as a whole. I don't know what's going on there in y'all's daily lives.
And this was baby's first proper introduction to hip-hop as a whole.
My untrained, white-ass ear barely caught two references. I got what the gist of the song was about, and that's about it.
I had to look up analyses of the track to fully grasp what Kendrick was on about, and even then, there was obviously still a disconnect.
And I expected all of that.
I didn't expect to get hooked on that song within the first listen.
I swear to fuck, the beat is addictive. I swear to fuck, even when I was fighting to understand what the lyrics were referencing, I was having the time of my life.
Even I, an amateur in every sense of the word, could tell that there was depth and there was quality and there was intentional meaning in every line of that song.
It didn't matter that I couldn't understand it. It mattered that I knew it was there. Not because someone told me that was the case. But because it was audible.
I listened to the next track. And the one after that. And the one after that. I had listened to all of the tracks, before I knew it.
And the evident permeance of quality, of substance, carried on throughout the whole album.
It had exactly the type of lyricism I'd expect a Grammy-worthy album to have. It had exactly the amount of artistry I expected a Grammy-worthy album to have.
Even better, it had all the ingredients I expected a timeless album to have.
The poetry Taylor Swift fans insist hides in her discography, I found in plain sight within Kendrick Lamar's.
After meticulously reading the lyrics, I watched video essay after video essay, searched for analysis after analysis on this album, each time understanding the meanings behind it a little better.
Needless to say that the Grammy's are rigged and I love Kendrick Lamar.
Hip-hop is gorgeous.
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nottapossum · 4 months
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Eeee this is sooooo cute!! I’m loving the Angel headcanons. I do have a question though, what headcanons do you have for when he regresses younger, like babyspace? I know you mentioned he does regress that young.
I can imagine he gets lots of cuddles with Husk and Fat Nuggets, especially if he’s feeling scared <3
I love him!!! 💕💕
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💕💕Baby Angel!!!!💕💕
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-Just as a notice for ya'll. Angel's age has changed from 1-4 to 0-4. So he can regress as young as an infant. Not that it's that big a change, but as I started writing for him, I decided he definitely regresses to infant ages, too.
So... that means he's the second youngest character so far! (Moxxie still being the littlest at 0-3)
-Angel can usually talk and will. But when he's baby, his vocabulary is limited to maybe one word sentences followed by babbling. And sometimes, no words when he's overwhelmed and doesn't feel like talking. That's when he communicates by whining or pointing silently.
-Angel is afraid of people, and the younger he gets, the harder it is to be around them. After earning his trust, Husk had become the only one he's okay with when little, after this Husk, has slowly introduced him to the others at the hotel. (Little Angel doesn't fully understand a lot of things, but he knows that people hurt him a lot.)
-Angel is very clingy when a baby. Since he has begun to trust Husk, he wants the winged cats attention constantly and cries when he doesn't get it. He wants to be held, cuddled, and protected 24/7, and he knows Husk will keep him safe.
- Angel always needs access to a pacifier or a chew sensory necklace. (probably both). Husk has gotten to the point where he always has both of those on hand, even when Angel is an adult, just in case. It's the best way to calm Angel down when he's upset or having an attack. (He also has a bunch of them because he likes to collect all different shapes and colors to match his outfit.)
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-He loves stuffed animals- but he wants fat nuggets or Husk to cuddle with at night. A stuffed animal will NOT be good enough.
-Fat Nuggets will follow Angel everywhere if he sees Angel is regressed, he takes responsibility for Angel, also he likes the attention Little Angel gives him. 💕
-Angel needs diapers when regressed, and Husk is very supportive about it. In fact, he's the one who suggested that maybe Angel needed it since he kept having accidents. It was a challenge at first to accept that he needed them, but eventually, Angel has gotten to where he gets excited when choosing which diapers he gets to wear every time he regresses!
-Angel will stick things in his mouth a lot, so Husk needs to keep a close eye on him, or he'll find Angel with something he's not supposed to have in his mouth, like Alastor's microphone or crayons. (Alastor wasn't even sure how Angel got a hold of it. He'd be angry if he wasn't impressed)
-Baby Angel plays with blocks! Nothing much to say... just that blocks are cute.
-Angel crawls when in baby headspace and will slowly follow Husk everywhere, asking to be picked up.
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He's glad to have Husk there as his caregiver. He didn't expect him to be so okay with the fact that he's as young as he is, but the bartender really surprised him by not only supporting him, but taking responsibility for him and encouraging him.
Feel free to send more baby Angel headcannons, or any Angel headcannons. His and Husk's info post should be done soon-ish. (I keep saying that, but then I keep adding more because I keep coming up with more stuff!)
@todayimfour
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bookshelfdreams · 8 months
Text
Once again, as it so often is with ofmd, it is about violence.
Ed is capable of violence and it makes him feel monstrous. Killing his father was a defining moment in his life, something that became a core memory: The darkest, scariest part of himself, but also one that has protected him and been immensely useful. No matter how much he hurts himself with it, how much it chips away at his soul, he's willing and able to do horrible things. This is the price we pay for violence: When you kill, you die as well.
When he met Stede, a man he thinks is fundamentally incapable of the kind of violence that's slowly destroying Ed, it gave him hope that he, too, could move beyond it. That a life full of comfortable and beautiful things was not only possible but attainable; if Stede can sail the seas with his ridiculous toy ship full of books and soft fabrics, have a positive culture of open communication and constructive feedback, then fuck it, why can't he?
To him, Stede's incapability for violence is a positive thing; it might be Stede's greatest strength. But what Ed doesn't realize is that Stede's life, too has been profoundly shaped by violence, how intimately he is acquainted with it - from the other side. Stede has only ever been a victim of violence. Where the moments that replay in Ed's head (the lovely little motage at the beginning of 02x06 for example) are moments where he enacts violence, the moments that define Stede are ones where violence is done to him. We see him splattered with blood, picking flowers: we know what follows is humiliation, verbal and physical abuse, that Stede was unable to protect himself from.
So of course, to Stede, his lack of talent for violence becomes a character flaw. Something that makes him weak, pathetic, cowardly. When he finally learns how to wield violence, how to use it to protect himself and others, it's empowering. He revels in it, the small moments (I did a punch!) and the bigger ones. For the first time in all his life, he's not a victim anymore.
Ed does not know this about Stede. To him, Stede is fragile, someone not yet tainted by violence the way he is. Ed feels protective of Stede, and it's that perceived innocence that I think is a big part of it. All he sees is Stede descending down a path of violence and piracy he has walked already and cannot go down again; the last time he did, it literally made him suicidal. He can't follow, and he can't watch Stede destroy himself the way Ed did, either.
So he leaves.
And Stede, who feels like he has finally grown into a better, more capable version of himself, someone who is able to see hurt and fight back against it for once, doesn't understand this at all.
Both these viewpoints are ones that ofmd wants to validate: Violence is a terrible beast that will eat you whole and spit out your bones AND Violence is sometimes necessary, and even good. It's a delicate balance to keep, and 02x07 doesn't quite manage to do so. But despite the awkwardness, the bones are still there; we end on Roach and Fang (two characters very capable of and good at violence!) having their cute little self-care spa day. This is the future ofmd wants us to believe in: a world where we can chose care and tenderness over battles.
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Text
Thoughts and feelings about Izzy in s2ep4 and what it means to me as a fellow disabled person:
Yeah, so, that episode, huh?
You know, I already knew going into this new season that Izzy's storyline is going to hit me hard regardless of the exact little plot points it might have, but it's only now, several hours after I've watched eps 4&5 that I'm really starting to digest what his story means to me in it's current shape. This is... a bit long. I also mention a character from a different show - Isaac from Sex Education.
Izzy has always been a bit of a dick, right? That's the reason a lot of people hated him in the first season.
Well, now he is a bit of a dick and disabled. And let me tell you how fucking ecstatic I am about that.
You see, looking for disabled characters in media I consume has rarely been gratifying - if they are there at all, which already is rare, they have very little to do, and if they're even semi-important, they're almost always the epitomes of goodness. Nice, understanding, quiet, patient.
Barely there.
The first time I truly felt something change in this area was with the appearance of Isaac in Netflix's Sex Education. He's sarcastic, funny, talented, honest and mean.
The fandom of that show hated Isaac, let me tell you.
It was mostly because he took direct action to separate the main ship of the show that had many people obsessed. As you'd expect. People's ableism immediately jumped out. As you'd expect.
Because how dare he have his own motivations and wants, and to do what he thinks is right?
Barely there.
And now we have Izzy. Izzy, who also did what he thought was right, which in s1 of the show was trying to separate Ed and Stede. He wasn't trying to make himself too likeable at any point (well. when the crew almost mutinied on him in s1 he did do a last ditch effort but. you remember how well that went).
My point is that now we have someone who isn't particularly nice, and now he's dealing with a sudden loss of ability in his body, which is going to make him even worse. He's angry! Of course he is! He's hobbling around with half a leg gone, humiliated, exhausted, barely recovered from impromptu amputation, no anesthesia. And a suicide attempt! He's angry at himself, his body, at Ed, at Stede, at God if he still believes in one, and who knows who else.
He isn't suddenly going to become nicer to people just because. He doesn't need to be humbled.
(a little sidenote: I do not accept the reasoning that Izzy somehow deserved to lose his leg, that "oh what did he expect riling up Ed when he was heartbroken?" etc. He wasn't expecting to get shot in the fucking leg. Nobody fucking deserves that, and if you think that Ed shooting him in the leg and Izzy subsequently having to have it amputated was an "appropriate punishment" for "what he's done", you're just cruel and wrong. Now scram.)
But that's the point. Disabled people deserve help regardless of whether or not we are nice.
Thankfully (not from Izzy's point of view - his pride was definitely bruised in that moment) the crew saw him struggle, and acted in kind. Because Izzy is their dick. And now - also their unicorn.
And it means so much to me that we get the representation of disabled people who thrash around and rattle the bars of their societal cages, furious at the world that isn't welcoming to us, and receive love and care and an invitation to a loving community regardless.
We shouldn't have to be here just when ableds are ready to give. We aren't meek vessels for your good will. Izzy is such a painfully realistic (as far as the universe of the show permits, given it's unavoidable goofiness) portrayal of the anger of someone who's lost some of their body's past ability, and how one might deal with it.
And I really wanted to say something about that, because I'm afraid it might get lost in the discussion about the more popular and more easily digestible aspects of the show.
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ofallthingsnasty · 1 year
Note
May I request yandere reo mikage manipulating his s/o making them think they need him. This causes Stockholm Syndrome and they later get married and have a child. Reo is praised in the public for being a billionaire, pro-soccer player, good husband and father.
tags: yandere, reo is 20+, emotional abuse, sfw but minors please dni, pregnancy discussion but no pronouns are used word count: 0.7k
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Oh, Reo... deceptively sweet and caring Reo. Who needs Stockholm Syndrome when your boyfriend never gave you any weird feelings in the first place, when he showers you with gifts and affection? He is all you could ever ask for, attentive beyond belief and willing to do just about anything for you. He seems to be too good to be true, really: a pro-athlete, rich, only has eyes for you. Who wouldn't get swept up by that? And my, isn't he just like a lovesick little puppy with how he sends you flowers to your workplace, how he picks you up whenever he can - whisking you away for yet another expensive dinner, a new mini-vacation every other weekend. Sweet and handsome and above all, generous - you don't want to leave. It's easy to simply ignore what lurks beneath the surface of that bright smile and boyish enthusiasm: How much he needs you, how he doesn't let go of people he has picked - he's either extremely hot or cold with those few, chosen ones. We've seen how he treats Nagi when all is well, when he can put his faith in someone - but we've also seen how he gets when those feelings get trampled into the ground. He's definitely the type to always try to smooth the waves, who never wants to fight but also has a very peculiar way of communicating any issues he has with your behavior. He doesn't like it all that much when your attention strays from him, for whatever reason. He's extremely emotionally manipulative. Never the one to outright forbid you from going out or even keeping you - but he'll act so cold, will mope for days after you spent a night out, when you dive into one of your hobbies instead of spending time with him. Everything that doesn't suit him is some sort of betrayal to Reo, makes him turn frosty until you apologize for something you don't quite understand. It's subtle and very gradual but you'll soon try to phase out everything that upsets him. It's just so hard to weather his depressive moods, to be in the same house as him while he can't face you without a look of clear disappointment and hurt in his eyes. Not only does he wean you from all your silly little distractions, he rewards you for not giving any of your precious time to your friends and family - even more expensive gifts, the finest food and above all, so much love and praise that it makes you feel dizzy and desperate when he punishes you again after a perceived mishap. He has the art of manipulation down and no matter how much you try to fight against it - you love him. And seeing someone you love so dearly all vulnerable and hurting is bound to shape your behavior. You'll find yourself so entangled in the webs he weaves after just a few months of being together, so dependent on him that you question your ability to ever be single again.
He doesn't view having a child with you as a way to shackle you to him - he genuinely wants a baby, dreams of that picture-perfect little family, of raising a little human with you. A child is the ultimate union between the two of you, the purest declaration of love. That's why it hurts him all the more when you tell him you don't want one right now. Reo just doesn't understand - he has all the money to support you, you've been together for quite a while, had your fun - why not take that jump with him? It feels like you're rejecting him and his love. He won't force you into anything but he'll give you his coldest shoulder yet. He takes your gentle later, honey, just not now and twists it into you completely blindsiding him. He can't even look at you - leaves the house without saying goodbye, doesn't sleep in the same bed as you - hell, you'll even catch him crying once. Reo wears you down emotionally, makes you feel so ungrateful and selfish for denying him this simple thing that you'll fold just after a few days. Does it really matter if you wait another year before you start trying? Doesn't he have all the money in the world to hire a whole gaggle of nannies? What will really change? You only have things to gain. And if it keeps him happy, keeps his eyes shining and you in his good graces, why not start now?
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toushindai · 3 months
Text
totk spoilers but are we ACTUALLY meant to think it’s poetic or flattering or triumphant that Rauru was like “oh YEAH? Well in thousands of years this guy called Link is gonna kick your ass”
How much has he even heard about Link? He must have had at least one more conversation about him with Zelda because the Master Sword doesn’t come up in the Zelda and Sonia tear, and by the King’s Duty tear Rauru’s just like oh don’t worry, if we don’t finish Ganondorf off I’m sure your bf can handle him. As I’ve said before, his “We rely on your knight” line rubbed me the wrong way starting with its appearance in the trailer, and it really does not feel less entitled after watching said knight (and that legendary sword he carries) very very VERY nearly get one-shotted by Ganondorf at the beginning of the game. And Zelda knows this! What does she feel watching her Better Dad Substitute sacrifice himself and simultaneously sic the evil bad guy on Link—a siccing which explicitly shapes Ganondorf’s attitude towards Link at the beginning of the game? At what point did she have the emotion of “welp. I know why Ganondorf knew Link’s name now.” The musical blending of the LOZ theme/hero’s theme with Rauru’s theme seems to suggest that it’s not an emotion meant to be had at exactly that moment, but I cannot watch Rauru sneer “remember that name” without yelling HE DOESN’T NEED THAT INFORMATION at the screen.
I played through the GSI in Japanese recently and Rauru did seem a touch less entitled to Link than I’ve been reading him—mostly because of the formal, polite, outgroup-equal language he used with him—but I still can’t get over the extent to which Rauru heard about Link a few times and decided, sight unseen, that he was going to clean up Rauru’s mess. My man what made you think that. What gave you the right to decide that. And how frightening to be Zelda and watch Rauru pin all the world’s hope on her beloved knight who Ganondorf absolutely fucking wiped the floor with. We see this worry in her in the Master Sword in Time cutscene! To what extent can Zelda’s transformation and before that her petition to the other tribes of Hyrule for Link’s sake be understood as a forced action due to Rauru’s conviction that Link could do this no sweat? Almost entirely, I feel—but does the game know that?
I just. Isn't it intentional? Doesn't it have to be? The fact that Rauru already needs the correction, once, that he cannot and should not face the Demon King alone. Then his melodramatic claim that Link has got this on lock. Then Zelda being like 😬 not sure about this actually and going through the whole process of talking to the ancient sages + draconifying for the sake of the Master Sword. Because Rauru absolutely set Link up to fail and Zelda is the one making sure Link has the resources, including the support of others, he needs to succeed. And the game is so much about community, about not doing things on your own.
And yet the way the scene is scored and animated and the way all the other characters talk about Rauru's sacrifice seems to treat this as a a moment of culmination, of triumph. I am getting such mixed messages here.
Understand, I’m saying all of this with an aching fondness for this poor self-deluded hypocrite. And also teeth-grinding frustration. I think he deserves to feel suffocatingly humiliated when Link almost didn’t survive Ganondorf’s attack and I also have tremendous sympathy for the shame and terror that it might be far too late to correct his mistake that he must have felt as he waited for Link to wake up. Both of those things. Hopelessly lonely man who found people to love him and built himself into a role he was never adequate for. I wish the game looked at this a little more. I wish I could tell if the game intended this at all.
(This is not the most intelligently written post but I assure you I mean every word of it.)
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melatonin-melanin · 6 months
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menhera as a movement and how it can connect to race
most members of the menhera subculture tend to have one goal in mind, and it's to be able to improve their mental health one way or another. for those unaware, menhera is a mental health movement originating in japan, where the term was originally defined as "someone who seeks mental well being." you can learn more about it here.
a large aspect of the menhera subculture is creating art in order to vent your struggles. this art is expressed most commonly through mediums such as fashion, painting, and music. any topics are acceptable to create vent art from, and often there will be motifs related to the author's trauma. however, over time, menhera has been watered down to containing mainly medical motifs in creations, as opposed to the original intention of being an outlet for a vast majority of issues that people may struggle with. of course, this doesn't mean that people no longer use it to vent; there are still many active members of the community, at least overseas.
you might be thinking, "that's nice to learn about, but what does this have to do with race? isn't this about mental health?"
well, your race can directly impact your mental health in multiple ways. when it comes to race, it's important to keep in mind that it's not just the color of your skin. race, as it is defined in society, is also your hair texture, facial structure, culture, and traditions. race is ultimately a social category, as it is fluctuating throughout history and is solely determined by people in power. think about it: for those growing up in the U.S., did you ever have to fill out forms for mandated tests? do you recall that, as time went on, more and more racial categories were added as options to check off when asked for your race?
with all of these factors taken into account, it's no wonder that race can affect mental health. whether it's from racial discrimination in multiple communities and institutions, cultural-specific struggles, or trying to find one's own place inside and outside of race-based communities, any and all of these issues can be mentally draining and have someone questioning their self-worth. added to all of this, it can be more difficult for someone to receive help for these troubles when they're not surrounded with people who understand. not every person of color is going to understand what a person with a mental illness goes through, and not every person with a mental illness is going to understand what a person of color goes through, either. depending on the people around them, a person of color struggling with mental illness may feel much more hesitant about reaching out to others because of this.
menhera as a movement was created in order for people to express all kinds of feelings without needing any particular label for what they're struggling with. it lets you wear your heart on your sleeve, and embrace aspects of yourself that you have trouble accepting. you can be beautiful, despite everything. you can be beautiful despite having traits that you've felt so insecure about for the longest time, whether it be skin color, hair type, face shape, cultural significances; none of that makes you any lesser, regardless of what you may feel or what others may have told you. my own race has tied into many of my experiences with my self-image, and my struggle with that view is part of why i identify with the menhera subculture. for anyone reading this who feels similarly, this is sort of my way of saying that you aren't alone!
i feel that, although the medical association is most likely here to stay, the majority of the menhera community can also work beyond only acknowledging certain facets of mental illness. this isn't only referring to the acknowledgment of racial issues, but other intersecting traits that affect people's experiences with mental illness. gender, class, physical disability, orientation; all of these undoubtedly influence each individual's views on mental health, and the community should strive to be more open towards all of these different experiences no matter how messy or uncomfortable they get. after all, the purpose of menhera is to tell ourselves that we're pretty, cute, handsome, gorgeous, and all of those kinds of adjectives despite how our troubles make us feel!
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