#he has such sad meow meow energy yknow?? I like him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yuziyuanapologist · 3 years

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Please tell us what kind of cat energies other cql characters have.

hello anon! so you might just be making fun of me with this ask bc I know i do nothing but talk about cats however I am taking it seriously so if that is not what you wanted please look away now!

to recap: lan xichen = orange boy cat

also disclaimer - we do not do cat breeds here. no sir. we also discourage you from reading too much into cat stereotypes. all cats are individuals it is really not much to do with their colour or gender. also we do not know why we are referring to myself as we, but that's just how it is now. blah blah blah.

as for the rest :

lan wangji = big tortoiseshell energy. I know that they are only female but I think honestly that is just very gender of him. so he's like one of those really puddingy tortoiseshell cats, will whack u if u pet him wrong, will curl up on ur lap and be the warmest ball of fluff if u Behave

wei wuxian = not to be predictable but he's a black cat. one of those that has silly time every night at 3am. sometimes he disappears for three days at a time but he always shows back up when u least expect it, covered in mud and sometimes with his ear split

jiang cheng = let's be honest he's probably grey. like a really sleek grey cat that u would see on a cat food advert. despite his appearance he will hiss and growl at Anything That Moves. he has his people that are His People and the rest should Stay Away Or Get Scratched.

jiang yanli = old lady tabby cat. she probably has no teeth but is the gentlest little cat you ever have met. instantly your friend, and will chirp at you because You Are Her Kitten Now

nie huaisang = okay. so. one time I met this cat that was like. super pretty, white cat, blue eyes, lil bit fluffy, you know the type. shoulda been called duchess except i think her name was sapphire but yknow. everyone who met her was like oh she's the most gorgeous cat I've ever met! and they were WRONG. she was purely evil, literally a demon. her meow sounded like metal screeching. she did not know what a litter tray was. she was plotting my death. and no, she never even scratched me. but I bet that when I hit my head on the door on the way out that was her fault. so that's nie huaisang.

nie mingjue = big Big street cat with the cheekies, been straying for years, probably doesn't have a full tail or his ears intact, his nose is all scritchy scratchy. HOWEVER. once you gain his trust it is over for you hoes. he will literally fall over onto you and rest his entire weight on you for affection. a good boy.

jin guangyao = I don't know but he has really big ears. probably a silver tabby. always squinting at u, and yes that means cat friendship. but u have a sneaking suspicion he has gone beyond cat body language

jin zixuan = fluffy tabby cat. insists that you brush him three times a day at precise hours. probably has a fainting couch and glass dishes like that tumblr cat, you know the one.

wen qing = again I'm not sure about colour, maybe another grey cat. she doesn't care about you and she wants you to know it. however, if you are sad, she will mysteriously appear in the same room as you. but it was an accident.

wen ning = a kitten. very stupid and will fall over himself trying to get attention. like when u scratch at the base of his tail he will stand up so high that he goes head over heels.

xue yang = like a version of Wei wuxian except that he's Actually Feral and his whiskers are all missing and he's the scruffiest cat you ever did see. but he Wants that tuna and you Will give it to him.

xiao xingchen = another orange boy cat, but a very fluffy one with white paws and chest. knows he is pretty and would like belly rubs about it please and thank u

song lan = i am running out of cats at this point. probably another grey one though. no touchy.

okay that is a good place to stop I am so sorry

#while wtiting this it occurs to me that lwj and jc could be swapped and it would work but i like jc more for the fashion vibe #anyway #i really do apologise for this #and im on mobile so idk if the read more will Work #rest in p p pieces #ask #anonymous #the untamed #rino shhh

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hauntedarbys · 4 years

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fuck it, cats recap

i saw cats with my boyfriend a few days ago. i wanted to make one of these after but thought i couldn't possibly add anything to the heaps of commentary already available on tumblr. unfortunately, cats has a certain staying power, and i think the only way to forget what i've seen is to write it down (aided by a list of songs to remind me which scenes came in which order). so here we go

the opening scene was such a bizarre combination of unsettling and kinda boring. there was so much unnecessary tension.

the set actually looked really pretty! shame about everything it had to witness.

almost all the words in the movie are unintelligible. it's probably for the best.

victoria, the audience surrogate cat, was initially in a big burlap sack which was thrown into an alley. the jellicle cats approach and dramatically paw at the sack. you can tell this was a bit of choreography meant for the stage and not a movie.

some of the cats crawl on their hands and knees, and it's just the most uncomfortable thing you can imagine.

when victoria actually emerges, all the cats hiss and disappear, then reappear to sing a song that mainly consists of asking victoria if she has certain "cat" traits like... being blind at birth???

"would you look at a king? would you sit on his throne?"

in the same song there's a sequence of cats just listing adjectives for themselves. i looked up the lyrics and apparently at one point they say "rabbinical cats." what the fuck is a rabbinical cat?

the big gray cat (afaict he isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as "munkustrap," which is one of the worst names for anything i've ever heard) asks victoria for her name, and is perplexed that it's something normal. look buddy, you don't get to name yourself munkustrap and then complain about anyone else's name.

apparently cats have three names: one that their family calls them, one super fucked up one that they decide themselves (like munkustrap), and a secret name they don't tell anyone else. the third name never becomes relevant, so i honestly don't see why they mentioned it.

if you ever see a cat in "profound meditation" they're just thinking about their name. aight.

sorry, good omens fandom, cats forever ruined the word "ineffable."

i think it's somewhere around here that macavity first appears??? i am ashamed to admit that for a brief moment he looked kind of attractive. it's idris elba, okay?

there's a song where they introduce the idea of the jellicle ball. it's really creepy, which is fitting, because apparently the jellicle ball is when their cat president decides who gets to die and go to "the heaviside layer." tbh if i were in this reality i would be begging for death too.

every moment where the cats are whisper-singing is deeply unpleasant. why.

apparently the cat president decides who deserves to die by having them each sing a song about their name. i'd previously heard the musical summarized as "cats introduce themselves one by one until one of them gets the right to die" and honestly that's pretty accurate.

munkustrap leads victoria to a human kitchen, where rebel wilson's character jennyanydots (really) is lounging around being generally useless. there is an extended shot of her scratching her crotch. i am so tired of rebel wilson playing funny fat characters.

i had already heard that jennyanydots unzipped her fursuit at some point during her song. i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what the fuck people meant by that. what they meant is, jennyanydots unzips her fucking skin to reveal a sparkly costume AND ANOTHER LAYER OF SKIN underneath. is this part of the musical? please tell me.

i knew about the cockroach vore too, but that didn't make it any less upsetting. it happens twice. there are crunching noises.

the cockroaches are... they all have human faces. they look like aliens from a kid's movie made in 2005.

rum tum tugger's song is, i regret to inform you, a bop. i looked the song up afterwards, and the stage version is actually more upsetting. a lot of crotch action.

that being said, there is a horrifically sexual part during the movie version where cats are guzzling milk and it kinda looks like bukkake drawn by someone who had never seen cum before.

also the cgi for the milk was inexplicably bad. like, it looked like some shit out of a spy kids movie.

towards the end of the song, rum tum tugger pulls victoria's foot towards his mouth. i felt time slow, and i started muttering to myself "no no no no no." fortunately, he did not suck victoria's toes. i hate that i have to write that.

i believe it's at this point that macavity shows up and thanos-snaps jennyanydots. this is the first time magic is shown to exist, which made for a really surreal effect. i kinda thought i was having a stroke.

grizabella.....

grizabella is just furry fantine. she used to be a super glamorous cat, and now she's wearing garbage and singing about how sad she is. jennifer hudson really gave it her all though.

bustopher jones, who looks like he's just james corden's fursona, shows up and sings a song about how fat he is and how much he loves to eat. my fat ass was not amused. at the end of the song he too gets taken by macavity. i guess he has a thing for chubby cats.

mungojerrie and rumpleteazer are just awful names. i hate them so much. why would you name yourself mungojerrie.

they really seem like they're trying to convince victoria to have a threesome with them. at the end of the song she's laying in a bed between them. it's bad.

i am so grateful the dog that they run away from is never shown. i can't even imagine how awful that would be.

the past two mornings i've woken up with old deuteronomy's song stuck in my head. i don't know why. it's not that interesting.

the cats all flock to old deuteronomy and nuzzle her. it's awful.

judy dench and ian mckellan were taking this so fucking seriously. i had to see ian mckellan, without a trace of irony, saying "meow meow meow" and drinking milk out of a dish. it was one of the most upsetting moments for me.

"jellicle cats are black and white," according to a bunch of cats that are neither black nor white.

victoria needs a moment to go outside and chill during the jellicle ball. i can relate.

grizabella is there again, singing a weirdly beautiful song about when she was younger and happier. i decide jennifer hudson is this movie's saving grace.

victoria sings another weirdly beautiful song about how she was abandoned in an alley (which i guess is how she ended up among the jellicle cats).

"all that i wanted,,,, was to be wanted,,," heartbreaking. relatable. loved it.

ian mckellan, whose cat is apparently named gus (short for asparagus), sings a song about how he used to be a great... actor? magician? i wasn't really clear. ian mckellan continues to do his very best to make this weird senile cat seem real, and i fully expect him to drop dead of old age halfway through the song. alas, no cat can die unless old deuteronomy wills it. i thiiiink he got taken by macavity at the end?

it turns out jennyanydots and bustopher james (and gus, i guess) are NOT dead (sigh), but have been transported to a barge in the middle of the thames. honestly i think i just dissociated too hard to remember this scene very well.

another bop from skimbleshanks the railway cat. the slow motion tap dancing was a bit much, but the song at least was fun. at the end he gets disappeared by macavity, oops!

taylor swift's whole bit is... it's just hard to sit through. yknow how everyone made fun of that bit in "look what you made me do" where she went like, "sorry, the old taylor can't come to the phone right now. why? oh, cause she's dead!" her whole song had that energy. the fake english accent made me want to die.

she pours catnip on all the cats, which makes them moan and writhe a lot. i think this was supposed to be the orgy scene? i don't know.

macavity has "broken every human law," which i assume includes treason and gay sex. i really love the possibilities here.

actually yknow what just occurred to me? would macavity get in trouble for bestiality if he fucked a human? or would it have to be, like, a cockroach or something else that's "lower" than him?

macavity thanos snaps old deuteronomy because she refuses to let him die. everyone is super sad until victoria goes "oh hey, mr. mistoffelees can do magic! :D"

unfortunately, i really liked mr. mistoffelees' song. i've been singing it multiple times a day. his face may be upsetting but his overall vibe is kinda adorable.

mr. mistoffelees is named after the demon mephistopheles btw. i feel like that needs to be said.

old deuteronomy is returned to the jellicle ball, and victoria convinces grizabella to sing for everyone. the song, again, is beautiful and heart-wrenching. everyone loves it, and grizabella is chosen to die.

grizabella is put in a hot air balloon. i think the heaviside layer is fake, the jellicle cats are a death cult, and she's just going to suffocate to death. this is supported by the fact that the heaviside layer is a real name for a part of our atmosphere.

old deuteronomy ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE DIRECTLY at the very end. i hate it.

she says triumphantly, "a cat is not a dog!" this is important enough that the entire cast repeats it. my boyfriend is more upset by this than i am.

there are some horny facial expressions, i think, and the camera pans back to the hot air balloon. the movie ends.

#long post #cats 2019 #cats movie #shut me up

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