#hurt!anakin skywalker | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aniharas · 5 months

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𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯

pairing: anakin skywalker x jedi!fem!reader

summary: in the soul-shattering aftermath of geonosis, anakin finds solace in forbidden affection, risking everything for a stolen moment under the moonlight.

warnings: angst, ptsd, trauma, phantom pains. anakin just needs a hug.

wc: 4k+ oneshot

a/n: this is mainly written from anakin's pov and detailing his thoughts. i was just craving an angst fest don't mind me. likes and reblogs deeply appreciated :) inbox is open! enjoy <3

The light-polluted nights of Coruscant were not very kind to the Chosen One.

It was becoming a ritual: stirring at the latest hour in a sweat in the night. Almost an hourly occurrence. Poor Anakin would cry out, reaching for the ghost of an arm that was no longer there. The memories of the dreadful incident came around often like an old acquaintance, one who didn't quite get the hint that their presence was not wanted.

The terrors were definitely unwanted. Each nightmare that plagued his mind, almost every waking moment, every phantom pain was a painstaking reminder of his own incompetence. He was too weak, too blind to stop what happened. The flash of the red saber. The brief, agonizing, piercing hot sensation in his right arm followed by a sharp breeze. The unmistakable smell of his own charred flesh. The events of Geonosis were far too grisly to forget. The monstrous nature of his failure grasped and invaded his mind with its tendrils, ensuring nothing but pain as it threatened to pull him down under.

What made matters worse was the useless words of the Jedi Council when he sought their advice. Anakin nearly trudged out of the Council Room in laughter. Did they know how ridiculous they sounded? Firstly, he couldn't confide in anyone or simply desire their comfort. Secondly, his own limbs were considered part of things that he couldn't stay attached to, and the young Jedi found that piece of grim advice hilarious. He wondered if their powers with the Force and their lightsabers were the only reason that they were respected.

The cybernetic arm that he was given only did so much. It functioned like a normal arm and hand; it simulated the sense of touch. It was a piece of technology revered by many and saved those who used it. Whenever he retired to his quarters, he would simply stare at it, desperately hoping that it would complete him, hoping that the many credits invested into his new limb would save his soul from the relentless torment that lurked whenever the sun when down.

It was never the same. How could it ever be the same? Despite the fact that Dooku had severed his right arm, Anakin felt like he had broken his whole body and spirit. One would describe his state as one of constant grieving, for his arm, for himself. He dreaded training, missions, meditating. Eating seemed to be a monumental chore for the boy who was destined to save the galaxy.

His body was at a disconnect with his own mind, and no amount of tinkering or relentless practice with the replacement would help. It was like everyone else was above ground, moving at a normal pace, and he was stuck at the bottom of the ocean, unable to control the chaos of the water around him.

He had hoped that the nightly perils would cease in their frequency with time. As the years passed, his hope diminished, at the very least wishing that he could get used to the feeling.

On another lonely, sleepless night, Anakin had woken from phantom pain. Defeated, he slid himself off the edge of his bed, letting his body slump to the floor. He was the phrase 'human wreck' incarnate, his now grown-out hair askew; sweat and tears mingling as they slid down his face and neck; the pale, vein-ridden skin of his half-bare body being proof of his negligence towards himself. It was only on occasion that he could sleep alongside the moon, with no troubling thoughts to bother him. The rest of those nights were akin to psychological torture.

"Maybe it was karma for all the times I used the Force to extract a confession from somebody. Is that what that felt like?" he said to himself.

At times, he liked to pause as if there was someone there who would respond.

He wanted a response, longed for someone to just be there. Someone could sit across from him and say that his pain was superficial, that he was being overdramatic, and Anakin would still be grateful for the words. Intimate touch was constantly on his mind; not the kind of touch that led to something amorous, but the kind that could leave his battle-torn skin covered in goosebumps, the kind that would make him hyper-aware of every inch of his body.

He brushed his human fingers over the forearm of his replacement, wanting to know if there was some way he could make himself feel that intimacy. His desperation to simply feel was slowly driving him mad, and he once again let himself lose to his rage. A tear seemed to poetically slip down Anakin's cheek as his sweat-ridden fingers fumbled around with the latches, dislodging his mechno-arm and flinging it towards his wall with enough strength he could muster. A pained grunt escaped his lips.

As it slammed against the wall, it made a loud, yet unsatisfying 'thud'. Some of the casing popped off, the wires and inner mechanisms becoming exposed as it fell unceremoniously to the floor. The emotional toll and the sudden action it wrought had left Anakin out of breath. His glossy eyes trailed from the wreckage down to the emptiness where it should have been, and at that moment, he felt truly pathetic. He desperately wanted to blame anything else, but it seemed that with every obstacle, he only had himself to blame. Did he truly deserve this? He started to believe so.

It was then that his ears picked up a soft knock at his door. Anakin had shot up from his seat on the floor, hurrying over to retrieve his arm and fix it back into place. Disoriented from the absence of sleep, he managed to trudge his way to his door, carefully watching his own feet so he wouldn't stumble. Almost like a child.

When he opened the door, the last thing he expected was to see her. Why was she even here this late at night? She didn't even live in this part of the Knights' Billet. Had one of the masters sent her? Her expression and her body language were timid, seemingly afraid to cross the line; but her ever-so-captivating eyes shone with curiosity. Anakin caught those eyes trying to sneak a glance behind him, tilting his head as he made himself comfortable leaning against his doorway.

"Did someone send you? Tell them I'm not in the mood," he said rather curtly without another glance, taking a step back as he moved to close the door. He was growing exhausted with how the Jedi expected so much of him but didn't even respect him.

Her hand seemed to spring out to hold the door open in retaliation. He was growing tired of the antics, ready to glare her down with daggers, until he saw something different in the girl. Her stance was firm as she held open the door. He saw that her eyes held a brewing mix of resolve and desperation as if silently pleading for him to hear her out.

"I was walking by, and I heard a noise. Are you okay?"

Time seemed to stop as she voiced her concern, leaving Anakin breathless once again. There was an undeniable pang in his heart, threatening to set loose what had been building up inside of him. Any other day, he would've brushed her off and forced the door shut without a care in the world. She was jeopardizing her place in the Jedi Order, and his as well. How could she afford to be so careless?

So careless about her duties…but she cared about him.

Struggling to voice his answer, he found himself nearly paralyzed with uncertainty, not knowing how to proceed. The mere act of them meeting this late at night had already broken so many rules...but was he willing to sacrifice some rules to save his own sanity? He saw a look of pity flash over her eyes, and he stayed frozen as she quietly shuffled in, closing the door behind her in a similar matter.

Anakin was sure about the fact that he needed someone to confide in, to share his agony, to comfort his long-tortured soul. It was only until she had uttered her first words to him that night that it dawned on him: she would see him as weak, and not the Chosen One. The dichotomy of his needs and fears clashed about in his brain. He needed a companion, but he was afraid of losing her approval, anyone's approval. Everyone's approval.

"What's wrong, Anakin?"

Her voice had cut through the growing torment of his thoughts, leaving it silent, those three words alone threatening to unravel him. He avoided the piercing gaze that was threatening to see right through him.

"Just insomnia," he muttered.

When his eyes returned to her, he immediately knew that his answer wasn't good enough. Who was he kidding? He realized that he hadn't even bothered to look presentable, hair messy and skin glistening with sweat. As if to mock his own thoughts, a gust of air blew in from his conditioning unit, making the tear streaks down his face feel like they were freezing. He watched her carefully as her eyes examined these very things, a flush gracing her cheeks as she briefly glanced at his bare chest. The faint glow of the stars pouring in from the window only seemed to accentuate it, illuminating her skin. She was pretty.

The very thought angered him. Why did beauty distract him so in such a vulnerable moment of his life? It was a weakness he was not proud of, not only because it represented what he could not have, but what he struggled to be himself. Every rule in his life seemed like it was set in place to keep him from having beauty, being beautiful. He couldn't help but break those rules as his eyes raked over her figure. He saw how her hair cascaded down to delicately frame her face, skin that was once covered modestly by Jedi robes, eyes that seemed to tantalize him even if her intentions meant otherwise.

Would it be so terrible if he indulged in these desires in his moment of need?

Anakin shook his head to his own thoughts, causing her to tilt hers in confusion. Of course, it would be terrible, but why was it terrible in the first place? He was suffering, feeling pathetic with his appearance and in his mind. It was not terrible to need someone, but why was guilt beginning to consume these selfish desires? Maybe it was terrible to need her. He barely knew her, and she took the same vows as he did.

"I understand," she whispered, seeming rather awkward and sheepish compared to before. She avoided his gaze as she turned her back on him. As she began to reach for the doorknob, Anakin was surprised to see that she hesitated. Was it too hopeful to think that she felt the same? He called out for her, more despairingly than he intended to.

"Wait, I..." He hesitated, not sure if he wanted to take the plunge. It would be the start of a slippery slope he couldn't hope to dig her or himself out of. He knew that if he tried, it would be futile, so that must've been why he had the nagging feeling that he didn't even want out.

"I need you here."

He watched closely as her brows furrowed and her grip on the doorknob tensed, immediately realizing that his request might have been too bold, to say the least. His gaze fell to the floor as a wave of humiliation washed over him. If she had run off at that moment, he would've understood. However, as he gathered the courage to look up once more, he saw that she had stood still, eyes continuing to prod him for a better explanation. Swallowing the ever-growing lump in his throat, he leaned against the wall of his dormitory as he tried to find the words that would lead him down the slope. If it meant that he could find peace for one night, one hour, or even one minute, so be it.

"I need you here because…I am cursed. I'm cursed with an affliction I can't ever hope to cure. I feel like I'm at war with myself, and it haunts me to my soul."

Anakin paused, subconsciously holding his breath, unsure if he wanted to continue. All of this was most likely too heavy to hear, especially since she barely knew him. Did she care?

At that moment, as if to answer his silent query, she stepped forward and placed herself in front of him, standing so close he felt the warmth of her body. The scent of her freshly-washed hair polluted his senses, leaving him feeling melancholy. He watched in a trance as her brows furrowed in worry, tentatively lifting up her hand. Her fingers gently prodded at his cybernetic, outlining the broken casing. Once her curious eyes rose back up to meet his, there was a silent acknowledgment. Understanding. It gave him the push to keep going, to muster the strength to hold open the floodgates of his heart. He stopped holding his breath, his sorrowful gaze falling to the floor.

“I'm...completely lost. I've strayed so far from the path of the Jedi that I can no longer see it…and I am afraid I don't even want it. I'm constantly told that I shouldn't feel this way...that hurting is selfish, and that I should focus on the needs of others before my own, to live up to my prophecy," Anakin muttered, his tone turning bitter and his brows furrowing in anger at the last word.

"But how can I do that when I am disconnected from myself? When I don’t feel like the Chosen One? I don’t feel like anyone is choosing me.”

Anakin’s eyes traveled up her figure once more, her minuscule and simple movements making them glaze over with desperation. He found the way her shoulders gradually moved up and down with each breath captivating, the flutter of her lashes with each blink. He took her by the hand that was calmly tracing his forearm, enveloping it firmly in his. She watched him as her breath halted in suspense, her fingers seeming hesitant to move.

“I need you here, not because I expect you to fix me, but because I just need someone. Anyone. I need you to choose me, to touch me,” he whispered, his voice shaking as he watched her lace her fingers with his own. “Please, I need this...bittersweet taste of relief. I can't bear this alone anymore.”

After what seemed like an eternity of silence with their hands in each other’s, she let go, much to Anakin’s chagrin. However, she lifted her hand once again, gradually bringing her hand to his chest, laying it flat above his heart. The sensation sent waves of warmth across the bare skin of his chest, the rippling feeling leaving goosebumps in its wake. He was certain that she could feel the deafening pounding of his heart. A faint gasp left his lips as she began to slide her hand down to his abdomen, his muscles in that area tensing. He didn’t expect to feel this hyper-sensitive to someone’s touch.

She flinched a little at his reaction, causing her to stop her motions. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she looked up at him timidly.

“Is that okay?” she asked, her voice unsure, as if she was testing the waters.

Hearing her words, Anakin’s vision was obscured by his own tears…tears of relief. He savored the straining feeling in his chest and throat as he fought to hold back his sobs, thankful he was even feeling anything like that at all. A slow blink of his eyes betrayed him as a brief stream of hot tears slid down his cheeks, which she quickly wiped away with her free hand. She seemed rather flustered when that very action caused more tears to fall in succession, awkwardly wiping more tears as quickly as she should.

The act made Anakin chuckle briefly, nearly surprising himself with the sound. It seemed to surprise her too, in turn making her laugh along with him. Realizing that this warming feeling was contagious, they both began to erupt into giggling fits, ending with a hush from her, muttering something about “quiet hours”. Though it had seemed silly, Anakin had wished they never stopped.

Again, damn the Jedi with all their rules.

During her stay, they sat together at the foot of his bed as Anakin slowly began to unravel the darkness that had been plaguing him since Geonosis. They spoke in hushed murmurs, afraid that someone might find them together. Their conversation would cease at the mere sound of a distant footstep, the creak of the conditioning vent, and muffled voices from the other side of his dorm wall.

However, Anakin thought all the sneaking around to be worth it. Her presence and her conversation proved to help more than he could have hoped for. Soon enough, he was pleading for her to come back the next night. A shy expression overtook her features. Something around the lines of “You like me that much?” was uttered, and those very words ignited the beginning of an insatiable fire within him. Her wide, curious, and sparkling eyes continued to feed that very fire.

Anakin wasn’t too sure when he started to kiss her.

He wasn’t even aware of when they had closed so much distance between each other. However, her receptiveness pushed those questions far away, his thoughts taking form in the shape of her. A rush of emotions flooded through him, momentarily drowning out the misery that consumed his existence. In that singular, stolen moment, he felt a profound peace, something that he thought he might never experience again.

Every touch, every gentle brush against him sent electric currents coursing through his body. His senses were enveloped by her, reveling in the taste of her, the softness of her lips, the warmth of her breath mingling with his. Her hands began to clutch onto his frame desperately, her nails digging in and leaving red trails in their wake. The world around him slowly began to fade into insignificance, his focus narrowing to the raw sensation of being alive, of feeling something so intensely beautiful. For that fleeting moment, Anakin allowed himself to be consumed by this sinful, blissful indulgence of the present. It was a sanctuary from his own mind. After a lifetime of monochrome, he was overjoyed to feel anything at all. It was a bittersweet joy, knowing that this kiss was fleeting, and that it came at a heavy cost. As their lips reluctantly parted, Anakin’s mind was only filled with anticipation for the next. He watched her, his eyes filled with a mixture of reluctance and longing, as she began to pull away, her breath slightly ragged. A part of him wants to hold onto her desperately, to stop the inevitable departure. “Wait,” he called out, his voice feeble and vulnerable as he cautiously took her hand in his. “I-i…don’t want you to go. This is…it's everything to me.”

Anakin hated how desperate he sounded in his pleas, embarrassed at the state Geonosis had reduced him to. He almost despised the fact that he needed this…that the Chosen One needed someone else to feel so alive. But the way she flooded his mind was such a high for him, and he never wanted to come down.

“Please,” he begged, his voice nearly giving out as his eyes began to glisten. “I know the risk you’d be taking, but…one more night, please. The same time, tomorrow night. We can figure out what to do then.” He watched as her resolve wavered, noting the longing in her eyes. Anakin knew she felt a pull to him as well, it’s what caused her to come and investigate him in the first place. As she took a deep breath, his thoughts came to a halt, ensuring utter silence to hear what she had to say. “Okay, Skywalker. One more night. But…if we get caught, it’s on you,” she scolded, her arms crossing.

Anakin found her attitude endearing, answering her with a simple nod. Despite her playful nature, he understood the weight of her words. He leaned in, allowing his forehead to rest against hers, enjoying the subtle heat that radiated from her, a stark contrast to the cold room they were in. Pulling away with a lingering touch and a final gaze, they parted ways. As the door closed behind her, a profound sense of emptiness washed over Anakin. Her absence only made him feel the weight of his desperation. The taste of her still lingered on his lips, and it nearly made him want to throw the door open and chase after her. However, as much as he desired that, he couldn’t bring himself to.

As he returned to his empty bed, he decided he would just have to wait until she would return, his newly found moonlight, who had illuminated his dark and harrowing night, who had caused the waves in his heart to surge and swell.

He found comfort in the fact that the moon would always return to the sky.

As each night passed, their next clandestine meeting was what occupied Anakin’s thoughts. Every single moment until then felt like an eternity, nearly stretching his patience to the limit. His thoughts were never without her.

It was especially bad whenever he would sit in the Temple’s garden and meditate with Obi-Wan.

The afternoon after that encounter with her, Anakin and Obi-Wan sat cross-legged across from each other, eyes closed as they sought inner peace with the Force.

Anakin struggled to quiet his mind, to let go of the constant longing that plagued him. He tried focusing on his breathing, to sink into stillness, but the image of her under the moon invaded his every thought. Her face, her touch, her taste, her warmth–it consumed his mind like a raging wildfire.

As Obi-Wan searched through his own mind, he couldn’t help but sense a disturbance. A subtle ripple, a flicker of distraction that emanated from his young apprentice. His brows furrowed slightly as he tried to search for what was troubling Anakin.

After a while, Obi-Wan slowly opened his eyes, gaze fixed on his padawan as his gentle voice broke the silence. “Anakin, I sense something is weighing on your mind. Is everything alright?”

Anakin’s eyes remained closed, feeling sweat break out on the nape of his neck as he fought to maintain his composure. Why did Obi-Wan even bother asking? He was never going to tell his master, and he knew that. That didn’t prevent the feeling of guilt that started to accompany the flurry of his emotions. “I’m sorry, Master,” Anakin responded after a beat of silence. “I’m just…worried about my knighthood. That is all.”

Obi-Wan’s expression softened, his eyes taking on a knowing, yet understanding look. Of course, he knew his apprentice hiding something. He would consider himself a bad master otherwise. He could feel the turmoil radiating from Anakin, yet his desire to remain elusive. He wanted to respect his privacy, but his duty as a mentor compelled him to push further.

“Anakin, you know it is one of my many responsibilities to guide and support you, but I cannot do that if you hide things from me,” Obi-Wan said. “Whatever it is, just remember you don’t have to face it alone.”

With that, Anakin’s eyes fluttered open before meeting his master’s, a mixture of guilt and longing to open up to him. He hated that he was in an order where judgment and the potential consequences of desire prevented him from confiding in his mentor, his best friend, his brother.

“Believe me, master, I am more than thankful for your concern. But this…this is something I have to figure out on my own,” Anakin replied, his voice displaying a hint of vulnerability. “I will be fine.”

Obi-Wan sighed inwardly. He knew that part of becoming a Jedi involved navigating your own path, but he couldn’t help but feel like there were deeper issues at play. However, he was willing to let it go for the sake of supporting his apprentice.

“Very well, young Skywalker,” he conceded, a touch of sadness in his voice. He reached over to give a reaffirming pat to Anakin’s shoulder. “I trust that you find your way, as you always do. Don’t forget that I am here, whenever you need me.”

Anakin nodded, letting his eyes fall shut once more as he continued to “meditate”.

Still, his moonlight danced through his mind, and he could only think about how long it would be until he could see her shine again.

a/n: ao3 saw it first! inbox is open!!

#anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker #angst #hurt/comfort #forbidden love #anakin skywalker x fem!reader #anakin skywalker needs a hug #anakin x reader #fem!reader #clone wars #he also needs therapy #and an arm

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to-proudly-go · 1 year

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Anakin lived so deep in your heart that having to rip him out did more than break it—it was torn out with him, stubborn heartstrings hanging on tight and refusing to let go.

#once again hurting myself #star wars #sw #obikin #anaobi #obi wan and anakin #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #star wars prequels #who's so good at running away from acads?#✨yes i am✨#my art

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psychosith · 7 months

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Echo

cal kestis x reader

summary: despite being close for years, you and cal go your separate ways after a particularly harsh argument. cal doesn’t see or hear of you for a long time, but stumbles across an old jacket of yours that reveals something to him

warnings: angsttttt, yelling/arguing, injuries, death, perhaps ooc!mean cal

a/n: i’m so sorry to the reqs sitting in my drafts ive had no motivation😭 specifically to the person who requested modern!anakin @ a halloween party it’s a little late for that now i feel like…. but anyways y’all might not know this but i’m obsessed w our boy cal and UGH. this prompt from @fallen-vic just struck me right and i had to get writing right away

the last four months had been a blur.

one second you were stripping an old star destroyer on bracca with cal, and the next he was fighting an imperial inquisitor while you cowered away in the corner. then you had boarded a ship with a lanky woman and abrasive latero. they had taken you to a planet hidden from the empire, a place where you thought you and cal could live safely. you couldn’t have been more wrong.

cal returned from the temple on bogano that first day talking about restoring the jedi order and a holocron? from there, it was all downhill. back and forth between kashyyyk, zeffo, and dathomir, all the while cal was forced to face strong enemies that left him on the brink of death every day. and you were tasked with patching him up at the end of every mission.

too many times have you entered his rooms while he was preparing to leave again and begged him to stay. it was always the same answer- i’ll be back before you know it. he couldn’t know, though, the feelings you harbored for him. he couldn’t understand how it pained you physically to watch him leave and come back beaten and bruised. but you stayed, because you loved him, and because you believed he wanted you with him.

it was all too much for you today. it seemed insane; they were planning to infiltrate the fortress inquisitorius and retrieve the holocron. you had stopped on a small planet to stock up on supplies before the big mission, and you were in your usual position: pleading with cal.

“cal, please,” you begged, tears welling up in your eyes. “this is just- it’s too dangerous cal! i mean, an imperial fort, for fucks sake! cal, if you didn’t come back from this… i don’t know-“

he cut you off with a reassuring hand on your arm. “y/n, i’ll be alright. i’ll have cere with me, and i’m stronger than ever. trust me.”

“you say that every time, you know. and every time, without fail, you come back closer to death than i’ve ever seen you. cal, we’ve found you passed out in the mud on kashyyyk. we’ve found you slumped against a generator on zeffo with a blaster wound in your stomach. no one will be there to find you if things go wrong this time, cal.” you say numbly, vaguely aware that there’s nothing you can say to make him stay.

“you’re being dramatic.” he says plainly. “you have no reason to be worried. i always come back, y/n. this time will be no different. you need to calm down.”

you groan in frustration, at his naïveté. “no, cal! you don’t understand… how much it hurts to watch you go. and who knows where you would be without me to put your pieces back together.”

you hear him scoff and look down at your hands as tears finally fall down your cheeks. you can tell he’s stressed by the tension in his shoulders.

“without you? y/n, i don’t need you to do this.” his words hurt, but you try to tell yourself the mission is getting to his head, that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying.

“y/n,” he says, waving a hand in front of your face, “did you hear me? i. don’t. need. you. if you’re so worried about me, maybe you should just leave. then i wouldn’t be bothering you so much.” he stood up angrily and marched off.

was he being honest? did he really want you to leave? all these years you had told yourself that he needed you with him, but maybe you had been mistaken.

you didn’t give yourself time to think. cere and greez had both made it clear that your presence on the mantis was unnecessary, and now that cal had said the same you had to go. you only packed the bare essentials: a canister of water, a couple weeks of rations, and a thick jacket for cold nights. you left through the front entrance without a word to anyone. cal simply watched you go.

a year later - cal's pov

there was no use in trying to hide it, it had been a hard year for cal. a year made much harder by your absence. he had tried to tell himself that you leaving was your decision, that it wasn't his fault. but as he played the argument over in his mind he found himself regretting everything he'd said. cal had been nervous, scared even, of the upcoming mission in the fortress. he'd let trilla and the empire get in his head, and it had cost him everything.

even after he'd retrieved the holocron - and ultimately destroyed it - he never searched for you. he didn't know why. the urge had struck him many times, but he never knew where to begin looking or what he would say to get you back.

it hurt even now, as cal lay in his bunk on the mantis weeping silently to himself. the mantis was empty, the engine humming softly as it flew through hyperspace. all the lights were out and cal's pillow was damp with tears. he hesitantly rose from his bed, staggering to the navigation panel in a sleep-deprived stupor. his cheeks are stained and his hair is tousled as he falls back into the pilot's chair, and he plugs the coordinates to a forgotten outer rim planet into the navigation system.

cal was exhausted, hungry, and mentally drained, but he managed to make it back to his bunk before he passed out.

. . .

something in the cockpit beeped quite loudly, waking cal from his sleep and alerting him that they were nearing their destination. the royal blue color of nez peron was pleasing to the eye, but brought back painful memories for cal. this was where they had made their last supply run before heading toward the fortress. this was the last place he saw the love of his life.

landing the mantis was the easy part; finding you, not so much. cal started in the sparse cities, scanning cantinas and shops, asking about a y/n l/n at every apartment complex and inn. he began to lose hope as he neared the edge of the latest city. just then he remembered you talking absentmindedly as he worked on his lightsaber, saying how it was your dream to live in the forest and live off the lands. it sounded crazy at the time, but now it made sense.

with a newfound passion, cal began searching the forests and plains for you. each dead end made him want to find you more and more, but there were no signs of life anywhere he looked.

one day, he was scanning the ground for any human tracks when a piece of fabric caught his eye. it was dusty, black, and oddly familiar. there were pieces of the same fabric just a little further up the trail he was following. up ahead, cal could just make out the shape of your thick winter coat on the ground.

his steps picked up into a light jog as he neared the jacket. as he examined it closer, he saw a dark stain had dried down on the stomach, and when he bent over to pick it up he was flooded with a powerful force echo.

_______

you had misjudged how hard life in the wild would be. the coat you wore did almost nothing to keep you warm, the water you brought only lasted for a few days, and the rations you thought would last had gone bad within the month. you were cold and hungry, and had only a pairing knife to ward off any threats in the forest. this would be a crucial mistake.

it was a particularly cold day and you were resting against a tree when you heard the crunch of leaves and the distinct mechanical whirring of an electrostaff. raiders. well, just one this time. it was a difficult feat, but you managed to ward off the raider not without sustaining many injuries. you had garnered a deep wound in your thigh and a large gash in your shoulder, luckily most of your vital organs were intact.

you hardly had time to catch your breath before a large mammal had sprung up from a ditch and pinned you to the ground. you screamed and struggled for your knife. your wounds had impaired your fighting skills, and you didn’t last long before the predator had beaten you into the floor. it was so, so cold. you must have lost your jacket at some point. you supposed the animal had lost interest, as it wandered off back into the trees, leaving you in a pool of your own blood.

the sun set behind the trees and you were still laying there, unable to move, slowly succumbing to the cold embrace of death. you could form only one coherent thought in your adrenaline crazed mind, and thus it became your last word.

“cal”

_______

the memory was like a knife to the heart for cal. he was helpless as he watched you draw your last breath, only to utter his name before closing your eyes for the final time. it finally dawned on him.

you were dead.

cal fell to his knees beside your tattered coat, a broken cry escaping his lips. it was all his fault. if’s and should’ves ran circles around his mind, but he understood the depth of this. you were gone, stolen from this world far to soon. cal mourned. he sobbed into his hands for hours on end, cursing you for leaving, cursing cere and greez for letting you leave, and cursing himself for letting his love for you blind him. of course he needed you. he always would. but he couldn’t have you any more.

his mind was blurry as he frantically followed the path he was on, searching for your body. he tripped and stumbled down a leaf covered hill, where he saw you. you were exactly as you were in the force echo, but your cheeks were hollow and your skin was sickly green. you had been dead for a long time. cal ran to your body, crying your name. he hoisted you into his arms and wept into your dirty hair.

“i love you” he muttered softly, hoping that perhaps you could hear the words he was to cowardly to speak when you were alive.

a/n 2: BYE the ending is so rushed. sorry.

#cal kestis x reader #cal kestis #jedi survivor #jedi fallen order #star wars #star wars x reader #angst #hurt/no comfort #i'm sad #din djarin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader

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agingerpanda · 6 months

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Better now, that you’re here.

agingerpandacarrd.co

#obiwan kenobi #anakin skywalker #clone wars #hurt obi wan #hurt anakin #star wars #star wars fanart #clone wars obi wan #clone wars anakin

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skyyworker · 2 years

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when ahsoka leaves the temple and anakin runs after her, you can see obi-wan starting to follow them as well but he's stopped by master plo's hand on his shoulder.

here's this: anakin finding his way back to his quarters in the temple, tears welling in his eyes, he can barely walk straight, but once he gets there he finds obi-wan already waiting for him. and they've never been too open about physical contact with one another but obi-wan opens his arms and all anakin can do is choke out his master's name and throw himself into his arms, sobbing and finally letting his emotions flow out into the force, but especially into their bond

#our padawan #obi-wan is heartbroken #ahsoka was anakin's padawan but obi-wan had gotten used to referring to her as #he also loved ahsoka so very much and seeing her go like that #because the council had failed her #it hurt. a lot #he's holding anakin close but in that hold he's not only reassuring anakin but himself too #god knows he needs it #also obi-wan peppering little kisses in anakin's hair when it gets harder and harder to breathe? crying does that to a mf #anakin skywalker #star wars #darth vader #obi-wan kenobi #tcw #the clone wars #ahsoka tano #obikin #ig?#and wouldn't it be lovely if obi-wan somehow managed to sneak padmé in to comfort anakin together?#anakin being a devastated crying mess with obi-wan holding him from one side and padmé from the other #the way they all loved ahsoka and were the only ones who believed her? (apart from master plo)#tcw spoilers

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padawansuggest · 10 months

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JediTok

Mace: See, the issue with space travel with other Jedi, is specifically the ones I am with right now.

*scene cut to Obi-Wan and Anakin trying to murder each other in the hold, bite marks and bruises all over, maybe some bloody noses, while Qui-Gon sits serenely in between them meditating*

Mace: I hate their side of the family. Their side of the family is the crackhead side of the family. Often literally. A lot of them do crack. Kenobi and Skywalker haven’t stopped trying to murder each other since Kenobi was knighted and Jinn still won’t let Kenobi out of his sight like the overbearing mother tooka he is. I shouldn’t have accepted this mission. I’m going to commit murder and I can’t kill a child and Kenobi isn’t actually mortal I think and it’s immoral to hurt him so I’ll have to kill Jinn and then I’ll be in charge of his infant terrors- Nevermind, I’ll just space myself, I’m so not dealing with them.

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #incorrect star wars quotes #clone wars #anakin skywalker #mace windu #qui gon jinn #Obi is still the precious lineage baby even if he’s not even the youngest they can’t hurt him #but Skywalker attacking him with feral fury is just what they both need #jeditok #spacetok

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anakinstwinklebunny · 4 months

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His smile is so precious :((

#SUCH A BABY GIRL I WANT TO HUG HIM SO BAD #anakin #anakin skywalker #hayden christensen #sweet ani <3 #such a precious soul it hurts #star wars #:haydennation

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yeshihellodani · 6 months

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FINALLY! I was able to finish this for Christmas :D

I can’t take that Lego Star Wars Christmas special out my head love these dorks

(Click image for better quality)

Commissions info

#my art #animation #gif #star wars #star wars prequels #star wars lego #christmas #obikin #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #my arm and back hurts but it was worth it🥲#merry Christmas <33

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myasphodelmeadow · 10 months

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This fragment drives me crazy. I will try to explain. It's all about the emphasis.

At this point in the story, Palpatine is trying to make Anakin suspicious of Padmé and Obi-Wan, telling him they had been meeting behind his back. Anakin goes to Padmé's apartment to investigate. He finds evidence that Obi-Wan had been there and he takes it the wrong way. Then, Anakin asks himself:

How could she? How could he?

It's practically the same question, but Stover uses italics to highlight two different words.

In the first question, the emphasis is on the verb 'could'. This is a modal verb and is used to express past ability or possibility. In this case it fits better the first meaning. So, Anakin is questioning Padmé's ability to do something. But what exactly? Well, the main verb is missing from the sentence, however it is implicit: betray. At putting the emphasis in the verb, the reader's attention is drawn to the action, to Padmé's apparent betrayal. Anakin is surprised that Padmé is capable of doing this action in particular.

Now, the second question accentuates the subject 'he' which it's Obi-Wan. At first, the meaning seems very similiar to the previous one. Anakin is surprised of Obi-Wan's betrayal. But it's deeper than that. The emphasis show us that his trust in Obi-Wan is something intrinsical to the man. It's like being Obi-Wan automatically places him (at least, in Anakin's mind) in a higher category. He is Obi-Wan, therefore he's trustworty. And so when faced with proof of his betrayal, the emphasis goes to the person. Anakin never expected it from Obi-Wan.

And that's why, those italics hurt me. Because they make the second part feel more personal. Like, yes, Anakin is surprised Padmé is betraying him, but it doesn't compare with shock of finding Obi-Wan is involved too. Because it's Obi-Wan. So, how could he?

#rots novelization #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #obikin #stover stop hurting me challenge #it took me a while to put this on words #i hope this makes sense #it's a subtle difference but it's there

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aniharas · 5 months

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𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 | 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦

pairing: anakin skywalker x padawan!fem!reader

summary: tensions between you and anakin boil to an all-time high as you confront him for his unfairness.

warnings: implied sexual content, miscommunication, angst, hurt/comfort

wc: 6.6+ split into three parts

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three

a/n: inspired by blouse by clairo!

When you heard the unsteady, distressed banging on your dormitory door, it wasn't a surprise to you. You didn't need to be Force-sensitive with over 20,000 midi-chlorians to know they were coming. Anyone with ears could hear the scrambling from a mile away. Eyes red from your on-and-off sobbing sessions, you kept your head low as you heaved yourself up from your bed. God, I hope it's Ahsoka.

When you reluctantly pulled open your door and revealed Anakin, you found yourself surprised. For the first time, meeting him alone at your dormitory was not something you were sure you wanted. Seeing him made you conflicted throughout your whole body, mind screaming at you to shut him out. You wanted to scream about how much you hated him for what he did, about how unfair he was being, but your legs nearly betrayed you as they longed to gravitate towards him. The longer you laid your eyes on him, his disheveled hair, the sheen of sweat that collected on his neck, his furrowed brow, the way his shoulders heaved up and down with each breath...

"(Y/N)," his low, authoritative voice cut through your very obvious ogling. You squeezed your eyes shut, rubbing your temples as you willed yourself to speak up.

"Ani-" you paused, wincing once you realized you called him that. "Anakin, please just go. You've been so...unfair to me."

You watched his reaction, watching the way his shoulders drop in dejection in response. His eyes, murky with deep thought, fell to the floor as he seemed to ponder. Suddenly, without permission, he barged into your room and shut the door, stationing himself in front of it.

After the physical exhaustion from Kamino and the mental and emotional exhaustion from your situation with Anakin, you couldn't bring yourself to make him leave. You couldn't even decide if you wanted him there or not. Thinking about everything made your head pound like millions of tribal drums were rattling around in there. You took a seat to compose yourself, burying your face in the palms of your hand as if it could help.

The familiar feeling of the bed shifting next to you sent a chill down your spine, the feeling only becoming more intensifying as you felt his hand rest upon your back, his other hand pulling your hands away from your face. He then replaced the absence of your hands with his own, cradling your cheek in a gentle caress. Glancing over at him, his ever-so-readable eyes showed worry. He seemed remorseful.

Somehow, that made you feel angrier. You almost reveled in his shock as you tore away from his touch and stood, disgusted with how it was so easy for him to sway you. "Why do you pretend that you care? You act like this in private, but outside you can't even look at me! What is it, Skywalker?!" You yelled, voice unsteady from the constant verge of crying threatening every word.

Anakin was just as frustrated as you. He shook his head in disbelief, taking his turn to place his face in his hands before turning to look up at you. You hated how hot he was looking up at you. "You obviously know that no one can know about us," he answered, hoping that answer would be sufficient for you.

You scoffed. "So what? Do you think a simple 'hi' or any form of acknowledgment would expose us? What's the real reason you ignore me out there? Oh wait, I know why."

Strangely enough, you felt Ahsoka's anger rub off on you as you stomped over to stand in front of him, wedging yourself between his legs. His gaze dropped down from your face, stopping at your chest and your midsection, and his hands began to inch towards your thighs. You swatted them away, gripping the collar of his tunic with both of your hands and forcing him to look up at you.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," you hissed, teeth gritted with each word. His face was mere inches away from yours, so you saw the way every single muscle in his face reacted to your words. His brows creased together. his jaw tensing up as he took a deep breath and swallowed, his Adam's apple moving ever so slightly. "Is this what you see me as, Anakin? Your personal prostitute? Is this all I'm good for?"

Heartbreak exploded through his features through each accusation, his gaze becoming more and more distraught. He shook his head, struggling to find his words. "I- no, (Y/N), that's not true at all. I want to keep you safe-"

"So you keep me locked up at the Temple? So I'm unscathed and pretty enough for you to come home and fuck?!" You shouted in his face, your fingers white-knuckling his tunic as they shook. You weren't sure as to when you started crying, but you only noticed when you felt the hot streams gather together at your chin, the droplets falling down onto his lap. "I'm not good enough to be anything more than someone to keep your bed warm."

"Could you listen?!" Anakin exclaimed, sliding his fingers around your wrists and wrenching your hands off his tunic. Keeping a firm grip on your wrists, he held them at your sides so you couldn't hide your face, his gaze burning into you. "You are one of the best padawans I've ever seen. The whole council doubted you when we took you in, but Obi-Wan and I knew you would prove them wrong, and you did." Every single word of his dripped with desperation, his eyes almost pleading as he professed. Your heart felt like it was palpitating, your tears ceasing as confusion began to take hold of your mind. You kept quiet, silently urging him to keep talking.

Anakin felt your rapid pulse through your wrists, loosening his grip on them. "Obi-Wan said it himself. We're similar...I found solace in you," he muttered, his distressed demeanor shifting to a more shy one as he gently pushed you away. "Suddenly nothing mattered more in the galaxy than seeing you. I do want to be able to come home to you. I had to be unfair." You noted the way his fingers trembled with his last few words and how he balled his hands into fists to keep them still.

"Then why ignore me-"

"Do you know how hard it is, (Y/N)?!" Anakin snapped, shooting up from the bed as he gripped your arms, just below the shoulders so he wouldn't affect your injury. You felt like he was burning holes through your eyes with how intensely he stared. "I have trained as a Jedi for a good amount of my life. They call me the chosen one, with 20,000 midi-chlorians in my blood. I'm a part of the Jedi Order and I have to follow code..."

He tried his best to swallow the dryness in his throat away, squeezing his eyes shut, mentally preparing himself for what would come. Eyes fluttering open again, his hands slowly slid down your arms until they connected with yours. His seemed to hesitate for a moment before enveloping yours, the pairs seeming to slot together perfectly. "And I somehow find myself willing to throw it all away for you."

Conflict arose in your thoughts, your eyes darting to catch his every mannerism to see if he was telling the truth. Your hands were conflicted too, not knowing whether to pull away or to return the warm squeeze of his hands.

"But I know I can't. Back at Kamino, not a moment passed where I wasn't thinking about your safety. I couldn't focus. I kept making mistakes every time I thought about you dying. I felt...vulnerable," Anakin admitted, his gaze falling to your hands, silently screaming for you to return the grasp. "It's why I can never bring myself to look at you outside of this dorm. It's why I...lied to the Council to keep you safe at the Temple. But it's not fair to you, it's not your fault I can barely control my emotions," he muttered the last part, seemingly self-conscious. "A decade has passed and that seems to still be something I cannot master, and I am truly sorry that you were caught in my turbulence."

After a dreadfully long moment of silence, you pulled your hands away from his grasp, his hands seeming to reach out for them as soon as they left. Instead, you brought your hands up to gingerly cup his face. You and Anakin weren't sure when his tears began to fall, but you nor he seemed to mind them.

"Don't take credit for all the turbulence, Ani," you joked, letting the smallest of smiles grace your lips. Anakin locked in on the sight of your smile, adoring it as he allowed his head to lean into your hands. However, you didn't exactly feel too comfortable with him yet. You reluctantly pulled away from him, the contrast of his warmth and the cold air in your dormitory almost jarring.

"It still hurts that all of this had to happen for me to understand what was going on with you." Even though he explained his side of things, you didn't think he understood yours. "I've been sitting in the dark for weeks. You're not the only one who feels vulnerable when it comes to us. All I wanted was an answer from you," you managed to croak out sheepishly. "Which is why, if this is what it takes, Ani.."

You leaned forward to take him by the wrists and pull him closer to you, making him tower over you. Letting him bend over and resting his hands on either side of you on the bed, you caressed his cheek once more as you took in the confusion that settled on his face. The tension of his self-restraint was nearly palpable as you leaned in to whisper into his ear. "If being alone with you will help me understand things better, if touching me..." you trailed off, letting your lips graze his earlobe gently, then across his cheek. You continued until you found your face directly his, reaching up to knot your fingers into his hair. "If touching me helps me understand you better, if touching me helps you listen to me...then please, Ani," you begged, your desperate grip on his hair constricting. "Touch me now."

Anakin felt embarrassed letting his tears spill over once again at your words, knowing all too well about being kept in the dark and needing validation. He was disappointed with himself with how he allowed himself to make you feel that way. The familiar seizing of his heart struck once more at the sight and feel of your desperation. He leaned in to press a tender kiss to your forehead, then pressed his own forehead against yours. "I won't ever keep you in the dark again, whether we're alone together or not."

You finally released the breath you were holding in relief, which you weren't even aware that you were holding. Pulling him in to close the distance between your faces, you and Anakin shared a frenzied kiss. The salty taste of his tears mingled with the taste of your own, and it was as if you two were savoring the taste of your mutual desperation for each other. Your hands eventually released themselves from his hair to grip his tunic once more, but not without leaving it a crazed mess. It wasn't long before the distance between your bodies closed as well, his arms snaked around your waist and your legs around his as you felt yourself being lifted up.

Needing to catch your breath, you bit on his lower lip gently as you pulled away, earning a sly smile from him as you composed yourself. His face was flushed, his swollen lips a brilliant hue of red, and his hair astray. You couldn't even imagine how messy you looked, but the way Anakin looked at you made you feel beautiful regardless. "Stay with me tonight, Anakin."

You and Anakin spent another night together, the atmosphere feeling a bit different. Every movement was more tender, more passionate. You could've sworn that he whispered an "I love you". You both even spent hours lying awake and talking with each other, and you made sure to give him an earful about fixing things about you and the Jedi Council, which he vowed to do. When you eventually fell asleep in each other's arms that night, you both knew that you were uncertain about the future of your relationship as Jedi. However, from that point forward, you and him felt more confident about where each other stood, and that you would figure things out together instead of dealing with it by yourselves.

As you both settled into sleep, your fingertips gently traced hearts across his skin, turning his scars across the expanse of his chest into love arrows in your imagination. The feeling left a soft, sleepy smile on Anakin's lips, and it never left until he eventually fell victim to slumber. You had your head rested on top of his chest, his steadied breaths and heartbeat lulling you to sleep along with him.

It was then that the supernova that was the relationship between you and Anakin didn't seem too blinding anymore. You saw more clearly now, and what you saw was beautiful.

a/n: tysm for reading!!! likes n reblogs always appreciated and inbox is open for suggestions!!

#star wars #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #fem!reader #clone wars #hurt/comfort #angst #star wars anakin

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