#i think i just get upset and frustrated bc longer projects stress me out for a couple of reasons | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

disasterjones · 5 years

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Jarrett. Give us the tea my dude

Jarett: Describe your worst boss or teacher you've ever had.

my time has come,,

this is obscenely long, apologies

okay so I used to work at a credit union (it’s basically a bank but they push this concept of “community” and “we’re not like the banks” except that they are, do not be tempted by their honeycomb claims, they’re as fragile as they are sweet) and I worked in the quality assurance department

we were tasked with everything from balance inquiries to opening accounts to being the equivalent of loan servicers (without the capacity to actually craft the loan agreement for underwriting, because then what would the loan officers do)

my boss, we’ll call him Bob, had two assistant managers, we’ll call them Jenny and August, who were probably the pacific northwest equivalent of Stepford Wives, with Bob being the superficially-agreeable gentleman that welcomes the unaware into the compound for assimilation

so anyway I joined this job through a temp-to-hire position and it was great for the first six months or so (as it turns out, even jobs have honeymoon periods), I made friends with coworkers, I established a presence and something of a reputation for being the friendly-and-decently-quick-learner, which I would later find out was to my detriment, because they took the “quick learner” concept and thought that translated perfectly to “teacher,” and about a year in they gave me a temp to train

the temp was never a problem, although she did sometimes like to be on her phone when we were in the middle of a call, but I’m just an employee that’s giving pointers, I’m not a boss nor am I her mother, so I don’t bother to give her too much hassle about it. she still manages to keep decent call times for a newbie and is able to navigate our systems after a little bit of repetition

this was the beginning of my issues with Bob, as he wanted me to be more strict and adhere as closely his own inflexible schedule as possible. problem is I can’t force a person to learn faster, nor had I asked for the responsibility of training someone in the first place. why hadn’t they asked someone with more experience? sure I’d learned the ins and outs of the programs okay, but i hadn’t developed the tools to quickly de-escalate angry callers yet, hadn’t even been given access to several systems I was expected to use to train this temp, but being behind was my fault no matter what I said

I’d already been dealing with some subtle snideness and condescension from Jenny and August on top of that, and it took me ages to realize it’s because I was the only person that didn’t engage in makeup culture (partially bc I can’t afford that shit lol) and that was literally the reason why: I wasn’t “put together” or “company ready,” even though I never personally interacted with members or anyone on site beyond people in my immediate department

so a year and a half of this, of subtle underhanded remarks and difficult demands, of having constant rising expectations and quotas, told at every turn that our goal is to have as many new members as possible, all the while a broken record of lie, just repeating constantly that “sales don’t matter, it’s about the community”

(EXCEPT GET ALL THE ACCOUNTS DON'T LET THEM SLIP THROUGH YOUR FINGERS YOU FUCKING FAILURE YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THEM 3 ACCOUNTS YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THEM A GOOD RATE ON THE NEW CREDIT CARD IF THEY JUST SIGNED UP BUT REMEMBER WE DON’T WANT TO SELL THEM ANYTHING)

finally it’s Christmas time and I’ve been busting my hump for the whole year and it’s my second year so I’m eligible for a bonus and I’m literally gonna burst I’m so happy... until Bob and Co. announce that, despite all our stellar efforts this year, despite that we are ahead of company projections by a 15% margin across all departments, despite that I personally (and by proxy our department) was responsible for the acquisition of an account worth over 1.3 million, we were told our Christmas bonuses were actually going to be a bit sparser than they were the year prior, my first year, the year I got a $75 Fred Meyer gift card in

I had been looking forward to a cash bonus and had worked my ass off for it, had been damn near guaranteed it during a number of team/personal reviews with the managers, but surprise! three days before christmas, all I have to look forward to is $50 to a place that I can reasonably get a single pair of shoes from (and maybe some socks)

it’s a month or so later that the Big Change happens, and the entire building of employees moves across town to a new location. some people get let go in the shuffle, including one of my close friends I’d met there. financially stressed though she was, I could see how much happier she was to be out of that place, and I started to get inklings of leaving as my mental health began to deteriorate. another result of this change is that the parking availability for employees is cut down to a third of what we used to have, except it’s even less because most of the spots at the new building are intended for members, so everybody’s carpooling or riding bikes or bussing

side note: carpooling is all well and good in a green initiative, but do you have any idea how difficult it is to coordinate more than two people for a carpool? either you can make us carpool or you can have us in on time, you can’t have both

a bit of advice for anybody new to the job circuit or who might have trouble deciphering “appropriate” social gestures: no matter how open they say you can be, no matter how friendly or amenable they appear to be to mental health struggles, don’t fall for that trap and think you can show any moment of weakness. it’s true that not everyone will react the way my managers did, but don’t take the chance if you can help it. on the surface, they understood. on the surface they said they were with me.

i would go on to walk in on those same people mocking my symptoms and talking about how it can’t be that bad, that I must be trying to get attention.I was labeled unprofessional, and no matter how much they encouraged open communication and preached how “life happens and things get rough for people,” I was still an acceptable target.

so I took my complaint to HR, who at first seemed taken aback at the notion that, of anybody, BOB could be engaging in such careless and callous behavior. “Oh, he’s such a nice man! I’m sure he didn’t mean those things.” and because he wasn’t the one saying them, but rather laughing along with them, and because it was my word against theirs, it was unlikely to go anywhere

time crawls on and it’s about march or so when everything finally snaps in my brain. getting out of bed feels like selling my soul and going to work feels more like torture than a paycheck. on The Dawn Of The Day That Broke My Back, I was up and ready, out in front of my apartment and chain smoking to keep myself awake, when I realized that no matter when my carpool shows up now, we’re going to be late

I try to keep myself in decent spirits, not be a grumposaurus on the way in. I feel prepared for the day, got my coffee and my lunch in a bag and a nice outfit and I feel like maybe today won’t be as bad as the rest of the month has been, even though we’ll be late

we arrive about 10 after, but I’ve got Jenny and August’s numbers in my phone, so I’ve sent them messages ahead of time to let them know that the carpool was a bit late because traffic has been troublesome. I don’t remember how true it was, but the point is I did my part to let them know ahead of time that we weren’t no-shows, just a bit delayed. as I’m walking in (mind you, following and followed by a number of other individuals just as late as me), Bob singles me out, pointing first at me and then another aggressive point in the direction of a closed office space

fun fact: with the new change in locations, he no longer has his own office, in fact he now sits directly adjacent to me and close enough to hear me speak under my breath, something I had to be constantly aware of

he ignores the confusion on my face as soon as we’re inside and immediately begins to accuse me of slacking off, saying I’ve been skipping out on and coming late into work constantly, and I need to “get it together” or I’ll be out of a job. I try to express that I’m not trying to shirk my responsibilities, just that I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal stuff and it’s affecting my focus. He doesn’t care, his frustration continuing to escalate, and every time I offer a response or rebuttal to an unfair statement, he gets angrier and changes what he’s upset about.

Finally it happens.

“You were late! 10 minutes late! You need to be in your chair at your desk and ready to sign in and be ready to take calls BY 8:00!!”

I have grown tired of him yelling for no reason, and the backbone that had crumbled away over the last two and a half years suddenly snaps back into place hard as steel.

“I would like to know why this is all aimed at me specifically, when you saw me enter with the remainder of my carpool, the carpool that you all made us set up in the middle of construction season, which of course is happening on the only road that leads here.

“I would like to know how I’m supposed to control the environment or lives of the other people I am stuck riding with every day for this job that supposedly cares about us, even though it doesn’t seem to care about the extra expenses or time crunch we now have to endure as a result of this change that miraculously doesn’t affect you.

“I would like to know who put that stick so far up your ass that you thought it was necessary to yell at your employee about 10 damn minutes. If you don’t mind, I have a job to get to.”

And I go and sit at my desk. He fumes quietly in the office for a while before coming out to his desk, returning to whatever he was doing before he pulled me aside to treat me like a child.

Not a few hours later, I get a call from a member that had been working directly with Bob (big ordeal that needed a manager a few days prior, so he was the go-to for this particular account), and they wanted to speak with him, claiming it was urgent. I hold the call and stand up, trying to get Bob’s attention quietly since there’s other calls happening around me. I call his name quietly, saying “phone for you, it’s [member’s name]” but he doesn’t seem to hear me because he doesn’t respond. So again, I whisper his name, this time leaning more towards him to hopefully catch his eye with the movement, but he cuts me off before I can get the member’s name out

He starts yelling. Like, at the top of his voice, yelling. In a small room, to a person less than 5 feet away, audible to everyone both on a call and not (I would later find out it was also audible over the phone! a member asked what the yelling was about. but I’m the unprofessional one)

“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY? WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO BOTHER ME WITH CAN WAIT. GET BACK TO WORK.”

The resolve I’d summoned earlier didn’t stay with me, and this was the final straw. It’s one thing to be berated to and humiliated one on one, it’s another to be on the receiving end of it in the presence of 20 other people. I get back on the phone and tell the member, “I’m very sorry, he’ll have to return your call. He’s unavailable at the present.” and hung up, because I was about to cry and I needed to get out. I log out of everything, lock my computer, pick up my belongings and wave to one of my carpoolmates as I walk out and down to HR

they wound up convincing me to stay for a few more weeks, especially after they fired Bob (who it would turn out was going through a divorce, his second in four years, and I just happened to be the punching bag he needed that day), but eventually I left and never went back

[ Critical Role Ask Meme ]

#anon #asks #gif #prompt #god i haven't thought about taht in years #its still so vivid though

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allsassnoclass · 3 years

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Happy happy birthday!! 🥳 Congrats on another rotation around the sun! I went to send a bday message and realized I hadn't responded to your last (idk what the term would be, response to my ask? correspondence? who knows) so i'm combining them like the rebel i am. How did your retreat go? I hope it wasn't too stressful and you were able to have a good/productive retreat. I'm sorry to hear you're also in a bad group project; it is such a frustrating situation when your group doesn't cooperate.

I didn't settle on being a geology major until last semester so it's a little new for me, but I like that it's a science that doesn't always *feel* like a science if that makes sense? Also a lot of our classes on climate change fall under the geology department and that's something I've always been interested/passionate about. Plus, plate tectonics is super wacky and neat! For writing I'm best with shorter, darker works (while I have plenty of longer ideas I do not have the ability to finish any of them lol) and also a little bit of poetry? But not a whole lot bc I think it's a hard line to walk btwn good poetry and sounding pretentious and I don't want to end up on the wrong side lol.

Anyways enough about me! How did you end up picking your major? Are you going to do anything for your birthday? I am sending loads of well wishes and good vibes your way and I hope you have a lovely birthday week -💙

hello love! thank you for the birthday message!

the retreat went well! we had a lot of people drop during the week leading up to it so it was a really really small retreatant pool but everyone there seemed really into it. Idk for me it was not nearly as impactful as usual, probably because I was stressed about getting everyone fed and facilitating a good retreat for my small group, but that’s okay because it seemed to be really fruitful for everyone else and the formation leading up to it was pretty good for me. as for the group project I actually got so angry about it in class today that I talked to my teacher afterwards and he’s on my side so hopefully things end up okay. I hope your group project also ends up okay!

I'm glad you’re vibing with geology! plate tectonics are super wacky and neat I agree with you there and I find it really interesting that a lot of the climate change classes fall under the geology department? I wouldn’t have expected them to be there but that’s cool that you get to study that!

I think the thing about good poetry vs pretentiousness honestly mostly has to do with the level of sincerity. pretentiousness, by definition, includes putting more importance on something than is deserved and thinking that you’re better than others for it. it’s performative. if you sincerely believe in and feel what you’re writing then it’s not pretentious. there are a lot of people out here romanticizing little things and picking apart specific, small human emotions under a magnifying glass to give them importance. that’s not pretentious, it’s actually a good skill/mindset to have in my opinion. don’t let fear of being pretentious keep you from writing whatever poetry you want to!

I picked my major because ultimately I want to be a theatre director at a high school. I started out as a music business major (which was super fascinating and I kind of wish I had stuck with it) but I would be most successful with that if I moved to New York, LA, or Chicago and I didn’t really want to do that. I went through a few other major combinations before landing on theatre for my only major and music and English lit for minors. I’ll probably end up going to grad school for theatre ed so it’ll be easier for me to get my teaching certificate. but yeah basically I chose my major because I just really want to direct high school theatre and this is what my school offers that will get me close to doing that.

I did not do anything for my birthday except open the presents my parents sent me! on Friday though I'm going to have a little lunch date/study session with a friend who’s birthday was the 12th! we typically go for walks on Fridays but tbh I'm behind in homework and upset about it so he’s going to pick up lunch for us and we’re going to just do a little special meal together while still being productive. I did also get to go to the social for our retreat today though! wasn’t sure if I'd be able to make it because I had rehearsal for theatre but I got let out early so everyone there sang happy birthday to me which was neat.

I am receiving your good vibes! holding up a mirror so some of them bounce off and go back to you, too. how has your week been so far? what are you up to?

#ask #blue heart anon #I'm sorry I do not know how to be concise at all. I talk so much #also sorry about the pretentious rant! I just hate that word since people were misusing it in reference to Ashton a few months ago #it really really got on my nerves #like if you're sincere I feel like it's not pretentious you know? or at least it's a lot harder to be pretentious #give things meaning!!!! let the world around you be romanticized!!!!!#okay I need to go do my ground plan now. but I don't want to. maybe I should wake up early and do it instead #I feel like that's not going to work but I just. don't want to do it now #I don't know what this set should look like!!!!!! I haven't had the time to think it through and be creative!!!!#you can't bs a good set design. I don't WANT to bs my set design but once I make the ground plan I'm locking it in #sorry I'm just annoyed that I have to do work instead of writing about pirates or ghosts or space or [redacted]#thank you for visiting blue heart anon I like talking to you #this made me happy

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