Ok we already know Vasco sees Machete when he’s on official business visiting Rome but consider.. the Vatican gets an urgent request from Vasco to have a member of their clergy “specifically that cute white boy with the fluffy tail” come to his house for dinner to perform an exorcism

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do u just name the guns/knives or do u name other stuff too (i'm asking respectfully)

Ok, since you come respectful I'll answer respectful.

Getting this out of the way: I'm autistic. Object personification is a symptom of autism. It is something I have. This paper will be very sad if you don't read it. I will also be referring to people as "humans" throughout this to separate from my own concept of "people."

I'm an extremely low empathy autistic, plus some other things. While I'll see non-human things as people, I also don't really see humans as people. It's more like watching animals go about their natural behaviours. I'm an outsider looking in, taking notes on behaviour and interactions within the community. I don't think of humans as any different from the animals I observe and hunt. We're all just organisms. Humans are people with our own place in the food chain, try as we might to rise above it. There is me, a person. There is Misty, a person. Once I get to know another human well, they become a person to me instead of just another animal.

Only ones this doesn't apply to is kids. I'm horribly empathetic to kids. Teenagers are on thinner ice but still get empathy. But kids fuck me up hard. If something happens to a child I'll be fucked up for days.

This doesn't mean I go around being an arsehole, because I'm polite and learnt a long time ago and that no one will ever really understand my perspective on how I see other people. They'll call you a monster, a freak, a psychopath, etc. They'll think you want to harm humans, or that you're a bad person because you don't see other humans with the same personhood as you see yourself, or say you dehumanise humans. And I don't reckon I dehumanise humans, because all of humanity is like this to me. Additionally, while I'm low-empathy, I'm not a fucking sadist. I don't want anything to suffer. Shots I take on animals are clean and accurate--ethical and humane. I try to have the same approach with people. If someone is in distress, I am going to help them because that's the right thing to do. I might not personally care about the person, but I will help them because it's good to be kind. Sometimes that means I put up with a lot more shit than I should.

When I get close enough to someone, I start seeing them as people. Those in my server, my mates, my family. If I become emotionally attached to something, my empathy starts working and they become a person to me. But this also means that anything with sentimental value to me is now granted personhood. Misty is a person. My rifle, Winnie, is a person. My knife, Kaz, is a person. My stockwhip Stozza, my ute Matilda (though really, Matilda is the camper and not the rig itself). These are all people to me. They have emotions and feelings and this paper will be very sad if you don't read it.

And when something is granted personhood, I grant it a name. There's a reason everyone in my server--my friend group--is given a nickname by me, even if most of them don't know what I've given them. There's a reason my rifle and knife and car have names. There's a reason my dog has a name. People have names.

When I first got Winnie at twelve, she was just my gun. "Can I bring my gun?" No, Jet, we don't bring guns to Macca's. "I'll leave it in the car. I just wanna bring it." I didn't wanna let her out of my sight. She was my pride and joy, even then. And later that year, after I was assaulted, there was days I'd spend shooting tins out behind our caravan, and she was the only thing that made me feel like I had any power over my life. Because she felt powerful. She made me feel safe--like if ever I needed to, I could protect myself. She couldn't change what had happened to me, but so long as she was by my side I was sure it'd never happen to me again.

When I was fifteen and went bush, I brought her with me. .30-06 is fucking overkill for rabbits, but I shot a roo with her and the meat lasted me the whole near-three weeks I was out there until the coppers found me 60km from Ghan. She kept me alive, because I didn't bring enough food for three weeks. To be fair, leaving was an impulse decision and I was also 15 at the time, but still. Her dedication to me then was rewarded with her going from a gun to my most beloved companion, and being granted the name Winnie.

They took her when I was taken into custody, and I wouldn't talk to the detective until he assured me I'd get her back once I left the copshop. I went directly from the copshop into a mental facility, but she was there at the detective's house when he pulled me out of it.

By the time I was 17 and going to high school in rural California, I was in the school carpark when I noticed one of the boys at my school had a semi-auto shotty on the rack in his ute. So on the drive home I stopped by our local gunshop and immediately bought a gunrack for my back window, which is where Winnie rests now when she's not locked in her safe in Matilda or by the door.

Eventually Kaz went from "dad's knife" to "the KA-BAR", then back to "my knife" cuz KA-BAR is a mouthful, then finally to Kaz. By the time I'd bought my camper for my ute, I'd come to terms with sometimes people just Name Things when they get attached. And as I was 17, going on 18, and homeless at the time, I immediately named her Matilda.

When I became a stockman I wasn't given a station knife because I had Kaz and told them I didn't need one, but I was given my stockwhip and after it was used on me I finally gave it the name Stozza. And sometimes I take it out and crack it a couple times just so it's not sitting there coiled in a box at the bottom of my wardrobe.

The pronouns comes with the name territory. I just get a certain vibe off things, if that makes sense? Winnie is, without a doubt, feminine to me. Kaz is feminine to me. Stozza is masculine, but I usually find myself calling him an "it" instead of masculine pronouns because while I'm attached to it for sentimental reasons, it's not quite reached a level of personhood with me yet.

Anyway, hope that covers things. Cheers.

Hey! I just read the hybrid AU hc's you wrote and I came up whit something...

What if IK does end up being taken by the angels to the Celestial realm? I honestly think at first she'd try to fit in but ultimately get sad that she's away from the devildom and the brothers. I keep thinking that she'd do anything to get kicked out and fall from the Celestial Realm just so she can be whit the brothers.

Could you maybe write some hcs of the brothers not only seeing her fall down from the sky through a window but also reacting to he being half demon now? (Only if you want!!)

I honestly think the brothers would get Vietnam flashbacks

actually, i reckon ik would skip the fitting in steps and immediately go for angelic delinquency - there's no way the celestial realm got her into custody without a fight, and in the first place she does NOT want to be here - she wants to be at home with her demon family

presumably the celestial realm got what they wanted by putting simeon and/or luke on the spot, either by threatening one of the others' safety or just by making a bunch of empty promises and assuring them that this is all ultimately better for ik's wellbeing... though luke'd more likely be convinced by the latter than simeon

the brothers are probably furious about all this, but diavolo can't let them charge up there to bring ik home themselves because 1. the celestial realm technically does have a genuine claim to ik's care, and 2. they can't risk starting another war. lucifer, while deeply unhappy about the situation, has to agree for the sake of peace and everyone else's safety

solomon spends a lot of time trying to negotiate, since ik's still half human and has been raised human her whole life. but the celestial realm's gotten suspiciously cagey about ik's whereabouts - so he insists on seeing her every time he visits, and every time she's gotten quieter

luke doesn't quite understand it at first - the celestial realm's so beautiful, and there's so many fun things to do! eventually though, he, like simeon, becomes fully (and painfully) aware that ik's miserable up here. also, is it just him, or is the high council being really shady about 'settling her in'?

an angel-human hybrid's existence is dangerous, especially one as friendly with demons as ik, so it'd be easier for the celestial realm (both in terms of politics, and the ongoing loyalty of the angels) if she was obedient. ik's having none of it though

it starts with talking back to the seraphs, then sneaking out and causing a ruckus when they're not looking. this escalates into mild vandalism, then straight up destruction of property (throwing things through windows, etc)

at first the seraphs just take it into stride, because it'd make it harder to make ik cooperate if they punished her, but it starts getting out of hand - a lot of valuable and very old things end up destroyed, and the other angels are starting to object to having her here in the first place

exile would be a last resort, because it's the last thing the council wants in this situation. potentially, ik goes to simeon and raphael conspire to make it happen - neither are particularly willing, but it's just about the only plan they have for letting ik go home

(the seraphs did say that ik would be allowed to come down to the devildom, but won't allow it until ik behaves and promises to stay that way - which she has no intention of doing)

the demons aren't informed about this because they'd almost certainly object - though diavolo has his suspicions, and he warns simeon against it, having seen first-hand what the fall did to the brothers. unfortunately, simeon chooses to listen to ik instead

maybe simeon sets fire to the grand palace, or raphael attacks an angel - in either situation, ik admits to the crime, and somehow they make it happen! down she goes!

barbatos sees something falling down and his heart drops like a fucking ROCK. he knew diavolo was suspicious, but he never thought ik would actually go through with it... but he supposes that kid's always been too reckless for her own good

he does attempt to somehow issue a warning to prevent the brothers from seeing this, but unfortunately they're all at the castle already (to discuss ik's situation, actually, which is ironic) and realise what's going on soon afterwards. asmo just starts screaming and he can't stop for a while

the fall is almost definitely too aggressive for this - it's like a meteor falling - but the winged demons still fly up to try and soften the impact, even though they all get pretty singed in the process. ik's not too badly wounded, though the same can't be said of her mental state

the brothers aren't sure whether to be happy she's at least back or to be SO pissed this even happened in the first place. out of all of them, lucifer probably has the worst reaction to it; he's feeling a molotov cocktail of grief and fury, and he's only just barely keeping it under control

belphie is so fucking angry that he thinks he finally knows what it must be like to be avatar of wrath, but then he sees satan's face and realises that even now, he has no idea how deep that rage runs. they both agree that their energy is much better expended on helping ik recover, though, so there's not much they can do about it

i guess in some ways, the brothers are happier with ik being half-demon than half-angel, and they're definitely glad that she's home, but... man. why do all the worst things keep happening to this poor kid?

Mechtober Day 15 - HNOC

Brian had never really considered the fact he didn't have blood, but recent times had found him increasingly thankful for the fact.

He had to be thankful for something anyway, because otherwise he'd start thinking about his current situation, and then he'd start thinking about how much being hung upside down for years, with no shade from the unrelenting sun and no protection from the freezing nights, was truly a terrible experience, and then he'd start thinking about how he came to be here, and then he'd start thinking about losing that fucking bet, and he really did not want to start thinking about that bet.

Galahad interrupted his train of thought with a tip of his hat and an:

"Evenin', Merlin. How's the day finding you?"

Brian didn't make an oh, just hanging around joke, because he still had some self respect left.

"Today I'm grateful that I don't have to feel the blood all pooled in my head," he said instead, in a way that didn't sound grateful at all. "It's the only thing I have left to be positive about."

"That so?" Galahad replied, in the vague sort of way people will agree to anything you say when they're busy thinking about something else.

Brian paused. 

"Did something happen?" he asked, whirring with concern.

This was worrying. Something was definitely going to happen - the crew wouldn't have come here otherwise - but things couldn't be moving this fast already. The exposition had barely been laid.

Taking a seat next to Brian's head, Galahad looked across the square to the Joyous Guard. The shadows in the windows showed that someone, at least, was having fun tonight.

"I've been hearing talk. Some folks reckon you've been telling the future."

Brian doesn't quite hide the bitterness in his voice.

"If they think that, it'd be nice if they listened to me."

He'd tried though, that was the important part. He'd warned Gawain that his hatred for the Saxons would lead only down the dark road of violence. He'd told Arthur that maybe, just maybe the world did still have hope in it and that hope was coming in the form of his son, long thought dead.

He had tried, even though they'd both nodded politely, disregarding every single word he said.

Galahad barked a laugh.

"Those bastards ain't the listening type and don't I know it."

He looked at Brian out of the corner of his eye, considering something for a while before he next spoke. 

"Hey Hanged Man. You don't happen to have any more of those prophecies lying around, do you?"

It was a deliberate question, one that, despite the careless words, hadn't been asked easily. Brian could feel the weight of Galahad's expectations as he tried to word a good enough answer.

He was about to say a flat no. No, that's not how any of this works, and I can't justify lying and giving you false hope, and maybe it would have been easier if he did.

Except…

Except Brian had the unpleasant realisation that that statement would have been a lie.

There was something that he could see. Bright lights and gunshots and the burning chair. All the way to the inner ring of the station and the Captain sleeping there, hands grasped tight around the source of new life. True and useful are not the same thing, sneers Jonny and the words melt in his mouth. Falling, falling, falling, and the endless, all consuming flames.

Well.

That was interesting. 

Galahad was still watching him, trying not to be obvious about it, and failing.

"If you ain't got nothing Merlin, you can tell me. I was just wonderin'."

Brian's neck creaked as he tried to shake his head. He has something alright.

Third time lucky then?

"Deep within the depths of the station…"

Hee hoo ask time

7, 9 and 11 for Kelth, and 8 and 15 for Sufford! Sorry if that's too many, you gave me tools to ask for OC lore without having to be smart and i am enjoying this power immensely. Anyway if it's too many just pick what you wanna answer most :D

>:D i am having so many excited-jitters about this whole thing. tingly. i hadn't actually thought about the questions in relation to my own guys very much which. shouldn't surprise me as much but. hee

OKAY OKAY TO WORK rubs hands

Kelth, 7: What is your favourite thing about this character? well one of the first things about them is that i wanted them to have something to do with programming. because i'm a programmer and i needed more self-insert OCs in my arsenal. SPECIFICALLY i was imagining what it'd be like for someone ingame to try organize their void relic shit without a google sheet. and that kind of. DRASTICALLY snowballed. into kind of this whole blog. there are a lot of smaller things but this one is the one that makes me smile the quickest & most joyfully (angst potential is a close second but that's a more evil grin)

Kelth, 9: Do they keep in contact with old classmates/friends/other Tenno? What is their connection? well shit uh. i haven't thought about this before so this is shiny new lore (and part of why i love ask games). they don't keep in contact, they don't reach out by themselves, because social contact requirements wise they're fulfilling all their needs with Ordis & the warframes already, and they weren't fantastic friends with the other kids to start with. nothing like bullying, just... they weren't exactly included by the others in stuff. they fit in enough to not be bullied, but not enough to be included. but if they're contacted by someone they used to know (and, if we're going with they both remember The Old Days) they'll be polite & nice & maybe even genuinely enjoy it for a bit. but their social battery would drain fast

Kelth, 11: Are they comfortable jumping out of their Warframe and showing their own bodies to others? Why (not)? HAHA NO. Noooo Kelth very much prefers to HIDE. Kelth does NOT like the vendors that deny their frame access. Does NOT appreciate them. Kelth isn't tall, and they get tired fast, and if they gotta get out of their frame it's already a place where the frame can't go either so they don't have backup of any kind with them except Ordis in their earpiece. Outside of a frame, they're pretty much only comfortable on the Orbiter. Or, if they're alone with just the frame(s) they brought, out in the open, sometimes. The sun & wind & soft ground can feel nice, though Ordis gets on their ass about sunscreen & insect lotion if they stay too long.

Sufford, 8: Do they have any hobbies? Sufford spends a decent chunk of his non-mission time training or meditating, though for fun, (please hold, new lore being generated) he likes drawing. Sometimes, he'll design cool-looking blades, and once or twice he's convinced Ordis to build whatever he made up in the Foundry. Otherwise, it's a lot of landscape & creature drawings. I think he also likes to collect cool small rocks if he can

Sufford, 15: Do they have anything that still ties them back to their days as human? His whole fighting style, to be honest. He's always been a guard, though now he only has one small charge. but now i'm thinking if he perhaps has an Object. i reckon the orokin let him keep his sword if only so they wouldn't have to requisition him a new one. or maybe a portrait of his old family. maybe he had a little sister who he lost track of completely during the old war...

Woke up this morning realizing that life is too short to hedge your bets or let bad faith argumentation stand on its own terms, so here we go, I'm forcing myself to be ready to tell this story. It's New Year party 2023 and my cousin, maybe a little drunk, lays out his grand political theory, and I listen because he sounded so close to being right in the argument's early stages— but hey turns out an anti-corporate attitude finds a way to slot into even the most pro-capitalism worldview, so, that's egg on my face I guess. I'm trying hard to make this coherent, but like somehow he managed to make the idea that you have to take somebody's word on their own gender out to be, an anti-trans argument instead of like, the whole point? Because of sleeper agents or something? It's possible to lie about your own gender, therefore... something.

He says ultimately, that any political movement has three types of members: the true believers, the wolves-or-whatever, and some third thing (probably the one you're guessing right now), and I guess that that's all an argument for Radical Centrism, where any political action outside of some light voting is Bad and Misguided. You hear this kind of thing on conservative-leaning nontalk radio all the time, deejay panel shows at rock stations in red states, making fun of Both Sides to make themselves out more reasonable like there's anything reasonable about having voted Trump twice— and hey! speaking of the radio.

My cousin said he'd called into a progressive radio program to warn them about the sleeper agents, and that they'd told him his mask was slipping, bro. (The way he told it, he was only laying out the radically centrist parts of his argument, not really getting into the faschy stuff, but I don't know, maybe his mask really *was* slipping— they love invoking Hitler so that they can imitate him, framing him as being bad and wrong so they can invoke him in polite society but really laying into that angry German ranting and gesticulating; I suspect he may have done a little bit of that act on air boy oh boy.) Also of course the radically centrist idea that it's only the left-leaning radio program that needs to be warned in such a way? And viewing everything left-of-center as a political monoculture in lockstep groupthink— but I guess I see why the Right (and Center blegghh) can view it that way, because most lefty types really do tend to be the third-thing category and so from the outside it probably looks like everyone else is along for the ride with the most "extreme" voices running the show; like heck, friggin, I didn't say anything at the New Year's party, because the man's entitled to his opinion! And it's this third-thing tendency that makes the focus on "warning" the lefty spaces instead of the righty ones about the wolves so baffling, because, can you even imagine a conservative trying to infiltrate an antifascist movement for any length of time, when my cousin can't even talk politics for fifteen minutes without imitating Hitler? It'd be far more likely to have a progressive type keeping their head down in a conservative environment, by my reckoning; my writing this post is sort of a first step in breaking out of that attitude!

It's tough of course, not to mention a slippery slope into Debate, and it requires a willingness to be wrong, and a need to be informed, and of course the fact that nobody ever changes their mind ever 😉 (hey great emoji suggestion autofiller, 😀 and the hits keep coming good job buddy) but this is just about calling out bad faith arguments themselves and maaaybe dismantling some of their logic. Like I said, life's too short to let that stand, and life's too short to hedge your bets. But f'sure life's too short to get into stupid debates with bad-faith-argumenters as well, and doubly so!

whiskey buisness - john shelby x reader (part 5 of ?)

gif by my literal angel @michaelgreys who keeps blessing us like holy fuck

a/n: all i can say is that this is the hottest one yet. as always, my girl @stxdyblr-2k did an amazing job so i hope you all enjoy :) and i'm still working on requests, tysm for all of them!!

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland

prompt: john just can't help himself when he sees you with someone else.

warnings: nsfw!!! smut, fluff, angst, light praise kink, john fucking adores you and spends a good amount of time with his head between your legs (yes i know!!!!!)

John had spotted you from across the London nightclub, his table tucked into the balcony area, perfectly positioned to survey the entire club. It'd been over a month since he laid eyes on you last. Sometimes, he wondered if it was possible for you to only get more beautiful every time he saw you. He wasn't surprised, as he'd been warned of your presence by Tommy, but he was unable to stop himself from staring at you, hair neatly styled, scarlet velvet dress clinging to every curve, red lipstick emphasizing your lips, a light haze of pink pressed into your cheekbones, lash-line expertly darkened with kohl. You were dancing with one of Isaiah's friends; the young man was tall and muscular -- a blinder foot soldier, John concluded, draining his glass of whiskey, flagging the waiter down for another.

The young lad was smiling down at you. John took a swig from his drink bitterly, the man obviously head over heels, his eyes bright, excitedly glancing from your lips to your figure. John could feel himself cringe; the younger man had all the subtlety and strategy of a malnourished dog. Then again, who could blame the lad? You were an absolute vision, twirling and giggling, off your face on something Michael had brought. John couldn't help but watch, wishing it was him who had caught your attention tonight, wanting to feel your breath fan across his neck, pulling away while you giggled at his blushing arousal; him whisking you to dark corners to steal a moment of quiet.

He'd tried to get over you but he couldn't. He'd been travelling a lot lately, business in Liverpool, Edinburgh and Belfast; yet in every woman who smiled at him, he found himself searching for you in their eyes, their smiles, their laugh. They were all gorgeous, but his heart simply wasn't in it.

Tonight had started off alright, normal Peaky activity. They'd seized the club only a few hours ago, gaining vital territory in London, bagging their place in the opiate trade and a successful business prospect in one fell swoop. By all accounts, John should’ve been happy, but he'd been too lost in his own mind lately to properly take in the consequences of those sleepless nights with the accounting books, all the hours practicing shooting and boxing, all the endless driving, the meetings, the lingering stench of death which clung to his family. Try as he might, he couldn't enjoy himself. His night got worse the second he spotted you; a yearning for you suddenly flooding his veins. It was easy to get on with life when you were hundreds of miles from him, but when you were a flight of stairs away? He knew the club had countless dark passages to hide away with you, multiple cloak rooms with thick brick walls to take you against: he had to stop his mind running wild. He couldn't. That had to be the last time. You were in his past, you had to stay there. But as he watched you dance with the blinder, he could feel the familiar burn of jealousy swell deep within him. The lad was far too close to you for his comfort, practically grazing his hips to yours. John roughly rubbed his jaw at the sight, silently seething to himself in the shadows.

Thomas studied his brother's body language, taking a slow drag of his cigarette, not understanding the fuss around you. Sure, you were pretty enough; you were bright, apparently funny, but you had never caught his attention really. He observed how John's eyes followed your every move, every sway of your hips closely watched as he held his breath, losing himself to you. He was glad he'd prompted Michael to invite you; this was the most attentive he'd seen John in a month. It was no coincidence that he'd dragged you away from Birmingham, from the watching eyes of the city locals, the wagging tongues in the assembly lines, far from Ada. Michael had admitted to Thomas that it was easy to persuade you, promising you a lift in his new car and a night out as Ada had plans with a gentleman. A night of dancing with your favourite lads and an all expenses paid trip to London? You couldn't resist.

John's jaw had tensed and squared, the man murmuring something against your neck causing you to giggle and grasp his collar. Thomas could tell his brother was practically bristling with jealousy. If looks could kill, the young man clinging to your hips would be long dead from the glare unleashed on him by the tallest Shelby brother.

"You gonna sit there useless or are you gonna fucking do something about it, eh?" Tommy inquired, nudging him with his shoulder.

"I can't."

"No one will know." Thomas pointed out, raising a brow, "The Blinders will say fuck all if they see owt. They keep quiet when it's about us Shelby brothers, yeah?"

John glanced at him, eyes slightly widened, confusion furrowing his brows. "You've changed your fuckin' tune."

"Sometimes, it's good to have secrets. What Ada doesn't know about the events of tonight won't hurt her."

"We don't do secrets. We're meant to trust each other." John objected. "We're a family."

"Nothing will change, John. I'll fix it for you, yeah? You've had a rough few weeks, you should reward yourself."

"She's not a fuckin’ prize, Tom."

"Keep talking that shit and people will get the wrong idea, think you love the woman or sommet." Thomas shrugged, taking a sip of his drink, while John's cheeks flared, his eyes flinching to the floor. He smirks to himself. "You going to go get your lass, then?"

John replied wordlessly, standing and downing the rest of his drink, pulling on his suit jacket, straightening his collar. "I'll catch you later, Tom."

********

The lad was nice, his name had long disappeared into the fog of liquor and Tokyo. He was someone's cousin, but he was polite; charming, almost. Most importantly, he wasn't related to your best friend. Not quite a Casanova type like John, but you two were a good match, everyone thought so. You'd seen him a few times now over the past week. He wasn't much of a talker, but he was a good dancer, and sweet after a few pints.

The band started playing a slower song, Isaiah dancing chest to chest with a beautiful girl across from you. You felt your partner place his fingers on the small of your back, his fingers inching lower, pulling you in closer before the two of you were interrupted by a dark figure looming over you.

"Can I cut in, mate?" A strong Birmingham accent sliced through the air, voice low and polite enough, but with a tone that was laced with venom. "Or are you gonna be a dick about it?"

The lad glanced nervously between you two, moving his hands away from you, embarrassed to be caught by his boss in this state, John staring him down. You slowly pulled away from him, turning to face John.

"Or you could ask me to dance yourself, John?"

John silently glared back at you, his mouth tensed into a thin line. He looked momentarily embarrassed, his attention switching back to your dance partner, the rest of lads silently watching, breaths baited, ready to jump in on the action if the moment required it.

"I'm heading off mate, reckon she's a cocktease." Your partner comments, attempting to diffuse the tension, stepping away, not wanting a fight or to piss off his boss. His path was quickly blocked by another blinder. You shot him an apologetic look and took the large hand John was offering you.

"Or, she's just not interested in you," John quipped, smirking, locking his fingers through yours. "You gonna go get your coat while I finish up with your best mate?"

"Thought we were dancing?"

"You can dance as much as you like in the suite, yeah? Proper gramophone. You coming?"

"You just want me on my own."

"Just tired of the distractions." He told you pointedly, skimming his glare over the group of men, standing with baited breath, preparing for it to kick off.

You rolled your eyes but squeezed his hands, slowly heading to the cloakroom, chatting with the attendant as you watched John confront the lad, keeping your distance. His arms were clutching the lad's lapels, snarling in his face before pushing him back. Michael watched from a few steps away, smoking absentmindedly, spine pressed to a pillar, leaving his cousin to sort out whatever offense he believed the man had caused.

You bundled yourself up in your thin coat, a gift from one of the girls you hung around with as she had recently married a blinder and was being spoiled rotten. The coat's flimsy material was going to be useless against the London night. At least you could count on John to keep you warm on the walk back to the hotel. You headed towards the side door, John's hand quickly finding your lower back protectively as he fell into step beside you. He opened the heavy wooden doors for you, the cold air an instant relief from the heat of the nightclub. You turned back as the door closed, catching a glimpse of the boys closing in on the lad, their eyes gleaming with a violent hunger for action.

"He'll be alright. Daft prick just getting put in his place." John said flatly. He seemed bored but watched you anxiously, begging you with his eyes to drop the subject.

"Is the hotel close by?" You asked casually, as the frigid air swirled around your calves, instantly causing you to shiver.

"I'll get us a cab, love, can't have you in those heels trekking halfway across London town." He stepped fearlessly into the road, unbothered about any potential danger or just forgetful from the whiskey. Quickly, a dark cab pulled up to the cobblestone pavement and John helped you in, taking off his coat and wrapping it around your shoulders before climbing in after you.

As the engine started and the car made its way through London's dimly lit streets to Camden, John's hand found its way to your thigh. You glanced at him, his eyes looking away but his thumb angled against his teeth. He was nervous, having not touched you in a month. You crossed your legs, angling them towards him, his hand shifting higher up your thighs, taking a deep sigh of relief. Your hands found his chin in the gloom of the back of the car, only the occasional bright lights from a nightlife hub or the demure lights of a residential illuminating his face, the angles changing as the cab drove on. It was too much. You'd been needing this for the past month, needing him. Your hands laced around the back of his head and you pressed your lips to his for a brief moment, allowing John to pull you deeper into the kiss. It awoke something familiar inside you, something comforting. Kissing John erased all your homesickness. Christ, you had to stop thinking like this.

"You've not been about for a bit, sweetheart. I know we said never again, but I was hoping you'd come by," John muttered, forehead pressed to yours, breath mingling with yours as he spoke.

"I almost did. The amount of times I nearly visited your office.. I just couldn't do that to you or Ada. Besides, last I heard, you were on tour." You admitted, keeping your voice down to save the cab driver the embarrassment. John caressed your cheekbone with his thumb, tracing the corner of your mouth, prompting a grin from you.

"Last place on earth I'd expected to see you next, it's been hectic my end," He sighed. His eyes were outlined with deep purple smudges of exhaustion, yet he was still devastatingly beautiful even after all the sleepless nights. "It's been too long."

"Not my fault you've been hiding yourself away. You should've called."

"Blame Tommy for that. His solution seems to be sending me on business trips. Trying to make me too tired to handle you." A nervous lick of his lips revealed John’s response to the suggestion that he call you. He wanted to say he would ring next time, but there couldn't be a next time.

"You can barely handle me on a good day, Mr. Shelby."

"Can't blame me. You seen yourself? On the brink as soon as I see you, lass." He teased, earning a gentle shove to the shoulder as you quickly pressed a kiss underneath his chin. You wanted to bring up Thomas' threat, but you bit your tongue, nudging his shin with the toe of your heel in the back of the cab. He rolled his eyes, grabbing your wrists lightly. "Behave yourself in front of the nice cabbie, sweetheart."

You soften at his touch, unable to resist reaching to interlock your fingers, squeezing his hands in yours affectionately. The spirits your table had been bringing you all night definitely boosted your confidence, any hesitancy due to potential rejection drowned out. John pressed his lips to your knuckles in response. He seemed different tonight, far more protective and serious than usual. He was so quiet it was strange, usually yapping your ear off, desperate for you to react, treating him to a giggle, a middle finger or a cutting response. You'd also never witnessed him spark off due to someone's interaction with you. Finn had mentioned a week or so back that John had a shouting match with Thomas and in the moment, your name got thrown up in the conversation, resulting in John taking a swing at his big brother out of frustration. It was confusing. He was willing to start fights over you, punch his brother, yet when you two were alone he was uncomfortably quiet, studying you, lost in his thoughts. His silence only made your body long for him, his fingers tracing patterns in your inner thigh. You let out a small whimper into the crook of his neck, as he instinctively pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

The car pulled up outside the hotel, your pulse racing, the anticipation already threatening to make you give in completely to his wishes tonight. You waited as he turned up his collar against the rain, clambering out of the car to open your door, creatively arranging the coat to hover just above both your heads protecting you from the miserable weather. Although John had referred to the building as a hotel, you could instantly tell the manor was some aristocrat's third or fourth home, obviously being rented out or gifted to business partners for trips. It was an imposing grey stone building, exquisitely carved, although not a country estate, the house was just as large. Was John used to this? It hit you all of a sudden that you'd never set foot inside John's home. You'd heard from Ada that it was overrun with hoards of screaming children. She often joked with the children at the Shelby Institute that if they hung around long enough at John's, he'd assume they were one of his offspring. You'd only ever fucked him in a guest bed. The shame made your stomach churn.

You needed to remind yourself of this when your late night thoughts ran rampant. John could say what he liked, but he'd never actually allow you to get overly personal with him. Whatever confusing mess was winding around your skull regarding him was useless; it was best not to think about it. You went to him every time, yet he would've picked another lass tonight, it was just that you were there. He probably had a string of gorgeous women, older, more accomplished, more experienced, more elegant. He could tell you he missed you, but you could never take for granted that he told you this for any other reason than as a prelude to get you in bed with him. You were his gorgeous mess, but only for the night. It was best to remind yourself to care less than he did. It was the easiest solution in the long term; this way, the downfall would be less brutal.

"You alright, love?" He asked suddenly, breaking your train of thought.

"Sorry, I was thinking about work."

He lived around his brothers for long enough, he could smell bullshit. He decided to let it go. It was best to not push it tonight. Just keep it light hearted, easy, like it was always meant to be.

"If your boss keeps being a prick, you tell Ada. She'll sort him out."

"Don't I know it? He can barely open the door before she starts on about workplace ethics." You joked, earning a small smile instead of his usual bright chuckle. "John, what are we doing here?"

"Well I'm about to take you upstairs and sort you out, yeah? You gonna let me look after you?" He asked, stopping you in your tracks by turning you into him, grabbing your wrist.

"You know that isn't what I meant."

"I know. But can we leave it tonight? Can we just have fun?" He questioned, lips ghosting over yours, fixing you with an intense stare.

"It's fun anymore." Your voice cracked, the liquor in your system making it impossible to control your tone or your facial expressions. "It's fucking with my head, John."

"It's just.. fucking difficult. It's fucking difficult because of who we are." He replied firmly but dropped his makeshift coat shelter around your shoulders, freeing his hands to grab your face pulling it to his, the alcohol making him far needier than he usually appeared. "You, my beautiful Y/N, are a fucking losing game. It's not as easy for me, I can't just dance with a woman and get a leg over-"

"I never said you couldn't."

"I know, I.." He gestured vaguely, lifting one of his hands off your cheeks, and you can feel your head nodding in understanding. "You know, I thought I was going to manage it this time. That I wouldn't be a total fuck up, but then you and that lad-"

"Catch you getting jealous over me."

"Fuck off." He let go of you for a split second but you reeled him back in, resting your palms on the chest of his shirt, the soaked material sticking to his skin. You'd struck a nerve. You decided to push him further.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, Mr. Shelby, disappearing across the country for weeks then coming back and telling me you want me all to yourself?" You played with his collar, tugging his face to yours before pulling back at the last possible second, causing him to let out a frustrated groan, hands itching to feel you underneath them.

"Don't fucking wind me up," He snapped, the intensity between you rekindled momentarily.

"It's worked wonders in the past," You replied, barely able to finish your sentence before his mouth was on yours, his fingers tangling into your hair, kissing you properly. Although you'd kissed so many times prior, this one felt so genuine, as though unleashed from its restraints deep within John. You'd never kissed anyone in the rain before in the middle of the night, and it felt magical. You were shivering but hot all over, burning for John to do something, anything. You could feel his cock through his dress pants, hard against you, prompting you to moan into his mouth.

"Fuck’s sake, Y/N," John grunted into your ear, his hands grabbing at your arse. "You're fuckin’ killing me here. I need you, yeah?"

"Tell me how badly." You responded coyly, linking your arms around his neck, ignoring the late night drizzle.

"I'd rather show you. M’gonna take care of you tonight, make up for the month I've been gone."

"Who's saying I've not been taking care of myself?'

He bit his lip in frustration, trying to stop his mind running wild with the image of you in bed, fingers between your thighs, breasts moving as you arched your back, hips lifting off the mattress, moaning as you called his name -- his jaw clenched. "I know what you're doing. You coming up before you catch a chill?"

You shifted your weight away from him, as if considering your options. He knew your answer; you both knew in a few minutes you'd be upstairs practically tearing his shirt off, needing his skin against yours, begging for him. John pulled away from you, dragging you up the winding path to the front door of the manor, opening the door for you, arm wrapping around your waist. His lips met yours, then your collarbones and neck, prompting a breathy giggle and whine as you wound yourself back around him, craving the contact. The manor was plunged in darkness, staff somewhere in the gloom. Your arrival had definitely been noted, but as with everyone who worked for the Shelbys, they just left you to it. It was easier to not get involved, to keep their heads down and not mention the midnight trysts the brothers got up to.

John knew his path, he'd stayed here before. Even in the dark you could tell the house was decorated to spare no expense, the gaudy paintings and sculptures casting strange shadows. He led you up the grand flight of stairs, then another.

"Worse than Thomas' estate, this place." You murmured quietly, unsure of other guests within earshot.

"I could never live like this. I'd never see my brood again. Getting them ready for bed would be one hell of a nightmare." He whispered back, halting your stride by pulling your hips to his, unable to wait any longer.

"John, what if we get caught?" You asked, pressing your hand against his chest with your palm flat.

"Never bothered you before. Thought you liked the fact that anyone could just walk in and see what a pretty little mess you’ve made for me."

You couldn’t help yourself from pressing an affectionate kiss to his mouth, letting him lay you down and pin you to the stairs, the luxuriously thick carpets scraping into your flesh. He cursed under his breath at the sight of you underneath him, pushing your dress up your thighs, lifting your legs to wrap around his neck, pressing a kiss to your flimsy underwear, glancing up to drink you in. The most beautiful woman in his city, begging for him, figure swamped by his coat, rain soaked and shivering, his mouth between her thighs. He ran his tongue slowly across your clothed core, your pleading moans music to his ears, loving how your thighs tightened around his neck. His tongue traced circles over your clit and labia, the friction generated by the lace of your panties pushing you further, your hands knotting into his hair, spine arching against his mouth.

"No one been looking after you while I was gone. eh?" He asked, pressing kisses to your inner thigh, tugging your panties to the side. "What about your dancing pal?"

"Fuck’s sake, I barely know him, John." You snapped back, teetering on the edge between lust and frustration from his relentless teasing.

"Keep it that way. You don't need ‘im, lass, not while I'm about." He replies before lapping at your slit, interpreting your moans as approval as your head slumped back and you released a low groan. "Y/N, watch me, yeah?"

You pull yourself weakly upwards, propping yourself up in your elbows to be able to look down the staircase at John between your legs in the dark. The view was thrilling, moonlight shining in through the rain on the window, illuminating his face, hair messy and tongue flickering across your clit while he stared up at you, his eyes darkened with lust. You couldn't help but pant, knowing you'd be returning to this moment alone at night, when it was your fingers instead of John's tongue pushing you towards the edge.

"So fuckin' wet and ready for me, aren’t you?" He crooned, sliding his fingers into you, sucking at your clit between flicks of his tongue.

You couldn’t find the words to respond, whimpers leaving your mouth instead, your hips lifting beneath his palms, chest heaving.

"Go on, use your words, clever lass."

"John, fuck.. don't stop," You manage to string together, thoughts too muddled by alcohol and arousal to play hard to get any longer.

"I won't ‘til you cum in my mouth. Need to taste you again, beautiful."

Your head jerked back suddenly as John curled his fingers inside you, pushing up against the spot that made you lose your mind, his name falling from your lips like a prayer, all he could hear except from his blood rushing in his head. Your desperate cries for relief caused his cock to strain against his dress pants, fighting the urge to sort himself out, needing to finish you off. John needed to prove that he could fuck you better than anyone else. He knew he was pushing you to the edge, but he wasn't going to deny you your orgasm. He wanted to make a point with this. His fingers worked faster, his mouth hungry for you, lips moving against your core at a harsh pace.

You groaned loudly, hips bucking involuntarily just to be forced back against the carpet of the staircase. Your breaths grew heavier, warning him how close you were to your peak. John refused to let up, pushing you closer every second, lips latched to your core firmly, lapping up the wetness he'd produced.

"I want to watch you finish." He commanded, you completely at his will now that you'd lost control, lifting your head upwards with the little strength you had left to be able to stare down at his dilated blue eyes. "Good girl. You gonna show me how good I make you feel? You gonna cum for me, doll?"

You couldn't respond, unable to keep your eyes from rolling backwards as you felt yourself suddenly release, John’s name escaping from between your lips, legs shuddering around his neck. He let you ride it out on his tongue, tasting you desperately, watching your expression slowly relax.

Finally, he pulled away from your cunt, unwrapping your legs from his neck. He grabbed your wrist, not letting you retrieve your panties, stuffing them into his trouser pocket. He returned his attention to tracing your slit with the index finger and thumb of his other hand, as he pressed a long kiss to your lips.

"I love how you taste," He murmured against your lips, causing you to flush slightly. John noticed, pressing kisses to your jawbone. "Don't get shy on me now. I've barely started with you. Not even got you to the suite and you've already cum."

He looked so proud of himself, it suddenly clicked for you. He was trying to prove himself to you, for some unknown reason. You know he was protective and quite obviously jealous tonight, but you couldn't believe that John Shelby felt the need to prove that he knew what he was doing, as though you weren't aware. You weren't trekking to his office for mediocre sex. Tonight he let you finish first, no teasing, no denial, no fucking about. Just putting his ability fully on show, so when your mind went drifting it'd go back to him, not some young lad who barely knew what he was doing. His cocky attitude and smug acceptance of his sexual prowess would've been off-putting if it was anyone else, but John, but with his bright smile and constant humour, pulled it off. It was enticing, making your core pool with wetness when he crossed your mind.

"A month is far too long, Mr. Shelby."

"I know, you're practically drooling over me." He teased. He seems a lot more himself than before. He’d been too caught up in his head, too focused on getting you off to enjoy the flirting and teasing. John loved how light-hearted he could be with you. Despite the mess you were both in, it was making you laugh or roll your eyes that soothed his mind. Honestly, if it was just sex he'd have cut you off instantly; he wouldn't have even gone there out of loyalty to Ada. Admittedly, it was your company and presence that had him absolutely on his knees for you, the way he felt understood, less alone in his brother's bullshit, less trapped by his criminal career because you understood. You always had a cutting line, a bright smile just for him, an eye roll at his brothers' daft plans, a choice curse word for Thomas. He didn't even want to consider what would happen after the night ended. He stood, pressing another kiss to your lips as he helped you to your feet, fixing his coat which hung off your shoulders.

"You ready for rounds two through to six?"

"John, you know you won't get through three with me."

"You’re right, you're just too pretty when you’re riding my cock." He teased, the vulgar material of his jibe earning him a joking shove before you curl into his side, letting him escort you up the stairs to the nearest bedroom. He quickly shut the door behind you, scooping you up in his arms, causing you to let out a laugh as he practically tossed you onto the king sized bed, eyes shining with adoration as he looked down at you grinning back up at him.

“You’re something else, John Shelby.”

we know it's gonna be a circus but in your mind what would be the ideal obi show given the pieces we have to play with

oooooh this is such an interesting question 👀 i read recently there was an intention early on in Kenobi's development to bring back Maul as the main antagonist but they went with Vader instead so with that in mind, here is what an ideal post-rots obi wan kenobi character driven show would deal with

A Marty McFly/Doc-like connection between young!luke and Obi Wan. we know by ANH, luke already knows Obi as Ben and even defends his aunt and uncle's concern about Obi being an old fool so i think it would be nice to see how Obi-Wan feels connecting to the son of his fallen best friend. How does he deal with the guilt of being the mentor figure to Luke that he failed to be to Anakin?

Obi-Wan Learning To Converse With The Dead - if you'll remember, the last instruction Obi receives from Yoda is to train himself to be able to converse with those who have passed into the force. An ideal Obi series to me would see Obi-wan at his lowest trying to contact his old master for comfort and guidance, but hesitating because of his guilt over failing anakin. How could he face Qui Gon after failing his Padawan? I'd be interested to see a version of Obi reppressing that ability

Clone Fallout - The betrayal Obi-Wan experienced is massively traumatic. He is one of the last jedi betrayed by his own best friend and the clones that were created to protect the republic. A series set post-ROTS would by virtue HAVE to show Obi-wan now having to treat the clones he once fought side by side with as the enemy. equally, i am sure that not all clones agreed with order 66 and i suspect we will also see him encountering rebel clones too

Obi-Wan should break the jedi code and have a shag or something - i am deadly serious about this. i really do think that this show has to show Obi-Wan reckon with the fact that the same code he and the jedi abided by created Anakin and Palpatine. Any reckoning/deconstruction of that would have to see Obi either lose faith in the code or break it to test if it was the code that was corrupt or Anakin's nature. if strict adherence to the code breeds the complacency that allowed Palpatine to gain power, and disregard for it is a big part of what made Anakin turn - this series should be Obi-Wan finding that middle ground

The Jedi, Hunted By an Empire Still finding It's feet - this is something the trailer already shows but I am very interested in seeing how the empire goes about ensuring no Jedi can rise in this period. Also, the empire is still new so it will be interesting to see if the galaxy went quietly along with Palpatine or if there was always rebellion and since this is set so soon after ROTS I have a feeling the empire won't be at full power yet and that will be interesting

Anakin Doubting His Path - this is a BIG ONE. this series is THE OPPORTUNITY to really tend seeds of Anakin's redemption in ROTJ. this series HAS to show Palpatine's abuse of Anakin, has to show Anakin struggling to actually carry the weight of becoming Vader, has to show how Palpatine clearly makes sure Obi-Wan couldn't get to Anakin during this time. I think that's why Obi-Wan is gonna be so hunted because Palps probably knows that if ANYONE can bring Anakin back from the brink rn its Obi-Wan so an ideal obi-wan series would see Palpatine systematically working to shatter any of Anakin's remaining faith in Obi Wan and also destroying Obi Wan.

Tatooine life - you know, this is a side but Tatooine is such a fascinating place socially, politically and this is my lame ass way of saying that i don't care what anyone says podracing is cool and i wanna see a pod race and i reckon it'd be a fun call back!

meaningful prequel callbacks! - i think its obvious and irritating that Disney-era star wars has very little love for the prequels beyond what specifically pertains to the clone wars, so i wanna see some more meaningful intertextual love for the trilogy i grew up with. whether its seeing a familiar face or two, revisiting an event, slavery was such a massive ethical theme for the prequels and it would be interesting to see that revisited too.

idk there's so much you can do with this character. i am preparing for the worst after the disrespect of boba fett, but my curiosity is VERY high to make up for low expectations. but yeah, all this is what i'd ideally like to see though.

your thoughts about saying Mish and Jen meeting at the right time is really interesting because I reckon their interactions would have been very different, as you said Jensen was the kind of person to thank jesus for an award and misha was a bit of a rebel, so they probably would have had this very interesting chemistry, but it'd be like enemies to friends to lovers (or friends whichever way you think...i am just perceiving) - where as by the time they met now, Jensen was with Danneel so I 1/?

think Danneel kind of helped him become a bit more liberal (okay that's not the word but more just relaxed and helped maybe with toxic masculinity etc - he didn't drink with straws until he was into his 30s etc). Which is why Danneel and Misha get on so well cause they're quite alike. 2/2

I get what you mean and as much as I believe Danneel brought him out of his shell, I don't think Jensen was ever in any shell, it was a perfectly curated image for his career. There is nothing wrong with that, we all have images to uphold when it comes to our jobs and public lives vis-à-vis our privates lives.

You may be wondering why I'm saying it was crafted image and not a shell. Remember Jensen when he came to Hollywood, a young 18-year-old fair-haired charming boy. He seemed so free and happy being with his best friend (read as bf imo) Ty.

Here are a few posts about Jensen and Ty, including photos and interviews.

Then, he joined Days of Our Lives and he had other "relationships" with men that were pretty sus and rumours started circulating that he was gay.

Even his friend Ty tweeted something rather weird

Maybe it has nothing to do with Jensen but...There’s a lot to unpack about his and Ty’s relationship. It’s mind boggling.

You also mentioned him drinking with straws until he was in his 30s. He said his dad told him that real men don’t drink through straws. That’s an odd thing for a father to say to their child. Was he worried that Jensen wasn’t “manly”? Like what would prompt a parent to say that to their child? I don’t want to assume anything but that statement gave me John Winchester vibes. The fact that also Jensen had to call his dad after every episode of spn aired to get his feedback is just nerve wrecking, I can’t even imagine what it was like for him. Maybe that’s why he left home as soon as he turned 18. He was supposed to go to college with Ty but he moved to Hollywood instead and Ty took a gap year to join him there and they became “roommates”. As I said, there’s a Lot to unpack from his past life. 

In Hollywood you need to have a certain public image to get certain jobs. Do you think if he were perceived as gay he would be cast as Dean? Of course not. So, I think he was always and still is that carefree guy he was back then but as you said Dee who is a rebel helped him shed his layers but he still had some left. And then Misha came along and it was like his whole world was turned upside down. He has said that Misha and Dee are twisted and very similar so I can't even imagine the chaos that is Misha, Dee and Vicki. Once Dee,  Misha and  Vicki came into his life, hewas now with people who lived their lives on their own terms, unapologetically. And it may have taken a while but he shed all of the shells he had. 

That's why the Jensen we saw on the gag reels was not the same Jensen we used to see on panels. He was always freer in panels where Misha was present be it a cockles panel or a J2M panel. He even started being overly affectionate by giving Misha behind the ear kisses on the red carpet, spanking him, caressing his face during public interviews etc.

I mean as the years went by he shed more of his shell to the point where he wasn't afraid of what people thought anymore and as much as some people may say straddlegate is not public, it is in the public domain, YouTube is in the public domain. It just takes a few keyboard strokes "Jensen 2019 cons" and jib10 will show up among other things.

He also went ahead to post that jib10 selfie on his IG. Which tbh is gay AF. I have never seen men stand dick to dick, nip to nip and abs to abs like that before unless they were on top of each other or against each other doing grown-up things.

So I think if he met Misha back then, it wouldn’t have ended well for them. Jensen was too focused on his career and how he is perceived while Misha used acting as a means to an end to reach more people for socio-political change. A goal he has achieved. Acting was never his endgame. So, I think that as much as they would have fallen madly in love when they were younger, it would’ve ended badly and we probably wouldn’t have gotten Misha playing Cas or destiel or cockles. In retrospect, maybe it could’ve still happened because by the time Misha joined the show, Jensen was starting to be his real self again thanks to Dee.

I'm rambling now. I hope this makes sense because I'm never sure if I make any sense.

ukai decides to propose. you've already talked about it, you KNOW you want to spend your lives together, he knows hopes you'll say yes.

(his heart might never recover if you don't)

so he goes about buying a ring. he steals a ring of yours when you're asleep for sizing purposes. selecting a ring wasn't as hard as he'd thought it would be — he knew his budget, he knew what you liked (he's known you your whole life). so he goes out and buys a pretty little silver band inlaid with three tiny diamonds. it's a little heavy on his wallet, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. you deserve nice things.

then came the planning of the actual proposal. this was, he realized, significantly harder than he'd thought it would be.

maybe he should keep it simple? dinner followed by a walk under the stars. he'll get down on one knee and—no. isn't that too cliché? he can do better.

an elaborate treasure hunt throughout your house? maybe he can make up clues based on all the memories you've made together: eating dinner on the floor the first night of moving in because the dining table was too hard to assemble, or learning the importance of separating whites and colours when your favourite white blouse comes out the washing machine stained a murky blue because of that damn t-shirt of his. or something to do with that time you'd had a stomach bug and he'd nursed you through it, staying by your side even after you'd thrown up on him.

no, he decides, it'd be bad if you couldn't connect the clues to these events. besides, he's no literary genius. coming up with elaborate prose for the clues is not a task he considers himself capable of.

then what?

ukai is standing in the karasuno gym, thumbing at the ring box sitting snugly inside his jacket pocket. he'd taken to carrying it around with him after you'd almost stumbled upon the ring hidden behind the plants you'd insisted on keeping in the house.

he's exhausted his creativity racking his brain for ideas. everything he could come up with seemed too cliché, or too cringey, or just downright stupid. he's suddenly brought back to reality when takeda clears his throat next to him, 'is everything okay?' falling from his lips, tone polite as ever.

fuck, he shouldn't be zoned out during practice. he really needs to put a stop to this. ukai looks at the man standing next to him. maybe he could help? takeda was a poet at heart, after all, so he should be able to come up with a romantic proposal.

ukai confides in him, accepting the congratulatory pat takeda gives him. by now, this little interaction has attracted the attention of the nut more curious of his boys. tanaka, nishinoya, hinata gather around him with kageyama creeping up behind them. he can tell that the other members are listening in too, just not as obviously.

'what's the matter, coach?'

ukai eyes his team. it wouldn't hurt to tell them, right? they don't really come into contact with you all that often, and when they do, it's for brief moments only, when you're popping in to drop off his keys or his wallet that he'd forgotten at home.

'i'm, uh, thinking of proposing. bought the ring and everything, just need to come up with a plan now.'

dead silence echoes throughout the gym before complete mayhem breaks out.

he's being congratulated simultaneously by sawamura, azumane, and ennoshita while tanaka and nishinoya are huddled together on the floor, weeping tears of happiness (at least, ukai thinks they're tears of happiness. you can never tell with these two.) tsukishima goes back to sipping at his drink, while yamaguchi's eyes light up, much like yachi's. shimizu, too, offers him a soft smile and a congratulations before tanaka pipes up.

'can we see the ring?!'

well, they already know, so ukai reckons it wouldn't do much harm to let them see it. he reaches into his pocket and takes out the box, flipping it open to reveal the silver band wedged inside. the team crowds around him, oohs and aahs falling from their mouths. tanaka nods somberly, a finger stroking his chin, as he mutters, "excellent choice, coach. she's going to say yes."

"who's going to say yes?"

fourteen pairs of eyes land on you, holding so many emotions in them, from amusement to sheer panic. you stand at the door of the gymnasium, holding ukai's lunch. he'd accidentally taken yours today, so you thought you could pop in to exchange it and see your boyfriend while doing so. but the scene you happened upon was completely unexpected.

ukai scrambled violently with something in his hands, while takeda looked like he'd seen a ghost. the kid with the goatee was panicky, his eyes flitting around for an escape. the two shortest of the bunch were fidgeting with whatever keishin was holding, apparently trying to help him with it.

keyword: trying.

all the jostling and shoving they did managed to knock the thing out of keishin's hands. you squint as it flies through the air — was that a box? — as keishin desperately tries to get to it before it lands in front of you.

he draws on every single diving receive he'd ever done in his entire life and swoops across the gymnasium, towards you.

he does not get there in time.

the box clatters to the ground in front of you, keishin landing there a second later. you're still stuck trying to process the situation, but you have enough presence of mind to lean down and pick up the box, finally being able to see its contents.

oh. oh.

keishin thumps the ground with his first before he looks up at you, eyes filled with resignation. he's quite the sight - his hair had slipped out of his hairband and his nose was bleeding. yet he drags himself to sit up on one knee.

you've already seen the ring. might as well get it over with.

keishin opens his mouth, ready to launch into an unrehearsed speech, cursing the universe with every fiber of his being for making things turn out this way. but you don't give him a chance to say anything.

his eyes widen before he's knocked to the ground by you flinging yourself on top of him. you're hugging him, face buried in his neck, whispering 'yes, yes, yes, always, a thousand times yes' and suddenly he can't bring himself to care about the awkwardness of the situation.

keishin laughs before sitting up, bringing you with him. he gently separates you from him before taking the ring tightly clutched in your palm and slipping it onto your finger. the whole scene feels a little too intimate for a high school gymnasium, but it's only fair that it happens here, he thinks. after all, this is where he'd realised he loved you, all the way back when you two had been first years.

he blinks back the tears suddenly clouding his eyes and restrains the urge to kiss you senseless right there. the two of you had created enough drama for the day. instead he settles for kissing the inside of your wrist as he laces his fingers through yours, before lifting them up in the air, as if announcing his victory.

the entire gymnasium burst into cheers once again. this time it was asahi and kinoshita in tears while hinata and nishinoya jumped around in joy. takeda was grinning ear to ear when he gave you his congratulations, followed shortly by daichi and sugawara. and you could've sworn you saw the senior manager's eyes flit to the bald-headed boy, a blush coating her cheeks. but that was something for another day.

today, right now, you would celebrate. sure, the proposal had been far from ideal, but keishin was yours and you were his and you found yourself wishing it would be this way forever.

i do not know what this is but this scenario refused to leave my mind unless i wrote it down aaaa

sorry for the long ass ask!! please feel free to ignore i just wanted to share ❄️

....anon....I am SPEECHLESS!!!! what did do to deserve such a wonderful anon who drops such amazing things in my inbox 😭😭 (and while I may be slow to reply bc...life...ugh... don't worry anon, I would never ignore something like this!!!! god, nothing gets me more than dorky, lame, grumpy ukai who's such a sweetheart and so soft and I'm just DYING over this.

everyone be jealous of my amazing anon 💕

(also don't catch me going through all my ukai wips that haven't been touched in a year+. nope, definitely not doing that... 👀)

Saint & Leilani

Saint: So, how many people with my surname have found their way into your inbox today? Leilani: few Saint: I hope those few have behaved and not been too taxing on your typing fingers or your patience Leilani: you're making it sound more fun & scandalous than it came close to Saint: That would be an odd but not unentirely precedented way to welcome you for us Saint: I'm just more than aware how...much, shall we be polite and say, some of them can be, even at the best of times Leilani: 😅 Leilani: are you forgetting which one of you I live with? Saint: 😅 Saint: I am in no way doubting your ability to cope with it, or previous experience doing so, just apologizing for the times you don't feel like being so gracious about their...persistence Leilani: thanks, I think? Leilani: the sentence was a mouthful to digest but I detected some sweetness in it Saint: I'm happy to apologize for my taste as well Saint: and will try to be more palatable Leilani: coming thick & fast but still smooth with it, that's impressive Saint: I'll accept that I'm potentially being much of a muchness with some of the more well-meaning but over-the-top members of my family, if that's what you're saying Saint: but admittedly, I'll struggle to hear I'm on par with certain ones who best remain nameless until I get more of a gage for your tolerance of their particular brand of care 😅 Leilani: I'm not saying much, personally, until I work out how much of this welcome wagon is genuinely what you'd like to say vs what you feel like you must Leilani: to make up for the rest or walk on eggshells in case I crack up Saint: Well, I haven't been instructed to talk to you, if that's what you mean Saint: and without a doubt, I have no idea how I would ideally like to broach this subject, because I have literally no firsthand experience Saint: I imagine that must be frustrating, is it? Leilani: it can be coming from you but not coming from you, if you know what I mean Leilani: deep in there, maybe you've got a whole other convo you'd love to be having Saint: I'm receptive to any conversation you'd like to have Saint: well, almost any, I'm sure Leilani: you & everybody else Leilani: the talk about me is non-stop Saint: We wouldn't have to talk about you Saint: I don't have any particular bias towards the subject of you, though it would be bad manners to ask you no questions about yourself, I can refrain if you have, like I said and assumed, had enough for a while Leilani: it's good manners if I'm in no mood to answer questions about me Leilani: but it'd be my bad to tell you to shush & end this convo just like that Saint: As you've saved me from the mortal sin of impoliteness with your rhetoric there, I'll save you from having to do so and can leave it there Leilani: take a turn in the hot seat, see how you feel about it Leilani: prep if I haven't saved you from 👿🔥 Saint: I'm not inclined to believe the creator would be that unforgiving, but that's what Catholicism will do for your morals, I suppose Saint: Fire away, as it were 🔥 Leilani: you're a catholic? Saint: Culturally, definitely Saint: I'm not sure my commitment to the church is such I can claim myself as fully saved, yet Leilani: mine goes as far as loving the 1st Eid for its treats & ignoring the sacrifices of the 2nd, can't call it commitment Saint: I don't think you're alone in that philosophy and approach Saint: but I don't necessarily think that's terrible at all, as long as you're finding some joy and fulfilment from religion- that is certainly a huge tenant of all the ones I've heard of, so it can only be a positive Leilani: how my friends celebrate 🎄🎁🎅 shows me I'm not Leilani: party > church Saint: Precisely, commercialism argument aside Saint: any promotion of togetherness, community and goodwill, what could be the issue? Leilani: the issue is in the confusion Leilani: people thinking it's something its not Saint: There's plenty issue around 🎄🎁🎅 but no more than most anything in our society today Leilani: if you're trying to take issue with something on any level, you'll find a way Saint: Don't you think problems should be solved? Leilani: if it can Leilani: big if Saint: Of course Saint: I think the if only makes the pursuit of more vital, I don't find it to be invalidating Leilani: sure but some questions aren't if or but ones Saint: Such as? Leilani: if I said, you're the fittest member of this family, let's go out, your answer would be no, becos you are a member of this family, it doesn't matter if you add I would if I wasn't Leilani: the answer's still no Saint: No, my answer would be that there's truly only one absolute in this life Saint: that I know of Saint: there are laws, ethics, morality and codes of conduct in all societies, sure Saint: but nothing is certain Leilani: birth & death are certain Leilani: one brought you here, the other me Saint: I was thinking about death Saint: birth is luck, usually, it's a little different Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: accepted Saint: We can differ on perspectives there, it's fine 😃 Saint: in fact, the father would probably want to put forth an argument for the opposite, now I think about it Saint: worse Catholic than I thought Leilani: I was thinking that 🤰 = birth, the certainty part being you don't get to stay in but you know Saint: I see what you mean Saint: anyone that is here is a certainty Saint: think we're going into Schroedinger territory there, I respect it Leilani: 🙀📦 Saint: 👍 Saint: who am I to say that whatever people are before and after they're people here can't debate philosophy Leilani: these are bigger questions than I expected Saint: And I wasn't meant to even ask how you were Saint: 🤐 Saint: go on Leilani: I've got a headache now 😅 Saint: Oh dear Saint: That's the first time that's happened, I would assure you but that sounds like a losing battle and another knock for my ego Leilani: your ego wants to take it as brush off, retro as hell Leilani: but I don't get questions that deep posed around me is all Saint: Retro...God, just don't take my 'deep' questions as a sign of pretension or I'm getting more tragic by the second! Leilani: it's okay I'm not a downtrodden wifey from back in the day, we're in an era where I can just tell you no Saint: and we're all the better for it Saint: though I don't think I've asked you any question where you'd be directly answerable to me 🤔 Saint: giving me a little too much credit for the universe and it's many questions there Leilani: I don't want your ego to end this convo black & blue Saint: That's very kind of you Saint: but my ability to take criticism could be compared to your ability to cope with Grace, just so we're clear Leilani: Grace isn't hard to cope with Leilani: I like her Saint: I'm glad to hear that, it would be really hard if you didn't Saint: harder, than it is, of course Saint: don't think I'm bashing her really, as I said, they all mean well, I can just imagine that relentless good intentions and meaningful conversations to be had would get very exhausting very fast Leilani: everything's happened fast Leilani: they're all playing catch up to the unexpected Saint: But you're the important one here Saint: most, although I was adding that to try and take the pressure off but clearly that's easier said than done Leilani: this is where I add something about pressure creating 💎 Saint: I don't loathe the sentiment but does it make you feel any better? Leilani: no Saint: then I wouldn't worry Saint: and I doubt there's anything hugely meaningful I can do to make you feel better in an impactful, big way Saint: but if you think of anything on a smaller scale that you would like Saint: don't hesistate to ask Leilani: will you introduce me to everyone in a retro way? Leilani: 🗨  & 🤝 Saint: That I can do Saint: The upsides to this family being as large as it is is that you're never short of functions to hijack for whatever purpose you may need Saint: and you won't have to worry about being centre of attention unless it's your birth, wedding or death Saint: even then, people have their own agendas Leilani: no pressure or as close as Leilani: when's the next? Saint: Exactly Saint: [literally whatever and whenever we want, offer a selection to show your point lol] Leilani: [picks the one where she can serve the best lewk because gotta make an impression regardless especially when you're nervous] Leilani: it's a date Saint: That it is Saint: if you'd rather show up with another kid, I'm happy to come pick you up from Grace's Saint: up to you, of course Leilani: pick me up 🚗 Leilani: I have no idea how Grace is allowed on the road Saint: 😅 Saint: I suppose they reckon the amount of potholes, we're all playing a dangerous game at the mercy of the council Leilani: 🙏 by god's grace like Saint: Seems that's all that's left in the budget 🙄 Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: I think you're in my sister's year Saint: Venus, that is Leilani: what should I think about it? Saint: You know you hypothesized that I was the fittest member of this family? Leilani: it's too late to drop the bomb that I should've asked her to pick me up Saint: She'll need a lift as much as you Saint: but meaning, she'd have taken DEEP offence to that assertion Saint: the headache would be realer Leilani: oops Leilani: & yikes Saint: again, not here on a smear campaign Saint: but I'd be doing you a disservice if I pretended she's universally easy to get on with Saint: perhaps you'll take to each other though Leilani: I'm not easy to get on with atm Leilani: but I do get a free pass Saint: You're doing fine Saint: unless this is your attempt at belligerence, in which case, sorry 😬 Leilani: attempting nothing but no pressure face to face intros Leilani: how could you forget already? Saint: 🤦 forgive me? Leilani: 💅 Leilani: hold on, I'll ask myself what my god would do Leilani: ... Leilani: yeah sure Saint: 😅 Saint: I was hoping distraction only fell under bad manners, not sin Leilani: it depends how you're distracting me Saint: What I offered would depend on how 😇/😈 you preferred your distractions Leilani: if I don't have both on offer how can I possibly choose? Saint: That's completely fair, actually Leilani: I know Leilani: so don't be unfair Saint: Wouldn't dream of it Leilani: is there anyone else you'd like to warn me about, while you're being fair? Leilani: or anyone I should run into the arms of like 🤗🤗? Saint: Warn would be extreme Saint: I don't think anyone is that bad Saint: I would have to know you better personally to say who I think you'd really click with, but there's plenty of us, I'm sure you will with someone Leilani: indulge me in the drama of it, St Leilani: 🤦😅 Saint: Oh, right Saint: you want the gossip of it all so you also have prior information on them coming into the conversations Saint: let me think then Leilani: I miss when my friends wanted to talk about that stuff Leilani: instead of me & my feelings Saint: That makes sense Saint: maybe you and Vee will get on then Saint: there's just a lot of drama to get into Saint: your head and inbox would be rocked Leilani: I've got time Leilani: & my head's already a mess Saint: Okay then Saint: bear with me if my typing speed gets retro Leilani: 😄 Saint: [just methodically go through all that is messed up with the fam nbd] Leilani: holy hell Leilani: I know I asked for that but did I though? Leilani: where have I come to live Leilani: 👋🚕 Saint: Yes Saint: sorry Leilani: hold on I need to just ✈️ Leilani: I thought my mum's relationship history was crazy Saint: It is what it is Saint: we all still manage fine Leilani: by the grace of god again, or whatever other means necessary Saint: Maybe Saint: I don't think it's all that dire now Leilani: maybe when I've come though all the stages of grief I'll be able to let you know what I think Saint: Look forward to it Leilani: I did make it sound really hot Saint: 😏 Saint: we're not all messed up, thank you Leilani: I'm used to being that half of the convo Leilani: you do you Saint: How are you messed up then? Leilani: other than having no parents now? Saint: Yeah Leilani: I'm not doing this right Leilani: any of it Saint: What aren't you doing right? Leilani: I miss her but like she's gone on holiday or a work course Leilani: not like she's never coming back Saint: Well, what's the first stage of grieving Saint: you feel like you aren't missing her hard enough, but if you were out of denial already, you'd actually be taking it way too fast Saint: be rude, right? Saint: Think of it like that Leilani: my rudeness is worse, wanting to hang out with my friends how I did before Leilani: care about 👗👠💄 Saint: Your entire world has been turned upside down Saint: of course you're craving normality Saint: I'm not just saying all this to appease you Saint: you're a kid that just lost her mum Saint: I literally do not believe there's any way you could get through this that would be wrong, or would reflect poorly on you Leilani: she needs to walk back in & badmouth all her worst clients Leilani: she can't be lost Saint: I'm so sorry Saint: that it's so unfair Leilani: unfair was when my dad stopped sending money & letters after going back home for what he said would be a few months Leilani: this is Leilani: I don't even know Saint: How old were you? Leilani: does it make a difference? Saint: Did it? Leilani: I'd just started school, so financially, yeah Saint: Do you know what he's doing now, like, where he is? Leilani: no Leilani: my mum said he had another family there Leilani: someone he was actually married to Saint: Right Saint: that was a cowardly thing for him to do Saint: the minimum would've been financial support Leilani: sadly I can't get it backdated Leilani: imagine Leilani: 👗👠💄 Saint: I'd have to look into it Saint: but probably not Saint: very hard to enforce at any rate Leilani: & taking food out of his other children's mouths, assuming he has some others Saint: Yeah Saint: but you can't be held responsible for his life choices Leilani: neither can they then Saint: I meant it'd be his problem to worry about and solve Saint: but I can understand not wanting to literally steal candy from a baby, as it were Leilani: I haven't been his problem for years, I'm Grace's now Leilani: this family's with all their existing crazy Saint: Okay, getting in contact with your dad for reparations isn't the first step Leilani: it's a mis-step Leilani: he fell off the earth, I'm not following him Saint: Okay Saint: so, what would you be doing with your friends today, if things were normal? Leilani: 🛍 Saint: So, I'll give you both options Saint: I can drive you to your friends, or whatever 🛍 you go to with them Saint: or you can come 🛍 with me Leilani: you can take me Leilani: they don't know how to act now that I'm 💣💥 Saint: they probably think they're giving you time Saint: but really, they're asking for it Saint: at least, that's how I see it Saint: maybe next weekend, or the next Saint: but we can go for now Leilani: it's okay, I wouldn't deal any better if the roles were reversed Leilani: it's not their bad that there's nothing to say or do Saint: You're very fair Saint: not to detract from how much of a 💣💥 you feel Leilani: you're flattering me like I'm not a 💣💥 Leilani: I don't know what that says about you Saint: It's honesty, not flattery Saint: The situation is a 💣💥 Saint: I've seen people handle significantly worse, that's all Leilani: it feels nice, honesty doesn't usually Saint: that's a resounding endorsement Saint: probably a bit too smug to put on a poster or LinkedIn but still, I appreciate it Leilani: you know what I mean, honesty is usually like that 💅 isn't the one or you need braces, child Saint: I think people purposefully conflate being honest with being rude Saint: but you can weaponize anything if you're that sort of person Leilani: yeah ☕ Saint: There's plenty of that sort at church Leilani: & the salon Saint: I've spent less time there myself but I imagine they're much of a muchness Saint: 👵 they all love me, obviously but father is a perfect case study for diplomacy Leilani: it's a type of church for some people Leilani: they take it as serious as a religion Saint: Hair and beauty has always been important Leilani: they just like being able to see results, there's no guarantee when you pray Saint: I'd argue there's no guarantee you get the result you wanted Saint: perhaps even less than 🙏 Saint: maybe you get what you need, not what you want Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe not for 👵 if they're trying to look 👩 Saint: it highlights the limitations of communication Saint: you think you've asked concisely for one thing, and you end up with something that's nothing like that at all Leilani: I swear I did see my mum work some genuine miracles, that said Saint: It is without a doubt impressive what can be achieved Leilani: what do you want to be? Saint: I want to work for the government Leilani: we haven't been talking that long but that has come through Saint: Is there any particular way you'd like me to take that honesty? Leilani: as a compliment? Leilani: I think Saint: 😅 I think I can manage that then Leilani: I'll tell you what I used to want to be when I was a child, that's weirder Saint: Not admitting it's weird, but go on Saint: I'm intrigued Leilani: clues: Leilani: 🦷💉🥛😁 Leilani: 🚫🍬🍭🍫 Saint: Okay, question, just the one Saint: did you want to be rich or did you just really care about oral hygiene? Leilani: I wanted to make people pretty like my mum, I suppose was the thought process Leilani: & 😁 = happy Saint: So it's even more adorable than I first thought Saint: you don't want to be a dentist anymore? Leilani: the reality is way more gory than I knew then Saint: That's enough to give me a headache Leilani: I need a job with no blood or pus Leilani: even typing that made me feel weird Saint: 😖 Saint: Subject change Saint: are you going to buy anything today? Leilani: do I need to dress to impress your family or just myself? Saint: do you want me to invite my family out shopping with us? Leilani: you do have a lot of sisters Leilani: but you know I meant do I need a new outfit for this meet & greet you're taking me to of the entire extended clan Saint: Oh, gotcha Saint: dress for yourself, of course Saint: unless dressing to impress makes you feel more at ease, in which case, go for that and you won't be alone Leilani: it can't hurt Saint: No, there we go then 😊 Saint: though you can still do the aimless browsing I know 🛍 trips are really about, of course Leilani: are you looking to dress up too? Saint: I like to look presentable Leilani: oh good becos if it was just me, Grace & your sister that'd be a statement Saint: 😅 Saint: don't worry, it won't be Leilani: I'll do my happy dentist 😁 then Leilani: as I'm thrilled Saint: I'm just as 😁 to hear that Leilani: I'll try not to turn it into a frown with excessive browsing Leilani: no promises Saint: I've got a lot of sisters, as you said Saint: I'm sure I'll cope Leilani: which one's your favourite? Saint: which sister? 😂 Saint: I'm not sure there's a diplomatic way to answer that Leilani: answer it honestly, I can promise not to slide in to share the news Saint: Well, Jay is older and we didn't meet her until she was a kid so that combined with her personality makes her the most chilled out now Saint: Vee is younger but still close enough that we were kids together, so that makes her prime annoying younger sister category Saint: then the twins are that much younger that they get to be removed from that, and I have more of that protective older brother in me Leilani: Okay so Jay's your fave Leilani: what's your brother like? Saint: No, I didn't say that Saint: but she wasn't here in the beginning and she's grown up and gone now, it's easy to have less negatives to say about her Leilani: how old were you when you met? Saint: I was about 3 when we found out about her Saint: but the process took a while because she had a dad that raised her and still wanted to even though she wasn't his like he thought Saint: I think I was about 8 when she moved in and spent most of her time with us Leilani: that must have been such a weird time Saint: it was Saint: Vee was born around the time we found out about her so Saint: that was a trial too Leilani: your parents have had a LOT going on Saint: Yes, it seems to be their forte Leilani: your brother then Saint: he's younger too, so again, protective Saint: probably because we're outnumbered too Leilani: an if question Leilani: if you had to give me one of them, as an only child, which one would you give me? Saint: 😂 an odd request but okay, let me 🤔 Saint: Probably Sekh Saint: from the short conversation we've had, you have things in common, that would work well 🛍👠💄👗 Leilani: you're gonna separate the twins? very disney channel Saint: It was either lump them in together there and offend them, or separate and acknowledge that they're separate people Saint: they'll understand 😅 Leilani: 😅 Leilani: safer if I ask Grace for a pet instead Saint: Sure that she'd be down for that Saint: 🐰🐹🐱🐶🐠? Leilani: 🤔 Saint: That is a big decision Saint: best to take your time, decide how much effort you wanna put in to day to day care Leilani: 🐱 or 🏠🐰 Saint: Cute Saint: got any names or do you need to see it before assigning one Leilani: it feels fairer to meet them 1st Saint: 👍 Saint: we can go to the nearest pet shop/shelter if you'd like Leilani: adopt don't shop, St Leilani: or else 👿🔥 Saint: Indeed 😏 Saint: but you know most shops rescue their animals now anyway Saint: except fish...but I don't know how we're morally meant to feel about breeding fish? Leilani: we won't buy any, be on the safe & 😇 side Saint: It's your day Saint: I wouldn't try to bring you down to 👿🔥 levels Leilani: thanks, I have only just moved in Saint: Definitely not my intention with this conversation, or any going forward Leilani: that comes through too Saint: Is that a compliment? Leilani: I don't know if you're 😁 or not to be a good & polite boy Saint: Why would I want to be anything less 😇? Leilani: becos of your name maybe Saint: Subverting expectations Saint: I'd argue people expect the opposite from me though, regardless of my first name Leilani: in your case pressure makes 😇 Saint: 🤞 I hope so Leilani: I'll subvert expectations for us both Saint: Is that your new plan? Leilani: I don't really have one Leilani: other than the 🛍 Saint: Well, you have time Leilani: yeah, it's the keyword that's getting thrown around most atm Saint: It's not provably true but it's most likely the case Leilani: & it'll fill an awkward silence Saint: I can clearly talk enough for the both of us Saint: it doesn't need to be awkward Leilani: this isn't, but remember how we ref-ed that you weren't the only McKenna in my 💬📱 Saint: Right Saint: is there anything you'd like me to do, beyond the formal introductions Saint: politely suggest some people give it some time, perhaps? Leilani: use the time thing against them, I like it 😅 Saint: Only fair 🙂 Saint: consider it done Leilani: we're back into retro hubby & wifey territory Saint: You think? Leilani: it's very defence squad but I'm not 😤 Saint: I'm not helping you because you're a girl and I'm a boy Saint: just because I have the ability to Leilani: I know, you're coming across capable Saint: I'd like to think so Saint: but bragging about it would not be 😇 nor helpful Leilani: I've got your back in hyping you up a 😇 amount Saint: That's sweet Saint: I promise my ego is not that fragile that I need you to but it's still nice Leilani: I'd like to think I am Leilani: that it's not all doom & gloom in me, but maybe time will have to tell, annoyingly Saint: It shows Saint: honestly Saint: you aren't what's happened to you, even if that is all you can think about right now, or feel it's all you're meant to, or are allowed to, whatever Leilani: whether or not I'm her death, I was her life Leilani: there's credit for how she raised me, I mean Saint: Definitely Saint: I don't know you yet, but I would like to get to know you, from what I've seen Saint: I won't throw out proud for her but, you know Saint: I would be in her position Leilani: I don't know what to say Leilani: that feels above nice to hear Saint: I'm almost certain she would want you to know that, at the very least Leilani: yeah, she would Leilani: she wasn't too humble for a brag Saint: 😅 Saint: you should continue that tradition then Leilani: you'll regret saying that when I make you take 10000000000000s of pictures of me posing in different 👗 Saint: 😏 I'll have to buy myself something expensive to cope, I'm sure Leilani: ⌚️ so you can keep an eye on the time Saint: I have an uncharacteristically free day today Saint: my time is yours Leilani: what are we waiting for? come get me Saint: That's what I was waiting for Saint: I'll be with you shortly Leilani: consent given Saint: 👍

Edie & Liam

Edie: [Okay, so a school trip moment for Edie for Politics and Society where they've gone down to the local courts to probably watch the most boring cases of people paying parking fines etc lol so have fun with that babe] Liam: got the hots for any criminals? Edie: the dude refusing to pay his child support is just my type Liam: pity I don't have any 👶 I've binned off for you Liam: all I've got going for me is how willing I am to catch a charge Edie: We're gonna snatch one, already decided Edie: daddy issues withstanding, no one here is as interesting as you Liam: when I find one with 👀 like yours Edie: 🥺🥺🥺 Edie: I'll make one for you Liam: would you? Edie: I'd do anything for you Liam: I'm just testing you, baby Edie: Test away Edie: my brain is dribbling out my ears over here Liam: don't lose it, we need it Edie: I need you Edie: what are we doing later to bring back my will to live? Liam: anything you want Edie: I might have something Liam: am I guessing or are you telling? Edie: I don't wanna get your hopes up Edie: but I heard rumours, some kid in my year reckons he's found an empty Edie: and that his brother and his mates are gonna squat in it Edie: but it's in a really fuck off big house in a decent part of town, so idk if it's bullshit or what Edie: but it'd be fun to trash if it isn't Liam: we could kick them out, stay for a while before we do Edie: yeah? Edie: play 🏡 with me Liam: somewhere nice to take the 👶 to Edie: Wonder how many rooms there are Edie: can have a playroom and everything Edie: lucky bastard Liam: do you think there's a garden? Edie: even if it's really in town, they'll still have a perfectly landscaped backyard, patio, room for a swing Liam: sandpit for our buried treasure Edie: and the dogs 🦴s Liam: great idea to blame the dog 💀🦴 Edie: I think so Edie: failing that, the previous owners Edie: clearly left in a hurry because the body count got out of control Liam: won't look suss that all the little pussies from your class who are looking at you now when they shouldn't be are in there Edie: I can think of a thousand reasons they deserve to die Edie: yours is the best though Liam: it's the most important one Edie: I don't want anyone else to look at me Liam: put your jacket on Edie: [stealth selfie 'cos p sure you are not meant to have a phone in court lol] Liam: you'll feel better now Edie: 🤏 Edie: what lesson are you in? Liam: maths Liam: about to stick a pencil through my own eye Edie: save one for me Edie: I love your eyes too Liam: right or left? Edie: left Edie: it's the side the tattoo is on Liam: 👌 Liam: [a selfie that he's edited to get rid of an eye] Edie: my cyclops Edie: still hot Liam: eye patch isn't as useful as a fake leg but I knew you'd be into it Edie: you can stash some in the socket Edie: or a 💎 Edie: can't bury all the treasure Liam: 💍 Edie: 🥰 Liam: when can you get out? Edie: when do you want me? Liam: I wanna find the house & make it nice for you first Edie: [screenshot of this kid in her year going off about it/inviting her with the address etc] Liam: I'll go now Edie: I'll pretend the cases have upset me and ask to be excused when I get the chance Edie: then I can go into town and steal all the stuff we'll need for the house Liam: don't forget the 👶 Edie: I'll look in all the prams for the bluest eyes Liam: has to be a girl though Edie: they're always decked out in all the pink Edie: even if I've left some of my brain on the seats Liam: get some clothes too then Edie: your babies would be so beautiful Edie: not like pink screaming blobs Liam: if she looks like you I don't mind her screaming, can do whatever she wants Edie: I'm in love with you Liam: I know you are Liam: & you know how I feel about you Edie: yeah Edie: you take care of me Liam: I'm trying to Edie: you are Liam: I want this to work Edie: then it will Edie: I'll do whatever you need me to Edie: be what you need Liam: you're perfect Liam: he knows that's why he invited you there Edie: but I'm going to be with you instead Liam: who is he? Edie: dunno, he's barely in any of my classes Edie: Craig something, his brother is called Sean, you've probably seen him at shit, even though he's been out of school time Liam: yeah, previous raves & shit Edie: right Edie: just think he knows I go to that shit too Liam: I just need to broadcast a bit louder that I'm with you now, everywhere Edie: How do you wanna do that? Liam: can't let you out of my sight if it means you're in theirs Edie: I'm not mad about that Edie: I want to be with you all day every day Edie: but I'll stab my eyes out before I look at anyone else Edie: you know that Liam: it's not you I don't trust Edie: if anyone touches me, you'll kill them Edie: and we'll bury them in our sandpit Liam: I test you, they test me Edie: you can handle anyone, you're so above them, everyone Liam: I don't know what I'd do if things changed Edie: things will only change if you want them to Edie: I'm not going anywhere without you Liam: tell your ma you're staying at mine, I don't want her trying to get you back Edie: okay, I will Edie: you're the only one who's allowed to tell me what to do Liam: it'll be home until we don't want it, barely a lie Edie: it doesn't matter Edie: I'm never safer than when I'm with you Liam: you can stay at mine too, any time you want Edie: I can? Liam: yeah Edie: 😄😄😄 Edie: I'm now leaving Edie: very, very devastated about the lady driving without insurance 💔 Liam: who can afford that shit, heartbreaking isn't far off Edie: it's a scam Edie: speaking of, how am I gonna liberate some sleeping bags 🤔🤔 Liam: 🤰 Edie: 💡 Edie: pram would actually be perfect Liam: didn't leave any of your brain behind Edie: don't wanna live that young mum stereotype too hard or I'll be right back in that place and I've only just escaped Liam: you won't Liam: the baby won't need to steal it from you, it'll be smart & talented & beautiful in its own right Edie: and you'll love it Edie: and always look after it too Liam: everyone says there's nothing like it, I'd have to feel something Liam: you know that's all I want Edie: I think even if you don't love your kid Edie: you must still be scared for them Edie: and for your own life, how they'll save it or destroy it Edie: that's something Liam: we could be a family, it's been so long since I had one of them Edie: all we'd need would be us three Liam: if my ma won't let us make my sister's room into one for the baby then we'll find our own place Edie: there's room at mine Edie: well, we could make it Edie: with her track record, that's the one thing she can't not be cool on Liam: mine's not cool on fucking anything, but pretend I didn't say that or you'll never wanna come over Edie: she won't like me Edie: but I'll still come Edie: and I'll try to be more what a ma would like Edie: in front of her anyway Liam: she's up for me having a girlfriend, in her words finally Edie: better not disappoint then Edie: what's she like? Liam: she's a lot but she's been through a lot Liam: maybe that's where all the shit I'm supposed to feel went to Edie: maybe Edie: that's the kind of thing a mum would do Edie: take it all on, for good or bad Liam: she does do that, since both the baby daddys she picked turned out to be losers Edie: same with mine Edie: the only person who helped her out was another chick but she died and then there was another kid to take in so Edie: I'd hate to live like that Liam: you won't Edie: I can't Liam: we've got a plan, yeah? Liam: stay with me Edie: we can be different Edie: we are Edie: don't you feel it, around everyone, all the time Liam: yeah, I do Liam: I used to hate it Edie: it's lonely Edie: was Liam: I wanted to be more like my sister, everyone knew her & liked her Liam: but she got lonely too, in the end Edie: people are selfish Edie: they couldn't deal with her pain, even though it was hers to go through Liam: she used to beg me to stay with her & I did but we weren't in the same place Liam: I couldn't go there Edie: you weren't dying Edie: that's lonely Edie: people waste their time alive being alone and not doing what they want whilst they can and for what Liam: they don't wanna live too hard in case it kills them Edie: at least that way is quick Edie: you don't have time to think about it, or wait in that place Liam: yeah Edie: it's bullshit, all of it Edie: what happened to your sister, your mum, you Edie: we'll live by our own rules and it won't be like that Liam: it was bullshit, everyone acting like there's peace & acceptance & she'd feel super chill Liam: she was angry & lonely & fucking terrified of falling off the edge Liam: exhausted from fighting to stay on Edie: why would there be, or should she be Edie: it isn't okay Edie: kids with everything ahead of them shouldn't fucking die Liam: I should've Liam: before I met you Liam: instead of her Edie: you would've if you could've Edie: the universe doesn't do trades and that's another fucked thing about it Liam: I need you to help me fix it Liam: nothing's how it's supposed to be Edie: Okay Edie: let's do it Liam: you'll really do anything for me Edie: I swear Edie: it's right Edie: it's what I'm meant to do Liam: how do you know? Edie: because I want to Edie: and if the universe is pure random, chaotic chance Edie: then you have to follow the right strings Edie: or it goes wrong, like you said Liam: & this is right Liam: the only way I have Edie: is it? Edie: for you Liam: you're all that's left Liam: I can't do anything else Liam: if this doesn't work, nothing will Edie: then it's settled Liam: you're gonna love this 🏠 Edie: what's it like? Liam: huge Liam: bigger than the one my ma rents for real Edie: no way Edie: can't believe he wasn't lying Edie: let's keep it Liam: baby, there's so much space Liam: haven't hit my head either Edie: 😱 Edie: let's stay forever Edie: we'll deal with any estate agents or potential renters who come Liam: under the floorboards Edie: bet they have loads of unnecessary storage we can use too Edie: wine cellars and pantries Liam: 👶 do have a lot of shit they need though Edie: how many bedrooms are there Liam: 4 Edie: it can have a playroom and so can we Liam: you'll be able to finish that song about me Edie: I'll write whole albums Liam: you can write one for the 👶 every milestone, like a less shit Adele Edie: 😂 Edie: I will Edie: 👶 will feel so loved Liam: I want it for my birthday Edie: have you done the maths? Liam: not in that lesson any more, give me a sec Edie: 🤞 you've not given me an impossible task 😿 Liam: [does the maths even though we don't know when his bday is or what time of year it is rn but pretend we do] Edie: okay Edie: we'll have to get moving Edie: I'll put these condoms back Liam: give them to that lad, he don't need to be having any kids Edie: seriously Edie: his brother already has some he doesn't see, right Edie: gross Liam: I got some 💊 off him that didn't do fuck all Liam: waster in every way Edie: such a loser Liam: we're gonna have to be clean Edie: me at least, when it's cooking Liam: I'm not gonna keep going without you Edie: serious? Liam: you're willing to do anything for me, I can stop taking 💊 for you Edie: I love you Liam: hurry up, you have to see this place Edie: Okay, okay Edie: there's a lot of stuff this baby needs too Liam: I need you here Edie: then I'll run Liam: you can lie down as soon you've made it home Edie: I got us dinner Liam: gutted I don't have a real 💍 in my eye socket Edie: I'll have to use a ring pull Liam: it'll work for now Edie: were your parents married? Liam: nah, but she married my sister's dad Liam: she liked him better all round Edie: that makes sense Edie: same with mine and the others dad Edie: hence she went back to him Liam: dunno what your ma was thinking but in fairness to mine he was less of a twat for a while Edie: can't help who you love Edie: some people are unlucky with that too Liam: yeah Liam: & some people never get to be in love Edie: some people don't let themselves Liam: like we said earlier about not living Edie: yeah Edie: I guess it is scary but what's the alternative Liam: I used to properly feel things you know Edie: before your sister died Liam: if it was there before, it could be again Edie: definitely Edie: I know it Edie: we'll work it out Liam: you'll be happy here Liam: [a pic of the cute shit he's been doing in her absence trying to make this place nice for her] Edie: 🥺🥺 Edie: it says I'm nearly there Liam: I'll come out so I can carry you in 👰 Edie: you know I'd die to make you happy Liam: but that isn't what I want Liam: I'd prefer if you lived forever Edie: then I'll do that Edie: we can have hundreds of babies if that's what you need Edie: or do all the drugs in the world Edie: or go on the longest killing spree Liam: I think that'd take a huge toll on you physically, which I don't want either Liam: I'm not trying to ruin you Edie: you might make me actually cry Liam: stay beautiful, that's what I need Edie: Come get me Liam: [does] Edie: [lowkey laden down with all the essentials be careful boy] Liam: [literally take a sec to imagine them going from room to room planning their lives like adorable nerds] Edie: [this is all so bittersweet we're so mean] Liam: [I'm totally fine and not gonna sob] Edie: [I think if they made it look lived in, it'd make the squatters go away, so then it's just when the landlord/estate agent moment shows up eventually, but I think that would give them a bit of time to do it, even if it's like a week] Liam: [there's just something so pure about this, like it really reminds me how young and broken they are, casually playing pretend like little kids here] Edie: [mhmm, like because she's technically smart everyone expects her to be cynical and realistic but she can't be and is like genuinely if we try hard enough this will all work and be real] Liam: [just reminding me of my pure baby angel Carly in a way I did not expect to be hit by, excuse me] Edie: [when you're more like her and Billie is more like Ali don't mind me] Liam: [I don't know why I love that so much but I do] Edie: [just live your best lives huns, all the ridiculous things you've got for this home moment, also some kind of baby doll 'cos we didn't steal a real child] Liam: [we don't need either of you getting in that much trouble when the fams are gonna be annoyed as is, they should totally film something with it during this week because those hoes] Edie: [creepy, cryptic video in response to where you are like soz for scaring you all half to death it's just our brand] Liam: [and she should practice tattoo designs on it for him like do you like this one or nah] Edie: [definitely covered in biro] Liam: [put your treasure in it's eye socket] Edie: [there's so many sick designs tbh] Liam: [are we saying they still go to school or purely hole up] Edie: [probably hole up 'cos 1 why not but 2 at least you'd know they were together even if not where lol] Liam: [it adds to the vibe of their own little world so I'm here for it] Edie: [like truly why would you go to school, maybe when you're pregnant and we need to win people 'round lmao] Liam: [he wouldn't stalk Rio all week that means #proudofyouboy] Edie: [we're all thrilled] Liam: [actual progress for real because he's been doing it for years and he didn't force Edie to go to school so he could] Edie: [it truly is, when you're just having fun gah] Liam: [proud of you for living real life again boy, speaking of, we know the vibe but is there anything you wanna write down here as defs happening this week other than what we've said?] Edie: [hmm, so let's recap real quick and then we can add anything if we think of it, we've got homey things and he's made it cute and we're playing house so the squatters don't come and wreck it, which is so cute, we're planning our family and life like this is absolutely nbd, doing all the biro tattoos, making our ARG and making a weird/scary vid for the fam lollollol soz, just clearly getting to know each other intensely and bonding and cementing this plan] Liam: [do write some songs gal but I also think they should try whatever drugs they want to that they haven't before they get clean for this pregnancy moment because adds to the bonding that they don't even throw a party they just do it together] Edie: [i vibe that because it isn't about the party of it all, it's the feeling things, so it makes feelsy sense] Liam: [yeah I felt it, and it's so cute that they're doing all these domestic things while sometimes high af] Edie: [like you said, we don't need to be saints 'cos who is even when they have a child but it's very noble that you're like okay let's get it out of the way lol] Liam: [literally ruster are still living lavish and partying with their champagne and coke when they have theirs, tell me I'm wrong] Edie: [mhmm, y'all are very sweet actually it's pure] Liam: [neither of them seem like they would be so sweet and pure and that's why I stan it] Edie: [maybe they can do things they'll do when they have the bub like the park etc so like normal childhood things which he probably didn't get to do much] Liam: [boo how dare you, that's so cute] Edie: [like again, bittersweet but also childlike vibes again and he can enjoy it] Liam: [also I vote he gets on this roof and shouts about his feelings like he said he was gonna on the school roof] Edie: [a mood, and you can be a bit destructive inside, just got to keep it looking respectable so every loser in town doesn't crash your fun] Liam: [OMG but what if that's towards the end of the week and he says he loves her then because he has not like literally shout it from the rooftops but genuinely] Edie: [need that tbh 'cos as in this as she is and not turning back, she's obvs noticed he hasn't like she knows she's still out here trying to make him feel not like oh yes, I have succeeded lol] Liam: [it just is real like when you're pissing about at first but then the feels carry you along] Edie: [oh you two]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [details of some party that they can go to because it's not someone he knows its more like a friend of a friend of so they can do what they want] Buster: I'll pick you up when you're ready Rio: Oh, I'm with Nancy rn Rio: think I might be in it for the long haul over here Buster: You've been there ages Rio: I know Rio: been a while, lots she wants to catch up on Rio: I can probably make it though, if I start politely getting ready to leave soon Buster: Where are you? Rio: at mine Rio: we went out shopping for a bit but now we're just chilling Buster: I'll tell her mum or dad are on the warpath, either's believable Buster: She'll be back before she realises they're working Rio: That's not very friendly, is it Buster: She's my sister, not my friend Rio: yeah but won't she wonder why you've tricked her Buster: She'll think I got it wrong, a common enough thought for her to have about me Buster: Who cares? Rio: I don't wanna be mean Buster: Don't then Buster: To me Buster: I haven't seen you all day Rio: Baby Rio: you know I wanna be with you Rio: let me get out of this my way though Buster: Alright Rio: I promise, it won't take that long Buster: You do know that unless you appear right now it's too long, yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: you know I missed you as much Rio: more, I think Buster: So prove it by getting rid of her Rio: I will Rio: it would've looked so suspect if I didn't spend any time with her Buster: Or like you've outgrown her which everyone wanted us to do with each other, therefore they'd have to be thrilled Rio: If everyone weren't massively hypocritical Rio: or her social life was a bit more robust in general Buster: Her lack of a social life is her own problem, not yours, babe Rio: not if I ditch her at the drop of a hat Rio: but I've worked it out Buster: Tell her to ditch her fringe and you'll be doing her such a big favour it'll cancel out the abrupt goodbye Rio: Stop 🤫 Rio: I'd almost forgot how rude you can be 🙄😏 Rio: I'm gonna have a fake argument with Dan that I'll 'need' to go and sort out Buster: It sounds good in theory but she'll probably try and convince you not to 'cause he's a man Rio: She can text me the TLDR of the gay agenda Rio: it'll be fine, less of a 😱 when I dump him later too Buster: Surprised you ain't had a real argument by now Buster: He's even more of a pussy than I thought Rio: He knows I'm busy with family still Buster: And those papers don't deliver themselves Rio: You're SO funny, babe Buster: Yeah, I know Buster: One of many talents Rio: I might rank it lower than some of your others Rio: but I still like ya Buster: Don't force yourself, like Rio: Come on Rio: what have you been doing today anyway? Buster: As the twin with a social life in each of our postcodes, I've been busy fulfilling those obligations Rio: See, you've been keeping busy too Rio: not even missed me Buster: I can do both Buster: Multitasking is one of my aforementioned talents Rio: I can give you that one Buster: [a topless post football playing selfie like see busy and thinking about/missing you hence I took this for you] Buster: I'll give you this then Rio: 😍😍😍 Rio: I wanna come watch you play next time Buster: Yeah? Rio: you need to ask when you look like that? Rio: I could be there, right, at a proper match Buster: 'Course Buster: Probably don't tell the others though, it'd be hard to stop Billie and Edie from wanting to come with you Rio: True Rio: do your parents come? Rio: 'cos I'd rather not control my 😍😍😍 at all Buster: They'd have to not be working for there to be any danger of that Rio: I thought so Rio: I'll cheer you on Rio: bring the 🍊🍊 Buster: My dad watches me box more often, you wouldn't like that anyway Rio: not gonna encroach on your male bonding time, don't worry Buster: Hilarious Rio: I was being serious Buster: Me too, it's hilarious you reckon we have any kind of bond to encroach on Rio: you live together Rio: that's something, like Buster: Only 'cause they won't let me move out yet Rio: Well yeah Rio: you are only 14 Buster: And they were making such good choices when they were Rio: they didn't get to have their own place either Buster: They didn't need one, they were already living in the same house Rio: I doubt that argument will change their mind Buster: Whatever, I'm not trying to leave Ava with just Nance Buster: She'd make her well weird Rio: I don't think you can't make anyone anything Rio: least of all your sister Buster: You know what I mean Buster: And you don't have to jump to the other's defence, I ain't gonna send her this Rio: Whatever Rio: what are you gonna wear tonight then? Buster: Unlike you I haven't been shopping, maybe I'll go now while I'm waiting for you Rio: Just trying to work out the level of effort I need to put in Buster: What level of effort would you like to put in? Rio: I just don't want to look out of place Rio: why is that a problem? Buster: It's not a problem, why are you coming at me with an attitude? Rio: Sorry Rio: I think all this shit that's going on with Nance has got to me Buster: What's she said? Rio: Just all about those kids, what they say and do Rio: it's a shitty situation Buster: Stay with her if you want, I can take some of the lads with me Rio: If you'd rather Buster: I obviously wouldn't Buster: But if it'll make you feel better Rio: I don't know Rio: there's nothing I can do for her Buster: I'd say bring her but she'd never go Rio: I hardly blame her Buster: 'Course not, you never do Rio: Going to a party where she knows no one won't make her feel any better Buster: She doesn't wanna feel better, she'd rather wallow Buster: A party's as good a place as any for that Rio: You invite her then Rio: I'm not a middleman Buster: I don't actually want her there, unbelievable as that may sound, babe Rio: then we're agreed it's a bad idea Buster: I'll take us being in agreement about something as far as my fucking sister is concerned Rio: For God's sake Rio: let's drop this Buster: Don't for God's sake me Rio: This conversation is pointless Buster: That ain't stopped you keeping one going with Nance though Rio: Your sister has spent most of today telling me how hard she's struggling and how hard she gets bullied and you want me to just put that aside like it's nothing Buster: Would you like me to applaud you for having to hear a day's worth of it? Rio: Don't be a dick Buster: Don't tell me what it's like as if I don't go to the same school Rio: Don't make it about you Rio: it's happening to her Buster: Cheers for that, I had no idea Rio: Like I said, pointless Rio: have a good night with your friends Buster: I will Rio: 👍 Great Buster: It's no mansion but I'll make the best of it regardless Rio: Go away now Buster: Who do you think you're talking to? Buster: That hasn't worked on me a single time you've tried it Rio: You're just trying to annoy me now and I don't need it Buster: You wish Buster: She's annoying you and you don't wanna admit that to yourself or her Rio: No, you're being an asshole because you're mad Buster: I'll take all the blame, babe, what do I care? Buster: It's a well established role, I'm the asshole and she's the only one ever who suffers Rio: I haven't said that, no one's said that Buster: Chelsea's always been a picnic for me, like Buster: Not that anyone's ever asked Rio: I know that, why are you saying it like I don't Rio: and I can't do fuck all about that either Buster: 'Cause you're acting like you don't Rio: The ways you cope aren't the ways she does, or doesn't Rio: I just don't see the point of acting like that'll work Buster: Well, I don't see the point of you taking all her bullshit on as your own Buster: Or getting dragged down by it Rio: I can't just Rio: dismiss it that easily Rio: she's still here, like, can you just give me a moment Buster: Take loads of them Buster: I'll see you tomorrow Rio: Thanks so much Buster: You're so welcome Rio: Bye then Buster: Yeah Rio: if that's how you feel then just see me on easter Buster: If that's how you feel, then you might as well bring your boyfriend to celebrate with us all Rio: Fuck you Buster: No, fuck you Rio: I don't get why you're being like this Rio: explain it to me Buster: You don't get to hold Easter over me like an ultimatum when you know it won't be the same then Buster: We only get 7 days and you've already spent this one with her but I can't be upset about it 'cause she's more upset than me Buster: Fuck that Buster: And like I said, fuck you Rio: You're allowed but that ain't what you put out at all Rio: you're mad at her, I get it, but fuck taking that out on me Rio: she's my cousin, I have to see her when she comes over Rio: and nah, it isn't a fun time but you don't need to take my mood so personally Buster: Forget it Buster: You could just see her on Easter, but why would you when that threat works so much better on me Rio: It's not a threat Rio: if you reckon you're gonna have so much more fun with your friends then you may as well Buster: I reckon I'll have to try and have fun with them 'cause that's the only option you've given me Rio: I was actually coming 'til you told me not to Buster: I didn't tell you not to Rio: Yes you did Rio: you said see you tomorrow Buster: Don't put words in my mouth Buster: You already weren't coming by the time I said that Rio: Then why would I have left my house to go have an imaginary argument for you Buster: To have a real one with me, obviously Rio: Yeah, that's exactly how I wanted to spend my evening, you've got it Rio: never mind I can't friggin' go back five minutes later 'cos she's probably still there with Junior Buster: You and me both Buster: So don't go back yet Rio: Well where do you suggest I go Rio: seeing as you've uninvited me from the party 'cos I'm so shit Buster: Come on Rio: I'm not sorry I care about her Rio: and that isn't me saying you don't, or me saying I don't care about you either Rio: I clearly do Buster: I don't want you to be sorry Buster: I love that you care so much, you know that Rio: are you coming to pick me up then or what? Buster: I'm basically halfway to you already Buster: I wasn't gonna turn around, who am I? Buster: Not a cunt who gives up that easy, like Rio: Don't scare me like that Buster: I didn't mean to Buster: I'm sorry Rio: You wanted to make me feel how you did Rio: I get it Rio: I've missed you too today Buster: It just made me think about what it'll be like, I've been trying not to Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: we'll have to work out how often we can Buster: I missed you so much Buster: I can't leave you Rio: but you have to Rio: there's no scenario where we can be together as much as we want Rio: even if we weren't having to hide it Buster: There has to be, there's always choices Buster: If you want something badly enough, you make it happen Buster: That's my life Rio: You can't leave school, I can't go to yours, I wouldn't get in Rio: and I can't just move myself to London with nowhere to live and no plan Buster: Then I'll move back here Buster: With Nan and Granddad Rio: Your parents won't want that Rio: even if they're barely about, they still want you around Buster: I don't give a shit what they want Rio: I know, but it means they've got enough say to stop you, at least for now Rio: in a few years, nah Rio: it's shit, I don't want that to be how it is any more than you do Rio: I wanna be with you always Buster: In a few years you could have a boyfriend that isn't a pussy with a paper round Rio: Do you actually think I'm going to get a new boyfriend? Buster: Not right now, obviously Rio: Not ever, if you still want me Rio: I've only got this one still because I don't want to waste our time together right now dealing with the logistics of formally dumping him Buster: Like you said, we can't be together as much as we want Rio: so that means, what, to you Rio: you need to keep this open Buster: It means you deserve better Rio: there isn't better Rio: you said that Rio: and I believe it Buster: Not than me, but than this bullshit scenario Buster: My mum and dad only got through uni 'cause they had us, everyone knows that Buster: They'd had years together by then Rio: Well, I believe in us Rio: I thought you did too Buster: I do Buster: I just can't fucking breathe when I think about going back Rio: it's the first time Rio: we'll get better at it Rio: we'll have to Buster: Yeah, I'll add it to the list of shit I have to do Buster: It'll be fine Rio: It won't Rio: it'll hurt like hell Rio: but we have to be okay with that Rio: if we want the good of it Buster: Don't Buster: You can't ask me to be okay with hurting you Rio: It hurt more Rio: being without you Rio: we'll have more than we did, no matter Buster: I know Rio: That's what love is, right Rio: no matter what Buster: If it ain't that, I don't know what else it would be Rio: I don't want anyone else Rio: even if it's painful Buster: Okay Buster: Me either, in case that wasn't painfully obvious Rio: You better not Rio: You're mine Rio: I can't share you Buster: I am yours Buster: I told you, nobody is gonna change my mind Buster: I probably should have said no obstacle though, 'cause distance won't either Rio: not even you Rio: you can't change your mind yet Rio: preferably ever but Rio: I won't say you can't there Buster: Especially not me, what the fuck do I know, I reckoned ignoring you for the rest of our lives would work Buster: I won't ever change my mind 'cause I can't Buster: That'd be a mistake and those aren't allowed Rio: I love you Rio: and I'll get better at listening Buster: I love you too, but I can't promise that I'll get better at staying calm Buster: You know my history Rio: I know you Rio: and I love you as you Rio: we'll make this work Rio: what else can we do, right Buster: She gets to me too, you know Buster: Or all of that bullshit at school does Rio: Of course it does Rio: no one wants to hear that about their family Rio: and not be able to stop it Rio: I know you care Buster: She doesn't understand Rio: She sees it like you're picking their side Rio: instead of trying to keep some of them vaguely on it in any way Buster: I'm not gonna take on the whole school for her Buster: It shouldn't have got that far Buster: She lets shit escalate and then expects me to fix it Rio: She's a good victim Rio: she rises it to it, you know Rio: if she could just laugh it off or let it go, it wouldn't be happening Buster: I don't know how the fuck she could have been raised the same way as me, with the parents we have, and become that Buster: Everything my mum went through, it's offensive Rio: She doesn't mean to be the way she is Rio: she needs to get to a place where she can help herself, or ask for help Buster: She doesn't try hard enough not to stand in her own way Buster: So she might as well mean it Rio: It's frustrating, I know Buster: Frustrating ain't the word Buster: But whatever Rio: You can't change her Rio: unfortunate or otherwise Rio: just how it is, babe Buster: At least she ain't Ro levels yet Rio: Is anyone Rio: now that's offensive Buster: Fair point Rio: swear she lowkey hates me Buster: She don't like anyone Rio: yeah but she liked my ma and me being born stole her attention Rio: gutted ever since, I'm so sorry Buster: Come on, be real, she liked your mum until Edie was born Rio: Too true Rio: 'course that had NOTHING to do with Drew 🙄 Buster: Maybe she only wants mixed race babies Buster: I'll ask her if she comes to Easter Rio: 😂 Rio: please do Rio: how did you stand to live with her for all those years Buster: They are cuter, like Buster: And I didn't have a choice Rio: You'll want to get with a darker girl than me then Rio: it's amazing your da didn't murder-suicide Buster: No, I won't Buster: Look no further for where I get my coping strategies from, bottle in hand literally as I type this Rio: That's just cultural, like Rio: and when your brother does what Joe did, who's checking Buster: Yeah Buster: At least you're not actually my sister Rio: again, don't think that's calming anyone Buster: When have I ever been a calming influence? Rio: I wish there was explaining it Rio: but nah Buster: Who do we owe an explanation to? Rio: I mean, if we could Rio: so we didn't have to hide it Buster: If we ever tell anyone I'm not explaining or grovelling, fuck that Buster: Only God can judge me and he don't exist, so Rio: Shh, my nan has spidey-sense for blasphemy Rio: I just wanna show everyone how much I love you Rio: I can at this party, yeah Buster: You can do whatever you want at this party, babe Rio: That like just what I need Buster: [a picture of a full crate/case of something expensive that he's bringing to this party] Buster: Nobody's gonna care what we do Rio: 🙌 Rio: you're the best Rio: I'm gonna need to get changed in the car Rio: 'cos not even me puts on a party dress to go have an argument, sadly Buster: Next time I won't tell you to fuck off for less than a tiara and ballgown, like Rio: I appreciate that Buster: I can wait, you know Buster: Without distracting you too much Rio: where Rio: I told you, I already left Buster: But you can go back, if you need to Rio: No I can't, 'cos I'm going to see Dan, remember Rio: not get ready to go out with you Rio: it doesn't matter Buster: You could be making yourself look beautiful for him Rio: Rude to suggest I'm not already Buster: I'm not suggesting that, just that I'm aware how arguments work Rio: That isn't the vibe Buster: You decide what the vibe is, and Nance doesn't need to know Rio: If you're saying I need to then just say it Buster: What? Rio: Put more effort in Rio: 'cos I'm clearly not bothered so Buster: I'm not saying that Buster: Why would I? Rio: I don't know Rio: you tell me Buster: Rio Rio: What? Buster: All I'm ever gonna tell you is how perfect you are Buster: Come on Rio: Do you think I'm going to embarrass you? Buster: No Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: Don't call me stupid Buster: I'm not, I'm saying the idea that I'd ever feel like that 'cause of you is stupid and you know it is Rio: I'm nervous Buster: Tell me Rio: What if someone there knows Rio: it's stupid Buster: We're going there 'cause they don't Buster: Trust me Rio: I do Rio: I just don't want this to end Buster: It won't Buster: No matter what, remember? Rio: Yeah Rio: I know, it'd just be nice if we didn't have to test that theory for a long time yet, wouldn't it Buster: We're not testing it tonight Buster: It's the opposite, a chance for us to be like any other couple Rio: Yeah Rio: okay, I'll stop freaking out now Buster: Freaking out isn't the vibe either, your worries aren't irrational, I wish I could say they are Buster: But like I said, I chose this party over any of the others happening this week for a good reason Buster: You're safe, and so is the secret Rio: You aren't stupid either, obviously Rio: I do know Rio: and I do wanna have a good time with you, so we will Buster: I just wanna give you everything that he can, especially bullshit that gets taken for granted Rio: You don't need to compete with him Rio: or anyone else Buster: There's no competition Buster: Like you said, I ain't stupid Rio: even if we could literally never leave the hotel, I'd be happy, you know Rio: I just like being with you Buster: Yeah, but you need to know that I'm not ashamed of you, I wasn't when we were kids and I'm not now Buster: Whether nobody or everybody knows Rio: I know what I am Rio: and what your friends are like Rio: and girls you're used to Rio: is different Buster: I know what you are Buster: And they're not my friends, you are Buster: As for any girl other than you, you know how I feel and how I don't Rio: I love you Buster: I'm sorry Rio: No, don't be Rio: you've done everything right Buster: I haven't though, it's my fault you feel like I could be anything but flattered that you wanna go anywhere with me Buster: I know what I am too, and what I've done Rio: It's more circumstance Rio: you just played into it Buster: I've been acting like it's Nance who's wrong, for not fitting in, maybe it's me Buster: Maybe I'm actually the weak one Rio: You did what you had to do Rio: I would've done the same Rio: I have Buster: You haven't been cruel, that's just me Rio: I'm no saint, babe Rio: no one is Buster: You're as close as it gets then Rio: You're good, Buster Rio: I know Rio: and I knew Buster: I'm whatever people need me to be Rio: You ain't what you do to survive Buster: That's exactly what I am Buster: Everyone is Rio: I don't think so Buster: 'Cause you want to think that I'm good Rio: No Rio: because that assumes it's never gonna be more than just surviving Rio: it's some lowest common denominator shit Rio: I'd rather look at potential over desperation Rio: any cunt who thinks they'd be a 👼 at their lowest, hasn't ever been that far down Buster: It's not gonna be more than just surviving any time soon Buster: So 'course you'd rather look at potential, who wouldn't? Rio: I'm not going to be defined by my worst Rio: that's not naive optimism Buster: Good, don't be Rio: Why are you then Buster: When you're the best, you're also the worst Rio: I'm not Rio: You can't have it all the ways Buster: You're better than me, that's no secret, babe Buster: I keep telling you Rio: Then I can be worse too Buster: No you can't Rio: Why don't you like yourself Buster: 'Cause you can't please everyone Rio: you should consider yourself Rio: fuck everyone else Buster: That would only get me so far Rio: You don't have to be a dick to get places Rio: I'm aware, it does work Rio: but it's also not a requirement Buster: It is where I live Buster: And as we've established, I won't be leaving for a while Rio: you don't want to end up there Rio: do you? Buster: No Rio: Good Buster: I wanna come home Rio: I like being here too Buster: Remember when I hid Rio: Yeah Rio: and we'd really plan like your parents would just leave without you eventually Buster: Home Alone and Parent Trap really made it seem plausible, to be fair Rio: You were lead well astray with the latter Rio: though you're not also a ginger so that revelation probably wouldn't have happened Buster: I'm not a girl, more importantly, I'm not exactly sure how that's escaped your notice lately Buster: And I've got more chance of becoming one than my parents have of getting divorced at this point Rio: This is true, I remember Rio: it has been a day, you know Rio: my memory fades so fast Buster: Just as well I took more pictures than just the topless ones earlier then, yeah? Buster: [dropping nudes casually] Rio: you're forgiven for holding out on me Rio: just so you know Rio: 🥴 Buster: I said I wouldn't distract you too much Buster: My memory never fades Rio: that's a shame Rio: 'cos there's loads of this convo I'd like you to forget Rio: but we can start with the no distracting rule Buster: I didn't say no, just that you've gotta put clothes on before I can take them off Rio: I suppose that's fair Buster: What are you wearing then? Rio: You can't rip it Rio: it's one of my best dresses Rio: [a picture of it in her bag] Rio: you want me to put it on? Buster: I'll do it Buster: I've stressed you out, it's only right that I calm you down before we get there Buster: Full 👸🏽 treatment Rio: It's not you Rio: but I'm not going to say no or turn that down ever so Buster: You've got the wrong twin if you want any makeup doing though Buster: I only know how to take it off Rio: 😏 I'll survive Rio: though I may put on some to have you do that again Rio: it was so nice Buster: Start with lipstick, I really wanna take that off Rio: ❤️ or 💗? Buster: You tell me Buster: [sends her a pic of his outfit like] Rio: Hmm Rio: You'll look better in pink Buster: Okay Rio: more subtle, I know Rio: but I can leave other marks Buster: Yeah, you can Buster: I'm almost there now Rio: Go faster Buster: I'm not driving Buster: But I'll insist he does Rio: Do Buster: Already done Rio: he must think you're such a twat now Rio: my bad Buster: You're worth getting a lower rating from him for Rio: That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me Rio: 😂 Buster: You're welcome Rio: You can say what you like about my standards on that one Buster: I don't dislike myself that much Rio: Good Rio: 'cos you're my favourite person Rio: and won't have nothing said about my taste Buster: You've got flawless taste, especially in dresses Rio: I knew you'd liked it Buster: I love it Rio: I'm gonna look good for you baby Buster: You do now Rio: but always Buster: You do always Rio: I'll get lazy if you make it this easy, like Buster: You'll still look good then Buster: And I'll still want you Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'm going to miss you so much Buster: I'll do whatever I can to make sure you don't though Buster: Anything Rio: We both will Rio: people do it, don't they Rio: there must be tips to cope Buster: 'Course Buster: Loads of people meet online and live in different countries, loads further away from each other than we'll be Rio: Exactly Rio: it doesn't always fail, can't do Rio: it's just harder Buster: Even if it does for everyone else, we're not gonna let it for us Rio: No Rio: we can't Buster: We won't Rio: you're too good and no one else is going to look after you properly Buster: Nobody else is gonna look at me or touch me or know me Buster: Only you Rio: I'm yours, in every way a person can be Rio: and I need you, you know Buster: Well, I'm here, so you can have me Rio: here here? Buster: Close your eyes and open them again Buster: You'll see me Rio: [does] Buster: [opens the car door because gentleman] Rio: [the most extra greeting like it's been 1000 years] Buster: [we know he's being as extra it's fine] Rio: [lol at the day you ever get a chatty driver] Buster: [he'd just be rude cos 100% that bitch] Buster: [or they'd do that thing where you try and talk normally and act like nothing is happening even though you're being saucy af] Rio: [that is a mood tbf] Buster: [we should give them a chatty driver one day lol] Rio: [we'll let you live today 'cos you need to get changed so literally as much ignoring as possible tah] Buster: [get you a man who will undress and redress you like he literally is] Rio: [so about it, reckon we probably know how this party will play out now so wanna do easter?] Buster: [yeah we know it's their chance to be extra in front of everyone so I'm down to do easter]

Fearghal & Kaitlin

Fearghal: [So the setup is sending her a postcard pretending to be a mate visiting in England for whatever reason (could be fam you get the vibe, nothing suspect given the time this is) but giving enough info that she 1. Knows it is him 2. has the number of at least a phonebox nearby if not a phone in his care home 3. a time when he plans to first call the phonebox nearest their home in Ireland, assumedly this is some sneaky twin shit they've pulled similar enough before that she can catch on without any of the rest of the fam also doing so; only question is how long do we want it to be since he left?] Kaitlin: [3 months ish later then and they've turned 15 but only just for our ref how do we think the situation is with his dad etc like would he just be acting like he's dead cos is to him?] Fearghal: [basically my vibe was they wanted to weaponize Tabby killing herself for their gain, like make it something political even though literally not about that bar the fact her family and his family and co didn't want them together and she was a dramatic teenage girl in love (no offense but like) and so when he wouldn't go along with that there was a massive fight, actual, between him and his dad and then Fearghal left 'cos there's never any option but to do as your told with this fam and he can't lose face with all the other people etc etc and the story the dad is telling the fam etc is that Fearghal deserted them which not untrue but yeah, good enough for all the olders to disown him too so it'd be like we don't talk about him and if someone else bring him up you denounce him] Kaitlin: [let's say there's a crying baby in the background cos like in my OG post she can use her youngest sister needing fresh air as an excuse so casually left her outside the phonebox but might be able to hear her if she's going for it] Kaitlin: How ya Fearghal: K? Fuck's sake, you've not had a bastard, have ya? 's'not been that long, like Kaitlin: Catch yourself on! mind how ya ma was fit to drop, you eejit? well we're all lurred she had another girl who I'm hauling about as my cover, so I am Fearghal: [Laughs] Still easy to windup then [slight pause to take in that it's a girl and is here, like not the biggest shock but also literally no way of knowing at this time so] And go on, don't leave me in suspense, what name they burden the poor fucker with Kaitlin: [makes an unimpressed noise like fuck off] full of that good craic you are, bet the brits are buzzing to hear it. You ready? Niamh Roisin, it's a cracker, like [sighs] Fearghal: [laughs some more] Yeah, catch me on that most wanted list, obviously [makes a wincing noise like no] Christ, actually lost it fully then, has she? Made it longer than some but dunno if mentals get to heaven, haveta ask Father Quigley, like Kaitlin: [laughs herself] yeah yeah [makes like a idk noise] can you lose what you've never had? A good catholic'll find a way, to be sure, and she is that, our ma [makes a scornful noise at the mention of the priest as is standard for her] Fearghal: [makes a mm noise to agree] Suppose so, don't reckon much was said 'bout being good to 'em once you had 'em, so be alright [sighs] What have you been up to, then...How's it been Kaitlin: if it was she'd recite between the lines to keep us anyone's problem but hers, poor critter [sarcastic laugh because mum's getting no real sympathy] it could've been 3 days from when you went off for what's changed and not- [a long pause because everything's shit and we know it is] Fearghal: What's God if not top babysitter, eh? Cheaper than telly and who's giving money to the BBC [scoffs but cuts it short 'cos yep] And I'm fine too, you rude cow Kaitlin: and stand him next to our earthly da and he comes out lookin' class [chefs kiss noise] Hey now! [makes a fake noise of shock like she's appalled at the mention of the bbc] watch your profanity around me, dicko! [really long exaggerated sigh as a pisstake] a'course you are, land well anywhere, but hit me with your bars, it's no bother to hear how right I am Fearghal: If you can get him stand still long enough, like and you ain't a lad so no chance, babe [does pisstake wistful sigh] Forgot you needed protecting from the evils of this world, my apologies [coughs awkwardly then, stalling for time, fiddling with the phone in ways she can probably hear] Taking a bow as we speak, can't fit in here with me but the adoring fans are aplenty over this way, well more than there so fuck it, life's grand so it is Kaitlin: Wise up, boy, he only sways slightly of an evening on these ones lately so he does [but her voice is MAD because fuck being a girl in this fam] Did you now? Thank fuck my new lad has his uses then, like [takes a deep breath to try and calm down but exaggerates it for the pisstake because have to, god forbid they are serious rn] I went and saw your former biggest fan under that rock they've carved with protestant shite, no word on if life's grander for her now it's ended or if she's regretting she didn't send her prayers up saying she wanted another bite of the cherry, one that wasn't yours- [stops like I've probably gone a bit far here and shouldn't mention his dead ex anymore] Fearghal: Good for him [through gritted teeth like let's never talk about him thank you] Like you need a replacement protector, got how many ready and willing at home, just DYING to beat the shit out of some 15 year old kid for your honour and just for the craic of it [does it back, like and then is silent until the pips are going but he's still there 'cos they stop when he puts more money in] You'll be under some rock with Catholic shite if they catch you in their graveyard [says it much more quietly than he's said the rest] Kaitlin: [makes a noise of disgust that doesn't need to be exaggerated for the pisstake cos genuinely horrified at this fam thanks] what honour? Shame you brought down on us with what they caught you at [but her voice is softer too because didn't mean to go off and also doesn't mean any of that we know] supposed to scare me, is it? [said like I wouldn't be here to give them a chance to do it just like you weren't] Fearghal: Why you need to ask one of the others, ain't it; can't be the best looking of the bunch and the best behaved, got to leave something for 'em to do and impressing n pleasing him 's'never been high on my to-do so have at it, lads [does meh noise like this is all so casual] Called the fear of God for a reason, aye Kaitlin: [does the meh noise back and it's her turn to awkwardly fiddle with the phone/cough while she works up to saying what she does next, more quietly than she has anything else] how's it truly then? Away and everything. Free and clear Fearghal: It's, like- just shit because you realize that everything that happens in that fucking town, all the stuff that rules our lives and is all they give a shit about, no other cunt does, you know, Kait? Sure, its on the news when another bomb goes off or don't and that; but the English don't even have to think about it, their day to day ain't affected at all, no fucker but our lot cares and what's the point, honestly? Everything we were forced to at least think was important, if not fecking stupid, ain't and now I don't- [Stops to do some actual breathing to calm down] Not to mention I'm thick as shite, thanks for that and all- 'cos frees a bloody joke [laughs bitterly] I get by, now, got a place to stay so, don't haveta worry but don't be hopping the next ferry yourself, girl Kaitlin: [when you're just silent for ages because as much as you think it's bullshit you're basically in a cult rn with no chance of getting out so what can you say like] not that thick, warning me off coming to keep an eye on all these english girls with theirs on ya but no bother 'cause mind I get sea sick and class as boking on brits sounds I'd get fairly covered myself before I made any casualties of 'em Fearghal: Know enough about girls and enough about you to know the two don't need mixing, that's just school of life, that [moving away a bit and telling someone who's impatiently waiting to fuck off] Stay put [when you say it firmly like serious voice] That wain and the rest needs someone VAGUELY sane about to stand any chance, fuck me, Aislinn's already been corrupted and she's barely in double digits [kicks the box] Kaitlin: [laughs because yeah don't let her around any girls you like babe] you should know enough about me to know what giving me your orders'll do fer ya and what it'll make me do [but there's no actual real threat in it we all know she's staying for the bubs] Sane as you by that count, ain't I? [can't help genuinely sighing] Mammy's girl is Aislinn been like it since she was old enough to play house [grimaces at the thought cos never that bitch] got the rest under MY apron strings, grand they are and it goes for the stories I tell 'em every night after prayers, rest easy yourself knowing that, yeah? Fearghal: Alright, alright [hear the 🙄😏] But if you wanna be the next to bring shame on 'em, you can do better than a cheeky abortion, surely? [shakes his head] Yeah. [Pause] Yeah [Coughs again] I'm doing my bit, swear, it's gonna take a while 'til I can send you anything and I've got to work out how when I do- it ain't for them, just you lot but like I said, not cheap Kaitlin: [an outraged noise like who do you think you're talking to, of course I can do better than that etc] Yeah. [Pauses herself because again what to say, there's so much it's too much] I've got faith in the right shite, Gally [nickname ftw because feels] it'll work out. We'll work it out, like we did this Fearghal: 'Course we will, K. No other choice, is there [definitely not a question] Kaitlin: not a real question, is it? [she knows its not] Fearghal: you want me to ask you one? Kaitlin: do English girls fall for that? Fearghal: Enough of 'em, yeah Kaitlin: [makes a ugh noise] how you've got a bed, is it? Fearghal: Theirs top where mine is Kaitlin: I deeply feel that Fearghal: [makes the kinda sad 'ha' sound like 'I know'] Not all bad though, some class drugs about and you don't get kneecapped for taking a casual interest Kaitlin: [does a little hooray down the phone] Fearghal: Send you some but your phones probably tapped so I definitely won't Kaitlin: thanks or no thanks, depending who'll be listening Fearghal: Cover those bases and the baby's ears Kaitlin: nothing to be heard over her crying Fearghal: don't lie, you miss me that much [laughs] Kaitlin: fuck off [but laughs too] Fearghal: Will do Fearghal: so many English girls Kaitlin: [exaggerated being sick noise] nowhere close to a ferry and sick as a dog, don't start me any further Fearghal: You think I escaped to pray every day and fight the good fight, like Kaitlin: if you still pray you ain't escaped fuck all Fearghal: Not living on my knees for no cunt, sis Fearghal: am being haunted, for my sins, though Kaitlin: Be on track to commit more, you'll have enough ghosts for all manner of shite to get done Fearghal: No rest for the wicked on the one hand, but on the other, idle hands and idle minds [breathes out like so conflicted and confused] Kaitlin: [a change in tone because serious] She's gone, so are you. Leave it here. Leave it in this fucking town Fearghal: Not a choice Kaitlin: Can be Fearghal: Nah, s'not, boths already happened Kaitlin: Happened to you, gives you a say in how you deal with it Fearghal: Yeah Kaitlin: You've lived in one haunted house as things stand, ain't you? Miss home that much, is it? Fearghal: How could I not? Live for these lectures, like Kaitlin: [an unamused noise because you're basically calling her a nagging girl which ain't a mood] Fearghal: [the pips again] Oh shit, should robably let you go, yeah? Kaitlin: Yeah probably [but she obvs doesn't wanna that'd be clear] Fearghal: Tell the kids I miss 'em, won't ya Kaitlin: I'll even include her out there Fearghal: Try and send a picture some time, alright Kaitlin: 'Course Fearghal: You too, kid Kaitlin: [laughs but in a more genuine way] You're my twin brother, calling me kid is calling yourself a wain, you eejit Fearghal: That's alright by me, like Kaitlin: I'll not baby you, got enough noses and arses to wipe here while you're hand holding these brits Fearghal: No handholding, on me life, just good old-fashioned- [will cut him off before he can be gross] Kaitlin: [we can say she cuts him off with a very unamused noise as per like no thank you] Fearghal: G'wan then, piss off before that kid freezes to death Kaitlin: [doesn't wanna be the first one to hang up obvs] Watch yourself then Fearghal: You too Fearghal: When can we do this again then Kaitlin: When can you? It's no bother for me to slip out with this ginger whinger, needs fresh air so she does Fearghal: [laughs then is pondering like umm] Try next Sunday, after church, if I don't answer then I'll send another postcard or whatever, yeah Kaitlin: Tryin' to get a free sermon told to ya, respect that hustle if not the message Fearghal: Obviously, how am I getting to heaven from England? Kaitlin: [laughs] no angels in England is there not? You'll have been thinking on your feet for fresh pick up lines all these months, no wonder you ain't had time for me, like Fearghal: Something like that... [Trails off 'cos don't wanna tell her what's really been going on but also does 'cos not its like that and its been a lot to just deal with on his own] Kaitlin: But it's something else like what? [cos sees through you boyyy] Fearghal: It's alright now, like Fearghal: but it ain't as if the old man sent me on me way with anywhere to go, is it Kaitlin: He didn't put a bullet in your head as a send off, that's what gets me to sleep of a night, but- [trails off because she was gonna say she knows it hasn't been easy but she doesn't know how hard it's been and she's not trying to guess like let's compare struggles] Kaitlin: Yeah [another pause] Fearghal: Should've put one in his [so under his breath it's like did you mean that to be heard or] Kaitlin: You'd have to take ma out an' all, I don't reckon the broken heart myth is anything other than another story, and probably a few of us would make the cut for cute little orphans but you and me'd have to catch ourselves on quick and wise up Fearghal: Make Tara look after you all as well as Diarmaid's kids, see how committed to the family she really is [sniffs 'cos we been knew] Kaitlin: [makes an identical sound cos twinning] I'll take her out if she was bothered to try and get near 'em Fearghal: Least Owie is old enough to help out, young enough to give a clout, yeah? [genuine concern] Kaitlin: [scoffs because we know he's a bit of a knob but it's still affectionate because] Fearghal: He'll be alright [but doesn't sound as reassuring as that's meant to be 'cos like unlikely at this point] Kaitlin: He's got me, my will's stronger than god's so father Q likes to say [laughs] under his breath, a'course Fearghal: [laughs back but its less 'cos sad] He doesn't always chat shite Kaitlin: Reckon he's a soft spot for me Fearghal: [makes noise like 'hopefully not too soft' but is joking, doesn't need to be that kind of priest] Kaitlin: I don't wish you were here Fearghal: How could he not, with the charm [but just jk like] Is it better, in some ways Kaitlin: It's...[trails off cos we all know even if there's less hassle it's not better as far as she's concerned and the loneliness is a real mood] I'm buzzing you got out [genuine but her voice is sad] Fearghal: Your turn next, I mean it Kaitlin: After we get a few birthday's under Niamh's belt [pauses because it's sinking in how stuck she is for now] and the rest, give 'em a fighting chance Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: I'll make it easier, any which way I can Kaitlin: Me too, for you, I mean Fearghal: I'm grand, honest but cheers [more pips] I am outta shrapnel though so- Kaitlin: Don't be putting honest on a lie [frustrated sigh because nobody wants this to end but she wouldn't have money] speak Sunday and like I said, watch yourself Fearghal: Love ya, K ['cos no time to take the piss for it or protest] Kaitlin: [let's say she gets cut off before she can say it back for the pain]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: what are you doing tonight? Jimmy: the answer is saving my life, if you need a clue but Janis: dramatic Janis: but I do know first aid so 👍 Janis: should be good? Jimmy: dress like you're going to dinner with a casual racist, his fancy woman & some unloved kids then meet me at my house for Ian's clocking off time Jimmy: alright? Janis: oh no Janis: really? Janis: it's your birthday, Ian, could do anything you want Jimmy: he's been there done that, we skipped it Jimmy: but my postcard did arrive so 👍 Janis: it's nice he missed me and all but Janis: ick Janis: alright Jimmy: you ain't actually invited by him Jimmy: just me Jimmy: don't be too 💔 Janis: shh Janis: such a hater Janis: do you actually want me to dress like a respectful church girl or am I meant to come full slut, like what's your vibe here Jimmy: bring a bag big enough to stuff the 🐶 in, she is & she'll wreck the place quicker than even Bob could do Jimmy: as for what you wear, express yourself, babe Janis: 😂 Janis: is that white people code for ethnic Janis: bit #problematic Jimmy: there's no code Jimmy: or dress code Jimmy: you hate him, you know what to do Jimmy: it ain't what we wear that matters Janis: but miraculously, I don't completely hate you Janis: not tryna fuck it up in the wrong ways, like Jimmy: he can't stab me with a salad fork or do me over with a corkscrew in the middle of a restaurant Jimmy: gutted for him Janis: political correctness gone mad Janis: but true Jimmy: we'll leave before his girlfriend does so he can't say or do owt Jimmy: don't worry Janis: trust he's not hit you yet then for going AWOL Janis: not very family-friendly Jimmy: she was here when I got in so nah Jimmy: maybe she'll move herself proper & really fuck his life up Janis: 💕 Jimmy: it'd be a first but he's one year closer to 💀 & that's at least 20 off by northern standards Janis: might've been hasty, not having you around to raise them for a whole week Janis: rush her up the aisle, Ian Jimmy: he don't have a shotgun license 💔 too 😭😭 to be allowed Jimmy: unlucky dad Jimmy: he could try knocking her up but she ain't that much younger than him so Janis: grim Janis: happens sometimes Janis: not putting it past my mother to have a last hurrah Jimmy: don't Jimmy: I ain't raising no baby for him Jimmy: got enough on Janis: she'll have to at least do the breatfeeding bit Janis: pull your weight, evil stepmum Jimmy: 🍼 as soon as Jimmy: that's how we were all churned out Jimmy: no hippies here Janis: brave, the health visitors practically crucify you for that Jimmy: like he's bothered Jimmy: parent of the year 🏆 Janis: all this talk of babies is giving me ptsd Jimmy: shut up then Jimmy: I need to be able to touch you later Janis: charming chat as ever Jimmy: 💕 Janis: good thing you don't need it Janis: already miss you so Jimmy: if you need it you know I will Jimmy: I miss you too Janis: not gonna make you seduce me in your hour of need, babe Jimmy: it ain't all about him though Jimmy: I wanna see you Janis: I know Janis: it's been so shit being back Janis: worse than I reckoned Jimmy: & so quick Jimmy: I thought we'd have time to take a fucking breather at least Janis: yeah Janis: no chance Janis: nan had to kick mum out earlier it was such a farce Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I didn't even ask Jimmy: sorry Janis: no big, I ain't asked how work was either Janis: I wouldn't speak to her, did my best not to listen either so meh Jimmy: still Jimmy: we don't have to do this Jimmy: now or ever Janis: I wanna Janis: not like, this is exactly how I'd choose to spend my saturday nights wanna Janis: but if you have to then I'm gonna Jimmy: I get it, you wanna see what Bob chooses when I let him dress himself no saying nah to nowt Jimmy: same Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm sure it'll beat whatever the fuck dad of the year would put him in Jimmy: he'll probably wear something of mine & whatever you've left on my floor Jimmy: he don't hate us for going like Cass does Janis: how pissed is she Janis: like do I need to wear protection from salad forks too Jimmy: not as bad as she was when she worked out mum was gone Jimmy: but as close as I've seen her Janis: shit Janis: like, knew she would but still Janis: how are you making it up to her, got a plan yet? Jimmy: I don't know where or how to start Jimmy: my room is trashed which is 👍 Janis: 😕 Janis: we'll brainstorm Jimmy: & I don't mean Gracie don't know what to wear, I mean my door won't close 'cause it's been booted Jimmy: tah for stepping in on that one, Ian Jimmy: A+ parenting Jimmy: bribes ain't gonna work this time Janis: might've helped Janis: the mature response Janis: we'll think of something, swear Jimmy: wouldn't be surprised Jimmy: like I won't be when nowt works to sort this Jimmy: playing happy families with whoever the fuck she is ain't gonna help Janis: I'm sorry Janis: I shouldn't have let you come Jimmy: you'd be sorry if you tried to stop me Janis: 🔪or 😭 Jimmy: I'm serious Jimmy: I wanted to come Jimmy: I needed to Janis: I know Jimmy: I can't be her brother, her mum & her fucking dad Jimmy: she's old enough to get it Janis: yeah, but she ain't old enough to leave herself Janis: like I get it Janis: when my brothers and sisters got to leave I hated them Jimmy: & I get it Jimmy: I hate my mum for that Janis: yeah Janis: but you came back Janis: so she can't stay mad forever Jimmy: it don't mean shit when she knows I wanna go again Jimmy: that I will Janis: you're not gonna just desert them though Jimmy: how she sees it is I don't love her enough to stay which makes me as bad as my mum Jimmy: worse 'cause I was there for that Janis: she knows it's more complicated than that though too Janis: even if she hates you for that it's still true Jimmy: yeah but she also ain't cut her hair since 'cause she got one the day before Jimmy: she's a kid still Janis: yeah Janis: so are you Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: I don't get to be Janis: how long can you cope with being mum, dad and brother so she gets to keep being one, even a bit Jimmy: as long as I have to Janis: okay then Janis: then we'll find a way to make her believe and know that Jimmy: easy to say Jimmy: fuck knows how we're gonna do it Janis: well no Janis: but we got time Janis: she ain't beyond hope yet Jimmy: can you just Jimmy: be here now Janis: um not to be a dickhead but not right now Janis: give me about half an hour, then I can Jimmy: okay Janis: had to go home, ain't I Janis: got fuck all here Jimmy: I would buy you new shit to avoid that Jimmy: you should've said Janis: nah, it's fine, I can be stealth Jimmy: such an athlete yeah I know Jimmy: always going on about it you Janis: you know you ain't been complaining Jimmy: only 'cause you'd fight me & you're so 💪 Jimmy: can't handle the loss right now Janis: better shh then, boy Jimmy: alright Janis: you know we ain't taking nothing but Ws tonight Jimmy: yeah Janis: teamwork Janis: okay Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: I ain't forgot Janis: it'll be shit but for him too Janis: realistically the best I can offer Jimmy: shitter for him than the rest of us is all I want Janis: 👍 Janis: lbr, me being there = night ruined so Janis: anything else is 🍒 Jimmy: it'll be interesting to see how he tries to handle you being there when she is Janis: gotta ascertain if she too, is a casual racist, I suppose Jimmy: Cass wants to bring her mate & he ain't white either so Jimmy: you're getting close to surrounded, Ian 💔 Janis: and when you're the foreigner Janis: headfuck Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: what would buble do, dad? ask yourself Jimmy: already accepted him as his lord & savior Janis: is he a racist Janis: damn Janis: what a loss 💔 Jimmy: don't you have like a little book of racists in your house Jimmy: I was hoping you'd know Jimmy: should cover the 'celebs' at least Janis: a who's who of who to avoid Janis: sadly not Janis: how 'woke' are you now, lads Jimmy: gap in the market there Jimmy: crack on, babe Jimmy: get even richer Janis: what you chattin' Janis: omw to getting disowned here Jimmy: all the more reason to get busy with it then Jimmy: I ain't funding no #lavish life Janis: 😱 Jimmy: should've backed Pete 🐎 Jimmy: be his groupie by now if you'd grafted Janis: well you did kind of ruin that for me Jimmy: well I'm giving you a second chance Jimmy: 🎣 him from the CG I have Jimmy: I know how to graft Janis: yeah? Jimmy: he starts next week Jimmy: get your shit together Janis: I bet you just told him there was fit girls that work there Janis: who am I to ruin his job satisfaction Jimmy: It ain't my fault he'll be 😍 for my esteemed pink haired colleague after one shift Janis: 😒 Janis: shut up Jimmy: come on, he's actually got a type Jimmy: & when he hears her sing he'll be 🤤 Janis: I said shut up Janis: so rude Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: get some vocal coaching & a box dye Jimmy: you've got time Janis: I can sing fine Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: me too but fine ain't 🤤🤤 Jimmy: you've got the nose ring already that's 1 point Janis: 😑 Janis: don't test me 'cos I have to come Jimmy: do yourself a tattoo while you're home you'll be well away Janis: I'm ignoring you now Janis: good day Jimmy: so mean you Jimmy: I'm being well helpful towards getting you on Pete Janis: you gave me false hope then snatched it away, you mean Jimmy: how? Janis: oh pete's gonna work with me again oh wait I've lowkey whored a bitch out for it Janis: 😒👌 Jimmy: you said that, I never Jimmy: she's got a boyfriend remember Janis: and he had a girlfriend, last I heard Janis: what's that matter, obviously Jimmy: I like working with 'em both Jimmy: that's it Jimmy: let me have my #dreamteam Janis: save me the love letter Janis: you're gross Jimmy: but I wanna write you one Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no you don't Janis: you wanna write pete and whatserface one on the back of a to-go Janis: you massive 🤓 Jimmy: yeah I do & no I don't Jimmy: if I tried to write one on their skin the way I do to you, I'd get sacked for a start Jimmy: or need a longer break than I'm allowed Janis: 💀 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: come on Janis: don't baby me, dickhead Jimmy: please be my BFF again 💕 Janis: literally have never been your bff Janis: Twix's only Jimmy: 😱 I'm wearing my half of the necklace right now Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: wounded me Janis: lied for the jewellery and I'll do it again Janis: kinda girl I am Jimmy: brutal you Janis: you started it Jimmy: I started nowt Jimmy: like I told you, I was trying to help you ride Pete off into the sunset Janis: mhmm Jimmy: scroll up if your memory's gone Janis: my memory is fine Janis: you want him to be your work bff Jimmy: just 'cause they both annoy me less than the 99% of other colleagues and customers I ain't gonna buy them necklaces & form a #squad Janis: likely story Janis: 👍 Janis: got form, you Jimmy: you don't count Jimmy: broke all my normal rules for you Janis: really Jimmy: obviously Janis: hmm Jimmy: you know it, don't be pretending you need to think on it Janis: hold on Janis: I'm here, wish me 🍀 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: not that you should need it Jimmy: 🥇 at being stealth or not Janis: [suitable amount of time later] Janis: ugh Janis: they're being so extra right now but I styled it out and took as much shit as I could so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be with you now then Jimmy: okay Janis: that was fun Janis: do you think my nan and granddad will let me stay 'til we can go Jimmy: you can stay here if not Janis: who's gonna 🔪 me in my sleep first, like Jimmy: they'll get me first it's alright Janis: oh so I have to watch you die, lovely Jimmy: already 👻 me remember Janis: fair, he really would keel over if we pretend I need to move in 'cos my fucked up family Janis: no styling that rage out Jimmy: I'm not pretending Jimmy: you can Janis: shit's gonna be hard enough with Cass for you, I ain't gonna do that Janis: but thanks Jimmy: shit's always hard Jimmy: stay with me Janis: we're always together anyway Janis: we'll work it out Jimmy: I'll get a bigger bed if you want Janis: you're so Janis: stop Janis: probably should for the sake of your back Janis: to be fair Jimmy: say you'll stay Janis: okay Janis: I'll stay Jimmy: you promise yeah Janis: I promise Janis: 'less your Da literally calls garda or something Jimmy: alright then Jimmy: 'cause he won't Jimmy: too shit scared I'll let 'em know that he smacks me about Janis: and he needs you to wanna stick about, like it or not Janis: fuck it Janis: you want me to, yeah Jimmy: I ain't only saying it for you Jimmy: I'm that dickhead Janis: I love that dickhead Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you so fucking much Jimmy: it's gonna be alright, like it'll be shit but I'll make it okay too Janis: me too Janis: I'll get a job and all and we can save and yeah Jimmy: I'll get another job Jimmy: now I ain't on the clock as your fake boyfriend I can have two again Janis: lowkey feels like you're just tryna best me but okay 😏 Janis: #illget3 Jimmy: I have loads of money saved from before & now Jimmy: some of its for the kids but Jimmy: not all of it is Janis: yeah? Janis: we can make this work Janis: I ain't just saying it Jimmy: me either Jimmy: I promise Jimmy: I'll show you when you get here, there is loads but I've not counted it properly for ages Jimmy: be that nerd for me, tah Janis: do my best Janis: should've probably paid more attention in maths but remember that much Jimmy: my northern education don't go beyond counting to 10 so Jimmy: have a better crack than me Jimmy: need my #dreamteam to hand out the change Janis: 😂 Janis: poor boy Janis: not to be fucking depressing about it but Janis: this is the first time I've felt Janis: hopeful Janis: since Janis: yeah Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: you know I do Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: I'm not gonna let you down, I swear Janis: I know loads of stuff is still fucked but Janis: it's like Janis: not entirely helpless, with you, us Jimmy: loads of stuff is always gonna be fucked but I'll make you happy still Janis: you do Janis: that's all I wanna do for you too Jimmy: you do Jimmy: I don't know how to explain how fucking massive it is that I even wanna do that for you, never mind that you can do it for me Jimmy: without sounding like a dickhead Jimmy: but I'd given up ages ago on that Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Janis: I really didn't like anyone, you know Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: I know Janis: but you just Janis: I dunno why it happened or how Jimmy: It don't matter Jimmy: I'm just glad Jimmy: I didn't like anyone either, I don't Jimmy: I love the kids but I also hate them 'cause of everything they make me do Janis: understandable, think anyone would Janis: in your shoes Jimmy: there's no room for like in that Janis: no time either Jimmy: even when I thought I loved my ex I didn't like her loads of the time Jimmy: couldn't Jimmy: she was just Janis: not enough of a dickhead? Jimmy: too much of one Janis: colour me offended Jimmy: she was just another mess for me Jimmy: you've never been that Janis: but if I move in Janis: won't I be doing that Jimmy: I take care of you, you take care of me Jimmy: it's mutual Jimmy: not like here's my mess carry it for me while we pretend you ain't holding your own too Janis: yeah Janis: okay Janis: that makes sense Jimmy: I can't remember her asking me a question Jimmy: about me I mean Janis: known plenty of people like that Janis: I guess, you wanted that, at first, yeah Janis: easier Jimmy: yeah except nobody else does either Jimmy: just you Jimmy: you asked me why I don't answer 'em there's the answer to that Janis: yeah Janis: well I am a notoriously nosey bitch so Janis: never stop, me Jimmy: I like it Jimmy: you Janis: good Janis: don't fancy sharing a single bed if you don't, tbh Janis: awkward Jimmy: I said I'll get a bigger one, don't need to beg Janis: 😏 Janis: I hear you though, you know Janis: even if I ask questions and then don't know what to say back Janis: I still give a shit about the answer Jimmy: even when my mum was about she never asked me how I was or school or nowt like that Jimmy: at least you try Janis: fucked, really Janis: that's what fills live up, the questions, however boring or throwaway Janis: for normal people, like Jimmy: nobody in my fucked up family wants the answers Jimmy: even Bobby knows not to ask and he's 6 Janis: then it gets so you only talk when something unavoidably fucked has happened Jimmy: or not even then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: yeah Janis: hm Jimmy: just preparing you for what a barrel of laughs it's gonna be for you living at my house Janis: don't worry Janis: not like I won't fit right in Janis: so much you're gonna be booting me out sharpish Jimmy: never Jimmy: if you're going, I'm going Janis: promise Jimmy: I'll swear on owt you want Jimmy: Ian's balding head Jimmy: Cass' growing rage Jimmy: name it Janis: 😂 Janis: I love you, Jimmy Jimmy: 'course you do Jimmy: best boyfriend ever Janis: mhmm Janis: I see no lie Jimmy: as soon as we get a bigger bed we're gonna have a kid & a dog in it & be no better off Jimmy: that's what I'm seeing Janis: you just scared the shit out of me 'til I realized who you meant Janis: well you know Janis: least they still love us Janis: gotta keep 'em on side Jimmy: inviting 'em off the street, in you come lads 👌 Janis: also no, but that is about as batshit an idea, yeah Jimmy: batshit'd be right Jimmy: that's my life, girl Jimmy: welcome & tah for the RSVP Janis: 😏 Janis: least it's different from my own Jimmy: get famous off the comic strip won't I & you'll really love me then Janis: that is what I'm after Janis: fame and money Jimmy: your #thirst for Pete is blatant so I'm aware Janis: firstly I loved him before I knew he was in a band Janis: and he'll never be famous or rich, he's the bassist Janis: how many bassists do you know Jimmy: 1 & that's him Jimmy: but I'm antisocial that don't count Janis: exactly, it's him and Paul friggin McCartney Janis: who I would never bang Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he was the bassist Janis: right Janis: you didn't even know Janis: proves my point Jimmy: fuck me Jimmy: my world is rocked Jimmy: & not by his bass notes Janis: I know, it's less clout than the drummer Janis: at least at a glance you can tell the difference between a drum and a guitar Jimmy: I'd only fuck George always or Ringo now 👴💕 not that you asked Jimmy: bit rude Janis: I'm sorry but I respect your choices Janis: probably would John 'cos he was a massive dickhead and just my type so Jimmy: I ain't growing my hair for you Jimmy: will stay in bed though Janis: will need that bigger bed Janis: they were not doing that in a single Janis: fuck peace then, eh lads Jimmy: what else do we need in my room though really Jimmy: floordrobe Jimmy: done Janis: exactly Janis: my life is in this bag Janis: was gonna find a squat for you, not that picky Jimmy: just train the dog not to piss on it all & we're 👌 Janis: genuine q Janis: what are we doing for a door tonight Janis: as yours is fucked Jimmy: shit Jimmy: maybe we can bodge it some way Janis: yeah, sure we can Janis: i'm a pro Janis: my brother is always breaking things, doors included Jimmy: but like if we're got the kid & the dog in, Ian's downstairs & Cass is probably pretending I drowned at the beach so Jimmy: not as much of an issue as it sounds Janis: true true Jimmy: which brother Jimmy: the deaf one Jimmy: or the other one Janis: other one Janis: kind of a savage, don't tell Ian Janis: he'll be buzzing Jimmy: he would love that Jimmy: so secret's safe Janis: so many stereotypes being met Janis: thanks lads Jimmy: he asked Cass if she was a lesbian Jimmy: might also be a homophobe Jimmy: we're doing great here ourselves Janis: 👍 Janis: only one of ours is Janis: some of the others say they're bi but you can ignore that 'cos it's not real Jimmy: 🤞 she is to fuck him off Jimmy: he calls Bobby by girls names all the time 'cause he says he is like a girl for crying & shit Jimmy: give the man another 🏆 Janis: ain't old enough to be claiming that shit as generational Janis: no matter how northern you are Jimmy: our kid has got loads to cry about Jimmy: I say let him Janis: why not Janis: save a fortune on doors Jimmy: think it through Ian Janis: does it help Jimmy: what Janis: crying Janis: do you think Jimmy: it don't do fuck all for me Jimmy: but nowt does other than you Jimmy: still happens sometimes Jimmy: you just Janis: can't help it Jimmy: or you think maybe it'll help just that once even though you know it's bollocks Janis: and what do you have to lose Jimmy: exactly nowt Jimmy: like I'm gonna call Ian's bird mum all night, don't have to remember her name & get to make it weird Janis: oh God Janis: that is funny, even though I should feel sympathy 'cos you did that to me Jimmy: if you wanna sit next to her & commiserate about the Taylor's, go on Jimmy: not stopping you Janis: gonna find out how well suited she is to Ian first Janis: but tah Janis: love some #sisterhoodsolidarity me Jimmy: as long as you still sit next to me Jimmy: do what you want Janis: obviously Jimmy: I'm not doing your sister's double dating seating plan bollocks Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't Jimmy: if I can't touch you under the table I'm not staying sat down Jimmy: hill I'm dying on tonight Janis: damn Janis: noble cause Jimmy: there's only so many 🚬 breaks we can take even if they do annoy the birthday boy Janis: don't he smoke? Jimmy: he's a hypocrite of course Janis: he could quit any time yeah Janis: ugh Jimmy: he might do for her 🤞 the damage is already done Jimmy: if I get cancer & he don't, fuming Janis: my God won't let that happen Jimmy: your god that don't exist yeah Janis: that's the one Jimmy: 👌 Janis: he don't wanna upset me Janis: trust Jimmy: that's just good sense Jimmy: your bad side is like Jimmy: I ain't even finishing the sentence is how it is Janis: wise Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come here I need you Janis: I'm near Janis: couple more stops I think Jimmy: but be nearer Janis: I'll take over the bus, hold on Jimmy: good Jimmy: it's about time Janis: what am I like Janis: not appreciating you at all rn Jimmy: anyone would think you were still faking it Jimmy: no effort Janis: no one ever thought I was faking it Janis: 'cept you Jimmy: I didn't Jimmy: I've told you loads of times you weren't that good, babe Janis: 😑 oh please Janis: you thought I hated you Jimmy: please what, pretend that you didn't want me so badly & it was so obvious Janis: UGH Janis: turning this bus 'round Janis: gonna do the normal route, like Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: nowt's changed you still want me so badly & it's still so obvious Janis: shut up Janis: least I weren't that obvious Janis: could've got in real trouble, perv Jimmy: you weren't that obvious to who, baby? Janis: I hate you 😣 Jimmy: so much, I know Janis: hmpf Janis: like you were so 😎 dickhead Jimmy: always am Janis: 👌 Jimmy: go on, when weren't I Janis: when have you ever been? 🤔 Janis: real question Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you were mean first Jimmy: still waiting for you to give me an actual example of me ever not being 😎 as fuck Janis: I don't know why you wanna be mortified Janis: by your shameless past thirst Jimmy: I know why you can't think of one & you're playing for time Janis: might not have been that long but you've packed in loads of 🤓 Jimmy: sounds like an excuse that Jimmy: no shame in not being able to come up with one Janis: 🙄 Janis: what about every time I've beat you at everything Janis: for starters Jimmy: letting you win is #goals & therefore 😎 Janis: you ain't once Janis: liar liar Jimmy: that's what you think 'cause I'm good at faking it, unlike you, babe Janis: firstly you were awful at it Janis: why do you think it went by the wayside so fast Janis: secondly how do you know I'm not still faking it #longcon Jimmy: I told you, 'cause you wanted me so bad & it was so obvious Jimmy: which is the same reason I know you ain't faking nowt now Janis: the Lord is testing me Janis: thought this dinner was meant to be the hard part Jimmy: I said you were hot from the off, that's how 😎 I am, alright Janis: peppered in with many, many insults Janis: sure Jimmy: I meant them as well like Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 💋🍑 Jimmy: 😂 Janis: such a pisstake Jimmy: you love it Janis: hmm Jimmy: & me Janis: yeah Janis: more fool me Jimmy: it's a top move, smart girl Janis: you sound like a teacher Janis: not a mood Jimmy: but I don't have coffee breath & I'm here to meet you off the bus so Janis: it's a start 😏 Jimmy: you'll know when I start Janis: I hate it when you're right Janis: even a little Jimmy: no you don't Janis: 😩 Jimmy: me knowing what I'm doing is as good for you as it is for me Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: fuck Janis: [off the bus like hey] Jimmy: [picks her up to get her away from the other people getting off like excuse us] Janis: ['they might think this is a grabbing, you know'] Jimmy: ['I'll take my chances either way' sits down on the bus shelter seat with her in his lap like always so a make out can ensue] Janis: [telling him how much she's missed him in between breaths 'cos always true and saying how bad she wants him 'cos true now] Jimmy: [he can't look at her because he's been crying on & off throughout this day & convo cos he's soft & it's been a one but hiding that as best he can with extra kisses & touches & words spoken into her neck or shoulder or wherever] Janis: [all the comforting touches and holding him so tight with all the ilys ever] Jimmy: [saying it back & trying to pull her closer to him than he's probably ever, soz about it] Janis: [touching his face and looking right at him like 'you're so perfect for me'] Jimmy: [says 'you' but the softest & quietest] Janis: ['you, baby' hugging him like it's been a lifetime 'cos today lowkey has] Jimmy: [the tightest & longest hug they both need with soft kisses that get less because like you said, what a day & desperation is allowed] Janis: ['please tell me we've got time to be alone one last time, like'] Jimmy: [nods because he'd make time if they didn't] Janis: [soft but needy moan into his mouth 'cos you know, thank God] Jimmy: [literally does whatever he can to make her do that again because] Janis: [saying his name over and over under her breath] Jimmy: [says 'fuck' but we know its a moan really who are we kidding boy] Janis: ['please'] Jimmy: [shamelessly going as hard as he can here & now 'cause he don't wanna move yet & lbr they've done more public places at this point] Janis: [soz world but they need to so, not even soz for how much noise she's barely toning down here] Jimmy: [likewise him cos when is he ever chill about anything] Janis: ['this is- you're everything'] Jimmy: [gives her so many 'you' s & her name like shh but don't] Janis: [when this just encourages you to go harder but at least you're bitey so you aren't as loud] Jimmy: [and what you give you get back so we're all having a good time] Janis: ['make me cum, I couldn't without you earlier, I was so...'] Jimmy: [can always go harder & will because what more encouragement could he need honestly] Janis: ['scuse her, now all the neighbours probs know his name] Jimmy: [excuse him because intense eye contact forever & he's not being any more subtle so] Janis: ['you're actually killing me'] Jimmy: ['I know you can take it'] Janis: [unholy noises] Jimmy: [being even more extra like see, I told you you could handle this & also this] Janis: ['Baby'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' the most intense kissing ever because why not thanks bye] Janis: [the most needy kiss she'd have ever lbr and clinging onto his neck] Jimmy: [the most important of ILYs after] Janis: ['I love you the most anyone has loved anyone ever'] Jimmy: [has to just kiss her & hold onto her because the emotions bitch] Janis: ['I lost count though'] Jimmy: ['I don't mind'] Janis: ['doesn't bode well for my accountancy career but it was mostly your fault so'] Jimmy: [little lol] Janis: [smiling 'no one has ever felt this good, just me'] Jimmy: ['what about me?'] Janis: ['I hope it feels even half as good for you too'] Jimmy: [is just smiles & heart eyes cos obvs & god bless these two] Janis: [snuggles for a time 'come on then, let's go fuck shit up'] Jimmy: [tries to snuggle in more/shamelessly hide cos doesn't want to] Janis: ['I know, baby but it'll be alright, promise.'] Jimmy: [starts kissing her anywhere & everywhere so she won't wanna go either cos cheeky like that. 'it's alright here'] Janis: ['It's more than alright' the but don't need to be said 'cos duh 'when do we have to go?'] Jimmy: [keeps being very distracting but gives her a vague answer like 'we're got ages'] Janis: [is dubious but ain't that bothered obvs 'fashionably late is fine but can see your house from here so'] Jimmy: [carries on because trying to make a round 2 happen here as if they don't have somewhere to be. 'All I'm bothered about is if they can hear us from here.'] Janis: [has to kiss him 'cos the noise is too real] Jimmy: [so many kisses because he's such a clingy bitch we know & it's only slightly less needy than before obvs] Janis: ['I love you'] Jimmy: [says it back of course & how much he does] Janis: ['why the fuck do I wanna cry though?' is loling but hiding too] Jimmy: 'Baby'[makes her look at him because hands in her hair but gently though. 'Today's been...' he don't need to finish that sentence cos we know. 'it's alright'] Janis: [pulls his hands to her lips and kisses them, before moving them down 'cos wants to forget that moment ever happened and fast] Jimmy: [that's fine by him cos he's done enough crying for everyone today thanks] Janis: [enough talking yo] Jimmy: [enjoy lads cos its downhill from here cos actually do have somewhere to be in a bit] Janis: ['I need to get changed' whilst making no effort to move] Jimmy: [him too obviously but shrugs and just keeps snuggling until his phone rings. He don't answer it but we know who it is & why] Janis: [leaves it 'til the second ring before getting up, pulling him up with her] Jimmy: [handholding on the short walk back to his & as soon as he gets there it's time to sit on the doorstep & 🚬 cos we're gonna make Ian late & annoyed kids] Janis: [goes in and gets changed, awkward, least Twix and Bobby will be vaguely happy to see her] Jimmy: [eventually comes in & gets Bobby sorted out with whatever his hilarious outfit is gonna be, taking his time & even playing with Twix cos that's the mood] Janis: [comes down in some bomb Ian angering lewk and joins in] Jimmy: [is obviously distracted by how fucking good she looks excuse him] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [😏] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [is a mixture of 😍 & 😳] Jimmy: you look Janis: idk what's pissing him off more, your reaction or the actual 'fit Jimmy: either way 🥇 Jimmy: any chance you packed a dress for me, that'd really wind him up Jimmy: or skirt, not fussy me Janis: 😂 Janis: you'd look hot Janis: he's just jealous Jimmy: he'd 🔪🔪 for these legs, babe Jimmy: so did you or am I gonna have to find the most 'fuck you dad!' outfit from my own wardrobe Janis: have a look what takes your fancy, babe Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: you coming or staying with 💕🐶 Janis: coming, obvs Janis: 🐶 probs gonna come too though Jimmy: [picks Twix up and carries her like a baby because we're annoying Ian not cos he loves her or anything shhh] Jimmy: let's go then Janis: [takes picture 'cos ha got you and 😍] Jimmy: [puts that little pup on his bed & flops down too cos don't wanna do this but she's loving him cos good egg] Janis: [comes and lies down with 'em, just stroking his hair but Twix gets jealous so also loving upon her, 'course] Janis: [oh idea, it should be the club outfit for the throwback feels 'cos not just about killing you, Ian] Jimmy: [little group snuggle pause cos they need it] Jimmy: alright fuck this Jimmy: [still hasn't moved even though] Janis: come on Janis: make yourself look fit or ridiculous Janis: that's the choices Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [finally does start getting ready because have to at some point] Janis: [just perving and chilling, gets a messages but ignores it] Jimmy: [comes back to the bed as soon as because she really does look GOOD and it's distracting so make out session much to Twix's annoyance soz pup] Janis: ['good choice, babe'] Jimmy: [before he can answer the front door slams which means Cass is also back which is gonna be fun for all the fam] Janis: [squeezes his hand comfortingly] Janis: here we go Jimmy: [everyone can hear her kicking off at Ian downstairs so obviously he has to get up & go sort that leaving her with Twix and Bobby who has also come in cos not about this drama] Jimmy: one sec Janis: 🍀 Janis: [just having a chat with Bobs about the fam 'cos he loves and it's not painful at all lol] Jimmy: [just can hear everyone shouting for a bit which is delightful & then Cass comes upstairs & slams her bedroom door & he comes back up not long after] Jimmy: [gets busy immediately making sure Bob is alright cos what else can he do or say like] Janis: [is realistically even less use and defs gonna keep quiet 'cos no comment needed rn] Janis: need a sec? I can go 🚬 Jimmy: he's alright Jimmy: that's round one Jimmy: loads more to go Jimmy: [tells him to go get Twix a treat though to keep them both busy] Janis: 👍 Janis: his blood pressures already through the roof looks of, no one's lasting 'til dessert, like Jimmy: oh didn't I tell you the plan was 🔪💀 Janis: didn't Janis: and bit rude to spring murder spree on a girl but 👌 Janis: I'm down Jimmy: one bloke ain't a spree, my love Jimmy: but alright we'll hit your house next & make it one Jimmy: since you're down Janis: so pedantic always, my dear Janis: but such a romantic with it 😍 Jimmy: we'll be getting the summons to head off soon Jimmy: let's go 🚬 Janis: aye aye Jimmy: [carries her down the stairs cos if it winds up Twix it annoys Ian & off they go outside] Janis: [is 😏 'til they outside] Janis: ['you're gonna do your back in, you know'] Jimmy: ['you ain't that heavy, calm down' & he proves it by sitting her back on his lap cos fave & they both need the closeness to get through this shitshow] Janis: [rests her head on his chest so she can hear his heartbeat, 'why are parents the worst people in the world?'] Jimmy: ['might just be ours' & shrugs then lights a 🚬 but not his own yet cos obvious a bit in his thoughts like] Janis: [shakes head but just smokes in silence for a bit, 'Mia should have a kid, or make one of her underlings who is still physically able, like'] Jimmy: ['you're gonna wanna take that back 'cause you know she'd ask your sister & make you be auntie to it'] Janis: *[makes puking motion, 'not being an auntie to the actual ones that exist, never mind satan's spawn'] Jimmy: [does 👍 IRL] Janis: ['is Cass' mate coming or?'] Jimmy: [shakes his head. 'Dad of the year said no'] Janis: [tuts like 'course, 'shoulda just showed up, kid'] Jimmy: ['if you want your thunder stolen, girl, yeah'] Janis: ['obviously not, massive attention seeker, me' gestures at the outfit 'cos ur welcome, Ian and Mrs Ian 'but you know, might get her in a slightly better mood, 'cos that I can't do right now'] Jimmy: [can't help staring cos she's drawn attention to how fucking hot she is again so don't mind him he's shamelessly 🤤 like has he even heard the 2nd bit of what she said lol] Janis: [pushes him, but gently 'cos don't also wanna fall here 'don't disagree then, dickhead! actually fishing there, for once'] Jimmy: [is looking at her like ?? cos was too distracted to even, soz bout it] Janis: ['least do something about it if you're gonna look at me like that, boy'] Jimmy: [a kiss like he wanted to give her when she first wore this outfit but obviously couldn't so] Janis: [is now the one shamelessly 🤤 don't get too comfortable lads, does the blowback thing to him this time for them mems too] Jimmy: [so much intense eye contact when he's not also staring at her lips or her body like somebody stop him you can't hook up again here & now lads there isn't time or opportunity but damn] Janis: [makes frustrated noise and pushes him again, still gentle, but mad about it] Jimmy: [kisses her again to try & get some of the frustration out cos same girl but not really gonna help is it boy] Janis: ['this is gonna be the longest night ever, isn't it'] Jimmy: [nods because all he can do in his frustrated state & also all he has chance to go cos finally time to go so there's that interruption I imagine Ian's girlfriend awkwardly appearing like 'ahem'] Jimmy: [okay so the idea is JJ go with her cos they'd need two cars to fit everyone & that way they can be basically alone cos ignoring the gf when Ian ain't there plus if Jimmy was in a car with his dad they'd get killed/end up in a car wreck + this way it's more 'fun' for Ian cos Bobby would be whinging since he's JJ's biggest fan & Cass would be annoyed that he's being annoying on top of the mood she's already in. Enjoy fella} Jimmy: [oh & I nearly forgot he sends her a fire sext as they are getting in cos the combination of sexual frustration + that outfit is such a throwback so it's like everything he would've done then & everything he's gonna do cos she's his now so basically the hottest one to date not soz] Janis: [just dying in this lady's car like] Janis: really Janis: first you spring a spree on me Janis: now you straight up kill me Janis: and just Jimmy: [just know he is sitting in the middle so he's closer to her to be that dickhead & also doesn't have his seatbelt on which is blatantly gonna make this poor woman be like 'ahem' again when her car alerts her at some point but for now, gotta use the extra movement available to kiss her neck & collarbones cos they are so #exposed in that top & if you wanna talk about dying babe like & also touching her boobs cos they're also out I remember, excuse me lady] Jimmy: not yet Jimmy: but it can be a 💀💕 note yeah, 'cause it is my masterpiece Jimmy: if you want Janis: you are so Janis: 😣 Jimmy: go on, compliment me Jimmy: what do you wanna say Janis: you're the biggest dickhead I've ever met Jimmy: cute 💕 Jimmy: so romantic you Janis: don't call me cute 😡 Jimmy: or what you're gonna fight me Jimmy: have a go, she ain't my mum but she might turn this car around Janis: yeah I wish Janis: not that 🍀 Jimmy: yeah you are Jimmy: [points at himself like you got me cos such a nerd] Janis: how are you the same person Janis: does someone ghostwrite your sexts for you Janis: and can I meet 'em Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: [puts his seatbelt on cos 1. the poor woman be like can you just & 2. offended at the bae being rude] Janis: hey Jimmy: ? Jimmy: [is doing a pouty face exaggerated] Janis: baby Janis: [cups his chins] Jimmy: [kisses her cos can't even pretend he don't wanna] Janis: [how painful it'd be to not go hard rn, 'scuse you lady] Jimmy: [he would anyway cos lowkey forget she exists soz woman] Janis: [having to be like no no for your own sake 'fore it gets too real] Jimmy: [at least it isn't a long car ride] Janis: you're mean you are Jimmy: I'm nice me Jimmy: what are you on about Janis: nope Janis: starting things you can't finish Janis: rude Jimmy: we can finish Jimmy: just be quiet Jimmy: easy, yeah Janis: 😑 Jimmy: you're really gonna turn down such a simple challenge right now Jimmy: 👌 girl Janis: I didn't say no, did I Jimmy: still waiting for the yeah though, aren't I Janis: now he's being considerate Jimmy: you trying to outmean me when I ain't even being Jimmy: top one, babe Jimmy: 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: I am not Janis: you'd know if I was being mean, babe Jimmy: just come here Janis: [when are you not on his lap] Jimmy: [eyes on the road lady you don't need to see none of this] Janis: I missed you Jimmy: I missed you more Janis: [shakes head] Jimmy: [nods] Jimmy: Can't you feel how much Janis: [makes little noise despite trying really hard not to] Janis: Baby, please Jimmy: [kisses her so he don't make any noise himself except into her mouth cos he's not as good at this we know] Janis: you meant it, yeah Janis: when you said you'd touch me under the table Jimmy: I don't say shit I don't mean Jimmy: not even to piss him off Janis: good Janis: 'cos I want you, not just to piss him off Jimmy: [more kissing & touching cos he wants her too literally always & Ian ain't even here rn] Jimmy: I love you, not just 'cause it pisses him off Janis: I know Janis: not that good an actor, babe Jimmy: [is being saucy as hell] Jimmy: let's see how good of an actor you are Janis: fucking Janis: fuck Janis: challenge accepted Janis: I've got this Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: [kisses his smirky mouth 'cos] Jimmy: [bites her lip cos needs to bite his own rn really but less fun] Janis: [know for a fact wheever they're going ain't gonna be that far away and you're gonna be even more frustrated] Jimmy: [literally not gonna take a 6 year old on a long drive to a restaurant when they are everywhere are you so think on lads] Janis: [is so grumpy when they gotta get out lmao] Jimmy: [likewise & then literally all I can imagine is them trying to go to the bathroom together when they get there but then Bobby's like I wanna go too so cockblocked] Janis: [from the ladies oh kids] Janis: your brother is cute and everything Janis: but I ain't sharing my dessert with him now Jimmy: he can have mine already lost my appetite when I caught this bird making 😍 at Ian Janis: such a catch Janis: but control yourself, please Janis: have some decorum Jimmy: I give it 10 before Cass bounces a bread roll off both their heads though so Janis: nothing like kids to kill the mood Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: outside it is then he can't follow us to smoke til he's at least Cass' age Janis: your dads gutted his lady is too #classy for that Jimmy: I'll invite him just to watch him have to say no Janis: 💔 Jimmy: I know you are but I'll make it up to you Janis: how, got something stronger on you? 😏 Jimmy: come with me & find out girl Janis: [duh, how rude honestly lads but yolo] Jimmy: [when Ian is fuming and they ain't even looked at the menu yet lol] Janis: [alone at last for however long you can realistically 'fore Ian drags you back in] Jimmy: [at least they don't long with how turned on they both are, you're welcome Ian] Janis: [coming back to the table like it ain't dead obvious ok] Jimmy: [when your dad makes you go up the bar with him to get the drinks so he can have a go at you without his missus hearing lovely] Janis: [the most awkward table ever] Janis: tell him his inside voice could do with some work Janis: heard that bit then Jimmy: I'll give him a smack in a sec that'll shut him up Janis: bars pretty crowded, could say he got elbowed in the face or summin' Jimmy: tah babe Janis: jus' sayin' Janis: back you up Janis: or I could come elbow him in the face Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: go on then Janis: I have changed my mind anyway Janis: defs making it a triple Jimmy: you can also cover me while I pour extra sugar into my brother's juice Janis: 👍 Janis: already blowing her mind over here Jimmy: 'cause he's chatting & she's never heard him before or 'cause he ain't & she thought they were over that bit 💔💔 Janis: first onw Janis: he's missed you Jimmy: & you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: well reckon he can count as my favourite person in this shithole, when you ain't about so Jimmy: mine too Jimmy: unless Barry moves over, of course Janis: well I'll console poor Bobby in that eventuality then Jimmy: & Pete is pretty high on my list of faves, soz our kid Janis: 🙄 I know but if you mention her my elbows are gonna get confused Jimmy: who? Janis: I don't know her name but I can be descriptive if you really want Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you should've caught it so you could stalk her socials Jimmy: some 🔥 pics of me in my uniform Janis: ignoring you now Janis: goodbye Janis: we're having a great time over here Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: yep Janis: so much fun Jimmy: you ain't got better at faking nowt have you, my love Janis: like I'm here to be being nice and sociable Janis: would have invited your other girlfriend for that Jimmy: yeah I would Jimmy: [comes back with the drinks] Janis: [down it] Jimmy: are you telling me to piss off again or just having that much fun Janis: 🤷 Janis: could be both Jimmy: [downs his drink too] Jimmy: come back up the bar with me then Janis: [does] Jimmy: what do you want, lightweight? Jimmy: don't have to be same again Janis: 'cos mixing is sensible 😏 Janis: whatever though Jimmy: tonight it is Jimmy: & why you're here, like Jimmy: my other girlfriend can hold her drink better Jimmy: no fun for the family in that Janis: look Janis: here to fight Ian, not you Jimmy: then don't Jimmy: [pulls her in for a really good kiss moment] Janis: stop being a dickhead then Jimmy: teamwork Jimmy: I promise Janis: mhmm Jimmy: [kisses her again to prove that he means it] Janis: come on then Jimmy: we could just leg it Jimmy: should Janis: you mean you don't want me to get shitfaced now Janis: make up your mind Jimmy: if you could let me know what kinda drunk you're gonna be Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🤞 for fun & nice to me Janis: already established that's your other girlfriend, haven't we Jimmy: could be both Janis: why would it be Jimmy: why wouldn't it Jimmy: I'm so nice & fun Janis: [rolls her eyes and starts heading back to the table] Jimmy: [pulls her back cos he is that dramatic. 'Do you want me to get down on my knees in this restaurant too. A fake proposal is just what this family dinner needs & Ian ain't showing no signs of stepping up with his'] Janis: ['do you want me to actually slap you or' pulling him forward like come on] Jimmy: ['been there before & you wouldn't, remember'] Janis: ['well I'm full of surprises'] Jimmy: ['prove it'] Janis: ['I'm no more gonna slap you in the middle of this restaurant than you're gonna fake propose so shut up'] Jimmy: ['then you better say yes 'cause that sounds like a challenge to me, babe & I've never not accepted'] Janis: ['do not'] Jimmy: [is 😏 'you're right I'll do it at the table, more of an impact. Tah babe. You always have top ideas.'] Janis: ['cos you really want your entire fam to witness that L, alright' shaking her head like gimme strength as they go back] Jimmy: [shrugs 'gotta tell them you're moving in anyway, can carry you over the threshold this way, can't I. The romantic in you'll love that.'] Janis: ['how you reckon you're getting a yes and a slap, idiot?'] Jimmy: [I know you so well, Juliet'] Janis: ['you wish'] Jimmy: [shakes his head cos he does know her & we know it & gets comfy in his seat] Janis: [dranking] Jimmy: [likewise but also trying to find something Bobby will eat cos this ain't the cali gaff & he's being deliberately fussy cos don't wanna be here & we know Cass is too but can't pick for her] Janis: shoulda gone for something themed Janis: less choice Jimmy: you wanna see me in the outfit or you wanna wear the outfit Jimmy: either way 👍 Jimmy: missed a trick Ian Janis: what you chatting Jimmy: if there's a theme, no half measures Janis: I meant like Janis: nandos, or a burger place 😂 Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: that's me, babe Jimmy: [nudges her playfully] Janis: why are the kids menus always so much better Jimmy: order off it Jimmy: he ain't your dad he can't stop you Janis: 😂 Janis: tah Jimmy: so welcome Janis: better remind her not to get the salad Janis: yeah you look #skinny but you'll end up with spinach in your teeth Jimmy: there's all that #femalesolidarity you always say you don't give a shit about Jimmy: get her to order something heavy on the garlic 💔 gutted Dad Janis: she defs didn't ask for this Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: makes all of us that Janis: 🤷 obvs not Jimmy: [back to the bar for more drinks excuse him] Janis: not getting an invite this time, alright Jimmy: so you need one every time, alright Janis: brb Janis: [🚬] Jimmy: no invite for no invite then, yeah Janis: reckon we both need a sec, yeah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: come have one if you want Janis: know this ain't about me and it's more shit for you and whatever but I can still need some space, can't I Jimmy: I said alright, didn't I Jimmy: two's a crowd, I get it Janis: whatever Janis: I knew this was a bad idea Jimmy: nobody said it was a good one Janis: 👌 Jimmy: if you wanna go, just go Jimmy: you don't need to be here Janis: you want me to Jimmy: is that a question Jimmy: I said if you want Janis: it's a question Jimmy: I want you to stay but Jimmy: if I don't want to then Janis: then I will Janis: not like anyone wants to be here Janis: but you asked Jimmy: leaving would piss him off more than owt we've done yet Jimmy: maybe we should just Janis: do you wanna, like obviously but Janis: is it worth it or do you wanna stick it out and just ruin the night some more Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: we could try letting Cass in on it, might make her hate us less Janis: worth a shot Janis: even if she's still mad with us, also permanently with him so Janis: text her Jimmy: one sec Jimmy: alright she's in & coming outside with me so hang on Janis: 👍 Janis: no one can resist being a dick to their 'rents Jimmy: or the lure of 🚬 take that 🚭 Jimmy: not that I'm gonna really let her but Jimmy: [comes out & has brought her drink with him cos good boy like that] Janis: so uncool, babe Jimmy: piss off Janis: [winks 'cos cheeky and takes drink and kisses his cheek] Jimmy: [Cass comes out just as he's kissing her properly cos typical so she's like 😒🤢] Janis: [makes a whoops soz face like] Jimmy: [is 🚬 & Cass is brainstorming out loud about pissing Ian off, first one being kicking Bobby under the table so he cries & Jimmy has be like probably don't lol] Janis: [lols 'cos 100% something she'd have done to grace] Jimmy: [Jimmy's like also encourage him to fuck shit up though like drawing on the table, kicking off, not staying put etc typical kid things that will annoy Ian] Janis: [She's like 'you should facetime your mate in the middle of food, like' to Cass] Jimmy: [actually gets a smile out of her before she remembers she hates them cos great idea] Janis: result Janis: [victory sip] Jimmy: [cheers' her drink with a nod that they should probably head back in, in a sec. Cass goes & does kick bobby 'accidentally' as she gets in her sit cos cool kid who don't have to listen to you Jimothy] Janis: [Ian shoulda ordered for them 'cos they 'weren't here' such a dickhead move] Jimmy: [Jimmy sets Bobby up doing art but he's still whinging cos nobody's trying to stop him rn except Ian who can't] Janis: just like you Jimmy: nah better Jimmy: I've told him to draw the gf so 🤞 it's unflattering or that'll backfire Janis: kids drawings always are Janis: they don't sugarcoat it Jimmy: the one he did of my dad was 🥇 Janis: mhmm Janis: tell him I'll pay him to do you later yeah Jimmy: tell him yourself he loves a chat with you Janis: dunno why Jimmy: SUCH a conversationalist Jimmy: [meanwhile Cass is name dropping their mum & talking about her to make Ian & the gf uncomfortable cos that would work amazingly but poor Jimmy is likewise feeling tense af] Jimmy: I'll be back in a sec Jimmy: [leaves the table again it's like musical chairs bitch] Janis: 👍 Janis: sure thing Jimmy: [is not back in a sec] Janis: lost, or purposefully 'lost' Janis: the starter sharing thing is here Jimmy: Ian would be devastated to have to eat my share, I'm sure Janis: there's only so much defensive eating me and Cass can do 'fore we chunder Janis: you alright? Jimmy: I just Jimmy: she did that to get at me too, you know Janis: probably Janis: she isn't doing it now, you can come back Janis: or I am can come to you, for a bit Jimmy: [comes back] Janis: [squeezing his hand under the table] Jimmy: [gets an eyelash for her but we both know it's just an excuse he's just soft] Janis: [real smile, real moment, sod everyone else] Jimmy: [smiles back & it's genuine too even though he's obvs still a sad boy] Janis: just tell me what you need, yeah Janis: anything Jimmy: you Jimmy: that's it Janis: seems bit too easy Janis: but alright then Janis: if you're sure Jimmy: don't be calling yourself too easy babe Jimmy: that's a bit rude Janis: 😏 Janis: bit true Jimmy: it's actually well untrue before me Janis: oh really Janis: #yourinfluence Jimmy: exactly Janis: 🙄 don't be cocky Jimmy: it's what you like about me though Jimmy: are you sure Janis: only sometimes Janis: and not about devirginizing me, tah Jimmy: it weren't my fault I did that Janis: not really about fault is it, div Jimmy: just saying you could've worn a badge or whatever Jimmy: sign round your neck that kinda thing Janis: [kicks him in the shin] Janis: you're such a dick Jimmy: oi 💔💔 Janis: don't oi me Janis: your fault Jimmy: I didn't do owt except point out you didn't look like a massive virgin Jimmy: which is a compliment Janis: you and compliments Janis: someone needs to re-explain to concept Jimmy: go on then Janis: okay, hold on Janis: [takes a large swig of her drink for effect] Jimmy: [shakes his head for effect] Janis: so, a compliment, is when you say something nice about a person Janis: not when you say something rude af and then add in some half-baked 'but I meant-' after the fact Janis: got it? Jimmy: say it slower & in a northern accent Janis: 😏 Janis: just stop trying with them, yeah Janis: that's a compromise I'm fine with Jimmy: 👌 Janis: then you can't get moody at me about it either Janis: win win Jimmy: or you could just accept 'em like I want Jimmy: that'd be a win win Janis: oh sure Janis: I'm so hard up I need 'didn't look like a massive virgin' Janis: 👌 Jimmy: alright it weren't my best one Janis: 😂 Janis: like I said, dickhead Janis: and clearly I didn't or you would've clocked it Jimmy: It weren't like I was looking for badges or neck signs Jimmy: unless one said like 🐇🍳 or 🔪💀 not gonna put me off Janis: oh tah Janis: 'cos it was such a big undertaking for you Janis: so much hassle Jimmy: shut up Janis: you said it, boy Jimmy: what are you on about Jimmy: no I never Janis: yeah you did Janis: why would it put you off Janis: not a disease Jimmy: it wouldn't Jimmy: which is what I said Janis: hmm Janis: easy to say now Jimmy: easy to say then too Jimmy: you know how bad I wanted you Janis: I weren't frigid alright Janis: it was just timing, that's all Jimmy: that dickhead made it clear, tah Janis: yeah Janis: well Janis: don't think I was waiting for someone special or anything weird Jimmy: I don't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [let's all take a moment to appreciate the food Ian has ordered as it arrives] Janis: oh yum Janis: swap with me Jimmy: [does but is 😒 and all wtf is this out loud at Ian & then swaps with Cass like musical plates] Janis: Imma get one of those stupid big sundaes for dessert Jimmy: be quick about ordering it before my dad has a go for you first though Janis: I don't think he'd be ordering me one full stop Janis: why'd he get you all meaty shit and me a salad Janis: is he calling me fat 'cos that's just inaccurate, buy me a burger to fatten me up if anything Jimmy: sexism Jimmy: or being a tight bastard Jimmy: maybe both Jimmy: he could've got you nowt like you don't exist I suppose Janis: 😂 Janis: would've been funnier Janis: and then I coulda got something decent Jimmy: [just voicing all these complaints and more to Ian to annoy him while Cass 'eats' the salad by dramatically gagging etc & then nicking Bobby's plate which is a big drama] Janis: [takes the salad back to be mature about this, casually sharing meals here] Jimmy: [takes it off her & gives her his for good because love bitch] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [Cass doing her facetiming before Ian has a chance to calm down lols] Jimmy: now that's 💕😍 Janis: deffo Janis: kinda feel usurped Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: you're cute Jimmy: [kisses her, not sorry Ian or his missus] Janis: actually so competitive Janis: I like it Jimmy: I know you do 💪🏆 Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt remember Janis: 'course Janis: how could I forget Jimmy: I ain't letting you Jimmy: [kisses her again even better] Janis: promise I didn't need it but Janis: never gonna turn down a reminder Jimmy: [draws the 👌👍's  on her leg with his finger cos that's always a mood] Janis: [holds his hands there for a while 'cos wanna] Jimmy: [writes ILY there too but like over and over cos extra] Janis: [kisses him 'soz everyone but not] Jimmy: [he's lowkey dying cos always does when she kisses him first but still not soz everyone] Janis: [Cass be gagging again] Jimmy: [throws salad at her cos v mature & lbr he don't wanna eat it] Janis: [feeds him some of hers like a romcom to really make everyone vom] Jimmy: so #goals Jimmy: you're gonna make my fake mum 😭 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: having the evening she wanted for her Janis: #livevicariously Jimmy: #realitycheckbeforeitstimetowriteoutarealone Jimmy: [Bobby going so hard with the fake voming that he nearly chokes for real god bless] Janis: gonna actually 💀 with our love Jimmy: you just can't stop being 💕 Janis: does that mean you can Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: does that mean you want me to or you don't Janis: why would I want you to stop Jimmy: don't love a rom com you Janis: like I said, you ain't got it down so Janis: not too offensive Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [Ian dad of the year that he is decides to take Cass' phone cos still facetiming so that's all kicking off & is lovely] Jimmy: let's not go back with them, alright Janis: yeah Janis: alright Janis: we can go anywhere you want Jimmy: I don't care, I just Jimmy: want it to be us for a bit Janis: easy Janis: you're definitely owed at least a few hours of not thinking about Janis: any of this Jimmy: or anything Janis: exactly Janis: can give you that Janis: promise Jimmy: I'll give it you back too Jimmy: promise Janis: I know Janis: you always do Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her leg & a heart cos he's soft] Janis: [draws a heart on his but then a cross through it 'cos not soft her, nah] Janis: if you could live anywhere, like semi-realistically Janis: when you leave Janis: where would you go Jimmy: as long as it ain't back where I came from, I don't mind Jimmy: I ain't been nowhere else before here Jimmy: where do you wanna go? Janis: yeah Janis: I dunno either Janis: don't matter Janis: just not here Jimmy: easy done Jimmy: nowhere too hot though I'm too white & northern for that shit Janis: but you love short shorts 😂 Jimmy: yeah but pink ain't my colour babe Jimmy: nevermind 🦀 red Janis: 😍 will see me through Jimmy: be offering to suncream me up & doing 🎨 on my back Jimmy: 🍆 like Janis: not that predictable, how dare 😉 Jimmy: know what you're about Janis: getting to be really thorough with your sun care, yeah Janis: but I'd be way more creative Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: what's your masterpiece gonna be then Janis: gonna just write northern twat probably Janis: or call for a good time Janis: possibilities are endless, babe Jimmy: 😂 Janis: probably stick with english speaking countries, you struggle enough as is Jimmy: that's your fault Jimmy: distracting me in every paddy lingo class I've ever been in & dragging me outta half my french ones Janis: okay, that can be my fault Janis: worth it and you know it Jimmy: you are Jimmy: you know it Janis: shut up Janis: got a no compliment rule remember Jimmy: make me Jimmy: it's a fact Janis: dork Janis: if I make you how you wanna he might actually keel over legit Jimmy: you agreed to 💀🔪 already so Jimmy: go on Janis: but I wanted dessert 😋 Jimmy: you still can Jimmy: my new mum will be alive Janis: sticking 'round to bury him and buy the milky bars Janis: what a babe Jimmy: & if she gets mardy 'cause he ain't a handsome corpse well Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: I'll get it Janis: thought you was offering yourself as a sexier corpse Janis: true but unnecessary Jimmy: sexy 👻 lad me Jimmy: ain't offering myself to her though tah Janis: don't Janis: she's no MILF Jimmy: she ain't got no kids unless Ian's offering to change that one way or another Jimmy: but I doubt tonight's the night either way Jimmy: even if he does stay alive Janis: mood #rekt babe Janis: no more brothers or sisters to raise, thank you Jimmy: 🎻🎻 for Ian's lost redemption arc only Janis: gutted Janis: #adoptdontshop Jimmy: now the 🐶's gutted 💔💔 Janis: poor baby Janis: truly Jimmy: 🤞 she's trashing the house & doing her bit Janis: would she do a thing like that Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you trained her so yeah Janis: my evil plan Jimmy: 😈 you Janis: [gives him a saucy look] Janis: don't forget Jimmy: [touches her under the table in a saucy way] Jimmy: don't forget what a perfect match we are Janis: [breathe, bitch] Janis: not gonna let you off that easy Janis: you're stuck Jimmy: nah Jimmy: I'm exactly where I wanna be Jimmy: [keeps touching her to prove his point] Janis: good Janis: I'm Janis: not mad about it either Jimmy: encouraging Jimmy: never off as my #muse you Jimmy: I'm so inspired right now Jimmy: [proves it] Janis: tough job but someone's gotta Janis: if you wanna be 🥇 Jimmy: & you know I do Jimmy: [is 😏 because peak under the table saucy behavior happening rn like] Janis: [casually grabbing his leg 'cos harder to be subtle than she reckoned] Jimmy: [gives her an innocent look like ?? while going harder than before cos he's so cheeky] Janis: you know how much I hate you Janis: yeah Jimmy: so much Jimmy: just don't make it obvious to everyone else Janis: I'm trying Janis: go easy on me Jimmy: if that's what you want, baby Jimmy: [is being a tease now lol] Janis: you're so Janis: 😑 Jimmy: say what you wanna say Janis: when can we leave Jimmy: as fast as you can order & eat the pudding you want Jimmy: that's how soon we can get out of here Janis: Baby Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't want it now Janis: you gonna make me sit here and eat a whole sundae when we could Jimmy: I was gonna make you share it with me actually but Jimmy: we can go Janis: you can have whatever you want, baby Jimmy: I only want you Janis: then let's go Janis: piss him off anyway Janis: height of rudeness Jimmy: I ain't offering to pay owt either Jimmy: he'll be 😭😭 Jimmy: come on Janis: [being blase af like toodles! lmao and essentially running for the door with him] Jimmy: [leg it lads] Janis: [dramatic af smooch outside 'cos love and they're free] Jimmy: where to then Janis: anywhere we can be alone Jimmy: [more kisses just because] Janis: ['I love you'] Jimmy: [says it back obvs] Janis: [says well done etc 'cos knows that was rough] Jimmy: [says tah & we know he really means for being there cos there's the look of love bitch like don't cry again boy] Janis: [shrugs like don't mention it and more kisses but more soft] Jimmy: [then some handholding & walking because gotta go somewhere kids] Janis: ['pub?'] Jimmy: [nods] Janis: [happy dork like 😊] Jimmy: [stops to kiss her again because she's so cute & happy & he can't not] Janis: they should do studies Janis: on how depressed parents make you Janis: I feel 10x better already being away from mine and yours, like Jimmy: [does a little lol but obvs same] Jimmy: when we get our own place, no keys for none of 'em Janis: don't even tell 'em where we are Janis: give 'em no chance to just pop 'round Jimmy: not like we need help with moving 💪 Janis: [also lols] Jimmy: [looks at her as if to say what are you laughing for I'm so strong & picks her up to show off] Janis: [rolls her eyes and is like 'here we go again' but loves it and is loling even more] Jimmy: [make out sesh to 'shut her up' but actually just wants to cos the lols get him] Janis: [look of love bitch] Jimmy: [we need a piggyback moment here so they can get where they need to be, run boy] Janis: [destination Janis: okay 💪 lad Janis: get the first 'round in Jimmy: [does] Jimmy: find us the loneliest corner you can, yeah Janis: 👍 Janis: you forgot who I am again? Jimmy: 'course not Jimmy: the name's Janet, right? Janis: think that was your da's bae, legit Janis: 🙄 thanks, mum and dad Janis: you dicks Jimmy: [lols I hope she can hear it from where she is while he's still at the bar & its not that loud] Janis: 💕 you cute as fuck Janis: I'd try and pull you if I saw you standing there, like Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: have your best crack at it Janis: seriously? Janis: require more chatting up than an actual boyfriend you do Jimmy: challenge refused? Jimmy: alright Janis: challenge? 🤔 Janis: #slag Jimmy: worked in your favor didn't it Jimmy: if we both played as hard to get as you, you'd still be a virgin & I'd be 💔 Janis: bit rude Janis: not my fault your chat is shocking Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: my sexts killed you, ain't my fault you want everything Janis: challenge refused? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [is 😒 as he brings the drinks to her] Janis: [kisses his cheek and takes drink as per] Jimmy: [pouty boy be drinking] Janis: ['Baby'] Jimmy: [looks at her like ??] Janis: [smiles at] Janis: like that Janis: don't be grumpy Jimmy: [is trying his best to still be in a mard but she's so cute when she smiles that he can't help being 😍 every time] Janis: [its returned so] Jimmy: [kisses] Janis: ['even more like it'] Jimmy: [gestures that she should get even closer to him because standard] Janis: [snuggles into his side, head on his shoulder] Jimmy: [plays with her hair forever cos absolute fave mood] Janis: how can I miss you when I've been with you Janis: other people ruin it somehow, always Jimmy: there's your answer Jimmy: but when they try & ruin it for us we ruin it for them twice as much so Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: [little lol] Janis: true enough Jimmy: [more kisses cos of the cuteness of the lol] Janis: maybe next time we go, we could take the kids, win her back 'round Janis: at least temporarily Jimmy: [a genuinely happy big smile because that's a good idea] Janis: [shrugs like nbd] Janis: caravan's always there, like Janis: no one uses it much now Jimmy: [nods to downplay how KEEN he was just then lol] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: depending how much of a shit her little mates 'rents give, he could come Janis: then we only really have to look after Bobs Jimmy: reckon she'd talk 'em round easy even if they are actual parent of the year candidates Jimmy: long as she ain't gone off him by then Janis: subtle hint, babe Janis: keep me on my toes Jimmy: [little lol of his own] Janis: ah to be 12 again Jimmy: you're alright tah Jimmy: didn't know you then Janis: awh Janis: whatta smoothtalker Jimmy: just how it is Jimmy: life was as shit then as it is now basically Jimmy: you're the only diifference Janis: yeah Janis: things were slightly worse Janis: in theory anyway Jimmy: I'm taking that compliment Jimmy: nowt you can do to stop me Janis: fill your boots, lad Janis: know you need all the help you can get 😉 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: [tickles her like excuse you] Janis: [punchy] Jimmy: [play fight moment] Janis: gonna get us kicked out, boy Janis: know it's rare you make it in, come on Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that was one club one time Jimmy: if you'd told me you wanted me to dress like Jimmy: that Janis: [loling] Janis: I dunno if that would've worked entirely in your favour either, like Jimmy: it would've worked on you Jimmy: give a fuck about whoever else Janis: is it? Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: you'd have been well 😍😍😍 & 🤤 Janis: [makes 'psh' noise but ain't denying it] Jimmy: [gives her such a hot look] Janis: [rolls her eyes] Janis: it weren't no gay club Janis: that would've kinda defeated the point Jimmy: anywhere's a gay club if you want Jimmy: ask Barry Janis: would've been easier to spin that than random bitches, like Jimmy: they're easy enough to spin too though Janis: shut up Janis: idiot Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: [is 😒] Jimmy: what's that face for? Janis: yours Jimmy: yeah you are Jimmy: so calm down Janis: piss off Jimmy: [pulls her closer to him as an unspoken no] Janis: mean it Janis: [but doesn't pull away] Jimmy: I mean it Jimmy: you're mine Jimmy: I wanted you then & I want you now Janis: [looking at him intense af] Jimmy: [holds her gaze as intensely of course] Janis: ['you're so'] Jimmy: [says ILY] Janis: [more desperate kissing] Jimmy: [puts her on his lap for more kisses because its been a minute & that's unheard of for them so] Janis: I still like you Janis: even though you are a bit of a dickhead Jimmy: you're the dickhead Jimmy: but I still like you too Janis: nah, don't lie Janis: you more than like me Jimmy: maybe Janis: definitely Jimmy: & you tell me not to be cocky Janis: come on Janis: you said it Janis: you want me so bad Jimmy: alright Janis: is that denial or agreeance Janis: can't tell Jimmy: I reckon you can Janis: [makes noise 'cos indecent] Janis: yeah but Janis: you know I like hearing it Jimmy: yeah but Jimmy: if I say it again what are you gonna do about it Janis: [gives him a look like 'do it and find out'] Jimmy: [tells her out loud giving her a LOOK the whole time] Janis: [after hot n heavy makeout, pulling on him like come on 'cos privacy needed] Jimmy: [don't need to tell him twice, on you go you two] Janis: [lowkey forgot the point of this convo lmao off you go into the night babes]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Am I going to have to say sorry first or are you going to just come? Buster: Are you taking me to church to pray for me or somewhere that isn't a load of bullshit? Rio: Awkward time to say I was counting on you to have somewhere to take me? Buster: Safe bet Rio: Not gonna say I was praying so but yeah Rio: Christmas punters going to have me quitting this job or life tbh Buster: Not gonna say I'm godlike but you can kneel if you want Buster: It'll work out better than it would in the pews Rio: You're not? A first Rio: Oh fuck, you've not taken my advice to heart have you? Buster: Only 'cause I don't need to Buster: No need to flatter yourself that I'm ever listening to you, babe Rio: 'Course Rio: Alright, alright, but are you listening now? Buster: You haven't said anything worth hearing yet Rio: You're all about the visual, yeah? Rio: [sends pics] Rio: Come on Buster: Almost convincing Rio: Don't play Buster: You normally love it Buster: What's the matter, babe, miss me too hard? Rio: Obviously not but Rio: Already told you, life or death over here Rio: So, you don't need a sorry but you want me to say the magic word, is it? Buster: Dramatic Buster: It'd be a start, yeah. Rio: You don't know, you're only ever the other side of the bar, babe Rio: Why have I got to be polite when you're never Rio: You already know Buster: You don't have to be or do anything Buster: Your choice, like Buster: But I wanna hear it, there's your answer Buster: And incentive, not that you properly need one, since you came to me Rio: So gentlemanly Rio: I get it, I'll eat my words and admit even if I wasn't wrong before, I don't care about being right Rio: I need you Buster: Easy, wasn't it? Rio: Not as easy as it could be Buster: Don't pretend that's how you want it Buster: Plenty of other lads in your phone if you wanted an easy life Rio: Well I don't want them do I Buster: Obviously Buster: Where are you then? I'll come get you Rio: Work Buster: So what do you want me to hang around or are you nearly done? Rio: I'm leaving if you're coming Buster: Don't take the piss Buster: I know I said fuck responsibilities but come on Buster: Why do you wanna be jobless this close to Christmas? Rio: Don't matter Rio: Don't need to worry about it do you Rio: hardly jobless Buster: Fine but you wouldn't have a second job if you didn't need one Rio: I like money Rio: but I don't need to deal with this shit for it Buster: What shit? Tell me what's going on Rio: No Rio: Just come Buster: Rio Buster: Start talking Rio: It's nothing Rio: it's stupid Buster: No it's not Buster: Tell me Rio: It's just all her fucking junkie friends are here celebrating Rio: and they don't even know who I am Buster: Shit Buster: Alright. You're going home but say you're sick, don't just walk out, yeah? Buster: I'll be outside so I don't kill 'em Rio: You're cute Buster: Shut up Buster: Just do what you're told for once Rio: Ha, no need to prove you're still hot as well Buster: We both know I don't have to prove that Rio: If you say so Buster: You can say it Buster: Not like you haven't before, babe Rio: Not before you've earnt it, I haven't Buster: There you are. Back in the room, like Rio: Sorry about it Buster: I ain't Buster: Christ if I'd known all it would take was the threat of some heroics we could have been here ages ago Rio: Oh great, now you're gonna reckon I'm such a romantic at heart, yeah? Buster: As long as you don't start proving it, it doesn't matter to me, like Rio: With you? Rio: No chance, not that fucked up yet Buster: Good Buster: So how fucked up are you? Rio: Probably not a question you really wanna ask, babe, in general, like Rio: but chemically? Not really, though lost count of the 'and one for yourself's a while back Buster: Cheers for the heads up on how much catching up I've gotta do then Buster: Easy again Rio: Charming Rio: Not exactly a challenge yourself Buster: Don't reckon that's what you're looking for tonight, babe Buster: You aint exactly been subtle about it Rio: It ain't Rio: who knew you could be so considerate, aw Buster: Fuck off Rio: Don't pout Rio: know I make it worth it Buster: You will Rio: That a threat? Rio: Or what, like Buster: You saying it needs to be? Buster: Lost your touch after one shit shift like Rio: One? Pah! 'Tis the season to be cunty, babe Rio: so much prefer when the creeps are behind a screen, not on their office party Rio: should really consider prison dating Buster: Yeah get yourself a rich criminal Rio: Untapped market Rio: Not a bad idea Rio: Ask your 'rents if they have any contacts, yeah?? Buster: 'Cause that wouldn't be an awks convo with nothing in it for me or anything, like Rio: I mean, can't give you a cut if you ain't willing to put in some work, pretty boy Buster: You wouldn't give me a cut anyway Rio: And you wouldn't take it Rio: Saw that transfer, by the way Buster: How mad are you about it? Rio: Well, don't just wanna see you to throw it back in your face so Buster: Well, you're hot when you're mad or you'll be proving you ain't so either way I win Rio: Contrary to what you might think Rio: not out here wanting you to lose Rio: we can both win Buster: I know Rio: Deal? Rio: No need to write up a contract, take you at your word this once, like Buster: Yeah Buster: If you behave I will Rio: You'll have to expand on that one, babe Rio: not accidentally getting myself in some 50 shades shit Buster: Hilarious Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Can never be too careful Rio: you poshboy types Buster: Don't even play when you know there's nobody like me, babe Rio: Proving to be unfortunately true Buster: Take your own advice and be careful Buster: 'Cause that sounded like a compliment almost Rio: Scared, McKenna? Rio: 'Cos don't worry, ain't even, just facts, sad but true Buster: You wish babe Buster: You don't scare me. You keep forgetting but you're literally tiny Buster: Don't worry me either 'course Rio: That means I'm not scary? Rio: You met my mum? Rio: Yours Rio: Nan, the list goes on Buster: Not scared of none of them either, obviously Rio: Almost convincing, boy Buster: Shut up Buster: Like I said, nothing to prove Rio: Try telling yourself, like Buster: Don't need to Rio: Then hush Buster: Then make me Rio: Planning on it Buster: Yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: got time to make up, not going to be a letdown, hell no Buster: We'll see Rio: fuck off Rio: I have never Buster: Yet Rio: Not gonna happen Rio: less you've got botched surgery or something drastic since last time Buster: It ain't been that long, babe Rio: Fine, if you ain't missed me Buster: I didn't say that Rio: Then say that you did Buster: You know I did Rio: Good Rio: It was too long Buster: Remember that next time you try and ignore me Rio: Make it so I can't forget Buster: Planning on it Rio: Please tell me you're nearly here Buster: Since you said please Buster: Yeah I am Rio: all about the manners you Buster: Says you Buster: You're always trying to be polite Rio: Nah Rio: we're ignoring that Rio: last thing on my mind Buster: Good Rio: Can blame you for how shit this shift has gone, yeah? Rio: can't think straight Buster: I'll take that if you tell me what's on your mind Rio: You Rio: and how much I've missed your body and all the things I'm going to do to you Buster: Tonight 'cause you wanna be distracted from those cunts Buster: Or since Rio: Since Buster: Prove it Rio: Easy Rio: if it isn't proof enough that I'm back here begging you Buster: I haven't heard you actually beg Rio: Buster Buster: Come on, I know you can Rio: Be on my knees soon enough Rio: you need to stop making me wait Buster: Not if I get on mine first Buster: Tell it to the traffic like, I'm not that much of a cunt Rio: Baby Rio: don't, you have no idea how badly I need you Buster: Yeah I do Buster: I want you too Rio: You better Buster: I wouldn't be coming to get you if I didn't Buster: And I really fucking do Rio: Good Rio: Don't come to your senses before I'm done too, alright? Buster: Not gonna happen Rio: Hate to actually have to corrupt you like Rio: think of my conscience Buster: Not what's on my mind right now, I can't lie Buster: But maybe later if you get all moody like last time Rio: Shut up Rio: it was my party, had to lose my shit as was fitting Buster: Just 'cause I did first and better Rio: Only 'cos you had to drop in the world unannounced like a massive diva Rio: none of us were ready, yeah babe? Buster: You were more than ready the night of my party though and I've got plenty of memories to prove it Rio: I wanted you to have a good Birthday Rio: plus how you looked that night Rio: Good thing all we got is memories though Buster: Good thing I'm not painted up tonight Buster: 'Cause I need you now Rio: Would be a bold look Rio: wonder where you been partying without me boy Buster: Like you haven't been stalking me since you walked out Rio: Oh please Buster: You can admit it. I look good, I know Rio: Trust, I don't need to know what you're up to Rio: got my own memories too, like Buster: Yea Buster: h Buster: So get in the car then. Let's make more Rio: Finally Buster: I'll make it worth the wait Rio: I know Rio: that's why I can't stay away Buster: Don't Rio: Not even an option so Buster: I'm not sorry, like Buster: Now come here