#obey me: one master to rule them all
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•~°◇ Just the Little Human Things ◇°~•
Prompt: Humans and demons are different, no duh. There are some things that we do naturally that shocked and freak out the brothers. Here are some random few (each linked to a specific brother, like 1 means Lucifer, etc).
• ~ ° ◇ ° ~ •
1. Cracking bones.
You spent a long day dealing with your studies. Your fingers cramped. So you cracked them. Lucifer was appalled. He thought you just broke yourself. Lucifer goes straight to you and asks if you just broke your finger or something along those lines. After calming him down and just explaining that you were popping the air bubbles in your joints because they ached, he was more appalled.
Humans can get air bubbles in between their bones?! That's so weird. Demons can't crack their joints. If they make any cracking noise, they probably cracked their bones.
At least you're not hurt. That is all that matters to him.
2. Adrenaline.
Demons have instincts like humans, but they don't have adrenaline. They have the same amount of strength and power, no matter the situation. No amount of tension will give them a random boost in a fight. Humans do. It's called adrenaline (SHOCKING). Boosting our stamina, pain tolerance, reaction time, and strength. It's like a superpower! A superpower that Mamon was unaware of at the time.
You both were running from trouble, as normal. Even though your body was in its flight or fight, no amount of adrenaline will make you run as fast as the fastest demon in hell! So how was he supposed to know! It was until there was a dead end. The door was locked. Mammon was about to use some magic to open it because the angry demons were very close behind you guys. before he could, BAM! You ram right into it and smash it open
What. The. Hell??? Are you on steroids or something?!
Once you escape, Mammon has so many questions. He now thinks adrenaline is so cool.
3. Being social animals.
Demons aren't necessarily social creatures. Some will go millennias without talking to anything, and they don't go insane. It's just a lot of demons like socialising. Levi is not one of those demons, though. Levi will go some months without speaking to anyone, even some days without speaking to his brothers. He thought humans were the same. He didn't know that it could cause mental issues like insanity or depression.
Levi only found out because he was watching a horror anime, where a human character was isolated for months and went insane. He thought it was fiction, but then he asked you. As soon as yes leaves your mouth, he is in utter disbelief.
Now he feels bad whenever he has you holed up in his room. Don't you want to socialise? He wouldn't mind if you went to party with Asmo and Mammon... At least he'd try not to mind. Are you sure you're okay with just him? Yeah? ... He thinks he is okay with just you, too.
4. Humans on the moon?
When you came to devildom, even though Satan wasn't that close to you, he did research about humans out of curiosity. Satan learnt about human history, myths & legends, science (a.k.a human magic), medicine, and even decided to research human technology.
The only thing he didn't know was that humans went to the moon. When he was doing human history, he was doing ancient human history. Being a demon who was immortal, Satan classed anything from the last 100 years as morden to him. He was alive during it. He should know when it happens. But somehow, no one talked about the humans landing on the moon.
You wanted to know if demons had also gone to space, and he answered with, "No. Some of angels have... What do you mean also?" Humans, flightless and magicless fleshbags, have gone to the stars?!
5. Baby teeth falling out.
Asmodeus wanted to see childhood pictures of you! He was going on about how cute you were until he saw that in one of your photos that you were missing a tooth?! Asmo didn't know you were missing a tooth! He immediately tried to look in your mouth for that missing tooth, but there was a tooth there?! What?! Did you get some sort of tooth surgery?
Demons and angels don't have baby teeth. They are made not to naturally lose any of their teeth, and if they lose a tooth, they have to get a surjery to get it back. So, this concept is crazy to them.
Asmo was thankful it was natural. You made him panic!
6. Stretch marks.
Demons have rapid regeneration, so they don't get stretch marks. The scars just heal immediately as it isn't a deep wound to them.
Beelzebub had no idea humans could get them. He thought some demon attacked or tried to put a hex on you, but once you explained it to him, it blew his mind. Losing or gaining weight causes these marks? Humans are stretchy??? That's cute.
Beelzebub likes running his hand over the marks. It's fascinating to him.
7. Modern medicine.
Belphegor knew a lot about humans due to his human phase when he was an angel. There isn't anything that you do that surprises him. Belphie even knows humans went to the moon because he is an astrology girlie. But he is clueless about morden medicine.
Belphie lost interest in humans when he fell, obviously. He didn't want to interact with humans after his hatred for them developed. So he has no idea about morden human medicine.
Humans don't use frog eggs anymore? They were unsafe? Really? Belphie thought they worked. He did not know humans were just as unknowledgable as he was back then. Belphie learnt after you accidentally got a paper cut, and Belphie said he'd go get the plasters and leeches.
You had to tell him that the leaches were outdated by a few decades.
•~°◇ Have a kind day! ◇°~•
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me lucifer#om lucifer#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me leviathan#obey me mammon#om beelzebub#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me belphie#om belphegor#om mammon#om leviathan#om satan#om asmodeus#om belphie
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Lucifer will pick up his feathers that have fallen out & present them to you as a little present because humans are simple & he knows they love things like that.
#its like when we see shiny things#instantly enamored#obey me x reader#obey me lucifer#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me shall we date#obey me#obey me nightbringer#lucifer x reader#lucifer obey me
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Still tired but just wanted to remind you that the Obey Me Brothers (- Satan + Lilith) were probably the “Seven Heavenly Virtues” before they fell/died and that was probably so hard for them like-
Lucifer going from Humility to Pride
Mammon going from Charity to Greed
Leviathan going from Kindness to Envy
Asmodeus going from Chastity to Lust
Beelzebub going from Temperance to Gluttony
And Belphegor going from Diligence to Sloth
Imagine as Lucifer going through it because now you can’t talk with your brothers, now you hold them to an expectation you would’ve never before - and yourself to an even higher one - and watching them loose themselves to their sins.
Watching Mammon lose himself to monetary values to the point where he’d be willing to sell his own brothers out if it came to it, and knowing that at some point he would’ve sold his everything because he believed it was right. Shit thing is that he still loves his brothers, and under the greed is guilt for hurting them like this.
Watching Levi, once a kind and loving man who would never leave anyone out become a self deprecating and destructive mess who shuts the world out. Who spends his time obsessing over what others have that he can’t and fighting tooth and nail to fix that, even if it hurts him. He, like Lucifer, has to be the best at his chosen craft or else it’s all for naught, but unlike Lucifer he’s very vocal about his losses and how much he hates others who have better than him.
Asmo, who at one point was basically repulsed at the idea of carnal love and wanted to wait, to hold out until he found the one he was searching for. Believe if that saving himself for his future partner was the ultimate act of love. And now watching him fall to depravity, unable to feel love unless it’s carnal in some sense. Everything must be passionate, with little room for true love. Feelings pushed aside for the heat of the moment, giving his body away to feel something. Finding no worth in himself unless it’s his body, and that translating over to how he treats his brothers. They have to suck up his shockingly flirty remarks to them because he can’t help it, that’s how he’s forced to show love now; fast, rushed, and carnal.
Watching Beel, a man who took everything in moderation, never allowing himself more than what he needed in food and drink in favor of helping others, loose himself to the mind numbing pleasure of sitting there and eating and drinking and eating and drinking and eating and drinking with no end in sight. As he can’t help himself but do anything for a meal, much like Mammon. Willing to do damn near anything to fill the hole in his stomach. No matter the cost.
And Belphy. A man once so awake and alert and ready for anything that even Lucifer would have to tell him to take a break. Always raring and ready to go and help any and everyone in need sleep his days away. Too lazy to do basic tasks at some points like eat. Lazing about too tired to do anything, including care for those around him. Too tired to do anything.
And the haunting truth that you, as Lucifer, created Wrath. Satan, your youngest brother in age and fourth in power. Knowing on the daily that he puts on a mask, a front so that his rage doesn’t consume him in an all burning inferno. Knowing that any little thing could set him off, and that’d be it. He shares next to nothing with you and your brothers because, while unspoken, it’s known that he’ll never be as close as the six of you. He didn’t experience the war, he didn’t experience the fall, he didn’t experience her death. Unlike your brothers who have all changed in some distressing way he’s always been rage. Always been Wrath. A true sin through and through. Never will you experience the same things and that keeps you separated.
And about her, to know deep in your heart that she, the Virtue of Patients, would’ve become the Sin of Wrath keeps you up at night, her face of smiles turning to a wrathful frown scares you. Nightmares flash behind your eyes of her being mad, furious even, so you starve the nights off with a never ending pile of paperwork and coffee.
… Did I just accidentally character study?-
#obey me#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me lilith#character study#im gonna unpack now#then sleep some more lol
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Mammon Adores His Human (Obey Me!) fic
The sounds of sniffling and sobs woke Mammon. Making him grumble instinctually before he recognized who it was crying. So he snapped awake to then turn to you in the bed. His mind frantic as he saw you rubbing at your eyes and trying to make yourself as small as possible. Yet he wasted no time in touching you. Both hands to your shoulders as he asked you, "Hey now. What's got you all sniffling and not sleeping, huh?"
He figured it was a nightmare or stress or something. But he wasn't expecting what you said at all. You told him how you felt like a failure. How you were a terrible person and didn't do enough for people. That you didn't feel like you deserved to be with anyone and that you were worthless. Mammon was shocked to hear you say such wild things. His internal monologue going a mile a second with 'Why would you ever think that?! Who made you feel this way?! Is this just a dumb human thing or a you thing?!' It honestly left Mammon at a loss for what to say to you.
So he decided to act instead of just speak. Taking his warm hands to place them to your cheeks and give them a gentle squish to get your attention. Meeting your gaze to look serious for once. His own words deep and rich with affection. "You silly human. I have no idea why you think that. So let the Great Mammon tell you this right now. You are the most amazing and wonderful person in all the three realms and any other besides. You do tons for me and my brothers and loads of other people all the time. Because you try your best every time. The Great Mammon sees you. I cannot begin to tell you just how much I love you."
So Mammon leaned in to give you a kiss on the forehead. Sweeping you into his arms to hug you close and sigh into the crown of your head. "You are my number one favorite fan. Nobody means more to me. Sure, I ain't the only one here to thinks that of you. I have to all but fight fang and claw to have you all to myself instead of Lucifer or Asmo or any of my other brothers. We all love you and value you as you are. Silly human. My heart has so much love for you it might explode into dozens of fireworks. I can't get enough of you and how you make me and my family feel. As your first man, I'll always love you."
He felt you shiver in his arms to then openly cry into his front. His hands rubbing over your back and arms as you thanked him for being so sweet. He let you cry it out and hugged you tight. Until the both of you laid back down and fell asleep. With Mammon thinking he would talk to Solomon and Lucifer later about how to help you feel more valued and cherished.
#obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me shall we date#obey me! one master to rule them all#obey me nightbringer#obey me mammon#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon x you#obey me! fanfiction#obey me! fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic#just some comfort fluff for the fandom
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Nightbringer・✦
Alright, I have to know, because I've seen so many people talking about this that it CANNOT be a me thing.
#obey me#obey me!#obey me nightbringer#obey me! nightbringer#obey me nb#om nb#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me! one master to rule them all#obey me: one master to rule them all#daedor prattle#daedor polls
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YOOOOOOO LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!!!
OK BUT I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO MAKE THIS COMIC FOR A LONG ASS TIME BUT I STEUGGLED TO DRAW IT ON MY PHONE BUT YESTERDAY I SPENT ALL DAY ON THE DRAWING TABLETS AND YSED PHOTOSHOP AND ITS DONE!!!! I dont think I can do the reat soon cuz the semester is almost over but I will try to do the mammmon one before school eneds!!!
EDIT: part 2
#myart#digital art#obey me#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me comic#obey me fanart#obey me shall we date#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#mammon obey me#obey me mc#obey me sheep#obey me leviathan#obey me levi#obey me satan
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saw someone making a post abt how they write Luke nsfw and how they wont stop even though people are being like “thats fucking disgusting hes a child” and you know what? i hope that person has a really bad day. its gross and it is literally pedophilia even if hes not a real child!! hes literally the equivalent of a ten year old. get some fucking help.
#obey me#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me: shall we date#obey me luke#obey me smut#obey me nightbringer#obey me: nightbringer#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me shall we date
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hai me again! i was thinking, how do you think the brothers would react to mc having a panic attack or just generally having mental health issues?
I am going to say I, myself, have never had a panic attack, so I'll try my best based on what I've read!
Lucifer
In the case of a panic attack, if you had diagnosed anxiety, that was in your file. He's prepared. He also has a brother (*cough* Levi *cough*) who is prone to panic attacks, so he's experienced in how to deal with it.
Does this mean he doesn't immediately panic when you begin showing the signs of one? No. But he alerts the rest of his brothers so the calmer ones when faced with mental health (Satan) can deal with it
If you're alone, he won't show any signs of panic and just run through the list of things he knows will calm you down in his head and act accordingly. But the moment you are calm, he'll just collapse because he was panicking and he was worried, he just wasn't showing it
Mammon
"WHAT HUH WHATS GOIN' ON"
Panics. Especially if you two are alone. Slowly, he'll recognize the signs (he knows how to deal with Levi's) and start the process to calm you down and try to stop you from hurting yourself.
If he can, he'll just hold you in his arms until you've calmed down. He wants you to feel safe. He will also immediately find out what triggers you and try to prevent it from happening again.
Leviathan
Immediate panic. "H-hey! Are you okay? D-DONT CRY"
He'll do his best to calm you down if you're alone, but the moment he can pass you off to a more experienced brother, he will. He'll be there afterwards if you need to talk though!
Satan
Probably the calmest when it happens. He doesn't panic, just softly keeps you from hurting yourself and provides a place for you to feel safe. If you're in front of everyone, he'll take you to his room and stay there until you want to go or want him to go
Asmodeus
Another panicker. He's not prepared at all. He's never around Levi when he has attacks.
If you're alone with him, he'll probably call another brother (probably Satan) to help. If he's forced to do it, he'll probably just hold your hands so you can't hurt yourself and attempt to comfort you. Not the best brother to have an attack around
Beelzebub
Calmer than others. The moment you start hyperventilating, he'll call for Lucifer or Satan. If you two are alone, he'll probably hold you close, letting you hurt him if you feel the urge to hurt yourself. A big ol' teddy bear to hug.
Belphegor
Uhhh... bye
Probably would just leave to find someone else. He is not prepared nor does he have the energy to deal with it.
If you two are alone, he'll probably just stay away until you're done
Sorry I took so long to answer, I got busy. Thanks for your ask, as always! I was using my own experience with meltdowns and my very limited knowledge of panic attacks, so sorry if it's inaccurate
#obey me shall we date#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me swd#obey me asmodeus#obey me belphegor#obey me beelzebub#obey me headcanons#obey me
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HEY, WHO ELSE WANTS TO SEE A VERY POORLY EDITED VIDEO ABOUT
THE OBEY ME BOYS IF THEY WERE GIRLY POP SONGS????
Attention: this video was made with the pure intention to have fun, so please have fun with me 😘💕💕💕
At first my idea was to do with angsty songs, but I thought this was a better idea!
Luke isn’t here because I couldn’t find a song cute enough for him #JusticeForMyAdoptedSon (btw if you find one that fits him pls tell me, I wanna know)
THERES SO MANY SONGS THAT FIT ASMO????
For Barbatos I just stuck with the idea he has a sweet tooth 🤭🤭
This is my very first post btw, I hope I can make friends here <3333 ENJOY!!!!!
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me: shall we date#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me solomon
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A reminder that Solomon's food is inedible to everyone else, even if made exactly to a recipes instructions, because he unknowingly puts magic into everything he makes. Also, that him doing this is the reason for his immortality. Barbatos informs us of this, so it is Canon.
#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me#obey me solomon#Solomon#obey me barbatos#Barbatos#OM:NB#OM:OMtRTA#OM#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me: nightbringer#Shall we date
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•~°≈ A Murder's Love ≈°~•
Prompt: Mammon's murder of crows loving MC more than they love Mammon.
I'm rewriting this one soon.
• ~ ° ≈ ° ~ •
So we all know that Mammon has a murder of familiars. They're all crows and they're a lot like himself, basically mini Mammons. They are always making a raucous, they like taking shiny things, and are always following those they're like.
They really like Mammon and he is the only person they'll listen to. There is constantly a handful of crows following behind him. That was until you came to Devildom. They all flock to you and will take your word over Mammon's. Some familiars they are...
The crows love your attention! So much so that they bicker in jealousy just for said attention. Mammon starts shooing them away whenever they pile on you. Be it out of jealousy of his own or from embarrassment that his familiars are relieving his true feelings towards you.
The crows nestle and preen your hair. Your hair is their nest now. You cannot stop them. They'll braid their feathers into their new "nest" as well.
They are constantly giving you gifts. From their shiniest of feathers to just really random trinkets they find. If you try and keep all these gifts from them, they'll only start giving you more. Now you have 3 shoe boxes full of crap, but it's their crap and it's the thought that matters.
Mammon gets jealous too and starts getting you more gifts. They give you a ran over penny and Mammon will buy you a new pair of shoes you wanted. At least you have another shoe box for the birds.
It's actually humorous watching Mammon compete with his own birds for your love. You have to sometimes remind him that they're his birds and you aren't gonna love a murder more than you love him. Just don't let the crows hear you say that.
The murder have a sanctuary in the shed that's in the back garden. Mammon gives them seeds every morning and night. Sometimes Mammon asks if you would like to help feed them. Oh, how the crows love when you do. They get to see you!
The crows live a very free life compared to other familiars. That's mainly because their owner is a chill demon who dislikes responsibilities and wants a free life like them.
Despite this pettiness of his birds possibly getting more attention then him, Mammon is actually thankful that the crows like you. His crows can be picky with who they like. (They once chased Belphegor down the hall). That's all I have to say. His murder loves you.
•~°≈ Have a joyous day! ≈°~•
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me mammon#om mammon#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon x mc#mammon's crows
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Once you weasel your way into his heart, Mammon becomes such a clingy demon. You have the pact, sure, but Mammon hates being away from you for a long time. At school, he’d follow you through the halls with either his hand in yours or on the small of your back. At home, he wraps his arms around you and refuses to let go. Most days, the two of you end up cuddling in either of your beds or on a couch in the common room. It’s strange for him to admit that a piddly little human turned him into a lover.
#*i* need mammon cuddles#mammon headcanon#om! mammon#mammon x mc#obey me mammon#mammon x reader#obey me x reader#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me shall we date#obey me#obey me nightbringer
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uuuuh.... the obey me brothers and dateables as things i've said to my best friend
lucifer: you're so fucked once i get my hearing aids and finally find out what you've been mumbling about all this time
mammon: i don't think i should have to pay taxes
levi: that old, fictional man is my boyfriend and i want to lick his face
satan: you aggravate the piss out of me, i hope you know that
asmodeus: who wouldn't want all of this, im priceless
beelzebub: i want 5 cheese enchiladas... and BEEEEEEEANS
belphie: im not going to sleep, you rat, im trying to get comfortable- im laying on all ribs here, no stomach, just ribs
soloman: i take payment for my talents as a medium in credit, promises, a frosty and a large fry, AS WELL as cash
simeon: the son, the sperm and the holy spirit or whatever
thirteen: i see dead people and shit, sexy- i know
diavolo: im literally wearing a tiara, are you going to hit a man that's actually a princess
barbatos: i feel the need to fold all these blankets, NOW
#♤— ash tries#obey me#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me shall we date#obey me: shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me nb#obey me: nightbringer#obey me luficer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me belphie#obey me solomon#obey me simeon#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me thirteen
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Cuddle Demon Activate (Obey Me!) fic
You watched Satan as he read through a forbidden book of curses. His gaze so focused on the tome in front of him he wasn't even blinking. So you got to marvel over his every feature at your leisure. Taking in his sculpted face. Those gorgeous eyes. How his blonde tresses just framed his face for a lock to drift out of place and hang in his vision. Making him huff to tuck the strand back with a swipe of his hand. His casual clothes just hinting at the frame beneath. You were taking it all in while he was oblivious to everything around him.
Soon enough, you sneak yourself right next to him. Ever so gently wrapping your arms around him from the side. Which finally broke his concentration to blink a few times. his gaze going from the tome to you as you hugged him. Which had him smile and melt a little into your frame. Words of silken amusement playing over his lips. "I see my favorite lamb decided to find me. Did I miss dinner or are you here for other reasons?"
You hummed to tell him you love watching him. How handsome he is when focusing on something with such diligence. That he is someone you would love to hold close and savor in his presence forever. Which had him blink to then blush at such flattery. So he set the book down to turn himself in his seat and hug you close. Sweeping you off your chair to sit you in his lap and start giving your face gentle eyelash kisses. His hum one of pure abiding love and delight. "Such a silly lamb. Always wanting to cuddle and shower me with your endearments. I do so love you, lamb. My heart soars at your words." Soon enough, Satan rubs his hands with great care over your back and shoulders. Giving you a few kisses to your cheeks before holding you tight to his front. meaning you sense every thunderous thump of his heart as he sighs against your neck. A low purr escaping his chest. "The things you do to me. Such a darling and silly sheep you are. I was hoping to memorize that spell to use on Lucifer later. But alas. I think I would rather cuddle my darling lamb."
// again a fic for @lost-in-lamentation. Never tellz me to stop my posting of desired ficz I will write more immediately lol //
#obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#obey me shall we date#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me! one master to rule them all#obey me! fanfiction#obey me! fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic#obey me nightbringer#obey me satan#obey me satan x reader#satan x reader#obey me x reader#obey me fluff
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Obey Me Incorrect Quotes
A/N: Haha sleep deprivation go brrrrr
———
MC: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Simeon and not do the thing,
MC: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
MC: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*
——
Barbatos’, at Solomon’s “funeral”: I need a moment with them.
Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Barbatos, leaning over Solomon’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.
Solomon, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.
——
Asmodeus: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.
——
Satan: ARE YOU-
MC: Fucking.
Satan: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
MC: Fucking.
Satan: IDIOT!
Beelzebub: …What was that?
MC: Lucifer banned Satan from swearing, so I’m helping him out.
——
Simeon: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Satan: I would say infinitesimally.
Mammon: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words
——
Leviathan: I lost my fish.. :(
Beelzebub, cooking the fish: …Uhm…
——
Solomon: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Luke: Are you okay???
Solomon: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce. Pay attention.
Simeon: No, they mean other than that.
Solomon: Ohhhhhh.
Solomon: I haven't slept in 4 days.
——
Belphegor: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?
Mammon: How did you know I was up until 3am?
Lucifer: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.
——
Mammon: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, MC!
*Neither of them die*
MC: …
Mammon: …
MC: So do you wanna talk about somethi-
Mammon: No thank you.
——
MC: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Simeon finally snaps and commits murder?
Solomon: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to them.
——
MC: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship!
Mephisto: We’re not friends.
MC, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.
——
Asmodeus: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.
Satan: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them
——
Beelzebub: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.
*Everyone stares at Beel*
Beelzebub: …I don’t even know what I was trying to say.
——
Asmodeus: What's worse than a heartbreak?
Satan: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.
——
Luke: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Lucifer doesn't take me seriously enough.
Mammon: "Sometimes"?
Solomon: "Enough"?
Luke: …
——
Lucifer: Lord Diavolo? What are you doing here?
Diavolo, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.
——
Mammn: *is throwing stones at MC’s window*
MC: You have a phone for a reason, Mammon!
*THUD*
MC: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!
——
Solomon: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way?
Asmodeus: Wait, what’s the difference?
Solomon: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.
——
Solomon: Wow, they really hate us.
Asmodeus: Yea, perhaps they’re homophobic.
Solomon: But we’re not gay, Asmo.
Asmodeus: We’re not?
#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me shall we date#obey me brothers#obey me side characters#obey me mc#obey me crack#sleep deprived af
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MC, eventually: *gets invited to a wedding* Can I ask something… Can I add 11 people to my +1?
Friend getting married: Why do you need a +12?!
MC: For my 7 husbands.
Friend: *Trying hard to stay calm* and the other 5?!
MC: For my first husband’s husband, and my husband’s husband’s male wife. And for my fifth husband’s husband, my husband’s husband’s husband and his adopted child.
#It’s all a lie#they are all my husbands#except Luke#he’s my little brother#obey me#obey me!#obey me: one master to rule them all#obey me: shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me dating sim#obey me mc
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