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weirdcoren · 2 months

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So I've been thinking about the Twisted Wonderland universe, and here is my interpretation of what like the race's magic abilities, Etc.

So when it comes down to races, we know that there are Faye, beastman, and merfolk, but like I would like to add to this.

So I think they have more than just beastmen because the beastman category doesn't generally don't fit the whole animal kingdom because there was a distinction with merfolk which are animals fish/Aquatic Life. so I'm thinking beastmen are mammals. So that would mean there are Reptile beastmen, and insect beastmen, Also insects don't necessarily fit into the insect class like spiders, Amphibian Beastman, and let's not forget about those Birds that aren't considered mammals. I have my little Theory and why the Beastmen Race compared to Merfolk are the same, just Aquatic Life versions of beastmen. Looks so different I also think that like other magical creatures, they don't fit in the Faye category and are their own thing

Show the names of the other races and what they would contain.

[ ] So I headcanon The reason why beastmen Have so few animal features Like the ears on top of their head If their animal has ears and a tail If their animal has a tail. I also think that their hair is similar to their animals so it would explain why Leona's hair isn't curly and more like a lion's mane. the reason why I think beastmen look more human is that they had the most interactions with humans and I know for a God damn fact there was probably some like civil rights movement Because the humans enslaved the beastmen race cuz ain't no way fucking Merfolk look Like an actual species and not some kind of hybrid between a human and animal and beastmen did not get the same treatment. (Especially because like if you saw The Little Mermaid Ariel Looks like a human and animal had a child that gone wrong and like their body didn't mix up right. Like if the human juices stayed up on top of the blender while the fish juices stayed down at the blender, none of that stuff was Blended at all. and it doesn't make sense why Ursula looks more non-human and I get that she's a villain but still then Ariel is the little princess of the fishes I would think she would look more like a fish.)

so I'm thinking Ariel is just a fluke And that all merfolk do look like Ursula and they do not look like Ariel, Cuz let the non-humans be non-humans. They can look humanoid but they Should not look like they are human; they are non-human features that were just put on as an afterthought. It looks like they were just slapped on there to make them non-human.

So I think beastman had more interactions with humans and probably had a war and they were enslaved because humans are humans (we're pretty bad creatures) And I'm guessing that a lot of buyers or breeders of said beastman made them look more human to the point where while yes they still have like their strength and animal ears and tail and my head Canon Claws and feet but they are generally more human looking than they've ever been and can never go back to what they used to be. So I would think that would explain why beastman looks so human compared to Merfolk.

so I would think their hands are clawed or animal-like, same with their feet. But that's just like a personal headCannon. For mammals like bats whose wings are on their arms I would think because humans specifically breed the animal out of beastmen, those Features would be like on their back or Wherever else it could be.

[ ] First, we have avians, basically bird beastmen, but I'm making the distinction that beastmen just are mammals and birds aren't mammals, or at least I think they're not the last time I checked. For their body structure, I would think that they would have the bird legs and their arms being wings, not human arms. I don't think they would have a bird beak, though. They would also probably have feathers around their face like Howl's Moving Castle guy. I would think avians just stayed away from humans or got hunted by humans, so the species is very rare and doesn't interact with many like beastmen or others outside their race. Now I do think some species of bird beastmen Or avians would have more humanoid traits like Dove Avians or parrot Avians not having the bird feet (Generally more the pretty birds Or smaller birds) but for the most part I think most bird Avians weren't particularly enslaved because of their wings and how cautious they were. they're also really friends with harpies because harpies used to hide them away from humans also I think harpies are Faye same with Sirens, so yeah and how you tell the difference between a harpy and an Avian is because avians don't have arms but they do have wings for arms. harpies have arms and wings on their back with bird feet, and they have more feathers than avians.

[ ] So now we have reptilians, which are reptile Beastmen. I think they're very similar to beastmen, but they're more animal-leaning than beastmen but not as animal-leaning as merfolk. Of course, some reptiles look more animal-like and look like merfolk. An example of this is snakes, Komodo dragons, and generally more dangerous reptiles. So how they would look different I would think snakes would have a serpent body instead of like how regular reptilians have normal legs except their feet are different. So their appearance is kind of similar to a Naga, which is different from a snake reptilian or beastmen. Think how you can tell a person is a reptilian with their eyes. I think certain reptilians didn't have much human interaction because of how violent or dangerous they were. Like snakes, a lot of humans fear snakes, so I wouldn't think they would want to enslave a snake. Beastmen most likely want to kill them but not enslave them. so I would think some reptilians are rare because of the Fear Factor and their Danger, but yeah.

[ ] Then there's amphibians which they're similar to reptiles and merfolk. like they're in between reptiles and merfolk, though some amphibian species generally look more like beastmen. So if they have ears, it's on top of their head. If they have a tail, they have a tail, and then their hands and feet look more animal-like depending on their species, same for amphibians. generally, they were not necessarily enslaved by humans. Certain species weren't. That's why they're in between reptiles and merfolk.

[ ] Insectoids or insects Beastmen yeah I'm guessing they're like merfolk generally didn't have many interactions with humans a lot of them were hunted though so insectoids are probably pretty rare generally they follow suit with merfolk because they're generally more insect looking and like they don't got human legs now some insects do take a more human form like butterflies so they look kind of like beastmen but very few other examples would be like bees maybe moths but that's all I could think of.

[ ] Arachnids which are spiders and those motherfuckers are rare but terrifying. They're very spider-like like the bottom half is just spider. they follow after a merfolk honestly some of them look more monstrous than a merfolk. those fuckers are also really vicious. They don't like humans either. a lot of humans have arachnophobia and don't like spiders a lot of humans who don't like things kill it arachnids don't like humans because of that very reason and because of that reason, they're very rare, Going on extinction…This also goes for any insect that doesn't fall under the insect category because they have too many legs they look similar to arachnids.

[ ] Faye so generally I think a lot of mythical creatures fall under the Faye category like selkies, harpies, Fairies, and Pixies, (Yes they are technically different from Faye They fall under the category but are their type of species Especially because I'm thinking that Faye is just what the species race is called. Like how cats are called felines, it's a group of species that fall under one name, but they're all different.) sirens, Vampires, werewolves, and others. (Also if anyone wants to fight me that vampires and werewolves are not Faye, werewolves, or werekin (Because I think that werewolves aren't just the only types of were's that are out there because if you've seen fan art for werecats and werehyenas and other species of animals just look it up. Y'all making me go on a tangent.) (But anyway, they're just shapeshifters that have a specific animal. in which they can transform throughout so they can go furry mode or beastmen mode or even full animal, but they have to stay in the lanes of their animal, and Lilia is a dark Fae. That is purely a vampire you cannot tell me vampires don't fall under the category of dark Fae. I will also go further into this defending it in my next post. Stay tuned.)

I might have missed some, but there are a lot of different kinds of Faye. There are also the elements that Faye falls under, which I'm thinking of the regular elements that are depicted in media with some subcategories. So, the regular elements that are depicted in the media are water, fire, earth, and air. I would like to add light and dark, which is typical fantasy stuff. And I'm pretty sure it's Canon because Lilia is specifically said to be a dark Fae, so if there's a dark Fae, there's got to be a light Fae. Now, subcategories, I would think like ice and lightning. there's probably some more, but I don't want to get into that. That's going to be a whole other post.

Now dragons do not fall under the Faye category, but some dragons are Faye, not all Fayes are dragons, and not all dragons are Faye. There's a specific type of dragon that is Faye, which is called and is a Faye dragon. So I think they have glamors and have all kinds of different forms and their original form is more or less humanoid so generally I don't think they look human per se it's just glamor they put on. unless they're a half Faye, but yeah, they're going to look human because they're half-human. Of course, if a fae is meant to interact with humans more than others or have interacted with humans more than others then they're probably going to look more human-like selkies but most Fae probably don't look human it's just a glamor. Some features do come out of the glamor that they wear, so I would say like their pointed ears, fangs, horns, talons, and other stuff.

[ ] Dragons or dragonoids my brothers in Christ either they're wearing a glamor or they look barely humanoid like they got a human face and maybe human-ish body but that's all you're going to get dragonoids. I think all types of monstrous, like some dragonoids, have a human body but a dragon face. Others don't. Dragonoids come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. but most of the time, I think they're like magical creatures, so I would think they would wear a glamor of some sort or have some kind of magic up to make them look human-ish.

I also think that the eyes give it away. most dragons probably have wings on their back but for certain dragons if their wings are their arms like wyverns or if they have no wings like Drake's there are going to be some differences I think Drake's dragonoids have the kind of Centaur build wear like their bottom half is like not a horse but like a drake dragon so yeah also there are multiple types of dragons and they come in all kinds of shapes colors and sizes look it up I've researched it there's many kinds of dragons and I think this follows with the race.

I will make a post at a later date going into the types of dragons. Now, I'm just going to provide you with a picture. And no, I'm not going into the elements, and we're not going into the color types of dragons because yes, the colors make a difference, and the elements they fall under make a difference. I don't want to go into it right now. This post is already too long. I will make another post going into detail, but not now. I'm just going to give you a simple picture of a family tree. it's not going to cover all the dragons, but it will work until I make a post about it.

[ ] All right next we have other just generally mystical creature kind of beings like unicorns Angels demons, chimeras, three-headed dogs An Exedra stuff that doesn't fit under like the beastmen category or the other categories I've said so far like they don't fit under faye or dragon.

I just think they're magical creatures, and I have not come up with a name for them. so I'm just going to call them magical creatures. Now I headcanon that Angels and Demons aren't necessarily like religious symbols in the Twisted Wonderland Universe like they're just like any other species because of the great seven Now I do not know if this is Canon but I've seen a lot of fanfiction just having the character say oh the great seven Like saying oh my God. I think that the Great Seven are some kind of symbol of worship but not necessarily Gods except Hades. he's different. He's canonically a god.

But anyway I don't think angels and Demon apply to the religious symbol that they're seen as in our world than the Twisted Wonderland world I'm just saying that they're just a race and not a symbol of God per se cuz I don't think like necessarily like the Christian, Other religions that see Angels and Demons as religious symbols are there because Hades canonically is a Greek god so and him being like real means like the other Greek gods are real In that universe.

So yeah, I don't think Angels and Demons per se would have the same religious belief as Christianity or Other religions, so I'm just going to say that they race like any other. (also for the people saying that Twisted Wonderland probably doesn't have holidays like Christmas and stuff. Have you forgotten that Nightmare Before Christmas is a canonical thing in the universe because Disney made it? Nightmare Before Christmas is owned by Disney, so it means it's canon. so they have Valentine's Day and other canonical holidays That appeared in the movie…) but anyway I'm just going to say that Angels generally are magical creatures that have A light Elemental or whatever and then demons Have a dark Elemental and the whole like Angels and Demons one being good one being bad is completely wrong Neither race is inherently bad or good. So yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Unicorns probably have a glamor of some sort. I'm just thinking that magic creatures come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and like some are more human than others some are completely not that's what I'm thinking but yeah.

Thank you for listening to my TED Talk and ranting until next time where I'm going to go into my headcanon of the magical system or I'm going to go deeper into the FAE Category and family tree.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst

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luckynightdinosaur · 7 months

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Predvember Day 3

Prompt: Phase

Word Count: 1k

Summary: A woman is captured by Weyland-Yutani, and discovers their plans for her.

Pairing: None

Tags: Human experimentation, corrupt corporations, forced pregnancy (future), dialogue-heavy

Warnings: None

Phase One.

That's what the scientists are calling it.

"The beginning of a new breed of soldier, one who can do that which regular men and women cannot. That's the goal here, you see?"

One of them, a short, rotund ginger woman, tells Max as she is tightening the restraints on her wrists.

"You're crazy," she spits out between gritted teeth, wishing that the force of her glare was enough to cause the woman to drop dead as she struggles on the metal table in a vain attempt to free herself. "You can't do this to me. I'm an American citizen. I have rights."

The scientist, whose name tag reads "Fritz", clicks her tongue mockingly. "Don't be ridiculous. The moment you signed those papers, you gave up what rights you have. You belong to Weyland-Yutani."

"You lied to me!" Max shoots back. "This was supposed to be a social study, not some- some crackpot science experiment! You lied."

Fritz hesitates, but only for a moment, before she shrugs, her blue eyes narrowing. "It was necessary."

"Necessary?" Max chokes out, a mixture of indignation, terror and fury making her voice crack.

She can't believe it.

What these people are proposing is insane. For starters, aliens aren't even real, and yet here they are, claiming that they're going to use extraterrestrial…dna, to impregnate her?

In the hopes that, what? She conceives a brand new organism, something humanity has never seen before?

It's the most ridiculous thing that she's ever heard. What is this, a sci-fi movie?

"You're not going to get away with this, you know," she tells Fritz, as she tests the restraints again, wincing at the way they bite into her skin.

Fritz has the audacity to roll her eyes, a smirk playing at her lips. "Can you get any more cliché? Of course we're going to get away with it. We did our research. No one is even going to notice that you are gone."

The scientist chuckles, shaking her head. "Even if they do, it's doubtful that they will care too much. Anyone who does care about you….well, they aren't in any position to help you anyway, are they?"

"You don't know anything about me," Max retorts, stung at the implication that this woman is aware of her history, even as her stomach drops.

Did they actually look into her background? Were they just out here targeting specific people for these supposed tests? Or did they just do it for her specifically?

"I know a lot about you. I know that you only have one living relative, your grandmother. Though she's not long for this world, is she?"

Max grits her teeth. Her grandma Susan is the only reason she's here.

She is very sick, and Max can't afford the treatments, only able to work part-time while she attends university.

Finding the advertisement for the study had felt like a lifeline being thrown to her, like the universe had decided to stop shitting on her for once.

Stupid. So stupid.

She can't believe she had actually thought that things were looking up, that she'd actually be able to get her nana help. You know what they say. If it's too good to be true…..

"My job will notice if I don't come in, and-" She begins, trailing off as Fritz snorts, her smirk widening.

"Your job? You mean that dead end ice cream place? Right. Your coworkers despise you. Besides, you'll be replaced in a few days. I doubt that it'll make much of a difference."

Fritz turns, picking up various things around the room, continuing to speak. "You don't really have any friends that you contact regularly, either. No pets, and no significant other. It's quite sad, really."

Max swallows hard, barely paying attention to the other woman's words as she struggles to think of a way out of this mess.

"Why are you doing this? How could you be a part of something like this? It's….. it's wrong."

Fritz tilts her head in her direction, setting down various unidentifiable tools on a tray next to the table that Max is restrained on.

"That's subjective. This is for a good cause. Are you even aware what this means for humanity as a whole? Countless men and women die every year fighting for this country. This project will open doors to advancements the likes we've never seen before. This could save lives. And anything that does that, well. It's not bad in my book."

She's crazy. She's fucking crazy. She actually thinks this is okay.

"And what about me?" Max demands. "What if I die because of this? What then? Is that still for 'a good cause'??"

"The sacrifice of a few to benefit the many," Fritz replies with a shrug. "I don't know why you're so upset. Personally, I would be honored to be a part of something like this, but I…don't fit the requirements, sadly."

Her eyes flick to Max's body, her expression undeniably jealous for the quickest of moments.

Max resists the urge to make a nasty comment, her jaw aching with how hard she's clenching her jaw.

"Besides," Fritz continues. "You're still getting what you want, you know. Your grandmother will be looked after during this project, and will be as long as you prove useful. You have no reason to be upset."

No reason to-

"No reason to be upset!?" Max shouts, rage flaring through her as she strains herself against her restraints. "Are you delusional, or are you just stupid? How can you say-"

"The doctor will be with you soon," the scientist interrupts loudly.

She gives her a fake, cheery smile. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'll be the intern recording your progress throughout this project. I look forward to assisting you through your journey."

Before Max can respond, she turns sharply on her heel, and exits the room.

Leaving her to stare at the door with nothing but dread for company, as she waits for the inevitable.

#yautja #predvember 2023 #tichindesfattits

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cyberwhumper · 5 months

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Heyy I started working on that oc, I didn't draw it yet, and nothing is completely set in stone lol.

But I wrote a little in this post I made. I wanted to ask if you could read the blue part, and tell me if it's possible on the universe your making...

Btw how do you call the caretakers and whumpers? Are they scientists or just like, tutors/ trainers?

Oh and are biopets expensive? Or is it a fairly common thing to have at home, like a dog or a parrot?

Heyyy!!!! I read your post and I'm super excited to see the direction you're planning for his story!!!

The blue part you wrote is very possible in-universe, you did an awesome job at making everything work so well!

Caretakers and whumpers (and even whumpees, to some extent) don't have set names in universe, since it's possible for a trainer to be a whumper or a caretaker, or even a biopet can be a whumper to another biopet if they get into scuffs! As such the jobs in the universe aren't limited to a specific role, if that makes sense.

Typically there are a few roles associated with biopet ownership. Owners, pets, trainers, breeders, sellers, veterinarians, collectors, etc. There are even annual shows and competitions in which the latest biopet limited gene runs are auctioned off. These limited runs are very coveted and known to reach astronomical prices.

As far as price goes, biopets are a luxury item so they are typically only affordable to the upper end of the upper middle class and above. However, their value is determined by a variety of factors including but not limited to: provenance, gene availability, training, etc. Pets from breeders under the Kalavinka Entertainment conglomerate are the utmost symbol of luxury and wealth, and go for insane amounts. For the uber-rich there is also the possibility of ordering a custom made pet to their specifications. Those are not available to the general public in any regard, and one typically needs connections to even have the possibility of acquiring one of these.

On the other end of the scale there are what biopet owners refer to as "biotoys", counterfeit unbranded animals with lower pedigree and dubious provenance, who are bred to emulate the latest trends in biopet releases. Conditions at the breeding and training facilities for those counterfeits are typically incredibly poor and they have a higher likelihood to display behavioral and health issues as a result. The higher the fidelity the more they typically sell for, albeit at considerably lesser price point than a certified biopet. For families who really want a biopet but can't afford one, biotoys are a still expensive but much more viable option!

#biopet #biopet lore #tokimeki replies #biopet oc #IM SO SORRY THIS TURNED INTO AN INFODUMP #MY INABILITY TO EXPLAIN THINGS CONCISELY ONCE AGAIN BITES ME IN THE ASS #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!!!!! I WANNA SEE MORE OF YOUR OC!!!!!!!!#If you'd like I can make a biopet lore masterpost! I don't know if it would be helpful?#If there's anything I can do to help let me know!!!

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nickyroethemarinebiologist · 5 months

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I've been really excited to talk about the dragon breeds in the pirate book because it's SO fun to describe them and give each breed little quirks and characteristics. I have a spreadsheet of all the (known) dragon species of this universe (which is also shared with a second book series I may or may not be planning)

So here's some fun info on all the mentioned dragon breeds so far!!

First of all we have my dear boy Timor; he's a Golden-crested Sharpnose, of course, which are one of the smallest Sharpnose breeds (I only did that so he could fit on the ship even at full growth) and are based off Golden Eagles, so shape-wise they look a little like this

But in terms of colouring it ranges from a more common brown-gold mix, to almost entirely brown, to a brighter, full gold colour like Timor!!

(A Common Sharpnose is based off of a Long-crested Eagle, so looks more like this)

They're very good at imitating people's habits and 'tamed' Sharpnoses will often pick up on the speech patterns of the people around them subconsciously

Moving swiftly to Caritas, my sweet little guy. He's a Silver Pinnet, though he's not actually silver. I did that on purpose as a funny little nod to the naming conventions of birds (e.g. Golden eagles are actually brown, etc)

Pinnets are the smallest breed that's considered 'tameable', though Silver Pinnets are a little bigger and faster than the common breed. They're pretty much exclusively couriers, and they're based off of a Sandgrouse in shape:

Where as colouring wise they're very similar to a pheasant hen, with very little range between individuals (though every Pinnet has a distinct mottling pattern! Like human fingerprints) so something like this

Then there's dear Fancy (Elliott's dragon) and the two dragons he's napping with in chapter four

Fancy is a Royal Spinewing, and he's based off a Great Blue Heron:

Spinewings are very flashy and have great manoeuvreability in the air, so overall they're widely considered to be a very impressive and VERY valuable breed. However they are also very dim.

Fancy specifically isn't very bright however he talks like Miette ('you KICK Miette? You kick her body like the football?') and I think it is very endearing

The two dragons napping with him are currently unnamed and likely will never be named, unless I can work them into the story somehow. But they're Creepers (closely related to Stonecreepers) which are based off Wallcreepers (a lot of creeping going on here) so:

Little cutie patootie pies

There's also the briefly mentioned younger captain who comes up with Davis, he IS named and he will be reappearing, and so will his dragon!!

The dragon is a Little Dipper, which are based off Turnstones, so she looks something like this!!

And last but by no means at all least, we have Tolly!!

Tolerans is a Slipwing, so he's based off a bird called a Pheasant Coucal, which I had never heard of until I happened upon it on wikipedia entirely by chance. He looks a little like this:

Slipwings aren't a very smart breed but they like having things to do and will get antsy if they sit around for too long. Tolly's personal favourites are flying and reading poetry with Riley, though whether he understands it at all is an entirely different matter

Slipwings are very closely related to Weefs, which are a more shorefaring dragon breed, so while Slipwings themselves are more suited to land, they can swim pretty well and naturally love being in the water (in contrast to Timor, who was born at sea and loves it dearly, but has never once tried to swim and probably never will)

#none of this is anything im just very proud of myself #i update my special little spreadsheet constantly its my pride and joy #oc posting #forgive me for the yapping #timor: here be dragons

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ghaniblue · 2 years

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Sterek Recs for Beginners

Or, how to lure unsuspecting people into the woods and make them fall in love with Sterek? A very biased and purely subjective guide to the wonderful world of Sterek fic.

@m0srael asked for Sterek recs for someone with little to no canon knowledge. I went a little overboard (just a little) and turned it into my own personal must-read Sterek primer. I sorted the stories into categories of what I consider to be Sterek essentials. The only category I couldn't fill was Scott & Stiles = BFF as a focus. I very much consider them a package deal, so assume this as a given for everything I rec unless otherwise indicated. I am officially no longer in the fandom, and I haven't read anything new in ages, fyi,

27 stories/series, including 9 podfics

Categories:

Omegaverse, NECKZ'nTHROATS and other porn

Wolf Derek

Magic Stiles

Failwolf Derek

Badass Stiles

Muppet Stiles

Family / Pack Feels

AUs & Alternate Realities

Shifter Stiles

If you want more after all this: here are my Sterek recs on pinboard. My Teen Wolf bookmarks on AO3. Or if you have a hankering for something specific, holler and I'll try to provide. <3

Onwards!

A/B/O, NECKZ'nTHROATS and other porn

How it started + Neckz'nThroats fanlore article + Masterpost by multiple

-- because werewolf porn magazine universe. You're welcome.

The One With The Mail-Order Brides and A/B/O Dynamics by Stoney | E | 16k

Wolves aren't meant to be alone. Laura tells Derek this repeatedly. Which... is why Derek knows he's losing his mind, as Laura has been dead for more than six years. Wolves aren't meant to be alone.

And so he sends away for a companion. JUST for a companion, not for a mate. The universe, however, has a different plan in store for him.

-- because sad hermit Derek and sad 'broken' omega Stiles finding each other in the mountains, also ticks the boxes sad!Derek and wolf!Derek (read everything by Stoney)

Wolves In The House (Won't Let Me Out) by otter | E | 14k |

Stiles gets eaten by a mind-controlling lake, Derek is fluffier than usual, and everything turns out pornier than expected.

-- because this is taking the wolfy sex very far into xeno territory

Tried and Tested Series by dancinbutterfly | E | 53k + podfics by dodificus

In which Derek has a sex emergency with unplanned results, Stiles could be the baby daddy on one of those horrible MTV pregnancy shows, Sheriff Stilinski takes in strays and life in Beacon Hills never has a dull moment, not even when things are calm.

-- because surprise baby after breeding incident

an exaltation of larks by llassah | E | 25k

All Derek wants is to get through the lambing season with his body and spirit intact. He had thought that the blizzards would be the main danger, not a highborn omega with beautiful eyes and a stubborn streak.

-- because sad hermit shepherd Derek and spirited omega!Stiles and pining and mating bonds

(not so) Pure Imagination by theroguesgambit | E | 33k

"There is a world where whenever someone fantasizes about you, you can physically feel it, but you have no idea who is thinking it about you."

Stiles knows it's wrong, but he's been Fantasizing about Derek and he can't bring himself to stop. Derek doesn't know who's taken an interest in him, but he's enjoying it way more than he probably should.

-- for when you want a little dub-con and a little squirmy wrongness in your smut

The Creepy Cave by wangler | E | 4k + podfic by shiningartifact

Stiles looks up. Slowly. “Holy shit,” he says. The tentacle is attached to more tentacles which are attached to a giant glowing squid thing. “That is not the droid we were looking for.”

-- because tentacle (porn) named Frank

Wolf Derek

The Importance of Turning Around Three Times Before Lying Down by otter | M | 32k + podfic by @reena-jenkins

It’s like this dog has walked out of all of Stiles’ childhood dreams and into the real world just because Stiles wanted it hard enough. He is the most awesome dog ever, and he and Stiles have a bond. A deep, unbreakable bond because this animal is his soul mate, obviously. Now he just has to convince the dog of that.

-- because this needs no canon knowledge and warms the heart

Lock All The Doors Behind You by entanglednow | M | 26k + podfic by rhea314

He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one.

-- because feral!Derek imprinting on Stiles, also the whole comedy of errors of Stiles trying to get Derek to wear pants

You are the Moon by skoosiepants | T | 10k

Stuff Stiles doesn’t like to deal with first thing: hot, moist dog breath in his face, a cuddly werewolf creepifying his perfectly normal morning wood with shades of bestiality, and his dad holding his service revolver up against the skull of his bedmate, never mind the fact that his bedmate could possibly be a vicious unhinged rogue omega.

-- because Stiles cannot resist collecting werewolves, see also failwolf!Derek

Magic Stiles

Stand Fast in Your Enchantments by @devildoll | E | 77k

"Stiles knew damn well what a pissed-off wolf sounded like, and every hair on the back of his neck was telling him that somewhere in this room was a very pissed-off werewolf." An AU in which Derek is feral, Stiles is magical, and they eat a lot of fast food.

-- because of the UST and Stiles being smart, see also badass Stiles and wolf Derek

Failwolf Derek

all you're giving me is friction by @drunktuesdays | M | 5k

Stiles is Alpha bait.

-- because Stiles is Alpha bait, Derek knows and is SUFFERING, other Alphas think Derek is the failiest, and it is all so HILARIOUS (read everything by drunktuesdays)

Badass Stiles

By Any Other Name by @entanglednow | E | 33k + podfic by rhea314

He doesn't know his name, he doesn't know who he is, and neither does the werewolf he's on the run with. But he's pretty sure they hunt monsters, because they seem to be really good at it.

-- because they have amnesia so you get to learn with them, also witches (read everything by entanglednow)

This is Not Our Fate by KindreTurnany | M | 20k

Stiles wakes up in a barred cell with Derek. They’re forced into an arena like something Stiles saw in a movie once. It was the kind of movie where men fought to the death to amuse other men.

-- because this is Stiles' ruthless, scary side, also gladiator fights

9/10ths of the Law by @tsukinofaerii | T | 7k + podfic by podcath

Stiles discovers the hazards of growing up a real boy when, at heart, he's not a real boy at all.

-- because Stiles is a demon gone native

Hide Of A Life War by @etharei | E | 26k

“We have received confirmation that there is a hostage situation in progress at a warehouse compound two hours out of Los Angeles, following a multiple-vehicle pileup on Highway 101 this morning...”

-- because Stiles grows up to be a badass and the Sheriff gets to witness it and is just the best ever, see Stilinski family feels

Muppet Stiles

No Homo by anon | E | 84k

Stiles' sophomore year starts something like this:

3 FourLokos

+ 1 peer-pressuring cat

- 1 best bro to end all best bros

= 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic".

Derek is the fool who replies.

-- because Stiles is the dumbest, this is utterly hilarious and Derek is such a goner, also ticks no-wolves AU box

Family / Pack Feels

Kindred Spirits by Stoney | E | 105k

Anne of Green Gables AU: Stiles is the adopted son of the Sheriff, brought to Beacon Hills to hopefully stay for good. A family, a best friend, school, Jackson as Josie Pye (because who else could he be?) and the mystery of a dark haired, green-eyed boy which leads Stiles to discovering a secret within himself.

-- because the Sheriff is the best, and the slow build is soo sloooow and Stiles has the best friends, this story made me cry so many happy tears, also ticks the AU box

(Sacred) In the Ordinary by idyll | E | 79k + podfic by knight-tracer

The Pack, after college, graduate school and the starting of careers, comes back to Beacon Hills. Nothing's gotten less complicated after all this time.

-- because world building and pack dynamics and an amazing Sterek relationship as the core, also badass Stiles

AUs & Alternate Realities

The One Where They're Forced To Marry In Ye Olden Times by Stoney | E | 16k

Due to the destruction of House Hale and the debts incurred in their survival and search for justice, the King (blah blah, make believe world) arranges a marriage between Derek and Stiles, eliminating all debts the Hales may owe. Derek is very unhappy. Stiles is pretty shocked at who he's being matched with, but he's certainly not unhappy. It's pretty clear from the start Derek doesn't share that feeling.

Stiles passes the time by hunting with his falcon, Derek broods. Until...

-- because arranged marriage and pining and sad!Derek

Cornerstone by Vendelin + art by @maichan-art | E | 84k

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

-- because Stiles is the best, and this can be read as original fic and it would still be just as lovely and heartwarming

Cherry Bomb by the_deep_magic | E | 13k

Stiles is yanked up to his feet so fast that his world spins and his shoulder aches and he’s a second from screaming police brutality! when he gets a good look at the cop’s face. Holy shit. Stiles was just tackled to the ground by a fucking underwear model with a badge.

-- because juvenile delinquent Stiles and hot deputy Derek are magic, also sad Stilinski family feels galore

Not As Described by saintsideways (formerly Febricant) | M | 81k

In a world where werewolves are enslaved Stiles buys Derek at an auction and gets more than he bargained for.

-- for the world building and the relationship building and the lovely UST, and because it takes foreeever for anything to happen between them

You Were a Kindness When I Was a Stranger by @devildoll | E | 8k + podfic by Jinxy

"It's not all handcuffs and spankings and learning to deep throat." This is an AU with consensual BDSM sex acts, in which Derek supports Stiles financially in exchange for a sexual relationship. Stiles is of legal age.

-- because this is my Dom!Derek comfort fic (read everything by DevilDoll)

A Wildness Warily Awakened by @etharei | E | 65k

Derek Hale and his Specialized Combat Agents Unit are assigned to B-CON Base, a research facility in the heart of the lone human settlement on planet Cali. Normally, such an isolated place would not warrant the presence of Specs - the Infection is raging across the known galaxy, after all, and zombies don’t kill themselves (unless there are no tastier alternatives at hand) - but Derek is on a private hunt for his sister. He soon discovers that the rest of his team have ties to the place as well.

It’s all just coincidence, of course. (No matter what Stiles bleats on about those.)

Also, zombies.

-- because space AU with zombies

Shifter Stiles

A (Sort of) Fairytale by briecheesie | M | 26k

The summer after senior year starts normally enough, with the gang spending their final months before college together at the Martin family's lake house. Then Jackson stumbles onto the burial ground of a witch's ex-husband, Stiles is magically turned into a fox, and things somehow manage to get worse from there. The gratuitous Princess Bride references are only of moderate help.

-- because fox Stiles is so grumpy and it is hilarious

A Simple Life by Survivah | T | 14k + podfic by mothlights

Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton's magic powder, and his plans change.

-- because this is the most adorable

#teen wolf recs #sterek recs #sterek rec list #sterek #eternal sterek #acari recs #teen wolf fic #podfic recs #podfic #sterek podfic #teen wolf podfic #sterek fic rec

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theangrypokemaniac · 4 years

Text

Since no one cares about Alola I can therefore say what I want.

Team Rocket's Pokémon are all worthless toss. That's such a surprise from this oafish writing team.

Remember when Jessie and James had two each, to offer variety? Permitting them even that is too much focus nowadays.

We don't what anything interesting going on, thank you. Repetition is what we and they deserve.

Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung and Victreebel are spinning in their graves.

Stufful was missing for three years and she displayed not the slightest pang of concern until its belated invention. Given her temper she ought to have torn the island apart searching for her baby, but no.

Not bothered about Bewear. It shouldn't really be in this list as it didn't belong to them, although catching has no value anymore.

A bit thick are we? Or conforming to the usual parental standards?

Well, she's sufficiently neglectful that she let it out of her sight long enough for it to be crushed under a tree, then was too idle to come to the rescue. In consequence he was obliged to wait days until one of Lusamine's lackeys arrived.

She's 'Mama Bear' though, isn't she?

It's based on a red panda, is partly the colour of a black bear and as strong as a grizzly, but all that is a mere cover for its true nature as a Bear-Face Ham.

The modern pretence is that everyone's a vegetarian (are they balls), and Ursa Major lives on fruit, not, you know, flesh.

Just because it there's no hibernating in the tropics doesn't mean it can get by without a salmon now and again.

The name is stupid, since a red panda is not a bear. A play on words isn't clever if based on what it isn't.

They should've called her 'Pandamonia', or 'Pandour', which is a brutal soldier.

It is at least redeemed by battering the klepto cockroach into the next dimension. Good on 'er.

Mind you, this is Alola, a cesspit of incest, so it's probably some sick arrangement, like Bewear being slipped the length by that previously unmentioned Oakie-Dokie clone.

He's the spit of Jimmy Savile, thus every depravity is on the table.

Where's Stufful's dad? He buggered off too?

What kind of name is 'Stufful'? What's it made from, 'stifle' and 'suffocation'? 'Stuffed'?

Thanks for that. Whenever I see its ovine face I'm reminded of taxidermy.

Were Ursa Minor and Bewear described as mother and son, or were they 'friends'?

A series of games involving breeding and the 'anime' is too squeamish to even imply animals live in families.

I don't care either way for Stufful, but I'd like it better if its mouth wasn't a camel toe.

I understand it's a sea creature, and the contents of the oceans are their own brand of peculiarity, but looks like a limbless, undead spaniel plagued with extra teats. Its 'ears' resemble distended mammeries.

Hey, remember that interesting, original Pokémon James had called Victreebel? Let's do it again! And again! AND AGAIN!

Victreebel is a venus fly trap: an anomaly in nature as a carnivorous plant. It makes sense that the Pokémon version would be a bit more full-on in catching a meal.

New law: Team Rocket are required to collect monsters as ugly as themselves.

Hurting James was its personality quirk, particularly to it, fitting its nature, its 'thing'. It was never meant as a template for most of what he caught in the future.

Something is funny if it happens once, and can be now and again if done with a least a little flair.

Nothing repeated as a constant leaden thud is remotely amusing, but this is an unknown fact to Nintendo bone heads. They think certain events are utterly hilarious in themselves and require no finesse in application.

They have a checklist of moments obligatory to each episode, which explains the plodding lifelessness. Tick 'em off to keep the fans from being ticked off. All we supposedly care about is each gong struck, not how we got there.

At least Victreebel used to vary its behaviour:

Occasionally it even did as told without any chomping preamble.

It didn't do the exact same action every single time it was involved!

Mostly it swallowed James.

How long was it once Victreebel was chucked out on its leafy arse before Cacnea arrived?

Oh look, it's a Grass Pokémon and attacks James!

Sometimes it ate Jessie.

Carnivine got in on the action before Cacnea's run was even up: kick 'em when they're down why don't yer?

Oh look, it's a Grass Pokémon and attacks James!

Now we have Mareanie. Wasn't there a few in between? No, shush, they don't exist anymore.

Every bloody time it came out, it turned round and punctured him.

Every bloody time.

Ah, it's not a Grass Pokémon. That makes it totally new!

Oh yes, it's the complete opposite of Victreebel. It's Poison instead. Not like it at all.

Every bloody time it came out, it'd gnaw his head off.

Every bloody time.

That's endearing.

Oh but it is! It's just showing him love!

As that makes it alright!

If a muscular man squeezed his girlfriend so tightly he cracked her ribs, is that 'sweet' because he 'meant well' but his feelings overwhelmed him? Or is it A.B.H.?

Every bloody time it comes out, it injects James's head with toxin until it swells up into purple pustule of disease.

Every bloody time.

I never took Victreebel's assault as affection. To me they were real attempts to devour James, especially with the accompanying frenzied screech. Interpreting that as a positive emotion is bizarre to me.

At soon as James found it wedged in a Breeding Centre cage and opened the door it grabbed him, which appeared to be Victreebel lashing out in anger for what'd happened in the intervening period.

What Mareanie does is worse than the other three put together. At least they delivered mere bite marks or pinpricks, but it infects James!

Whole episodes of this programme have involved a Pokémon falling foul of Poison Powder and being on the verge of death, with all done to preserve it until Ash hunted down the cure, but now it's a big laugh, apparently.

Not one character ever has the wits about them to carry an Antidote, otherwise the writers wouldn't be able to fall back on the tired old race-against-time scenario, which is no such thing as we know they won't die.

Is it likely that James is always going to end up picking a violent Pokémon, of all the individuals of a race, of all the lifeforms in the universe?

Aren't his allowed to come with their own personality, or is there a set pattern they must follow, and when caught they absorb it, for fear they might be memorable?

Mind you, it's interesting the reactions these abuses provoke:

Victreebel eats James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Cacnea impales James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Carnivine chews James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Mareanie poisons James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Meowth claws James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Jessie beats James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Jessibelle whips James: EEVUL BITCH!!!

Mimikyu should be opposed for breaking it's own world.

To us, Pikachu is the most famous Pokémon, belonging to Ash, the protagonist, and the franchise's mascot.

To them, Pikachu is just another middling Pokémon hundreds of young Trainers catch, and holds no greater value.

It's blatantly a reference to Pikachu's real-life status, acknowledging itself as fiction. No Pokémon would hold the same significance for this design to work but him.

Otherwise why would Mimikyu, when it has the choice of every Pokémon that exists, and, if meant to be a believable world, every Pokémon we don't know exists, choose Pikachu to ape? Why wouldn't it pick a Legendary?

Alola Pikachu is looking off colour.

It's not even this specific Mimikyu, it's the entire species!

What, they work to a hive mind, incapable of individual tastes and opinions?

Do they all hate Pikachu too, even though the entire mouse population of Alola has been rounded up by that loon and trapped in a valley, or were we lumbered with the lone demented obsessive with a severe complex?

Is it well jel that Pikachu's a real one, whereas it can only manage to knock up a bog-standard costume with a face daubed by a chimp paralytic from scrumpy?

Well stop imitating it then! Invent your own design!

Oh come on. The animators can't even do that, hence its creation. You can hardly expect it to display inspiration if born from its absence.

I wonder if it hates Raichu. And Pichu. And Plusle and Minun. And the rest of the Pikachu derivatives, although it is one.

(As an aside, I don't know why Raichu, Marowak and Exeggutor were redrawn for this era, but not Pikachu, Cubone and Exeggcute. Why does the sweaty climate affect only evolutions?)

Here's an idea: make Shiny Mimikyu have a different get up, not colour.

You can have that free, Game Freak. I'm too lenient with yer.

Presumably, Mimikyu hatches (already dead?) in all its eye-bleeding nastiness, and instinctively reaches for the discarded yellow bedsheet and pack of crayons that just so happens to be nearby, and the scissors to make the peep holes.

Them inbreds know how to litter.

Flippers?

Nah, it's probably hooks.

How is it born aware of a Pikachu's face, and why is it compelled to copy them?

Knowledge of his own ugliness is innate, thus he must cover his nakedness before it lays waste to the forest inhabitants.

Yet if you breed 'em, it emerges wearing it, like the cloth formed from left-over albumen and stained with yolk!

What's it reaching with? Paws?

Mittens?

Oh, and there was a deceased specimen in the series, so it's either a ghost, and nothing but bedsheet, or a zombie, and it's repulsive carcass has upped the ante by putrifying.

Even its name doesn't fit. Apart from the unsightly spelling, what's 'Mimikyu' about? It's not mimicking me.

Mimikyu? It should be Mimikchu!

And you know what? Even Nintendo agree their own inventions aren't good enough, because they made return almost impossible.

They hate these more than they do even the pre-Unova Pokémon, most of whom were condemned to a dark existence within the iron corridors of H.Q. and haven't been seen since.

• Growlie is such a beloved figure in James's life he's been involved all of twice.

• Dustox got pensioned off.

• James was practically bullied into gifting Cacnea to that cloying bitch Gardenia.

• Whilst he still tecnically owns Chimecho, it's as lost to him as any of them.

Remember Seviper, Yanmega, Carnivine and Mime Junior?

Hell, remember Woobat, Yamask, Frillish and Amoonguss?

Or Gourgeist and Inkay?

Of course, since the makers appear to have the Reverse-Midas Touch, Team Rocket still took that useless, wincing lump Wobbuffet to Galar instead of dumping it over the sea. Apparently we're stuck with it forever.

Arbok, Lickitung, Weezing and Victreebel got shafted, but THAT survives?

Yes? That's more the writers do. In current canon these Pokémon never lived at all. Dead memories in the haze.

#Team Rocket #Bewear #Stufful #Mareanie #Mimikyu #Wobbuffet #Alola

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