I've always loved the story of Matilda. I've only seen the musical once because of how musicals work, and how hard it is to see them not live, but the 90s movie was my favorite movie as a kid. As an adult, Matilda has given me really strong Jason-Todd-feelings. Especially in the song "Naughty," in just how Matilda really subscribes to the idea that if she wants things to be better, or at least to have things made 'right,' she has to do it herself. She can't and shouldn't just sit back and take abuse, she should fight back, no matter how little she is. That spirit in itself just always reminded me of Jason.

But now with the Netflix movie, I've watched the musical several times this week and it's really made me listen to the music (before I only listened to a couple of the songs with any repetition) and Wow do I have feelings. But this song in particular, at first I was thinking about how it would reflect on Jason & Bruce before I realized something...

This is exactly how Tim's story plays out. The song is the final song in the play, and it's called Still Holding my Hand. The lyrics go:

I believed that I would never be able to rely on anybody else. And I was sure that I would just have to learn to survive all by myself. And one day I opened my eyes, and looked to find that the sky had turned blindingly blue. And right by my side was you quietly taking a stand, and you were holding my hand.

And just. Think about that. Tim Drake was this tiny little child who inserted himself in Bruce's life because Batman needed help. He didn't go to Batman for help in anything, and while canon is kind of all over the place on Tim's own situation, he was a neglected child in basically every version. In the main one most people tend to use, he rarely had his parents around, and was instead raised by boarding schools and the housekeeper. But none of those people are parents. They aren't people you can rely on. They're all employees of someone or something. They aren't the same thing as nannies, and even then, nannies aren't replacements for parents. I say that as a former nanny. People who take care of you for a living aren't permanent fixtures in your life, no matter how wonderful, supporting, and loving they are. And that will cause a wall to be built between you, especially if you're used to being moved around or just don't have the same one your whole childhood.

So Tim, being 12 or 13, didn't have anyone in his life he could rely on. He relied on himself, and was fiercely independent as a result. It's certainly one of his strengths, and it was what made him approach Batman and save him over and over again. But even if it was a strength of his, everyone, everyone, but especially children need people they can rely on. And once the grieving-Bruce resigned himself to training this child they bonded. Bruce started noticing things about Tim, about Tim's parents. Or... lack of Tim's parents, and so he stepped up further. He became a father figure in Tim's life. Even if he was hesitant, because Tim wasn't his kid.

And one day.... Tim opened his eyes and saw. And he realized that Bruce was there for him. Bruce cared about him, loved him even, and Tim trusted him with his entire being. Something he never thought would happen. Kid-him relying on an adult so heavily.

Anyway. Now listen to the song and cry with me about it.