#we'll see if i do the anthology lol
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✒ TTPD ✒ TS ✒
#this has been in my drafts for weeeeeekssss#i changed some of them now that we have the lyrics#still dont know if i like it#but im posting it anyway#we'll see if i do the anthology lol#ttpd#the tortured poets department#taylor swift#taylor swift edit#tswiftedit#tsusermeggie#userelena#userthelasttime#userleah
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sunday in review | I
hello.
I took an unexpected hiatus from this before Christmas - my time, responsibilities and health have shifted in the last couple of months and with several spinning plates, something had to give. But I'm trying it out again - we'll see how it goes, let me know if you have any feedback!
writing habits.
plotted:
- Javi P. x reader for Kel’s ‘Taylor Swift Drabble Challenge’
- Dieter x reader for Kate’s ‘Brandi Carlise Drabble Challenge’
worked on (i.e. jumped into and maybe added like three words, it's been a week):
- Sequins!Joel x Reader
- Tim x Cagney
- Salt Water (I’m determined this will see the light of day at some point this year)
- Angsty Dieter x Reader
- x3 Lucien x Reader (this man has rotted my brain)
- Texas Hold ‘Em anthology
on the blog this week.
handwritten asks
which I’m slowly working my way through so the perfectionist in me isn’t awoken lol. If you’ve come across it I said I’d keep it up until Sunday, but if you want to drop an ask I’ll answer any extras that come through
march madness | 2024
I knew the full 63 was a lofty goal for me, my time to read fanfiction is now at odds with my time to write and that window has slowly gotten smaller. So I’ve been trying to squeeze in time to read where I can (list to be uploaded later)
what I read.
The One (Dieter) @schnarfer
Let Me Lay Down Beside You (Joel) @jomiddlemarch
Bookworm (Marcus P.) @write-down-your-dreams
easy like Sunday morning (Dieter) @gnpwdrnwhiskey
Delta Landscaping - Chapter 15 (various Pedro characters) @rhoorl
what I watched.
Road House - this movie knew the assignment
Lioness - so many ideas involving Frankie running through my head
9-1-1: Lone Star - watched for Liv Tyler, somehow staying for Rob Lowe, I don't know who I am
what made my dash happy.
There’s another Frankie Cat in the wild!
Heidi’s Joel AU moodboard
Mel’s Javi edit, who’s coming bar hopping?
celebrating.
Lolabee's 1 Year of Fic Celebration: 5th-7th April
fanfic throwback.
this is where I go back into my read list and pick one at random to share - because all fic shouldn't be relegated to the archives after they've been shared.
Glass by @idolatrybarbie
marcus pike and prompt no. fifteen— “is there anything we can do?” “we won’t be doing anything."
what was on repeat.
coming in under the wire was beyonce | cowboy carter 🙌
hope you're having a great Sunday! Let me know what you're up to in the comments 💕
#betty's sunday in review#sunday in review#pedro pascal character fanfiction#pedro pascal characters
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Late Night Talking
[spencer reid x reader]
[SONG INSPIRATION » LATE NIGHT TALKING by harry styles]
summary: Your body language was too familiar for him to erase. And he wouldn't be able to do it if he tried. Eidetic memory and all.
“Have you ever been scared of the future?”
“Multiple times.”
“What made you move on?”
“I haven't.”
pairing: s.reid x fem!bi!reader
w.c: 4.5K
warnings/content: exes with feelings trope (and maybe eventually lovers again); angst; yearning; tw!mentions of anxiety, tw!depression, tw!PTSD; reminiscing past relationships; insecurities; fear of being left alone; taking things into perspective; late night conversations in the park; reader has/had someone but the name is never mentioned, just a pronoun; conversations about breakups; an argument; open ending.
[ part of the “harry styles anthology” ]
A/N: this was supposed to be for a writing challenge but I missed the deadline so here it is anyway. through this one shot is how I introduce the harry styles anthology.
A/N²: it will probably be a multichapter song series but I'm not sure yet. hope you enjoy it, I spent some time on this lol.
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“To love someone is firstly to confess: I'm prepared to be devastated by you.”
[ billy-ray belcourt, a history of my brief body ]
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Something had shifted in you that week.
At first, Spencer thought it was the last case. The team had spent four days straight searching for the suspect and the outcome wasn't successful. The scenes were still gripped onto his brain — that's the bad part about having an eidetic memory, he could never forget anything.
It might have been that, but your far-away gaze and the constant biting into your nails told him that wasn't the only reason. Spencer didn't need to profile you to acknowledge when you were distressed about something. You had a tell: the avoidance when looking in someone's eyes; scratching your left eyebrow repeatedly. Many other things as well, sometimes he just had to hear you breathe a certain way and he'd know.
Your body language was too familiar for him to erase. And he wouldn't be able to do it if he tried. Eidetic memory and all.
There was a certain melancholy wavering in your eyes. He could see it so clearly and he wondered if Penelope did it too and that's the reason she kept on insisting that you'd go hang out with all of them. Have shots, dance a little, let loose.
Spencer recognised her intentions but he also saw the will to just take off in your retracting step.
He approached the two of you slowly.
“We'll meet you there.” He said to her, giving you a glance at the corner of his eye. No one would have noticed it right away, maybe if they were paying attention to him closely. It was quick, so quick you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't looking for a way out and he appeared just at the right moment. He saw your throat move as you swallowed hard, knuckles tight as you held onto the strap of your bag. Your shoulders relaxing slightly in his presence.
“Oh,” the blonde blinked, gaze traveling from you to Spencer as if she knew something you didn't. “Okay. We'll see you there then.”
It didn't go unnoticed by him the way multiple pairs of eyes followed you two as you walked out of the Bureau. Spencer chose to ignore their noisy behavior and focus on your shaky hands and fast steps.
He called out your name with apprehension, causing you to spin around to face him. Folding your arms across your chest, your demeanor switched from nervous to a more comfortable one. "Sorry, I just— I don't really feel like going out tonight."
"You don't have to justify yourself to me," He gave you a soft smile. "Do you want to talk?"
It wasn't like before — the two of you. Does anything ever stay the same? His life proved him the answer was no. Your relationship changed a lot after your break-up; it was bound to. You went from spending entire days together, living in the same apartment, to not facing each other at work because it was too painful. It wasn't until a few months ago that he and you started to get closer again, rekindling your friendship.
Spencer didn't think he could bear not having you in his life at all, he'd rather you be there despite the distance.
"You can go, Reid," You said softly. "Thank you for getting me out of that but you don't have to stay."
"I don't really feel like going out either." He shrugged, burying his hands in his pockets. You huffed out a laugh and something in his chest burst.
"You used me to free yourself from a night-out, Doc?" His widened eyes reminded you of a puppy. "I'm joking." You said with a mild smile before he could start apologizing frantically. You knew that look and you knew what came right after.
Spencer was your rock at some point. You've relied on him more ways than you could count. That would've been fine if you didn't go overboard with it. In your worst times, Spencer was there. He helped you stand up, to be yourself. But once you crawled down a rabbit hole of nothingness, there was no anchor that would be able to hold you back to the shore. And you almost dragged him down with you. Before that happened, you pushed him away. That was the hardest thing you had to do.
“If you don't want to talk, can I at least drive you home?”
That's how you ended up on the passenger side of your car, the street lights flashing before your eyes as the car moved on to the avenue. The trees were all but a blur, except for when you looked close enough. They'd slow down with you, almost as if time had freezed.
“There's some Mozart in there.” You referred to the car radio while leaning back and shutting your eyes. You didn't feel like crying anymore, just plainly sad. You wanted to hear his voice, you wanted him to ramble about statistics concerning snakes or geometry, you didn't care. “Spencer.”
“Mhm?”
“Have you ever been scared of the future?”
You felt the car stop, when you flutter your eyelids open, the red light reflected upon the windshield.
“Multiple times.”
“What made you move on?”
“I haven't.” He said quietly, staring at your keychain. It was still the same little howling wolf attached to the moon. He had gifted that to you on your fifth date when you visited the Planetarium. You loved Astronomy so he thought it would be the perfect place to take you. The keychain has been attached to your car keys since that night, among other things that remained exactly the same, not exactly in the physical aspect. “I'm just not scared at this particular moment.” He stole a glance at you, caught off guard when he saw you already staring back.
Your lips twitched, “Me neither.” The green light flickered on and he turned the street. The distance from your apartment wasn't that far from Quantico, twenty-five minutes at most. Now you just wished the time didn't pass at all. “Can you turn left here?”
The car slowed down.
“You want to go to the park?”
You nod, preparing to hop off. “You can just drop me off and head home.” That park was a five minute walk to your place, you didn't need your car to get home anyway and you'd be fine taking the subway tomorrow.
He didn't mind your words, as soon as the engine halted, he waited for you to step out before trailing after you.
His stubbornness wasn't strange to you but you still quirked a brow at it.
That swing hadn't moved since the day you moved into Montclair. The whole park grew to have more slides, a brand new seesaw, and a makeshift maze for kids. Fortunately, the swing remained.
“I'm gonna push you.” Spencer said, standing from his swing to walk behind yours. You snickered, tilting your head back to stare at his overexcited expression. “I won't do it too harshly.”
His careful tone made you feel like a little kid back at elementary school.
That had been your third date, you had invited him to meet your place. You watched an entire season of Doctor Who and he slept over. That's all you ever did, really. And talk the whole night, sharing stupid jokes and deep secrets. The weekend was spent with you showing Spencer all of your favorite spots in the neighborhood.
“You can see Ursa Minor so clearly from here.”
“Draco and Cepheus are right there too.” You mumbled, leaning your cheek on the cold swing chain, attention uplifting to the sky.
“Did you know that despite containing third and fourth magnitude stars Cepheus has no Messier objects? And no meteor showers associated with it as well.”
With your eyelashes fluttering lazily, a warm feeling stretched over your chest. These were the effects of Spencer's presence, whenever you were around him your mind would rest with none of that spiraling it was doing an hour ago. Indulging in his topic, he rambled about constellations for a while before the pitch of his voice lowered to a soft tone upon seeing your eyes fluttered shut.
“I should get you home. You need to sleep.”
“I slept alright at the hotel.”
“I saw you walking around at 1 a.m,” Spencer shakes his head. “Your eyes were dropping on our way back, you are barely standing awake.”
“Thanks for the compliment, handsome. I feel the love.”
He chose to ignore the mocked flattering. “I can stay over until you fall asleep.”
Tempting offer. And an unfair one, too. To him, that is. Spencer made you feel safe, he made you feel grounded and level headed. That never changed. But things weren't like they used to be and you weren't about to ask him to stay over because you were a coward. Figuratively and literally speaking.
“I'm fine, Spencer.” You are too good for your own good.
The moonlight created a curtain against your features, your eyelashes shadowing your cheeks and the tip of your nose. You looked both peaceful and exhausted. He was only trying to help but you were too stubborn.
“I don't think I'm able to make someone happy.”
Spencer isn't foreign to late night confessions. He's done it himself. Our body's melatonin increases during the night which connects with the less light input to the SCN – area of the suprachiasmatic nucleus. To put it simply, our system is put to sleep mode, alerting us that we need to rest because the day is coming to an end. Our thoughts are slightly fuzzy and we don't retain much control of our actions. That's why people do stupid things at nighttime; well, one of the reasons, he cannot vouch for every single person and what happens in their brains.
That also relates to intrusive thoughts, they tend to come in as we're setting in to sleep, creeping up on the vulnerable hour.
You've shared a lot with each other. You have confided in him some of your darkest thoughts, as he has. He knows things about you that nobody else does and vice-versa. However, he had never heard you say that before.
“There's a lot to love about you.” The conviction in his tone made you cast him a careful look. He couldn't be that sure, could he? Not anymore.
“You've dated me, you're inclined to agree with me on this,” you said, nudging his arm playfully. He could see past that façade like a blink of an eye.
“That doesn't make sense.” His brows furrowed as he turned to you. “You've always been kind and strong and passionate about anything you do. Including loving somebody. You've stood by me when I couldn't stand by myself and you never once left. Even if you should have.”
You blink up at him in shock, slightly more aware of your surroundings. "Reid," But he cuts you off before you can say anything else.
“... And it's not only about the things you did but how when you enter a room, everything lights up,” his eyes soften and the edge of his lips barely quirk up. “I know that was a cliche thing to say, but that's all I could think whenever you would come in every morning. You make everyone's days better by just being there. By being you. So don't say you're not able to make someone happy. Because you make me happy even after—” his voice trails off. He doesn't face you but you can see the way his gaze drifts unfocused to his feet. His mind taking him back. And you are taken back, too.
It's no news that your line of work is heavy. Each casefile weighs on your hands as it does in your heart. But it's your job and you've been doing this for years, you're used to it.
Wrong. You never get used to it. And some days you can't go back to yourself as easily. So you push people away. You ended up pushing him away too.
“I'm just tired of fighting.” You state, tiredly running a hand through your face.
Spencer tosses his go-bag on the loveseat, loosening his tie with a frown. “We don't fight." He says shortly. "You're never here, how could we fight? You're never here at all. We barely hold a conversation.”
You visibly flinch, “Spencer, that's not true.”
“It is. And you know it is. You've been delaying this for three months. I can't just carry on like that, you have to speak to me. Just— just speak to me. please? I'm right here.” His frustration is thrown out the window when he finally looks at you. You had a forlornness expression on your features and he wanted more than anything to drive it away.
“I'm not." You let out in a breath. "I don't know where I am, Spencer.”
“Let me help finding you." He begged, taking one of your hands on his. There was something irrevocably broken within you two. He could feel it. "I can do it. You just have to let me be there.”
“I can't. I can't do it. I'm sorry.”
Just like that, it was over. You took a leave of absence from work and disappeared out of the radar for about two months. It was outlandish staying away from your routine, you missed the mess and your people every single day. You missed Spencer more than your heart could take. When you came back, you felt as if you could breathe once again. This time, you didn't choke on the truth or felt as if darkness was swallowing you. Maybe you just needed some time to find yourself.
Now, you were losing that again.
“She asked me to go to France with her.”
Spencer turned to you, head tilting forward so the chains didn't get in the way of his line of sight. He knew whom the her referred to in the sentence. You had started dating someone recently. Spencer knew who she was because she acted as a consultant in a case a long time ago. He'd occasionally see her around the department, Penelope was her friend and you were her girlfriend, it wasn't that unusual.
He watched you fall in love again. Move on. But you stayed friends so that's what mattered to him. He'd rather have you platonically than lose you forever. You walked into his life and took a piece of his heart without asking, he couldn't handle being away from you permanently.
Was that about to happen? Were you going to France to live a new life and leave it all behind?
“And what did you say?” He kicked a rock, swallowing the lump in his throat.
Silence overflows in your conversation, helping Spencer's anxiety to spike up.
“What am I supposed to do in France being completely ignorant with French, Reid.” You said, giving him a half laugh as you swayed on the swing. He opened his mouth and closed it twice, confusion causing his forehead to curl in the middle.
“English might not be widely spoken in France, but approximately 57% of the French population speaks it to a conversational level.” He pauses. “You would get by alright.” He mumbles quietly, drawing an uneven circle form on the sand with his shoe. It didn't even make sense that you'd decline that opportunity because your French wasn't good.
“Spencer.”
“Mhm?”
He didn't look at you, too busy paying attention on the ground like a toddler who's lost his toy. Rolling your eyes, you pushed his swing harshly to the side, gaining a height-pitched yelp. A full belly laugh blossomed out of you.
“This is bullying.” He remarks, narrowing his eyes at you as his swing stabilized. The corner of his lips betrayed him almost immediately.
Your eyes acquire a spark of amusement. “I'm not going, Spencer,” you said. “It was never my plan to leave here. Not for good, at least.”
“So, you're staying?”
“Yes.”
You waited for the question but he never said it, so you carried on. “We broke up.”
“Oh,” he breathed out. A sudden urge to hold you ignited in him. “How are you?”
“I'm okay.” You offered him a soft smile. It's not like you weren't affected by the break-up, you just enjoyed it while it lasted. And though you never reached the stage of falling in love, it was good. It just made you think that as another cycle came to an end, you were stuck in a limbo. Were you capable of making someone happy? Or did you only leave bad memories through someone else's life? Were you their bad part? The one they'd rather not remember?
There's a lot to love about you.
“I'm sorry that I hurt you.”
Spencer glanced at you, stunned.
“Why would you—”
You interrupt him with a shake of your head, “No, Spencer. I've never— We've never talked about it. But I need you to know that falling out of love wasn't the reason why I ended things between us.” His gaze was attentive and you bit your lip before you let out the next words. “I was hurting and I needed to heal on my own. I know that I had you, I know that. But I didn't want to drag you down with me. What if—What if I made it worse? What if I just destroyed that idea you had of me because I couldn't pick myself up?” You huffed out a shaky breath. That wasn't an easy topic. It had never been. “I'm sorry. The truth is that I didn't want you to see me the way I saw myself. It would... wreck me. That and— I was needing you to simply breathe. You were the only thing that kept me going, I couldn't just put that weight on you, it wasn't fair.”
You heard your name being said in a plea but you carried on. You had to get it all out before you regret it.
“... the day I let you go was the hardest day of my life. But it was necessary.” You paused, your eyes had that familiar stinging sensation. “I'm sorry, Spencer. I know you blame yourself, but it was really all my fault.”
“I know why you did it.”
You locked your gaze to his, eyes widening in bewilderment “What?” you asked, voice failing slightly. Of all the things you expected to hear, those words weren't one of them.
Spencer lined up his shoes on the sand, his forehead twitching before he started speaking.
“I know why you— why we broke up.” He needed to correct himself because even though you were the one responsible to call it quits, he was just as responsible for letting you go. “I saw the signs, you know? They were written in neon lights to me but I didn't know what to do so I just had to—” he let out a sigh, feeling guilty at what he was about to say. But he had to say it, it's been so long and he has that bottled up for such a long time. “You didn't let me be there. I knew you were struggling and I could see you weren't being yourself but you just left while being right there.”
You stayed quiet, you've been waiting to hear his words on this. That conversation should have happened a long time ago.
“What I'm trying to say is that, it hurt. I didn't wait for it to happen—I never wanted it to happen,” he finally glanced up at you. “... but I know why it happened and I don't blame you for it, I need you to understand that.”
Your face morphed into puzzlement, “Spencer, how can you not blame me?”
“You needed space.” Those were your exact words that night and he knew the meaning behind them. “And I know what it feels like to feel suffocated by love when you can't give it back at that moment. The guilt and the shame; I know those.”
Suddenly, it was like you were staring at the Spencer from all those nights ago. The one to whom you told you needed to go, the one who you could barely stand to face some days because it was too much in your head, the one who asked you to stay but told you he would always be there when you chose to go.
Here's the thing: that Spencer never disappeared. He was still very present in the person you were looking at, still kind, still endearing, just a different haircut. He was still the same Spencer Reid you've always known.
“I loved you,” you blurted out, feeling your throat tightening. “You know that, don't you?”
He gave you a sad smile, “I do.”
“I didn't want to go.” A tear trailed down your cheek and you quickly wiped it with the back of your hand. There's way more to come but you could hold it off for a little. “But I had to. I needed to do that by myself.”
“I know.”
“I never stopped loving you, Spencer.” You croaked out, sniffling as more tears started to come out. You didn't have control anymore. But that was Spencer. He had seen you cry thousands of times before. “It was just so hard—”
“I know,” he said softly, half desperate to tuck you into his arms and tell you it would be okay and half suffering because he knew that feeling all too well and it was so painful to bring that topic back. It was so raw. “It's okay.” Because it was. He was seeing you wipe away your tears harshly when you didn't have to do that. It was okay to cry in front of him, it was okay to let it go. “Please, don't do that,” he requested kindly. That's when you felt a warm touch pulling at your wrists softly to stop you from covering your face. The scene in front of you would be comical if you weren't so sad.
Spencer held your hands on his chest with one of his as the other worked on drying off your damp cheeks. He was kneeling on the sand not caring how he would get up without cracking his limbs apart or how his pants would get dirty. A concerned look dancing on his features.
“Sorry,” you croaked out, closing your eyes as he dried your tears with his soft touch. “It's just been a hard day.”
“Yeah,” his fingers lingered on your cheek before he withdrew it while clearing his throat. “It's okay, you don't have to apologize. But I need you to trust me on this, alright? When I say that don't blame you, i mean it.” Your gaze drifted through his features quietly, you were searching for that hitch of hesitation, the twitch that revealed a lie; but you found none. Lifting a hand to touch his cheek was a gesture of surprise to both of you and you retracted it before your fingers could graze him. Spencer kept staring at you as if there was something he couldn't figure out.
“You're supposed to be mad at me.” You cleared your throat, looking down at your hands.
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“Because you're here cleaning my tears, when you would have enjoyed your night with everyone else.”
Spencer gave you a tilt of head, “Why do you keep insisting that I'd rather be anywhere else?”
With a roll of eyes, you held back the will to groan loudly. He stood up, protesting softly causing your lips to curl up in amusement. “That hasn't changed.” You mentioned his knee and it was his turn to give you an eye roll.
“Glad you're having fun,” he said. “Get up, I'm taking you home.”
You shook your head, standing up from the swing, not at all protesting like he did. “You can take my car.”
His brows furrowed in confusion. “What?”
“Go home, Spence.” His eyes softened at the nickname, one he hadn't heard in your voice for a long time. “It's not even a five minute walk from here to my apartment. And I'm not going to let you take the subway at this hour.” You said with finality in your tone. “Either you take my car or you sleep over.” He blinked as you poked his cheek with a low chuckle.
You were clearly joking about the sleeping over part, you knew he'd never take that option. Still, it was funny seeing his scrunched up face.
“Okay.” Spencer folding his arms across his chest. The streetlight latched onto his profile, illuminating his cheeks in with the yellow light, that's when you could see the dark bags around his eyes. Seems like you weren't the only one having a hard time sleeping. “I'll pick you up in the morning.”
Your eyes widened lightly. “You don't have—”
“I’ll be here.” He is quick to brush you off, mentioning your parked car on the side of the road. There was barely any indication of life in the streets, except for two other cars and a guy walking his dog. “And I'll take you home, too. C'mon. It's late. If you're not letting me take the subway, I won't let you walk home at this hour, either.”
“You’re stubborn.”
“And you're annoying,” he threw back, earning a gasp from you to which he tried to hold back a grin. Oh, it was all too familiar to not have that bittersweet feeling crawling up his spine.
That bickering? That was the most normal you two have been in months. He missed that. You missed that.
“That hasn't changed.” He added softly, leaning on the driver's door as you walked around to reach your side. You froze before entering the car, eyes lifting and locking with his honey brown ones like magnets lining up in the field. How could it feel like coming home after a long time spent away? The walls and the smell, they remained there, the ceiling might be a little cracked, but you would always feel the same walking into that same room.
He watched as you entered your building, waving him goodbye with a contained smile and tired eyes. Only when the gate closed behind you did he drive away to his own neighborhood. The jasmine scent of the car and the keychain brushing against his fingertips every time he made a turn drew a nostalgic smile in his features. As for you, well. You didn't feel as if you were beyond repair anymore. In spite of the cracks and the scars and the fears, devastation wasn't the only thing in your corner, there may be something else there as well. Someone.
Apparently, nothing had changed. And everything did, at the same time.
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“I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me.
I want to be full on my own. I want to be so complete I could light a whole city. and then, I want to have you.
‘cause the two of us combined could set it on fire.”
[ rupi kaur ]
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taglist: @lilyviolets
( sources )
— want to read more about the cepheus constellation? click here
— want to read more about the body's internal clock? click here
A/N: thank you for reading, I hope you have a great day <3
#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x oc#spencer reid fanfiction#the harry styles anthology#spencer reid fanfic#criminal minds imagine#spencer reid one shot
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Liveblogging real life part 2: Joel (it's been 12 13 days) (already watched)
Okay so maybe we'll do the liveblog-every-five-minutes-unless-something-crazy thing also idk if I should link this up to my intro post (idk how) or reblogged my og one with this oh well we'll figure it out why am I eating AGAIN doing this
I got inspired after rewatching secret life my beloved for the umpteenth time :P
Okay ep. 1/finale is hilarious and new "series" 😭
Joel why did you point out the cursor I can't take my eyes away
First batch
Joel jumping then immediately keeling over in nausea:
Idk how to respond to that but it struck a chord within me, how true
BigB wholesome waving but it also looks like his arm is BENT I can't get over VR arms man 😭
Punching BigB because he's so tall is so real tbh + love the smash cut to Gem being salty
Headpatting + baby-ish voice "little gem/Ren/skizz" what a gentleman makes me think of the try not to cry challenge or Jimmy's crazy christmas series where he says Joel is a crybaby and Gem says he's a romance guy in a mental gymnastics train of thought
Grian throwing his head back from the outside?! Cryptid behaviour
The real life vids don't make me motion sick but Joel making retching and vomiting sounds does NOT help it makes me sick by proxy or something I hate being disoriented and nauseous too buddy
There's probably a video out there of someone comparing regular mc to vr because vr just hits different like proportions wise
Joel noises
Love this Joel-Gem duo already idk how to describe it just fun
Also Joel having to process out loud he won't throw up on Gem I remember playing Richie's plank experience or whatever years and years ago shit was REAL
Joel's inventory becoming disorganized with things that can be stacked together :(
Hey what gem said kinda reminds me of what grian said :D at the end of his episode awful :DD
Poor Joel he's battling his height complex alongside his motion sickness (rip bozo poor little meow meow)
I think almost everybody had the problem of facing the wall dude, it's okay it's very silly
Water foreshadowing (he will swim with his future gang and become incredibly sick)
Geminislay that pig
Wait till Joel learns about lying down‼️‼️
JOEL STOP MAKING NAUSEOUS SOUNDS I'M GONNA FROW UP 👹
"...Falling in powdered snow" kinda reminds me of this short story I read in grade 9 English class "The Bamboo Trap" protag fell in The Bamboo Trap™ and got bitten by big ass spiders or something the idiot, also I think got published in the same anthology as the most dangerous game 👊
Joel admits to weakness
Weird ass snow, someone built this or something?
Joel with his arms out looks so silly, so does gem
Oh gem how graceful with the figure skating history 👊👊👊✌️👉✌️✌️🤜🤛🤛🤜🙏
Lol they learn about the wrist chat
Second batch
Jimmy, oh iconic Timmy
Shield (why did I write this again?)
Bi shoes, love seeing gem's skin wearing the bi shoes I forget about it every once in a while and when I see it again it's a pleasant surprise
Vr players learn to pvp
When you use the shield to block in first person it looks kinda stupid dude
Campsite vibes tbh, I really like it.
Bee spotted 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝 what is it doing
Shaky controller cursor over top chest plate I feel you
Falling irl indeed (recursive mention about plank)
LOUD holy moly Joel is loud (not negative)
Healf being something people can't look at at all times is actually a kinda funny mechanic
Smajor friendship aww when will they team up (did I forget about a series)
The poor beg for bread, we live in a society ✊😔
Grian killing??? Since when??? (Sarcastic)
Batch three
Peace and love is why they haven't died yet 😘
Arms again! Weird looking things
Hand gesture reminds me of that one diamond scar short with etho's greedy "I want the diamond" voice
Flint and steel? Weird looking thing
Omg red club looks like bugs, the way the trio gossips about them ♥️
Right no out messages...
Can't believe the most motion sick man gets in the water not once but TWICE this ep
Does he know
Where did the horse thing come from
Can't remember if I mentioned this but when the sword swings without critting in VR it looks so silly it pokes
A bugs life: the sequel
Club: deadly euphemism
Sword 😐
Something about jimmy doesn't get burnt...
Why is Jimmy jiggles the only one with a wooden sword???
Strong words from a man on the verge of mania 👀
Lol knowing impulse breaks the ground under Joel big brain man going for the kill
Something about the disappointed way Joel says "scar!" And scar stabbing him in the first caused this
Tim is so British he says "get in" so much
Joel, again exasperated, cries out "where's all my stuff?!"
Funny Minecraft men, my favourite funny Minecraft men
My god seeing from Joel's perspective his second death is from zombie
I think Joel was about to saying bluming + the cover behind house + the constant begging for his stuff back + violence as an answer (he hits men)
4
Oh scar up to no good again
JOEL GETS IN THE WATER AGAIN!!! MOTION SICKNESS WIN!
Joel and scar just did mitosis stop being scared of biology 🙄
What was Mr solidaritygaming doing in that hill and said yes to did he finally get iron?
Aw the silly arm motion I love greeting people with spirit fingers reminds me of that
GOON SQUAD?! (neuron activated)
Famous moment
Oh more famous moment here comes the smallidarity kiss
Love Tim's body language once again the sharp smooth head turn to grian he's like a cartoon character
(what grian mean they are suited and booted he cut this part out I don't remember the other povs 😢)
Leave it to solidaritygaming himself to be the most homoerotic straight man there is of course + Joel is still patting him on the head? + Timsel being cringefail needing to jump multiple times on ONE BLOCK + Joel did NOT need to lean that much he looks like he's powered by springs + Jim's arms always being so tight together. Makes him. Look like. An old granny??? + Joel IMMEDIATELY checking his wrist afterwards like it's a Tuesday and he's on break + homophobic GRIAN + impulse's dad delivery one liner
The more I watch smallidarity kiss the more bizarre and asinine it becomes to me 😀
When did Joel learn to button jump (he WAS mental for jumping irl irl)
Okay Joel cut out that canary comment why don't you 🙄🙄🙄
WHACK 💀 SHAKE YOUR HANDS REAL FAST 💀💀 JOEL SCREAM #3997 💀💀💀
Fond of Joel's cadence of saying "hello guys!" And "I'm coming in boys!" And "HAHA!" oddly musical
Okay aaaaaaand he dies worst ranking ever good for him the end
Idk if I should liveblog scar next or watch Ren because I've already watched up to skizz + me 'ead 'urts oh well
#real life smp#real life spoilers#real life#rlsmp#rl#rlmblr#rlsmp liveblogging#am i the only one using that tag#smallishbeans#liveblogging
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[20 Question Fic Writer Game]
Tagged by @faindri and @pancake-breakfast!
How many works do you have on AO3?
18! Most are poetry collections, so a lot of smaller stories in one anthology.
What is your AO3 word count?
75,144
What fandoms do you write for?
Trigun is my main squeeze atm (and biggest in general, I have four projects for it which is double anything else--and the highest wordcount, too), but I've written for KinnPorsche, Sabikui Bisco, Danny Phantom, Vampire In The Garden, Sasaki to Miyano, Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, Goncharov (yeah... yeah), The Night Beyond the Tricornered Window, Signalis, Omori, Lycoris Recoil, and The Executioner and Her Way of Life
What are your top five fics by kudos?
No idea and I ain't looking! Trad publishing has me extremely scarred from some nasty comparison wars, so I have kudo and view counts blocked on ALL fics, including mine. From my kudos emails, though, Hallowboned has to be my top fic for sure. Last time I was paying attention most of my other fics didn't pass into triple digits by a long shot
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I do!!! I adore comments, and I love chatting with folks, it really keeps me motivated and chugging along. I am... very behind on replying to the comments on my last chapter rn because I feel so awful and guilty about having to quit writing
What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Uh... I don't write a ton of narrative fics, and I do love me some tragic poetry, but I guess the angstiest collection might be my Signalis one, Observable System Transcendence? But my Omori poem and the Trined Soul collection might be contenders, too
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I mean, Trembling Hands is a Trimax fix-it fic, so? Though the Sasaki and Miyano collection, Effortless Dreams, is definitely the most tooth-rotting fluff I've ever slapped onto the page
Do you get hate on fics?
Oh yeah, I've had my poetry called pretentious and also not good enough to be poetry lol. It's been a hot minute since that's happened, people are just jerks sometimes
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I used to! Porn with plot, my beloved. It would be interesting to explore in poetry format, but we'll see if I have the time who wants to commission some poetry porn from me lmao
Do you write crossovers?
Nah, not my cuppa
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yeah, many moons ago
Have you ever had a fic translated?
No, but that is one of the coolest things fandom does. Loving a thing so much you spend the time to painstakingly transform that art into something you can read and share in another language, bro??? Translators are amazing
Have you ever cowritten a fic before?
I've worked pretty closely with artists a loooong time ago, but I've only written fics where I'm the sole writer. I have used other writers' ideas and outlines (with their permission, of course), but that's the closest
What's your all-time favourite ship?
I DON'T KNOW?!?! Shipping has never really been my main focus of media typically, but when one digs its teeth into me I go rabid in a completely feral but different way each time.
What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?
))): All of them
Life feels kinda... really dire atm, it's hard to see ever writing again. However! God I want to finish Hallowboned SO BADLY!!! I have so many chapters written for it that I haven't even posted!!!!! Y'all haven't met Livio yet!!!!!! GAH 3:
What are your writing strengths?
Uh... ??? I'll be real, I've got no idea. I feel like I write so weirdly atm, it's hard for me to analyze in that kinda way
What are your writing weaknesses?
I tend to get really excited/into things and flit around and forget to explain or describe things sometimes. Thank god for having been well-trained to edit my own work. Not that I catch it all, but I try!!!
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I think it'd really cool, but I'd need a native speaker on hand to make sure I don't fuck it up in my own fic
First fandom you wrote for?
I think my first piece of written fanwork was a Danny Phantom Quizilla thing lmao, I'm old. I don't remember what it was about, just that it was ANGSTY
Favourite fic you've ever written?
Ah?!?! Honestly, each project is so different and written from such a different place, I've got no idea. I'm proudest of Observable System Transcendence being my longest, most consistent project (outside of my Smaugust collection, which isn't a fan project), Hallowboned being the first thing that really inspired me in ages--and the most indulgent one lol. But each collection and fic and poem comes from such a different place, and it's hard to pull them apart and pick???
Tagging:
Whoever wants to hop in! :3
#Yadda yadda#This was fun to poke my head back into fanfic headspace for a moment#Thank you guys for the tag! <3
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do you think if you make more team greed comics, you'll make another anthology? i have your first one and i love ur comics sm! no biggie if not but i thought i'd ask :3
Haha maybe! I already have 4 new sets of team greed stuff that weren't in the original anthology, and I do actually have some thumbnails of another couple dumb ideas I just have yet to pencil out lol
I might also just drop in a few of my other comics as well if I really wanna fill space, or just have a smaller zine add-on for once - I really won't don't have any plans till I run out of the first anthology (storage is a commodity I have very little of as a grad student lol), but after that we'll see what happens! Just for fun i figure since tumblr let's you do this now I can just ask what ya'll think~
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I know this is not a secret but I adore the way you write. It feels like I get to be there observing rather than watching through a lens. I wanted to drop you some love but also ask how you first got into writing fanfiction and whether you have any original fiction you are working on right now? ❤️❤️
Hello darling! 🌻
Thank you so much for the love! It makes me so happy to know you enjoy my writing and that it makes you feel like you're there.
I honestly don't really remember how I started writing fanfiction. I wrote my first fics when I was 14, so it's been a while lol. I think what happened was that I discovered fanfiction and started reading it, which made me realise that I could write my own stories with the characters I love. But I mainly wrote original back then, so once I lost interest in Harry Potter, I stopped writing fics for 5 years. I also don't remember exactly why I started again. I just found the Death Note kink meme and I guess some of the ideas inspired me enough to write fic again. Then I took another 5-year break before I felt like writing, well, anything, really, I had the worst writer's block. I faintly remember I wanted to start writing fics again, so I asked my followers for requests, and I haven’t stopped writing fics since.
Right now I'm not working on anything original, but I pitched an idea for the next #ficwip anthology, which I've done on two years now (I have yet to promo the newest anthology, I probably should), so I'll hopefully have that to work on this year. I was also thinking of trying to write an original novel this year because I miss doing it, but we'll see how that goes.
Thanks for dropping by! 💜
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#4 for the books asks please
thank you for the ask <3
4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?
hmm, i would say yes, except it was never the case that i read more than one book by a new-to-me author and liked all of them. so either i read one book and loved that book, so i think i love the author but i would really need to read more of their stuff to be sure, or i read one book and loved it so searched out more of that person's work and then found myself underwhelmed.
i only read one book by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah (his book of short stories, Friday Black), but it was incredible.
also only read one book by Nalo Hopkinson (Brown Girl in the Ring), but it made me want to read more of her stuff! and i've come across her short stories in scifi anthologies before and enjoyed them (which was what made me check out the novel). i guess that means she is not technically new to me, though.
Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquirel was fantastic. i get the hype now.
another author i only read one book of but loved was Valérie Perrin with Changer l'eau des fleurs. i do actually have another book of hers on my bookshelf right now and will be reading it next year, so we'll see if my opinion can be generalized to her œuvre in general or if i just really like that one book.
i'm not sure i would say i loved The Association of Small Bombs by Karan Mahajan, but i did really like his style, and i found his imagery original and at times quite breathtaking. so i'd be interested in reading more by him sometime!
loved the first book i read by Haruki Murakami (1Q84), felt disappointed by the second book i read (Kafka on the Shore), and in such a way that it retroactively made me like 1Q84 less, lol.
loved the first book i read by R. F. Kuang (Babel), then felt what i can only (and perhaps oxymoronically?) describe as "super meh" about her earlier Poppy War series (which i read all three books of even though i really should have cut my losses). but since that series was her debut, i'm hoping that just means my enjoyment of her writing is trending up as she gets more into her groove.
A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine blew me out of the water, but i got kind of sick of her style in the first half of the sequel, A Desolation Called Peace. the book was still really good though. i would definitely read more of her work.
end-of-year book asks for the discerning follower
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Giga ultra mega late night post
So, I been working on the Spoon Ballerina for five/six days and I'm learning a lot about the process. This model is a style test before the actual style test! Once I master the 2D/3D style, I'll be set for working on RFR pages (by 2025 maybe I don't know lol)
I know I definitely need a pipeline for character and environment asset design and creation prior to producing the pages for RFR. But to streamline this, here's what I'm thinking about:
After style test, create base shaders and rigs for eyes, mouth, and other surface anatomy for my object ocs. This will allow me to easily place and modify these assets without recreating them for each character. Since most object ocs range from similar forms to more complex forms, recycling models is going to be important. Same with human/god characters, too.
Also, for human/god character models, I look into making base models with a variety of body types so I have a ready-made asset to modify for a new character.
Sculpting is going to be important for the more complex character designs and background elements, so I need to learn how to sculpt and also recycle sculpted assets.
Maybe....a process test after the style test? Say for example, for a scene, I need three living swords and five living orbs and three cloaks, along with the characters from the style test (Eightenate, Inga, and Gwenny). Three of the orbs have injuries and two cloaks (rust rot, ichor loss, burns), the other two are uninjured. The swords are helping them, one of them is a leader speaking to Eightenate, clearly more decorated with regalia and etchings as signs of their rank. In the same scene (or panel whatever) shows Inga recovering (maybe escape from the swords) speaking to two other humans about what happened. All these characters will borrow elements from each of their base characters with modifications needed for their role and design in the scene.
How long will it take for me to do modifications to the style test characters to create the new ones in this example? What about background elements?
Because, I think it might be a week or two to create the original base characters and environment elements, then a day or a couple days to modify them into the new characters. Then another for setting up the scene, rendering, and adding final touches such as color grade and affects. Final render then publishing it.
Also for some background elements, I might be able to find ready made assets on 3D modeling stores. Just do the modifications needed for the style of the comic and just import them into the scenes needed.
Oof storage space is going to be something ahhh, I'll figure it out, might get a three terabyte drive, might last me a few years, and a cloud backup system for it too
And that means finding ways to fund the comic once I get it off the ground. For paying asset plugin creators, backup services, other artists and designers if I start hiring, and so on. I have no idea for merch... maybe art books, short story anthologies, commissions, or figurines and plushies, maybe an actual sword lol (that's going to be thousands to make lol).
I'm not hiring for right now, I don't have the income to pay artists, but when I do, I'm looking for artists and designers who work in Blender, Krita, and Photoshop. They need to be 18 years or older (WOR is New Adult Fantasy; target audience is 18-25 yrs), have some familiarity with fantasy elements and ancient and medieval cultures I take inspiration from for WOR's storytelling and design, and also object shows since that is WOR's main inspiration is from.
We'll see what comes from the style test first!
#world of relics#textposty#3D#blender 3d#3D pipeline#work pipeline#objectoc#worldofrelics#characterdesign#wip#wor research and inspo reblogs
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I am expecting better than DC animation lol but the end goal seems obviously to produce animated content to lure people to Paramount + I'm kinda expecting these movies to be like an anthology series, doing them as films is more marketable.
You can tell I'm not a Star Trek fan, because I forgot that Paramount+ is a thing. I wonder how the Avatar cartoons have been doing there.
Well, in that case, all my speculation doesn't matter. These films could be made for super-fans only, and it won't matter, because that's another small segment signing up for the service. In fact, it's better to make them sequels to comics, because then the people who want a resolution will have to shell out for a subscription or just pirate it like most people are going to do.
Even aside from the pirating angle, though, using Avatar movies to sell a streaming subscription is a terrible policy. Those are one-and-done, so at most they can sell a single month's subscription. Disney+ has the right formula, where they have rotating miniseries with weekly episode releases, so they can get at least two months per series, and if you want both Star Wars and Marvel, you hardly ever get a break. Even Netflix splits seasons into two parts, so the franchises stay in the public conscious/conversations a little longer. A single movie that doesn't have wide appeal is going to disappear like a stone in a lake, and I can't help but think Avatar is leaning more towards the pebble-end of the sizing. And for people who just use streaming services to babysit their kids, a century's worth of Spongebob reruns is a more functional than a movie franchise, especially when the movies are released a year apart.
So that's why I was thinking these movies would be theatrical releases. The next Avatar series? Sure, that will stream somewhere. But it doesn't make sense to me to do the movies on Paramount+
But we'll see. After all, I'm not an executive at an entertainment empire. I would have told anyone who asked that using Star Trek of all things to try to sell a new streaming service to mainstream America sounds like a joke.
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Hello Darling 💜 Kinnporsche anon here!!! Have a good end of the week (we are getting closer to the news episode!!)
Oh I understand the pain, my uni is suppose to send us out result for the 1st of July, but I know that they are going to be late 😭 good luck!!
I kinda want to read the book too?? I am really curious to see how the book is! I'll probably start after the series though, so I can have more Kinnporsche after episode 14 😭 and I don't want to get sad bc my fav' moment is not put in the series! But at the same time, I want to read the part from episode 6 (let me be obsessed with this episode), I want to know what were going in their head, all the feeling, the realization, the confusion!! Especially when Porsche run back to Kinn!!
I don't know Kim seems to be the guys to run away from everything. But at the same, with Porsche saying that Chay want him to quit, I'm scared that it will be Chay to cut Kim off, you know him being scare of all the mafia stuff (and I wouldn't blame he just got kidnapped) . But, I could be great in term storyline. Kim accepting his feelings for Chay and ready to live in relationships with him, then boom the break up happens, then Kim wrote a lovesong for Chay and they make up!!
For Kinnporsche, I would love to have them asking each other to be boyfriend, or the first I love you!!! (I'm looking at you Kinn), no more angst, just two man in love!!!! Maybe some more date (again, looking at you Kinn)
I'm really impatient fro Vegaspete !!! They tease us for so long!!! Give them to us now!! I want to see Vegas break down for Pete, get on his knee for him!! Vegas is the characters who intrigue me the most, like why he is like this? What happen to him? What is his motor? Like, I feel we are going to learn so much about him during his act with Pete!!!
If they give us a whole serie of just Tankhun, I will never complain for the rest of my life 😭 he is top tier
Now BTS. I kinda see this coming from them? They need this break, and I'm so happy they are in a place where they could, you know, be honest with us and say '' we need to stop if we want this to continue ''. But I'm still little bit sad about it, like I'm going to miss them as a group. But we will have Run BTS, which I miss a lot!! And I feel like we are going to see them hang out together a lot :'). And we have solo project to be excited about!!! J-hope is, supposedly, the first one to release it, and I know he is going to deliver!! (but i' l scared, bc 1) I'm broke, and 2) I have no more place in my room to stock the album 😭). And like you said, It's a good time to catch on some other group!! 🥰 (NCT is pulling me in their fan base 😭)
Oh did you find any cute stuff on Ali?? 🤗 I care, if you want to tell me about it, please go ahead!!!
Yeah, I love my new identity 🥰 see you soon!! 🥰
Hi darling!!! how are you? hope everything is fine!! We are having a heat wave and I'm dying 🥵🥵🥵 my favourite season is winter so imagine this is hell for me lmao
It's finally Friday so only some hours left until we'll have a new episode!!!! Yessss I'm so excited 🎉🎉🎉 can't wait!!! I so curious about VegasPete!!! like is going to be intense!!!
I'm thinking on reading the book after the series is over too!! I want to know all the differences and like you to have more kinnporsche content!!
I think in the new episode we will have more about Vegas's father (can't remember his name lol it was Kan??) Also we still have the mystery about Porsche and Chay parents!!! like Kim, our detective is not doing his work instead he is falling in love hahaha
About BTS, I was expecting something when they announced the anthology and the video clip of 'yet to come' is kind of telling too! like the lyrics are so beautiful 🥺🥺 but I'm understand they wsnt to explore what they have out of the group!! can't wait for their solo projects or whatever they will do!! Also run bts!!! yey!! I love it!! 🥰🥰🥰 and as you said I can focus in other groups too!! I think The Boyz has a comeback a few weeks ago so yey!! also enhypen is always in tiktok page haha I need to fully stand them now lmao You mean NCT with all its unit or one in particular?? they are so many haha I still don't know all their names 🤫
Oh I found some cute stuff on ali!!
this carrot cutter 💕💕
also some transparent notes!!!! and this bag for notes!!!
Look how cute is!!! 💜💜💜 I'll put them so I won't need to carry all in my backpack!!
Hope they will be at home soon!!!
I'm finishing a gifset! I'll upload it next! It's the bed scene!! I tried something new haha hope you like it!! also wanted to do the VegasPete but I think I'll wait until tomorrow's episode to have more material hahaha
See you soon!! to our weekly screaming and comment routine of KinnPorsche haha 💜💜💜 Mua Mua 😘😘
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Fuck. They worked so hard to get HBO MAX to be the next big thing, a true contender to stand out from all others and this penny pincher is going to burn it all down?
Other companies are going to see this. They might be worried because a failure can reflect badly on everyone else. But maybe they will reach out to everyone who's getting screwed over, even copy and perfect what the mission was.
I wonder who will do it first. My money is on Disney. Netflix if they feel desperate enough to risk it.
If peacock does though, then we'll definitely know it's game over.
Seeee, y'all trash the 'cock, but it's actually doing kinda well lol. They started out with that free ad tier, which tbh??? Kinda is a great way to lure people into paying for the ad tier with more content, because it's so fucking cheap. Whereas Netflix started without ads, is getting progressively more expensive while pissing people off, and will be introducing a tier with ads, and Disney+ has introduced an adless platform and now you'll have to downgrade to save money and watch ads. As much as I don't love ads, I think setting realistic expectations and going from there is smarter in the long term.
Plus, they've actually been investing in interesting content that has kinda gone under the radar, but suggests that they have good taste and can expand as the big guys fuck up. Girls 5Eva is fucking hilarious and well-received critically, The Resort has been a really interesting mystery I see people getting drawn into in a sleeper hit sense (again, critically well-received), Dr. Death suffered from an excess of Alec Baldwin but was otherwise good and timely, and opened up the opportunity for an anthology which they're taking... They have The Best Man: The Final Chapters coming, which is going to satisfy a fandom that has been waiting for a conclusion for years (and has proven that they're willing to come back in droves and pay to see the content a decade later). I think the 'cock could ultimately end up winning big. They're just slow and steady wins the raise, which tbh??? May be good, if the issue with Netflix is that they went too big too fast.
And while, who knows, prices will probably go up, Peacock starts out so cheap that you can still set it and forget it. I upgraded from the free tier to watch the Olympics. Then I just didn't notice it (the way I'd notice things like Hulu and Netflix) and they actually started doing things I liked. There's some logic to that.
Disney and Netflix seem most likely to go in for the carcass of HBO Max, because Disney is big and a fucking machine, and Netflix is desperate for good press. However, Prime has the Amazon money and Hulu has actually been doing pretty well for itself, though it's not very flashy. Apple also has a lot of money, though I find their programming largely dull with some exceptions (Loot). The thing is that as good creators feel betrayed or unsure about WB, everyone else should court them hard.
We'll see!
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You're so right about Yusuke!!! Can we hear more on how you think he was underutilized after his arc was done? I feel like most of the thieves suffer from this issue to some extent but I'm interested in hearing your Yusuke takes 👀
ah thank you bestie!!!!!
while you're right and p much all of the thieves are underutilized beyond their arc, i think it's most noticable with yusuke bc he's not a shujin student (and unlike futaba he's not practically living with the protag) so we barely even see him outside of thief stuff or our own choices to hang out with him in general
and like it's not that he does much in palaces unfortunately :( i do love his moment in okumura's palace where he talks about abuse and how hard it is to get out of a situation like that, and i think it adds a lot of depth to his character and backstory and has even more impact in the context of royal, but i wish there were more moments like that 😔
but otherwise he kinda just becomes a comic relief and not much beyond that :( his dynamic with futaba is really cute and i like how he's one of the first people she feels comfortable enough around to have a conversation with (autistic to autistic communication) but even those moments are very much comedic and any depth they can have is swept aside for that
also specifically in shido's palace and during the whole showdown with akechi it's SUCH a missed opportunity not to make him say or do more. generally i think not letting these two interact much in canon is a huge waste and i'm not just saying that bc they're my favorites i promise, they really do have so much in common and you can add so much to both of them by making them have an on-screen conversation fr. (i think a sent @sera nearly a whole essay abt their parallels before lmao i can talk abt these two and the connection they could have so much. shoutout to p5 anthology for giving me rights)
it's not just goro he doesn't interact enough with, it's p much everyone besides the shujin trio + futaba. other than maybe some mementos dialogue and game-furthering stuff does he ever talk to makoto? to morgana? to haru???? (like goro, if i started talking abt yusuke and haru we'll be here for hours lol) again missing a chance to add more depth and personality not just to yusuke personally but the entire team as a friend group tbh. but that's a rant abt the gang in general
but yeah tldr the main issue is he genuinely doesn't have that much screentime despite being an early-game character and most of it is bc he's not a shujin student, as well as doesn't have that many interactions with the other thieves. much wasted potential my boy has. he deserves a lot better
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Happy new year, everyone.
2021 was a struggle, to say the least. But so was 2020. Let's all do our best to make this year better than the last two and hope the universe complies.
I have Plans this year. I have to get a job before October, so I'll be doing that this year. Looking into part-time work, something that's not too hard to do with my disability. I'm very anxious about it, but I'm also looking forward to increasing my independence and bringing a little more money into the household.
That will probably affect my ability to write for a while, but hopefully I'll have already gotten MoR's first two chapters out by that point. Yes, that is also happening this year. I really wanted it to happen in December, but life made that incredibly difficult. I'm not going to call getting MoR's demo out a resolution, because I feel like that implies I otherwise think there's a possibility it won't happen this year and that's just not the case. It will be this year.
For more News for this year:
Burwick Destination is still on hiatus while I think over where I want the series to go. I rushed to start writing that one back then, when it should have stayed in the planning stages longer, and it's embarrassing I have to show you all how long it takes me to pick up my messes. But I'm not rushing. My focus isn't on Burwick right now, but someday in the future. I'm giving it time to marinate and one day it will be back.
A new entry to the Love for Sundown anthology is coming this year, though there might be a minigame out before then. I did not think it would take two years to write a second game, but I also did not expect these past two years to be what they were lol. So, Love for Sundown, back on track. I have many games for it planned, 2-3 already in the work, so we may even get the third entry in the series this year. We'll see.
And the game I will be working on alongside MoR is in the planning stages. Some worldbuilding needs to be filled out a bit more, but it is at the point that I am starting my outline and we may get that demo this year as well.
The years since I started writing IF have been a big learning experience for me and everyday I'm growing and understanding better. I'm embarrassed by a lot that I've done in this time, namely not getting anything done, and how many people have seen that, but I want to thank everyone who is still standing by me, even when I go quiet for so long. I'm going to work hard to make all that worthwhile for you guys.
Thanks again and happy new year.
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!! please do not reblog this post !!
hiii
this is a post about a book project on bisexuality in my country i'm working on.
i'm a teensy tiny bit paranoid about anyone ever connecting my tumblr with my real life, so we'll keep that country nameless for the time being. - a lot of you know where i'm from anyway, and that doesn't bother me, i just don't want it in this post.
i just got off a zoom meeting with this (incredibly kind and interesting and nice) woman who's a published author where i live. both books she's published are portraits on wlw in our country, and they're both fantastic reads (if you want the links, feel free to ask in my dms).
this is going to be a rambling, word-vomiting post just spelling out my thoughts and what i learned.
what i learned:
1. not even she, a published author of 2 books can live from this. she works other jobs (also in publishing/journalism) that sustain her.
2. publishers aren't a full-on care program (or at least where we live. any of this could be wildly different to other countries).
3. if you go to a publisher, you'll need to bring your own money, around 35'000 USD.
4. that money you'll get from public trusts - where you'll need to submit requests (which better be good apparently lol) - or from crowd-fundings.
5. this whole process, finding a publisher and gaining enough funding, then getting published, will take you a year at least.
some of that i already knew, some of that was new and very useful to hear.
generally, the amount of work you need to put into the 'publishing-pathway' seems insane, and is in no way something i can procure. - unless i'd give over a significant amount of work to other people. which. i can't do because i'm an unhealthy control freak lol. - kidding aside, this project is really important to me, and i'm just not willing to place too much power on it in somebody else's hands.
which leads me to what seems the best way to go for me:
- self publishing + crowdfunding
what you do need for that is
- prepare the writing to a publishing-worthy state
- pepare the layout to a publishing-worthy state
i think i can achieve both with people i know, which is good. then the crowdfunding is needed to pay for printing the amount of books you want to print.
let me, before i dive into my to-do list tell you quickly what the actual format of the book is going to be:
some quick words on the the actual book that is planned:
it's an anthology, where people have already submitted various texts. those are literary texts, autobiographical ones, articles. there's also been artworks submitted. those submissions all stand on different points in the editing process, the major obstacle to this being that some people just do. not. return. their edited texts lol. will need to find out how to deal with those at some point. it would be a pity to lose those texts.
right, i'm getting tired (after this 1.5 hr meeting an now typing out all of this) so let's lastly treat this messy post to a to-do list:
- get an overview again over all submitted texts i already have
- format them all into 1 file to get an overview also to make myself happy seeing all submissions in one and give me a sense of accomplishment
- do reach out to all the authors and make them sign a consent-form that i do get to use their stories
- reach out to that other young author from our country the other author mentioned just to see if she has some other useful takes or ideas
and i believe that's all for now. in january i'm having a friend over who promised to go over those texts i already have now and help me take stock.
i might try and collect what i have until now in the time until then, or i might just let the project rest again. (it has been resting for... let's not name time spans, let's just say A Long Time.)
kudos to anyone who made it to the bottom of this post lol.
feel free to reach out with any and all thoughts, encouragements, observations, what do i know.
again:
!! please do not reblog this post !!
^ it's already somewhat risky to post about this at all (bc i don't want to tie my rl identity to this tumblr, duh), and i really want to just talk to my mutuals and followers about this. i don't want it to spread.
if you want to reference the country where i live or the language we speak, please do so in DMs only. i don't want this post tied to it.
#the book project#again:#DO NOT REBLOG#i'll have to delete the post if anyone reblogs#you can comment or talk to me about it in dms#let's see how this works out#might delete later#highly unstructured post#just bisexual things
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11/11/2020
I really miss just being around him you know?
Long, emotional post incoming
God I just feel so pathetic about these dumb feelings I have for a man who literally doesn't care about me anymore. I wanna stop bothering my friends about it because it started as a joke ("lol, 《my name》 has a crush on D, how silly!) but it's become so much more than that and frankly I'm ashamed of myself. Like, he's fucking married. So to my irl friend who follows my blog and may be reading: I love you and sorry for STILL going on about him. ANYWAYS
I haven't seen D for about 9 months? And it's been 17 months since he was even my teacher (yes I'm counting, yes it's pathetic).
When he stopped being my teacher last september and I got Ms. S instead, I was obviously bummed out because I wouldn't see him (at least) 4 hours a week anymore. To be honest, I hadn't heard many great things about Ms. S either so I definitely wasn't thrilled to spend those 4 hours with her instead. Aside from that I was still pretty hopeful since I'd just go bother him in his classroom after hours, that's when we could actually talk anyway.
March approached way too quickly and before I knew it, it was already the week of our 'last 100 days celebration (for those who haven't read my other posts: where I live highschool seniors celebrate their last 100 days of school by dressing up, partying and pranking their peers/teachers). We decided to dine out with the entire senior year and every teacher who wanted to join.
I will honestly never forget that evening. Ofcourse there had been drama througout the year but for a couple of hours it seemed like we were all just happy and nice to eachother. I laughed the night away with my friends, D and our other teacher F. I felt so happy in that moment, but then at the end of the night everyone began getting the news that our country would go into lockdown for 5 weeks starting the next day at midnight. So D and I said our goodbyes, I wished him a happy lockdown and that was that.
5 weeks eventually turned into two months. When we were finally allowed to go back to school in May, we were only allowed to go in small class groups of 8 people for like maximum 5 hours a day and one day per week. The last time I 'spoke' to him was through an e-mail.
I still remember him telling me "stay safe, see you in October.'
Ofcourse I knew deep down that covid wouldn't have disappeared by then, but the entire summer I clung to the hope that I might still see him. At the beginning of lockdown I mainly missed the more 'physical' aspects of him, if that's the right term, like just talking to and laughing with him. Eventually I started missing his little mannerisms: the way he punches my arm when he doesn't know what else to do, his cheeky fucking smile, the boyish look in his eyes when he makes a vulgar joke.
Now? I miss simply being near him.
I miss walking down the halls with him
I miss catching his eye in the split second we pass eachother in the hallway.
I miss standing at the bus stop waiting to see if he passes by.
And I will never be able to experience any of that ever again. It's really sinking in that it's over now.
#tcc#tc#tc community#teacher crush#crush on teacher#tcc blog#tcc feelings#tc crush#male teacher crush#male tc#Spotify
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