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emotionallychargedtowel · 2 days

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nominating a runner for 25 ji

So, @my-rose-tinted-glasses and @lurkingshan have been talking about which lead character in 25 ji Akasaka de should, or is more likely to, do the traditional climactic run toward the beloved that we expect from a lot of Japanese BLs. Of course, even if there isn't a literal running scene, it seems certain that someone will have to take decisive action in an equivalent way in order for the story to reach a resolution. Well, given how obsessed I am with this show, it's not surprising that I have thoughts.

The answer might be a bit different depending on which we're talking about--who should, or who's the most likely. But I'll set that aside for the moment.

I don't think this necessarily tells us who ought to be the runner, but it's worth noting that the person who has initiated the vast majority of any closeness or intimacy in this relationship has been Hayama.

He starts right away, initiating a conversation with Shirasaki at the table read, touching his hair, and saying he's looking forward to playing his lover. At the bar, he puts himself forward as a potential sex partner, grabs Shirasaki's arm to stop him from leaving, kisses him, and basically makes a sex appointment with him for the following afternoon. Did he ever intend to act on that plan? It's hard to say. But either because he sees how petrified Shirasaki is when he meets him at his place, or for other reasons, he says or pretends that he only made the offer at the bar in order to keep Shirasaki from hooking up with a stranger. Then he suggests that they “date” each other instead and comes up with the idea of making a list of things their characters do in the drama and treating it like a to-do list.

And he keeps on initiating. He plans their aquarium date along with all of its couple-y activities; shows up at Shirasaki's apartment unannounced to watch the first episode of their show when it airs, invites himself to spend the night, and spoons Shirasaki in bed; invites Shirasaki to his place to make gnocchi and gives him a dough-kneading lesson that leads to suggestive hand doings, and so on, culminating in initiating their kiss scene rehearsal, which is at least as much an excuse for them to make out as it is actual scene preparation.

But how is all of this framed for Shirasaki, and what does it mean to Hayama?

Of course, the fact that they both portray their relationship as acting preparation and nothing more changes the meaning of all these actions and the wherewithal it takes to initiate them.

I do think it matters that Shirasaki was the one who brought up the idea that he needed to have firsthand experience with love and sexuality in order to relate to his character and took decisive--one might say, impulsive--action to make it happen. Hayama took his cues from that.

But it's hard to pin any blame on either of them for the miscommunication they got entangled in. Shirasaki didn't propose a pretend relationship to Hayama. His plan was to pick up a random dude at the bar. Hayama did propose the pretend relationship, but it was in response to Shirasaki's insistence that he needed to have this type of experience to prepare for his role. At first, he just took the place of some stranger as Shirasaki's hookup; when he changed the plan to the pretend dating thing, it was a step back from something that seemed to scare Shirasaki and toward a set of activities that would actually prepare him for the part in a way that picking up some rando wouldn't have done. Of course, it didn't hurt that Hayama also really wanted to do those things with Shirasaki.

We know why Shirasaki thinks it's plausible that Hayama is only doing the fake dating thing to help him with his performance.

For one thing, that's how it all started. He said he needed this experience and Hayama said he'd take on the boyfriend role. But it's also because of Shirasaki's insecurities about his overall self-worth, his legitimacy as an actor, and the difference in status between him and Hayama. In the first episode, Shirasaki thinks about costarring in a drama with Hayama and says to himself, “that person above the clouds is now next to me." That's how huge the distance between them seems to him.

Shirasaki has idealized Hayama ever since college. And then there’s this narrative he has in his mind about the difference between being scouted and having to petition to be allowed into the acting profession. It’s almost funny, actually. When Hayama was scouted as a model, Shirasaki spouted off about how it was a shame because he should continue acting. This affected Hayama deeply. But Shirasaki not only forgot about that comment, now that Hayama has managed to transition into acting, he has since rewritten history so that Hayama being scouted was an honor.

The narrative that Hayama was scouted and that means he’s special while Shirasaki had to beg to be allowed in because he’s less worthy is a really tempting one. Insecurities can be very persuasive under the best of circumstances, and Shirasaki’s circumstances aren’t the best. He has tried for years to break into the business with little success. So he had lots of time to ruminate on this narrative of the chosen and the not-chosen.

So for Shirasaki, it’s fairly simple. He always looked up to Hayama and thought he was special in a way he didn’t see in himself. Then he spent years watching his success from afar and idealizing him even further. Of course it’s hard for him to believe that he could really be with Hayama.

That part of the story uses one of the most common tropes in BL: the "someone as great as this person could never like me back" thing. It's a tried-and-true story element for a reason. It's something that happens a lot in real life (well, it has happened to me quite a few times, at least), so it's very relatable. And in my experience, it's particularly prone to happening to queer folks for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it gets stretched to ridiculous extremes in BL, and it gets annoying. But it's developed with care in this series and feels realistic and earned.

The portrayal of this dynamic also has some nuance and balance because despite all this, Shirasaki actually does come close to realizing Hayama likes him back.

He shows real insight when he notices signs of this, and he shows tenacity when he persists in having hope even after he hears the rumor about Hayama having an old flame he was still hung up on. It's only after overhearing Hayama himself say explicitly that he still has feelings for that person that he gives up hope, not realizing the person Hayama is talking about is himself. This misunderstanding isn't a cheap ploy, as @ginnymoonbeam has pointed out. Enough care has been taken with the story to make it really make sense.

This is where it’s also worth noting that while episode 7 was focused on showing us another side of Hayama, it also gave us some new insights into Shirasaki’s character. It didn’t tell us anything completely novel, but it made a point of explicitly mentioning and more thoroughly illustrating Shirasaki’s uncompromising, frank side. We’d already seen it in action. For example, take his rather abrupt (but salient) comment to Sakama back in the first episode about how “creating is always difficult" for actors, no matter what the details are of a given production or role. Or his stubborn insistence on repetitively calling Yamase “Yamase-kun” and not “Kazuma” (his given name) as he requested. But personally, this aspect of him only partially registered for me until episode 7 highlighted it from Hayama’s perspective. And I think it’s a part of his personality that matters here.

Shirasaki is very insecure, and he gets down on himself easily. But in some ways, he’s also very confident. There’s a kind of confidence in being opinionated, a belief that you’re competent enough to trust your own perceptions and judgment and stand by them. It's similar to the tenacity he shows when he continues to believe Hayama may return his feelings (at least, at first).

Basically, Shirasaki’s insecurities are hampering him, but he seems to have more of the kind of mental resources that would help someone speak up and take action in a situation like this.

What about Hayama? What’s been holding him back?

At first glance, it seems like he simply doesn’t think Shirasaki likes him back, thinks this is all just about acting for Shirasaki, and assumes it has to be temporary. And that’s not wrong. He thinks all these things. But there’s an additional layer here that was revealed in episode 7, Hayama's big flashback episode.

Hayama learned from his mother as a child that he would only be valued by the people he loves 1) for his appearance and 2) if he doesn’t inconvenience them with his emotions, which are by definition unwanted. According to the schemas he formed during his childhood, even expressions of love and happiness are unwelcome, as illustrated by his destroying the box of little gifts for his mom and her reminder not to show his teeth when he smiles.

It’s no wonder that the idea that Shirasaki only wants to be close to him for the purpose of acting makes sense to Hayama. To put it simply, he expects people to be interested in his outsides, but not his insides. He expects his love to be rejected but his calm, cool, seemingly self-possessed prettiness to be valued. He learned from his mother that letting on that he wants things from another person not only won’t get his needs met, but will inevitably lead to rejection. Even wanting to express his love for another person is unthinkable. In the system of thinking his mother taught him, his love may be a gift, but it's a very burdensome one. Like the box of paper trinkets he made for his mother as a child, it’s better to take that love, scrunch it down, and hide it away.

Because of his family-of-origin baggage, acting is a double-edged sword for Hayama. As I talked about in my last post about 25 ji, acting provides him a with the opportunity to express emotions that he was forbidden to express in his family growing up, emotions he has largely lost the ability to express at all. (Often, he can’t even consciously feel those feelings anymore). Acting not only provides an outlet for emotional expression, it even provides him with a script to follow so that he isn't hampered by his inability to get in touch with his own feelings. In this way, acting is a precious opportunity to get in touch with parts of himself that had almost been completely lost to him. It’s a way of making up for what his mother took away from him.

But there’s another side to Hayama's acting career and the validation he's received for it: it actually reinforces a lot of that family-of-origin stuff. When he receives praise for his acting, he’s being praised for something external. No matter how well he does his job, no matter how expressive he is or how authentic his emotions appear in a performance, at the end of the day he’s pretending, because that’s the nature of acting. He’s being validated for his surface again. For his shell, not what’s under it.

For Hayama, the idea that Shirasaki only wants him for a pretend relationship makes perfect sense. People he loves don’t want him to express that to them. They’ll find it burdensome, repulsive, or at best, irrelevant. They want him to perform and be pretty. They want the pretend version of him at all times.

I think it’s also notable that Hayama tells the story of their fake relationship and his growing feelings as if he was barely in control of his actions. “The next thing I knew, I was running. The next thing I knew, I was kissing you.” He’s too spun around by everything to be calculating or even rational. He is taking action, sometimes before he’s even really aware of it. His impassive exterior makes it seem as if he must have some kind of purpose behind his actions, but that's just the mask he wears because of his family-of-origin stuff. There's no master plan, just someone so out of touch with their emotions that they can't predict their own impulses.

So who should run?

This could be a question of who deserves to run--who hasn't, in a sense, pulled their weight so far in this quasi-relationship, or who has done the most damage (that would arguably be Shirasaki, who ended their fake relationship, but of course, he had no idea this would hurt Hayama and actually thought he was sparing him a lot of inconvenience).

My philosophy when it comes to this is pretty well summed up by that famous Karl Marx quote: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." If one or both of these characters has the ability to close the gap between them, wholly or partially, it would behoove them to do it whether or not the other one has done enough by whatever standard we might apply. In other words, the "who should run" question is (in my view) best framed as a question of who is best equipped to do something to fix things.

Each of the lead characters has something potentially useful that has come more naturally to them so far. Hayama is better at making things happen. This is largely due to the impulsiveness I was just describing. So far, he has only acted in this way when he has some kind of cover story he can hide behind to explain what he's doing. But I wonder if that will continue to be the case for long. Shirasaki, on the other hand, is better at believing in himself and the possibility that the person he fell for might feel the same way. This hasn’t translated to actually taking action much so far. But again, it’s about time for that to change. If they can only get activated somehow, his determination and conviction could be exactly what they need to bridge the gap between them. I’m hopeful they'll both manage to make use of these advantages before it's too late.

I’ll tell you one thing I know for sure. It’s not a coincidence that there’s a shot in the preview that echoes the episode 6 breakup scene, in which a glass door closed between Shirasaki and Hayama.

Of course, that scene was shown again from a different angle in episode 7 and that time, viewers could see Hayama’s devastated expression for the first time. This shot in the preview is from a similar angle, showing both Shirasaki’s and Hayama’s faces. But this time, Hayama is right behind Shirasaki and he grabs the handle of the door to stop him from leaving. (Sorry for all the type and stuff on the image here, it's a screenshot from the show's IG.)

I ended up having a lot of thoughts that came up around this question, but I don't really have an answer. It'll depend on the circumstances, I think. It would be best if they both made an effort to meet in the middle. And really, isn't that what usually happens when there's a classic JBL run? In the cases I've seen, there was always a confession by one character that went wrong in some way, then after some time, the other person reciprocated by running to them. Neither one of these characters has directly said that they have feelings for the other person beyond their acting roles. So maybe what we're in for, what's needed to resolve this story, is a two-step process. Whoever manages to make the first step, the other will need to make the second. If the glass door image is what it looks like, maybe Hayama will make the first step in the next episode.

#25 ji akasaka de #at 25:00 in akasaka #komagine kiita #niihara taisuke #hayama x shirasaki #hayama asami #shirasaki yuki #BL meta

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rifki16 · 6 days

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At 25:00, in Akasaka Episode Eight Review

Let me just cut through the chase here. This episode really confused me and angered me to an extent. However, I have to praise this episode for one thing: the coloring of Asami Hayama. I have two other topics I would like to talk about from this episode.

On Asami Hayama Being the Standing Sage Still Oak Tree

I have written in the previous episode review essay that we are getting to know why Asami seems to just be like standing there. Asami turned out to have a bad childhood, upbringing, which made him to be this very closed off person. He tried acting in a film project with his uni’s film club; he found the activity to be fun. As he was polishing his craft as an actor, he crossed path with this guy whom he became fond of, Shirasaki Yuki. He observed and observed quietly this guy’s acting. When he got scouted, the guy whom he has been observing told him that he was making a mistake in going to the world of modelling – an action that cemented his crush to Shirasaki Yuki.

We were brought to the last scene from the sixth episode; Shirasaki just broke up with Asami. Context note, I really forgot what caused the breakup between Shirasaki and Asami. I watched episode six again, simply put, Shirasaki was overwhelmed by the kindness of Asami-kun even though he was immensely busy. To add to the enormous pressure, Shirasaki also snapped because he knew that Asami-san already likes someone else. I will talk about Shirasaki’s standing in the second theme.

Just after Asami got broken up with Shirasaki, acting became a hassle for him. A scene taping with Asami needed to be redone many times because he kept forgetting his lines. Asami then wandered through Akasaka to clear his head.

He then went to the bar where he found Asami trying to find a hookup partner. The same bar where Mihara worked. The supposed, androgynous, playful, confident Mihara. I’m going to talk more about this encounter in the minor theme section at the end of this essay. Mihara gave the idea to Asami that he should go back to his hometown – which would be Shirasaki’s as well right?

He then went back to his hometown and visited the university, where Shirasaki and Mihara went too as well. He then went back to the club’s private mini viewing room, where he used to borrow the supposed classics from which he could learn acting. He was reminiscing about acting in those days. He watched the first film in which he starred, then proceeded to critique his own acting by saying, something to the effect of, “was I really that bad back then?” and “it used to be difficult for me to cry”.

This is the main argument I want to present: his nostalgic reminiscence of his first acting job/opportunity made him realized why he loves acting so much. He said that his first acting role was so fun because he could make something, a work of art I presume, with a team. More importantly, acting is his venue not to be him. It was a chance for him to be someone else, to express, to cry, to get angry, and all sorts.

I’m glad that we could see more of Asami. It’s a win for me, even though that I couldn’t really understand the connection between his, I think, depressive mother and the compulsion for him to conceal his emotions, at least we know how it has progressed since his uni years.

After that, I think he got back to Akasaka, and as he was just walking out of the train station, I suppose, he replied to the fake drama director and said that he was alright again. Her reply was really weird for me, “You’re our finest product, give it your all until our last shoot”. Gurl, he’s not a product.

Also, after that reply, he became sure that all he wanted with Shirasaki was just to be costars. Why? What is it that I can interpret from that? Is it that because he found his reason to act, he became confident again in his acting despite breaking up irl with Shirasaki? Or the more sinister one that, he had been acting all this time, to catch up and to match his crush’s acting ability. Now, that he knew he couldn’t make it work with Shirasaki as boyfriends, he decoupled, wink wink European Union-China relation, his motivation to act from his goal to be worthy in the eyes of and eventually to be with his crush.

Je. Ne. Sais. Pas. It was just so weird for me as to what about his realization of his true acting motivation made him think that he needed to back off from Shirasaki, completely.

On Shirasaki Yuki’s Standing

So, we know that Shirasaki was a pretty daring and confident person and actor during his uni years. What happened that now he is not so uncompromising or self-assured after the uni years? We really don’t know as the show hasn’t told his side of the story.

I want to highlight that one of the effects of Shirasaki’s low self-esteem/worth is how easily swayed Shirasaki is, emotionally or in aspects of decision making, by other people. We did see the first example of this when he broke up with Asami. In essence, the way that Sakuma and Yamase gushed about Asami’s one true crush was the one that snapped Shirasaki into breaking up with Asami.

This episode brought a second example of it.

Shirasaki was just studying his lines again, and he found out that in one of the last scenes of the fake finale that he needed to make love with Asami. During his study, Yamase banged on his door and practically made himself at home at Shirasaki’s. Sakuma told Yamase an info which he relayed to Shirasaki that Asami headed back home because he was troubled by his one true love; this angered Shirasaki of course – something which was very visible to Yamase.

Yamase then brought Shirasaki to this speakeasy underground bar. Huge side note, why did they make Yamase this bad boy, bad influence on Shirasaki? In the manga, Yamase is more than just a rascal who practically tests the strength of the couple’s relationship, he is a legitimate actor. He wanted to better his acting skills, he consulted, genuinely, Shirasaki about his skills, during the play , in the third volume, which Shirasaki and he are in. Yes, I know that Yamase also talked about honing his acting skills in the LA, but it seems to be secondary to him being the bad bot, oops slip of the keyboard, I mean boy, bad boy.

Anyhoo, in this speakeasy bar, Sakuma was already there. They then proceeded to talk about Asami’s previous works and acting skills. Drunk Shirasaki then tried to prove to the group that he is the biggest fan of Asami. Yamase then pointed out how Shirasaki seemed to know so much about his costar and pressed him whether the two are couples in real life. Shirasaki replied, regrettably I suppose, no. Shirasaki then pressed Yamase back as to why he ridiculed him and Asami so much. Sakuma suggested that Yamase might have a crush on Shirasaki, which Yamase immediately denied. Shirasaki then replied by saying, “you must like, Hayama-san then?”. Yamase then answered, “a little bit”. Bro, no. Noooooo, WHERE MY QUEER REPRESENTATION AT? Yamase has this hard-rock crush on Asami in the manga. What possible reasons the LA has in watering down his crush to Asami? It’s just a crush it will NOT destroy the LA’s PG, family friendly vibes.

I think they just want to couple Yamase and Sakuma, however, I think the train has left the station there. There are only two episodes left. How can you build side characters’ love relationship that quick?

Shirasaki then sat at a different table, drunkenly kept drinking more of his wine. He thought to himself as to how he will stop seeing Asami after the series shooting ends. He became very sad about that prospect. The devil then came in the room. After drunk interactions among the group, Asami then piggybacked Shirasaki to home, very Perfect Propose.

At home, Shirasaki then asked to have sex with Asami, he asked drunkenly. The episode cut off there. Of course, Asami would not say yes to that, even the manga Asami is not that much of a horndog.

I asked to myself, why, why did Shirasaki do that? My argument is that Yamase’s proclamation of his fondness of Asami, as well as him flaming about the one true love of Asami at Shirasaki’s, caused Shirasaki to miss Asami even more to the extent of wanting to have sex there and then with him.

Oh Shirasaki, my Shirasaki, what have they done to your character.

Minor Theme

The interaction at the supposed popular, crowd-filled gay bar between Mihara and Asami was really telling as to how PG they made Mihara. The bar was empty because Asami came before opening time. I mean, why couldn’t they just make this a popular, yet secretive, gay bar that Mihara owns? They could easily avoid making such excuses just for this scene if they use that description of the bar.

Asami : “Nothing’s bothering me”

Mihara : “Right, I can’t comfort you anyway”.

Was that a BJ reference? Was that the only extent that we can see the playful side of Mihara? I don’t understand why he kept on talking about his hometown. His sagesse mainly revolves about healthy relationship advice. I don’t get why he chose to use his hometown as an example, I see Mihara as this very detached-from-his-backward-root person, not as someone who is too nostalgic about his upbringing.

At least, this episode made me understand Asami more. I appreciate that win.

#gay #japan bl #bl live action #25 ji akasaka de #at 25:00 in akasaka #shirasaki yuki #asami hayama #shirasaki x hayama #shirasaki and asami

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 3 months

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BL Premiering in April

01/04 | 🇰🇷🇹🇭 Love is Like a Cat MDL When global superstar Piuno is threatened by those who wish to see him brought low, there’s only one thing he can do to save his reputation and his career: work at a pet daycare. Pushing aside his severe dislike for animals, Piuno begins working alongside the daycare’s director, Dae Byeol, who helps him find ways to overcome the trauma that first inspired his hatred of animals. As his heart begins to soften, unexpected feelings for Dae Byeol begin to arise. Could their current working relationship grow into something more?

03/04 | 🇹🇭 We Are MDL For this friend group, no matter how hard their university studies are, there's always something more to do their head in; the chaos of life and love won't let anyone rest. We are... friends, but we fight each other and like each other so much we might hit on each other.

11/4 | 🇯🇵 Living with Him MDL With his parents frequently away for work, Natsukawa Ryota had been the main caretaker for his younger sisters and the housework, but now he’s finally about to go to University, he’s looking forward to being able to live freely on his own! However, in a surprising turn of events, he’s surprised to discover his roommate will be his childhood friend Tanaka Kazuhito. Despite his picture-perfect looks and pleasant personality, Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend. Curious, Ryota accompanies him in searching for the reason why, but is unable to find any flaws and finds his heart fluttering over Kazuhito’s kind words and actions. As he gets to know more about Kazuhito, their relationship develops. Thus begins their cohabitation life where they’re mutually self-aware of each others presence! 11/4 | 🇰🇷 Gray Shelter MDL With no dream aside from to survive, Soohyuk reunites with his friend, Yoondae, who has no place to go. The two end up sharing space together; will this cohabitation spark something?

18/4 🇯🇵 At 25:00, in Akasaka MDL Shirasaki Yuki, a rookie actor, finally lands an audition and is chosen to star in a BL drama alongside current superstar Hayama Asami, who was also his senior at university. Feeling anxious and troubled before his first major role, Shirasaki is approached by Hayama with the proposal to form a “romantic relationship for the sake of character development” until the filming concludes. Their pseudo-romantic involvement off-screen leads to a moving and beautifully crafted love story exploring the intricacies of relationships within the entertainment industry and among actors. 26/4 🇹🇭 My Stand-In MDL Joe, the stunt man of famous actor Tong, happened to meet Ming. Having developed a deep relationship, Joe didn't realise that Ming had always seen him as Tong's replacement. When the truth is revealed, Joe has to take work on a foreign set where an accident takes his life. When he wakes, Joe's in the body of a young man likewise named Joe who'd met with an accident on the same day. With help, he's soon living the same life as he was before—with the same people—and he meets Ming once more. In this life, Ming wants Joe back at his side as before and Joe doesn't know why. Ming, who's kept all memories of the old Joe, tries to find the truth about Joe's continued life in order to return Joe to his side and give him the explanation he never had the chance to.

?/4 | 🇰🇷 Boys Be Brave! MDL Jung Ki Sub is Kim Jin Woo's slacker friend - and secret crush. So when Ki Sub asks to crash at his place, his heart tingles to be near him everyday. But as the short stay turns into permanent mooch, how long can Jin Woo keep his true feelings under wraps and hold back from confessing? ?/4 | 🇯🇵 A Man Who Defies the World of BL 3 MDL Mob realizes he’s trapped in a world straight out of a boys’ love comic, complete with typical love story scenes. Determined to remain a background character and avoid becoming the main focus, Mob tries to keep a low profile. However, in this sequel, the love and comedy intensify! In an ultimate BL world surrounded by extremely handsome men, will Mobu be able to avoid the situation where B becomes L? The main cast will return, with Inukai playing Mob, who fends off advances from handsome men tossing out “BL love flags.” Yutaro will return as his younger brother, Ayato, while Akihisa Shiono will be Tojo, Ayato’s lover. Asahi Ito will come back as Kikuchi, a college student who has a crush on Mob. Also couldn't find definite info on 🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! to be sure it will premiere this month or not.

#upcoming bl #love is like a cat #we are the series #living with him #grey shelter #at 25:00 in akasaka #my stand in #a man who defies the world of bl 3 #boys be brave #rose reports #there are a lot so I was getting lost #these are the ones announced #still no int release info on some of them

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wen-kexing-apologist · 11 days

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And the Hands Have It!

well, @emotionallychargedtowel let out the bat signal (or in this case the hand signal) about the fact I had not talked about the hand moment in 25.00 Ji Akasaka de episode 7. Maybe this is what finally breaks me out of my essay writing slump.

I love hands.

I love hands because they are expressive.

I love hands because they are intimate.

I love hands because they can show us a truth that a face with all its intricate muscles does not always reveal.

A character removes themself from emotion, pretends they are okay, but their hands clench in to fists and we know that they are angry. A character is not supposed to let their love for another show, but their hand reaches out for just a moment towards the other, we know that they want nothing more than to hold them. Fingers twitch as if electricity has run through them, cross to break a promise, reach across space in search of reciprocated feelings.

I absolutely loved episode 7 of At 25:00 in Akasaka because it was able to give us such incredible insight in to Hayama’s character in such a short period of time. We’ve been in Shirasaki’s head for so long, I had grown accustomed to Hayama’s stoic face. Assumed it was a mask of a different sort, one to shroud the character in mystery, placed there by an actor who knew exactly what he was feeling for his former classmate and was trying to keep Shirasaki on his toes.

But instead we got a mask placed by a mother on a son, that fused to Hayama’s flesh every time another person assigned him value by his looks alone. A mask that is not so easy to remove, that will take time to shed forever, and so Hayama’s hands do what his face cannot. They show emotion.

Asami’s hand reaches out and smooths down Yuki’s hair when their coworker tousles it because Asami cares about Yuki.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Asami’s hands reach out and place themselves on top of Yuki’s when kneading dough, because Asami wants to fuck Yuki.

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Asami’s hand grasps desperately at the side of Yuki’s face, and his fingers dig in to the back of Yuki’s neck, because this kiss means more to Asami than just practice, Asami wants this to be real. Asami likes Yuki, Asami has gotten ahead of himself, Asami’s face has barely changed when he and Yuki are together, but his hand betrays his feelings, without Asami even knowing. Asami's hands grasp at the side of Yuki's face and applys pressure, to show a want that Hayama has never ever been allowed to express.

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

And we end the episode with Asami trapped behind a pane of glass, where his hands cannot reach out for Yuki. His face is finally expressive, but Yuki’s turned away, shutting out the chance for Asami’s true feelings to be reaffirmed through touch. The way that Yuki knows. Because every touch Yuki has felt from Asami’s hands have been true. The feelings have been true, even while his face is still. And the feelings Yuki has, feelings Yuki has always, always conveyed out in the open, have been shattered on a lie (Asami’s words he heard and misconstrued).

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

#25 ji akasaka de #at 25:00 in akasaka #this might be my shortest meta yet!#shan will be so proud

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