my ability to string words together to form an expressive thought has been rapidly dwindling

really, if i'm gone, i'm just fine

i wish i could've been everything i aspired to be

it makes me really sad when i think about how many years i spent working on myself and my personality. i was young and stupid at the same time, so i let a girl live with me and after my mom died she destroyed me. i dont think anybody could ever lie to me as much as she did. she did so many gross things to me and held me hostage with her for years. she used to threaten to kill herself if i left and for the longest time i was stuck. she took advantage of me when i was grieving the woman who raised me and that's so sad.

to myself, i love you. you did your best. i'm sorry the world did what it did to you.

loaded

every now and again i experience a pain strong enough to make my chest numb, almost like a 'butterflies in your stomach' kind of feeling, except it's accompanied by an ache around my heart that feels like i will never feel light again, such as all my body has been wrapped in a blanket of cold darkness that stretches itself whenever i try to punch my way out. this pain is strong enough to make me hate all things i love, including myself, at times, if i'm not careful enough. this is the same pain that put tattoos on the skin of my body, on the skin of my face, and the same pain that pushed me way over the edge when i was nineteen years old and i found out that my mother had died. it's strong enough, to me, to move mountains and everything in-between. it's a bittersweet thing, because if i couldn't feel it, then i would know nothing of what 'meaning' anything could ever have, let alone life itself.

i just got a message in my sleep

watching my sister treat a stranger like her brother and me like a stranger is one of the most painful things i've ever experienced

it seems now more than ever that i spend most of my time in these snapshots of memories that i've saved in my mind

man, i've wasted so much time

my rose, everything will be okay in time

nightlights ✨

vyn!

pretty

born heartbroken