I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but my novella, the Ballad of Horse Girl, will be out in July from Tenebrous Press! It's a weird western about a girl raised by horses who's out for revenge against the judge who killed her family. Read it with someone you love!

Midnight Pals: Watchers

AM Shine: check this out, ishana night shyamalan is gonna retell my watchers story Ishana Night Shyamalan: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the watchers Barker: is there a twist Shyamalan: i'm not my dad Shyamalan: i'm my own person

Shyamalan: i'm not just the daughter of the twist director guy Shyamalan: i am my own individual Shyamalan: with my own directorial voice and style, damnit! Barker: yeah but  Barker: c'mon there's a twist right Poe: clive let her tell the story

Shyamalan: so this woman gets lost in the woods while trying to deliver a parrot AM Shine: yes yes the yellow one Shyamalan: yes that one, darwin AM Shine: whoa whoa WHOA Shine: WHOA Shine: hold on a second here Shine: who's darwin? Shyamalan: that's the parrot

Shine: you gave the yellow one a name? Shyamalan: yes, as part of my unique directorial vision, separate from my father, i gave the parrot a name Shine: you gave the yellow one a name?! Barker: oh my god Barker: what a twist!! Poe: clive stop being an asshole

Shyamalan: the woman gets trapped in a bunker deep in the woods, at the mercy of mysterious otherworldly creatures intent on studying her for unknowable reasons of their own Shyamalan: the question is... can she survive... can she escape? Shine: why does the parrot have a name

Shyamalan: look the parrot just has a name now, we're moving on Shine: the yellow one was a perfectly good way to refer to a parrot Shyamalan: WE'RE MOVING ON Shine: Shine: [muttering] a perfectly good way to refer to a parrot

Shyamalan: they're trapped in this bunker, surrounded by monsters, with no food Barker: i have a question Shyamalan: is it about the parrot Barker: yes its about the parrot Shyamalan: they're not gonna eat the parrot Shyamalan: why would you even think that

Barker: well i was just thinking Barker: eating the parrot would be a pretty good twist Shyamalan: Shyamalan: fuck you Barker: ah ha ha Koontz: oh i hope they don't eat the parrot! Shyamalan: darwin is fine, dean Shine: you mean the yellow one Shyamalan: HIS NAME IS DARWIN NOW

We won! After more than a year since the passage of SB 254, nurse practitioners can prescribe HRT to trans adults in Florida again 💊💉🧑‍⚕️✌️ https://storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.flnd.460963/gov.uscourts.flnd.460963.223.0.pdf

I feel like a lot of people forget the furry community was built on queer sexuality and kink along with acceptance for being "different" and when people just go "I'm not like those freaks, I'm a wholesome good one" you're kinda just ignoring that side of history. it's ok to not be into that stuff and steer away from it but you gotta acknowledge the importance of queer furry sexuality.

Midnight Pals: Musk Deer

M. Lopes da Silva: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the glitter deer da Silva: what if elon musk got killed by a deer da Silva: but not just any deer da Silva: a gray goo glitter deer

da Silva: what if elon musk got killed by a deer Stephen King: god we should be so lucky King: i'm sorry i shouldn't have said that out loud King: he's just been really frustrating lately

Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy Stephano king, itsa me elon musk! Musk: your besta friend! King: oh elon yeah we were just talking about you Musk: oh? why? King: King: no reason Barker: we were talking about you getting killed by a deer King: CLIVE

Musk: eyyy you thinka you so smart you writa about me da Silva: i don't usually write about you Musk: people cannta stop talking abouta elon! Musk: its because ima SO COOL da Silva: da Silva: right da Silva: mostly i write about thwarted trans masc love and weird brain bugs

da Silva: like, what if they put a worm in your head that ate all your gay thoughts? Barker: that would have to be one HUNGRY worm Barker: ha ha Barker: like, SO hungry

da Silva: have you ever been in love with a tree tho? Barker: well, i think everyone's fucked a tree at some point da Silva: no da Silva: have you been IN LOVE with a tree? Barker: Sofia Ajram: YEAH CLIVE Ajram: IN LOVE WITH da Silva: but also yeah fucking the tree

da Silva: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the pumpjack king da Silva: it's about a desert cult around a pumpjack da Silva: but also da Silva: get it? da Silva: eh? eh? King: i get it! King: ha ha i get it!

Musk: eyyy Stephano king whats so funny King: never mind elon you wouldn't understand King: it's kind of a pun Musk: i know da puns!! Barker: sure thing, Freddy krugerrand King: oh!! there's another one!!!!

Midnight Pals: A Major award

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have exccciting newsss Rowling: I've jussst been awarded tablet magazine'sss new sssinai award Rowling: this will make the perfect replacement for that human rightsss award that got revoked

Stephen King: what's this award for, joanne? Rowling: it's for being one of the 36 people whossse presssence ssstopsss god from dessstroying the earth King: Lovecraft: Koontz: Poe: Barker:

Barker: how exactly are you stopping god from destroying the earth Rowling: well, obviousssly it's becaussse Rowling: god is a big cormorant strike fan Rowling: i mean, duh Rowling: that's my legacy Rowling: and, you know, the transssphobia

Rowling: i don't need you lot anymore Rowling: from now on, i'm going to be sspending my time with my intellectual equalss Rowling: fellow sssinai recipients like famous rapist conor McGregor, famous nazi Christopher rufo, the zodiac killer, and Anonymous UPenn student

[later] Rowling: hello fellow sssinai award recipients Rowling: how goesss it? Ted Cruz:

Rowling: how goess it, fellow sssinai recipients? Chris Rufo: we were just talking about how black people have smaller thinking bones than Aryan supermen Thomas Sowell: it's true! we do Sowell: ya know, we were really so much happier back in the slave days

Rowling: ah! ssso good to be among the 36 people who convince god to ssspare humanity Elon Musk: mama mia itsa me elon! Rowling: elon musssk?? what are you doing here? Rowling: isss it cuz you don't raisse your kidss? Musk: da god, he find ita very relatable!

Whenever someone says - as praise OR as homophobic criticism - that Noelle Stevenson “made” She-Ra into an LGBT brand I think they should know that the lead character designer of the original was a lesbian who also said that the entire studio behind He-Man and She-Ra was “the gayest place in town.” And like, honestly, you look me in the eye and tell me a straight person drew a single one of these character’s outfits.

A SINGLE one.

Midnight Pals: Strange Stones

Edward Lee: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange stones Mary SanGiovanni: me and ed wrote a cosmic horror SanGiovanni: it's about this professor who hates HP Lovecraft Lovecraft: SanGiovanni: like REALLY hates him Lovecraft:

Lee: ok bro so this professor is at this horror convention to talk about how much HP Lovecraft sucks Lovecraft: hey! Lee: oh it's not me bro, i think you're cool, it's this professor, he's the one saying it Lee: in the story, bro Lovecraft: Lovecraft: oh ok then

Lee: like, he's going on about how Lovecraft is a shitty writer who sucks Lovecraft: hey, come on! Lee: i'm not saying it, bro SanGiovanni: yeah howard don't commit the fundamental attribution error Lee: yeah bro i don't know what this but don't do it bro

SanGiovanni: so the professor is all "HP Lovecraft sucks ass, he can't write" Lee: oh and he's racist, bro, don't forget that SanGiovanni: oh that's right, AND he's racist SanGiovanni: thanks ed Lee: no prob bro

SanGiovanni: so Lovecraft was racist August Derleth: only as racist as the average man of his time!! SanGiovanni: and a shitty writer Derleth: only as shitty as the average writer of his time!! Lovecraft:

SanGiovanni: and the prof is all "we should stop talking about Lovecraft, who sucks, and start talking about better authors like Poe or Shelley" Lovecraft: come on!! Mary Shelley: haha i like this guy, he sounds like he's got the right idea Poe: yeah he's not entirely wrong

Lee: but check this bro Lee: this prof loves horror conventions cuz he's always getting laid Lee: these cons are just FULL of hotties looking to score Lee: you know how horror chicks are Lee: FREAK-EE SanGiovanni: and their tits--! Lee: oh man, bro, the tits are fuckin' bangin

Lee: bro so the girls at this convention have got some huge boobs SanGiovanni: some real serious honkers Lee: a real set of badonkers SanGiovanni: packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos Lee: big ol' tonhongerekoogers!

SanGiovanni: so this goth witch gets mad at the professor for dissing Lovecraft and she sends him to another dimension where Lovecraft is real! Lee: and bro don't forget, the witch has enormous jugs SanGiovanni: oh yeah just some ridonculous knockers

SanGiovanni: now the professor is in a Lovecraft world and he's about to find out that being in a Lovecraft world isn't all its cracked up to be Lee: oh yeah bro and he's gotta collect the 5 power stones to advance to the next level bro SanGiovanni: you mean the chaos emeralds?

SanGiovanni: now he's traveling from Lovecraft story to Lovecraft story, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that the next leap will be the leap home Lee: you know that thing about hotties trawling for dick at horror cons? thats totally true bro

Lee: yeah bro you know what i'm saying Lee: we're gonna get you laid, bro! Lovecraft: at a convention? Lee: that's what they're for bro! ask sonia! she invented the whole idea, bro! Sonia Greene: he's right

Happy pride!

“Rich kids should go to public schools. The mayor should ride the subway to work. When wealthy people get sick, they should be sent to public hospitals. Business executives should have to stand in the same airport security lines as everyone else. The very fact that people want to buy their way out of all of these experiences points to the reason why they shouldn’t be able to. Private schools and private limos and private doctors and private security are all pressure release valves that eliminate the friction that would cause powerful people to call for all of these bad things to get better. The degree to which we allow the rich to insulate themselves from the unpleasant reality that others are forced to experience is directly related to how long that reality is allowed to stay unpleasant. When they are left with no other option, rich people will force improvement in public systems. Their public spirit will be infinitely less urgent when they are contemplating these things from afar than when they are sitting in a hot ER waiting room for six hours themselves.”

— Everyone Into The Grinder

Midnight Pals: Stokercon Style

Brian Keene: feeling cute, might delete later Stephen King: looking good, brian! Looking good! Keene: oh my god Keene: stephen king liked my suit! Keene: i'm never changing this suit again Mary SanGiovanni: now wait a second- Keene: don't try to change me, baby!

Keene: there's only one thing to do now Keene: strut Keene: [doing the Keep on Truckin' walk] well you tell by the way that i use my walk Keene: i'm a ladies man no time to talk

Keene: look at me! i got the slickest suit at stokercon! Barker: the slickest suit you say? Keene: yes i Keene: well Barker: the absolute slickest? Keene: Keene: its AMONG the slickest King: now come on clive, it's a good suit

Barker: i'm just sayin Barker: i heard chuck tingle had a pink fish scale suit or something King: oh that does sound pretty nifty Keene: [shaking fist] TINGLE!! Keene: always two steps ahead!!!

Chuck Tingle: hello chums it is i chuck tingle, totally normal guy Tingle: just hanging out, effortlessly upstaging everyone in my flawless wardrobe Tingle: just normal things like a normal guy! Keene:

King: now now there's no need to fight King: in my book, you're both winners! Barker: that's not the way it works steve Barker: you have to pick a fave King: but why? Barker: because it would be way funnier if you did

King: oh i don't know, there were so many good outfits King: like did you see all the matching Dunkin Donut tracksuits? King: those were pretty boss

So a few months ago there was the discourse about would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods. I didn't want to touch it while the discourse was hot and everyone dug in hard because those are not good conditions for nuance, but I waited until today, June 1st, for a specific reason.

I'm not going to take a position in the bear vs man debate because I don't think it matters. What is really being asked here is how afraid are you of men? Specifically, unexpected men who are, perhaps, strange.

People have a lot of very real fear of men that comes from a lot of very real places. Back when I was first transitioning in 2015 and 2016, I decided to start presenting as a woman in public even though I did not pass in the slightest.

I live in a red state. I knew other trans women who had been attacked by men, raped by men. I knew I was taking a risk by putting myself out there. I was the only visibly trans person in the area of campus I frequented, and people made sure I never forgot that. Most were harmless enough and the worst I got from them was curious stares. Others were more aggressive, even the occasional threat. I had to avoid public bathrooms, of course, and always be aware of my surroundings.

I know how frightening it is to be alone at night while a pair of men are following behind you and not knowing if they are just going in the same direction or if they want to start something - made all the worse for the constant low level threat I had been living under for over a year by just being visibly trans in a place where many are openly hostile to queer people. You have to remember, this was at the height of the first wave of bathroom law discussions, a lot of people were very angry about trans women in particular. My daily life was terrifying at times. I was never the subject of direct violence, but I knew trans women who had been.

I want you to keep all that in mind.

So man or bear is really the question "how afraid of men are you?", and the question that logically follows is "What if there was a strange man at night in a deserted parking lot?" or "What if you were alone in an elevator with a man?" or "What if you met a strange man in the woman's bathroom?"

My state recently passed an anti trans bathroom bill. The rhetoric they used was about protecting women and children from "strange men", aka trans women.

Conservatives hijack fear for their bigoted agenda.

When I first started presenting as a woman the campus apartment complex was designed for young families. The buildings were in a large square with playgrounds in the center, and there were often children playing. I quickly noticed that when I took my daughter out to play, often several children would immediately stop what they were doing and run back inside. It didn't take me long to confirm that the parents were so afraid of "the strange man who wears skirts" that their children were under strict instructions to literally run away as soon as they saw me.

"How afraid are you of a strange man being near your children?"

I mentioned above that I had to avoid public bathrooms. This was not because of men. It was because of women who were so afraid of random men that they might get violent or call someone like the police to be violent for them if I ever accidentally presented myself in a way that could be interpreted as threatening, when my mere presence could be seen as a threat. If I was in the library studying and I realized that it was just me and one other woman I would get up and leave because she might decide that stranger danger was happening.

Your fear is real. Your fear might even come from lived experiences. None of that prevents the fact that your fear can be violent. Women's fear of men is one of the driving forces of transmisogyny because it is so easy to hijack. And it isn't just trans women. Other trans people experience this, and other queer people too. Racial minorities, homeless people, neurodivergent people, disabled people.

When you uncritically engage with questions like man or bear, when you uncritically validate a culture of reactive fear, you are paving the way for conservatives and bigots to push their agenda. And that is why I waited until pride month. You cannot engage and contribute to the culture of reactive fear without contributing to queerphobia of all varieties. The sensationalist culture of reactive fear is a serious queer issue, and everyone just forgot that for a week as they argued over man or bear. I'm not saying that "man" is the right answer. I am saying that uncritically engaging with such obvious click bait trading on reactive fear is a problem. Everyone fucked up.

It is not a moral failing to experience fear, but it is a moral responsibility to keep a handle on that fear and know how it might harm others.

Midnight Pals: New Book

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i'd like you all to know about my new book King: you wrote another harry potter book? awesome! Rowling: no itsss not a harry potter book Barker: oh jesus not another cormorant shrike Rowling: ITS CORMORAN SSTRIKE Rowling: AND NO

Rowling: this book is called 'the women who won't wheeshhht' Barker: women who won't wee or shit? Rowling: no that'sss not what i sssaid Rowling: that'sss not what i sssaid and you know it!!

Rowling: [muttering] think you're ssso sssmart well you won't be laughing when you hear from my barrissster Barker: what was that? Rowling: nothing

Barker: so the women who won't wee or shit Barker: is that why there's no toilets in hogwarts? Rowling: no!! Rowling: that's unrelated!!! Rowling: i've come up with a new retcon for that Barker: oh boy i bet its a doozy Poe: clive

Rowling: they removed all the hogwartss toiletss because the PC police were going to force them to let transs women ussse the ladiesss room Rowling: so instead dumbledore bravely removed all toiletsss Rowling: a great man, dumbledore Barker: and that's when wizards started just shitting themselves? Rowling: yesss

Barker: anyway Barker: the women who won't wee or shit King: are you King: are you committed to that title, joanne? King: cuz now that clive's said it King: i really can't not hear it

Rowling: i've got 10 thousand copiesss already printed! Rowling: i can't make changess now Rowling: look itss just gonna be cheaper to ssue anyone who makess fun of it Barker: who makes fun of the women who won't wee or shit Rowling: that'sss it!!! Rowling: you're on my lissst!!!

Rowling: everyone loves the women who wheeessst!! Rowling: it's full of manifestosss about the transss quessstion Rowling: and the final sssolution King: Koontz: Barker: Lovecraft: Poe: Rowling: my friendss and relativesss begged me not to do thisss Rowling: BEGGED ME! Rowling: with tears in their eyess Rowling: but i could not be dissuaded! King: what did your friends say about it then? Rowling: i don't really know, we don't really talk much anymore

Midnight Pals: Full of Green Teaness

Sheridan Le Fanu: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the new drug scourge that's sweeping the nation, seducing our youth Le Fanu: you know what i'm talking about King: Poe: Koontz: Lovecraft: Barker: Le Fanu: i'm talking about green tea

Barker: wait wait wait Barker: green tea? Le Fanu: yes Barker: and that's the street name for.... what now? Le Fanu: green tea Barker: hahahaha Le Fanu: THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER, CLIVE

Barker: ooo yeah i'm real scared of green tea Le Fanu: THIS IS SERIOUS, CLIVE Barker: hahaha Le Fanu: if you drink too much green tea, you could manifest an evil monkey! Barker: AHAHAHA!!!! Le Fanu: STOP LAUGHING!!

Le Fanu: STOP LAUGHING! Poe: clive Barker: oh come on edgar i know you're scared of monkeys but this is ridiculous Poe: i'm not scared of monkeys Barker: [whispering to King] he's scared of monkeys Poe: I am NOT scared of monkeys

Poe: i am not scared of monkeys, clive stop spreading rumors King: actually clive's right, you did write that story about the scary monkey Poe: that was an ape Barker: [whispering to King] he's scared of apes Poe: I AM NOT SCARED OF APES EITHER

Le Fanu: look, the simple truth with green tea you don't know if you're getting a pure product Le Fanu: they cut it with baking soda, borax, rat poison Le Fanu: here, look at this video of what happens to a cop when he gets green tea on his skin

Le Fanu: you drink green tea and an evil demonic monkey will attack you! Lovecraft: Le Fanu: and drive you to suicide! Lovecraft: Le Fanu: also, it's sold by the chinese Lovecraft: [sweats] THE CH-CH-CHINESE?!?!

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers Barker: sheridan was just telling us about the dangers of green tea Le Fanu: [playing piano] Le Fanu here Le Fanu: i want you to learn a song that'll teach you to say no to green tea

Le Fanu: [playing piano] users are losers and losers are users Le Fanu: SO DON'T DRINK GREEN TEA! DON'T DRINK GREEN TEA! Shelley: Shelley: hey how bout you tell that story about the lesbian vampire?

Le Fanu: Don't let green tea make a monkey out of you!™ (paid for by the partnership for a green tea free america) Barker: King: Lovecraft: Poe: Koontz:

Shelley: ffft i'll drink green tea if i fuckin want to Shelley: i'll drink it right now Shelley: who's got green tea? Fitz James O'Brien: i got some right here Shelley: hand it over [drinks green tea without breaking eye contact with Le Fanu]

Le Fanu: noooo! nooo! the monkey!! think of the monkey! Shelley: i ain't scare of no monkey Shelley: i'm not edgar Poe: I'M NOT SCARED OF MONKEYS Barker: [whispering to Shelley] he's scared of monkeys

Poe: tonight, Lord Dunsany is going to tell a story Lovecraft: Lord Dunsany!? Lovecraft: Lord Dunsany is here?!? Lovecraft: no no i'm not ready, i can't meet lord dunsany! Poe: you'll be fine, howard Lovecraft: do i look ok? how's my hair? Poe: it's fine, howard Lord Dunsany: submitted for the approval of Lovecraft: Lord Dunsany! I'm your biggest fan! Dunsany: thank you. submitted for Lovecraft: did you get those letters i sent? King: oh yeah howard's really big on sending letters King: he just loves it Lovecraft: gosh Lord Dunsany it's so great to finally meet you! Lovecraft: i think we'll get along great! we could be friends, maybe? Lovecraft: best friends even? August Derleth: b-but howard...! Derleth: i thought WE were best friends! Lovecraft: Lovecaft: oh this is awkward

Lord Dunsany: submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the hashish man Fitz James O'Brien: [appearing suddenly] somebody call me?

Dunsany: so i was at this party and this guy is all "hey i saw that article you wrote about the ancient and mysterious city of bethmoora" Dunsany: "you know, i myself have visited bethmoora many a time" Dunsany: "in my mind, after smoking weed"

Dunsany: now let me tell you Dunsany: when you're at a party and some guy just starts telling you about how he saw some crazy shit right after smoking weed Dunsany: you sit up and take notice

Dunsany: this guy astral projects to the court of the evil emperor Thuba Mleen Dunsany: who sics his torture goons on him Dunsany: and that is why you should never take more than you can handle and always know your dealer

Aleister Crowley: wait, this story doesn't conflate traveling in time and traveling in space! Crowley: have you ever even DONE hashish?? Dunsany: you got me, i only drink tea Crowley: Crowley: haha i love this guy! Crowley: THE GREAT BEAST! Crowley: DO WHAT THOU WILT!

Dunsany: ok sure i haven't done hashish but boy you don't know me on tea Dunsany: i can get pretty crazy if you know i mean Dunsany: i get pretty hyper on tea Crowley: oh yeah? Dunsany: oh yeah i've been known to get a little bit Dunsany: random

Dunsany: [drinks tea] hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is lord dunsany but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!!^_^ L0ve and waffles!!!!! Crowley: haha no more tea for this guy!