#ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wallofweird · 4 years

Text

1. Kevison Analysis: Season 4 Episode 18

I’ve decided to write a series of analysis regarding Madison, Kevin, his ‘relationships’ with her, Sophie and Cassidy respectively. I don’t have a specific schedule for them, I’ll release each post whenever I have enough free time and energy to write it because I want to give all of you something really through, like I did with my masterpost about Justin’s and TPTB’s interviews that hinted at Kevison becoming canon.

I also want to remind everyone that some of the stuff I say here is already established as canon, but some is my interpretation of the events that happened on the episode.

That being said, I want to begin by talking about Madison’s first scene. We learn that Madison is pregnant with Kevin’s child (children) and this is her third medical appointment alone. Her OB/GYN, Dr. Eli Mason, asks Madison if there is anyone she could bring along for support.

Madison explains she hasn’t told anyone because she is not close with her family. Madison also shares that confessing her pregnancy to the one good friend she has is not a possibility. Then, Dr. Mason brings up the father of the babies.

She says:

“We barely know each other. Actually, the only thing I definitively know about him is that he comes from a long line of great love stories... And this... This would not be what he wants... There is no way... There is no way he'd want this.”

Dr. Mason replies:

“Little early to give up on him. Huh? You haven’t even given him the chance to be himself yet.”

I absolutely love this piece of advice and find the words the writers chose for this scene really interesting. He could’ve said something like “you’ll never really know unless you talk to him” or “look, I get it, but shouldn’t you make an effort and tell him? You’re already discarding your kids’ father from their lives without even trying. Give it one attempt, do it for your children.”

Instead, he suggests she gives him the chance to be the person he already is. This advice sums up the way basically the world perceives Madison and Kevin, even a little bit of how they see each other. Everyone has this pre-fabricated idea of them as people who have it all together and don’t have actual problems. Or of individuals that are immature, shallow, clingy and are always seeking attention. They are rarely taken seriously, their cheerful nature annoys almost everyone around them and they are usually not seen as people capable of being responsible or deep. Also, most of their issues only get recognition and attention when both reach their lowest point. So, Dr. Mason’s words describes them flawlessly, the way people treat them and also the ideas they have of one another: Kevin has underestimated Madison before and she doesn’t believe he would want to be part of the his children’s lives.

Madison gives him a shy smile

and ultimately decides to follow the doctor’s advice.

Meanwhile, at Kate’s house, Kevin and Randall are arguing over the fact his brother convinced their mother to undergo a clinical trial even though she had previously ruled it out.

Things are escalating pretty quickly and it almost gets physical.

And that’s exactly when Madison shows up. She greets them and apologizes for being late for the party.

Kevin’ explains that it isn’t a good time. That might have come off as rude for some people, but I don’t see it that way. Randall and him were fighting, he was stressed, the atmosphere of the place couldn’t be worse. However, he doesn’t yell at her or looks at Madison with an angry expression, Kevin simply looks tired and overwhelmed, which he is.

She walks in anyway.

“What’s going on? Where is everyone?” Madison asks.

Nevertheless, Kevin lets her in without protesting and he closes the door without slamming it. Kevin simply explains that was what he meant: It wasn’t a good time, there was nobody there and he was in the midst of a feud with his brother (which Madison got to witness a little bit). In fact, I believe there is some kind of intimacy here, in a way that he is rawly honest with her. He was just being trying to say the atmosphere of the place wasn’t festive anymore.

“Kevin, we need to talk and we need to it now before I lose my nerve,” she announces.

“(Exhales) Look. (Exhales) Just, I'm... I'm not sure what we need to talk about, honestly, okay? Uh, look, you were lonely, I get that. I was, uh, heartbroken. And I don't know why we have to relitigate the whole stupid thing. I just... You know, we made a mistake...”

Again, I don’t interpret this moment as Kevin being rude to her. He was having a terrible day and he was arguing with his brother just a few minutes ago. Not to mention that despite having a better approach to the situation, Kevin is still affected by his mother’s diagnosis and worries about her health. The last couple of months weren’t easy for him and that day was only making matters worse.

Besides, Madison herself has expressed regret for sleeping with Kevin and classified their hookup as something stupid too. She even admitted that she was feeling embarrassed by it.

Kevin was disturbed, he wasn’t thinking clearly. If the situation had been different, I’d say he would’ve figured out the reason she was there right away. It had been nearly two months that they had seen one another and apparently they hadn’t spoken ever since. She had a serious look on her face, not a flirtatious one. He would’ve connected the dots. Still, Kevin was overwhelmed, so he wrongly assumed Madison was there just to add to his stress by making a move on him, which would’ve been the last thing he needed at the moment. When people are having a bad day, they tend to think the world is out there to get them. That’s what happened here. Yet, Kevin didn’t raise his voice, expressed anger or anything, he overall just wanted to avoid talking to people, IT WASN’T anything PERSONAL.

On the other hand, Madison doesn’t back down and spills that she’s pregnant.

She continues,

“You’re the father...

It’s the question I would ask,

and...

You are.

I’m sorry,” she murmurs.

Madison adds,

“I know I am a complete stranger to you.

I am just your sister’s friend and...

I honestly know nothing about you other than how much you love your high school girlfriend.

(pauses)

I’ve decided I’m gonna go through with this.”

Kevin is too paralyzed to say anything yet,

but he nods, giving a slight indication that he is supportive of her decision.

“You don’t know my medical history, but this is kind of a miracle for me.

But I need you to know I will not ask anything of you.

Emotionally, financially, all of it.

You can still find the great love story you deserve,” she reassures him.

I absolutely love this part, because Madison is afraid she and the kids could get in the way of Kevin’s dream life, and I doubt it is because she has feelings for him, I believe it might have something to do with her family. Like, maybe they resent her because they’ve never wanted children and she is projecting that idea onto him.

However, you can see Kevin closing his eyes, wrinkling his forehead and shaking his head. As he listens, Kevin seems to be offended, even hurt by the fact Madison would think so little of him and, I dare to say, herself.

His reactions suggest that he finds what she is saying to be a complete absurd.

And he just can’t take any more of it. “Madison,” he interrupts her.

And Caitlin’s performance here is so on wonderful, because Madison is so nervous that she barely has it together. She gasps and almost skips a heartbeat. She seems to be on the verge of losing it.

Nevertheless, Kevin is still unable to say anything. “I think I might pass out,” he admits. “I'm just... I'm gonna...” he rambles as he is about to walk out the room, but Kevin doesn’t feel good about leaving her like that and you can conflict on his face.

“I'm not walking away from this conversation, okay? I just... I need a minute to... I'm sorry. Just... One second,” he explains to her.

I’m very fond of this moment as well, because Kevin has a lot in his mind, not only the pregnancy, but Rebecca’s health condition, the argument with Randall... He needs a few minutes to process what’s just happened. It’s a great example of Kevin emotional intelligence, he knows he needs a moment to assimilate everything because he wants to be as focused and serene as possible when they get back to their conversation and he needs to take a breath for that, but it’s still important to him to reassure Madison that he will definitely come back. He’s basically saying, “look, I’m sorry I’m not in my best state right now. I’m having this horrible day and I need a second because I want to clear my mind before I talk to you, but I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

Madison doesn’t protest

and Kevin guarantees it won’t take long and apologizes one last time with his eyes.

Kevin steps outside and takes a deep breath.

His brother interrupts it.

“Randall, please, I can’t do this right now,” Kevin raises his hand and begs, because he is trying to focus on returning to his conversation with Madison.

Randall doesn’t listen and restarts their fight.

Kevin throws back, but changes his mind and decides to enter the house.

His brother keeps pushing and he ends up coming back.

“You want to do this now, finally, after all these years? Let's do it! You know, this whole narrative that you keep spinning, this narrative that you took care of the family, where the hell did that come from? Huh? 'Cause all I know is, if I had been there, I would've walked through literal fire, and I would've pulled that man out,” Kevin shouts.

Randall adds fuel to the fire, “Well, Kev, I guess we'll never know, because you weren't there. And he died ashamed of you.”

He rubs some of his brother’s deepest wounds, “And I think... I think that's the part that really gets you, isn't it? The shame that he felt for you and the pride that he felt for me? I mean, you're not even chasing dad's shadow, Kevin, you're chasing mine. But you'll never be him and you'll never be me, because you'll never know what it's like to devote yourself to anyone other than yourself. And you'll pretend, but it'll all just be a performance. A tired, stale performance. Like all of your performances.”

And Kevin decides to get back at Randall, “You know, I used to think the worst thing that happened to me was the day that dad died. It's the day they brought you home. Hand to God, Randall, the worst thing that ever happened to me was the day they brought you home.”

They both look miserable. Randall leaves.

Kevin shows to be hurt and remorseful as well.

He spends a few seconds regretting his actions.

And is stopped by his phone ringing.

Kevin reads his uncle message.

He gets back to reality: Madison is still there and he needs to go back inside.

He sighs because he didn’t get to clear his head like he intended to. Instead, he just ended up getting even more disturbed.

Now, Kevin seems to be a little reluctant to talk to Madison, because his brother mentioned of his biggest insecurities: not being able to take care of his mother. And it’s not even the first time something of that nature happens: his sister once mocked the idea of him being a father too. It’s something that he’s really self-conscious about: not being capable of taking care of his loved ones. So, I guess that here Kevin had just entered a self-doubting mode.

Ultimately, he seems to realize Madison just needs him to be there and goes back in anyway.

Kevin enters the room:

The beginning of the sequence was BY FAR my favorite part of the entire episode. I reckon it's very intriguing the way they played everything out: they showed Kevin entering the room and the glances he exchanged with Madison. Which, if you think about it, would normally be a really monotone, not special and weird thing to focus on. However, there is something different about the way the actors deliver the scene, specially Justin, since the camera is primarily on him.

I personally find there to be something really enchanting on scenes that are done with the least amount of elements as possible. I have a special admiration when actors are able to deliver their performances with almost or no makeup at all and no lines or footage.

For example, I love clips where character A is listening to character B on the phone or a tape and you don’t get to see character B, but you are able to feel the emotion and the intensity the scene requires only by the way their voice sounds, the hesitation, the pauses they take and all of that.

And I’m also fond of silent sequences where everything that needs to be said is in the characters’ eyes, the way they move, their gestures and the rhythm of their breath. I LOVE paying attention to all of these little details.

And here Kevin stares at Madison with an amount of sensitiveness, understanding, empathy and softness that he had never given her before. In fact, I might be wrong, but I don’t recall him E-V-E-R looking at someone in such way, much less THAT intensely.

And there seems to be a lit bit of nervousness too.

Which reminds me of a thing Justin said about these two:

“I think if you know Kevin and the way that his mind works and the way that he goes about his business and the way he attacks situations, when he commits to something, he’s all in. (…) Now, things have changed. She’s pregnant with what she says are his twins and with the information that he has, ‘OK, she’s carrying my two children,’ so now everything has changed. Everything looks different, right? What Kevin saw before was this flighty sort of annoying friend of Kate’s. And then it turned into this one moment that they had together where they were sort of sharing in their own misery, right? One was lonely and one was sad and depressed and it was a perfect storm and that’s kind of all it was. (…) And then the unintended consequence of all that is she’s pregnant. So when she says things to him like, ‘This is kind of a miracle’ for me, I think everything changes. He sees her in a different light, obviously. (...)”

And I don’t know if that were scripted or just the actor’s approach (I really wish I could, though, because that sequence was simply brilliant), but it seems that Justin really wanted to incorporate this idea of Kevin seeing Madison in a whole new light.

In a way, it’s like he is seeing her for the very first time.

Kevin is also taking exceptional caution in every single move he makes, even with an action as simple as shutting the door. He closes it smoothly.

And they really focus on Kevin gazing at Madison.

While none of them is saying anything

and he approaches slowly

with just such a gentle look.

There’s literally around T-H-I-R-T-Y freaking SECONDS of this scene just dedicated to these quiet moments before Kevin finally says a word.

He calmly sits down in front of her.

Madison waits for him to say anything.

Yet, he looks away and his face assumes this thoughtful countenance.

Then, Madison stops staring at him and looks down.

It’s only when Madison is not gazing at him anymore that Kevin sets his eyes on her again. There’s just something so pure, fragile and delicate about this entire sequence that I consider really touching.

“I’m so sick of chasing ghosts. I’m tired of doubting myself,” he shares.

There’s also something implicitly significant about this. He is genuinely confiding in her. It’s another example of that raw honesty that Kevin seems to have with Madison and not even to be aware of it. It just looks like he voices his thoughts and feelings so easily with her. They don’t have a lot of scenes together yet, but there are already two substantial clips of them talking. And on both moments, he spontaneously gives her unsolicited information about himself. It’s like Kevin doesn’t feel the need to censor himself around her, it seems like he subconsciously feels comfortable enough with Madison to show his weariness, sadness and overall vulnerability.

And Madison doesn’t seem to be annoyed by the fact he starts pouring his feelings out to her instead of talking about their current situation. She doesn’t turn him away. Madison remains quiet, pays attention and just gives Kevin the opportunity to share whatever he needs and wants.

“I’m all in, Madison. Whatever you need, I am all in,” he promises.

Madison's eyes widen in surprise

and he gives her this very subtle smile.

Kevin continues, “I want this.

And maybe I, I, I didn't think it would b...” He refrains himself from finishing that sentence, because it could’ve given Madison the wrong impression: that he will not love his child (children) the same way he would love them if the pregnancy had been planned and the baby (babies) was (were) a result of wedlock.

Which is most certainly not the case and he lets her know his priority from now on will be his family, not the past.

Kevin glances softly at Madison one more time.

“I wanna be a father,” he murmurs. Again, Kevin is confiding in Madison. He is opening up to her and saying things that he doesn’t have to say nor she has the obligation or necessity to know, but he still shares and she still listens to all of it attentively.

The way Justin delivers this line is so special too. He pronounces it with a low, quiet voice. He shows us that Kevin is venting to her, because that is something he has craved so badly for so long and was almost losing hope of accomplishing.

And Madison gives him a comprehensive and compassionate look, because she gets it. People usually don’t see her as a profound or mature person. Her relationships don’t even get to the point where discussing kids becomes a possibility. The last guy she dated broke up with her because he couldn’t picture them having a future together. Her medical history is complicated as well and the odds of her having children naturally were almost null. She not only understands it, but also has lived all of it through the years.

“I think I’d be great at it,” he tells her.

Kevin just keeps pouring his heart out to her, because a family of his own is something he has really longed to and and for over an entire year he’s been frustrated with the idea of not fulfilling this particular dream, specially since he feels he can do it and just needs the opportunity to prove it to himself and everyone.

By then, Kevin is already talking about it with a dreamy voice and look on his face.

“The love of my life will be my child,” he concludes, reinforcing that he is serious about it.

“Children,” Madison corrects him.

It appears Kevin doesn’t know what to say now: he slightly trembles, but there’s still some kind of exhilaration in his eyes. It’s like he is asking her: wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying? Is this actually happening?

“It’s twins, Kevin!”, she reveals.

There’s something also very special about the way Caitlin delivers her line. Madison says it in a way that is so soft, because she still can’t believe this indeed happening, but there is emotion and enthusiasm too and she pronounces those words in a way that sort of sounds like she is singing. Like something Madison is still getting used to, but she loves repeating to herself and being reminded of.

And Kevin doesn’t know how to respond to that, but you can see his face slowly light up like a child.

There is this pure, dreamy and joyful look in his eyes all over again.

It’s not a large smile just yet, because he also can’t believe that’s actually happening, but Madison is able to read him and she sees in him the mix of surprise, thrill and barely being able to react or say a single word, because that simply sounds too good to be true.

By that moment, Madison is already feeling relieved and comfortable around Kevin and she gives him another smile and shrugs. He doesn’t need to say anything out loud, because Madison understands what that silence means: she has become familiar with that mix of emotions as well. She feels it, she k-n-o-w-s.

PS: Feel free too add your notes, I’d love to know your comments on their scenes from this episode. :)

#kevin pearson #kevison #this is us #what about WHAT YOU GUYS THINK? :)#btw it took me 3 days to put this together so I hope it's good

57 notes · View notes

r0h1rr1m · 4 years

Text

rambly inception thoughts p.2

this has been kicked off, specifically, by disliking that i failed to include yusuf in this post but there’s already so much going on there re: exact limits/mechanics of imagination in dreams, how to call down projections, moral relativism, crack chara psych, and speculating on the future of ari’s career--and i explained most of it poorly anyway so it’s probably for the best!

to start with, i’ve always imagined that there’s a huge variety in the caliber/class of chemist u can hire in dreamshare. the title probably applies even to people whose capability starts and stops at sourcing base product for somnacin and/or the finished drug. the next level up can maybe mix up different kinds to standard specifications. idk how much education/training u’d need to be able to do this, bc i v much do not chemistry, but i’d bet there’s a lot of variety in ppl’s qualifications in this category, too. a standard formula might affect different ppl slightly differently, like any psychotropic drug (is that even the most sensible analogy to real-world science? idk and i don’t want to risk hours of ultimately fruitless wikipedia spiralling), but in the same vein, the variances will all probably fall within a reasonable range of the same functionality. without, like, some sort of neuro degree, probably, the most fine-tuning a chemist could do is optimize doses/known variants of the drug through trial and error in preparation for a job.

our man yusuf definitely has a high-level neuro degree

so, just like the rest of the team, yusuf is obviously a total powerhouse in his field. like i said, it must take sophisticated knowledge of brain chemistry in order to do what he did on the fischer job, as well as the same mad genius as the rest of them. (as an aside, can i just say how utterly delightful a team dynamic is “group of geniuses who surround themselves with enough people who are the same kind of batshit to normalize it”? i’m weak) and idk how someone gets famous in like neurochem but yusuf is so brilliant he was probably p well known. js imagine the comedic potential of whatever rising-star chemist meeting yusuf and js going dr. ____?! who published those completely revolutionary but completely balls-to-the-wall studies on x and then after throwing the discipline into an uproar either a) dropped off the face of the earth and is now known as smth of an urban legend/cryptid in the community or b) still corresponds w experts in the field but now about the wildest shit and ppl kind of have to mythologize/not think too hard abt the dude who walks in ppl’s heads in order not to risk js breaking everything

so yusuf knows his shit and his initial assertion that 3 levels is impossible can be trusted to carry a lot of weight. which means the fact that he proceeded to do it more than secures his place in the cast of demonstrable prodigies

now, bc this is ostensibly a continuation of a post that’s loosely focused on charas’ moralities, let’s look at the 2 parts of the movie where we most directly confront yusuf’s: his dream den and hiding the sedation from the team. i’m going with the assumption that any legitimate/legal research and application of dreamshare has been discontinued.

come yell at me for over oversimplifying, but that makes the question of the dream den seem p straight-forward. yusuf faced giving up dreamshare research (or came onto the scene after it was already illegal, which could make for some rly interesting stories abt how he would’ve found out abt it) and couldn’t, so he had to find a way to continue on his own. and since it would be in rly bad faith to assume he doesn’t have the full consent of all his test subjects, that’s js that. (i’m not going to argue abt the difference b/w ethics and morals, and i’m laughably unqualified to discuss the ethics of human experimentation anyway so moving on)

hiding the fact that the team was sedated was a major plot point and is discussed w according frequency, so i’m sure most ppl have their own opinions abt what this says abt the parties involved. i’ll readily admit that my view is heavily colored by the fact that i js plain like yusuf. he’s a likeable guy. (i’ll try not to go off on a tangent, but i know that my reasons for disliking cobb are a little unfair; it’s more about narrative structure than any of his personal failings. the fact is i have a weakness for hypercompetence, and cobb is presented as someone who used to be the best, but is no longer reliable. he shows flashes of his old brilliance running the mr. charles gambit successfully and improvising capitalizing on the appearance of fisher’s browning projection on l2, but he’s desperate enough to be untrustworthy and further, he’s untrustworthy in a way that is eminently predictable by the audience. we know from the get-go that his shade is gonna sabotage something, and it’s hard not to blame him for that. we also know from the get-go that he’s desperate enough to drag other ppl into a fool’s mission, and that he’s hiding something dangerous from arthur, who by all appearances should be the person cobb can trust, and the person to whom it’s most important to know that kind of shit. i’m not gonna pretend i anticipated that big twist in the parking garage on l1, but it makes a ton of sense in retrospect and all this makes it easy to see why cobb is so widely mistrusted/disliked by the fandom. and i went off on a tangent, whoops.)

so picking back up at yusuf is a likeable guy--he seems p friendly and easy-going and i thoroughly enjoyed every scene of him on l1. i’m gonna say a lot of his moral considerations come in the form of deciding what is or isn’t his responsibility. mbe he avoided or suitably resolved the thorny ethical question of human experimentation in the same way i kind of did: by saying that the participants agreed to it on their own and leaving it there. this kind of reasoning is how he would’ve let cobb take responsibility for sedating and then informing the team. it’s also probably how he decided to cue the kick early on l1 and make it everyone else’s problem. which i do think was the right decision! it would be absurd to suggest that this highly intelligent man’s patterns of reasoning are always questionable. but i do see a pattern.

as for the advice he’d give ari, i think a lot of this relates back to my mention in the earlier post of whether or not she could let an institution/legislation dictate her ethics to her. i’ve since decided that it’s simpler to assume the institutions are all outside the law, though, so i’m not going to think abt that anymore unless directly prompted. one thing we do know abt ari, though, in contrast to my suppositions abt yusuf, is that she has a v strong sense of responsibility. she took it upon herself to manage cobb, and she took it upon herself to save the job, fisher, saito, and cobb when it looked like everything had been ruined. thinking abt it now, this makes for further interesting contrast w arthur, whose sense of responsibility seems to revolve around personal loyalty, eames, whose sense of responsibility is acutely pragmatic, and saito, whose sense of responsibility is on the grand scale of stopping a monopoly (suitably ironic).

again, idk if i’ve rly made any kind of point, and now i want to go back and build elaborate hierarchies of skill in each job description (architect, extractor, etc) like i kind of did for chemists but, well. if u made it this far bless u, i hope u have a wonderful day. vote

#inception #yusuf #ariadne #arthur #eames #saito #if u haven't check out p.1 cus there's a lot there that i never rly expanded but am figuring out how to #running my mouth #yes absolutely #dom cobb

12 notes · View notes

xproskeith · 4 years

Text

For those interested, this was the post I made:

“So, I really don't post much beyond personal stuff and pictures and I haven't really chimed in on masking and precautions for COVID-19 beyond a few comments on other people's posts. However, in light of the rising number of cases, the shutting down of businesses again, the statewide masking mandate, and the absurd amount of anti-mask nonsense I have seen lately, I feel I have an obligation as a nurse to make a statement.

It would seem that a lot of you don't understand what's actually going on, disease process and transmission, and how to analyze and interpret data (which in all fairness is something you have to learn to do and is rarely taught outside of science based degrees, so your ignorance isn't entirely unreasonable I suppose). As such, please allow me, someone with two bachelor of science degrees, who has assisted in conducting research in multiple fields including medicine relating to disease transmission, and who has been working the actual front line of this pandemic (and yes, we are absolutely in a pandemic. This is textbook definition) as an RN on the COVID-19 units to educate you and explain things.

First of all, there seems to be a completely incorrect belief that the flu is more deadly than COVID-19. Based on the most recent numbers as collected by the CDC, the COVID-19 survival rate in the US is roughly 95%, meaning 5% of all people who get the virus die from it and the complications it causes. The seasonal flu survival rate based on the current numbers from the CDC is roughly 99.99%, meaning only 0.01% of all people who get the flu die from it and complications that it causes That's not even remotely close. You have a much higher chance of surviving the flu.

The other major problem with just looking at the raw "survival" numbers is that it doesn't tell you about how fucked so many of the people who survive the virus are. Sure, they may survive, but their lungs are now mostly scar tissue thanks to the virus, not to mention the trauma from being on a vent for so long. As such, they often can't walk further than 5-8 feet without getting severely winded and fatigued. Many of these patients end up on dialysis because the virus destroyed their kidneys. Many have lost toes and/or fingers or had pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in the lungs) because the virus causes hypercoagulation of the blood and damages the endothelial cells that make up the inside of your blood vessels. This causes blood clots to form more easily inside the blood vessels, cutting off oxygen to the toes or fingers involved, ultimately killing the affected finger or toe. This is just what we have seen so far. We do not know the full extent of the lasting and permanent damages this virus will have on people

Which brings me to my next point. We do NOT have a true treatment plan for this virus. No current anti-virals are effective. Or at least not enough to be considered a real treatment. The use of typical/standard of care medicines to help with symptom management (such as ibuprofen for pain/fever and steroids to help with breathing) actually make things worse in the presence of this virus. So, we are learning as we go and doing our best to keep people alive.

There is a huge misconception that this virus does not hurt/kill/effect younger people. This is not true. We have had many teenagers, people in there 20s and 30s, who had no other health history prior to this die. We're seeing it more now thanks to people going to the beaches and bars in droves and doing these dumb "COVID parties". They're literally getting themselves killed and spreading it to others, both young and old.

Lastly, I will address wearing a mask. There is literal DECADES of research on masks and their ability to reduce the transmission of disease. That's why we use them in surgery and in the hospital in general. To prevent the spread of disease. We have been doing this long before COVID-19 and will continue to long after it's over. If that giant body of research is still not sufficient for you, you only need to look at the rest of the world where they issues masking mandates and their citizens listened. Those countries are largely reopen and not experiencing spikes like we are. That's because they're wearing masks and following recommendations. Funny how when you listen to the people who spent their entire educational career and actual career on these very topics and considered experts, things work out. It's almost like they know what they're talking about. Anyway, point is, we can see in real time how everyone wearing masks is stopping the spread and allowing these countries to reopen. Meanwhile, the US's cases continue to rise and we are forced to shut down again. Even Trump himself wore a mask. Everyone wants to complain about them shutting the economy down, but no one wants to be bothered to do something that takes ZERO effort to do so that we don't have to. The experts have told you what to do to reverse what is happening, but y'all won't listen. I mean, in some countries, they were a mask on a normal day just because they feel a little sick and don't want to get others sick. It's common courtesy.

And if you wanna argue that wearing a cloth or surgical mask makes it hard to breathe, you're wrong. There's research on this too. oxygen absorption and saturation in the blood is not impacted at all by wearing a mask, even for extended periods (y'know, like surgeons and the surgical staff do for upwards of 8 hours depending on the surgery). Any sensation or feeling that it's harder to breathe with a mask on is all in your head because you're not used to wearing a mask. Then, my favorite piece of evidence: if my fat ass can do chest compressions on a patient for 20 minutes while wearing a true N95 mask that's covered by a surgical mask, scrub cap, thick isolation gown, and eye shield and be just fine, you will be fine walking around the store and such in a simple surgical mask.

In conclusion, wearing a mask works. The research is there. The direct observation from other countries is there. There is a reason healthcare workers and epidemiologist (people who explicitly study and research diseases, disease transmission, and how to stop it) keep making these recommendations. There is literally no justifiable reason for you not to wear a mask.

One more thing worth noting is what has been the most taxing on the nurses and doctors and respiratory therapists. These patients, both young and old, deteriorate so fast. I have watched several patients who were seemingly stable and doing fine on maybe a little extra oxygen through a nasal cannula suddenly start to desat (oxygen levels in the blood dropped) and by the time we were in the room, they had already stopped breathing. During the peak of it here, we would have at least 2-3 Code Blues and another 3-6 Rapid Responses called throughout the hospital each night. And what was so shitty is that often times despite you doing everything you knew how to do and everything that those more experienced knew how to do, you could not save them. They still deteriorated. They still died. This shit is very real and very serious and y'all need to stop pretending it's not.”

All of this is based off of data and actual observation from the front lines. This is not opinion. Nothing I said is incorrect. I don’t understand.

#long post

5 notes · View notes

eeveelutionsforequality · 4 years

Text

So many advice and "friendly reminder" types of posts are like... painfully over-generalised, incredibly unsympathetically worded, and patronising. Often it's some kind of "unpopular opinion" that is actually like... an incredibly common opinion, if you spend like five minutes outside of a couple of specific twitter echochambers, and I'd go as far as to say that in a lot of cases it's the exceptions to some of these opinions that are actually the things that need more awareness in Average Joe's life.

Please read through the entirety of the two examples that I'm about to give before leaping to conclusions about what I'm saying, but I saw one recently that said that, should you have a mental health episode, you are always obliged to properly apologise to anyone affected, it's your fault even if it's not "your fault", you have to work on yourself and seek help for it, and so forth, so that's the example that I'm going to use - by no means because it's the worst offender, it isn't at all, just because it's the freshest in my mind.

I have a couple of friends who are prone to stress, because of mental health issues and the like, who live together - whenever you live with somebody disagreements are bound to happen, but to be honest I'd go as far as to say that their disputes are very minor in the grand scheme of things. Afterwards, they each blame themselves and I have to remind them that the level of guilt that they're putting on themselves is disproportionate to the situation - it's just an everyday and normal conflict that they're mentally exaggerating their part in because of the internalised idea that they're to blame for having shown any lack of composure, the internalised idea that they have to place all of the blame on themselves because their behaviour was somewhat a deficit of control. Sometimes people just clash and don't handle it 100% perfectly... that is entirely normal, and only a gentle apology and proclamation of still loving each other is needed, from both sides. That guilt and self-blame becomes the crux of the mounting anxiety following the situation, and means that the next time that a dispute arises it's worsened because they're anxious about being "that way" again.

What I'm saying is that the internalised idea that their mental health issues are to blame for their imperfections, and that by extension the whole thing is their fault and requires guilt and extensive apologies and treatment, only worsens the situation and the stress. It's not that no apology is ever required, it's that the message that I mentioned (and specifically the vigor, stern tone, and "blamey" wording of the "friendly reminder") is just too... too black and white, too harsh, too unforgiving, and ultimately an idea that they're already painfully familiar with, so familiar with that the idea of "people just argue sometimes and nobody's perfect, just breathe" takes a backseat. They can't "get treatment" to cure this, because this is normal - to not get stressed and word things slightly poorly in a generic household disagreement would mean having the composure and instantaneous literary perfection of a robot.

I have phobias, and there's a particular phobia that I have to face on a somewhat regular basis. There's a person who takes me to face this phobia, and who effectively has to force me to go through with it via verbal pressure and the like, to which I can become a little, understandably, resistant. I might swear at them, be short with them, scowl, tell them not to touch me, etc. The person has, on multiple occasions, sat me down and told me in no uncertain terms that I'm not to apologise for reacting like that. They have said "I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to do this. I know that it's not you and that you don't mean it. I don't want you to feel guilty for this, because that only reinforces the phobia, it reinforces the belief that this thing resulted in a bad outcome, when in reality what actually matters is that you did it anyway despite those feelings." Looking at it like that has actually helped to reduce the phobia, and by extension reduced the bad reaction to being forced to do it.

In both of these situations, being told things like "You have to apologise for having had a mental health episode. You did something wrong. You need to seek treatment for this." is unhelpful to the individuals involved and runs counter to the wishes of the individuals involved - the person who helps me does not want me to apologise to them for how I act, and the two friends who argue from time to time feel more harmed by their own guilt than they do by the other's actions, each feels like they owe the apology not that they're owed one.

If this so-called undeniable truth that you must always apologise, mentally accept blame, and seek help is taken as inherently applicable to our situations, regardless of the specifics of our circumstances (or other circumstances that I haven't mentioned where it may be counter-productive, such as when an abuser uses your mental health issues as an attempt to make you blame yourself for self-defence, not following their "rules", "talking back", or so on), then it can actually make problems worse. Like most things in life, there's usually exceptions to these kinds of rules.

I totally get that a short and snappy post can't always add all of the exceptions to their rule, and are usually addressing the aforementioned small echochambers that don't acknowledge when the rule does apply, but I also know how easy it is to see an over-generalised statement and internalise it to the point of absurdity. When I did internalise that message, I insisted on apologising despite the person repeatedly refusing to accept the apology in the same way that you wouldn't accept it if Josh apologised because of when the lobster died... he doesn't control the speed at which lobsters die.

Sometimes people actually need to stop internalising that idea. I know that it seems counter-intuitive to say "Actually, don't always apologise when you do something that you perceive as wrong or are told was wrong." but the truth is that not everybody wants an apology and sometimes you overestimate the level of wrongdoing or catastrophe because of the associated guilt... the truth is that sometimes you have to work out for yourself what the best response to this particular situation is, not follow a formula.

#Mod Vaporeon #rambles #god I hope this doesn't turn into a stupid argument #my point is just that sometimes you guys word things too harshly #and you prescribe a formula that doesn't apply to every situation #because really you're talking to an echochamber of genuine assholes #but they're not listening to you and the people who internalise the idea too much are listening #which just leads to people beating themselves up more #and that sucks #your target audience ignores you and the people it hurts listen too hard #which isn't your fault and all but softer wording might help a bit

10 notes · View notes

arcticdementor · 5 years

Link

Debt is a huge issue, a big part of what’s wrong with the fabric of modernity, a big factor of what’s driving modern civilization into collapse. And yet it has remained largely underdiscussed in these circles. Moldbug, who to the end still remained something of a libertarian, did have a keen interest in finance, and after the great crisis of 2008 made a series of long posts on financial crises and how to design a properly sound banking system. His “favorite topic” he even called it. Well it’s certainly not my favorite topic, nor I’m sure it’s Mr. Land’s, but it’s nonetheless a fascinating issue, and more importantly, a critical one.

Again, my approach to all intellectual issues is to think about its history, and the one thing that strikes one when thinking about debt is how easy-going the ancients were about them. Sovereign bankruptcies were routine, and nothing really happened. But most importantly, debt jubilees were *very* common. Mr. Land here seems to think it’s a horrible idea, and he may be right, but I can’t be faulted for liking something that Chinese emperors did every few years as part of general amnesties. New emperor? Cancel the people’s debt. Emperor has a change of mood and sets a new regnal era? Cancel the debt. Cute imperial baby is born? Out with the debt. Some Emperors had general amnesties almost every year. It’s interesting to note that the Song Dynasty, famous for its fabulous wealth, commercial mindset and urban culture, and thus a polity which you would expect to have more care about enforcing contracts, had over 200 debt jubilees over its 318 year history. That’s one every eighteen months.

Again, you could say that the one thing that ensured the Great Divergence, the Rise of the West, the Industrial Revolutions and basically everything that’s nice and productive about the modern world (and there’s plenty of that, I do like fast transport, air conditioning and modern hygiene, thank you very much), was the establishment of the Sanctity of Contracts as an important part of Western culture. There’s certainly something to that. A non-negligible part of reactionary authors will spit on Libertarianism a dozen times a day, but they will stay give you a 2 hour speech in praise of the Joint Stock Corporation as the fundamental basis of the modern economy and Western Civilization as we know it. By that line of reasoning, the only reason we ever got away of the Malthusian trap was when we stopped forgiving damn debtors and we used state authority to enforce commercial contracts.

…

Why did the kings and emperors of yore issue decree debt jubilees so often? Why at all? Not just to get debt out of their own shoulders, obviously, they had the power to do that and just that, and do not relieve the commoners from their own debt obligations. And yet they did that, all the time: have commoners be free of paying back their debts. Again this sounds outrageous to our modern sensibilities, and yet it was routinely done for millennia, and everybody thought it perfectly natural. Part of that is because anything the Sovereign did was perfectly natural. The whole point of being king is that you get to do things like issue debt jubilees and screw the merchants royally. Pun intended. There’s such a thing as different sorts of power, and economic power, the power that arises from having massive amounts of wealth, is very real. And yet, all that power is good for nothing in front of the King’s authority, who on a whim can wipe out all your claims of debt collection. The merchants cry, and the indebted peasants rejoice. That’s just good politics for the king: gains him popular favor, and signals his power.

But was that all? Just the King, sticking it to the merchants because he can? The whole frequency of the measure seems to hint there’s something more going on. Maybe debt jubilees were an actual tool of governance. A good tool, a necessary tool, in order to achieve some positive outcome. Surely in terms of political stability, the most immediate concern of kings. And maybe something more. Maybe debt relief just actually fixes something in society, corrects some imbalances which lead to not just more safety for the king, but actually a better society, in terms of economics, natality and just general happiness and prosperity.

If you have read Peter Turchin’s book War and Peace and War, and if you haven’t you should stop right here and just go read it right now (if you have time for my blog you really should be going and read that book), you might recall Chapter 10, which Turchin titled “The Matthew Principle”. That’s a rather forced coinage from a quote of the evangelist. The idea is basically that the rich always get richer and the poor always get poorer. That’s a historical reality and there’s plenty of evidence for it in premodern times, those very times I’m referring to as having frequent amnesties and debt jubilees, canceling everybody’s debt and starting over, screwing with creditors every few years.

…

Turchin, who may be right or wrong but is nonetheless a great writer, describes his argument with a very easy example. In any competition, he notes, the poor are at a disadvantage against the rich, having fewer resources, and so overtime tend to lose ground. Think of land, the almost only source of wealth in civilized societies until very recently. Assume an initially completely equal distribution of land. And that’s, by the way, not an absurdity. There’s actually a very good example in China’s Tang Dynasty, which adopted an “equal-field” system. All land was owned by the state, which allotted equal sized fields to individual peasant families.

What happened afterwards? Concentration. Little by little, some peasants were thriftier, others more prone to spend. Some were luckier, some more unfortunate with weather, or disease, or family issues. Some peasants started mortgaging away their fields to other peasants who again, due to thrift or luck had money available to spend. Those latter peasants then ended up with more land. Rince and repeat the process for several decades, and you get some very rich guys and a lot of landless vagrants. Keep the process going for even longer and you’d get even more inequality.

…

But that seldom happened, as eventually some ambitious man always found a way of organizing those landless vagrants into a rebel army and started a big fat war. Chinese dynasties tended to all last exactly 250 years, with a big rebellion in the middle. Two secular cycles. And the Chinese historians always agree in the culprit. 土地兼并, land concentration. Every single time. Europe had less obvious closure but also plenty of wars to stir things up. And eventually, of course, the Age of Revolutions.

Things are of course different now in our incredibly diversified economies; even landless peasants or the equivalent today can work their way up some corporate ladder or find some new economic niche and start a successful business. But the fact that poor people, on average, are at a disadvantage in resource competition against the rich. The rich just have less to lose. As Half Sigma, unsuccessful candid Jew always says, talk of “risk-taking entrepreneurs” is just bullshit. Rich people have enough money stashed away to live comfortably all their lives. They are investing their spare wealth, and yes, there’s always a risk there. But big deal. They’re covered.

…

Back to the beginning of the post, you can now see what debt jubilees were meant to achieve. Interestingly, Turchin’s book doesn’t mention the word “jubilee” even once. He probably didn’t think them important, as economic inequality historically did grow anyway. But surely periodic legal debt relief made the process slower. Eased societal contradictions to a more manageable level for the court. But it was never enough, it was barely a stopgap to the inexorable trend. But at least it served to lower the gas boiling the frog.

I just realized that I started this post with the intention of arguing in favor of debt relief, of learning from the ancients how to pacify society. But given the limited power it historically had, and given the trends we are seeing now, the complete obliteration of Western Civilization down the road to becoming Brazil, then South Africa and ultimately Haiti, maybe the proper accelerationist position is to make the fire stronger and make the damned frog jump from the pot once and for all. No jubilee. No peace. Let’s just observe the coming of the age of the oligarchs, and hope it breaks down fast.

#bloody shovel #spandrell #read the whole thing #debt #peter turchin #inequality

6 notes · View notes

scarlettlawyer · 5 years

Text

Part 12 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages Saga, the fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Vanquishing Mirages / Lifting Spirits: Part 10

Lifting Spirits: Part 11

We are rapidly hurtling towards the end. Or… the “end”.

--------

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 12

A single line into this chapter and it had already one-hit-killed me (IN A GOOD WAY). What.

Ohhh my weakness, my weakness…!

THIS SONG?? HIM? THIS SONG???

I have such happy and important memories attached to this song, it’s not just a case of “oh it’s upbeat and I like it” for me, it goes pretty deep. I’m BARELY into reading this chapter and was already put into an unbelievably good mood on the power of the song alone and the memories I have attached to it, let alone everything else about the fact that he is the one who is listeni – ohhhhh going straight for my weaknesses aren’t we.

I’ve gone over being so very happy that he has the ability to listen to music and enjoy it before but you went right ahead and, this was a whole other level, suddenly.

He can pick up & enjoy the happy vibes of this song, aaaah…!

He is listening to Wham! on repeat and no matter what you do, no takebacks, I’m cherishing this for FOREVER. XD

IT’S SO GREAT AND SO AMUSING BECAUSE IT’S H

“You take the grey skies out of my way! You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day! Turned a bright spark into a flame-”

He was going to die. He knew he was going to die.

Honestly GREAT work here with the mood contrast, but I was too busy being blown away/happy and amused by the song situation and shocked that the narrative just did this xDDD like I picked up on this mood whiplash and was like “um whoa” but it kinda passed like a blip when it came to my absorption of this scene/overall mood ahahaha.

Truly though, what excellent contrast going on here simultaneously wherein the reader is drawn into reading of these two threads of such different emotional resonance at the same tiiiime.

And it’s scenes like this where he’s doing stuff like, you know, just sitting and listening to music and the PORTRAYAL and I’m just sitting here like oh my g… s-stop encouraging me… please stop encouraging me… “I’M BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A PHANTOM FAN I REALLY SHOULDN’T BE ENCOURAGED LIKE THIS..!” sdkjnsdnklsd …The rest of this chapter refuses to stop said encouraging. :P

”If, through some miracle, they’ll grant me leniency, I think I’ll spend the rest of my life tucked away in some quiet little corner. That’s the best way for me to stay out of trouble, isn’t it?”

But the image this gave me was so absurd it refused to stick and just bounced right off. That’s just – no, nah, that’s not how this works, you know? There is no good ending. That’s impossible. It’s execution or prison and that’s that. And I was still advocating for execution. Welp. This statement took me off guard and there was this moment of… A sense of… Something. Before I dismissed it. Before it got lost again amidst the other things as I read on.

“One might argue that trouble has a way of hunting some people down.”

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 13

Phoenix Wright would be taking the defense again, as it was just as the Luster trial;

“wait wait wait WHAT – PHOENIX WRIGHT IS DEFENDING? PHOENIX WRIGHT?”

This info is just CASUALLY dropped in this “oh yknow just like with the Luster trial” manner - NO??? THE LUSTER TRIAL WAS A PURE PLOY TO CAPTURE MIRAGE AND THE PHANTOM BEING THE DEFENDANT WAS JUST, BAIT. AND HE WAS ACTUALLY INNOCENT OF THAT SPECIFIC CRIME IN QUESTION AND THE VERDICT ULTIMATELY HADN’T MATTERED ANYWAY AND? IT WAS ALREADY KINDA WILD TO SEE PHOENIX ACTUALLY BEING THE PHANTOM’S DEFENSE ATTORNEY EVEN BACK THEN AND AND AND…!

It’s NOT like the Luster trial it’s VERY different.

Phoenix Wright taking on the defense of Alexander Luster Jr’s case IMMEDIATELY implies a couple of things. Since Phoenix Wright is the posterboy of the entire Ace Attorney franchise, and he has won ALMOST every case he has taken and in each and every one of those scenarios where he won the case, he has indisputably been on the side of good and the side of right and- and he, as a rule, always tends to side with what is right and what is just. He is always ALWAYS striving to be on the side of justice. AND HE IS NOW ALEXANDER LUSTER JR’S DEFENSE ATTORNEY…

The dynamic of the games alone, the Ace Attorney Specific Tropes™ instantly then marks whoever’s side Phoenix is on tends to be a) The Right, Good Side & b) The Winning Side, applying both to the defense of Lex here. That’s what this tells us. That’s what it tells me. Told me. The narrative is directly reaching over and saying “Phoenix is advocating for him, and therefore this is the team you SHOULD be on. This is the team you should be cheering for”. And given Phoenix’s track record, the chances of him losing this are very, very slim.

And I was kind of sitting there like “Hello??? Excuse me?”. The narrative seemed to almost have this… assumption that we should be… Automatically accepting of this. That somehow, we should uncritically want Phoenix to win this trial and for Lex to win his lenience. By bringing Phoenix into this that’s kinda what it appears to definitively tilt the direction in. And I, with a years-old grudge against a character in an ENTIRELY different story written by an entirely different person*, and had been stubborn & adamant from the very beginning that the phantom NEEDED to face execution at any cost when the notion of rehabilitation was raised, was NOT buying it. I was not buying this. The narrative felt like it was making an assumption about the audience’s predisposition – about the audience’s wishes - that still did not apply to me.

*TttP is, for the record, not the only reason I felt the way I did at this point in the narrative. I’ll get into some of the other things fuelling my feelings on the matter a little later. But heh, yeaahhhhh.

Because like, you have characters like Bobby and Athena who are already fully established Lex-supporters, which is totally fine, but Phoenix has barely been in this and we’ve had no scenes at all with him interacting with Lex – there’s been no set-up of “Phoenix wants to advocate for Lex” – we are simply informed of this matter-of-factly, which implies “of COURSE Phoenix would take on Lex’s defense, it’s so OBVIOUS that it’s the right thing to do.” And I was like “oh so we’re doing away with subtlety somewhat on this front regarding the narrative’s agenda?” sdjsdbks. (I MEAN. LEX’S PORTRAYAL AND HOW WE’RE MEANT TO FEEL ABOUT LEX IS NOT SUBTLE AND I ADORE(D) THIS FIC FOR IT, but this was still different – a different angle as it is beginning to tackle the notion of rehabilitation/redemption/leniency head-on. The former was all fun and games but the moment the latter got raised I was immediately in a battle stance).

[Me, pulling up my sleeves: “oh so this is how you wanna play this huh. Bringing in the Big Guns with Phoenix being on his side- you talk a big game but see, not sure if you’re gonna be able to back this up buddy. Biting off more than we can chew, it looks to me.”]

Okay and the other reaction I had to this casual mention of “oh btw Phoenix is gonna be defending Lex”? IT WAS REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS THIS SUDDEN JARRING MOMENT WHERE IT WAS LIKE OH, THIS IS ACE ATTORNEY FANFICTION. Okay I want to make this clear – I never at any point “forgot” this was Ace Attorney fanfic, of course. But like. This whole 4th fic so far has been focusing on Lex – now so far removed from the counterpart we see in canon, and Benny, an OC altogether, has also been so prominent and under focus. You of course, still have characters like Bobby and Simon but, see, at this point, this is the fourth instalment of the series, and we’ve been with these characters for so long now. We’ve been spending so much time with them that – these characters – the canon characters that were getting all the focus at this point were just about all VERY removed from the centre of the ace attorney series. It feels so very, very tucked away in this – such a niche little corner of the ace attorney universe with some very specific characters interacting and driving the plot forward, and having spent so much time with them independent of the rest of the ace attorney cast it’s really felt like they’ve well and truly taken on a life of their own that’s attached to this series specifically. Reading so much about “OC”s like Benny and Lex (because in AA canon there is no “Lex”!) and everything and then all of a sudden casually throwing the central character of all of the mainline ace attorney games casually back into the plot like this felt jarring in the best possible way. It was just like “oh, RIGHT. Phoenix. He actually EXISTS in this world. He’s still around, I mean, obviously. This is Ace Attorney Land. Oh my god. In spite of everything – in how much EVERYTHING has evolved and separated itself from and focused on this one tiny little realm of ace attorney characters and canon… he’s still around and can actually get involved in the plot like this. That’s so wild.” LIKE. I MEAN. It well and truly felt like Phoenix Wright was from A Different Universe, so independent and separate from a world where Lex, Benny, Alive & Post-Randy Bobby, and even Blackquill (after how much this fic has focused on him and a specific interpretation of his character) exist. Honestly to even think that Phoenix Wright and Alexander Luster Jr actually exist in the same canon fic verse… whoa.

“The fate of execution does not necessarily mean perfection. If leniency is deserved, leniency is what the prosecution is meant to support,” Simon found himself arguing despite his better judgment.

Me: “SIMONNNNN NOT YOU TOOOOO”

Me at this, on top of the whole Phoenix Wright Defending thing: [resigned, frustrated sigh] “You’re not gonna kill him, are you, Author? You’re not gonna go through with it and kill him off, are you?? I told you like two fics ago to KILL HIM.”

I was a) a phantom fangirl & had been for years (of course) b) “Lex is great how can you not love Lex?” c) Uh… still actively advocating for his execution d) NOT pleased that it looked like said execution was not gonna be followed through on by the narrative.

Okay, but this line from Simon was also frustrating for another reason: it engages with real-life morality, just as Benny’s assessment that Lex being “taken out back and shot” is not something that he feels is “the right thing to do” does.

I was sitting in an ever-so-simplistic corner and not critically engaging with how the ace attorney universe’s punishment system actually functions. The death sentence, as we all know, is so very prominent in this universe. If you kill someone, you die, them’s the breaks it seems. That’s the universe’s rule so that’s the rule we go with, right? Only taking this universe’s criminal justice & punishment system & morality into account, it was So Very Easy for me to sit there and fiercely be all, “the Phantom killed people, and even if he can feel things now, that won’t bring those people back, therefore he gets executed because THAT is justice according to the laws of this universe and justice won’t be served until that’s carried out.” This simplistic stance bypasses entirely any questioning or attempt to consider the actual “justice” of such a system, and flatly refuses to even question the ethics of capital punishment – a topic that can be so very controversial IRL.

It was frustrating to me personally because the narrative seemed to be bringing real life morality into this. In real life, so very many places have abolished capital punishment altogether. It’s a lot harder to flatly argue that Lex should be executed when considering that, realistically speaking, rehabilitation is the far more desirable option and if at all possible should probably be strived for in real world scenarios.

I was arguing for execution on the basis of Ace Attorney Morality and the narrative was retaliating with a taste of Real World Morality which gave me pause. I was so steadfast and convinced of my stance that to have it momentarily shaken like this was exasperating, because “no see, I know I’m right, see, I have to be right, because the alternative is just too far out of reach. It’s too absurd, it’s a pipedream… The phantom was just that sucky that even applying IRL morality… I must be right… right? Yeah. Anything else is just unrealistic. It can’t be done.” I shook it off, and ploughed onwards with my stance.

Leniency from the court system didn’t mean there would be leniency from those outside the courts. With so many people out for the Phantom’s head, there was no telling how fast any sentence that wasn’t the death penalty would lead to a furious rebellion. There was no telling how fast someone might attempt to hunt down Alexander and finish the job that the executioner was deprived from.

“Whoa, very good point. Okay, so maybe there’s a chance he’ll get executed after all since not getting executed is not necessarily being shown as the “better option” in this regard by the narrative. There’s still hope for an execution yet. A nice, clean execution if the alternative isn’t being portrayed uncritically as the “best” option.”

Simon wondered vaguely if he should apologize for all the times he’d thrown a blade at the defense or sent Taka their way. Ultimately, he decided against it.

Sdkjdskj

The scene with Bobby and Palaeno just before the trial begins… How worried Bobby is and how much he truly cares for Lex… It’s just not a joke anymore. It hasn’t been a joke for quite some time. It’s being played completely straight. There’s just nothing to even really laugh at or be amused by here?

Back in Haunted Specters a lot of Bobby’s behaviour towards/concerns for the phantom can largely be written off as Rule of Funny and also accepted BECAUSE of its intentionally surrealist nature & impression it leaves the audience. I readily accepted it because it slots into the character dynamic(s) role and set-up crafted by the story so perfectly, and it’s so much fun.

I, of course, could see the direction Simon and Bobby’s behaviour was heading towards… Yes, they were getting too attached for their own good, to the point where things would become painful. I knew it was coming and I accepted that and, in fact, I was READY for it.

But Lex.

What I did not foresee was the huge, HUGE transformation that took place. Lex changes everything. It changes the dynamic that is subsequently involved. It negates anything about Bobby’s behaviour being “kinda funny in a misguided way”. The existence of Lex changes it dramatically from “haha funny & surreal behaviour from Bobby” to just plain “Bobby is very invested in this man and very worried for him” and there’s nothing funny about it. We just feel plain bad for Bobby and that’s it. I’ve focused on Bobby pretty exclusively here because he’s the one whose narrative thread we’ve been following the most in this particular regard, but. There are many characters (like Palaeno) who care about Lex, and it’s played straight.

It is a scenario that can very much be pulled off and played straight with the emotionless phantom, but Lex’s whole existence throws an unexpected curveball in HOW the situation is played straight and the subsequent impact had on the audience.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 14

“Quite a long list of murders, several attempted murders, grand theft identity and all the crimes that accompany such a thing, terrorism, vandalism, assault, perjury in a court of law, selling government secrets… To name only a few.”

“And the defense’s assertion?”

“The defense’s assertion is that every single one of those crimes was committed by the Phantom- WAAGH!” Phoenix broke off into a terrified holler when Von Karma snapped her whip at him.

SDJBDKJSDJK perfect.

Volent smiled, his kindly demeanor at odds with his rather arrogant response. “Instability, Your Honor. The concept is exactly what it implies- the defendant’s emotional state is not stable. To put it in layman’s terms, he suffers from severe mood swings. I couldn’t uncover enough symptoms that would allow a full diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, yet I would daresay that further therapy might’ve confirmed such a thing. … It wasn’t my job to diagnose any sort of disorders either way.”

Whoa WHOAAA SPECULATION OF A REAL-LIFE DIAGNOSIS…!

This was SO good to see. I really REALLY liked – no, LOVED this a lot. It was just like, of course, of COURSE…! It’s not just cartoonish “hehe look at how emotional he is!” THERE PROBABLY WOULD BE AT LEAST SOME LEVEL OF CONNECTION THAT COULD BE TRACED TO REAL-LIFE DISORDERS…! I don’t know how to express how cool I found this kind of connecting-it-to-real-life to be and introducing mention of a REAL-LIFE disorder.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 15

Benny taking his testimony and turning everything around on its head was SO awesome. So very awesome. Only reason I’m not elaborating is that I have so very much to cover in this post…!

Simon’s. Testimony. My god, Simon’s testimony. I KNEW it was coming but ohhhhhh wow…! I’m still in awe, dude.

“Did you hear, mommy? It must be true love!”

OKAY YEAH OKAY THANKS FOR HAVING WACKED ME IN THE FACE WITH THIS LITTLE REMINDER WHEN I WAS STILL LICKING MY PHANTOMQUILL WOUNDS DFKJSDKLSDNS

BUT ALSO I REALLY LOVED THIS LINE LOL CAUSE LIKE? There’s a kid out there in this fic’s universe who canonically ships phantomquill. But it’s more than that it’s like!!! Phantomquill as a ship is definitely grouped in some of the LEAST kid-friendly ships I know. When I think about phantomquill the LAST thing I think about is a kid being aware of it let alone shipping it – it’s such an interesting juxtaposition to have (presumably) a child, given the information they’ve been presented with, immediately go “Oh True Love!” about what is, in standard practice, an unbelievably dark, twisted and angsty ship.

But in any case, it was around this point that I just kind of started thinking to myself “Oh my god… Oh my god… The author is actually gunning for this, she’s ACTUALLY gunning for a full second chance for him, THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN. BUT WHAT’S EVEN CRAZIER IS THAT SHE ACTUALLY APPEARS TO BE PULLING IT OFF.”

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 16

Crack! Franziska cut him off with a quick snap of the whip. “You must pay due respect to Cohdopian court regulations, Your Honor! This trial has an international nature, thus we can apply international rules. The defendant has recently regained his Cohdopian nationality and this method of questioning is a common occurrence in his home country’s court of law.”

This is ABSOLUTELY allowed, I’m not even gonna attempt to dispute it. Rule Of Drama is in full effect here and I LOVE it, it has my full support.

“Now then, witness. My first question,” Franziska leaned forward, resting one arm on her bench. She was watching Athena with a smug grin on her face. “Do you think the image of your mother’s corpse will ever be erased from your mind?”

OHHH MY GOD. I am… here for the brutality of this direct approach. It’s… necessary.

Lex had turned a few shades paler in a matter of ten seconds.

GET READY LEX. GET READY LEX. Strap in buddy. You WILL sit there and you WILL suffer. You are fantastic and amazing and my favourite character but :^) you’re on your own here.

Franziska shook her head in exasperation. “Tsk tsk. Very well then… Witness, is it true that the defendant took you hostage after he escaped from the federal prison in February?”

As we know, Chasing Phantoms felt like a separate entity from the rest of this series to me, and I had been somewhat less engaged while reading it. This just made me go “oh my god… she’s right… that happened in this series too…!” YOU WERE NOT ONLY TRYING TO ULTIMATELY GIVE THIS MAN A SECOND CHANCE IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING HE’D DONE IN CANON, BUT HE HAS ACTIVELY DONE EVEN FURTHER TERRIBLE THINGS IN THE CANON OF YOUR STORY ON TOP OF ALL THAT. And you WEREN’T even shying away from acknowledging it either. You were shining a spotlight DIRECTLY on this fact as you ploughed forward against the incredible odds. AMAZING. You ALREADY had your work cut out for you and you had gone ahead and actually ADDED to that workload, you absolute madman, this was wild.

But not only this, you were, here, in this scene, drawing a direct link between Chasing Phantoms and Lifting Spirits, with their two such vastly different narrative landscapes. You are reaching out and reminding the audience - having the audience acknowledge the part of the story when the phantom was at his worst while showing us him, a changed person, at his best.

You’re not even trying to hide or gloss over a damn thing.

I don’t even know what to say about Phoenix’s cross-examination of Athena it’s just so good. So vivid. Like, I can picture it in my mind.

It was Lex who spoke up. It was Lex who pushed himself to his feet, his manacles producing a soft clanking sound as he did so.

Oh my gosh… Here it is…

This whole scene where he says thank you. It’s soooooo sappy but I don’t care, I don’t caaaaaaaare I LOVE IT IT’S PERFECT and I will eat it up I WILL eat this sentimentality up forevermore. I’d actually misremembered this scene as being complete with gratuitous tears and big, glistening eyes listen it’s over-the-top and I LOVE it being over-the-top. IF YOU’RE GONNA GO ALL OUT WHY NOT GO ALL OUT? And it DOES do just that SPECTATOR’S COOING I. I LOVE this goddamn series oh my GOSH.

I was so very stubbornly trying to work against my favourite character, but you brought your A-Game. You put in overtime for this character. it felt like WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DRAW A FLIPPIN’ HALO ABOVE HIS HEAD?! DSJNKSDKJNSDNKJ. So much of Lifting Spirits was me BEGGING you to stop encouraging me to such a ridiculous extent, to no avail.

And noooow it’s AURA TIME.

Enter: Aura Blackquill.

A smile flickered across Aura’s face, but it disappeared again the moment her eyes fell on Alexander. Even from such a great distance, Simon could see it: the raw hatred that was shimmering through. It was no wonder, really, that Alexander cowered in his seat. Most people would think to duck for cover if they were on the receiving end of such a terrifying glare.

OHHHH MY GOD… AHAHAHA… YES.

“I have quite a few things to say to that miserable excuse of a defendant,” Aura began, her tone of voice as venomous as the look on her face. “but such words aren’t befitting of a lady and it appears some clods thought to bring children to this courtroom, so I’ll keep that particular feat of vocabulary to myself.”

Alexander cowered even further. Surely, he understood just how much Aura hated him. Just how far she’d be willing to go to see him hanged. Having her here in the courtroom must’ve been agony on both ends, for Alexander feared for his life and Aura ached to end it.

OMG. GET HIM. MAKE. HIM. SQUIRM.

“What I will say is this. If this monster hopes to be human, he needs to understand that real humans don’t get second chances at life. Especially not those who rob others of their only chance. We live as flawed beings and we die as flawed beings- the size of the handicap makes little difference. Why should he deserve to go on while others don’t? The rules of life and death apply to everyone, no exceptions.”

What a horrific speech. Leave it to Aura to spew something like that.

“I MEAN… SHE… HAS A POINT… SHE RAISES A VERY GOOD POINT…”

The worst part was that from the corner of his eye, Simon could see Apollo Justice nodding.

HHHHHHHHHHHH

Aura slammed one of her hands down on the witness stand, her shackles clattering loudly as she did so. She was addressing Alexander directly, now. “I am not speaking only for myself, I’m speaking for everyone who’s lost someone dear because of you. I’m speaking for everyone who’s suffering because of you. Believe me, we are great in number. We will not forgive and we will not forget. You can’t run from us.”

Ohhhhhh GOOOOOOOSH I WAS 100% CHEERING HER ON DURING FIRST READTHROUGH OF THIS SCENE BUT I AM TERRIFIED OF WHAT TRACKING GHOSTS COULD ENTAIL PLEASE SEND HELP

Alexander shivered and hid his face behind his hands.

PLEASE I JUST. PLEASE. NO MORE. Look at him.

“Hm. No, I believe I’ve made up my mind. Taking all the testimony into account, it’s clear to me what needs to be done.”

The judge raised his gavel. This was it. The moment they’d been working toward. The moment they’d been working for. Alexander’s life hinged on these next words. Nobody dared to speak. Nobody dared to move. Bobby’s hand once again found Simon’s own. He squeezed it in return and glanced sideways to see that Ambassador Palaeno was crossing his fingers.

Me: [Shakes head ruefully] “Well, okay, very well. You did it, author. You earned this, well and truly. Go ahead. You can have this. You actually did it, I suppose. I can’t believe you did it, but you actually earned him his right to a happy ending. So… I won’t object. It’s all yours for the taking.”

I mean, the fact that the trial was ending just after AURA’S testimony was a little foreboding, but… It just wasn’t enough to balance out the rest of the trial and the tone of the entire fic. The verdict felt so clear, I mean, c’mon. C’mon. And the narrative slant, too. The narrative and the POV characters that we are following are so very biased in his favour. This IS what the entire fic had been building towards, and the entire fic had been so terribly biased towards him and the notion of salvation.

So I’m like [rolls eyes], “alriiiight, go ahead, if you must. Give the man his verdict of lenience like ya set out to do. I’m not complaining like I thought I would be. You win again. You set out to do this and I don’t know how, but it looks like you actually got there in the end. If you insist, then he doesn’t have to die after all. I accept that.”

”It pains me to conclude that rehabilitation and civil commitment are impossible in his case. That is why this court finds the defendant guilty and hereby sentences him to immediate execution.”

…Come again?

Um.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 17

They'd known from the start that there could be only one ending to the Phantom’s tale. They'd known, yet they struggle to accept the bitter disappointment that comes with it.

Execution… Immediate execution. How soon was immediate? Quite soon, apparently, as Lang gestured towards the Interpol escort.

WHAT THE F U D G E

They saluted and made to surround Alexander. To grab him and drag him from the courtroom. The spy jumped up from his chair and backed away in painfully apparent fright, but there was nowhere for him to run. The agents snatched him by the arms just like that. The spectators became even more agitated.

“IMMEDIATE” EXECUTION?! THAT’S… THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS THOUGH. That’s SO fishy. You can’t – you literally can’t just take someone out back and promptly shoot them IMMEDIATELY after a sentence is handed down… can you? THAT’S NOT HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK. THERE’S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, PROTOCOLS AND PAPERWORK TO BE FILLED OUT AND SCHEDULING TO BE DONE… DON’T tell me they’re just gonna – WAIT. JUST WAIT. HOLD ON NO YOU CAN’T JUST – NO.

At the very least, “immediate” execution seemed like it would be carried out a few days after the sentencing, not… like… ACTUALLY immediately. BUT THE STORY SEEMED TO BE PLAYING IT LIKE THIS.

Just because it felt unrealistic, unrealistic to the point it was fishy, didn’t mean the story couldn’t be about to implement just that, though.

Yet, even through the chaos, Phoenix Wright’s shouts were heard.

“OBJECTION! Your Honor! The defense…-! The defense would like to cross-examine the last witness after all! Your Honor!”

But the judge was already getting to his feet. He was preparing to leave the trial behind. That was only natural. The verdict had been delivered and once that was done, no one could change it.

This is the bad end. This is the game over. God DAMMIT Phoenix you should have LEARNED by now that if given the option to further question the witness or not, you ALWAYS take it lest you choose not to and get an immediate game over. Okay. You need to listen to me. You DID save right before Aura gave testimony, right? So you need to press the start button and reload at an earlier save point and then when given the option to PRESS you- sdkjdflndslksdkj

“Lex!” Athena rushed out from behind the defense’s bench to block the group of Interpol agents. To stop them from dragging a struggling spy out the back door, towards the prosecutors lobby.

YES ATHENA SAVE HIM. SAVE HIM.

It didn’t do much good; there were five of them and only one of her. She was shoved aside as if she wasn’t even truly there.

AAAAAAAAAH

Alexander… He was attempting to fight back like a madman now. Perhaps he was a madman. He was digging his heels into the ground, moving every which way to try and slip through a crack in Interpol’s escort, yet their hold on him was too great. He was screaming, he was shrieking. […]

He would be taken away to be killed. A fate he’d accepted for himself a few months ago, yet things had changed. His desire to live had grown too great.

NO NO NO NOOOOOO. NO!

Phoenix Wright stood motionless by his bench, head buried in his hands.

The miracle never happen.

“I can’t. I have to… I have to see Lex,” Bobby insisted once more.

“No. Last will and testament need to be compiled and you would only get in the way. We’re taking the Phantom to be executed the moment all the final arrangements are done.”

THAT’S SO MESSED UP. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! THAT IS SO MESSED UP. “LEX. IS LEX IN THERE? IN THE ROOM? WHY CAN’T WE HEAR HIM HE WAS YELLING SO MUCH BEFORE WHAT’S GOING ON.”

“This is the only ending this story could possibly have and you knew that from the start.”

Oh how daaaaare you turn this line back around on me like this, against me. The first time I ever heard the equivalent of this line in the series, I knew it was planted with the intent to come back to bite the audience. I was all “hah, you don’t scare me. Joke’s on you because that ending to this story is EXACTLY what I want, so TRY me.”

Seeing it again NOW was terrifying. It was a threat. I did not truly believe that the story would end like this. But this line… embedded into the narrative as it had been, was effective at convincing me it was plausible… it was POSSIBLE. Recurrent lines like this would destroy me on a regular day when I know that they’re coming. I had done NO preparation to handle this line doing exactly what I figured it intended to do when it inevitably came back around because back then, when it was planted, it is exactly what I had wanted, and therefore felt like I didn’t need to. And in the interim, the narrative had gone soft, so very soft, so very, very soft on him, and appeared to no longer have what it takes to go ahead and kill him off, the arc words laying forgotten. Until now, being wielded with full force. Didn’t like the sound of this at all.

Now I would like to break down different aspects of the scene(s) that unfold in the aftermath of the verdict, because there are so many angles at play here:

1. The verdict is still unbearably painful even when clinging to the thought/hope and possibility that he isn't dead/manages to survive/will not die

Because we've spent the entire fic being shown just how much Lex is brimming with emotion and personality and potential from head to toe, only to be told at the end that all of it was worthless, that all of it IS worthless: that he is unworthy of salvation, that all of the striving was for absolutely nothing and MEANS nothing. That, even if the plot allows him to go on living, even if the characters and the narrative (and the audience!) clearly believe he is worthy of a second chance, the law and the legal system doesn't. That in the eyes of the law, his life and newfound being is not worth preserving.

A solid three fics spent on development - and the verdict declares in one fell swoop at the end of it all that he should die, the verdict declares he shouldn't even get to live and should in fact be killed as soon as possible.

The law does not know and does not care about the things we and the characters have seen, the things that the characters have been through together, or the extent of his suffering and STRIVING all the way up until this point. The law doesn't care.

The narrative seemingly turns on its audience in an instant with a snarl. "Well, what did you expect? You're an idiot for expecting anything more than this. Haven't you forgotten who that man is and what he's done? Don't tell me you were actually stupid enough to have hope. You're naive. Just as naive as the characters are. Even when you could see for yourself they were getting too attached for their own good, what did you do? Did you actually follow in their footsteps? You should have known better. You should have had more foresight than that. In fact, you DID have the benefit of foresight and you WASTED it! You have even less excuse than the characters!"

At least, that's the stunt it TRIES to pull, and momentarily, for a horrible, horrible point in time it almost works. But then I'm yelling my defiance too. It's like, "no, actually, story, stuff you, I wasn't stupid at all for having hope, because the narrative itself was the one to give me that hope and that belief in Alexander Luster Jr in the first place. It's wanted us to believe in him from the very beginning, so it's no wonder. This story has been ridiculously biased TOWARDS him, and I know that for a fact because I've been fighting against his having a second chance the entire time and received nothing but opposition in terms of the narrative's directional slant."

So it's like, okay, it wasn't stupid at all in terms of narrative portrayal. The audience can't blamed; it's no wonder they believed. But were they objectively right in doing so or was their belief misplaced after all?

There's this dizzying moment of "WAS the verdict right in its decision? Is what the judge says really true? Is there genuinely no hope for rehabilitation in his case? Is there something that the Judge can see that we can’t?"

The thought of it is so painful. Are the characters supporting him and the audience just idiots, but the court - the judge can objectively see the "full unbiased picture" that we aren't getting, in order to have reached this conclusion? Is he really not worth a second chance? But how? How?! How can that be!

And then the thought passes, it's shot down. No, no. Rehabilitation - a second chance - is obviously possible. How can it not be possible? How can you tell me I'm wrong?! It has to be, look at him. if you've been paying attention to Lifting Spirits for five minutes-

2. The verdict was not the right decision to make and does not bring about any kind of justice.

The verdict is wrong. That's the conclusion we arrive at. There is nothing just about this situation. There is no victory here.

“No! This can’t…! This can’t be right!”

This is wrong. This is not justice. The narrative doesn't even attempt to say otherwise: that's how it's being portrayed. The narrative AGREES that this is wrong.

“Let go of me! This isn’t right!” she hollered, hoping to free herself from Lang’s grip. “You can’t execute him! He’s not a killer anymore! Let go of me!”

Up until the very end... Even as the verdict was being read and I was convinced it would side with lenience, I wasn't entirely sure of what the right choice was, even though I had finally decided to accept such a verdict of lenience.

In the aftermath of the verdict's announcement, I still wasn't sure what the "right" course of action was, how best to handle his case, or what "should" be done.

But it didn't even matter any more. I didn't - I didn't care. I no longer cared about that. It didn't matter what the “best” decision was anymore, I wanted him to- where, where is his lenience?! Give - GIVE it to him!

I was desperate for him to have this regardless, to have this second chance, it was painful and this didn't feel right.

In a sense, when it came to the question of what "should" be done, or what side I was ultimately on come the end, that alone - my feelings and response to this situation - clearly gave me my answer.

And if he didn't die, if he managed to escape death somehow, that wouldn't truly be good enough in alleviating all the pain of this. No, that's painful and would imply still that he's not good enough. But that is antithetical to what we have been shown, and the idea hurts. He needed to be fully, properly have his second chance recognised in the eyes of the law. It got snatched away when it was so close and I couldn't - it needed to happen.

It’s torturous.

3. The main characters that we have been following are actively invested in his survival and his second chance. They WANT him to live and they do not WANT him to die.

Wasn't this what I wanted?

But the thought of his impending death was hurting our main characters so much more than the alternative. They weren't asking him to die. They weren't expecting him to die. It's a very different situation.

For Alexander Luster Jr, the chance of redemption hinges not upon accepting death, but in being granted life.

This idea of him needing to die... One of the key ideas it comes from is that to give him a second chance is disrespectful to all the people that he murdered and all the people that he's hurt, emotionally and physically.

But characters such as Athena, Bobby and Simon are members of that group of people hurt by the phantom, and they are the ones advocating for him, they are the ones who are desperate for this chance and his survival - for him to have a chance.

There is, of course, a very impressive list of other people hurt by the phantom for whom his death is deemed important and necessary. But we have not followed their POVs. As it stands, when we think of who the phantom has inflicted harm on, many of the first characters that may come to the reader's mind are those who /want/ him to live. So what meaning does "disrespectful to those who have suffered because of him" continue to hold when they are our main point of reference?

It does still hold meaning. But it's far more difficult to uniformly advocate for the man now known as Lex to die when this is how at least some of the phantom’s victims feel.

4. The bar for his salvation is set very low, and the severe injustice invoked by that bar seemingly not being met by the court's standards is portrayed very strongly.

The bar is so low. A) There is no need to forgive the phantom of all his many crimes, but merely to acknowledge Lex as his own person b) lenience. Just. Lenience. Not “all charges are dropped you are free to do as you wish”, lenience.

And in contrast, everything about the fake-out screams injustice, almost outlandishly so. The speed at which everything happens – he’s hastily carried away. Bobby and Simon not getting to say goodbye. The characters, the spectators who were on his side screaming their defiance. Everything is taken to its extreme in a mad rush.

And then, of course, there's Aura.

5. The narrative makes no pretence at ignoring the harsh reality of what the phantom was like and what he has done. There is unabashed acknowledgement.

I'm glad Franziska asked Athena if the image of her mother's corpse would ever fade. At that point I was a little like "whoa, okay, at least we are acknowledging this. We are ACTUALLY tackling this angle, I’m impressed.”

And then Aura just came in and blew me away. Aura came along and put my very own thoughts into words, she said EXACTLY what I was thinking, right at the last minute. Words I thought would be left unsaid, and would therefore leave me feeling somewhat frustrated and unsatisfied. But she voiced them and forced the story to confront the fundamental unfairness of the killer getting a second chance when he took away his victim’s only chance.

6. The narrative fully acknowledges that there is no way to make everyone happy and satisfied regardless of whatever outcome is chosen.

“In light of all the information and all the opinions shared with this court, I believe there is no way to please everyone.”

Through both the wording of the judge's verdict and the extremely divided and opinionated spectators, it's abundantly clear. This was a great signifier for me because to give him a happy ending, favourite character or not... It can be very hard to be fully satisfied when the consequences of his past actions are ongoing (e.g. people who are still feeling the losses of loved ones that can never be replaced) or if it feels like certain perspectives are being conveniently ignored/overlooked so as to justify a happy ending.

I fought against Lex's salvation partly because I was convinced that there was no way I could be completely satisfied with it, and that it would therefore feel somewhat hollow or sour if thought about in too much depth.

But the narrative just went right ahead and said "you might not be 100% satisfied, and that's fine; not everyone is going to be 100% satisfied in-universe anyway. Such a thing is impossible. If you're expecting all of the characters to be satisfied before YOU accept the ending, then I am telling you right now that you're asking for something that's never going to happen, because it's just not realistic."

The narrative also played a sneaky little game of "okay, if you're not happy with this, then here's a glimpse of the alternative. Now tell me, which ending do you prefer?"

I’d already conceded and accepted the presumed outcome towards the end, but the story wasn’t satisfied with my mere acceptance. Ohh no, it was like, “not good enough, you’re going to REALLY want this. You have to REALLY want this.” And BOY, AFTER THIS CRUEL FAKE-OUT DID I EVER.

The ending made itself all the better because it forced me to really work for it. Noooo way in hell was it gonna feel even remotely hollow, no way in hell EVER, I am no way no way gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

The acknowledgement of ANY ending’s inability to satisfy absolutely EVERY angle of every perspective in and of itself made me rush over to embrace the ending in all its splendid glory.

“That’s ridiculous! We’re just as much Lex’s family as Palaeno is!” Bobby blurted out.

There it is. There it is. The conclusion… The inevitable conclusion of what this entire series has been building towards since around Haunted Specters.

There’s only so far you can take a joke before you have no choice but to play it straight.

1. Set up and frame a seemingly absurd/surreal/odd scenario and seemingly play it for laughs

2. Keep playing it for laughs

3. Keeeep going. Keep running with it

And through both escalation and narrative reiteration and reinforcement…

4. It’s not a joke anymore and the audience is invested, Actually. No matter how odd the set-up seemed originally.

I loved that Lang immediately responds with anger to Bobby’s proclamation. I loved that. It makes sense that he would. In fact, it is a completely reasonable response. And we have spent so long building towards this. Lang’s irritation and misgivings about Bobby’s level of investment have been clear as day for a long time – he’s made no secret of it - and they have been building, and right here, Bobby confirms to him beyond all shadow of a doubt that he is too far gone, he is too far gone. He crosses a line. He crosses a line and it is too much for Lang. Two powerful opposing perspectives come to a head in this single moment as they both explode forth at once.

You played Bobby’s investment completely straight… and then you turned it back around on its head again as it is confronted like this by Lang. It is not enough to merely play it straight, but here, the narrative goes one step further and asks “if it is played straight, if it is grounded undeniably now in the character and the narrative’s reality, what does that mean? In what way should it be approached?”

Lang was right; this was bordering on Stockholm Syndrome. They shouldn’t care this much about Alexander.

I am. Floundering.

You are MEAN. YOU ARE MEEEEEAN. XD.

Maybe it was a little bit of Stockholm Syndrome.

No, no. This was a horrible kind of stinging slap to deliver.

Lang framing it that way was fine.

But a character like Bobby potentially internalising it was so very harsh a punch.

For other characters to react to and interpret Bobby (and Simon’s) investment in Lex in a realistic way was one matter. For the characters whose POV we’ve been following the whole way to take up the same line of thinking… felt like a horrific intrusion on some kind of sacred space. An unbreachable, unwritten narrative rule supposedly laid out by the series itself felt as if it were being mercilessly snapped clean in two here.

It seems so very cruel, narratively speaking, because it felt to me like the reader was never ASKED to frame the behaviour and dynamics of the characters in a realistic or critical manner. It was. A JOKE. It started as a surreal joke, serving its specific narrative purpose and then moving on its way. To have ever been realistically critical of the characters’ behaviour felt like it would have only hindered what the narrative seemed like it was trying to do at the time. And of course, it became more than a joke but the narrative has been tailored for the audience to be invested in these characters’ connections. To abruptly rescind on this unwritten rule of “this is fiction and therefore we can have some fun with it and set up some interesting character dynamics!” was like stinging betrayal.

Or rather, we ARE perhaps asked or even encouraged to be critical, but perhaps not in the way it is suddenly portrayed here. The reader does in fact pick up on the fact that Bobby and Simon are getting too invested and that this investment is perhaps not in their best wishes. But that investment seems to be portrayed so as to be compelling, something we are drawn to… not… like this. Or maybe that was just how it felt to me.

For a character like Bobby to be thinking about Stockholm Syndrome… It is not a clear-cut case of Bobby being hurt and grieving. He ponders framing his own grief and attachment in a critical manner. That he “shouldn’t” have been invested or cared this much. That felt so negatory of Lex and his whole existence… It felt negatory of the very plot that the readers had become so very invested in.

Cruel, cold realism.

You finally brought this particular narrative thread to a head, made it so very realised, and then immediately you appear to set about deconstructing it. Through Lang’s reaction. Through the internal thoughts that go through Bobby’s and Simon’s minds.

But my instinctive response is, "no, NO. Your attachment means something. It MEANS something! It's NOT just Stockholm Syndrome!"

If it was the emotionless phantom who had died that they were mourning, then sure, to think of their feelings in this manner... I don't think I would object.

But Lex is full of emotions, he cares!!!!

They can't possibly turn their back on the bond they'd ultimately grown with Lex like this. They can't.

And they aren't. They are just suffering a lot right now, trying to make some sense of this situation - anything, anything to try and make it stop hurting, to force it to hurt LESS. The narrative seems to teeter dangerously close to borderline dismissing the bond they'd grown with Lex through gritty, negative framing tied to a sense of realism. But ultimately...

It didn’t matter now.

Does it, would it even matter, how it's framed at this point? It wouldn't make a difference anyway. What's done is done, what happened is what happened.

The hurt inflicted by Bobby's internal thoughts in this moment and my instinctive objection to them is drowned out and washed cleanly away as we return to focus on the hurt caused by the overall situation and its magnitude. "Does it even matter?". It's like, who cares, who cares about analytical dissection right now, this is where we ended up either way.

It’s something Bobby considers but he’s just too tired to ponder it much because what difference did it even make? That same tiredness to fight back against the framing applied to me, as there was so much else to worry about in this moment.

What was perhaps the most cruel aspect of it all was that Alexander- no, the Phantom had attempted to shield them from this sort of devastation.

Oh no nooooooo. This hurt. Just twist the dagger in some more hhhjghj. It was absolutely true. The phantom had foreseen this. When it came to something like that kiss scene – I was busy focusing on so many other aspects of it, and very distracted by so many narrative threads after that and into Lifting Spirits that I totally failed to seriously register that attempt to shield a character like Bobby from this pain. I should have been prepared for that particular narrative angle to circle back around and I absolutely was not, I had not taken it seriously enough and had been far too distracted. I had been very dismissive of the phantom’s actions in that regard and found him so very stupid for it. Like, “yes, Bobby is too attached, this is apparent, but for GOD’S sake…”

Should have probably expected this, but I did not, and therefore it came as a very harsh shock that the phantom had seemingly been Right All Along.

This was so worrisome. Was the story REALLY about to dump a “this is the best outcome in a sense, as Bobby and Simon’s attachment was too unhealthy anyway, so this was the only way. It’s the best thing for the characters who should never have allowed themselves to senselessly get attached” on us?!

I knew there was one more fic to go in this series. I knew that much, and I did my best to cling to that, to cling to how suspicious and fast this all was, that they didn’t even get to say GOODBYE, but some of the narrative framing was so very scary. I did start to feel a tiny bit of panic, struggled to keep it at bay. But I was on the verge of becoming VERY, VERY upset. I could not allow myself to do so until I finished this fic, because if I allowed myself to become upset – to lose hope over this - it would be all over – there’s no telling how much it would’ve crushed me.

I just needed to power on through and keep reading as fast as possible before I had the chance to become upset. Just… keep reading, keeeeep reading, until I could relax once more… There had to be a reveal that he is okay, there had to be, because the alternative was too unbearable to consider.

The mere possibility of this truly being how this fic ends was way too terrifying.

It was like you suddenly out of nowhere grabbed my arm and BRUTALLY twisted it and just went “oh my god, shut up about phantomquill. Shut up about phantomquill. And will you STOP complaining already about every godforsaken little thing? I’ll kill him. I swear to god, I will kill him. I’ll do it. Do not test me. I’ll do it.”

This couldn’t be the end (could it?!) but there was no way in hell I was going to risk growing complacent and trying to call your bluff. I was terrified. I could NOT risk this all being real no matter what, no matter how small the risk might or might not be I was so scared.

“Please… Just… Just… Don’t do this. Please. Just let him still be alive.”

And he was.

“So… will you finally shut up about phantomquill? Will you finally be GRATEFUL once more and ACCEPT what you are given?!”

Oh, yes. Yes, Meowzy, please, just don’t hurt me.

When there is a defining moment in a story that causes me to flatly deem that moment and by extension everything after it technically “non-canon”, it is VERY hard, nigh impossible, to win me back, because it tends not to matter how fantastic anything that comes afterwards is – because the line of continuity to get to that point had been fundamentally broken in my eyes, usually senselessly so. The appreciation of great stuff from afterwards doesn’t feel “complete” because I am no longer capable of considering it the “true timeline”.

By “win me back” I don’t mean “enjoy the fictional work in question”, because I am still completely capable of doing that if there’s still awesome stuff going on. I mean “restore the work’s claim to being the “true timeline” in my eyes.”

A lot of the Lifting Spirits journey is winning me over and winning me back over. I had already largely gone “okay, okay, I guess… all of this stuff is just so awesome that it’s still pretty much the true timeline. It’s just so good.” Unlike in some other instances where I had made the “non-canon” declaration in the past:

-There is absolutely no drop in writing quality whatsoever. The work demands its place in the true timeline with the rest of the series because it fits in seamlessly

-Just about everything going on is so great and awesome that you’d be hard-pressed NOT to want to fully accept and embrace it all

-The occurrence that I had declared the work was “finished” over (Fake Phantomquill kiss) was so very inconsequential and minor in the grand scheme of things. The declaration loses its meaning when it becomes to seem like just a blip in the radar of all the amazing stuff going on

-The actual goings-on of the scene do fit in fine with the rest of the story, and the scene is not TOO central or relevant to what takes place afterwards so as to be a constant reminder or thorn in my side that I had been baited. The story moves on from the scene after it plays out to far more pressing matters.

But still, STILL, I had withheld its right to Full Canonicity in my eyes. I had been “wronged” XD.

But the fake-out… and then the ending… I was nothing but grateful. True timeline. True timeline. This WAS the true timeline; this is the true timeline and I fully acknowledge it 100%. I embrace it. Why would I EVER throw this golden ending away for the sake of some one-sided phantomquill, if I had to make that choice?! Never.

I’ve much more to say and/or elaborate on, and I will do so… in the next post!

Wow. Looks like one more post and I will have finally done it. That’ll truly take us to the end of Lifting Spirits…

#These dang things are so damn long and therefore such a pain to format into tumblr posts XD #as always I always kinda am still secondguessing bits of the wording in places #And feel that there's still unexamined angles left... But how much longer could I possibly make this. XD

2 notes · View notes

shannaro-kamo · 6 years

Text

there’s a belief that Sakura only cared about an idealized Sasuke and that the CoH Sasuke was his true self (and that the CoH was just a way to antagonize him in favor of Naruto, but that’s not exactly the topic of this post). believers of said belief defend Naruto and Karin as being people who didn’t idealize Sasuke and accepted the Sasuke who wanted revenge, and that’s baloney if I may say so

Naruto sought to understand Sasuke on a deep level, but he still didn’t recognize the hateful Sasuke as Sasuke’s true self. this remains true throughout the duration of the series, and we’re reminded of it again in 696:

Where is this ‘acceptance’ that antis rant and rave about? Naruto is ‘idealizing’ Sasuke exactly according to their definition.

People love to claim that Karin ‘understood and supported’ Sasuke’s revenge, and didn’t ‘idealize’ him, but as soon as he hits rock bottom, this is what she has to say:

again, where is this unwavering ‘acceptance’ of vengeful Sasuke?

Then there are the Sasuke fans who claim that Taka was better for Sasuke than 7, because apparently Taka uNderSt00d & sUpp0rt3d Sasuke, even though

literally none of the members really knew shit let alone cared about Sasuke’s goal. there is nothing to prove that Karin really knew about or understood Sasuke’s vengeance on any deep level. her reason for supporting him comes down to this:

so sure, she wanted him to be happy, but did she really know about what he sought, and think about whether it was best for him? no. she was just along for the ride, pretty much selfishly pursuing her infatuation, and, yes, ‘idealized’ the kind genin Sasuke.

Sakura did show a constant desire to understand Sasuke, and she did know a lot about him.

in 181, she asks why he never lets her, someone who cares about him, in, and shows that she specifically empathizes with the pain of loss, because it would hurt her to lose him. Sasuke fans often ridicule Sakura, and even Naruto, for talking about ‘their feelings’ while simultaneously demanding that people empathize with Sasuke...which requires comparing one’s own feelings to another’s, lol. no, Sakura doesn’t state or even imply that her loneliness upon losing him would be the same as his from losing his family. she only states that it would make her feel lonely on a discernible level. she makes no quantitative or qualitative comparison to what he felt because of the massacre, only that she can feel and understand loneliness. he fills a certain role in her life that no one else does. not to mention that she reminds him that he’ll only be alone again if he leaves the village.

unlike with Naruto, Sasuke doesn’t become angry with Sakura’s attempts to empathize. he thanks her instead, showing he doesn’t consider her statements to be self-centered or out of touch.

but really like she was 12 when she said all of this, yet it still reaches a mature level of empathy on such an upsetting subject

also sometimes you just remember the absurdity of comparing this shit to real life so keep that in mind

in terms of her deepening her understanding of Sasuke, she learns all she can about Orochimaru and Itachi, and disdains Itachi for hurting Sasuke (and Naruto) in early Shippuden. when she tries to resolve to kill Sasuke, it’s not even really her decision, and she ultimately fails because she can’t actually give up on him. Sasuke screams at her and Kakashi to bring back his family, including Itachi, so she knows that he considers Itachi his beloved brother again. then Naruto arrives:

she hears Sasuke’s feelings about Naruto’s efforts to empathize, and stands up to him. (and yet she’s a doormat?)

after Sasuke and Naruto communicate with their fists because #healthymalerelationships, Sakura more or less cements her feelings about the situation for the rest of Shippuden:

she sees that Naruto, Sasuke’s best friend, someone who like Sasuke spent much of his life alone, can’t even get through to Sasuke at that point, so she steps back and decides that there is nothing she can really say or do. Naruto, who had more information than she did, still could not change Sasuke’s trajectory. she knows that Naruto empathizes with Sasuke the best of anyone, and that Sasuke’s pain is unfathomable to her. she doesn’t try to combat this, so of course she was going to behave this way again later on in 693, when Naruto and Sasuke are again arguing about logistical bullshit in front of her.

even before that, when he first arrives on their side of the war, she immediately asks Sasuke what he’s doing:

wow, there she is asking him to explain himself and trying to understand him

in 693, she hears everything Sasuke has to say about his plans, etc. etc. so there is literally no reason for her to ask any further questions. she expresses frustration about her inability to do or say anything to help him other than appeal to the kind part of him that thanked her in 181, because yeah, he was literally just going to kill everyone. people are like “ugh but like she could’ve asked about his reasoning more and offered other ideas ! :(” like boo fucking hoo she already heard what she needed to hear, i.e. that he was going to kill Naruto, he was clearly in the wrong, and he clearly wasn’t going to change his mind regardless of any other ~creative revolution ideas~ anyone had. she already agreed with Naruto, who was saying everything that needed to be said. the only thing left was for Naruto and Sasuke to fight because that’s how the series was always going to end. poor Sakura with her comparatively mild background doesn’t get to be the hero.

in terms of her frustration with her perceived inability to do anything, she says “I can’t exchange blows with you, all I can do is sit here and cry,” and I think it’s safe to say that she meant that both physically and emotionally. back after Danzo’s death, Kakashi told her that she’s seen she couldn’t handle facing Sasuke, and that remained true through the series. she could never bring herself to kill him in the first place, and she likely wasn’t skilled enough to do it anyway. the threeway deadlock of team 7 is more or less overshadowed by the fact that Naruto and Sasuke are reincarnates of Indra and Ashura. that’s probably the only real reason Sakura can’t believably stand up to her OP teammates.

and of course we know that she only had selfless intentions contrary to the insistence of detractors:

basically this is all anyone needs to know about the ending

and Sakura did nothing wrong ever fuck u

400 notes · View notes

bloggong · 3 years

Text

Take #2 on Post-Modernism

Okay, photo kinda unrelated but healthy reminder.

Wowza, what are these regular updates on this tumblr huh?

Anyway, today was Day 1 of YF camp, and as usual our camp speaker Greg already put out a few absolute bangers (apart from endorsing Mr Shai Linne ofc).

I find it interesting that as of late, more and more church messages and sermons have been centered around the danger of subjective truth. I remember my Church Pastor addressing it a while back, and even before him, I can vividly recall Paul Washer talking about it as well. Effectively, whether the rebuttal arises from the post-modernist's refusal to accept the presence of irrefutable absolute truth, or from the unwillingness to submit to an ultimate authority which governs their decision-making, their worldview crumbles into irrationality and darkness (Wow harsh words but I'm sure Paul and the other apostles were as, if not more harsh).

Anyway, the reason why I am writing this post as I take 176 to West Coast Park is because of something Greg spoke about on Day 1 of YF Camp. In addressing the need to discern the truth, alongside the need to recognize that there is 1 truth, Greg cut to the heart of a topic I have been getting into as of late , namely, presuppositional apologetics.

Presuppositional apologetics (or presupp, for the cool kids), is an apologetic method coined by one Cornelius Van Til. Such an apologetic originated from Van Til's rejection of the other methods of defending the faith that he was presented with, (the evidentialist argument, creator-creation argument etc), a rejection arising from the notion that such apologetic placed the unbeliever as the "Judge", with "God" being put on trial.

In his rejection of said methods, Van Til acknowledged the supremacy of the Word of the immutable almighty God, the Bible, as the absolute standard from which any value judgement or decision must be made. Moreover, another piece of justification for the presuppositional method of defending the faith, one I find very compelling, was Van Til's reference to Romans 1:18. If the unbeliever, is truly as the Bible says, "[suppressing] the truth in unrighteousness", then this means that they already know the truth of Scripture.

In effect, no men or women who denies the truth is without excuse, for all of nature screams the Glory of God, and attests to the existence of an immutable and loving creator. In this light, the apologist should not put the Sovereign God on 'trial', allowing the unbeliever to decide if the Father is 'real or not'.

Rather, the apologist should presuppose (hence the name hehe) the truth of the Bible, and seek to prove the existence and legitimacy of the Father and Christ through the daily assumptions the unbeliever makes about reality, since they know God exists, and are rejecting it in unrighteousness. Another thing I appreciate about this apologetic method is its emphasis on the moving power of the Holy Spirit. In true Ephesians 2:8-9 fashion, presupp highlights that only by the grace of God can men be saved, and only the Spirit can sanctify a depraved people.

Romans 1:18 Unbelief and Its Consequences

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness

Alright, now that I've laid out the groundwork of Presuppositional Apologetics, I want to link it back to Greg's talk today. Throughout his talk, I couldn't help but link it back to the unconscious, inconspicuous post-modernism that has seemingly permeated the secular mindset on all levels.

Oh and before I forget, bruh Proverbs 9:10

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Something key about presuppositional apologetics is its emphasis on tracing an observation to its root. In other words, it rationalizes every occurrence observable to scripture. To give an example, Van Til would argue that secular morality, logic and axiomatic theory, and an innate sense of justice, are all proof of a transcendent omniscient omnipotent God. In the same strand, presupp forces the apologist to begin their apologetic from the position of every word of the Bible being true. So should the unbeliever question whether they can prove the Bible is real, the response is "Yes I can. The Bible tells me so."

While I can understand the apprehension one might have adopting such an apologetic method, the more you think about it the more it makes sense.

In his book, "Defense of the Faith", Van Til begins by espousing on Ultimate Authority. Whether one is a Christian, an Atheist, a Materialist, a Monotheist, Polytheist, Pantheist, or any other belief system, they unconsciously submit to an ultimate authority. Most of the time such an authority is logic and sense perception, though in some cases it can extend to axioms and morality.

Regardless, the presuppositional apologist takes these assumptions, and points out how without God, they cannot make sense. For the sake of clarification, I will explicate on Morality, especially in the post-modern worldview.

For a post-modern Atheist, they would argue morality is subjective. Should a society or culture advance past a certain point, morality can fluctuate and change with it. In other words, any feelings of injustice exist because of this unspoken shared moral code that everyone agrees on.

The issue here is twofold.

Firstly, for an atheist, morality should not matter. If men really is borne not in the image of an immutable God, but is just a bunch of chemicals, or on a more macro-level, quarks bouncing off each other, then there is no basis for morality. Really, men is just a bunch of chemicals acting a certain way at a certain temperature. In that case, why should one dictate a certain moral action? What differentiates men from a bottle of coca cola that is shaken and opened, with fizz leaking out. If men has no intrinsic value, then why is there even a debate about morality? Arbitrary concepts like right and wrong, which a debate attempts to determine, do not exist if the two debaters are composed of noises concocted by atoms in motion. Some atheists would argue that morality arises from a need for mankind’s self-preservation. Here, the question becomes one of degree. Where does such a rule extend to. If morality is innately understood by every human, yet is entirely subjective, then does this mean that because my morality states that I will kill anyone with squeaky shoes, a squeak from your Converse Sneakers warrants your death? Evidently that is not how morality works. Morality is not simply composed of two groups of people shouting at each other, with the louder group determining the morality of the system. If men has an awareness that things like murder, sin, and adultery are wrong, but this is not to arise from the presence of a Just God who has placed in every men and women’s heart a notion of his justice, then where does this morality extend to? Even if I can agree that within my family, we share a sense of morality, why should this ethical code extend to those outside my direct sphere of influence? If someone’s long-term longevity is of no direct interest to me, why is it wrong to rob your neighbor? In the same vein, why is it wrong to wage war on other nations should their interests not at all align with mine? Here, the atheist’s argument for having a coherent moral system completely falls apart. This is what Van Til calls the futility of the non-Christian worldview. In the futility of the Atheistic Worldview, we observe the “impossibility of the contrary”, where in the absence of any other explanation for morality, the Christian worldview can account for one. Similarly, for the secular Post-Modernist, they are quick to state that while something might be true for them, it does not have to be true for others. In short, subjective truth. This is dangerous for many reasons, but on the logical front, it is self-contradicting. Many Post-Modernists will even admit that they do not know what is ‘true’ for sure. All one has to do to refute the post-modernist is ask them if they know THAT to be true. If the post-modernist cannot claim to know anything to be true, their argument is incoherent and any knowledge claims are inconsistent with their worldview, in which case their worldview likewise crumbles into absurdity. To quote the man, Mr Paul Washer, in his indictment of the post-modern mindset, “either I am right and you are wrong, or you are right and I am wrong, or we are both wrong, but we CANNOT both be right!”

Hopefully through this very brief example, it has become clear (to at least some degree) how the presuppositionalist is to defend the faith. In having a consistent and coherent epistemology, the apologist is to hold up the ultimate authority of the Bible above all other things. Only through this can a logical argument emerge. Yet, and this remains key, regardless of the apologetic one employs to explain the faith, I pray that the a love for the unbeliever, a love that mimics the love of Christ, is what motivates our pleading with them. The apologist is to plead with the unbeliever as one pleads with blinded people in a burning building. While I often times find myself trading blows with others when talking about the faith, especially in using presupp, we have to remember above all, to hold fast to the truth of the gospel, that God became man, and bore the wrath of all who believe, such that they might in grace, find eternal salvation. Brothers and Sisters, let us encourage each other in the time we have on this earth, that we preach as dying men and women, to dying men and women, that they might in grace and mercy, find the salvation that they know to be true, and know of the sweetness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Matthew 8:1-4

Jesus Cleanses a Man with Leprosy

When Jesus came down from the mountain, large crowds followed Him. And a man with leprosy came to Him and bowed down before Him, and said, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.” Jesus reached out with His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. And Jesus said to him, “See that you tell no one; but go, show yourself to the priest and present the offering that Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”

This might become a running theme, but as usual I’m going to end with an excerpt from Shai Linne’s song “Startling Mystery”

“Sovereign Lord, who can truly understand Your depths? You give us life, You're the source of every man's breath Your mysteries, the sharpest of minds can't guess They stand perplexed, can't fathom what you plan next In the garden, we failed Your command's test We transgressed, now our world is a grand mess Lord, You're perfect, so why should You demand less? Man's best is only a sinking sand quest

But through Christ, watch God saving hand flex Redeemed the people, North, South, East, and West Glorious robes, in the Promised Land, dressed We stand blessed, all because of the Lamb's death

So as we're liftin' up our praise to You, receive it, Lord The object of our affection, whom we adore Fallen in our misery, You darted into history The pardon of iniquity, startling the mystery

The oceans, the planes, the mountains, the rain The universe proclaims the glory of Your Name And what am I that You called me to Your side? And took this heart of stone and broke it open wide”

Friends, keep each other in prayer, that we walk in a manner that is pleasing to our King.

Coram Deo

-Gong

6:16pm

12 December 2020

0 notes

sumukhcomedy · 6 years

Text

Facebook: The Millennial Mental Illness

In the fall of 2004, I was a junior at Miami University. By this point, other students had already begun talking about The Facebook. It was a website that had reached our campus, and relying on .edu email domains, became a way to connect with other students at your college and at other colleges. I knew it was created at Harvard. I knew its creator was some guy whose silhouette was the logo for the website. I knew that I had no interest in joining it.

By my final semester at Miami (spring 2006), Facebook had simply become a norm. Every party that I attended was documented on Facebook. Any photo people took that I was in they would tell me “it’s on Facebook.” So I caved mostly just to see hilarious photos. In a certain way, it seemed relatively pointless to join a website aimed at college students just as I was leaving college but I did it anyway.

As I graduated, Facebook proved a nice way to keep in touch with those individuals I met in college especially since I had now moved to Columbus and didn’t particularly know anyone. At the time, Facebook was the perfect level of innocence and immaturity. Everyone could be themselves without any consideration of the impact of having such social interaction on the Internet nor with any anticipation of what Facebook would become.

That same year, I began to do stand-up comedy. At the time, mySpace was the website to be on if you were a performer of any kind. There were plenty of comedians I knew that hadn’t even joined Facebook yet likely because it still was being targeted to college students and they saw no value in the site for their comedy career and promotion. At the time, Facebook always seemed like it would be something specific to being in college. It never seemed like something beyond that. It just seemed like Mark Zuckerberg wanted to create a website, not that he wanted to ascend to being one of the most powerful businessmen in the world.

The shift came when Facebook opened itself up to everyone. I recall thinking that was stupid. Here was this kind of exclusive website to college students and now our parents or other members of our family were joining. This always seemed like a website for our generation and now every generation was getting involved. It also pretty much opened itself up to every jackass with an email address which, as we’d find out, would lead to plenty of faces, fake accounts, and the rise of terms like “trolling” and “catfishing.”

Here’s one of my early Facebook profile photos and now my reaction to almost everything happening on Facebook.

Due to the now mass of people joining Facebook and mySpace’s inability to advance themselves to the quality of Facebook or handle major issues with spam, it started to turn where, as a comedian or anyone with any need for marketing a business, it was essential to be on Facebook. However, unlike mySpace, Facebook was never created to care about artists or small businesses. It’s why it has now smartly suffocated its reach for Pages and pushed boosting posts and sponsorship to gain attention. The revenue helps Facebook and puts the small business in need of raising awareness on social media into a corner: have your page remain relatively unknown or pay up and reap some benefits for everyone’s eyeballs being on Facebook.

This proliferation of information and emotions has totally changed how our minds interact with each other. Everything that we want or could be interested in is now focused into one central area called a “News Feed.” It’s led a majority of people to read and react more than to think and investigate. We’ve been granted a News Feed that is neither particularly news nor particularly healthy to be consuming. “Feed” seems an appropriate description. We seem no better than farm animals feeding, consuming, and accepting what is blasted into our eyes as we scroll through a website. It feels no different than eating McDonald’s all day long and thinking that is a healthy approach for our bodies.

In comedy, I became aware of Facebook’s uselessness fairly early on. I only looked at the website as a place for fun and as I began to see how people were getting emotionally affected in a variety of ways I preferred to satirize it. I “turned heel” in early 2012 and began to post as a pro wrestling heel character mocking the nature of people’s Facebook posts. It was enjoyable at the time and served whatever purpose it may have served both for me and for those who were my friends and found it entertaining. But, as I revealed before, it actually proved to be a more problematic revelation of what was to come for how we interact with social media. I’m not patting myself on the back saying “I told you so” about Facebook by being a Heel. I actually had anticipated and hoped that we would be better and that Facebook wouldn’t be as relevant at this point and that society would have moved on to the next advancement in Internet communication.

Instead, the advancements came within Facebook and they in fact advanced us in going backwards. Facebook now became the focal point as to how adults gained information whether it be news or events or the dumb jokes myself or other comedians may post. These posts now all still follow an algorithm—an algorithm that of course will succeed based off the most interaction to a post and the most interaction to a post no doubt comes from the most controversial or most emotional or most paid for posts.

Facebook has brought out how much we can be assholes. That’s certainly been the case within the comedy community but probably the case with every community that exists on the site. Arguments exist regularly and unlike Twitter where it at least involves opening up a tweet to see random commentary, the comments of other individuals are right there for everyone else to see. It opens the possibility of more arguing.

Public posting is even more irritating for general users. For general users who do click on the trending topics and most popular news stories, beyond the links to certain website articles, the News Feed on Facebook delivers public posts by the most divisive and random Facebook accounts. The most interacted comments even on the most popular articles clearly seem like stock commentary by fake accounts. Facebook has done nothing with their algorithm to address this issue and it only divides our perspectives on the news as badly as 24-hour cable television does.

Public posting by comedians is similarly ineffective. I don’t personally do it but I have friends who do and it only seems to open the door to the most random people choosing to comment on jokes or on opinions. Then, all of a sudden, the comedian gets into an argument with this random person/possible fake account. I’m not sure how this helps to advance the comedian’s career but it points to a serious problem both in how the comedian interacts with social media and with what social media is really doing for comedy. Very few comedians have become famous thanks to Facebook and, if they have, it's usually because they created videos that went viral. People may have had jokes or points shared a lot but it didn’t necessarily prompt a bunch of people to be interested in their comedy or go see live shows. Facebook has never proven to be as effective as Twitter was in that and, as I mentioned, that is because Facebook never pushed itself as being beneficial to artists.

Now over 10 years later, it’s unbelievable to me that some random thing I joined in college for fun is now the source of how people get their information, voice their opinions, and have clearly affected their personalities and emotions so much so that an attorney for this website had to speak in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on how our Presidential election could have been interfered via this website.

Part of this amazing but absurd experience that has been Facebook is that Mark Zuckerberg is my age. It’s hilarious and strange to follow along on the same path as the man who was responsible for this site. My generation and I progressed with Facebook’s birth to the point that we are at now. I watched myself be in photos drunk at the age of 21 to now watch those same friends I was drunk with have children and be arguing over something political on this same website.

Nothing may have represented the absurdity of Facebook quite like the aftermath of the white supremacist stupidity in Charlottesville. My best friend, who rarely even posts on Facebook, all of a sudden was in an argument with one of my former roommates about this incident in the comments field of a post. What is happening here? Why are two people who ten years ago probably just had a drink together pleasantly are now interacting in this way? And why am I sitting here being the glue between them just observing and reading it? It’s fascinating in one sense but ultimately weird in another.

Over the past couple months, some of the individuals who once were at the forefront of Facebook but have since left the company have made comments about the effect the website has had on society and psychology. Personally, I don't find it far off. I've felt Facebook affect me over the years (again, I turned heel on it) but I've seen it far worse in some of my friends, particularly ones in comedy, who are otherwise kind people in person but who seem to take on completely different personas in social media. That's fine if that is what they want but my bigger concern is if the already present misery that comes with comedy isn't pouring itself out to an even greater and more troubling extent via Facebook.

While I was in college, Facebook seemed so innocent. It was just a fun place to party and say stupid stuff with your college friends. But, as it progressed and opened itself up to more people, it also wanted us to share more. And what we've discovered over 10 years is that what we want to share has been insane.

#facebook #comedy #stand up comedy #psychology #social media #charlottesville #mark zuckerberg #miami university

1 note · View note

murasaki-murasame · 7 years

Text

Danganronpa V3 Liveblog Part 19 [Chapter 6 - Trial]

I was going to make some sort of a vague meme about this ending, but honestly I don’t even want to indirectly spoil anyone about what happens, so I’ll just say that this was fantastic.

This probably won’t actually be the end of my liveblog, since I have some post-game content to do, and some optional bonus things throughout the game I might just google and write about later whenever I get around to that. But this is the ending of the main game.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut.

[Fake edit: hahahaha holy fuck this ended up being 10.4k words long. Good fucking luck to anyone who wants to read all of it, I guess, lol]

Jesus christ, where do I even start with this??? There’s just . . . so much shit that went down. So much.

To start things off, I wasn’t kidding when I said that this was a fantastic ending, overall. I loved it a lot. It was so ambitious and intense and surreal that I couldn’t help but like it. I definitely have SOME issues with things, but I’ll get to them later.

I should at least say that, as you can all verify from my last post, I wasn’t exactly expecting Tsumugi of all people to be the mastermind. I guess it justified her continued existence in the story, after she felt so weirdly pointless.

Though before I talk about Tsumugi specifically, on the whole topic of pointless characters, Himiko was definitely . . . the weakest link by far. I don’t really hate her or anything, but she just had so little going for her as a character by the end. Even the whole thing with Tenko dying and giving her emotional strength and development and stuff felt like it didn’t really change much. So seeing her alive by the end, especially in the epilogue scene, felt . . . awkward. It’s not like I wanted her to die or anything, but I feel like the epilogue might have had a bit more . . . weight to it, if it was just Shuichi and Maki left. I dunno. I’ll talk about the epilogue later.

On the topic of Tsumugi, I honestly think I might prefer her as a villain over Junko. Mostly because this game’s entire ending and it’s overall theme feels way more interesting than everything Junko represented. I’ve said before that I really do like Junko as a villain, and that seeing her come back yet again would have been totally fine, but I think I liked Tsumugi as a villain even more than her. I’m aware that with how Tsumugi’s character works in general, there’s not much that actually sets her apart from Junko, but still. The things she represents on a thematic level are really interesting to me.

I also just appreciate that it was genuinely surprising to me that she was the mastermind. I really didn’t see it coming until they basically spelled it out for me.

I probably should have guessed where this trial was heading in advance. I said last time that the shot put ball and whatnot confused me, but it should have been obvious that it was hinting at Kaede not truly being the first killer. And the detail of the secret entrance to the hidden room being in the girl’s bathroom should have clued me in about Tsumugi. I could easily see someone else figuring it out if they had a good memory and also figured out that the chapter one case would be relevant again, but I didn’t remember the detail about Tsumugi having gone to the bathroom around the time Rantarou died, so that was a genuine surprise. I really like that they actually planted evidence pointing toward her at the start of the game, even though it didn’t really become apparent until you learn stuff much later in the game.

I also really liked the whole detail of how her talent as the Ultimate Cosplayer connected with her role as the mastermind. It really wasn’t what I was expecting at all.

To dive right into the Big Twists, it turns out that my guess about how this would end was basically the opposite of what I expected. I’ve said before that I expected the reveal to be that the world of V3 was a fictional story being broadcast to the ‘real’ DR world, but in the end, if we at least take the ending at face value, it was the entire DR franchise that was ‘fictional’ in the context of V3′s world. So that threw me off big-time. In general things escalated way more than I expected, and there were way more layers of meta going on than I thought there’d be.

But I love how that all tied into Tsumugi’s identity. Like, I totally believed that she was really Junko, or at least some kind of clone or descendant or whatever of Junko, and I accepted the idea that ‘Tsumugi’ was just a fake identity. But nope, Junko is just a character she’s cosplaying! I didn’t consider it at first because of the whole cospox plot point, but then the big twist happened and it became clear that she can cosplay as Junko because, in the world of V3, Junko is a fictional character.

The whole scenario of her continually switching between cosplays was, to be honest, genuinely disturbing. Especially since they got the original VAs to voice their appropriate lines. So it really felt as if all of the previous characters were coming in, which helped make the trial feel really fever dream-y, in a good way. It really hammered in that feeling of artificiality going on.

It’s interesting to me that, with how the whole ending worked, ‘Tsumugi’ was probably still a fake identity of sorts. Like how every other character’s identity was made up, to the point where it was heavily implied that even their names were fictional. So it’d make sense if Tsumugi’s whole identity was also fake. She called herself the Ultimate Cosplayer, but if we believe her story then the whole concept of Ultimates wouldn’t truly exist in their world anyway. But I like the implication that she was basically just pretending. It’s consistent with everything else, at least, and her talent didn’t really play into her actual plot role at all, just her ‘aesthetic’ as a character, if that makes sense. So I like the idea that she was just a random, ‘talentless’ member of Team Danganronpa who adopted a false identity in order to take part in the killing game. The idea that we might have never known her true identity at all beyond, well, her job position and her personality, makes me like her even more as a villain, somehow.

In general, I love how incredibly meta this ending was. I love how cynical it was. I love how it rejects itself as a franchise, and everyone playing it. It’s great. The fact that they openly talked about the Danganronpa franchise, Team Danganronpa, and the entire fandom, was just great. I totally get why the guilt-trip nature of it might bug people, but I like it. It’s certainly hard to argue against the point it’s making. This game only existed because people actively supported this series. Because they genuinely enjoyed experiencing the emotionally thrills and catharsis that the killing games gave them. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the series just keeps going like nothing happened.

I’m aware that the ending wasn’t really intended to be genuinely spiteful towards it’s audience, especially since the final moments of the game are all about the audience changing their minds and deciding that they want to stop the killing games, and to also save as many of the remaining characters as possible, but there’s definitely still a very clear element of spite going on that can’t really be ignored. It’s very vocally aware and critical of the way that people enjoy violent media, even if it also accepts the possibility of people being able to change for the better and be positively influenced by the stories they read.

It just fascinates me that they even went this far. That they took their franchise to such an absurd point. That they created the idea of this fictional future where their own franchise would grow so big and so popular that they’d start killing real people to continue it. That they made themselves, as the people who made this game, the villains. It’s such an incredibly risky move that I’ve basically never seen before, especially if we take into account that this franchise has been going on for like 5+ years already. It’s also part of why I don’t think this ending was 100% spiteful toward it’s audience. Because, at the very least, it also holds itself accountable in all this. The devs are aware that they’re the ones actually sitting down to make these games in the first place. So it’s not like they’re placing all of the blame on their consumers.

The whole back and forth spiral of emotional tension and cynicism and hopefulness and redemption and self-awareness made the whole ending part incredibly intense and emotional. It really did feel like the people making the game were laying themselves bare and engaging in a direct conversation with the people playing their game, to ask them to consider the idea of violent media, and the idea of the authenticity of lies/fiction vs truth/reality.

Weirdly enough, this whole ending reminds me a fair bit of Nier: Automata, and that game’s entire thematic point. They’re very different games, in obvious ways, but they’re weirdly similar.

I didn’t really see the whole Argument Armament section coming, but oh man that part sure was an experience. Thankfully I’ve been slowly getting better at them, but it was still really stressful. But what truly made it special was hearing the voices of the audience during it. I just love the entire concept of you literally arguing against the voices of people saying stuff like ‘ugh, I hate meta endings like this!’ or ‘I’ve invested too much time and money into this franchise for it to just end!’ or ‘I just want to see people kill each other, death is the entire point of Danganronpa!’. And then eventually it just became a bit of an unending scream of ‘HOPE DESPAIR DESPAIR HOPE HOPE HOPE DESPAIR HOPE’, which was honestly the most perfect way it could have ended. With how obsessed this franchise has been with the concepts of hope and despair, and with how more and more emotional weight and baggage has been placed on those concepts, it’s very fitting that this game basically ends with you facing down a horde of disembodied voices mindlessly shouting out that words, and you telling them that you plan to end the Danganronpa franchise.

And on the whole note of that part, I really liked how Keebo played into the ending. Maybe it would have had more impact if he’d been the protagonist this whole time, but the idea of him being ‘the audience surrogate’ was really cool, if only because it set up the aforementioned scene. I also liked that he wasn’t immediately validated in being obsessed with hope. He wasn’t necessarily in the wrong or anything, but he wasn’t able to argue for hope in the face of despair in the way he wanted to. They also didn’t try and suddenly ignore Shuichi in favour of having Keebo suddenly be the protagonist in the end, so that was nice.

Before I talk about the epilogue and some other assorted points, I should say that the part where they explained the game’s title was AMAZING. I loved it so much. The reveal of this being ‘Danganronpa 53′ was such an effective ‘wait what’ moment. And then we got the incredible parody logos for Danganronpa 4-10. That was an amazing scene. And in general I just love the sorta-dystopian future that whole scene sketched out, of the DR franchise going on for such a long time that they eventually decided to hold a ‘real-life killing game’. But anyway, it also completely validated how weird this game’s title is. I guess on some level it’s still a bit unnecessarily confusing for it to have ‘3′ in the title, but I like that they gave such a surprising yet effective explanation for the ‘V’ part. I may or may not have laughed out loud when one of the random lines of audience dialogue said ‘V is the roman numeral for 5′. I don’t know why that was so funny to me, but it was.

The audience dialogue thing was also an amazing concept that added a lot of unexpected comedy to the situation. It did a great job of encapsulating the attitudes of the fandom. It was hilarious to see random lines of text floating about that were complaining about the ending being boring and them wanting to see an exciting clash between hope and despair. There were too many lines for me to remember, or to have even noticed in time, but a lot of them were really hilarious. I kinda lost it when they started complaining about Shuichi, and when they randomly started insulting him over how he didn’t have his hat anymore. That was great. Then we got some random and hilarious lines like ‘Shuichi is so yummy <3′. I think my favourite one was probably ‘Danganronpa 25 was the best one’. That made me laugh. The writers of these games know us so well, lol.

Though, as I kinda said above, I do appreciate that the audience got their own redemptive moment in choosing to allow the franchise to end by not voting, while also asking Keebo to do what he can to save everyone other than Tsumugi. That was really nice.

Back on the topic of the game’s title, I wish they’d kept the ‘everyone’s new semester of mutual killing’, since they ended up name-dropping it during this trial, but they never really brought up the English game’s subtitle outside of the part where the game’s full name was said. I think that the name-drop would have just had more impact if they’d kept it as the game’s subtitle in English. It’s a minor issue, though.

I kinda want to leave my thoughts on the epilogue for as late in this post as I can, so I should talk about some other points first.

I talked a bit about how this trial went back over and re-did chapter one’s trial, but I didn’t go into much detail about it. I thought it was a really neat concept, to go back over such an old case and point out how the conclusion everyone came to was wrong. I thought that that whole trial was complicated enough as it was, but I really wasn’t expecting there to be a whole other layer to what went down in it that was being saved until the end of the game. But it actually made a lot of sense. As I said, we knew from the start that Tsumugi went to the bathroom around when the murder happened, but that didn’t seem to be an important detail until we found out later that that’s where the hidden entrance was. They even took the time back in chapter one to go over her cospox to explain how she couldn’t have possibly been the killer, which did a good job at getting us to stop suspecting her. But as it turns out, she was able to kill Rantarou in a way that avoided needing to use her talent at all.

It also addressed the one thing I disliked about the first trial, at least in terms of the in-universe logic and mechanics of it. At the time, I suspended my disbelief about it, but the idea of someone being successfully killed via a complicated Rube Goldberg machine felt a bit contrived. So I love that the big twist was that Kaede’s whole complicated set-up actually ended with her missing her shot, and so Tsumugi had to rush in and beat Rantarou to death with a spare shot put ball to make it look like Kaede’s idea had worked. I don’t quite know why, but the image of Rantarou just being absolutely baffled by the fact that a shot put ball just fell by his feet out of nowhere, and Tsumugi panicking in the background and rushing in to beat him to death with ANOTHER shot put ball was just the most hilarious thing ever to me. It was great. But I do feel genuinely bad for Rantarou. He must have been so confused about all the unexpected things that happened in the moments before he died.

I’m also very grateful that part of the twist was that Kaede was truly innocent [beyond having had the genuine motive and intent to kill, but you get my point], and that, specifically, she wasn’t even related to the mastermind. After the twin sister reveal, I expected that part of the twist would be that Kaede was in on the mastermind’s plan the entire time, or at best was unaware of it but still related to the mastermind. I immediately thought that it’d be too lame and out of the blue for anything along those lines to be the case, so I’m glad that the twin sister thing was just a red herring, and that Kaede was just a random, everyday person. I guess this also means that her moments of being cross-eyed weren’t some sort of a hint at some kind of ‘mental instability’ or whatever. That’s nice. I didn’t really mention it at the time, if I remember right, since it didn’t really feel important enough to talk about, but I’m very thankful that the game didn’t use something like that as any sort of a sign toward someone being ‘crazy’ or villainous or whatever. I mean on some level they still played into that trope to some degree, if only in order to use it as a red herring, but still. One of my own eyes is kind of crossed, a bit, so it would have been slightly depressing to see something like that be used as that sort of plot point. I sure didn’t expect a game like this to give me a reason to bring up that kind of a personal detail, but here we are!

This also gets me onto the topic of Rantarou himself, and . . . honestly, his entire deal ended up feeling really disappointing. He kinda just served to give an example that backed up what Tsumugi said about the state of the world. We didn’t really learn anything new about him. We just got a bit of context for what killing game he was a part of, and why he got roped into this one. Which is fine. I just kinda wanted something . . . more. I think he’s the kind of character who I might want to spend some time thinking about before I make a final decision on how I feel about his place in the story. I’m at least genuinely curious about how exactly his killing game ended up, for him to end up as the Ultimate Survivor. I’m still not entirely sure how that whole concept works, especially when they casually mentioned that if they executed Tsumugi, then Maki would become the new Ultimate Survivor, which I still don’t quite understand, since she was one of the ones volunteering to die in order to let everyone ELSE survive. Anyway, I think the basic implication is that he was the only survivor of his game, so I wonder if that means that he killed someone and successfully escaped. It’s the only way I could really see it ending up that way. I guess the alternative option is that maybe he and one other person survived and escaped because of the rule about the killing game ending at that point. I’m not sure, though, since it seems odd that only one of them would have been called the Ultimate Survivor and forced into this killing game, and not both of them. Then again there might also be something else to it, with how he implied in his video message that there was some trick to the ‘two survivors’ rule, but I still can’t quite work out what that would be. Either way, with what we know now, I feel like his whole thing of saying that he wanted this killing game to happen makes me think that he was taking some kind of genuine pleasure out of it. If it was just a matter of him saying that he needed to win, it might have just been out of a desire to survive, but in that case I don’t think he’s say that he wanted this game to happen. I dunno. His whole character feels weirdly confusing to me, but maybe it’ll make more sense once I spend some time going over things in my head.

And on a similar note, I said before that I expected the Monokubs to be somehow based upon other survivors from his game, but I guess that one didn’t pan out the way I expected. What WAS the point of the Monokubs, in the end? Was the entire running thing of them seemingly having repressed memories like everyone else a red herring? It felt like their characters just sorta stopped existing early on in this trial after they all got blown up and then never mentioned again. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they were genuinely pointless, but it’d still be a bit lame.

I guess I’m on a bit of a roll here with talking about specific characters, so I should take this time to say that I honestly feel kinda bad for Kokichi now. This trial didn’t really tell us anything new about him, but it spelled out a lot of the fairly obvious things being hinted at, and it made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t really a bad person at all. He didn’t have anything to do with this. He really was completely lying about being the mastermind in order to try and stop the game. Even his gang seems pretty harmless. So it’s pretty hard not to feel bad for him, even if he was still genuinely annoying and irritating as a person. Though now that we’ve gotten to the end of the game, I’m still a bit confused about all of the stuff that went down in chapter four that pointed toward him being obsessed with Shuichi, and jealous of Kaito’s closeness with him. I still feel like there were very deliberate hints pointing in that direction, but it never went anywhere. There’s at least the whole ‘when I find someone I like, I do anything I can to make them notice me, even if it means strangling them’ scene, which seems even more confusing to me now. I dunno. Maybe he DID have his own feelings for Shuichi, and it just didn’t get explicitly mentioned in the game itself. Maybe it’ll be elaborated on more in his free time events, and post-game stuff in general. Either way, it still feels like a bit of a strange loose end. Maybe I’m reading too much into things.

Though it’s hard to unironically call anyone in this game innocent or sympathetic after the whole plot twist about them all being Danganronpa fans who volunteered to take place in a killing game. That sure was a twist. A lot of the ending had a more comedic tone to it, even if basically all of it was genuinely kinda horrifying and emotional and involved the characters finding out that everything they knew was a lie, but that part in particular stuck out to me as being 100% horrifying. Although it was kinda amusing seeing the game point out via Shuichi that there’s already been several detectives in the franchise. Which I guess takes on a slightly different context when you think about this being the 53rd entry in the franchise, but you get what I mean. Everything else was just depressing and unexpected, though. Seeing Shuichi excitedly talk about having planned out an exciting murder AND execution for himself, and how neat it’d be to have a detective become a murderer, was really hard to sit through, especially since he still had that little moment of being flustered about not wanting to be too demanding toward the people running the games, that made it clear that it was still genuinely him saying it. Then we got the part of Kaede saying that she has no real faith in humanity, which just hurt a lot. And then they dragged Kaito of all people into it and I started to genuinely wish the scene would stop because I didn’t want to see what he had to say. But then he went and had the most terrifying audition of the three, where he talked excitedly about wanting to murder everyone else in the game. That really just twisted the knife that had already been stabbed into my heart after the first two auditions we saw.

So it’s hard to be TOO sympathetic of anyone when all of them genuinely wanted this. I guess, come to think of it, this also probably ties into what Rantarou said about him wanting this to happen. He probably did genuinely like the idea of taking part in these games. Which puts a really sinister twist on his character, and also every other character in the game.

In general it’s kinda awkward to talk about any of the characters in the way they’re presented to us, now that we know that all of their backstories and talents and stuff are just lies, and that they’re actually just normal people who willingly took part in a death game. We probably don’t even know any of their real names. But it’s pretty clear that a big part of the game’s message is that just because these things might be lies, it doesn’t mean that they’re ‘not true’. These are still the characters we know and love. These are still the people that they genuinely believe themselves to be. At least after having their memories replaced, they became people who didn’t want to kill others, who were horrified by the idea of it, who banded together to stop it. For the most part. You get what I mean. So there’s still value in the characters as we knew them, even if they were the result of taking existing people and then replacing all of their memories and giving them new identities. There’s still value in the experiences they went through, the lessons they learned, the feelings that they experienced, and even the feelings that we experienced because of them. In spite of this trial’s set of reveals, it really was, in the end, a celebration of the power of fiction. It embraced the value and meaning of fictional characters and their stories. It validated the characters, and the experiences they had in this game. So I’m still allowing myself to see them as the people we knew them as, and to feel sympathy with them because of it.

It’s really disturbing to consider that the identities they were given were just . . . made-up identities that had barely anything to do with who they were before. It’s especially depressing to think about how all of their motives and whatnot were thus completely made-up and pointless. All of their backstories and traumas and whatnot were just fictional. Which makes it really depressing to think back on topics like Ryoma’s self-loathing because of his past, or Kirumi’s dedication to protecting the country even if it meant killing everyone else in the game, or Maki’s history with being trained as an assassin and how that basically broke her as a person. In a sense, those things still hold weight and validity because the characters at least BELIEVED them to be true, but it’s still just . . . depressing to think about how much pain was put onto these characters in the name of giving them interesting backstories and whatnot. This also presumably means that Kiyo wasn’t ACTUALLY a psychopathic serial-killer who had an incestuous relationship with his sister. Huh. He sure got the short end of the stick in terms of how his backstory reflected upon him as a person.

[Fake edit: I don’t know how I forgot about it, but there’s also the fact that apparently Kaito was just given a terminal illness as part of his backstory, which is a really fucking disturbing concept. To think that they just casually decided to make things more interesting by messing with his health like that. Especially since it’s pretty easy to guess that they gave it to him because of how enthusiastic he seemed to be about wanting to kill everyone. So it’s like they were giving him the illness as a sort of dramatic irony, to set up a scenario along the lines of him dying from his illness after he killed all of his friends, making everything he did pointless. And of course there would have been the additional angle of it becoming something that the audience at home could sympathize with him because of, which . . . definitely worked, I suppose.]

But obviously the characters weren’t exactly all clean and sinless individuals before this game, even if these depressing backstories and whatnot are fake. They clearly all had their own problems before the game started. And the characters we know now are probably at least nicer, on average, than the people we saw in those auditions.

And as I said above, Tsumugi was probably no different. She clearly knows all about what her life was like before this game, but Tsumugi as we knew her for 99% of the game was almost certainly a false identity. She was still the closest to her original self out of everyone in the game, but still.

At least we know that, on a visual level, it was only their outfits that got changed. So that’s nice to know, I guess, even if it’s not particularly important.

Now that I’ve gotten to the end of the game, I can finally talk about the last major thing I got spoiled about! Which didn’t even technically end up being completely accurate in it’s implication anyway! Yay!

Basically, a week or two before I started playing the game, I was just scrolling down my dash, and one of the recommended posts was a fucking DRV3 meme about Shuichi rejecting both hope and despair, in favour of dying. Of all the ways to be spoiled, I got spoiled via a goddamn meme, and of all the things to be spoiled about, I got spoiled about THAT. So throughout this ENTIRE game, I’ve had the vague idea of Shuichi dying stuck in my head. Which has been kinda agonizing. I’m so glad that it wasn’t actually accurate, and that he lived, but I still hate that I got spoiled about it. I suppose that I only had myself to blame for not having installed xkit by then in order to blacklist the DR tags, but still. Considering that I had never posted anything about DR before that point, I can’t really be blamed for assuming that Tumblr wouldn’t decide to just randomly suggest me a post about it.

That point, and the point of me having seen a screenshot from Kiyo’s execution, were the main things I got spoiled about. I also thought I got spoiled about someone [aka Kaito] killing because of their terminal illness, which ended up being technically untrue and probably just a made-up example of the sorts of motives in this game, even though it still lead me to the correct assumption of ‘Kaito ends up being a killer’. Those are the main things. I also knew in advance that this game has a really controversial ending, and that it has a bonus dating sim mode thing, but I didn’t know anything specific about those things, so the nature of the ending still surprised me, and honestly the existence of a dating sim mode isn’t really a spoiler to me.

So yeah, those are the things I knew about this game in advance. I wish I could have gone in COMPLETELY blind, but oh well. It didn’t end up affecting my enjoyment of the game as much as I was scared it might.

Anyway, the main character left who I want to talk about is Shuichi. I’ve already talked about basically everyone else, including Keebo and Himiko, and I don’t really think there’s much to say about Maki. I still love her a lot as a character, but this part didn’t really give me much to say about her that I haven’t said already, except for one detail [that I’ve kinda already talked about] that I guess I’ll mention again in a second.

Though I guess it’s also worth talking a little bit about the surviving cast. Which I’m more or less including Keebo and Tsumugi in, even though they died at the very end. The fact that Shuichi, Maki, and Keebo lived until [more or less] the very end was pretty predictable since they’re all so noteworthy, although as I said above I genuinely expected this to end with Shuichi dead, so I suppose it ended up being surprising that he actually lived to the very end. In that sense I guess Maki was the most predictable survivor. And obviously Tsumugi staying alive until at least the final trial made sense, in the end, since she was the mastermind. So other than Shuichi who was surprising for his own unique reasons, I’m still slightly baffled by Himiko surviving. Even in spite of her [relatively minimal] development and focus, she still felt really weird as part of the final three characters, next to much more important ones like Shuichi and Maki. But this sorta thing always happens in these games, and it’s probably a good thing that at least one of the survivors was someone who I would never have expected to survive.

Anyway, on the topic of Shuichi. I still adore this boy with all my heart and soul. He’s wonderful. At this point he probably beats out Hinata as my favourite DR protagonist. He’s such an incredibly good boy who deserved a much better life than what he got. I’m just kinda casually ignoring the stuff we learned in his audition, lol. But I kinda have to ignore that whole can of worms if I want to talk about what I like about any of the characters, really. I really felt horrible for him during this entire trial, especially after the reveals started kicking in. Seeing him go through so much emotional pain, until he decided to just accept death as a means to put an end to the killing games, just kinda broke my heart. There’s several points during the overall trial/ending that I nearly teared up at, and him talking about how in spite of the fact that everything he went through might have been a lie, the pain in his heart was still real, was definitely one of them. That really hit me hard. I loved seeing him be so resolute in saying that the concept of the killing games is horrific and deserve to be stopped even at the cost of his own life, but it was still hard to watch.

I hate to keep bringing this point up again, especially at this point, but I still at least like to believe that he had his own crush on Kaito. I’m very aware, especially now that the game’s definitively over [aside from the bonus stuff], that it’s probably not canon, but I still choose to believe it. I’m still choosing to believe in the way that his story and his thoughts and feelings toward Kaito came across to me. And hey, in spite of the guilt-trip-y nature of parts of this ending, it was ultimately still a celebration of the meaning of fiction and the validity of the things that fictional characters allow us to experience, so I don’t feel too bad about sticking to this interpretation. I know that the game made a pretty clear point to address Maki’s feelings for Kaito while not saying the same sort of thing about Shuichi’s feelings, but still. Though I should say that it’s not like any of this meant that I felt negatively about Maki’s feelings for Kaito and how they were portrayed. I still felt bad about seeing her find out that they were more or less a lie that had been written out as part of her character. I mean, it’s hard to call those feelings a lie when they were based upon the sorts of interactions and dynamics that would understandably lead to such a thing, so I won’t dismiss her feelings or call them fake or anything, but I can also see how the game was organized to force her to feel that way, which is still fucked up.

This is getting more into headcanon territory, there’s certainly something appealing about the idea of Shuichi developing feelings for Kaito without it having been ‘written out in advance’. Again, I’m not trying to imply that that whole deal makes this sorta thing less genuine, but still. There’s something both cute yet tragic in seeing things through this lens of Shuichi developing feelings that nobody had expected or planned for. Especially since, in hindsight, even if it might not be ‘canon’, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kaede was literally written by Tsumugi as being ‘Shuichi’s designated love interest’. They were even literally shoved into adjacent lockers, just to hammer in the fact that the game basically shoved them together. This isn’t some kind of ship hate, though. I actually still quite like Shuichi/Kaede as a ship, as I’ve said a few times before. But with how this ending works and what it says about the game in hindsight, it’s hard not to retroactively interpret these sorts of things through this kind of lens. With how many things Tsumugi specifically pointed out as being part of a pre-written script, it’s hard not to wonder just how many character points and relationship dynamics were similarly ‘part of the script’. And out of basically everything that didn’t get explicitly talked about, Shuichi and Kaede’s dynamic seems like the most likely think that was ‘forced’ to happen. Especially if we assume that Tsumugi might have expected her to survive for most of the game, whereas she died basically immediately and then Shuichi spent most of the game interacting with Kaito [and Maki, to a slightly lesser extent].

So even if I won’t really be as bold as to call any of this canon, there’s definitely room to make some interesting interpretations regarding concepts like the sometimes ‘forced’ nature of love interest scenarios in media. In spite of my warm feelings toward Shuichi/Kaede as a ship, I can’t help but me very intrigued by the idea of him not following along with that whole dynamic that was set up from the start, and instead getting cut off from her almost immediately, and instead spending most of the rest of the game with Kaito, in a way that might not have been planned for. I like the idea of a character like Shuichi indirectly rejecting the heterosexual romance set-up that he was basically shoved into, and instead developing feelings for another boy in a way that nobody planned for, entirely of his own volition. It’s just an appealing idea to me. I guess along these sames lines it’d be hard not to also look at Maki’s romantic feelings for Kaito that were explicitly fabricated, but as I said above I have no interest in engaging in ship hate, or denying her feelings. You get what I mean, though. I also can’t help but think back to that one scene where Maki asked Shuichi if he liked Kaede or not, and he just kinda vaguely said that it’d be normal to like someone even in a situation like this, and after that his hypothetical feelings for her pretty much never came up again. Not explicitly, at least. I figured at the time that he ‘obviously’ had to have been in love with her, because that’s how these things work, but after the concept of romantic feelings being fabricated came up explicitly in canon, it’s hard not to look back on that scene and wonder if there was anything more to it.

Another thing along these lines that’s kinda interesting to think about in hindsight was that it was Tsumugi who had that one off-hand line about asking Shuichi if he, Maki, and Kaito, were part of a ‘reverse love triangle’, which he hurriedly denied. At the time I was kinda intrigued by that line’s existence since it, in addition to Shuichi’s whole ‘I shouldn’t talk about another boy like that’ line, made it explicitly clear that the game was at least aware of how romantic his feelings for Shuichi come off as being, but that line certainly gains an interesting new context when you know that Tsumugi is the mastermind who knows everything, including the ‘settings’ of every character. I can’t tell if this somehow supports my whole aforementioned interpretation of events, or if it implies that this whole set-up in my head might have been intentionally planned by Tsumugi. I’m not really sure. It’s hard to tell just based on that one line if this might have been something she specifically wrote into Shuichi’s character. Though the fact that she goes out of her way to basically mock Maki over her fabricated feelings for Kaito, while not doing the same for Shuichi, makes me think that she only wrote Maki as being in love with him.

So for now I’m sticking to this whole headcanon interpretation, partly because I just fundamentally ship Shuichi and Kaito, and partly because I like this hypothetical meta-narrative subversion of romantic tropes in media.

Anyway I think that’s basically everything I feel like saying about the characters, and most of the story beats. Before I talk about the epilogue, and my feelings on the game as a whole, I should probably talk about a few more of my issues with the game.

I think we can all agree that the mini-games were, and always have been, largely pointless and unnecessary. They’re just not very great. They’re definitely more stream-lined and not as clunky as they used to be, but they sometimes feel SO ‘stream-lined’ and simplistic in design that I start to question why they even exist. The Psyche Taxi is probably the biggest offender of that. It’s such a waste of time. It never tells you anything new. It’s just this painfully drawn out procedure of the game spelling out stuff that it just went over a minute ago, and there’s not even any way to make it go by any faster because there’s a limit to how fast the car can go. I never felt like it did anything to help me solve any mysteries, at least from what I can remember. I think that the Mind Mine thing also felt pretty unnecessary, with there being only like one time where I had to think about which option to choose. I also never ran out of time in it or anything. The Hangman’s Gambit was also pretty bad, but mostly just an exercise in frustration where I either know what the answer is but have to figure out what exact wording the game wants from me, or I have no clue what it wants, and I have to awkwardly stumble my way into a solution. Which at least got a bit more manageable when I got the skill that shows the first letter of the answer immediately.

The sword rebuttal game was fine. It’s a neat representation of arguing with someone, though it usually wasn’t too difficult to figure out the logic of what to do, and sometimes the slicing mechanic just felt a bit clunky and hard to control. There were definitely a few moments where I felt stumped by the logic of them, though. The Mass Panic Debates were also OK, though they ended up never being anywhere near as difficult as I expected. I think that they were afraid of them overwhelming people, so they never made the logic of them too difficult. I don’t even think I needed to get that one skill that lets you focus on one conversation at a time. I’m glad I got the skill that silences loud voices, but that wasn’t really part of the inherent difficulty of those parts, and more just an annoyance that I got a skill to get rid of. The Scrum Debates were a really neat concept, but they felt woefully shallow and under-used. It basically always felt like the logic of them was just another Psyche Taxi-esque scenario of the characters rehashing an argument they’d already gone over before, with it just sometimes being guesswork to figure out which keyword was meant to argue against each statement. I really wish that they could have re-worked it so that new sorts of arguments and debates came up during them, that made me think about it from different angles. I also wish that there could have been more than one of them per trial, since that just lead to them feeling really minor, especially since we didn’t even get one in chapter six, so there were only five in the entire game. I think that there was also only one Mass Panic Debate per trial, which similarly made those parts feel kinda shallow and forgettable in spite of how both of them were hyped up as the new mini-game types. I guess I’m glad that they never tripped me up too hard, but it was also a bit disappointing that they never felt very exciting or meaningful.

Also, even though it wasn’t really a ‘mini-game’, I was never a huge fan of the sections where you have to browse your entire list of truth bullets and pick one. Those parts nearly always fell into being either so easy that it wasn’t any kind of a challenge, or so weird in their logic that I almost had to brute-force the answer.

In general the best part of the trials gameplay-wise were just the regular non-stop debates. Nearly everything else feels kinda unnecessary. But the regular debates were really good. They obviously varied a whole lot in difficulty, but that’s fine.

And even though this isn’t a complaint, I should round this section off by saying that the Argument Armament parts were really good and I have no real issues with them, other than that I kinda suck at rhythm games, so it took like half the game before I started getting actually good at them. I can’t really say that they were TOO difficult as rhythm games in spite of my inherent lack of skills at the genre, since I’ve seen a lot worse from regular rhythm games, and I’ve also witnessed the absolute insane nightmare known as Drakengard 3′s final boss, but still, it probably would have been had if they were genuinely difficult as rhythm games, and in practice they were at least difficult enough for me to struggle with them, and they made the finales of each trial appropriately climactic. Plus, as I said before, the one with Keebo was absolutely great as a way of representing the idea of arguing against the entire DR fandom.

The closing arguments have also always been a really neat idea, and I’ve always loved the aesthetic of them. Including the music. They’re always a neat way to end things off in a trial. The puzzle element of them still does feel a little pointless since the entire mystery’s already been solved and so it feels a bit like padding, but it’s not a big deal.

I guess I’m getting off-track in terms of talking about my complaints about the game, but other than the mini-games being largely boring or obnoxious, there’s not much else to go on. Maybe I should go back and quickly give my thoughts on each case’s murder mystery, just to end things off.

Chapter 1′s case is still a major highlight of the game, if not the entire franchise. I love it a lot. I guess it’s probably the most interesting case in the entire game, but most of the rest of them are still very good too, and this wasn’t the one I had the most difficulty with, even if I didn’t see the identity of the culprit coming. I still have general issues with the basic concept of setting up a female protagonist only to replace them almost immediately with a male one, but it still played out in a really compelling and emotional way, and at least fulfilled my desire to see a DR protagonist become a murderer, in a way that I didn’t even see coming even though they laid out hints for it in advance. Though obviously it’s impossible to talk about it without talking about the chapter six twist about how her plan actually failed, even though Kaede herself thought it did. That was a really neat extra layer to that whole mystery. I’m also still kinda sad that they killed off Rantarou immediately, especially since I feel like the endgame did a bit less to develop his character than I wanted it to. He’s definitely someone who I want to learn the most about via free time events and stuff.

Chapter 2′s case was probably the one that at least felt the most difficult to me, at least when I was actually sitting down and going through the trial. It was probably because I was playing it later at night than I should have, but as I talked about earlier in this liveblog, it just kicked my ass. It was the only trial in the game that I had to take a break from and come back to a day later to finish it, though a big part of that was due to me misunderstanding how retrying parts of the trial worked. Either way, I can’t help but commend Kirumi for setting up a mystery that, at least to me, was very difficult to solve. I’m also still sad that they killed off Ryoma early on as well, since he was another favourite of mine, but I liked his role in this chapter so I’m fine with it. This chapter in particular is one of the more depressing ones when you know in hindsight that everyone’s backstories were completely fabricated and forced upon them.

Chapter 3′s case was weird and I think most people also probably see it as a low point of the game. I loved the whole occult aesthetic of it, and the plot twist of killing someone off during an investigation, but it ended up feeling too easy. It was weird, though. Like, the identity of the culprit was obvious from the start, even ignoring that I’d been spoiled about it, but the actual logic behind how the murders happened, mostly Tenko’s, felt surprisingly difficult to me. It was basically at the same level as Kirumi’s case in that sense, but maybe even higher than that since I distinctly remember dying in this trial like five times, but I didn’t need to stop and come back to it later since by this point I knew that retrying parts of a trial if you die isn’t really a big problem. The motive in this case was definitely the most bizarre, not to mention the most unsympathetic. It’s almost weird how in a game filled with mostly sympathetic and understandable killers like Kaede, Kirumi, Gonta, and Kaito, you have Mr. Psychopathic Incestuous Serial Killer thrown right into the middle. It was just bizarre. I also wasn’t a huge fan of the game for killing off Tenko, a lesbian, in a way that was explicitly described as being ‘a pointless waste’. But whatever. I quite liked Angie’s whole sub-plot in this chapter as well, though I’m glad she got killed off.

Chapter 4′s case is still . . . iffy to me. I know that it was intentionally unsatisfying and kinda depressing and out of the blue, but it just really threw me off and felt really disappointing. It’s probably my least favourite case in the game, but maybe chapter three is worse than it. It doesn’t help that this whole chapter happened before Kokichi started getting any degree of redeeming or even particularly interesting qualities, at least in my opinion. I also still feel a bit let down by how the whole climax felt so weird and unexpected that I wasn’t even as depressed by Gonta’s death as I should have been, considering how much I liked him as a character. There were definitely a few parts that got to me, but not too many. I really liked the whole virtual world concept, though, even if most of the mysteries related to it felt painfully easy to guess. This chapter also made me like Miu a fair bit more, and it was pretty neat getting a case about someone’s murder attempt getting turned against them, even if it’s not a completely original concept in this franchise. I also still feel a bit confused about certain aspects of Kokichi’s feelings and motives in this chapter in particular, as I went over before, but it’s not a big deal. [Honestly, my favourite part of chapter four was probably just finishing off Kaito’s free time events.]

Chapter 5′s case was really depressing, and also way more complicated than I expected it would be. I at least remember it feeling pretty difficult, though the effect was lessened a bit because of the weird detail of me kinda-sorta-not-really-but-technically being spoiled about Kaito being a killer, which made the outcome of this case pretty obvious. But it was more about the ‘how’ and the ‘why’ than the ‘who’, in the end. This is where I started liking Kokichi a lot more as a character, which also makes me think back about this chapter positively. And obviously I love every part of the game that has Kaito in it [except for the one obvious exception, lol], so that made it a really emotional ride as well. Having to actively pick him in the vote and have him get executed was incredibly painful.

I guess there’s not much to say about Chapter 6′s case that I haven’t said already, so . . . yeah. It’s obviously not a murder mystery trial like the others so I can’t compare it to those ones in that sense, but it was probably still my favourite trial just due to how incredibly intense it was, and how much of an emotional roller-coaster it put me through. It’s at least easily my favourite chapter six trial in the series.

I don’t think there’s much else to say about the characters, other than that they’re probably my favourite cast in the series, as a whole. It’s hard to compare them to the casts of DR1 and DR2, since they all feel like they’re going for slightly different things, but still. I just love this game’s cast a lot. It probably helps that this was the first game I actually played for myself rather than reading/watching an LP of. There were definitely a few characters I felt ambivalent about to the very end, like Himiko, but for the most part I liked them. And chapter six definitely made me like Keebo and Tsumugi a lot more, in very different ways. I’m still kinda ambivalent toward Keebo, but he at least ended up being more than just pure comic relief, though I still dislike how his ‘persecution complex’ is framed by the narrative, with how he gets treated by everyone in practice. I liked the vague idea brought up of him learning to embrace the things that make him unique, but it fell kinda flat because of how badly his character as a whole was executed. And as I said above, I really like Tsumugi now, after having seen her as boring and pointless up until this point, even though she definitely feels less like her own unique character, and more of a representation of ‘the ending of DRV3′, and all that entails. I still think that I might prefer her as a villain to Junko, but it’s hard to compare them. Again, it’s kinda less about them as individuals, and more about them as the concepts they represent. Anyway, the characters I liked least were almost definitely Himiko and Kiyo. At least with Kokichi he was still a genuinely interesting and complex character who I slowly warmed up to, Rantarou was just sorta disappointing rather than actively bad, and Angie served an interesting plot purpose even if she was hard to like as a person, and pretty flat. Himiko and Kiyo were the ones with least going for them. Mostly Kiyo, whose entire purpose was just to be really creepy and off-putting. I’m more ambivalent about Himiko. I just wish that she felt more . . . interesting, I guess, or had more development. But in general I actively liked the majority of the cast, by the end.

Anyway, I suppose I should finally talk about the epilogue, although there’s not really much to say about it at this point. It was just really good. I was initially skeptical of the idea of the ending ‘backpedaling’ on actually killing everyone off, but at least Tsumugi and Keebo genuinely died, and I really liked the way that everyone else surviving played into the element of the audience themselves having their own redemption moment of sorts. The part where Shuichi says something along the lines of ‘maybe they wanted this lie to become the truth’ was one of the moments in this part that nearly made me cry. I think it put me the closest to actually crying, honestly. It was just a really effective way of tying together this game’s lies vs truth theme in with the whole theme of the power of fiction and the redemption of the audience. The idea of us, as the audience, loving these characters enough to want them to live, to want their ‘lie’ to become a new sort of ‘truth’, really got to me. And on that whole note, I forgot to mention it, but I really loved Shuichi’s whole speech about the love between all of them, and how the love passed onto them from everyone that died has meaning, and can even change the world itself if it could successfully get through to the audience and change their minds. That was a really nice scene. I also couldn’t help but like it when Maki pointed out how much Shuichi was sounding like Kaito, and how obviously Shuichi could do something like change the world, since he’s Kaito’s sidekick. And, of course, the part where Shuichi used Kaito’s catch-phrase about the impossible being possible also really got to me.

It’s interesting that, right at the end, the game basically calls into question everything that Tsumugi said, and made it unclear what the outside world will truly be like. I can see why that might seem unsatisfying and wishy-washy to people, but I like it. I like that, to the very end, you can never tell for sure what the truth is. It really gets across what the game is trying to say about the concept of truth vs lies. And on that whole note, I loved Shuichi’s whole part of saying that you can’t really call either truth or lies ‘bad’, and that lies can be just another way of telling the truth. It’s a simple concept, but it hit pretty hard as the culmination of this entire game. And I quite liked the final line of [from what I remember] ‘If the world can change to even a small degree, then this story won’t end’. That was a nice way to end things off. The whole ambiguity of this ending does make me wonder if they’ll decide to genuinely continue the series. I honestly hope they don’t. Partly just because I really resonated with the whole point about the killing games being inherently evil and needing to be stopped, but also partly because it’d kinda destroy the ambiguity of this ending. We’ll see. I’ll probably be fine either way.

I feel like Tsumugi’s final words about her being a ‘cosplaycat killer’, and her seemingly disappointed or annoyed expression before she died, will nag at my brain for a while. But I think that’s a good thing, that the game’s leaving me wondering about what her deal is, even to the end.

I think I’ve finally, finally run out of things to say, so all I can do is just say that this was a fantastic game. I get why a lot of people disliked it, but I really loved it a lot, even if it had some issues. It was undoubtedly my favourite game in the series, though. I certainly prefer it over DR3 as a conclusion to the franchise. I’m kinda sad that this is the sort of game where you can’t really explain why it’s so good without spoiling people. That sucks. And it’s also the sort of game that only really has it’s full impact if you’ve experienced the franchise up to this point, so I couldn’t suggest that someone go into it blind.

As I’ve said before, I’ll check out whatever post-game bonus stuff there is to do, so that’ll be the rest of this liveblog. I’m not sure how many posts it’ll take to finish it all off, and how much time it’ll take, but we’ll see. I think I might take a bit of a break from the game for a day or two in order to let my thoughts on it simmer for a while, and also so I can do some other things I need to do. Once I’m done with the entire game, that’ll probably be when I allow myself to dive into the fandom, finally. That’ll be interesting. I’m not entirely sure if I’ll reblog fanart and stuff, though, in case I want to keep my followers unspoiled. I dunno. There’s probably a good amount of stuff that’s not TOO spoiler-y that I can reblog. And to be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if I even end up making some of my own fanart. I at least really want to draw Shuichi and Kaito, for obvious reasons. But this franchise in general tends to have the sorts of characters that make me want to draw them, so who knows what I’ll do.

Anyway I need to forcibly stop myself from continuing this post because my brain is starting to melt a little bit and I need to go to sleep, lol.

#murasaki rambles #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3 spoilers #I can't believe this ended up being so goddamn long #then again this part of the game took me like 4-5 hours to play through #and very nearly the same amount of time on and off to actually write this post up

1 note · View note

writeinspiration · 7 years

Text

Real Talk: Personal Post about My Profession and Depression

At times, my profession, interest, and expertise are unfulfilling and infuriating.

This post is real talk, from me to you, one-on-one. This is from the depths of my being. It’s a problem that has been plaguing me for a few years now, and the way it affects me has only gotten worse over time.

You are 100% welcome to look at this wall of text and “nope” on out of here. That’s fine.

I’m honestly hoping that talking about this and explaining this will help me move past the parts of these things that crush my self-esteem and worsen my depression and anxiety.

Maybe it won’t help. Maybe you’ll think I’m being selfish or stupid or petty. I don’t know. But I’m tired of not talking about this.

I’m generally a strong person. I consider myself a professional. This post deconstructs one of the biggest issues I’ve had since starting my Master’s degree in 2013.

Let’s look at a related concept before I get to the meat of the matter.

If you want to be a carpenter, you need to know things about wood, right?

You need to know what trees produce what types of wood.

You need to know what properties each of those wood types has: color, texture, longevity, strength, density, growth rate, moisture content, slope of grain, knots, shakes and checks, decay, stains, molds, bacteria, spacing, hardness, rupture, elasticity, and probably more.

You need to know how long it takes to create various wooden items, such as chairs or desks.

You need to know how much wood (and/or other material) is required for any given product you intend to make.

You need to know how to visualize a final product when you only have a big piece of wood.

You need to know how to handle complications any type of wood can give you.

You need to know what tools are used for different types of wood and products.

You need to know how to whittle, sand, cut, pain, carve, clean, and finish a variety of wood types.

And that of course only scratches the surface of what it means to be a carpenter. A carpenter can’t just know things about wood. They need to know tool safety, measurement techniques, and how to market themselves, among many other components.

If you look at the above statements, you would see that there is a lot that goes into becoming a carpenter. It requires a lot of study and a lot of practice. I think we can all agree on that.

If you were a carpenter and someone who knew nothing about woodworking tried to tell you that you were wrong about, say, cherry wood, you would get annoyed, right? You would tell them that, no, you’ve been studying this stuff for years and that you know what you’re talking about.

The same thing goes for doctors. Your doctor is paid to tell you things about health, because you didn’t complete medical school (or maybe you did but you need help anyway).

In most cases, your doctor knows more about any given medical topic than you do. If your doctor says you have the flu, would you argue with them? Would you tell them that you don’t have the flu, even if you have every single symptom? (If you really do have the flu, you most likely aren’t strong enough to argue like this, but humor me, okay?) You are asking a doctor for their medical opinion, one that has been informed by years—often more like decades—of study, research, and practice.

Yeah, there are plenty of cases where doctors fail us. I know it happens all the time. It really does. There are plenty of problems with misdiagnoses, refusal to treat, and more. But for the average person, there is almost no reason to argue with a doctor, unless something is seriously wrong and the doctor just isn’t listening—which is still a major and unfortunately common problem.

But if you are sick and need help, you’re there for their educated opinion.

You cannot look at a chair and sit on a chair and then say you are a carpenter. You don’t know the first thing about woodworking just because you have used wooden objects before. That would be absurd, right?

You can’t check your temperature and decide you know more than a doctor. It would be unreasonable to assume that you know more about medicine than your doctor does just because you correctly guessed you had bronchitis that one time.

Carpenters and doctors, while their professions may seem to be infinitely different, require years and years of study before they can consider themselves to be carpenters and doctors. Your one shop class or health class back in high school doesn’t make you qualified. You don’t know more than a carpenter or doctor if you haven’t done any of the studying.

In this vein—yes, I’m getting to my point now—I am a writer. I am an editor. I have a Master’s degree in English, focus on creative writing and poetry. I became an English major in 2009 or 2010 (I had a total of 5 different majors when registering for classes and such; I did 2 pairs of double-majors and registered for college with a different one). I graduated with my Master’s in 2015.

While I don’t have a doctorate, I am, more or less, an expert in my field. I have done a lot of different types of work. I have diligently studied the greats and not-so-greats in my trials. I have taken a ton of classes and read a lot of books. I study. I work hard. I’ve been dedicated as a writer since I was 9 years old.

If I had become a writer just last year, I would not be an expert. I wouldn’t know the things that I know. If someone who had become a writer just last year started trying to correct me on something, I wouldn’t be wrong to be skeptical of them—annoyed, even.

So why is it that people who have only taken general-education English courses—and struggled with them—seem to think that they should argue with me about language?

I have experience. I work professionally in my field, the same way that a doctor or carpenter does. I study my butt off so I can understand language and culture and literature to the extent of my ability.

So why the heck do people doubt me? If you’ve written papers for school, great. So has everyone else. It doesn’t make you an expert.

I’m not saying I’m always right. I’m not. I promise. But why is it so difficult for people to accept my answers when having a friendly discussion?

Why is it so incredibly difficult to respect me and my knowledge?

When other people have more information than I do, I generally defer to them and ask questions.

It would be heinous for me to walk into an IT workplace and start bossing people around. I know a lot about computers and technology. I really do. But I would never, ever be so bold as to think that I know more than people who have a degree in it.

I know degrees aren’t the ultimate way to say you’re an expert in something. I know. I really do know that. But someone who has spent hundreds, if not thousands, of hours studying something and learning about it—that person knows more than someone who has spent negligible effort.

A person who has spent years reading and writing—whether it’s for an English degree or not—knows more than someone who has only taken basic English courses.

I would never tell a carpenter that they are doing their job incorrectly or argue with them about the qualities of wood. I wouldn’t tell a doctor that they clearly don’t know the symptoms of the flu.

They are qualified. They are often experts. The whole point of studying something is that you know more than most people do.

A random person can’t just climb onto a roof and become a roofer. You need safety training and equipment, among many other things.

You are a writer if you write. You are a reader if you read. If you do these things because you’re interested in them, good! That’s the first step.

But you don’t necessarily know as much as someone who has an English degree, just because you like to read. Studying and working hard are how you become an expert, how you become qualified to talk about something in your field.

My point is that I’m tired of arguing with people. If I explain what I mean and even show you logical proof of it, I shouldn’t have to spend an hour going around and around with you until you believe me. I know more, because I have studied it more. I don’t mean that in a mean way. I simply have more knowledge on the subject, the same way a random person can’t walk into a doctor’s office, put on a white coat, and start treating people.

I’m so, so tired of arguing with people who like to read and think they know as much as I do. I know a lot of stuff, but people treat me like I’m stupid. I’m so tired of feeling useless and stupid, even though I know more about language than the average reader or writer.

It’s good to have discussion. It is. But discussion with me always devolves into petty arguments about the meanings of words that have clear definitions and can be proven as such. They get distracted with trying to prove themselves, even though I would never spend that much effort pretending to know more about their field of interest than they do.

Be respectful. Just be respectful, okay? If I have studied and worked hard on something, don’t get caught up in pedantic crap. I’m so, so tired, guys. I’m just so tired.

I don’t want to have to defend myself every single time language gets discussed. Exactly one time, I brought up my degrees in a discussion of something that I had extensively studied. I was told that it was not cool to bring that up. Why?

If I’m talking to a random person, and we disagree about something related to carpentry, and they inform me that they’re a carpenter, then I’ll almost certainly defer to their expertise. They’ve done the studying. I haven’t. I haven’t put the time and effort into learning about wood, because it’s not something I’m super-interested in.

I’m interested in computers, but you’ll never find me arguing about the purpose of a motherboard.

So why don’t people respect my professional information? I am a professional in my field. But if it’s not someone I’m working with (and occasionally, it is), why is it so difficult to trust me and to trust my knowledge?

Why do I live in a world where people don’t trust me, despite how hard I have worked to get where I am?

Having these pedantic arguments with people is exhausting. I’m just exhausted. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t even know what I’ll do the next time it happens. But I cannot take the exhaustion and the hits to my self-esteem.

It makes me feel stupid and useless. Like I wasted my time working to get here. It’s hard to have confidence or self-esteem when I’m constantly being told I’m wrong about something that I eat, breathe, and live every day.

I just… I don’t know anymore. When you see this post, I’ll have had time to sleep this crap off. Maybe I’ll feel better. Maybe I won’t.

16 notes · View notes

bartsugsy · 7 years

Text

The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part Four/A Large Number)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3

And so we return again to what is ostensibly a Break Up Counter but is actually at this point just a general recap of Aaron and Robert’s entire storyline, because I literally have no self-control.

Fair warning to you - with this post we reach The Donny Saga and The Time of Chrobert and the first Proper Break Up, which is personally one of my least favourite eras as far as Aaron and Robert are concerned and I spend most of it wanting to silently and furiously throw sharp objects at my tv screen. I MAY NOT BE AS SUBTLE ABOUT MY DISLIKE AS I COULD BE, TO BE HONEST.

But still, this has been therapeutic, and has reminded me that we’ve lived through many a Dark Age before.

Anyway, everyone loves a good bit of low-key saltiness don’t they? And also, in amongst all the… Lachlan stuff… there’s still some really wonderful moments, because of course there are. It’s Aaron and Robert.

I love you all. Thank you for your kind comments and likes/kudos/general loveliness. Enjoy.

Part Four: The Real Deal

16. 15th April 2015

So we pick up with things happening with Lachlan that I’m not even going to pretend to care about. Robert is distracted, Aaron is back from the hospital and Paddy and Chas are both Very Unsatisfied by this whole goddamn bitch of a situation. Anyway - the important thing is, in among all this stuff, Lachlan’s dad Donny comes back, which is only enjoyable if you enjoy seeing Robert irrationally hate people out of sheer jealousy (which I do, so here I am).

In the midst of all this, Aaron and Robert are not actually talking, according to Aaron, who is staring sadly at his phone in wait.

(At the same time as this is happening, Vic and Adam agree to go on a double date with Finn and the bloke he’s seeing and I scream a thousand screams of actual agony because when will they go on a double date with Aaron and Robert what the ACTUAL HELL)

(…moving on)

Anyway, Robert rocks up at the Woolpack to visit Aaron, who is still annoyed that Robert has been ignoring his messages and expresses this. Robert explains that Donny has turned up, Aaron asks if Robert’s jealous and Robert pulls this great ~offended~ face, as if that’s not exactly what’s happening. Aaron teases Rob a little bit to try and lighten the mood but Robert still kind of looks grumpy, so Aaron gets the hump and tells Robert to call him when he’s ready to talk. As he leaves, Robert looks all sad and guilty. It’s so hard maintaining two romantic relationships at once, isn’t it Robert? Poor angel.

How long did it last? Less than a day. Probably minutes, honestly. Robert had probably text Aaron with a wink face and a flirty joke before he even got out of the door.

But on screen, the very next day we see them at the scrapyard, literally just standing around and making out next to a rusty old van. Robert checks his watch to keep an eye on the time (lest Chrissie get suspicious) and Aaron comments that Robert has yet to have a go at him today - an odd occurrence given how moody Robert has obviously been lately. Robert laughs and explains that it’s Donny (TO WHICH AARON REPLIES “IT’S AARON, ACTUALLY”. AARON DINGLE KING OF HUMOUR). Robert goes on to talk about his annoyance at Donny’s general presence, because he’s clearly jealous and worried that he’s going to start making moves on Chrissie. Aaron, understandably, is about as sympathetic as an imminently dying person might be towards someone who sneezed once 5 hours ago and points out the absurd irony that Robert is worried about Chrissie cheating.

Robert doesn’t quite dignify that observation with a response, but simply apologises because he’s aware that him moaning about his marriage to his lover is probably not the smoothest of moves. He dials the pretty charm up to 560 and tells Aaron that they should meet tonight and go on a big romantic date with food and drinks and that Aaron should wear a suit (OK HE SAYS “PUT SOMETHING DECENT ON” BUT THIS OBVIOUSLY MEANS SUIT IT’S ROCK SOLID CANON THAT ROBERT LITERALLY FALLS OVER HIMSELF AT THE SIGHT OF AARON IN A SUIT SO) and that he might even be able to wrangle them an entire night together. He leaves and Aaron watches him go, biting back the smallest little smile because he’s all excited. Well. That will disappear soon.

Who came crawling back first? I don’t know they literally went from Aaron walking out to the two of them snogging. It was obviously Robert though.

How little did they mean it? 0/5 I mean why even ask at this point

17. 16th April 2015 - 17th April 2015

So, Aaron goes home after work and gets ready for his date with Robert. He’s not wearing a suit and I’m upset about it. Probably for the best though, because Robert has literally gone home and immediately dragged Chrissie into bed because he is the dictionary definition of “insatiable”, with the intent of spending the night with her. Has he already forgotten what he just said to Aaron? Stop double booking your dates Robert, you literal butthole.

Robert sort of neglects to mention his self-inflicted change of plans to Aaron, who ends up waiting around in the Woolie and leaving an angry voicemail with Robert, who obviously still hasn’t turned up. Luckily, Chas comes along to provide an excellent distraction, when she reveals that James has cheated on her. Cain barges in shortly afterwards and both he and Aaron look ready to punch all the things.

Aaron walks out (or hobbles - he’s still on crutches following his accident) and gets almost accidentally pushed to the floor by Paddy. Paddy notices the Face of Thunder™ Aaron is wearing and asks what’s wrong. Aaron fills him in about James and just sort of looks fed up with life. To rub salt into an already gaping wound, Robert rocks up with Chrissie, heading towards the pub, for the date night that he and Aaron were supposed to have, because apparently it’s ASSHOLE WEEK AND ROBERT IS THE NUMBER ONE PARTICIPANT DO YOU MIND ROBERT YOU’RE MAKING YOUR BOYFRIEND SAD YOU FLIPPING BAGEL BITE OH MY GOD

It’s at this point that I’m remembering why I never rewatch this particular era in their storyline.

Anyway, Aaron limps off, even angrier still, and snaps at a following Paddy to leave him be. Back at the pub, Aaron bumps into James, who is going through the ‘collecting his stuff’ stage of the break up. James tries to apologise and Aaron calls him a little muppet, growls a bit and refuses to let him leave.

James snaps and says that Aaron gets a free pass with Chas for every mistake he makes, which he understands because Aaron is her son, but - to quote James - “boy, do you need it”. Well, James isn’t wrong. In perfect soap timing, Robert chooses this moment to walk into the pub with Chrissie, still on the date he was supposed to take Aaron on. Aaron and James’ fight escalates, Aaron follows him out into the pub and catches sight of Robert and Chrissie, James calls him a coward who can’t face up to his actions and Aaron just snaps, grabs an ENTIRE FUCKING WINE BOTTLE and bottles James over the head.

In front of a lot of witnesses.

James gets back up and they start arguing again, but Cain keeps them separate and forces James to leave. Robert gets up with the intent of “doing something” to help, having completely forgotten about Chrissie’s presence in the face of Aaron doing something stupid, but Chrissie immediately forces him to sit back down. Chas comes out, Pete rocks up, it’s a whole thing, there’s a lot of arguing and Aaron just really looks like he wants a fight. You’re on crutches son, be good to yourself.

Anyway, other stuff happens. Donny gets beaten up and Aaron gets questioned by the police because he literally assaulted James in front of like 50 witnesses. Luckily, James gives Aaron an alibi for the police and he’s free to go.

How long did it last? Bloody forever

Who came crawling back first? Robert. Obviously. Robert drives up to the village to talk to Aaron and apologises for standing him up the night before. It’s the worst apology I’ve ever heard and Robert seems mostly perplexed that Aaron doesn’t want to both forgive him and hear about his dramas with Donny trying to steal Chrissie or whatever.

A few days later, Robert goes to find Aaron at the scrapyard and apologise. This scene mostly exists for Aaron to tell Robert that he’s seen Donny for the first time and overheard a dodgy call, which sends Robert back to Home Farm to #expose Donny to Chrissie once and for all.

More stuff happens with Donny. Ross and Chrissie flirt and I cry over their absurdly good sexual chemistry. Other stuff happens with Donny and he tries to steal Lachlan from the village or whatever. Sadly, he fails. Chrissie takes this as a cue to have Donny brutally murdered or some shit and Robert finds this to be the best turn on in the world and god help me I literally love everything about them despite myself. They’re like the Ultimate Evil Scheming Power Couple of Emmerdale, except Robert is utterly in love with someone else and Chrissie deserves better.

Also at some point Bob makes Robert a cake and sings him Happy Birthday. I understand this has nothing to do with anything, but it felt important to point out.

How little did they mean it? I mean, as much as it didn’t even sound like a break up when it happened, a damn lot, a whole flipping 5/5.

The show has, at this point, basically decided that Home Farm week never happened and it’s Chrobert’s time to shine. At one point Robert goes to the pub while Aaron is there sitting pretty in the background and has a secret meeting with ROSS BARTON. They don’t even make eyes at each other, this era sucks.

Speaking of, Ross gleefully spills to Chrissie that Robert set up the Home Farm raid. She confronts Robert, he thinks she’s found out about Aaron, but nope. Just the original shit he pulled. She yells and then he yells and then Robert goes off to confront Ross and Aaron appears and Robert doesn’t even give him a flirty look and I just want this era to end.

Robert ends up with Diane, who insists that he stay with her in the pub. Aaron walks in to find Robert looking pathetic and STILL NOT TRYING TO BANG HIM

AND THEY ARGUE AS IF THEY NEVER WERE EVEN IN LOVE BECAUSE ROBERT IS ANGRY ABOUT LOSING CHRISSIE AND AARON IS ANGRY AT ROBERT FOR BEING A DICK AND THEN AARON THREATENS TO TELL CHRISSIE EVERYTHING AND ROBERT SAYS “YOU’RE NOTHING TO ME” AND EVERYTHING HURTS ME IT’S NOT EVEN GOOD ANGST™

They’re literally sleeping under the same roof and not talking OR banging.

It’s absurd and it’s offensive.

At the prospect of having to actually live with Robert, Aaron asks Paddy to borrow some money so that he can leave the village for a bit and get some thoroughly undramatic and much needed peace. He changes his mind though, and has a great chat with Chas about Robert and Carl and Aaron is absolutely resolute that he’s finished with Robert, regardless of whether he comes crawling back for more.

Later on, Robert has literally changed his tune entirely and tries to get back into Aaron’s good books. Aaron gives him a shove, tells him they’re done. Robert apologises, says he shouldn’t have pushed Aaron away, but Aaron stays true to his word and doesn’t give in.

Oh man, yeah. This is a Break Up.

Luckily, knowing what we know about these two, it may be Over For Now, but it is in no way Over For Good.

Honourable Mention #10: 11th May 2015 - 14th May 2015

Fast forward a bit. Robert and Aaron are still living under the same roof and still haven’t banged again, which is entirely unrealistic, but hey - good for Aaron. I guess. Speaking of Aaron, he literally grabs a paper and sticks it down in front of Robert, telling him to find his own place and move on. Robert, who is sitting at the bar looking thoroughly depressed, uses his Soft Aaron Voice and asks if they can go and talk somewhere. Aaron tells him to not be a prat and walks away.

CAN I JUST POINT OUT HOW GOOD ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN IF THE SHOW WANTED TO ADMIT THAT EITHER OF THEM EVER HAD FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER BEYOND “NICE DICK” BECAUSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO. GOOD. INSTEAD, THEY DON’T AND I’M MOSTLY JUST MAD.

ON PAPER IT SOUNDS LIKE THERE SHOULD BE ALL THIS SEXUAL TENSION AND ANGST AND IT SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL. IT’S NOT. DON’T WATCH IT TO TRY AND PROVE ME WRONG. ALL YOU’LL END UP WITH IS DISAPPOINTMENT.

The next day, Robert is meeting with Rakesh, because despite Robert’s best efforts, Chrissie still wants to divorce him. She’s still upset about that whole Home Farm break in thing. Bummer. Aaron walks in on the meeting and refuses to leave, gloats, gets a good couple of digs in… generally looks like he’s having a very satisfying time winding Robert up. Robert reacts to this all by getting steaming drunk. Aaron finds him and takes him back to the Woolpack, gets him a coffee and takes care of him, because Aaron is a good person and also still completely in love with Robert.

Robert apologises sincerely, talks about how much being alone terrifies him and tries to kiss Aaron. Aaron pushes Robert away and walks out. Chas sees the kiss and freaks out once more that Aaron and Robert are going to end up together. I’m telling you - give Chas a detective show or a psychic certification because she’s NEVER WRONG ABOUT THIS STUFF.

Chas and Paddy confront Aaron once more and he decides to sort out the living-with-Robert situation once and for all - and goes to pay a visit to Chrissie.

Blinding red herring - here we are, getting ready to see Aaron reveal the affair, but instead Aaron goes to Chrissie and basically convinces her to give Robert another chance and my heart shatters to little pieces because oh my god, Aaron just wants to be away from Robert, knows that if Robert stays they’ll end up getting back together and it’s just sad ok it’s sad and I’m sad.

The scene is amazing though. Aaron really sells it and it’s fascinating. He goes back to the Woolie to find a now sober and hungover Robert, who is absolutely not in the mood for Aaron to have it out with him again about moving out. Aaron explains what he’s done to Robert. Chrissie appears just in time to overhear their conversation. It all starts off great, then Robert starts bitching and Aaron admits that he flat out lied to Chrissie and ultimately, Chrissie locks Robert in a barn and pretends to set it on fire.

Seems reasonable.

Ah yeah and lest we forget - that’s exactly the way his mother died.

God they’re terrible to each other.

Anyway - a fascinating little sidenote to this particular honourable mention: Robert, in another desperate attempt to get Chrissie back, tells her that he knows he does stupid things, hurts the people he loves, manipulates, etc. and that he’ll change. She almost believes him, until he accidentally drops the massive cheque she gave him as a settlement and frantically reaches down to grab it, proof that more than anything, Robert cares about her money. There are so many similarities between this and the conversation Robert will have with Aaron about how he wants to change and be better for Aaron - except that with Aaron he honestly, genuinely means it.

He’s nowhere near there yet though. He does, however, go back to the Woolpack to find Aaron and they have a conversation - one of the first probably almost civil conversations since they split up.

Robert asks Aaron to run away with him. They’ll take the cheque Chrissie gave him and make a fresh start somewhere else, together. Aaron says that if Robert had been asking this a few weeks ago, Aaron would already be out of the door with his bags packed and ready to go. Now though - now he’s lost his trust in Robert and more than that, knows that wherever they go, even with Robert not being with Chrissie, they still won’t be able to be openly in a relationship because Robert still isn’t ready to come out.

Because, and this is important, Robert has spent all this time not with Chrissie, with Chrissie seemingly firmly out of the picture, and he and Aaron still haven’t become a proper couple - which is something I think Aaron had really put his hopes on, deep down - that the person getting between them was Chrissie, more than Robert himself.

Aaron asks Robert to go out into the bar and tell everyone, to “say it proud” and of course, Robert isn’t in the right place to do it. Aaron says that all he wants is for Robert to not be in his face 24/7 and tells him to “do one” (ah boy, I’ve missed that phrase) and storms off.

Honourable Mention #11: May 2015 - June 2015

FAST FORWARD SOME MORE. Robert and Chrissie get back together because Robert and Lachlan are like best buddies at this point and Lachlan helps out. It’s adorable in the sense that Ryan and Louise have lovely chemistry, but you know, whatever.

Robert breaks the news to Aaron and is all “no hard feelings” which Aaron quite rightly laughs off because What. The. Hell. Ah Robert, you dingbat. You can try to pretend like what you had with Aaron meant nothing but we all know the truth son. WE KNOW THE TRUTH.

He’s so good at lying to himself, isn’t he?

Aaron gets distracted by more Adam and Victoria drama, which is great. Anyway, on the day Victoria and Adam are supposed to move in together, Vic finds out that Adam had a one night stand with Vanessa and may have knocked her up. Aaron is a supportive friend and Robert appears to have the sweetest conversation with Victoria and be a supportive brother.

I say sweetest, but the whole thing is literally him suggesting she get her revenge.Whatever, it’s still sweet. Robert decides the best way to do this is to use some of his dodgy contacts to try and get Adam arrested because of course that’s how Robert responds to things.

Anyway, this is all to set the scene for Robert’s sudden and visceral hatred of Adam Barton. Vic and Adam reunite and decide to run off together with the intent of getting married. Robert… does not take this well.

So. Short and sweet (…in a way). I’m ending this here so that I can get it out of my drafts and move on to the next post, because this entire thing was written about two months ago and has been sitting untouched ever since. Tragic. So, onwards to the next part - which, coincidentally, is my all-time favourite era and also, let’s be honest, possibly the worst robron break-up to exist in this day and age so far.

(AND FOREVER MORE I DO NOT WANT LODGE PART TWO DO U HEAR ME UNIVERSE? NO. ONCE WAS PLENTY.)

That’s right kiddies. It’s The Lodge.

#the robron rejection compendium #robron #ed

57 notes · View notes