#BECAUSE it sucks. it sucks to experience and until you can both share that space of feeling awful with each other youre not gonna get past | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

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#BECAUSE it sucks. it sucks to experience and until you can both share that space of feeling awful with each other youre not gonna get past

vinxhwrites · 6 months

Text

I've had this idea in my drafts for a long time and only finished it today because I was procrastinating on the many many assignments I have for this week. I've never written smut before so I don't know what I'm doing, also I'm very sleepy so maybe it sucks, but here it is:

ghost x f!reader x soap

nsfw, +18

word count: 8.2k

cw: nsfw! lots of fluff, tiniest bit of h/c, smut in the end, unprotected sex (don't do it!); alcohol consumption, quite long descriptions of anxieties I guess; also not proofread, sorry

You enjoyed existing in the liminal space between something romantic and something purely friendly. You wanted to get to know every aspect of love, feel it from all directions, in all its forms.

You always wondered what exactly was the tipping point to make one thing turn into another. You wondered if it even existed, if experience could ever be restrained to one set type of relationship, if love could be divided into sections, named and labeled, put into existence and then put to death once things ended, instead of just being the overflowing unconditional force that you hoped it was.

In reality, of course, love can't be limited or restrained by words that aim to define, control or organize it. In practice, you've found it within yourself as something stronger, more nuanced, and freeing than you could've ever hoped it would be.

Ghost first heard Soap refer to you as his "nap buddy" over breakfast one day. He frowned, the first thought to cross his mind being whether the two of you were skipping work to take naps. But Soap went on, telling Gaz about how he'd been creeping into your bed at night when he couldn't sleep. "I feel like a baby, I swear" Ghost overheard him say "she'll just tell me stories until I fall asleep."

It all had started almost two months prior to that conversation, when you bumped into Soap in the corridor one night. You were both sleepy but suffering from insomnia. He shared little tips with you on what usually helped him: walking around, counting sheep, breath exercises; although he admitted this time none of it was working.

You explained your problem was the crippling anxiety that came with the insomnia sessions. You hated being alone with your thoughts during the dark moments of the night, which filled you with unreasonable angst.

You two walked around outside for a while. It was a cold night and you both started to shiver a bit. Soap rubbed his hand on your back in an attempt to warm you, but you concluded it was best to go back to your rooms. Then, as you approached your door, right beside his, you had an idea:

"Hey, I hope this doesn't sound too weird...but would you like to try to sleep with me?"

He smiled at you and accepted the invite.

At that moment, you navigated the perfect moment of sleepiness when rational thoughts can barely form, all that is left are the primary ideas, informed only by your senses and memories. The anxious voices of decent social conduct are far too tired to interject with your thoughts at this point. Anything can seem appropriate, nothing feels real and there is true bliss to be found somewhere.

That's why it felt so natural to curl up in bed with Soap that night, you rested your head on his shoulder and he held your hand. He caressed your hair before saying something nice about the way you smelled and closed his eyes. You surely talked for a bit, in whispers, but neither of you would be able to recall what the conversation was about if someone asked. And just like that, both of you were able to fall asleep in a few minutes of comfort.

It quickly developed into a habit for difficult nights, you now depended on these moments as if they were some kind of medicine. It surely didn't make the issue go away completely for either of you, but it sure was nice to find some comfort in each other's company. Having someone to talk to was a good distraction from your racing thoughts, it was easier to relax when you were with him. Plus, he didn't seem to mind how you jumped effortlessly from one topic to another, talking about anything that came to mind.

Soon, Soap started looking for you even before trying to fall asleep by himself, "preventive care" he explained with a smile when you'd open the door relatively early at night, looking a bit puzzled. You got into the habit of telling him stories, real and made-up, creating nice scenarios for his dreams.

You've let him kiss you a few times, but it never really went much further than that, even though it was no secret that he liked you as a bit more than a friend.

Part of the reason for your contentment with kisses was that both of you were almost always too tired to invest in more than that, but part of it was because of your resistance to changing your relationship dynamic. What you had built with him felt so stable in its tenderness that you were scared to risk losing it.

You've always felt, previously in life, that sex complicated things. Especially with men, especially when you thought they were your friends first, to later be heartbroken by the fact that they really just wanted to fuck you, and had no love to give. You really wished it would be different with him.

But Soap was well-versed in love, he wasn't scared of it. He fully embraced it, actually. Sometimes, while you played with your fingers through his hair, he'd make a point of telling you about his love, the depths of it, how much he could give you of it if you'd let him.

"But it's perfect like this" you cried, anytime he brought up the topic of sex, fearing the inevitable low after the high. Yet, to him sex was irremovable from love, it was the best way he knew how to demonstrate it.

He once told you that you made him feel like a teenager again, saying you were like his prudish high school girlfriend.

The furthest you've gone at this point was letting him finger you one night, just because he begged and whined so much. "I need to feel you" he said, out of breath from kissing you, and you just couldn't resist. It wasn't like you didn't desire him, you were scared doing it would make you want him more. And it did.

He licked his own fingers afterward, which made a moan escape from your mouth. He kissed you again before resting his head on your shoulder. Didn't ask for anything in return. Soap was a lover by definition. And the fact that he respected your boundaries made you treasure him even more.

"You know you can sleep with other people, right?" you assured him, afraid that he'd resent you if you kept him waiting.

"Yeah, but it's not the same thing" he replied.

You were on a first-name basis now, you called him Johnny and, when the two of you were alone, he called you "baby", even letting it slip in front of other people sometimes.

Ghost reprehended you for it one day when he heard it. Not Johnny, you. It was inadequate, he said, and made you apologize to him.

You thought Ghost was scary. It was in a similar manner to which you used to think your linguistics professor at University was scary: in a hot, sexy but very menacing way. You desired his approval and had the impression that you were never going to get it. His mere presence made your legs weak. Maybe it was the authority aspect that messed with your mind, or at least that's what you tried to justify to yourself.

He intimidated you more than anyone, constantly making you feel inadequate just by looking at you. It felt unfair to not even be able to see him properly most of the time, it made you feel naked in every interaction when he could see you so clearly. And on top of that, there was the constant staring: You were always under his watch if he was around as if he was constantly waiting for you to do something wrong. Plus, he seemed to be way more critical of you than he was of others, always questioning you or anything you did, and complaining about your skills or your lack of punctuality (even if you were late by just a minute).

"I think he hates me," you told Johnny one day. "I really do".

He chuckled in response. "He doesn't hate you. He's just really bad at expressing...anything"

"I think he's really good at expressing his hatred for me" you whined back "He doesn't treat you as badly".

"Well, baby, but you can't compete with me!" he smirked proudly "He loves me".

The truth is Ghost loved hearing you say "I'm sorry, sir" in a soft and exhausted voice, it tickled something inside him that he couldn't quite name. It was equally exciting and disturbing to him. But you didn't know that, which is why it caught you by surprise when he showed up at your door one night, as you were about to fall asleep.

Ghost wasn't one to sleep together, not even with the random people he had sex with on occasion. Sleep had always been a solitary activity to him, something he struggled with by himself.

The idea of having someone to sleep with, of it being such a comfort hadn't left his mind ever since he heard John talking about it at the table weeks before. He started to catch himself fantasizing about it, thinking about the warmth of having someone's body so close to him, if it'd be something to shield him from his nightmares. He started to wonder about how soft your skin must feel.

It was a foreign feeling to him, this yearning for something so intimate, but it got to a point where he just had to try it.

"Ghost?" you were confused. He wore sweatpants and a long-sleeved grey t-shirt, and still had a black balaclava on. He closed the door behind him.

"Johnny said you let him sleep with you sometimes" he cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable.

"Right" you responded, waiting for him to scold you for it. But he just stood there in silence "Would you like to sleep here too...?" you guessed amused after he let the silence hang for a bit too long.

He took a deep breath, "May I?" he asked.

"Sure, come here." you moved closer to the wall to make space for him. You couldn't help but smile as you felt him sit down on your bed, the heat coming from his body already making you want to get closer.

"You know I don't have sex with him, right?"

"I didn't come here for sex" he answered immediately, sounding almost offended, then sighed "I can't sleep''.

"OK" you said, already regretting having opened your mouth in the first place.

He laid down on his back beside you exhausted and took a deep breath. He removed his balaclava and put it on your nightstand. You noticed you were holding your breath, terrified of ruining this moment of intimacy.

"You'd better not snore" he said in a low voice, adjusting himself on your pillow with a hand behind his head and the other on his chest.

You chuckled a bit, letting yourself relax by his side. "I don't snore." you assured him "at least, not that I know of".

Ghost didn't answer you this time, and even in the dark you could see he had closed his eyes.

"Permission to touch you, sir?" you asked in a whisper after a few seconds of collecting your courage, craving to feel his skin.

That first night, he let you hold his hand while you two slept. It felt tiny and fragile on his. When he woke up sweating in the middle of the night, as he often did, his heart rate eased when he felt your presence by his side, it did feel different.

He avoided you like the plague for three days straight after that night, you thought he'd never look at you again. You thought you've done something wrong and scared him away. In reality, he was scared he'd poisoned himself by getting a taste of something so novel to him, and feared he'd become addicted to it.

He tried to go back to his regular routine, but now the emptiness of his bedroom felt even more evident, his bed felt colder. Then, when you were starting to become at peace with the anxiety that had built up in your stomach at this point, he showed up at your door again.

This time he didn't say anything after you agreed to let him in, feeling absolutely defeated. He laid on his side, his back turned to you. You asked if you could touch him once more and when he agreed you threw your arm around his torso, cuddling him. He felt a goosebump as your breath touched his back.

And he wouldn't tell you, but when he woke up he couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a good night of sleep.

You told Johnny about it the next day as casually as possible, fearing to find a trace of jealousy in his eyes. But instead, they seemed to brighten with delight. "See, I told you he didn't hate you" he smiled.

For the next few weeks, your lieutenant started being kinder to you, albeit in his own way. He stopped reprehending you for stupid reasons, gave you a little pat on the back when you did well during training, and even made you a cup of tea once when he heard Gaz comment that you had a cold one day, putting it in front of you at the table and walking away without saying a word.

You discovered him to be someone more playful than you previously imagined, witty even. The affection you had for him grew stronger with each passing day, as your impression of him morphed into something new, and you just couldn't keep it to yourself. But, unlike Johnny, who loved being touched, Ghost had serious boundaries. Most times you could tell you'd overstepped. He'd let you know it immediately: removing your hand from his face if you touched it, clearly stating "don't" if you ever dared to try to touch his hair, he'd move his hand away when you started to mindlessly draw circles on it with your fingers, and - the only aspect that didn't make you feel completely rejected - pushing you away slightly in bed if you ever got close enough to feel the solid volume in his pants.

For him, physical touch tended to be a utilitarian exchange: maybe he'd get a pat on the shoulder for doing a good job, he'd get kisses and caresses when someone used him for sex, he'd get injured during combat, but your touch was something new: it made no practical sense, there was no transaction to be made, no endpoint, it was just affection for the sake of affection. He didn't know what to do with it.

As your intimacy deepened, Ghost revealed to you that suffered from terrible migraines every once in a while and got into the habit of coming to sleep with you on those days, although he did complain every single time that your constant rambling on different topics made his head hurt even more. He'd retract the statement as soon as you stopped talking though.

One day, when he was in a particularly terrible mood, you offered him a massage. "What good will that do, huh?" he grunted "You just want to touch me"

You chuckled "well, that is partially true, sir" and he smiled behind his balaclava. But you insisted, proceeding to explain how the tension on his neck muscles could be causing the headaches, or at least making them worse, and that was enough to convince him to let you do it.

"It doesn't work if you don't try to relax" you said, pressing your fingers to the base of his neck. You were sitting on the bed, back rested on your pillow, with him between your legs, his back turned to you.

"I'm trying" he mumbled.

"Come on, deep breaths," you said, and you knew immediately that he was probably rolling his eyes. "Come on" you insisted patiently, massaging just the right spot on the back of his shoulders as he let out a low moan, letting his head rest forward.

"See, isn't it better?" you said enthusiastically.

"Stop talking" he grunted, which you did, continuing to massage him in silence.

It took you by surprise when you felt his thumb lightly caress your right ankle, it was a timid touch, and you felt afraid he would stop if you moved, even though that leg felt a bit numb already.

You could feel his body melt under your touch bit by bit, letting more of his weight rest on you. He forgot about his headache, only focused on the delicious slumber that took over his body now.

"You're gonna have to do this every day now" he muttered, eyes closed.

"I'll gladly do it" you assured him, treasuring the way he seemed so relaxed now. You had to fight the urge to put a kiss on his neck with all your might.

That night he held you like a pillow, resting his head on your stomach. You slowly pulled his mask up, waiting to see if there'd be any resistance, but there wasn't.

He shivered when you then touched his hair. It felt soft. You scratched his head gently with your nails and he savoured the foreign feeling that it caused.

"You little demon" he whispered, surrendering completely to your touch.

Ghost knew what love was supposed to look like. He just wasn't that sure about how it felt to receive it anymore. The more he thought about it, the more he was under the impression that he lacked the vocabulary to express it.

Once, when working in complete silence next to him, filling and writing reports, you asked:

"Can you take a look at this, sir?" you held the paper in front of him.

"You know you can call me Simon" he said, eyes still fixed on his papers.

"I didn't actually." you said and he looked at you, you could notice a quick smile appear on his eyes.

"Ok, now you know."

You smiled and he moved his gaze back to the papers in front of him.

"Can you take a look at this, Simon?" you repeated, and this time he looked up and happily took the paper from your hand.

Simon had never really tried anything besides actual sleep with you, and you were terrified of initiating it yourself and getting rejected. But sometimes you could feel the imminence of something, nothing clear or distinct, just the way the silence of the room felt different, a change in the pace of his breathing or a slight shift in the atmosphere. On these moments you'd feel like he could turn you over and fuck you at any second. It fed the anticipation in your chest, but it never happened.

You wondered, at times, if you were somehow able to read his thoughts in cryptic ways and that's how you'd know he was thinking about fucking you.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked in a whisper one of these nights.

"Why do you care?" his response was immediate, defensive. Your fantasies definitely weren't supported by his lack of attention to your romantic attempts.

"Just wondering" you shrugged. "Are you not going to tell me?"

He looked at you, and even in the dark you could tell he was smiling "No".

You prayed that he would kiss you, just a little bit would be enough. But, of course, he didn't.

"I was thinking about you, in case you were wondering," you said casually a few moments later, gazing at his face. You were getting sloppier with hiding your feelings for him, he couldn't possibly not see it.

He chuckled quietly at your response, "Stop flirting with me" he said and you felt your cheeks turn red, "you should get some sleep" he suggested then, shutting off the conversation. And, as if he intended to get you a bit more confused, he lightly caressed your hair.

Sometimes you'd wish he'd just reject you once and for all so you could move on. But the more you thought about your love the more you wanted to cultivate it and share it with him, the same way you felt you could share with Johnny. And if Simon didn't want it, so be it. It felt like, and it was, a big act of bravery on your part. At least you'd be able to comfort yourself on the fact that you loved, it grew and flourished inside you, and it was a beautiful thing.

It got to the point where one of them was occupying your bed almost every day of the week, people were starting to catch on to it. You knew the day would come when they'd both show up and the thought alone made you nauseous, at least until it actually happened.

You held your breath when you heard Johnny's steps approaching your door, even before he knocked on it.

"Come in" Simon said before you could even react.

Johnny tilted his head for a second, looking amused at the scene of his lieutenant cuddling you. He closed the door behind him and took off his slippers, then he approached your bed to lay down beside you.

You held your breath when you saw Johnny rest his neck on Simon's extended arm so nonchalantly. Simon didn't move his arm. You couldn't exactly name what is it that you feared at that moment, the next few moments of silence translated into nervousness within you. Johnny took your arm and casually put your hand on his chest.

"So," he said, looking at Simon playfully "Are you trying to steal her from me?"

Simon chuckled "Didn't know she was yours to steal".

The tension you felt was not shared between them.

"You could've come to sleep with me, lieutenant," Johnny said, he sounded almost offended that Simon would have preferred to sleep with you.

"Back at you, Johnny" he murmured, closing his eyes, making Johnny smile from ear to ear.

You knew your bed surely wasn't made for three, but you managed to make it comfortable. You woke up lying on top of Johnny like a baby, your chest to his, while Simon laid on his side with one arm thrown around you.

That night, Johnny could almost feel his heart flutter and twirl inside his chest. It was perfect. He had so much love to give, he couldn't wait to share it. To him, Love was generous and ever-giving, it was infinite, it overpowered him and he gladly let it.

To Simon, on the other hand, Love was a terrifying force he feared would take over him completely if he let it. He feared it could destroy him, or, even worse, he would destroy it. But, at moments like this one, he couldn't help but let love overflow in his heart, couldn't resist the warmth both of you shared from entering his own body.

Throughout the whole following day, you felt a sweet anticipation for something in your stomach, being only able to think about how nice it had felt to be surrounded by both of them. How you wished you could stay in that state forever, unmoved.

At night, Johnny curled up in bed with you, resting his head on your chest after a tiring day. He seemed almost disappointed to find you alone when he came in, he smiled while he kissed you nonetheless.

He inundated you with questions that gradually turned into whines: did you sleep with him? what do you mean you don't even kiss? what are you doing? don't you find him attractive? why don't you just ask him? do you think we should go after him? why not? let's knock on his door! why not?!

You were able to dissuade him from these impulsive thoughts eventually, stroking your fingers through his hair and recommending that he do the same as you and try to stop thinking about it. It was for the best, you assured him, trying to convince yourself of it, too. He yielded at last, but he wasn't pleased.

"Do you even want me?" he asked with a sigh

"Of course I do." you replied, almost offended at the question "You know I do."

"Doesn't feel like it sometimes" he muttered.

You took a deep breath before taking him through your typical monologue, practically memorized at this point, on your reasons for keeping things as they were - no sex - would be better. The more you talked, the less you found yourself believing in your own words. Still, you tried to make him care for the utter shape of your relationship as it was, in an eternal transient state of a romantic friendship that never lost itself. "That sounds terrible, bonnie" he said, but you insisted he just didn't understand.

"I'm sensitive, Johnny." you tried to explain yourself "I can't stand the thought of ruining what we have."

"Seems like you can't stand the thought of improving them" he sighed.

You knew he had been sleeping with other people, and the thought soothed you more than anything. He never lied to you about it when you asked, and it was comforting to see his heart still belonged to you. You tried to imagine yourself as something separate entirely.

He traced his fingers down to your waist, then hips, and back to your shoulders, letting his hand linger on your breast.

"Don't you want it, baby? Not even a little bit?"

"I do, Johnny" you admitted, not immune to the desire that kept itself alive inside you.

"Haven't you been dreaming about it...?" he continued, his voice lower than before as his fingers played with your hair "Huh? You, me and Simon?"

Your eyes widened at his words, even though you had, in fact, been thinking about it constantly ever since the first night that Simon slept with you.

"That would be a mess" you murmured, telling him what you kept telling yourself.

Johnny chuckled, "a hot, delicious fucking mess?" he suggested.

"Just a regular mess" you lied.

"Just think about it, alright?" he eventually said, resting his head back on your chest.

"Okay." you promised before turning off the light on your nightstand..

"I love you, baby. Truly." he whispered in the dark "There's nothing for you to be afraid of."

"I love you too, Johnny"

Part of you knew it was a silly decision to insist on depriving yourself of pleasure, things were already messy enough. There was no saving any naivety of a friendship that hadn't been merely a friendship from the start, and refusing to admit that you did, in fact, have physical desires toward them was, perhaps, just making things worse. You made a mental note to search for a therapist when you got back home, perhaps dig into whatever religious guilt you seemed to have inherited to drive your decisions.

Nevertheless, you were able to remain firm in your decision. At least until two days later, when everyone went out for drinks at night after a long day.

The sky was dark grey when you left the base to go to the bar. The space was crowded, but comfortable. You knew almost everyone there and quickly settled with some friends.

After one and a half beers Johnny was already getting touchy with you by the counter.

"Have you thought about what I said?"

You nodded and he got closer to you, hands on your waist, "And will you let me make love to you?" he asked softly in your ear.

"Maybe I will" you confessed, already feeling a bit tipsy.

"Come on, bonnie" he insisted, hands on your waist "You know I've been dying to fuck you."

You felt as if your legs would melt right then and there. And, even with your back turned to him, you felt Simon's oppressive stare on you. You turned to find him across the bar.

You both looked at him, sitting at the table next to Price, who seemed to be talking to him, even though his attention laid somewhere else. His hair was covered by a black hoodie, but he didn't cover his face. He grinned at you playfully, taking a sip of the cold beer in his hand.

Johnny followed your gaze and smirked at Simon, then looked back at you with a devilish smile. "I'm gonna get Ghost to come with me" he said and you froze in place.

"I don't think that's a good idea," you plead, already feeling the palms of your hands sweat. What is it exactly that you feared? You didn't really know. It felt childish to be this scared of your own desires.

"I think he's into it" Johnny said, winking at you.

"I don't think so." you grew a bit nervous "I don't think he wants me like that"

Johnny just chuckled in response. "Sure" he said sarcastically. "I can't believe you think that's possible, baby".

You looked around the room nervously, the idea made your stomach turn.

"Tell me you don't want it." he said, suddenly looking at you with a serious expression "Just tell me you don't want it and I won't say anything to him. I'll drop it."

But you couldn't say anything, which made him smile before taking another sip of his beer. Johnny pecked a kiss on your cheek, before leaving you to sit at the table beside Simon.

Although you couldn't pinpoint what exactly caused you so much anxiety, you did notice that it mixed into a twisted excitement.

You watched as they interacted with each other, leaning closer to talk, smiling, and laughing lightly. They looked so pretty you couldn't believe such a dreamy scenario would become a reality to you. Johnny touched Simon's arm and whispered something to him, he grinned and looked at you.

You tried to pretend you hadn't been staring at him the whole time, suddenly feeling a lot of interest in the bottle in your hand and then the conversation that took place between the colleagues beside you.

You tried to distract yourself the rest of the night, interacting with other people and trying your best to focus on different subjects, other people's lives and problems, it was very hard considering that yours seemed to be about to become so much more exciting than anything your friends had been up to.

Johnny didn't seem to want to leave Simon's side anymore, they were engaged in conversation with Price and Gaz at the table on the corner of the bar for what felt like hours to you.

It was pouring rain outside by the time you gave yourself a little tipsy pep talk in the dirty restroom mirror. You told yourself you looked attractive enough, beautiful even. Nothing to worry about.

When you came back, you were so immersed in your own thoughts that you didn't even notice when Simon sat on the barstool beside you.

"What are you thinking about?" you heard his low voice behind you.

You turned around to look at him, feeling blood rush to your cheeks "Didn't see you there"

"Are you not going to tell me?" he repeated your words from the other night with a playful smirk, to which you frowned. He leaned a little closer to you to whisper in a high-pitched voice "I'm thinking about you".

"I don't sound like that"

"Yes, you do" he chuckled.

You took a deep breath before answering, echoing his own words back to him: "Well, you should stop flirting with me"

"I don't think you want me to stop" he grinned, and you wished you knew exactly what Johnny had said to him. "Do you?"

"No," you said frankly "no, I don't."

It was almost 2am when Johnny pointed his head to the door, signaling it was time to leave. Simon was already outside, and you were already soaking wet even before you left the covered environment of the bar.

You thought your heart was trying to jump out of your chest when Simon opened his bedroom door later that night, and felt both of the men you loved follow you inside.

You closed your eyes when you felt both of Simon's hands hold you by the shoulders from behind, as he got closer to you "are you OK, love?" he asked against your neck, the softest you've heard him speak, with the remains of alcohol on his breath. He placed a kiss on your shoulder and you rested your head against his chest.

You nodded, your body burning in anticipation. "Will you guys stop if I don't feel well?" you asked, your voice was almost a whisper.

The anxiety about the implications and consequences of this was already set on your chest. Now there was nothing else to do, no escaping the disturbance this would cause to your life. At this point, stopping would be much worse. Your desires had already manifested, they had been spoken, and transformed, there was nothing left to do but give in to it.

The violent rumbles of lightning bolts shook the sky outside, and sudden flashes of light illuminated the room at an unpredictable frequency. Your eyes had adjusted to the dim light of the room, and the darkness felt comforting, providing an atmosphere of otherworldliness to the room, you could almost imagine this scene took place in a different reality and try not to worry about it.

"Of course" Johnny answered and Simon nodded with his face on your neck.

Johnny kissed you first while Simon held you, his familiar lips searching urgently for you in the dark. You had one hand on his neck, while the other held tight to Simon's, afraid to lose his touch. Johnny looked at him with a smile before grabbing you by the waist and turning you around so that you faced Simon.

"What do you want me to do to you?" Simon asked, looking deep into your eyes, his tone was soft, the question genuine.

“Will you please kiss me?” you cried.

He took your hands in his and kissed them, the small sounds of his kisses covering your fingers and wrists. Then, finally, he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. You felt your heart could explode at any second. You cupped his face with both hands and caressed his skin.

The kiss was soft at first, almost hesitant. His tongue was warm and smooth on yours and he tasted like beer and cigarettes.

You heard when Johnny unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants behind you, grabbing and pulling your hips so you could feel the volume in his underwear, you moaned into Simon's mouth.

Johnny left wet kisses on your neck, making you shiver as he pulled up your t-shirt. Simon cupped your breasts in his hands as soon as he saw them, quickly struggling to free them from your bra, peppering kisses on your chest and nipples.

Simon kneeled in front of you and pulled your pants down, helping you remove your shoes along with them, then smiling at you before kissing over your panties.

You rested your head on Johnny's chest and trusted that his strong grip on your waist would be enough to keep you in place because you barely made any effort to stand anymore.

You hummed when Simon's tongue first touched you, drawing small circles around your clit. Johnny groaned in your ear, pressing his hips against yours, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this horny in his life. His hands danced around your body until, feeling very bold from the alcohol, he moved one of his hands down to stroke Simon's hair.

"tastes so good, doesn't she?' he asked, to which Simon nodded, burying his face deeper between your thighs.

Your mind seemed to finally quiet, you wouldn't be able to form a coherent thought if you tried now. You could feel Simon's desire to devour you.

He slipped a finger inside you, moaning back when you did. He moved his lips back to your clit, sucking it with just enough intensity to make your legs tremble. And, as if he knew, just as you were about to come undone on his touch, Simon stopped, standing up again to kiss you, you whined in protest against his lips, but it was useless.

They exchanged glances and Johnny wet his own lips.

"Let me see you ride him, love" Simon whispered in your ear, eyes fixed to his. And you obeyed.

Johnny quickly removed the rest of his own clothes and lead you to Simon's bed by your hand.

He laid down, but you stood there looking at his body for a moment. He looked so beautiful lying naked in front of you, the low light that came from the window was only enough to highlight the contrast of his features. You couldn't believe you had actually been this stupid to deny yourself from him for so long. You bit your own lip at the sight, his eyes brightened with passion. "Go on" Simon encouraged behind you.

You spread kisses to his chest before sitting on him. You tried to do it slowly, making him roll his eyes back, getting used to the size of it little by little. You both gasped with pleasure when you finally took him in completely.

“You’re so tight, baby” he groaned when you started to move.

You could hear Simon ditching his own clothes somewhere behind you. Then you felt him behind you, one of his big hands gently holding your waist. Simon used his other hand to put one finger in your mouth and you sucked on it, making Johnny audibly moan under you.

You froze immediately when you felt his naked body touch yours, his hardened cock poked the skin of your lower back.

"Relax, I won't do anything you don't want" he assured you in a low voice against your neck. You received wet kisses on your back and shoulders.

Johnny moaned, his fingers tracing your thighs "Feels so good like that" he purred, and you nodded in agreement. He grabbed your hips but Simon quickly slapped his hands away.

Johnny blinked, confused, but then smirked when Simon started to guide your movements by the hips, slowly and gradually changing the speed to fit what you seemed to respond better to. He guided your body on Johnny in a way that made his cock touch you precisely in the right places. You barely had to do any work, so you rested your head on Simon's chest, only opening your eyes to watch Johnny's face under you.

Johnny rubbed his thumb softly on your clit, making very small movements around it. You moved accordingly, enjoying the way the pressure created a response deep within your stomach. You panted on top of him, exhausted but eager to continue, your body guiding you toward release.

The obscene sounds you made were thankfully muffled by the heavy rain outside. You felt your orgasm reach you with the growing rumbles in the sky, which eventually resulted in a violent lightning, not that far from the window. You let your body rest on Simon's chest after the wave of pleasure washed over you.

"You did so good, bonnie" Johnny sat up to kiss your face, and laid back down.

Simon pulled your hips back gently, indicating you should stand on your knees. Intuitively, you positioned yourself so that you could put your lips around Johnny's cock. He closed your eyes when you did.

"Look at her, Johnny" Simon ordered.

He held your hips firmly in place, then pressed into you slowly, savoring how the wet heat between your legs welcomed him.

Johnny had his head resting on one of his arms, his free hand lazily stroking your face as he watched you struggle to fit him in your mouth. He tried his best to be obedient and focus only on you, but his eyes kept looking up curiously, dying to watch Simon's face as he fucked you.

"God, you feel so fucking good" he whimpered before he started moving his hips, filling you completely with every thrust. You could feel his length messing up your insides and you were grateful to have Johnny's cock keeping you silent.

Simon traced his fingers down your spine, around your waist, then back to your neck. He gently stroked your head and grabbed your hair. You thought he'd pull it, but Simon just pressed the back of your head deeper on Johnny's cock, pulling you back when you gagged, then repeating the same movement again and again. Johnny closed his eyes in an effort not to come so soon from the view alone.

You gave up on your own body for a moment, forgot it was yours to control in the first place, letting it be taken by all their movements like one gets taken by the current at sea.

"'m gonna cum if you keep this up" Johnny announced in a low voice, and you weren't sure if he was talking to you or Simon, but the latter let go of his grip on your hair, unsure of what you wanted to do with that information. You kept going on your own now, until you felt Johnny pulse inside your mouth.

He let out a soft moan as he watched you swallow it. His body finally relaxed on the bed and you felt his fingers search your head and caress your hair.

Simon's movements became slower, almost nonexistent, and you anxiously moved your hips against him to alleviate the desire in your core.

"Don't stop" you begged in a small voice, resting your head on Johnny's thigh, but he did stop. Simon gently pulled your hips back and switched your body so that you were facing him.

"Lay down" he instructed, "I wanna see you".

Johnny's arms guided you to lay on top of him, your back to his chest. He kissed and caressed your head lazily while Simon spread your legs, sinking into you with a grunt.

You moaned loudly when you felt him entirely inside you again.

“Shh!” both of them reprehended you, and Johnny quickly covered your mouth with his hand.

"You wanted him to fuck you like this, huh?" he asked close to your ear and you nodded, unable to speak anything other than little moans that were muffled by his palm. Simon looked at you directly in the eyes, his face subtly contorting in pleasure with every little sound you made.

He pushed into you slowly, delighting himself in the warmth of having you wrapped around him. He tried to memorize the feeling of having your skin against his so he could dwell on it later.

Johnny uncovered your mouth to kiss you, moving his hand to hold you at your waist. The familiar feel of his tongue was both comforting and exciting, your lips searched for his with noticeable hunger. You didn't think you could possibly get more aroused at this point.

You rested your head on Johnny's shoulder, closing your eyes and feeling your body relax now that you've gotten more used to Simon's size inside you.

"Eyes open, love" Simon demanded, and you obeyed.

He kept his gaze on your eyes until he couldn't resist moving on to Johnny's anymore. They looked at each other for what felt like too long, Simon's thrusts into you got more intense, and it made you wonder if you were simply the vessel through which they fucked each other at that instant.

Johnny, who had his hands wandering around your body, now moved them from your breasts to caress Simon's chest on top of you, at first in shy quasi-accidental strokes, and then shamelessly grabbing at his waist, scratching nails on his back once he got a positive reaction.

He pressed his hand against the lower part of your stomach, right where you could feel Simon's cock attempting to tear you open with every thrust, you moaned into Simon's mouth as you felt Johnny getting hard under your body again. Your arousal was dripping down his crotch, his chest already wet from your sweat.

"Hm you're taking him so well, baby" Johnny whispered in your ear and you watched as Simon's eyes darkened at the sound of the words.

You’d lost track of time and sense of space completely. It was so unbelievably indulgent it almost felt wrong, as if you couldn't possibly be allowed to experience this much pleasure all at once in life.

You felt you’d reached some new sense of consciousness in which you did not belong to your body anymore, you've transcended into something else, something in complete harmony with them and their own bodies around you. You were certain for a moment that, if you tried or wanted to, you'd be able to read their minds and communicate without words.

The utter feeling of Love just invaded you in the form of radiating happiness, an epiphany planted in your heart, as if you had been stung by Eros himself and you felt yourself capable of reaching an orgasm without your body. All of a sudden the whole universe seemed to become clear and there were no questions you couldn't answer if you wanted, any doubt you had was gone, and any anxiety dissipated. You almost felt like laughing, relishing - for what was probably the first time - in the wonder of cloudless thoughts.

Simon dropped the support of his hands to his forearms, getting impossibly closer and resting his torso on top of you, the cold and metallic touch of his dog tags against your chest sent a shiver down your spine. Johnny’s hands moved from his waist to your hips, grinding you on top of his hardened cock in search of some relief, which was positioned between your ass cheeks.

You drunkenly intercalated kisses between the two of them, feeling absolutely in control until Simon locked your neck in place with his hand, choking you a little before placing a soft kiss on your lips. “Open” he demanded and you did.

He spit saliva into your mouth and, before you could swallow it, Johnny urgently pulled your face to kiss you, desperately licking your tongue.

"Fuck, Johnny" Simon grunted, digging even deeper into you, attempting to get even closer, making your toes curl. He leaned over and kissed Johnny, and you felt him instantly melt under you. His hands left your body to cup Simon's face.

They moaned into their kisses. You almost felt inadequate being there, as if you weren't supposed to witness that much intimacy, but the thought quickly died down when Simon's lips found yours again, leaving Johnny breathless, and he sealed you back into their little universe.

Your back arched when Johnny moved his fingers to your clit again, you barely needed any stimulation at this point, your legs were tense locked around Simon's hips.

"Come on, baby" Johnny purred in your ear "Let me see you cum all over his cock".

Almost as if on command, you did. The high building up in your lower stomach finally reached its breaking point and crashed into your body in waves of ecstasy. Simon moaned as he felt your entire body pulse and relax under him, he jerked faster into you and then quickly pulled out.

Johnny moved you away from him so that your back rested on the mattress with both of them towering over you, stroking themselves. Simon's eyes rolled back as he came on top of you, a heavy moan leaving his throat as he covered you with the warm gooey liquid that dripped from him.

The sheer sight of it, along with your little moans, was almost enough to get Johnny off immediately, and it only took a few strokes to make him cum again.

You watched them as Simon gently cleaned a bit of his own semen off of Johnny's abdomen with his thumb. He brought the finger close to his face in an offer, and Johnny obediently opened his mouth and sucked it off, receiving a pat on his head and a satisfied smile from his superior afterward.

You laid there exhausted while they cleaned you with tissues, getting little gentle kisses on your skin every once in a while. Simon turned you around on the bed and wiped a soft tissue on your face, removing the remains of mascara you had under your eyes.

It took you a few minutes to eventually get up and use the bathroom, Simon had one all to himself, which meant you didn't have to put your clothes back on.

When you came back, they were both still naked on the bed. Johnny was already asleep, a permanent smile stamped on his face, being only partially covered by the sheets.

"Come here" Simon whispered to you, and you gently climbed over Johnny's body to rest in the space between them.

Johnny sleepily arranged his arms around you, one over your waist and the other under the crease of your neck, his fingers reaching to caress Simon's hair.

Simon kissed your forehead. "This feels nice" he murmured, almost too quietly for you to hear. You looked up to kiss his lips again and rested your head on the pillow, wishing you wouldn't have to get up the next morning.

(now that this is out of my system I can finally move on with my life).

#ghoap x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x soap #soap x reader #cod x reader #cod one shot #ghostsoap

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angellettes · 10 months

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𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 ➔ MIGUEL O'HARA

─ synopsis. you and miguel start to fall in love in the midst of keeping the spider-verse safe, and inevitably you would have to separate.

— notes. I'm sorry this has to be angst but i was in the mood for something new genre/warnings..+18 nsfw content (minors dni)..angst, cunnilingus, missionary, mating press, fingering, creampie, sad but sweet ending ♡

It was never off the table that you and miguel would be together forever because you both knew you wouldn't. You were both from completely different universes. Your mission was to keep the spider-verse balanced, and in order to do that you would have to sacrifice the love you had for who you would've called the love of your life. In another universe maybe you both would get to be together, get married, have a family, grow old together, but the universe is cruel, and it brought you both together because it knew that you would have to separate.

knocks echoed in Miguel's ears as you entered the room where he would keep watch. You were the only one who was able to go in without him telling them to go away. Everyone knew not to go into the dark space he was always in but they also knew you were the only one allowed in there. "Miguel, it's late just head to bed already." you says as you rub the tension in his shoulders softly out to help him relax. "I can't, mi cariño. You know I have to stay on top of everything at everything moment" his eyes still glued to the screens. "Miguel, please we don't have much time together." He turns his body around in the chair and looks at you with a look of concern etched into his face. His eyes give a look of fear as if he had just been shot in the heart. "what do you mean?" you sigh and look down. Trying to hind the tears coming to your eyes threatening to spill before you tell him the hurtful news you found out. "Miguel, I have to return to my universe tomorrow." his eyes widened in terror. A look of pure devastation ad if someone just shot him through the chest. He slowly stands from the chair, and inches his feet closer to you until you stops in front of you. You're both so close that you noses touch each other. His hands slowly side up you cheeks carefully as he looks you in the eyes as it he's looking for some form of playfulness or look of amusement to see if maybe this is just a sick joke perhaps. but he finds nothing but sadness in your eyes. He realizes that you were being serious, and so soon you would be pulled apart from each other, nothing but mere figments of the memories you shared once you were to separate, and Miguel hated that idea with his whole being. He sighed and looked down, head buried in your hair as you hugged onto his waist. Both of your lips met each other's and you both led each other towards your room. as soon as you made it he laid you gently on the bed. Lips still desperately meeting trying to savor every word, taste, feeling, and sound made before you have to separate for good. Miguel's eyes meet your in a manner that you can only read as asking for permission to make love to you before everything that you made together fades and just becomes a haunting memory that you couldn't hold on to long enough to experience everything you wanted together. You look at him and nod knowingly. He takes that as the sign to start to gently remove your night clothes, and as he gets lower, and lower, moving closer to your core. His hands graze every inch of your skin as you gently run your fingers along his scalp. He begins to press soft passionate kisses against your thighs as his hands move up to intertwine his fingers with yours. His fingers then spread apart your pussy lips, and he places a hard suck to your clit. Your legs spasm and immediately close around his head. He holds the sides of your thighs as his tongue glides in between the lips, up to your clit, and down to your entrance. He rapidly moves his tongue in and out of your sopping heat, groaning into your pussy out of pleasure from pleasuring you. When he feeling your clit start to pulse against his tongue, and your legs started to clasp around his head, He begins to press his fingers into your entrance knuckles deep, curling his fingers up to hit your g-spot. His groans send vibrations onto your clit,making your eyes roll back, and your back arching off the bed. As you orgasm, Miguel begins to leave several hard sucks to your clit before going up to lay a sloppy kiss to your lips. You whine out to him, "Miguel, please I need you", as he slowly rubbed his cock up and down your slit before rubbing it against your clit with pressure against it. He looks up at you, acknowledging your pleas. His lips meet yours again as he pushes his length into your entrance. The stretch is so delicious and addictive as he continues to push in. When he is finally all the way in you can feel his balls pressing against your ass. He then grabs the undersides of your knees and begins you push them against your chest.

you can immediately feel his cock almost go deeper than it already was, and you elicit a loud yelp of pleasure. He chuckles a bit seeing how vulnerable you look under him and he pushes his weight onto you, trapping you under your legs and his body. He whispers into your ear "Me gustaría que tuviéramos más tiempo juntos" ── (I wish we had longer together), softly as he continues to thrust in and out of your wet heat, as he whispers affirmations of love and leaving kisses on your neck and cheek. His pace in and out of your pussy gets gradually faster as he lets out even more labored moans as his breathing becomes more erratic, as he begins to feel your orgasm approach by the feeling of your hole clenching around him. your moans of pleasure, wet skin meeting together, and the sounds of the squelches with each thrust Miguel makes. As Miguel begins to announce that he is about to orgasm your need to feel as much of him as you can grows "Miguel, I want you to cum in me, please" you say to him with a desperation in your voice. "Yeah, you want me to cum in you?" he whispers into your ear as his breathing is getting heavier.As both your climaxes release, you hug your arms around his neck to pull him closer, as the feeling of his warm, thick cum fills you. You both stay that way for a bit longer as you take in the feeling of him against you, and his scent. As he pulls out he gets up to bring you a towel and cleans you up and lays back down next to you. He pulls you in against his chest, and you nuzzle into the crook of his neck. He looks down at you as he sees you begin to sniffles, and tears start to form in your eyes. "mi vida, what's wrong?" he asks you with a gentleness in his voice. "I just really wish we had more time together. our fates were never even meant to join." He pulls you closer and tries to console you as he speaks words of comfort. You both spend the rest of the night trying to cope with the idea that you would have to separate forever in the morning, and that was something both of you wished you both would do anything to avoid...but you couldn't.

do not plagiarize, translate,or repost my work.

finished- August 3, 2023 , 3:56 PM

#⊹ ࣪ ˖ 𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆'𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔˚ ༘♡ ⋆‧₊˚#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara one shot #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o'hara angst #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara x you

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swifty-fox · 2 months

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Hockey au

I apologize for being so thirsty, Clegan are just too hot together.

So, within their relationship, the emotional intamcy is there, but I imagine that the physical takes some time to highten, especially with Gale because he is so shy. I imagine that it starts of sweet, and vanilla, still good. But as the years progress and as he is exposed to (maybe crosby reading slutty books. That's why his wife stay pregnant) he is inspired to do some research. And oh boy! It's like Pandoras box and he becomes more open to experimenting, and he realizes that he is into things he would have never thought he would br. He becomes a certified undercover freak. And Bucky is like, "use me, please, mommy- take me for a riiideee?" Or "you're going to take it, slow and deep, until you can't take it anymore". 😃 shame? What shame 🤠 (If they keep everything vanilla, that's okay too tho!!)

trust me anon you are in a kink safe space here LOL

So Gale actually sucks Johns dick about two years before they even become friends. It's a bit of a "fuck this guy but also FUCK this guy" moment and he's definitely freaking out on the inside without showing it but Gale is pretty bold and demanding in this when he wants to be. They're both two very strong personalities.

(CROSBY!!! SCREAMING!!!! ABSOLUUUUTELY. I also have thoughts about the Croz cheating storyline)

I don't know if it really starts as sweet. they're both athletes with a lotta energy and testosterone and used to intense situations so they're hooking up and it's not necessarily bdsm but they're not exactly having sweet blushy missionary sex either.

what im saying is they fuck each other into the mattress and every surface of their hotel rooms.

This is modern day like they have relative exposure to light kink (Spanking, Cuffs, etc.) and especially John who has fucked his way around North America has tried a lot of things. I think dirty talk is something that does a LOT for them both and they're naturally very competitive so its a lot of trying to catch the other by surprise by any means necessary (Including spitting into someones open mouth or a bit of hair pulling)

I can see them exploring and testing out kinks. i dont think theyre about to sign up for a rope-work class. But I do think Bucky gets tied up more than his fair share and loves it

#mota hockey au #lmao idk if this exactly answers ur question BUT

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trillscienceofficer · 1 year

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Had a Fenris Ranger show ever gotten made Seven would’ve probably accepted some truths about herself and dealt with the avoidance but Picard was so focused on Starfleet and putting her in a place she’d previously said she didn’t want to be that it’s like you said, negative character development. Still, I like what we got of her in the first two seasons and wanted to see more growth and vulnerability especially through her relationship with Raffi. Because as much as I like them together you’re right in that in being so avoidant she causes Raffi a lot of pain. It came off (season two) like Raffi was just that in love but I do think that eventually she’d be less willing to accept Seven coming and going both emotionally and physically?

(In reference to this post)

Oh for sure, I agree with you and I would have liked to see some more growth and vulnerability for Seven, the ending of S2 seemed to point in that direction even if (from what I gather) the season was less than ideal about getting to that final 'resolution' between Seven and Raffi. But then we got S3 and that breakup off-screen and that awkwardness between them and like... what am I supposed to get from that, except that Seven is once again running away from the chance of finding some stability and genuine care because she can't bear the idea of being honest about what she wants? Many others have said this better than me but her joining Starfleet feels like such a copout, after so many years in the Rangers. It's like we're seeing Seven having a stupid midlife crisis and trying to evoke the time she was on Voyager/had just returned to the AQ full of hope that she could belong somewhere, and belonging has always been what she wanted the most. Don't get me wrong, I can definitely see Seven doing exactly that (it's fitting, with this theme of both avoidance and frantic searching) but obviously the show never frames it as the deeply worrying development I think it is for her. Again, I get it: Seven's life objectively sucked so hard! It makes sense for her to be so dysfunctional! But it is absolutely an accidental narrative.

Mostly I'm sorry for Raffi who's had her own fair share of terrible experiences in life and she's bound to think that the breakdown of their relationship is her fault when, knowing Seven, it's very likely not. I also agree with you that I would've liked to see Raffi not putting up with so much of Seven's crap about ~fear of commitment~ or whatever. A Black woman having to carry entirely on her back the effort of maintaining a relationship with a white partner is just a racist storyline, like there is no arguing that as far as I'm concerned, and it's doubly offensive given Seven of Nine's long history of being handed narratives that end up stifling characters of color. I wish Raffi had been given so much more space, and better storylines where she had so much more agency, even (and maybe especially) when it came to Seven. It's all really stupid because given the paragraph above, it's not like Seven got good stories on Picard either! And yet Raffi got the short end of the stick anyway.

(Seven really fucked up with Raffi, like... love the inherent messiness of their situation post-Picard canon and I think they're not over each other but if we're talking about healthy relationships then imho Raffi should probably just get as far away as possible from Seven until Seven gets her act together, if she ever does. Like many others I do want them to be happy together but I don't know how they can do that with the premises we're left with. And I do also love train wrecks, so there's that.)

The only thing that I see differently from you is that... I don't think the Rangers were that much better for Seven. I mean I also would have preferred for her to stay a pirate who's into good deeds (much more than Starfleet for sure! did they really want to make a show on the Rangers? That would've been cool). But the way I see it, she was a Ranger for so many years and it never really made her life better, either. To me Picard!Seven, even in S1, always looked like someone who is masking 100% of the time, who has a barely disguised alcohol addiction and is clearly restless and unhappy where she is, and who carries so much guilt for her past bad choices (especially in people). If being a Ranger was her true calling, why doesn't it seem to make her life any easier, or at least allow her to be true to herself a little? Something needs to change majorly for the Rangers to become a place where Seven can start growing again. But again, your perspective as someone who liked the first two seasons of Picard is totally understandable to me! I just never gelled well with this show at any time, so I'm more critical of its early choices too.

#askbox #seven of nine #raffi musiker #pic #picard critical #this sounds like i hate seven but don't i just think she's the wettest most pathetic 50yo loser #whom i still love very much

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middleschoolfursona · 6 months

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literal tears are running down my face as i scroll thru your blog. on it it it feels like im back home.

i just wanna go back man. i just wanna be a kid running around on feralheart and drawing my ocs again and watching silly movies with my friends. it feels like im living a lie every single day of my life since then.

it hurts and fills me with so much shame to say that i feel like a kid, like i stopped mentally aging in like 2012, 2014 at the latest. the dysphoria is strangling. i dont want to describe it but yeah it sucks so bad.

i cant tell anyone in my life this in detail. cus i can feel the callouts. the sneers. the performative disgust. the gleeful hatred. everyone turning on me and making me into a joke. but this experience is so viscerally terrible and real and i cant just get over it and i cant choose to get better. i hate it.

youre the first person ive ever seen who seemed like theyd actually understand and its just overwhelming bcus it felt like i was completely alone. so i just wanted to say thanks for the catharsis of showing me im not beyond understanding. but im sorry if this is all selfish or upsetting. the last thing i wanna do is hurt or upset anyone, so feel free to ignore and delete.

thank you for ur blog and i hope you have a great day/week/month/year/life/forever <3

anon, im so so sorry i didnt answer this one sooner. i kept thinking, "when i get on desktop" but i never ended up back on desktop until i got this new monitor (win!)

i totally feel you, im glad i can bring you (though maybe bittersweet) comfort.

dysphoria and even feelings of 'transness' in places of identity other than gender and sex absolutely exist and are valid, and its really too bad its so stigmatized. you have my <3 and you have my thoughts. its tough, and theres more of us than youd think, hopefully, its an amount that comforts you... and i hope, you can find people who relate to you and you can share trust with and happy memories.

"performative disgust' is a topic i bring up a lot in this kinda discoursing. if i may, its pretty western too.. the need to be combative causes a strange sort of lash-out-culture, where people arent even neccisarily uninformed, its a lack of desire to be informed at all, and instead perform hatred for the acknowledgement of their peers. id know. it was me once. terrible and toxic situation, but its eaten the internet in many spaces....

its tough feeling trapped, unable to move forwards and feeling like youre "wrong". being disabled and growing up disabled makes those kinds of remarks and implications said by some people extra painful to me. and i know lots of us who feel dysphoria surrounding our facets of the self, both gender or non-gender, are neurodivergant as well, and as someone who was in special education, and then my school dropped me by force because i just "wouldnt" do my math, i know how painful it can feel both inside, but then to come forward and have people act like "just move forward" "just understand" "well you can never go back so just be here instead"... its painful.

i hope that between the time you sent this and now, youvbe found someone to be open to... if not, you can send me your discord off anon (wont pub) and we can chat there if you need it... youre certainly not alone anon, just the haters want you to feel that way. dont give in. do your best!

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nerdygaymormon · 1 year

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Some thoughts on being a queer BYU student

While many queer BYU students have some experiences in common, not everyone experiences those things or in the same way.

————————————————————

A lot of change for the better has occurred at the BYU schools in Idaho & Utah since I was a student in the 1990s. However, there's still a lot that is hard about being a queer BYU student.

I want to highlight two things that I hope helps people understand who haven't had the queer student experience at BYU--

it can be difficult to find other queer BYU students

our experiences are routinely dismissed

—————————

An important source of support is finding others who are like you.

When I was a student, it was basically against the Honor Code to tell others that you're gay.

I read a newspaper article about some gay BYU students who found each other and had moved into a house together, making it a safe space. Their identities were kept anonymous for their protection, but I desperately wanted to find this house, to find someone who could relate to all the things I was feeling and experiencing.

(what I didn’t know until years later is the most common way gay students found each other at that time was by seeing a campus psychologist/counselor who then recommended the student participate in group therapy...they had to sign a document to keep everyone’s identity secret and promise to not date each other🙄. It seems everyone I’ve spoken with who attended these sessions did date others in the group 😄)

Today the Honor Code allows students to be open about their queer identities, but many choose to be careful about sharing because it can have negative repercussions. For example, some roommates will insist on not living with you and it can bring greater scrutiny as some people assume you likely have broken the Honor Code and will look for clues & evidence to support their hunch.

Because many queer students today are careful in sharing this part of themselves, it can feel like when I wanted to find the anonymous gay students from the newspaper, I know they’re here somewhere but I don’t know where to find them.

BYU doesn't allow any club or organization on campus that is for LGBTQIA+ students. It can feel like BYU is trying to hinder queer students from finding each other.

It's interesting to hear of students today who were in the same class, or the same apartment complex, or went to church together, and discovered they were both queer because they ran into each other at a bookstore in Salt Lake City, or they saw each other at an Affirmation conference or at a Pride event. Basically they had to find each other outside of BYU in order to build their support network inside of BYU.

It can feel very lonely and isolating to not get to openly share all the things going on in your life because you have to carefully edit what you say in case someone is uncomfortable with you being queer or with the way you speak about queer topics.

—————————

Here's a few examples of what a queer BYU student might say:

I wish BYU did more to support queer students

It's not fair that queer students have to live different standards

It sucks to be required to take The Eternal Family class and not see a path or opportunity for someone like me in that class

Even statements as mild as these will often draw a negative response. Some common responses are:

They didn't have to come here

They signed the Honor Code

You knew what you were getting into when you applied to come here

If you don't like it here then transfer

I think those responses are common because it means the individual doesn’t have to grapple with the issues being brought up, instead it's putting the blame on the queer student. Essentially you agreed to be treated like crap, why would you expect anything different?

Keep in mind that many students apply to BYU and agree to the Honor Code while they are still legally a child

They may have thought it will basically be like church, not understanding how the enforcement and consequences are amped up at BYU

Maybe they were not yet accepting of themselves or still working on understanding themselves and came to BYU hoping it would help them with church and their spirituality

People change a lot between ages 18 and 24

There's all sorts of reasons queer people choose to attend a school like BYU. It doesn't mean they can't want it to be a better experience, for the university to do better by them.

Plus transferring to another university can be difficult. Many BYU credits aren’t accepted at other universities, meaning a student would lose a lot of the hard work, time, & money they put in while a BYU student.

#byu #cw queerphobia

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musical-chick-13 · 5 months

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Barbie Movie = White feminism

I do genuinely get what this movie was going for. And I think what it was going for is genuinely admirable: the idea that, as a woman, even if you do everything """right""" according to prejudiced society, if you are thin and white and young and stereotypically pretty and personable and not intimidating, you will still suffer the effects of misogyny. No woman is immune.

However, I think that message got...muddied. This is probably going to get really long, so I'll put the rest under a cut.

The narrative focus is on how different the Real World is from Barbie Land regarding the treatment of women, but in Barbie Land, there are WOC in positions of political power. Racism and transphobia don't seem to exist (at least, not in any way that we see). These things, as we know, do exist in the real world, so if the intention is to highlight the disparity between locations, the fact that other forms of prejudice are never even MENTIONED is a little odd. I don't think this was done with malicious intent, but as you said, the discussion of feminism in this movie is...very white.

Especially since our female co-lead is a Latina woman. She gives a very vulnerable, deeply personal account of what it's like living in the world as a woman and all the angles of oppression she faces for that (something so emotionally weighty it is the key to the plot's resolution), and there is...zero discussion in any of that about what life is like for her as a woman of color, or any of the expectations that are placed on her because of that. If Gloria's experiences with misogyny are so integral to the movie's themes and to her relationship to the world at large, why not include...anything about racism or racial identity?

I also feel like there's just...a very simplistic view of how the patriarchy works. Which, no, you can't break down the intricacies of an entire oppressive social system in the space of a two hour movie. But to suggest that just...acknowledging? Misogyny? Is enough to successfully fight back against it is...the most charitable thing I can call that is "overly-optimistic."

(Like. Trust me. We're aware of the expectations placed on us as women and how much those suck. We can't "rob the patriarchy of its power" just by talking about the patriarchy.)

And the idea that...just coming into contact with patriarchal ideas will completely brainwash you? I get that everything is exaggerated in Barbie Land and that it's not a one-to-one representation of real life, but that sat...weirdly. With me. Yeah, people are absolutely going to internalize some negative or inaccurate things about women by virtue of living in a patriarchal system, but plenty of women (as well as people of other genders) go through life without falling all the way down the misogyny rabbit hole. Outside of Stereotypical Barbie and Weird Barbie (who both had plot reasons for being "immune"), this was every woman. To the most extreme degree. And, again, I just...kind of question why. What is the implication supposed to be here? Are women inherently comically-susceptible to propaganda? Is it impossible for them to de-internalize misogynistic ideas of their own accord, to the point where someone else who is miraculously free of misogyny needs to "debug" them? The optics of this confuse me a little bit.

And there's some other stuff, too, that fell flat for me. Barbie Land is supposed to be a place where the men are treated like women are treated in real life, but we don't...really see that until much later in the movie, when they talk about how the Kens don't have places to stay and have no political representation. (And, sorry, but the solution to "the Kens have no home" is not "the Barbies need to let them stay with them." It's "build the Kens their own homes and make them accessible." You are entitled to safe and secure housing by virtue of being a person. You are not entitled to sharing housing with someone you're romantically interested in.) And the way that Barbie handles her unwanted relationship with Ken is...pretty much exactly the way women try to navigate unwanted advances from men in real life: avoiding explicitly romantic activities by saying she has social obligations, keeping a physical distance in the hope that he'll give up on trying to kiss her, making her annoyance as clear as she can in the hopes that he'll take the hint and leave her to her own devices. Women in real life do these kinds of things to avoid actively rejecting men (because sometimes actively rejecting them means they hurt us, or worse) and although Barbie's behavior isn't done as a defense against potential misogynistic violence, she's still acting in exactly the same way in exactly the same context as people who do have that fear. Ken is the one instigating this relationship, and Ken is the one who keeps trying to reestablish the relationship's boundaries. So even in the face of all of this, the specific takeaway is supposed to be, "The solution to oppression is not to make men oppressed the way that women are because look how equally horrible it is." But between the way Barbie and Ken's relationship is framed and the lack of specificity in how the Kens are treated, we don't actually have a consistent depiction of men being oppressed in the way that women are, which throws that whole message off.

But mostly...maybe this is just a me thing, but I question why we need a story about how It Would Also Be Bad If There Was A Matriarchy. We can barely even get people to discuss the misogyny that currently exists and admit that it's still a problem; we are not in danger of replacing the current system with the inverse by Going Too Far In The Other Direction, not any time soon. I just don't think that discussion is valuable right now because there's no chance of that outcome--of elevating women so much they become Oppressors Of Men--even happening. (Note: I am aware that some r*df*ms/t__fs are VERY much pro-subjugating-men-because-they're-inherently-evil, they are the minority, the general population is not anywhere NEAR that point of view.)

There were some really good things in this movie. America Ferrerra's monologue about how no matter which way you live as a woman, you're "doing it wrong" was incredibly true and incredibly relevant. The Mattel executive being SO insistent that he Loves Women but has exactly zero of them on his board. The fact that the Ken Movie sold out in-universe and made a bunch of money pre-release just because it was about a man. Making fun of the "Just take a girl's glasses off, then she's Pretty™" trope. THE DEPRESSION BARBIE WITH PANIC-ATTACK BARBIE SOLD SEPARATELY. I laughed a lot and there were a lot of genuinely emotionally-resonant moments, including from the standpoint of "Oh hey, I see/suffer from this type of misogyny too!" But I don't think this movie was saying anything particularly new or profound about feminism. Which it's okay if a movie isn't profound! I like plenty of things that exist just to be fun or enjoyable! But I got the feeling this movie was trying to be profound and make some sort of grand, revolutionary statement. And even if it wasn't, a lot of people are acting like it's the key to solving sexism and I just don't think that's merited.

#T__FS THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU 'WOMEN' INCLUDES TRANS WOMEN. END OF. THEY ARE NOT A SEPARATE CATEGORY OF 'WOMEN-LITE'#OR 'FAKE WOMEN' OR 'WOMEN WHO ARE OTHER™' OR 'WOMEN AND TRANS WOMEN.' THEY ARE WOMEN.#multi t(ASK)ing #barbie discourse #barbie and feminism #I don't. really know how to tag this?#I don't want it to show up in the general movie tag but I want people to be able to block this post if they want to #behold! a creation!#I am precisely several months too late for this discussion but. what can you do #mel's media criticism

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lost-inthedream · 2 years

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Jaeyoon from A to Z - nsfw

That nsfw alphabet, babes

Pairing: Jaeyoon x female reader

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

In those nights you go super freak, he helps you at cleaning up or does it all by himself very attentively before holding you in his arms. Pecks all over your face.

On the other hand, after a lovemaking session, he refuses to get up before at least 15 minutes clinging onto you. Your legs still tangled.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself, he's quite loud about liking his booty (no wonder why). On you, he loves your legs, the entire extension of them. He likes very much to watch the way you walk, especially when you're coming to him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

How can I say it? He can cum anywhere on you depending on his mood. Including on your face and in your mouth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Babe, he doesn't have sexual secrets he hides from his partner. You know he's a freak (and so are you). He's gonna ask you to borrow your panties and take them on a tour if he feels like it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Come on, he's one of the most sensual men in the industry... He had slept around quite a lot and it made him an excellent partner. He knows how to treat his babe in bed and is able to adapt to your vibe. Is very communicative and attentive.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

the odds are high on him preferring to take you in your favorite position because you seem so satisfied like that. But the one he never skips is missionary with your legs on his shoulders.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

There's space for a bit of everything with him. Those usual embarrassing noises of sex never fail to get him chuckling.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

We all KNOW he keeps it bare down there.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be romantic. He actually enjoys it, but not always. You know when he's in a romantic mood by the way he kisses you, the way it lasts without him palming all over your body. There's no rush when he's feeling romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Less frequent than what you are thinking! He knows how to control his needs so he can wait until an appropriate moment. Likes to do it in the shower and sometimes before sleep because it relaxes him. Also, video calls you from time to time to gift you with the pleasure of watching him into work (you set it up previously)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Top three:

Overstimulation (giving and receiving)

Toys

Strip tease or lap dance (giving and receiving)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Other than on a bed, he goes with kitchen and public toilets. Wants to try it in a airplane toilet at least once

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Long and sloppy kisses. It's simple: if you're sharing a messy kiss for more than 5 minutes you have to fuck.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Food play, especially sticky food such as honey or chocolate syrup. You'll have to clean the room/bed afterward and he doesn't like the idea.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes both. He does it super well and he deserves the same treatment. He likes the oral to take time and firmly believes the first orgasms must come from good orals. I'm so embarrassed of saying this but he sucks dick like a pro, he can even give you some advice on this art

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He mixes the pace according to the moment. Like, he can start fast then reduce the pace or start slow and speed up at some point. It helps at overstimulating both of you as well as edging.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

You often have quickies. Not that he can't help it, he suggests it because he finds them super sexy. Lots of dirty comments after you all are done. "You're so nasty. Just the way I like it"

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Honestly, he probably has already tried most of things you are coming up with.

Isn't that against being caught but prefers not having interruptions. You striking a few comments about what others will think if they find you there gets him going.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

With that body, he can easily do it several times. To be more specific, he usually goes with 2-3 but is able to more. Well, I wrote headcanons about him touching himself after you all had fun and it makes so much sense.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He has his own vibrator and cock ring. Cherishes the latter very much by the way. He likes to play with you when you're blindfolded and will ask you if you could try out a butt plug, which he would gladly push past your hole to help.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not too much, just enough to have you impatient. He finds it so cute that he feel like giving you too much pleasure to handle after.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jaeyoon doesnt give a damn to how much noise he does but he's not that loud. He's pretty constant though, the type to start mumbling or moaning once one of his sensitive areas is touched. His moans are very sexy.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Boy has quite a lot wet dreams and you're allowed to help him out when you're sleeping together. He likes to wake up to your hand wrapped around his shaft.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Average in length but pretty thick. (He stuffs you so good). His balls make you wanna give them a massage and also look so good when he wears that cock ring.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Definitely high. Ideally wants to have sex with you more than 4 times a week. Tends to translate his love toward you into sex because physical touch is his predominant love language

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He falls asleep quite fast and looks like the purest being despite hugging you naked.

---

find the other members' alphabet in the tag

#smut alphabet #sf9 smut #sf9 scenarios #jaeyoon smut #jaeyoon scenario

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anendoandfriendo · 1 year

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Oh, it's on now.

13, 14, 17, 20, and 23 for the ask game? ^^

13 - What’s your favourite part of being a system?

There's this disconnect between frontspace and backspace within our headspace!! It's super nice and gives us a sense of privacy as well.

We get to project into our surroundings and cuddle each other. <3 Physical affection in general is so easy, both in terms of obtaining it and also being subtle over it when we need to be. Us holding each others' hands when we are expressing something (reassurance, love, anything really) has been our favorite go-to in public for that reason. <3

Our existence as an Xive-heavy system and especially a fictive-heavy system makes our life sound very batshit even for mundane things. Story to come in another ask in this post lol.

14 - What’s your least favourite part of being a system, if you’re comfortable sharing?

We've been experiencing a lot of blurriness and time skewering/tilting (best way to describe the how it feels to lose time chunks) because of workplace discrimination. Last time this happened was in middle school we think, it sucks when it happens.

17 - Does your system have a headspace? Are there multiple of them? What are they like?

Yes!! We have a backspace and frontspace. You can probably guess what "frontspace" is, our backspace is what you would traditionally call a headspace. Multiversal stuff also usually happens in backspace and-or middlespace, so if someone is doing or has done something multiversal and it lands in frontspace that's when/how many of us experience connecting to The Ether.

Backspace has like, everything that isn't frontspace and middlespace. That ranges from cafes to large spaces dedicated to soulbonding, you know?

You could argue we have multiple headspaces, but we'll literally just bring up the US/China argument again: the US and China are not separate "layers" of culture simply because they are physically divided in an arbitrary manner, so why should we use labels to describe our system? The question of weather we have "multiple separate headspaces," has similar vibes for reasons we can't easily describe.

20 - How would you describe your system in 3 words or less?

Together forever.

We know that sounds corny af, but it is. There is a general agreement we will always be a system or whatever. No neuroconformity here sksksk.

23 - Do you have any cool/funny stories from inside the headspace that you’d like to share?

Not anything that's particularly long or detailed, but we have some records that are scattered here and there, from both the frontspace and headspace (or, namely, the times they have overlapped and we have had heavy interaction and pings between the folks within each of these areas in the system polyplex):

December 18, 2022: our headmate Dio literally yelled out loud to literally nothing in the parking lot "hey! Fuckers!! If you're going to park those where they don't belong, how about you actually do something useful with them and park them where the cop cars go?!" and when we turned around to observe, we saw three other headmates (⚽️, Hailey: Idol, and one whose name shouldn't be said -- as they wish to find another first) and they were all laughing about this apparent statement. Dio was likely just annoyed so many carts were parked right by our car.

December 18, 2022: our Johnathan Joestar fictive dancing his ass off to Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch, and not really being sure what to respond with, because that's probably the last thing on earth we expected. Bitchplease.

⚽️ is very heavy on the diety thing and specifically the fact he sees himself as something that once was a diety, and still is or had the potential to be one. He's constantly asking stuff like "if I'm not christian, would it be heresy to pray to myself?" and he is also the one who joked about self-idolatry via lemon meringue cup offering at some point.

No seriously, he literally asked us today "can I tell you a secret?" and waited in complete silence until we got into the car tonight before telling us "You can be whatever you want. Seriously. If you want to be a god, all you need to do is say that you are. You're already giving offerings to yourself on the daily when you eat. You curate your space so meticulously that it's all your own (in both spirit and physicality), so you could literally argue that your apartment is an altar, shrine, or temple. You needn't have anything extravagant. Be gay, do crime, and be a heretic," and some of us are, like, kind of Dumb and understand this on a logical level but probably won't get it on an emotional level for a long time lolsob. This is the simplest and most 101 terms in which someone could tell us it is okay to exist and be a bit grandiose and we still don't get that emotionally.

Since we're also fairly certain some folks know who ⚽️ is (and by extension 🌬 as well) may we say that their presences are just. Very soothing? Sometimes we'll be stressed af and one of them will hum something completely random until we fall asleep, or play with our hair (or as closely as you can get to that with system projection) in the case of ⚽️, you get the idea. Their voices are so pretty, and it's very sad that none of that transfers over as nicely to the outerworld.

Ask us about our system polyplex!

#asks answered

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nwbeerguide · 19 days

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Safe to say Elysian Brewing's Juice Dust India Pale Ale can step out of Space Dust's shadow.

Ever since the style known as New England-style IPA was introduced, there has been some confusion around these two terms - hazy and juicy. Afterall, one can make a beer that’s unclarified yet invokes thoughts of orange, grapefruit, or pineapple juice. Meanwhile, one produces an india pale ale that is clarified and inspires those same thoughts. Meanwhile, Elysian Brewing Company has taken the term juicy to a literal level with the release of their latest seasonal Juice Dust Juicy IPA.

Made with orange juice and zest on top of utilizing hops, Juice Dust Juicy IPA is both a hazy (looking) and juicy (tasting) India Pale Ale. Oh, and except for the change up in malt recipe, the beer is essentially Space Dust with some juice added. Mind you, that’s not what it tastes like.

Inspired after a research and development session at the brewery, Elysian Brewing’s brewery team experimented with different enhancements to their IPA lineup. Before one brewer mentioned TANG, the brewery team bounced around many ingredients and formulations.

That’s right, TANG, the then futuristic instant (dehydrated) orange juice made for astronauts. If you’re not familiar, then don’t worry. But they seriously considered the suggestion of including TANG in a beer. In fact, the brewer took the time to combine their flagship IPA, Space Dust, with some TANG and voilà, a recipe was developed.

From there, the brewery avoided the actual use of tang in a beer and instead looked to sourcing real citrus juice. Making use of both the zest and juice of oranges, the brewery produced 2 or 3 versions with different malt and hops, before settling on malts pale, rolled oats, acidulated, and honey malt. The hops? Well, they stuck with the tried and true Space Dust formula of Chinook, Citra, and Amarillo.

Having taste tested at their pubs, the brewery felt they had a winning formula before mass producing their newest Juicy IPA - Juice Dust.

But how does it taste?

Out of the can, Juice Dust produces a hefty amount of off-white head, resting on a semi-hazy pool of orange. Receding, there remains a wreath of lacing inside the glass.

Swirling and sniffing, we recover notes of orange zest, tropical pineapple, and some stone fruit.

Sipping, we recover notes of grapefruit, orange zest and juice, some pine resin, tropical citrus, along with honey and caramel sweetness.

Overall, Juice Dust has a strong mouthfeel, a noticeable alcoholic warmth, and a lingering bitterness accented by some juiciness.

When compared with their year-round product, Space Dust, Juice Dust definitely comes across as something you’d mistakenly drink a couple of. We say mistakenly, because at 8.2% alcohol by volume, you’d better make sure you have a ride home, if you suck down a few of these in one sitting!

During a live stream product introduction and interview session, we posed the question to the brewery, asking if Juice Dust could be promoted as a year-round product or if it was another season, similar to Dank Dust in 2023. The response was optimistic Juice Dust could be promoted to year-round availability. But that’s really up to the public’s overall support of the release. As the initial launch, back in late Q1 (e.g. January - March), responsiveness has been pretty high.

Final Thoughts.

With the addition of real fruit juice, modifications of their malt recipe, while keeping the hops the same, Juice Dust is different enough to stand outside of Space Dust’s shadow. Whether it will be available in 2025 is up to the brewery. And, it will be up to you, the imbiber who loves juicy, slightly hazy, india pale ales. Until then, consider picking up a six-pack of Juice Dust, shared with three or four of your friends, hopefully outside in the day's warmth.

#Elysian Brewing Company #Beer #Seattle #WA #Washington #India Pale Ale #TANG #Space Dust

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that-unknown-fish · 2 months

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I saw an interesting answer about a question regarding female ejaculation and sharing this to make a note

The main issue that sexologists have had with measuring sexual pleasure is finding the right indicator. It's easier to measure men's sexual arousal. If a man becomes sexually excited his penis becomes erect, his balls ascend, and his butthole clenches to support the prostate. When a women becomes sexually excited her "just in case" tampon gets soaked, her clitoral crus becomes engorged and flexes outwards opening up the vaginal opening, and her cervix is pulled inwards to make room for the penis. It's harder to see. When a man orgasms he ejaculates, it's easy to see. If a woman orgasms her vagina contracts rhythmically to pull the semen inwards and retain it, and her female ejaculation the penetrating partner away because she's done with him until the child support case nine months later.

If her vaginal Ph deems the sperm baby-worthy she'll have her second orgasm 10-20 minutes later, where the cervix openly slightly and the uterus contracts and flexes upwards to push uterine fluid into the recto-uterine space through the Fallopian tubes, sucking the sperm into the uterus, while the labia sweep in any external remnants. It's basically internal ejaculation. The buildup up fluid in the recto-uterine cavity is why women should urinate after sex.

So the problem of measuring female pleasure is that the full sexual experience, of both primary and secondary orgasm/ejaculation, is divided into two episodes separated by about 10-20 minutes. A lot of early sexologists at the Aylo Sex Lab at 7777 Decarie Blvd in Montreal only measured pleasure during actual copulation, so they tended to record female pleasure as being half of male pleasure. It's why a lot of their publications tried to roughly double the amount of penetration that their female participants received, it was a proto-feminist attempt to equalize sexual pleasure and move it away from an andro-centric view. Problem was, the methodology of the research it was based on was faulty, and those women were getting double pleasure.

So honestly, if you want a high degree of good data for this fucking problem, I say measure internal ejaculation. Get an IUD that has Bluetooth capability and a flow sensor, so you can measure how often and how strongly a woman's vagina ejaculates sperm into her.

Long live accurate science into the female body.

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getthebutters · 1 year

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Your breakup is a good thing

Here we are, right before Valentine’s Day. So, it’s likely you are or are about to find yourself single. But hear me out, that’s a good thing.

It’s a general rule that breakups suck and one right before Valentine’s or some other event sucks so much more, supposedly. But let’s think about this a little more factually, said the autistic.

The Cold CALCULATIONS of Breakups

Back in 2011, Facebook released a chart showing the most common times that people change their relationship status to single. The most common time is the two weeks before Christmas. Then there’s April Fool’s Day, which is rude but funny at the same time. Then there’s the weeks leading up to spring break and summer break, so people can be free to do what they want. But the fourth most common time for a breakup is – drum roll, please – the two weeks before Valentine’s Day.

So, when you think about it, most breakups are tied to another big event. It’s the most common breakup experience. In fact, it kinda seems like people just generally choose a convenient time for them VS any thoughtfulness on softening the blow for their partner. Despite the cold factuality of this, I think it’s a kind gesture for both parties.

Too many relationships end after they’ve become resentful and toxic. I personally believe you should leave just because it’s unfulfilling or annoying, even if I’m the one being left. Relationships are too important and take up too much brain space to just let things fester.

Why we linger

Originally, when tackling these topics, I’d say that you should wait. I was concerned about doing the “right” thing in a cosmic sense. Now, I realize:

· I was avoiding inevitable guilt as the person most likely to do the severing.

· I was avoiding my fear of abandonment in either case.

· I was avoiding the loss of intimacy.

· I was avoiding the effort and vulnerability of finding someone new.

· I was avoiding public and private embarrassment for making a “bad” dating decision.

Notice, I wasn’t holding on for hope or love, just fear. I’m not special, in this way. This sort of thinking is why so many relationships trail on until they explode. Instead, they should just end, regardless of the date. I guarantee that one more night of indentured romance is unlikely to reignite the damp log that used to burn bright and warm your relationship. But it is likely that you’ll trick yourself into letting things hobble along.

WHY WE SHOULDN’T

If someone wants to leave me, I’d rather not collect more experiences to look back on and wonder how I missed the signs of love leaving. I’d rather be thankful to the person brave enough to save us from our shared misery than villainizing someone I once cared for.

If I’m the one ready to leave, I’d rather make a prideworthy decision than interrogate my intuition and gaslight myself. I’d also rather spend Valentine’s alone, loving myself than feeling tense, distant, or confused. I can’t avoid the feelings of guilt, loss and shame forever. Plus, I’d be miserable in the meantime connected to someone I don’t like anymore.

IT’s A MATTER OF KINDNESS

Our understanding of kindness and cruelty is often skewed to keep things as they are VS assessing the weight of our inaction. I feel like this is just cowardice disguised. Kinda like not telling a friend their outfit is ugly, their fly is down, or their breath is bad. Or more correctly, it’s like leaving a deer you hit with your car to bleed out slowly and painfully in the middle of the road.

In all these situations, the kindest thing to do is show care and concern for the well-being of others. You should always help your friends look better, smell better, and keep their desired private parts private. In the case of your struggling relationship, treat it like a deer you hit. Put it out of its misery. Hell, for all you know, they could also be begging for death.

If you are reading this newly single, that didn’t magically ease your sense of grief. But that’s not what I’m here for, I’m shit at soothing people. But I’m surprisingly good at offering a unique perspective that’s directly opposed to melodrama. Hopefully, I did help you break the cloud of grief and sorrow a little.

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reddedredemption · 2 years

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Tumblr Comebek =)

I created this blog to indulge in to battle to share my severe addiction that takes over my life my interest in a wee game called Among Us. Also to remind everyone that red is not ded.

Note: This post is called "comebek" because I am, in fact, not new to Tumblr.

Certain things that just kept living in my mind rent-free forced me create this blog. Maybe the explanation for this is...

I enjoy good stories that take place in another dimension since childhood. It began with children's books about stars and planets, then I found out about this iconic co-op shooter, Unreal Tournament (1999).

As I kid, I was too awkward to go online... and not educated enough to know how. But that was when I finally discovered that it was supposed to be played online. And once I did, I didn't even care.

You see, when you're a little space nerd, trying to kill people isn't your first drive when you look at 3/4 of Earth while rotating on a <><>-shaped platform with two grotesque towers on both ends.

I remember playing against PC absent-mindedly. I pretty much used the programmed cycle of "Run for the tower" - "Murder the blues along the way" - "Snatch their flag" - "Murder the blues on the way back" - "Repeat" just to take a walk of fascination with the starry emptiness that made huge buildings look like dollhouses. I also remember jumping too much sideways and, as a result, being sucked away by the deathly grip of nothingness as the bottom of said platform became smaller and smaller until everything flashed red. It still feels uncanny today, though I jumped a few times on purpose.

Flash-forward to the present, I find it ironical that I began with a mature game as a child, only to end up playing for the same vibes in another one that attracts kids and teenagers. Quick fact: interaction with both age groups isn't as different as you'd hope it to be.

If I were to conclude it somehow, I'd say that I'd rather cut it right here and see what I can drop into my blog from my notes about my addiction experience in Among Us.

Yours,

Sus but not Ded

P. S. Wait a second...

OH-

#among us #unreal tournament #sci fi game

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lunargrapejuice · 2 years

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the soft touch of holding hands

xiao, diluc + kaeya x gn!reader

warnings: holding their hands for the first time, so much fluff, mentions of being scared/potential violence in dilucs

i’m so freaking soft after writing these 🥺💕

xiao:

an overload of commissions has kept you away from the wangshu inn and unable to visit the vigilant yaksha you’ve grown very fond of. you miss him and even though you won’t catch him saying it out loud, the way he looks for you when he hears footsteps similar to your own and the way his stern face falls even more unamused when it’s not you says he’s missing you too. the night you’re able to make it to the inn you arrive with an apologetic smile and a plate of almond tofu to share as a sorry for your absence.

he doesn’t say much when you first arrive and even though he’s not normally a man of many words, it makes you worry he’s upset at you for being gone but really he’s just trying to ignore the emotions you make him feel. he shouldn’t be bothered by your absence or this blithe when you’re around, those feelings are for fickle mortals and yet, he is. how is it that you make his karmic debt feel so light when you’re around? how could a mere mortal have him desiring the company of another after spending so many years alone? and why, out of all people, is it someone as sweet and kind as you? didn’t you see that he’s nothing but a monster whose only purpose is to kill?

he’s watching you, studying you, admiring the way your eyes sparkle in the moonlight while you take a bite of almond tofu as he’s thinking about all of these things, slightly annoyed that you have him questioning such foolishness. he’s not paying attention to his movements and neither are you when both of your hands reach for another bite of tofu and your fingers touch. his knuckle bumps into your fingers and you drop the chopsticks you were holding, allowing your middle and index fingers to find the space between his own.

he sucks in a quick breath before pulling away with a force that would have hurt your feelings had it been anyone other than xiao. he turns away from you to hide the pink dusting his cheeks. he’s never really felt your touch before and even though he should have expected it would be as gentle and warm as you are, he can’t get over how the tenderness and warmth lingering on his fingers and how he wants to feel it again.

if anything you’d say he’s been avoiding touching you and truthfully he has been. he doesn’t want you to feel the karma that consumes him, doesn’t want to hurt you because he doesn’t believe he can be gentle with you but he’s wrong.

you're a little glad he’s looking away from you so he can’t see just how red your cheeks are. you pray to celestia that he can’t hear your heart beating out of your chest through the silent air around you but it’s so loud in your own ears you don’t doubt he can hear it clear as day.

a small sweet laugh from your lips brings his attention back to you. “i missed you.” you admit even though you’re nervous to do so and it only deepens the bright color of your cheeks.

“next time don’t stay away for so long.”

from the top of the wangshu inn you watch in comfortable silence as the moon rises higher into the sky and stars begin to shine bright. your eyes get heavy and the exhaustion you’ve ignored from the amount of work you took on the previous few days finally catches up with you and as if your boldness today knew no end, your tired head finds solace on xiaos shoulder. in your sleep your fingers rest at your side, moving closer to his leg when you stir. emboldened by your own touches, xiao reaches for you. his hand, one that only knows that of strength and violence, hesitates to finally connect with yours until he remembers what it felt like not an hour ago when your fingers laced with his and how he wanted to experience it again.

as delicate as he can, to your sleeping form it’s as light as a feather, his fingers run along your palm. even in your dream state you react, opening up your hand to offer him all of it and after another moment of hesitance his fingers lace with yours.

your chest rises and falls with every deep breath you take and even though xiao is as stiff as a board, not daring to disturb you, inside he feels light as the leaves blowing in the wind as his hand rests in yours and he watches ever vigilantly at your surroundings

how you find such peace around him he’s not sure he’ll ever understand but what he does know for certain, as your hand tightens around his and the night grows ever darker, is that as long as you’ll allow him to he'll never let anything bother or hurt you. if you so wish it, he’d hold your hand through it all.

diluc:

one of the many things diluc admires about you is how hard you work. it’s something you share in common with the wine tycoon, something he understands better than anyone but similar to the way you worry when he overworks himself, diluc isn’t very fond of the times you take on more than you need to.

it’s partly because he doesn’t want to see you over exert yourself or worse, get hurt, when he’s not there to protect you but he also dislikes how often it can tear you away from him. he’s gotten quite used to your presence at the tavern every night he’s bartending after you cash in your last commission or when you stop by the winery to and from your destinations to check on him. like clockwork you open the door to the tavern right before the sun sets and offer him a smile that would stop anyone in their tracks but somehow, by the grace of the archons themselves, you’ve chosen to spend them on him.

when the sun fully sets and the sky above is turning shades of blue and gray but you’ve yet to brighten the tavern, and his day, with your lovely smile he begins to worry. he had even seen you earlier today on his way into the city and you mentioned then you’d be by after your commissions. what could have held you up for so long?

after asking charles to take care of things for a while longer he heads away from the tavern to look for you. the uncomfortable worry building in his stomach simmers when he sees you standing at the kiosk and when you greet him with your smile, like a fish caught on a hook, he’s reeled in. his feet move on their own until he's by your side.

you assure him you’re fine and begin to tell him the troubles of your last commission that cost you a lot of time while katherine gets your last cash out ready. your words are interrupted by the shouting of a man at the front gates and when you see who it is, your heart begins to beat fast.

your first commission of the day was to retrieve the goods of a man who was run off the road by hilichurls. he wanted one thing in particular, a precious vase but much to his displeasure, you were only able to return the broken pieces of the vase thanks to the ungentle handling of the hilichurls. when you returned the item to him he was furious, his face red and mouth scrunched in anger, dark veins popping out of his forehead, much like he is now. you had hoped when he stormed off in anger that was the last you’d seen of him but it seems you were wrong.

“where is that little witch?!” he yells as the guards try to hold him back. your eyes meet his and the look on his face has all of the other citizens around you quiet, their eyes curious. “there you are!” he pushes past the guards and stomps his way to the kiosk, broken vase in hand.

“i understand why you’re upset sir and i’m sorry i couldn’t bring back the vase the way you’d hoped but there was nothing i could have done.” you try to reason with him before he even reaches you.

“shut your mouth you lying brat.” he walking fast, too quickly for yours and dilucs liking and the closer he gets, he seems to have no intent on stopping. dealing with hilichurls was easy, nothing to be afraid of but could you really defend yourself against an angry man who was much bigger than you to begin with? you don’t have time to really think about what to do as he raises one of the broken pieces and his pace increases. the only thing you can will your body to do is take a step back and reach for dilucs hand, squeezing it tight- the only way you can tell him without your words that you’re scared.

he accepts it without hesitation, pulling you further back as he steps in front of you. he looks like he’s barely using any strength when his free hand pushes against the mans chest but you see just how much muscle he put behind the shove when the man goes toppling backwards. the last you see is the mans feet in the air as falls before your vision is nothing but the black and gold of dilucs coat as he uses his body to shield you from the scene.

“let the knights handle this,” diluc says quietly in your ear. with his hand still in yours, he leads you away from the commotion and back to the tavern. there's too much going on in both of your minds to realize you’re holding hands all the way back to the bar. diluc only wishes to calm you down and get you somewhere safe and you, hoping the man was okay but most of all, you’re thankful diluc was there tonight.

back at the tavern, once you're safely in the back room, his gloved fingers wrapped in yours slack but when you don’t pull away and your hand remains in his, he doesn’t remove it from yours. he hadn’t realized how small your hand would feel in his or how delicate they would be in his rough grasp. was he capable of holding something so fragile with the care it required with hands that know nothing but battles and darkness? he fears he may not be able to, that he may have hurt you in his harsh grip or only made things worse by pulling you away like he did but he doesn’t want to stop. your touch, even through his gloves, is something he's longed for and until now couldn’t bring himself to indugle in but seeing the lovely shade of pink on your cheeks and the smile you often wear around him on your lips as you come to realize that you grabbed his hand and haven’t let go since makes him want to be more bold with you.

“oh- im sorry!” you pull away in fear you’ve overstepped. you know how diluc feels about being touched by others. “i didn’t mean to - i was just-” every muscle in your body except your heart freezes, no more words leave your throat as diluc brings his hand up and brushes his fingers gently against your cheek. his touch is beyond considerate and warm enough to melt away the last bit of fear that clung to you like icicles.

“are you okay?” his tone and the look in his eyes matches his soft touch. it’s only thanks to how hard and fast your heart beats that you’re able to stay upright and not melt into a puddle right at his feet

“thanks to you i am,” you reply, only now pulling your gaze from his. the pink of your cheeks grows brighter, spreads to the tips of your ears but it’s impossible to hide it with how he’s looking at you. to diluc it's the most lovely sight. what he wouldn’t do to see it more often and how delighted he feels to be the one you show such beauty to.

once you’ve had a glass of water and diluc truly believes you are okay, you join the rest of the bar and diluc finishes his shift, his eyes tender each time they fall on you. the unpleasant events of the night were long forgotten by the time the tavern closed and diluc was ready to walk you home before starting his dark knight duties.

“may i?” he asks and this time it’s him who is avoiding your gaze and attempting to hide rosy cheeks. the tips of his fingers brush against the back of your hand, telling you all you need to know about what he’s asking permission for

“you never need to ask,” you reply with a smile, lacing your fingers in his, taking the first steps of what would be too short of a walk home.

kaeya:

kaeya is no stranger to touching you. light and fleeting chilled fingers on your arms and shoulders in passing, his hand on your back as he guides you through the crowded street or out of his office to head to the tavern but even through all of that, he was holding back. you had taken up quite a space in his life and he doesn’t want to do anything to make it, make you, go away and that included being sure not to overstep and touch you just as much as he’d like. even though you never seem to mind when his hands are you and he often finds you touching him in return. the softness of your touch was enough to make any man weak and kaeya quickly became a melted snow cone every time you brushed arms or fixed his clothing and lingered longer than any normal person would. of course you’d never know that, his face doesn’t tell you of the irregular beating of his heart each time you’re around, which was quite often.

even now when all you’re doing is talking about your day, your hands moving in every direction as you express your frustration of your latest commission and walk by his side in the grass fields that line the outside of the city his heart feels like it’s doing somersaults in his chest. he’s longing to reach out to you, hold any part of you that you’d allow him to but for now he’ll be a patient man, only admiring you with his eyes and hope you’ll give him the permission to do the same with his touch soon.

you look adorable when you’re frustrated and now was no exception. the smirk he wears shows just how smitten he is watching you express yourself in such a way. almost any emotion you’ve shown kaeya since coming into his life he adores on you, loves that you’re willing enough to share them with him and there are so many others he can’t wait to make you feel and see what pretty expressions you make then.

neither of you know how long it’s been since you started your walk or what time it is now but you’re too busy enjoying the company to care. you didn’t have any more commissions for the day and the paperwork on kaeyas desk could wait a little longer, his words not yours. when you’ve walked around the wall and hit a head end, the only way to go now is back the way you came, you huff and let the remaining frustrations of your day get blown away with the wind. “thanks for listening to me,” you turn to face him with a lovely smile, not a single worry or frustration held behind it like when you first asked for a moment of his time. he doesn’t understand how his presence of all people can do that to you but he’s glad it does, he wouldn’t want anyone else to be easing your heart the way he does.

“there's no need to thank me my dear. you can always lean on me,” he coos, leaning closer to you, adoring the way your cheeks burst into rosy colors at his words and close proximity. you don’t hide your blush from kaeya, you know it’s pointless because if you did he would only make you even more flustered with no means to escape his sapphire eye and charming smile.

you’re not ready to part from him but you don’t want to take any more of his time, you know he’s got more work to do. “should we head back?”

“mmm,” he fake debates for a moment. “not quite yet. unless you have other plans?”

“me? n-no, not at all!” you sound too eager for your liking but he couldn’t be happier.

he guides you away from the path, down to the waters edge and calls upon his vision to make a bridge of ice, the perfect frozen path to continue your afternoon journey.

“this should do,” he smiles and takes a step onto the frozen water. you follow behind him, testing the ice to be sure it can hold you both up before taking another step- as if kaeya would ever let you fall. when you see hes still standing sturdy you take another step and the slippery surface has you losing your balance, toppling forward. frantically you reach out for kaeya, one hand finding his own, the other finding his arm. through his chuckles you hold on for dear life until you steady yourself.

“oh? can’t handle a little ice?” he teases as he keeps you steady and helps you find your bearings. you glare up at him, eyes narrow and lips pursed, cheeks red and hands holding onto him with all your strength- he could get used to your tight grip on him.

he looks heavenly from this angle, dark lashes making his cerulean eye seem even brighter in the sunlight, long hair cascading down his shoulder like a silk waterfall. the smile on his lips and the gentleness and care of his touch has your already unsteady legs even more weak. “hehe. don’t worry, i’ve got you.”

you trust him, you always have, and don’t doubt his hold on you when you continue your walk along his icey bridge, each step more stable than the last. even when you can walk on your own your hand remains in his, fingers laced tightly together and you both love the feeling. your touch warms his normally cold hands and the tenderness of your soft skin is so much more intoxicating than he imagined it would be. how could he possibly resist himself now that he’s had a taste?

luckily for him, you don’t seem to mind. if anything he’d say you wanted it just as badly as he does, your actions telling him how much you enjoyed his touch in return when you make your way back into the city, archons knows how much longer later. time didn’t matter when you were together. you’ve been walking on normal ground for a while now but even through the entire city and up the stairs back to his office, your hand is in his, love stricken smiles adorning both your faces the entire way.

genshin impact masterlist | main masterlist

#xiao #xiao x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc ragnvindr x reader #diluc x reader #kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya alberich #genshin impact fluff #kaeya #diluc

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give-soup-please · 2 years

Text

Narrator During a Power Outage Headcanons (reverse hurt/comfort)

After escaping the parable, he’s got a lot of leftover trauma

Most of it doesn’t rise all the way to the surface, but he’s very clingy

He does his best to respect your boundaries, and not follow you to places you don’t want him to go

But deep down, he’s terrified

Of losing you, of going back, of being stuck in never ending offices and hallways

So when your local electric company is doing some maintenance, and the power goes out, he really doesn’t handle it well.

To you, it's nothing out of the ordinary. You roll your eyes because this happens every couple of months, and your neighbors usually gather around to complain about it while wondering how long the current outage is going to be.

To him, he’s suddenly plunged into a too familiar blackness, the kind that appears during a reset. He lets out something between a shout and a yelp and begins to hyperventilate.

You hear his muffled sounds coming from a nearby room, and wonder what’s gotten into him.

You follow the sounds he’s making until you two are sharing a space again.

“Narrator?” You call out, “Narrator, are you alright?”

He sucks in a breath through his teeth and you feel his presence winding around you tightly.

You were mildly confused, reaching out to pet the air without knowing what you were doing.

He seems stressed, so you decide to try and comfort him.

“It’s going to be okay, man. You’re safe.”

He continues to coil around you, and you can feel his panic on your skin.

“You’re still here!” he cries, relieved. “I thought you were- I thought I had-”

Something starts to click in your head, a slight suspicion. Instead of confronting him directly about it, you edge around the perceived problem.

“Yes, you’re still here, I’m still here. The both of us are still together, sharing the same space and time.” You bit your lip, trying to think of what else to say, trying to think of the best way to keep him grounded.

“Narrator? I’d like you to answer a few questions for me, if you can manage.” you said, still trying to feel the air where he might be. You weren’t sure if he was someone who needed to be touched while frightened, but you reached out anyway, wanting to provide what you could.

He takes a deep, steadying breath.

“Okay. What is it?”

“Where are you right now?”

“I-I’m in your living room.”

“Good. I know it's dark, but you can still see some shadows on the wall, right? Could you tell me what you see?”

“I- The couch, the table, the television, and you.”

You smiled.

“Good.” This next question was not going to be easy for you, emotionally, but you pressed on.

“Do you remember who I am to you?”

He scoffed. “Of course I do. You’re my dear listener.”

You grinned, not sure if he could see it in the dark. You loved it when he referred to you like that.

“Yes, I am.” You said, with no small amount of joy. “And I’m very glad we get to live our lives together. Now listen, I’m going to walk outside. Will you come with me?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

Eyes having adjusted to the lack of light, you found the door with relative ease.

Opening the door revealed the beautiful outside world. The sun was setting, and the remaining light shafted through the leaves in wonderful patterns.

Late night bird song trilled in the air, and you took a deep, grateful breath at being able to experience it all

His tension eased, and you were privately thankful. You’d never blame the narrator for being scared or having a bad day, but it was hard to think straight when his panic started to transfer to you, as it often did when his emotions were high.

He still curled around you protectively, but you didn’t mind that in the least. You felt the ghost of a hand in yours, and relaxed.

“See?” you said. “It’s all still here, waiting for us.”

After he was fully grounded, which took a while, you explained the concept of power outages, and you could almost sense an eye roll from him.

“How do humans manage a life where so much happens outside of their control?”

“It’s easier to get through when you have someone to share the chaos with.”

“Yes, well. I am a rather grand being to share it with, aren’t I?”

Heh. he was definitely back to normal now, but you decided to indulge him anyway.

“Yeah. You are. Wouldn’t want to live this life with someone else.”

He let out a pleasant sort of hum, and you failed at hiding a smile.

“Can we stay out here for a bit longer?” He asked.

“Take as much time as you need.”