#I'm not gonna have enough energy for my hobby
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Hey, guys, what's up?
Listen, I've been thinking and I thought I'd give y'all a status update on what's going on with me right now. Put simply, brain weather is cloudy. Sometimes I get a burst of energy and start pumping out posts left, right, and center... Other times, I'm running on fumes with still a lot of mileage to cover. Overall? Meh...
So let me tell you guys what my future plan is since I haven't really told anyone about this.
First off, I'm still hanging around [tumblr] and I'm still gonna be making RWBY posts. Might branch out to other things as you've seen, but it'll still be mostly RWBY.
Second, I've set a goal for myself. I'm currently sitting at about 45k posts right now, and if I hit that sweet, sweet 50k, I'm gonna... OPEN AN AO3 ACCOUNT! I'll be moving my stuff over there so that if/when [tumblr] crashes and burns like all things eventually will, my works will still have a place somewhere on the internet where people can read and enjoy/cringe. It'll be easier to separate and organize my work there than here since tags can only help so much.
Finally, I'm gonna come right out and say it, I have NO IDEA what I should do with my life. I've got a good enough job, but that time's about to come to an end. I need to start thinking about my options and, well, it's one of those situations where none of them look good for my writing. To be honest, I'd like to go somewhere with this. Make this not just a hobby, but an actual career.
Like I said, I'll still be around, but I'm also still thinking about my future. Until then, guys,
KEEP UP THE
GOOD WORK
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i was wondering (if your allowed to say/feel comfortable doing so) what type of animation work you do for you day job? nothing specific ofc, but is it like, a tv show/movie, or advertising?
I'm a storyboard artist on a little animated series for some kids tv channel (I won't tell you which one) :>
#to be honest#I don't really like this show#it's very childish and stupid#but if I go for more cool and complicated project#I'm not gonna have enough energy for my hobby#and by hobby I mean drawing things for you all#so#eh :|
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i want to paint, but autism is hungry and needs to be fed 8hrs of skyrim a day
#i'm trying to set up to paint bc i want to!! but every bone in my body says no#i'm gonna feel sad and disappointed in myself if i don't paint because i want to actually *do* something#and not spend this whole weekend having barely even scraped the surface of what i truly genuinely wanted to do#and instead just burn away the time looking at skyrim#i'm not even really having all that much fun playing it!!! but i can't break away from it#which isn't always a bad thing especially on week days but? on a long weekend where i want to enjoy myself??#and i can't because my brain won't let me??? not fun!!!#painting is so boring and understimulating and my brain is way too foggy right now to think about mixing colors and layering#(secretly i don't even want to paint i just want to feel satisfied at creating a thing!!) (my brain is too fried to hold a thought long#enough to do the physical action of painting! it sounds wayyyy too daunting and taxing right now!!)#but if i spend this whole weekend having sat on my ass doing nothing will i feel rested? no!!!#but if i spend all my energy doing A Hobby will i feel rested? also no!!! but then i'll at least have something to show for it#i'm riling myself up and i feel like i ALMOST could make myself paint right now#but as soon as i think of what it will feel like to sit here and focus and move my hands to do the painting my brain screams NO#and sure i can argue i'll feel better if i do it i'll be glad if i do it and it'll be easier once i start#but this isn't the walk i took yesterday (that i was glad i took but still felt like garbage after)#i WANTED to take a walk. i was just struggling with the level of exertion i could manage (walk my neighborhood or drive 30min to the park?)#my brain is latching on to 8hrs a day of skyrim bc that's all i have the energy for#work has been killing me#and it's so painfully bright in my apartment but i can't close the curtains bc i need all the sunlight i can get#i WANT to have the energy to paint and enjoy it but i just don't.... (but i feel like if i Give In to the exhaustion then i'm#no better than my mom who just sits around all day refusing to live her life bc she refuses to take care of herself.#and calls sitting perfectly still—instead of actuvely managing her condition—'not letting her disability win')#(so i don't want to be that. i don't want to waste away like my mom bemoaning how i Just Can't when i totally can!!!#i could push through this exhaustion and hype myself up but the only thing i'm going to be thinking about is Am I Done Yet? Can I Rest Now?)#and i can't convince myself that 'just paint for 30min' is worth it bc mixing paint and setting up is Just So Much#enough that 'just 30min' is a lie and not a legitimate out if i need it to be#i need to commit or not do it. and i just can't......... my eyes hurt and i'm tured and i just wanna play my game#and all this indecision and feeling like i'm wasting time is just making me want to cry. im gonna close the curtains and boot up the xbox;(#personal
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I hate studying I just wanna create stuff and see the world I hate how little control I have over my life
#Let's make it clear I know I'm lucky to get higher education and I'm grateful for it + knowledge can be the greatest tool#It's just that medschool is killing me and there's just too much stuff to learn and I'm struggling so badly with it that at the end of the#day it feels like I'm not learning anything and I'm completely dumb and uneducated#I'm not even a good student but it takes all my energy and even when I'm not studying I rarely have the energy to do anything#The only thing I sorta do consistently is working out because it makes my brain shut up for a while and it helps the muscle pain I got from#All the stress and sitting at my desk/working long days at the hospital#Anyway I love complaining sorry#I just feel like I had /have a very creative artsy nature and I'm really suffering from the lack of it like not in a I don't have enough#time for my hobbies and to relax#Which is already bad enough btw I don't think it should be considered normal for anyone to be too exhausted to do anything outside of work#But I really feel it in a I'm not myself anymore it's hard to move forward and build confidence and a sense of self while having a life so#far away from what you love and feel like you need + denying yourself what you desire the most can't be good to your brain let's face it#Anyway long story short first thing I'm gonna do when I finally get my degree is by me some drums learn the guitar and paint on the walls#And in the meanwhile Idk do I keep living this way? If I do will I go completely insane?#Or do gift myself the right to give up on the idea of being a slightly less bad student and do I say fuck it and start living my life now ?#Idk! Idddkkk !!!#Oh my god
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Ngl, I think one of my struggles with fic writing in general, is I don't really have anyone I trust enough that can give me feedback before I post said fics. I don't feel comfy at all asking someone I don't know super well to give my writing a look over, and rn my few close pals either can't or don't wanna give em a read.
so yeah, I try my best to go over my own work and fiddle with it and re-adjust things as best I can, but I'm fully aware my own thought processes don't always "translate" well, or make total sense I guess? But I'm trying. ^^;
#insomniac hyena rambles#idk. I like. finished a chapter of awlb part 2 last night#and now keep second guessing the entire chapter just about#I've had my boundaries trampled WAY TOO MANY TIMES with hobbies to feel ok at all asking someone I'm not close to to take a look#I want what aspects of my hobbies I still enjoy to stay that way as much as possible#hopefully that chapter will grow on me before it gets to time to post#or I figure out what needs re-worked to be more satisfied with it#sorry for the random sorta downer post#I mean. I get why the chapter is that way. it focuses on non-main characters#but helps tie together some things later#I'd be writing an entire other fic within this fic to give it as much space and pacing as the main characters get#and I don't have the time or energy for that#so of course it's gonna move a bit quickly#but I worry the reasons for the characters behaviors isn't clear enough#hopefully I can make them more clear in later chapters.#but I'm weary of idk. people jumping the gun before the rest of the story or something maybe?#or a good time to fill out the reasons more clearly never happening#hmmmm
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Being gentler with myself is a challenge that I simply must be up for
#deciding to not do a 10 hour shift so i can come home and do some hobbies instead and it's like.#yes i can do the extra work yes i have the energy but the idea of expending all my energy into something like a job simply bc i can#isn't the healthiest mindset and i wanna start breaking away from that#the extra money is nice but not strictly necessary and it's okay of me to treat myself to. god just basic time to myself#i want to take some steps back and acknowledge that it's okay to do that. this is gonna be a tough one to break#bc it makes me feel guiltly for not reaching my absolute limits; like I'm not trying hard enough; but with everyone going on#in my life and with my body. this is warranted#i can take breaks#come to think of it my back does hurt though lmao#hoatm rants
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🌹Astrology Notes🌹
These can also be called Degree Notes since a lot of them are about Degrees ❤️
Intro Song ❤️☺️
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Virgo's Suns are the balance between brain and beauty, that combination of I'm smart and pretty too. (This can also apply if you have the Sun or Ascendant at Virgo Degrees: 6°, 18°)
Water and Air moons are very sensitive people, they are having a very emotional nature and inner child.
Capricorn Placements are getting very JEALOUS, but VERY jealous in relationships too with their partners, they can get very jealous when someone doesn't give them enough attention
Cancer and Pisces placements are so underated for their anger. Seriously, they can get very angry and create a lot of conflicts and chaos
People with North Node in Leo... You know their destiny is gonna be big
Recently i discovered that Sagittarius and Scorpio Venuses get along so good like what??? They both have a very attractive energy omg Fire + Water combination 🫂
Leo Risings people can get along so good with people who are Aquarius Risings they are sisters signs and can have a lot in common, and hobbies, talents too
Pluto aspecting the ascendant can give you very big and misterious eyes, very big magnetism those people can find people asking them a lot about their eyes (I call myself out here i have Pluto sextile ascendant and i get asked a lot about my eyes 👀)
Sagittarius Risings are having a very nice body shape and a very fiery energy i swear those people have so much fun in them
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Any planet/asteroid that enters in your 7th house is gonna affect your relationship life
People with Sun in Taurus Degrees (2°, 14°, 26°) are very charismatic and very fashionable,they can be very good at arts and music and at singing too
People with Sun in Aquarius Degrees (11°, 23°) wanna be different from other people, they always had something's that made them unique.
Neptune in the 4th house can make you to dream about your family and maybe to dream about your spiritual family also, since Neptune is a very spiritual planet, they can also dream about family members who lost their lives 🫂💫
Uranus in the 11th house can make you the unique friend in your friend group, you can always have something different from your friends
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Venus in Aquarius Degrees (11°, 23°) can give you very unique love experiences and partners, your spouse can be very unique in their talents or their job
Mars in the 2nd house can give you a very good physical body
People with Ascendant in Aries Degrees (1° 13°, 25°) can be very stubborn and very dominant toward others
Moon at Libra Degrees (7°,19°) can make you to be very balanced with your emotions and you know how to control your feelings very good and enough to not show others when you feel sad. I send you a lot of hugs ⊂(◉‿◉)つ
Pisces Placements like to listen to sad songs even when they are not sad, 😭 sometimes they can transform this into a habit
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Gemini Risings are having such a good charisma towards others to always make such a good first impression when they met someone
Saturnian/Uranian Risings; (Aquarius and Capricorn) Saturn guides them very much and a lot of times they need to learn big lesson in life because Saturn knows these people are very strong and strong enough to end every challenge. If you stop them from going on their path way Saturn can punish you really bad because Saturn really cares about what happens in these natives life
Leo Mars can be really seductive people 👀, they are very good at seducing
Fire Mars people can have a lot of simps around them 👀 but be careful because you attract people who can see you only for your outside and not your inside
Air Moons people tend to have around people who can misunderstand their emotions, or tend to be a little cold around other people because it can be hard for them to open up.
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8th house in personal planets (Sun,Moon,Mars,Venus,Mercury) can attract stalkers
8th house Mars can have a very big drive in bed
11th house placements, be careful when you make friends, some people can be fake and use you for personal reasons and they can betray or backstab you so please choose your friends with much care
6th house placements, please don't forget to take a break if you are tired and take care of yourself and your needs too. These people are workaholics and they can work 24/7 but they always forget to take a break :(, relax your soul a bit and take care of yourself
7th house placements can have a dark side beside they are destined to have very good relationships, but these people can lost themselves for people their love, they can become very obsessive of their partners and forget about themselves, make sure to spend some time with yourself and to take care of your heart ❤️
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Don't forget to take care of you ❤️
With love, Harmoonix
#astrology#birth chart#astro observations#astrology observations#placements#venus#astro notes#ascendant#virgo#libra#taururs#uranus#Capricorn#Scorpio#pluto#Sagittarius#leo#neptune#pisces#Aquarius#mars#gemini#harmoonix#take care of you#11th house#7th house#8th house#saturn#air moons#6th house
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MANGOOO!! hello, been shy to slide into asks but i got very curious looking at your SMG4 posts.. do you have any headcanons you think are cool ? Would be a blast to see them! :D
OH HAI!!!! Oh my god I love headcanons so much I promise, but I'm one of those people who immediately forgets them all when I'm asked about them. Also I forgot which ones are mine and which ones are someone elses, thought tbh if someone HC is good enough for me to think I made it then like, that would be a huge compliment to me haha! X3
I have a few that I can think of off the top of my head right now, there's a few that need a whole post to explain but I'll do that when I feel like it, gonna leave out any LGBT headcanons because I already agree with everyone else, they are all gay and trans except the ones that aren't and that's so awesome.
Again forgive me if I repeat someone else's HC, or if anything I say is proven to not be possible, I fucking forgorrrrr;
SMG3 has tattoos, I know I've shown that one already but listen. He has 3, one is a half sleeve on his left forearm that's got a skull and a bunch of bombs and explosions around it, another one is on his right mid thigh which is a memorial tattoo for Terence, and one very small one on his back right shoulder blade that's just a little skull (it's very blown out and old). He'd like to get more at some point, none of the others have any tattoos but he's trying to convince them to get one.
All the SMG's have the little arrow thing that was on their guardian pod as a marking somewhere on their body, SMG1 has his on his chest under his scarf, SMG2 has his under his hat, SMG3 has his on his lower back, and SMG4 has his on the back of his neck, they're all pretty hidden and not too visible, but anytime they use their meme guardian powers they glow.
Tari is just a bird fan in general, for someone who stays inside gaming she sure knows every single bird ever. She's not a bird watcher but she can identify any bird you show her easily, and she's always happy and excited to see bird when she does go out. Obviously though ducks are her favourite, but she like all waterfowl in general.
Karen is divorced, she just gives me divorced girl energy. She has full custody of her kids because her ex was a piece of shit and didn't want them anyway, her kids were all too young to know about him thankfully. She probably got married right out of highschool or something, those relationships never seem to work out. I keep thinking of those "day in the life of a divorced 23 year old" videos like, that's her lol.
Bob's secret hobby is fabric work, you will catch him dead before you catch him admitting or even showing anything he makes, but he makes garments and furniture for fun. Sometimes he'll throw them into the black market and lie about their value for a quick buck and to clear out space, he doesn't care much once they're completed he just likes making them.
I think this one's just semi canon, but SMG4 Mario is secretly really good at reading people, yeah he's kinda dumb but he can pick up what people are feeling in depth, he just doesn't always get why. He's also just a good guy to go to for comfort, not advised though don't listen to him, he's just really good to ramble/vent too (mainly because he won't remember what you said lol).
I'm sure I'll think of more as soon as I post this, but come back and ask again at some point and I'll try and remember them lol
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The hero burst through the wall of the library in my secret liar. Fortunately not one of the walls that had bookshelves on it.
"This ends now, Doctor Calamity! You are going to prison for the rest of your life!"
I sighed, closed my book, and looked up at Admiral Nova. "Can it wait? Kind of on vacation right now."
"Your only vacation is going to be-", he started, and stopped when a forcefield popped up around him, at which point he just started uselessly blasting it with his lasers.
"No, seriously, it's not a good time. I was really getting into this new book series? Well, new to me, it's been going on for a couple decades now, I'm really surprised it... you're not paying attention at all, are you. Full body restraints, please."
At my command, bands of energy wrapped themselves around Nova's every limb, immobilising him. Smaller versions of the forcefield appear around his hands, in case he was going to be rude enough to fire an unaimed blast in my library. He struggled, but there was much less noise going on.
"Right. I really don't have anything scheduled for you for this week, so I don't know why you decided to show up, but can we just agree to ignore this and I'll have some diabolical scheme for you to thwart by next Monday?"
"I don't know what game you think you're playing, but I will escape-", he started, but I cut him off
"You don't need to, I can just send you home right now, assuming you agree to let me have my vacation"
"You're pretending you're not gonna try to kill me, is that it?"
"Why on Earth would I want to kill you?"
"...because I'm always thwarting your evil plans to take over the world? And you keep putting me in death contraptions like this one?"
"Oh my god you're serious aren't you. I thought you just had a thing against dropping character, which, whatever, your business, but you really are serious about this."
"Of course I'm serious about saving the world from you! You're a supervillain!"
"Dude. How have you not figured it out yet. If I wanted you dead, you would be. If I wanted my 'diabolical plans' to succeed, they would have."
"Did you get hit on the head or something?" he sneered. "Is 'Oh I never wanted to take over the world' your feeble attempt at psychological warfare"
"I took over the world decades ago, genius. There's no trying involved. I just-" I took a deep breath, and continued.
"You've seen what I can do! I have an unlimited power source! I can mass-produce sentient robots! I can build mind control beams! I have a time machine that lets me alter the past and see the future!
"And you think some asshole with lasers can pose a meaningful obstacle???"
He did not respond.
"Nova. You've been doing this for six years. Six. Fucking. Years. How on Earth have you never gotten suspicious about how you keep escaping my 'death traps' at the last second, and random clues to figure out my 'evil scheme' show up out of nowhere whenever you need one, and I never just send a fucking robot army to your house, which you know I know the address of, and kill you in your sleep?"
"Why? Why the hell do you do any of it then?"
"For fun, obviously? And I figured you hero types could use the enrichment, too, if you don't have a supervillain to fight you lot just get restless and decide you need to go beat up purse snatchers or whatever.
"So yes, after I finished replacing every world leader with robot doppelgangers loyal to me and getting a supercomputer to spy on everyone on the planet to detect plans that could potentially overthrow me and setting up a handful other layers of redundancy like that, and after I got bored of micromanaging shit and figured out that I had the system running basically as I liked it, I got a hobby. And I thought you were having fun too, but seriously? You thought it was all real?"
I waved my hand, and Nova teleported out.
"Computer!" I yelled out. I needn't have; it would have shown up anyway. Omniscient smartass.
Immediately, of course, a holographic eye appeared.
"What the hell" I asked.
"You specifically instructed me on the spoiler policy, boss. We can step through the rules if you like, but this definitely falls under 'Don't tell me if it'd spoil my fun', and under none of the stated exceptions."
"We're fucking recalibrating that, then. Jesus."
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Still dealing with ED bullshit hence the whole "not very active on here" thing, but I'm still studying Japanese hard. I've started working through JLPT N3 vocab alongside playing Pokemon, reading manga and watching anime and I really feel like that active vocab study is helping me improve. I feel like every day I come across a kanji or a word or a grammar pattern I just studied!
Productive skills still leave a lot to be desired, but, well. I'm getting there. I'm much more willing to at least try now, even if my attempts frequently end in failure.
I want to get back on here. I want to go back to being a real person with hobbies and stuff. I want to share all my adventures and funny anecdotes with you guys. But I tend to log out of here because I don't want to accidentally post something triggering. I feel simultaneously like I'm letting people down for not posting and like I'm arrogant for thinking anyone would notice or care 🙄
Having an ED is fucking boring honestly, I have no energy and the little energy I do have seems to be spent doing fucking maths. I'm not ready to get help or try recovering yet though. I'm barely even willing to admit I have a problem, and I'm only really saying it here because I feel guilty for not posting (and honestly I just feel like I'm making excuses for being lazy. Except I'm not being lazy; I have no energy and I can't focus on shit because I'm not fucking eating enough, which I logically know).
Anyway. I hope everyone's doing well and I hope I can come back soon. I've made all the images for June's Norwegian WOTD posts and just need to write sample sentences and queue them up. It's not gonna happen today though, so they'll be coming a little late. I'm sorry about that.
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my brain has been operating at 10% power today but i have been deep in thought about what Star Trek characters' dnd classes would be and here's what i got (taking into account a character's career, skills, hobbies, and general vibe). i also tended to sub science skills in Star Trek for being some sort of magic user because otherwise this would not work.
*disclaimer. i like dnd, i've played dnd but i'm very far from being a dnd expert so please add your opinions if you have them!
TOS:
Kirk: fighter (specifically with a Battle Master archetype). i think there's a tendency for Captains to be paladins given that they're sworn to uphold Federation values and be a sort of holy warrior but Kirk is both a physical fighter and a tactical strategist as well. plus i think fighter is maintaining Kirk's "just some guy who happens to get into wild adventures" energy.
Spock: wizard. yes yes i know it's kinda stereotypical but Spock is such a classic wizard build i don't know what to tell you. i don't know a ton about the schools of magic but i could see Spock in school of transmutation maybe?
McCoy: wizard. honestly? i was stuck on McCoy because he's obviously a healer but sticking to the handbook classes, the only real healer option is cleric but i don't think McCoy could ever kick it with a god long enough to be a cleric (plus then by default every doctor would be a cleric). however i thought about the hilarity of McCoy and Spock as arguing wizards with extremely different philosophies around magic and couldn't get the image out of my head. (he would probably be school of abjuration)
Uhura: BARD. Uhura is such a bard. her job is communications officer and she's a singer? no other option.
Scotty: warlock. the only explanation for being that good of an engineer is that he made a pact with some supernatural eldritch entity.
Sulu: fighter. did you see how happy he was when he got a gun in Shore Leave? have you seen Sulu leap down the halls of the Enterprise with a fencing foil?
Chekov: gonna be honest and say that i only have memory of watching the first season of tos and the movies so i don't actually know Chekov that much but he has rogue vibes.
this is already so long but i'm having fun so i'm gonna go through the other shows later and tag them here: star trek dnd fusion
#tos#james kirk#spock#leonard mccoy#nyota uhura#montgomery scott#hikaru sulu#pavel chekov#star trek#star trek dnd fusion#my posts
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So there's a classic joke, repurposed for innumerable jobs and hobbies. It runs along these lines:
"Question: What does a blacksmith/farmer/glassworker do with a million dollars? Answer: Work 'til the money runs out."
And basically--uh. That's what we've done. When we moved here, we used equity from the old house, and withdrew an older 401K of my spouse's for downpayment and property improvement. And as we try to pull this place together and learn how to deal with it all and eventually make it financially stable, we've spent that down. And uhhhhhh it's gone. And we haven't reached any point of stability.
We don't yet have the sheep to a point where we can recoup feed and fencing costs through sales of wool/fleeces/lambs. We don't yet have the garden to a point where it reduces grocery costs. (Indeed, it still costs a great deal because it still requires substantial outside input.) The various trees will be years before they provide us any value. The chickens probably cost more than their eggs would, though their eggs are definitely better than we'd buy at the store. We don't produce any salable crops or added value products yet. The metal shop generally subsists on money the spouse makes with metal shop sales, which is a fantastic achievement I'm very proud of. On the other hand, the metal shop is essentially a second job for him, and he spends a huge amount of time and energy on it. My glass does not support itself, because I haven't put in enough effort, though it's clear that it could.
We also don't have most of those property improvements the 401K was supposedly for. Still have no permanent fencing. No equipment shed. No barn. No water points in the fields. No fucking dishwasher. At least we do have the tractor and a mower more or less adequate to the several acres of lawn we haven't ripped up yet.
The idea was certainly never to get rich off these things. It was to enjoy these things at a lower cost because we put in effort in place of money. But uh. We done run out of money and making up the difference is going to be a whole lot of effort.
So anyway I guess the moral is that being a first generation farmer is insanely fucking difficult and the economic reality is that even having a well-paying outside job can be insufficient to get started. We're gonna do it somehow anyway. But goddamn.
#this is ridiculous#this isn't like...a plea for sympathy or anything#it's more of a 'piece of our shared economic reality'
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Tw vent
My job doesn't give two shits about me as long as I turn up for my shifts, my professor knows about how demanding my job is but won't cut me any slack and my work knows how uni is and still keeps pushing for more... It's at the point that I have to schedule my showers just to make sure I have the time for it. I skip meals most of the time for the sake of saving 20-30 minutes, I'm sleeping well (7-8 hours a night) but already falling into my bad previous habits of cutting down my hours then just to get more studying done since my job takes so much of my time and energy that I have to get up at 2-3am to study before work, because once I'm home I'm too tired to do anything beyond showering and dinner before crawling into bed to rot, my room is a mess because I don't have the time to clean it, and I can't fucking remember comfort characters' voices because it's been months since I heard them and I'm just. Tired. Of always giving my best and all my energy and effort to my job but then when I get home, I'm too tired to even read fucking fanfics. I'm sick of this but it's not gonna change because I'm not able to change my job right now - quite frankly, I have enough to worry about and at least, as shitty as my job is, I know what I'm doing there.
And I'm trying to figure out how to accommodate work experience around everything else going on because it's looking like I'll have to balance my job with my degree and work experience. I've been so busy I've been grocery shopping online during my work breaks or I won't have time for it💀💀💀
I am just tired. But this is the life I signed up for, so I'm just trying to get myself through this bout of burnout while also not dropping any responsibilities, friendships or creative hobbies; because if I lose myself, then I am gonna be well and truly fucked.
I wish Arthur was here, so he and I could have a conversation. I miss him terribly. He's always guided me through the worst of it and I need him now, too. I can feel myself giving up on the future I've been working so hard for, and that fucking terrifies me.
I'd like a hug please and thank you. I was gonna write some comfort tonight but I'm too sad and heavy to, so I'm gonna sleep. Gotta be up at 3 to study before work... It's easier to do it before work, though I'm sick of dragging myself out of bed in the middle of every night, but in the circumstances it works well for me.
I'm not gonna quit anything, to be clear, but during nights like this, it's all I think about. I'll feel better in the morning.❤️
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It's actually really easy to know when you're no longer a beginner at something. This post is about witchcraft specifically, but it can apply to any endeavor.
When you begin something, you either start with doing or with learning. Ideally you do both, but you have to start somewhere. I usually start with my head in a book or article before I get my hands dirty, but sometimes I stumble into a hobby on accident before I ever know there's help outside. Either way, you start small. Beginner books and projects means stuff you feel safe &/ confident in. You don't build a mansion at first—maybe you start with a birdhouse. You don't read the personal grimoires of 17th century monks right away, you probably begin with a less insulting version of Witchcraft for Dummies.
Do you see where I'm going with this? You're not a beginner anymore once you've gotten good enough at making birdhouses that you no longer learn enough new techniques and tricks each time you make one to enjoy and justify the focus. When the books with "Begin" in the title don't tell you much more than this author's favorite adjectives. That's when you're intermediate. When you stop Youtube searching for "witchcraft" and start searching "herbal folk practices of [home country] 1600." Do you follow?
But here's the catch. Maybe you've already seen it. Every time you shift focus to a new subtopic you become a new beginner at that.
When you build a birdhouse you have learned very little about implementing load-bearing walls. When you read about general energy direction and meditation you don't learn anything about the 6 of Wands.
You might find project instructions or books tagged or titled "intermediate" but mostly you're going to naturally be interested in some small detail that leads you down a fresh rabbit hole.
You're gonna get good. You're gonna get bored. You're gonna get to a point where you know you're no longer a beginner, when you've reached Intermediate status at whatever it is you're pursing. That's when you have to start being a beginner at a niche instead. And once you've collected enough niches that you're intermediate at,
Well, that's when you're Cool.
#roaenpost#see also: how to develop more that one hobby#that's something i really struggle with tbh#witchcraft#witchblr#witch#baby witch#witchling#studyblr#study tips#beginner artist#beginner witch
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Intuitive Reading: What makes you a Badass?
[ I hope you'd resonate with my message and if you don't, it's alright, perhaps there's another message coming for you.,
I'm not a professional and this is strictly for entertainment purposes, please don't use it as an alternative to any kind of professional advice. If you're actually going through something, it would be better to contact a professional.]
Choose a gif that really attracts you or calls to you:
Pile 1 Pile 2
Pile 3 Pile 4
Pile 1
You're elegant and the biggest strength is that you believe in yourself even after phases of self doubt. It's builds up and it gets better everytime you feel like you're falling. Someone who'd look deep into your eyes would be able to tell that you're fearless. Again, you might fall but you stand up again and you stand up stronger. Do you have Saturn in 5th or Chiron in 5th? You give me 5th house vibes and also, Libra and venus. You should believe more in your beauty. You're crazy beautiful and talented. Moreover, if you don't believe in your talents and beauty, I know you have great potential to build your confidence in them and to enhance them. Also, sometimes people might doubt you, which would make you doubt yourself. I get that's your energy right now. You'll start feeling like the gif I used for Pile 1 after some time, like a month. You should be focusing on yourself, your hobbies, things you've been putting off since some time. Do what you were once good at and believe in that version of yourself. You'll regain your confidence and will definitely feel invincible then. ❤️
Pile 2
I think you're someone who's fun and quirky and being who you are, you have, in a way, learnt how to not care about what most people say. You've learnt to believe in yourself. And this is such a rare thing to be honest. You've learnt how to believe in yourself and its an unfathomable task for a lot of people. You have learnt the difference what it means to be wary of an instinct and confident of another. To know when your mistake is gonna put you in a path you don't wanna take and to know what mistakes are important for you to grow and learn or just simply enjoying your time in the world. You're also focused. You're focused but on the things that the world considers comparatively useless, but you stand your ground, even if it isn't a conventional thing. Also, do you like color blue? Or yellow? It feels like you might have phases where sometimes you have high confidence while sometimes you get low confidence. Don't let the lower times get you. You have to potential to genuinely, from your deepest point, to be a truly confident person. Embrace your imperfections, struggles, as well as talents and wins. ❤️
Pile 3
Waah Pile 3, you're savage. Like you may or may not say it in words or show it on the surface but your savage. You have that 'I'm the boss' mentality and its not ignorant, it's rightful and well deserved. You have been through such phases and cycles which had made you very resilient, things touch you but can never break you. I wish, you guys, accept love, don't be too hard on yourself. You're keen and you don't trust anyone easily, so you might have surveyed people and thier actions enough until now, so learn to melt for the right ones. I know its scary, but learn to soften, it won't hurt you because you aren't a kind of person who lets go of thier boundaries. Your life built your confidence and resilience the hard way. You're strong, you're fire. When you walk, you walk with purpose. This was about the greater energy you embody but remember to soften yourself. You might have your weapons and armours on most of the time, and you don't wanna end up as a mighty but lonely castle. If you don't give time and if you don't put your weapons down on your allies and friends, you might lose them. And trust me, in the end you'll appreciate thier presence more than anything. ❤️ Check the line with highlighted 3 in pile 4.
Pile 4
You're serene. You're empathetic and caring. You're calm when there's chaos around. Not that calm though, but you function at much calmer vibe than most around you. What actually makes you Badass is that you don't let things get to you. You and pile 3 have this in common, that you don't let things cross that door in your heart and rob you off of peace. But you two have very different ways of handling that discomfort. Pile 3 attacks while you, pile 4 defend. You aren't really fighting against each other, I feel you're more likely to be friends, but that's how you act when someone or something attacks you. And you protect too. You're an earthly energy, elder sibling vibes. Another thing that makes you a Badass is that you're adamant, you don't let go of your beliefs, you question them but you don't abandon them. You think in the terms of your family or community. You don't neglect yourself but your major focus is on the whole community. And actually, another badass thing about you is that you really care for yourself, I feel that you never miss your skincare routine, am I right? Apart from that you might have some rituals for yourself that you always fulfill no matter what. These traits make you incredibly amazing. ❤️
Thank you so much. Your feedback is appreciated. ✨
#astro notes#intuitive readings#intutition#pick a card#pick a card reading#pick a pile#Pac#pac reading
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15 people, 15 questions
I got tagged by @wanderlust-in-my-soul and @isaksbestpillow a few days ago. Thank you! It makes me really happy 🥰
1. Are you named after anyone?
Yes. After a Spanish actress and someone else I think. My parents liked the name so they gave it to me.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday, when I went to my friend's mom funeral. it was a very sad moment.
3. Do you have kids?
Not yet. I definetly want to have kids someday. It's a little funny to me, because it's the only thing I am 100% sure I want in my life, everything else is a blur. I tend to be a very indecisive person.
4. What sports do you play/have you played?
As a hobby I have played tennis, in my early youth. I have sort of lost that ability since. I want to take up Badminton but I don't have money or time. I don't know if martial arts count, but I also did Taekwondo. I really miss it... but the same problem persists.
5. Do you use sarcasm?
Yes. Very often, as a joke mostly. I also might use it if I'm angry, then I become a little cruel. Thankfully I very rarely get angry.
6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Generally how they look. Whatever is most eye catching, ig. Then I pass onto personality pretty quickly.
7. What’s your eye color?
Brown with a tiny little bit of green. Very tiny, but it's there.
8. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings. I have enough bad things happening in my life to seek them out in fiction. Particlarly, scary movies tend to tire me physically because of how much tension I have in my body. I like a good scary movie, but they're so rare I don't generally go looking for them. Happy endings give me life, but good endings do even more. I would choose a sad but good/logical ending over a happy/illogical one. Let's just put more care into the final product and I'll stop complaining about current movies or shows xD
9. Any talents?
I do not know if they're talents (I have a hard time seeing them as such) but I guess I have a few. I can draw and sing pretty well, sort of play the cello, memorize lyrics pretty easily, guess how a song is gonna go pretty fast, understand other people's feelings and actions, comfort people, cry lots anywhere and in front of anybody... To say a few xD
10. Where were you born?
Spain~
11. What are your hobbies
I consider a hobby something you make, so stuff like watching shows or reading wouldn't count as such. I watch A TON of shows, and read some books. But I would like to have a manual hobby, like sewing or something like that. I guess drawing might count? But latetly not really. I am currently in search of a hobby. I want to go back to cello classes, and dance classes... but money....
12. Do you have any pets?
I do not. And don't plan on having any. I hate finding hair around me (even my own hair). Idk why but it drives me crazy. I like my friend's pets but I don't think I have the energy required to have a pet.
13. How tall are you?
Like average. I think 5,3 ft would be the american equivalent.
14. Favorite subject in school?
History, Literature, and English, iirc. I'm a humanities gal.
15. Dream job?
I don't really have one? I just want to find a job in my field, and then see what I want to do. Idk if the path I've chosen is gonna be good but I think I'm gonna like it. I just need someone to give me a chance :)
This was an interesting game. I hope it's easier to know me like this. I love to make friends on this site :3
Tagging @xagan @0ffgun @gunsatthaphan @emotionallychargedtowel @elilmwenseni27 @emil-luvs-satur @takeadeepbreathandexist @thelonelyweavergirl @nahaluk @thewayofsubtext @ranchtastic @raktae @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @italianpersonwithashippersheart @lun-rambles invinting you to play if you feel like it ❤
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