#Mai WOULD be on speaking terms w him but I also believe in Mai Ghosting Rights. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

n1kolaiz · 3 years

Text

The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

216 notes · View notes

helpfulbug · 2 years

Note

can you do jotaro for the character hc thing? 👀

OUH i just saw the first part 3 german dub episode and entered sdc brainrot once again so u KNOW im thinking of him.

ask promt

Headcanon A: realistic

we didnt see it but hes super different w holly after sdc. not in a super obvious way but his mom can tell hes more alert about her after everything. its a real conflict for him to leave home and when he lives in america he still calls home always. he goes fully silent on holly too when hes getting into stand business but unlike his wife who just gives up after a certain point holly ALWAYS giving him a talking to for leaving them in the dark about everything

in short i know jotaro and his mom have a super loving relationship w her being able to understand the less typical ways hes caring towards her and im super upset we didnt see more of it

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

i know its been a while but im still a big enjoyer of the "my wife took x in the divorce" meme and ofc. jotaros wife took star platinum in the divorce. they both dont realize until like 2 weeks after. jotaro is trying to get star platinum to check if the graphics in his powerpoint are actually centered meanwhile his ex wife has just accepted she has a cool superpower and puts possessed by a ghost? in her tinder bio

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

i cant get too into it bc. this would get like 40 pages long but wahwahwahwahwah jotaros disregard for his own life. even in sdc josephs "final" message to him is "save yourself i dont want you to die fighting dio you need to survive. you beat him by living on" and jotaro is like idc i will do it regardless it doesnt matter. and ofc how much worse it has gotten in diu like hes not accepting any help from the main gang he only talked to josuke to tell him to not get involved he almost sacrifices himself for koichi in the sheer heart attack fight bc he feels guilty for even taking him along and ohhhhhh lets not even get started about part 6 jotaro...he knew he fucking KNEW it was a trap when he went to get jolyne in stocean and still he was like. doesnt matter i need to get her out im not waiting on any back up im going in on my own. and he didnt even care if he died he just wanted jolyne out of there. he doesnt even seem sad about her not believing he cares for her at all hes just resigned about it he doesnt say anything to her until hes literally 10 seconds from dying WAHH its all too much. just part 5 confirming hes been fighting stand users all this time and leaving everything behind for that..thinks about how erina was trying to break the cycle w joseph and cries so fucking hard bc jotaro was still in it but SPOILERS FOR PART 6 his daughter is the one to end it all which is also very poetic but lets not get into jolyne/stone ocean

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

JOLYNE KNOWING HER FAMILY u cant tell me holly wouldnt have gone crazy the moment she was a grandma and ofc her little step brother is one of the first people she tells (theyre on very good terms (works very well w the whole holly goes to morioh instead of joseph in part 4 but alas i might work it all out some day)) and so jolyne visits/gets visited people from all over the world she learns to speak japanese and maybe a bit of french (abdul and polnareff fighting over which french dialect is valid to use) and is one of maybe 3 ppl that can calm iggy anyways even if jotaro wasnt always there for her she deserves to be loved by his family and friends all over the world

#WAHHH JOTARO cries so hard #thank you sm bestie:)#jjba #luna.txt #ask #ask game

4 notes · View notes

as8bakwthesage · 3 years

Text

Reconciliation

Fundy and Wilbur reconcile after years of pain...

Fundy had been spending a lot of time with Philza, his grandfather, who was bent on adopting him. Not that Fundy was complaining, he was glad to reconnect with more of his family. His own father was so much of a disappointment in terms of family. His own uncles didn’t care about him, despite Phil reassuring him that they all did.

“What about dad?” Fundy asked, sitting next to Phil on the dock, fishing poles in hand. There was no response from Phil for a moment before the Elohime exhaled heavily.

“You dad was… complicated, Fundy.” Phil replied honestly. “I know it may seem like he didn’t care, but truthfully, he cared so much that it hurt.”

At that Fundy raised an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes and scoffed. At Philza’s questioning look, Fundy groaned. “He hurt me, he never really did anything for me. He expected me to do everything for him. Fight his wars, settle his battles, but did I ever get anything for caring about him? No, Phil, I never did.”

Phil was quiet for several seconds. Fundy could have sworn the Elohime had left but looking to his right confirmed that his grandfather was indeed there. Grandfather? What a strange term for someone who didn’t even look to be in his 40ties. Fundy had always assumed it was the Elohime aspect of his grandfather’s biology.

“I know your dad rejected you. And I know why.” Phil said softly yet sadly. Fundy’s eyes widened at that. What? Answers? After all of these years, he would have answers? Was this actually happening?! “But I can’t tell you.” At that, Fundy deflated and his hopes were dashed away immediately. “Though I think someone else can.”

Phil looked over his shoulder at something behind him. Confused, Fundy followed his gaze and his eyes widened in shock. There was Ghostbur, the remnants of his father, standing before them. The usually quite cheerful ghost looked sad and unsure of whether or not he wanted to be there.

“Ghostbur. Thank you for coming.” Phil said genuinely. Fundy looked at his grandfather indignantly.

“YOU invited him?!” Fundy demanded. “You know I don’t want anything to do with him!”

“Fundy, I-” Phil started but was interrupted by Wilbur.

“Dad, it’s okay.” Ghostbur said genuinely but the sadness lingered. He turned to Fundy with acceptance. “Please don’t blame Phil for this, Fundy. I wanted to talk to you about… things…”

Fundy paused, not sure how to respond to this. He settled for looking away and avoiding his dead father’s gaze. “You have answers?”

“I do, but I don’t know if you will like them.” Ghostbur said honestly yet worried. Fundy exhaled heavily, feeling his body go tense and stiff. He quickly composed himself.

“I can take it.”

“I’ll give you two some space.” Phil said gingerly as he stood up and walked off, hands in his pockets. Fundy heard Phil pause as he passed by Wilbur before continuing. Footsteps cracked down the dock as Ghostbur closed the distance. Fundy refused to look at him still. Ghostbur sat down next to him and grabbed onto the fishing pole that Phil left behind. Fundy still would not look at him.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for several long seconds. Fundy actually didn’t mind silences, in fact, he preferred them as he worked long hours on his engineering projects and magic practice. But here it was so palpable that he could cut through it with a knife. He hated being in this situation with the person who neglected him for so long.

“How are you feeling, Fundy?” Ghostbur asked, innocently yet genuinely. At that, Fundy’s head snapped towards Ghostbur, who looked at Fundy with honest concern and worry. Fundy scoffed at it all.

“Don’t pretend you care, Wilbur.” Fundy growled. “You never saw me as your son.”

“I…” Ghostbur paused. “I did, Fundy… I really did… and…”

“Then why?!” Fundy yelled, which alarmed the easily spooked ghost. Fundy had tears in his eyes as he glared at his dead father hatefully. “Why did you leave me behind?! Why did you ignore me?! Why was everything I ever did for you not enough?! Why did you hate me so much?!”

Ghostbur looked to be processing all of this information with guilt and sorrow. At the ghost’s own tears, Fundy lowered his voice as he lowered his head with despair. “Why, dad..? Why..?”

“The memory…” Ghostbur admitted. “...is hard to think about.” At that, Fundy bristled as he stood up and nearly stormed off. “But I will tell you.”

That made Fundy stop and hesitate. He looked at his father with unease but also hope. He could not pass this chance up. He sat back down. Ghostbur took a deep breath before he spoke again.

“It was Sally.” He said gently. Fundy looked at him before rolling his eyes.

“Are you gonna tell me that mom was a salmon who swam away when I was born? Because I don’t really believe that anymore.” Fundy said deadpanned. Ghostbur laughed before he shook his head and smiled sadly.

“No, I know you are older now. And I know you wouldn’t believe that story as time went on.” Ghostbur said. “No, I’m going to tell you what really happened to Sally.” Fundy’s eyes went wide as saucers but he said nothing, focusing hard on Wilbur.

“Alivebur loved her so much. I… I loved her so much, Fundy. We were so happy together. She made me so happy and I made her happy. She was my world. My starlight. She was a Kitsune, a shape shifting fox creature that could take the form of a fox or human. She loved fish, you see. Salmon was her favorite.” Ghostbur explained. “We were both so happy when we learned that she was pregnant, it was as if the Gods themselves blessed us with the world... We would have given you the world.”

The Ghost paused and Fundy saw that Wilbur had started to cry. Whether they were tears of joy or sadness was yet to be determined. Fundy remained silent as Ghostbur continued.

“After you were born. She told me that you being born in a half fox and half human form was normal and that she would have trained you how to shapeshift properly…” Ghostbur’s tears were now starting to affect how he spoke. “S-She… S-She went out to the m-market one n-night to get food… S-She never c-came b-b-back…”

At this point, Ghostbur had begun to sob heavily. Per instinct, Fundy immediately hugged his father as Wilbur clutched him tightly and just sobbed into his son’s shoulder. It took several moments for Ghostbur to calm down enough to speak again as he pulled away to look Fundy in the eyes, even though it pained him so much. And Fundy could see it so clearly.

“W-We buried y-your mom under the t-tree… The L’Manberg tree before it w-was even the L’Manberg t-t-tree…” Ghostbur muttered through tears. His pale and translucent skin burned slightly at the tears running down his face. “A-After that… Alivebur couldn’t stand the pain. He only took care of you as much as he needed to… looking at you reminded him of h-her… b-but there was nobody there for him at the time… And as soon as he could… he sent you away… h-he never… I never… It hurt him so much… It hurt so much… i-it still h-hurts…”

Ghostbur was losing his composure now and Fundy sat in disbelief and anger and sorrow and pity and understanding but yet with so much untouched sadness. He hadn’t even noticed the tears running down his face until he too was crying alongside his father. He finally understood his father, he finally understood why. But it still hurt regardless. It never would stop hurting.

“Wil…” Fundy finally spoke as Ghostbur looked ready to fall over from overexpressing himself. It definitely got the ghost’s attention when he spoke. “I understand. And it hurts me too. It has been and probably will always be hurting. I’m in pain too. You neglected me, barely showed me any affection. And I won’t forgive you for that.”

Ghostbur looked ready to cry again, and Fundy started to cry some more.

“I-I hated you, dad… I don’t know if I still do but I don’t want to! I’m tired of feeling so angry and unhappy! I’m tired of being alone. You always cared about L’Manberg more than me… But I don’t care about L’Manberg… I just want… I w-want us to be a f-family! No more blood, no more death… I want my uncles back, I want a dad who loves me and shows it!” Fundy sobbed as he shook his head and hugged Ghostbur so tightly that it might have hurt any ordinary person.

“I know…” Ghostbur admitted, fresh tears streaming down his face as well. “And… you don’t have to forgive me… I will never ask that you do so, son.”

At that, Fundy burst into even more tears, which caused Ghostbur to cry as well. Both men sat in each other’s arms, clutching each other desperately as they cried out their emotions for the first time in a very long time. When they did calm down, they simply sat in beside each other, smiling slightly and Fundy acknowledged to himself how well it felt to cry and admit his feelings.

“We have a long way to go before either of us are ever going to be a proper family…” Ghostbur admitted as he reached a hand out for Fundy to take. “But… I’m willing to do my best to be a better dad. To be a real dad to you. The kind that I never was.”

Fundy smiled as tears welled in his eyes.

“I’d like that very much… dad.”

He took Ghostbur’s hand.

“Dad..?” Fundy asked. Ghostbur looked at him curiously and nodded for him to continue. “What was mom like?”

Wilbur froze before he chuckled warmly. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his pale face. His hazy eyes glazed over with recognition and affection.

“She was like you, Fundy. Her heart was just as big as yours…”

And maybe, as the two spoke, if you were paying attention, and you swore it wasn’t some kind of hallucination, you would have seen her standing several blocks behind them.

She looked over them and missed them both dearly.

But it was probably just a trick of the light.

#dream smp #dream smp fanfiction #dream smp fanfic #sleepy bois inc #wilbur mcyt #wilbur soot #fundy #fundy mcyt

26 notes · View notes

petertingle-yipyip · 4 years

Text

Selfish - Peter Parker

Part Three: Good in Goodbye

// Selfish // Stained Glass //

//Tags @josiemara @dylanstilinskiposts @just-a-sad-chicken-nugget-xxx @throughparisallthroughrome @tomhollandssecurityguard @marvel4geeks @yourbiggestspiderfan //

Word Count: 5974

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Summary: Peter and Y/N have revealed their secrets and tried to talk things out. But in an effort to be honest, it may have gotten worse. Is there hope for this couple or should they find the good in goodbye?

“You got blood on your hands.” Your dad stands over you, Captain America on one side and Black Widow on the other. “How do you plead?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him.” You say weakly. “I made a mistake. Just-”

“You seem to do a lot of that.” Captain America’s voice bounces through the room.

“Please, I love him. Let me make it right!”

“Doesn’t look like you loved him enough, did you?” Black Widow’s voice offers you a challenge.

“Y/N?” MJ said from your side, shaking you lightly.

You jumped slightly, sitting up quickly from leaning against the table. You looked around, seeing no one left in your class room but you, MJ, and your teacher. You sighed slightly, wiping your face and trying to clear your head of your latest dream. You gathered your school supplies and noted that you hadn’t written anything on your papers.

“I slept the whole class period, didn’t I?” You asked regretfully as you and MJ left the room, waving a goodbye to your teacher.

“Mhmm.” She nodded simply. “I’ll send you my notes later.”

“Thanks.” You muttered, pulling out your phone to see nothing from Peter.

“Wanna tell me what happened last night?” MJ offered as you two headed to the main door. “You look terrible.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” You shrugged.

“Does that have any correlation to Peter not being here today?”

“Probably, I don’t know.” You mumbled, turning away from your normal walk home.

“Where are you going? Your apartment is this way.”

“I’m going to my dad’s.” You replied, stopping to turn and face your friend. “I can’t be home, not right now. I could barely stomach to be in my own room last night. I stayed on my fire escape all night because I just couldn’t take it. It’s just all bitter, no sweet.”

“So you two broke up then?”

“We’re not on speaking terms.”

“You broke up.”

“No, I don’t think so… Just not talking right now.”

“Well, what happened?”

“I made a mistake.” You answered carefully. “And I’m having a problem trying to make things right. Last night, I probably made things worse.”

“What are you going to do about Liz’s party this weekend?”

“Not go?” You shrugged with a nervous laugh. “I don’t know, MJ. Right now, I’m just trying to get through the day. And I had a fight with my mom last night about getting in trouble over the Flash thing so I’m really not in the mood for anything today. Sorry.”

“I get it.” She nodded slightly. “Just- Don’t beat yourself up too much, alright? Peter’s just an idiot. You two will figure it out.”

“Thanks, MJ… I’ll text you later.”

You rode in silence through the city to your dad’s tower. You showed the badge Tony had sent to your apartment, security ushering you in easily. You conversated with the head of security after he introduced himself. He said his name was Happy, and that he had known your dad for a long time. Happy took you to the floor where your dad was, saying that Tony’s lab and most of the Avengers were found on that floor.

You wandered around the massive space, soon finding a training room. There was a dumbbell rack against the far wall, a wall lined with full length mirrors. A weight bench was near it, next to a squat rack. There was a row of punching bags, an area on the floor set aside for partnered work. Various pads were piled by the ring, along with pairs of boxing gloves.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” A familiar voice said from behind you as you were kneeling to pick a pair of gloves.

“My mom is working late and I didn’t want to be home. She’s gonna pick me up when she gets off.” You answered, not wanting to turn and face him. You knew if you did, some sort of emotion would take over. But you were scared of which emotion it would be. Desperation? Anger? Fear? Pain? Loneliness?

“Are we okay?” He asked carefully, dropping his bag by the door and coming into the room. You watched his movements through the wall of mirrors, refusing to turn and face him.

That was always the thing with Peter. You two didn’t fight often. The Spiderman feud was probably the only real fight you two had ever had. But you had petty arguments every now and then. And once those arguments got to the silent treatment, one look from him and his big soft puppy dog brown eyes and you were melting back into him.

“There’s so much I want to say… So much I still haven’t said yet.” You replied slowly, picking your words intently. You knew you had to be careful with what you said. You were afraid that you would blow up and lose Peter. “But I’m lost, Peter. Things are different between us, and you can’t tell me it isn’t.”

“Not everything is different.” He offered a small, sincere smile. “I still love you.”

“The worst part about this is that it isn’t affecting you the same way it’s affecting me.” You laughed in disbelief. The words you had been holding in, hiding from everyone around you were bubbling over. The locked up feelings that you couldn’t verbalize were beginning to change into actions. You could feel the familiar twitch in your muscles, begging to release itself as quick and decisive blows. You turned to face Peter, dropping the gloves in your hands.

You let your feet move themselves, guiding your body closer to Peter. It felt like a magnet, pulling you to him. You knew you should’ve stopped. You should’ve planted yourself like a tree and refused to move. But it felt like it’d be right to be close to him, to trap yourself within the painted lines on the floor with him.

You realized you weren’t trying to just be close to Peter. You were closing in on Spiderman, the way you used to slowly stride closer to him before launching an offensive. You wanted to start a fight.

“Y/N, every night that I’m out, I swing by your apartment.” Peter explained, stepping closer to you. He was giving in to your movements, following your lead to close the distance, fully unaware of your subconscious intentions. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what last night.”

Once he was close enough, you threw a quick punch. Peter dodged it easily, catching your right hand with his left. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion while you squinted your eyes in determination. You urged yourself to forget, to bring yourself back to before you knew the identity of the bug-themed boy in spandex. You urged yourself to let your mind slip fully into Heretic’s mindset, the girl who knew how to release her pent up frustration. The girl who wasn’t dating a superhero.

“What are you doing?” Peter asked in surprise.

With a quiet tilt of your head, you reacted. You spun your wrist out of Peter’s grip, grabbing his arm and pulling him to you. While he was thrown off balance, you dropped to a knee and brought your elbow against the back of his knees. He groaned, falling to his knees. You kicked out to the side, knocking Peter flat on the ground.

Peter tried to process what was happening, but his brain kept telling him that he couldn’t hurt you. But the way you were moving, the intent you were moving with, it wasn’t a fight between Y/N and Peter. He recognized your movement pattern as a fight between Spiderman and Heretic. He took a second to compose himself, to allow himself to believe it was Heretic he was against.

He quickly jumped to his feet, trying to decide if he should fight back. Before he could make up his mind, you were coming at him with a calculated series of blows. Peter quickly blocked most of your hits. You ducked under his arm, connecting your elbow to the ghost of the bruise from where you had stabbed him previously.

He wobbled on his feet as he held his side, allowing you to charge again. Your mind was fuzzy, your muscles acting on their own. Soon, Peter was redirecting all of your attacks. He wasn’t blocking or fighting back, just sidestepping and avoiding. You dropped to sweep his legs, but he easily jumped over your foot. He landed in a low crouch, reaching over to push you. You quickly leaned into your palms, kicking your feet out.

Your feet connected with Peter’s chest, sending him rolling across the mat. You used the opportunity to jump to your feet. Peter turned to face you before shooting a web at your ankle and yanking your foot out from under you. You fell to your back, Peter quickly moving to pin your body down. He had his legs on either side of your hips and folded your arms against your chest.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Peter panted, slightly winded.

You stared at him for a moment, noting the way the sweat made his curls stick to his forehead. His cheeks were slightly tinted pink and his chest noticeably rose and fell with his heavy breaths, both effects quickly fading back to a normal level. You chuckled lightly, pushing Peter off of you. He moved easily, not fighting to keep you pinned. You sat up on your elbows, tilting your head to look at him.

“You should’ve told me sooner.” You said plainly, working through the thick lump in your throat. “Maybe if you had told me before Tony came back into my life, this would’ve been different.”

You knew you had to have this conversation with Peter if you wanted to be able to move on. You wanted things to go back to normal with him, to be able to hang out and laugh and enjoy each other’s company. But now, it just felt like there was an elephant in the room. A big, fat elephant in the room wearing red and blue spandex. And even though you had tried this conversation last night, it didn’t work out well for you.

“I knew how you felt about superheroes.” He replied, his head hanging low. He was upset that he didn’t tell you sooner, but he also knew that you would react in a similar way. He didn’t know that you’d physically fight him over it, but he knew you’d lash out. “And the way you always talked about Mr. Stark and the Avengers… I didn’t want you to hate me too.”

“Peter, you know that I love you.” You sighed, crawling to sit across from him. You considered reaching out for his hand, but you decided against it. You had sent enough mixed messages when you put up the facade for school in the previous days. “Whether you’re a superhero or not, I still love you.”

“Then why did you just attack me?” He asked in shock, gesturing to the mat you two had just been fighting on.

“I don’t know!” You replied in the same tone. “I just- I’m trying to cope with everything still. I’m trying to pretend like everything is okay but it’s not. And this is the only way that I’ve figured out how to deal with things.”

“I didn’t want this to come between us.”

“That’s why I never told you about Heretic…” You explained slowly. You thought that maybe - just maybe - if you had confessed everything, put it all on the line, things could stabilize between you two. “I didn’t want the idea of me being the bad guy to drive you away. I didn’t think you’d understand what I was doing and why I was doing it.”

“I still don’t understand. You’re not the bad guy, Y/N, but...” He shook his head in silent frustration. “These tantrums been old. I can’t keep doing this.”

“You’re killing my vibe in ways words cannot describe. But I’ll try.” You paused, trying to plan your words before you said them. Last night, you let your words flow freely and you caused a rift between you and Peter. So now, you sat before him, silently pleading for him to forgive you. Maybe then you could forgive yourself. “I would take a bullet for you just to prove my love.”

“Only to find out you were the one holding the gun.” Peter scoffed. “Y/N, do you honestly think this hasn’t been bothering me?”

“How would I know?” You challenged simply. “You didn’t come to school today, so was I supposed to just know?”

“It's eight Mondays in a row, nine days of the week.” He replied, punctuating his words with a purposeful point to the ground. “Ever since you started ignoring me the first time, I haven’t been able to actually sleep, o-or focus. Everything reminds me of you, but you don’t even care.”

“I do care, Peter.”

“No, you don’t.” He chuckled in annoyance. Peter wanted to let the whole thing go, to forget that you were at odds and go back to the blissful ignorance of your relationship- back to a time when neither of you knew the other’s secrets. But he knew that wasn’t possible. Your relationship was changed forever, and now you two were faced with a challenge. Adapt or lose everything you two built. “If you actually cared, you’d come with me tonight. As Spiderman.”

You sat in front of your boyfriend, dumbstruck with his request. It seemed so simple. Spend time with Peter as Spiderman, learn to see them as the same entity instead of separate beings. How could you not see it before?

“And if I can’t do it?” You asked tightly, knowing that if you could barely stand the thought of Peter in the suit, it’d be even harder to spend the night with Peter in the suit.

“I saw something earlier, about how there’s good in the bad and bad in the good.” Peter explained, seemingly off topic.

“Yin and Yang.”

“They said there’s an ‘over’ in lover, ‘ex’ in next. But I think what hit hardest was the g-o-o-d in goodbye.”

“We’d break up, then…” You nodded slowly, realizing you were backed into a corner. “Looks like I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“I need you to need both, baby.” He said softly, consoling almost. He leaned over and took your hand, tugging it slightly in an effort to ask you to come closer. You gave in almost instantly. You crawled to sit beside him, to lean your head on his shoulder. His arm came around you as he held you close, as close as he could keep you. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t, Peter.” You confirmed. The moment felt so normal, it made your head swim. “You won’t lose me.”

“Y/N?” You heard your dad calling from down the hall. “Where you at, kid? There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“In here.” You replied, lifting your head from Peter’s shoulder to turn and look towards the door. You watched as your dad entered with Captain America and Black Widow.

Doesn’t look like you loved him enough, did you?

You jumped up in a panic, remembering your dream from your last class. A fresh, new wave of pain and regret coursed through your body. Regret flowed in your veins instead of blood, the desire to flee causing tension in your muscles. Your eyes darted around the room as you looked for another exit, any way to escape the suffocating pressure you felt closing in. Part of you knew that they weren’t going to lecture you - they wouldn’t turn against you - because they didn’t know you. They didn’t know anything about the situation, let alone know anything about you. But the irrational idea that your dream was some sort of prediction was hard to rid yourself of.

“Y/N, this is Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff.” Your dad introduced them.

“Uh, hi.” You said awkwardly.

“Not much for words, are you?” Natasha teased lightly.

“Yeah, guess not.” You chuckled nervously.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about it.” Steve offered kindly. “You’re Tony’s kid, which means your welcome here with open arms.”

“That’s really good to hear, Captain.” You nodded, the tight knot wound in your stomach gently unravelling. “And considering I’m on the outs with my mom, that’s really comforting.”

“What’s this about you and your mom?” Tony cut in, sliding in front of Steve and Natasha.

“Huh?” You played dumb.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N.”

“She got mad that I wasn’t home when she got home.” You waved your hand to dismiss his concern. You saw Natasha motion for Steve to follow her, not thinking they needed to be in the room for that conversation. She pointed at Peter for him to follow, but then shot a look of annoyance before the two left. You assumed Peter refused to leave. “She wasn’t happy that I got into a fight and then ran off like nothing happened.”

“Yeah, but nothing happened.”

“I know that. But she doesn’t. I don’t even care anyways.”

“Y/N-” Peter tried.

“No, I don’t.” You laughed. “She wants to blame me for getting in trouble when A) I didn’t start the fight. B) I didn’t actually hurt Flash, just his ego. And C) Morita was sending me home anyways. What does it matter where I actually went?”

“I get where you’re coming from.” Tony offered, continuing to speak even though you were gathering your stuff to leave the room. “Hey, don’t walk away when I’m talking to you, alright? You’re pissed at your mom? Fine. But you’re not gonna take it out on me.”

“It’s more than just Mom.” You shook your head. “Ask him.” You nodded towards Peter before leaving the room.

You were about halfway out the doorway when you felt a thread-like material wrap wound your wrist. You let your backpack fall from your shoulder on the opposite side while you turned on your heel. You wrapped some of the excess webbing around your hand as you faced Peter, his arm extended and his hand gripping his end of the webs. You glared at him in challenge, trying to gauge if he actually wanted to do it. When his gaze didn’t waver, you acted quickly.

You yanked Peter forward. You aided yourself by moving in close, spinning towards Peter with your left arm locked out, in essence clotheslining the boy. Peter fell to the floor on his back while you stood triumphantly, gently placing your foot on Peter’s chest.

“Seriously?” You mocked. “What were you trying to accomplish?”

“Quit it.” Your dad said, cutting Peter’s web. “Leave him alone, Y/N. He’s trying to help.”

“Yeah, everyone’s trynna do what’s best for me, right?” You scoffed, picking up your backpack on your way out.

You took the long walk home by yourself. You declined Happy’s offer to drive you home. You declined Steve’s offer to pay for a cab. You knew the walk would be about half an hour, maybe more. But it would give you time to think.

You knew Peter would show up on your fire escape tonight, covered head to toe in his suit. You knew that you would have to dig out your gear and if you had the time, repair the neurotransmitters for your knives. A small part deep in the back of your brain was excited, itching to wear the familiar spandex as you silently wandered your neighborhood. But a bigger part, a louder and more prominent part was smarter. It was telling you to call off the meet-up, to find an excuse to not go out.

Maybe you had to catch up on the notes you missed. Maybe your mom was cracking down on you since you were M.I.A. two days in a row. Maybe you were feeling sick. No, Peter wouldn’t believe any of it.

For what felt like the first time in your life, you felt truly afraid. You were scared that you wouldn’t be able to see Peter and Spiderman as the same person. It wasn’t an option to keep them segregated, to have such a deep love for Peter but turn around and despise Spiderman. You kept telling yourself that they were one and the same.

You had seen it with your own eyes. You saw Peter come to your room the night before, red and blue suit fitting snugly against his body. You watched him peel away the mask and let loose a bed of messy brown curls and wide, loving eyes. You saw Peter, in a simple pair of jeans and a nerdy t-shirt, move with the same specific agility and precision that Spiderman moved with. You saw the same moves, the same defensive strategies at play less than an hour ago.

You had ample evidence and memories etched into your brain to support the notion - to prove the notion - that Peter Parker, the boy you loved with your whole existence, the boy who you had given your heart to without hesitation, was the beloved local hero. Peter was Iron Man’s newest prodigy. He was Queens’ protector. Peter was Spiderman…

But could you be Heretic again? It seemed like the fiasco of alter egos kept unravelling new issues every day. It felt as if a mountain of issues was piling up in front of you, and if you pulled on the one you felt was the heaviest to deal with, the entire collection would topple over on top of you and suffocate you.

As you finally approached your apartment door, the sun was slipping behind the nearby buildings. Night was coming quickly, swallowing the time you had left as Y/N. Pushing the time you had to become Heretic upon you. You set your intentions on your bedroom as you entered your home. You quickly reheated your dinner and took it to your room, refusing to utter a word to your mom.

“How was school?” She tried, to which you huffed in response. “Did you go to your dad’s after school or were you at Peter’s?”

The only response was the microwave beeping.

“I know you’re upset about last night, but I don’t think it was right for you to run off with Tony when you were sent home from school… But I do have to admit, I am glad you two are getting along so well.”

“Mhmm.” You acknowledged, a lift to your eyebrows displaying your disbelief in the subject. You carried the hot plate to your room and locked the door behind you.

You knew it wasn’t fair to be so angry with your mother. But with everything going on at that moment, you felt like you wanted to be mad at everyone. You couldn’t even let yourself be - admittedly - starstruck by meeting Captain America because you were upset about what your own mind produced. You hesitated by your door, considering heading back out and apologizing. But the dimming sunlight outside your window and the heat spreading from your dinner to your fingers reminded you of what you were intended to be doing.

You picked at your dinner while you worked to repair the neurotransmitters. You didn’t know what Peter had in mind when he asked you to meet with him, but you knew what the streets of New York could hold, the danger that she kept tucked in alleyways and prowled on dimly lit avenues. You knew you had to be prepared for anything, and since you wouldn’t have your serums to give yourself added protection, you needed to have your knives at the ready.

It was a few hours before you had completed the repairs with the stashed parts in one of your desk drawers. You unlocked your window before changing into your familiar spandex suit. You tugged on your boots, treading silently across your room. You pulled your hair up into a tight ponytail, pulling a couple strands to frame your face. You tossed your mask on your messy bed while you busied yourself at your desk, copying the notes that MJ had sent you.

meech🤔🙄: hey loser. heres the notes you missed. meech🤔🙄: quit screwing around and handle your issues with the other loser. i dont want to see you spiral cause a scrawny nerd

You hadn’t heard Peter crawl through your window, being that you had your music playing on your computer. His light tap on your shoulder caused you to jump and turn aggressively in the chair. Luckily, he was there to catch you so you didn’t tumble to the floor.

“Hey.” He said simply. Even though he had his mask on, you knew he was smiling. You heard it in his voice.

“Wow, guess I fell for you again.” You joked instantly, patting his chest lightly as you hauled yourself to your feet. “So, what’s the plan for tonight, Spiderman?”

“You’re really gonna come with me tonight?” He wanted to confirm. One thing you could always count on was Peter’s double-checking.

“No, these are my new skin-tight spandex pajamas.” You laughed lightly, side-stepping him to collect your knives from your bed, along with your mask. “Peter, I know these past couple days have been terrible. And I know it’s mostly been my fault.”

“Baby, no.” He said softly, reaching for your glove covered hand with his own. You couldn’t physically feel his fingers around yours, but you felt the pressure of a gentle squeeze and the slight texture of his suit against your exposed fingertips. “I’m as much at fault as you are.” Your eyebrows raised in amusement as you paused placing your mask on your face. “I didn’t mean it like that!” Peter immediately backtracked.

“We’ve been together for a long time, hon. I know what you meant.” You shook your head in amusement before hiding behind your mask. “You can keep going, by the way. I like where that was headed.”

“All I’m saying is that I could’ve done a little more. I don’t want to lose you, Y/N.” Peter admitted, headed towards the window with a gentle grip on your hand still. “You are… everything to me.”

A huge smile broke across your face. You had never thought that hearing words Peter had told you a million times over would give you such butterflies, such a tingling feeling across your body. Hearing it come from Peter, but seeing it come from Spiderman, it helped you bridge the gap between the boy you adored and the persona that you despised.

“So, what’s the plan tonight?” You asked again as you two climbed out of your window to your fire escape. “Usually I just kinda wander around until I run into you.”

“You ever wondered what it’s like to swing?” He offered, the sound of a smirk dancing in his voice.

“You’re kidding.” You smiled nervously.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”

“Do you trust me?” He asked, climbing to stand on the railing of your fire escape and holding his hand out for you. The entire scene reminded you of the Disney movie, Aladdin.

“Yes?” You replied carefully, reaching for his hand. You climbed to the railing, wrapping your arms around his shoulders tightly. “If I die-”

“You’re not gonna die.” Peter laughed.

“If I die-” You continued pointedly. “-don’t let Flash come to my funeral.”

You closed your eyes tightly, burying your face into the crook of Peter’s neck. You locked your hands together, clinging desperately to Peter. Once you felt your feet leave the railing, a small squeal left your lips. You considered wrapping your legs around Peter’s waist for bonus security, but you abstained, worried it would interfere with Peter’s swinging.

You wanted to take a peek and see where you two were headed, but the wind burn on your face kept your eyes shut. You eventually felt the sharp sting of the cool air stop. The deep woosh in your ears had silenced, but it took a moment for your head to stop spinning.

Peter’s arm around your waist relaxed slightly to a lazy drape. Carefully, your feet felt the solid ground beneath but your arms remained locked around Peter. The swirling feeling in your head subsided, your mind settled slowly to allow your body to find its balance. You carefully opened your eyes, finding you and Peter atop a tall building with a familiar skyline.

“Is this your apartment building?” You asked slowly, taking in the new angle of the familiar view.

“Yeah..” He said gently, as if he was admiring the view as well. “I didn’t really want to do anything tonight… I just wanted to be with you.”

“Y’know, last time I was here with you, I threw you off the roof… I didn’t get to actually take in the view.”

“I forgot about that.” He laughed gently.

“I never said sorry for that, by the way.” You said awkwardly.

What you didn’t see was that Peter was admiring the view, only he wasn’t looking at the skyline. Peter’s eyes were trained on you, feeling as if he was seeing you for the first time. Peter was dumbstruck. How could you become even more beautiful?

Maybe it was the wind blown look of your hair. The pink tint of your cheeks and nose due to the wind burn. Maybe it was the wide, soft look in your eyes. The adoring smile you offered. Maybe it was the way you clung to his body even though you were completely safe. He felt your hands release themselves, one of them slid from across his shoulders to hang lazily against his chest. The ghost of your hand left a tingling warmth across his skin under his suit. Even though there was no skin to skin contact, he had missed your touch more than he had realized.

“I love you.” He said so quietly he barely heard his own voice.

“I love you too, Peter.” You replied, turning under his arm to face him. You took a small step to the side so you could stand in front of him fully. You slid the hand from his chest back up to his shoulder and up his neck. “Can I kiss you?”

“I was hoping you’d ask.” He tilted his head with his words, his signature move when he was a little cocky. He leaned in slightly before pulling back quickly and removing his mask. “Almost forgot.”

You paused for a millisecond, recognizing something incredible. You didn’t shy away from the kiss with his mask on. Yes, it would’ve been strange to kiss his mask and not him. But you didn’t think of it as kissing Spiderman. Your mind registered it as Peter with a mask on.

It was just Peter with a mask on.

You smiled widely from your revelation, leaning into his lips eagerly. Your hands easily slid up his neck, the feeling suit disappearing under your exposed fingertips and fading into his warm, soft skin. You felt the tousled texture of his hair, the slightly damp mess of curls that your digits were so used to being tangled in.

When you pulled away for a breath, you noted the dopey smile on your boyfriend’s face. You tilted your head back to let out an honest laugh, the realest laugh you had released since you had learned your boyfriend’s secret.

“This is amazing, Pete.” You said gently, your fingers dancing small circles on the nape of his neck. “I can’t believe you get to do this every night. I can see why you never answer me after eleven.” You joked.

“You’re in a good mood tonight.” He offered a small, content smile as he spoke. “So I guess Spiderman isn’t all that bad, is he?”

“Well, Spiderman did just try to kill me…” You teased, tilting your head side to side as if mulling over the thought, to which he scoffed in response. “But the guy under the mask is actually pretty great.”

“Y’know, if you want, I’m sure Mr. Stark would give you an internship like mine.”

“I don’t know about all that yet.” You shut down the thought almost immediately. “But I don’t think it’ll be as hard for me to see you and Spiderman as the same person anymore.”

“That’s all I wanted.” He sighed in relief.

“I owe you an apology, Peter.” You admitted with a heavy sigh. “It’s the least you deserve.”

“No, you-” He tried.

“Let me say this. Please.” You tried, offering Peter a pleading look. He nodded slightly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your shoulder. “I reacted out of fear, out of anger and- and pain. And I know that’s not an excuse, but I didn’t know how to cope with everything. The entirety of my world had flipped in the matter of minutes. Less than one hour changed my family dynamic and my dynamic with you. You are a huge part of my life, and if I lost you - especially over something so temporary - over feelings so blown out of proportions. I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself. I couldn’t even sleep last night when you left. And then you weren’t at school and I- I thought it was my fault. I thought I chased you away and I had lost you.”

You felt a gentle thumb drag across your cheek and you realized you had begun to cry. Silent, warm tears had started to fall slowly down your face, and the sight was almost enough to move Peter to tears of his own. He offered you a sad, understanding smile. You leaned into his touch, your eyes closing to let your mind root yourself in that moment.

He knew it was hard for you to admit everything you were saying. He knew you were never the most open of books, not even with him. You told him everything - almost everything. And now, here you were, with the New York skyline setting the scene behind you. The constant sounds of the city’s streets filling the silence between your words, the heavy movements of your chest as you tried to maintain your semblance of calm. Peter felt a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach, a tingling feeling. Almost like butterflies.

It felt like the first date all over again.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I absolutely adore you. And I want you in my life, no matter what you’re wearing.” You laughed nervously. “I love you, Peter Parker. And I need you.”

“You need me?” He teased lightly, wiggling his eyebrows in suggestion.

“I need you, Peter.” You nodded with a smile. “And I need you as Spiderman, too.”

Peter threw his head back with a wide grin. He let out a dramatically long sigh of relief before he faced you again. “I’m so glad you said that.”

“How long are we going to be out tonight?” You asked. The adrenaline of swinging with Peter was draining from your system and you could feel your body inching towards a crash. The lack of sleep from the night before probably wasn’t helping your case.

“You wanna come in?” He offered, leading you to the side of the building that would eventually lead to Peter’s window. “I know you’re tired.”

You nodded tiredly, mumbling how you’d have to explain it to your mom in the morning. Peter hopped over the ledge so he could offer you his hand and help you climb the fire escapes. He stayed in front of you, walking down sideways so he could keep any eye on you. His hand was locked around yours as you two treaded the metal steps that would eventually take you to his bedroom.

#peter parker #peter parker fanfic #peter fanfic #peter parker fic #peter parker x reader #peter x you #peter x yn #peter x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x yn #peter parker x y/n #spiderman fic #spiderman #marvel fic

70 notes · View notes

johannesviii · 3 years

Text

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

14 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #410

“oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that i’ma buy her, do you know just what she likes?

Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Ye. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? A slowed w/ reverb version of "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears. Yes, I have a serious thing for these edits of childhood songs, ha ha. Actually, no shame, I still love Britney lmao. What's your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you like bagels? Yep. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? I ain't having any of those, so I don't have to worry about that. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? At a zoo, yes. Are you any good at HTML? Noooo. When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Recently, because I'm awful about downloading things illegally. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A picture. Do you ever cry just to get your way? Hi, I'm 25. I at least have SOME adult traits. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yes. What's the most boring sport to watch? The only sport I enjoy watching is dance, so. I think golf has to take the cake for the absolute worst, though. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? UGH I just love lip rings on anybody. Do you have good or bad vision? Literally awful. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren't supposed to? Hell no. That is so fucking inconsiderate and lazy. Have you ever been to a different country? No. When was the last time you finger-painted? Nooo idea. Probably not since I was a little kid. Do you say car-mel or car-A-mel? "Care-uh-mel." When you get out of the shower, do you use one or two towels? One. Are you uncomfortable with changing clothes in front of others? Absolutely yes. Hell, I don't think I ever really changed in front of Jason back in the day, so that says something about how self-conscious I was with a FIT body. Never mind this catastrophe I own now. Which is worse: Runny nose or stuffy nose? Both suck, but stuffy drives me absolutely INSANE. Who's been the most influential person in your life? My mom. Do you have any tan lines? Ha, yeah, no. How many different schools have you gone to? Six. Do you know how to slow dance? I mean, yes? It's not complicated. Have you ever taken The Impossible Quiz? (If not, you should Google it. :D) No, and I'll never waste my time doing that shit. I've watched people play and beat it, but it seems like such frustrating, pointless madness with zero rhyme or reason behind it. Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? No. Who is the last person you were in a car with? Mom. In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? Ummmm Christmas, maybe? That's always exciting. Is there anyone who hates you? Probably. Who were you with the last time you went out for food? Mom. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Eh... I guess if it was for medicinal purposes, I would be okay with it. I'm not keen on dating a smoker of anything. Do you want to start over with anyone? Just Jason, at least sometimes. It'd be really, really nice if we could be friends again and just forget about who we were all those years ago, but I genuinely doubt my ability to be "just friends" with him. Even though I haven't spoken to this dude in over FOUR YEARS, and I'm sure he's changed a lot, just like I have. We might not even be compatible anymore. As much as I may want it, I think it's probably for the better we remain unassociated. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? It's what I eat first. Are you completely over your last relationship? Not "completely," no. I still love her, but I'm in a headspace of accepting that now is not the right time with unfit conditions. What hoodie did you wear last? My Pikachu one, which is the one I pretty much always wear. Do you listen to Incubus? Probably surprisingly, no. I don't know if I've even heard a song. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? More like always. Do you like the smell of Axe? If you don't use an obnoxious amount, yeah. What do you think of feminists? Absolutely necessary as pilots for change. HOWEVER, I do believe some can take the concept waaaay too far. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad, probably. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Oh my god, GUYS. It was my niece's birthday last month, and she did the CUTEST shit. She used to be very, very opposed to getting even slightly dirty (I mean like a speck of dirt on her would make her cry), and this kid decided to just C H O M P into her cupcake and get the frosting ALL over her face. She had two and got so messy, and that angel was just laughing hysterically about it. That girl is such a damn gift. Safe to say she was bouncing off the walls that night. Did you hug one of your parents today? No. Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, period. Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a gift for somebody, only for them to act like it didn’t really matter to them? Oh god, no. That would really, really hurt, because I genuinely do try to be very thoughtful with my gifts. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground? NOOOOOOO. It's just a bullshit myth. I am NOT eating food that's been on the floor for a millisecond. If you had to describe yourself using a colour, which colour would you be? Maybe like... navy blue? Kinda dark and somber, but also has a calmness to it. Have you ever had to use another person’s toothbrush before? What were the circumstances? I WOULD FUCKING NEVER. Omg that is so gross. Have you ever crashed a car? No. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? I don't want kids, but if I did, absolutely surrounded by nature and animals. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, I love it there. Damn, now I want some, lol. Have you ever seen a ghost? I sure as fuck saw something. As soon as you find out you are pregnant, who will you first tell? Who says I'm ever going to BE pregnant? 'Cuz it sure isn't in my plans. But hypothetically, the dad. Have you ever won a game of Minesweeper? Like ever? I've never played it. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt. I really should chat with him soon, it's been too long. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd keep it. Make me look more badass. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ What is your hair naturally like? Brown and kinda-sorta wavy. Have you ever stared at a stranger and they said something to you about it? No; I don't stare at people. Is your father very protective of you? I wouldn't say "very protective," no. What would you do if your hero died? ffffffUCK THIS QUESTION HOW ABOUT NO HE'S NOT ALLOWED THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL Where was your first date at with your current lover? I don't have one currently. Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? Depends on how much sleep I got, but I'm generally in my best mood in the morning. Did your parents force you to go to church? Mom did. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It was the next book in the series I'm reading, Wings of Fire. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Hm. I dunno. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I mean it would really depend on WHY I was breaking up with them, but I guess in most situations I'd try to meet them face-to-face and explain why I wanted to cut things off. I think it'd be important for them to hear my tone of voice, and I think physically meeting somewhere would show that I care enough for them to cut time out of my day to see them and try to hurt them as least as possible, given the situation. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? DO NOT in even a minor way ridicule mental illness or belittle victims as "weak" or pull the "it's just in their head" bullshit. The misuse of the term "retard(ed)" also genuinely offends me. I wouldn't say I'm easy to offend, either. What was the last chore you completed? Changing my cat's litter. When was the last time someone saw you naked? It's been a loooong time, and it would've only been my mom when I was like, going into a shower or something. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? Probably Steve Irwin. I'd go on and on about how his family has carried his legacy so brilliantly, and show him aaaaaall the public pictures of Bindi and Grace, especially. God, that man would be so proud of them all. What is the greatest lost you’ve endured? My first "real" boyfriend. How would you describe your current mood? A mix of tired and anxious. I don't feel like going to bed yet, and the storm we've got passing through has me nervous about tornadoes 'n shit. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I've had some light drinks alone. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I've never done any illicit drugs, and I don't want to. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Probably that I've had a pilonidal cyst. It's awkward to explain, but I'll share it anyway if there's a good reason to/I'm asked or something. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? Her just being the most toxic, drama-filled person with the biggest victim complex of any human I've ever met. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Mom, and my voice was raised. Where do you like to be kissed? This depends on how serious we are. Can go from just the cheek to a lot of places. Which season is your least favorite and why? Summer, because it's too goddamn hot and humid. Who, if anyone, do you compare yourself to most? Probably my little sister. She's on such a successful path, and then there's like... me lmao. Do you have a night-light in your bedroom? If so, what does it look like? No. What is your favorite breakfast food? How often do you get to eat it? Cinnamon rollssssss. I have 'em very rarely, though. I'll eat too many of them, which I definitely don't need. What is your favorite thing about autumn? What about your least favorite thing? AHHHHHH EVERYTHING. I love Halloween and the decorations that come with it, the changing leaves, the crisp air... just all of it. :') Who was the last person you asked for help? Mom, I'm sure.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''if u seek amy'' by britney spears

1 note · View note

underneaththesurface · 4 years

Text

The horror on Wabash Avenue

Estelle: Good evening, Riverdale. I’m Estelle Ollier.

Omi: And I’m Omi Klyde.

Estelle: And this is Underneath The Surface, where we dive into the history of our town, Riverdale.

And today, we'll be talking about the horror on Wabash Avenue.

Estelle: Have you heard of this?

Omi: In passing, yes.

Estelle: Because, as I was doing research, I discovered that this isn't the only horrific event that happened in that house.

Omi: Oh really?

Estelle: Yes.

In 1978, on the night of August 21, Duncan Sasadeehee was murdered in his backyard by his brother Adam. On his chest, they found a dead snake.

Omi: Yikes. Serpent work?

Estelle: Not sure, the two brothers had a long history of hating each other.

Estelle: At first, they believed it was that same serpent whose venom they found in his body, but it wasn't a match. The snake they found had died two days earlier.

Estelle: So, it's possible that it was revenge.

I mean, I've only been in the White Wyrm once, and they do have snakes in there.

Omi: They have a whole live snake in the White Wyrm, like, in a tank and everything.

Estelle: They take the serpents thing really serious.

Omi: They really do.

Estelle: But before he left the house, Adam painted the front door red, to represent his brother's betrayal of his heritage.

Omi: That must’ve been a surprise to wake up to.

Estelle: It sure changed the whole mood in that neighborhood. I mean, it's close to Pickens Park. Kids hang out there.

Omi: Sounds like it.

Estelle: What if he was the neighborhood friend?

Omi: That would just be disappointing...

Estelle: (wheezes)

Estelle: Let's not speak ill of the dead, I'll just move on:

People who bought the house never lived there for longer than six months. Many residents claimed to have heard snakes hissing in the backyard, but exterminators never found any.

Omi: That’s gotta be a nightmare for realtors. Imagine having to keep goin back to that damn property.

Estelle: What if it was your first property you had to sell? You just never get ahead.

Omi: Probably wouldn’t last long in the business.

Estelle: Haunting, but in a different way.

Omi: Cursed in many different ways.

Estelle: Oh yes. I mean:

Some residents claimed they woke up to the entire house covered in red paint, but that disappeared as soon as they left the house. They also found bloody hands in the house many times, which turned out to be a Native American symbol for murder.

Estelle: I mean-

Omi: Hopefully they moved right after that.

Estelle: I sure hope they did. But the whole horror genre wouldn't exist if people were that smart.

Omi: Honestly if they’re that dumb, you know... survival of the smartest...

Estelle: And to make it even worse, the house next door began to experience hauntings as well.

Omi: How??

Estelle: Some residents claimed they saw a man standing in the backyard who matched the appearance of Duncan and that he sometimes carried a snake with him.

Others claimed to hear screams late at night. When they emptied the house, that Duncan used the basement as a torture chamber, and they found several humans remains.

Omi: Riverdale gets worse the more I learn about it...

Estelle: Which is why we're doing the lord's work.

Omi: Truly. Better than most detective work I’ve seen come out lately.

Estelle: And the cherry on top: all of the residents felt a looming presence whenever they passed by the house with the red door.

Omi: Must be a hit on Halloween.

Estelle: Oh yeah, there were a lot of visitors from other towns coming here just to see a glimpse of that house.

Omi: Increased tourism, I guess.

Estelle: But, somehow, a family had lived in that house for about twelve years.

Omi: Must not scare easily.

Estelle: Fast-forward to May 2003, the then-current leader of the Southside Serpents - who went by the name King Cobra - moved into the house with his family.

Estelle: (sighs) I know. Another serpent thing.

Omi: Surprising.

Estelle: Many neighbors objected to this since it was a Serpent who tainted the house, but after another murder took place - which we'll address in a separate episode - she had no choice but to sell it to the highest bidder, which lead to over half of the neighbors moving out.

Omi: That house really do be cursed, damn! Street must’ve been really quiet after that, though. Minus the screaming.

Estelle: What was in that red paint?

Omi: LSD probably. Or shrooms.

Estelle: (wheezes) That would explain a LOT.

Omi: Wouldn’t surprise me if the water was laced with that... But that’s another discussion.

Estelle: Also, what ghost would cover the entire house in red paint, and then scrub it off as soon as they leave?

Omi: A polite one.

Estelle: (wheezes) a polite one...

Omi: Cleaned up their mess. If ghosts were real, they could be polite, I’m sure.

Estelle: And yet, you don't hear that many stories about them...

Omi: Well, history is written by the victors, isn’t it? They all probably lost.

Estelle: Yeah, probably.

Estelle: King Cobra called an exorcist to cleanse the house before they moved in which seemed to have helped, until late 2012, when his 15-year-old daughter was arrested for a triple homicide and sentenced to life imprisonment.

Omi: yikes. That’s...yikes.

Estelle: Y-yeah. I think this is one of our heaviest episodes so far.

Omi: It really is. Murder, hauntings, snakes, dead snakes, cursed houses? The whole shabang.

Estelle: And it gets so. much. worse.

Omi: Hold on to your hats, folks, we in for a wild ride.

Estelle: In September 2014, King Cobra left for another mission by the US Army, but he was killed during an attack, leaving only two residents in the house: his wife and his 13-year-old son.

Omi: Oh no.

Estelle: I-it's like Duncan Sasadeehee's just crossing out their names on a list.

Omi: I guess so. It's like he had his own death note.

Estelle: Great story, but a terrifying concept.

Omi: Terrifying, indeed.

Estelle: So. Now that we've covered all of that, we cut to April 17, 2015. This is where it gets a little vague, since both the RPD and the hospital have never given the public the full story, and family friends refused to answer any questions.

Omi: It's speculation time.

Estelle: Only one neighbor spoke up.

Omi: What did they say?

Estelle: According to the neighbor across the street, she saw a strange man enter the house at around 8 PM, and she considered walking over there until she saw the son arrive with a family friend.

The boy went inside the house as the woman left, and about three minutes later, she heard a man scream. She saw the woman rush back to the house. The woman next door ran inside as well, as did another family friend.

She understood that something's wrong, and she called the RPD.

Both the strange man and the son left Wabash Avenue in an ambulance.

Both mother and son never returned, and the house has been vacant ever since.

Omi: Oh yikes. Poor family.

Estelle: The same neighbor refused to say what condition the man and boy were in, though. She literally just burst into tears, if I have to believe Mark's mom.

Omi: They must’ve been really messed up to get that reaction.

Estelle: I'm afraid so. The whole neighborhood hasn't been the same since. It's eerily quiet.

Omi: And quiet isn’t something Riverdale usually knows.

Estelle: Right?

Estelle: Also, no one seems to know where both the mother and son went. There are some theories, though.

The son died, and the mother left town.

The son left town, and the mother ended up in a psych ward. Rumor has it that she had a bit of a drinking problem.

Omi: Oh, that's never good...

Estelle: Another theory is that he still lives here but goes by a different name.

Estelle: So- so that could be anyone our age...

Omi: What??? You think they go to Riverdale High??

Estelle: W-well, it's the only school left in this town...

Omi: Interesting...

Estelle: We could always investigate...

Omi: I'm so down!

Omi: Do you think they’re a Serpent??

Estelle: At least on good terms with them, I suspect.

Omi: We can definitely look into it.

Estelle: We will.

Omi: This is exciting!

Estelle: (laughs) And with that, we wrap up this episode of Underneath The Surface. I'm Estelle.

Omi: And I'm Omi!

Estelle: Don’t forget to tune in next week, and join us for our next topic: the Martinez Murder.

Omi: See y'all then!

#underneath the surface #omi klyde #estelle ollier #lou oc #laurien oc #the swosie project #the horror on wabash avenue

5 notes · View notes

paperclipninja · 5 years

Text

Younger post-ep ramble 6x11

I may be on holiday but if you think that’s going to stop me offloading some thoughts and feelings about this week’s episode of Younger, ‘Holding Out for a SHero’, then you’d be sorely mistaken (any chance to over-think and over-analyse my fave fake reality). In saying that, this will be a briefer version of my usual post-ep ramble, what I shall refer to as Ramble Lite™. There were parts of this episode I really liked and parts I felt disappointed with, but it largely played out in a way that I expected, with the exception of that twist at the end! Hats off to Joe Murphy for that fab misdirection, I may have gasped.

This episode opened with Maggie in her tomato garden looking radiant and Liza filling her in on the decision not to see Josh anymore because it’s complicated and feelings and that undeniable thing called chemistry (or something like that). I applaud Maggie’s consistent use of Chaz (I really hope we get to hear her say it to his face at some point) and Liza stating out loud that she chooses Charles, but this scene also delivered one of the two big moments of disappointment I had in this ep. If anything was ever going to be out of character on this show it would be Liza, a writer and editor, being unable to come up with decent adjectives to describe the man she is supposedly in love with. Yet here she is describing Charles as ‘a peer’ and ‘appropriate’ as reasons for choosing to be with him. For real? I understand the effort to paint him as the sensible choice vs. the less sensible, the head vs. heart, in this triangle that’s been resurrected. This particular way of describing men has always served a clear purpose in the Youngerverse and ngl, my alarm bells went off in episode 7 when Michelle referred to Charles as ‘appropriate’. Liza uses this exact term to describe Richard, the horrendous man Michelle sets her up with in S1E2 who starts reading emails at the dinner table on their date, he’s ‘age appropriate’. She also described Jay as nice, viable, legitimate prospect, sure, but she also sobbed on his shoulder because she was so in love with Charles that her heart was aching at the thought of missing the chance to be with him.

It feels so painfully deliberate, Charles has gone from intellectually invigorating and romantic and been relegated to safe and ‘appropriate’. My disappointment comes from the fact that if this triangle must remain in play, there can be two men who are vibrant and compelling and really different, without painting one as ‘boring’ and one as ‘fun’. Knowing the way Liza talks about the important people in her life, with such admiration and affection, I feel she would at least say Charles is intelligent and romantic or kind or thoughtful or SOMETHING better than being ‘a peer’ and ‘appropriate’. I do believe that as viewers we often form our own interpretations of characters and when they don’t behave the way we imagine we are disappointed, but in this case it’s the disappointment that Liza’s entire reason for being attracted to Charles is being reduced to the idea that it’s sensible when we have been shown this is simply not the case. Phew, glad I got that off my chest (and so much for Ramble Lite™ lol).

Once in the office Liza is running Diana through the wedding planning, which frankly I cannot wait to see all come together. I love that Liza’s already secretly planned a bachelorette party and really does know Diana well enough to know she’ll want one (so many lols @ Diana’s, ‘yes that’s why I was bringing it up, because I don’t want one’ and could Liza look any more pleased with herself that she’s managed to pull the wool over her eyes? Adorbs). Charles arrives looking for Kelsey and is wanting to see how she would like to break the news that he is once again publisher, because that’s how they work now that they’re the dynamic duo and have I mentioned this week how much I LOVED seeing their dynamic last week? Kelsey proves that she has indeed kept her head and announces that Millennial secured a new investor and that Charles is once again in the boss seat and I am once again extremely impressed with Kelsey this season, as is Diana (and honestly if you have the D.Trout stamp of approval, what more do you need?). I will also never tire of seeing Diana, Kelsey and Liza as true peers and now friends, it’s undoubtedly a highlight of season 6.

The book pitch of the week is extremely timely (as always), a manners for millennials piece that aims to counteract the generation’s greatest shortcomings, such as ghosting exes and not RSVPing to weddings. This episode really did have some stellar lines and the fact that Liza can now drop jokes in meetings, such as her ‘neither was I’ response to the author’s ‘I am not proud to be a millennial’, is the kind of goodness I am here for since the lie is no longer a thing. Naturally Liza and Diana are both very interested in finding out more about these topics and it turns out the best way to get some finality with the ex is to write a good ol’ fashioned Dear John letter (best way to get those RSVP’s -unknown). This is reinforced nicely in Charles’ office, when Liza leaps off Charles’ desk as though she and Charles were caught christening the damn thing (which would’ve been very ok by me and at this point you should know I’m not at all sorry) by Diana bearing flowers and note from Alice the author letting them know she will not be publishing her book with Millennial (so no Charles, the flowers are not for you). All this talk of how good letters are leads to Liza penning her Dear Josh letter that night, which we only catch a tantalizing glimpse of initially, before the narration and accompanying montage when Josh actually receives it.

While it was only brief, Charles asking Liza how she feels about him being back as publisher and her answering honestly, she just wishes Kelsey hadn’t been unceremoniously stripped of the title, is yet another lovely insight into their relationship. Charles continuing with, ‘what about you, always thinking of others, how do you feel?’, excuse me while I clutch my heart at the sweetness of it all and seriously, does ANYONE ever ask Liza this? The family picture on Charles’ desk is noted and it’s great but I also can’t help but feel it’s somewhat ominous so I’m putting my gush on pause (v. open to being proven wrong on this).

Kelsey and Zane continue to be all over the place, I have so little investment in them as a pairing and I really think it’s because I have simply not seen enough of them together to know whether I care, though I have enjoyed a number of their interactions recently. It also doesn’t help that Zane has been many shades of douche this season. Since professing their love for one another, he is being caring at the start of this week’s ep, apologising and saying he feels partly responsible for Kelsey’s demotion and trying to allay Kelsey’s self-doubt. It is Kelsey who says that she doesn’t know how to do this with Zane and that one of them always loses (the old editors-who-were-peers-and-then-one-became-the-boss-but-now-they’re-peers-again curse), which returns Zane to Douchetown in time for the staff meeting.

I felt for Kelsey, it would be so hard sitting in that first meeting with Charles at the helm again, though him going through all the acquisitions and saying these are a credit to Kelsey’s impeccable instincts was great and necessary. But then Charles brings up the Arabian Seas book and the ‘we’ enters the conversation, along with a list of books that sound like they belong on the bargain shelf because yawn and yes it’s fine that Charles has his own instincts, but Zane in this meeting is awful. Kelsey calls him out, she is clearly and rightfully angry about the unfairness of her entire situation and she warns Charles to, ‘pay attention…and you too Liza. I didn’t have any boundaries at work and look what happened’. I have no idea if this is foreshadowing but I feel like it could be juicy if it was so let’s keep abreast of any future developments (yes that is a boob pun and you’re welcome).

Highlight of this whole scene of course is Liza ripping into the guy and the whole office when Kelsey walks out of the meeting and can hear that her meme has been made into a banger of a tune. We get fearsome Liza schooling the entire room on the fact that Kelsey did get the money, ‘that’s why we all have a job, she’s a goddamn hero’. YESSSSSS Liza *praise hands*. Kelsey in turn agrees to speak at the girls school event that Lauren put to her earlier (yes it IS ok to be angry and Kelsey no longer distancing herself from her social media mistake but using it as a platform to empower others and be a role model…where do I sign?).

Lauren was in ultimate PR and friend mode for Kelsey this week, trying to figure out how to spin Boobgate and trying to see the positive side of all the invitation cancellations. I always say it, I know, but Lauren’s unrelenting advocacy for her friends is absolutely one of her best qualities and her line, ‘you are an example of a woman who made a very simple mistake and the patriarchy seizing that opportunity to tear you down’, was fantastic. She also very much latched onto the SHero theme and I appreciated her use of the word at any given opportunity.

It is as Lauren and Josh are leaving to catch an Uber to Inkburg Midtown that we discover this means he is very relieved Claire doesn’t have to move to LA now. I really don’t get this. I said last week that Josh is far too woke to expect the mother of his child to bail on her career aspiration just so he doesn’t have to move to LA, especially considering he knows the struggle Liza faced in her own career journey after having Caitlin (who you may remember is her daughter…or was. Current status unknown). If we’d seen in their conversation Claire saying that she really doesn’t want to move but she can’t see another way to give Gemma the life she hopes, then ok, Josh finding a way to up his income is ace. So I do hope we find out at some point this was the case, because Josh deciding he’ll get more money so Claire and Gemma can stay for his convenience, it’s just nope.

Though I do have to say that the biggest benefit of Josh securing the Infinitely 21 partnership is getting to see more Shelly because omfg I cannot with her. The way she talks about paint colours, giving her personal number, the line I could not believe I heard, ‘but seriously, Josh, unload on me’ ( I love that this season has seemed censored af compared to previous ones – I don’t love this but you know what I mean- yet lines like this get dropped in. Too good), I am in awe of her complete and unabashed lust for him.

It is between picking paint colours that Josh finds the letter from Liza and it is heart wrenching. And beautiful. The emotion really is palpable as Josh leaves the store to find somewhere to read it once he realises what it is. The flashback montage is certainly something that hasn’t been utilized in the show and it really leaves such an impression. Coupled with the narration of the letter, it really captures the impact of Josh on Liza’s life and Liza’s genuine commitment to make her relationship with Charles work. If this show was wanting to move these characters past this old relationship it would have been a poignant and perfect way to do it. However it plays out in the long run, I thought it was really well done.

The hands down highlight of this entire episode for me was Diana’s bachelorette party. Lauren running at an unsuspecting Diana screaming, ‘get in the Hummer bitch’ is one of the funniest moments of the series, I will be laughing for eternity. Liza reminding Diana that, ‘I get you’, yes she does and I just love everything about seeing these women, all the Younger women, out together. I feel like the focus of this episode really got pulled to the other drama but this is the first time we’ve ever seen every female character of this show together in a room and I feel like THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Maggie schooling Diana on how strip clubs work and SO many brilliant lines, as Diana waves her money in the air only to tell the first stripper, ‘You’re a lot, no thank you’, then ‘Hi, little one’ as she flags another. The hilarity does not stop with Diana, Lauren’s, ‘here’s a fiver, you should smile more’ is every kind of YES (I sense a whiff of Liz Lemon in that line and I approve). As Liza and Kelsey talk about men and work and blah, Diana tries to bring them back to the purpose of the evening, ‘ladies, there are bulging crotches in your faces, can you focus?’. Listen to the Queen people. Yet another Diana wedding related event in which she ends up asking, ‘how did tonight become all about you?’ and I was thinking the same Diva. *Eyeroll*

The Hummer ends up at Inkburg because Lauren wants to help Diana fulfil her wish of doing something she’ll regret for the rest of her life (and obviously the reason they all need to be there is so Liza and Josh can have their post-letter confrontation). They are all so drunk, it’s hilarious and I would watch an entire feature film about the antics of this group while inebriated. Seriously, take my money. From Lauren’s, ‘Get out of the hummer Doana’ to Maggie’s, ‘I forgot we were in a car’, they cover the entire drunk person spectrum. On top of that we have Diana’s penis balloon hat position which just cracks me up because I am 10 but my fave is Diana saying to Josh, ‘John, just something small, tasteful and literary’ and then as she’s leaving, ‘it was nice to meet you Jake’. Obvs a wise choice not to go through with the tat but I’d love to know what Diana would have ended up with.

Josh calling Liza out on writing the letter and trying to walk away never talking to him was completely fair enough. Him reminding her that she said she would always be there for him, be Gemma’s aunt Liza, he’s not wrong and his hurt and confusion are understandable. But it is so nice to finally hear Liza making a choice and sticking to it (whether she does or not in the future). Josh saying that he gets it, she’s scared of what they were, they still are, it’s powerful and her defensiveness of Charles when he says that she’s making the safe choice is exactly the right response if she really means she has chosen him. And not because I love Charles and Liza together, but because Liza is standing up for her choice and her ‘don’t you tell me what I feel’ retort is so charged and fierce and I love it. ‘I know this is hard to accept Josh, but we were a moment in time. But the time has passed’ - this whole scene is wonderfully acted, the chemistry between these characters has always been strong and this is no exception. And obviously I agree that they need to move on. However my second big disappointment for this episode is the, ‘you forget Liza, I know you. I know when you’re lying (a couple of seasons of thinking she was 26 might contradict that but ok), especially to yourself.’

I absolutely understand the sentiment and I completely appreciate the setup for the zinger, ‘you wrote a letter to the wrong guy’ (though I do take issue with that line in general considering Liza has just said she’s made her choice. Even a simple, ‘I think’ in front of it would’ve made it less arrogant), but if this setup is leading to a Josh and Liza reunion down the track, then I would have preferred the execution be different because to me, this is not insightful or romantic, it’s Josh once again questioning Liza’s understanding of herself and her needs (I know it’s meant to be him trying to get her to ‘be real’ but it just doesn’t land like that for me). I have no doubt lots of fans are jubilant but it feels manipulative and is not a tactic that compels me to think they might have something worth revisiting. If after Liza said, ‘I love him more’ Josh had looked at her with that heartbreak in his eyes he can convey so well and said, ‘well then I hope he loves you the way you deserve’ or something and walked away, then THAT would show growth and make the possibility of him being an option again (which is clearly where this is all heading) far more compelling IMO.

So in one of the best bait and switch moments this show has delivered, Liza returns to the loft and has a good hard look at the gala photo with Charles and Michelle and Tom (and in my head she’s thinking about how good it is she and Charles promised each other they won’t go to things like that anymore) before we see another letter starting, Dear Charles. And just when all the Team Charles Stans were going to have a collective meltdown, it turns out it’s Kelsey writing her resignation letter and we all exhaled but then didn’t because Kelsey, what are you doing??? So. Much. DRAH-MAH, so little time.

Ramble Lite™, that was a good joke wasn’t it? Can’t believe we’ve reached the finale but I am also very ready because WE GET TO GO TO A WEDDING!!!! Better get my neckwear sorted…

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #6x11 #younger season 6 #liza miller #charles brooks #diana trout #kelsey peters #maggie amato #liza x charles #team charles #review

11 notes · View notes

diguerra-moved · 5 years

Text

@lady-shadestrider // did you say feels

The letter isn’t new. The paper begins to show signs of age, dusty upon her fingertips; the lack of marks upon it speaks of it being carefully stored nonetheless, if near forgotten. Its deliverer certainly seemed surprised the day had come to pass when it had finally reached the intended receiver’s hands (a wonder that he had even held on to it for this much time). Rellinth’s friend doesn’t speak much to her beyond what he has to; he doesn’t know what it is about, only that he had been asked to deliver it to her should she ever return, and so he means to fulfill the years old promise made to his friend.

She doesn’t read it immediately. If out of pure avoidance or because somehow Alleria deems it too important not to devote a moment solely to it, she is uncertain. Azeroth has more ghosts to her than she had expected to find; and more poorly resolved feelings, too. She had fallen for Rellinth more easily than she had ever fallen in love, before or after --- with Turalyon, it had been slow and careful and full of hesitation, her walls lowered only through his persistence and dedication; but with Rellinth she had taken a willing leap, and it had never seemed to her difficult until they begun to fall apart. Fond of him as she was, Alleria despised feeling trapped; and the more he had made her feel her freedom was being taken from her, the more he had pushed her away, until she could stay no longer.

Ideally, she would have been in Quel’thalas, hidden amidst Eversong’s trees where she knew no one would have disturbed her, and only then she would have opened the envelope and begun her readying. Ideally, she wouldn’t have to be away from Quel’thalas at all, though, and Alleria had long learned life was anything but ideal. Elwynn is not Eversong, but it is what she has now, and the ranger is more comfortable amidst the green trees than she ever feels in Stormwind’s stone streets, crowded with foreign faces that too often looked at her with reverence she did not deserve. It doesn’t bother her that sunlight will be over soon; it’s just a letter, she tells herself, and she’ll go home before Arator and Turalyon begin to worry about her absence.

Besides, Alleria has long since grown well acquainted with darkness.

Alleria,

We leave for Northrend on the morrow. The Prince seems confident in our ability to strike back against the Butcher, though I find myself unsure. A man who could wrought so much ruin across our homeland does not seem an easy foe to slay.

Fingers open the letter slowly and ever delicately, all due care not to damage it in any way. The Fall of Silvermoon is a tale she’s heard with great amount of detail, but not nearly as much was said of the other pieces of history she had missed, tragedies and important events only summarized enough for her to understand the current situation of her land and people. Even a detailed account, however, would only allow for her to imagine those past events; and imagine was all she could do even now, wondering how he must have felt, having witnessed their homeland destroyed and losing his entire family. Following Kael’thas to Northrend would not have seemed so terrible a thing to do. Briefly, she muses if he had come to regret it later; if own experience served for anything, Alleria knew that no decision she had done in grief and anger and desperation had been free of later regrets.

I don’t know why I’m writing to you. I know you have been missing in the Beyond for years now, but I suppose my heart wanders back to you when faced with such rot and ruin. I have missed you greatly. Not only as what we once were, but just as a friend.

That he wrote to her uncertain if she even lived makes her wonder how much the words were indeed meant for her to read, and how much of it was simply coming to terms with their history by himself. Closure, in a way, from someone who had lost enough to be hopeless towards past possibilities of happiness that would never come to be. Regardless, Alleria finds she is glad that he still deemed her worthy to read him in a state so raw; perhaps she shouldn’t, but it does not change how she feels.

She finds that she would have preferred to have been there and listen to the words being said, too.

I pray you still live - or at least you have found peace in whatever end befell you. Perhaps it was more kind than your sister’s.

There had never been any peace for her in her path beyond the stars, not more than she had found it upon returning to Azeroth; fate had been kinder to her than it had been to Sylvanas, however. In a morbid way, there is amusement to be found in that at least in regards to that his prayers had been heard. Perhaps the Light wasn’t as deaf as it seemed to like to make itself to be (perhaps she tries to find amusement in such a twisted way because thinking of her sister’s fate hurts too much). That he remained strong in his faith at all is what catches her attention the most, not because it is surprising per say, but because she can scarcely comprehend it. Alleria had never been one of immovable trust in higher powers, but had she ever been, the Light’s failure in a time of such dire need would certainly have been enough for her to set it aside completely.

It sounds like him, though, and she takes comfort in the feeling of familiarity.

I leave this letter with a friend in the foolish hope that should you return, perhaps it will find you hands. I have no intention of surviving our campaign. My mother is dead, our home is in ruins, and my sister is missing. In a sick way, I even lament my father’s death as well. There is nothing left for me beyond the Light, and so I will greet it on the battlefield willingly. I only wish you to know, despite our flaws, you were a blessing upon me. Your gentle way soothed aches that burdened me for decades, and the memory of it soothes my fears now. I love you now as I loved you then, and I have made peace with the fact I do not mean as much to you as you do to me.

All comfort quickly fades as shimmering blue eyes continue to scan his handwriting upon the paper. Those are just words, and old ones too; no matter how much she insists on believing so, they hit too close to her heart for her to be unaffected (and hurt reflected clearly on her gaze and eyebrows immediately pressed together in a frown and the lump in her throat all make her most glad to have chosen to be alone and away from everyone else when reading this).

It is too familiar, what he speaks of; the sense of loss, the grief, the lack of purpose to move on. The desire to die, if not to end own life directly, resounds with her too deeply --- Alleria had been the one in that place before, overwhelmed by vengeance and guilt. And I still had my sisters. I still had Arator. I still had Quel’thalas; how much worse was it for him, who thought to have nothing and no one? The death she sought in throwing herself in battle after battle against the orcs would have found her in Draenor, if not for the friends who sought to aid her no matter how much she had pushed them away. It wasn’t something she wished anyone else to experience, that bottomless abyss, and most certainly it was something that ached to see echoed in someone she had loved so.

In the crepuscular darkness of Elwynn forest, she sheds tears no one else will know of.

No matter what happened to them, she had loved him --- no matter their incompatibilities, Alleria had never wished him ill. For reasons she cannot comprehend neither feels compelled to think about, there is a sense of guilt towards his next words. Their relationship fell apart for a reason, she remembered well even now, and she had fallen in love with someone else millennia ago... yet it felt wrong that he would have continued to love her, that his feelings ran deeper than her own.

She didn’t deserve it. And he, too, deserved more; to be loved by someone who would love him just as strongly, someone who would be more understanding, someone who wouldn’t turn to avoidance and distance before ever trying to address their problems properly. He deserved to have found someone else to give his love to; someone who would be worthy of it. If she had ever been deserving of it, Alleria was certain she had ceased to be long ago (somewhere in her heart, there’s a peculiar sort of bittersweet relief: that in the least they had not met again, and he would not be one more person she would have disappointed, instead preserved in his memory as something she no longer was).

If you still live, if this letter ever reaches your hands, I wish you well with your human paladin. He is a good man, one of the best of our order, and I know he would treat you with kindness as I would.

Alleria pushes herself to continue, in spite of heartache that settles within her chest; loosens her grip on the paper’s edges, now slightly crumpled (she had not noticed how strongly she had come to hold it until then). It makes her think of Turalyon, not as he is now, but as he had been then, when they fought together in the war and stepped through the Dark Portal to Draenor. He had already been a promising member of his order then, and he had certainly been good and kind and not nearly as roughened up by war as he now was. Lothar’s death had taken its tool on him, hardened him somewhat; it had not been the last thing to do so, however, and if Alleria acknowledged she was no longer the same she was when they met, neither was he.

Indeed, Turalyon had treated her with kindness then; he treated her with kindness now, though enough had happened to make her wary all the same. It is only wishful thinking, the sort of thought your mind creates to trick you into looking towards the past more fondly than you ought to, perhaps, but part of her whispers that Rellinth, paladin though he may also have been, would not have mistreated her because the Light commanded so. Turalyon never laid a hand on her, but he needed not to have hurt her all the same; had he disagreed with what the Naaru intended to do with her, he would have voiced his opinion in the least. Instead, he had quietly acquiesced, docile as he would not be upon watching Illidan destroy Xe’Ra. He had no more condition to defeat Illidan alone than he would have had Xe’Ra; yet one of them he fought, and the other he dedicated himself to completely.

Even when it hurt her.

There is no point in comparing them. Wondering what could have been did not change what it was; in the end, wishful thinking would do more harm than good, regardless. She couldn’t even be certain it would have been different, truth be told --- best to not wonder about it at all, and to leave those matters to rest. Alleria forces herself to let go of it, though doubt is a sly thing and wounded hearts are fertile ground for regret to fester. As if her own feelings would not be enough, she can feel the shift in the whispers that speak to her --- they have always been most fervent in their disliking towards Turalyon, but they were clever, and had learned soon enough that whisper for her to see him as an enemy would not do. First they had framed their suggestions as act of mercy, a way to free him of the terrible corruption of the Light; now they nurtured her resent, played with her regret, ensured her that if another would have loved her better, than he wasn’t worthy of her after all.

Her ears twitch, and she frowns in concentration, eyes briefly closed. It is only with great cost that she shuts them off, stops to listen. The whispers are still there, soft and tempting, but Alleria does not recognize their words, too distant for her to truly hear. The letter is nearly over, she notices before truly continuing her reading; best to end it at once.

I pray you find peace with him, and know I hold no regrets for the time you and I shared, nor how short it was cut by my own folly.

Shoulder your burdens well, Lady Sun, and may the Light ever shine on your path.

Rellinth Shadestrider

She is Lady Sun no longer, and there is no more Light shining in her path. But even as she finally stands, long after having finished reading, steps quiet and slow as they walk towards those who are certain to be waiting for her, the letter neatly folded and kept instead of set aside or thrown away, Alleria knows that change as she may have, she does not regret what they had shared either; only how it ended.

Perhaps in a different life fate would be kinder to them both.

#since you demanded you get an actual drabble #i hope you like it <3 #* muse: alleria windrunner / void touched.#* in character: alleria windrunner / a sun no longer.#* dynamics: alleria windrunner & rellinth shadestrider / MANY TIMES WE WERE TRAGIC; BUT MANY TIMES WE WERE HAPPY TOO. [ SHADESTRIDERS ]#hi i like making tags for people aifnjsaknf #i was going to use your rp blog in it but it didn't fit so :v #long post cw

2 notes · View notes

soaringlanddormitory · 5 years

Note

And also more details for the Next Gen AUs please? ;w;

Of course!! Thank you so much for sending something in and I’ll have fun with this!!!!

ShigeChi

-The first time they danced together was really a great time. They even had a “Cheers” during this night! By the end of it, Shigeo did say that it was nice dancing with her and that he hoped that they’d meet again during the next year’s ball.

-By pure coincidence, they met again but this is only because they passed each other’s ways. Shigeo probably caught her attention and vice versa. After the first meeting without the masks, they feel a spark with one another but they didn’t want to make an instant conclusion.

-Honestly, I do believe they’d find each other’s voice really nice because it really reminds them on each other’s first meeting during the ball. The voice was the part that made them think if they could be the person they met that night.

-When they meet again, Chieko was actually the first one to speak up and asked if his name was Shigeo. When he says he was, he asks about her identity. Confirming that they were the same person, they dance once again and this is the same night they confessed.

SoreNa

-Soren first met Nana while he was going around the whole place on his horse. The guards were worried about the decision of the prince but he said his decision was final. He first sees Nana taking care of some flowers in the forest. The reason why they talked was because he saw a bunch of red roses.

-After this, Nana offers him some bread she made inside her bakery and he accepts, believing it’s something he couldn’t reject. He LOVED the taste and he asked her about her bakery and they began talking so much from there. He visits her frequently and actually makes her ride his horse with him during the night.

-When the prince’s birthday comes, he carefully slips in an invitation he made himself so that Nana can come inside the kingdom. The messenger doesn’t notice this and he sends every letter that was given to him and Nana was able to get hers. Knowing it was HIS birthday, she decides to go.

-Yes, the confess each other’s love for one another during his birthday and even if the two were sure that people may dislike this idea- they chose to be together because it’s fine to bend the rules a bit if it’s for someone you love.

MichiToshi

-Toshio and Michiko didn’t know what to do with their feelings at first because she’s a mermaid and he was a normal human being. The first person who got over it was Toshio who went by his feelings and decided that he’d end up allowing his feelings to flow.

-He often asks Michiko out to dates but Michiko declines because she can’t walk or go to certain places like normal humans. He decides to carry her around sometimes but nowhere to far from the water. Michiko slowly falls in love because of how he was to her.

-Toshio and Michiko’s first kiss was when Toshio decides to swim in the beach and they do an underwater kiss. When he comes out of the water with the help of Michiko, he begins laughing and telling her that he probably got the prize of best underwater kiss in the world.

-Yes, they kissed before they confessed to each other and they actually confess after the kiss and they agree that they ended up falling in love with one another.

KimiHiro

-Kimiko saw Hiroshi and she instantly got interested on him because how could someone as sweet as him be so dangerous? She did believe that he was capable of several things and she said his mafia title should be “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” once she saw him shoot down several targets.

-Hiroshi gets really embarrassed every time Kimiko compliments him because after he was called an outcast, he was so used to people pushing him down and not pulling him up. He gets to realize that he was more than the “member who failed a mission”.

-Kimiko on the other hand, would be angry once someone insults Hiroshi because he’s a great partner in crime. She even states that he’s probably the best person she could have been with and she KNOWS she could completely trust him no matter what the situation is.

-Their confession was in the worst way possible and it’s because Kimiko was shot after getting too ahead of herself and Hiroshi confesses. He then looks at her and realized only her arm was shot and he gets very embarrassed. She ends up telling him she likes him too so... it’s a win?

HibiTori

-They first met inside a cafe. Hibiki wanted to grab something to eat the first time he went to the human world and Sayaka convinced him to go to the cafe. Tori, on the other hand, wanted to drink but it was funny because she only wanted to drink something that the angel Ichiro called “shit” and she’d point out that the drink was okay, it’s just he’s weak against human drinks.

-They actually talked after meeting a few times in the cafe and they became oddly close but there was a feeling inside them that told them that the other one could be dangerous- but they trusted each other fully so they ignored what their senses were telling them.

-Hibiki reveals he’s a demon once another demon tries to attack Tori who believed he was a normal human being. Once the demon fled, Hibiki apologizes to Tori for not telling her sooner and she, instead of being scared, reveals that she’s an angel. They didn’t know how to react about this since demons and angels weren’t supposed to be in good terms.

-After a while of being separated, they meet each other once again and agreed that even if they’re two whole different beings, they’re still the same person who they met on the first day. They accepted each other and feelings grew from there.

KiChi

-Sachi wakes up to a sleeping bat in her room and she didn’t call her parents. Instead she decides to take care of the bat and allow it to follow her around. She’s surprised that the bat was awake like... the whole day though because she heard they’re only awake during night. But the bat hides and avoids the sun.

-When she knows about Killian’s true form, he expected her to be scared but... she attempted to touch his fangs and he ended up being the panicking one. She questions him too and she actually found it pretty cute a vampire was there to defend her??

-He flies around her every night she’s out of the house and even if she knew what he was, she didn’t fear him at all. She was already used to him and sometimes she’d give him some head pats and he actually likes them a lot?? He admits it when he turns into his human form.

-The first time they actually said feelings to one another is when Killian decided not to drink her blood because he was afraid of hurting her but he was getting extremely weak. After convincing him despite his complains, he sucks her blood and she tells him that she actually liked him for some time now and if he needed some more, he could do it again. He blushes and admits his feelings too but transforms back to a bat to now show himself blushing.

SuzuAki

-After the whole thing of her getting injured and him coming in, she asks him if he’s alright with being her new personal medic and he instantly flusters. He agrees with it though, wanting to take the opportunity to get closer to her since he did admire her from afar.

-He’s probably the smartest medic of the whole empire and he takes note about every disease and every cure so he could help people. Suzume really admired this from him because of how selfless he is and that he actually gives importance to everyone around him.

-While she is the empress who shows why she deserves that title and she often offers people to spar with her. Akio panics over this and comes over every time someone gets an injury. He gets really worried about her and tries to see if any injury is vital.

-Akio first confesses his love while he’s wrapping some bandages around the injuries of Suzume which turned out really bad but she wakes up by this time and she actually says she returns it. After some weeks, her injuries get fully healed and they get a proper confession.

TamaYoko

-The ghost of Yoko got really attached to Tamaki and she follows him around after the whole incident. The PSD squad gets surprised that he actually got close to a ghost and they’re really disappointed that they can’t photos of Yoko and Tamaki together.

-Tamaki listens to Yoko a lot and he actually likes hearing about her stories. He replies to her every time she talks to him and he doesn’t care about what other people think because he thinks that she’s a wonderful being even if she’s a ghost.

-Yoko actually hugs Tamaki a lot and he can actually feel her spirit doing so. Sometimes he attempts in hugging her too [he may be slightly awkward though] because it’s the thought that counts!! Yoko gains feelings for him, and Tamaki returns the feelings later on. They slowly fixed each other’s insecurities.

-They confess to each other after some while and Yoko gets really happy. Tamaki then tries to figure out a way on how he could actually get to hug Yoko physically and the whole squad of his cheer on him for thinking a way. Yoko doesn’t really mind though, she appreciates him enough!

7 notes · View notes

9g99 · 6 years

Text

Sweet Prince - L.H. Royal/Prince AU

summary → royal life can be messy, but Prince!Luke doesn’t mind when you’re by his side

word count → 4.2k

author’s note → i haven’t written a proper fic like this in ages so i’m sorry if it’s not that good. it’s a somewhat of a mess and unnecessarily long. it’s gender neutral too for all my guys, gals, and nonbinary pals :) also it’s based off this luke this one’s for you lisa ( @littlelionluke )

warnings - swearing, bit of self deprecation, 0.3 seconds that’s nsfw if u squint

part 2

Luke won’t admit it to you, but he sometimes wishes he never met you.

Not because you were the death of him and made his life a living hell but simply because you were the opposite. You made his life more enjoyable and so fulfilling that he wants to rid himself of all the responsibilities of being heir to the throne.

In simple terms, he thinks of you as the sun, more or less. You bring fun and light into his dull life. You fill him with warmth just by your very presence and the grace of your smile on your pretty lips. You make him the happiest he’s ever been despite all the privileges and gifts royal blood grants him.

If he’s being honest, Luke still doesn’t understand why his brothers abdicated from the throne. Luke thinks he’s too young and immature to be the next ruler for the kingdom, but he just follows as he’s told because he doesn’t want to let people down.

Letting people down, one of his fears and insecurities in life, and he knows that’s what he’s doing to you each moment he doesn’t tell you the truth.

Luke won’t admit this to you, but he’s desperately waiting for the day you realize how he’s a terrible person, so you leave his life on your own terms and not for arbitrary reasons. He’d rather it be him, not you, who suffers the most, because he believes you deserve so much more than who he is now. You don’t deserve pain. You don’t deserve to suffer, because you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just him, who’s an idiot and a complete coward.

The thing is though as much as he wishes you were gone, he doesn’t want that to happen. Not in a million years, not in a million parallel universes does he want to live his life without you.

He doesn’t want you to leave him because then he’s back to this “noble” son and this “honorable” son status just because he’s willing to take the crown. Luke doesn’t believe he’s any of that, because all his life he’s referred as the “little one,” the “just-in-case” child. He doesn’t like to take pride in who he is because honestly, he was just the back-up. Without you, he reverts back to the ghost of a man who’s merely roaming the castle halls due to an unfortunate curse that left him rotting for nothing on the kingdom’s prized palace.

Yeah sure, throughout his life he was spoiled and tended to the most since he’s the youngest, but those are its only perks. He’s not the “most prized” son nor the “exemplary” son and specifically he’s not the firstborn. He’s just Luke, the next son to inherit the throne unfortunately. Luke was never the chosen son to rule the kingdom. He was never worthy of wielding the the staff his father, and his father’s father, and his father’s father’s father held in their hands to this day. He was the last born, so obviously he never really had a chance at power from the start. Clearly, he doesn’t deserve it now.

So yeah, Luke may be loved to some degree, but he certainly doesn’t feel its warm embrace unless it’s with you.

Luke remembers that day so vividly. That day he found you in the castle garden.

What a mess of a day that was though. Not only was it the day he found about them and all the duties of being a king, but it was also the day of the annual ball his family threw. In between meetings with the neighboring kingdom, he went through fittings after fittings to ensure his suit was as sleek and form fitting as it’s supposed to be. Luke didn’t care though.

God, why should he care?

Third born son, and now he’s next in line to the throne. What kind of bullshit were they throwing at Luke? He didn’t care, okay, but still, he had the right to be angry.

When he exited the castle to cool off and heard voices from the outside, he was so annoyed from his previous activities that he couldn’t be bothered with anyone. All day he’d been told “Luke this. Luke that” and all he wanted to do was nap. Luke hadn’t eaten all day, except those handful of grapes he stole from the kitchen for breakfast because he was in a rush to get to the first meeting since he woke up late. He couldn’t text you in between (and during) meetings because his phone was dead since he forgot to plug his phone to his charger after he called you last night, telling you that he made it home safe. He didn’t sleep well because he was too busy thinking about you and how much trouble he would be in for sneaking out to your house to watch the stars with the telescope he bought you for your last birthday.

You still were paying him back as we speak, because a telescope? That’s way too expensive for you. You would have preferred new scented candles because there was a sale in the village, but Luke, being the affluent, yet compassionate person he is, decided you deserved something much more grand for that year’s birthday. What you don’t know is that each cent you pay back, Luke just adds it to his funds of ‘make (y/n) happy’ list. But that’s none of your business so let’s get back to the day of the ball.

“Petunia! No, stop!” you laughed as the puppy happily jumped on your lap. She slobbered kisses on you until you laid on the ground. The melody of your laughter rang throughout the garden. Such a lovely sound. It was Luke’s favorite thing to hear. Although he loved the sound, his body froze and his annoyance dissipated from him and was replaced with anxiety.

Fuck, Luke thought. What were you doing here? Wait, why was Petunia not inside?

Before opening the gates to the garden, he hid behind the wall to listen to your conversation with his pet.

“Oh, Petunia,” you sighed as the once full of energy pup laid beside you. “You’re such a silly girl. If Luke found you, you would be in so much trouble, but since it’s just me, you’re off the hook,” you booped her nose with playfulness. You continued petting her and rubbing her sides, while humming a tune.

A butterfly flew past and you were in bliss. Nothing could ruin your contentment for those few seconds. You were too busy reminiscing on last night’s stargazing with Luke to hear his grumble from behind the garden gates.

Oh late nights with Luke. What a treasure they were. It’s a bit selfish of you to say but you wish you could keep Luke like that with you, always. He was always so stressed and tired from his duties of being a prince, but when it was just with you, oh what a sight he was. He was so relaxed and untroubled. Lately though, he’s been a little less relaxed and a little more preoccupied, but he still appreciates his time spent with you. He won’t tell you this, but anywhere with you is his favorite place.

If you daydreamed long enough, you could still feel his arms wrapped around you and how he rested his head atop yours. You could still feel him press a kiss to your hair. You could feel the heat radiate off his body and warm you after the late night chilly breeze. If you reminisced long enough, you could relive the moments before he left back for the castle. God, you hoped you were able to veil all the fear, but also affection in your eyes as Luke jumped from your one-story roof. Every second you were with him, you were scared that he would know your secret and he would run away, but you also hoped that the feelings you had for him were mutual. I mean, they had to be if he snuck out from the castle, day and night time, just to get away from the crown, just for a bit and be a regular boy with you, if he took you to the animal shelter and helped him choose Petunia, if he bought you a telescope because he remembered you raving about how you loved to watch the stars, if he lets you play with his hair, if he lets you have the password to his phone and laptop, if he kisses your head and shoulders whenever he’s given the chance, if he instinctively reaches for your hands and fingers when you’re sitting next to each other, if he traces a heart on your knee and your palm. I mean the feelings had to be reciprocated, right? Actions speak louder than words, right?

You interrupted the serenity of your reverie with the words, “I think I’m going to tell him tonight. Or wait, maybe - No, I am definitely doing it.” You laughed at yourself because you were simply talking to yourself despite Petunia’s presence, but then Luke’s large body hit the gate entrance to the garden.

It wasn’t until then Luke could feel the erratic beat of his heart thrumming against his chest. He heard how fond and wondrous your voice was. He saw the look in your eyes of determination but also of softness and something full of love, maybe? He couldn’t tell; you’ve never been in love before so who’s to say that was a look of love and admiration?

But, God, what were you going to confess? And to who?

Petunia’s head shot up, looking for the site that caused the clammer. When she saw Luke, she pounced towards him with a wide smile as he opened the gates and headed towards your direction.

He offered you a smile and wave, while you returned a smile and mouthed a ‘hello’ back to him.

Before he reached you, he squatted down to pet his dog. He enveloped her in cuddles as Petunia peppered his face with slobbery kisses. He began to chuckle as Petunia joyfully jumped around as he opened his arms from the hug. His elbows perched against the garden floor as he watched her look back for between himself and you with a wide smile and happy pep to her steps. Luke closed his eyes with contentment, just enjoying the soft breeze and warmth of the sun. Just a small interaction with his dog and the weight of today’s trouble slipped off his shoulders. He almost forgot about your presence after being involved with Petunia’s antics but then he heard you stifle a laugh from the side. He could hear the gravel move and the grass crunch each step you took to get closer to him.

“Well, hello there, Your Royal Highness,” you teased with a dramatic bow.

Luke groaned at your actions. “(Y/N)... why? You know I hate that.”

You laughed at his complaint. Before speaking, you crouched beside him. “I mean it’s not my fault you’re from royal blood,” you joked.

“Yeah, but - I- ugh,” he struggled.

“Hey, I’m just messing with you. No need to get all flustered, but you okay? You look really tired and more stressed than usual,” you worried.

Oh shit, Luke thought. Should he tell you now? They were announcing it at the ball tonight. Screw it.

You beat Luke to it as you spoke, “You know what you need?”

“What do I need (Y/N)?” Luke rolled his eyes.

“You need a neck massage. And a glass of orange juice maybe, because you look dead,” you smiled. “Come on, get up now big boy. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Or well, I guess more you so than me.” You stood and began tugging Luke’s arm to get his body up from the ground.

“But (Y/N) I don’t wanna… Can’t I just enjoy the sunshine and the breeze for a bit longer?”

“Ugh, fine. C’mere though.”

You sat on the ground again and Luke rested his head in your lap. You instinctively ran your hands through his golden curls, while he hummed with eyes closed.

“We’re best friends, right?” you whispered to him.

Too busy enjoying the feel of your hands, he missed your words. Luke opened his eyes when you removed your hands. A scrunch sketched itself to his face. Why’d you stop playing with his hair?

You timidly stared at the growing flowers beside you in the grass. Fuck, he didn’t hear you. Okay maybe you shouldn’t tell him.

“Hey,” he nudged. You broke your stare and focused back on to Luke. He reached for your hand and interlaced your fingers together. “I love you.”

You bashfully grinned as he pressed a kiss to your knuckles. You replied softly, “And I love you, my sweet prince.”

That last part got caught in the wind though, so now, it’s just you and Mother Earth’s little secret.

In that moment, everything felt okay again. Luke felt okay again. He forgot about his responsibilities for a bit and that was fine by him. He was with his favorite person and nothing could ever top that.

Luke won’t admit it but he still remembers every day, every hour, every minute, every second he’s spent with you. Whether it be at the castle or at the garden or the outskirts of the kingdom by the river, he treasured every moment.

He is still reliving the night of the ball in his head.

Just after the announcement and all the pat on the shoulders and clinking of drinks and ‘congratulations’ thrown at him, he was exhausted. The party was alive, but Luke wasn’t, or well, physically he was. His body seeked the night sky to soothe his headache from all the socializing and sleep deprivation. The stars always brought some solace to Luke whether it be a stormy head or a stormy night. He admired the picturesque twinkling lights, but it was mainly due to you.

Staring at the night sky was your thing, but since introducing it more to Luke, he’s always done it. He likes to think that maybe when he’s looking at the stars, you are too. And sometimes he thinks that maybe when you’re looking at the stars and moon, you think about him as he thinks about you. You’re his sun, moon, and stars, but he won’t admit that to you. Well maybe, not just yet.

He still thinks about the night picnic you planned during springtime (it was many weeks before the royal announcement). That day he saw hope of a future and not a faux one too.

He mainly just remembers you rambling on and on about god knows what, but he didn’t mind. He always enjoyed when you talked. He liked your voice.

He’s also pretty sure he ate almost all the food you prepared while you kept explaining how school slowly became your death. You didn’t mind though because you ate a bit before meeting him, so everything was made specially for him. His heart swooned when you said that, because you cared so much about him and he never felt that specific endearment before.

Okay, he sort of lied earlier, but he doesn’t exactly remember how it went from you complaining about your life to you laying on his lap and watching the stars. But then you felt a bug crawling on your arm and you immediately sat up and ran away from that area on the picnic blanket. While you were in hysterics, Luke was laughing at you.

“I hate you. So. Fucking. Much” you slapped his shoulder.

Luke continued laughing.

This is another part where Luke gets lost in his head and forgets the moments that lead up to this. He just remembers the seconds before and the moments during. Those are the most significant in his head.

You were laying against him and Luke had his arms stretched out behind his body so you two don’t topple onto the ground. You were watching the sky tessellate, but a gusty breeze rustled Luke’s hair. You began laughing at Luke because he looked like a mess, but a pretty mess that had tousled hair everywhere.

You delicately untangled his mess of curls, careful to not pull any hairs and make more knots. He watched your face as you fixed his hair. He liked how careful you are with him, how you treated him so well and so kindly, how you looked in the moonlight, how you bit your lip as you concentrated and god, he wanted to kiss those lips of yours.

You finished untangling his hair, but you didn’t move back to your original position. You pushed some of Luke’s curls behind his ear, just so you could admire his face more. As you retracted your hand, your fingers softly brushed his cheeks and he trapped your hand there. He held your hand there for a moment before pressing a kiss to your palm. But soon after, he put your hand back to where it once was so it cupped his jaw. He looked at you so intimately and intensely with a gentle smile you thought your heart would burst from how fast it beat in your chest.

Your breath hitched when you saw Luke’s eyes scan your face and stopped briefly to look at your mouth just a couple seconds longer.

“(Y/N)?” Luke whispered.

“Yeah,” you replied breathlessly.

“Can I kiss you?” he requested.

You were in too much of a shock to register Luke shifting so he was sitting up straighter so he could rest his forehead against yours. “Princess, please answer me. I need to know,” he begged.

You mumbled a yes before closing your eyes and leaning in just enough so your noses brush.

Fuck, Luke thought. Is this really happening? Am I dreaming?

Luke brushed his lips against yours and you let out a whimper. Your thumb rubbed against his cheek, just as a reassurance that this was real and this was about to happen.

And then, it happened.

Luke’s lips pressed against yours in the most delicious and delicate way. Firm enough to feel your lips fully, but soft enough for you to pull away. Then you did something he didn’t expect, which was kiss him back.

You smiled into the kiss as Luke began to properly kiss your mouth. You loved the feel of Luke’s lips against yours and how your bodies responded to one another. You were so entranced with his lips that you didn’t realize how you subconsciously moved so you were straddling his hips and your hands rested on his shoulders that were starting to snake to his neck and hair. Luke’s hands gripped your hips as if instinct. You shifted your position a little so you could get closer to Luke, but a loud groan escaped his lips, and you pulled back immediately.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Fuck, Luke, oh my god I just-” and your words died down at the sounds of Luke’s raspy laughter. Your eyebrows knitted together. “Why are you laughing? Luke, this is serious.”

But Luke couldn’t stop laughing. You were so pure and cute.

“Baby, you did nothing wrong,” he finally responded.

He watched your face contort from annoyance to confusion. “What do you mean ‘nothing’s wrong’? I literally heard you groan. I must have hurt you somehow.”

He chuckled at your innocence. “Nope, ya didn’t hurt me.” His eyes were shining with stars and he couldn’t believe that just happened. He couldn’t believe he just kissed his best friend. God knows how long he’s been waiting to do that. “Okay, maybe a little bit but in a good way.”

“In a good way? Luke, what the fuck are you on?”

“I mean it felt good.”

“Oh” Heat spread across your cheeks.

A muffled ‘mhmm’ came from Luke as he nuzzled his head into your neck. He pressed his lips at the junction between your collarbone and neck. You could feel his stubble rub against your neck and you let a whine.

Your eyes widened with fear. Was that supposed to happen? Oh shit, what the fuck is wrong with me?

“Just like that, baby. That’s what it felt like,” Luke smirked.

Screw the castle. Screw the announcement. Screw the throne. Screw everything. Luke just wanted you, but he knows that dreams don’t always come true.

But sometimes Luke cherishes the memories a little too much. Sometimes he forgets the past is the past and he is living in the present.

It’s been a week since the ball and nothing has really changed in the castle.

Luke stumbled down the stairs and noisily entered the dining hall. His hair was disheveled still, obvious that he just woke up. By the time he reached his seat, he was sure he was going to pass out.

He’s never ran that fast before. Okay, that’s a lie. There was this one time where he chased you and he tripped and you were too busy laughing so beautifully with the sun enchanting your figure for him to scowl and throw a snarky remark at you.

Once finally catching his breath, he greeted, “Good morning, Father, Mother.”

The look of disapproval on the queen’s face shut his mouth, but the king was quieting his chuckles at his unkempt son. “You’re late,” the queen remarked.

“I know, Mother. I can ex-”

“I don’t want to hear it” the queen interrupted. Luke didn’t understand why his mother was so upset. He’s been late to breakfast before, so what’s so different about today’s?

Then he saw you and his eyes nearly flew out of his skull. The memories of last night were fresh on his mind again.

Luke won’t admit it to you, but one look at you and he can still feel your fingers caressing his face from the night before. He can still feel your lips on his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids, his forehead, his palm, but most of all, he can still feel your petal soft lips on his and how you always try to stop smiling in between kisses, but you can’t help yourself, so you pull away and rest your forehead on his, with eyes still closed and a toothy grin on your face. And when you open your eyes, he swears to god that he can see the universe in your eyes. He’s overwhelmed with this deep emotion of adoration and contentment and he wonders, is this what it’s like to be in love?

Luke won’t admit it, but if he asks you who your best friend is, he hopes you lie and say it’s someone else. Because then it would hurt less and the pain would be easier to manage, knowing you weren’t as deeply invested as he was.

But he knows that’s not true. He sees it in your eyes and your smile and the way you brush hair out of his face when you both lie in the meadow by the river along the outskirts of the kingdom. He sees it in the crooked grin on your face when Petunia always jumps on him after he’s spent the day with you. He feels it in the way you rest your head on his shoulder when you’re stargazing during your late night picnics in the castle garden. He feels it in the way you always choke a sigh after he bids you farewell and good night with a forehead kiss. He hears it in the way you laugh at his terrible puns and his awful jokes. Most of all, he hears it in the way you playfully retort an “I hate you” to him when he’s being a little shit, because he knows you don’t mean it one bit, not at all. He knows that it’s the opposite and that’s why it hurts to much and that’s why he has yet to confess to you.

The queen’s eyes held so much rage in them. You were afraid to interject and explain what happened. Luke, however, was too much in shock of seeing you there, present at the dining table in the broad daylight.

“Actually, Luke, I would love for you to explain to me on what’s going on between the two of you. Last time I checked, you were betrothed,” Luke’s mother spat.

Betrothed? He’s fucking betrothed. You mentally noted.

How did you not know that though? I mean, hello, there was a ball and an announcement.

“I- um- uh- they’re my -” Luke stuttered.

“They’re what, Luke? Hmm?” the queen passively retaliated.

You stood from your seat, not caring how rude you were being to the royal family. You couldn’t bear being in this room any further. You announced, “I’m so sorry for the interruption, Your Highness, but I believe this is a conversation I shouldn’t be present for. This is one that is much more private and none of my concern. I thank you for your hospitality and I apologize for the intrusion I’ve held in your lives. Please, excuse me, Your Majesty and Your Highness.”

“You’re excused, (Y/N). Please forgive me for my rude behavior,” the queen said smugly.

However, there is one thing Luke will admit and tell you, and it’s that you’re his best friend and he loves you so goddamn much, but he’s sorry he didn’t tell you sooner.

a/n - feedback is always appreciated :-) thank you x

part 2

158 notes · View notes

diminuel · 6 years

Text

Reading List: April

I missed archiving fics I read in March, but I’m back for April. Some of the fics I might have read in March. I’m still not very good at keeping track of what I read when! But the important part is that you get some fics to read! ;D

I’ve added the archive warnings in the brackets in case there were any, but didn’t include the tags. So make sure to read them.

Enjoy! ♥

bring it on home by xylodemon (2.4k)

"She ─" Sam grimaces again. "She likes tea, right?"

Dean hesitates. He pictures their old kitchen in Lawrence ─ the floral wallpaper, the walnut cabinets, the pots and pans hanging on hooks. Sheer, white curtains had hung in the windows, and Mary had left them open because she'd liked plenty of sunlight. It had smelled like coffee in the mornings. Dean had always lined his army men up on the table before eating his Cheerios.

"I don't know," he admits. "She ─ maybe."

Soft and gentle, but also slightly melancholy coda fic for 12x02

The One: Supernatural Edition by motorbike_on_the_avenue (73k)

The One is America's #1 dating show!

Twenty contestants will spend six weeks competing in tasks, to show the American public they should be picked to marry the suitor. Over the six weeks, they'll be voted down till just The One remains...

Dean Winchester is this year's suitor. A 34 year old firefighter from Kansas he isn't entirely sure why he applied to a dating show where he has to get married at the end.

Especially since he'll never have met (or seen) anything about his future lawfully wedded whatever.

But just who will be voted The One?

This is such an enjoyable fic! Dean and Cas don’t even meet each other until the very end, but the premise is so captivating and I constantly was nervous and rooting for my faves *lol*

Kitchen Overhaul by Powerfulweak (Explicit, 20k)

For Dean Winchester, his family’s bakery is his life, even if business is tanking. When his brother volunteers them for the reality show “Kitchen Overhaul”, Dean is less than enthusiastic with changing anything about his beloved bakery. He is even less enthusiastic to deal with the infamously icy host, Chef Castiel Novak.

Just like the previous fic on the list, this fic also has a TV show format as the premise of its story, but it’s more in the background. I loved this a lot! I got frustrated because of Dean, then because of Cas, but it’s all very rewarding!

Peak Homosexual by K_K_TiBal (3.7k)

You know that thing that happens where you hear something really homophobic in public so you gay it up as much as you can? This is that story.

Cute, pretend relationship fic! ♥

Neighborly Behavior by Annie D (scaramouche) (1.8k)

Cas and Dean at a neighborhood potluck, in an AU where they're both kinda assholes.

It’s hilarious and always good for a re-read!

Dean's Table by through_shadows_falling (4.9k)

On Castiel’s first day waiting tables at the Roadhouse Diner, his co-worker tells him to save a spot for Dean, a young veteran with a cane who sits in the same corner booth every day. Dean doesn’t talk, but Castiel’s charm soon works its magic until Dean reveals that he’s there to reconnect with his brother after a painful falling out. Castiel hopes Dean will succeed, even as Castiel's roommate, Sam, visits the diner one morning.

Lovely story about Cas easing Dean out of his lonely shell. And it also includes a happy reunion.

The Glen by Annie D (scaramouche) (3.2k, Explicit)

Dean's run out of excuses to not claim Cas, so he finally does. Better late than never, right?

This is actually set after a previous story, which focuses on Sam and Kevin. It might be slightly confusing without the previous part but I think still an interesting read, especially with the following part!

The Shop on the Corner by CasCase (18.6k, Mature)

Two years ago Castiel left behind his job and his past to fulfill his dream of opening a neighborhood bookshop. Now, his shop is popular and he’s finding himself fitting in with his new community. He’s perfectly happy with his quiet life among the books.

Perhaps the only thing that could make it absolutely perfect would be the attentions of Dean-the-Delivery-Guy. But, of course that means Castiel will have to work beyond his own insecurities to find a way to see the gorgeous man more than once a week.

Maybe he should stick to the books after all.

This was fun and lovely and even though there’s a bit of angst and pining involved, Dean’s gentle patience were lovely!

In Someone Else's Life by blue_morning (4.5k)

Cas never believed in love at first sight, but when he accidentally crashes a wedding trying to keep his brother out of trouble, it happens to him. Happy ending, right? Yeah, except that the man he falls for just happens to be the groom.

Light-hearted misunderstandings (mostly Gabriel’s fault) and an absolutely hilarious ending!

The Return Policy by aileenrose (12.9k, Explicit)

"Most of his visitors are academics. They come from universities all over the nation, sometimes beyond. Others write books. The man in the Reading Room today is neither. He’s a tall, irritated man with a federal badge."

The federal agent's partner is usually the one who does the research. And even though Cas doesn't think this man is a real federal agent, he's happy to help where he can.

A great read, close to canon, with lovely atmosphere!

Do You Need a Stepdad? by supernatural9917 (1.8k)

When Claire Novak tweets a picture of her dad cooking, she didn't expect to go viral, or for everyone to be quite so hot for her dad.

Based on a photo prompt: Teenager Claire posts a snarky tweet about her single dad Cas, and gets this response. She says ‘LOL no he’s gay’ so Dean tweets to ask if she needs a stepdad!

It might be short but it’s incredibly delightful!

How to Keep Time by aileenrose (6.6k, Mature)

Dean's just beginning to learn that some times are more precious than others.

Very touching fic, featuring homeless Cas making beautiful things and Dean having to (re) learn what’s truly valuable.

The Neighboring Perspective by aileenrose (12.7k, Mature)

Dean's newly single, in a new house, and a brand-new father to boot.

Dean's also got this weird thing where some stranger is leaving baby clothes on his porch at night.

A very lovely fic with Cas breaking my heart with his softness and his sadness...! ;w;

Best You Ever Ate by darkforetold (1.7k, Explicit)

Cas sucks—under a table at Ma's Diner.

A PWP! :D

For Science by shiphitsthefan (6.1k, Explicit)

“Think of it like an experiment," says Dean. "You’re testing a hypothesis as to whether or not a desirable response can be achieved through the stimulation of the anus via the application of a willing volunteer’s muscular hydrostat.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Are you actually trying to use the scientific method to talk me into letting you lick my asshole?”

It might sound like a cracky PWP, but it’s not! It features ace!Cas and Dean figuring out their sexual relationship. It’s sweet and funny~

Remarkable by shiphitsthefan (3.7k)

It’s only Castiel’s first day as a teacher at All City Elementary in Sioux Falls, and he’s already been warned by four teachers, the guidance counselor, the principal, and the librarian to watch out for Ben Braeden’s father. Unluckily for Castiel, Dean turns out to be just as “helpful” as everyone’s said, bringing in stacks of literature and just as many ideas for how Mr. Milton can encourage his students to be more socially conscious. Castiel dismisses him every time with hardly a second thought.

When Ben brings in his Patriot Day essay assignment, Mr. Milton can't help but change his mind.

I love how passionate and insistent Dean is about social issues. And the way the other teachers speak about Dean makes me sad, but at least Cas makes an effort and the whole fic is very sweet and uplifting!

Made Manifest by schmerzerling

Wherein Castiel defied God for Dean before Dean even knew his name.

I was craving trans!Dean fic and this was recommended to me. It’s really good, focusing on Dean up until Cas pulls him out of hell and recongizes Dean for who he is. Dean, not Deanna.

Low Battery Blues by destielonfire (4k)

Wherein a dead phone battery ruins an otherwise perfectly good and well-intended joke and causes Cas to think Dean broke up with him.

Misunderstanding with a happy ending!

Parent's Weekend by Piper_Halliwell1979 (1.7k)

Claire needs a "dad" to come meet one of her professors during Parent's Weekend at college. She can't get hold of Cas so Dean steps up to help her out. Turns out Claire wouldn't mind if she had two dads.

Dean and Cas both pretend to be Claire’s dads!

This Is Gonna Have Consequences, Kid by omgbubblesomg (Explicit, 3.6k)

Modern AU. Dean is looking for someone to spend the night and Cas is working the streets

PWP with sex worker Cas, featuring younger!Cas and older!Dean.

The Ritual by HazelDomain (Explicit, 9.6k // non-con cw)

The Winchesters were used to being outnumbered. They weren’t too worried about taking on humans, numerous though they may be. It was the ritual’s mystery guest that concerned them.

Their intel wasn’t good. They knew the cultists needed the participation of some incredibly powerful being in order to complete the summoning. “Powerful” and “being” were both very loosely translated, as was “participation.”

I was on a hurt!Cas kick and this story has plenty of it. Cas was abducted by a cult and then found by the Winchesters once it’s been mostly completed. See the archive warnings (graphic violence and rape) and further tags!

Finding Courage by DarkHeartInTheSky (26.3k)

By allowing Lucifer to use him as a vessel, Castiel helped eliminate the Darkness and saved the World. But it may have been at the cost of Sam and Dean's friendship. Deciding he has nothing to live for without that, Castiel plans to end his life on his terms and be at peace---if only a certain ghost of an archangel would leave him alone. Meanwhile, Dean needs to learn to use his words.

A Supernatural "It"s A Wonderful Life" AU

More hurt Cas. Dean reacts very negatively once Cas is free of his possession, sending him away. As a consequence Cas tries to commit suicide and is given the chance to either die or return to life once more. It takes a while to convince him that he hasn’t lost everything. It’s sad but it has a good ending.

Specimen Two Eighty Five by HazelDomain (Explicit, 8k // non-con cw)

Prompt: Cas gets taken prisoner by the MOL or some other people. They lump angels in with all the other supernatural creatures, and believe they’re little better than animals. They keep Cas restrained and burn or tattoo warding on him. They talk about him like he can’t understand them. They strip him, examine him, make him manifest his wings. He can’t escape, and every day brings new mistreatment and misery.

Hurt!Cas and tortured Cas seems to be the theme of my reading at the end of April. What I particularly like about this is the non-linear narration!

Womb Kindred by Annie D (scaramouche) (Explicit, 33k)

It was probably too much to hope for that Castiel's once-betrothed, Dean of Winchester, never found out that they had a child together.

I adore this fic and the last chapter was recently posted. So it’s on my to re-read list! It’s got a very interesting setting and there’s constant tension between all the characters. Cas has been hurt in the past and while he is fierce in guarding Claire, there’s a sad resignation about him. And about Dean as well. They’re pretty much walking on eggshells around each other all the time and then they get flung into troubles which readjusts their relationship. While it has a good ending, it’s clear that it’s not a perfect happy ever after.

Pining Sickness; Or, Murder With One Stone by athaclena, iraeim (Explicit, 57.8k)

New York, 1895. The rigid customs of the old century are beginning to fall away, allowing access to the professions for more people than just Omega men and Alpha women. Dean Winchester, the city’s first Alpha male Detective, uncovers evidence that a mysterious new illness killing mated couples might have its origins is the criminal rather than the medical.

Castiel Novak is a respectable Omega doctor who has started to see patients dying cruelly of something he cannot cure or even effectively treat. Approached by the Detective to once again give his medical expertise, he is eager to work towards finding a cause and, he hopes, a cure for the unfortunate sufferers. But both men harbour a secret attraction towards the other, and the quest for the truth will stretch their relationship beyond its limits.

A historical murder mystery set against a backdrop of a non-traditional Omegaverse.

I absolutely adored this fic! It’s got a historical setting and a very interesting world building which, as the summary advertises, features a non-traditional distribution of roles, with omega men at the top of society. The case itself is interesting and you just get a massive dose of pining between Dean and Cas, but it’s a quiet, resigned kind of pining, that really pulls at your heart.

Take On Me by Powerfulweak (Explicit, 46.4k)

Alpha Dean Winchester figured the closest he’d get to the apple pie life and fatherhood was a one-shot, “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” trip to a sperm bank. That is, until he comes face-to-face with the omega carrying his pup on a fateful trip to the grocery store. When the the omega runs off without a word, though, Dean learns the situation is far more complicated than he expected. Can an anonymous sperm donation and the favor of a lifetime help two complete strangers find everything their life was missing?

A fic with an unusual premise that just promises a “it’s complicated” kind of situation! There’s plenty of very intriguing angst, but there is a fluffy happy ending!

Marry Him by ProLazy (2.9k)

Jimmy is sick and asks Castiel to do him a favour. This results in Dean mistaking Cas for Jimmy and explaining that he wants to marry Cas.

A cute sort of mistaken identity fic!

Left Behind by Aini_NuFire (6.6k)

Sam and Dean saved Lucifer from Amara. They just assumed that meant they’d saved Cas too…

(Author needs to vent some angst, but there’s still a happy ending)

That last part of the summary pretty much describes this fic. It’s a gen fic, addressing the fact that Cas often gets forgotten or left behind, especially in this whole Lucifer and Chuck fiasco. ;w;

Captured by bobertsmallismydad (6.2k)

On a day when he is taking a break from Heaven Castiel is captured by the order of the Royal Court aka King "Dickbag" John Winchester. He is forced into servitude as a . . . nanny?

This has a very interesting premise! An enslaved angel having to work as a nanny? Great! Castiel is captured by king John (a douchebag) and tasked to watch over Dean, which he does, over the years. Until Dean himself becomes king.

Choice and Precious Vessels by justabrain (11.2k)

In a world where angels wear collars to suppress their powers and are subservient to humans, a young Castiel finds himself serving a family with two young boys, Sam and Dean. He soon befriends the older of the two, yet all good things must come to an end.

Another gen, Cas whump one. It’s a sad story in which angels are slaves and even though Castiel’s situation improved when he is being bought by the Winchester family, Cas still isn’t treated with dignity. And while the story promises a happy ending and it does have a happy ending, my soul wasn’t quite soothed. ;w; All the damage had been done and nobody makes reparations for it. But despite the sadness I do think it’s a great read!

the worst week of dean's life by jhoom (1.7k)

Dean’s son is driving him crazy.

Super cute, poor Dean is so frustrated because he can’t get his son to call him dada.

Moonlit Sky by hollyblue2 (1.1k)

They'd been busy on their actual anniversary, so Dean decides to make it up to Castiel.

A soft and fluffy story, good for the heart!

Dean's Carol by BurningTea (17.9k)

Dean has learned that a hunter can't have close friends or loved ones, not without being ready to lose them, so he decides it's safer for Cas not to be around.

Can the traditional visits from three ghosts change his mind?

Dean has to learn an important lesson! I love how it takes the story of the christmas carol and putting it into a canon compliant universe, where Dean is aware of what’s happening because he knows the story.

#Supernatural #Destiel #reading list #fic rec

114 notes · View notes

survivor-ingary · 3 years

Text

Episode 3 - "RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful" - Riley

The 3 tribes of Pendragon, Hatter, and Jenkins have been reorganized and condensed into 2 new Hatter and Pendragon Tribes. Tribal immunity is Scavenger Hunt.

The fact I have Brayden and Toph in my merged tribe boosts my serotonin. i have a feeling colin may be someone to keep an eye out for in the future now...

RIP tribe Jenkins we were too powerful. I guess we'll see how Pendragon pans out.

yall doin me dirty putting me with brayden i just hope that by some miracle me him anastasia and ellie can work together? like i still dont know if theyre plotting on my ass vdshibshj i know brayden told anastasia to take me out when this game started oop but lemme see if dis works. i hope riley follows the logic of the old tribe sticking together and thatll be 5 votes. im kinda obsessed with toph like since the beginning of the game he looks like someone i could totally play with so def wanna work on that relationship. ava and nya? i believe? lets say hello and work on those relationships as well. dis is a bit overwhelming but we shall see how it goes

uh... well... i am SCREWED. me and ginny were the only ones separated from the Jenkins tribe... RIP. 4 pendragons, 2 hatters, and 2 jenkins... the main things i see here are pendragon yoinking one of the hatters / jenkins and voting the other off... OR a 4-4 tie... OR they're gonna target one of me or ginny cuz none of us have gone to tribal council yet. this is really dicey, and I need to tread very, very carefully from hereon. (ALSO GINNY BARELY TALKS PLS I NEED YOUR HELP GIRL)

This swap actually turned out pretty amazing for me. I still have Keith and Moth who I worked semi-close with in the pre-swap. Additionally, I've met up with Colin and Babs. A little Raffy magic could keep me very safe on this tribe. I think Kenneth is super fun as he is a newbie AND active. He will definitely make it far in this game. I hope, at the very least, that I can be by his side to make that happen. However, I am wary he might just be making these strong social connections with everyone. As a final note, OG Pendragons have this tribe 4 to 8. That's both good and bad. Good because we have numbers. Bad because that may make people target me very early on just for being a part of it. So, I have decided that if I were to throw any of my OG Pendragons to the wolves it would be Jonathan as I haven't been able to connect with them as well as Keith and Moth. Other than that, I hope this tribe doesn't have to go to tribal all that often between now and the next swap/merge. These people are lovely.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this... Since most of my Jenkins tribemates are on the other tribe, I KNOW they're good cuz we just keep getting W's... so I think there is a good chance we might lose the challenge. I contributed a good amount, so I hope that the target won't be on me if ever we lose the challenge :( I really don't wanna go, and I wanna reunite with Dennis/Ellie and maybe Anastasia and get further in the game.

youtube

i worked hard on this confessional

Our tribe did our absolute best in this challenge. I have no idea who is getting targeted if we go to tribal as everyone is so quiet. All I know is that I want to keep Colin, Kenneth, and Keith close to me for this stage of the game. They are the only ones who consistently talk to me. Challenge results: Pendragon wins due to a 10% advantage, Hatter Tribe must go to tribal council the following day.

THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO GO TO A TRIBAL, ITS BEEN TOO LONG!!!!

Look, before you go to tribal with a group of people it feels like there’s a barrier of game socialization because you haven’t been able to go to tribal with them. But leading up to tribal and after it, a whole new can of worms is available for game talk. Unfortunately it’s an extremely simple vote because Nya has ghosted all of us, but at least we still get to go to tribal so I can talk game with more people even if it’s only a small amount with this easy vote. But who knows, someone might decide to switch shit up!

And also I absolutely love this tribe (Minus Nya cause I haven’t met them) so I’m glad that I get to go forward with this group although I won’t be nearly as happy if we go to tribal again because as I said, I do enjoy this group of people a lot

Moth (Tumblr will only allow me 10 images so player banners stop now, whoops) I believe the only reason I will make it to the next round is because of Raffys advantage. I’d be so screwed otherwise

I like Babs. They got good vibes.

Also I’d kill to know how the other tribe reacted

Dennis in a perfect world i would try to not vote out nya but bdksksksoksks theyve done it to themselves. no need to make waves. unless someone else is secretly plotting on me i think this is about to be an easy tribal. damn one point. miss ellie had her name down on stuff that she didnt do. also overslept that first challenge is she purposey trying to sabotage and play the villain? who knowssss also ive broken my streak of never going to tribe tribal sigh

Toph So what’s happening, I can’t remember the last time I made a confession but the tea yall ?! Soooo the tribe swap happened and my gut was right soooo okay intuition work ! I feel like I really like everyone from the merge and nya as remained inactive since, after losing the challenge it seems like an easy vote but you can never be to safe, I have my little allinnce with Brayden and Ava which is wig and I really dig Ellie , Anastasia, and Dennis too, I’m gonna be so nervous if we have to go to tribal agian because it could be me ! I’m not to sure about Reilly but they seem nice ! I feel pretty good with Anastasia as well and feel we could rope her into an alliance easily, I’m just gonna due my best right now to play the middle, keep my head down and speak positively. I really need to find an idol or something even better just so I don’t have to worry as super much and just plain worry then lol. If anything I’m gonna stay loyal to brayden and Ava the most since there my day one homies. Brayden seems to be close with Anastasia which could definitely help in are favor of having the numbers on are side. But could mean he would easily cut me for her if needed, so that mean I need to get closer with Ava, just to gaurnetee my safety, I have to look out for me this game and only me, making sure the numbers are kn my side I’m constantly on the right side of the vote should help me strageticly float to the end and win my crown thank you very much. I’m also lowkey worried about alliance’s being made right now without me! Everyone seems to be online but my chats are a bit quite but this could be me overthinking things mmmhmm I’m not sure, we’ll anyways it was nice to vent to y’all. :)

Riley Nooooooo I can't believe we lost by just one point. Damn the Hatter tribe's secret bonus point boost >:(

Kenneth I am honestly in such a shock that we won that challenge... Raffy really came in clutch and helped us win AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Now I don't have to worry about being randomly blindsided or targeted for at least a couple more days now pls I just hope we get lucky again and another swap happens where I would be on the right side of the numbers, all prepared for merge domination >:) Raffy Oof. I know the other tribe is MAD because I would be too. Like, we only won because of my advantage giving us a 1 POINT LEAD. That's crazy! Honestly, this works for me as I can still focus o n making strong social connections within this tribe. By the time we go to tribal, I will be so integrated with this tribe that voting me out would do a lot more short-term harm than long-term good. I want to see if Kenneth would start an alliance with me as that is someone I want to work closely with. In this alliance? I have no idea. I'll probably let Kenneth take the lead on that since I want him to feel like he is in charge. Dennis nothing is real

if i go tonight i would applaud it bc i am so sure nya is going. it would be a goop if the vote really wasnt nya but everyone is more or less trying to do the easy thing i think. i just hope she is okay and just too busy for dis.

some time has gone by and im just chilling. im not chilling because i feel safe, im chilling because i dont know what else to do. i cant be all game talk 24/7 because then im an outcast and would get targeted. besides the obvi alliances like a+b and maybe(?!?!??) an e(?!) in there, idk what alliances there are. like there has to be something but i dont have the picture yet. as yall know im not in any alliances in my current tribe besides i guess ellie who i fear is a saboteur lol and most likely working with a+b. a+b are such a double edged sword for me ugh. am i really in their best interests???????????????? am i really in ellies best interest???? do they know about her idol too?????????? likeeeee thats the issue. if im not really in their best interests then im the next to go after nya. i am probs very low if not the lowest on this tribe if dats true. i mean what if i really am in their best interests and theyre all genuinely trying to work with me? idk! if not then im next to go efuhijdhvbf and i fear im probably not.

i really like toph. taurus sun (in the 12th!) gemini everything else king. hes got social game on lock like who wouldnt wanna work with him ?! and hes a cutie ?! ?! ?! but i seen the chart -.- i know what hes doin. i think hes working with ellie. but he reaches out to me and probably others but i like our conversations. (but im sure everyone loves their conversations with toph!! hes great!!!!! friendly ol toph wont harm a fly ?!) i hope he likes me and sees i actually would wanna work with him above all the gorls and chooses me over them too.

ava also knows what theyre doing. saturnian legend. we barely talk but little short bits here and there. i hope its bc theyre busy but im sure ellie is talking to them more than me amongst others too. oop also possible alliance, brayden toph ava who all swapped together. so gotta keep that in mind. but yeah i dont really think im much of their priority esp if theyre on vacay they would hear a name and not stress too much if its mine bc we dont have ties like that.

riley and i talk here and there, had a lil chat today

someone once told me that i just look like someone you cant trust but you can :( sometimes :)

so yeah here i am having lots of thoughts over the last few days.

maybe im not super super invested just yet bc i feel like the rug is gonna get swept out right from under me again :))) also back on my bs telling people im a leo moon. i shouldnt weaponize astrology but hey.

#episodes

0 notes

cow3survivor · 3 years

Text

Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones

JENNET

nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔

(a little later)

why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*

(after building a bamboo bed)

super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳

JESSICA

No song 4 today Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario. If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now. The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because.... ...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet. However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.

PETE

so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol

(after dropping his rice into the sand)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JENNET

trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((

JABARI

So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.

JENNET

in love with ethan hes the best person in the world

(after staring at Ethan)

really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk lmk if this works also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here

SAM

https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A

PETE

The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.

LOVELIS

Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!

ETHAN

Ok so tribal time: I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell

JESSICA

Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.

PENNINO

Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.

MADISON

I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo

JONES

ok bet lets get strategic:tm: i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ? for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy. speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails: but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge

NICOLE

Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing

SAMMY

so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.

DAISY

https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY

TRIBAL COUNCIL

youtube

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

0 notes