#and i think a lot of people take 'he made me feel like i had a heart' out of context to say its romantic
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i like your voice in person
Evan's staring at the bed like he's trying to navigate a minefield.
Six months ago that would have sent Tommy on another journey of self-deprecation, a reminder that he'd known Evan wasn't ready for this, known this was a possibility, but Evan, for all his own insecurities, knows what the hell he wants and if he'd felt even an ounce of pressure or remorse up to this point he'd have said something long before now.
Sometimes Evan likes to work it out himself, and sometimes he needs a little nudge, and Tommy watches the head tilt and the angle of his pursed lips for cues as he settles under the sheets.
"Something on your mind?" he prompts, and Evan blinks, like he hadn't realized he'd gotten lost in his thoughts.
"Uh...nothing, maybe."
"Sounds like something, probably."
Evan's smile tilts up at one corner, and he settles on the bed a little stiffly. "It's nothing major. Just. Something I've been thinking about?"
He can feel his brows jumping, can see the way Evan takes in the look with a fond expression. Evan steels himself for something -- they're still muddling through past experiences and learning how to be a bit more intentional in some of their conversations, because they both have a bad habit of reverting to flirting and deflection.
"You remember what we talked about last weekend?"
Tommy can genuinely remember about 93 percent of what he and Evan talk about at any given time, which is an astronomically high number and not at all an exaggeration. He'd be embarrassed about it if he didn't have clear evidence that Evan was as deep into this as he was.
They talk a lot, is the thing, about inconsequential shit just as much (definitely more) than the important stuff. They talk far more than Tommy can remember talking in any other relationship he's been in. But Tommy can pinpoint the exact one he means.
"You mean the roles thing."
Evan hadn't been a stranger to a little daddy talk in bed when they started to explore it, and he'd brought it up right at the start for a reason, but Tommy had taken a while to come around to the realization that Evan had sort of internalized the 'I don't have daddy issues' of it all in a way that Tommy hadn't actually meant it. There'd been little things, here and there; like Evan reaching a door before him and then bashfully waiting with it half open like he'd made a misstep; like twisting his mouth a little funny when he snatched the bill from the table before Tommy could get it. Little things.
Things that, in the abstract, yeah, Tommy liked to do for his partners, but in reality weren't actually that big a deal to him.
He'd needed to clear the air.
Evan nods. Curls a hand around his knee before he shifts his body so that he's facing Tommy. "So, I like taking care of people."
(A conversation, a month ago, Evan grimacing around "My therapist says I have to stop calling myself a people pleaser in a derogatory way.")
Tommy hums, something to remind Evan he's listening.
"And I guess I sort of built up this idea in my head that that was like, a hard stop with you."
("Everyone likes being taken care of sometimes, Evan.")
"And I'm not -- I'm not upset at you, or like, feeling guilty, I just -- I've been thinking about it, and I feel like I forgot to ask you how you wanted to be taken care of."
The thing with Evan is that no matter how often he'll deflect with a joke, when he wants to say something serious he's blunt as hell about it. There might be some hemming and hawing to get there but sometimes he says things that just make Tommy wonder if he'd ever actually learned how to say things before Evan.
"I don't really have a list, babe," he says, and then sort of hates himself for it. Deflect, distract, hey baby how about I blow you about all these big feelings inside my chest I can't articulate.
Evan, though, Evan squinches his eyes and runs a heavy hand through his hair. "I...sort of do?"
"Lay it on me."
Evan grins. "That's actually one of the things on my list."
Tommy blinks. Tries to figure out that trail of thought, but he's coming up with nothing. "Okay, can you expand on that?"
"Like --listen, you know I'm a huge fan of being the little spoon. I'd let someone put screws back in my leg just for continued little spoon privileges. But sometimes I miss being the big spoon, and in my head the idea sounded so stupid to bring up but now I'm wondering if, like, maybe I've just been denying you the joy of being the little spoon?"
Tommy thinks of Evan's hands spread big and warm across his belly, of knees tucked up behind his, warm breath on the back of his neck like when Evan stumbles up behind him in the mornings whining about coffee, and maybe he blue screens a bit because he's never actually dated someone so close to his own size, because there's always been an assumption at the outset that he wouldn't want that.
Alex had been a little too into the same dynamic he'd seen Evan stumbling through, and Colin had hated sleeping with someone's flesh touching his own. Beyond that he hadn't really dated anyone long enough to really form a preference.
Maybe Kara might have been willing, back when he'd been closeted enough to pretend it wasn't an effort to get it up when she had his dick in her mouth, but they'd been young enough that staying the night wasn't really a consideration.
"And like -- listen, I don't necessarily prescribe to gender roles as a thing in general, but a few weekends ago I spent like twenty minutes staring at a bouquet of flowers in Trader Joe's and convinced myself you wouldn't like the gesture so I didn't buy them but you have a few vases in your moms old china cabinet and the moment I remembered them I felt stupid for not buying the flowers."
There's something curling tenderly underneath Tommy's ribcage that he's not sure he's ever felt quite like this before. It's not new, exactly, but it seems to be thrumming particularly hard tonight.
Three months in, Tommy had gotten the man-flu from hell, temperatures so high he'd been grounded and sent packing to rest it off, and he'd texted Evan a jumbled mess of barely discernible things when they'd tucked him into the Uber.
Evan and Bobby had made chicken noodle soup at the station and Hen had sent Evan off with a laundry list of things he could do to help drop the fever, and Tommy had spent the duration sulking and glowering and dragging himself out of bed every time Evan had wanted to change the sheets, to keep Tommy as comfortable as he could, but when Evan had caught it four days later he hadn't hesitated to do all the same shit with gusto. Evan hadn't been particularly grateful either, because neither one of them liked being laid up when the world was out there waiting for them, but he'd at least had the grace to not be an asshole about it.
He had, though. Been grateful. A little awestruck, too, at the mere idea of someone so unafraid of just being there through all the moaning and groaning and hacking and coughing, keeping the tissues from piling up on the bedside table and switching out cold packs to the freezer so he always had one ready in case he wanted it. In the clarity of a full day without fever making his brain feel like cotton candy he'd stared down at a sleepily wheezing Evan and known he could absolutely lose his heart to this man.
"Also I don't want to toot my own horn here but I give excellent foot rubs, and I feel like there's about a million other things I've just been -- holding back from doing?"
"Because of the role thing, or because all your stupid exes told you you were needy?"
It's not a night to pull punches. Also Tommy wants to send thank you cards to every single one of them and attach them to boxes with a bark scorpion inside.
"Both," Evan says without a second of hesitation. His smile crinkles at the corners of his mouth, and Tommy is suddenly annoyed with the space between them. When he holds out his hand to tug Evan into him, Evan melts into it for the space of a moment before he pulls back. "I actually kind of desperately want to be the big spoon right now, if that's something you'd be into." Evan had definitely clocked the look on his face when he'd mentioned it, but he's keyed into the way Tommy checks in and reciprocated in kind since the start of this, so.
Tommy peels his glasses off, snags his bookmark to keep his spot in the monstrosity of the Wrangler maintenance manual he'd stopped being cagey about the fifth time Evan caught him flipping through it, and watches Evan settle comfortably into bed next to him. The problem is, Tommy actually isn't sure where to go from there, which is a ridiculous thought to have because Evan hadn't either and he'd figured it out just fine.
"How do you want me, Buckley?"
The roll of his eyes is so bitchy that Tommy has to remind himself that for all his people pleasing attributes, Evan Buckley is, at heart, a huge fucking brat. Evan tugs and twists and maneuvers his arms and Tommy sort of sinks into it, head tucked in the crook of his shoulder, draping his leg over one of Evan's when he shifts his knee pointedly, a massive, unruly breath escaping Tommy once they're all done shifting.
"You should absolutely try out the rest of your list," he murmurs into the space where Evan's shoulder meets his neck. "Although you don't need to woo me anymore, I'm actually fully wooed."
Lips against his crown, pressed tightly enough that he can feel the smile against his scalp, Evan chuckles. "You don't know how good my wooing is."
The fingers shifting up and down his arm feel somehow different, from this position, even though Evan has done it a hundred times before from the spot he likes to claim with his head right over Tommy's bleeding, three-sizes-too-big-for-him heart. It's ridiculous, and it shouldn't feel any different, but it does. He wants to be greedy with it, soak it in and then never let Evan do this again because he finally understands the appeal and he doesn't want to deprive Evan that.
"This is nicer than I expected."
Evan's soft laugh ruffles his hair, and Tommy wonders if he's dumb enough to ask Eddie how long he should wait before he can reasonably beg Evan to spend the rest of his life with him.
"Save the reviews for when I actually spoon you. It's gonna rock your world." His hand drifts up, fingers digging into the dimple of Tommy's skull.
The hum in his throat has a mind of it's own, going thin and reedy and --
Evan pauses, and Tommy can practically see the gears whirring in his mind, because this is new information.
To both of them, actually, but Tommy doesn't have time to process it because the fingers on the back of his skull spread and sink deeper, just enough pressure to be more than a glancing ruffle, and Tommy can't quite help the way he tilts his head back into it, or the way he hitches his leg to press his groin a little more firmly to the outside of Evan's thigh.
They're both too tired for it to really mean anything -- both off 48's and a fumbled round in the shower while they were already bone weary -- but Tommy wants the reminder for them both when they wake up in the morning.
He can feel his eyes drooping the longer Evan scrubs his fingers against him, and the thought pops into his head as he's drifting off. He doesn't want it to disappear into the fog, though, so he murmurs it into the soft, warm skin of Evan's neck. "I like camellia's. White ones."
Evan hums, and Tommy just knows that the moment he drops off, Evan will be reaching for his phone to google the language of flowers.
#bucktommy#buck x tommy#bucktommy fic#911 fic#tevan fic#as if shoehorning sportsball into a fic wasn't enough now i've gone and added the language of flowers back into the lexicon#white camellia means 'you're adorable'#but once buck actually finds what he's looking for he ends up ordering a ridiculous bouquet of red camellia baby's breath and red salvia
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hi there! i have a request for loser!luke where reader shows him where to put his hands on her and he's really eager to learn x
i completely understand if you don't write this since i'm sure there are many more requests, also could i be anon please!!
pairing: luke castellan x aphrodite!reader (afab)
a/n: sorry this took forever but please enjoy !!
also - this request came in before i started participating in fics for gaza; please click here to find out more about this initiative and how to participate/contribute
word count: 795
MDNI !
“ugh, i told drew to clean up her shit,” you scoff, tossing away your half-sister’s used makeup wipes. “looks like the athena cabin is winning this time. 8.5/10?”
you look at luke for his input, but it’s no use. all luke has been good for this afternoon is whining, instead of helping you with this round of cabin inspections.
“katie loves roses.” luke stops to smell the bouquet that one of your siblings had next to their bunk.
“everyone loves roses,” you reply as you scribble down a score on your clipboard.
“but roses were her favorite.” luke pouts. he drops down onto your perfectly made bed, rumpling the sheets underneath him. “i hear what everyone is saying around camp, you know: about how katie gardener realized she was too good for me so she finally dumped me.”
you bite back a wince. you might have contributed to the gossip surrounding their breakup.
you sigh and take a seat next to luke, deciding it’s time to try and make him feel better.
“okay, castellan — enough moping. tell me what happened.”
“no.”
“luke. stop being a baby, i’m here to help.”
“it’s embarrassing.”
“well, you’re kinda embarrassing yourself already, with the whole love sick puppy act,” you point out, poking his thigh. luke swats your hand away.
“it’s really embarrassing, though.”
“oh, please; i’ve heard it all. you’d be surprised how many people confess to the head counselor of the aphrodite cabin; i mean, i am my mother’s favorite, but still —”
“katie broke up with me because i couldn’t get her off,” luke suddenly blurts.
there’s a moment of silence, and then you can’t help it — you burst out laughing.
“hey!” luke exclaims. “you said you were here to help. i knew it was embarrassing!”
“sorry, sorry.” you swallow your smile. “it’s just — did you not realize that she was faking it?”
“obviously not!” luke groans, his cheeks a vibrant red. “she was very convincing.”
you almost admire katie — knowing that she’s worth more than a guy she has to fake orgasms for — but you remind yourself that you’re here to comfort luke.
luke falls back onto the bed, hands covering his face.
“i wouldn’t be too hard on yourself — it’s actually really common for women to fake orgasms. mostly because men have no idea what to do.”
“because sex is impossible,” luke groans.
“it’s not, actually. think of it this way — how’d you get to be the best swordsman at camp?”
“...through training and lots of practice.”
you nod once. “exactly. sex is the same: you need to learn what your partner wants and what makes them feel good.”
“then i’ll be the best?”
you roll your eyes. “then you’ll be the best, and katie gardner will be sorry that she ever dumped you.”
luke doesn’t say anything, so you figure it’s time to get back to your senior counselor duties. you collect your clipboard and start getting up.
“wait.” luke grabs your wrist before you can move any further. “would you be open to….training with me?”
you hesitate, but you can’t deny that you’re intrigued by the offer. “look, castellan, you’re fragile now from the breakup and clearly not in your right mind —”
“i want to learn,” luke insists.
and that’s how you find yourself, legs spread wide with your back pressed against luke’s bare chest. you suck on two of his fingers as you guide his other hand to your breast, prompting him to pinch your nipple.
his chin is hooked over your shoulder, watching intently as you now bring his spit-soaked fingers down and plunge them into your pussy.
“this is a good start,” you praise. your own fingers scrape through his curls as you encourage him to go faster, harder. “now, if you really wanna make someone cum....”
you move his thumb to your clit.
“like this?” luke asks, his voice low. you throw your head back in pleasure when he presses down and starts rubbing in tight circles. luke becomes more confident after that. he curls his fingers inside you, and brushes the spot that always makes you unravel.
per your instructions, luke keeps plunging his fingers into you as you ride out your high. once you come down, he pulls out and sucks off your juices off.
“tastes real,” he hums; you nudge his side. “what! am i wrong?”
you shake your head, and luke responds with a triumphant grin.
“i’d say that was a good first lesson.”
“you’re already my star student,” you praise. you turn around so you can straddle him properly, kiss him and lick up any remnants of you on his lips. he moans underneath you when you rub yourself on his hardened length. “but, you still have a lot to learn.”
#saf writes#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan pjo#luke castellan#luke castellan smut
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Ask compilation: I'm Starting To Think That This Drow Guy Is Kind Of An Asshole Edition.
Probably a Ranger in the hunter subclass. I actually intended to multi-class him as fighter/ranger at some point and make that his official class, but I haven't had time/quite figured out the best build that would still suit him - Ranger makes a LOT of sense with his backstory, arguably more than fighter, but he's still supposed to be a magic-less brick-house with 19 strength who hasn't handled a bow and arrow in 10 years, so I'm not sure where that leaves us LOL
A lot of people have suggested that Berserk Barbarian would fit him well, but I think that implies a lot of other characteristics that do NOT suit him at all so 🤷
HE DIDN'T EVEN GO TO THE CRECHE, and honestly it made the game feel much more immersive to pick one path and stick to it like Halsin suggested, even if I did have to endure the shadow cursed lands without the shiny mace 😂
Probably for the best, it'd be a real shame if the story ended there just because he didn't like Vlaakith's attitude.
But yeah Lae'zel (who, for the record, I adore) never stood a chance in his playthrough. Sorry baby girl.
I'm either uninformed or we have different definitions of what constitutes a crush, but sure I'll play in this space LOL
He's both jealous but also kind of aloof when it comes to things like that. It's yet another symptom of his arrogance, where it seems unfathomable that anyone who has him would be genuinely tempted by someone else. He doesn't mind a normal amount of glance-stealing and flattery, even playful flirting to a degree, but if there's persistence or if his partner seems to seek another person out for things he thinks he should be providing, he feels threatened.
Also, he has a difficult time discerning that "deep emotional connection" does not equal "romantic interest". So, at least immediately after the events of the game, he's more likely to be made insecure by his partners forming deep bonds with others than any throwaway expression of physical desire or fleeting infatuation.
[MORE UNDER THE CUT]
Let me preface this with the (hopefully unnecessary) disclaimer that this murderous dark-elf's opinions are not my own, and that I very much purposefully made a bit of an asshole character because I find that entertaining.
And now that you're hopefully primed for what's coming - DU drow is pretty damn judgemental of people's looks save for the rare times when they give him a good impression right off the bat. He notes people's appearances and makes preemptive assumptions about them without even realizing it. He definitely does not equal beauty to value or prowess (in fact he will very much still mock of you if you seem too concerned with your appearance) but he does prescribe things based on looks.
I don't think he'd take issue with what you're describing, It sounds like a pretty average body, but he would assume that person is weaker and less fit to "keep up with him", basically. Which kind of diminishes interest.
As far as to what he finds immediately attractive, he definitely prefers people who seem physically fit (not more than himself though - gods forbid). But, the caveat to this whole tangent is that once you get past initial impressions, he could definitely come to be sexually attracted to pretty much any type of body attached to the person he's in love with.
Thank you! There was no main event, just the building up of resentment over time and the opportunity she saw opening up when the Chosen's plan came into motion. She definitely didn't always hate him though, they had a fairly close relationship until his obsessive behavior and arrogance became an issue.
Thank you!!!
They call him the/that drow, dark elf, or "big drow" if there's more than one present. In private they might facetiously call him Bhaalspawn if they get tired of referring to him by race.
I'll be honest, I forgot whether or not I found it in his playthrough LOL but if he did stumble across that would be VERY funny. He'd be like "look at these idiots and their fake murder god. What kind of dimwit would worship carnage as a religion. Hey Shadowheart get a load of this-"
HAPPY YOU ENJOY HIM! I think his unique situation overall with having been such a overwhelmingly horrid person and forgetting all about it is my favorite bit. That's kind of vague, I know, but I often think of dreams I've had where I committed a crime or did something horrible, and that immediate feeling of relief and disconnect that follows immediately after waking up. That's kind of what I imagine it's like for him - he knows of the things he did, but he doesn't really. In theory it's all true but that's a truth far too fantastical for anyone to conceptualize even if it's put right in front of your face.
That, tackling the guilt (or lack thereof) of something you genuinely don't feel like you've done and the intricacies of it, that's a fascinating state of mind to explore. I love how many directions you can take that.
For me, having a character who is not good, but is not necessarily pure unadulterated evil, makes for a lot of complex thought experiments and contradictory values. DU drow has a lot of those - things he believes and abides by absolutely except for this specific instance, being contradictory is a pillar of his character and it can be a little challenging to keep up with it - but I'd be lying if I said I don't deeply enjoy that aspect as well all the same.
THANK YOUUUU It took me so long to figure out how to draw Astarion in a way I liked, I'm so relieved that others enjoy it too 😂
Shockingly he did succeed it and was immediately put-off by it, lmao. They wouldn't really develop much of a relationship for a while after that, so at that point DU drow just figured he was trying to get something from him and wrote him off, much as he did with everyone else with the exception of Shadowheart.
He didn't meet her at the Tiefling grove! I didn't even know you could meet her before-hand for the longest time. But he did super, duper kill her at camp of course.
He managed to hide the body and everyone else was none the wiser, huge blood bhaal-sigil on the ground aside lmao. He was a little shocked but didn't feel all that bad about it, kind of resigning to that primal feeling of satisfaction at a job-well-done that overwhelmed him instead. He decided she was too weak to survive out there and he had just spared her the trouble.
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hi! can i request headcanons of Adam x Male Angel! Reader who is sweet, kind and never curses? preferly sfw and nsfw but if u don't write smut for Male Reader, that's fine!
hope u have a Nice day <3
Adam x Kind Angel Reader HC’s
Warnings: General Adam TW’s, NSFW in latter half of post, He/Him pronouns with Male Genitalia. Slight Degradation/dirty talk. Fluff + Smut
Request Box: Open
Word Count: 820
A/n: thank you so much for the request! I had a lot of fun with this one! I did make it on the shorter side but that’s only because it’s quite difficult to make Headcanon’s 1000+ words without other characters but nonetheless, I hope you enjoy! Also I decided to make this little header thing for fics! I’ve seen a few others do it and the GIF’s I normally use are becoming a hassle to find. Let me know if you guys like it!
SFW
Oh boy, this relationship really is a match that could only be made in heaven. No one would have expected Adam to date a man who is the complete opposite of him. If anything, people expected someone like him or even Lute!! But you? They never could have predicted that.
But what can you do, opposites do attract.
You’re always being so kind to him, telling him he looks handsome, helping him with any and all work he might have to do, and on top of it you bring him gifts and trinkets! Not to mention all the delicious treats you get him that are almost as sweet as you.
And to be honest, this really messes with Adam, cause you’re literally so sweet and thoughtful but he doesn’t have anything to give you in return besides sex. At least that’s what he thinks but in reality he gives you so much more than he gives himself credit for.
He plays you songs on the guitar, takes you out to fancy restaurants, and over all treats you with love and affection than any other has. But even if none of that was true, you don’t do anything and everything for him because you want something in return. You love Adam completely unconditionally.
The no cursing thing is something that genuinely gets on his nerves. Cause like, he could never. This man has the mouth of a sailor and the delicacy of a bull in a china shop. Which is one of the traits you love about him, that he says what he wants. But also you’re just like “Sir, this is not what The Father intended-“
“Neither was putting my dick in another guys ass but look, I’m still here bitch!”
And it especially bugs Adam, if instead of cursing, you replace swears with other words. Like the other day you stubbed your toe when landing on ground and Adam had fully expected for you to do what he does, which is scream the loudest swear and be pissed off at everyone for 20 minutes. But instead….
“OW Fudging chocolate chip-“
“JUST SAY FUCK”
So, ever since that day, Adam has sworn to one day take your ‘cursing virginity’, at least that’s what he calls it. And he try’s so hard to do so, which is a slight bit of trouble cause he doesn’t want to like, be a complete douche to you.
So until he figures out a way to get you to curse, he’s pretty stumped at the moment. But still, he absolutely adores you.
NSFW
Oh Boy x2
Everything I said previously still stands if not double the amount. This man wants to do the👏Most👏Unholiest👏Things👏To👏You👏
Loves to see your kind and sweet personality slowly crumble because of his cock.
‘Who knew you could be such a slut?’
He loves that your personality carries over during sex, you give him everything you’ve got and then some. You want to do your best for him after all.
Speaking of which, if you worship him in any way that man is cumming IMMEDIATELY. He really just wants to feel like he’s above everyone else, and Surprise surprise, he has a praise and you being the, oh so thoughtful person you are, you make sure to completely indulge that aspect of him.
You babble so much about how good his cock feels hitting your prostate over and over again. How well he’s making you feel like like the Good Boy he is. It really gets it him going.
Remember how I said he’s trying to make you lose your ‘Cursing Virginity’? Yeah well, this is how. He is SO determined to get you to spill out just one swear while he goes to town on you. Is it the most holy thing he should do? No. But how could he not fuck your brains out till you break your own moral code?
He tries so hard too. He has yet to get you there but he has come close. When he had you in a mating press, legs over his shoulders, your ankle’s lightly hitting the base of his wings with each thrust.. You couldn’t stop begging for him to cum inside you as you came for the Xth time in a row.
“Please Adam! P-Please! Fu~“ you cut yourself off with a hand to your mouth.
Adam looked at you with his signature grin, his hips not stopping their movements to pump himself in and out of you. “Was you about to say something babe?”
You held your hand against your mouth shaking your head ‘no’ clearly trying to make it seem like you weren’t about to drop the f bomb.
“Mhm, right~ let’s see if I can pry some other ‘naughty’ fuxkin’ words out of ya!” He laughs a wicked laugh as he switches the position so that he’s somehow even more atop of you. Leaving you a completely, moaning, helpless mess for him to dominate >:)
#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel requests#hazbin adam x reader#Hazbin#Hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel adam x reader#Hazbin Hotel Adam x male reader#adam x male reader#hazbin hotel x male reader#x reader#x male reader#character x male reader#fanfic#character x reader#hazbin hotel smut#hazbin hotel adam smut#hazbin hotel Adam
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Busy days give cute ideas-
Since the Hotel was rebuilt, Lucifer has stepped up and has started doing Kingly things again. Talking to the Sins- helping them sort out arguments basically- but also helping Charlie brainstorm ideas for bringing in Sinners and activities.
He forgot how busy being a King made him-
Then Reader, a Sinner that came after the Extermination because they saw the King Himself saying to try redemption -plus free room!- grabs him one day without warning, and throws him into bed. Just full on waits on his every need, watches a movie he hasn't seen before but does like, makes lunch and dinner for him, plays card games-
They do everything Lucifer has been seen enjoying. And Reader remembered? He barely spoke to them, but here they are. Being kind to him.
Basically a full day of reasons why he deserves a break, Lilith wasn't anywhere near as caring as he falsely remembered, and that he REALLY needs to get to know Reader now-
Lazy Dayz in a Dreamy Haze
Busy Lucifer x GN!Reader
TW: Overworking, relationship issues, sad feelings
(I am almost positive I made this completely gender ambiguous. Please tell me if I missed something or gendered the reader at all!)
Your fall from grace wasn't anything to really write home about. You were a grade-A lazy person in your mortal life, and that inevitably led to your less-than-amazing death. You could sleep wherever and whenever, find the best binge-worthy shows, and overall, you know how to relax for a good time.
You were a little confused when you saw Charlie's original broadcast for the hotel. How could you ever be redeemed when your sin is just simply enjoying your free time? This seemed like too high a task for a mere princess to accomplish, not to mention that once word got out that the Radio Demon was helping her, it was even more of a put-off.
You followed the story, though; Kattie Killjoy documented it every time something happened in Charlie's unsuspecting life. You also were one of the lucky few to witness the downfall of Vox’s pride due to the Radio Demon.
When the extermination got pushed up to only a couple of days away, you had even more doubts about this redemption policy the princess wanted. When the broadcast showed Lucifer there, ready to strike down, the angels soon to torment more than just the hotel if they didn’t win; something moved in you.
The following day, you packed up your small things and made your way across the city to the hotel. You didn't expect much when you joined the Hazbin Hotel. You saw that the king endorsed it, and if the king said it was cool, then why not? You didn’t reasonably expect your whole life to change, though.
Not only did you gain a little family of friends, but you also got free room and board so long as you completed Charlie's exercises and you got to see him. Lucifer Morningstar was a pragmatic character in the grand scheme of things. Where his daughter had illusions of grandeur, he was there to make things happen and make things work. Doing this, however, cost him what looked like a great deal.
Lucfier worked day in and day out. Even though you lived in the same hotel as him, you hardly saw him not doing something for Charlie or one of the other inhabitants. Seeing someone doing so much to make a dream come true and not take care of his own was sad. Maybe this was when the first inklings of your feelings for the king kicked in.
Growing close to the others in the hotel, you eventually learn all about Lucifer's problems in his past, from harboring poor feelings towards his fellow angels to having to deal with losing Lilith and his daughter. Luckily, he and Charlie rekindled some of their relationship, but it was clear Lucifer worked himself to death to avoid thinking about the missing person. Lilith, though a once prominent figure in hell, was still not found, causing a lot of people, including Charlie, to assume she just never was going to come back.
You got confirmation about Lucifer's depression one rainy night sitting at the bar. You were busy talking to Husk about Charlie's upcoming bonding retreat when a groggy Lucifer came down to get a drink. While he sat next to you, the bags and lines around his face were as clear as day. For an immortal being, he looked like he was knocking on death's door. He had been working long into the night to ensure Charlie’s next adventure went on without a hitch.
You had nothing against Charlie and immensely enjoyed her company. You can only assume Charlie hadn’t given her father a break because he was never this vulnerable around her. You knew Husk had a way to get people to open up, but you were surprised he was opening up in front of you. He looked exhausted, as if sleep had invaded him for nights. You wanted to hug him, wrap him in blankets, and tell him to sleep.
While looking over the man, you noticed a band of gold on his hand that he awkwardly fidgeted with. Taking the context clues and knowledge from those in the hotel, you'd bet that was his wedding band. While watching him drink his fourth glass of whiskey for the night, you leaned over and placed a comforting hand on his. “I know you don’t know me well, but Lucifer, you are doing an amazing job. It’s okay to stop and breathe a little. You won’t be letting anyone down if it’s to help yourself.”
His look was no less than shocked; from what you gathered, no one ever really talked to him in a comforting manner. “Uh, well, thank you, Y/N; you know I am happy you joined the hotel. You will be an excellent Winner if we can ever redeem a soul.”
That statement struck a cord in you again. Why did he know that you would make a good Winner? He had barely even met you when you joined the hotel. He was always so busy and working that the most you two said to each other on a given day was a small hello. Yet he knew enough about you to tell you would make a great Winner.
You didn’t know that Lucifer was paying attention from the beginning of your journey at the hotel. He always said his job was to help make dreams come true, especially his daughters. So when you came along and started helping everyone with your calming aura and comforting ideas, he took extra notice of you. That's why he knew all your favorite napping spots, how you put self-care and rest above everything, and how you wanted to help others as much as he did.
From that day forth, you looked at the King of Hell differently. Instead of wondering why he was so busy and never saying no, you looked for all the times he grabbed that band. In doing this, you learned he liked to make rubber ducks, enjoyed the circus, had a fixation on apples, loved to sing randomly, and had a knack for helping others.
Honestly, the last part wasn’t that surprising. Charlie had to have gotten that trait somewhere. With Liltih being AWOL and the stories you heard in passing about the woman, you figured she wasn’t where Charlie's helping streak necessarily originated from. Taking this knowledge, you devise a plan to help the King of Hell finally get some reprieve.
Executing this plan flawlessly took a couple of days. From finding all the proper materials to convincing Charlie to make sure no one called on Lucifer, you had your work cut out for you. You didn’t know why you cared so much about what happened to Lucifer other than it tugged at your once-beating heart that he was so overworked and undervalued.
The day finally came for you to stop the overworked man and get him to slow down. As he started his day bright and early, you were already downstairs waiting. His arrival was right on time, and everyone knew that when he asked the dreaded ‘what can I do for everyone today’ question, they all had to say nothing.
When he heard he had nothing to do, Lucifer returned to playing with that ring on his finger. This was your cue to help him find a better way to distract himself than taking on millions of small tasks. You stood before Lucifer, hand outstretched with a broad smile, “Do you trust me?”
You were met with little hesitance, and before you knew it, you had taken Lucfier up to the day room on the top floor. You had set everything up for the first half of your relaxation day. There was a giant pillow fort taking up center stage of the room.
Lucifer was taken aback. This was the sweetest thing anyone had done for him. It is a little cozy retreat away from having to work, a welcomed distraction. He was excited to see what your mind came up with. The whole interaction left a warm feeling in his chest, one he didn’t know if he was ready to explore yet.
Crawling in, you beckoned Lucfier to join you inside and get cozy. The magnificent fort was littered with various comfort foods, cozy blankets, and a TV with what Charlie called his favorite shows. Turning on the fairy lights and TV, you immediately saw the tension in his shoulders begin to relax.
You two stayed there for hours, watching shows, eating good food, and talking. Lucifer didn’t know when the last time he allowed himself to be this free with another person. You were content making sure he understood how valued he was, but you couldn’t deny the proximity, and the ease of the conversation was beginning to make you feel some type of way.
When the final movie was put on the TV, you let out a slight yawn. You had never disrupted your sleep schedule and nap time for someone else before, and your body was beginning to disagree with you. Lucifer took note of this and scooted a little closer to you. When you looked up at him, he just patted his shoulder, and you understood he was offering assistance to you.
You laughed gently in your hand, shaking your head. “No, mister. I am supposed to be helping you, not the other way around. Come here.”
As you said this, you repositioned the situation, so Lucifer rested against your chest. Your arms were wrapped around him, and you were gently playing with his hair. Lucifer hadn't complained about this, so you deemed it safe to continue. His hair was soft, with a little gel from when he woke this morning. Eventually, your hand stopped moving as you drifted off to sleep.
Lucifer was content like this. He hadn’t been held in so long. This was something he only dreamed of doing with Lilith once more. He thought about all these things and felt your hands slow and your breathing even.
Lifting his head slightly to look at you and not wake you, he realized you were lovely. The thought initially scared him as he hadn’t thought of another since Lilith, but your compassion and kindness were a refreshment. Slowly, he rested his head back on your chest and took a much-needed nap.
You had woken first, feeling Lucifer tighten his grip subconsciously around you. Smiling, you stroked his hair again as you pulled out your phone. There was still an hour before the final stage of relaxation day could continue. You closed your phone and realigned your attention to Lucifer.
He looked so beautiful, almost angelic if you were allowed to say that. He let out tiny snores, and you could nearly not see the bags under his eyes. You gently caressed his cheek without thinking, and when he nuzzled your hand, your face lit up. You told yourself he wasn’t ready and to diminish these feelings immediately.
Once the hour was up, you gently woke Lucifer with a light shake. He rubbed his eyes and stretched, looking at the now-darkened TV. Once he was situated, he got out of the fort with you, ready for you to lead him on the next adventure.
You strategically chose the top floor for the fort retreat so everyone else could set up downstairs. See, your plan helped kill two birds with one stone. Charlie wanted a fun way to bring in more sinners, and you wanted to help take the stress off Lucifer's plate. In doing so, the Hazbin Hotel Annual Carnival was born.
As you arrived downstairs, the carnival was in full swing. Flashing lights, games, food, and even a circus event were happening. You turned to look at Lucfier and shouted, ‘Surprise!’ He was astonished that you not only considered giving him a brain break but also made sure to add something physically fun.
This was particularly useful in two ways: he loved the circus and would be tired when he went to bed if he got worn out at the carnival. You showed him around the carnival with a broad smile on your face. All the regular inhabitants of the hotel were the carnies and some outside friends Alstor enlisted.
As soon as you explained everything, Lucifer had your hand in his and dragged you around. Though you were still exhausted, seeing this man so happy was well worth it. You participated in the games and the face painting. Lucifer laughed hard when he saw you get his Iconic makeup done.
As you made it to one of the last games, you found Angel managing the Apple Bobbing contest. With a broad smile, you drug Lucifer over and place your bets on who could get the largest apple. You hoped the newly painted makeup would withstand this trial as you went first. Coming back up with a tiny apple, Angel had to make one of his inappropriate jokes.
Next, the king himself went for an apple, not before blushing at the lewd comment Angel had made about you. He really needed to teach him that it's okay to keep thoughts inside. As he went down for an apple, he found a golden one and took his chance. Popping his head up, Angel rang a bell, signifying the grand prize.
Lucifer was handed a giant white snake plushie with a top hat as his winnings. He smiled, holding the cute item, and then turned to you. Gently, he wrapped the snake around your arm and shoulders, smiling wide. Your heart fluttered at the notion that he had given you his grand prize, no questions asked.
Over the loudspeakers, an excited Charlie could be heard asking everyone to come to the big top for the show. Lucifer was excited that his daughter, as a ringmaster, would entertain all these guests. As you two took your seats in the crowded room, the lights dimmed, and Charlie, in an adorable outfit almost identical to her father's, came out.
The smile on Lucifer's face when he saw Charlie look and act like him was heartwarming. You could almost see tears in his eyes. Lucifer was notably the most involved watcher of the show, answering questions, raising his hand for volunteer options, and even performing a song with Charlie. It was a fantastic event that left many impressed.
As the circus act ended, Charlie approached you and thanked you for taking over this task. She had already gotten many people asking to enroll in her redemption program. While Charlie was talking to you, it was missed by all the knowing soft smile Lucifer had while staring at you. He realized that he hadn’t gone to rub his band once this entire day since you showed up.
Looking down at his hand, he moved the band from his left finger to his right. He wasn’t fully ready to let go of Lilith, at least not in the semblance of her being the mother of his child, but he was ready not to let his past hold him back anymore. He walked over to you and Charlie and gently interrupted the conversation, asking to steal you away.
Charlie said yes, giving you a big thumbs up before she went on her own way, too. You gave Lucifer your full attention again as he led you to the Farris Wheel. Climbing aboard, you two faced each other and began talking like earlier that day. The conversation seemed so fluid for you two, making this a beautiful moment.
Once at the top of the wheel, there was a sudden jolt, causing you to move forward and land in Lucifer's lap. Both of you laughed gently as you resituated back in your seat. In doing so, however, you noticed his left hand was bare. You panicked, “Where did your ring go? Did it fall when I moved? We have to look for it.”
Lucifer just laughed at you and shook his head. He showed you his right hand now adorning his wedding band. You calmed down and looked at Lucifer as he explained, “I have never been so well taken care of, Y/N. To say I appreciate you would be an understatement. For seven years of my life, I have lived in this dark shadow that I was at fault for losing all I held dear. Though Charlie has been there trying to help, I still drown myself in work to forget Lilith.”
Lucfier repositioned to sit closer to you, looking you in the eyes, “However, you have impacted my life since the day you arrived. I have been watching you and find your efforts to comfort and help those around you refreshing. I find it so amazing you even took time out for me to plan all of this.”
Lucifer gently touched your cheek as he continued, “I have loved every minute of this day, and as I began to love it more and more, I realized I couldn’t let Lilith control my life forever, especially if she wasn’t here. I am not ready to completely let go; she is the mother of my child, and I hope she is alive and well. I am saying, though, that I am ready to move on and try to live more carefree again. You, Y/N, have been a dream come true.”
Tears welled up in both your eyes as you took in the words. You smiled and reached your hand out to hold his. Hand in hand, you two laughed and looked over all of hell from the top of the wheel. You were happy he finally accepted being free from his past and taking self-care and love for himself seriously. It was also astonishing that you were the one to teach him this.
As the Farris Wheel ended and let you two off, the darkest point of the night finally hit. Grouping up at the front of the hotel, Lucifer's arms wrapped around you. A beautiful array of fireworks went off while you looked up to the sky. Turning to face Lucifer, you felt like you were living a dream. Who knew Lazy Days would result in a beautiful Dreamy Haze.
#x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbinhotel#hotel hazbin#hazbin#hazbin hotel#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader#lucifer morningstar#lunarwritings#moons#alastor the radio demon#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor x reader#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin angel dust
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Chills Right to the Marrow Part 12
part 1, prev part
The Chief walks into the hospital room the next day in full uniform. Pulling out his key ring and setting the key in the lock. The cuffs open, clacking against each other as he takes them back.
Eddie is free.
“I owe you an apology, I should have taken these off a long time ago.”
Wayne looks at the Chief, wondering if he should be grateful or angry. “Why happed with the feds?”
“They agreed to point the other way. Still looking for a fall guy, but it won’t be your nephew. I made sure of that.”
“Thank you.”
The Chief huffs. “Don’t be thanking me. You should thank Harrington, he really knocked some sense into my head.”
That seems to happen often. Through his actions, the way that he talks to people. The way that he’s respected Wayne’s boundary to leave him and Eddie alone. The way he cares for Dustin. Cares for Eddie even when Wayne didn’t want him too. Fought for the things he knew were true, never giving up.
Wayne really needed to talk to him.
“I hear he’s been getting better,” the Chief continues. Taking the seat next to Wayne.
Wayne nods. “Yeah, wakin’ up slowly. Should be able to talk again in a few days.”
The Chief nods. “I know I was really dragging my feet to get the cuffs off, but my offer still stands. If you need anything, feel free to give me a call. I still can’t tell you everything that happened, but as time goes on, you’re going to have a lot of questions. I can hopefully give you some answers. Lend a hand when you need me to.”
There’s going to be a lot of things that Wayne will never understand. Life has shown him that already. There were things that he didn’t understand before and learned to.
He can do it all again. Try to ignore the need for answers and try to understand. Have the patience he had when Eddie was younger. As he was learning how to be the person Eddie needed him to be.
“I appreciate that, Chief.”
“Please, just call me Jim.”
Jim leaves a little after that. Giving Wayne some space. He goes on a walk a little while later. Wanting some fresh air. Coming back to see Dustin heading down the hall, Steve sitting peacefully in the waiting room. Looking a hell of a lot better than yesterday.
“Can I talk to you?” Wayne sits down across from him. Ready to actually have a conversation with him for once.
Steve sits up a bit straighter, trying to make a better impression. “Yeah, sure.”
Wayne clears his throat. “I owe you an apology. You never gave me a reason to treat you the way I did and it was harsh of me to assume things about you. It’s not an excuse, but I was angry at a lot of things and seein’ you walk out of here fine while Eddie’s not. . . It was an easy thing for me to be mad at.”
“I don’t blame you. I think I would have reacted the same if it was my kid in Eddie’s position. You really have nothing to apologize for.”
“But I do,” Wayne insists. “You all clearly went through something that I don’t fully understand. I had no right to keep you from seeing him.”
Steve has a look a mix emotions. Like he’s fighting between gratitude and sorrow. “Would it be ok if I saw him now?”
Wayns nods. Walking down the hall with Steve to Eddie’s room, letting him sit in the chair next to him. He swears that he sees tears start to form in Steve’s eyes, but he blinks them away before he can confirm.
“Where’s the kid?” Wayne asks.
Steve clears his throat. “Visiting Max. She’s doing a lot better now.”
“That’s good.”
“He looks so different,” Steve says after a break of silence. “Like the energy of him was sucked out.”
Wayne nods, having felt the same way for a long time.
“I know I didn’t know him that long, but.” Steve takes a breath. “During that week, he was really starting to feel like someone who could become a friend. I was really looking forward to becoming his friend.”
“What happened to him?” Wayns asks, desperate. “What happened to you?”
Steve meets his eyes, a troubled look resting on his face. The want to tell him but the knowledge that he can’t. “I wish I could tell you, but I legally can’t. I know that probably doesn’t make it better.”
“It doesn’t. But I appreciate you trying.”
Dustin comes in and reads his chapter like he always does. Having to pull up another chair since Steve stole his. They leave shortly after it’s done. Giving Wayne a few minutes to himself before he has to leave for work.
He leans closer to Eddie’s bed, placing a hand on the empty bar. Afraid to touch him, to do anything to make him worse. But he hasn’t said much in the days he’s been here. Too hopeless to imagine that Eddie could hear him. Today, he decides to try.
“Hey, kid. I’m sorry that I haven’t talked to you much in the past week. You must think there’s somethin’ up. That you did somethin’ to make me not talk to you. That’s not the case.”
Fear like this is something that Wayne never wanted to experience. Losing a child is something that a parent never wanted to even think about. Let alone live through. And while Eddie isn’t technically Wayne’s kid, he is in all the ways that matter.
“Truth is, I was scared. I thought I lost you so many times in the past few weeks. Each time I came in here, I thought would be the day that the nurses told me you were really gone. That I lost my son.”
Words get choked in Wayne’s throat as tears fall down his face. Things he’s been too afraid to say all coming out at once.
“But I didn’t. You’re still here. And you’re gettin’ better and I am so proud of you.”
Eddie opens his eyes, looking toward Wayne. His fingers tense, raising slightly towards Wayne’s hand. Wayne places his hand on top of Eddie’s squeezing it tight.
“Nothin’ you could do could ever make me not proud of you.”
Note: I’m not crying, you’re crying. Jesus why do I do this to myself.
Also this concludes chapter three, now posted on my ao3. Back to Dustin's POV in the next part
part 1, part 2. part 3. part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11
tag list, let me know if you want to be added or removed: @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,
@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,
@fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77,
@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,
@resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly,
@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,
@devondepresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug,
@greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake,
@morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs, @maskofmirrors, @me-and-my-sloth,
#chills right to the marrow fic#this fic is going to be so long#i am now realizing#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#wayne munson#wayne pov#steve harrington#jim hopper#eddie munson#finally somewhat concious#everyone lives/nobody dies#hospitals#pre steddie
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regret:
pairing: jungkook x gn! reader
genre: non-idol au || angst ||
summary: regret is the worst emotion
tags/ warnings: kinda just angst… the ending is ambiguous so you can try make it happy if you want
notes: a little ramble based on how i feel at the moment as a little treat before bed <3 i feel very rusty because i haven’t written in so long
☆ where you can find the rest of my stuff!!
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.
the knowledge that the thing you want to say is going to hurt someone you care about is the worst feeling. a strange sinking in your chest, malleable guilt that chews away at your mind and your heart.
words tacky on your tongue as you rehearse them in your head over and over, a well practiced script. because ending something with someone you like a lot hurts. really, truly, hurts.
it hurts knowing you’ll hurt them and it hurts not knowing how your relationship will be after you utter the miserable set of words stuck in your mind.
jungkook was your first.
jungkook was your everything.
he was perfect, within whatever limitation human perfection has. he treated you like you were the best thing on the face of the earth. you were the light of his eyes, perfect in all your imperfect ways. a piece of you tucked away in his mind all hours of the day.
quick to message back when you text about your day. always on the other end of the phone. always there. the one person in the universe who loved you for who you were, the one person who loved to spend time with you all hours of the day. just the silent comfort of knowing you were there enough for him.
gentle as his fingers would run through your hair, legs tangled together and breathing soft as you linger between the waking world and gentle sleep.
his love for you was all consuming.
which is why you didn’t understand why it felt like your world was crumbling. a phantom hand wrapped around your delicate neck, constricting every breath you took.
a constant spiraling anxiety, tugging you further and further into this abyss of worry and self loathing.
the strange self loathing you have when you don’t know yourself anymore. unsure why. what reason there is to your existence. why people even liked you when it felt like you had nothing else to offer.
and at the time you thought you needed a break.
palms sweaty as you hold the phone to your ear, boyfriend understandably concerned by your recent lack of communication.
“hello..?” jungkook answers.
you swallow, “hi” it comes out quiet, throat already lodged, eyes glossy.
“what’s wrong, baby?” he hums, you hear him shuffle on the other end of the phone.
your lungs inflate as you take a deep breathe
“i..” you start, all that practice getting you nowhere as your mind stops, guilt clawing it’s way up your throat.
“baby?” he presses on, worry evident in his voice.
“i don’t know if i can do this anymore” the bitter words slip off your tongue, “you don’t deserve this”
and of course jungkook had been baffled. though maybe a small part of him knew that this was coming, how you’d slowly started to creep away from him. the unintentional distance scratching the surface of what was rattling around your mind.
“if this isn’t what you want… then that’s okay” he breathes, “i just want you to be happy”
you feel the tears trickle down the mounds of your cheeks, “no” you huff, “god, jungkook please don’t be nice right now”
“what do you want me to do?” he laughs, though you can feel the lack of humor, laugh dry as it’s pushed past his lips.
you wipe your wet cheeks, “call me a bitch or something”
“i’m not gonna call you a bitch” he sighs.
“but you don’t deserve this… i should have at least come in person or… i don’t know” you cry, “i feel like such a horrible person”
“you’re not a horrible person” he hums, “i don’t want you to feel bad”
“too late” you murmur, “i feel like shit… you’re just so nice and i really like you…. but i don’t think i can do this anymore”
the fact he has been so nice had made it harder. the sadness in his voice as he reassured you as you cried. the moment sinking in when you finally put your phone down. you’d shattered something so lovely. you’d ripped away the only person who made you feel seen.
and the week after was no different. he didn’t message you. so you never tried reaching out, how could you when you’d broken his heart.
it felt selfish missing him. wanting any sort of contact you could get.
and when he messaged about bringing some of your stuff over back to your place, that wasn’t enough. you knew that the small exchange wouldn’t be enough because you missed him, and asking for friendship after you ended the relationship chewed away at your mind.
sometimes missing someone is a strange feeling. knowing that the dynamic you once had is totally different, that it might never be the same as it was.
and sometimes missing someone hurts a little less than the guilt that eats away at you for what you have done. or missing someone can hide that slither of regret you have, wishing you knew you’d hate life without them as much as you did with them.
the world is lonely when you don’t feel seen.
dread wrapping around your mind. slowly sinking further and further into the darkness. nights spent thinking about the moments you’d shared together. that maybe you want what was once there.
you missed jungkook more than you’d like admit and it was eating away at your heart.
all it took was a week. a week of silence. a week of being alone and figuring out life by yourself.
you tip your head up, full moon shining down on the street as you stand outside jungkook’s apartment building, feet shuffling against the ground as you hold your phone to your chest. you’d written a message, rewritten the message, thought about what you’d say.
and that selfish part of you wants to send it. that selfish part of you wanting him to be there, for you to touch him, know that he’s really there and you can change what had happened.
#bts fanfic#bts#bts x reader#bts fic#jungkook#jungkook fic#bts angst#jungkook fanfic#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook angst#bts non idol au
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Claire was the Cold Prep.
The Ice Chips episode will be the when he talks to her again because she is the last chip of getting stuck in the freezer he has left over to deal with. They are always connected to cold and fridges. He reconnected with her in the freezer aisle at the grocery store.
They made out in the garde manger which is the cold prep station in kitchens.
And of course they broke up by the walk in fridge.
Claire was a Cold Reading for Carmy. A rehearsal. A practice girlfriend before the real thing. Molly and Jeremy did not even do a chemistry read before they were on set running lines together, and that was not due to poor planning. It was very intentional just like Claire's entire character. Her lack of development, he costuming, their interactions, are all tied up with being a cold prep. Their entire relationship was written as practice for Carmy wanting to be with Syd, which is why he mirrors everything about Sydney into that relationship.
Fak is going to tell Claire that Carmy told him he’s still in love with her to try and get them to fix things. She will probably try to reconcile and tell Carmy that Fak told her he does love her, but I think Carmy is going to tell her he never told him that and that he’s not actually in love with her and can't be with her.
*Season 3 Spoiler Skip this paragraph* That is what is going to cause the fight that we heard, because Fak/Claire will accuse Carmy of lying about it and Carmy will insist he didn’t lie about saying he loved her.
Technically Carmy didn’t say he was in love with her. Fak asked Carmy how much he love Claire and he said he loved her a lot. Carmy does love Claire. But he’s not in love with her.
He loves Claire same way he loves Fak or Tina or even Mikey. He loves her as an old friend and someone in his life he cares about and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, which why he tried to gently reject her with a fake number but couldn't say no to her face.
He asked Tina how much she loved Mikey and she said a lot. Which is the same thing he told Fak about Claire, because he doesn't love her romantically.
Carmy tried to be in love with her. But he never told her I love you and he was bothered when she said it to him in the voicemail because he realized love and being in love are two very different things.
Claire loves Carmy romantically but he doesn't love her in that way.
In his panic attack he figured out the difference between the two. He loves Mikey and his family and even his mom and Claire. But he’s not in love with them. Sydney was a completely separate type of love and peace for him because he doesn’t just love her, he is in love with her.
Claire was there Christmas after Donna crashed her car. He saw that she saw the mess behind his life. He didn’t want to stay there so he left to New York. She has always been tied to horrible memories for him and it's not her fault, but he can't separate the two.
But honestly, the fact that Claire saw what his life was like that night and the full extent of his family trauma around alcohol makes me even more angry that she took him to that party and the told him that “she knows” about him having to take care of sad drunk people.
She might have said she wants to understand, not fix people. But it seems to me like she thought she could fix Carmy’s shyness and trauma around parties and alcohol by forcing him to be around it, but really she was just bringing up all the past trauma he had and bad memories tied to her.
They both tried to use that relationship for bad reasons, he tried to teach himself how to be a boyfriend and she tried to teach him how to be "normal" because she wanted a boyfriend, but the type of guy she wanted is not who Carmy really is, which is why he was pretending to be Logan at that party and why she loved seeing him act like that, even when it's not him. Carmy wanted to see Syd in Claire, and Claire wanted to see "Logan" in Carmy.
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I just finished rewatching all of your Garfield videos, and it got me thinking. Do you plan on making a review of the new Garfield movie?
Also, Arbuckle is easily one of my favorite short films. The writing is witty and feels true to the characters, while feeling like a new and interesting take on the story. I rewatch it often! Also, Liz's makeup is just perfect in it, I appreciate how you recreated her original look for the film.
Is there any behind-the-scenes scenes stuff that you've wanted to talk about for Arbuckle, but haven't had the chance to yet? I'd love to hear your thoughts about it all these years later!
It's always so sweet to hear people praise stuff like Arbuckle. You have to understand that for every person who loves one of my creative things, there are like 15 people who think it's the worst, most cringy, try-hard thing ever made. I had a lot of fun on that one but I simply NEVER rewatch it - I think I'd only find faults.
The one thing about Arbuckle is it was filmed in about four different apartments, I had to film at an old friend's house because she had an orange cat. The cat was absolutely terrified of me, which is why he barely sits still if I'm not holding him.
As for the new Garfield Movie... I do want to do a video on it, but it would be a few months before I could get to it. So the question is if people would still want a video reviewing it in, say, October? If so, then I think I probably will do a quick video on all the Garfield movies.
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We Can’t Live In The Past
Summary: In your heart and mind you knew you was not getting the old Gojo Satoru before the fame got to you
Pairing: Actor! Gojo Satoru x Wife!Female Reader
Warnings: fame au, flashbacks, social media au
Author note: Follow along Behind Closed Doors and same AU set Life In The Spotlight. Enjoy reading!!
You looked down at your glass of red wine which was almost empty. You looked through the pictures of you and Gojo together in a box that Gojo kept hidden in his drawer.
You had happy times with him a lot but the bad times were there as well. You placed the pictures back in the box and closed it. You pour yourself another glass of wine as you lean back against his office chair.
This was the first time in a long time you came into his office and sat down alone. You put the box back into his drawer and then scroll through your phone looking at more old pictures of you two on social media.
y/nofficial Thank you for always making me happy baby ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️@gojosatoru
You both were always so happy together. You two could not get enough of each other. Everybody around the world would call you and Gojo the power couple.
You lifted the glass up towards your lips and took a sip feeling the sweetness on your tongue. As your eyes focused on the picture of you and gojo from years back, memories started to flood your mind just thinking about it.
2019
You can’t believe your friend Miwa Kasumi set you up on a date. She was one of your good friends who always invited you to these celebrity parties. You were not a girl who was crazy about celebrities at all.
“I’m only doing this for you.” You said sitting down at the table while talking on the phone.
Miwa chuckled a bit. “I know but at least I don’t have to hear you cry anymore about Mahito.” You rolled your eyes and took off your jacket.
You understand where she was coming from but you couldn’t see yourself getting over Mahito just yet. You felt like a date was kind of too soon for you.
“Look, I love that man ok.” You explained to her. “This date better be worth it.”
Miwa let out another chuckle. “I promise it will be. Bye.” She hung up before you could respond.
You pull your AirPod from your ear and put it in your purse. The waiter came by pouring sparkling water in your glass while you looked at the menu. You can’t believe how expensive this restaurant is and the prices.
You hear a voice when you are trying to decide what to eat. “Y/N?” Glancing up, you noticed a handsome man with white hair. “Yeah, hi.”
“I’m Gojo Satoru.” He introduced himself to you as he pulled out the chair across from you.
Your eyes widen when you hear him tell you who he is.
No fucking way!
“Uh..Hi.” You stammer feeling shocked. “I didn’t know Miwa would set me up with another celebrity.”
He slowly took off his jacket and hung his jacket over his chair. “So, you know who I am?” He moved the chair up a little as he looked at you.
You nodded. “Yeah, you are always in the headlines sometimes.”
“So, you keep with me?” Gojo smirked.
You let out a chuckle. “Uh, no.” At least you were being honest. “I barely have time to keep up with people in my own life as often nowadays.”
“Hm, I think I might like you already.” He jokes, making you laugh.
You shake your head as you look at the menu again. The waiter came fifteen minutes later to take both orders while gojo and you talked to each other.
“Wait, Mahito was your boyfriend?” Gojo sounded surprised. “What happened between you two?”
You sighed. “Yeah, it’s too soon to say.”
Gojo leaned forward resting his chin on his hand. “Ah, so you are his music muse?” It didn’t surprise you that he asked that because Mahito always made it clear in his songs who they are about.
The waiter came back with two drinks before walking away to other tables. “Yeah.” You said, quietly.
You haven’t thought about Mahito music for a while. The last song you listened to was See You Again before you and him broke up for good this time.
“You like dating singers, huh?” Gojo asked.
You take a sip of your drink while you lean back in your chair. “Oh no. I’m done being with a famous person.”
He gasped. “Well, I guess this date is over.” He pretended to get up when you reached toward him and grabbed his hand. “No, No. Don’t go yet.”
Gojo stayed seated while staring at you. “Change your mind already?” You notice he likes to joke a lot and ask questions.
As the waiter finally came back with the food, you were laughing at some of his jokes of what it was like being an actor and how it is in the industry. You continue to eat your food while listening to him. “Three months I’ll be in San Francisco filming this movie but I haven’t got the script yet.”
You pushed your plate away from you after taking one more taste of your steak. “Do you at least know what it’s going to be about?” You question him.
Gojo gorgeous blue eyes fixed on you. “It’s a romance that’s all they told me so far.”
You didn’t want this date to end just yet. The way gojo spoke you can see yourself never getting tired of hearing his voice.
“Check please.” He said to the waiter.
You finish the last of your drink before you slung your jacket over your shoulder. “I’m sure Miwa is expecting money from you.” You got up from the chair after grabbing your purse.
He laughed while leaving money in the checkbook. “That girl stays trying to bet against something.” He got up from the chair and took his jacket from behind the chair.
You shrugged. “She loves matchmaking.” Gojo made his way out of the restaurant with you behind him. You almost blinked from the brightness of flashing lights.
Shit!
Gojo was unaware paparazzi were going to show up tonight. They always find out where he is almost all the time. At times he got used to it and didn’t let them bother him.
“Stay close and don’t say a word.” He whispers to you.
You hide your face using your purse so the paparazzi couldn’t identify who you were. You kept speed walking with Gojo while the paparazzi asked him questions nonstop. “Gojo, who is she?”
“Is she your new girlfriend?” Another one asked.
Quickly you opened the door to your car and got inside, closing the door shut. You didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to him because he told you to drive off.
Eventually you parked your car for a minute with a smile on your face. You were feeling a lot of emotions all at once. You take your phone out of your purse and notice an unknown number along with a notification from your social media.
Unknown: Hey, it’s Gojo. I got your number from Miwa since I couldn’t ask you because of the paparazzi. I wanted to say I had a good time and I wanted to see you again
You grin reading his text message one more time. A part of you thought this date would have been a disaster but it wasn’t. You checked your social media notifications immediately and you were stunned to speak.
Gojo Satoru followed you on instagram
You clicked on his profile icon in your notification that took you to his profile page. You were not surprised he posted a lot on his page. You noticed he posted a new picture that got a lot of likes and comments.
liked by 10,556 others
gojosatoru First date with this beauty went amazing
What the fuck!?
You can’t believe this is happening to you right now. You cover your mouth trying not to smile so much. You exited the app when your phone started buzzing. You looked at the screen as you began to drive your car again.
You pressed the green button once you heard her voice on the phone. “Bitch! You're famous now.”
“Miwa, the gojo satoru? Seriously!?” You raise your voice a little.
She giggled. “I knew you would like him. When is the second date?”
You thought about a second date already but you didn’t want to push too soon. “Let’s not move too fast now.” You tell her.
“I’m just saying. You can use him to get over Mahito.”
Here she goes again
You stayed quiet for a minute while she was trying to give you some advice. You parked your car in front of your apartment and sat there telling her how your date went on the phone.
You snapped out of your thoughts not realizing a tear prickle onto your cheeks. You wipe your tears away putting the picture back into the drawer. You sat there thinking Gojo was not coming back to you. A part of him was gone forever.
You just wanted to find that piece of him again but you realized it is already too late for that. Another tear falls down your cheeks when you grab the bottle of Zinfandel and throw it against the bookshelf.
You sat there feeling your heart break into a million pieces. You don’t recognize yourself anymore. You don’t recognize your husband either. Your husband who you've been in love with for so many years is gone.
“Fuck! Fuck!” You felt warm arms around you as you sobbed. “Honey.” You tried to block his voice out.
“Honey.” He said again. You find it difficult to look at him.
Gojo squatted down and looked at you. “Baby, look at me.” He grabs your chin making you look at him.
Tears dwell in your eyes as you stare at him. “G–Gojo.” Your voice breaks.
He cupped your face with his hands. “What’s wrong? I’m here.”
You sniffs. “N–No you are not.” He frowned looking at you. “You were gone a long time ago.” You sniffled getting up from the chair when Gojo held onto your waist.
“Baby, Baby, I’m right here.” He tells you again. You didn’t look away from him.
Those blue eyes you once loved are gone. Tears swelled up in his eyes while he held onto you. “I am not leaving you.” He sniffles.
You run your hand through his hair and then push him off of you. “You left me!” You raised your voice at him.
Gojo wanted to believe what you were saying wasn't a lie. He knew he would never leave you. He knew you were here to stay with him. In his head that is exactly what he thought all these years.
Opening his office door, you stopped for a second telling him. “I hope all the partying was worth it and not paying me any mind. I want a divorce.” You walked out the door.
Gojo sat on the floor crying his eyes out.
#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x female reader#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x fem!reader#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo x female reader#gojo x y/n#jjk gojo
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The only thing I'm going to say about this (<- probably lying) is that it doesn't matter how Buck felt in that scene. Because Buck isn't real and doesn't actually have feelings. What DOES matter is how it comes across to the audience. And if the vast majority of the audience had an "what the fuck is this and why is it happening like this?" reaction and that was NOT the intention of the scene? Then it wasn't done well.
You should not have to come out after the episode and explain what the scene was supposed to do. If you have to, then you have failed in your job to get across to the writers, directors, and actors what the point and purpose is. And maybe you have failed to take into account what the characters are like, their trauma histories, and how the audience might react given their knowledge of the characters involved.
A lot of people never forgave tay kay for what she did to Bobby in s2, and then having Buck Begins give us this raw, vulnerable version of Buck and his childhood only to have her lash out a couple of eps later calling him "needy" and a bad friend because he asked something of her instead of just being there to give her whatever she wanted? It's no surprise fans and the general audience never got on board with that relationship. Because it wasn't good to BUCK and that's what the audience wants.
I am personally continually BAFFLED that this show gives these moments of gentle teasing and support and validation of Buck's feelings (even when he can overreact a little out of trauma response) to Eddie, and then continually put Buck in romantic relationships with people that don't even seem to LIKE him, much less adore all his quirks and the things that make him BUCK, and most importantly, the things the AUDIENCE loves about him.
It's.....it's almost like Tim isn't even trying. Because the audience isn't SUPPOSED to like these relationships for Buck. Because they aren't the right ones for him. Because we all know who is.
But also, at some point it starts getting questionable as to why the people that love him don't speak up to express concern about him staying in long term relationships with people that are not nice to him. We all know the bait-and-switch of tay kay in s4 being a FOX network call to shut down what Tim wanted to do, and then he left the show with someone who doesn't like, see, or care about Buddie (or really any of the main characters that aren't Angela to live out some revenge fantasy or Buck to live out...other fantasies). So they couldn't very well have all of the firefam desperately asking Buck if he was even happy as he wasted away in that loft all season, or even allow them to be kinda pissed he would choose to be with someone like that who nearly got Bobby killed by not telling someone immediately and interviewing him without consent, but it never sat right with me that it was all just never addressed and they had them breakup on good terms (sorry not sorry but if you think T*mmy isn't nice to Buck, tay kay was worse in every way and thats canon fact).
So I don't have super high hopes that they will address this clear and obvious disconnect with Buck and T*mmy, but considering they made a point to have nearly all their screentime revolve around Eddie, and them not meshing as a couple it would be weird NOT to. Then again, *gestures to all that rambling above*
ANYWAY
The point it, at SOME point the audience does have to be a consideration because without an audience you do not have a show. So Tim needs to shake off the last of the Lone Star cobwebs, get KR the fuck out of the writers room, and make sure his intentions for scenes are ACTUALLY what make it onto the screen, and that what is on screen is stuff that will resonate positively with the audience. Maybe he should rewatch the first 3 seasons of the show himself to get back into the groove.
#911#evan buckley#anti bucktommy#anti taylor kelly#i have not had my coffee yet ignore me#i just had to get it out so my brain would shut up about it
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(Once Bitten) Twice Shy
Chapter Eight
Plot summary : Desperate to get away from your controlling family, you take a job in New York as a wealthy vampire's blood source. A million dollars awaits if you can make it through a year, but life with Billy Russo is not going to be as simple as you think.
Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader
Story Rating : R
Chapter Rating : R
Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] Mention of periods (don't worry, we're not doing Saltburn), smutty behaviour, use of toys. More sickening cuteness. All chapters will contain mentions of blood. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story.
Word Count : 5k
A/N : It's not exactly a cliffhanger but I get the feeling people won't like where it ends... Oh also spoilers for Jane Eyre (but it's 170 years old so I'm assuming people know the twist?)
CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX | CHAPTER SEVEN
MASTER LIST
Chapter Eight
The gentle touch of his fingers on your cheek woke you and, for a few seconds, you weren’t sure where you were. Billy was crouched in front of you, smiling softly. Your eyes threatened to close again, feeling exhausted and like all of it was just a dream.
“Hey,” he muttered softly, his fingers still tenderly caressing your cheek. “Are you okay?”
Finally, you managed to wake yourself up enough to realise that you weren’t dreaming, and that you’d fallen asleep on the sofa beneath the yellow blanket Billy had bought for you.
“I’m fine, just tired,” you told him, slowly sitting up.
Billy remained crouched in front of you, tenderly cupping your cheek and looking almost concerned.
“Did you draw too much blood again?”
“No, it's not that. I did that hours ago. I'm just really tired.”
“Just tired?” He pressed the back of his cold hand to your forehead, checking your temperature.
“And my head hurts a little.”
“When is, uh -” he hesitated, almost looking uncharacteristically embarrassed, “- when is your next period due?”
Your cheeks warmed with both the realisation and the fact that Billy had figured it out before you. That was why you felt so awful. “Soon, I think? I-I lost track of the days after I moved in,” you explained, “and I've never been very, uh… regular…”
Thankfully, Billy just nodded and sat himself beside you, an arm around you pulling you into his side.
“Do you need to go lay down?”
“No I - I want to spend time with you,” you told him, resting your head on his shoulder. “We didn't really get to finish talking last night…”
“Was there something else you wanted to say or ask?” Billy asked softly, shifting a little so you could get comfortable against him.
You stayed silent for a few moments, thinking over all of the things you wanted to ask, wondering what you had the right to ask. “What causes it? What makes you feel like everything is... too much? I’ve only ever seen a vampire lose control from hunger...”
“Sometimes it’s hunger,” he offered reluctantly, “other times it’s just... I don’t know. Even before I was turned, I was never any good at controlling my emotions. And, now, I feel like I’m constantly fighting myself. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m drowning. Everything about you; your scent, the taste of your blood, the way your heart races... it’s a lot to try and ignore.”
Although the words were spoken to you, about you, you knew better than to read too much into them. It was the constant proximity, he probably felt that way around any human after enough time. It wasn’t because he felt anything for you.
“That sounds exhausting.”
“It is,” he admitted, waiting for a beat before asking; “why did you apologise? I lost control but you apologised.”
“Because I -” you stopped yourself before the lie managed to leave your lips. It hadn’t been your fault, as difficult as it was for you to accept that fact, you knew it was true. “Because I’ve always been made to feel like it’s my fault when bad things happen to me. The night we met, you asked me what I was running from, and that’s part of it; I was raised to feel ashamed and believe I deserved everything bad that happened to me.”
You heard him inhale sharply before he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. He was silent a moment before speaking again.
“Who left you?” He asked softly. You lifted your head, frowning. “Last night when you asked why I was leaving you it just… you sounded hurt, like someone had left you before…”
“My sister,” you answered, “she left home when she was eighteen and my parents disowned her because of it. She said she'd come back for me, but she never did.”
“Why did she leave?”
“My parents wanted her to marry a guy she didn’t want to marry.”
“Is that why you left?” He asked and immediately seemed to regret it when your gaze dropped. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”
A moment later, you snuggled back into his side and closed your eyes. “How long until you have to go to work?”
“I can stay another twenty minutes,” he told you softly, slipping his arm around you. He was silent for a few minutes, before letting out a slow exhale. “I’m not going to be able to see you for a few days, it’s not safe for me to be around you while you’re...”
He didn’t have to say it for you to understand and, as much as you wanted to argue with him, you knew it wouldn’t be fair to try and force the issue. Now that you had some idea of how he felt and how much of a struggle it was for him to be around you sometimes, you knew Billy needed space.
“It’s okay, I understand.”
You stayed that way for another twenty-five minutes until you gently reminded Billy that he was going to be late for work. He didn’t seem to want to leave you and it made your heart ache to think about why that might be. Though, rationally, you understood that it wasn’t you; he was just tired. You were finally starting to understand just how difficult and exhausting it was for him just to get through a day.
He gave you a soft kiss and told you that he’d see you again soon.
The next morning when you woke up cramping and feeling terrible, until you found that he’d left a gift basket in your kitchen, filled with things you might need over the coming days; painkillers, chocolates, a new smart-watch with a cycle tracking app, a heating-pad, various toiletries and a large teddy bear with a note pinned to his chest.
I thought you and Bill the Beagle might want some company.
Take care of yourself. I’ll see you soon.
B.
Butterflies filled your stomach at the thoughtfulness of the gifts and, later that afternoon, when you left blood for him, you couldn’t resist leaving him a note of your own.
Thank you for your considerate gifts. William the Bear is a wonderful addition to my growing stuffie collection and the chocolates were lovely. Hope you have a good night at work.
xoxo
The next day you felt even worse but, again, you were pleasantly surprised when you managed to drag yourself to the kitchen to get breakfast and some coffee. There was another box of chocolates and another note waiting for you.
William is a terrible name for a bear. I didn’t expect you to get through the chocolates so quickly, remind me to stock up next month. I hope you’ve not been watching Black Sails without me.
Take care
B.
And, of course - of course - you had to reply, leaving your note with his blood again.
I happen to like the name William. I think it suits him. He looks like a William. I hope you’re not trying to shame me for enjoying the chocolates, truffles and caramels are my weakness. Don’t worry, I’ve not been watching anything without you, I’ve been reading. You were right, Jane Eyre was a very apt choice.
xoxo
His notes became your reason to get up in the morning, though they were a bittersweet reminder of his noticeable absence in your life. It filled you with a strange yearning and an uncomfortable sadness to think about him out there on his own. But that was a silly thought. You didn’t know anything about his life outside of the penthouse, about his work or his friends, maybe he wasn’t even noticing your absence.
(Or maybe he felt it just as much as you did.)
Okay, I have to ask; what does a William look like? Of course I’d never shame you for enjoying the chocolates, but now you’ve told me your weakness I might have to use it to my advantage. I hope you’re enjoying Jane Eyre more than you enjoyed Dorian Gray.
I hope you’re not feeling too bad. I miss our talks.
B.
Your heart stuttered as you read and reread those four little words; I miss our talks. He missed you. Maybe not quite in the same way that you were missing him but, still, it made you long for him even more.
Well, in my experience Williams tend to be cute and cuddly, even though they look a little dark and brooding at first glance. Oh no! Please don’t use my weakness for chocolate truffles against me!!! (The extra exclamation marks are so you read that in a sarcastic tone.) Yes, I think I like Jane Eyre more than Dorian Gray - Mr Rochester kind of reminds me of you.
I’m feeling a bit better today, I should be fine in a couple of days. I miss spending time with you too. I hope you’re not too lonely without me around.
xoxo
You doodled a little picture of the teddy bear he’d given you on the corner of the note but gave him a grumpy looking face and a tag that read ‘my name is William’.
There was a strange feeling of embarrassment when you left the note and you almost changed your mind about it halfway back to your room, and you spent the rest of the evening wondering if it was a little too much.
So, the next morning, you felt a little reluctant to go into the kitchen, and had to take a deep breath before reading his note.
Dark and brooding?? I think you might have to elaborate, but I’ll let you save that for when I see you next. I hope that there will come a point in the book where Mr Rochester doesn’t remind you of me quite so much (I don’t know where you’re up to and I don’t want to spoil it).
I’m glad you’re feeling better. The penthouse isn’t the same without you. It’s strange, you’ve only been here a couple of months yet and it already feels empty without you. I miss you.
B.
P.S. Is the doodle supposed to be me or the stuffie?
It felt like your head was spinning as you read, reread, and read again.
He missed you.
Billy missed you.
You spent half the day writing and rewriting your note to him, in one attempt confessing your feelings, in another acting completely blaise about his confession. Nothing you came up with felt right but the thought of not replying seemed worse.
I see what you mean about Mr Rochester... though I don’t know if I can completely rule out the possibility of you having a strange woman tucked away somewhere in the penthouse. It would certainly explain where all of the chocolates have been going.
I miss you too. I know what you mean, I feel the same way, like I’ve been here longer. But I suppose that’s how things feel when you get close to someone. Hope to see you tomorrow.
xoxo
P.S. I’ll never tell. An artist never reveals her secrets.
There was no end to your relief the next morning when you woke up finally feeling better, knowing that you’d be able to see Billy again. Part of you expected not to find a note, but there it was, waiting for you on your kitchen table, just like the others had been.
I can think of a less mysterious explanation for the disappearance of your chocolates, little hummingbird.
I’m not used to missing people. I’m not used to being close to them either. Some days I feel like my whole life has turned upside down since I met you. I can’t wait to see you again.
B.
P.S. I think it’s magicians that never reveal their secrets, not artists.
Again, he left you searching for deeper meaning in every word, your heart aching for a man who seemed so lonely and alone, a man who didn’t deserve that life at all.
After breakfast you showered and washed your hair, wanting to look your best when you saw him again.
Slowly but surely, over the course of the day, your nerves started to eat away at you; what were you going to say to him? Were you going to pretend that the notes hadn’t happened and that their contents was just idle talk to help the other feel less alone?
You couldn’t sit still as you waited, counting down the hours before sunset, perched on the edge of the sofa and watching his door. The moment it started to open, you were on your feet.
Before he had the chance to even realise that you were there, you’d cleared the distance between you, throwing your arms around his waist and pressing your face against his chest. Billy let out a breath but, for the life of you, you couldn’t tell if it was a sigh of relief or simply because you were squeezing the air from his lungs.
“Hey,” he muttered, his arm slipping around you and holding you almost as tight as you were holding him.
A minute or two passed, neither of you moving or saying anything, until he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and your grip on him started to loosen. You didn’t pull away, but gave yourself enough space to look up at him, smiling shyly as your cheeks started to warm.
“Hi.”
“Hi, hummingbird.”
Neither of you seemed to know what to do or where you were supposed to go from there so, again, you both fell silent, still holding each other. Finally, you dared to reach for him, placing your hand on his cheek. His eyes closed and he leaned into your touch, and butterflies began to swarm in your stomach. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you lifted onto your tiptoes and pressed your lips to his.
It was a soft, chaste kiss, nothing at all compared to some of the kisses that you’d shared, but you felt his lips pull into a smile against yours before his eyes finally opened again.
“I missed you,” he admitted in little more than a whisper.
His hand moved to rest on your neck and you found yourself glad of his cold touch after what seemed like so long without it.
“I missed you too,” you confessed, “I - I missed you more than I probably should have.”
If Billy understood what you were trying to tell him, he didn’t show it. Instead, he just shook his head and smiled before kissing you again.
You sank against him letting him deepen the kiss and turn it into something else, something new. Normally when he kissed you it felt explosive and desperate, like he was laying claim to you, but this kiss was tender and filled with longing, like he was savouring being with you again. It stole the breath from your lungs.
“I missed you,” he muttered again.
“You already said that.”
“I know, I just -” his head shook, and he let out a huffed laugh, “- this has felt like one of the longest weeks of my life.”
“Have you been okay? Was it -” you hesitated, not sure you wanted to ask the question, “- was it easier without me around?”
Billy pulled back a little, frowning. “Why would it be easier?”
“The other night, you said you feel like you’re drowning when you’re with me,” you shrugged a little, letting your gaze drop for a moment.
Before the notes, you’d assumed that everyone made him feel that way, that it was just part of being a vampire for him. But, now, after his last note and after that kiss, part of you longed for him to admit that it was more, that it was you, that he felt something for you, that he cared.
“I was wrong,” he told you, waiting until you looked up again to continue, “I feel like I’m drowning without you.”
“Oh.” Whatever you’d expected, it hadn’t been that.
“It’s a lot. I know it’s a lot -”
“No,” you shook your head, “no, it’s not.”
“I wish I could’ve met you in another life. I wish it wasn’t like this.”
The words caused your chest to ache, understand what he was saying and why because you felt the same way; the situation was a mess and all either of you could do was make the best of it.
There was more you could say - more you wanted to say - but it didn’t feel like the right time, and it wasn’t fair for you to try and push anything when you had every intention of leaving him once you’d finished your year. So, instead, you pressed yourself against him and hugged him tight.
Once you’d managed to pull away from each other, you spent the next hour sitting with him on the sofa, talking while he drank, trading gentle touches and kisses until he needed to leave. You followed him to the elevator, not sure if he was keeping hold of your hand or if it was the other way around.
It took a couple of weeks for things to start to return to some sort of normal between you.
Karen noticed the first time she saw you, mentioning that you seemed distracted as you walked through Central Park together (thankfully with no sign of Madani in sight), but she didn’t bring it up until you were sitting together a week later, having lunch in a little coffee shop.
“Is everything alright with you and Billy?” She asked, deciding to just go for it.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” you answered. And it was fine. You were happy. You just could stop thinking about what he’d said to you and how you wished that things could be just a little bit different so you could both be happy.
“I know Billy’s my friend and you don’t really know me all that well, but you can talk to me if something’s bothering you. Or if he’s done something to bother you.”
There was something in her voice, something knowing that you really didn’t like. But how could she know what was going on with you and Billy, when you didn’t even know yourself?
“Everything’s fine, honestly. It’s great, actually. We’ve been really getting on lately; we’ve been hanging out talking about books and I’ve been making him watch Black Sail on Netflix,” you told her.
Karen nodded, though it didn’t look like she believed you, but she let it drop, leaving you with the sneaking suspicion that she knew a little more about the way Billy was than she wanted to let on.
Your quiet evenings with Billy slowly started to become a little more physical again, though neither of you seemed in a rush to try and push for sex again. Instead, most evenings he’d end up with his head between your thighs, or you’d slip your hand into his pants while you made out. And, even though you found yourself longing for more, you didn’t want to push him. No, you wanted to take things slowly, wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t get overwhelmed again before you took that next step.
Time seemed to fly by and it wasn’t long before the whole penthouse was being turned upside down in anticipation of Billy’s big party; live music, caterers, decorators and, of course, more blood than you felt comfortable seeing in one place. The whole place was transformed over the course of three days and, when the night finally came, you felt almost sick with nerves.
Even Billy had a strange energy about him, checking and double checking every little thing, including a security team from his company whose presence he seemed reluctant to explain to you. You watched from the sofa as he led them around the apartment, explaining where he wanted them and which areas of the penthouse were off-limits. He introduced you to one of them, a human man called Curtis who would be spending the night near the door to your quarters if you needed any help during the night (and, again, Billy didn’t explain what that meant).
A couple of hours before the guests were due to arrive, you went to shower and draw blood before doing your hair and makeup, and getting changed into your dress and shoes. For a few minutes you found yourself staring at your reflection, hoping to find some of the confidence you’d had that night in the dressing room with Billy.
When you stepped out into the penthouse, it only took a moment for his eyes to find you, his jaw threatening to drop as he took in the sight of you. His appearance had the same effect on you; his well tailored tux had you biting your lip.
“Wow, Russo, you really know how to pick them,” Curtis called across the penthouse, earning himself a withering look from Billy and causing your cheeks to heat.
Billy made his way towards you, not bothering to hide the way his eyes were taking in every inch of you. When he reached you, he placed a hand on your hip and kissed your cheek.
“I got you a present,” he told you, using his hand to start guiding you towards the library, pausing momentarily to tell Curtis and his team that they could go take a break before the party started.
Your heart was hammering in your chest as he led you into the library and towards the seldom used desk by the window. Waiting for you were three boxes, each beautifully wrapped in silver paper and tied with black ribbon. Without thought, you found yourself gripping Billy’s arm as your legs threatened to turn to jello beneath you.
He smiled softly, picking up the first box and handing it to you.
“Open it,” he instructed, managing to sound as excited as you felt about this whole exchange.
It felt wrong to destroy the immaculate wrapping, so you took your time, carefully untying the ribbon and peeling open the paper to get at the box. You removed the lid and there, in amongst black tissue paper was an ornate black and silver mask.
“It’s for the party tonight,” he told you when you looked at him for clarification, “we wear the masks until midnight and then take them off. It’s supposed to symbolise vampires being seen by society, but really it’s just an excuse to have fun while no one knows who you are.”
You laughed, head shaking. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”
But he didn’t give you time to linger, gently taking the box and mask from your hand before offering you the next present, seeming to get more eager with each passing second. He was practically vibrating with excitement.
Your breath caught as you opened the second box. It was a beautiful choker style necklace with diamanté detailing - at least, you assumed that it was diamanté because you couldn’t even start to imagine how much it would have cost if they were real diamonds. For a few seconds you were lost for words.
“Here, let me,” he offered, pulling the necklace from the box before you even had the chance to answer him. Billy stepped behind you, gently draping it around your neck and fastening it for you.
Your fingers immediately reached up to touch it; it felt a little heavy around your neck and you’d never had a choker style necklace before, but the feel of it would be a constant reminder of Billy and you loved that.
“Thank you, Billy,” you finally managed, turning and wrapping your arms around him before pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“There’s one more.” He reached for the last present but seemed a little more reluctant to hand it to you.
And once you’d opened it, you understood why.
“Oh...” said somewhere between shock and confusion.
You weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, especially not after the mask and the choker, but a new sex toy certainly wasn’t it. Your cheeks heated as you looked at the box, trying to make sense of it, the words discreet and remote play only confused you more.
“I want you to wear this for the party,” he told you, a hint of nervousness in his voice, “if you want to, I mean. If it’s too much, I get it. I just - I thought we could have some fun. And there’s going to be so many people, I guess I want to know you’ll spend the night thinking about me...”
Your cheeks continued to burn, part horrified by the notion, but a much larger part couldn’t help but find the idea interesting, arousing even. And, after everything that had happened between you, part of you was still longing for more.
“You want me to spend the night thinking about you?” You asked quietly.
“More than anything,” he answered in little more than a whisper, like he knew it was something he shouldn’t say.
It felt like your heart leapt into your throat for a few seconds and you struggled to swallow around it. All you could think about was that night a couple of weeks ago, how he told you it felt like he was drowning when he wasn’t with you, and you knew that you couldn’t say no to him. (You didn’t want to say no to him.)
“Okay,” you finally answered, “how do I...?”
“Let me,” he offered, perhaps a little too eagerly, taking the box from your hand, muttering something about how he’d cleaned it and charged it ready before wrapping it.
You bit your lip, watching as he pulled the purple silicone toy out of the box, knowing that he could hear your heart pounding. Then he kissed you, slipping his tongue between your lips and enjoying you for a few moments. When he pulled back he began to trace your lips with the tip of the toy before slipping it into your mouth, causing your cheeks to burn hotter.
You watched him suck his fingers, leaving them glistening with saliva before dropping to his knees and slipping them beneath your dress and into your panties. His free hand nudged your knee and you parted your trembling legs a little further while his fingers stirred between your folds, wetting you before slowly slipping into you.
You moaned softly as his fingers slowly started to pump inside you, twisting and bending, easily finding that special spot.
Your hands gripped his shoulders, feeling like your legs were going to give out. Another soft moan escaped you when he looked up at you, holding your gaze as his fingers filled you, over and over. You clenched around him as he licked his lips, knowing that he was imagining the taste of your arousal on his tongue.
“You can come whenever you need to,” he told you, smiling up at you like he was in awe of you.
“Billy...” you moaned, your voice muffled by the toy in your mouth, hating how close you were to falling apart.
Your walls clenched and tightened around his fingers again, but you were already so wet that you couldn’t hold onto him or make him slow. There was something about all of this that seemed so obscene, so dirty, and it just made you want it ever more. His fingers hit that sweet spot one more time and it was enough to push you over the edge. Your legs started to tremble and your thighs pressed together, trying to keep his fingers inside you.
And, all the while, Billy smiled up at you.
A needy whine slipped out when he pulled away his hand, but you soon fell silent when he took the toy from your mouth. Your eyes fixed on the bookshelf behind Billy as he inserted the toy, suddenly feeling embarrassed despite everything you’d just let him do. Once he was done, he straightened your panties and made sure your dress was perfect.
Shifting your weight between your legs, you tried to get used to the feeling of the toy while Billy stood up and took out his phone.
“Let’s give it a little test,” he said with an almost mischievous grin on his lips that caused you thighs to clench. Something told you he was going to enjoy this. A lot.
A sudden whimper was pulled from you as the toy started to vibrate.
Billy’s grin grew as his finger swiped on his phone, causing the vibrations to intensify. As good as it felt, a mixture of shame and concern threatened to ruin the moment.
“What?” Billy asked, stopping the vibrations the moment he noticed your discomfort. “If it’s too much, you don’t have to do this.”
“I want to,” you answered shyly, a little embarrassed by just how much you wanted to, “It’s just... what if someone realises?”
He offered a soft smile, placing a hand on your cheek.
“They won’t,” he told you with confidence. “It’ll be too noisy for anyone to hear it, and you’ll be good; you won’t come until we’re alone together and I give you permission.”
His thumb tenderly caressed your cheek as he leaned in to kiss you, his tongue slipping between your lips and wiping away any misgivings you might have had. You wanted to do this. You wanted to give Billy the comfort of knowing that you were thinking about him all night. And you wanted to do it for yourself too. You’d wanted to have new experiences and this was definitely new for you.
“Come on,” he said, slipping his hand into yours, “let’s go have a glass of wine and wait for the guests to arrive. It’s going to be a long night...”
End Note : So, originally, this chapter and the party were going all be one chapter, but then I got carried away with the cute notes between reader and Billy. That means next week will be a whole chapter of party shenanigans.
As always, thanks for reading/commenting/liking/reblogging, hope you're enjoying this as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Have a great weekend!
Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters! If tagging doesn't work for some reason (aka Tumblr being dumb) I post most Fridays around 7:30 gmt.
Tag List : @vaguekayla @thdcre @rensolodriver @house-husband-of-castlemurdock
@snowkestrel @danzer8705 @noortsshift @aoi-targaryen @lincerad
@vxnity713 @readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure @dreadfulxives18 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @glamourbabe17
@sweetserendipity65 @damagelove @strangerfromketterdam @a-starrynightwith-u @readingabouthim
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@goldenbeskar @mydarlingnana
#billy russo#billy russo x reader#billy russo x female reader#billy russo fanfic#the punisher#billy russo imagine#(ob)ts ff
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my mostly calm(er) reaction and reflection post on the magnolia awards nomination list 🥀
sir i don’t understand. why aren’t good people rewarded? // as the old saying goes, evil doers get gold belts and good people can’t even keep their corpses. { war of faith episode 24 }
the quote above is one of my favorites from the show and i feel the truth to it now more than ever. i have already posted about my initial rage and that hasn’t changed, it’s not okay and will never be. i’m mostly a pacifist but i’m not a doormat. there is a reason why the WOF account or the other nominees like the director and “best actor” have not posted their thanks as soon as the nominations were out because they are guilty. it speaks volumes and they should be ashamed of themselves. if you look at the most recent post for WOF weibo account, they are being torn apart. not to mention blog accounts and the same audience who supported the drama calling them out.
this should not be a surprise to those of us who watched the show and understood it’s meaning. because this is what the show thought us, to not stay quiet when there is injustice. much like how wei ruolai said that he is ashamed to be in this mountain. how he was not afraid to leave his dream and literally walk back to Jiangxi for what he believes is the right thing to do. i don’t think you will fully understand the hurt, this is not just me being a yibo stan but someone who saw myself in Wei Ruolai.
the drama was about how the youth can change the world. the reality, and what just happened is proving otherwise. i’m sharing this quote here cause it perfectly explains the problem:
"If the youth are strong, the country will be strong" but the truth is the youth are strong, but you don't recognize it.
this incident exposed the problem with these acting awards. i daresay, not only that, but with other industries where everything has to be about seniority. which in turn makes the younger generation feel burned out and contribute to wanting to lie flat. because what’s the point if the game is rigged. the CCP have always given importance to the youth. often inserting the message of why you all should have kids now because they are the future. they are important blah blah blah — but this simple award? you can’t even show fairness? Wang Yibo is the poster boy for CCP’s propaganda on how an upstanding Chinese Youth should be. He has been in the most recent years, we all cannot deny that with how prominent he is showing up in nationalistic programs tied to the “youth”. So if someone as popular/well-known/talented as WYB can’t be treated fairly. can’t be rewarded with his efforts, then what more for a normal citizen?
WOF team and Magnolia Awards really opened a can of worms here. It goes deeper than nominations and a fandom. In a way, it’s good how this exposed the corrupt system and contributed to why people are so angry. The tag for him continued to stay on top because a lot of netizen can relate, even if you didn’t watch it, i bet they had something to say. It’s been happening for some time but definitely is magnified because of Yibo’s popularity and it made them look really bad.
I am aware of Yibo’s chances with the history of older nominees when it comes to this Awards show but I am confident that he had a good chance of getting it. What made me livid was Wang Yang taking the nom. You can slice and dice it however you want, but Yibo carried that show. He is the main lead. The story is about Wei Ruolai. If Yibo didn’t get it i will still speak up but with the betrayal, not only to him but also the screenwriter — i can’t stay silent and be the “rational” vic that most of you are familiar with. WAR OF FAITH is still one of my favorite dramas with how it affected me and is largely contributing to why i’m reacting the way i do.
I’m not gonna defend anyone. Only Wang Yibo. Honestly. Fuck them all. I watched the show and supported it for WYB — everyone else don’t matter. I won’t post any hate message on their accounts but they get no love from me either.
So now let me get to the good part. Because no matter how hurt we all are, there is still a lot of good that came out of this. The silver lining(s) if you will.
1. Everyone who said that WYB has some backers can fuck off. This proves that he hasn’t. He has no background. There is no big-name pulling the strings for him. He is where he is because he is WANG YIBO. His name alone is enough. WOF got the green light because Wang Yibo’s name was on it. Now more than ever, it is proven that he is where he is because of who he is and what he can bring to the table.
2. We are reminded once again that producers are not our friends. LOL. if you know, you know. it’s all business. So don’t kiss their ass.
3. The fact that he trended #1 for hours, and still is right now at number 4 is proof of how great he represented the character of Wei Ruolai. People now recognize him as an actor who deserves a nomination and a win. The general public are now on his side. He is the underdog and there is nothing more that we want to see than a beaten down person rise above it and win. In a way, this creates more buzz and anticipation for his next movie that will be out. 🫶🏼
4. This has really set him apart from his peers of idol actors who crossed over to being professionals. He did it so effectively and in a short span of time. What happened is sad, but he won people’s hearts and those who already do stan him are more geared up to support him in the future. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
I’m happy for WOF’s nomination. If i’m being honest, it was a sure thing. I’m proud WYB was part and led this amazing drama to what it is. He will continue to give us more excellent works because that is his gift to the audience who always support him.
In the next coming days, if WYB or most likely YBO puts something out, that’s what i’m gonna follow. The most i will do is congratulate WOF, but the others? no thank you.
#wang yibo#personal#war of faith#i cannot sleep so i wrote this instead#i cannot sleep cause im so mad lol#yizhan
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Cw: 18+ Only! MDNI! Smut!
GhostxReader!
"The rain is coming down hard. It looks like we'll be spending the night in this cave." I sigh and sit down on the hard ground.
Ghost looks around. "We have no choice.." he sits down beside you, the sound of the rain is loud, the air is damp, and the rocks are slick
"Why are you so distant?" I look at him. it's a question that has been plaguing my mind.
He stays silent for a moment, his mask covering any emotion that may be displayed. His face, he finally answers you in a monotone, cold voice. "I've seen a lot of things. Some people would break if they saw what I had."
"I understand that, I just wish you weren't so cold towards me, I hate when you make me feel like I'm not a part of the squad." I sigh, but my eyes never leave his.
he gets up and paces around. He's breathing heavily, he's fighting some kind of internal battle, then he finally sits down again. "i can't...... i can't get close to you, i cant do it. "
"What about Captain Soap? Don't you trust him?" I look at him curious.
He hesitates. "Yes, but.. something about you.. I can't figure it out.." He looks away, his cold eyes hidden by the shadow of his mask.
"What do you mean by that?" I was confused.
he looks at you, he's looking at you with eyes of pain, pain he hasnt let out. "I- i dont know, i feel like i could trust you, but i've been hurt before."
"Don't let fear dictate your actions. I'm sorry if I came on too strong, but I know you can trust me." I smiled and pat his shoulder.
he looks at the ground. "I don't think you know the weight of what you're saying, the pain i've gone through. It's made me like this." He gestures at himself.
"I know, but you're not alone." I squeeze his hand.
He sighed, "Do you mind if I remove my mask?"
"Go ahead, it's just us two." I smiled.
He reaches up and take off his mask, he turns to look at me, his brown eyes meet yours, there's a small scar above my left eyebrow, his hair is messy, voice is still monotone and cold. "There we go, better?"
"Your hair is messy. "I chuckled.
He rolled his eyes playfully "yeah, I know, I was attacked by a tiger, then I had to get out of a cave and then run all the way here, I didn't have time to brush it!" He chuckled along with you. His eyes still are cold and distant, but they're not as emotionless as before.
Asmile breaks across my face as I laugh, "You're bad at lying."
He laughs, "Yeah, yeah, I'm a liar, but at least I'm a funny liar, unlike Captain Soap, he's got no humor." He teases.
"We should start a fire and get out of these wet clothes." *I was shivering."
Later
We started a fire and a makeshift clothes line.
Slowly undressing, I stopped midway as I looked at ghost, my eyes widened with horror, half of his muscular body was molted, reddish, purple hue overshadows his light skin.
"Oh my god, ghost! Your scars!" He looked over at me, at my reaction. He wonders if I'm disgusted.
Ghost looks away, "I-its fine, please dont worry about it."
"I'm sorry to pry, it's just i've never seen so many scars on someone before.. it must've been hell." I look at him with a face of disdain.
Ghost sighs, "It's a long story, but yes, I've experienced a lot. It's made me who I am today."
my fingertips brushed over the molted flesh, the uneven flesh is taut and slightly bumpy. "They're beautiful, all of them, every inch of you."
He suddenly freezes. He's shocked that you'd call such horrible scars beautiful.
I replaced my fingertips with my lips, kissing the delicate skin, slightly gliding my tongue across the disfigured chest. "Beautiful"
Ghost is stunned by the sudden action. "w-why?.. I'm all.. broken, scarred, not good-looking, I'm a mess."
"You're the only man that I want to be with." I kiss his from his collarbone up to his neck, nipping at his flesh.
Ghost blushes, "You really think that?.. I've never been good enough for anyone."
I kiss his cheek, "You're perfect to me." I place a hand behind his head and pull him in, kissing him passionately.
he kisses back, his heart beating like crazy "I-I thought, you'd find me disgusting."
I pull away slightly, looking up into his eyes
"There's not a single part of you that isn't beautiful."
Ghost hesitates, then pulls you in for another kiss, wrapping his arms around you tightly. Suddenly, I feel my back make contact with the damp ground. I run my hands up and across his chest, sharing a passionate kiss.
Later
Our bodies are one, as our moans fill the cave like a choir as the rain plays like a symphony, The undeniable pleasure rocks both of us to our core. Ghost spread my legs wide open so that his thrusts would go deeper and deeper as I moaned and whimpered.
"Slow down, we have all night."
He didn't slow down. Ghost loved rough sex.
Making sure I'd feel ever inch of his throbbing hard cock stretching my tight velvet walls.
"You're so tight, fuck!" Ghost grunted, not long before I felt the jagged ground of the cave digging into my knees as he fucks me behind in doggy style, having a fistful of my hair as he slaps my ass periodically.
As time progress so did our urge to climax, holding onto him tightly as we reached our peak together, collapsing against his chest.
Aftermath
Ghost smiles as he pulls you back into a kiss, and he whispers, "Promise one thing, y/n."
"Yes, what is it?" I look into his eyes, wondering what he wanted me to promise.
Ghost looks you in the eyes. He seems serious, the smile gone from his face, his voice low and serious. "If anything ever happened, if I was gone or hurt, or something, you'd never leave me, right?
"I promise, whatever happens, you're stuck with me." I whisper.
"I love you, Y/n."
"I love you too, Simon."
-THE END
#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#ghost x you#ghost x reader#ghost cod#ghost smut#cod fanfic#cod smut#cod fic#cod fluff#cod x reader#call of duty x reader#18+ content#18+ only#18+ account#18+ blog
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AITA for having a daddy kink?
I (32M) have been with my bf, T (45M) for a few months now, and besides the first date (if you remember my post about that, I'm so sorry for the secondhand embarrassment I caused everyone) everything is going really well! Or at least I thought so.
Last week, my boss (who's kind of like the dad I never had) (he's also my bf's old boss but that's not really relevant) was in the hospital after a cartel burned down his house. He's fine now. Made a full recovery. But T and I met up at my place after I left the hospital so we could have dinner. I finally made this new lasagna recipe just right after trying to figure it out for WEEKS and it was delicious.
We were talking about things while we ate, like we've done on all of our dates, and we started talking about my boss in the hospital. T even asked if I was okay, which is a little weird because I'm not the one who was in a fire or the emergency room, but it was sweet. He's really sweet. He's always checking in to make sure I'm okay and he's not doing anything that makes me uncomfortable, and that's really new, but good! Anyway, talking about my boss (and how he's kinda my dad) made T bring up his rough relationship with his own father, and one of his other old bosses, and I could tell it was a little uncomfortable.
Who likes to talk about their strained relationships with family? I know I don't. I always try to change the subject when anyone tries to talk about my parents with me. So I did that.
All I did was joke that we both have daddy issues - because we do, no matter what he says about it - and it's so easy to just talk to him, you know? So maybe I was a little flirty. Okay, I was a lot flirty, but I just wanted to make him smile because I don't like seeing the people I love upset. And maybe that fed into some innuendos. And maybe we kind of came to the conclusion that I really like calling him "daddy" in bed. I had a really good night after dinner. It was great.
And it was all great. This is the happiest I've been in a really long time. I don't think I've ever been this happy in a relationship, actually. It feels so light and easy and like he actually likes me, not some idea of me or the potential I have to be something else? That's something I'll unpack with my therapist later. Don't worry about it.
Anyway, things were great until I talked about it with my best friend, E (32M) - and I'm trying to take what he's said with a grain of salt, because he's going through a lot of major changes in his life right now, and he probably just wanted me to stop talking about my sex life, but still...
He said that because T made the comment while we were talking about our boss being in the hospital, he was just taking advantage of my childhood trauma to try out a kink. Because we were talking about something pretty serious, he never should have turned things in that direction - flirty and sexual - while I was worried and stressed, and he was totally brushing off how I was feeling in the moment. I thought it was fine in the moment, even fun, but E has known me for the last 6 years and has watched me get into and out of relationships that weren't always good for me, and now I'm worried that he's right and it's happening again. I really trust his opinion and I know he just wants to look out for me.
I guess I just don't know how to feel. I really like T, and he hasn't done anything to hurt me, and I'm happy. But E does see things from a different angle, maybe less biased than I do because I'm in the middle of it. I don't know who to trust more right now. I thought I was the one who made the conversation flirty and brought up the daddy issues to lighten the mood and make us smile more, but is my best friend right? Is T brushing off my feelings and sexualizing our relationship? Or is E just overly protective because I've been hurt in the past?
I guess this isn't really an AITA - Is He (T) The Asshole (IHTA) for joking about my daddy issues hopefully giving me a daddy kink, too, in the middle of a dinner date?
#evan buckley#911#tommy kinard#kinkley#bucktommy#911 spoilers#alex writes things#911 fanfic#911 aita#evan buck buckley#buck buckley#thomas kinard#eddie diaz is mentioned but i'm not super kind to him#bobby nash is also mentioned#also a small nod to Gerrard that literally isn't even relevant in the grand scheme of the post#kinley#tevan#also if anyone turns this into 'jealous eddie' i will scream that's not what this is
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hheeyy I am probably gonna buy your pirate book regardless, because it does sound wonderful, but just so I know what I'm getting my little ace brain into: the gizmodo article you linked described Brother Julian as having "a frankly inconvenient vow of celibacy" and i had terrible flashbacks of the way the dragon age 2 fandom talked about Sebastian so like. Does Julian *also* think his vow is inconvenient, or am I going to have to go in accepting that funny queer pirates who resolve things with polyamory is worth wincing through a few conversations where his suitors just Cannot Believe someone so hot doesn't want to fuck oh my we must save him from himself or. whatever the fuck. Again, i loved A Touch Of Gold And Iron so I do trust you, but I've had authors i trust suddenly and unthinkingly have their characters spout aphobic talking points before, so i just want a warning, i guess. Thank you and I promise this isn't intended as a judgement of any kind, just me making sure I'm taking care of myself
No worries! I have not seen any of the Dragon Age 2 discourse and I don't know who Sebastian is, but I think I can sort of glean from context what you mean.
The answer about Julian is a little spoilery for mostly worldbuilding and a bit of his character arc, but not plot. I'm gonna try to put it under a cut, but tumblr is broken sometimes, so if the cut does not work, I apologize to the general public.
Julian is a monk of the Vintish church, which is sort of "what if the Catholic church but make it The Enlightenment" -- their religion teaches that the pursuit of knowledge and Understanding is deeply holy and that the Emperor of Heaven filled the world with mysteries specifically because he wanted humanity to figure out his little puzzles. Monks of this church take vows not to give up all "sinful" things, but to give up the one thing that occupies their mind above all else and causes them to be distracted from the pursuit of knowledge. For some people that might be alcohol, or gambling, or an addiction, or wearing pretty clothes, or anger/resentment, or whatever. For Julian, that thing was sex. He is the most allosexual man who has ever lived. He LOVED sex. It was a source of pure joy and delight and fulfillment for him -- he's one of those people who can find something wonderful and attractive in pretty much everyone he meets.
There were some Urgent Circumstances fifteen years ago in his past where taking that vow was preferable to the alternative that would have happened if he hadn't taken it, so in that sense it was a tool that served a purpose -- it was at one point a deeply convenient way of saving his own ass. I also think it was an important lesson for Young Julian to realize that sometimes you have to make sacrifices and that sacrifices HURT.
However, whether he would say in hindsight now that it was inconvenient... I think he has mixed feelings. He's very good at nuance, Julian is, and so he recognizes that all his experiences have made him into the person who he is and that he has Learned and Grown and Gained Knowledge Of Himself, which he does sincerely believe is a holy and righteous thing -- he deeply values the journey that he has been on. But at the same time.... at his heart he's just a fun guy and secretly an absolute gremlin in his own ways, you know? And tools that were once useful and relevant do not always remain so.
Hope that helps!! I am on the ace/demi spectrum myself, so I've got some irritating experiences of the ways that people write about ace characters and try to "fix" them -- this is definitely not that situation.
Also, just cause you mentioned you're ace -- FYI there isn't any on-page sex in the book, just lots of dumb sex jokes and flirting. :)
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