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sideprince · 9 months

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What’s your general thoughts and opinions on James?

I don't know how general my thoughts and opinions of him are, but here goes... (under the cut because long post)

To me, James was the kind of kid who was made to feel special by his parents and didn't realize, as he grew up, that the rest of the world wasn't duty-bound to share this view of him. I think the backstory Rowling gave was that his parents struggled to have a child and had him when they were older, so he was very valued and spoiled, in a family that had money and lived comfortably. There are people who will come out of an upbringing like this with a strong sense of self and security and feel empathy for those who struggle, and there are people who will come out of it feeling entitled and affronted that the rest of the world doesn't understand how special they are. I think James was the latter. He has the vibe of a kid whose parents never taught him to share. When he got to Hogwarts and was thrust into a world where he didn't get the constant positive reinforcement he did at home, his response was to feel insecure in its absence and I'm not sure he ever outgrew that.

His first interaction with both Snape, Lily, and Sirius on the Hogwarts Express says a lot about him. When Snape says he wants to be in Slytherin, James scoffs, but when Sirius says his whole family have been in that house, James is surprised, because he's already formed an opinion of Sirius and has started to like him. James and Sirius met on the train, which had probably just left London, since Snape and Lily were picking up their conversation from the platform, Snape having just changed into his school robes, which he presumably did as soon as he got on the train. In that short time, because James made a connection with him, he can excuse Sirius' association with the house because he already likes him, but he doesn't know Snape so it's easier to dismiss him for the same house preference. Young James shows a lot of bias and we see through his Hogwarts years that he doesn't grow out of it. The fact that he judges people with such certainty based on their house or house preference shows this too.

Though Snape and Lily are clearly friends when he meets them, James seems only interested in targeting Snape. Lily, with her face pressed against the window, doesn't seem interested in interacting with the other boys in the compartment before Snape enters, but they also seem to have put little effort into cheering up this girl who's unhappy and alone. While it might be that James is nicer to Lily because she's a girl (whether because he's immediately interested in her or just because he feels it unchivalrous to bully girls), I think that both James and Sirius immediately pick up on Snape's otherness.

The first description of James we see is, “slight, black-haired like Snape, with that indefinable air of having been well cared for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked.” A clear differentiation is drawn between the two of them in this scene, and I think the implication is that James perceived this difference too, and it drove him to dismiss Snape and treat him with contempt all the more. I wonder sometimes if James didn't look at Lily and worry that someone like her (cared for, middle class) was friends with someone like Snape (neglected, poor), and whether his interest in her wasn't borne out of a sort of savior complex where he imagined himself as some kind of knight saving the princess from the terrible monster. Perhaps that image comes to mind because of this moment:

James lifted an invisible sword. ‘ “Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!” Like my dad.’

In any case, I think that James' contempt for Snape was driven by his visible poverty and neglect as much, if not more so, than his feelings for Lily, especially in their first few years at school.

Most of what we know of James' Hogwarts years comes from Sirius and Lupin, Snape's memories, and the detention cards Harry has to sort after nearly killing Malfoy with Sectumsempra. Sirius and Lupin remember James as having been popular, but I think they're biased, given they were good friends. In Snape's Worst Memory we see a James who's arrogant, wants attention, and bullies Snape. It's Sirius who says he's bored, but James is the one who points out Snape and leads the bullying. A few minutes before they round on Snape, we see this moment, as James is playing with the snitch while Wormtail marvels sycophantically:

Harry noticed that his father had a habit of rumpling up his hair as though to keep it from getting too tidy, and he also kept looking over at the girls by the water’s edge.

It doesn't take long until:

Snape let out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes, but with his wand ten feet away nothing happened. ‘Wash out your mouth,’ said James coldly. ‘Scourgify!’ Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape’s mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him - ‘Leave him ALONE!’ James and Sirius looked round. James’s free hand immediately jumped to his hair. It was one of the girls from the lake edge. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders, and startlingly green almond-shaped eyes - Harry’s eyes. Harry’s mother.

There are a few things to unpack here. One, it's clear that James is bullying Snape to get Lily's attention, as shown by the hand in his hair and his self-consciousness as he looks over at the girls by the lake and again when Lily comes over. His choice to get her attention through Snape says a lot about his personality and his values. He's 15, a bit too old to flirt through bullying, whether directly or indirectly. He's like a five year old pulling a girl's pigtails on the playground because he likes her. It shows immaturity, but then if you think about Harry at the same age and his own immaturity, it manifested in his inability to understand Cho and his liking her because she was pretty even though they weren't well-suited to each other. It never occurred to Harry to get Cho's attention by bullying someone, not only because Harry wasn't a bully, but because despite being a Quidditch player who played the same position as his father had, he never felt compelled to flex in front of the girl he liked. That, however, seems to be James' go-to move. He doesn't really care what damage he does to Snape, because he objectifies him - Snape is just something he uses to get Lily's attention.

The other thing that sticks out to me about that passage is James' viciousness the second he feels disrespected. It's reminiscent of an abuser's behavior in the way he lashes out disproportionately the moment Snape challenges his sense of authority. Snape uses words, but James responds with physical violence, specifically to silence Snape. It's not just that James' actions show a complete disregard for his victim's well-being (after all, we see Harry and Malfoy butt heads several times but neither hits the other in such a disproportionate way, but then Harry and Malfoy aren't really a parallel for Snape and James because they're rivals and James and Snape have a bully/victim relationship). James seems to feel perfectly entitled to his treatment of Snape as if his response was proportionate. I think the cartoonish imagery of a bubbling bar of soap distracts some readers, but in essence this exchange is as if Snape said "go fuck yourself" and James responded by wrapping his hands around Snape's throat and throttling him. What I find disturbing is the ease with which James does it. When, only moments later, Lily asks what Snape ever did to him, James' casual reply is, “it’s more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean …” He doesn't see Snape as a person capable of feeling and reacting on the same level he sees himself, and frankly, I find that chilling.

I have a hard time reading James in this moment as anything but abusive. His goal with his actions towards Snape is to exert control through violence, which is what abusers do (I'm including emotional abuse in this statement too, given that emotional violence is still violence). To add to this, this incident happens after the werewolf incident, so James is treating Snape this way after Sirius almost got him killed/maimed/turned by Lupin deliberately. He doesn't seem to have grown or changed after that experience at all when it comes to understanding the impact and influence of his bullying. In fact, he uses Sirius' boredom as an excuse to target Snape, which doesn't seem likely to discourage the same behavior that nearly got Snape killed only a few months earlier.

I think James had a strong relationship with Sirius, but his intervening to prevent Snape getting to the Shrieking Shack shows a difference between the two of them. The incident in SWM seems to indicate that James, who so reflexively attacks Snape with viciousness, was probably acting on behalf of his friends and not Snape when savinghim. My personal meta is that he, unlike Sirius, understood what it would do to Lupin psychologically if he attacked Snape while transformed, and that's why he intervened. I like to think James' view of Sirius changed a bit after that, and his trust in him faltered somewhat, in a way that they never quite fixed, which is why James could be convinced to switch from Sirius to Peter as their secret keeper. That sense of, "when is this friend going to make me vulnerable through his carelessness when he gets lost in his antagonism of someone else."

His empathy for Lupin didn't affect his contempt for someone like Snape, though. We know from Harry's sorting of old detention cards and Lily's accusation in SWM that James would hex people in the halls just because he could. Again, he's using violence to assert himself and doesn't care how it affects people. His friends, though, remember him with fondness. Lily eventually started dating him and liked, presumably loved, him enough to marry him soon after they finished school. We see through Voldemort's memory of the night he killed them that James was affectionate with Harry and that he was willing to put himself between Voldemort and his son and wife to protect the latter (though he was ineffectual given he carelessly left his wand on the couch and bought them no more than a few seconds, which to me shows hubris). So we know that James could be a loving person, but it seems he was selective about who deserved his humanity and affection. He could show contempt just as strongly to others, whether someone he knew casually or someone he actively disliked. It reminds me a bit of the loving letters home from Nazi concentration camp officers who showed that they did have humanity, they just treated their prisoners as undeserving of it in deeply chilling ways. This isn't to say that James was a Nazi by any means (so please don't try to come at me in the comments thx), but rather to illustrate that he, too, displays the ability to be both deeply human and then turn around and dehumanize others when it suits him.

This dischord makes sense when you realize how much of JK Rowling's first husband, Jorge Arantes, is in James, down to his dark hair and round glasses, and especially the dichotomy of how lovable he is meant to be yet how controlling and violent his behavior is. I think James is a character who is often hinted at more than described because of Rowling's own difficulty in processing that relationship and dealing with Arantes as a character on the page. We hear about James more than we see him, but when we do it's:

when Harry sees him and Lily in the Mirror of Erised (which isn't the real James but Harry's idealized version of him)

in moments of grave peril facing his family, ie. when his echo comes out of Voldemort's wand at the end of GoF and when Voldemort recalls the night he killed the Potters

in Snape's memories where he acts violent, entitled, and controlling

What's interesting to me is that in the moments where we see James (ie. pseudo-Arantes) being protective of his family, he's either already dead and an echo, or he is immediately killed. The bulk of the moments in which we see James in his normal, everyday life, he's controlling, violent, arrogant, and insecure. Put in the context of him being an avatar for Arantes, there's enough to unpack there for a trained therapist, but my tl;dr is that Rowling either deliberately or subconsciously has chosen to put him on a pedestal and let his own actions knock him off it. It's unclear to me whether she's struggling to identify her own feelings as she projects them onto the page, or if she's making a considered statement about how even the affectionately thought of father figure can have a dangerously ugly side. The fact that so many Marauders stans look past this behavior, let alone justify it, makes me skeptical of their intentions because I have difficulty seeing James outside the context of the clear parallels between him and Rowling's actual, real-life abuser.

While Lupin and Sirius say that James changed and that's why Lily started dating him, we see signs that he didn't. The fact he kept sneaking out under the invisibility cloak after the Fidelius Charm was put on his house shows that he still put himself and his whims first, implying his entitlement and the difficulty he continued to have putting responsibilities ahead of his own wants. It's indicated he didn't stop bullying at school once he started dating Lily, he just learned to hide it from her better.

Many others have written at length about this, so I'll just touch on it briefly, but I think James justified his behavior on the basis that he felt he was on the right side and against the dark side. Lupin and Sirius talk about Snape and his fascination with dark magic when they were at school, but we see James using innocuous charms like scourgify to enact violence, which mostly just makes me question the distinction between light and dark magic (ie. what matters is how a spell is used, not what category it falls into). James, as a Gryffindor, sees himself to be on the side of righteousness and valor, and though his actions contradict this, he doesn't question himself because he sees himself through the lens of being a Gryffindor, not an individual defined by his choices. His bullying of Snape certainly helped push the latter towards becoming a Death Eater, a cult-like group that preyed on the kind of vulnerability that James exarcebated in Snape. While that is ultimately Snape's journey and part of his character and choices, it's undeniable that, in some way (great or small), James was complicit in that process, and in ways that can be drawn back to his own perception of light vs. dark, his inability to empathize, the viciousness of his bullying, and his judgmental delineation between who deserves to be treated with humanity and who doesn't.

All in all I see James as a spoiled, privileged child who grew up to be an insecure, entitled bully. I think being thrust into the world of Hogwarts, where he had no parents to reinforce the idea that he's a precious angel, brought out his insecurities and instead of outgrowing them he dealt with them by exerting control over everyone around him as much as he could (or as much as he could get away with). I think if he had lived past his early 20s he might have grown more as a person, but as we see him when he dies, he seems to have retained many traits of the boy on the Hogwarts Express who judged others and reflexively bullied the kid he perceived as an outsider. I hope that what people take away from his character is that bullies and abusers can also be fathers and father figures, people capable of affection. Their dangerous side just shows that people like this are complex and their actions nuanced, they aren't just two dimensional villains.

#meta #long post #asks

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lilac-vapor · 1 year

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gardenia.

Rating: G

Word Count: 1.9k

Pairing: Ominis/OFC

A/N: Find me on Ao3 under Bounteous

Ominis does not consider himself to be ambitious. Now, he can’t quite figure out whether it’s a result of his upbringing—having spent the majority of his childhood despising his family and naught else—or if basking in the tall grasses is his only desire in life currently. Warmth prickles at his skin, oscillating between pleasant and unbearable and he very much can’t help the worries still plaguing the recesses of his mind.

His fingertips brush along the bumps dotting the pages of his book, running over the same words again and again, slow as he is to remember the pattern’s meaning. Braille, she’d called it. He also recalls the indignation with which she’d slandered the whole of the wizarding community’s, “blatant disregard for disabilities.” Regardless, he appreciates not having to hold his wand in one hand while those thick school tomes sit in the other. He also appreciates the atmospheric silence as opposed to the translator spell deafening nearby ears.

He mutters lowly, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, ignoring the soft thumping of footsteps headed toward him. Hattie peers over his shoulder, and Ominis can faintly smell the earthiness of dittany as she does so.

“How goes the reading?” she asks, the cadence of her soft voice trailing down Ominis’ spine.

He smiles in spite of himself. “Difficult, I must admit. Haven’t the need to put my French to much use until now.”

“There’s not much braille in English, I’m afraid.” She straightens herself, dusting off her dress of whatever remedy she’d been procuring beforehand. “But you’re doing quite well! I could find you another muggle novel, if you’d like. You’re almost finished with that one, I see.”

He lifts his head in her direction, smiling fully. “That’d be much appreciated, thank you.”

“Of course! Now, come. I’d like you to accompany me to the market today!”

He imagines she’s either holding out a hand to help him up or standing with her hands on her hips in that pleasantly proud sort of way she does so often. “Right now?”

“Yes.”

“The muggle market or the wizarding market?” “Basinbrooke—I’m on the lookout for more Valerian Root. Was in the middle of brewing some Blood-Replenishing and couldn’t find any.”

“What of Anne?” “She’s napping. Now will you please grab my hand so I can whisk you away on a magical adventure?”

He’s barely lifted his finger from the page before she grabs his hand with the personable confidence of most Hufflepuffs and pulls him up from his nestle among the grasses and flowers. He snaps his book shut and tucks it against his chest as he stalls, “At least let me tidy up. I can’t very well go walking about like I’ve rolled around in the fields.”

Ominis had not expected to travel today. He would have been content to sit about reading or dozing or walking around the property, so he hadn’t put much thought or effort into his choice of clothing. Simple breeches and hose, boots he’d accidentally waded through a creek in, and his button-up with sleeves he’s rolled up to his elbows. Oh, he must look a sight.

Hattie merely squeezes his hand and tugs him along. “Nonsense, you’re as beautiful as always.”

His face burns hotly at her words. “L-let me put the book away, then,” he stammers.

~~~

Basinbrooke is a hamlet roughly the size of Lower Hogsfield, but every two weeks during the summer months they host a large market for all of the surrounding hamlets to join, barter, and trade. Ominis has discovered, though Hattie finds the smallest delights in most things, this market holds a special place in her heart. He’d be a fool to believe she only came for the Valerian Root and not at all to converse and peruse the various trinkets, delicacies, and other displays.

He’s lost her nearly three times now, though she always finds her way back to him. Currently, he’s immersed himself in the lovely taste of lemon shortbread as he sniffs about the hundreds of teas this stall is selling. He has half a mind to buy himself some Earl Grey fresh on the spot. And perhaps some oolong for Hattie, woodsy and rich like those muggle herbs she enjoys.

The square, if that at all, teems with life and laughter, with chatty customers and even chattier vendors. Ominis hasn’t been around such thralls of people since Hogwarts and he can admit with utmost confidence that he doesn’t miss it. While navigating is a pain in his arse, it’s that he much rather prefers the company of silence and stillness as opposed to this cacaphony of grating voices and footsteps on gravel and—

“Sweets and sugary delights! Accid pop, darling? They’ll melt your mouth!”

“Uh, no, thank you.”

“Oh, fine, young sir, this hat would look absolutely stunning atop you!” “I’m okay, thank you.”

“Palm reading, perhaps? Your future is full of twists indeed.”

“No.”

It appears he can’t go one second without being accosted by some stall or other despite the countless patrons strolling right on by. Merlin, where is she?

Mesmerized by the candle vendor, of course.

“I can’t believe you stranded me in the middle of the crowd like that,” he admonishes jokingly, shaking his head. “I could have been mauled.”

Hattie giggles, and he imagines anyone else might blush in slight embarrassment, but she is nothing if not assuredly herself and he knows she is simply smiling. At him, he hopes.

She says, “Apologies, Ominis, I was looking for a candle that smells like you, though I haven’t any luck just yet,” and he thinks his heart must skip several beats at such a bold, unobtrusive statement.

“W-why on earth would you be searching for a candle that smells like me?”

She picks up another candle, sniffing several times before humming in disappointment. “Because you smell good, obviously. But mostly because it’s so familiar and I can’t quite put my finger on it, so I thought I could figure it out by finding a candle.”

“A candle that smells like me?” Ominis supplies dumbly.

“Yes!”

Hattie is strange in a way that makes Ominis uniquely warm and fuzzy inside. It’s not that she has a loose tongue, that she might inadvertently anger the wrong wizard by opening her mouth faster than her brain can shut it. It’s that everything she says, she says with such meaning and conviction. Every single word, every sentence is true and well-intentioned and never lacking in sincerity.

She will stop in the middle of something wholly important just to tell a young witch that her hair is so strikingly beautiful and there will never be any hidden intent, maliciousness, or snide remark in the aftermath. She will mean it with every ounce of her being and she will say it with such colorful articulation and inflection that it leaves Ominis nearly tearful.

It shouldn’t still be so monumental that she expresses her feelings in such a way to him. But it is.

“Juniper.”

He feels her still beside him. “What?”

“Juniper, I think, is the scent you’re looking for.”

She sets down the jar in her hand, lets it lightly thump against the table as she turns toward him. “How do you know that?”

And he feels the ingenuity wrapped around the question like vines as he smiles fondly. “My aunt.” Though it hurts to reminisce, he loves having someone new to talk about her to. “There…there was a muggle family she became quite close to. A friend of hers from school who was muggle-born. They had juniper trees in their yard where they liked to sit and talk. She said I smelled like them, odd as it is.”

Hattie is silent for several moments and Ominis begins to wonder if he’s overstepped before she speaks, “That was a really lovely story, Ominis. The way you spoke of your aunt…is she?”

He merely nods, swallowing down the lump in his throat instead of speaking aloud.

“I’m very sorry. She is right, though. You do oddly smell like juniper.” She places a jar in his hand, keeps hold of it as she tugs him closer. “I’m sad because I don’t think they’ll have a juniper candle here. It’s not a very summer-y scent. But I do hope you’ll enjoy this present from me to you. I know you like to smell the roses and all that.”

He struggles to speak in such close proximity, feeling the way her breath tickles against his cheek and her hands press against his. “What is it?”

He hears the smile in her voice. “Sniff it, go on!”

What he smells is something strong, something almost like fruit but heavier. Comforting in its familiarity and he smiles once he deduces the candle sat delicately in his grasp. “Gardenia, is it not?”

Hattie jumps, her fingers tightening against his as she squeals, “Yes, yes! Do you remember when I took you around that muggle park the other day and you mentioned how you absolutely adored those flowers?”

Hattie certainly enjoys her walks and Ominis will forever indulge her, even if her stamina will always trump his. Strolls to Hogsmeade and back pale in comparison to the trips she takes him on, though, as is always the case, he can’t tell her no. Seems to be that way with all his friends.

He laughs, low and breathy, replying, “I don’t think I used that phrase, but yes, I recall.”

“Well, they have it here…in a jar for your burning pleasure!” She steals him away from the stall, from the utterly confused proprietor, probably, and back into the hustle and bustle. This time with her arm through his. “I was going to wait until we got back to the cottage, but you found me first. I’ve also got some sugary sweets for Anne, a couple absolutely exquisite quills for Sebastian, and a stunning wand handle for Nirvana. She does so adore collecting those, doesn’t she?”

They make their way through the market, through the shade of the willow trees that incase the Floo Flame. Ominis can feel the tendrils brush against his arms and cheeks and Hattie giggles as she accidentally guides his face straight into one. He tries to fight the blush as she brushes away the bits of green lodged in his hair.

It’s not until they’re halfway back toward the coast that Ominis speaks, “What did you get for yourself?”

Hattie, so lost in the wonder that is the world around her, merely hums in acknowledgement.

“You bought gifts for all of us except yourself?” Ominis wonders how someone could be so thoughtlessly selfless.

“Well, yes, but I didn’t need to buy my gift. He’s right here next to me for free.”

Ominis nearly trips on his own two feet, stopping in the middle of the path as he sputters about for a reply. It’s so strange, so stupidly and wonderfully strange because even Sebastian, fiery Sebastian, wasn’t able to fray Ominis’ nerves quite like this when they’d first met. Perhaps he need only play catch up considering a long part of his life left him without compliments or niceties or even sweet nothings to be watched as they’re whispered from his father to his mother. Perhaps he simply needs to get used to Hattie.

He’s not so sure he wants to. No one’s ever made him feel like this before.

Hattie laughs, grabbing at his arm and nuzzling against him. “I didn’t mean to frazzle you so, Ominis. Let’s go home, shall we?”

It’s not until they’ve reached the front door that Hattie exclaims, “Oh, blast, I forgot the Valerian Root!”

Ominis’ breath catches in his throat. His heart stops. His limbs and appendages seize movement. Is this what love feels like?

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #omins gaunt x original female character #ominis gaunt x mc

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ell-vellan · 5 months

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Excerpt from Tav and Halsin?

Thank you so much for enabling me! This was so difficult to smooth out enough to post, and I still don't love it, but you did motivate me to flesh it out quite a bit! So I appreciate it :)

Below the cut: druid Safiel has a student/teacher type crush on Halsin. He only now remembers that half-elves age quite differently to full-blooded ones, and to his surprise, she's not the child he assumed her to be.

He had called her “child” unthinkingly, more than once, without even pausing to consider whether it was actually true. Perhaps he had spent too long in meditative solitude, or too many years in too small a circle, and not enough time in the company of half-elves. But only when she mentioned something lightly in passing about her mother being human did everything click.

Halsin had been brooding on this for days as they traveled, having gotten to know his fellow druid and her ragtag bunch of ill-fated friends as they trekked through the Underdark. Safiel had followed his advice to avoid going overland to the Shadow-Cursed lands, pleasantly surprising him. And she continued to surprise him. No one who was not a female drow went lightly into the Underdark, but she had trusted him – a stranger – on his word alone.

Her druidic upbringing seemed quite different than his own, perhaps due to her being but half-wood elf instead of full. But it had been something they had in common, and Halsin had surprisingly enough enjoyed their intellectual discussions these past days. Safiel was refreshingly even-tempered, calmly and happily willing to explore the ways their philosophies diverged without hurt feelings or devolving into anger. Her view of the druid’s purpose in the balance of nature was more liberal than his own, perhaps, but she spoke so passionately and elegantly, he even began to find some parts of his foundational, long-held beliefs soften to new ideas for the first time since their formation.

Her wisdom ran deeper than he'd assumed, disguised by an easy smile and an absolutely guileless demeanor, which hid the years of her maturity.

To his growing shame, Halsin realized that not only had he called her a child, but may have inadvertently treated her as one, as well. Perhaps what he thought had been good-natured discussions had come across instead as patronizing or condescending, taking on the role of teacher as he was so wont to do, towards an adult woman who did not want or need to be taught about her own beliefs.

Abashed, he played back his earliest conversations with her in his mind. At the time she had seemed rather young. Her energy was that of an idealistic youngster, not yet browbeaten by the trials of life. And when it seemed that perhaps she was flirting with him during that party in the grove, he had written it off as youthful infatuation, or perhaps just the passing fancies common to young elves, and gently and politely declined to entertain them.

Halsin felt he had learned much about her in a short time. She talked easily and fondly about the exploits of her former life, gregarious and lively stories entertaining them at camp. While listening to her speak of the adventures she'd had before her unfortunate kidnapping, he realized that she was no eager innocent child, but a fully grown woman, and one with strong convictions – even if she didn't treat them with the solemn responsibility he did his own.

He needed to rectify this embarrassing misunderstanding immediately.

Halsin waited until they had a modicum of privacy, the others bickering with some minor squabble up ahead. She switched her gaze from admiring the glowing mushrooms around them to smile as he approached, and his heart pounded with a strange rush of nerves. “I must offer my apologies, Safiel.”

“For what?” Her brow furrowed but slightly, and changed her pace to match his.

“I realize I may have…inadvertently caused some offense.”

“What do you mean?”

Uncomprehending, she gazed back at him with those two-toned eyes – one blue as the sky, one rich amber of the earth – and momentarily forgot where he was going. “I fear I may not have treated you as I should. When we first met, I believed you to be...quite young.” He cleared his throat as she pressed her lips together, holding back a smile. “That is – I hope you don't feel as though I disrespected you on purpose. Sometimes at my advanced age, I feel as though everyone around me is a child. If I spoke down to you in our earlier talks, I apologize whole-heartedly. I'm rather used to taking on a teaching role with younger druids, but in no way did I intend to treat you as such.”

Safiel looked at him askance and then laughed musically. “Oh! Is that all? I'm sure in your eyes, Halsin, we all seem like children – except perhaps Astarion. I didn't take offense! I'm rather hard to offend, actually.”

Halsin smiled and gave a sigh of relief. “Well, then…I'm glad to hear it.”

Her eyes sparkled with a hint of tease, and to his surprise, he felt a strange response in him, almost like the fluttering of butterflies. “I kind of gathered, based on a few things you said, that you might think something like that. And it’s not even the first time I’ve been mistaken as a silly young girl. I’m nearly thirty, for the record, which I’m sure is nothing to you! But no, certainly I’ve not been a child in a long while. Please don’t apologize. I actually found it rather endearing.”

Safiel beamed at him, laughing again when he chuckled and ran his hand over his face. By Silvanus, his face was flushed.

“You talk about yourself as though you're a feeble old man,” she teased.

“Certainly I must seem so to you. A grizzled old elder who cannot stop speaking of things long past.”

“I see a man in his prime, as a matter of fact.” Her voice warmed like honey, and he shot her a look, finding a new light dancing in her eyes, mischievous smile twisting at her lips. “A man admirably dedicated whole-heartedly to nature. And a wise scholar from whom I’ve already learned so much. Please, don’t say you’re going to stop teaching me now…as I’ve enjoyed it quite a lot.”

She grinned at him, and there was nothing for it but to smile back.

#i still haven't gotten in the groove of their voices #i need to play more #my writing #safiel farspirit #also my lore is shaky lol i need to replay act 1 again

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autumnwritcs · 9 months

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for @thedevilsbckbone ;; moving our previous andy & matthias thread

“Thanks,” Matthias said with an amused chuckle when she complimented how good his English was. “Yeah, I’ve had a bit of time to perfect it. My family used to visit a lot too when I was a kid so we spoke English quite a lot. So it wasn’t too bad once I moved here.” He said with a small shrug. She wasn’t the first person surprised by his English and knew she probably won’t be the last. Of course, she was the only one so far where this little detail about himself almost got her to not like him. It was a bit comical now that he thought back on it.

He remained where he was standing, leaning more comfortably against the island as he watched her move about her kitchen as she worked to make them both coffee. He couldn’t help himself as he let his eyes trail down her figure when she turned to put water to boil. Though he only allowed himself a quick glance before lifting his gaze again as she turned to grab mugs. All the while he listened as she spoke about her own upbringing in a different country. He smiled when he’d learned she was Brazilian. “Você fala português?” He asked, spouting off one of the few sentences he’d remembered learning from one of his old buddies back in university that was also from there.

As the conversation turned back towards him, Mats offered Andressa another smile. “Yeah, it’s a tattoo studio. I’m a private tattoo artist — Shocking right? I bet you never would have guessed it.” He said with a chuckle as he raised up his hands, obviously playing around since his arms that were exposed in the button up shirt he wore were covered in tattoos, both good and bad ones alike. “What about you? What is it that you do, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“A lot of immersion.” Andy liked to understand things, how they worked and it wasn’t until alter in life that she read all about situations like hers, got acquainted with what she unknowingly went through when she was younger and came to live in the US. She would have chased a degree on the subject but her mom, sister and herself had decided that the enrollment and tuition money they had saved better went for her sister. As she told him about her own experience moving to the country she tried not to think too much about the fact he was standing at her back and she wasn’t sure whether she was imagining or not the gaze she felt on her back. And even if it was happening, it should be a normal thing, they were chatting and she was moving around so Matthias might only be following her steps. She turn with a grin at his question, head titled. “Sim, é outro idioma que você também fala?” She asked teasingly. Chuckling at his sarcasm, Andy’s eyes went to his uncovered arms, uncovered from fabric sleeves at least, because ink did cover them. “It might have been my fifth choice.” She joked. Turning when the kettle whistled as the water was close to boiling, Andy kept talking. "All those in your arms are yours? I didn't get to see all but I spotted some good ones." She complimented, grabbing her French press for the last step. "Not at all. I'm bartender in a club. And waitress in a diner. If I can get anymore odd jobs in the middle of that, then I'm that, too" Andy explained as she poured the coffee on the mugs. "Here's yours." She brought the trade with the mugs, spoon and sugar to the isle. "Anyway, my schedule is too packed as it so I can't get other things in between. But I've walked dogs, I've made clothes, I've been a housekeeper." She shrugged with a smile. "A bit of everything. How long you've had your studio?"

#andressa ft #andressa ft matthias #ft thedevilsbckbone #had to move it to beta!

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serpentmalign · 9 months

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do you have any headcanons about Mitsuki's relationship with his family? (his parent, his brother, team taka)

Only some.

Concerning Orochimaru

Mitsuki seems to have a amicable relationship with him, so I'm inclined to believe Orochimaru had a major part in his upbringing. I mean more than the usual "checked on his progress and make sure he's up to standards". Orochimaru did have a passing comment in wanting to be a parent. Whether or not someone wants to argue he did play around a bit with by having multiples, so he's not attached to any particular "child"... then, I think it's better to ask someone who knows Orochimaru far better than I do. Mitsuki is also shown to make comments on how he is like his parent (by collecting a little bit of everything, studying everything, being hyper aware of everyone's abilities and social standings). Whenever he extracted the blood from Boro and created antibodies from it, it felt very Oro-coded. He's adept at the sciences, observant, and has a very lowkey style of persuasion, this is all markings of Orochimaru. He also doesn't appear to be threatened by Orochimaru, given that he freely spoke his mind regarding his Snake Sage awakening (about not caring whatever him nor Log thinks), so I like to think Orochimaru really did try his hand at being a genuine parent by his own means. Leaving Mitsuki with only good impressions of him and, dare I say, have a level of trust with him being his guardian and provider.

Concerning Log

I like to think he's a bit troubled by his existence. Not anything against Log, rather, Mitsuki seems to have lived his entire life thinking he was Orochimaru's sole "son". Seeing a man with a face like his, acting against Orochimaru, still alive, seems to have some previous establishment with his father, it really did sober Mitsuki up to his own situation. Not that it was conventional by any means. Mitsuki knows he is an artificial being, but it's another thing to know you're retry #6, y'know. If he saw him again, I think he'll be polite, but would lack any fraternal fondness for him. Log, just like him, is another manufactured being. More importantly, a total stranger to him.

Concerning Team Taka

I'd actually like to explore this with someone, but maybe one day. If you skim the Wikis, Mitsuki's upbringing is denoted by Orochimaru and Log, but reading (or watching) Boruto shows Suigetsu being highly involved in Orochimaru's office. He lent a hand in staging that whole ruse to force a personality into Mitsuki and becoming a Snake Sage. It So, kind of implies Suigetsu was assisting Orochimaru throughout the whole rearing process. Funnily, I think Mitsuki views Suigetsu like an older brother, in a clinical way, due to this fact. Karin is often shown to interact more with Sarada, so I can't really gauge Mitsuki's relationship with her. I think Mitsuki has a neutral opinion about her, admires her medical talents, but otherwise usually stays in her shadow. I have HC that she also assisted in child rearing, but a little more hands off than Suigetsu. Juugo — Mitsuki has the same kekkei genkai with him, so I think he has some empathy with him. Though I think Juugo is largely absent? I don't know if Mitsuki was ever given much opportunity to talk to him. Overall opinion is also neutral. He recognizes he can be dangerous, but isn't necessarily afraid of him. If you want to include Sasuke as Team Taka still, then Mitsuki admires his strength and ability. I think this is mostly influenced by Boruto's extremely high opinion of the Uchiha. Orochimaru also seems to speak fondly of Sasuke and Mitsuki is extremely polite around him. Though, I think he prefers to keep his distance, but enjoys a good conversation with him. I HC a combination of Oro, Suigetsu, and Karin socializing with him when he was young made him the kinda' nicer, non-abrasive personality he is when he is first introduced. But, additionally, I think they were the only people around him for socializing. I don't think he could wander all too far since Orochimaru was busy curating him and his talents.

#ooc #hc #|| Thank you for the ask!

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vaya-writes · 11 months

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for the fluff ask game: serving the servant - J, M, W, Y - for either or both or whichever you want :)

I'll just do an abridged version of The Wyvern's Bride under the cut <3

Briar:

Jealousy - heeheehoohoo we'll get to see this in writing. Right now, Briar's self esteem is not all that high, in the grand scheme of things. It'd be quite easy for her to be jealous of others.

Marriage - Briar expects that she should get married. She was taught that it's what human women are supposed to do. Now that she's in the situation, she's just not quite sure what her future holds. Even if she managed to stumble into a romance, it might even be traumatic thinking about her familial expectations for marriage.

Wild Card - This woman is so touch starved, it's not even funny. When she finally warms up to Isen, expect to see her melting into all of his touches. Especially when they're alone. (key word being when)

Yearning - She hides it well. Is emotionally strained, but is quite well collected on the outside when she's missing somebody - whether the romance has kicked off or not.

Isen:

Jealousy - Would get quite jealous, despite not expecting to be, and then feel ashamed of his feelings. Doesn't act on this emotion unless he's in an established relationship, and even then, waits until things are quite warranted for a reaction (though he's prone to acting without thinking while he's in heat).

Marriage - Grew up assuming that he'd be made to marry for politics, without a say. When he moved away from his father's territory, and became a ruler of his own right, he decided to firmly NOT think of marriage, and all the political issues it might entail. Meeting somebody he loves would definitely change this though...

Wild Card - This sensory snek boi loves absent minded touch. Squeezing, receiving hair touches, having his hair braided or braiding in turn, cuddling for heat - he adores it all. Physical touch is very much a part of his love language.

Yearning - Gets grumpy when he has to distance himself from the ones he loves. His co-workers are good at spotting it, but he is capable of putting on a brave face for work. Still, when he see's his lover again after some time, he is very much inclined to hold them and not let them go for some time.

Slate:

Jealousy - Once his romance progresses into something serious, yes it would be easy for him to be jealous. Especially regarding sexual situations. Which he doesn't understand, due to his upbringing. Maybe it's because he understands how seriously Adalyn takes situations like that.

Marriage - Well. Yeah. Marries without a second thought, if it means dodging responsibility that terrifies him. It's not until he realises how much he cares for Adalyn that he's willing to take it seriously.

Wild Card - His love languages are gift giving and physical touch.

Yearning - Go read TWB, there's plenty of yearning :')

Adalyn:

Jealousy - Around humans, she doesn't care. She knows that Slate loves her. Around wyverns and other creatures? Her self esteem tanks a bit. She worries she might not be good enough for Slate. Gets envious when she sees him having in depth conversations with other attractive creatures/females.

Marriage - Had nothing against marriage. It's just that she never found anybody suitable. Or was never approached. Since her parents were dead and she had her own business, there was no pressure to marry. Choosing to marry Slate at her leisure was something she kind of stumbled onto.

Wild Card - love languages are quality time, and words of affirmation

Yearning - Ya girl gets moody when she goes long stretches of time without seeing Slate. She tends to bottle it up though. As we read.

#ask game #serving the serpent #the wyvern's bride #vaya replies #thank you for asking <3

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astrangewoman · 1 year

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Marshal’s papaw is dying, and the veil is spiderweb thin for him right now. he’s been having full-blown conversations with his parents and siblings who have long passed, and Marshal got a video of him looking up and around the ceiling of his living room, where his lil hospice bed is, saying, “it’s beautiful. it’s all so beautiful.” I don’t know what he was seeing, whether it was heaven or the veil or something in-between, but I fully believe he’s seeing something we can’t.

this is honestly the most beautiful death experience I’ve had. when my papaw died, he was so sick and frail that he could no longer speak. he didn’t get to go home from the hospital, and he wasn’t really With Us in the mental sense anymore. he did perk up when my mom (his daughter-in-law) walked in the room, though. he passed not long after she went and visited, like he was waiting for her. Marshal’s papaw goes in and out of knowing what’s going on, but perhaps the most beautiful thing that’s happened is that he’s seeing Marshal as he truly is—not as the granddaughter he once knew. he’s referred to Marshal as “Mark’s son” and hasn’t deadnamed him once, both of which are extremely abnormal. I told Marshal that I suspected that’s what was happening, that he’s seeing Marshal’s true self. it’s been so wonderful to witness.

Marshal’s papaw, who is a church of god preacher, mind you, has also been talking about his past-lives and reincarnation. that’s been extremely interesting to hear about bc it basically goes against everything I was ever taught in my strict religious upbringing. he’s excited for his next life, but something is holding him here, not allowing him to leave yet. I think it’s his love for his wife. I think he’s not ready to leave his soulmate just yet. he’s a mountain man, and I mean that in the very literal sense; the whole family lives in a holler of a mountain where they have always lived for generations. he had premonition dreams, and Marshal does too from time to time. it’s fascinating. I’ve always said the Smokies are magick, but actually witnessing it is something else altogether. he was born on that mountain and now he’s going to die on it too. that’s a powerful thing.

being with my papaw while he died and holding his hand during the process had such a profound impact on me. I was already moderately fascinated by death, but that experience and the feeling of transcending some barrier cracked open something inside of me. I would love to find a way to be more involved with the process with others to help them cope and see the beauty of it all. I’d love to join a threshold choir—which is a choir that sings to people as they die—but there aren’t any in my area. maybe I’ll start one. maybe I’ll become a death doula. I just feel this calling; I don’t know what else to call it.

I’ve also been feeling this sort of awareness (???) recently. like the other day, I said a prayer to the gods and the moon for Marshal’s papaw to have a peaceful and painless journey, and as I was saying it out loud, I got wave after wave after wave of prickly chills on the back of my neck and all over my body, like someone really was receiving it and letting me know they had. I said the prayer 4 times because I felt like I needed to, and the feeling got stronger each time. I also have felt it in the cemeteries we’ve visited recently, like people are reaching out to me—something is reaching out to me. the awareness mostly lives on the back of my neck, but it sometimes sweeps through my whole body, causing me to lose my breath for a second. I feel it in my chest when that happens, like hum. I don’t know what to do with that or where to go with it or what that means, but it feels significant.

#personal #death tw #death mention #thoughts on death #sorry this is so long lol

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mae-dwrites · 1 year

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Rue - Chapter 4

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“Maybe you should get a roommate,” Rikuto said, though his voice was unsure. Wavering in his uncertainty.

“You’re right I should have called your sister for advice.” Damian deadpanned. This had been a waste of time, he had been trying to be “more carefree” and “willing to listen” as Rikuto’s younger sibling had phased it. Now they understood he couldn’t ever truly be carefree, but he was opening up as a list of people in his life had tried to have been. Most of those people are aware of his upbringing, and some just know his mother wasn’t traditional in a sense. Not that everyone needs to know of it, but regardless.

Again. He should have called Miriam.

“You asked for advice! Why not call your super guy? Actually don’t he would say the same thing probably. I still want to meet him!” Rikuto exclaimed not caring about their previous conversation. As meeting, the newer Superman was far more important than Damian getting a roommate, obviously.

“I am done with this conversation, you have provided no substance to my situation. I will speak to you at another time.” Damian ended the call as Rikuto yelled at him from his screen.

Damian had not wanted to bother Miriam, and Jody he was not very close with. Jody was with their fiance overseas, so calling them was out of the question anyway. Miriam had an important project underway and the fewer distractions the better for her. Damian sighed as he pressed dial.

“Damian this best be an emergency I have almost figured this out and you know how important this is for us!” Miriam stepped away from her computer and turned back to her clipboard. She paid no mind to Damian.

“I have come for advice,” Damian stated bluntly.

Miriam turned to the screen; she had softened at those words, it reminded him of Dick at times. The way her shoulders seemed to let everything brothering them fall. Whatever she was holding was no longer important, simply his thoughts and worries. Her eyes went from sharp to round, her stressed features faded little by little. And that always seemed to leave a pit to crave itself in him, whether it be Dick or Miriam it didn’t matter. Even his other siblings sometimes.

Miriam lowered her clipboard and slid a chair over, “What is bothering you Otōto?”

Her voice went deeper, reassuring, and her eyes looked at him by screen. Damian could never tell if her deepening her voice was by habit or with a purpose. Even years now away from the Leagaue he looked to decoded people, to find the double meanings in their actions. It was a habit if anything, one that refused to break. His life as one of the elite did not help as there was always people looking to you for something.

“Richard is insisting that I get a roommate.”

“And you’re considering this idea. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be seeking advice.” Miriam lifted her glasses to look at her monitor better.

Damian gave a grunt with a nod in response. He didn’t want to admit she was right, but she usually was and he wasn’t going to argue with her.

“Well, how much have you taken into consideration?”

“Only how stupid of an idea this would be. The person could be completely aware of who I am and try to use that to their advantage. I would have to sneak in and out, and if I were to get an injury I would have no choice but to return to the manor even if my apartment was more efficient.” Damian resided.

“While it sounds like you’ve made up your mind, you haven't. How come?” Miriam knew Damian didn’t like dancing around a topic. She appreciated he got to the point, unlike Rikuto.

Damian opened his mouth only to close it, like a fish as Jody would comment. He didn’t know why he was hesitating, it was ridiculous. His fingers ran along his notepad, listing possible reasons not to get one. He seemed so bent on not having a roommate that he hadn’t questioned why. He had identity reasons but not personal ones, or at least the identity had blurred to become the personal. He knew plenty of reasonable excuses for sneaking in and out, for being gone for long periods of time. It’s not like he couldn’t prepare accordingly.

“Damian I think you need to think about the positives for it. What about the times when you’ve had peers and friends as hall buddies or roommates? Think of this as acquiring a new peer. Also, you never know, you may get a new friend or associate as you love to call us,” Miriam teased Damian.

Damian rolled his eyes at her impish expression, but he couldn’t help the smile threatening to crack, “Your thoughts are appreciated and will be taken into consideration.”

“Now since you decided that your problems are so important to interrupt me; when is the next meet supposed to be? I need to plan accordingly.” Miriam asked nonchalantly. She really needed to know, she can by no means just up and leave whenever she wanted. Her work was too important, and it’s not like they would let people go without knowing in advance. Damian may be able to get away with that but he was a Wayne.

“I think we can much sooner than before. I plan to bring Jon along for the sake of him wanting to meet all of you. Also so your exasperating brother will stop pestering me with meeting him,” he drawled as if this conversation wasn’t of importance to him.

“It’s your fault really. You let him hang out with you that Summer.”

“I allowed no such thing!”

“If I know anything about you it’s that you could have killed my brother if you really wanted to. Everything you did at Cove Line proved that,” she gave him a pointed look. Damian grunted and looked away from the screen, she was right. Again.

“Garcia was supposed to go on a mission but her partner had other matters to attend to, so someone else got assigned to it. The Ladrón’s are free at the end of the month, at least that’s what Angelia emailed yesterday.” Damian recalled.

“They aren’t bringing their youngest brother, are they?”

“No, they are leaving Issac with their parents.”

Miriam sighed in relief.

“Issac does make the dinners unenjoyable,” Damian wrote down on his notepad as he said this. Making a new list, trying to be more “positive” as Miriam said to be. He did try to take everyone he trusted advice to heart; when he asked or they said something of value to him at least.

“I understand that their parents don’t exactly trust him because of everything we did then, but Issac isn’t the one having the magic adventures like we did.” Miriam paused for a moment. “Oh god, I hope not! We should check on those soon, it’s been almost two years since we checked.”

Miriam went on mumbling about Cove Line City and ensuring its safety. She could be seen working on her computer seeming to forget about her work and Damian’s little reluctant advice request. A small smile slid on Damian’s face as he watched the woman get lost in her head, that’s where the three siblings were most alike. When they got worked up they lost themselves in what they were doing. Miriam her sciences and family; Jojo their music, and those they held dear; Rikuto when he got worked about, well anything and everything.

“I will leave you to that, plan for myself and possibly Nicte to join us for that. Maybe extend that invitation to anyone else if you like it.” Miriam jolted up at Damian’s words, remembering she was on a call with him.

“Yes of course! I will! Call if you need anything else, at a reasonable time,” she gave a scolding look at Damian. It held no real threat but he smiled at her, “Of course, I wouldn’t dream of interrupting twice without notice.”

Miriam rolled her eyes they said goodbyes and ended the video call. Damian turned down to his new list. Perhaps this could be a good thing, he wouldn’t admit aloud that Dick was right of all people. But Mar’i could get practice and he could freshen up on how he splints and mixes the two personas, or at least the more Damian “Damian Wayne” vs the Media “Damian Wayne”.

He tosses the notepad on the desk before getting up from his seat. The Sun was still up but it would be heading down soon, perhaps he could start taking some day shifts. While his whole family had been finding better routines to take care of the day-acting Rouges during the years he was gone. He had still gone out at night for the most part unless necessary. He may not be as vital to the day shift or most of WE that didn’t mean could just take over.

Also the point was he was trying to reconnect with his family again, he had been in contact with them after he first came back, but it wasn’t very much. At least he had been repairing it since he first came back, even when he left again for Drukland City. His father had been the hardest, but what could any of them have expected. Neither Damian nor Bruce was exactly feely-feely, Damian may be direct but most of the time he refused to be “the bigger man” as he had learned some people would describe it, and Bruce struggled to express himself, especially when he believed he was right.

Maybe getting a roommate would help him find a way to navigate better with and to fully be connected with his family.

A knock on the door brought his attention away from his current train of thought.

“Master Damian, dinner will be served momentarily. I would advise you to start heading down, also a young woman arrived saying she knows you. She says her name is Nicte Ladrón.” Damian opened the door as soon as Alfred spoke the name. Alfred for a nanosecond looked startled but his features smoothed over in great fashion. He raised his eyebrow at Damian, “I take you know the name.”

“Yes, let her in. I didn’t know she was coming.” Damian said as he left his room. He and Alfred made their way down the hall.

“Should the family be notified?”

“She isn’t a threat, they don’t need to know.”

“Very well,” Alfred left Damian as he made his way to allow the woman in. Damian made his way to the entrance of the manor. He found Dick already there speaking to Nic.

“Nicte, I was not informed of you coming to Gotham. Why didn’t you tell me?” Damian couldn’t help the air of clear irritation that seeped into his voice. While Nicte wasn’t the worst to be around he certainly wasn’t so comfortable for her to arrive unannounced in Gotham of all places.

“Dames! This place is way swankier than the journalists describe! You could have given me more detail of how beautiful it is!” Nicte as perusal said in her borderline monotone voice.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Damian frowned at her. Over the years she had made a habit of not answering questions, or to dance around them.

“Only taught by the best,” she winked at him. “Don’t act as if you didn’t avoid our questions back at Cove.”

“Is that why she seems to dodge every question I direct at her,” Dick making his presence known again. Known to Nicte that is, Damian had been eyeing him while giving his full attention to Nicte simultaneously.

“It’s a skill taught to me by the Damian Wayne,” Nicte gave a lighthearted smile at Damian. “It’s been very beneficial to me on the field.”

“What?” Dick exclaimed, his brows came down in confusion and annoyance.

“I can imagine so. Is there a reason you have come unannounced,” the last word came out with a bit of aggression despite his best efforts to be formal.

“Can’t I visit a friend without it being death pending? Also, you don’t need to hide how you feel. I know how you don’t like the unexpected even with everything you do.” Nicte replied, following Damian in ignoring the older man.

“Then why have you arrived?” Damian repeated.

“I was in the area,” she shrugged. Damian sighed, knowing that if there was a reason she would probably talk about it some other time during her stay.

“Damian, can I talk to you for a moment?” Dick asked. After they moved a little away from Nicte Dick looked at his younger brother, “Care to explain?”

“I prefer this to be a need-to-know.”

“Okay well does she know about our activities or not?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not an answer Damian,” Dick said with a strained voice.

“Yes, it was. A very clear answer.”

“Will Miss Ladrón be joining us for dinner?” Alfred asked, coming from somewhere.

“No.”

“Yes!”

Damian glared at Nicte.

“I would love to,” she continued. “As long as I’m not intruding of course.”

“Intruding is one way to put it,” Damian grunted.

“You’re not intruding. I always make a little extra if anyone would wish to have more. Also the others come in whenever they feel like.” Alfred explained, giving a pointed look at Dick and Damian.

“Same thing happens at our parents' house. I'm pretty confident they're getting to the point they only like the youngest.” Nicte followed Alfred down the hall.

“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Damian said sarcastically. The statement regardless of how it came out wasn't exactly wrong. Issac was quite literally the baby, now he was in high school, he can only imagine the reputation that was left for him to push through that Anthony and Nicte had left.

“Me neither,” Nicte laughed with a just barely noticeable strained expression. She turned her head a bit towards Damian, “He’s starting his Junior year! He’s debating on joining the track team again. Mom and dad want him to do debate still but he doesn't want to. He’s doing double English classes this year and he finished his math credits this summer!”

As Nicte beamed about her youngest brother as they headed to the dining room. Dick couldn't help but fall into conversation with her, she seemed to easily tell a lot about herself. If Dick were a regular civilian he wouldn't have noticed how she danced around current details of herself.

“Wow, that's a long table,” Nicte laughed. Mar’i, who was already at the table, perked up at the unfamiliar voice. Mar’i got up and raised her eyebrows at her father and uncle.

“Mar’i this is Nicte Ladrón. She is an associate of-”

“Associate? Well excuse me, saving your unobservant behind multiple times obviously never bumped me up to friend to this day I see,” Nicte interrupted Damian. Mar’i and Dick’s eyes widen before Nicte continues, “I’m Nicte Ladrón, a friend of Damian’s from Cove Line City. Nice to meet you.” Nicte smiled at the young girl.

“Uh, Mary Grayson-Anders. Damian’s niece from Blüdhaven and I guess also here.” Mar’i gave a polite smile to the older woman.

Nicte opened her mouth to say something when the doors on the other side of the dining room opened. Damian fought the urge to groan as more of his family entered. That being his younger sister, father, and stepmother.

“Hello, we weren’t expecting any visitors.” Bruce smiled at Nicte in regular “Brucie” fashion while his eyes already started assessing her.

“Oh I was just stopping by to see Damian, I should have checked the time before coming over.”

Damian stepped up partially putting himself between Nicte and his father, “She is staying for dinner and then she will be leaving.”

Behind Bruce, Helena raised her eyebrows in a similar fashion as their father. But unlike Bruce, Helena’s features slid into a mischievous smirk, that was almost an exact replica of Selina’s.

“What did you say your name was again,” Helena made her way toward them. Her feet moving with purpose as she watched Nicte like she was her prey.

“I didn’t.” Nicte gave a polite smile. “I don’t recall you introducing yourself either.”

Helena glanced over at Damian and raised an eyebrow. An expression that read, “Where’d you get her?”

This was not how he had wanted to bring Nicte to officially meet his family. No Damian had wanted to introduce the Wonder Agent Ladrón as Spector. Ladrón was so far doing well under the Wonder Agent BC, she was even allowing her to take the lead on some missions if the reports were anything to trust. And usually, they were. He had it all planned out, he was going to move her to a Bat Agent if all went well. He didn’t want to go through the tiptoeing that was civilian interactions.

Out of all his friends, Nicte was who he had been meticulously planning so she would perfectly be allowed in his father’s good graces. So that they wouldn’t be looked into as harshly, as his family was at times a word beyond paranoid could fully explain. Damian had grown to be just as bad but he’d had a plan, and all of it could be thrown into the Gotham river if this goes south. With full confidence, Damian would say that it would, and faster than he’d like.

“Helena this is my friend,” Damian glared at Nicte for a moment who preened, “Nicte Ladrón. Ladrón this is my younger sister, Helena Wayne.”

Nicte’s eyes widened, “You’re older than I thought, I- wait, sorry! That was rude,” Nicte laughed. “Damian never really shares photos and when he did they’re usually old. You were the only one that he had more, uh recent photos of. I thought you were a bit younger honestly.”

Damian was very close to just dragging Nicte out of the manor, because now if all the eyes in the room hadn’t been glancing at him they certainly were now. And perhaps more pointedly.

Nicte straightened a bit. She kept her face with her polite smile, a practiced smile, one that his family could easily pick apart. She wasn’t stupid, Nicte was far from that. If Damian told you his father was Batman and he had been the fifth Robin, while also knowing and meeting him as Damian Wayne and didn’t put it together then you should never, by no means, join the hero community in any capacity.

Nicte kept her breaths calm and controlled, she couldn’t slip up. She knew that, not in front of the Batclan of all groups. She needed this to go well, she wouldn’t fail. She hadn’t trained herself for almost six years for nothing, just for a group of birds to pick her apart due to a faulty face. No, Damian had led her through a significant amount of that training, some of it being teachings specialized in the League of Assassins.

As if she would allow these people to read through her like a notecard, she may not have their years of experience but she had enough. And she wouldn’t let Damian’s efforts go to waste.

“I understand Damian isn’t the most expressive person,” Nicte waved her hand around, she almost glared at her arm for moving without her permission. “But he is anything if not caring. Even if he doesn’t vocalize it he makes up in action.”

This earned her some stares, she could practically hear Dick’s jaw drop behind her. Bruce had slowly lost his “Brucie” expressions as she had heard Damian refer to it as. Helena had initially had a face of meaningful surprise before smiling, a genuine one not the sly smirk she had when she first walked over. Mar’i gave her a quizzical look. Selina smiled softly at Nicte as she took a seat at the table; she nodded her, Nicte took it as a sign of some sort of approval. Even if she didn’t entirely understand it made Nicte straighten her back in pride rather than her defense from moments earlier.

Damian grunted before grabbing her arm and dragging her to take a seat. When she raised her eyebrows at him he simply responded loud enough for everyone to hear, “Alfred will be bringing in dinner soon. It would be best if we were already seated.”

Nicte nodded at him while the rest of his family took their seats and a very tired, very exhausted Tim came in muttering about coffee and emails. Not paying mind to the stranger at the table, not that Nicte minded, it just meant one less set of eyes analyzing her every move.

----

Japanese: Otōto = Little Brother

#rue #maribat #maribat fic #maribat fanfic #maribat marinette dupain cheng #maribat damian wayne #daminette #damian x marinette

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tasteofgummies · 1 year

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Good day, saw one of ur dynamic things and i wanna give it a try, so may i request for a dynamic w/ giorno? 👉👈 ( ignore if u want tho ) To start off i’m 148cm, she/her! I’m really loud with people i trust but quiet with my family + others, Also I’m really opinionated. I love dyeing my hair and playing the guitar. And I’m Filipino, though i cant speak the language 😭 And on the downside, i get stressed really easily especially when under pressure. + I use Giorno as my muse for my creative work

Giorno x you ✨

>Giorno is a quiet person, so in the beginning he would feel self conscious that he can't match your energy

>On his behalf tho, he's perfectly happy with listening to you, if you are also really enthusiastic along being loud, it's better for him, even if his teammates are the exception, most mafia people are serious and scheming

>And that's the reason he understands why you suddenly go quiet around new people, sometimes it's better to keep things to the people you trust

>Giorno likes opinionated people, he has strong beliefs, and he wouldn't be comfortable with someone who is influenced easily

>So even if you disagree on something, being strong minded is one of his favorite things about you

>He understands how is like to be disconnected from one's culture in some ways, he left Japan at four, and was forced to give up everything he knew, even his name. So while your case may or may not be similar, he is there if it's ever a cause of concern, or complicated emotions

>I think Giorno doesn't know how to play any instruments (?) He could if he wanted to, but he just had such a messed up upbringing, he's just starting to come off survival mode at 15

>So he's down for anything related to your hobby, he won't make you play for him if you don't want to, but it's something he'd like a lot

>Thinks you look really attractive when you are concentrated on your guitar, whether it's tuning it or playing

>Will he tell you? If he's young, probably not, but if he's older than in VA (like 18 or older) he's much better with emotions, and showing affection

>Not gonna lie, when Giorno introduced you to Mista he called you short, you're even shorter than Narancia (he got smacked in the head for that don't worry)

>But Giorno doesn't really mind, I'd say he's neutral to a shorter partner, but he does like seeing his clothes look oversized on you

>Unlike other characters, I think he would enjoy taking care of your hair rather than dyeing it

>That doesn't mean he doesn't like seeing your colored hair, he does, and his heart probably skips a beat if you dye it blonde

>If your hair is bleached/damaged, he will rub herbal oils, massaging your scalp and detangling your hair, he probably hums a melody if you want to keep quiet, or indulges in conversation if you feel like it

>If you have longer hair, he will braid it before going to sleep

>You can return the favor, but he genuinely enjoys taking care of you, so that's enough payment

>About the stress, this changes depending if we're talking about younger or older Giorno

>Giorno can't relate, because he shuts down when he's stressed, so he can't really understand, but he will try his best to make you feel okay

>Older Giorno encourages you to rant about things, and to find solutions for yourself, because he knows people don't really listen when overwhelmed. He's there to support you through whatever emotion your stress manifests as, but he has more experience with anger (Fugo)

>Younger Giorno tries to approach you with answers for your problems, but quickly understands that's not what you need, so instead, he just stays next to you and patiently listens to what you have to say, probably says a couples "I see", or "That's understandable" just to assure you he's listening

>Notices he can do things to help you minimize stress, and falls in line with his love language (acts of service)

>He helps with task you may feel too burned out to do, or that you may keep postponing because you plainly don't want to do them, like cleaning, organizing, going for groceries, etc

>Doesn't know how to react to being your muse

>If he's still in his awkward phase, he'll blush and say you never cease to leave him speechless (he wants to see your work, but it's too embarrassed to say it)

>If he's a little bit more confident, he tells you how honored he feels to be what sparks that beautiful mind of yours, and ask for a peak if you're comfortable

>Loves movie dates too! He will probably pick some movie everyone saw already tho 💀 like I said, he lacks many experiences from his formative years to his teens, so yes, he will be surprised when Jack dies in Titanic

>But his picks are mostly movies based on novels (as he seems to be more inclined to reading judging for his character chart)

>Feels at ease with you caring for him, although you have to coerce him into letting you be the one that does all the work

>He admires you being able to forgive easily, Giorno thinks the only way for him to find peace is getting justice, if he doesn't see that happening, it's hard for him to just let go

>Doesn't get your sense of humor. He barely understands common sense of humor, he won't really get yours, so maybe you have to explain, but he'll eventually laugh at it

>Likes having your take on things, specially since you're positive, and sometimes he just needs a second opinion

>He won't want to get you involved with the mafia, but if for whatever reason you do end up knowing/getting slightly involved he would ask for you advice

>He trusts your advice way more than the rest's

>Will notice that you apologize a lot, but won't address it until you do, since he already senses it's something not so pleasant

>Doesn't like that you always apologize, and reminds you that some people can target you if you show yourself that vulnerable, but he's not the kind of person that would get mad or annoyed at you for saying sorry

#jjba headcanons #jojo headcanons #jjba x reader #jjba #relationship headcanons 🌼

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ojosdeongos · 9 months

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Only the truth will set you free pt 2

The day I decided to move out, (the next day I came home from the hospital) is unfortunately branded in my mind forever. I had called my sister in a panic, asking for her help. She did not yet know what I was going through behind closed doors. I also called one of his friends because I was desperate for insight from someone who I thought may know better than I did (turns out no one really knows him well enough) to inquire whether or not he would become violent if he knew I was leaving. His friend's only response was that he thought my ex was "doing better" and that the only thing he ever heard was a rumor that my ex had burned his former girlfriend with a cigarette while intoxicated (that rumor later came to light as being true). At this point in time, he had already crossed my physical boundaries by slamming his hand on my chest during an argument one night (there was never a real apology for that). What was I supposed to believe about the person I thought to have loved but who became a stranger in the blink of an eye? I recall being so utterly confused, hysterical, scared, and devastated. All of my stuff (my whole little home + cat) was packed and gone within hours of an afternoon. My mind and body completely burnt out.

As soon as he caught glimpse of an empty home, I get a phone call from him begging me to return. He claimed he would give up everything to have his "best friend" back: his band, his music, his vices, his lies. Never in my life would I have allowed him to give up the art I knew he loved, for that was never the real problem. I did believe, however, with all the internal conflicts this person had, his obsession with being popular in a dark scene like punk, was a slippery slope into self destruction. I was too fucked in the head to even give him an answer.

Day and night for a month, I cried myself into my greatest depression upon my sister's couch. Probably the lowest spiritual point in my entire life. So low, I, for the first time ever, envisioned early death through various causes. Car accident, cancer, falling off a cliff, a graze to the vein. I do admit, it definitely was a bad, impulsive idea to flee from one toxic place to another. My sister and I have had a tumultuous relationship for as long as I can remember, and grieving was not something I was able to do, let alone be ashamed for (more on that relationship another time). Regrettably, I was still in contact with my ex (we spoke about therapy). And after a horrible falling out with my sister (over being in contact with him), she kicked me out. My ex offered my place back at "our home". It was either that or become homeless, as I didn't have anyone that could help support me at that time. I really wish my sister could have been more compassionate and not have given up on me so easily.

So back I went. I confess, I was somewhat relieved to be back in a place my cat and I had made our home. It was a gorgeous home, owned by his wealthy grandparents up by the mountains. He never appreciated that place, but I had never grown up with that type of privilege, so I was completely swooned by the canopy of oak trees and variety of birds that surrounded us. Wrapped back around his finger I definitely was, for familiarity exceeded the safety that should have been present.

We continued many long conversations, talked about therapy, and concluded we really did want to work things out. He attributed his anger on his self loath. Credited his self loath on his fetishes. And his hyper-sexual nature was blamed on his traumatic upbringing in a strict, religious cult. It really gave me hope listening to his deep introspection and sharp self awareness. But eventually, I became enlightened to how that keen "self reflection" would be used as a key tactic in manipulation. Nevertheless, I thought this to be a breakthrough moment, a second chance for a brand new beginning. Amidst the scandal of lies and betrayal, my spirit was hungry to experience what a relationship with him could be like if I could just overcome a short walk through hell with my lover. Well, hope was the biggest bitch, and I know now that hell does not exist within the walls of real love.

tbc..

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someone-who-has-changed · 1 year

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there’s this weird feeling when you’ve talked with someone you haven’t talked with in a long time. It’s confusing and weird, unsettling. There’s a shift in your mind, bringing you back to that place your brain used to live when you once knew them. the world sort of cracks; reality is split between the one you’re living in and the one you once did. things change so drastically, internally and externally; seeing two realities at once is barely scratching the surface of the story.

my boyfriend from 8th grade texted me yesterday. it was strange seeing his name pop up on my phone after a couple years of it missing. we dated in 8th grade and flirted/’were a thing’ through the beginning of 9th, until i ripped his heart out by dating the biggest douche in our grade. it didn’t last though, and soon enough i was back to talking to him. he did not like that. he was unreceptive and irritated, as he should have been. i gave up, our friendship, what was left of it, was over. I met jon soon thereafter. jon was my world. jon taught me to forget everything else that wasnt him. memories became blurred, forced into a spot where they would remain for almost 7 years now. jon left the picture 4 years after douche did.

freshman year of college started and my heartbroken self reached out to 8. i was drunk at the time of texting him, hoping maybe if he came over he could hold me, or we could fuck, maybe both. my ignorant self pushed onto him even though he had a girlfriend that he was deeply in love with. she lived far away, it would have been easy. but im not that girl, hes not that guy. (I should say not that girl unless its birdman who didnt tell me). we spent about a week talking, it was nice to have a friend who knew parts about me other people didnt. friend - it actually felt like he was a friend, that is not sarcasm. then life went quiet, his name no longer appeared on my phone, nor did mine on his.

here we are, 3 years later. he messages me, the conversation starts, just as it did freshman year. except this time it’s something different. there isnt a mention of a girl in his life, there is only awkward. i asked him how she was doing, having known to hear alot about her that week freshman year. he said he didnt know. he said he doesnt talk to her anymore. thats when i realized, he was doing the same thing i was doing all those years ago. he denies it, but i feel if i were not to be in this relationship with the man i plan to marry, things would have been different on his part. whether or not they would be on mine does not matter, it is not a reality i’ll ever dream. he claims to just want to talk and catch up, as his gf did not let him talk to me when they were together, familiar. i think maybe this is true, at least a part of truth.

it is strange talking to him. the memories bubble up in confusing segments. i think about my first kiss, my first date, my first school dance. i think about the awkward time i rode my bike 2 miles to make out with him in the high school baseball teams dugout. gosh it was gross. he tasted like mexican, despite the fact he had chewed gum on the way. i didnt care though; until i did and lied and said i had to leave. im laughing writing this, it makes me happy to remanence.

i know i genuinely loved him, and i know he loved me. it was a naive love, one that was untouched by previous hurt and confused boundaries. we were 14, boundaries were still set by parents and prudish upbringing. perhaps thats why i feel i miss him in these moments. i dont miss him, i miss the memories. i miss the brain untouched by jon, untouched by alcohol and abuse. i miss a time before realizing how being an adult is harder than i ever thought. i miss being a kid when all that mattered was sitting next to your boyfriend in history class trying not to caught holding hands under the table.

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imnotoverlyobsessive · 2 years

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hello. i like reading your stuff. how come your female lead never have a second option to timmy? like a second man in there pursuing her too? i love jelly timmy, we all know there isn't a competition really but seeing him angsty and jelly bc another man is around would be fun

Hi anon! I’m so glad yin like my work! I appreciate it!

So lemme explain something about Lea’s character! She is never around men or boys. There is a reason for this, lemme get into her family history a bit for ya.

So Lea’s dad, Jimmy, was kicked out by her mom, Rosalie, when Lea was three. Her younger sister, Ari, was one, and her older sister, Lina, was six, and is the only one of the three who remembers him. He was physically and verbally abusive towards their mother, and likely would’ve been towards them as well had she not shielded them from his physical abuse. Lea and her sisters were not, however, entirely protected from his verbal abuse, so they were all subject to a great deal of yelling, cursing, and berating. I don’t detail the depth of the abuse their family suffered then in any of my fics, but it was fairly extensive. I don’t mention them becauee we as the reader never see them, but Rosalie has scars on her body from the broken beer bottles he would cut her with, and usually wears long skirts and long sleeves to cover them up. I don’t know whether Rosalie was a victim of SA by him or not, but it’s very possible. She has PTSD from the abuse, and is being treated for it. She will suffer from it to some degree for the rest of her life, however, although I do picture her eventually finding love with someone else.

In any case, let me explain how this affected Lea and her sisters. As I’ve said, Lina is the only one that has any memories of him, as Lea and Ari were just too young (Lea has memories of when she was three but none of her dad). Ari wasn’t terribly affected by it, as she was one at the time so she didn’t have much to deal with beyond some stranger danger issues, which is normal at that age anyway. Now, Lea and Lina did have more issues. With men, specifically. Anyone make, actually. Lea and Lina would both get very upset when they were around boys or men. Rosalie saw this, and as she herself was wary of men, she decided to enroll all three in all-girls schools. She also systematically avoided men and boys herself and encouraged (and sometimes required, especially when they were younger) her daughters to do the same. There is an incident when Lea is right or so when she gets lost in a grocery store and a father and son are helping her, making sure she’s alright, and her mom finds her and warns her to stay away from strange men, not to talk to them. As a result of incidents like that, all three grew up not interacting hardly at all with anyone who was male. As they are all different, however, each one of them reacted to this upbringing differently. Lina is still uncomfortable around them, as she still has those memories and isn’t around them hardly at all. She is, however, a lesbian, so she doesn’t mind not being around men or boys. Ari is more rebellious and boy crazy, and as a result of that (as well as her lack of memories of their dad), she seeks them out and sneaks out with them. I imagine she lost her virginity fairly young (probably sixteen or so), too.

Lea is more complex; somewhat of a mix of the two. She is curious about boys, but deeply uncomfortable around them. She has never had a full-on conversation with one, and when she does speak to them, she’s stilted and awkward. She would like to one day become more comfortable with them, and she likes looking at them a great deal, but she is terrified of becoming vulnerable to one. She doesn’t necessarily think they’ll abuse her as her dad did her mom (which, yeah, she doesn’t remember the abuse, but Lina has told her about it, and she’s seen her mother’s scars, heard her nightmares, witnessed her panic attacks. She has seen the effects of abuse firsthand), but the way she sees it, to fall in love is to be vulnerable to someone else. She has seen the effects of not being entirely in control, and simply put, she has no interest in experiencing that for herself. She absolutely does not want it. She doesn’t want to date or fall in love, not ever. She wants to get to a point where she can have guy friends but she doesn’t want anything more than that, so much so that she fully intends to avoid men she finds attractive.

That’s why Tim in particular terrifies her so much: she knows immediately that she could fall for him, and she doesn’t want to. He is persistent in a sweet way in pursuing friendship with her, however, and at first, she can’t bring herself to refuse him, but after she gets to know him better, she finds she can’t help but want to talk to him, spend time with him. Once she does fall for him, in most of my fics, she assumes he does not (and could not possibly) feel the same way, which she feels is good, because if they’re not together, he won’t be able to hurt her nearly as badly.

Lea doesn’t see herself as someone people might crush on, either. She’s just not of that mindset. As a result, she never really has those “does this guy like me?” moments. It’s more “nah, he couldn’t possibly like me that way.” It takes very clear indication for her to understand when someone likes her that way (like kiss her, for example). As a result, if someone were to make an advance at her, she wouldn’t really notice it as an advance unless it was very forward (like someone saying, “would you like to go on a date with me?”). So threats don’t really come up with her, generally speaking.

However. What may interest you, anon, is that there are two (unpublished, for now) fics in which I already have jealousy scenes written.

Here is one:

And here is the other:

#shut up Maggie #my writing

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Anakin and the Jedi Babies: Where There’s a Whill, There’s a Windu

Context: original post, chrono

(Summary of the AU: Disaster lineage got tossed back in time. Anakin stayed 21-ish, but Obi-Wan and Ahsoka got deaged, took new names for time-travel reasons (Ylliben and Sokanth, or Ben and Soka) and have been officially adopted by Anakin.)

----------------------

“You’re attached.”

“You’re just now noticing?”

Master Windu eyes him for a few long moments, and then joins him on the ground. Anakin can’t help but smirk. There’s something gratifying about having respect from the man, in this life.

“The other members of the council are concerned.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I am, but for other reasons,” Windu says.

Anakin doesn’t meet his eyes, doesn’t even respond for a long minute. He just looks out over the Room of a Thousand Fountains, spread out below them like hundreds of jungles pieced together in a jigsaw of flora. It’s been his favorite room in the Temple since he was a child, and it’s always overwhelming.

“Most of them have accepted that you adopted them because of Mandalorian customs, and that you stayed where you were due to the will of the Force,” Windu continues. “But they are… uncomfortable with how blatantly your attachments show.”

“Mandalorians are loud and refuse shame. It rubbed off.”

“You said you would kill for these children.”

“I’m their father. That’s kind of expected.”

Windu’s expression is tired. A little tired of stress, but mostly tired of Anakin’s shit. “You know what I’m trying to get at.”

“Do I?”

“Skywalker.”

“No, I’m serious. I need you to spell this out. I’ve had a million slightly-contradicting lectures on this topic, and I’ve been told pretty clearly that I misinterpreted a solid half of them. If you want a constructive conversation, you can’t be vague. I’m thirty-three years old and a father of two, Master Windu, so yes, I’m attached. What you mean by that word is going to change where this conversation goes.”

It’s gratifying to see the Master actually think it over.

“Ylliben’s tattoos have been causing the most recent stir,” Windu finally says. “They nearly all relate to family, whether new or old, and the symbolism is concerning to those who are already upset about the Mandalorian upbringing. They worry that he’ll remain too tied to people he grew up with, and unable to maintain neutrality in future diplomatic ventures, or at risk of a fall if one of the people he’s seen fit to memorialize is injured or killed. The assume a similar state of mind may be applicable to your daughter and yourself, especially given the off-color jokes about how possessive your children are about each other.”

“They’re worried about emotional immaturity,” Anakin summarizes. He offers a wan, unimpressed grin. “They do realize he’s fourteen, right? Nobody’s emotionally stable at fourteen. The hormones are out of whack.”

“I’m aware,” Windu grinds out. “And I’m aware that your histories, of war and all such things, make your ties much stronger, but you can see why the Council worries, especially those who are wary of the memories your children carry but won’t explain. I’m the only one you’ve told, Skywalker.”

“Plo and Depa know.”

“Plo and Depa aren’t on the council.”

“Yet.”

“Skywalker.”

He relents. “It’s not about Mandalore, Master Windu. It’s about Tatooine.”

Windu lets that sit for a few moments, and then sighs. “I don’t know enough about Tatooine to parse that.”

“Shmi and I are former slaves,” Anakin says, as bluntly as he can. “I was freed at nine, she at eleven, and for all that we are free, we’re not freeborn. We were born slaves, and raised slaves, and we were freed too late to forget that life. The way we think is always going to be affected by the way we grew up. That applies to all sentients, more or less, but it’s… the slave mentality is completely at odds with Jedi teachings, because Jedi teachings can only be taught in a safe environment.”

Windu nods slowly, and says, “That does make sense, but it’s… forgive me, but that’s why we don’t normally take children older than four.”

“From the perspective of teaching cultural values, that makes sense,” Anakin allows. “Teaching a Jedi child that’s cared for with communal resources that they do not need material things to be happy is fine; trying to convince a slave child of the same, someone who grew up being told they do not deserve material things, and that their owner can take anything at any time, including family? I lived that life, trying to adjust to ascetic Jedi values that coincided poorly with slave rules. I know exactly how poorly that transition can go when the person caring for the child doesn’t know how to handle the points of conflict.”

“Do you regret joining the Jedi?” Windu asks.

Anakin shakes his head. “My Jedi master, bless him, cared, and tried very hard, but he wasn’t ready to handle a kid like me and in hindsight, I know that. He needed grief counseling, and I needed therapy, and neither of us was getting it. I don’t… I don’t believe anyone in the Temple would have known how to handle a kid like me.”

“But you don’t regret it.”

“I was meant to be a Jedi,” Anakin says, as firmly as he can without getting unnecessarily bitchy about it. “My struggles with the Code aside, I was meant to be here. But the Temple doesn’t have any resources for children who come older, and I think… I think you do need that.”

“You just outlined why a child can’t follow the Code if they come from a different enough background,” Windu says.

Anakin shakes his head. “No, that’s not—I think a kid like me can learn to be a Jedi, if a little unconventional, if they’re taught correctly. The desperation to cling to anyone and anything you have can be unlearned. It takes time and effort, but it’s possible. Soka and Ben are good at balancing Tatooine care with Jedi control. If you talk to Ben, you get an entire philosophical breakdown about it, but I’m more concerned with the child psychology, because that’s what could have broken me.”

Windu frowns. “You’re building up to something.”

“I think the Jedi need programs for children found older who can’t become full Jedi,” Anakin asserts. “Even those who cannot reconcile what they absorbed growing up with the Code and Jedi tradition… they, we, need guidance. The Council tried to reject me for being too old, and now that I’m grown I understand why, but… Master Windu, what do you think would have happened to me if I hadn’t had my Master to fight for me, and had been turned away?”

“We’d have looked into placing you back with your mother and, upon finding out that she was still enslaved, secured her freedom,” Master Windu says. “Qui-Gon Jinn had taken responsibility for you, and thus you were a ward of the Temple until such a time as you were safe again. It would have been cruel to keep you from your mother if we were not to raise you a Jedi, and crueler still to allow you to return to slavery.”

“And you think I’d have been safe with her?” Anakin asks. He needs Master Windu to understand this. “You think that would have ended well?”

“You don’t?”

“Ventress,” Anakin says. “Maul. Aurra Sing, even.”

Windu considers that. He looks across the grand, green room of the garden, and finally speaks. “You think you’d have been found and corrupted by a Sith.”

“I’d already helped Naboo win a battle. I was a powerful child with no support system in this respect, eager to please,” Anakin says. “Ventress and Maul both got twisted into Sith Apprentices. Aurra Sing was just a bounty hunter, but… even if the Jedi had never found me, and the Sith remained unaware, do you think I’d have ended up better than Sing? Or would the pressures of slavery have led to my Fall anyway, eventually slaughtering my owner, the Hutts, the entire system of Tatooine’s hells?”

Windu rubs a hand over his forehead. “I understand what you’re getting at.”

“It’s not just me,” Anakin says, as carefully as he can. “Even without the Sith, there are plenty of Force-Sensitive children in terrible situations that are liable to Fall just because of how power is wielded by those at the bottom. Refusing to take on students who are already at risk… the Jedi are meant to monitor Force users to prevent Sith and other dark-aligned people from harming the galaxy. It’s one of our primary duties. If the Jedi are allowing darksiders to rise just because of an age limit…”

“I get it,” Windu says, just a little aggressive. “I understand. Give me a minute.”

Anakin tries to wait. He’s older now, he can do that. He can be patient.

He tries to convince himself that it’s true.

“You have a point,” Master Windu finally allows. “And with the knowledge that the Sith are out there, still, it’s a more salient point than most would think. The EduCorps already has a subdivision for teaching meditative techniques to low-level force users who need to learn shielding but aren’t sensitive enough to be Jedi, or are just too old, but I see your point about encouraging a program for powerful Force-Sensitives that aren’t discovered early enough to integrate into the community in full.”

“And a more comprehensive Search pattern for the Outer Rim?” Anakin suggests. He shrugs at the look he gets. “What? You’ve seen my midicount. I was on Tatooine for almost a decade, and the only reason anyone found me was that Qui-Gon had to crash a ship in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure the Force led him to me, given all the coincidences, but that’s still a solid nine years that nobody did, despite how I apparently ‘shine like the sun’ or whatever.”

“Humble.”

“The last time I took a midichlorian test on a portable counter, it literally broke the device. That’s not arrogance, that’s just absurd.”

Windu looks exhausted by the comment. Anakin can’t bring himself to feel too bad about it.

“What about Jedha?” Anakin suggests instead. “Jedi find the kids, but if they’re too old to be Jedi, we could coordinate with one of the temples at Jedha to see about having them raised in the traditions of the Whills? They’re a little less orthodox, aren’t they?”

“In some respects,” Master Windu says. “More constrained in others, but… it’s a possibility. Most of the overlooked children, yourself included, are from parts of the Outer Rim that aren’t part of the Republic, Skywalker.”

Anakin shrugs. “And many of them would have been happy to be found and collected by a Jedi, even if they couldn’t become Jedi. Not the Dathomiri, since they’ve got their own thing going on, but… from what I know about Ventress, she actually did have a Jedi Master before the situation on Rattatak became… what’s the word… untenable? He died and she was left alone, and she’d been a slave already and it just… did not end well for her. But that was a planet overrun by pirates and warlords, and would have been approved as a planet the Jedi could help without it being a weird colonialism thing… if the Senate weren’t made up of cheapskates, at least.”

“Skywalker.”

“My name isn’t actually a reprimand, you know.”

“You’re not supposed to just say that,” Windu groans, running a hand over his face. “The Senate’s choice in funding is not optimal, but insulting them in that way, even in private—”

“They’re assholes,” Anakin says, and doesn’t let his humor show. “Except my late wife, but she’s not part of the Senate in this time, so I feel no shame in accusing the entire shitshow of being cheapskates.”

Windu looks about ready to push him off the ledge.

“You’re never allowed to go on diplomatic missions, are you?” Windu mutters.

“Unless it’s to Mandalore,” Anakin clarifies. “Also, never send me to Tatooine. Ever. Please. I kriffing hate that planet.”

“I’m going to assume you have plans to kill a Hutt if we ever send you to—”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Windu sighs. “I’ll discuss this with the Council, see how they feel about reaching out to Jedha for your suggestion regarding the Whills.”

“And you’ll tell them not to worry about my kids?”

“Skywalker, they are never going to stop worrying about your family,” Windu tells him.

“That’s fair.”

#Anakin Skywalker #Mace Windu #Obi Wan Kenobi #time travel #de aging #Jedha #Jedi #Phoenix Posts #Anakin and the Jedi Babies

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fluffywolverine · 3 years

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so season 6 of lucifer came out.

there were some things that i liked, but generally i hated it. i believe that was SUCH. BAD. WRITING and it left me frustrated. so i decided to write down all things that pissed me off and sometimes i try to fix this by giving other ideas that – in my opinion – would have made the story better. Check my points out and feel free to add your points of view. without further ado: let’s talk.

- imma start with the big one – fucking time travel. ok I generally hate this trope in the media, because it’s complicated and often leads to some logical mistakes – and they happened here. so rory time travels because of her anger which was caused… by her anger?? i think this was unnecessary. it also brings trouble with this whole free will vs. fate discourse. lucifer says, that he chooses free will… but at the same time he goes the path of his fate. he disappears from rory’s life, because he HAS TO in order of the events of the season to happen. just because he chose to do it, doesn’t mean it’s free will.

- lucifer becomes the very thing he desperately didn’t want to become. “bUt It WaS fOr ThE gReAtEr GoOd” screw this bullshit, if writers wanted to make it better, they could have easily do so. they could have altered the rules of time travel so that his choice of staying could have resulted in rory disappearing. yes, that would have been heart-breaking, but it would have been a great lesson for lucifer, that he can’t make the same mistakes his father did.

- chloe and Lucifer get a child without even talking about it. “bUt MaYbE tHeY tAlKeD aBoUt It We JuSt DiDn’T sEe It” you may say. but the point of writing anything - whether it’s a book or a script – is to show any thing that matters. and talking about having kids is one of the most things any couple should do. also not every couple needs to have kids and forcing deckerstar to have it feels so far-fetched. this thread was very unnecessary.

- rory herself is a big problem. to begin with – she wanted to KILL her FATHER. i get her frustration, but commiting a murder?? just because he wasn’t there for her?? I would have thought that chloe taught her better, taught her that, like, killing people is bad. turns out she did not. secondly… she just isn’t necessary here. i elaborate later so in conclusion – her thread could be altered with michael’s and it would have made much more sense. i also don’t like the actress (why was she blinking so much??) so i certainly didn’t help.

- of course ella has to end up with a boyfriend. because earlier she always ended up with “bad boys” and now, without any help, she is just able to have a healthy relationship! yay! for me this creates a toxic view, that in order to be happy one HAS TO be in a relationship, because being alone is aLwAyS bAd. well, it’s not.

- i also have troubles with lucifer starting up a foundation for her. firstly, he didn’t ask her. secondly it – AGAIN – shows, that anything good ella got, was because of another man. firstly because of her relationship with carol, secondly because of lucifer’s idea. it could have been so easily altered! there could have been a scene of a conversation e.g. with amenadiel where she expressed a will to do better and be better for someone (given that she sees a lot of dark in herself). amenadiel could have then told her, that she is an inspiration and that it is her biggest strength. that could have been where ella came up with an idea to start a foundation blah blah – it’s just a rough idea but I believe that written well, it could have been so much better;

- and the last thing about ella – of course she had to find out about celestial stuff because sHe WaS tHe OnLy OnE rEmAiNiNg. umm what about trixie? i'll come back to her later. ella was portrayed as the only one believing in god and having her seeing that he really exists ruins the concept of faith. it’s not about knowing something exists, it’s about believing in it.

- WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL. i must admit that i loved this character AND I CAN’T STAND HOW AWFULLY HE WAS TREATED HERE. so at the end of season 5 lucifer says “everyone deserves a second chance, even you michael". and what does he do then? COMMANDS HIS TWIN TO CLEAR THE FLOOR IN HELL. yes, i agree that michael should have been punished for his rebellion plan, but… he already has his wing cut off. now he’s stuck in hell, with no way out and is he supposed to learn his lesson? this is cruel. instead of this the entire season could have been centred on him – his journey to self-acceptance, learning how manipulating someone is toxic and starting to realise how to be a better person. at the end he could have become god (because amenadiel is such an obvious choice), which would create a beautiful connection – michael in heaven and his twin in hell.

- lucifer doesn’t feel like being god and that’s cool. damn. people died for him to win this place and he’s like “actually you know guys i’m not the right person bye”. while i believe that anyone should step out if they have a reason, but at the same time lucifer should have faced any consequences of his decisions. falling frog and kool aid in the river are not enough.

- adam’s plot feels just quickly sketched, not actually written. i really appreciate this take on toxic masculinity but it all felt too fast-paced. it’s good that they show this idea of “strong and not-showing-any-feelings man” kind of attitude, but it is impossible for ANYONE (especially The ManTM) to change their mind in a matter of a few days. it takes weeks, months, years even, especially given that adam is like a gazillion years old, he should have especially taken a long time to process this.

- carol is just too pure to exist. he’s also one of the most boring, plain and one-dimensional character i’ve ever seen. i feel like they gave him a problem with alcohol because the writers were like “hmmmmm he has to have some weakness. LET’S MAKE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC”. we don’t see any signs of his everyday struggle, why did he fell into this problem, how did struggle. it just feels like a dull plot device to show that he has flaws. oh and also he’s so pure that he doesn’t mind ella BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE. acceptance should have boundaries and violating someone’s personal space isn’t right.

- why did they forget about trixie again? yes, i know that scarlett estevez had another project but this does not justify the bad writing. the girl lost her father and we only see her crying once because of that. no signs of this affecting her everyday life, not showing any consequences of her relationships with other people, not glimpse of any change in her behaviour. oh and also she loses lucifer too because time travel! great idea, writers! losing another close to her person would have been soooooo good for her psychic for sure.

- i also hate the idea that suddenly rory becomes the only child they care for. where is trixie when they spend their day on the beach? where is she when her mother dies? did writers forget about her as well as they did about michael?

- amenadiel being a police officer is… problematic. i was looking forward to this thread, i was kinda scared too and it turned out… meh. i’m white and not American, so this of course does not involve me at all, but i felt like this was not enough. harris basically said that there is nothing they can do to make it better for black folks. even though chloe and amenadiel want to make everything more just, we don’t actually see any change. the only thing is that harris becomes a detective (right? i’m not sure if i understood it correctly, so correct me if i’m wrong, please) which is a total contradiction of what she said before. suddenly she does not have to protect people anymore?

- in season 5 they stated that heaven and hell need to be fixed, as the system is unfair and unjust. at the end we don’t see any change, the only thing that is different is lucifer helping damned souls. it doesn’t help at all! these people still go to hell, they still suffer and there’s nothing that changed here! plus there is also this thing, that a sociopath who murdered people in cold blood goes to heaven (because he does not feel any guilt) and a person abused by her parents/partner/whoever goes to hell (because have been manipulated to feel guilt).

- dan making amends with trixie while… there wasn’t really anything to make amends about. like, most of the parents make mistakes while upbringing their children, but does this make them unworthy of heaven? i would have preferred dan to slowly regain his self-consciousness, how he positively affected the lives of people around him and by doing so – through conversations or maybe reliving some of the memories, he could have proved to himself that he is worthy of love and redemption.

phew, what a ride. i really liked dan being reunited with charlotte (it went just as i imagined) and mazeve dynamics. i even felt like they are finally a real life relationship – with people hurting each other by not understanding each other, but then talking and seeing other’s perspective. generally though, i’m very disappointed.

sorry for any mistakes, lacking commas etc. writing a text this long in not my native language was not easy.

#lucifer #lucifer netflix #lucifer spoilers #lucifer season 6

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thedeviljudges · 3 years

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yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #*#*the devil judge

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