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#and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all.
strwbrymlkshake · 2 months
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I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?
#mine#normally i've been good about not being too upset over things#but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me#i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence#will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me#oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered#by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash#and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right?#you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude#i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have#and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all.#i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid#i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck#WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE?#i guess im crying because they are all so stupid#so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes.#friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend#even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to#then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem#explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just#uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about#okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️
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kwop-kilawtley · 2 years
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TW!!!
Bella being turned is often seen as “character development” or a “glow up” & that’s what SMeyer wants it to be. Unfortunately, Meyer does not understand her own characters or character development. Bella did not develop, she totally could have but she did not. She is a 17 year old girl begging to be a vampire because she has zero self esteem. Not a chapter goes by where Bella is not comparing herself to a vampire or feeling completely inadequate with Edward. It’s so, so sad that she doesn’t even want to accept a present from him because she feels “they are already so unbalanced.” Prime example is her folding the photo in half in new moon because it was embarrassing how “godly” Edward was & how she was nothing. The way I see it, vampires symbolize the perfection that teenage girls have an unhealthy obsession with. Western beauty/ flawless celebs/models/ unrealistic beauty standards leading to eating disorders, SH, addiction. They’ll do anything to be that & that’s exactly what Bella does. She DIES for it. Everything that makes her unique does for it. She erases her identity, her quirks, her humanity for a taste of perfection. For a fix for her low self esteem.
Character development for Bella would have been if she rejected Edward when he came back from New Moon or in Eclipse & chose a Jacob that did not assault her or have severe anger issues. The New Moon Jacob is obviously her soulmate & it’s canon that if everyone was human, she would’ve been with him. He understands her & doesn’t try to change her. They have an overall better chemistry.
In her eyes, Edward could do no wrong. Edward stalked her when they barely knew each other & she was not mad at him for doing so, but was EMBARRASSED she said something stupid in her sleep. This reminds me SOOO much of teenage girls being grateful that the “cool, older dude” is talking to them & doesn’t realize that the dude is a predator. I mean.. also Edward is 100+ years older than her & I truly am sick of hearing “well he’s forever 17” ok but he’s still lived 100+ years so YEAH he’s older idgaf. he has a way with words, manipulation, gaslighting. He isolates her & is selfish but also beats himself up about it to her so he feels less guilt. Bella seeing him beat himself up also let’s him off the hook because she then pities him.
Edward left her completely unprotected from vampires after totally uprooting her life & changing its trajectory forever. He introduced her to the world & just took it all back, thinking she could move on from that trauma. They were TRAUMA bonded more than they were in love. “I’m the worlds most dangerous predator, everything about me invites you in” is enough to tell us that a lot of their love is because of that. She is drawn to him because of this. It was magical, it was a rush, like a drug. It’s also easy for her to brush off any of his wrongdoings because of his “dazzling” and “godlike beauty.” That’s why her depression was not like any other breakup. I also think many people forget like.. she would have been DEAD without Jacob & the wolves. Laurent would’ve killed her & if not him, then Victoria.
I do not understand how anyone could dislike the wolves. The Cullens are directly responsible for them changing. They’re literally colonizers lol. I wish Bella would’ve pointed this out and stopped idolizing the Cullens for ONE second. Bella blindly accepts all of them because of their perfection. Character development would have been if she questioned this and empathized with the wolves more and understand WHY Jacob fucking hated them so much. The wolves had every right to call them “bloodsucking leeches” whereas the Cullens do not have the right to call them “dogs, mutts, etc.” The Cullens are not the oppressed here. They are rich, white, immortal & “perfect.” I can totally empathize with them though because none of them chose to be a vampire & are stuck forever but they mope all fuckin day about that fact YET WERE THE CAUSE of the wolves. Selfish if you ask me. There are good traits of the Cullens, I do actually like them but Bella needed to push back more & I would have loved to see her take them off that fucking pedestal. Being TURNED was the only time she did that, because now she was one of them. This isn’t development.
Her being turned is a tragedy, really. She never learns to love herself, she never heals from her trauma & she is absolutely obsessed with vampirism despite knowing the downsides. She never grew. She just got turned. I wish she would’ve rejected it all & realized her love for Edward was incredibly toxic & clouded by him being a predator. Was Edward a horrible person? I don’t think so. I do think he loved her & wanted to protect her from outsider harm and DEATH but that should be the bare minimum of any relationship LOL. Edward always creeped me out like he sees Bella as his little possession, his little doll or something. They have good moments of course.. but so does every toxic relationship.
The Twilight saga are books that could have really taught us a lot & in turn actually taught us what not to do or be. Bella was not a fucking hero for being changed. She did not develop. I’d say maybe she developed a bit having to make her choice between human life and vampirism but in turn, she made the wrong one. She made the weak choice. It was a fucking COP out. Breaking dawn doesn’t fit for a reason, it makes literally makes no sense after New moon and Eclipse. Smeyer was just too lazy to change it and give her characters justice. I feel like this is all pretty obvious while reading it.. but I think a lot of people are “DAZZLED” just like Bella is. But if she chose a healthy Jacob or herself then it wouldn’t be Smeyers perfect little vampire love story.
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spectralhero · 2 years
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Christian Thoughts
So I saw this post...
...and it just reminded me again of how misinformed non-Christians are. Some are the loudest in their ignorance and have no idea what they are talking about. The notes section on this post is sickening.
Let me tell you why that post is stupid.
Mark 10:18 - “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.
In John 14:6 Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” He is THE way and not A way.
Jesus is the only way to earn God's forgiveness, to avoid going to Hell and get Eternal Life and avoid eternal punishment.
Jesus is our Salvation from "eternal punishment" not our good deeds. Fear of eternal punishment is not what drives us to do good deeds. I know so many non-Christians that do amazing things They are truly good people. It doesn't mean they are going to Heaven. And that breaks my heart and I hope and pray that they one day turn to God because I want them to be saved as well.
The core of what it means to be a Christian (follower of Christ if you want to define it as such) is that we fully and wholeheartedly believe that Jesus Christ (He is also God btw) came to earth as a person through the virgin birth so that people can be saved or else God would have destroyed us all. His entire creation. This world is broken, yet by the grace of God and our Salvation, we are saved and will one day rise from the dead like Jesus did to live in peace forever.
But the Father loved us so much that He sent his Son to earth to die for us. Jesus was crucified, sent to Hell to suffer in our place then he got Resurrected and Ascended back to Heaven. The Father is God, the Son is God and the Holy Spirit is God. The Holy Spirit is with us because Jesus is no longer a person on earth. That means that God's presence did not leave earth with Jesus. No. The Holy Spirit came to us so we are never alone in this broken world.
If you do not believe in Jesus Christ dying for our salvation then you are spitting on His suffering and sacrifice. That is why you will end up in Hell, where Jesus had been as well, but you will not be saved from there.
So no. It is not the fear of eternal punishment that makes us do good deeds. It is just being a good person. As Christians we know what God expects from us and of us. If you do shitty things and call yourself a Christian then you really need to reevaluate what you think it means to be a faithful follower of Christ. We are suppose to do good, be compassionate, spread the Word of God and spread hope, we must love and respect one another and oppose evil.
Evil is the complete opposite of anything and everything God represents and stand for.
We will only be saved by the grace of God through the sacrifice of Christ our Lord. If you actively reject this you will not be saved. You will get that eternal punishment that dude was talking about in that post. No one goes to heaven based on merit, lads.
God is the Living God. He is the same God that created heaven and earth and everything in it and on it. He is the same God that sent his Son to us so we can be saved because He loves us dearly.
No one is perfect, humans sin. Jesus knows this. Even though He was free of sin, He still walked among people that sinned. Yet, Jesus died for us so we don't have to die for those same sins. He died for EVERYONE. Unfortunately most people actively oppose and reject this and refuse to believe and say it is only fiction.
Stop simply reading nonsense by non-Christians and actually take the time to read about this yourself instead of believing false nonsense.
Fine, if you don't believe and I respect that but please don't be part of the problem by spreading lies about us. Christianity is about love, respect and peace.
The Ten Commandments are based on two very important things after all.
Most important, love for God.
Love for everyone else.
Of course these will lead to doing good deeds and make life better for yourself and those around you.
In conclusion, Christians do good deeds for sure but that is not what will earn us a place in Heaven and spare us from eternal punishment. Good deeds are not a prerequisite for Eternal Life in the Kingdom of God. Believing that Jesus Christ is indeed our Lord and Savior is the requirement.
We should be the ones carrying our cross, getting humiliated, getting beaten up and tortured, spat on and left to die and suffer in hell.
But we don't have to...because Jesus Christ did it for us in our place.
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walkingstackofbooks · 11 months
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DS9 3x24 Shakaar thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!)
(31/05/2023)
There's just something about Sisko playing darts with Miles :3 I don't think we've seen Sisko just socialising casually before? The crew is becoming found family more and more <3 
"The new head of the Provisional government ... is Kai Winn." DRAMATIC MUSIC. Valid choice, it's pretty bad
"It has been my observation that one of the prices of giving people freedom of choice is that sometimes they make the wrong choice." Feels. That's too close to home (I can't wait for the 2024 election but I'm also terrified that somehow we STILL won't get the Tories out...)
"It's for Vedek Bareil, ACTUALLY." Oh I love you Kira, I'm sorry you have to talk to this woman. 
"He never wanted fame or glory for what he did. As someone who loved him, I'm surprised you didn't that." I HATE HER. YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD MANIPULATOR BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST A DREADFUL PERSON. And just because someone wasn't seeking game as their motive, doesn't mean you can't recognise their contributions! 
Kira calmly walking away because she feels she needs to be diplomatic with Winn and is seconds away from yelling probably. Proud of you <3
Winn is THE most loathesome character. "Vedek Bareil used to tell me that you could be quite persuasive when you put your mind to it, child." Yuck
Ohh, Kira's smile as she hears about her old friends ❤❤❤
Interesting that he calls her Nerys, but she calls him Shakaar
Can't believe Quark actually persuaded Miles to do the darts and not kayak!
"Somehow replacing the arm seems ungrateful." There's something that really gets me about this. I guess it's just allowing war to be so unapologetically ugly?
The wind in Kira's hair is so powerful. She's beautiful.
"Did you explain to Shakaar that you were there on the direct authority of the First Minister?" She loves power so much, and it's so obvious she thinks she should be respected just because of that authority - she doesn't even try to earn it.
"Shakaar sounds like a prideful and arrogant man." SHUT UP, THAT'S WHAT YOU AR-- "It also seems there's no reasoning with him." Oh my GOODNESS, she's clearly just making excuses why is actually his fault she won't talk to him!
"This isn't your fight, Nerys. Go home." "I am home, Shakaar, and I have been lied to by Kai Winn for the last time. She wants a fight, I'll give her one." YES KIRA
"Don't worry, coach. I won't let you down." Idk just Julian smiling at Miles and everyone being so supportive :3 
I love that Miles bring "in the zone" is the entire B plot though XD
"Look, I'm in the zone. I just need- ARGH! I just need surgery... :/" Ohhh, you tried, Miles 
I'm honestly not sure if they're faking it or not - but Miles is a good actor if so. 
"It's been two weeks since I was forced to send the militia into Dahkur Province." FORCED?! FORCED?!!!!
"I'm more than willing to do that, on one condition... I'd like you to provide a Federation security force to take their place." That's... That's not what he's saying though. He's saying any force out there is Not What Is Needed. 
"I wasn't aware that our relationship needed solidifying." Sisko calmly rebutting Winn will always be my favourite, he's so good at taking her down in a way that's polite yet savage.
"So, you're refusing my request for aid?" "I suppose I am." I love him <3
"That would be an unfortunate overreaction." Which she knows but thinks she can get away with and make the whole ordeal - and rejecting Federation membership - look perfectly reasonable.
"This is a test, a test by the Prophets. They want to see if I'm worthy [...] I will not fail them. I will stop Shakaar by any means necessary." The scary thing is I actually think she believes that this is The Right And Moral Thing To Do. She's terrifying. And just The Worst. 
I really, really love the way this is solved. Real Bajorans not wanting to hurt and fight each other, and recognising they have the power to change something so stupid. 
"So this is a coup?" "No, it's a free election." Well, kind of both if you have military backing... But I love Winn not getting her way. 
(Why did they give her the power of First Minister before having the elections? But I guess it's good they did, or she wouldn't have had enough rope to hang herself with before her power was solidified with a vote.)
Why is Julian looking so shocked at throwing a twenty? It's funny when pre-augmentation things don't quite make sense and you have to headcanon them away. (I'm saying he wasn't really thinking about what he was doing and didn't realise he'd thrown until the board beeped with success.)
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no-droids · 3 years
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Out of a Trillion
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gif credit: @bestintheparsec​
Part Fifteen of the Rough Day Series
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 12.6K
Warnings: uhhhh so there is a bit of SMUT in this one, not too much and I imagine if you’ve made it this far then that won’t be too big of a deal LMFAOOO uh some ANGST and my attempt at HURT/COMFORT and also violence/blood/injury description, so look out for that!
A/N: I started writing this before the season finale aired and I know we all want a bit of goodness and softness after it, but hopefully this will be okay!  I’ll start working on the next part tonight
***
Everything changes and yet somehow nothing does.  
From that point on, it’s like… like you’re both just suspended in this perpetual state of wondering, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  You know he said it’s up to you, but what the fuck?  Look whenever you want?  That’s way too much fucking pressure, he’s out of his mind.  You’re not equipped to handle that, who does he think you are?  Someone that can just… decide things?
And it’s not like you’re afraid of the commitment, or that you don’t want to look.  You do, but every single time a moment comes, it just never… feels right.  You don’t know what you’re waiting for, what feeling or meaning you’re expecting to magically present itself to you, but you can’t shake the idea that there should be more to it than just randomly deciding to open your eyes at some point, shouldn’t there?  Din said there was no ceremony, nothing fancy, and he gave you permission to look because he said he’s not allowed to ask outright, whatever that means.  It’s a standing offer because you guess he isn’t allowed to prompt it for some reason, but unfortunately, that leaves you in just about the shittiest position possible.  Now everything falls to you—initiation, execution, and consequence—and Maker knows you’ve never been that great making decisions under pressure.
But you do want to look.  Sort of.
Sort of.  Because… well, this probably won’t make that much sense, but you’re afraid.  Mostly for him.  What if he’s making a mistake?  It sounds stupid, but you’re afraid of what this means for him, the sheer perpetuity of this decision he’s now expecting you to make for the both of you.  This isn’t your creed, not yet, and you feel like there’s still so much to learn.  Not only about the Mandalorians and his culture, but about him.  To know is to love, and so you’ve taken to asking any nonsensical question you can think of whenever he’s around.  Though you weren’t expecting it at first, you’ve learned that he’ll always give you some sort of an answer.  Some of the highlights include:
“How old are you?”  (“I don’t know.  Probably mid-forties, but there’s no way to tell anymore.”)
“You don’t know your birthday?”  (No, I… think it was in the winter.”)
“What’s your last name?”  (“Djarin.”)
“Do you have any freckles?  Or moles, or birthmarks?”  (“No, none that I’ve ever noticed.”)
“Do you cut your own hair?”  (“Yes, but it’s been awhile.”)
“Do you have dimples?”  (“I don’t smile in mirrors.”)
“Are your earlobes attached or detached?”  (“What kind of question is that?”)
And so forth.
He also gives you so many fucking opportunities to look.  One right after the other.  You used to think Din was incredibly trusting with how often and voluntarily he decided to take his helmet off around you—he didn’t wait a single day once he first felt your hands on his skin to take it off in your presence.  You remember being blown away by his unexpected willingness to part with it after hearing so many tales of the Mandalorians from Kuill; stunned by the ever-present ability to just open your eyes at any moment and that’s all it would ever take.  One simple movement—life-altering, and so easy.
Now you find it nearly impossible, muscle memory just won’t allow it to happen naturally.  And yet somehow, avoiding it is like stepping around land mines.  He doesn’t trick you—he doesn’t set it up, he doesn’t surprise you or anything, but he’s… less careful.  When the kid is awake, Din acts normal—he walks around fully armored, he goes on hunts and returns a few days later with a quarry, teaches you more self-defense techniques in the cleared out hull while the kid watches and giggles at your pain from the safety of his floating crib.  But when the baby goes to sleep, he’s taken to lounging with the helmet off.  He only used to remove it to eat, sleep, or… do other things with you, but he never used to take it off just… because.  Now he does.  Now he’s less careful about darkness, less strict about how much light he allows to touch him.
Now he shares every single meal he can with you, sitting just off to the side so you’ll never see him on accident but providing the free exercise thereof should you ever decide to seek it out purposefully.  Now he interrupts you in the middle of your complaining about the bruises on your knuckles just to lift the rim of his helmet the slightest bit, lean down and give you a quick kiss, and then lower it back into position again before you can even catch a glimpse of the lips you only recognize by touch.  Now he keeps the light on when he goes to take a shower, he leaves the door cracked.
It’s starting to give you heart palpitations, you swear.  At one point, he lets you to see the entire back of his head and it nearly launches you into a fucking crisis.
It’s the middle of the night and he just got up from bed to use the restroom.  He’s quiet enough not to wake you on the way over, but then across the hull and with his back to you, Din flicks the light on in the small bathroom without closing the door.  Immediately rousing you after being so accustomed to the pitch blackness, you lift your head from the warmth of your shared pillow just enough to blearily make out the sight of him leaning a hand up against the wall and dropping his head down, and it takes you a second to realize that it’s actually him.
Soft, dark brown locks ending at his collar but somehow looking longer than you ever imagined when you’ve run your fingers through them.  Cascading in shaggy, natural curls—tall, broad shouldered and trim waisted, naked as the day he was born.  Your heart starts to squeeze in your chest and it just never stops, and for the second time in your life, you feel like he woke you up in the middle of the night just to show you one of the most beautiful things the universe ever decided to hide.  There are trillions of people in this galaxy and how many of them have ever seen a sight that would compare?  He’s just a man, you don’t think a single person would bat an eye.  But to you, he’s… his own monument.  Constructed in honor of everything dazzling that happens to lie just underneath something else.  A breathtaking view, even from this angle, that could only ever mean something to you.
Would you ever be able to know him?  No, that’s not phrased right.  What you mean is that… over the course of all your time together, you remember thinking that if he ever took his helmet off, he could walk right by you and you’d never be able to tell the difference.  He could be anybody.  There are trillions of people in this galaxy and how many of them have the same features?  Brown hair, brown eyes, sunkissed skin that only one person is allowed to kiss, not even the sun.  Would you ever be able to know him?
Staring at his back in the blissful silence of hyperspace and feeling like the Maker himself is letting you in on one of his proudest secrets, some wild thought suddenly occurs to you that… you think you would.  Somehow.
You can’t explain it and you’d never be able to prove it, but you feel like if you lined up every single person in this galaxy shoulder to shoulder, all however many trillions of them there are, then you could walk the entire length of it and somehow come to a stop right where he’s standing.  Every single time.  You feel like you could do it in the pitch black.  You could do it with your eyes closed.
And, he must just be so gorgeous.  Maybe not in a traditional sense (or maybe in one, you’d have no way of knowing), but mostly in just… the rawest sense imaginable.  Not like how symmetry and straight lines are gorgeous, but how a mountain is gorgeous.  Rocky, dangerous, steep, the product of constant conflict between two immovable sides.  He’s got scars littering his body, one of which you remember giving him yourself with a cauterizer on his lower back.  He holds himself like his shoulders could tell their own story if anyone ever asked them; built to endure, weighed down and made strong with a collection of burdens he chooses to strap to them, steel or otherwise.
You don’t want to close your eyes once Din slowly turns around to look at you, but it happens anyways and you’ve never been so disappointed in your own cowardice.
But then, in a way, it could just be your own self-preservation instincts taking over.  No matter how stunning and life changing the spectacle would be, why would anyone ever stare directly at a supernova?  For so long, you’ve told yourself that his face is something you shouldn’t ever see on principle, but in a way, you suppose it’s fair he put this decision on you because he always has, even from the very beginning.  He trusted you to keep your eyes closed for months on end and you never had a problem with it, so why is it so hard to open them now that he’s given you permission?
A couple weeks of that, and you start to worry that you’re unintentionally rejecting him.
It’s the last fucking thing you want, but how can you avoid it?  Din is… different, he notices.  He’s made a living off of finding things that inherently don’t want to be found—he knows all too well what secrecy looks and sounds like, he’s quick and observant and you don’t stand a single fucking chance against him in all the years of his practice.
But strangely, for as often as you feel like you can figure out what he’s thinking without ever seeing his face—realizing what his intentions are ahead of time and not feeling slighted when he phrases things a certain way or just chooses not to speak at all—you never truly realized how much that extended back to you.
He knows you, too.  He told you so.
For some reason, you didn’t even consider the possibility of it working just as well the other way around.  That you could choose to stay silent, and he’d know why.  You feel like the mystery of him just eclipses you in every single way that you don’t consider even yourself much of anything, much less something else to be contemplated and understood.  While you wouldn’t necessarily qualify the conflict as not being ready to commit, he seems more than willing to respect it regardless and nothing about the way he treats you or interacts with you changes.  Normally you’d say it’s like he forgot the whole thing ever happened, but it’s almost the exact opposite.  Like he was just naturally expecting it from you.
Are you truly so predictable, you wonder?  He said you’d say no.  Was he right?  You’re not saying no, you just… can’t remember the word for yes right now.  It’s right there on the tip of your tongue and the harder you work for it, the more frustrated you become with your own inability to find it.
But, instead of waiting, you think Din just decides to continue the conversation with the promise to come back to you when you finally figure it out.
Sometimes, especially when he’s gone, you find yourself thinking about what moment you’d choose, if you could.  Since you can never seem to find the right one naturally, how would it all go if you could construct everything yourself?  Where would it be?  Naboo?  No, that’s too cheesy.  One thing you and Din both have in common is your practicality, your respective propensities for wanting to tackle one thing at a time and not needing frills attached to something in order to find a deep connection to it, a personal value to it.  You weren’t even bothered when he didn’t claim you as a girlfriend to Peli, that’s how reasonable you used to be about labels.  Now you’re your own antithesis, trying to conjure meaning where there isn’t any just so you don’t feel like you’re the one who’s ripping it away.  You want this decision to feel as permanent as it is.  You want it to be a happy thing, something that happens when you’re both so in love that you can’t bear to have metal separating you any longer.
You think… you’ll just know it when the time comes.
***
“I have to leave,” comes Din’s hushed voice through the darkness, and even though it’s the first thing either of you have said in hours, it sounds frustrated.  Like it’s been bothering him for awhile and he’s just now finally telling you.  “I… fuck, I can’t stay here, I should’ve left a long time ago.”
You whine softly into the pitch black, turning your head into the pillow and curling your fingers into his hair.  “But it’s still so early…”
“It’s mid-afternoon,” he groans back, dropping his forehead down against your skin and breathing hot air along it.  “We’ve been parked here for hours, I don’t know how you can sleep so long.”
“I’m not sleeping,” you pout, before gently dragging your nails down his scalp and feeling his whole body shudder with it.  “Earlier I was.”
“Mhm,” he murmurs, leaning down to give you one last long, slow kiss.  You sigh when his tongue comes out and glides soft and hot against your lips, tightening your grip on his hair.
But soon he pulls away, lifting the covers from over his head and pushing up from between your spread legs.  “This one shouldn’t take long,” he gruffs, planting both palms next to your head and kissing you once more in the darkness, dipping his tongue into your mouth this time.  You moan softly and taste yourself on him, moving to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, but he breaks the kiss and leans back before you can, preemptively avoiding the possibility of getting lost in it.  “I’ll be back around dawn.”
You’ve known it was coming for hours now, so you’re able to play it off way better this time around.  “Okay,” you breathe softly, dragging your palms up his bare chest as he lifts himself tall over your body.  The slight disappointment underneath is so masterfully hidden, you’re almost positive you’re going to get away with it.  “Be safe.  Please.”
But then… well.  Bounty hunter.
Din pauses for a moment like that in between your open legs, letting you slowly slide your hands down his ribs and over the lines of his stomach.  You wait for him to move, find his clothes so you can get around and make some food, wake the kid up from his nap in an hour or so.  Can’t stay in bed all day, no matter how much you wish you could.
Only, he still hasn’t moved and you start to become concerned.  “Din?”
But then he suddenly groans like he just can’t help it, grabbing both of your spread legs and easily lifting them up.  You make a sound of confusion as he maneuvers them until they’re pressed together and draped over one of his shoulders, and then his hips drop and push forward to slide himself thick and perfect into your blazing hot cunt.
Still drenched and swollen from cumming in his mouth so many times earlier, you gasp and he just groans louder, a ragged thing scraping out of his throat while you struggle through blind and unexpected euphoria to reach him.  But you can’t—Din hugs your legs tight to his chest and settles in just like this, turning his head to drag soft lips and a hot tongue over your ankle before he starts fucking you.  Right up against your g-spot, with your whole lower body in the way and preventing you from slowing him down.
You just have to clap both hands over your mouth just to keep quiet since you can’t reach him.  You feel his teeth sink into the meat of your calf, hips pistoning far beyond your reach and it feels so fucking good that you almost don’t hear his gritted words against your skin.
“I have to go,” he groans, repeating it over and over until his voice begins to pull tight and it just sounds like a plea.  “I have to go, I have to go, I h—have to… h-have to go, I have to, I have to, I have…”
*** 
When Din finally steps foot out of the ship, fumbling with his rifle and cursing quietly through the modulator, it’s the middle of the night some twelve hours later.
***
Steady…
Steady………
Fire.
—and… you blink as bark splinters.
Did you…?  You look down at the blaster in your hand and then back to the ginormous charred tree trunk for a few seconds, wondering if you’re just seeing shit.
No, it’s real.  You actually fucking did it.  You…
… hit the target.
All of a sudden, your ecstatic giggle echoes loudly throughout the foresty autumn wonderland around you, reds and oranges and yellows crunching under your feet while you start to dance.
“Hey!  See that, bug!?”  You call out, shoving the blaster into your waistband and shimmying up to your enthralled audience of one, who just so happens to be smiling as wide as you are as he’s scooped up into your arms.  “I hit the target, I hit the target,” you sing, beginning to sway the baby back and forth as he squeals, laughing while you bounce him.  “No demon powers necessary, little man!  I figured it out, I just have to use one hand instead of two.  You can retire now, you’re the right age for—”
A twig snaps in the distance somewhere to your left, and you quickly spin around while reaching for the blaster behind your back.
Except all you see is a blue Twi’lek standing out amongst all the fall foliage, his hands cuffed behind his back and stumbling a few steps at a time while a considerably taller suit of beskar shoves him forward.  You relax and immediately turn to look down at the ground, trying to bite your lip so you don’t smile too hard while they both approach.  You did it—finally, you did it, you’re on top of the fucking universe right now.
You wait for them to pass by and move up the open metal ramp to the carbonite chamber, but then Din apparently decides to pause when he’s directly behind you, yanking the quarry to a sudden halt.  
You know you should probably turn around to address them, but you can’t hide the happiness from your expression, it’s way too obvious.  Though, after a moment, you decide to shyly turn to face the two men while continuing to bounce the baby in your arms, hoping that his and your matching expressions of excitement aren’t too terribly inappropriate right now.
Din looks from you to the splintered bark on the tree, and then back to you again, before slowly tilting the helmet up in a way that feels… proud of you.
“Congratulations,” he finally says, and you can hear the genuine smile hidden in the modulated drawl.
“Thank you,” you beam up at him, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks.  “Was pretty awesome.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” he tells you, and you don’t know why, but the tone of his voice makes you go so warm.  It’s not like he’s openly flirting with you, but coupled with your giddiness and sounding like that in front of a bounty he caught in record time, it just makes your heart fucking throb for him.
“It’s alright,” you murmur, shuffling your feet through the crunchy leaves below and trying to play it as cool as possible.  You have company.  “I’ll be able to do it again.”
“Let’s see it, then.”  He tips the helmet over at the tree, and you look between him and the unfamiliar quarry for a second, not used to Din just… ignoring their existence entirely for you.  It’s not like the Twi’lek has said anything or inserted himself into the situation at all, but still.  Din has one hand latched onto the cuffs behind his back to prevent him from booking it, but other than that, it’s like he’s pretending he’s not even there.
“Uh…”  You immediately feel yourself get nervous.  “I can… try.”
He nods one single time in silent encouragement, and you slowly turn to face the tree once more.  The kid stays cradled in your arm while you reach for the blaster in your waistband, removing it and using your longest finger to flick the safety off with a practiced fluidity.  Then, extending it out in front of you and taking advantage of your newfound strategy of only firing with one hand, you line up the sight and pull the trigger.
You wish you could say it hits.  It would be so fucking cool and impressive if you hit the target like that, wouldn’t it?  But it doesn’t hit.  It misses, like usual.  Miserably.  And then an amused snort comes from behind you.
“Right stormtrooper, you are—” you hear an unfamiliar accent begin to snark, but the rest of it turns into a garbled howl the second Din jerks his elbow back to slam it in his face.
You whip around just in time to see a cascade of blood pouring down blue lips and sharp teeth—holy fuck.  You gasp and take a step backwards with the kid, not horrified by the sudden display of violence (not after Din spent an hour teaching you how to do that, too) but not quite expecting it at that moment, either.  But then, well… that’s the second time he broke a quarry’s nose for addressing you with disrespect.  There was that other one he choked, you’re pretty sure—though you can’t remember exactly what initiated that.
Din yanks the bounty up the ramp without another word, leaving both you and the kid there to process while he shoves him through the hull and towards the carbonite chamber none too kindly.  However, by the time he seals the quarry to his fate and eventually makes his way back to you, you just… 
Fuck, you feel so stupid.
You shouldn’t even bother, what’s the point?  All that practice and nothing to show for it.  If you can’t even hit a stationary target with the pressure of others watching, what makes you think you’ll have any hope at all in a situation where you actually need to shoot?  Are they gonna stand still for you?  Are they gonna be as wide as a fucking treetrunk?  You’re horribly embarrassed, so downtrodden in the face of a cruel taunt that you don’t even want to look at Din when he steps in front of you.
“Hey, just try it again,” he says without delay, but the damage has already been done.  It’s not his fault, you’re just… not the kind of person who is meant to shoot a blaster, maybe.  
“Ah… it’s alright,” you look out and smile sadly at the line of trees surrounding you, wondering how it’s possible that you only managed to hit one of them this whole time.  You don’t see it, but Din quickly touches the tips of his fingers to the side of his helmet twice before you look back at him.  “I hit it earlier.  I did, I promise.  You can see the mark if you look.”
His glove reaches out to brush your hair back, so unbelievably gentle after using the same arm to shatter bone just a few minutes ago.  “I know you did.  It was a perfect shot, you hit dead center.  I see it.”
“I did it with one hand, that’s why I tried the thing,” you mumble stupidly, looking down at your feet.  Dumb.  Dumb.
A strand of your hair is tucked behind your ear.  “Wish I was here.”
You glance over at him, feeling your expression suddenly go soft with a wave of affection.  It stops all the harsh criticisms, halting your negativity in its tracks and replacing it with just… soft, abstract things.  Mostly just warm, nonsensical fluff, but one clear and resounding thought breaking through.  You wish he was here, too.
“Maybe I’ll get good at it eventually,” you sigh, slowly handing him the blaster with the barrel pointed down and away from both of you.  Din carefully takes it from you, tucking it away somewhere on his utility belt while you gaze out at the designated target and victorious char mark decorating it.  “Or hopefully just okay at it at some point.  I guess I just need to practice more, right?”
“That’s right,” he tells you warmly, catching your free wrist.  “Try using this one when you do.”  And then a lightweight piece of metal is gently pushed into your empty hand.
Your expression furrows while you quickly look down at it, and—
You go utterly still at the gift, not even knowing what to think.
The first thing that you notice is the craftsmanship.  Brilliant, structurally flawless, the perfect size to fit your hand.  You don’t recognize the specific kind of metal that was used—definitely not beskar—but you think it might be constructed from the same material as Din’s old armor.  Dull silver, but with reflective chrome filigree accents around the handle, trigger, and safety.  It’s uniquely constructed and unlike any weapon you’ve ever seen before—no hard lines or edges, just a soft fluidity to the design that’s so aesthetically pleasing, it doesn’t really even resemble a blaster at all.
You can feel the visor silently studying your reaction while you continue marveling, noticing something new every time you look.  The safety is towards the back of the chamber, just like he said it’d be.  The sight is electronic, and you examine the way it’s built directly into the barrel.
Are those extra magnets on the inside?  Is this able to micro-adjust the plasma release for the best shot?  Holy stars, it must have cost a fortune.
“Din, this is…” you can’t decide where you want to look—the gorgeous crafting, the custom design, or him.  Standing so close to you, not saying a word while you search for the right ones.  “It’s so beautiful, I…”
“Was made for you,” he murmurs.  “Had to be.”
You look back down at the blaster to stop your eyes from tearing up.  He didn’t have to do this.  This is so… sweet, such a lovely thing to do.  Don’t cry, don’t cry—
“What is this?” You ask breathlessly instead, rotating the gun until he can see the symbol branded on the handle.  You recognize that it’s his signet, but you never bothered to ask him what it’s called, you never saw it as your place.  It’s an animal of some sort, one with a giant spike attached to its skull, and you’re glad you’ve never come face to face with one.
“It’s a mudhorn,” he answers quietly.  “They’re… dangerous animals.  Fiercely protective, preferring solitude.  The kid saved me from one a few days after I met him.  It’s… the mark of my clan.”
How fitting, you think, and an honor.  Perfect for him, and a bone-deep reminder of your two favorite people in the galaxy on your hip wherever you go.
“Thank you,” you tell him, hoping the sincerity in your voice sounds anywhere close to how you feel.  You haven’t even had it in your hand for longer than a minute and it’s already your prized position, the most important thing you’ve ever called yours.
Din nods and takes a small step back.  “Now hit the target.”
Feeling invigorated and renewed in every single way, you keep the kid tucked firmly in one arm while raising your blaster with the other.  The safety clicks off and your back straightens, chin lifting until something about the angle feels… right.  The trigger moves easily under your fingertip, and there’s almost no kickback considering how light the weapon is.  What you’re not expecting is the pure white beam of plasma shooting out of the barrel—unlike any blaster you’ve ever seen before—but then the immediate sight of it hitting the tree dead center sends a roar of triumph through your ears.  Fuck yes.
“Look at that!”  Din calls out over the kid’s happy squeal, and there’s nothing you can do to stop your loud whoop of victory.  Even though you know it only hit with the addition of those extra magnets to correct your terrible aim, that still feels so good—you feel so fucking powerful and dangerous.  You glance over to Din with a wide smile, but then his arm extends out towards the trunk directly next to the one with charred bark.  “Hit that one.”
You automatically swing the blaster in that direction and shoot.  A few pieces of wood split on impact and send sharp bits flying as soon as the bright white beam collides with it.
“That one,” Din tells you, and then bark splinters a half second later.  “That one.”  Bark splinters.  “That one, that one, that one—” hit, hit, hit, white plasma flying through the air and bark splintering in rapid succession.
He stops and spins around, pointing to a tree at the very edge of the clearing.  “That one?”
It’s furthest away but the trunk’s diameter is enormous.  As you lift the blaster, you know you’re likely to get it easily with this sophisticated weapon, even across the considerable distance.  So instead, feeling like nothing at all can touch you right now and wanting to see how smart the aim mechanism is, you raise up a few degrees higher before pulling the trigger.  Pale plasma launches from the barrel, and then one of the tree’s most prominent branches comes creaking and crashing to the ground right where you split it.
You’re beaming by the time Din turns back to you, the most excited you’ve ever been with your own progress.  He holds there for a moment while you lower your blaster and wait for him to speak, both of you looking at each other and not moving, until suddenly you hear his voice coming back to you.
Hit the target and I’ll marry you.
One of Din’s hands slowly comes up to the edge of his helmet, but before you can even process the implication behind the gesture, you’re immediately looking down at the crunchy leaves under your feet and clearing your throat.
There’s a beat of silence where you stare down at the dead foliage and wonder why the fuck you just did that.  Right in front of him, right to his face, too startled at how quickly you were being confronted with the possibility that you responded in an equally startled way.  It was instinctual, automatic and entirely out of your control, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to take it back.
But… you can’t take it back.  That’s the way things are, and after a few moments, you hear his boots begin to cross the distance to you.
“Come on,” Din murmurs gently through the modulator, carefully taking the blaster from your hand and clicking the safety back on again.  “We have to get going.  The fifth quarry is far.  Three day trip through hyperspace.”
He doesn’t sound upset or disappointed by your unintentional rejection, thank the Maker.  You want to explain yourself somehow, but it appears it isn’t necessary in the slightest.  His arm wraps around your lower back and he leads both you and the baby back up the open ramp of the Crest, squeezing you close enough to his side that you have to learn how to walk in a different way to stop yourself from tripping over his boots.
The helmet turns and presses to the top of your head while you focus on moving straight.  “Proud of you,” Din murmurs quietly, and your chest fills with enough air that you’d be worried about floating away if he wasn’t latched onto you so tightly.
He eventually releases you and walks over to the armory, pressing a button to unlock the doors while you hold the kid and watch him start to remove the multitude of weapons strapped to his body.
Maybe… maybe this isn’t the right time, but something brave surges up inside you.  After receiving the most precious gift imaginable from him, hitting all those targets and hearing him say that he’s proud of you, you’re buzzing with just enough energy that for better or worse, it makes you open your mouth and ask.
“Could I… come with you this time?”
Din nearly jerks upright and looks over at you immediately, but he takes a while in responding.  You hope he sees it in your eyes.  You hope he sees just how much you don’t want to be stuck here again when this is possibly the one time you’d be able to tag along.  It’s a bullshit quarry, one he could do in his sleep, and you’ve been getting increasingly restless while stuck on this ship.
When Din eventually does respond… well, judging from his shift in tone, you’re assuming he was just shocked at the question and didn’t take any of that time to actually consider his answer.
“No.”  Short.  Unfeeling, and not sorry about it in the slightest, before turning back to return the blasters you were using previously to the armory as if you said nothing at all.
Okay…  Um.  Not great, not what you wanted to hear, but maybe if you explain yourself better, he’ll listen.
“I just… I’m the only reason you have to get this quarry in the first place.”  Your voice is quiet, trying to let go of some of the concerns you’ve kept to yourself over the past two weeks.  Your fingers fiddle idly with the kid’s little woolen sack as he hangs out in your arms, wanting to plead your case but feeling slightly nervous now.  “You were out having a crazy expensive blaster made for me while I shook hands with Karga and agreed that you’d take more work for less pay.  I hate that I did that.”
“You had no choice,” Din mutters, turning around and striding past you while pressing a button on his vambrace to close the Crest’s ramp.  “My fault for being late.”  And… for as warm and comforting as his voice sounded earlier, it now just sounds… dismissive.  Aloof.  Half-listening, not really wanting to talk but forcing himself to.
“Well this time, I thought maybe… I might be able to help?  Maybe?”  Maker, you feel yourself going quieter the more he walks around the hull and ignores you.  “Karga said it was just a missing person, not even a criminal…”
“Karga says a lot of things,” he grunts with his back to you, voice completely monotone through the modulator.
Come on, speak up.  You’ve lacked a backbone for so long, you’ll never get what you want unless you say it out loud and let it be known.  You take a deep breath and straighten your shoulders, trying to put a little bit of spine into it.  “I can be useful.  I can fight now, I’ve been working on my—” 
“You think I’m telling you no because I don’t think you’re capable?”  He suddenly whips around, voice ringing sharp and challenging throughout the hull while you freeze.  You don’t move but everything about you suddenly feels like it shrinks.
“I-I didn’t—” But he cuts you off, taking a step forward.
“I know you can fight, a Mandalorian taught you how.  I know you’re useful, I know it’s just a missing person, and I know you hate it when I leave.”  He pins you with his eyes through the visor, his tone harder than you think you’ve ever heard it before.  “No.  Your job is to stay here, on this ship, with my son, where it is safe, and my job is to go get the quarry.  Quit asking.  I’m not telling you again.”
The baby makes a tiny little distressed sound in your arms and you blink a few times up at the cold metal, feeling all the good feelings from before just… drain out of you.
Okay, that’s fine.  Uh.  You… the cockpit is behind you, you’ll go up there and fly then.  No reason, just… he should get going.
“Okay, yeah,” you nod and tell the wall over his shoulder brace in immediate agreement, before abruptly spinning around and grabbing the ladder.  Din doesn’t move a single fucking muscle while you try to find your way up to the cockpit with the baby held to your chest and a dead stone sitting heavy inside of it, hoping your face doesn’t show the vulnerability you feel wanting to take over as you retreat.  Get to the cockpit first, get to the cockpit first, get to the—
“Sweet girl, I…” you barely hear murmured through the helmet from the floor, soft enough to sound slightly shocked, but you scramble into the cockpit and shut the door behind you before he can say anything else.
***
Silence didn't used to feel like this.
At first it was eerie, unnatural and stifling when you spent years in a wide open desert, wind swirling and dust pelting.  It suffocated you the first few times you jumped into hyperspace, a phenomena you read all about and considered mathematically fascinating before ever experiencing for yourself.  It was… foreign and strange, but you began to value it more and more as time passed.
Then, you started to get to know him and silence just became comforting.  Something you could bask in, knowing it was a comfort to him.  A choice he made because it just fit him best.  You felt safe in it, you felt like you didn’t have to be anything else but you.  You never had to break it just to avoid awkwardness, you became… closer to it, until you learned to fall in love with it.
But only when he was with you and it was his silence.  Not… everything else’s.  Now it’s haunting again.  Now the sheer lack of sound through hyperspace is a stranger to you, and the distortion of light surrounding the cockpit feels less about the sheer magnificence of manipulating space time and more about the fundamental disconnect it causes.  Gorgeous, but at its core, a severance.  Ripping the fabric of the universe apart, tearing a wound in it.
It’s been a few hours and nothing exceptional has happened since your conversation in the hull.  
You’ll admit that you’re a sensitive person, and because of that, you’ve always had a problem knowing if you were right or wrong when someone comes at you with a hard enough will.  You second-guess yourself, it’s one of your worst traits, and you feel like trying to squash that tendency without knowing the limit is partially to blame for why you’re holed up in this cockpit with the kid.  You’re quiet but in a different way from Din.  When he doesn’t speak, it’s because most of the time, he’s sure of himself and doesn’t need to.  When you don’t speak, it’s because most of the time, you’re insecure and don’t want to.
After being left alone with your thoughts for this long, you’re starting to realize that… he was right.  What were you thinking, wanting to tag along?  Wanting to hang out while he risks his life for this occupation, you probably sounded so fucking ignorant.  Maybe… maybe he didn’t have to say it like that, but his point is still very valid and you’re not sure if you’re really justified in hiding like this anymore.
The way he said… your job, though.  That still stings a bit.  This hasn’t felt like an actual job in a very long time.  Was that just an expression, or did he mean it literally?  You’re stuck on it, you’ve just been going over this for hours in your head, trying to figure out if you should be the one to apologize or not—or if this is just you overreacting from the start and no apologies will be necessary at all.
“Sorry you got stuck with me, kid,” you mutter sadly to the baby, watching him fiddle with his favorite metal ball in your lap.  He makes a little gurgle, purring in that weirdly adorable little way of his and it somehow feels like a reassurance directed to you that he’s just fine the way he is.
Maker, you haven’t heard anything from the hull in a fucking eternity; it’s like Din turned into a ghost, hasn’t even made a single footstep that you could hear since you last left him standing there.  You remember performing a quick flight check as soon as you got up here, lifting off as fast as you could and hoping the thrusters would rumble loud enough to cover your series of pitifully shallow sniffles at being yelled at unexpectedly by a very large and intimidating man, not really crying but not really able to breathe normal either.  The little monster was able to wiggle himself around in your lap as you were trying to punch in the correct coordinates for the fifth quarry with rapidly blinking, watery eyes, and then proceeded to give your belly the smallest hug you think you’ve ever been given and pretty much break your heart with it.
Lovely little boy, so sweet when he wants to be.  He’s sat with you this whole time, he even tried giving you his metal ball to play with but ultimately decided to keep it to himself when he realized you aren’t nearly as fascinated by it as he is.  You know it’s probably getting late for him, and you’ve been weighing the idea of handing him over to his father so he can at least get a good night’s sleep somewhere that isn’t your arms.  There’s no blankets in here, just your lap.
“I think I gotta go take you to your dad soon, tiny.  He’s probably missing you,” you tell him, trying to keep quiet enough that you won’t disturb Din in the hull.  There’s a good chance he’s already asleep.  “I think… he might still be mad at me.  Maybe you can give him the big eyes, soften him up a little?”
Right on cue, his enormous eyes start to droop closed, and you let out a tired sigh of exasperation.  That’s not gonna work, come on.  They gotta be open, booger.
You watch him slowly drift to sleep, his ears relaxing until they too start to droop, but when you try to take the ball from him and set it down on the console, his eyes immediately pop back open and the toy slips from your fingertips.  It levitates right back into his tiny hands as you watch, and then he closes his eyes once more while tightly cuddling the thing he loves most to his body.
Unbelievable.
He’s a child, and yet he’s…
“How are you so strong?”  You ask him, unable to even fathom.  “You’re the smallest, most helpless little thing I’ve ever seen and you’ve got such… strength.  You defy the universe for a piece of metal.”
He doesn’t hear you, you think he’s asleep again.  It’s just as well, you figure.  He needs to go sleep in his crib, it’s time.  You scoop him up and make sure the little ball stays tucked snugly in his arms, before finally standing up and stumbling over to the door on numb legs.
Only, when it slides open, you quickly stop short.
Because there, sitting on the floor and resting his helmet against the corner of this small little platform leading to the ladder, is the Mandalorian.
So much closer than you expected him to be.  So big, crammed into such a tiny place.  You didn’t hear his footsteps climbing the ladder, and you would’ve noticed it during the hours you’ve spent in the suffocatingly muted quiet of hyperspace.  He can be silent but not when absolutely nothing else exists and he’s got a thousand fucking pounds of steel weighing him down at any moment in time.  You took off almost immediately once you barricaded yourself inside the cockpit, so has he… did he follow you up in those last few seconds, right after you shut the door?  The ones when you were sniffling like a child and trying desperately to turn the thrusters on before you let the tears come?
His head lifts and his back straightens as you’re looking down at him with his sleeping son cradled in your arms, your eyes slightly redder than they should be.  You’re a mess and… he’s been here this whole time?
“Could you hear me in there?”  You whisper in sudden mortification, but Din just keeps gazing up at you through the impenetrable metal visor.  A complete mystery again.  Unreadable—he could be anyone.
When he doesn’t answer you, your heart twists with the possibility that he’s still upset with you, and you quickly turn to the ladder to figure out the best way to get down without jostling the baby.
“I’m sorry.”  His voice stops you dead in your tracks.  It’s so soft, nearly flipping in and out of the modulator from the lack of volume, the most cautious sounding thing you’ve ever heard coming through the filter.  “I… hurt your feelings.  I’m sorry.”
And…  Maker, if anybody else had said it.  If literally anybody else had said it, you know it would’ve sounded like the most sarcastic, dickish remark in such a delicate moment.  But, you also remember him telling you once that you were tenderhearted.  That the galaxy would never be as kind to you as you are to it.  This… comes out sounding like he’s trying to change that.
It comes out sounding like he’s trying to use his voice to hold you because he doesn’t think you want to be touched right now.  Like… like he’s doing everything he can to be as careful as possible here because you think he might be attempting to do something he’s never done before.  Apologize for saying something he didn’t mean.
“You don’t have to,” you quickly tell him.  He’s not good with words and apologies are difficult enough to phrase for normal people, you don’t want him to fret over it if that’s what this is.  “It’s okay, I know you’re not… you don’t have to.  It was stupid of me to ask.”
“It wasn’t,” he instantly counters, his voice finally seeming to find the floor when it was just hovering before.  Not loud—still gentle, still making sure the kid doesn’t wake up and you’re not frightened away, but a bit more grounded this time.  “It wasn’t… what I wanted to hear, and I didn’t take it well.  Not stupid.”
“It was stupid,” you return amicably, looking down at your feet.  “That’s not my… job, like you said.”
Din suddenly hangs his helmet down to his chest, pressing his gloves to the part that curves over his forehead and rubbing it.  “Shit.  I didn’t mean—”
“You were right,” you acknowledge, having spent the past few hours coming to the understanding that it’s the hard truth and he just phrased it poorly.  “I’m not… built for it, I’d only get in your way.  I barely just managed to shoot stationary targets with a blaster today, and that’s only with that aim corrector built into the barrel.  I’m here to be helpful, not—”
“What are you saying?”  He suddenly lifts the beskar to study you, sounding genuinely confused.  “What aim corrector?”
That… makes you pause.
“The, uh…”  Now you’re confused.  “The one that adjusts the plasma release on the gun you gave me.”
He doesn’t move an inch or say a single thing to you in response and you awkwardly shuffle your feet for a second, everything so quiet that you can hear every little snore that goes in and out of the kid’s tiny button nose.
You blink at him after way too long of that, not knowing why he still hasn’t said anything.  “There’s an electronic sight and like a bazillion extra magnets packed into the barrel, Din, what else could—”
“Sweet girl, that’s… that’s for the Philithiorium,” Din breathes out, like he’s absolutely blown away by you right now.  “That gas is less stable than normal canisters, it takes more magnets to focus the white beam without overheating the metal.”
You stare at him, not truly processing.  He’s saying that… you made all those shots today without any help at all?  By yourself?
Your eyebrows furrow and you blink a few times, but then his slow, heavy sigh echoes throughout the metal walls with disappointment… and you don’t think it’s directed towards you.
“You’re just… always so unsure of yourself.”  He sounds genuinely distraught as his helmet tips down to look at the ground.  “I made that worse today.”
“It doesn’t matter,” you quickly shake your head, your chest already beginning to loosen slightly by just being around him, hearing his voice, seeing the metal glint under the fluorescent light overhead when he’s in such a vulnerable position on the floor.  “It’s okay, let’s just… pretend neither of us said anything at all, okay?”
“Is that what you really want?”  He asks you after a moment of quiet, and for some reason, you hear something in your mind tell you that his arms look so nice right now, don’t they?  You could fit right there, perfect and safe again.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” you smile at him, feeling a bit of the ache trapped inside you continue to work itself out little by little.  You’ll be back to normal soon, it’s fine.
“No, I mean… do you really want to come with me?”  Din asks you, the words sounding cautious.  Confused, like he truly never expected the proposition from you at all.  “Or… do you just not want me to go?”
Oof, what a fucking question.
Why would he ask this?  It’s not pointed; it’s the softest, gentlest inquiry you’ve ever been posed.  Maybe in other circumstances, you’d say that him leaving doesn’t have anything to do with it, but… you’re certain that internally, it absolutely does have at least something to do with it and he was just able to know it before you did.  Which is probably why his sharp words seemed all the more cutting earlier.  It hurt because he said the truth first, verbalized a very deep insecurity you’ve been trying to hide from him and threw it right in your face when shutting you down.
Though, if it worked differently and you were the one who had to be away while he stayed here, you’d like to think you’d handle it way better than how it is now.  At least you’d have a real mission to focus on, new things to see and experiences to have.  You just feel… confined sometimes.
You take a deep breath and figure you’ll use sitting down as an excuse to think for a second.  There’s practically no room but you find it in the back of the cockpit near the doorframe anyways, doing your best to keep the kid level while you slowly lower yourself to the ground near him.  Not touching him, but close.
“I just… I lived my whole life stuck in one spot, wanting to see the galaxy,” you finally admit to him, staring at his chestplate but seeing the helmet tilt slightly in your peripheral.  “Sometimes it’s just… hard to see the galaxy and still be stuck in one spot, I guess.”
“…You want an adventure,” Din proposes quietly, and though there’s not a single hint of mockery in his voice, you suddenly feel like it’s really fucking dumb when he phrases it like that.  What are you, an eight year old?  Wanting to go on an adventure, see things you’ve never seen without any concept for real life?  Credits?  Time?  Resources?
You shrug a shoulder to make it seem like it’s no big deal.  Why is he even entertaining this right now?  “It’s stupid, I kn—”
“Like on Naboo,” he goes on, ignoring your harsh self-criticism, not allowing you the ability to even get it out once he heard the first couple words.  “Going through the forest, seeing that waterfall.  Someplace to find for yourself.  Explore.  Experience.”
You… you want it so badly that you think your eyes might tear up just hearing the words coming out of his mouth when he says them like that.  Like he… just inherently understands.  He knows.
He knows you.  He’s not good with words and yet he found the single most succinct way to put what you thought was a complex yearning without even trying.  You can’t even answer him, he hit the target dead on and you’re left with nothing to say that wouldn’t just be a miserable lie.
“Okay,” Din says after a moment, giving you a small nod.
You’re lost now.  “…Okay?”
“You’re never going on a hunt with me,” he tells you very seriously, no room for arguing.  “Ever.  And not because you can’t handle it, understand?”  He inhales, quickly adding on to his response before you’re able to analyze it the way you want to.  “But if you want an adventure, then… I can try and find a way to give you one.”
Stars.  He’s… too kind.  You somehow feel like it’s more than you deserve.  You were honestly hoping to just shadow him on a hunt, watch him work and stay well out of the way when he needs you to.  Helping if you think you’d be of any help; an extra set of eyes and hands.  You would’ve been fine even if he didn’t apologize for raising his voice at you, he doesn’t have to do this for you.
“Thank you,” you say for the third time today, feeling like each one has somehow multiplied in sincerity.
“It can’t be right now,” he quickly tells you, apologetic but earnest about it.  “I have to find the quarry, and I’m supposed to meet with Karga again in a week.”
You never did let him know about the other part of the deal you made with Karga, you admit.  Four pucks, no hassling, no hard time constraints.  That’s what you shook on, but you just never found a way to bring it up to Din.  Especially since you’ve been so preoccupied with hiding your growing disappointment from him whenever he has to go.
“If…” you pause, wondering the best way to phrase this.  Yikes, this is a toughie.  “Um.  If Karga… I don’t know, hypothetically, if Karga decided to loosen the time constraints back to the way they were before the Corellian bounty, would you… still need to meet with him again in a week?”
You don’t think he even bothers shuffling through all those words.  “Say what you mean.  Please.”
“That was part of the deal I struck with him,” you quickly explain.  “You can hunt on your own timetable again and he’ll keep giving you four pucks like before, no more or less after this one extra quarry.  It’s like a… replacement of sorts, for the one I kept you from getting the time before.  If credits aren’t an issue, you can take more than a week.  But only if you want to, you don’t have to.  It’s just there and you should know, that’s all.”
He takes his time responding, lifting his helmet just the slightest bit in… surprise?  Maybe?
“You never told me you did that,” Din finally murmurs.
“Ah.  Well.”  You look down at the sleeping kid in your arms.  “I didn’t want you to think I was trying to… keep you here.”
It genuinely is a struggle for you, and you think he’s just now realizing that.  As much as you know he gets frustrated with you for always wanting him to be here when he physically can’t be, you think it’s only now that he’s truly realizing the lengths you go to in order to stomp that part of you down whenever you feel it threatening to come up.  You allowed him to leave every single time without telling him he could stay, knowing that all that was left for you was babysitting and target practice for days on end.
“Will you come over here?”  Din finally asks, and the tone of his voice just punches you in the chest.  So soft, so distressed from having you so close yet so far from him and just… full of a quiet hope, like he’s fully expecting you to say no.
“Will we fit?”  You whisper after a moment, even quieter.
He doesn’t answer, he just reaches for you.  You do your best to scoot over to him without waking the kid, and then Din pulls you the rest of the way once he has a grip.  You go right into his arms, laying sideways across his lap and supported by his steel embrace.
Oh, it’s not comfortable but you’ve also never been more fucking comfortable.  One of his knees lifts and allows you to rest your back against it without worrying about falling over sideways and down the ladder to the hull, thank the Maker.  The beskar pauldron over his shoulder digs into your cheek, but Din immediately pushes an arm up to nudge his helmet off and make it better for both of you.  Your face automatically fits into the crook of his neck while he sets the beskar on the bend of his knee, and then he silently cradles you while you do the same to his little boy… who does the same to his favorite metal ball.
“Ni tar’tayl su,” he murmurs into your hair, the one phrase in Mando’a you do recognize, especially with how beautiful and elegant it sounds rolling off his tongue.  “Forgive me.  Ni ceta.”
You sigh your contentment and melt into him, well aware that you’d still be more comfortable in bed.  But when you’re pressed hard against his chest like this and the baby is fast asleep in your arms, you get to feel both of them breathing.  Din’s right lung is probably bigger than the kid’s whole entire body, but you like the radically different cycles they go through.  You think you count six full breaths coming from the brown sack in your palms for every one of Din’s and two of yours.  It creates the most beautiful little symphony that sometimes gets a little off track, but always finds its way back around again.
“How do you say…”  You ask, feeling his hand slowly move down the curve of your spine, mindless and hypnotic.  It catches the edge of your shirt and goes underneath, and even though it’s not his bare hand and there’s no skin to skin, it still feels so good.  Not sexual or sensual even, just… a comfort to you.  “In Mando’a, how do you say… out of a trillion?”
Din’s breaths pause for just a second, his portion of the synchronized rhythm faltering.  Soon it starts back up, and his head turns to press his lips against your hair.
“I don’t think there’s a word for it,” he admits, gently brushing a thumb across the baby’s forehead while he snoozes.  “There could be, but I don’t know it.  I’d use… out of a million million millions.  Dayn alanyc bal alanyc bal alanyci.”
Your eyes begin to drift closed, exhausted from keeping them open after shedding a few tears earlier.  Your first fight and you’re already completely in love with him again after a handful of hours of sulking and one conversation.  How is that possible?  You’re normally a very forgiving person and it wouldn’t have taken much to make you feel better, you just never expected him to… actually want it from you that badly, care enough about it to get on the floor and ask.
Din doesn’t move the entire night through.  You assumed he’d make everyone get up at some point and move to the hull, but he doesn’t.  You fall asleep against his chest, comforted by the silence once again.
***
The next morning, Din quietly climbs into the cockpit while you’re humming in the shower.  You’re too busy basking in the indoor rainfall to feel the ship pull out of hyperspace, and then jump back into it a few moments after.
***
“How long do you think you’ll be this time?”  You ask two days later, sitting on the extended flattop of Din’s old cot and swinging your legs back and forth.  The baby is currently sitting on your lap and trying to roll the metal ball down your knee so you’ll kick it in the air, you think, because he keeps dropping it at different moments and forcing you to stop moving your legs to prevent accidentally denting a wall.  Every time the ball clatters to the floor, he makes a sad sound and it immediately lifts back up into his tiny hands for another try.
Heavy boots clang against the metal floor as Din drops down from the ladder, having just landed the Crest on the surface of whatever planet you’re on.  “I’m not leaving yet.”
“Oh…”  You blink, surprised.  “Okay.”
“I wanted to do some more training with you first, if that’s okay.  You can say no if you want, but maybe not,” Din drawls, striding over to the armory and opening it.  He carefully removes your blaster from the front shelf, speaking with his back to you.  “You’re going to run.”
“Um.”  You take a moment to glance around the enclosed hull, before turning to look back at him with your eyebrows raised.  “What, like… in place?”
Din sighs and closes the armory before leaning back against the doors, rubbing the face of the helmet in exasperation.  “From me, sweet girl.”
Your legs stop swinging, and the baby grumbles and slaps three fingers against your knee.  “What?”
“We’re on Sanctuary II,” he explains, turning to grab his black bag from one of the storage shelves.  He unzips it and reaches back into one of the larger pockets on his utility belt, before grabbing a handful of credits and stuffing them inside.  “It’s a moon, the New Republic occupied it years ago and made it a safe world for refugees and orphans of the Empire.  You’ll have your blaster, some credits, a communicator, and a day head start.  You’re going to run from me.  Show me how much you’ve learned.”
Is… he for real?
Right now?  You don’t even know how to respond, you’re too surprised.  Even when Din approaches and carefully trades the kid for your blaster, setting the bag down next to you on the metal bed, you still haven’t answered him.
“If you want?”  He asks after a moment, and you quickly jerk your head into a nod and jump off the raised platform, almost knocking into him with your sudden excitement.
“Okay!  Fuck yeah,” you grin, but Din shakes his head.
“Rules,” he says seriously, and you quickly do your best to frown, trying to compose your thrilled expression to match his tone.  “One.  This is a safe world, but things can always happen.  You have a blaster now, but it’s for emergencies only.  Do not shoot me with it.  Do you understand?”  You nod, but Din reaches forward to grab your elbow.  “Out loud, please.  For me.”
“I will not shoot you with this blaster,” you vow obediently, carefully cradling the precious firearm in your hands.
“Do not shoot me,” he repeats while pointing a leather finger at you.  “Do not… shoot at me.  Near me.  Around me.  No, just—don’t shoot.  Unless I am… very far away.  Okay?”
Well, he didn’t have to phrase it like that.  You frown, but acquiesce regardless.  “I will only resort to blastering if it’s an emergency and you are not around.”
He nods a thank you for putting it into better words.  “Second rule.  Since you don’t have a ship, I won’t either.  We’re on foot.  I don’t doubt you can hotwire a piece of junk to do what you need it to do, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t.  Good?”
Entirely accurate and entirely fair.  “Good.”
“Three,” he says.  “I’ll have the kid with me, which is both good and bad news for you.  Good news is he’ll slow me down, bad news is I can’t promise he won’t also try to intervene at some point if you’re serious about putting up a decent fight.  What I can promise is that I won’t encourage it.”
“Reassuring,” you nod.  “Also not really a rule.  Please continue.”
“Four.”  He pauses for a second.  “I think I’m wanted by the New Republic.”
You nearly jerk back.  “What?”
“I can’t confirm it and I’m not proud of it,” Din quickly tells you, probably the vaguest possible explanation he could provide.  “I’m only telling you so that you’ll know your advantage and find a way to exploit it.  I can’t be seen by any officers, or they might arrest me.”
Is he fucking serious?  “I don’t want you to be arrested, Din, I—”
“I won’t be,” he assures you.  “They owe me one, I just don’t want to cash in yet.  Trust me.”
You… do.  Insanely, and against every logical thought flittering through your head, you do.  If you were ever going to bet money that someone would be able to navigate a safe world on foot without being caught by the numerous officers scattered across the surface, then you’d put all your credits on Din Djarin.  It… also shouldn’t really surprise you at all that the people seeking his incarceration also owe him a favor, should it?  It actually sounds right on par for him.  “Okay.”
“Fifth, and this one is important, so listen up,” he continues gruffly.  “You check in with me tonight over the e-comm, alright?  I don’t care where you are or how safe this planet is, if you don’t check in, I’ll come find you before the sun rises.  Say you understand me.”
“I understand you,” you tell him, your heart beginning to pound in your chest at the reality of this actually happening.  “I’ll check in tonight.”
“And if,” he goes on, “by some miracle, you manage to make it more than a full day, you check in with me tomorrow night, too.  Say it.”
“I will check in with you every single night for the full five days it’ll take you to find me,” you assert, the adrenaline starting to make you brash and giddy.  
Din tilts his helmet at you sternly.  It is a very, very stern tilt.  “Okay.  New plan, forget everything I just said.”
Your expression furrows.  “What’s the new plan?”
“That is the new plan,” he says, dead serious.  “Us.  Not doing this.”
“Oh, come on,” you grin cheekily up at him, poking his chestplate.  “I’m just giving you some motivation to find me quicker, that’s all.”
Din stares down at you, and… yeesh.  Tough crowd.
“Tell you what,” he finally grunts, sounding incredibly unamused with your jesting.  “If you can last that long with only a day head start, I’ll let you come with me to collect the fifth quarry.  You can even cuff the bastard yourself.”
You know it’s just because he’s rightly confident in his own deadly skill, but hearing him propose the possibility still shoots a thrill down your spine.  “Oh ho, you are gonna regret saying that, shiny,” you beam up at him, starting to hop back and forth on each foot with excitement.
“But if I’m able to find you, you can’t ask me ever again,” he finishes shortly, and you immediately go still in front of him.
“What?”
“If I’m able to find you in five days, I don’t want to hear about you coming with me on a hunt and you can’t ever ask me not to go on one,” Din tells you, his voice rough and gravelly through the modulator.  Not mean or harsh, but firm.  “From now on, it’ll be off-limits.”
You… take a moment, not knowing if you should feel scolded or not.  When you don’t immediately say anything in response, he sighs and turns the helmet away from you.
“Leaving is hard enough as it is,” he mutters, looking at the ground.  “Hearing you ask… makes it impossible.”
You slowly lower your gaze to the floor as well, feeling your heart constrict tight in your chest.  There’s a real pull under his voice, telling you that information even though it sounds like he doesn’t really want to admit it out loud.  It… really is a struggle for him too, then.  You understand.
“Okay,” you nod.  There’s not a single part of you that actually thinks you’ll be able to stay hidden from him for five days while stuck on foot, so this is essentially a given.  You’re not thrilled about the idea, but you’re going to do your best to respect it nonetheless, especially if he cares enough to put off hunting and allow you this experience for yourself.  It’s a better compromise than you ever imagined, and you’ll do everything you can to hold up your side of the bargain.
Din clears his throat and straightens his spine, turning the visor until it faces you head on once more.  “Final rule.  I reserve the right to break any rule we just agreed to, or any fucking rule in this galaxy to keep you safe.  Good?”
Your cheeks flush with heat, your stomach suddenly filling with butterflies.  He doesn’t do that.  Din says what he says or he doesn’t say anything at all, there’s no… taking things back, he’s already breaking his own code.
“What happened to The Way says no take-backs?”  You ask quietly.
“This is my way,” he answers you.  Quick, not even taking a moment to think about it, before pulling out a fancy looking wristwatch thing and clipping it on you himself.  “This is your communicator.  It takes more power than the one you have now but it’ll reach a further distance.  I have one just like it, they’re locked into the same frequency and timesynced together, and the batteries need to be charged every three days.  If you make it that long, I’ll remind you.”  Din grabs the bag while you slide your arm into it, helping you hook it around your shoulder with one hand while he cradles the kid in his other.  Your heart is pounding now, pumping with adrenaline as he pulls you towards the middle of the hull and then wraps an arm around you.
“Hey,” he murmurs, pulling you tight to him and pressing the helmet to the crown of your head.  His voice is barely a whisper through the modulator.  “Gar darasuum.”  For an eternity.
You find some way to wrap your arms around him, even with your blaster in your hand and the kid hanging out in his dad’s other arm.
“Dayn alanyc, bal alanyc, bal alanyci,” you murmur dutifully against the beskar chestplate, knowing your accent is probably butchering the words but hoping they still carry the same sentiment.
And then you’re squeeeeeezed hard enough to get a little air out of you, before you’re let go and he turns around, pressing a button on his vambrace so the ramp begins to lower.
It’s bright outside but not too bright, and everything is warm and gentle and breezy, right in the middle of a lush plain.  You inhale the fresh air into your lungs, looking out across the wide open field, having no fucking clue this is where your day would be leading when you woke up this morning.  Oh Maker, it’s gorgeous here.  Not like Naboo, where every single thing is picturesque and fit for an e-card, but in a soft, understated kind of way.  The sky is a canvas of swirling pastel clouds, pale pinks and yellows and blues, and the communicator on your wrist lets you know that it’s just after noon here.
You take one single step down the ramp, before immediately stopping and turning around to bite your lip at him.
“How am I… how am I supposed to outrun you?”  You ask, already clueless.  “You’re too good, better than me at everything.”
“That’s not true,” Din reminds you sternly, grabbing your hand at your side.  “You already know who’s after you, that’s an advantage nobody else has ever had against me.  You know how I think.  I don’t know how, but sometimes it’s like you can…”  He slowly shakes his head.  “See me.  Through the metal.”
“But… but that works both ways,” you point out, breathless at hearing him say that but needing to focus right now.  “You know me, too—you’ll know exactly where I—”
He shakes his head again, but quickly this time.  “Remember what I told you a long time ago?  What your best weapon is?”
You… do not.  He told you so many things, and you’re assuming every single one of them is going to come into play during this endeavor if you want to outlast.  You’re going to have to think back and remember all of them individually, find the time to figure out your best plan of action based on the remarkably little you know about how he hunts.
“You’re smart, remember?”  Din murmurs, squeezing your fingers.  “Your mind works differently, it sees things in ways I’ll never be able to, not even with this helmet.  So…”  He shrugs a shoulder like it’s the simplest thing in the galaxy.  “Don’t try to outrun, okay?  Just try to outsmart.”
You give him a nod after a moment, still not really sure about it, before giving his hand one last squeeze in return and eventually letting go.  
Outsmart.  Outsmart him, use what you know about him to be the most elusive quarry he’s ever hunted down.
As you make your way down the ramp, you’re already thinking.  His helmet tracks footprints, that’s a thing you know.  You’ll have to find someone to trade shoes with, then—yours aren’t too beat up, maybe you can find a local who’d appreciate a better pair.  Are you going to a city?  Would there be one in walking distance?  The wilderness won’t work, you’ll be too exposed and it would make you an easy target for either him or wild animals.  The weather seems clear here though, and you don’t think you’ll need to worry about rain or snow, but if—
“Oh—but when you do see me,” Din decides to add when your feet finally touch the grass, and you pause once more to turn around and look at him.  He stays quiet for a second, studying you through the helmet for too long.  Like the anticipation is getting to him already.
You bite your lip back at him and adjust the bag on your shoulder, tummy swirling with nerves and excitement.  He tilts the visor up, gazing down at you from the hull with the kid tucked in his arms.
“Try to outrun,” he says gruffly, before turning back into the ship and letting the ramp slowly close behind him.
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kyovtani · 4 years
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𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆
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࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader ࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU ࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry) ࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex
࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...
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Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.
After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.
Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.
However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.
Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.
Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.
And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.
Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.
By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.
This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.
However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.
After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.
Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.
Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.
It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.
Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.
And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.
So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette’s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.
“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.
“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.
“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.
“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.
“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”
You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.
“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.
“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.
“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”
Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.
“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.
“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.
“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.
“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.
“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”
And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.
You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.
However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.
After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.
Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.
“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.
You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.
Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.
You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.
“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.
Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.
“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.
“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.
Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.
And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.
The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.
However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.
It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.
Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.
You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.
Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.
You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.
“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.
“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.
“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.
“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”
You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.
“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.
You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.
“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.
“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.
“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.
“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.
You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.
“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.
Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.
“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.
“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.
“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.
“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.
“It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”
“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”
His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.
“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.
“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.
For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.
However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.
“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.
“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.
“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.
“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”
“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.
You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.
“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.
“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.
And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.
Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.
And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.
Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.
It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.
He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.
And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.
“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka,  who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.
“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.
Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends  rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.
“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.
The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.
And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.
“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.
“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.
“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.
“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.
“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.
“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.
“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.
“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”
“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.
You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”
“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.
“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.
Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.
For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.
The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.
By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.
“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.
“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.
“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone,  huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.
You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.
“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.
You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.
“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.
“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.
“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.
“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.
“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.
“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.
“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.
Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.
“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.
“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.
As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.
“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.
Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.
“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.
He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.
“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.
“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”
At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.
“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.
“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.
“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.
A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.
After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.
“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”
And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.
“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.
“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”
You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.
“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.
You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.
“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.
“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.
The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.
Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.
You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.
Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.
You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.
His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.
“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.
“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”
“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.
You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.
He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.
And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.
You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.
“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.
“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.
“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”
At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.
For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.
“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.
“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.
Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.
You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.
“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.
Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.
Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.
“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.
Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.
“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.
When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.
“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.
“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.
“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.
“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”
You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.
However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.
He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.
“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”
As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.
“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”
“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”
You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.
Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.
You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.
“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”
“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming  at this point, but you would never want it any other way.
“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.
Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.
“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.
“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”
“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”
“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.
“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”
“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.
It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.
The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.
“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.
And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.
You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.
Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.
“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.
The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.
You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.
And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.
“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”
“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.
“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”
And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.
Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.
“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.
“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.
“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.
“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.
You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.
“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.
You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.
“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.
He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.
“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.
“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.
“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.
Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”
“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.
Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.
Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.
You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.
“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”
You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.
And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.
“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.
Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.
“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”
“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”
You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.
“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.
“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.
“Alright then, pretty one.”
Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.
Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.
But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.
It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.
“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”
You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.
Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.
"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.
You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.
Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.
You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.
“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.
“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”
And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.
Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible. He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.
A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.
Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.
“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.
“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.
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࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.
7K notes · View notes
natsfirecat · 3 years
Note
Okay! Here’s my request:
Natasha x asexual reader (female),where Natasha confesses her feelings for the reader, but the reader reluctantly rejects her. So after turning down Natasha’s declaration of love, the reader can’t stand seeing Natasha all beaten down and upset, so the reader confesses that she is asexual, telling Natasha that she deserves to be with someone who can give her everything and satisfy her needs. That the reader won’t be enough, no matter how much in love she is with Natasha. But little does the reader know, Natasha doesn’t want those needs, but you.
What do you think? 😃🖤💜🤍
Enough
pairing: Natasha Romanoff x asexual fem reader
word count: 3.5k
summary: much to her dismay, r has to reject her crush, natasha
warnings: swearing, drinking, mentions of sex and sexual attraction, lmk if i need to add any more
A/N: thank you for this request! i love writing for asexual reader sm! i hope you like it, and remember that aces are valid and amazing! :D
also not proofread very well. i'm tired and too lazy rn lmao
You fiddled with your ring, staring blankly at the wall. You had just gotten home from a mission, and needed some time to rest up.
The mission had gone well, you went with Natasha. Your task was to stop a HYDRA attack on civilians. Everything went as planned, and there were no casualties.
Now that you were back, all you wanted to do was rest up and relax.
So, you did just that.
You only woke a few hours later because of Natasha calling you, saying that you had to debrief the mission.
So you reluctantly got out of bed, and made your way to the meeting room.
Fury was there, reading files, and Natasha sat in her usual seat. Her face lit up when you walked in, then she waved and motioned for you to sit down.
As Fury started going over the mission, you just gave short, straight to the point answers to his questions.
It wasn’t until Natasha gave a detailed summary that he let you leave.
While walking out the room, she stopped you.
“Are you going to Tony’s party tonight?”
“Wanda’s making me,”
She laughed, knowing that you most definitely would not be going to a social gathering unless one of your friends forced you.
“Well, I think it’ll be fun. I’ll see you there,”
You were about to shrug and go on a rant about how Tony’s parties were very much overrated, but she simply waved goodbye and made her way down the hallway back to her room.
You were about to do the same before you felt someone tap your arm from behind.
You whipped around, then grinned to see Carol.
“You’ve been back and haven’t seen me yet?”
“Sorry…” you muttered, suddenly feeling guilty.
“You can make it up to me by getting me food,”
You rolled your eyes, then agreed, knowing you would get yourself food too.
She gave you a satisfied smile before beginning to walk down the steps towards the garage of cars.
She stepped into the driver’s seat of course, while you followed behind in the passenger’s seat.
“IHOP?” She asked, despite the fact that it was 3:00 in the afternoon.
“Yes!”
“Great, you’re buying!”
You rolled your eyes, already knowing she would say that.
“So how’d the mission go?” She asked.
“It was fine, nothing exciting happened.
“As soon as we convince Fury to let you come to space with me for missions, things will get a lot more exciting for you,”
You smiled, then chuckled at her statement.
She would talk to you about space all the time, and you had often expressed interest in it. So she took it upon herself to make a slideshow presentation about why you should be allowed to go with her to space. It still needed some work, but she was absolutely planning on presenting it to Fury when it was done.
“Where will you take me?”
“Well we’d start off with something close, maybe not exit the galaxy neighborhood quite yet,”
You laughed again, looking forward to your space adventures with your best friend.
-
Carol had eaten about a quarter of her food before she broke the silence,
“So I heard you tell Natasha that you’re going tonight,”
“Yeah,” you said with a shrug, choosing to stare at your pancakes instead of making eye contact.
“Well that’s good, maybe you guys can talk and…”
“And what?” You were beginning to get a little irritated.
“Oh come on! We both know how you feel. Why can’t you just talk with her about it?”
“You know why, Carol,” you said as you subconsciously began to fidget with the black ring you always wore on the middle finger of your right hand.
She sighed, not wanting to fight you on this. So she went back to eating her pancakes, and didn’t say another word about it to you.
-
As you reluctantly promised, you were at the party that night. Not wanting to engage too much, you stood off at the edge of the room, taking a small sip of your drink.
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Wanda and Natasha talking. You thought nothing of it, until you saw Wanda wink at her.
You turned your head to the side, then accidentally made eye contact.
Quickly shifting your gaze to the floor, you took another sip of your drink to hide your embarrassment.
You then decided to walk away, not wanting to create any more awkward tension.
You made your way into the next room until you almost bumped into Sam, who gave you a weird look as he stepped away from you.
“You alright, L/N?” He asked.
“I’m good!” You told him, quickly walking away.
When you finally got to the corner of the other room, you took a deep breath. You finally let yourself relax against the wall, away from the person you wanted to avoid tonight.
You closed your eyes for a minute, pretending you weren’t here.
For just a moment, it worked; you weren’t a loud, crowded party. You were just happy in your room watching movies and eating popcorn. No one was bothering you, and you didn’t have to worry about anything.
Unfortunately, your moment didn’t last.
Your eyes opened again when you heard your name called several times. Standing in front of you, was Natasha.
You noticed both Wanda and Carol standing at the door, watching the both of you.
“Hi, Y/N,” she said, her voice shakier than normal. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, can we talk somewhere more private?”
You nodded, then began to follow her back the way you came until you were in another hallway that didn’t have anyone in it.
“Y/N,” she began. “I’ve always liked you as a person, I think you’re brilliant on the field, and I just love being around you. I feel these things around you, and it’s scary. But there’s something between us, I can feel it, and I think you feel it too. I’d like to explore these feelings, so… would you want to go out together… on a date?”
You let out a sigh as your heart dropped. You felt tears coming to your eyes as you thought about what she was saying to you. As much as it would hurt both of you, you had to do it.
“I’m really sorry, Natasha, but no. I can’t.”
“Oh-” she was taken aback from your response, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. “This was stupid, you’re right. I’m sorry for even asking in the first place, I-” she couldn’t even finish her sentence before walking off, leaving you alone.
-
Two days later, Natasha had barely left her room. She stayed under the covers, mostly trying to sleep. Of course, it eventually turned into hours of staring at the ceiling while her stomach was in knots.
So, she took a sip from the bottle of vodka she brought up to her room, and leaned back against the headboard.
As soon as she felt tears forming in her eyes, she grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. She watched the saddest movies and TV shows she could think of, and ended up finishing the entire bottle.
If she was going to be sad and cry, it would be from too much drinking while watching sad stuff. It wouldn’t be from you. Natasha refused to let herself cry over a simple rejection.
But it wasn’t a simple rejection.
She’s had these feelings for you for months.
Your smile has made her heart flutter since your first mission with her. She vividly remembers the way your eyes lit up when you found out you were paired with her.
The two of you ended up working so well together. At the end of the mission, you held both your hands up for a double high five. The gesture confused her at first, but she eventually gave in and placed her hands against yours. That’s when you gave her the same smile that still gives her butterflies.
She didn’t even start to notice it until a few months ago, when Clint called her out on it. He noticed that your name was brought up in their conversations a lot. So he blatantly asked her what her feelings for you were.
Of course, she denied everything at first. You were just a friend who was nice to work with. Nothing more.
She didn’t fully realize it until Wanda called her out on it too.
You were eating breakfast, and Natasha’s eyes never left you. You exchanged smiles a few times, and the butterfly feeling in her stomach kept growing.
Wanda saw, feeling a smile grow on her face as she glanced between the two of you. Of course, her powers made this even more fun for her.
While she didn’t usually like to invade people’s private thoughts, especially her friends’, Natasha’s thoughts were loud. Yours too.
So after you got up, and waved goodbye to the both of them, Wanda immediately cornered Natasha. Normally, she wouldn’t do something like that to the assassin, but she felt okay with it considering that her thoughts of you softened her up a bit.
“So, when are you planning on asking Y/N out?” She asked her.
“What are you talking about?”
“You guys would make such a good couple, you should ask her out!”
“Absolutely not! We’re just friends,”
Wanda let out a huff, then rolled her eyes.
“You seem to forget that I’m a telepath,”
This time, Natasha rolled her eyes at her.
“Stay out of my head, Maximoff,”
And with that, she walked away, not wanting to talk about it any longer.
Of course, Wanda had other plans.
The next week, she made mental notes of how the two of you would interact. No matter how much you both denied it, she knew you had feelings for each other.
While you smiled around everyone, you smiled the most around her. Your eyes would light up, and you’d be grinning from ear to ear. And your smile would usually cause her to reciprocate it. She rarely smiled, but she was okay with you seeing her smile.
On top of that, Wanda noticed all the small gestures you would do for each other.
She would pack your bag for missions often, and you would share your food with her.
While both of those things could be seen as platonic, she knew better. You definitely had feelings for each other.
So when she brought it up to Natasha again, she couldn’t even deny it this time.
“Tell anyone, and I’ll make you feel pain you didn’t even know could be felt,” Natasha threatened her.
Wanda nodded, promising that she only wanted to help her.
Eventually, the assassin gave in and let her plan the whole thing out.
It would work out in the end, it had to.
-
Now, Natasha let out a growl of frustration as Wanda entered her room.
“Can you at least knock?”
“I’m worried about you, Nat,”
Despite her glares, Wanda continued walking towards her until she sat down on the foot of her bed.
“Why do you even care? You lied to me, you said it would work!”
“I really thought it would, I’m so sorry. But you can’t keep yourself locked in here, we’re all worried about you,”
“I can’t face her after I humiliated myself like that. Why would you tell me she had feelings for me too? You said you could tell from her thoughts, but she clearly doesn’t see me that way. Now I’ve probably ruined my friendship with her too.”
“I don’t know why that happened,”
“Please, just leave me alone.”
Letting out a disappointed sigh, Wanda realized this would get her nowhere. Natasha still needed a bit more time.
As she saw her friend leave the room, she finally allowed the tears to fall again.
She hated herself for it, but maybe she actually was crying over you.
-
It wasn’t like you were doing any better.
You only left your room to train with Carol, and to bring food back up to your room since you didn’t want to eat with everyone else.
You couldn’t help but notice the way Wanda glared at you when you passed her in the hallway. You ended up glaring right back, surprised by her sudden hostility towards you.
The two of you had been relatively close, but she was especially close with Natasha. You knew you had hurt her with your rejection, but in the end, you were doing her a favor.
She’d understand that eventually, and hopefully, so would Wanda.
For now, you lay in bed. You were clinging tightly onto your pillow, letting a few sobs escape.
Even though you knew the rejection was for the best, for both you and Natasha, it didn’t make it hurt any less.
You were only saving the both of you from future heartbreak. It would be worth it eventually. Soon enough, you’d both get over it and go back to being the friends you once were.
However, now you continued crying into your pillow.
You wished you could just turn feelings on and off with a switch, but you couldn’t. It would make things so much easier if these feelings didn’t exist in the first place.
You had tried to suppress and deny them at first.
You ignored the way you felt yourself smiling more at her. You ignored the way you felt like you were on top of the world when she returned your smile. You ignored the way your stomach turned into a knot of nerves whenever you touched; whether it was a full on hug or just fingers brushing past each other in the hallway.
When she sat next to you on movie night though, closer than she normally did, that’s when you realized you couldn’t ignore the feelings anymore.
You wanted to completely close the distance between the two of you, and snuggle completely into her. You wanted to kiss her, and hold her tight. You wanted everything to do with her.
But you couldn’t have her, and it hurt like hell.
-
After another two days, Carol came barging into your room.
“Y/N, what the fuck?” She said, getting straight to the point.
Your eyes widened, but you said nothing as she sat down and glared at you.
“You’ve been sulking for days, and haven’t done anything about it,”
You shrugged, sinking back father into the bed.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Talk to her!”
“No! I’m just gonna stay here until my feelings go away,”
“Y/N, I love you, platonically, but sometimes you’re the dumbest person I know,”
“Thanks, Carol,”
“Your feelings aren’t gonna magically go away like that. If you don’t wanna date her, then at least talk to her so you can both have some closure on this!”
“I can’t, she’d never understand and it’d just be a whole thing, and I don’t want that,”
“You explained it to me and I understood,”
“Well yeah, cuz it doesn’t affect you at all. It affects her because it’s the reason I can’t be with her,”
“Have you ever thought to consider that maybe she wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course she’d mind, Carol,”
Sighing, your best friend decided she wasn’t gonna win this battle today.
Despite her anger towards you, she still reached over and hugged you before getting up and leaving.
Once again, you were left alone in your own misery.
You began to fidget with your ring, staring at the flag on your wall. The black, grey, white, and purple colors stood out against the wall, adding a nice touch to your room.
You were obviously proud and unashamed of who you were, but that didn’t change the fact that so many people didn’t understand it. So it was just easier to not bring it up. Maybe one day you could find someone like you, who’d understand.
Tears began to fill your eyes as you thought about Natasha. You hated that you had to do this.
You weren’t even sure if you would be able to salvage your friendship at the end of this. That just made everything worse.
You lay back down again, clinging onto the pillow once more.
You remembered the way you felt when Natasha first smiled at you. You remembered the happiness she made you feel. You remembered just how much you wanted to be around her.
Luckily, your thoughts of misery finally stopped when you managed to fall asleep.
-
The next day, Carol dragged you out of your room. Literally dragged, she grabbed both your wrists and pulled you out of the bed until you hit the floor.
“Ow! What the fuck?”
“No more sulking, you’re getting up and not coming back to your room until tonight. Let’s go,”
You sighed in defeat, then stood up, following her out of your room.
She dragged you downstairs to the kitchen, where she already had breakfast laying out for you.
As annoyed as you were with her, you definitely thought it was sweet that she was going through all this effort for you.
So you sat down and began eating, forcing a smile. You were still hurting, but for now, you could fake it in front of your friend.
She sat down next to you, and seemed satisfied.
You gave a small smile, then continued eating.
It was progress.
-
When Natasha finally came down, you were the last person she expected to see. Her bloodshot, puffy eyes widened as she saw you with Carol.
She immediately looked away, not wanting to face you, especially like this.
Unfortunately for her, you had already made eye contact for a moment. You took in her appearance, letting out a deep exhale.
She refused to say anything, then turned around as if she had never been there in the first place.
As soon as she left, you turned back to Carol.
“I really messed up, didn’t I?”
-
As much as the logical part of your mind tried to convince you not to do this, the other part was currently making you.
So now, you stood outside Natasha’s bedroom, hand hovering over the door, prepared to knock.
You took in a few deep breaths, trying to prepare yourself. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open before you were ready.
“Y/N?” Natasha didn’t expect to see you after what happened. “What are you doing?”
“Can we please talk?”
She frowned, thinking about what happened the last time you two talked. But, she opened the door wider, letting you in.
You walked over to her bed, waiting for her to nod, giving you permission to sit down.
“I just wanted to start off by saying that I’m really sorry for this, for hurting you like that,”
“You don’t need to apologize. You can’t change how you feel.”
“I know, but here’s the thing; I have feelings for you too,”
Her eyes widened in both shock and confusion.
“Then why’d you say no?”
You took in a few more deep breaths, preparing yourself.
“I’m asexual,” you finally got out. “While I feel romantic attraction to you, and really like you, I’m not sexually attracted to you. I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”
She tilted her head to the side, but continued listening as you went on.
“So as much as I do like you, it’s not fair for us to be together. You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and need in a relationship, and I can’t do that.” You told her, trying to prevent yourself from crying. “No matter how much I love you, I won’t be enough,”
That’s what broke you, causing the tears to stream down your face as they had so many times within the past few days. Telling her everything you had been thinking, and finally getting it out.
You noticed a few tears forming in her eyes as she sat down next to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulder.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said. “I wish you had told me earlier, though,”
“I know, I’m sorry,”
“You’re wrong though,”
“About what?”
“You are enough for me, Y/N. I don’t care about sex, I just want you.”
“Really? You mean it?”
“Of course I do,”
You let out a gasp, then turned and wrapped both your arms around her, leaning in between her chest and neck.
“You’re okay with kisses though, right?”
You smiled, then leaned in and crashed your lips against hers. That certainly answered her question.
It felt like a weight was lifted off the both of you. You loved being like this with her, lips connected and arms wrapped around one another. You never wanted to let go.
When you had to break apart for air, Natasha smirked at you.
“So how about that date now?”
481 notes · View notes
teklarn · 3 years
Note
hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')
would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.
it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33
𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾
character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 
reblogs are greatly appreciated! 
a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 
summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 
genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 
warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 
word count: 3,859 
(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 
- - - 
part 2 is here my loves <3
brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 
what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 
it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 
just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 
his leg was bouncing eagerly. 
bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 
you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 
“y/n! come look at this!” 
you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 
it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 
“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 
all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 
that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 
you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 
deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 
“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 
“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 
“holy—” 
“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 
“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 
dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 
your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 
his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 
she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 
his eyes bore into yours. 
“did you...need something?” 
your voice broke his trance. 
“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 
bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 
it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 
“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 
“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 
he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 
soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 
late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 
“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”
the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 
“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 
this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 
bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 
unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 
“shitty hair, let go of me.” 
“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 
bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 
bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 
“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 
“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 
luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 
bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 
“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 
denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 
“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 
denki sighed, slumping back. 
dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 
yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 
aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 
todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 
the brunette grinned. “great!” 
the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 
“bakugou.” 
bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 
“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 
you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 
it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 
bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 
“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 
“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 
you laughed. “what?” 
“shut up.” 
“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 
“i said shut the hell up!”
“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 
so you had heard him! 
he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 
“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 
gosh he loved that about you. 
bakugou caught his thought in the air. 
ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 
you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 
he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 
purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 
he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  
your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 
the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 
bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 
that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 
you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 
it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 
another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 
he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 
you stood over him, hands on your hips. 
vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 
“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 
“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 
“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 
you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 
the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 
bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 
you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 
“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 
you barely grunted in response. 
“don’t ignore me.” 
“i heard you, mom.” 
“the hell did you call me?” 
no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 
“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 
“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 
it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 
the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 
“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 
you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 
“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 
“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 
“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 
“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 
“you’re annoying.” 
“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 
the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.
you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 
landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 
bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 
it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 
it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 
the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 
you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 
you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 
you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 
you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 
“fight me again,” he demanded. 
“excuse me?” 
“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 
“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 
“so?”
“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 
“you’re being stubborn.” 
“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 
“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 
“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 
bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 
“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 
-
it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 
“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 
“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 
“dude...that sounds really weird.” 
“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 
the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 
gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 
bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 
bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 
perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 
what was so...amazing about deku? 
it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 
you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 
sixty. percent.
bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 
you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 
his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 
“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 
he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 
bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 
you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 
his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 
in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 
“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 
“okay? is that it?” 
what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 
“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  
“...what?” 
gosh dammit, as friends? 
“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 
although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 
this earned a snicker from you. 
his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 
your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 
“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 
he swallowed. 
you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 
he leaned closer. “yes?” 
“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 
it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 
“oh, alright.” 
“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 
it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 
perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 
right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 
323 notes · View notes
ptergwen · 3 years
Note
I think your requests are open (I didn’t see anything that said otherwise but I suck at this app lol) but I was wondering if you could write a peter x reader (likely college-age) where they have an academic rivalry and just tease each other a lot and lots of fluff and shit? It can be an established relationship or like a friends/rivals to lovers or really whatever you want. Sorry if this is super specific! Anyways, I love your writing, it always cheers me up :)
friends close, enemies closer
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ik this is cherry BUT i had to
w/c: 1.6k
warnings: swearing and hints of suggestiveness
a/n: thank you my love ! i’m actually obsessed with this concept so i’m super super happy with how it came out n i hope you are too :,)
-
you wipe sweat from your upper lip, peeking at peter’s laptop screen. he’s more than halfway through the paper your english professor tasked your class to write. he looks to have not a worry in the world as he continues to type away. growling at this, you dive right back into work.
you’ve been at each other’s throats since the beginning of classes when you both wanted the same spot. first row, middle seat. peter had officially claimed it in the end. you’d flopped down next to him and his irritating smirk.
the dude is smart, you’ll give him that. his knowledge of literature is almost as impressive as yours. almost. he raises his hand any chance he gets, effectively stealing your thunder if you dare to participate.
peter is also a bit of a people pleaser. he’ll chat up your professor at office hours, fascinate her with his hot takes on things or stupid anecdotes. you often get so annoyed that you bail before you even attempt to woo her yourself. the sight of you storming off is something peter thoroughly enjoys.
bottom line is, golden boy peter parker never loses. underneath the sweet, innocent persona he hides behind is a ruthless fighter. you’re determined to end his winning streak, thus sparking your ongoing competition to be better than the other in every way possible.
this time, your goal is to meet your ten page paper requirements the fastest. they aren’t due for weeks, but you and peter are banging them out in one sitting.
you’re hauled up in the campus library, sat side by side despite your wishes for peter to get his own table. he’d insisted on sharing with you. why, you haven’t a clue. you can’t stand him, and he isn’t the fondest of you either.
that’s what you tell yourselves, at least.
“progress report?” peter requests from you. “page three. you?” you grunt back. he props his feet up on the table, arms flexed behind his head. “finishing up page seven. you already knew that, though... creeper.”
god, you can hear the shit-eating grin in his voice.
you glance over at peter, doing your best to ignore how his biceps bulge under his hoodie. nerdy little parker is ripped.
“worry about yours, i’ll worry about mine. thanks.” you reread the sentence you wrote prior to peter’s chiseled body distracting you. “oh, the irony,” he sighs and nudges the edge of your laptop with his sneaker. scowling, you shift the screen away from him.
about a minute of silence goes by until it’s unfortunately filled by peter. he stretches his arms out, finally removing his dirty shoes from the table.
“i’m gonna take five. maybe, you could use it as an opportunity to catch up to me,” peter cockily suggests. “spare me your charity, peter. i’m doing just fine without it,” you retort, letting out a scoff. peter raises his hands in defense. “if you say so, princess.”
here you were, naively thinking peter couldn’t become any more insufferable than he already is.
you slam your laptop shut and jab a finger at his chest. “jesus christ, how many times do i have to ask you not to call me that?” a patronizing pout adorns peter’s lips. “aw, i love it when you get all bossy on me. so cute.”
he grabs your hand still on his chest, pressing a light kiss to the back of it. you’re quick to wipe it off on his hoodie. nevertheless, there’s an undeniable heat rushing to your cheeks.
“well, i hate it when you call me princess,” you deadpan. peter tilts his head to the side. “do you?”
of course not. deep down, you live for the fuzzy feeling you get whenever the nickname slips from his tongue. oh, his tongue and the things it can do. poking out as he focuses hard on a question, running across his pink lips…
you have to reel it in. this is peter parker you’re fantasizing about, your mortal enemy.
“yes. i hate it, and i hate you,” you unsuccessfully convince the both of you. “no, you don’t,” peter rasps, darkened eyes scanning over your features. his stare is intense and intimidating. he grasps your chin between his thumb and index finger, slowly leaning in closer.
he’s not going to stop until you make him. you don’t want to, but you will.
you shove his shoulder, dragging your laptop towards you again. “on second thought, i could use that catch up. you’re not gonna throw me off my game, parker.”
your rejection seems to disappoint peter. his expression matches that of a kicked puppy, brows furrowed and arms crossed over his chest.
“we’ll see,” he murmurs and swings a leg over his chair. “alright, i’m gonna run to the caf. you want anything?”
he’s offering to buy you food now? what’s his angle here?
“i’d say yes, but i’m afraid you’ll poison it somehow,” you half joke. peter hops to his feet. “don’t give me any ideas,” he warns, snatching his backpack off the floor. “i’ll just surprise you.”
although you’re curious what his mystery snack choice for you would be, you can’t accept. you’d be going against your entire dynamic.
would that be so terrible?
absolutely.
you wave him off towards the double doors. “i’m good, peter. really. i’m not that hungry, anyway.” shaking his head, peter throws a backpack strap onto one shoulder. “y/n, your stomach’s been grumbling for the last hour. you gotta eat.”
he’s not wrong. you’re starving, but you’ve been too preoccupied by your essay to break for dinner.
“fine, surprise me,” you concede. peter flashes you a smile, this one void of its usual condescendence. “i’ll be back. try not to miss me too much,” he calls as he walks backwards to the library doors. “i won’t. shoo already,” you dismiss him, a laugh falling from your lips.
peter winks at you, then disappears into the night. you’re left with a serious case of butterflies and a certain freckle faced know-it-all on your mind.
that’s a problem.
you’ve managed to get another page done when peter reappears. he sits back down and slides a bag across the table, you closing your laptop. you dig into it to figure out what he picked for you. you’re not too pleased with his selection, however.
“oh, yummy. vomit in a cup,” you announce as you hold a green smoothie in your hand. peter reaches over and pats your thigh. “it’s good for you. drink up, princess.” you slap him away. “hard pass. i’d rather you have gotten me nothing.”
narrowing his eyes, peter pulls two cookies wrapped in a napkin from his pocket. “i’m guessing you don’t want these either? more for me, then.”
they’re chocolate chip and m&m, your favorite in the cafeteria. they just came out of the oven, so they’re still warm.
“how… how did you know i…” you trail off, peter setting the cookies in front of you. he offers you a lopsided grin. “i know a lot about you, believe it or not. i pay attention.” you surprise yourself by returning his smile. “thank you, peter. how much do i owe you?”
“nah, it’s on me,” peter assures you. “enjoy.” pushing aside your unappealing drink, you seize the cookies instead. “you have to eat, too. let me at least split these with you.” there’s a beat before peter nods. “fair enough.”
that results in you two munching on your cookies while pretending to write your papers. you’re sneaking glances at each other whenever the other isn’t looking, in reality.
once it’s about time for the library to close, you’re on the verge of passing out. peter is concluding his essay until he hears a thump from your side of the table.
he finds you with your cheek smushed against your keyboard and hitting random letters, snores escaping you.
chuckling to himself, peter places a hand on your shoulder. “hey, y/n?” he speaks in a hushed tone. you awake with a gasp, drool pooling at the corners of your mouth. “easy there, princess. it’s only me.” he rubs circles on your back, and it’s oddly comforting.
“keep doing that,” you purr, momentarily forgetting how much you’re supposed to despise peter. he lets his fingers dance across the exposed skin of your lower back. “we should probably head out. it’s kinda late,” peter decides.
you sit up, bones aching and eyes forced open. “not yet. have to beat you first.” you start to delete the gibberish you accidentally typed. peter cups your cheek to turn your head towards him, your movements halting. “this one’s a tie. you did good, y/n/n,” he coos. “finish the rest another day.”
“why’re you being so nice to me?” you nearly whisper. peter uses his thumb to swipe the drool from your lips. “‘cuz i care about you. i might not show it, but i do,” he admits with the hint of a smile. “besides, i need you… for the, uh, the healthy competition.”
laughing softly, you twist his hoodie strings around your fingers and tug. “your intentions are pure as always. sure that’s all you need me for?” peter’s gaze darts to your lips, then your eyes. “we’ll see,” he repeats.
rivalry be damned.
“mm. i care about you too, parker. thanks again for tonight,” you hum. a blush coats peter’s cheeks, even in the dim library lighting. his sweet and innocent side might truly exist. “no problem.” peter links your pinkie with his, the gesture giving you that fuzzy feeling. “i’ll walk you back to your dorm?”
you lean over and kiss his pinkie intertwined in yours.
“lead the way.”
388 notes · View notes
maximons · 3 years
Text
All Is Lost
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Summary: Zombies have taken over the world, humanity on the edge of extinction. All hope was lost. Despite that, Wanda couldn’t seem to let go of Y/n, who had fallen victim to the plague herself.
Word Count: 2,263
Genre: Angst
Requested?: No
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, cannibalism, suicide, mentions of blood. Spoilers for Ep. 5 of What If...?
A/N: I know, I know, I’m gonna get into the stuff I promised soon. But for now, the Zombies episode inspired me and this came out. If you haven’t seen the episode yet, go watch it. Its amazing and depressing. Also this is DARK guys, probably the darkest thing I’ve ever written, so...Happy Reading!
The Zombie apocalypse was always something everyone joked about, but never something that anyone could actually predict.
Everything happened so quickly, Wanda could barely keep up. It’s hard to believe that everything was so normal only two weeks ago. Now, she was locked away with Vision in an abandoned military base in New Jersey. Desperate to survive for as long as possible while Vision worked on a cure.
Some of his experiments had been a success, most notably Scott Lang who he was able to revert back from his zombified state. However, the man was now only a severed head.
Despite the success, Vision was less than optimistic. For one, Scott was one of the first infected. While the cure worked on him, the android theorized that the disease has mutated greatly since then, and it was likely impossible to cure everyone. And even if he could, the technology to do so is beyond human comprehension and therefore doesn’t exist.
Vision might have all but given up hope, but Wanda didn’t. She couldn’t. She refused to give up on you.
Wanda and you have been best friends for as long as Wanda had been an Avenger. You were already a member of the team and greeted her with an open mind and open arms, despite all she had done. You had fire powers, and while your powers weren’t identical to Wanda’s, you still offered some basic tips and tricks to keep such explosive powers at bay.
It wasn’t a surprise that she fell in love with you.
But her stupid fear had to get in the way, and when you came to confess your own feelings for her, she panicked and rejected you. You were so heartbroken, Wanda didn’t need to read your mind to know that.
And it kills her everyday knowing that that was the last interaction she had with you. The last one with you as yourself anyway.
All that remained now was the flesh hungry, blood thirsty monster that wore your, now rotting, skin.
This wasn’t you, she knows that. She looked into your mind and saw no trace of the woman you once were, the one she loved with all her heart. She couldn’t feel you, you were gone.
Despite this, Wanda couldn’t let you go. She couldn’t handle losing you entirely. She already lost almost everyone.
She managed to convince Vision to keep you in the base for testing. You were locked behind a large steel door, with only a window to see you through. But you were here, and that’s all Wanda cared about.
The cure wasn’t working for you. Your powers caused it to incinerate when it entered your system, proving it to be ineffective. Still, she refused to give up.
Vision thought it best to terminate you after the failed tests, but Wanda begged him not to. Knowing he couldn’t overpower her, and sensing his friend’s distress with anything that comes to you, he agreed. As long as Wanda had it under control.
She doubted he knew that she was luring innocent survivors into the base so you could feed on them, but she did what she had to do.
Wanda spent most of her days sitting outside of your cell. The first few days, you were ravenous. Banging on the walls and trying to burn them down, growling and screeching with the inhuman noise that took over your vocal chords, but you didn’t manage to break free. After a while, it seemed you have given up, and just sat in place. Only moving when Wanda opened the cell and let some of your ‘food’ in.
There were times where Wanda thought that maybe, just maybe, the cure was working more than they thought. You seemed to have recognized her, your facial expressions formed into ones that she had recognized and missed dearly. But that hope quickly died when she would peek into your head and still sense nothing.
“Hey, Y/n.” Wanda walked up to outside your cell and sat cross-legged like she did everyday. Your head rose, staring at her with your now glowing yellow eyes. “Still no progress on the cure, but don’t worry, I’m not giving up yet.” You offered no response, not that she expected one. “It’s hard. It’s only getting worse out there...” She sighed as she trailed off. She raised her hand to the glass, like she always did. “I’m going to figure it out...we’re gonna get you back to normal, and I’m going to tell you every day how much I love you. I miss you so much, but...we’re almost there. I can feel it...” Wanda’s voice started choking up, as tears ran down her face. “We deserve our happy ending.”
Her hand was still pressed against the glass as she finished her speech. She was about to lower it, but then something unexpected happened. You stared at her hand curiously, beginning to raise your own. Wanda watched, smile forming on her face as your arm made it’s way to the glass. 
“Wanda! Please come here, we have a situation.” You had almost pressed your hand against Wanda’s, when Vision’s voice interrupted. Your attention turned to the direction it came from and you let out a growl, clearly angry at the interruption. Wanda sighed in disappointment, but she tried not to let it take over. You still showed massive improvement, something worth reporting back to Vision. “It’s okay.” She soothed you. “I’m going to go see what he wants then I’ll be right back, okay? I know you’re hungry, I’ll get you some food too.” You didn’t offer a response as she walked off.
“Vis! I have to tell you-” Wanda began as she walked into the main room, but cut herself off at the new faces. She didn’t recognize the bald woman with the spear or the wimpy looking man in a workers uniform, but she was familiar with Peter. What surprised her most though, was Bruce Banner. A man she hasn’t seen in over three years. “What is going on?”
“I ran into them outside the premises. Apparently word has gotten out about the cure.” Vision answered before turning his attention back to the guests. “As I told you, I am afraid we cannot help you. The cure seems to be a moot point.”
“Well, what about-” Peter began, but he was interrupted by a new voice.
“For something you have no hope for, you sure don’t have a problem bringing in new test subjects.” Wanda recognized Bucky Barnes’ voice. She turned around, and her eyes widened as she saw King T’challa on his arm, struggling to stand on his one remaining leg.
Shit.
“My king! We thought you dead.” The bald woman exclaimed in relief and surprise.
“Your highness. I was not aware you were in the base.” Vision said, confused on how that got by him. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. “Wanda...”
“I’m sorry.” Wanda whispered, knowing she was caught. “The cure wasn’t working on Y/n, and in order to keep her at bay, I had to feed her.”
“So you fed her our King?” A spear was raised to her throat, threateningly.
“It was nothing personal, I promise. I have her under control and the cure is starting to work, I know it. We just need a little more time!”
“Why not just kill her? You lured innocent people to their deaths just for her when there a couple million more Zombies out there that you could use for testing. Ones that have a chance of being cured.” The whole room went quiet after Bucky said that.
“Uh oh. Shouldn’t have said that.” Wanda heard Scott say, but she was too busy glaring at Bucky. Her eyes started to go red, but before she could do anything, she noticed the spear held to her throat begin to glow red and melt. The woman dropped the spear as it began to burn her hands.
“Did it just suddenly get like, super hot?” Peter asked as he began to fan himself.
“Oh no...” Wanda trailed off. She looked up to notice the steal walls that led to your cell begin to melt. “You’ve done it now...she hasn’t eaten in days.” Before anyone could respond, the steel doors melted completely. The man in the uniform was unfortunate enough to be standing in front of it, as a strong burst of flame shot out and incinerated him on the spot. Only a second later, you flew out the door, covered in flames as you hovered above everyone.
Wanda watched in horror as you began to fight everyone. They weren’t holding up very well, and that’s when Wanda finally realized what she had done. This wasn’t you, and if you were still here, you would hate to see your body be used to attack and kill others.
“Vision! Get us out of here!” She heard Bruce yell, and Vision shot a blast towards the wall, blowing it up and letting everyone out. Wanda turned her focus back to you, you watched them starting to escape and you began to fly after them, but a red mist surrounded you before you could. You turned your head, starting to growl, but stopped when you saw it was Wanda.
“Y/n. Stop...” You tilted your head, still struggling to move as Wanda came closer. She took a chance and reached up, gently placing a hand on your face. “I am so sorry...you never deserved this...” Your face softened at the touch, beginning to show the signs of emotion that Wanda desperately held onto. However, it was clear now that it was too late.
You snapped out of it, as you managed to break free from Wanda’s hold. You opened your mouth wide, intent on biting and feeding on her, but something stopped you. You hesitated, and Wanda noticed. You settled for pushing her aside to the ground as you reignited yourself and flew out of the base.
Wanda picked herself up after a moment, intent on stopping you. She ran past Okoye’s body, charred and eaten, but she was sure there was little time until she turned. She ran faster to where you were, now facing off against Bucky. She sprinted further, about to take off and fly when she paused.
Vision was face down on the ground. She kneeled next to him, glowing red hand turning over his body, afraid of what she’ll see. Once he was turned, Wanda gasped at the sight. The mind stone was torn out of his head.
“Oh no...no, no, no...” She held his body, tears slowly building as she mourned the loss of her best friend. She had officially lost everything. “I am so sorry Vis...I’m going to make this right, I promise.”
She heard Bucky scream. She looked over to see you start to feed on him. She saw Bruce, Peter, Scott and T’challa in the distance, making their way to the jet. They were your next target.
No. Wanda wasn’t going to let that happen. It ends now.
She used her powers to propel herself forward, landing directly in your path. You growled at her yet again as she used her powers to hold you. “Y/n...please, stop.” You struggled to get out of the hold, but Wanda held on. “This isn’t you...you wouldn’t want this...I love you more than anything, and I’m so sorry...I hope one day, you’ll forgive me.” 
Wanda used her powers to grab the gun laying by Bucky’s side. She held in to your head, ready to pull the trigger...but she couldn’t. She let out a scream of frustration and dropped her hold on both you and the gun. The gun fell to the ground, but you haven’t moved.
“I can’t do it...I...I’m not strong enough...” Wanda began crying, shutting her eyes and waited for you to finish her off. She failed everyone, no one deserved death more than her. She opened her eyes when nothing came. You stood, staring at her with a tilt of your head. The yellow of your eyes dimming as you stared.
“W....Wan...” You struggled to let out, but it was enough for Wanda to hear. She cried even harder. She was right, you were almost there...but it was too late now.
You took in your surroundings as best you could, you didn’t have a lot of awareness, but you knew enough to piece everything together. You saw the influx of zombies starting to enter to base.  Everyone needed to get away. You turned back to Wanda, and you knew what you had to do. You felt the little control you had start to slip away.
You bent down and picked up the discarded gun. You shakily pointed it to your temple, the control slipping away faster and faster. “Love....you....I...sorry...” You managed to croak out. Before you could lose control completely, you pulled the trigger.
Wanda watched in horror as you shot yourself in the head. Pieces of your brain landing on her, your blood drenching her. She looked down to see your body, half your face still together, but you were gone. Truly gone.
She knelt down sobbing, as she held your body. After a moment she looked up to see the Hulk appear as the zombies began to overwhelm the base. She saw the jet take off, and she gave a weak smile. They got away. Wanda’s job was done. This is where her story ends. All was lost for her.
So when the zombies finally reached her, she didn’t fight back. Accepting her death with open arms.
Epilogue
238 notes · View notes
rayofsunas · 3 years
Text
s/o who dies.
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A/n: listennnn, I wasn't going to write something dark, but then I unregretfully decided to listen to edgy/dark audios and I was suddenly in the mood to write this so yeah lmao. also, guess what? I'm planning on making a discord server right after posting this! so, be on the lookout for that when I get it all sorted out. also, note for Scaramouche's that the reader inserts tend to lean more femininely versed (I hope that's okay), the only reasons why I do that is because one I simp and I'm female AND two since I am doing a mini-series for Scara, I've kind of based his imagines/fics around that universe (baby daddy universe). I haven't started his yet, but consider these part of that series' universe. anyways as always thank you for requesting anon and enjoy! <333
Summary: you die + how the boys cope afterward.
Parings: Albedo/Gn! Reader, Xiao/Gn! Reader, Scaramouche/Fem! Reader
Warnings: swearing, angst, death, poison, illness/cancer, murder, arson, obsessive behavior
Word count: 2.1k
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Albedo
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"You need to keep this on your head." Your lover said for the one-hundredth time, placing the cold cloth on your forehead once again after taking it off only seconds earlier.
"This is pointless," You said, no longer wanting to ignore nor hide behind the invisible thick curtains of the obvious death sentence approaching. "My body rejected the medicine the first twice doses, what's a third time going to do?" You asked, knowing Albedo wouldn't answer; your hope was to knock some sense into his thick skull. but he was too worried trying to ignore the obvious as you had previously been doing, not anymore though.
This was saddening to watch, both Albedo's unfolding and the girl who accidentally poisoned you, whimpering into Sucrose's shoulder. She was only a young girl, barely seventeen when she was chosen to work under Sucrose and your boyfriend. She was very good at Alchemy and luckily had a desire to practice the craft. But unfortunately, she hadn't paid much attention when it came to Surcrose's educational poison lesson and had unknowingly mixed up poisonous liquids and materials.
After tipping over some clutter in Albedo's office and knocking over a test tube laying unsealed on the counter, you had realized the contents spilled on your skin, bleaching into your pores. You had been tasked with bringing the famed alchemist and his assistant some vials and materials for the collection of a rare butterfly they had found. It was both telling and obvious that something was wrong when you never showed up with the required materials requested and it was already too late hours later when the chief Alchemist, his assistant, and Alchemist in training came bounding down the stairs of Albedo's home laboratory.
It didn't take long for the trio to realize something was wrong. Sucrose had found the vile on the floor, most of its contents spilled and in a little puddle, plus your state on a nearby lounge chair was obvious; slumped awkwardly, forehead visibly sweating, eyes closed, breathing raspily.
You accepted the first doses of the supposed nullifying medicine without hesitation, just wanting the numbing feeling to go away. But when it never kicked in you decided it would be best to save the medicine, because it wasn't working. Your time was coming.
"Since the medicine is taking immediate effect, you should try to get the contents out of your system," He said, reaching out for you. Badly you wanted to argue that the medicine wasn't working at all, but he wasn't listening and already has his lean arms wrapped around your middle, helping gently lift and guide you over to the sink.
You hear materials being shoved to the side and soon enough you had your head dangling over the sink, shaking hands gripping the metalled edge tightly. Soon enough, Albedo's hand was on your back rubbing up and down, hoping to comfort you, it wasn't working though. You could only think about your death, what the other side would look like. Could there even be heaven or hell, maybe a place in between, maybe nowhere...?
As soon as you felt the urge to vomit, you did, and despite it being utterly disgusting Albedo seemed to welcome it happily. He took this as something good, but it only worried you when you saw the reddish hues in the bile.
"I think they should leave." You muttered acknowledging Sucrose and Elizabeth, the taste of gooey, metal only becoming more apparent. The blonde agreed, nodding and muttering "Okay."
As Sucrose lead Elizabeth towards the stairs, the pair heard you say. "Goodbye Sucrose, Elizabeth." Which only seemed to make the young girl wail louder.
You sighed sadly once the silence was back. Just your thoughts of death, and Albedo's slowly crushing heart.
"You should probably leave soon as well. I don't want you to be here when I go." Albedo frowned at your statement, head shaking.
"Don't say things like that."
Of course, he'd say that. Why did he feel the need to ignore this when it would only come back to hurt him even more later on when you were gone?
"You're the smartest man I know and we both know where this is heading," You said, head feeling much heavier than before. It was getting closer to your time. "I'm going to die, and you can't do anything about it."
"I'm not leaving your side. We promised to stick together through everything, you can't ask me to leave."
"I guess... But promise me this."
"When I go, stop blaming Elizabeth. It was an accident..." You said sincerely. Albedo wanted to make a fuss about it, tell you he'd never been able to forgive her. But for you, he would try. If it was your list desire, your last wish, he'd make it come true. Though it would be difficult. Accidental or not, she was the reason you were leaving him here, alone.
"Okay, I'll try..." He said honestly.
"Thank you," You said, letting out a shaking breath you had been holding for a very long time. Now you felt much more peaceful. "And since I know you stubbornly won't leave," You started, finally turning away from the sink to look into his cerulean eyes. "At least hold my hand."
"Of course, love."
even a year after your death, no matter how hard he tried, there was still this nagging feeling every time he looked at Elizabeth
he wanted too badly forgive her, but he couldn't
she had, although accidental, taken the one person that meant so much to him and he'd never forgive
Albedo is gonna be distant towards everyone he knows and it's completely purposeful
he doesn't like the pitiful gazes that people send his way and he hates that all the captains stared at him at your funeral
obviously, some questioned if he was able to stay in the field
he hadn't taken any time off, even when Jean advised he was welcome and that it would be best
tbh, albedo's going to have a hard time for a while
Xiao
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Why did it have to be you? Why not him? He'd feel much better knowing you could live another day, after all, he'd been living a very long time.
But no, the fallen Archons, Gods, Yaksha had chosen you to join them. He wished that weren't the case
Humans and their pathetic vessels... So weak, he thought. Allowing something like cancer to beat them.
No matter how harsh it sounded, he didn't despise you, no. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for this. He just knew that if you were a godly being this wouldn't have happened like this or at least not so soon; Xiao had known Gods that had terminal illnesses to live years. Why couldn't you be like them?
He hated watching you lie there in that bed, immobile, sickly, and tired, and all you could say was that everything was going to be alright, that he'd be alright.
But it wasn't. He wouldn't be okay without you. He would struggle daily, fall deeper into a hole. You were the light of his life, the only light in his life. And you were gone, just like that. Turning external scars into internal ones tattered all over his dying heart.
Xiao for the longest time has been by himself, so the people of Liyue know it'll be harder for him to overcome this, no matter what he says or does to prove otherwise
Zhongli in particular knows how hard this will be for his friend
his first and probably last love, dead, gone in the blink of an eye
he'll continue fighting all the monsters he crosses, becoming even more violent when he does so, trying his best to get rid of this stupid sickly feeling of heartbreak
but it won't go away, no matter what he does, no matter how absurd
he just wants the feeling to go away, he despises that feeling so much
if you have a secret place somewhere, like in the mountains, Zhongli often finds him there, wallowing in invisible self-pity
"You know they wouldn't want you to be like this." Zhongli would say, only trying to help
but it doesn't
it only enrages Xiao, even more, fuels him to push everyone out of his life again instead of letting them in like he'd done in your presence
Scaramouche
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How dare you. How dare you leave him like this. Alone, nonetheless with a toddler to raise who kept crying for her mommy. He couldn't do this without you, he didn't know how to raise a child, speak to her with the gentle care that you did. That was your expertise but now he'd be doing it solo.
And never again would he entrust someone who he cares about, into ignorant, incompetent arms. Never again will he ever allow any member of the Fatui to watch after his daughter; no matter their rank or position. They had one job while he was away doing business in Liyue. Guard your home twenty-four seven, accompany you into Inazuma's port town should you need anything, watch after his daughter while she plays happily in the luscious Inazuma fields. And they couldn't do that. All he gave them was one simple task, watch and keep you and your daughter safe. Instead, they slacked off, probably drunk in some bar while you were being brutally attacked by murderous mercenaries, left to fend for you and your daughter, only to die protecting her and leave your home to be severely burned.
He knew those idiotic Fatui soldiers were incompetent the moment he stepped foot into the harbor and found that everyone seemed to quiet down. Especially the eerily silent soldiers flanked on each side to welcome him home; he was the highest-ranking soldier in the land of Inazuma after all. Not a single one bothered to step forward and tell him what was wrong, what they all criminally allowed happen. Scaramouche only realized what had happened when he was mere minutes away from arriving home, his daughter had come running from his widowed mother's arms, the sight of smoke rising in the air, from the direction of his home. You were nowhere to be seen.
It all happened so fast, in the blink of an eye. His daughter was clinging to his shirt and his mother only stared with tears of pity.
It didn't take long for the puzzle pieces to be put together and before he knew it, Scaramouche was standing in front of his home, part of it burnt to a crisp and black.
He didn't need to ask what happened, he didn't need to know where you were, because he already knew. What he didn't know was who exactly had done this. But he was going to find out, now.
Incompetent, selfish, bastards. They would all pay for this. The lazy piggish Fatui soldiers who he should've never trusted with such a simple task and the thieves who had murdered you. They all had it rightfully coming.
Scaramouche hates the world after he lost you
he hates it so much and can't understand how this had happened
he's not a good person, so he blames it on karma and those stupid idiots who couldn't protect you
ngl, he's not gonna be around much after your death... his mother would argue that he should be here to raise your daughter, because she's also in pain and doesn't understand that this isn't some game of hide and seek this time
instead, he's focused and driven by revenge
he doesn't listen to a word anybody says, he's much more dangerous than before, and he only trusts his judgment
anyone trying to get him to stop his mission, is someone who doesn't want to see him happy he thinks (though that's not true at all. they hate that he is obsessive over this) but he will personally put a stop to that
and he'll only return home to his daughter and mother when he finds who did this and they along with their bloodline is exterminated
while he's gone, the remainder of his family is relocated somewhere he knows they'll be safe, for example, even though he despises childe, he knows his mom and daughter will be safe with his family
sorry, but Scaramouche will hold this deep-rooted hatred and love for you after you die
yes, he still loves and misses you dearly, but he hates you for leaving him alone, hates that although it wasn't intentional and out of your control, that you were gone
no matter how hard you tried to fight, it was selfish of you to leave him like this
he's not going to stop until he believes whoever was behind this is dead
and in his case, he'll stop believing when he chooses, even if they are innocent/guilty, he'll keep going
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3.19.21, rayofsunas
867 notes · View notes
realcube · 3 years
Text
❥ HOW HE CONFESSES
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characters ❥ mikey, draken & baji 
tw ❥ the beach, bad driving, mentions of murder and cursing 
cr ❥ requested by anon
a/n ❥ i’ve not read the manga yet :’(
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MIKEY 
♥ his love language is shoplifting for you <33
♥ like okay.. in writing it kinda sounds pathetic compared to all the other shit he does but like.. he goes through the effort of personally picking up your favourite snack from the grocery store —instead of getting his toman underling to do it for him — and hiding them under his shirt 
♥ and he thinks about you the whole time he is sprinting away from security 
♥ if that isn’t true love idk what is 
♥ today wasn’t any ol’ day tho, snacks and sweets were going to cut it 
♥ instead, he went for the big shiny rock on a ring he keeps seeing the window of the rock shop on the high street
♥ it was pretty, for a rock, but not pretty enough for anyone in their right mind to think it’s worth £10,000/$14,000/ ¥1,500,000!!!
♥ however, after hearing that price from a salesperson, he knew that stupid rock ring was exactly how he’d win your heart <3 
♥ it was a challenge and it had him working overtime, but after pulling some strings, doing a couple favours, and maybe even inadvertently killing some people (you never know 🤷‍♂️), he managed to get his hands on the pristine stone, which he had come to learn was called a diamond, which was why it was so expensive 
♥ the guy who did him the favour of stealing it initially asked if mikey was planning on proposing and mikey said yes —since asking you out on a date is technically a proposal — and the dude didn’t even question it, he just said good luck
♥ and that sort of energy was exactly what mikey needed right now as he stood behind a wall near your lunch table as he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do 
♥ all your friends had left yet you were still sitting there alone since mikey texted you and asked for you to wait behind, and the fact you actually did filled him with hope from the get-go
♥ “(y/n)! there you are!” mikey greeted as if he didn’t know exactly where you were this whole time. why was his heart thumping so harshly in his chest? and why did he suddenly feel overwhelmingly embarrassed? i mean, he’s not done anything worth being awkward about.. yet.
♥ he didn’t understand. he never usually gets this way around people. but then again, he shouldn’t be surprised since he knew you were an exception from the beginning
♥ “hi, mikey.” you hummed, head propped gently on your arm while you slipped your phone away, “why did you want to see me? is something wrong?”
♥ the slight concern he detected in your voice was enough for him to immediately blurt out, “oh, no! nothing like that! everything is great; i am great and i, erm, hope you are too.” he announced, somewhat glad that your only reaction was a blank stare as it meant he doesn’t feel inclined to explain himself 
♥ “so, uh, i was just wonder if you..” he started, clenching his jaw as he mentally reassured himself. the fact that he felt embarrassed about feeling embarrassed made things infinitely harder from him. he took a deep breath, and spilled
♥ “do you want to go out on a date with me sometime?” he basically screamed, squeezing his eyes shut tight and emptying his left pocket onto the table in front of you so that his special gift would accompany his proposal 
♥ he closed his eyes as if that was going to protect him from rejection, but before he was able to silently rebuke himself, he heard faint sobbing from where he dropped his present 
♥ upon opening his eyes, the shock from the sight before him was enough to give him whiplash
♥ in an unfortunate turn of events, he must’ve emptied the wrong pocket because sitting on the table in front of you was not a diamond ring, but rather a sherbet dip he bought to share with you if you said ‘yes’ to his proposal 
♥ and his suspicions were correct, you were the one crying 
♥ ....
♥ waIT WHY ARE YOU CRYING mikey panicked, frantically looking around for someone who might’ve hurt you, or perhaps someone he’d have to send to A&E
♥ “are you okay?”
♥ “yeah.” you whispered, your light chuckle enough to prevent mikey from worrying any more, “i’m just..” you stuttered, smiling fondly at the blonde, “i’m just really happy. i thought you’d never ask.” 
♥ it was impossible for mikey to conceal the sigh of relief he breathed as he slumped down next to you on the bench, “thank god. i thought someone had threatened you or something.”
♥ “threatened me? why would they do that?” you innocently cocked your head to the side, rubbing your eyes as you did so. 
♥ oh, yeah. mikey hadn’t been fully transparent with you about his.. current employment. as far as you knew, he was a full-time student at ‘toman academy’ and he had a part-time job babysitting (which was hardly a lie, in his opinion)
♥ so you didn’t really know about how he was the leader of the tokyo manji gang or any of that
♥ originally he thought it was fine to keep it a secret, but now that you were officially his partner it would be immoral to not let you know about his affiliation with the gang 
♥ so he decided to tell you over a sherbert <33
♥ “so, are we official?” he cooed, ripping the lollypops out of the bag and popping one in his mouth while offering you the other by tapping it against your lips lightly 
♥ “yep.” you smiled, taking the lolly into your mouth with a smile, glad that he didn’t bring up your little waterworks a few second ago 
♥ but in all honesty, he was preoccupied wondering what the most appropriate way to phrase ‘i am the leader of a gang of delinquents’ would be 
♥ poor little mikey brain working on overdrive 
♥ he decided to pull out the ring, since he still had to give that to you, so while you were entranced by the fat gem glistening under the light in mikey’s possession, he began, “so, babe, do you think being a gang leader is hot?”
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DRAKEN
♥ he honestly didn’t have a clue how to ask you out
♥ in fact, he didn’t even know that he had a crush on you until mikey pointed out all of his weird behaviours around you 
♥ so his first instinct was to go to mikey for advice when thinking of ways to ask you out 
♥ but the only idea that mf was to get ‘will you go out with me, (y/n)?’ tattooed onto his ‘thick skull’ and ofc draken wasn’t about to do that
♥ although he did consider it for like.. a minute
♥ (he was like.. hmmmm... well, the tattoo guy does owe me a favour so... maybe i could get it for free?)
♥ (or permanent marker might work???)
♥ anyway, he eventually decided to ask you out the good ol’ fashion way!! by just telling you how he feels
♥ however, once he explained this plan to mikey, he was scoffed and said ‘good luck with that’ in the most condescending tone of voice
♥ draken’s initial instinct was to simply beat up mikey and go ask you out anyway, but this conflict ran deeper than just him and mikey bickering about trivial issues- his whole relationship was on the line! 
♥ so after hearing the leader out, he finally decided on the most appropriate way to confess — just like how all the dudes in the animes mikey and him and watched did it 
♥ by giving you flowers and chocolates <3
♥ and mikey even offered to come into the store with draken and help him choose the goods since mikey was a self-proclaimed ‘love-expert’
♥ draken obviously denied his offer but he came along anyway 
♥ “ooh, ken-chin! look at these ones, they’re on sale.” mikey gasped, happily grabbing a pack of heart-shaped chocolates off the shelf, ripping them open and stuffing his face, “and they are delicious too!”
♥ paying no attention to the fact that mikey had essentially already committed a crime since there was no way he intended to pay for those chocolates, draken mused while eyeing up the rest of the sweets, the bouquet of flowers he had already chosen tucked under his arm, “valentine’s day was a week ago, that’s probably why they are on sale.” 
♥ “draken?” 
♥ a familiar voice from the end of the aisle caused draken to avert his gaze from the chocolates displayed in front of him and instead search for the source of the voice, which happened to be you standing innocently with your basket in-hand
♥ “ah, (y/n),” draken tensed, immediately shoving the bouquet of flowers behind his back at hopefully out of your sight as he put on a forced smile to distract from them too, “what a nice surprise seeing you here.”
♥ “hm?” mikey chimed in, unable to vocalise his curiosity through the chocolates stuffed in his mouth, but that didn’t stop him from trying, “is that the (y/n) you were talking about? the one you were going to conf--” 
♥ “that’s enough outta you.” draken hissed through a fake smile, shoving mikey into the next aisle, which happened to be the snack aisle so, entertained, he decided to stay put
♥ “oh, is that your friend mikey?” you inquired, having only ever heard about mikey through rumours up until now. though none of them exactly matched the image you saw just there
♥ “yep, he’s pain sometimes, but he’s still cool.” draken muttered, awkwardly rolling on the balls of his feet as he waited for a deity to save him from this interaction —  not that he didn’t want to talk to you, it’s just that every second you spend with him, the less likely it becomes that his confession will go as planned
♥ and you only confirmed that with your follow-up question
♥ “i see you’ve got flowers, and you’re looking for chocolates. who’s the special someone?” you teased, poking draken’s cheek playfully (which is one of the many things he only finds comfort in when you do it)
♥ “oh, no one.” he hummed, his coy smile doing a number on your heart rate
♥ “how about you? who is that card for?” he inquired casually, gesturing to the classic pink ‘i have something to tell you... <3′ confession card that was only in-stock during valentine’s day season, that was sitting atop the groceries in your basket
♥ a cocky smirk tugged at his lips — as if to say ‘i won’ — while he watched you become increasingly flustered right in front of him. it was adorable
♥ but he thought it would stop there; stop with him winning the teasing battle, you getting all sheepish then leaving but that apparently wasn’t your plan
♥ instead, you lowered your head and outstretched your arms to give him the card (which was still in the wrapping plastic) 
♥ “red-handed. i bought these with you in mind, draken.” you said, voice barely above a whisper, “but if you don’t accept then that’s fine too, have a nic--”
♥ “who said i don’t accept?” draken grumbled, almost as if he was annoyed, as he took your card and examined the card thoroughly for a couple seconds
♥ then suddenly, he froze. the shock of the realisation leaving him stunned to the point where the only thing he could do was shift his eyes from the card on to you and utter in a terrified tone, “this isn’t, uh, this isn’t a confession, is it?”
♥ you shrugged, “i guess, it is.” 
♥ “damn it.” draken cursed, glaring at the snack aisle and hence mikey, for giving him this stupid idea
♥ “is there a problem?” 
♥ “no.” draken said through gritted teeth before pulling out the bouquet his had hidden behind his back, “but i was meant to confess first.”
♥ your jaw dropped, leaving draken concerned for a second until you instantly pulled him in for a tight hug; another thing he admired about you was that you gave hugs like you were in the mafia, strong enough to cut off his airflow
♥ “double confession!” you squealed, absolutely delighted that draken not only wanted to confess to you, but he had the same idea to come to the shop and buy stuff beforehand
♥ “i guess so.” draken chuckled, handing you the bouquet of flower as soon as you pulled away, “these are for you.” 
♥ you gasped, smiling at how he managed to remember your favourite kind of flower after a single off-handed comment you made ages ago, “thank you!” you hugged them to your chest, “have you already paid for them?”
♥ “no.” draken replied simply. “but they are still yours.”
♥ sometimes it slipped your mind that draken was part of a literal gang since.. he just seemed so normal and humble 
♥ but on some other occasions, it was painfully difficult to consider draken anything close to ‘normal’
♥ and one of those moments was when he was trying to convince security he was pregnant with a flower-baby, and when that evidently didn’t work, he just made a run for it with mikey, whose pants pockets were filled with sweets that trailed behind him where ever he ran
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BAJI
♥ he didn’t even ponder about how he was supposed to confess to you for over a second
♥ the idea just came to him instantly and he went with it
♥ the only question he asked was ‘how can i show them how badass i am without bragging?’ and he immediately came up with an answer and rolled with it, no questions asked 
♥ and there was no planning or anything done beforehand either, he literally just texted you ‘where are you?’ at like 7PM and when you replied ‘the park’, he hopped on his bike and sped over 
♥ like he didn’t even ask which park.. he just guessed.. but he guessed correctly 
♥ your heart almost stopped as you watched a chunky motorcycle come speeding towards you at such a rate that all you could do was brace for impact and kiss goodbye to your relatively peaceful live
♥  however, at the very last second it swerved around you and came to a halt, allowing the rider to extend his free hand to you, “hop on.”
♥ the voice was all to familiar and you weren’t surprised at all to see baji with his signature ‘i could kill you’ grin plastered on his face 
♥ as your heart rate slowly began to return to normal, you cried, “what do you mean ‘hop on’? you almost ran me over!”
♥ he unclipped his helmet and tossed it to you, “safety first.”
♥ “did you even hear what i just said?” you grumbled, putting on the helmet anyway 
♥ “i think you said something about how excited you are to finally go out with me.” he mused, shuffling forwards slightly to give you more space to sit on behind him, like a true gentleman /s
♥ “no.” you replied simply. 
♥ though you initially had no intention of going anywhere with him, you still found yourself reaching your leg over his bike to take a seat behind him, “where are we going?”
♥ baji shrugged, chuckling slightly as he felt you gently wrap your arms around his hips, “don’t know, but hold on tight.” he warned, revving his engine and taking off without another word
♥ perhaps you were the fool for getting on a motorcycle with baji and letting him take you to an undisclosed location, but you trusted him enough to know that he wouldn’t try to drive you off a cliff or put you in danger.. or at least, that is what you hoped
♥ however, if it wasn’t a rival gang that kills you, baji’s driving definitely would
♥ he drives like a madman and left you with no other choice but to cling onto him for dear life, since if you didn’t bury yourself into his side, you’d probably fly off with all sharp turns he does around the other cars/bikes
♥ it was like being taped to the top of a vehicle in mario cart
♥ eyes squeezed shut, you yelled over the harsh blaring of the wind, “slow the fuck down! where are you even taking me?” 
♥ baji was having fun, but he was getting the feeling you weren’t..
♥ usually he doesn’t care about what other think but this was the first time he was taking you out, he didn’t want you to think of him as a maniac driver, or else you might not want to come with him ever again
♥ “if you open your eyes, you’ll see.” he uttered, slowing down slightly so the noises weren’t as harsh 
♥ taking his word for it, you hesitantly pried open one of your eyes and turned your neck so your face was no longer pressed against his shoulder
♥ and honestly, you were glad you did. passed the edge of the road, you had the perfect view of the beach below, the sea gently glistening under the orange sunset 
♥ now that your nose was free from only breathing in baji’s sickeningly strong, wild spice body spray, you finally able to enjoy fresh ocean air 
♥ “the beach.” you mused, smiling down at the completely deserted sandy shore, which looked so beautifully peaceful in contrast to how busy it was when you usually come 
♥ “no shit.” baji chuckled, his eyes remaining glued to road, despite how much he wanted to see your reaction
♥ you let out a defeated sighed, leaning against his back, “but it’s closed.”
♥ baji nodded, “yep, that means we’ve got the whole place to ourselves!”
♥ before you could question what baji meant by that, he steered off the edge of the road and down the steep hillside which led to the beach, though it definitely was not meant to be drove on as there were several warning sign at the side of the road, warning drivers about the hill
♥ “baji, what the fuck?!” you screamed over baji’s amused laughter, similar to the way you’d laugh if you were playing GTA, rather than playing with actual human lives
♥ “isn’t this fun?” he yelled back, enjoying how the wind felt against his skin as he maneuvered his bike down the steep hill 
♥ honestly, you weren’t sure whether you enjoyed it or not, but as soon as the bike came to a smooth landing upon the soft sand of the beach, you found yourself silently wanting to do that again
♥ “well, how was that?” baji asked, immediately hopping off the bike on his own only so he could offer you a hand
♥ accepting his hand, you stepped off the cycle only to notice that your legs were shaking, yet you oddly liked it, “that was.. okay.” you murmured, not wanting to feed his ego but also unable to lie to him.
♥ “great.” he uttered, leaning forward to carefully unclip your helmet for you and sling it over the handle of his bike
♥ “so,” he started, looking around the beach for any stray cops or surveyors, “what do you wanna do?” 
♥ he felt a light tug on his jacket sleeve, causing him to look down and meet your pleading gaze, “do you think we could go out again? some other time, maybe?”
♥ all baji did was laugh, resulting in you become sheepish for a moment, until he wrapped his arms around you picked you up for a hug, “obviously!”
♥ you smiled, your cheeks heating up slightly, “nice!”
♥ “anyway,” he started, placing you back down and dashing off towards the sea, “loser owes me lunch!”
♥ ignoring how he gets lunch either way, you immediately sprinted off behind him, watching as he dramatically fell over a large shell and face-planted into the the sand
♥ being the kind friend you are, you ignored him and continued running towards the water, only for him to grab your ankle and trip you up too
♥ “ha!” that is how he shows affection <3
391 notes · View notes
youryanderedaddy · 3 years
Note
Hello, do you accept order? If yes, you could make a single one shot of Yandere! Brat Spoiled, please...
What would it be like if Yandere were the son of wealthy parents who always have everything they want, when they don't always get what they like, always act like a spoiled brat (and also his parents are afraid of their son, as they have already seen what he is capable of when he gets angry)... that's where the reader comes in. She is a new student at school, a nice and kind person, so the yandere knows her and falls in love so strongly that she never felt that way in life, but the reader is always rejecting her advances for being a spoiled brat and the way he treats the people around you.
What happens next?
Title: Eat the poor
Tw: non - consensual touching, obsessive/possessive behavior, violence, low-key bullying, blackmail / coercion, reader is in university
Part 2
It had started during your very first year of college, back when you still felt motivated to go to school and meet new people. You had heard the rumors about him before ever meeting his gaze and oh, did they disappoint.
You met Gabrielle for the first time when the snowdrops bloomed and the birds returned home – in the early autumn, at night, in a small crowded room reeking of alcohol, sweat and cheap cologne which you quickly realized wasn’t his. The man smelt like the cigarettes he never got bored of and sweet caramel. He was wearing a big leather jacket and a pair of dark jeans, yet the simplicity of the outfit seemed to suit the expensive brands displayed on the clothing. In a way the student represented the typical youthful boyish beauty with his golden locks, eyes the color of the sky and frame tall and well – built. Yet his face remained motionless the whole night and his body stayed still despite the mass of bodies dancing around in rhythm. But then some poor unfortunate fool managed to bump into the male, spilling his drink all over him, and his pretty face quickly twisted into a mask of disgust and anger.
“You stupid piece of shit!” The male yelled shortly after as his fist connected with the stuttering boy’s stomach. His clear eyes were now two wild thunderstorms pouring rain and lightning over the tipsy guy who was nervously apologizing and promising to pay for the damages done. “Do you know how much this costs?” Gabrielle spat with venom and pushed the other onto the floor, bringing his black sneakers to that white shirt until there was a mark of dirt formed on the otherwise clean fabric. Everyone else in the room had stopped drinking now and all the eyes were pinned onto the two men yet no one had the courage to do anything. Your own heart was beating hard in your chest at the sudden display of unnecessary violence but you had always been a calm kid, a kind soul too scared of its own shadow to learn how to fight properly. So you had no idea what to do.
“My father can have you expelled, you know.” The blond man suddenly spoke out in a quiet eerie voice as he pressed his foot harder into the shorter boy’s stomach causing him to whimper and squirm. “Unless you are willing to beg for my forgiveness, that is.” The bully proposed with a sly smirk on his pink lips as he glared at the victim underneath. The student on the ground was clenching his eyes tight so no one could see the tears in them when he shook his head no. You finally decided you couldn’t let this inhumane scene go any further.
“Stop this madness right now!” You shouted manically, drawing all the attention to yourself as you made your way between the two men. Gabrielle immediately pinned his burning gaze on you in unhidden intrigue. “This is too cruel. He didn’t mean to bump into you. Please, leave him alone.” As much as you had wanted to curse at the spoiled rich boy there was this suffocating feeling in your lungs telling you to be careful and play the mediator. The others quickly started gasping and some were already gossiping at your reaction proving your point that the guy was indeed dangerous.
Then he looked you straight in the eyes with his deep blue ones. He chuckled softly before smacking his lips in an unpleasant way, his “tsk” sending shivers down your spine. You had fucked up. “Well, well, well… Looks like the new girl wants to play hero. How cliché.” The bully grinned as he let his gaze roam up and down your body, your cheeks turning red in return when having realized he was handsome even while doing something so vulgar. “But if you do want to help him so badly…” The golden – haired man paused for a moment pretending to be deep in thought. “Maybe we could have a little deal, bunny.” He moved his leg away from the sobbing boy and stepped in front of you. From this close you could feel the warmth of his skin and the sweet aroma of burnt sugar it radiated. Gabrielle tilted your chin up almost gently and whispered in your ear “Kiss me.”
You tried to break free from the uncomfortable pose but the student simply squeezed your jaw line harder, his eyes cold and calculating, following your every move. You mind went blank and foggy at the forced intimacy and you couldn’t think straight with his breath on your neck. It felt like the time had slowed down just so the sadistic snob could mess with you a little longer. You opened your mouth to voice your protests but fortunately you didn’t have to say anything because at the very same time the host of the party appeared, ready to stop the fight.
“Gabrielle, I’d have to ask you to leave.” The dark – haired junior growled enraged as he pushed the taller male away from you. You couldn’t help but smile at him in appreciation. He was the only one brave enough to help you after all. “You are ruining the party for everyone. ” The stranger continued. The blonde seemed irritated at the sudden interruptance yet it was obvious he was powerless against the owner of the house. Still he grit his teeth and signed in annoyance as he turned to face the host. “Fuck you, Jackson!” The man cursed but eventually moved towards the door, red with anger. “My father will hear about this.” He looked at you as he reached for the golden doorknob, his features softened. “See you around, bunny.”
This was the first time you met Gabrielle. You already wished it was the last.
-------------------------------------------------------
After the incident the snob seemed interested in you, blatantly so. He would eye you up in the halls like you were a shiny new toy in a claw machine and try to strike a conversation no matter how much you ignored him. The man never once apologized for what happened at the party but at least he didn’t bring it up so you counted it as a small victory. You gradually understood just how much power and money the heir had. His father owned casinos, hotels, banks and apparently even the university you two were studying in received major monthly donations by the big businessman. This explained why everyone was so scared of the blonde, especially when he did nothing but flaunt his status at the slightest inconvenience. And now he wanted you.
In your eyes the boy was just an annoying brat who lived off daddy’s hard work, there really wasn’t much to him that intrigued you. The male was handsome, pretty even, but his grades were terrible and his interests were bland and shallow, mostly involving expensive brands and grand parties. But the worst thing about him was his personality. The snob treated his friends like servants and his enemies like dirt, but you he rather saw as a challenge. Gabrielle would ask you out every time you were unlucky enough to run into him. The first time the man gave you so many roses you couldn’t even count them, the second he demanded your affection with a silver necklace in hand ready to cover your neck in his mark of ownerships. You couldn’t recall all the other gifts the blonde used to try and court you with but you remembered refusing each and every one.
“Why can’t you just give me a chance?” He exclaimed one day after you had just returned the expensive bracelet you had found in your locker. It was a dark winter night and the heir seemed irritated with you for the first time, his eyes a deep electric blue just like the sky. The man had you cornered against the wall but you were used to his pathetic attempts at intimidation. Yet today there was something different in the air around him, some small voice at the back of your head wondered whether this time he wasn’t just joking around. “Are you still angry about that little wimp I expelled, bunny?” Gabrielle asked contemptuously yet his pupils remained cold and distant. Once again he was too close for your liking, too close for you to function properly, but that was probably exactly what he wanted. You to be compliant and obedient like all the others who crawled and kneeled at the very sight of him. “Or are you sulking because I beat up Jones after he asked you out, hmm?” What? The blonde man was the one who gave Tony the black eye? But he had told you it was just a street fight… Why had your friend covered for the bully you both hated?
“Why would you do that to him?” You whispered, staring at the twisted boy in front of you. Your heart was beating fast and your blood was boiling hot in your veins but you couldn’t let him win by showing him how much his actions affected you. Gabrielle reached out and cupped your cheek gently before smirking mischievously. “He was trying to take something that belonged to me.” The heir said casually as if he was talking about the weather. His fingers were cold against your warm skin and you fought the urge to vomit right then and there. “I am not yours.” You spat out with poison and pushed his hand away from your face. Next thing you know his knee was separating your thighs, lifting your short black skirt up, his breath lingering on your neck. “S-stop.” You stuttered and tried to squirm out of his hold but the man easily caught your wrists and brought them above your head, pinning you further into the wall. He was stronger than he looked and you felt so small and helpless in that moment you could have cried if your stubbornness hadn’t prevailed.
“What don’t you like about me?” The blonde suddenly spoke out, his voice unnaturally broken and needy, bordering on a whine, crying out in desperation. You weren’t sure whether he was trying to manipulate you now or if he actually wanted you to answer so you decided to be honest anyways. “I hate the way you treat other people. I could never love someone as cruel as you.” You inhaled deeply, ready to voice all the painful thoughts you had kept inside since the beginning of the semester. “You are spoilt rotten. Metaphorically and literally.” The man was breathing sharply like a wounded animal after hearing your words and as much as you wanted to sympathize with him, you couldn’t bring yourself to after everything he had done to you and your friends. He was irredeemable. “Let me go.” You finally demanded, hoping to use him weakened emotional state to your advantage.
Instead Gabrielle clenched his teeth and squeezed down harder on your already bruised wrists causing you to whimper in dull pain. His eyes were wet but the tears had finally stopped just like his willingness to show you his vulnerable side. The man had tried being nice and sweet to you, patient, then mean and patronizing, and neither worked. So obviously it was time to become the terrifying bratty monster everyone was so keen on believed he was.
“Have you noticed how many people seem to go missing after talking to you just once?” The heir whispered in your ear as his free hand traveled down to your waist, drawing you into his hard chest. You groaned at the sudden realization that the snob was actually right, less and less guys seemed to show up to your shared lectures in the last few months, but you had always assumed they just needed a break from school. University was stressful after all. “Did you…” You started off but couldn’t find the right words. Did you force your father to expel them? Did you harm them? Maybe a part of you didn’t want to know the answer. “I did.” Gabrielle responded before you could even finish the sentence. The sly smirk you knew way too well adorned his lips and it wasn’t hard to see he had already won. “And I will keep doing it until you agree to be mine and mine alone.” The man stated confidently as he sucked the sensitive skin of your neck until you arched your back in shock, your eyes rolling up to the ceiling. “N-nhgg.” You whimpered as you felt his teeth dig into your warm flesh leaving a scarlet mark for all to see. “Come on, baby, we both know you are too good to let them suffer because of your own selfishness.” He taunted you as he left a line of small wet kisses along your exposed collarbone. You wanted to argue, to yell at him how you weren’t the crazy, selfish one, but deep down you knew it was pointless. Gabrielle had power and you had nothing to bargain with. He could have anyone yet he wanted to torment you. “Give into me. I promise I can make you happy if you let me.” The blonde uttered softly as his lips brushed against yours, almost touching them, following your reaction with his clear eyes. Your own were puffy and red from the tears but he didn’t seem to care much about your misery and discomfort. The man wished to own, not to please, but you couldn’t do anything. And of course you wouldn’t let him ruin the lives of the innocent. Of course your stupid heart was too good and human for your own good. So you closed your eyes and slowly connected your lips with him even though they tasted almost metallic, like blood and defeat.
“I knew you would come around, bunny.”
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21u004 · 3 years
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stitched in silence / geto suguru / march 20th, 2021
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“hey,” geto calls out to you from behind, and you don’t bother to face his way. how could you when all you’ve been doing these past few days is be prideful and avoid him after—that?
maybe that’s the problem—you’re a little too prideful for your own good; a little too stubborn to let your walls down and finally hear him out after days of escaping as soon as he comes into your line of view.
and you think it’s stupid; that little duality of yours. how one moment you’re hearing out everyone’s opinions and then in the other, you’re drowning them out, either because you think you’re in the right, or you know you’re wrong but not admitting it because all you’d have left is your pride, in short words, scared of the truth.
maybe if you’d let your pride down first before anything else, it wouldn’t be the only thing left with you.
then again, whether you put it down or not, they still leave. it’s better to have something than nothing at all.
suguru doesn’t hear a response from you or see one either for him, when all you’re doing is petting the black cat in front of you.
it’s the same cat he’s been so envious of, always being able to get your attention and showered with affection. at that moment, he figures he’s just as childish at you too, and it relieves him.
he’s found someone like him, and yet still so different, because you’ve always been so open to everything and yet closed at some times. it’s difficult to understand you, built with complicated little puzzle pieces, but suguru’s willing to spend hours, days or years trying to figure you out.
“um… about… last week,” he starts, taking a seat beside you on the staircase. he’s still a bit hesitant, afraid to just unintentionally push you away once again if a wrong word slips out of his mouth and he’ll just have missed another opportunity to mend things back together between you and have more time spent with you.
he puts his hand down from his nape, watching you quietly coo at the cat, giving it gentle rubs on its fluffy head and body. it’s laughable; him being jealous over a cat, but then he assumes you’ve felt the same way too, and he’s right.
“i’m sorry if you thought that i—” and before he even gets to finish his sentence, you’re interrupting his little apology, with an assumption that it’s another one of those pitiful sorry’s that nearly everyone’s heard so much every day from him from how many people are head over heels for him and unfortunately, the feeling not being mutual.
“of course you are.”
your fingers stop grazing themselves over the cat’s fur, and instead of it trying to get you back at it again, it leaves as if it sensed the growing tension between you and suguru.
“you’re geto suguru,” you begin, putting your hands back onto your lap, clenching both your jaw and your fist, desperately trying not to be so vulnerable, despite having known each other for who knows how long. “you’re—you’re just so unapologetically yourself, it’s annoying. you’re too—kind, considerate, too polite and too gentle with others that it’s frustrating.”
“it’s frustrating because i can’t seem to—” you don’t dare say it, not because of pride. if anything, you’d like to say it out loud but you feel the words stuck in your throat as if there’s some barrier between it and your mouth keeping the words from leaving you.
say it, and that’s one less person that cherishes you exceptionally, and that’s horrible because there’s barely anyone left who cherishes you as much as he does.
it’s pointless though since you probably already lost him after last week.
you’re vibrating in your seat, wanting to go home and be held and be vulnerable and cry. it’s childish, but you try to tell yourself it’s not and that everyone has to be a little bit emotional at times to let go or accept certain things.
in this case, let go of your pride, and accept the rejection that’s coming your way, then be told it’s okay, that nothing’s going to change and he’s going to stay, and be cradled in—his—arms.
who would have thought that even confessions and rejections could be so—dramatic?
but well, it’s you. you can’t help feeling your emotions to its core; you can’t help letting it all pour out of your little heart and into the world.
perhaps that’s one of the reasons suguru love you so much; how you find love in the littlest corners of the world and let it bleed through you and give it all away. and you don’t realize that he does because you’re too busy worrying and hammering unwanted thoughts into your head.
“sorry,” standing up, you wipe your own tears away with the back of your hands, as strings of apologies (that suguru assumes what he should be doing instead of you) thread the air. “this is, this is stupid and childish. i’m sorry you had to deal with this for so long. i’m going, it’s better that way. i’m sorry.”
you want to leave, but a part of you is telling you to stay. and if you couldn’t choose or make up your mind between those, then suguru was going to choose for you again, like every other time you and satoru chose him as a moral compass.
and geto wants you to stay.
he always has. you’re just too scared to face it—to face him. you could face anything but him, since you’re so afraid of letting him see you without rose-tinted glasses.
you’re afraid that he’s going to abandon you despite getting reassured plenty times that he never will.
you’re afraid that he’s going to be like everyone else.
so he takes your wrist before you step any farther, and his skin’s heat contrasts with yours.
“let go.”
“hear me out.”
and for a moment of weakness, you sit back down, three steps away from where he sat.
he could leave you be, at least you’re not too far, but he chooses to sit next to you and wipe your tears away.
when you don’t stop him, relief showers over him.
he’s careful with you, slowly and gently drying your tears with his handkerchief, patting it lightly on your cheeks.
he’s close, dangerously close to you. his breath’s warm against you, and he smells a lot like cool mint. it’s not helping you from trying to move on from him, because he’s so annoyingly and unapologetically himself, and his true self is this.
still, you don’t try to pry away from him, and neither does he with you because all you each want is to be close to each other again after what felt like weeks.
“get straight to the point,” you croak once he backs away from your face.
“the feeling’s mutual,” he says, smiling at the ground, then at you.
he better be kidding.
“it’s not funny. quit fooling around with me,” you breathe in heavily, feeling somewhere between scared, nervous, and happy.
“i’m not.”
“this! this is why i want to leave. because you keep joking with me when i’m serious—”
“accept it,” he wraps a hand around your arm, and he’s so, so close to you again. he could be teasing you, but the tone of his voice is telling you that he’s just as serious as you are.
it all runs back to you, the little comments about you that shove your insecurities back on your shoulders to carry. “…why? why me?”
suguru sighs and lets go of the tight grip on your arm. he’s got a bunch of reasons—well, contributors to that list, but he doesn’t really know the main reason why. so he replies, simple and honest, “just because.”
you were the one who told him that too anyway. how someone doesn’t have to have a reason why they love someone else.
you want to kick him on his shin so badly and say he’s being playful again with you because he always has been, but you can’t sense a single inch of it. he’s actually serious.
“you—that’s the dumbest decision you’ve ever made,” you spit out, panting heavily after holding your breath for so long. “you’re trying to ruin your life.”
having always been understanding, instead of feeling irritated at your counter, his eyes soften at the look of disappointment outlined in your features. who hurt you and why?
it’s going to take him longer to piece you together, but it’s okay. suguru’s got plenty of patience for you. after all, he’s going to be in it for the long run.
“it’s not,” he whispers.
murmuring a small ‘what’, you get pulled into his chest. it’s warm and comforting, with his hand patting your back gently, and the icing on the cake is hearing his steady pulse.
he’s alive, and he’s with you out of everyone in the world.
he’s unable to make out words and tell you everything he wants to say to reassure you that you’re so much more than what you think you are, that you’re deserving of the same love you give away and so much more than that, that you’re too valuable to be discarded so easily or just thrown away at that. so hopefully, this was enough.
hopefully, even without words, you hear him.
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sinner-as-saint · 4 years
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Power Over Me - 1
Bucky Barnes x Reader AU
Run-through: CEO James Buchanan Barnes is a dom. And he’s spent the last 5 years searching for his perfect sub. Then one night, he finds you. He thinks everything will fall perfectly into place now; but he thought wrong. Turns out your unfortunate past which still haunts you to this day, and some of his enemies are well connected. Things go wrong. And your bond with your dom is tested in almost every way…
Themes throughout the series: dom/sub dynamic, smut, dirty talk, angst, fluff
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Bucky let out a sigh of boredom and tiredness as he walked into the club.
He unbuttoned his suit and thanked himself for having left his tie in the car itself because he truly, desperately needed to relax after an entire week’s work. Being the CEO of his own flourishing company was nice and all, but managing all those branches and employees and partaking in all those meetings and conferences all the time were taking a toll on him.
Yet, he walked in with a little hope in his heart. A hope, which only diminished as time went on. Bucky had everything; money, power, respect. But he was incomplete. He was a dom, and his last relationship with a sub happened five long years ago. He’s had casual, normal sex countless times since but he was never satisfied. Never truly satisfied.
Bucky walked into the dimly lit BDSM club, which was owned by one of his close friends who shared the same lifestyle as him. The only difference was, all his friends had their subs, only Bucky didn’t.
The club was more or less like an elite, private strip club – only instead of strippers and dancers, there were subs who waited to be chosen by which ever dom would like to have some private time with them. Or play a scene in the playrooms. At the end of the night, there was always a line up – where doms chose who they were interested in. Bucky had been here countless of times, but no one ever caught his attention. He never felt drawn to any of the girls.
See, Bucky was a slightly more complex man. He was what one calls a soft dom. His friends, who all shared the same lifestyles, playfully teased him about it all the time. But Bucky never changed despite the jokes. He wasn’t like other doms who were into public humiliation, or hardcore scenes, or who had strict regimes and timetables for their subs to follow.
Of course, Bucky did have his fair share of rules set and ready for whenever he’d find his perfect girl but they were rules which could be bent. He believed it’d be much more enjoyable and fun that way.
 The atmosphere of the club was similar to how it always is. Some doms took part in scenes with one or more than one subs in one of the many open play spaces; which Bucky was never necessarily fond of. He had attended many scenes, but he was never one to take part in it. There were equipment scattered nicely around the room. Most people were in the lounge area, on the dark red couches and chairs; subs on their doms laps, or other knelt beside their masters. Everyone was doing their own thing, playing roles in a healthy, consensual manner, knowing that this was their safe, little secret space.
And there Bucky was. Lonely even though he was surrounded by people. As he looked around, seeing the expression of content and delight on all the other doms’ faces, it did make him envy them a little.
I would treat my sub much better than they treat theirs. If I had one. His inner voice spoke up.
He walked further in, eventually joining his friends at a table. People walking around, especially the women threw curious glances at him. Some were provocative, some were less. Everyone was dressed differently; some in suits, ladies in gowns, subs in anything ranging from latex lingerie to nothing at all. It used to be overwhelming, but now it wasn’t. He was comfortable, right in his element. Just lonely.
He was in the middle of a conversation with Sam when someone, out of nowhere, caught his eye.
Wearing a short, but not too revealing, figure hugging brown dress; you stood by the stairs which led to the private playrooms upstairs. Alone, with your head hung low, fingers intertwined; you stood politely. It seemed as though you were waiting for something, or someone. Bucky watched you. Five minutes went by and no one, no man approached you.  
Bucky eyed you a little more for a while. You had no collar on. Your hair was perfect, he could only imagine burying his entire face in it or wrapping it around his fist and tug on it. He could imagine how pretty you’d look on your knees. You shyly looked up for a brief moment, and Bucky’s breathed hitched in his throat at the sight of your face.
Oh my. What a lovely girl!
He tried to shift his focus back on what Sam was talking about but he couldn’t. He was bewitched. In a trance. Like he had found all the answers he ever looked for. After five long years, something sparked in him. A desire, or a need rather. A need to have you, and have you hand over your control to him. Just one look and Bucky longed, he yearned for something he hadn’t even touched, or experienced yet – you.
He got up from his table after a few minutes, and made his way to you. Your head was still hanging low, so you didn’t notice his arrival until you realized you were looking at a pair of dark shoes.
 You tensed up immediately, knowing that someone stood in front of you. You wanted so bad to just lift your head up and see what he looked like, but you couldn’t. Never make eye contact unless you’re told to. You had been trained so, years ago, by your previous Master.
Bucky scanned you one more time; definitely no collar, no necklace with initials on, no bracelet – nothing. Perfect. You weren’t taken… yet.
He spoke up. “Hello beautiful, what’s your name?” he asked, softly. His voice almost made you tremble, in a good way; you weren’t trembling in fear in front of him like you did with your previous Master. But you didn’t reply, instead you shifted your gaze back and forth from his shoes to yours. You waited.
Bucky realized that you must be one of the subs who received very stern training. So he spoke up again. “You may speak, sweetheart.” He said, and expected a reply this time. He watched you intently as you parted your lips, your tongue quickly wetting them before you replied to his question.
“Y/N.” you politely said your name. Your voice sent chills throughout his body. It had been long, too long since he’s been with a sub. Bucky feared he might be rusty, but seeing how your body reacted to his presence alone, he was sure he did just fine.
He chuckled lightly, in an approving manner. “That’s a pretty name. Would you, Y/N, like to accompany me upstairs?" he asked again, referring to the private playrooms upstairs. You were quiet, processing. He was leaving the decision on you? How odd. Your previous Master never did so.
All Bucky got was silence. Part of him was disheartened immediately, thinking you would reject him. Then he remembered, “You may speak when asked a question, doll.” His tone was just a little less playful than previously. It was an insignificant change, but you caught it. Just like you did when your previous Master’s mood changed, you always caught and dreaded the change in his voice.
Calm down, this isn’t him. This isn’t him. This isn’t him.
“I wouldn’t mind that at all, Master.” You replied, somewhat monotonously. There was something about how you responded which didn’t sit too well with Bucky. Subs were usually excited and glad and looked forward to playtime, instead you seemed… afraid? He was sure he’ll figure it out by the time you were upstairs.
“Look at me.” He said, softly. You hesitantly looked up to meet a pair of pretty eyes. James Barnes? You had heard of him, even saw him at the club a few times. Oh lord was he handsome from up close! You lowered your eyes immediately, in fear. Never stare, it’s rude. You had been trained so. Bucky frowned. “I said look at me, doll.” his voice was much firm but he didn’t sound mad, not in the least.
You looked up again, and held his stare this time. You were shy, he could tell. He extended his arm for you to take. You placed the palm of your hand in his warm, larger one. “You will address me as ‘Sir’, understood angel?” his voice was calming, weirdly.
You nodded. “Yes, sir.” He smiled.
Bucky led you upstairs and into one of the private rooms. It was nice and cozy inside, dimmed lights – dimmer than downstairs, comfortable couches, lots of pillows and equipment and other toys. You were very much familiar with these rooms; you’ve been here before many times.
You hung your head low again, waiting for his instructions. He locked the door, let go of your hand, walked in and stopped in the middle of the room then turned around to face you.
“Kneel.” He said, using the same calm and collected voice from before. He wasn’t too overpowering, he was easing you into this, you could tell. You hurried and dropped to your knees on the floor right before him.
You waited. He scoffed, as if disapproving of something. You trembled, wondering what you had done wrong. You replayed the past few minutes over and over again as he moved away from you, walking over to the couch. Was he leaving? Why do you act like you’re stupid at times, huh? Your previous master’s harsh words echoed in your head. And you got all teary eyed just thinking about the man and how he handled your “stupidity.”
Bucky reached for a pillow. “Don’t you know you have to kneel on a cushion, you silly baby? Else, you’re gonna bruise your knees. We don’t want that, do we now doll?” he grabbed the soft pillow and walked back to where you knelt on the floor. Bucky didn’t think twice before squatting down and placing the pillow on the floor for you to kneel on. No dom had ever gotten on his knee for your comfort ever before, this was new to you.
But even then, he noticed you remained unmoving in your spot. He looked up to find you all teary eyed, and tensed. He reached out to touch your chin, you flinched at first – due to not so pleasant past experiences with impatient doms – but you recovered once you felt his soft, caring touch. You looked into his piercing but soft eyes, and you looked away immediately; unable to handle the intensity of it all.
When you looked down, you noticed the pillow. And you quickly scooted forward and knelt on it instead of the cold, hard wooden floor. “Sorry, sir.” Your voice trembled a little. Your hands were shaking a little, and Bucky noticed. He didn’t like it.
He grabbed your chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifted your head up so you had no choice but look at him. “Who did this to you?” he asked, waiting for an answer.
Bucky could clearly see that someone must’ve taken advantage of you, or they must’ve treated you poorly. You were so tensed and scared. You understood what he meant by the question, and many memories came flooding back in. Memories of him. Your previous Master. The first master who claimed you, collared you, trained you and the only one to have done so up till now.
You looked into Bucky’s eyes and wondered what to say.
“Tell me, baby.” he urged you to talk. Baby…
You fidgeted in your spot, your heels digging into your butt cheeks. “My… master. The one, um, I was with before. He…” you trailed off, not knowing how to describe him. Was rough? Too rough? Didn’t care about boundaries, didn’t respect limits? Didn’t believe in aftercare? There was so much you could say about him but you couldn’t vocalize it all.
You didn’t have to. Bucky understood. He had seen cases like these, where one wanna-be, terrible dom messes up and scars a sub for life. Bucky was angry, not at you, but at whoever the hell it was who had taken advantage of your submission, instead of cherishing it. The idiot, whoever he was, must’ve made you think that doms were to be feared. When in reality, that wasn’t the case. That was never the case.
Oh my sweet, sweet angel… Bucky’s heart broke just looking at your broken state. You were lost, confused between what you wanted and what not, what you could do and what not. You had been fed lies about this lifestyle, and in that moment Bucky knew he could never let you go. He couldn’t leave you, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did.
Bucky didn’t let go of your chin, and you were alright with that. You let him. “Hey,” he said softly, leaning in closer to you, “it’s okay, my little pearl. There’s no need to be afraid anymore. I’m here, now. You’re here with me, don’t think about anything else.” He spoke, looking you deep in the eyes. He meant it all. “We’re here for you. For your pleasure, remember that.” he sounded so lovely and caring. “Nod if you understand.”
You nodded, wondering how could it be that you relaxed just by looking into his eyes. He was… calming. All of him was; his voice, his stance, his demeanor – he dripped of power and authority but he was also nurturing and sweet. A deadly combo. But a great one.
“Good girl.” He complimented you. You could see the stark difference between him and your previous Master. With the latter, compliments were rare, so rare. Practically non-existent. But with Bucky… he complimented you just for nodding. You felt warm and good; something you hadn’t felt in years.
You realized then that you wanted him. Bad. You needed him.
“Now tell me, sweetheart,” he spoke slowly. “What to do want?” he urged you to answer. He waited, longing to hear those words from your pretty lips.
“To please you, sir.” You answered. Warmth washed over both of you. Bucky smiled, and moved his hand from your chin to your hair. He slid his fingers into your hair gently, massaging your scalp for a few moments before standing up again.
He looked down at you, as you slowly lowered your eyes, focusing back on his shoes. “Go ahead, angel.” He gave you the green light. And you tried your hardest not to seem impatient as you unbuckled his pants and lowered it just enough to free his cock. The sight of his thick cock had your mouth watering in need, but this wasn’t about you. This was about showing him how well you could please him. And you intended on leaving a good impression.
“Open up, sweetheart.” He watched how you parted your lips and inched forward; wrapping your hands around his cock and placed your mouth on his tip; your tongue slowly circling his tip.
Bucky slid his hand into your hair and grabbed a fistful of it; tugging on it gently and slowly pushed himself deeper into your mouth just a little, the rest he left it up to you, for you to take at your own pace. “Don’t rush baby, take your time. I’m right here with you.” He whispered, with his cock halfway into your mouth.
You didn’t waste any time, inch by inch, you took him in. He fit, surprisingly, into your mouth perfectly, despite his delicious size. You looked up at him, he threw his head back and exhaled loudly. He looked back down at you. “Be a good girl for me, come on.” He said, softly.
You hollowed your cheeks and bobbed your head around his tip; taking him in and out of your mouth, he hit the back of your throat each time you took him in.
You kept your eyes on his perfect face as you sucked on his cock. He closed his eyes momentarily, lips parted and gasping as he tilted his head back. He looked majestic. “Fuck…” he moaned and you quickened your pace. “That’s it, sweetheart.” He whined and looked down at you. “Oh look at you go.” He sounded breathless.
His taste invaded your senses. And you liked it. Oh you liked it. The sounds leaving his mouth fueled the fire in you. You were doing that. You were making him feel good like this.
He bucked his hips forward very gently into your mouth, and loved the sight of your spit coating his cock, and how your mouth stretched and struggled just a little to accommodate him in your mouth. You looked magnificent on your knees, taking him perfectly. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this good, and complete at the same time.
You felt all of him against your tongue and you repeated your actions again and again, hollowing your cheeks. The gasps and moans which escaped his lips made you squirm and it only added to the dampness which was forming in your underwear. And his praises… oh his praises.
“You look so pretty on your knees, angel. So pretty.” He moaned and panted and tugged harder on your hair. “Come on that’s it, show me how much of a good girl you can be for me.” His words made you tremble in the best way possible.
Yes. Yes, I’ll be your good girl. All for you. You felt it then, the connection. You wondered if he felt it too. The need to give in to him burned inside you. You wanted to surrender completely, to him, his praises, his loving words. He was so kind, so caring… so soft.
He quickened the pace at which he moved in and out of you; eager to chase his orgasm. He twitched against your tongue and you tasted some of his pre cum. Your hands toyed with his balls, and he hissed. “That’s it, my angel. Come on, take me. Take all of me.” He murmured, urging you to speed up.
Bucky gently pushed your mouth down on his cock, you struggled to breath for just a second but then you grew accustomed to it. You relaxed your throat and allowed him in deeper into your mouth. The sounds he made were glorious.
He swore under his breath as you took him out and dragged your tongue over the slit on his tip very lazily before taking him back into your mouth and suck on his cock until he felt his orgasm building nicely. He looked down at you. So perfect. So perfect it hurt, and he just wanted to take you away from here, away from everyone else’s hungry gaze and protect you with his life.
He pulled himself out of your mouth abruptly, and tugged gently onto your hair, which was wrapped around his fist. Your spit mixed with his cum coated your lips, your eyes watered just a little and he chuckled when he saw the excitement in your eyes. You gasped as he pushed two fingers past your lips. You welcomed them in and treated them the same way you had worshipped his cock merely seconds ago.
Bucky watched with his own lips parted. Fuck… his cock twitched, missing the warmth and softness of your wet mouth already. “Will you be a good girl and swallow all that I give you, doll?” he asked, chest heaving a little, he was on the edge, you could tell.
You nodded frantically, his fingers still in your mouth. “Answer me, baby. Will you?” he asked again, removing his fingers to let you talk.
“Yes sir.”
He didn’t waste any time, he pushed himself back into your mouth and let you do your thing. You welcomed his familiar taste and size.
You wrapped your arms around his thighs and sucked on his cock until he came; spilling his warm load down your throat. You focused on swallowing all that he gave you. He came with a moan and a sigh, closing his eyes and relishing the warmth of your mouth wrapped around him. You swallowed all of him, licked him clean and zipped his pants back up and buckled his belt again.
And you waited, still on your knees on the cushion before him. He smiled down at you, enchanted. I found you.
“You did so good, angel. You were perfect.” He ran a hand lazily over your hair, smoothing it down given it had gotten all messy since he tugged on it. Once he was done, he spoke again. “Stand.”
You listened, and kept your head down. “Time to go downstairs now baby, okay?” he gently caressed your cheek. You looked up, and he could’ve sworn his heart skipped a beat.
“Yes, sir.”
 ---
You two got downstairs, and he before he could say anything to you, you were pulled away from him by one of the managers of the club. Bucky could only watch as the middle aged woman dragged you away from him, chiding you for being late or something of that sort. Bucky was confused for a minute. He was initially planning on asking you if you’d like to come home with him. But before he could, you were taken away from him to God knows where. Then he realized.
Oh no. They were taking you to the line-up.
 The line-up was nothing new to you. You visited the club weekly for years now, you had gone on that stage so many times to line up with all the girls who were at the club. There was not much to do once you were on stage, you just had to stand there and let the men or the couples choose whoever they liked.
You wondered if Mr. Barnes would be in the audience. Would he? No, he must have found someone else by now. Men like him wouldn’t waste time on line-ups. Regardless, the hope burned in a corner of your heart.
The line-up was important, whoever got chosen the quickest got paid the most by the club. If not, then you return home empty handed. Home… you didn’t have a home. Home is where you’re supposed to feel safe, and happy and loved. What you had close to that was a shabby apartment that you share with 2 other roommates.  
As the manager tugged you rather harshly along to get you to the line-up in time, you did more thinking. Most girls when they get chosen go immediately with the one who chose them. Then they come back, usually after a couple of weeks.
Or sometimes the masters shared and exchanged amongst themselves, with consent of the sub obviously. One girl, however, stayed for longer with a dom once. 3 months. Everyone thought she would never return, that she had found her one true dom, her master. Which is what every girl here dreams of – finding the right one. To surrender to, to give up complete and utter control to. Someone to complete them. You longed for that too, silently.
Earlier, with Mr. Barnes, you had had a brush with what that feeling might be like. To feel complete. To feel joy and happiness in pleasuring your dom. In surrendering to him, letting him know it was okay for him to play with you as he pleased.
Oh Mr. Barnes… you were so lost in thoughts of him that you didn’t realize you weren’t walking anymore. The manager wasn’t tugging on your arm. She stood still, speaking to someone on her phone. You were right there, so you eavesdropped.
“Who did?” she spoke through the phone. “What’s the name?” she paused. Then her eyes widened, “Oh.” And she seemed like she was trying very hard not to look your way.
What?
“Did he really?” she spoke again, and paused. “Damn. Tell him I’ll be right there. Yes, I’m bringing her along.” She ended the call rapidly.
Her? Were they talking about you?
She turned to you. “Change of plans, no need for you to get to the line-up.” She said, dragging you to the opposite side of the stage where the line-up is usually held up.
“What? Why?” you thought of everything all at once. What is happening?
The manager turned to look at you briefly, and you saw something resembling envy in her eyes. Envy? Really?
“Because someone already wants you.” Her words echoed in your head.
Someone…wants you…
Could it be… could it be Mr. Barnes? Oh…
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gilly-bj · 3 years
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Why the “Eremika kiss” doesn’t affect Rivamika at all
In the new chapter, we saw for the first time something that we didn’t expect to happen in the manga: a kiss, between Mikasa and (dead)Eren, probably not like we all imagined. This kiss hit everyone hard, also the Eremika shippers, who weren’t very happy with the fact that Eren was already dead when Mikasa kissed him. Eremikas unfortunately weren’t the only ones sad, also lots of Rivamikas had this feeling and, I was one of them.
When the chapter came out and I saw Mikasa kissing Eren, I literally crashed (windows.exe stopped working); my whole body stopped working and the only sensible thought I could elaborate was: “Wait, WTF!”. After I scraped together that quantity of calm that could make me, at least, sit down, I started to write posts that I’ve already eliminated, so don’t look for them because I made them disappear, because my opinions changed radically.
Quick note for you guys from your G: in these cases, don’t write immediately what you’re thinking in that exact moment. I was incredibly frustrated, so the posts I wrote were full of complaints. I didn’t analyzed the kiss from other prospectives, because for me it was only the “eremika kiss”. Remember to wait at least the traduction of the chapter, official or not; you’ll have enough time to reflect on it and elaborate opinions lucidly.
Anyway, in this post I’ll talk about three things:
Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream
The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika
Final considerations about RM
The subheadings are written in their own special colour, so if you’re not interested in one of them, it will be easier to find the other.
Let’s start!
• Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream.
Mikasa has an headache and she wake up in her ideal world, where she lives with Eren in a isolated cabin in the woods. This chapter is from Mikasa’s pov, and note that her perfect image of home is again showed, probably for the last time. I think that Mikasa’s feelings for Eren were kinda obvious, apart from the fact that I never liked or supported them, they are here and we can’t do anything against them.
But I’ve never imagined to see that kind of selfish dream from Mikasa; she is the girl who always cares for everyone, the one who is ready to sacrifice herself for the well-being of her friends, the one who loves them and support them independently from the situation. To be honest, it hurts to see that in her dream, Armin isn’t with them; if there wasn’t Levi, my shipper heart would have hurt but I’d understand, they aren’t so close yet, but Armin, they’ve grown together.
But I’m not mad at Mikasa, each of us has a selfish dream deep inside, where we’d rather sacrifice others to save our special person; it doesn’t mean that we don’t love them, it’s just, if we’d have to choose, we’d prefer to keep safe only him or her. Let me explain better my point with an example: imagine a man who lives in a country at war; he has the possibility to save just two people and he has to choose between his wife and daughter or his parents. He would probably save his wife and daughter, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his parents. Choosing between the people we love is the most painful thing in the world, but sometimes we just have to do it, and in Mikasa’s case, she’d choose Eren.
Anyway, before talking about the conversation, I want to analyze a little detail: during her all dream, Mikasa and Eren are in their teen form, why? Well, my interpretation is that Mikasa is still in love with the old Eren and she can’t understand the new one, indeed, one she said: “I’ll bring the old Eren back”. Even if she doesn’t completely understand him, she still loves him, and that’s why I adore Mikasa.
Anyway, let’s analyze better their conversation:
Eren wakes Mika up and he states their situation in that moment, how they ran away leaving the others to their cruel destiny. Now, do we all agree how that doesn’t fit Eren’s character, at all. His most famous line is “Fight if you want to win”, which it shows how brave he is; if he’d run away with Mikasa, he would act like a coward, and he can’t accept cowardice.
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And here, Mikasa’s biggest regret: the answer she gave to Eren; remeber when she said: “If only I gave him another answer”, and in her dream she probably did: thanks to Eren’s words, we can assume that Mikasa told him to run away with her, to leave everything, probably what she wanted to answer in the reality. I interpreted that scene from chapter 123 like a Mikasa who couldn’t answer because taken by surprise, and then came up with a thing she didn’t mean who is still harassing her.
Let’s say that the Eren in the previous panels was Mikasa’s idealized version, but then something changes. Look at Eren’s face:
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The marks. And why did they appear casually? Because, this is the true Eren, the one they are going to kill, the one who wanted to give his probably last message to Mikasa, and in fact the most important part of the conversation: “Please...Mikasa, forget about me”. At this point, I really don’t understand what the Eremika shippers found romantic in this chapter, the fact that the last thing Eren said to Mikasa is “forget about me” made things clear enough. We can notice that Eren entered her dream by the falcon here, funny that Mikasa is actually flying on Falco right now.
I really started to appreciate Mikasa and Eren’s relationship thanks to this chapter; even if I wasn’t, and I am not, a big fan of the Eremika ship, thinking about their relationship made me a bit sad. Anyway, I love the fact that Eren wanted to tell this to Mikasa, I think he deeply want her to live a life without him, because he’s already understood that they have different life goals, different way of thinking, different natures.
Before skipping to the next point, I noticed that many Rivamika shippers’ve already talked about the similarity between Eren and Levi in some of the panels, I’m not going to dwell because I‘ll write a different post about it, but I wanted to say that it can’t be just a coincidence, Levi and Eren’s haircuts are very different and there’s no way to confuse them. I don’t know why Isayama did this; maybe it’s a foreshadowing, or maybe he just wanted to trol us (it’s always him), I’ll just wait patiently April to see if my assumptions are right 😌
• The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika at all
Ah this kiss, this damn kiss. Uff, let me sit down and let’s talk about it.
So, Mikasa decides to kill Eren and she enters his mouth thanks to Levi’s help. The first thing she sees is Eren’s head, and I think we should already stop and analyze better this moment.
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Look at his expression: he seems kinda... happy and, maybe also proud. Why? Because Mikasa finally decided to do the right thing, she chose Humanity, she sacrificed him, the person she loves the most, for the others. That’s her development. Even if she’ll never forget him, she chose to be selfless over selfish, and I’m glad she decided to remember Eren; it’s awful to forget to ones we loved in the past, we shouldn’t forget them, after all, they made us feel beautiful things, thanks to them we gained fantastic memories, why should we completely remove them from our life? Feelings can change, they will change, and Mikasa will change her romantic feelings towards Eren, it’s simply natural, but asking her to forget him is cruel; Levi won’t forget his dead friends, Armin won’t forget his grandfather, Eren won’t forget his mum, and it’s beautiful this way.
Now, let’s get into the spicy of this post: the kiss. Let me the transform in a love specialist (I’m nobody XD). I really don’t see anything romantic in it. Really, is probably the most tragic and sad among Eremika’s interactions because it shows how Mikasa’s feelings have never been reciprocated; she already tried to kiss him, in season 2, and he “rejected” her (that wasn’t a explicit reject but, if I’m not wrong, he didn’t try the Coordinate before so he didn’t know if it worked, he preferred to risk his life instead of kissing her. Actually, that’s also Eren’s personality), and now, yeah she managed to kiss him, but he was dead, he couldn’t kiss her back, couldn’t say anything, couldn’t reject her. I think that at this point, Mikasa already knew Eren wasn’t in love with her, she isn’t stupid, and she saw that kiss as a way to set herself free completely, to close a chapter of her life.
Another thing: I really don’t understand how can EM shippers say that Eremika is canon just because they kissed, sorry, Mikasa kissed him?? A simple kiss doesn’t make a couple canon, you have to analyze the feelings behind it. Why many of them can’t simply analyze a bit the story? Just, a bit...
• Final considerations and Rivamika
When I saw many Rivamika shippers being so happy about this chapter I really couldn’t understand, like “why are they happy if Mikasa literally kissed Eren?”. Well, at first I was very confused, the posts I read made me feel relieved, but... I wasn’t 100% convinced yet, because I was listening only to what the others said, I didn’t have my own opinion. I could see only the kiss (as a negative thing), and not all the foreshadowings we got in this chapter.
I have a certain theory but I will write a separated post about it, here, let’s discuss why that kiss isn’t a problem for us RM shippers. So, my biggest fear was that Mikasa’d live her all life mourning Eren and wouldn’t open herself to someone new, not necessarily Levi lying. Anyway, like I said before, please don’t stress yourself with rushed considerations, it’s just useless. I think that the kiss acted like as a springboard for Rivamika; like I said before, I interpreted it as a way to set herself free completely, to not have regrets because obviously, it was a thing that Mika wanted to do. Levi’s extreme care for her in this chapter, his determination when he saw that she ready to do this such painful thing made me... fly. They fought together until the end showing for the last time their chemistry and fantastic dynamic. Their interactions in this chapter were really special and I hope that there’ll be more in the future, maybe not only as a team;)
In conclusion, I loved this chapter so much, I can consider it as my favorite because, it gave me chills, for real.
I’ll start to work on my theory so yeah, this post isn’t ended yet lol. Stay tuned because there, I’ll talk only about RM so it will be... maybe more interesting from a shipper’s view. Tell me what you think about this in the comments 💜!
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