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ember-not-amber · 2 days

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I know that everyone is saying that Jason is the reason Aarmau became canon in MCD but I recently re-watched the MCD 4 year anniversary livestream and Jess said that she was always planning on Aphmau getting with Aaron so could she be leaving something out bc everyone on here seems to believe it was solely because of Jason and that can’t be for no reason, right?

-Transcript of what Jess said below the cut-

{40:15 - 43:46}

“‘So you wanted to have a reverse harem?’ [someone in the chat] asked, um to a certain extent, so a lot of what you're gonna hear me say on the stream very much will contradict some things I have said in the past and the reason that I am bringing this to light now is because at the time I did not know how to handle certain situations I was in, I'm not gonna get into a lot of things, but just know that a lot of things I say on this stream are less censored than they were back then. Some things I honestly did say because I was scared back then, I had no idea how to handle a massive influx of audience, I had no idea how to be a YouTuber, I had no idea how to respond to public criticism. It was definitely an experience for me that made me learn a lot about dealing with people and how at the end of the day, I really should've said what was on my mind. So when you ask about a reverse harem, I really did want that to happen in Diaries, but I didn't want it to happen the way that you see it happening in like, um, or in high school where everyone was super after Aphmau or like, you know, super interested in her I wanted to do that concept but I wanted her to more about what was going on in the world and not super about love and the reason for that was because a lot of what she was going through was more so pressure from having to be...what it was more so about for Aphmau was her trying to basically deal with the world as a Lord which was something that was super stressful at the time because she has to deal with all these people you know, doing this stuff and for her it felt like...she had more concern about the people around her than her herself so the idea was that she was going to ignore a lot of her feelings for others, not act on her own emotions cause you see that happening throughout a lot of Diaries, she ignores the kids she adopts a lot very often she doesn't have time for herself, it's almost like she's so engrossed in the world that she's in and helping others that she doesn't even think about that herself so in Season 2 when she has this moment of epiphany that ‘hey, I can have what I want for myself, I can do what I want for myself’. When that happens she makes an impulse decision, but that's a decision she wants. We'll get into that a little bit later, it's a very, um I had more complex thought about this than I actually talked about and that was something that was very, very, um for me again, it became a lot about shipping, it became a lot about being afraid of having an audience that would talk about you online, it became a lot of fear for me as a creator with what was going on at the time. And I'll talk to you guys about that in a little bit but just know that that was a thing that I was going through back then as a younger creator, now that I'm an older creator I realized 'hey, I should tell the story the way I want to tell it and not how people are telling me to tell it' again, we'll get into that later on."

{44:13 - 45:16}

"OH MY GOD something I hate about the harem concept by the way, something that always bothered me, and this was from the very beginning and this was something that I thought about because I was like, ‘it's either gonna be someone else, it's not gonna be the one that two people think, it's got to be someone else’ because I hate the harem concept where, in anime, this happens a lot, the girl can't make a decision towards the end so guess what? the creator leaves it open-ended like Haruhi and Tamaki (from Ouran High School Host Club) guess what? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE GETS WITH! AND FRICKIN IN FRUITS BASKET YUKI AND uh, what's his name? frickin...OH THE CATBOY I CAN'T THINK OF HIS NAME OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD! IT'S ALWAYS OPEN-ENDED, THEY CAN NEVER GIVE THE CHICK THE CHANCE TO MAKE A DECISION FOR HERSELF ABOUT WHO SHE REALLY LIKES AND WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS you know? ... Look, I have strong feelings about harems, like harem animes, and how I feel like, if you're gonna let the chick make a choice, let her make a choice that she wants, okay? Just let it happen, okay??"

{47:00 - 47:11}

"Oh yeah, I don't like when harems do that to the main chick, they're like, ‘oh she can only get with one or the other, she can't get with anybody else! Cause that's what we built up to!’ NO, NOT IN MY STORY, we ain't doing that stuff here!"

{1:24:11 - 1:26:52}

*After re-watching that scene from S2 ep 20*

"So for me, I love watching those scenes. I think for me, it's more so the fact that I look back on them and I'm like ‘Why didn't I do this?! Why did I do this?! OH MY GOD I COULD HAVE DONE THAT!’ so it's like... it's very interesting. I think that was the first, no, that was like the second crazy uh, I wanted to give basically all of the love interests a Big Moment in a lot of the stuff, so Garroth had his moment in Season 1, Laurance had his moment in Season 2, Dante was supposed to have a moment because Dante, and I think I forget who else it was um, I think it was Fenrir, I seriously have to look back on my stupid docs, but there were supposed to be more love interests for Aphmau and it just didn't happen because at the time, if you were a fan back then you might have lived through the Great Garmau v. Laurmau War, I did, I was there for everything, and trust me, it wasn't a pretty sight. But my intent was, because I mentioned this in the stream earlier, I did not like the way that harems, specifically reverse harems worked when it came to giving the main character, usually the female main character, a choice. They didn't get like, they had between two options and for me I wanted to break that, I wanted to have it a little bit up in the air and have it more open to who she could be with and that she would make her own choice. And she does make her own choice in later episodes, but that's not what people like, enjoyed and I'll get into that in a little bit because this is something that I think changed the course of how I went about writing Diaries in the future and why I believe I fell out of... why I believe I felt a great pressure on me as a writer and as a creator and why I believe that I've, well at least for me, somewhat I believe, it's what I feel, I felt that I was dragged out of writing Diaries because I gave in to what other people wanted and to what was demanded of me basically, cause I didn't know how to handle stuff like that as a content creator."

{1:58:46 - 2:19:18}

"My original idea was to have a harem with Aphmau but she wouldn't be getting with the main two guys, and if I said anything about that back then then who would you guys have to root for? What would you be watching for? This was my intent that I had, that I didn't want to talk about because honestly, like, how do you say that? Like, ‘OH BY THE WAY, YOU MAY BE ROOTING FOR A TEAM BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN’ you don't wanna give away the story! For me, I wanted to have a female character who was able to pick for herself and a HUGE part that I think most people did not like at the time was the fact that she couldn't pick, because Aphmau would often say that she's not ready for romance, she's not ready for love and that was intended, that was basically her trying to say, ‘Hey, I'm a Lord, I'm a frickin working woman who's got like, all this bs on my plate, I gotta manage these adopted kids, I gotta take care of this other bs with the stupid villagers not being able to build their own villages, I gotta go talk to the frickin daughter of Scaleswind who gets kidnapped, and I gotta go do this stupid stuff where I'm getting stuck in wyvern dimensions and holy crap!’. She's gone through so much emotional stuff and during this entire time while you're on the ride with her not once does she give a crap about herself, not once does she say ‘Oh my god, I'm gonna have a spa day for me!’ even though there's a spa day later on in the episodes she's like ‘Oh my god I'm gonna relax for me!’ NO! EVERY FRICKIN DAY SHE'S DEALING WITH PROBLEMS! Anyway, for her she had a hard time, a serious hard time even picking between Laurance and Garroth. Though they had all these romantic scenes at the time that were on camera she had a hard time with that. It was basically them knowing that they had the Jedi Code in their blood where they couldn't really- and I don't know if you guys knew that in one of the episodes we actually do talk about the guards not falling in love with their Lords because that's a BAD thing and as you can see it turned out to be a bad thing! Who knew?! So yes, she ends up um, the guards, Laurance and Garroth end up falling in love with her, their Lord even though they know the Jedi Code, they can't do that and yeah, I say ‘Jedi Code’ but there is a guard code where they're just like ‘Hey maybe you shouldn't fall in love with your Lord because that might be a bad thing!’ and it does turn out to be a bad thing, Garroth ends up being very selfish for his brother?? Uh, I forget how that all played out but I know Garroth thought he saw Aphmau and Laurance kissing and then without like, actually talking to them about it he's like, ‘I'M GONNA BETRAY THE VILLAGE RIGHT NOW!’ so um, yeah! Now, you're probably saying, ‘Oh man, Aphmau wasn't ready for romance, then what was The Forest?’ prior to this I was building up subtly, very subtly Aphmau and Aaron's relationship. Laurance and Garroth had more screen time in terms of like, actually- and this is where I feel, as a writer and as a producer I made a mistake, because I did not show romantic interest from Aaron to Aphmau in a way that was more romanticized. I showed a more mature kind of relationship where it was like, if you remember back when we had the Isabel Arc Aaron was buying Aphmau clothes and stuff like that; small little gestures from time to time where it was supposed to be implied and this is more of a kind of behind the scenes kind of like idea of love and of a mature relationship kind of forming. One of the things Aaron absolutely knew, because as you guys know Aaron was a Lord, is that he understood the pressure Aphmau was going through as a Lord, he had a lot in common with her in terms of having guards, having the responsibility of everyone in the village on your shoulders, he understood what Aphmau was going through and knew that he should not try to put any pressure on her.

And I don't think many people in this world of Diaries understood that unless you were a Lord and I think most Lords either became corrupted or they became- there was super righteous and super corrupted and then there was kind of like in the middle where they didn't really care. So with that being said, at the time I was super set on eventually Aphmau and Aaron having a relationship and I wanted it to be more so a kind of lustful relationship than something- a lustful relationship that had a mature understanding that ‘Hey, we're Lords and we have to basically keep this between us because we understand that our villages in the Phoenix Alliance is gonna freak out if we like, show that Aphmau is like,’ I don't know like, Aphmau had a really hard time with emotions and a really hard time with kind of observing the people around her and was more so like ‘Yeah I wanna get my job as a Lord done’ and just ignoring her own wants and needs. And I feel like I could explain this a lot better if I wrote this out cause I'm not really good at verbally explaining these kinds of things but yeah, so when I decided to go through with Aphmau and Aaron a lot of fans were mad like, very mad. So as you all know, in this episode (S2 ep 73) you have Aphmau and Aaron actually talking about- they're talking a lot about what's going on, ‘one mistake. It might take one small misstep, but if you aren't careful: you can lose everything’ this is not just a lesson that Aphmau MCD was learning, it was a lesson that I was learning as a creator. It was really something that- before Aaron, even before Aaron with Laurance and Garroth, I don't know if you guys ever got to see how bad things were. How the shipping of Garroth and Laurance, not even Aaron at this time because Aaron wasn't involved in the picture, but during Season 1 how bad it got to the point where I had to ban so many comments, like I know people these days complain about Aarmau shippers, I don't think that they even come as close to what I had to deal with emotionally as a creator and a writer when it came to... and this is not ALL please don't think that this is every Garmau shipper, every Laurmau shipper, I'm assuming everyone was just young back then and I don't hold it against anybody, but it was a very interesting time because it felt like I had to adhere to Garmau and Laurmau, I couldn't do anything differently with Aphmau. If I tried to introduce another male character to Aphmau's like, circle be it Aaron, be it like uh, Fenrir or be it uh, shoot, even frickin Malachi for some reason, I don't know why, that was weird. It got to a point where I was getting emails from fans, very hateful emails, I had a lot of stuff happened during this- this was Garmau and Laurmau and I had to block a lot of comments and that's why, comparatively for you guys as fans you may remember those memories fondly, but I don't and that's because- I mean I remember the good fondly, don't get me wrong I enjoyed the good times but I remember having to block so many comments to other people on my channel about people basically telling like, the Garmau fans telling the Laurmau fans to go do something to themselves and hurt themselves and then the Laurmau to the Garmau- I blocked a lot of those comments so you guys never saw them because we had a smaller community back then, it was easier for me to monitor comments nowadays, I can't do that, it's very difficult for me to do that. With that being said, I got a lot of emails from fans back then that were just very malicious, very hurtful and I remember Jason telling me, ‘Hey, just do what you wanna do in your story’ and so I did, I said ‘Hey, I want Aphmau to get with Aaron’ and then what happened after that when this happened and obviously the episode happened when she was pregnant, obviously and obviously you can see their [Aphmau & Aaron's in S2 ep 73] conversation here it gets very deep and again, I can go in a little bit further about this, but after this event happened there was a scene that I wrote, because when this happened a lot of people were basically-

and forgive me if I'm like, talking about this in the wrong way? Again, I feel like I can convey my thoughts better on paper better than I can in public, especially in person. Basically after this whole scene here and I'm sure you guys know this scene, especially if you look at the comments you'll know exactly what I'm talking about [S2 ep 98] this is the scene that I wrote because I was afraid of very rabid fans at the time. I didn't know how to handle it and basically say ‘Hey, this is what I wanna do for my story, this is how I wanna go about it’ and so I went into this with Aphmau and Garroth and I had Garroth basically yell at Aphmau and essentially call her a slut. But- and understand where his frustrations come from, I could get behind the idea that he would react this way but at the same time, looking at his past actions, looking at what he's done in the past and how all of this was caused- not obviously, not solely by his actions but this whole time skip era was pretty much a huge part of his doing, which was intended by the way, he was gonna have a more different reaction than this one and this was the one that I wrote because I was very much afraid of my fan base at the time uh, not my fan base, not ALL YOU GUYS but like the more rabid parts of it, I didn't know what to do. I was getting messages that Aphmau was a slut, she was just like this person who just did whatever she wanted even though granted, everything she's been through in the past was something that she never re- she did things for people but when she did the one thing for herself everyone turned on her. At least, everyone as in represented by Garroth, it's a very interesting thing to think about. And again, I could very much talk about this a little bit more... it's uh, again a very sensitive topic for me because this scene here, this is the scene I wrote because I did not know how to handle my fan base, I did not know how to talk to people, I did not know how to say ‘this is my decision that this is what I'm doing and honestly, I wanted Garroth to have a different reaction here’ because he reflects on what he's done but he rams into Aph- like, not rams into Aphmau, he- I don't know it's a very... I guess sensitive topic for me because of the way he reacts. So this scene, in particular, was one I did not want to write, this is one that I was just like... yeah and it sucked and this was the scene where I basically took what I was being told and translated it to Garroth to have it told back to the character. Not that I'm associating my own self with the Aphmau character but I think a lot of people do, and again, for me the Aaron and Aphmau relationship was very much a mature relationship in Diaries which is why in Mystreet you see it toned down quite a bit. This taught me a lot about youtube and doing what I wanna do and making it so I feel comfortable with the content that I'm making but yeah, just know that this is the scene that I just was like- it was me basically giving up my creativ- this was the scene that made me feel like I was giving up my creativity to satisfy what other people wanted and that sucked. And so when people say things like ‘Aw man, she's just done this for the fans and she's just done this!’ like in terms of story like obviously there are some things that I do do for you guys but they're not like things that I don't wanna do, they're things that I like, ‘Hey I would like to do this because I see that you guys like this and I wanna do this’ this was a thing where it was like, ‘I'm seeing this reaction, I don't wanna do this but I feel so bad that I have to do this’ so if you're an artist, for what this felt like for me, is when people say ‘Hey I don't like your style, your style should be the way I think it should be and if it's not that way you're doing it wrong’ it was like this really, a like hurtful moment where you almost give up something that you don't want to give up but you're so afraid of what people think about you that you don't know how to deal with it so you just do what they wanna do.

So for me, this scene is the example of rushed and forced. I make fun of that joke a lot and I know a lot of people use that to say stuff about stories, but this story right here changed a direction for me as a writer, for Diaries, it changed a lot and it made me... I don't know, like if I were to remake this, this scene would be changed, this scene would absolutely be changed. So anyway, it sucks, it really does suck but honestly, I don't blame anybody for that I truly like to think that what this was an example of was people were young and when I think of people who fight over ships, I think of young people usually, I don't think of older people and I think that as people who are older especially it's a good idea to try to- and some people overreact, yeah that's perfectly fine I think we all do every now and then. But a good way to kind of think about this is you have to help people learn and people are gonna make mistakes, so I don't hold it against anyone. I don't think that you know, Garmau shippers are bad or Laurmau shippers are bad or Aarmau shippers are bad, I've seen the worst, I've seen the absolute worst of each of them and you know, it's just the way things are and I don't blame any one of them. I honestly just think it was an experience that I personally probably needed to go through as a creator but it was the last time I ever let people super decide what I was going to do as a content creator and if any content creators are out there watching this right now and you're like ‘Hey I need to do what people are yelling at me to do’ don't do that. Obviously if it's a mistake you should apologize but if it's something where it's just like ‘Hey I just want to tell a story for fun and I just wanna do this to make it like my own thing’ then do your own thing because if you do not do what you want to do in a story and you try to cater to people it will hurt you, your creativity, it will hurt your drive."

#original post #aphblr #aphmau #jessica bravura #jesson #jason bravura #aphmau minecraft diaries #aphmau mcd #minecraft diaries

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