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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 3 years

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Go Go Let's Go! Let's Go! Dateko! (Pt 3)

⚠️THIS FIC IS 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI ⚠️

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut mentioned

Word count: 7,000 +

You wake up the next morning fully exhausted.

After yet another round before you both cooked dinner, you ended dinner with Takuro fucking you against the wall as you gushed around his cock.

You hadn't fucked that much since you were in your early 20s. And for a man in his late 40s, Takuros stamina was unmatched.

It took you an hour to pack up and leave because he had to fuck you again in the bedroom and on the couch.

"I seriously can't get enough of you" He says as he walks you to your car.

"Well we will definitely be having more sleep overs very soon" you say as he kisses you.

"Dont leave" he says, hugging you tightly "Please stay"

"Taku I can't Kenji will be home soon" you say as you places kisses on his neck.

"When are we going to tell him Y/N? He deserves to know" Takuro said

He was right. Kenji needed to know. The last thing you wanted was to lie to your son,

"I'll talk to him tonight ok" you say as Takuro smiles at you and kisses you goodbye.

You arrive home grabbing your bag from the car. You hope Kenji isn't home yet as you approach your house. You see a light on.

fuck

You open the door and walk in.

"Hi Kenji, sorry I'm late. I was at grandma and gran-" you say as you look up to see your son glaring at you.

"Kenji are you ok?" You say with concern on your face.

"Oh I don't know mom. How would you feel if you saw your mother kiss your coach in public?" He says as your eyes widen.

"Thought I was going to grab some snacks but turns out I got a whole ass meal in the form of my mother making out with my volleyball coach! What in the actual fuck mom? How long? How long have you been lying to me?" He screams at you as you shutter back

You've never seen your son so angry as he is right now.

"It's one thing for you to come to out games Mom but for you to date my coach?? Seriously mom that's too far" Kenji screams at you as you stand there absorbing it all.

"I mean Jesus Christ mom! You couldn't go an date some other random man! Why can't you just get your own life! Instead you have to fuck my coach! I hate you!" He screams as he stomps to his room slamming his door.

You can't say anything. You're completely frozen.

He hated you. The words swarmed your mind over and over

Had you going out with Takurō really affected Kenji this much? You feel your eyes begin to swell as tears began to roll down your cheeks. You turn, slowly moving to your room as you feel the tears begin to fall faster.

You didn't sleep much that night. Not at all really. You couldn't believe you broke you child's trust like that. You hated yourself and hated that you made him so uncomfortable.

You had to talk to Takuro. You sent him an early text at 5am as you made your way to the kitchen. You noticed Kenji's door was still closed ad you made coffee and fruit to take to your room. You return to a message asking to meet you before morning practice.

You get dressed and leave the house without a sound. You try to be as quiet as you can be as to not disturb your sleeping kid. I've already messed up his life enough I don't want to mess up his sleep you say to yourself as you get in your car and drive to the school. It's 6:00am by the time you arrive. Takurō is already waiting for you.

You get out of your car as he notices the tears spilling from your eyes.

"Y/N what's wrong is everything ok?" He rushes to you and pulls you into a hug. Your tears completely drowning out everything, including the preying eyes of a certain 2nd year manager as she approaches the side of the school.

Mai stops when she sees you and the coach. She hears you crying and backs up next to the gym to listen.

"I'm sorry Takuro but I can't keep seeing you" you say as yu look at him with tears streaming down your face.

"I don’t understand Y/N I thought-" Takuro says concerned

"Kenji found out about our dates. Apparently he saw us with a few members of the team. He was really upset and told me I need to stay out of his school life" you say as your tears begin to flow quicker.

Takuro pulls you into a hug. He doesn't want you to be upset

"Y/N let me talk to him please I want to be with you" Takuro says as he pulls away placing his hand under your chin.

"Takuro no please he already hates me enough. I can't lose my son. He's right I should have never pryed in his life. I'm so sorry Takuro. I really like you but I can't do this to Kenji" you say as you back up to gave him.

Takuro is devastated to say the least. The women he cares so deeply for is forced to make a choice because he had crossed the line between parent and coach.

"No Y/N, it's my fault. I'm sorry that this happened. I don't blame you. If anything this is my fault. I should have been more responsible. You are Kenji's mom and I'm his coach. It was inappropriate" he says as he looks down.

Somehow it hurt even more to hear Takuro say those words. You knew he cared for you but he was trying to take the burden of your son's blame off of you.

Meanwhile Mai is both crying and furious.

Could Kenji really be this big of an ass?

"Thank you for supporting the boys Y/N. It was a pleasure" Takuro says as he waves to you turning to walk towards the gym.

You get in your car as you start to drive home. The tears consistently rolling down your cheeks. You park the car as you completely lose your cool. You start beating on the steering wheel screaming and crying as you let all your pent up emotions out.

you're neighbors probably think your insane

After 15 minutes you walk in the house, noticing Kenji's door is open. You decide to leave him be as you make your way to your room still sniffling from your car melt down.

You walk into your room and lay down. You've already called out of work for the day as you feel like you just mentally can't do it. You lay in bed as you feel the emotions take over again.

Meanwhile Kenji arrives at school. He's still mad about his discovery of yours and his coaches relationship. He can't believe you would do such a thing to him. To invade his personal life like that.

Coach doesn't say anything though out practice. Kenji figures his mom already has him in her side through this whole ordeal. Why wouldn't he be?

"Mai can you tell coach we need to get the jerseys altered" Kenji says to Mai as she watches coach look to Kenji and walk out of the gym.

"Tell him yourself" Mai says snarkily as she turns away.

"Mai just do it" Kenji says "i’m not in the mood today"

"Why because you’re ashamed you made your mom cry" Mai yells as the team stops.

Mai looks at Kenji and she's pissed.

"You know you have the sweetest kindest mom in the entire world and she's happy. But you can't have that can you Kenji because you're a massive ass" Mai screams.

Kenji is heated. He doesn't know how Mai found out but he isn't going to take being yelled at.

"Mai you have no idea what you're even talking about so just butt out" Kenji screams at her and Aone walks in from of Mai forming a protective barrier.

"It's ok Aone. I'm not scared of Kenji" she says as steps in front of Aone "you know what I saw this morning Kenji? I saw your mom and coach in the parking lot. And your mom was crying. Like hard core crying telling coach that she couldn't see him anymore."

Mai is shouting at Kenji as Kenji just stares.

You were really crying? And worse is he caused it?

"You know Kenji your mom goes out of her way to do everything for this team! Coach shows interest in her and she likes him back and suddenly its an attack on you?" Mai is screaming at this point, tears flowing down her face.

The team watches in shock. They have never seen Mai this angry before.

"Newsflash asshole you're mom is allowed to be happy! She told coach she couldn't see him anymore because of you! She told him she didn't want to hurt YOU KENJI. Your mom is heartbroken and she's worried because he son is upset because she's happy? Give me a fucking break!" Mai screams one last time as she turns to walk out of the gym, slamming the door behind her.

The boys stand in silence. Kenji is shocked.

you really liked coach that much and you really cared enough about him to ruin whatever you and coach had going on?

The team turns as they shake their heads in disbelief at Kenji, even Aone shows emotion.

"You are the only one who sees an issue here Kenji" he speaks as he walks back to join the team.

Kenji walks out of the gym doors as he slides down the outer walls. He really was being an ass. He didn't care about your feelings only his own personal standings as the captain of the iron wall.

He got up walking to the coaches office. He knocks as Takuro directs him to enter.

Takuro looks up at Kenji and back to his paperwork. He doesn't sound good. He sounds like he's upset.

"Yes Futakuchi" Takuro chokes out.

Kenji clears his throat "do you really care about her?"

Takuro looks up from his work spinning around his in chair.

"I do but she made it clear that you come first. As a good mother should. You are really lucky to have her. She cares for your very deeply and she loves you so very much" he says she he swivels around facing his work with his arms resting in his desk as his hands lean against his forehead

"I see" he says as he crosses his arms in front of his chest "then I guess I owe you both an apology".

Takuro turns in his chair to see a soft smiling Kenji as a smile slowly appears on his face.

The day seems to drag on. It's only 4pm but it feels like you've been in bed for days. You decide to get up and shower, planning to make dinner before Kenji comes home. He might not want to speak with you but you're still his mother.

You shower and walk to the kitchen to prepare dinner. You start to sniffle again as you try not to let it go into a full blown cry session. You hear the door open as you continue to cut up vegetables.

You don't hear anything as you look up to see your tall son leaning against the door frame to the kitchen with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

You smile lightly as you try not to cry more. The tears seem to flow no matter how hard you try to control them.

"Mom" Kenji says in a sweet voice.

You look up smiling at him as you wipe your tears "Oh hi sweetheart how was practice?"

He frowns walking over to you as he hugs you from behind. No longer being able to control the tears you turn around hugging your son as you crying into his shoulder.

"Kenji I'm so sorry. Please forgive me! I didn't mean to ruin your life. I just got excited and-" you say as your tears continue to wet his date tech tracksuit.

"Mom stop ok" Kenji says as he pulls away placing hands on your shoulders.

"Mom I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I was a complete ass to you. I didn't even listen to your side of the story" he says as he looks at you ashamed "you've done so much for me and I ruined your happiness."

"It's ok baby I overstepped my boundaries. I'm sorry" you say as you hug him.

"Mai told me what happened with you and coach" Kenji said sweetly as he looks at your shocked face.

"M-Mai was there" you say as your eyes widen.

"Yeah and I'm glad she was. She told me what happened. She told me you told coach you couldn't see him" Kenji said looking down at you.

"It's ok Kenj. Coach was ok with it. He understood you came first" you say sweetly.

"Well Im not ok with it" Kenji says as he pulls away from you walking towards your front door. He opens the door for someone as your eyes widen.

"T-Takuro?" you say as you place your hands over your mouth.

"Hi Y/N" he says as he goes to hug you. You hug him back as you cry into this shoulder.

"Shh it's ok Y/N" he says as you break from the hug.

"Kenji?" you say questioningly to your son

"Mom I realized your happiness is more important than my reputation" he says as he looks at both you and coach.

"Kenji" you say as you start to cry yet again going to hug your son "you're really ok with this?"

"Yeah mom. I'm happy if your happy. Now go get ready. Coach is taking you out on a date or whatever" he says as he rolls his eyes and waves his hand walking go his room.

"Really" you say as you run back to Takuro and he chuckles. "Yes sweetheart" he says as he leans down the kiss you.

"God I'm never going to get use to this" Kenji says as he closes his bedroom door.

You both laugh as you deepen the kiss with the man of your affections.

*2 days later*

"Oh Ms. Futakuchi! It's so nice to see you" Obara shouts as Kenji rolls his eyes walking the complete other way as you and Takuro stroll into practice hand in hand.

"Thank you! It's nice to see you too" you smile.

"I see Mai got through to Kenji" Obara smirks as the rest of the team laughs.

"Alright time for laps" Kenji screams clapping his hands together trying to avoid the inevitable

"Wait what did Mai say?" You look at Kenji as he hides his face then to coach who starts laughing.

Mai was looking down at the floor, softly smiling.

"Well our sweet Mai laid in hard to ole Kenji. She told him he was being an ass and told him that you deserved the world" he says as he grabs your waist.

"Mai" you say as your mouth gapes and your eyes sparkle "Thank you!"

You run to hug her as she hugs you back.

"Marry this one Kenji! I like her a lot more than I like you" you snicker as you turn to leave practice.

Kenji just smiles as you walk hand in hand with Coach out of the gym.

"Whatever you say mom. Whatever you say"

#dateko #date tech #Oiwake Takuro #justiceforthehaikyuucoachs #haikyuucoaches #haikyuu #haikyū!!#haikyuu!!#teammom #team mom series #team mom

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ironwoman18 · 3 years

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We Found Love in a Hopeless Place part 21

Chapter 21: A Change did you good

Ethan's wedding was a week away and Spencer was really excited about it. The couple bought their clothes for that event together and the present for them.

Max picked a Christmas dinnerware set since it was that month and she thought someone could already give them an everyday set.

On Friday they decorate her apartment and at night lay on the couch with Tai food and a movie on.

She made him promise to watch a Christmas movie until the end of the month. And since she accepted the Halloween one, he accepted hers.

Then they fell asleep cuddling on the couch and spend the weekend making plans for New Orleans. They will have a whole week to check places.

Spencer was tempted to call Will but he knew JJ would ask and he did not wanted her to. So they decided to go to the art and WWII museum, do a turn around the Mississippi River, go to the French Quarter, Garden District and the Jackson Square.

"Max you know we will be there just for a week right?" Asked Spencer as he handed her a cup of coffee and sitting next to her.

"I know but there's a lot of things to see and according to this page we can walk the French Quarter and check the Jackson Square the same day since it's in the Quarter" she took a sip of coffee "and the other places we can select a day for each one"

"Ok... I hope we can do everything"

"We can always go back any other time" she smirked.

"I bet you would say that" he laughed and after they finished he left to his apartment to get everything ready because they will leave on Monday.

On Monday JJ walked in Emily's office "do you know where is Spence?" Asked the blonde woman sitting in front of her boss and best friend.

"He asked for a week off" said her with her eyes on a piece of paper.

"It's interesting how someone can change"

"What do you mean?" Emily looked up at her."

"Since Spencer joined the BAU he only took days off when Maeve was kill and during those months he was going to New Mexico to get the medicine for his mom and now he's asking for a week off?"

"He learned that he needs a life out of this... World we have to deal with"

"I'm happy for him but at the same time I'm worry because the last time he didn't tell us what's going on he ended up in jail"

"I know where he is, he had to"

"Really? Where?"

"I can't tell you. It's personal information and if he wants to tell you he will"

"Oh come on Em!" JJ used her puppy eyes on her knowing it will melt her heart.

"No JJ I can't. But all you need to know is that he is at a friend's wedding and he won't be doing anything against the rules" she laughed "now let's go, we have a case"

Back to Spencer and Max. They were arriving to the New Orleans' national terminal and walked to get their suitcases.

They were holding hands as he told her somethings he learned about the city thanks to Will, Henry and JJ.

"Why didn't you ask Will or JJ?" Asked Max.

"I know if I ask Will he will tell her and I still dont want JJ to know about us"

"And why is that?"

"Because since I got back to work she keeps treating me like a kid. She's worry because I made myself vulnerable to this crazy woman and it was easy for her to send me to jail' he sighed and Max squeezed his hand gently.

"I know its annoying to have someone like that. I have a friend who was like it after my ex and when I told her about you, she freaked out and started to say that you will hurt me and if that happen she won't be by my side" she rolled her eyes "but after I told her more about you, your personality and the things that we have in common she relaxed, so maybe you just need to talk to her and she will see that she's not your mom and she needs to relax about you"

He smiled and kisses her forehead "you are wonderful, do you know that?" He smiled at her.

"I do but I like when you say it" they laughed as they arrived to the baggage claim area, they had the dinnerware set as carry-on bag so they just need the baggage with their clothes.

The couple waited with the rest of the passengers until they machine started to work and once they had everything they left. Outside was a man with a piece of paper with their names so it most be their transportation.

"Hey I'm Spencer Reid and this is Max Brenner"

The young man nodded "welcome to New Orleans, I'm Brandon and I hope you enjoy the city while you are here" he smiled at them "I'm waiting for another couple that just arrived from New York so we will have to wait, is that ok?" They nodded.

"Yeah, I will get some coffee, do you want Spence?" Asked Max Max looking at him.

"Sure, and Brandon do you want one?"

"Yeah please, I need some. I couldn't sleep well. Ethan kept me up until midnight telling me who I will pick up today and tomorrow" he looked at Spencer "I'm his cousin by the way " he laughed.

Max nodded and went to a coffee shop and brought three coffees then she paid for them and returned to the two men.

"Here is your favorite Spence and I ordered an standard for you Brandon" he nodded and smiled.

"Thank you" he drank a sip "ok as I was telling you, you can visit a restaurant in the French Quarter were you can have the best creole meal ever"

"Really? I think when we visit the French Quarter we can stop by" said Max looking at Spencer.

"I was thinking that, and its perfect because it's close to the Jackson Square"

"Perfect" she smiled and after a couple of minutes later the other family arrived and they left the airport to go to the hotel.

They talked about themselves and what they wanted to see around the city.

When they arrived to the hotel they were in awe with the architecture of it. It looked like a old house from the south during civil war but inside it was modern with old fashioned stuffs. On the center they have a Christmas tree decorated with pictures of the city and images of their teams.

They check in and went to leave their baggage in the room then went down because Ethan wanted to see them.

"Hey Spencer!" He smiled as he saw his friend and hugged him "long time since we saw each other" then his eyes moved to Max "and you must be Max, they woman who won this man's heart" she laughed and blushed softly "nice to meet you" he said smiling.

"Nice to meet you" she said and they held hands "Spencer told me about you and said that you were really talented with the saxophone"

This time it was his turn to blushed "not as good as you could think but enough to pay the rent" he laughed "my future wife is the talent one. I met her in a bar. She has an amazing voice that can send you to heaven... she is a blues singer and right now she is working on an album. She asked me to play the saxophone in it"

"Well that's amazing. And it will be also your album" Ethan smiled "where is she?"

"Her mother took her to have lunch together so I'm on my own. So let's go to eat something and Max could tell me how you guys met and what she saw in you" they laughed and walked to the restaurant of the hotel.

They talked about everything he asked and what they asked him. Max told him about her job and Spencer said just to basic information of his job. He learned a long time ago to keep it simple when it comes to his job.

Then the future wife arrived and joined the conversation. They had a wonderful afternoon until night when both couples left to rest.

"He's really nice" said Max when they were in bed "why did you stop talking to him?"

"We were both busy. He was busy with his music and I was busy with my job at the FBI. I wished to stay in contact but it wasn't easy" he looked at her "he helped me when I was considering to leave the FBI on my second year. I was returning from a tough situation for a 24 years old" she nodded "I always will regret not keeping in contact with him"

She nodded and lays her head on his chest "I understand and I hate that life gets in the way of a good friendship" he nodded and hugged her. Then they felt asleep.

The next day they had breakfast and decided to go to the museums because that night will be the bachelor and bachelorette parties so they left early to have time.

The art museum was amazing for Max because of all the French art, they were also American and African art but she was mesmerized by the French ones.

She even brought some souvenirs for herself and to some of her family members. Then they ate something and visit the WWII museum where Spencer had fun giving facts to her and she was less excited but loved to hear him talking excited.

After that the couple arrives in time to take a shower and get ready for both parties. She left with the bride and her friends and he left with groom and his friends.

The parties were at two different bars on Bourbon street. The women danced and had fun drinking and the man had fun and drink watching a concert of a jazz band.

At almost 5AM both groups returned home. The only sober was Spencer since he did not drink alcohol, at least not a lot and the mother of the bride.

They went to their room and slept until midday. Max was slightly hungover but nothing three cups of coffee and tylenol could not cure. They were invited for a New Orleans brunch by the hotel and they spent the rest of the day in the hotel.

The next day will be the wedding so they needed to be fresh.

When the next day arrived Max left to the salon to get ready while Spencer went to cut his hair just a little to not look to messy and he shaved his little facial hair.

When Max arrived they changed and he was drooling over how beautiful that dress looked on her. She picked it with her sister so he just saw it in her suitcase but did not imagine her wearing it.

"I love seeing you with normal clothes but you plus a suit it's like a match made in heaven" she smiled at him fixing his tie a little.

"And you look amazing with that dress" he said to her, making her blush. He just need to say a few words to make her blush and feel special. That's the magic of the doctor Spencer Reid "let's go" he whispered after kissed her softly.

The couple left with their present to the wedding which will be in that hotel. The wedding was beautiful, the bride walked to her soon to be husband with My Endless Love by Lionel Richie. All women were in tears and some men too. Spencer held Max closer to him the whole song.

Their vows were even more beautiful because they were poems written by them.

After the kiss everyone moved to the reception area were they left their presents and sat down. The could danced their first dance has husband and wife and after the food everyone started to dance and have fun. Spencer danced with Max a few songs, he was not the best dancer but he did his best for her then they rested and drank water.

Later at night they newlyweds couple left after she threw the bouquet and fell in Max hands. Spencer and Max blushed and Ethan could not held a laugh before patting softly his shoulder "be prepared man" he laughed more and left.

The rest of the night was calmer for them. She made him dance a few more songs, slow ones they they left the their room and finished it making love.

The rest of the days were as they planned. They do the tours they planned and had fun in the city. He was happy to finally enjoying a city he was in instead of staying in the police station or around awful places looking for crazy men or women killing or kidnapping someone else.

They returned to Washington to get ready for Christmas which will be in a few days.

OOooOOooOO

I'm back and I want to apologize because it took me so much to post this. I had troubles finding places for them to visit and I had planned some others things that I decided to not include.

I hope you liked it and if you did leave a comment and if you didn't also leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

If you read my Garvez Moments story, I'm having a writer block with their honeymoon to Peru so I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting.

Next chapter will begins with Christmas and we will move forward to the Linda Barnes plot. Read you soon.

#criminal mind #spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #fanfiction

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honeybeewriter · 4 years

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Angel in disguise

Chapter 1: Settling in

AN: The first few chapters will take place before the USJ attack, so the dorms aren’t implement yet. i hope yall enjoy chapter one of aid. feel free to talk to me about it too!!

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Passing buildings and roaring cars filled you with excitement, your heart racing as you daydreamed of your classes and what its like on campus. Kyoka taps your shoulder lightly, careful not to startle you out of your thoughts. You turn to your now host sister “yes Kyoka?” You tilted your head in curiosity

“Are you excited?” Her voice soft as she tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear, her onyx eyes looking over your expression.

“Very!! I cant wait to see my class and get to know everyone! It sucks that we aren't in the same class.” You voice cheerful but it wavers at the end. You really hope to have at least one class with her, you might be excited but a familiar face would be nice to have.

A gentle chuckle from the front seat from mika as she turned around “remember (y/n) there are other classes besides hero and support, so im sure youll have a class together. So don't worry too much dear.”

“Hopefully, someone to hang out with other than the boys!” Kyoka groaned as she rubs her face as her phone chimed

“The boys?” You questioned but before she could answer, the car was pulled to a stop, ‘home already?!’ Your thoughts echoed as you mindlessly unbuckle your seatbelt. The home in front of you wasn't huge but it was perfect in your eyes

“Kyotoku! Help me out with (y/n) things!”

You didn't even realize that you were the last one still in the vehicle, as you step out of the car you turn to the back end of the car, watching mika and kyotoku pull your luggage from the trunk. The sticker covered bags rolling against the ground, passing you “hey kiddo? You off in dream land?” Kyotoku waved a hand with a chuckle, placing his hand on your hair “come on we are gonna rockin time!!”

Mika unlocks the door, guiding the family inside. As you enter the scent of lilac hits your nose it’s calming, once again your spaced out as you take in your new home until graduation.

The exchange program was a long term deal between schools, a support hero for a support hero. You have a wonderful talent of inventing new tech for the pros! Its just you lack the confidence boost you desperately need, hopefully this is it.

Kyoka placed a gloved hand on your shoulder as she nods to her parents “come on, we will show you to your room” you both begin to walk “i know its like 5am but we have to be at school by 8am, so try to sneak in some sleep.” She nudged you playfully as the four of you reached the room.

Blank cream walls with hardwood floors decorated with a full size bed in the middle in front of a window. “Feel free to go all out in this room, it is yours after all. Make yourself at home kiddo” Kyotoku ruffles your hair as he exits the room after setting the luggage down. Mika smiled a motherly smile towards you “Get some rest before school” simple yet warmly mika said as she exits the room to join her husband in the other room

“I'll wake you up 30 minutes before we leave, sleep well” Kyoka yawned as she sat down the last item of yours and left the room to go sleep in her own bed.

Your body, exhausted from the long trip, as soon as your head hits the pillow; your heavy eyelids shut and you drifted off into a blissful sleep.

At your old school you were one of the top support students, always making amazing support items. Always something new in the works, even when it blew up in your face you would alway huff, but your father would never let you bring yourself down. He always said, “Look angelwings, things wont improve if you sit and sulk, dont let failure scare you, okay? Let your failure be your inspiration to improve.”

Remembering it like it was yesterday when you made your first successful item for your medic mother, a medical clipin that could record a patient's vitals. That was what got you noticed by UA. The nursing industry suggested you to UA because they all believed you had a gift! So here you are, in japan, for the rest of the school life.

Knock

“(y/n) its time to get up, we have to go if we want to catch the bus!” Kyoka called from the other side of the door. The cracks in the blinds allowed inkling of the morning golden rays to dribble in the room, filling it with warmth.

Pushing yourself up from the short slumber made you groan as your host sister pushed the door open. “Rise and shine, i have your uniform, ill lay it on the bed. Mom has breakfast ready for us.. So um, just get ready and come down when your ready” she muttered softly as she laid the outfit down onto your bed.

With heavy feathers you stretch your wings up and back, releasing any tension within the joints. Luckily the uniform has wing slits for you. You fought with the undershirt for a good minute, a victorious “AHAH!!” bounced off the walls of your room. Finally with you dressed the part you make your way downstairs.

The smell of gohan, eggs and tsukemono filled your nose, Your feet moved faster than your stomach. “Good Morning sweetheart, I made a togo breakfast and alittle extra for lunch, since your money hasn’t transferred quite yet. But im sure kyoka wouldnt mind sharing lunch with you, right hun?” Mika hummed as she finished the bento box, handing both boxes to the two of you. Kyoka nods “Oh! Of course… it's the others i'm worried about..” She muttered as her earphone jacks poke together nervously.

Mika smiled, rolling her eyes softly as she ushered you both out the door “hurry up or you'll miss the bus to school.'' Kyoka takes both bentos, holding them as she leads you to the end of the street where the bus stop stood.

“Okay, so before we get to school, you might run into some of my friends. I know at lunch you will meet them but just to name the main few. You have Yayo-momo, Uraraka, and mina for a few females.” The bus arrives and you both board, taking a seat together, bento boxes in the respectful lap. “Now for the boys, you have kaminari, kirishima, sero and bakugou. Watch out on bakugou. He is kinda a hot head.” You giggle at her statement acknowledging the information. “But you might not see everyone I just mentioned, due to you being in class 1-F.” With quiet nod silence fell between you and your sister. You watched the small countryside city skated by in a blurr.

After a short while, the bus came to a gentle stop at the UA entrance. Kyoka stood up, and you followed her motions holding on gentle to the back of her book bag. You were nervous and scared of the new school, as any new kid would. As you both exit the bus, Nezu stands on top of Power Loader’s helmet waving to you both .

“Ah! Good Morning jiro and (L/n)!! I hope you had a wonderful flight! It's a pleasure to finally you! As you know i'm principal Nezu! And this man” he pats the metal hat with his paws “Is Power Loader! He will be your teacher from here on out!!” Power loader gave a sincere smile as and held out a sheet of paper “this is the school map, incase you ever get lost.” You smile as you take the paper from the teacher and giving it a once over before looking among the sea of kids outside.

The echoes of laughter and talking rang in your ears, Kyoka smiled as a blonde male waved to to her excitedly amongst the small group of people he stood with: a spiky red hair boy, whose teeth were sharps like a sharks, a oil slick of black hair on a taller male of the group, a female whose skin was bubblegum pink with matching curly pink locks of hair and finally standing next to the yellow haired male was another blonde

Time seemed to stand still, the leaves stopped in time, freezing in mid air. A breath caught in your throat as a set of deep cherry red orbs locked to your brilliantly warm (e/c). It was like a rush of emotions had hit you in the chest like a baseball that had been hit in a homerun. You looked on as kyoka left your side to join the small group. It was like the world was white and the only thing you saw was the blonde male. The feathers in your wings ruffled out trying to cool yourself down from this new found heat, that wasn't the sun. Soon the unknowing staring contest was cut short.

“(L/N) are you ready to get your day started?” Power loader asked, waving a hand in front of your face, snapping you from your gaze. “Um, Y-yeah” you stumbled your words and tried to look again for the male. But he was nowhere to be seen in the flood of kids entering the school.

Who was that male? Why are his eyes so beautiful? Maybe you will see him again. Kyoka did run to his group. NO no distractions!!

#my hero academy fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #slow burner #angel in disguise #katsuki bakugo x reader

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and-i-uh · 4 years

Text

Who’s ready for some facts about me? These are all related to me being autistic. Here we go;

- i go out of my way to listen to the rain. Its not just a “i enjoy nature” thing, its a legitimate stim thing. I love all the tiny sounds that come with it, the smell, the slight wind, how it looks. Its just great. Anytime its raining when something memorable goes on, that automatically a positive memory for me. Just moved into a new apartment? Boom i now love that apartment even though everyone else hated it. 3am and i cant sleep when im supposed to wake up at 5am? Normally i would feel the opposite but ill open my window and sit in front of it for a while.

- i dont shave my legs. Now this can be a personal preference to say f u to the patriarchy, but it literally hurts me to shave and idk how i went and shaved my legs for a whole two years. Never again. I actually used to use nair, when i first was pressured into shaving, but it smells horrid so i stopped like immediately. Also any type of shaving gets really slimy and thats wack. I also dont shave my tiny mustache or pluck my eyebrows bc why the hell would i.

- i hate meat. Im not just an avid hater of meat bc of the meat industry or the fact theyre animals. I hate the texture. And the taste. And i dont like sausage for a different reason thats unrelated to me being autistic but if that other reason didnt exist, id probably still hate sausage. Its hard to explain but i think its bc meat is typically muscle and muscle is made to move. And i hate shit thats been alive and moving idk it makes me want to barf. And the taste just isnt right. Ew. Yknow. For the opposite reason i love veggies. Anything super healthy i love. Its weird. Idk why. Also fruit. Im basically vegetarian but not in practice bc i cant just not eat meat where i am atm. I just dont have that luxury and yeah it sucks but at least i eat. Similarly thats also why i hate the sounds of ripping flesh! :) like in that one gorey ass vampire movie. Gave me anxiety for the rest of the night and the next day. Not okay.

- ive always loved having short hair! When i was barely in preschool i had short hair. It grew out and stuff by the time i was in mid-elementary school. I got it chopped to my shoulders cause i used to refuse to brush my hair. And then i got an uber short pixie in fifth grade. I grew it out to mid-torso length bc of low self esteem, but gradually got it cut shorter and shorter. First to my shoulders, for a while, then a little higher, and then when it was about armpit length again i chopped it to about where it is now. Im planning on shaving my head in a year or so. When i come out people will think i cut my hair so i look more neutral but no its bc i hate having hair on my neck. I actually felt horrible for several months before i got it cut. Like i was thinking about finally cutting it in junior year around November and didnt cut it until july. And i had actually chopped it chin length the previous august. Its been a journey.

- i hate shoes. Ive just got terrible balance when wearing them. Flip flops are the best shoe. For summer. In winter i go converse. Everyone yells at me about proper foot support but no way im not gonna feel the floor. I can feel the floor in converse and in flip flops. I think its why im so unbalanced in dance class. Did i mention ballet shoes hurt my feet? They hurt my feet. Theyve got this despicable little sole that just stabs my foot. Thats all i know how to describe it. I find it super hard to walk in boots and like,,, uggs. Bc theyre,,, they kinda hurt to walk in. Like technically yeah i could get some doc martens to look more gay but my feet would hurt so id rather not.

Okay thats the five paragraphs yall get for today have fun.

#gore tw #actuallyautistic #rambles from leo #rain #shoes #meat #food #hair #shaving

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a-wanderin-whirlybird · 4 years

Text

A Day in the Life: Mornings

A Family Mob AU fic.

The day began at 4am that morning, with Michael blinking into the dim light of a waking Los Santos. He didn't even need to move from bed to know that someone was already up. Michael sighed.

Gavin glared out the window, his eyes trained on the newly rented apartment across the street. Green light smeared on the glass, pouring from Gavin's eyes and the thin membrane on his back fluttered irritably.

"Yo Gav what the fuck, Go to sleep." A high pitched unearthly shriek ripped through the penthouse as a ghostly version of Michael floated in front of Gavin. He turned around to see Michael walking over with a sleepy sour look.

It was too early for any kind of grooming. Michael had left his spines out, poking through his specially made pjs they were usually hidden under his heavy leather jacket. Gavin could even see the third eye, its lashes twitching as Michael worked to keep it closed at this early hour.

"Christ Micool not this early!" Gavin hissed, his eyes torn away from the window. Michael rolled his eyes, all three, and scoffed.

"Yeah but you haven't slept again." Michael hissed and Gavin pouted.

"They didn't either! I don't trust it." Gavin turned back to the window, eyes trained back on the faint light peeking through the curtains across the street.

"You heard Matt, they're students. Of fucking course they dont sleep." Michael said grabbing Gavin by the shoulders. Gavin squawked as Michael lifted him up and began to walk away.

"But I gotta keep watch Micool."

"Well I'm up now you can get some sleep and I'll watch." Gavin grumbled as Michael slipped him down on his own bed and fell asleep instantly. His membrane wrapped around him, covering the Brit in a cocoon of glittering gold.

Michael quietly left the room and moved out to the living room to wait out the rest of the night.

By 6 Ryan, Geoff and Fiona were up and with Michael. Geoff had floated in around 430 with a yawn and a light whine. Geoff was rarely able to make full words before 5 am so no one who saw him before then expected any.

Ryan and Fiona came in next one after the other at 5am. Ryan teleported in right to the fridge to grab a diet coke. Meanwhile Fiona shuffled in leaving a small trail of sea water behind her as she went straight for the coffee maker. Together the four crew members all silently sat together as the rose rose.

By 501 Geoff was talking.

"Gavin was up?" He asked.

"Yeah, dumbass was staring down the new neighbors again. They need to get some fucking sleep." Michael confirmed. There was a swish and a heavy bat riddled with glowing green nails thumped on the coffee table.

"Fiona and I could put them to sleep." Ryan offered as Fiona chugged another cup of coffee and twirled the bat.

"Not yet you two. It's too fucking early for that." Geoff groaned running a pale tattooed hand down his face.

"It's never too early for a bit of a scare." Ryan joked with a small smile. His purple eye glowed and moved separately of his other more human eye. It almost looked hungry as it turned towards the window. Michael growled as he shoved Ryan who laughed as he crashed lightly into Fiona.

"More like a murder!" Michael shouted. Fiona gurgled angrily as she reached over Ryan and shoved Michael. Geoff closed his eyes and sighed, not that anyone could tell with how much he squinted.

"Alright you three stop that. You'll wake the whole city." Geoff scolded them.

"Or just us." Jack said, padding in with Matt and Lindsay at his heels. Mat grumbled, his little wings fluttering as he rose into the air and shot off to the coffee maker. Fiona yelped, clutching her coffee and shielding it from Matt's dash. Lindsay yawned and shook yellow dust from her hair as it sprang to life and cackled with heat turning a soft orange.

"Sorry guys." Ryan apologized sheepishly, sipping from a cube of diet coke, as Lindsay flopped down across the four others on the couch. There was a resounding oof from the others as Jack shook their head black, green mossy scales shining in the sunrise.

"Jeremy, Alfredo and Gav still asleep?" Jack asked shuffling over to the open loveseat as Matt hovered with a cup of coffee nearby.

"Jeremy and Alfredo still, Gav just fell asleep." Geoff explained as Jack groaned.

"Again? Do we need to sleep on him again?" Jack asked as Fiona snorted.

"He'd love that." Fiona said wiggling her eyebrows and Lindsay snorted.

"We could make sure someone is in the position to make him feel loved." Lindsay joked. "I'm sure Michael wouldn't mind."

Michael went to reply but Geoff interrupted.

"Alright assholes leave it. I doubt blowing the guy would help much. It's the students across the street. They aren't sleeping." Geoff explained Jack nodded.

"Right. Bastard cant sleep if someone is awake nearby." Matt said, moving back to the kitchen and grabbing a bag of chips.

"Its 6 am and you're grabbing doritos?" Fiona asked.

"Fuck off at least I'm eating." Matt said around a mouthful of doritos.

"Its finals week right? They should sleep regularly soon I doubt we have to worry." Ryan pointed out, his purple eye swirling around. Fiona winced as it sped over her.

"Ryan for fucks sake I feel like you're eye is going to eat something." Fiona said shoving a pillow in Ryan's face. "Get an eye patch."

"Stop staring at it Fiona!" Ryan said, covering his eyes with his hands and flinging his cube of Diet coke across the room.

"Oh for fucks sake. Kids lay off it's too early." Jack scolded and Michael had enough and shoved Lindsay onto the floor. "Let's get some food."

By 8am breakfast was made and the smell lured Jeremy from his room and into the kitchen.

"Well look whose here. Morning sleeping beauty." Michael teased as he stepped in front of the shorter man. Jeremy stopped in front of Michael who held up a cup of coffee. Silently the half awake man opened his mouth, revealing rows of black sharp teeth. Michael silently poured the semi warm liquid down Jeremy's throat until the cup was empty.

As you do.

"Hey get over here and eat before it gets too cold." Ryan insisted beckoning Jeremy over. Jeremy sat down, his black skeletal hands hovering over the table but not touching. Ryan smirked the eye patch he was wearing was bright green with a little daisy on it that shone in the sunlight. "Open up and players line up to take a shot."

Jeremy opened his mouth and, as most mornings the others all lined up and started throwing food at Jeremy. It had become a tradition, rather than either waiting for Jeremy to wake up or letting him rot the food the moment he touched it, the others started tossing his breakfast at him to catch. It worked, and made for a great game every morning.

After several shots of bacon from Jack and one very messy egg from Lindsay, Geoff lined up some potatoes and sent the spuds flying towards Jeremy. Only for the spuds to splat on Jeremy's face.

"Fuck! It's in my eyes! Geoff the fuck?!" Jeremy shouted as the potatoes began to turn black and disintegrate. Geoff roared with laughter, his laughter pitching up into a high whistling wheeze and a little puff of smoke escaped from his mouth. Jeremy sneered as he scooped up Ryan's eggs, earning and indignant "Hey!" From Rayn, and hurled them at Geoff.

There was a satisfying splat as the eggs collided with Geoff's face. And from there breakfast devolved.

Alfredo entered the kitchen all his arms stretching and eight eyes blinking at the sunlight then blinking away bacon grease as a plate of bacon slapped him in the face. Alfredo sighed, swiping the bacon from his face and stuffing it into his mouth.

Welp. When in rome.

By 10am the food fight has ended, the kitchen cleaned up and the Crew has begun to move on to business. Those who could fly did, taking to the air of the penthouse to leave room closer to the floor for others.

Fiona was down in the private gym with Alfredo, the Drowned and Cave Spider sparred and talked crowd control for the up coming heist.

Ryan and Jeremy were in the armory with michael running inventory and cleaning weapons. The Enderman, Wither and Guardian chatting calmly about possible explosives and points of entry.

Lindsay, Geoff and Jack were in the command center, running through Plans and blueprints. The Blaze, Ghast and Creeper chose targets and contingency plans.

Gavin finally woke up by noon. The Phantom stretched his Membrane and yawned, joining the planning team by 1230. The day would continue from there, plans would be laid and prep work would be finished.but the morning would gave already slipped by in a nice haze of well earned laziness.

#Family Mob AU #FAHC #Fic

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heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet · 4 years

Text

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th

Mood/anxiety = numb.

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick.

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO.

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done.

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep.

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator.

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship.

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same.

---Emotionally it hurts the same.

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way.

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am.

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation.

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate.

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally.

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety - still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested.

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way.

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean.

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board.

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum.

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far.

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine.

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict.

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed.

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings.

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days.

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely.

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness".

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room.

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod.

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am.

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes.

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok.

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house.

We are having a picnic social distancing style.

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around. But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction)

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives.

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant.

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past.

#mental health #lost #hurting #help #self reflection #finelinebetweenloveandhate #still breathing #GAD #recovery #survivor

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monohart · 5 years

Text

stardust. (idol!au)

ft. huang renjun, failure and a secret relationship.

i’m back after a long break, haha. this was an old writing that had been sitting up in my drafts for a while... happy 2019! please spend this year showing more love to renjun. :)

thank you, and enjoy!

when you were cut from the line up for sm’s new group renjun was 100 times more devastated then u were

u were like hey rj cmon don’t worry i’ll be fine??? i’m sure i can audition for another company or smth?? or wait for the next unit debut??

u even jokingly said maybe u could debut in an nct unit but he couldn’t bring himself to smile

and your chest :(( hurt :(( from seeing him so hurt ;;;

ofc for as long as you remember y’all had been talking about both debuting under sm at the same time so y’all could be chasing your dreams and not be too far away from each other

but that plan failed when renjun debuted first with nct dream and had his schedule Packed w nct promotions and concerts and stuff

he and the other nct guys would sometimes let u sit behind the camera in vlives

this one time omg

(( ok so refer to this for a visual :) ))

u sat behind the camera in the chenle jaemin renjun react to baby don’t stop vlive

even though u were hella scared to be kicked out chenle was like HEY DW I’LL FIGHT ANYONE WHO THINKS YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE THERE OKAY

so u snuck out of your practice session slightly earlier to watch them

renjun was so excited u were there but obvs he had to keep it together for the live

then!! lolololol rip your manager found out u snuck out of practice and found u in the room and pulled u out of the room

(u kno that moment when they all looked behind the camera and then turned down the music.. yeah issa bc ur crazy manager almoST ruined the mood)

manager scolded u outside the room for a good few minutes and then told u to get yourself together

and u stood outside the room for a bit longer after manager left

and u were literally about to leave but then guess who u ran into!!!

chittaphon knew about u and rj since the day he met u and him both

it was kinda funny really bc u and rj stood rly awkwardly next to each other at this company event a few years ago and y’all were standing around the other dreamies and some other trainees and suddenly renjun’s hand brushed the side of your leg and u glance at him and he smiles at u and u look away smiling

AND chittaphon, who happens to be taking a nice long sip of his soda SEES THIS and spits his soda out

accidentally sprays soda onto jeffery’s back

but yeah thats another story

anyway!!!!

ten sees u sulking outside the door and peers in and sees renjun and hears bds

u know that smile smirk ten does when he knows whats Up™.

yeah he does that and be like

“eyy why don’t u go in???”

then u give him a breakdown of what happened with skipping practice and being caught by the manager

and hes like :o

but chittaphon is chittaphon so he grabs you by the wrist and pulls you back into the practice room and hides you in a corner just out of view

and then he sneaks onto them!!

then jaemin... quick-eyed, lovely doe-eyed jaemin... sees u hiding and nudges renjun ever so slightly

he sees u and before he gets flustered ten’s all over him asking how the mv was and flustered rj tries to keep his cool while showering chittaphon w compliments

and u know how ten looks at him like That :^)

and jaemin keeps peeking over their shoulders

yeah :))

OK I SPENT TOO LONG DESCRIBING THIS

but anyway, on that night u were cut from the line up

after the news got to him he sits down and was just like

because he knew how much debuting meant to u and

and... YOUR DREAMS TO BE TOGETHER :(( debuting together and always being close to each other

and u mentioned before that if u dont debut in the next five years u prolly would quit the entertainment industry

maybe go back to school and study some or idk work in a less chaotic industry

in that moment he remembered what u said and was a little heartbroken too

he tried to find you in your usual practice room but u weren’t there and he shouldn’t be loitering around so he gave up and let you have some space

bet u he sulked all the way home

you had travelled back to your dorm because u needed some time alone oof

it took u a good few hours to deal with the news and when u were ready to talk about it again, it was like 3am but u still gave his mobile a call

he picked up on the second ring and said to meet him outside your dorm in a few mins and y’all can go take a walk or smth for some fresh air

so u guys go to the park for a nice quiet walk in the dead of night hhh

u had so many things to say but mostly u were worried with your relationship w him and how y’all were supposed to balance that out given his priorities with nct and you as... just a trainee...

u didnt have to explain anything or other bc he suddenly goes

“what if we went public with our relationship?”

u look up at his face that was hidden behind a mask and his glasses

u deadass thought he was kidding but his that look in his eyes were like hella serious

“just think about it for a second. maybe we don’t have to bring it to the fans, but at least let the company know”

and u were like no way they’ll just do anything to keep yall apart

he didnt answer after that and not too long later yall started heading back to your dorm

it was almost 5am and the streets were still dark and renjun had an arm around your waist and you leant against him and yall walked slowly bc honestly u guys haven’t slept a wink and its been a Really Long day

your dorm was a street away from his

actually he stops about a street or two away from your dorm bc another idol group also lived in the same building as u and there were always sasaengs and people w cameras outside your dorm

u were a trainee so it didnt bother u but renjun was renjun :,)

plus he actually wanted sum privacy so he could kiss u.. so...

hsaksdnd

there was a narrow alley just around the back of the apartment block next to yours

u would never go there alone kasdnj it was scary at any time of the day

tbh

u wouldn’t go even if someone was there with u

maybe it was the heat of the moment or u were just so down that day

it didn’t rly bother u when renjun gently backed u up against the wall and hugged u n took off his mask n buried his face in the crook of ur neck

and that immediately put a smile on your face ur like baby wyd its 5am

hes looks at u like :(( and says “i miss u” in a quiet quiet voice & in his mother tongue

u knew what it meant and hearing him say it in chinese made you uwu to mars

then he showers u with like tiny tiny butterfly kisses and he wraps his arms around u to make u feel safe and warm

which u do!!

he holds u up too when ur knees buckle a bit but then just continues kissing u hehehe

its all sweet and innocent but his kisses last just a tiny bit longer each time, as if hes scared that you’d run away

after he finishes kissing u he meets your eyes and u literally watch his orbs go all soft and he hides his face in your neck again while u mutter about how much of a big baby he is

the goodnight was!!!

the hardest thing y’all had to do omg

he literally didnt want to let u go

and when he did and when u started walking toward ur building u kept looking back, wanting him to head off but he didnt and stood there waiting for u to go in

and u didnt want to go in without knowing he was on his way home and was safe on the walk back wdf it was almost 6am

then when u were almost at the door u saw he hadn’t moved an inch

so u run back to him

he was still standing at the spot where y’all parted - which was a few streets down and out of sight

he scolds u for running back out but he smiles when doing so and u snap his mask back onto his face and kisses him over the mask like 200 times and u couldnt see but hes like dying from the giggles

anyway eventually y’all go home :,) it just took forever :,)

the next day u head to the building in the afternoon to catch up on some sleep

u were a bit guilty to find out renjun went back to work at 7am which meant he practically didnt get any sleep

y’all brush shoulders in the cafeteria but he was walking w hyuck and his manager so u couldn’t stop and chat

tho u couldn’t help but notice his manager steal a glance at u when u walked by and he had this really weird smile on his lips

made u go like huh.,, maybe he recognises me from the many Brief encounters yall had before

anyway u were doing some vocal and keyboard practice later in the afternoon when the door to the private training suite opened and two loud boys stumbled in

made u rly surprised bc u never expected it to be them??

it was taeyong and winwin??

they were both looking at u like :))) as if they did something great :))

taeyong introduces himself formally but you’re like ,, um u know we’ve met before at this function and hes like OH,,, sorry

anyway they were there to tell u how renjun couldn’t shut up about u since he went back to the dorm last night and now all of nct knows about everything to know about u and him (if they hadn’t already)

you’re just like .,, oof what embarrassing stuff did he say

they’re like NO ALL NICE STUFF,, a bit cringey at times

but !! nct wanted to help u

so earlier today

johnny and jaehyun spoke to their managers and night night producers and asked if they could hire a third radio dj - yknow someone who also speaks english and is really nice and entertaining and funny and cool like u are!!

that idea is now In The Talks

winwin brought up a variety thing china line and their managers had been thinking about for a while and also asked if they could consider u

nct managers be like ok so who actually is this trainee and why are all 18 boys obsessively asking to include her in nct activities

later that day when u see renjun again he was just heading off but he came around your practice room to see u before he left

thankfully u were the only one left at practice as the others were away busy preparing for their debut or smth :,)

u didnt hear him come in bc u were sitting in the middle of the room on the floor scrolling replying to week old texts oop hehe

renjun sneaks up behind u and hugs u from behind and kisses your cheek

he got a bit scared when u didn’t respond as explosively as he thought... for a second he thought he got the wrong person poor bean he was so nervous hhh

you chuck your phone aside and tackle him and he falls onto his back and yall kinda lay there on the ground for a bit

and you told him about taeyong and winwin visiting u and he just smiles

“you inspire me.”

“me? inspire you? you’re huang freakin’ renjun, and i, of all people, inspire you?”

“yeah”

“don’t understand u sometimes”

he turns his head to look at u and u turn to look at him and he kinda just admires you for a while then reach over and touches your cheek

it wasnt even a sweet caress or anything he literally just

touched

your cheek

“renjun what the heck”

then he laughs and u laugh and u snuggle against him and for the first time that week both of u feel completely at ease bc even though the dream u guys shared at the beginning was completely shattered,

y’all would still find a way around it

and knowing so many people around u still supported u guys meant so much

especially to renjun bc u were his everything and he’d do anything for u

and i mean it!!!

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pirate-kid2k19-blog · 5 years

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Opinions on things that might make people mad

Hunt pedos and rapists and murderers, not poor innocent animals, its a lot more fun. And it shouldnt be illegal because in my opinion those people have done things that are punishable by death.

Yall who say meat and dairy industries arent that bad are wild just do some goddamn research before you get mad at me for stating facts 👀

It should be illegal to have weapons anywhere near schools (unless you are a cop and are required to have them, but you should be very careful and guard them to keep them away from students AND TEACHERS at all times). I figured by now people wouldve learned how kids who are gonna shoot up a school or have weapons act before they use them, and those are the people who need to be checked and talked to. Having clear bookbags is not a good option because some people have comfort items theyll get picked on for and people who start their period early get picked on (i know from experience, trust me).

The voting age should be 16. People can form full thoughts by the age of 16. Enough said.

Thenwarning on cigarette boxes shoukd be bigger and more noticeable on the box, and you should be warned before buying them. So many people die from smoking, and 2 people in my house smoke, one of which as already had cancer and refuses to quit, and the other is too fucking stupid to realize he should quit if he doesnt want to end up like the other.

people should not be "cancelled" just because they said something was bad. They should be cancelled if they are a rapist, murderer, pedophile, etc.

ALSO the first one is half joking half not. I believe those people should be sentenced to death by law if and when they are caught but thats not always the case and that pisses me off

Add on number 1:

Hey just a reminder that when animals get harmed or slaughtered they do not understand why it is happening and they did nothing to deserve it but they dont reslize that. So yeah.

Dont be rude to people just because they dont eat like you do. Some people have to be vegan or vegetarian for health issues. And some people cant go vegan or vegetarian for health issues. Not everyone can be one way.

Dont be rude to people because they dont believe what you believe, unless their belief is IN ANY WAY harmful. Everyone has the right to believe what they want.

Add on number 2:

Scene kids and emo kids arent cringey, you guys are all just cowards.

You dont need dysphoria to be trans but taking a random object and somehow calling it a gender is really fucking weird and i have NO FUCKING CLUE how people turned autism into a gender but its disgusting to me im sorry. Though i am open to learn about this some more, so if you want to teach me about this stuff feel free to message me or send me an ask.

Otherkin isnt cringey or a mental disorder, its just people being people.

Shady jeff was only good whenever he sung in hu songs (literally once in scene for dummies and pretty much just background vocals) but everything else about him fucking sucks

NOT AN OPINION LITERALLY A FACT THAT 40 YEAR OLD WHITE SUBURBAN MOMS NAMED KAREN CANT ACCEPT: CHILDREN NEED TO BE VACCINATED!!!

Furries that dont harm anyone and dont fuck animals are not cringey.

Idc if you live in the most redneck area out there: being up at 5am blasting country music from your truck and playing beer pong when you have neighbors that are trying to sleep is extremely disrespectful. Same goes for roommates who play video games real loud at 3am. Its disrespectful to the people who are just trying ro sleep. This ones more so a rant abt my personal life and whats happened since moving to georgia.

WOMEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED ABORTIONS IF:

-having the child will kill them or the child, they cannot financially afford to take car eof the child, they were raped, its an inbred baby (this could give it a deformity that could hinder its life, but if it doesnt get to live to begin with then it wont have to suffer), the mother cannot take care od the child for whatever reason.

WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED ABORTIONS IF:

-she just wants to have a kid to abuse it in any way for any reason

TEACHERS SHOUKD DO MORE THAN JUST SEND A KID TO THE OFFICE TO SIT FOR AN HOUR BC THEY HIT A KID EVEN IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. THE ONE WHO THREW THE FIRST PUNCH NEEDS TO BE SENT HOME AND DEALT WITH BY THEIR PARENTS. IF THE KID ACTED IN SELF DEFENSE AND NO ONE NEARBY (WHETHER ITS A TEACHER, THE BUS DRIVER, OR ANOTHER STUDENT) WOULD HELP THEM, THEY SHOULD NOT BE PUNISHED.

I DO NOT CARE IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THE FACT THAT IM VEGAN. I HAVE REASONS WHY I AM, AND YOU HAVE REASONS WHY YOURE NOT. HOWEVER!!! IF YOUR REASONING IS JUST THAT WE WERE "MADE TO EAT MEAT", AND YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO AT LEAST TRY AND UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES OF THE ARGUEMENT, DO YOUR RESEARCH!!

In ANY arguement, understand all sides first! Especially whatever side you take! It makes it s lot easier and keeps you from looking like a fucking idiot when you know what youre talking about and dont just use the same 1-3 points over and over.

Healthy food shouldnt cost so much just because its not junk food. A lot of people buy junk food because they cant afford to eat healthy.

Will add more as time goes on

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just-urtypical-blonde · 5 years

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Thursday June 20th, 2019

Today was emotional draining. I went to the GYN for my 6 month check up, I’ve seen my dr twice a year for the past 4 1/2 years. Every time normal. Nothing out of the ordinary, a bill of clean health thrusted upon me. But this was not every other visit. Or else I would be here, writing about it. This time my doctor found something unsual. She found a lump that felt like the size of a marble on my left breast. For most people, especially a young/healthy twenty-one year old, a lump is usually nothing to be too concerned with. But my mother had breast cancer five years ago. My doctor reassured me that it was probably just a cist and perscribed a sonogram to check it out and either cornfirm or deny that it was a cist. And she comforted me saying there was “nothing to worry about.” And honestly, I wasn’t too worried. Ever since my mom went through her cancer treatment, I had a gameplan. Because a small part of me had a feeling that I too, would get breast cancer. Granted, I thought I had another 15-20 years tho. So off I went, script in hand out into the pouring rain. Where I called my mother to tell her what had just happened. With concern in her voice, she said that everything will be okay and that we’ll figure this all out when I get home. In the begining of the 40ish minute drive home, it hit me. I had a lump, at least the size of a marble, and it wasn’t there six months ago. “How did I not notice it?” “How did I let it get so big?” “And what if it was cancer?” These were all running through my head 10 minutes into driving. And I went from being fine. To sobbing while driving on the highway. So to try and take my off of it all. I put my radio on max volume and blasted some tunes. It kind of worked, took 15 minutes, but I was finally out of my head. During my sobfest I texted two close friends to see if we could do girls night. Unsure if I would tell them about my appointment. They both say theyd love a girls night, and that theyll be to my house within the next 30 minutes. So I finally pull into my driveway. I go inside and Im met with my mother and my sister. My mom insists on feeling the marble inside me. Which means I have to tell my sister. So we’re all standing in my kitchen, crying. Okay so I’m doing most of the crying; but that’s fine. When my brother in law walks into this mess, discovers what just transpired and embraces me in his arms, telling me that it’ll all work out, and that it’s most likely nothing. So my mom goes on to make the sonogram for Monday June 24th at 1pm. Right after I get out of work. We...I cried some more, mascara running down my face because I cant believe this is real and happening. When I see one of my friends pull up. So I take my makeup off to not show that I’ve been crying for the past hour at this point. It worked. She came in and we watched the episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit where a kid whose being abused by his father assaults his friend with a hockey stick. Its actually a really good episode. But towards the end of the episode our other friend gets here and the trio is united once more. We end up watching another episode of SVU, or maybe we watched three. Honestly, I’m not too sure. But one of them showcased the pick up line “What drives you” and we all honestly thought that was hillarious! Next thing I know we’re heading to a park because one of us left out keys there during a hook up. (honestly idk if I phrased that right but I dont care y’all know what I mean). And they took a really cute boomerang of my on a swing. I was having a good time, and I had completely forgtten about my appointment for a few hours. Which I desperately needed. Than we got some food and I ended up telling them about my marble in Sonic. Not my greatest moment, but it was a thing that happened. They embraced me and reassured me that I’d be okay. But my life made a drastic 180° in the span of 2 minutes.

Friday June 21st, 2019

Today I woke up at 5am. It fucking sucked. I think I got 20 minutes of sleep between 7:40 and 8. But after that I was wide awake. I’m honestly still alittle mad about it. But during all that time fucking around on facebook I got a text from my mom asking if I wanted to get the sonogram today. Because honeslty, my mom is a freakin beast and I love her to death. I told her I wouldnt mind, but I had brunch plans at noon so its no big deal. I had an appointment for monday and if I had to wait, than I had to wait. She called me a few hours later at 9:45am saying that a place by her job had an opening at 10:30 and if I wanted it. Obviously I did. So I hopped out of bed, got ready in less than 10 minutes. I looked like a hobo but I was in my car and met my mom at her job by 10:02. She met me in the parking lot and off we went. The four minute car ride was stupidly emotional. But, if it wasn’t I think that would’ve been weirder. We finally arrived at the sonogram place and once inside the room where I get checked by the doctor, she said “I never imangined my first sonogram with one of my children wouldn’t be for a heart beat.” Which really got to me. Not too long after that the somogram woman walked in and begin doing the test. I was not allowed to get any footage or documentation of this process, which actually sucks. But I’ll find a way to get my hands on those files. I mean, its my breast and my masses! (oh they ended up finding more than one mass on my left, and another mass on my right. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves). I cried the entire time she was sonograming my breast. Because now it was real. I couldn’t pretend the marble wasnt there, because I could see it clear as day on the monitor. And it was definitely bigger than a marble. It was the size of a peach pit. Then she said she found another smaller mass on the lower part of my breast. So yay, lumps for us all. The doctor came in and told us that the lumps weren’t cists. But they weren’t cancer either. Turns out my boobs are very fibourous. But theres two kinds of boob fibers. Ones that grow incredibly fast, like cancer but not cancer. And regular ones. Since the marble that is now a peach pit has a different textire than the other ones they found. She recommended a biopsy. So I got dressed and made the appointment for Monday June 24th after I get out of work. Im glad I’m getting this taken care of. And I’m also really glad this is happening now instead of when I’m older and in a relationship. I’m proud to know that I’m strong enough to get through this myself. Even if “by myself” is my mom, my sister, my brother in law, and two friends. (Plus like 6 other important people in my life my mom told because she was stressed and didnt wanna scare me because I was already scared and also the baby). (and no I’m not mad at her for telling these people this. I knew she would tell people because she was worried and needs someone to vent about me to, so like... I get it) I’m still scared, granted for no reason. And I’m still having a hard time believing this is real. But I’m taking things one day at a time. So until Monday, unless I find my journal by then.

#Dont reblog #me #personal #plese dont reblog #this is just a vent #these past few days have been stressfull #and I cant find my journal right now #im so emotionally dead #but still crying #I took some pics and imma post them with all these words one day on my finsta #I should be happy #and full of joy #so why arent I

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skyfri-slj · 5 years

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my thoughts on “eighth grade”

before i rant (mainly to myself), i loved the movie and this is in no way me critiquing it. these are just my personal thoughts about how much i was able to relate to this movie and how it made me sob at 4 in the morning.

i wish i had seen this movie when i was 14 years old in middle school. i wish i was able to watch awkward, shy, trying kayla learn and experience so much within a week when i was struggling through the same things.

throughout the whole movie, i found myself relating to kayla so much more than i expected and was remembering things i forgot had happened to me or was trying very hard to. while kayla’s middle school was very different to mine (given the dress code (or lack thereof odksjshs), freedom, technology, or just basic generational differences), there were a few moments that stood out to me and i was able to relate to.

when i was in middle school, one of the first things my sister told me about high school was to watch out for boys. of course, i thought this was just some basic advise bc “boys are gross” or something. but she told me that upperclassmen would try to hit on me and make moves on me. the first time i heard this, i was confused bc i thought “well what girl wouldnt want cute older boys hitting on them?”. then i got into high school and my friends said the same thing. still, it didnt really have an effect on me. then i met this senior who i really liked, who i thought really liked me back. he would keep texting me and snapchatting me like “man i wish i was with you right now”, “youre so cool/cute/pretty”, “i wish i could kiss you”. and i still saw nothing but flattery. and unlike kayla in the movie, who was smart enough to stop that guy in the car with her, i was not. i hung out with the senior and he kissed me and we kissed and that was it. i went home, told my friends (expecting them to be happy i had gotten my first kiss), and was lectured about how i shouldnt have done that and the senior was just using me. looking back at that moment, almost 4 years ago, i cringe at how stupid i was. not that i really thought i was the only one to experience this kind of thing, but seeing the same thing happen in “eighth grade”, i saw myself and the fact that this sort of thing made it into a movie says (to me, at least) that it happens enough times to become something “relateable” (which sucks bc “that predatory older kid” shouldnt really be something many girls can relate to).

when kayla said “I’m really like nervous all the time. … It’s like I’m waiting in line for like a roller coaster and that stupid like butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you get. I get that all the time. And then I never get the feeling after you ride the roller coaster”, i burst into tears. when i was in eighth grade, i first started to noticed my anxiety and change in emotions and i felt so alone. kayla (or i guess bo burnham for penning the script) was able to describe this feeling i felt, and still feel to this day, better than i ever could. when i was 14, i felt so different from others bc of this and struggled to live with it. i felt so excrutiatingly isolated and even though i had friends, i always felt like there was a wall up between me and them. i still feel this was at 19 years old, 5 years later. if 14 year old me, crying herself to sleep every night bc she doesnt know whats wrong with her, crying to her mom that she feels so hopeless but cant explain why, saw this movie, i think she couldve found some shelter in kayla. i was awkward and shy and felt uncomfortable in my own skin but i didnt know that everyone felt like that. hearing your mom say that versus hearing another 14 year old express the same feelings are two different things (not to hate on my mom, i really love my mom but she kinda just brushed my anxiety off like it was nothing).

bo burnham was able to do the best job of accuratly describing middle school. there were times when i found myself cringing at scene, not bc they were bad but bc i remember myself doing the same embarassing shit lmao. there were so many other aspects of the film that i loved so much but its already 5am and i need to go to sleep so i cant ramble on. but i truely loved this film and dont regret staying up so late to finish it

#eighth grade #bo burnham #me

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soggypotatoes · 6 years

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ive lost track of time so hard, its either been 3 or 4 days without meds and i havent been able to turn up to my dog jobs bc my head hurts so bad and its ok bc i managed to go get my meds but when i came back the dogs had smashed 3 glasses of water and ripped apart a full bag of sugar and eaten a whole lot of other things and its my fault bc i havent been walking them enough but also theres so much i need to do and so much to focus on and time keeps passing and i dont even know when i last walked them bc i dont know whats happened at all in the past few weeks even

the house is a mess, i forgot to put out the garbage for 2 weeks in a row and im trying to look after myself, 3 dogs, a cat, 3 chickens, a snake and a bird and my friend whos staying with me during their depressive episode and i have to keep up with uni which im so far behind with (i think i had a test the other day but i didnt do it) and i cant remember the last time i ate something that wasnt chips and everything is so strange and displaced and off i feel like everything around me is rotting theres so much garbage and nowhere to put it idk what to do

theres nothing i can distract myself with either, my friend will be home soon and i need to get dinner and theyll need to sleep bc they pulled an all nighter and i just remembered i have to pull one tonight in order to get to a lesson tomorrow morning and i dont know what im going to do all night

realistically i should study and clean but the meds withdrawal hurts so much, like someones playing operation with my brain and i cant do anything about it

also last night at 5am i got suddenly convinced that my friend was going to kill me in my sleep and they were talking to their friend on the phone and i was listening in thinking they were talking about me in code??? it was really weird but i get realllllyyyy paranoid when i dont take my meds so that was a thing

anyway everything is so hard and intense but at least i have meds now

next thing i need to do is try to eat more food, i bought some vegetables while i was out so i might just. put an eggplant in the microwave and eat it and hope that solves some of this mess. i hope. god. i want this to be over.

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pokefanbri · 3 years

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I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

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harryff · 7 years

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Chapter 2 Aria Part 1.

Trigger warning: Sexual assault, domestic abuse. Please call the 1−800−799−7233 if you have suffered from any abuse.

In the next upcoming months Aria and Harry reconnected. Her album was to be released soon but she longed to go back to the days she sang background for the band.

Laying in bed she remembered the day Liam and Harry got into a fight over whose part she will sing along with and somehow she managed to appease them both. It was the first time Harry truly noticed her as he tells it to people.

It was currently 10pm in New York which meant it was 3am in Manchester where Harry was working on his album. Aria was supposed to be asleep instead her mind raced filled with anxiety she couldn’t relax instead her thoughts took her to the worst possible outcomes for performance the next day. To help pass time she texted him

Aria: I miss you big head lol😚😙😋

Aria: I can’t sleep😣😣😓😓☹

Aria: I wish I could call you but you’re sleeping beauty and you definitely need 6 hours of sleep at least or youll be evil lol 😴😴😴

Aria: Remember the time i made you stay up for 24 hours and you were grumpy the whole day and I had to make it up 😉😂

Aria: I have to perform tomorrow. I don’t want to. I’d much rather go back to the good old days where no one knew I existed

Aria: I still laugh at the memories of you falling on stage…. clumsy prince

Aria: I’m gonna have diarrhea tomorrow theres no way I’m gonna survive

Aria: Sorry TMI 🙊

Aria: Since I cant bug you you’ll wake up to like 20 texts. 😜

Aria: she sent picture of her sleeping with the teddy bear he got her 2 years ago

Aria: Me and Mr. H miss you

Aria: I had to give him surgery awhile back. Roxy the little shit ripped his eye out. I almost cried 😢😢😢

Aria: Imagine me a grown woman crying over a stuffed animal. 😂😭😭😭

Aria: I went into panic mode!! That was not a contingency I planned for she just bit his eye and yanked it out! Then she starts running with it! In her mouth! Chewing it! I never truly knew what panic was till that moment!😲😲😲

Aria: Damn dog😒😒😒

Aria: Arent you supposed to be up running? It’s 3

Aria: I miss you again

Aria: I don’t want to perform Harry

Aria: Will you be disappointed in me if I quit?

Aria: Will you call when you wake up?

When Harry woke up at 5am his time he read the texts laughing she was definitely panicking her nerves were getting to her because she was a chatter box.

He called her via Skype

Her computer facing her she raised up hearing the call she clicked the mouse before falling back in bed.

“Aria” he said watching her move around

“Yes”

“I see Roxy is around Mr.H” he said noticing the dog by her side

“Yes she was on 1 month probation after she did that”

He chuckled

“It’s not funny” she said sitting up

“Yeh ok?”

“No” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll do good!”

“I don’t like performing in front of people”

“Yeh did when we went on tour”

“Yes but no one knew it was me”

He sighed

“I have to perform for the executives at 9. Practiced my ranges”

“Don’t strain your voice”

“I know… what are you doing today besides calming my nerves”

“Just tha'nd recording”

“You’re working on your 3rd album?”

“Yes”

She smiled “you have great bed head”

He laughed “are yeh not sleepy?”

“I am I keep jerking in my sleep”

“Just relax poppet”

“I’m trying”

“I have to go for my run”

“Ok i’ll call you when I get done”

“Ok” he said blowing a kiss

She caught it.

Harry: How’d it go? He asked when she didn’t call by the end of the day he wondered how things went

Aria: 😭😭😭😭😭😖😓

Harry called her

Harry: Pick up poppet

Aria: No 😭😢

Harry: howd it go

Aria: ‘need more practice’

Aria: Tommy said ‘on a scale of 1-10. 1 being pretty bad and 10 being the worst performance ever that was a 7.’ 😭😭😭 I can’t do this

Harry:😒😒 drop him he’s a shitty manager

Harry: Pick up poppet please

She took a deep breath before answering his call

“Hey” she said

“Where are you?”

“At home” her voice broke

“Aww pet”

“I can’t do this Harry”

“I think yeh need another manager”

She sniffed “I wish you were here”

“I’ll be there soon pet”

She remained silent

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“My voice shook the whole time….sang off key sounded like shit”

“It’s alright Aria”

“It’s not,” her voice was soft. “I’m not made for this.”

“Aria yeh are” he stressed

She sighed “how was your day”

“It was wonderful recorded 3 songs”

“Good”

“My album is done will you listen to it?”

He paused “i don’ kno’ if i should.” He was hesitant. In the past she depended so much on his opinion he got frustrated with the search of approval from him.

“Ok fair enough i’ll have Mr. H listen to it”

He remained silent

“Maybe i can do like a Sia thing but cover my whole body be in dungeon somewhere”

He was still quiet

“Ok Harry good night.” She said ending the call. She knew him too well he was asleep.

As she sat aimlessly looking at the ceiling she contemplated all the different things she could do to put an end to her contract. Get sick with a virus, purposely damage her larynx, car accident etc. When Harry awoke at 3am his time he called her she stared at the phone contemplating whether she would swipe right or left. The screen went dark she thanked the gods for not making her make that decision.

At 10 in the morning she found herself in the studio listening to Thomas or Tommy berate her

“ARIA! Im talking to you!” he said snapping her out of her thoughts

“Sorry” she cowered away

“WHY” he paused “why didn’t you perform like you did in this video? you were so good then what is it now?” he was showing her a video of her singing at a local jazz bar. There were only 10 people, people she would never meet this was different this was executives and produces people who had the power to build or destroy her career with one move.

“I dont know im just nervous”

“ABOUT WHAT? WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET YOU TO NOT BE NERVOUS? SO WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT NOW?

“EVERYTHING!” She argued back before looking at her phone Harry had called her 5 times already.

Harry: Aria are you ok ive called you multiple times

She recorded Tommy

He hit the wall beside her “YO YOU A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT IT’S A WASTE OF TALENT YOU HAVE. I GOT A 10 YEAR OLD WHO WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SPOT!” He walked away from her “…SO YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA LET SOME 10 YEAR OLD OUT DO YOU? DO WE NEED TO MAKE YOU SING NAKED NEXT TIME?”

She spoke softly “Im sorry I can’t Tommy”

“DONT TOMMY ME! TELL ME YOU CANT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO! YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED FOR YOU! YOU OWE ME THIS!”

She sat silently and hit the send button

Harry: get up and walk away. He texted feeling his anger rise if he was there his fist would be connecting with Tommy’s jaw

Aria: I cant

Harry: Aria get up and walk away

Aria: he’s blocking the door.

She remained quiet waiting for the vent session to be over.

“You have a show tomorrow Chicago Bulls so get ready. Ya ass aint making a fool out of me again” She nodded leaving the studio. She ignored Harry for the rest of the day working on her vocals. She sat at home working on her ranges.

“You sound good Ria” her grandmother said cooking

“Thanks Grandma”

“Whats wrong?” she noticed her behavior

“Tommy screamed at me… told me lots of things i was an embarrassment to him… grandma i don’t know if i can do this”

“Youre too good dont let him ruin you!”

“I know”

Her phone lit up it was Harry texting her.

Harry: can you call me please

She stood up and went to her room to call him

“Aria” he said looking at her on the camera

“Hey” she said getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes were puffy her nose was red. “How was your day?”

“Good.. are yeh ok?”

“I’m ok” she sighed

“Wha’ happened with Tommy”

“Have to perform tomorrow”

He tilted his head in confusion

“Yea”

“Don’ wan yeh to be sad pet”

“I’m ok Harry. Me and Mr. H will be tough” she joked

He chuckled “I’ll be there soon so save some luvin for me yea?” “No you dont get any”

“Wha’? Why?” he smiled

“Well see me and Mr. H have a bond even you can’t break. I have been there with him through thick and thin” her eyes welled up “and he wont” her voice started to break “and he wont let me down and i won’t do the same to him… sorry i dont mean to cry”

“Aria dont cry pet”

She chuckled wiping her tears “I don’t even know why im crying Harry thats the problem. With Mr. H i know i cant let him down"

“You never let me down" he spoke softly

“I have, i know that, but im trying not to.”

He sighed not knowing what to say. She was always too hard on herself. Her worst critic never letting up on her imperfections. “ ‘M gonna go to bed” he mumbled

“K good night” she said before ending the call

The next day she walked onto the court her hands shaking getting ready to sing the national anthem. Tommy had softened his tone but his words were still harsh. She found herself panicking 30 minutes prior, hunched over with a paper bag to her mouth. The cameras flashed she brought the microphone to her mouth. She closed her eyes imagined she was at home. When the song was done people jumped to their feet cheering her on. She thanked them and rushed off court. It was one of her best performances.

“WHOO!“ Tommy cheered “THAT WAS IT! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!… You sounded so good. Thats what you do in front of the execs don’t worry about them you got this Aria!”

She smiled taking a deep breath in she wanted to leave there was no celebration for her this only meant the inevitable an album release and a music career.

“Thanks Tommy can i go home now?”

“Nah lets go party!” “I really dont want to”

“Look its for your image just one drink” he begged

“Ok” she sighed as they made their way to club she texted Harry

Aria: I think i did ok everyone is happy

Aria: Going to the club with Tommy

Aria: Text you when i get home

It was supposed to be the club but they pulled up to his house, there was a party going on

“Tommy i thought you said club” she said giving him a look

“I know but house parties are fun!”

She shook her head this was her first time in his house “I’m not”

“Please just one drink you promised”

“Fine one drink and i’m done”

An hour passed one drink turned to two and two turned to three she thought. Her head was spinning, Tommy was being too friendly, he was groping her in places he shouldn’t have. When she tried to leave his grip on her wrist tightened when she fought back he put her arm behind her making her face the crowd as he dry humped her from behind. When he dragged her to the bathroom she used the opportunity to escape.

“Come on!” he stressed in a playful tone licking her neck forcing her against the wall

“No stop” she said weak from the concoction she was never a light weight so this was not the norm for her He hit her thigh “I said come on!” his thigh wedged between hers his tone changed he was being forceful

“Stop Tommy” she tried to fight him off

He held her hands above her with one hand while the other groped her body “You know you want this dick, Harry can’t do you like me”

“Please” she begun to cry she was too weak

Abruptly the door swung open. The man looked at Aria’s face “Yooo chill!”

“I’m not doing nothing” he said stepping away from her with his hands up

She quickly maneuvered from him he reached out for her but her arms were too quick on her way out she fell to the floor. Only managing to stand up and rush up the steps she found a room and locked herself in it. Quickly she dialed Harry’s number forgetting he wasn’t in the US, when she remembered she called her grandmother

“Aria do you know what time it is? im asleep!”

“Grandma please come get me” she sobbed on the phone

“Whats wrong?” she sensed the urgency

“He almost raped me i dont know whats wrong with me”

“You stay there i’m calling the cops”

“NO! please”

“Where are you?”

“Tommy’s house on 3rd bellavue house with all the cars”

“Stay where you are I’m coming!”

It felt like eternity waiting for her grandmother. She was finding herself waking up from an unconscious ous state every 5 minutes. She was fighting to stay awake. Her phone rang 4 times before she awoke

“Hello? Hello? Aria!?”

“….Grandma?”

“Where are you? You tell me now or i’m coming in with my shot gun!”

“I’m coming don’t” she said weak

Slowly she stood up her legs felt like jello, she opened the door and walked to the staircase held onto the railing with a death grip the party was dying down. She saw him at the corner of her eye he was mingling slowly she walked down the steps trying her best to not draw any attention to herself. When she got to the bottom of the stairwell. The door seemed so far away there were so many people in the way she tried to quickly move around them

“Aria? Is that you?” she heard his voice

“ARIA! I’m calling you!” fear took over she was pushing people out of the way, when she reached the door she opened it and collapsed her grandmother already standing outside her car ran towards her

“Aria” he spoke in her ear as pulled her up. She winced away

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” her grandmother threatened

“I’m just trying to help her out”

“YOU TOUCH HER I’LL BLOW YOUR WHOLE FACE OFF!”

His temper rose “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OLD BITCH!” “I GOT YOUR BITCH TOUCH HER AGAIN AND YOU WON’T HAVE A DICK” She whimpered standing up

“Aria are you ok?” she spoke to her helping her up

She limped to the car her ankle sprained

When they got to the house it took her grandmother 10 minutes to wake her up

“Oh thank God! Aria what did you drink?”

“I don’t know” she said turning her head away from her

“Let’s get you in the house”

She slumped on the couch her grandmother close by the whole night.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting migraine confused about what happened

She groaned her memory was hazy, she remembered drinking a blue motorcycle and Tommy being aggressive she remembered him walking her to the bathroom his smile on his face his eyes telling her something else

“Oh mi nieta you’re awake!”

Her voice raspy “Grandma what happened?”

“Thomas tried to rape you!”

She thought “No… what?”

“Aria you called me you couldn’t even stand! you need to call the cops i think you were drugged”

“He what?” she sat up needing to piece things together

She picked up her phone there were texts from Tommy

Tommy: i hope you had fun i had too much to drink

Tommy: im sorry about what i did I love you😗 Aria i would never hurt you i was just fucked up Tommy: shit you were too,

Tommy: grinding on me i miss read the signals, you know that right? You know how i get when im fucked up

Tommy: tell your g ma to chill i was fucked up too shit you were too

Tommy: call me when you get this

Miranda: 😁😀YAY bestfriend you did good!

Her mind tried to remember what happened but it couldn’t dnt her wrist was bruised, she rubbed it to sooth the pain.

“Aria you need to call the cops!”

She shook her head “I don’t”

“Well freshen up clear your head”

“How’d i get home?” she looked around

“I came to get you! that rapist was trying to pull you back in”

She stood up and fell to the ground

“Ahh!” She grimaced grabbing her swollen ankle

“I think you sprained it” her grandmother picked up her foot “here put it up let me get some ice”

In the bathroom she undressed she noticed bruises on her neck, her thighs and knees when the skirt fell she covered herself with her hands, she had no underwear, she could not remember what happened to it. In shower she tried the best she could to remember she couldn’t. But she also knew something wasn’t right. she scrubbed hard feeling dirty. She felt a sick feeling from the pit of her stomach she hunched over unable to stop it. She vomited.

In her sleep it came to her in a flash

She saw herself drinking her drink.That nauseous feeling intensified

“I gotta go I don’t feel good.” she steadied herself by holding his shoulders

“No stay” he rubbed her sides

She shook her head “I’m leaving”

“I said stay” he insisted pulling her back, her back to him he breathed on her neck. She moved her neck away “Mmmm you have a nice ass” he said before smacking it

She shot up in cold sweats her head pounding was it true? Did he really do that?

She looked at her phone there were texts from Harry. He sent her a screenshot from the tabloid the caption “Looks like you and Thomas had fun, you did great! I watched it! what a way to celebrate😂😋” the picture her hair on her face with one arm behind it looked like they were in the middle of a dance. Her wrist ached as if it had a memory of the pain that was inflicted upon it. Harry was oblivious to the dark truth. feeling nauseous she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Rising slowly she cried looking at herself in the mirror.She blamed herself she should have known better. She should have been more careful.

Picking up her phone there was another message from Harry

Miranda: Bitch call me you look lit😂😜

Miranda: Umm that picture doesnt look right call me 🙁😕😞

Harry: call me when you wake up pet I miss your voice😗.

She snatched her laptop from the floor quickly she searched flights to Manchester leaving the next day. She was willing to pay any price once she got the confirmation email she hopped off the bed and three clothes into her suitcase

Her grandmother walked into her room “Where you going you can’t leave!”

“Manchester”

“Are you going to tell him

“I can’t even remember what happened! if it happened will he believe me?”

“Aria he can’t get away with what he did! now I don’t know how the music industry works but that man cant walk away from what he did to you!”

“I know mimi”

“So call the cops”

“I..” she looked to the bathroom

Her grandmother stressed her point “tell him.. Harry will know what to do…. have you talked to him?”

She shook her head

“I’m not going to let this go”

“I know”

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding”

“Well relax I will finish packing for you”

The next day she found herself in Chicago O’hare limping around she hadn’t told Harry about her plan to stop by.

Tommy: You haven’t called are you ok

Tommy: just call me or send a text to tell me your ok

She felt sick looking at the texts holding onto Mr.H she walked around till her flight departure time. When she landed at 2pm she made a beeline for his condo.

She knocked in the door she quickly wiped away her tears

“Yea yea!” she heard his voice through the door

He stood confused for a second before his face lit up

“Poppet! Wha’re yeh doing here?“ he asked lifting her into a tight embrace

“I missed you” she confessed

“Yeh should have told me!”

“I just did!” she said forcing a smile

He leaned down to kiss her she could only manage a few kisses it was killing her.

“What do I owe this delightful surprise?” she shrugged walking in

“Hey” she greeted his band

“ARIAAA!”

She smiled

“Yeh should have told me really” he said pulling her down on his lap. “ ‘M flying to London tomorrow family time”

“Oh” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll come with me?”

She nodded

“Wha’ happened to your foot?” Weezer asked

“I fell... heels”

“All that partying yeh ‘nd Thomas did” Harry commented “yeh never texted by the way”

She swallowed hard smiling at him “sorry forgot”

He raised his eyebrow

“So what are you up to today?” she asked

“Last recording session are yeh ok?” he noted her pale complexion

“Yea, just cold”

“Yea we gotta go mate” Stevie said noticing the time

“Oh shit! Yeh want to come?” he said standing up

She shook her head

“Jet lag?”

She nodded

He leaned down placing his forehead on heres “Ok well yeh kno’ where the food is. Don' eat all my bananas. I’ll be back ok?”

She forced a smile fighting the tears “yes”

“Are yeh sure you’re ok?”

She hated that he could read her like an open book

“Yes” she said kissing him

“One more” he said biting his lip

She wrapped her arm around his neck. It took all the energy she had to put passion into the kiss

“Oi! we gotta go.” Stevie said

As the day turned to night she sat crying on the couch. She checked her emails wanting to tell her grandmother she was safe. Her heart dropped seeing Tommy’s name on the list she hesitated to open it. When she did it was a picture of her in the airport the title read Aria party girl rushed to Manchester to see Harry. The caption read Rumor is he called her screaming mad about the picture of her and manager Tommy G. His email: Im fucking calling you and you in UK? We got sessions you better be back by Tuesday. She felt sick to her stomach they couldn’t be more wrong. Sleep finally seeped in after hours of laying awake. Her memory flashed through her dreams

“Come on” he says grabbing her hand he had a goofy smile on his face pulling her towards the dance floor

“No Tommy” she tries to resist

He pulled harder making her collapse into him “damn baby! I didn’t know you wanted it like that?” he chuckled

“Stop” she pushes away from him

His hands grab her ass he is holding her in place as he rubs his nose on her neck “you gonna feel so good on my dick”

She sat up immediately tears flooded out of her eyes this couldn’t be happening she thought. She got off the couch and went to lay in bed. A migraine already thumping through her brain she lay in bed when she heard the door open she turned on her side pretending to be asleep.

Harry quietly took of his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. She could hear him humming behind the water. When he got in bed he cradled behind her kissing her cheek before falling asleep. As she begun to get sleepy she prayed she wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare. In the morning her prayers were answered she softly got out of bed and got ready. Harry woke up an hour later.

“Wha’ do yeh want for breakfast pet?”

“Nothing this is fine”

“ ‘Re yeh sure? you’ve been pushing around the cereal for 5 minutes” she was in a daze she didn’t notice

She shook her head “it’s fine I promise” she lied

He grabbed her hand “Ok are yeh sure? cuz i’ll get yeh anything yeh want”

“I promise” she said forcing the spoon in her mouth.

When they got to his mother’s house she was greeted with love

“Aria come in we have missed yeh oh I always knew yeh two would get back together!” Anne hugged her

She smiled

“Aria!” Gemma greeted her “finally someone we like… no love”

“When are yeh goin to marry her Harry?”Anne asked

“Oh muuum” he fussed

“ ‘M just saying she took yeh back it’s a sign”

Gemma chimed in “Yea no one wants yeh but her so yeh need to be in your knees”

“These’re strangers not my family I don’ kno’ wha’ alien planet they come from” he joked causing them to laugh

Gemma grabbed her hand dragging her away from Harry “We have to catch up that dress at the wedding to die for where did you get it?”

“Michael Castello designed it”

There was a lot of catching up to do which Aria gladly agreed to do anything to take her mind off that night

At dinner she sat once again pushing her food

“Do yeh want something else?” Harry whispered

“No!” she got scared “this is fine!” she put a mouthful in her mouth

He gave a look she was definitely being strange. She had no appetite there was a raging migraine she was trying to calm down. After yawns went around the room after dinner every one retreated to their rooms

“Ok off it pet what’s the problem?” He asked while they lay in bed. He was trying to find out what was wrong with her

She spoke softly “Nothing”

“No there’s something big show comin’ up?”

“No just thinking”

“About?”

She shook her head and smiled

“Yeh don’ wan’ to talk ‘bout it?”

She shook her head

“Ok” he looked down at her holding Mr.H “You’ve been holding him awfully tight can’ yeh hold me like tha’ too?” He joked

“No you might break” she teased

“Wha’?”

“You might break” she held back her smile

“Are yeh saying I’m weak?” He asked towering her

“……..Yes”

“Yeh wanna test tha’ theory?” he asked before kissing her deeply his kisses made her forget momentarily but when he started grabbing her thighs and kissing her neck is when her mind refused to let it go. She froze eyes shut tight. He noticed the tension in her body he raised up to look at her

“Aria wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“You’re stiff as a board look at me” she opened her eyes “wha’s wrong?”

She sighed “I can’t…. not tonight”

He huffed “ok” he gave her sweet kisses

“Sorry”

“Don’ be luv is just sex… I can take care of myself” he said winking

She giggled “Perv”

“Hey only for yeh”

“I guess I should feel special”

At night her prayers were not answered. Her mind took her back to that night

She looks around people are dancing she doesn’t know where she’s going but Tommy is pulling her towards it.The bathroom door is kicked open and he pushes her inside

“Stop it Tommy” she says trying to walk passed him. He closes the door with his foot. He charges towards her stuffing his tongue in her mouth. She pushes him away and slaps him. His hand is immediately around her neck his eyes cold and dark he pushes her against the wall. “bitch ill kill you matter of fact” his other hand loosens his belt

“please” she begs clawing at his arm he pulls out his penis, "you know you want this dick" he jams his knee into her thighs forcing them open. “shut up.” He reaches up her skirt to rip off her underwear. He pulls hard making her body jerk forward before the fabric gives way. "Harry cant do you like me" He gets closer kissing her neck she tries pushing him off he places both arms above her head holding them by the hands he reaches between her thighs she’s crying “please” she begs. He stops and looks at her he licks his hand before he palms her vagina. He moans “you wet already, just how i like it”

She shot up from her sleep in a cold sweat immediately she ran to the toilet a violent vomiting spree was to begin.

Harry groaned “Aria?” he turned to his side to confirm she wasn’t there

“Aria” he called sitting up hearing the vile noise. Slowly he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. He knelt down beside her rubbing her back

“Something yeh ate?” he offers explanation

She nods in agreement

When she’s done her hands are shaking she can barely wash her face. She was pale as if she saw a ghost

“Wha’s wrong?” he asked noticing her expression

She turned around with tears in her eyes if he only knew

“Shhh it was just a dream” he sooths her hugging her tight.

But it wasn’t was it? Tommy really did those things. The reality was setting in.

In the morning she continues to rub Harry’s arm unable to fall asleep she lay awake against his chest

During breakfast she checked her phone

Tommy: Where the fuck are you at

Tommy: you think it’s funny you fucking with my career

Aria: I need more time please

Miranda: so you really gonna ignore me your bff?

Mimi(grandmother): Aria have you told him

Aria: Not yet I will soon I promise

As Gemma and Aria shopped around she tried her best to act natural.

“Are yeh ok?” Gemma asked during lunch Aria even though trying her best was very distant

“Yea!” she said putting on a happy face

“Sure? yeh look pale”

She smiled “Yea lack of sun” she joked

“Tell Harry he owes you a vacation”

She smiled Gemma her biggest advocate always made Harry go out of his way for her “Only if you come too!”

“You know it!”

As the day wound down she hopped the night would be gentle on her she couldn’t wake up from another nightmare.

“Did you see this?” Harry laughed showing her a picture of her crawling up the stairs. Who would possibly take that picture and furthermore insinuate she was going to have sex with Tommy?

She smiled

“Yeh were having fun weren’t yeh?”

She remained silent

“But ’m glad yeh ‘nd Tommy handled your differences” he said falling asleep

She melted into his chest not wanting to remember anything

The next day she Aria, Anne, and Gemma decided to clean up then treat themselves to dinner. She got multiple texts during the day. People were asking her about the picture.

Miranda: uh you need to call me NOW! i know your ass didnt fuck tommy

Miranda: you disappeared to Manchester whats up☹

Miranda: ARIA what did Tommy do to you? Why did Mimi call me crying???😭😭

Aria: i can’t talk about it Miranda, not now

Mimi: have you told him

Aria: not yet Mimi

Mimi: im not playing do it or I will

Aria: ok ok

~With Harry~

“Whoa Harry have you seen this?” Weezer asked

“Wha’?”

“Look” he looked at the heading Tommy G accused of sexual assault 2 victims have come forward the caption: ‘Both victims claim it happened in his house we will keep you posted’

He frowned “he didn't” he paused to think remembering the dirty glances he gave women

“I gotta find out more” Weezer said scrolling through his phone

As the day went on he couldn’t help but think about it. It gnawed at him this was her manager, someone who was close to her.

“Oh shit! Now they are saying one of the girls was assaulted the night he partied with Aria”

Harry tried to shake it off. “no he couln’ have”

Stevie rushed to him“Harry have you seen?”

“Yea” not wanting to be bothered by it

“No look!” Stevie said shoving the phone at him

Harry looked at him before grabbing the phone he read the words ‘A witness has stepped forward caught him in the act.’ As he read the details his heart rate picked up ‘…. walked in on him with his female artist.’ Tommy only managed Aria and another female artist who was absent that night

“Have yeh talked to Aria maybe its someone else” they tried to reason

“Did she tell you anything?” Gigi asked

He looked at them “no she would tell me”

When the day ended even Gemma got notifications on social media people were tagging her on the posts. Aria’s phone was buzzing nonstop.

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: dont ignore me im your best friend,…. thunder buddies for life

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: did it happen?

“Aria wha’s this?” Gemma asked showing her the article. Her heart sank reading the article Tommy was getting charged with sexual assault. Two victims identified one had yet to come forward. She was the remaining piece.

She shook her head “its nothing”

“They’re saying you’re the other woman is it true?”

“Other woman for what?” Anne asked taking the phone from Gemma’s hand

As Harry rushed to his mother’s house he thought to himself those pictures that were taken, she did look uncomfortable in Tommy’s embrace. The bruised wrist she explained away seemed to be the one he was holding behind her back. She also never got that drunk in public so it was strange that she got that drunk, even when she got drunk she was never that sloppy, falling all over the place hair in her face.

As Aria tried to convince Gemma and Anne that wasn’t her her phone lit up

Miranda: Shit is hitting the fan I hope you told him

Tommy: you bitch

Mimi: hope you told him

Aria felt her breathing hitch

“Aria this sounds like yeh!” Gemma said reading more articles

“It’s not” she whispered

Harry rushed through the kitchen door he walked in “Aria” he called

She smiled at him but stopped soon after his face was one she couldnt read ”….yes” she answered warily

“Yeh promise to tell me the truth?” it was supposed to be a statement but came out as a question

“Yes anything” she half smiled

“Wha’s wrong Harold?” his mother asked noticing his expression

He paused before speaking standing across from her. His eyes burrowing into her soul. “Wha’ happened that night at Tommy’s house?”

She looked down. Her nightmare was coming to life. It seemed forever when she heard her name being called.

“Aria” Harry called his eyes were becoming more bewildered by the second, her silence was confirming his gut instincts. She looked up at him before looking down. Pulling at her sleeves occupying her hands. She was losing the battle on holding back her tears. It wasn’t long before he called again.

“Aria… I asked yeh a question” his voice assertive he walked closer to her searching for her eyes. His breathing uneven. He needed her to tell him nothing happened. Everyone was looking at her waiting for an answer.

“ARIA!” he screamed in frustration. He startled them.

“Oi! Wha’s going on in here?” His dad asked walking in

The tears won they poured out of her eyes

“Aria tell me wha’ happened!” anger spewed in his voice

“Harold!” his mother scolded in a whisper

“Oh my god!” Gemma said in shock

The whole room came to the realization something dark happened that night. Her behavior made sense now the lack of appetite,the pale look on her face, the vomiting, the insomnia, the night mares.

“Aria” he whispered she had yet to speak. He needed her to say it was a joke. That there was no way it happened.

She looked up at him with tears rolling down her face, her hands were shaking pulling on her sleeve “please don’t make me go back to that night” she spoke softly

“Oh!” Anne grabbed her chest “yeh poor thing” Anne immediately rushed to her side and held her in a tight embrace.

“Harry he didn’…. did he?” Gemma looked at him hoping he could offer up a reason

He squatted down. Holding his head. There were no longer butterflies in his stomach from fear of the truth. Fear was replaced with anger which started from his chest and radiated out “ ’M GONNA KILL HIM!” He said standing up

“Oi! Stop that!”

“Dad not right now!” He paced the floor “…. That BASTARD put his hands on yeh? im going to kill him!

“CALM DOWN HAROLD!” His father said grabbing his shoulders

Aria sobbed in the background. He should have known something was wrong. Her eyes told him something was wrong they were filled with sorrow. He pushed passed his father going outside.

“Oi! come back’ere!” His father chased after him

Gemma knelt down next to her crying and hugging her “Im so sorry Aria”

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