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soleilnomoon · 1 year

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Hi Kaia could i order white chocolate,fruit tart,glazed Donut,nougat,Donut hole,with caramel and whipped cream for one piece men: (Luffy ,Rayliegh ,Ace, Zoro, Sanji ,Shanks,and Law) plz and thank you

hihi ty for being patient angel 🥰️ i def took some liberty w. this one, but i think i like how all of them turned out; you gave me a tall order but *clenches fist* i survived 💛💛💛 anyway, ty for requesting hope you like it :)

3.2k words, fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni; smut, some angst, fluff (wow i know), hurt/comfort; feat. luffy being a total menace, rayleigh being the dilf we all want, ace being mischievous as ever, zoro being a dumbass, sanji being overwhelmed, shanks being the absolute worst, and law trying to teach reader a lesson. also feat. cute stuff like: ass grabbing, rough (consensual sex), exhibitionism & public sex, lil bondage, jealousy, orgasm denial, some sof smut™ (who am i), oral (f receiving), fingering, oral (m receiving), idk other stuff probably. y/n has no self preservation ofc, these men are ridiculous (i love them). (if u see grammar/spelling mistakes no u didn't <3)

it isn’t your intention, but somehow you and your captain get separated from the group one afternoon while canvasing a new island. you normally don’t get lost, but luffy was teasing you all morning — pulling you aside for impromptu kisses, grabbing onto your hips from behind, his lips curled into a devilish smile against your neck with each kiss he left behind. luck was usually on your side during those instances, except it seems it’s suddenly run out.

“don’t give me that look,” you say as sternly as you can, eyes glancing around to see if any of your crew mates doubled back to look for you. luffy’s really to blame for you both getting lost, but he doesn’t want to admit that just yet; it’s more entertaining to tease you, because you’re cute when you’re annoyed. luffy wraps a hand around your wrist and pulls you further away from the path you came from.

in between kisses, you remind him that you’re both pressed for time.

“don’t worry,” he says in a low voice, “it’ll be fine, probably.” you’d slap him if he wasn’t already kissing you again, tongue licking inside your mouth hotly; you arch against him, face flushed from the heat. his kisses remind you of summers and warm breezes; your mouth still tastes like the mangos you consumed with him earlier — sticky and sweet, a taste he’ll always covet.

you squeeze your thighs together when his hand roams lower and take a shuddering breath once he backs you against a thick tree. you hike a leg around his hip, holding him close to you, humming pleasantly when you feel the growing bulge in his shorts. being this close to him makes you impulsive and you know that all you have to do is rub against him once and he’ll fuck you against that tree. but your conscience wins out and you pull away, ducking out of his hold quickly, panting lightly as you touch your lips with the tips of your fingers.

“we need to get back to the others,” your voice is a bit too high when you say that. luffy laughs at your act and plants a wet kiss on your cheek; you bicker with him playfully on the walk back while holding his hand and lacing your fingers together with his.

“i don’t normally do this. i have to go.”

that’s what you said twenty minutes ago, after you’d gotten tipsy enough to have the courage to flirt with the older man sitting next to you. the pub was crowded and you only ever came by if you didn’t want to be recognized. rayleigh had a dangerously devilish charm, one that extracted information out of you with ease.

his voice is thick and rich, his words a pretty distraction — hypnotizing you as you find yourself nodding along to his impetuous plans. he hadn’t intended on sleeping with anyone tonight, but he couldn’t resist himself once he saw you sitting there by yourself, swaying on the bar stool while humming a nameless tune.

you seemed so content to be alone, it was admirable.

he had a bright smile and a laugh that came deep from the soul; you felt your body flush at the thought of kissing him suddenly. you blamed the alcohol for making you foolish, but you knew that wasn’t exactly true.

now you’re seated atop a sink in the upstairs bathroom, whimpering softly as you keep your legs spread for him. your skirt is hiked up, panties discarded somewhere — they were ruined once rayleigh whispered in your ear and suggested you carry on the conversation elsewhere; his hands were skilled, his mouth even more so.

he liked how pliable and supple your body was, how plush and soft your thighs were under his calloused hands. you shivered as he ran a finger along your slit, making you tremble as you keep as still as possible. rayleigh, you come to find, is experienced and passionate; you grow impossibly drunk from all his teasing — to the point that you’re panting and begging him to fuck you.

“all in good time.” his voice is gravelly when he nips at your exposed clavicle, cock hard and heavy; he knows he should hurry up, but something about you makes him want to take his time — so he can see all the frustrated expressions on your face. you pull him close and wrap your hand around his cock, stroking his length, rattling his nerves until he finally gives in.

he buries his cock to the hilt, hips pulling back and snapping forward roughly against you. letting out a breathy moan, you can feel just how slick your pussy is from your arousal. legs wrapped around him, you lean up to kiss along his jaw; he chuckles and indulges you, hands gripping your thighs, fingers likely to leave bruising marks behind from how tight he’s holding you. rayleigh fucks with you with fervor and selfishness that serves as a daunting reminder — that you’ll never find someone else like him after this.

“ace,” you pant as quietly as you can, but you’re struggling badly. the 2nd division commander has you in a back hallway on the ship early in the morning. he’s grinning like a fool, clearly entertained by your insistence on keeping quiet. he kisses you as he knocks his hips against yours, his cock sliding deeper inside your pussy; he holds you up against the wall as your legs stay wrapped around him.

you buck your hips against his, doing your best to match his thrusts, but his strokes are deadly and frenzied.

“wait, wait, ace slow down,” you whisper, sighing pleasantly when his cock reaches a sweet spot that has you clenching around him tightly.

“can’t,” he says in response, breath warm against your jaw, “stay. unless you want to get caught.” he gives you a meaningful look that’s accompanied with a smirk. you purse your lips but shake your head. it would be easier if you could stay mad at him, but he’s too cute and funny and attractive — plus, you like that he’s bold enough to fuck you in public without a care in the world. you hear voices off in the distance and panic, eyes widening as you look back at him.

but ace only winks and tells you to hold on tight.

as you bite down on the fleshy part of your palm to keep yourself from screaming, ace pummels his thick cock into your cunt mercilessly, balls slapping against you loudly. the sound is lewd and tantalizing; you find that you can barely keep up with his thrusts, but you do your best anyway.

apparently, he’s determined to make you cum before your crew mates catch you. and as much as he jokes that he wouldn’t care if someone saw you, a small wave of jealousy passes through him at the thought of anyone seeing you like this. he wants to finish up quickly so he can take you somewhere more private. it’s when he bites your neck roughly and pants against your skin that you cum unexpectedly, a blinding, white hot flash filling your vision as you forget yourself and scream his name.

the rain has yet to let up, not that it matters to you since you’re trapped in yet another argument with your thick-skulled boyfriend. you can’t even remember what triggered the argument in the first place, and because stuff like this makes you extra sensitive, you end up crying.

he sighs at the sight of your face flushing and eyes closing as you try to wipe away the tears, as if they were bothersome and unnecessary. guilt eats away at his chest, making it hard to swallow or breathe; he knows he should apologize, but he’s just so terrible at it. so, he does the one thing he knows how to do — apologize with his hands and mouth.

the mattress is soft beneath him as you straddle his hips and slowing sink onto his cock; you both shed your clothes some time ago, lips swollen from kissing him hungrily, an insatiable need seeping into your pores and making you greedy. you place kisses along the base of his throat, hips rocking forward as he thrusts into your cunt slowly. and while he’d love to just fuck you senseless — something quick and dirty — he knows that you’d appreciate his apology more if he took his time.

so, he does.

you sigh against his lips, fingers threading through his hair, tugging on the short strands. his chest is broad and firm, your nipples harden each time they rub against his light brown skin. slipping your tongue into his mouth, you cradle his face in your hands as he continues to give you broad, sensual strokes that have you whimpering in the most pathetic way against him. he likes you like this, though, and tells you as much when he presses a kiss along your jaw.

he finds forgiveness when you bounce on his cock a little harder, his hands rough against your skin as he grabs onto your ass to thrust into your pussy at a devastating pace. tears coat your eyelashes, but they primarily because zoro’s fucking you like he loves you. and maybe he does; you don’t want to think about that too much, because the intimacy behind it scares you.

jealousy, you think, looks good on him.

sanji rarely likes to show his true jealous side to you, it’s less playful and much more charged, possessive but you don’t mind that at all. earlier, zoro had offered to help train you and before you could turn him down — you’d seen firsthand just how brutal he is with his workouts — sanji was already up in arms over it. they argued for the entire afternoon, but by then you were already annoyed over the situation and dragged sanji off to calm him down.

his face is flushed when you kiss him suddenly and pull him into a broom closet without thinking too much about it. you can’t remember if you locked the door, but it doesn’t really matter. all you care about is wanting to give your silly boyfriend a little bit of attention.

your idea of giving attention is rubbing his half-hard cock through his pants, smiling slyly against his lips when you feel him shiver. in one fluid motion, you sink to your knees, fingers quickly unzipping his pants and tugging it lower. you pull his cock out and admire the shape of it, the slight curve always made your mouth water; before he can say anything, your tongue darts out and swipes at his slit, the pre-cum slightly salty in your mouth.

you make a big show of licking your lips, which only causes another flush to stain his cheeks. whenever you get like this, he has no choice but to follow your whims; he likes that about you, a lot. that you take charge and keep him grounded whenever his feelings get to be a bit too much for him to handle.

he opens his mouth to apologize, but you kiss his tip and he forgets all about it, mind short-circuiting momentarily, which gives you the opportunity to take him by surprise again.

“i don’t care that you’re jealous,” your voice is honeyed and sweet, wrapping itself around him comfortably, a lust-filled haze taking over his mind when you wrap your lips around him and suck. you run your tongue flat along his length, taking your time to lick all over before you take his cock into your mouth completely.

sanji’s breath slows and he does his best to not fuck your face, but then you’re massaging his balls and bobbing your head faster — so he does the most impractical thing and bucks his hips forward and thrusts his cock further down your throat. you gag around him, the pressure intense but welcomed; if he didn’t already know that you like it rough, he’d feel bad — and he still does, but he hasn’t voiced that out loud just yet. you don’t care though; truly, you don’t. you just want him to feel as relaxed as possible, but how can he relax when your mouth is warm and wet, when you’re looking at him tenderly, like you’d be on your knees for him every day if he asked you?

you let him have his way, and he doesn’t last very long, but you keep still, hold onto his thighs, nails sinking into his skin when his cock goes a little too deep. when he sees the tears roll down your cheeks, it ignites something in him and he cums in your mouth, your name a soft chant that tumbles out of his parted lips. he feels feverish and dizzy, but very much alive. you rub your thighs together as you swallow the thick load, smiling prettily at him, head tilted slightly while you boldly ask, “do you feel better now?”

he knows better than to piss you off, but he does it intentionally anyway. the captain of the red hair pirates loves pushing your buttons; he likes when you roll your eyes at him, when you pout cutely and demand he take you seriously; he likes when you don’t stop him when he kisses you openly, mouth possessively staking its claim against yours.

if you weren’t so used to his whims, you’d have the decency to act bashful.

you have a short temper that he’s been warned about time and time again; except, shanks doesn’t fucking listen — nor does he care.

so when he has you bent over one of the tables in the kitchen late one night after you both argued and drank and argued again, you have no choice but to forgive him. especially when he his thick cock is buried deep inside your pussy, his large hand pressing down on your lower back as you grip the sides of the table. your legs shake, but you know better than to complain right now. shanks fucks you hard, the wooden table scraping against the floor every time his hips knock roughly against yours.

“shanks, fuck,” you cry out, chest heaving as you try to keep your sanity intact. his chuckles annoy you, but he knows that you only pretend to act annoyed with him because you like the way he makes up with you. your ass bounces back against him, jiggling from the ferocity behind his thrusts.

“careful, doll,” he grabs your hip to power into you — his strokes turning you into a mumbling, delirious mess, “thought you didn’t want us to get caught.” he sounds so fucking pleased with himself, and you hate that your pussy is wet enough that you can take him without much prep. you blush at the thought of being caught and remind yourself to keep quiet.

“oh, don’t stop now on my account,” his voice lowers substantially, you crane your neck to hear him better, and you just know without having to look at him that he’s got a pleased smile on his face. that man works every nerve in your body, but you like him too much to leave him properly.

you press your lips together to stifle another moan, but then shanks keeps his hips close to yours and gives you short, rough thrusts that you struggle to keep up with. with your back arched, you make for a pretty sight; he knows he should finish quickly, but he likes watching you hold onto the edge of the table like it’s your only lifeline. you don’t even have time to process the orgasm that passes through you because it happens so suddenly.

he teases you mercilessly and without remorse, but you take it; you take the rest of his frenetic thrusts, take the way he slides his hand underneath you to rub your clit. your body is much too sensitive, and when you moan his name like that, it flips a switch in him. you doubt you’ll be able to walk properly after this, but you’re not too worried about that; shanks bullies his cock in and out of your needy hole until he’s satisfied, successfully wrenching another orgasm out of you that makes you slump over the table weakly.

“don’t tell me you’re all done,” he presses a kiss on the side of your neck, lazily grinding against you, every bit as greedy as he always is. you can barely stand, but you feel alive in the best sort of way, already forgetting that you were mad at him in the first place.

you knew better and you still didn’t listen.

the restraints around your wrists dig into your skin a bit, but they don’t hurt that much; you squirm around on the bed, not liking that you can’t touch yourself or him. but he told you earlier to behave and you still chose to ignore his warning.

now you’re paying for it.

although, you wouldn’t exactly call this sort of thing a punishment.

law’s mouth latches onto a patch of skin on your inner thigh, teeth and mouth leaving behind marks that serve as little reminders for later. you whimper softly, but he pays you no mind, instead moving to the other thigh, tongue running along your skin. you buck your hips forward to get him to touch you properly, but all he does is click his tongue at you in faux-disappointment.

“seems like you still need to learn,” he says sharply, his eyes a dark amber, the look he gives you is equal parts fierce and mesmerizing. you want to kiss him, to run your hands down his chest, but he won’t let you and you’re upset about it.

when it looks like you’re about to say something that’ll piss him off, he stuffs your panties inside of your mouth to keep you quiet. your pleas are muffled but he pulls your hips close, mouth brushing along your slit, making you tremble with need.

he knows he should probably ease up, but if he doesn’t teach you now, then you’ll keep the same bad habits and he can’t have that, now, can he? you’re nearly in tears when he finally flicks his tongue against your throbbing clit, hips jerking forward when he swirls his tongue around. you can feel your saliva dampen your panties. you close your eyes briefly, ecstasy filling every part of your body when he stops and says, “keep your eyes on me.”

you want to tell him that it’s damn near impossible, but you try to follow his instruction anyway.

law eats you out with purpose and vigor, his mouth a sinful delight as he french-kisses your pussy without restraint. he teased you for so long that your nipples ache from being hard and untouched. you could kill him for that. and law is smug in his own way, enjoying you at his leisure, slurping and licking your pussy with fervor.

you thrash against him and he holds you steady; you can barely keep your eyes open and you feel like you’re having an out of body experience when he glides his lithe fingers inside your cunt. law fingerfucks you lazily, sucking on your clit like it’s his favorite piece of candy. when you cum, your moans are strangled and garbled, vision blurring as you ride his mouth shamelessly, a sharp pain on your wrists from the way you keep tugging fruitlessly.

he could let up but won’t, taking pleasure in watching you fall apart for him; you tell yourself that once you’ve calmed down, you’ll just have to pay him back in kind later when he least expects it.

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ashoss · 4 days

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pls drop some duke centric fics ,, im starved ...

#over 500 batfam fics in my bookmarks and barely any of them are duke focused D:#although if u guys want i can drop some of the fics i have bookmarked #i made a rec list a bit ago for a friends friend #but i do want some duke fics plspslpls #duke thomas #ash’s ramblings

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suddencolds · 3 months

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almost done... 🙏

#before yvverse i was never the kind of person to write 4-6k word chapters #i have been writing this chapter since february 6th #it was agonizingly difficult... line by line crises type of difficult D:#i still have no clue how people like write thousands of words in a day and then hit post 🥲 i have spent so long on this. i think i spent #an hour this morning writing one paragraph #but now that the finish line is in sight i just feel so ready to post it (even though it is not done. and needs at least 500 more words #on top of editing)#anyways. apologies for yapping 🙇‍♀️#in terms of difficulty... i feel like writing this series has been eye opening to me as to what i find difficult to write? which is #interesting. fool me twice pt5 was also hard for me in the sense that i rewrote it no fewer than 5 times... and this installment was hard #in a different way. T_T i want to claim victory! but not yet! i haven't earned it #anyways... please expect the next chapter at some point over the next week (and if it's not there i have likely fallen into another crisis)

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trenwreckd · 5 months

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Wanted to commemorate finishing pre-timeskip with a small luffy <33 just a silly guy

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waspgrave · 11 months

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having to write in this class discussion about how i started writing the first time is so funny. There are two wolves inside you

Part of my mind that developed on this hellsite: you should overshare and tell these strangers that you technically wrote for the first time when you were three-years-old, yes indeed, three years old, and had your grandma write out a pokemon fanfic for you that was complete gibberish. But that’s just technically. Your first story involved teddybear killing someone in a video game and yes the tangential part of your mind tells you that you lowkey think you came up with the plot of FNAF first actually-

Sane part of my mind: Don’t do that.

#me 'hmm'ing at this document and looking over at a guy that wrote 500 words without oversharing #because he's a normal person apparently #'i started writing because i was shy! :D'#prawn posts

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draagu · 8 months

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a little over a day left for the nightcats! when there's only 24hrs left I'll post a pic of all the refs I've got

#dragurambles #also staring in awe of all the designs?? they are so cool #eating them all #also forgot to say it is an actual celebration now #we reached over 500 :D

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socialistexan · 1 year

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The nostalgia cycle got me again lads 😞

#i lost my copy of advance wars 1 #but g-d i love these games #i think ive put 500+ hours in dual strike over the past couple decades

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kiliantharker · 21 days

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god i hate this fucking geology class

#harker.txt #i just. god i cannot fucking do textbook lecture only based classes #and im kind of worried now because i really fucked up an essay in ANOTHER textbook lecture based class and now thats at a C and this one is #at a D and i dont want my gpa to drop super badlyyy but god i cannot bring myself #to actually focus and give a flying fuck about this class #and everybody keeps telling me to just *focus* and to just *reward myself when im done* and its like dude i really fucking cant #this is not interesting the professor gives the most boring hour long lectures that make me want to bash my head in #and since its an online class im not actually physically forced to be there and to pay attention so im just Not Doing It #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i just want this semester to be over and god i regret not dropping these two goddamn fucking classes i shouldve taken the L and lost 500$

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ritoryb · 1 year

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the wolzero....,,, since whenever i last posted about them

neither of them know what romance is so lori just takes zero out to the city and explains whatever she can to zero but she doesn't filter out personal experience from things she read in a book. she has to convince them beforehand "so if it's a date it means we both wanted to do it so you dont have to give me your aether and i don't have to give you mine" etc. there are like 5 other jokes here that only i find funny UHHH sidenote she likes looking at bugs too she'll start going on about ecology and stuff after. she doesn't have a formal education BUT she loves animals a lot so she read whatever books she could about them when she had time through msq

....self explanatory

happy holidays! :D (also theyre both purple)

#wolzero :3 #zero ffxiv #zero tag #ff14 #ffxiv #my drawing #working on smth bigger but ahhh... ideas come faster than i can put them down so i have 500+ WIPs and thumbnails #wolposting #ALSO I THINK CN XIV JUST GOT ZERO IM GOING INSANE OVER THE FANART #. i mean i did not pay attention in class so i cant read cn anymore :D unfortunate! but i can looke

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bloodyke · 1 year

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family brought some bug into the house im gonna take a covid test tomorrow

#zenith.txt #beyo d frustrating that i do literally everything right by not leaving my house and if i do i wear a kn95 every single time #and i dont eat at resturaunts and i dont go into enclosed spaces with other people and yet bc of other people being irresponsable #they mightve guven it to me..... im beyond pissed #if it is covid im going on a rampage no one will be spared my wrath they KNOW im immunocompromised #everyone hope for the best and its just strep throat or the common cold #ill still be incredibly pissed off that my supposed family put my life in danger like this but at least i wont be in actual danger #anyways if you dont wear a mask and you dont take covid precautions and act like its over give all disabled people $500 and kill yourself #im also gonna buy a portable HEPA air filter for my room #im just so annoyed i beg them to take it seriously and they refuse to...#im going to die out of spite to make them guilty....#anyways i have like 8 vovid tests stockpiled so ill take one every day for the next week just in case i get a false negative #im.even more frustrated bc i havent gotten it this entire time like i did literally everything in my power and avoided it for years #and now if i got it bc i of shit ass family visiting whom i didnt even want here.....#die die die die kill yourself jump off a bridge etc

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mistystarshine · 2 years

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i think the after china au would be more interesting. it seems like there'd have to be so much changing around with the characters and their core traits in order for the role-swap to work, and im a fan of the idea of soul-sick angel not just abandoning his weird vampire family

I'm sorry that this is so late! I had to wait for muse to strike. (Muse struck after I finished a tour if Stonehenge for study abroad and was waiting for my classmates to finish.) At long last, here are my rough thoughts for how this au would go!

It starts during the Boxer Rebellion. Well, no. It started the second Angelus got his soul back, but it changes during the Boxer Rebellion. In the direct cause-and-effect sense, everything happens because the baby incident doesn't, thus allowing Angelus to linger with the others for a little while longer. On an emotional level, it all happens because, in the midst of his guilt and despair and desperate attempts to repress them, Angelus feels a sense of responsibility. Where he once looked at Drusilla and felt pride, there is now a stabbing guilt that gets harder to ignore with each passing day. Then there is Spike. Spike, now a proven slayer killer who Angelus had beaten the goodness out of in an attempt to turn into something like himself.

As time drags on and he dodges killing and Darla grows more suspicious, aggressive, desperate for him to return to his former self, he knows that he cannot stay. It is that sense of responsibility that stops him from having one last fight with Darla and mournfully disappearing into the night. What will happen to Spike and Drusilla if he leaves? With that slayer's death, they have gone from two of the worst things he's ever done to a genuine threat to the world. They are doomed to get worse if he leaves them to continue down the path he set them on. But because they are two of his greatest victims (and there are and will be times when he struggles to acknowledge Spike as a victim, but in this moment, it is clear), he can't bring himself to kill them. So where does that leave him?

When Angelus decides to ask Spike and Drusilla to come with him, he isn't very hopeful. Maybe they respected and feared him before, but they must have sensed the change in him, even as he drowned in denial and struggled to repress it. They won't abandon Darla for him.

Except… They do. He doesn't understand it, but they do.

(There really isn't much to understand. Drusilla adores him. She's scared by the soul and the prospect of him becoming something other than the monster that made her, the monster she knows, but she's even more scared of him leaving her completely. And Spike? Spike always looked to Angelus before Darla. She's family, yeah, but after Drusilla, his true loyalty has always been to him. He's starting to see through the cracks in his facade and is irritated that Angelus would break like that, but he isn't going to abandon him when he very clearly needs him.)

In other circumstances, Angelus would have separated from the Fanged Four and broken down completely. He would have retreated to the sewers and lived a miserable existence until the powers that be sent a messenger to him with a mission. That isn't an option here. He can't keep pretending that everything's fine and he's the same anymore, but has to at least try to hold himself together for Spike and Drusilla. Especially if he wants them to try to undo even an iota of the damage that he's done. So he does. He tries.

Trying isn't always enough. The fact of the matter is that Angelus is still fairly freshly ensouled and not in a good state. Even if cutting Spike and Drusilla off from killing cold turkey weren't a hopeless battle, he doesn't have the energy right now. So he starts small, he tells them that he isn't willing to kill anymore and refuses the victims that Spike tries to drag to him. This results in arguments with Spike and miserable wailing from Drusilla, but eventually, they accept it.

(When Angelus starts dropping hints that they shouldn't be killing either, Spike ignores them. He hears them though. Hears them and doesn't have any fucking clue how to process it outside of anger and insult, both of which he pushes down because Angelus clearly isn't right right now. But come on, really? Spike is a killer, and Angelus is the one who molded him into one. What right does he have to ask him to go back to being the miserable little poet he once was? How dare he even consider asking that of Dru, who may not be capable of such a change even if she tried with every fiber of her beautiful being, so mistakenly desperate to please him? Spike really might rip his head off if he weren't such a miserable sod.)

Angelus is a heavy name, a dark name, a name stained with blood. He told himself that it still fit him when he was still with Darla. It doesn't. It hurts a little more every time he hears it. Eventually, he tells Spike and Drusilla to call him Angel. Both of them resist at first, Drusilla heartbroken, Spike with anger and mockery. Both of them give in eventually.

(This is when Spike, tired and resigned beneath his fire, realizes that this isn't temporary. Angelus - Angel - is different now, and he isn't ever going back. Drusilla already knew. She still sobs into his chest all day when Angel changes his name.)

(Angel is still barely more than a shell of his former self, holding onto his sanity by threads. Part of Spike, the part that resents the madness that he drove Drusilla into and everything that he did to him, finds it vindicating. The rest of him just wants it to stop. Angel isn't Drusilla, of course - he won't move mountains and swim across oceans for him like he would her. But he does acknowledge that Angel gets worse every time he finds out about him or Dru killing someone. Now, Spike isn't about to reform for the bastard, but he does improvise a bit. He gets more selective about who he kills, going for the people that society would be better off without, and coaxes Dru to do the same. He makes sure that Angel knows about it, but doesn't say that it's for him, because it isn't. It isn't. Spike's life is easier when his grandsire isn't totally consumed by self-pity or loathing or whatever else fuels his brooding. This is totally self-serving.)

The change in Spike and Drusilla's hunting habits isn't what leads Angel to the realization, nor is it one of any number of small gestures over the next few years. It just hits him out of the blue one day, when he's feeling… Not like his old self (never like his old self), but more clarity than usual. Spike is trying to look out for him. He's not treating him like Drusilla, no, but he has been slipping into the role of caretaker for him as well. And Angel's been letting it happen. His pride has taken more than a few beatings by this point, but this is when he realizes that he needs to pull himself together and start trying harder. Soul or no soul, he'll be damned if he's going to rescind his leadership and leave Spike in charge.

It goes… dubiously. Despite his initial indignation and outrage, Angel recognizes that Spike and Drusilla have been making some degree of progress, so he doesn't push too hard. Spike doesn't like that. He quite likes the changed dynamics they'd been falling into. (Kind of. He'd be happy if Angel wasn't stewing constantly, but now that he's had a taste of what it's like not to have Angelus breathing down his neck, he doesn't want to go back. And he doesn't completely trust that Angel won't go back.) The conflict comes to a head when Angel insists that Spike and Drusilla stop hunting humans completely. While Spike eventually relents, he also makes it clear that he won't be giving another inch. And that… is that. It's all Angel can manage, truly. He may have been able to push himself to improve somewhat, but he still has notable bad days. Spike doesn't.

(Spike knows that. More importantly, he knows that Angelus never would have outright told him to stop killing humans unless it was some sort of sadistic power play. This certainly wasn't. It's part of the reason he agrees, the reassurance that even if Angel is being a pest again, he isn't going back. Which is kind of alarming. He remembers how upset he was when he realized that Angel would never be Angelus again and doesn't know when he stopped wishing they could go back, but he stopped. It almost makes him think deeper about why he was willing to stop killing. Then he decides not to think very deeply about it at all.)

(Getting Drusilla to stop killing is easier than anticipated. She knew that it was coming. The boys forget how much she knows. It might have hurt if it was harsh or sharp or sudden, but it wasn't. It was soft and gentle and subtle, from all people to bad people to no people at all. Or close to it. She slips up sometimes, when the song is too strong and the heartbeats call and she forgets that what will be has come to cross, but it isn't often. Spike helps her make sure that Angel doesn't know, that it doesn't break him into bits, and gradually, she gets better at remembering.)

It isn't easy; it was never going to be easy. But they manage. Eventually, Angel and Spike slip into something along the lines of a partnership. It's new and unusual for both of them, but possibly the only way to make this work. Spike learns not to make a fuss about it when Angel's composure slips and he has to take charge for a few days. Angel learns to accept that it happens at all.

Time passes. Every day is bad in some way, but gradually, painfully, Angel's worst days grow to be less. And Spike… Spike grows more restless.

They hear word of a slayer in New York. Spike becomes interested, the same look of obsession that appeared when he first learned about them. Drusilla declares that their fates are bound. And Angel is terrified that everything is about to be for nothing.

Angel suggests that Spike could try helping the slayer. He's clearly been itching for a fight - surely trying to help the chosen one would be as much of a challenge as killing her. He sounds casual when he suggests it. Truthfully, he's desperate, terrified, and not thinking straight at all. There are a million reasons why Spike approaching the slayer as an ally are a horrible idea, but they don't occur to him until Spike has already started considering it. So he backtracks. He offers alternatives while Drusilla laughs. It doesn't matter - Spike knows what he wants to do now, and he's going to do it even if it gets him killed.

(Spike doesn't know what he wants to do. He's gone years without killing, but he's still considering challenging the slayer to a death match when he sets off for New York. Then he meets Nikki Wood and finds someone who he wouldn't mind fighting alongside. He also sees that Angel is right. A slayer has danger coming at her from every angle, which means it'll be the fight of his life. It takes a while to convince her, but eventually, he finds himself with a fighting partner. He still visits Angel and Dru regularly and tries not to think too heavily about the implications of him leaving them alone for long periods of time. That he trusts Angel to at least try to look after her properly. That he trusts him not to steal her.)

Angel is worried about Spike, he can't even pretend that he's not. But he also can't bring himself to face the slayer. Her watcher might very well identify him, and… it's not the fight he fears. He hasn't seriously considered suicide in a while now, but if the slayer killed him, he know he'd deserve it. It's the explanation. It's the notion of finding himself face to face with this force for good and contend with his own existence. Perhaps it's cowardly, but when faced with this prospect, he ends up keeping his distance. Instead, he spends the time when Spike is away focused on Drusilla. He tries to improve her mental health. He fails; of course he fails. It's why he turned her when he did. Vampires are static creatures in a way that humans are not. When he turned her while caught in the throes of madness, he trapped her there for the rest of her undead life. Where a human might be able to heal, she is simply stuck. He tries anyway, beating herself against the unyielding wall.

(Angel does better than he thinks he does. Drusilla's head still spins with fairies and pixies and fear and confusion and always - probably - maybe? - will, but it helps that he's there at all. He doesn't see what Drusilla sees. Doesn't know that this is the beginning of the end for her and William, doesn't know that he's started down a road that leads to summer and light. She doesn't want to lose him. It hurts. It would hurt more without Angel there. So even as he tortures himself trying to fix what he did such a perfect job of breaking, Drusilla tries to be good. Doesn't fuss, doesn't make a mess, doesn't tell him that he couldn't have completely destroyed her heart, because she can feel it break-break-breaking.)

One day, Spike returns with a black leather duster on his back and tells them that Nikki Wood is dead. Angel would ask if he killed her, but the despair wafting off him stops the words from leaving his mouth. For the first time, he allows himself to truly believe that one of the monsters he created might not truly be beyond repair. He wishes that it hadn't come at quite a cost.

It's over a year before Spike tells him what happened. It happens out of the blue, on a night where Drusilla is quiet and Angel is drifting somewhere between almost alright and certainly not. He says that Nikki had been possessed by a demon with aspirations of ending the world. Try as they might, they weren't able to get it out of her. In the end, Spike ended up killing her himself. Spike looks Angel in the eyes, challenging, and asks if he's going to kill him now that he has a second slayer under his belt. Angel only apologizes.

(What Spike doesn't stay is that he'd wanted to stay. He had gotten to know Nikki's son while he worked with her and grew to care for him deeply. With her gone, he'd wanted to help care for him. Her watcher turned him away, saying that for all he had been a valuable ally, Robin could not be trusted with a vampire.)

Spike declares that he never wants to get anywhere near a slayer again. Angel accepts it with relief.

And then Sunnydale happens.

So! There are chunks that can be expanded upon and there's definitely more that comes after this, so if anyone's interested, let me know and I could be persuaded to continue. Here's where I note that there probably would be Bangel during the time frame of seasons 1-3, but would also probably end up being Spuffy and Cangel in the end.

#buffy the vampire slayer #BtVS #Angel #Angelus #Spike #Drusilla #sprusilla #Buffy AU #Answered #Long post #I need a name for this au #Also this post was bullet pointed and had italics #and then tumblr ERASED IT ALL #WHY #Anyway yeah this was meant to be like 500 words and ended up being over 2k #Whoops #I d r e a d to think of what will happen when I answer for role swap au #I'll probably need to cut it up into little bite-sized pieces

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haileys-out2 · 3 months

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I’ve been told to make this caption from one of my photos (yes this is me in the photo). I have no control over any of this, I’ve been told what tags to use and how long the post is to be pinned to the top of my page. 😥

The post is up for three months (until June 8) and I am scared about how long I’ll get!!

P-p-please be nice. I d-d-don’t want my life ruined!! 😭😭😭

Update. If this post hits 100 REBLOGS I have to get a larger plug and dildo.

Update 2. You are all mean (specially @count-alta with your 20-odd reblogs)😤😭😭 I now have to get a larger plug and dildo. If it gets to 300 REBLOGS then I have to make a Discord server to show that I am in fact wearing the cage and plug 😭😭😭😭 this is getting both out of control and expensive

Update 3. It hasn’t even been a week. 😢😢 I’ve been instructed to add note milestones. I’ve only been given a couple for now but more will be added if any of you suggest something my dominant likes.

Update 4. I’m back from a brief hiatus from Tumblr while I settled into a new job, and I discovered that this post really took off. I now have to make discord (coming soon) and I’ve been given a new Reblog MILESTONE. If this post reaches 500 Reblogs I will have to start HRT. If it hits 1000 Reblogs then I have to find a man to fuck me on camera 😭😭😭😭. Please be nice.

Update 5: whelp it’s done. My Discord server is live

1500 notes: I have to keep myself hairless from the nose down.

1700 notes: Make an Amazon Wishlist and add 100 toys and clothes for anyone to buy. Anyone who buys them will get a free show with what they bought

1800 notes: my hair must be grown out

2000 notes: I have to resume my BambiSleeps regimen

2500 notes: Practice deepthroating the current sized dildo twice a week

2750 notes: I now have listen to Bambi sleeps every morning, afternoon and night on my days off

3000 notes: Sit on a 7-inch dildo 2 times a week for 30 min

3250 notes: I have to start using she/her pronouns

3500 notes: I have start wearing a bra everyday

3750 notes: Use a large plug now

4000 notes: I have to start an OF (ManyVids and webcamming as well once I find a better living arrangement)

4250: I have to film myself suck cock

4500 notes: i can only ever cum from anal

5000 notes: I can only wear androgynous clothing. Nothing overtly masculine

5100 notes: Sit on an 8-inch dildo 3 times a week for 30 min

5400 notes: Listen to Bambisleep hypno every time I do anal

6000 notes: edge with a Hitachi magic wand for 30 once a week

6500 notes: start using a ball gag whenever I do anal

7100 notes: Once a week I have to film myself anal training and share it to the discord channel

8000 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 4 times a week for 30 min

8500 notes: I must listen to ALL hypno that is sent to me

9000 notes: The Hitachi edging session becomes twice a week

12300 notes: Clicker train myself to get horny to the thought of cock

13200 notes: Use an XL plug now

13500 notes: Only use 10-inch toys from now on sit on it 6 times a week for 30 min, once a week use a 12+ inch toy

15000 notes: I have to get either bottom surgery or an orchiectomy

20000 notes: I have to be spit roasted

25000 notes: I have to be the center of a Blow Bang

32500 notes: I have to be the center of a Gangbang 😳😳😳

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justtogetthrough · 6 months

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I think I need to get a psychological assessment in order to go on disability next year.

January-April will be my last semester of grad school which means during that time I’ll have student health insurance which may cover a tiny portion of the fees.

It’s December 8th and I think I need to find a psychologist and book an assessment ASAP so that I can get it completed by April so my student insurance will reimburse me.

This feels very rushed and AAAAH because I’m afraid to go through with this and it’s so much money to spend, what if I end up hiring some bigot who decides I’m certain ways without fully exploring all the complex history and comorbidities

#it’s so expensive and I’m scared about what I’ll be told #I have such bad experiences with the mental health system #personal #but I might be able to get $500 of it covered if I do it over the winter D:#sleeping pill cocktails

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 months

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What kind of bubble is AI?

My latest column for Locus Magazine is "What Kind of Bubble is AI?" All economic bubbles are hugely destructive, but some of them leave behind wreckage that can be salvaged for useful purposes, while others leave nothing behind but ashes:

https://locusmag.com/2023/12/commentary-cory-doctorow-what-kind-of-bubble-is-ai/

Think about some 21st century bubbles. The dotcom bubble was a terrible tragedy, one that drained the coffers of pension funds and other institutional investors and wiped out retail investors who were gulled by Superbowl Ads. But there was a lot left behind after the dotcoms were wiped out: cheap servers, office furniture and space, but far more importantly, a generation of young people who'd been trained as web makers, leaving nontechnical degree programs to learn HTML, perl and python. This created a whole cohort of technologists from non-technical backgrounds, a first in technological history. Many of these people became the vanguard of a more inclusive and humane tech development movement, and they were able to make interesting and useful services and products in an environment where raw materials – compute, bandwidth, space and talent – were available at firesale prices.

Contrast this with the crypto bubble. It, too, destroyed the fortunes of institutional and individual investors through fraud and Superbowl Ads. It, too, lured in nontechnical people to learn esoteric disciplines at investor expense. But apart from a smattering of Rust programmers, the main residue of crypto is bad digital art and worse Austrian economics.

Or think of Worldcom vs Enron. Both bubbles were built on pure fraud, but Enron's fraud left nothing behind but a string of suspicious deaths. By contrast, Worldcom's fraud was a Big Store con that required laying a ton of fiber that is still in the ground to this day, and is being bought and used at pennies on the dollar.

AI is definitely a bubble. As I write in the column, if you fly into SFO and rent a car and drive north to San Francisco or south to Silicon Valley, every single billboard is advertising an "AI" startup, many of which are not even using anything that can be remotely characterized as AI. That's amazing, considering what a meaningless buzzword AI already is.

So which kind of bubble is AI? When it pops, will something useful be left behind, or will it go away altogether? To be sure, there's a legion of technologists who are learning Tensorflow and Pytorch. These nominally open source tools are bound, respectively, to Google and Facebook's AI environments:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/18/openwashing/#you-keep-using-that-word-i-do-not-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means

But if those environments go away, those programming skills become a lot less useful. Live, large-scale Big Tech AI projects are shockingly expensive to run. Some of their costs are fixed – collecting, labeling and processing training data – but the running costs for each query are prodigious. There's a massive primary energy bill for the servers, a nearly as large energy bill for the chillers, and a titanic wage bill for the specialized technical staff involved.

Once investor subsidies dry up, will the real-world, non-hyperbolic applications for AI be enough to cover these running costs? AI applications can be plotted on a 2X2 grid whose axes are "value" (how much customers will pay for them) and "risk tolerance" (how perfect the product needs to be).

Charging teenaged D&D players $10 month for an image generator that creates epic illustrations of their characters fighting monsters is low value and very risk tolerant (teenagers aren't overly worried about six-fingered swordspeople with three pupils in each eye). Charging scammy spamfarms $500/month for a text generator that spits out dull, search-algorithm-pleasing narratives to appear over recipes is likewise low-value and highly risk tolerant (your customer doesn't care if the text is nonsense). Charging visually impaired people $100 month for an app that plays a text-to-speech description of anything they point their cameras at is low-value and moderately risk tolerant ("that's your blue shirt" when it's green is not a big deal, while "the street is safe to cross" when it's not is a much bigger one).

Morganstanley doesn't talk about the trillions the AI industry will be worth some day because of these applications. These are just spinoffs from the main event, a collection of extremely high-value applications. Think of self-driving cars or radiology bots that analyze chest x-rays and characterize masses as cancerous or noncancerous.

These are high value – but only if they are also risk-tolerant. The pitch for self-driving cars is "fire most drivers and replace them with 'humans in the loop' who intervene at critical junctures." That's the risk-tolerant version of self-driving cars, and it's a failure. More than $100b has been incinerated chasing self-driving cars, and cars are nowhere near driving themselves:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/09/herbies-revenge/#100-billion-here-100-billion-there-pretty-soon-youre-talking-real-money

Quite the reverse, in fact. Cruise was just forced to quit the field after one of their cars maimed a woman – a pedestrian who had not opted into being part of a high-risk AI experiment – and dragged her body 20 feet through the streets of San Francisco. Afterwards, it emerged that Cruise had replaced the single low-waged driver who would normally be paid to operate a taxi with 1.5 high-waged skilled technicians who remotely oversaw each of its vehicles:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/03/technology/cruise-general-motors-self-driving-cars.html

The self-driving pitch isn't that your car will correct your own human errors (like an alarm that sounds when you activate your turn signal while someone is in your blind-spot). Self-driving isn't about using automation to augment human skill – it's about replacing humans. There's no business case for spending hundreds of billions on better safety systems for cars (there's a human case for it, though!). The only way the price-tag justifies itself is if paid drivers can be fired and replaced with software that costs less than their wages.

What about radiologists? Radiologists certainly make mistakes from time to time, and if there's a computer vision system that makes different mistakes than the sort that humans make, they could be a cheap way of generating second opinions that trigger re-examination by a human radiologist. But no AI investor thinks their return will come from selling hospitals that reduce the number of X-rays each radiologist processes every day, as a second-opinion-generating system would. Rather, the value of AI radiologists comes from firing most of your human radiologists and replacing them with software whose judgments are cursorily double-checked by a human whose "automation blindness" will turn them into an OK-button-mashing automaton:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop

The profit-generating pitch for high-value AI applications lies in creating "reverse centaurs": humans who serve as appendages for automation that operates at a speed and scale that is unrelated to the capacity or needs of the worker:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/17/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs/

But unless these high-value applications are intrinsically risk-tolerant, they are poor candidates for automation. Cruise was able to nonconsensually enlist the population of San Francisco in an experimental murderbot development program thanks to the vast sums of money sloshing around the industry. Some of this money funds the inevitabilist narrative that self-driving cars are coming, it's only a matter of when, not if, and so SF had better get in the autonomous vehicle or get run over by the forces of history.

Once the bubble pops (all bubbles pop), AI applications will have to rise or fall on their actual merits, not their promise. The odds are stacked against the long-term survival of high-value, risk-intolerant AI applications.

The problem for AI is that while there are a lot of risk-tolerant applications, they're almost all low-value; while nearly all the high-value applications are risk-intolerant. Once AI has to be profitable – once investors withdraw their subsidies from money-losing ventures – the risk-tolerant applications need to be sufficient to run those tremendously expensive servers in those brutally expensive data-centers tended by exceptionally expensive technical workers.

If they aren't, then the business case for running those servers goes away, and so do the servers – and so do all those risk-tolerant, low-value applications. It doesn't matter if helping blind people make sense of their surroundings is socially beneficial. It doesn't matter if teenaged gamers love their epic character art. It doesn't even matter how horny scammers are for generating AI nonsense SEO websites:

https://twitter.com/jakezward/status/1728032634037567509

These applications are all riding on the coattails of the big AI models that are being built and operated at a loss in order to be profitable. If they remain unprofitable long enough, the private sector will no longer pay to operate them.

Now, there are smaller models, models that stand alone and run on commodity hardware. These would persist even after the AI bubble bursts, because most of their costs are setup costs that have already been borne by the well-funded companies who created them. These models are limited, of course, though the communities that have formed around them have pushed those limits in surprising ways, far beyond their original manufacturers' beliefs about their capacity. These communities will continue to push those limits for as long as they find the models useful.

These standalone, "toy" models are derived from the big models, though. When the AI bubble bursts and the private sector no longer subsidizes mass-scale model creation, it will cease to spin out more sophisticated models that run on commodity hardware (it's possible that Federated learning and other techniques for spreading out the work of making large-scale models will fill the gap).

So what kind of bubble is the AI bubble? What will we salvage from its wreckage? Perhaps the communities who've invested in becoming experts in Pytorch and Tensorflow will wrestle them away from their corporate masters and make them generally useful. Certainly, a lot of people will have gained skills in applying statistical techniques.

But there will also be a lot of unsalvageable wreckage. As big AI models get integrated into the processes of the productive economy, AI becomes a source of systemic risk. The only thing worse than having an automated process that is rendered dangerous or erratic based on AI integration is to have that process fail entirely because the AI suddenly disappeared, a collapse that is too precipitous for former AI customers to engineer a soft landing for their systems.

This is a blind spot in our policymakers debates about AI. The smart policymakers are asking questions about fairness, algorithmic bias, and fraud. The foolish policymakers are ensnared in fantasies about "AI safety," AKA "Will the chatbot become a superintelligence that turns the whole human race into paperclips?"

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/27/10-types-of-people/#taking-up-a-lot-of-space

But no one is asking, "What will we do if" – when – "the AI bubble pops and most of this stuff disappears overnight?"

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/19/bubblenomics/#pop

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

tom_bullock (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/tombullock/25173469495/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

#pluralistic #ai #economics #business #hype #bubbles #bubblenomics #residue

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