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adonis-koo · 3 years

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tease

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↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,

Word Count: 11k

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Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter presents them.

Music gently echoed through the living room and the smell of jasmine wafted in the air mixed with the smell of fresh rain from the open windows. Your home hadn’t changed much in your week-long absence yet you on the other hand felt...different. Not a bad difference, or a good one. It was just hard to believe you were home again.

The plane ride was over fourteen hours and it gave you and Jungkook a very long time to talk about what had happened throughout the week at Seasonella and of course the afterparty....which you couldn’t help but cringe at, thoughts filtered your mind as to what had even possessed you to do that with Jimin? You had apologized relentlessly to Jungkook when you realized just how inconsiderate you had been, no matter how much he kept trying to play it off.

The more you thought about it the more you felt even worse, no matter how much Jungkook tried to tell you it was fine, because it wasn’t fine, especially when he admitted at first, he did feel hurt watching you do that after he had opened up about it. Not only this but Jungkook had confessed it was difficult to even admit in the first place.

You could tell he was seemingly at war with himself internally and was holding back some of his own feelings still, but you wanted him to take his time and open up when he was ready too.

Moving the books off the shelf you began to dust it down as you sighed. Jungkook had gone on to explain that he wasn’t hurt by the action anymore, in fact, he had only felt hurt for a very brief moment before realizing what you were doing was, how he interpreted it, a challenge to his authority in your relationship.

At the very least you were relieved he interpreted like that rather than you just being an inconsiderate ass to his feelings, which is how you felt about it, even though in those moments it hadn’t been your intentions as all and you secretly vowed you would never do again, Jungkook more than anyone, didn’t deserve that. You never wanted Jungkook to feel like he couldn’t open up and be honest with you with no judgement at all.

With that all being taken into consideration you told him every little bit on how you felt and of course apologized for minimizing his feelings about what could have been possible with Jimin, which he had accepted. And in the end Jungkook had simply asked to just let you both move past this and last what had happened in Vegas, stay in Vegas.

Jungkook had asked though, if it was okay to drop you off at your apartment once you got in, as he wanted some time to himself.

Which is why you were here alone, but the decision was mutually agreed upon. Being alone was giving you a lot of time to think over all of your actions throughout the week and with each memory you couldn’t help but berate yourself over...well everything, what had come over you...? You sighed as you thought about Seulgi’s message and what she had said the night you had been prepping to go on stage….maybe...maybe she was on to something. You frowned as you checked your phone.

Jungkook was supposed to come over in the morning with the pregnancy test but....maybe you just had a lot of PMS?

Sitting down on the couch you let out a brief dry laugh, wouldn’t that be ironic? Everyone freaking out about you being pregnant for the past week only for you to be PMSing. It would explain why you had been so emotionally charged the whole week…

Your emotions, specifically anger, were always heightened when you were a week away from your period and it always led to you doing and saying things you typically wouldn’t. You certainly weren’t looking for an excuse as much as an explanation for how things unfolded the way they had.

Once again, you weren’t late for your period, so the idea of being pregnant was possible, but a slim chance. You sighed as you laid down on the couch, could you really be pregnant….? You didn’t even wanna think about it. You didn’t feel pregnant, no matter how ludicrous that sounded, you didn’t and if you were...Your head was fuzzy and you knew the timing wasn’t right, but you also felt conflicted…

You knew Jungkook would stay no matter what but...being possibly pregnant meant having to tell Jimin and if it was his...You rubbed your head as you felt a whine escape you, your eyes nearly blurring from just the stress of thinking about it because truthfully...You didn’t want to have a baby if it meant this much stress in your life.

Rain pattered against the windows as you rubbed your head, no longer wanting to think about the possible future that was nobody’s fault except your own. It was nearing ten PM and you were beginning to feel the jet lag of the plane ride as you stretched out with a soft sigh, what good would overthinking do you anyways?

You wouldn’t deny you somewhat missed Jungkook’s presence, you’d probably be curled up against him right now in front of the TV. But having some alone time was good, it was healthy. And god knew you both needed a little bit of that. Or maybe just you so it seemed these days…

Walking to your bedroom with a yawn you changed into some comfy pajamas before curling up in bed, your mind beginning to calm as rain poured outside. If anything being back home makes you feel more grounded. Jungkook has done leaps and bounds in changing for the better, you’d do the same if not for yourself then for him. Being back home, it’ll be like a new start.

Groaning your eyes cracked open, your alarm clock blinking at four in the morning as the bed shifted making you roll over, arms wrapping around you as you squirmed, nearly jolting right up, “Easy baby.” A deep voice murmured making you sigh in relief, rubbing your eyes as you mumbled, “Jungkook? What are you doing here?” It was so late at night, didn’t he want the day to himself?

You couldn’t see his face and your eyes were too tired to keep them open but you knew it was him by his hands and voice, he shifted once more to get comfortable. Obviously letting himself in with the spare key he knew was above your door.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He mumbled against your hair, it was his voice that made you force your eyes back open shifting a little away from him to try and get a look at his face. It was his voice, that sounded...docile? Maybe a little shy?

You could tell it wasn’t just a regular insomniac night, “You wanna talk about it?” You asked delicately with a frown, reaching out your hand to run through his hair, soft sigh escaping him as he melted into your touch, shaking his head as you frowned, “Alright it’s okay, c’mere.” Jungkook scooted in, letting his head press against your chest, his arms loosely wrapping around your waist.

His muscles relaxed as your fingers tenderly stroked through his hair as your eyes closed once more, it seemed like a light switch, whatever difficulty he had going to sleep was gone and quickly replaced with him nearly rolling on top of you in his sleep. Yawning it didn’t take long for you to drift off to sleep either.

…

Pain, no not pain. It was more like a dull ache as you groaned, eyes cracking open to sunlight streaming in and...When did Jungkook get here? His body was on top of yours, nearly crushing you as you wheezed. Memories of last night began to surface as you sighed softly with a frown as you rubbed your eyes, did he have a nightmare?

It was hard to ruminate when you felt another dull ache in your stomach and something uncomfortably wet against your underwear, “Ah...Jungkook, hey sleepyhead. C’mon, wake up.” Ignoring it temporarily you whispered as you shook him, you wouldn’t care about him sleeping on top of you if you didn’t feel like absolute crap. Your head began to throb and it felt like your body was drained of all energy.

“Mm mornin’ ba’girl.” Jungkook’s words were slurred and deep as he rolled off of you, stretching out as he let his hands rest above his head. Eyes still closed as you let out a silent breath in relief. Not nearly as uncomfortable as before as you rubbed your eyes before realization dawned on you.

Jungkook looked like a disturbed cat when the bed suddenly bounced at your jolt.

Opening his eyes he pressed his brows together in confusion as he frowned, watching you scramble out of bed while swearing up a storm, that was unusual. Sitting up right he yawned as he rubbed his eyes, mild concern washing over him, were you okay? Was the baby okay? He had never seen you jump out of bed so fast...Well okay he had seen you do it a few times when you were hung over but…

You trudged out of the bathroom and he could immediately sense annoyance on your face as you sighed, unable to look at him as you opened your dresser drawer, “You good baby?” Jungkook frowned in confusion.

“Well I’m definitely not pregnant.” You mumbled grabbing a new pair of panties, bland and black, comfortable and above all else not cute. You turned to face him as you frowned, Jungkook seemed...frozen almost, like he was still processing your words, “Oh…” Was all he said.

Your once annoyed expression at your ruined panties softened at the tone of his voice, tilting your head in confusion and you intended on asking him if he was okay until you felt another drop of wetness against your ruined underwear.

Knowing it would be better to freshen up first you gave him a moment to himself before quickly heading for the bathroom you changed yourself and freshen up a little before making your way out of the bathroom.

Jungkook was laying back down, staring up at the ceiling blankly as you sighed softly a small frown forming on your face as you crawled onto the bed ignoring the dull ache in your stomach as you spoke, “Jungkook?” He hummed as he closed his eyes, as if he didn’t want to see your face, this in it’s self made your lips quiver a little before curling up beside him you reached out as you let your fingers run along his jawline as you asked gently, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...I’m great!” Jungkook tried to make his tone peppy, a painfully obvious forced smile on his face as he turned to look at you trying his best to look happy, “I mean, you’re not pregnant so…! That’s great, it’s- it’s good.” His smile faltered as he sighed as if not having the energy to fully commit the clear lie he was telling, turning to look back up at the ceiling as soon as he noticed your expression unmoving.

Your expression was soft as you frowned a little as you scooted up against his side, “Jungkook…” You mumbled, glancing at his somewhat melancholy demeanor in worry, you understood he was the one that firmly believed you were pregnant so you weren’t fully surprised to see his somewhat downcast demeanor but it still worried you nonetheless, “You don’t have to lie, what’s wrong?” He shifted a little, somewhat uneasy at first as he sighed, bringing his hands up to his eyes as he rubbed them.

“I just…” He paused somewhat hesitant before mumbling, “I was so sure you were pregnant...Is it...is it bad I was hoping you were…?” His voice sounded small as he coughed suddenly rushing, “I mean like I said! It’s good you aren’t, we just got into a relationship and we couldn’t really have a baby or afford to have one right now and we’re both still in college and-”

“Jungkook,” He paused at the sound of his name, unable to look at you as you felt a small smile tug on your lips, despite the sad tone of your eyes, “You're allowed to feel the way you do about it.” You could tell by the way he was acting he was obviously upset about it. Maybe upset wasn’t the right word, but he was certainly melancholy.

He sighed as he closed his eyes once more, “I was so sure…Maybe I was just projecting, I don’t know.”

“I don’t think you were projecting,” You spoke softly, letting your fingers tangle into his hair as you lifted up a little to press a kiss on his face, his nose scrunching as he cracked his eyes open to playfully squint at you. Snorting you couldn’t help but let a shy little smile tug on your lips as you pressed another kiss onto his nose before straddling his stomach to collapse on top of him, “I think,” You mumbled against his skin, “You had every right to be concerned. But pms symptoms and pregnancy symptoms are hard to tell apart.”

He sighed as he wrapped his arms around you, “So the cravings, the mood swings, the head aches…? All just pms?” He sighed somewhat dramatically as he mumbled, “You’re kinda mean when you’re getting ready to start.” You couldn’t help but giggle as you shoved him a little, feeling somewhat flustered and embarrassed because he was right. You were absolutely mean.

“I’m sorry again,” You mumbled somewhat shyly, nudging against the crook of his neck, “If I had been tracking a little better I could’ve given you a bit of a heads up.”

Jungkook snorted as he pressed a kiss against your neck, “It was my fault I jumped to conclusions. You said it yourself you weren’t even late. I just got carried away at the idea of you being pregnant.”

“Nobody is at fault here Jungkook, everyone assumed I was pregnant, and for good reason I mean....I was just oblivious and hadn’t even gave it a single thought,” You lifted your head with a weak smile, you didn’t genuinely blame the group either as they only had your best intentions in mind, but really it was just another lesson of communication between you both.

You shifting against him a little as your gathered your thoughts before continuing, “It didn’t even cross either of our minds about pregnancy until they said something. I mean really, given what symptoms had shown up I know everyone only brought it up with our best intentions in mind but this kind of got blown out of proportion. It would’ve been one thing if my period was late, but I was still a week away from starting when they brought it up...”

Jungkook sighed before groaning, “Seriously. Still feel somewhat bad though, I don’t know. I really liked the idea of having a baby there for a second…God what have you done to me?” He joked a little, as if not wanting to linger on the topic seriously much longer making you smile somewhat bashfully as you rolled your eyes.

You could feel your face becoming somewhat hot as you crawled a little closer to his face, feeling a wave of boldness enter you before leaning against his ear, “We could always still have a baby.” You immediately felt flushed as you tried to shy away but it was too late.

Jungkook’s grip on your body already tightened and he effortlessly rolled your both over, “Is that so?” Jungkook nipped at your neck making you squeak, “You shouldn’t be saying that unless you’re ready to make it happen sweetheart.” His hands clamped your legs making you squeak as you scrambled.

“No! No! No! There is BLOOD down there-”

“What you think I’m scared of getting a little messy-”

“That is disgusting!”

Jungkook was howling against your stomach in laughter, was it your tone of voice? Was it how frantic you were to get away from him? Was it your expression? Maybe it was all three, whatever it was it knocked Jungkook out as he wheezed against you, “Alright, calm down baby I was joking.”

“But you were half serious weren’t you!” You scowled in embarrassment, feeling your face become hot and your ears burn as you squirmed to sit up as you glared at him.

Jungkook looked up at you fondly, hands reaching up to smush your cheeks as he sighed, “Okay maybe a little-”

“I knew it!”

“But!” Jungkook cut you off, “You don’t seriously expect me to go seven days straight without being inside you right? Like I’ll wear a condom if it grosses you out but-”

“We are not having period sex.” You were rapidly shaking your head as he whined against your thighs. Of course he was willing to get his dick messy if it meant cumming inside you. Why was he like this? “Jungkook…! I’ll give as much head as you want but we are not doing it inside me…!”

“Why do you have to tease me like this, it's not fair baby!” Jungkook groaned as he rolled over, a snort escaping you at the sight of his half hard on, his eyes cutting into you with a sulky pout, “Don’t laugh at my semi boner! It’s your fault talking about wanting kids and shit.”

Smiling you reached up to brush the hair out of his face as he huffed, “Jungkook,” You clacked your tongue, your smile becoming a little shy as you murmured, “I didn’t bring it up to give you a hard on. I just meant to say that, just because I’m not pregnant doesn’t mean we can’t have a baby in the future.” You glanced away feeling somewhat bashful as you mumbled, “When it’s planned and we’re both prepared for it...and maybe when we’ve been together a little longer. It’s not like we missed our only chance…”

Jungkook sighed softly, a small smile tugging on his lips as he shrugged, “I know...I don’t know what my problem is. I guess I just, really liked the idea of having a family. I really was hoping you were pregnant.” He groaned as he stretched out, “I mean like I said, I do think it’s better this way. Your uterus saved us a lot of stress between having a baby and between us, and an awkward conversation with Jimin.”

You winced at the sudden stabbing sensation in your stomach, a whine escaping you making Jungkook jump up immediately worry in his eyes as you waved your hand, “I’m good...just hurts...Anyways…” You wiggle around a little to get comfortable before offering him a small smile, “Like I said, it’s okay to feel sad about it. But remember what I said, we can always have a baby in the future. Maybe if we’re married,” You shifted as you gave a weak smile, “I don’t know how my parents would react if I got knocked up while we’re just a couple.”

“Mm maybe we’ll test that out in a few months.” You rolled your eyes making him laugh as he sat up, pressing a kiss against your forehead as you winced once more, the pain becoming more prominent in your stomach, “Alright, I’m gonna go get you some pain killers then start on breakfast baby.”

“Thank you.” You mumbled, lifting up a little to meet his lips as he gave you a quick kiss before you crumpled back against the bed. Pressing your brows together as you grabbed the pillow he had been previously sleeping on and cuddling it close as pain began to flush and throb harsher.

You were relieved to find out you weren’t pregnant but dear jesus, at what cost?

You didn’t expect your relationship to change despite becoming officially girlfriend and boyfriend. Most people said it changed nothing. Feelings remained the same and so did the problems that seeped into your relationship over time. But...you couldn’t help but feel like things had changed. Even despite being back for a few days things seemed more….

Natural? Calm? You weren’t sure but you liked it. The once dramatic passion you craved in a relationship wasn’t your interest anymore. You found out, passion meant being emotionally charged, heartbroken, arguing and all of the above. But it wasn’t like that with Jungkook anymore. It felt like home. You loved it.

Coming back home to Korea felt like a second chance in a way, like you were coming back with a clean slate and a new start. That didn’t mean all of your problems were magically gone. But whatever happened in Vegas would stay there. You liked this. Holding Jungkook’s hand while he looked like there were stars in his eyes, excitement brimming at his seams as he tugged you along down the walking path.

“Come on we’re almost there!” Jungkook looked like a little boy as he pulled you along in excitement making you giggle as you stumbled over your feet to catch up. He had been like this since you got back. You had been learning more about Jungkook in the past few days more than you had within the three months of knowing him.

Particularly how he had a nice camera he loved scoping out in the early mornings and taking photography, he loved printing them out into polaroid photos and keeping them in photobooks, Jungkook had a real fondness for taking morning walks and finding new trails to walk down. You always assumed he was just extremely energetic but he was actually just a morning person.

He hummed when he cooked and he wasn’t good with his spices but he was more than happy for your help in the kitchen, especially when you found out he can’t really cook, at all, but he’s always enthusiastic to learn. He seemed so open? Happy now? His eyes always had that look in them now, the same look you saw all those months ago outside the diner when he first met your parents. It was your favorite look.

Trying to catch your breath Jungkook paused as he let go of your hand, letting out a content noise as you glanced up, “Oh wow…!” You were delighted to meet with the beautiful scenery of a stream trickling down against rocks that made it look like a little waterfall, light beams streaked through the lush flora and the wind made the branches sway so beautifully. Unable to keep the smile off your face as you glanced around, “It’s so beautiful here! Why isn’t this marked on the trail map?”

Jungkook nearly beamed with pride like a little boy as he walked towards the stream, “Probably because they marked it off this trail,” He gave a somewhat sheepish smile as he rubbed the back of his neck, “But it’s a really good spot! It’s just hard to go any further from here because the woodland is so thick ahead.”

“We aren’t trespassing, are we?” You bounced while wringing your hands nervously suddenly feeling concern wash over you making Jungkook laugh as you clenched your fists, huffing as a pout began to tug on your lips, “I don’t wanna get arrested Jungkook!”

“Baby,” Jungkook tutted as he walked back over to you, pressing his hands on your cheeks before smushing them, practically beaming down at your pouty squished face, “Why do you always assume we’re gonna get arrested? For what it’s worth I never saw a ‘No Trespassing’ sign…” He snorted at your flailed arms as you and you stomped your foot, of course he’d say that!

“Fine, I guess as long as there aren't any signs…” You mumbled, still not completely sold as you glanced around, letting a small smile tug on your lips as you added shyly, “It is really pretty out here. I loved walking on the trails back at Kimhae, my dad use to show me what all of the shrubs were and he could spot a flower a mile- Hey!” You paused when you heard a click, whipping around to face Jungkook who was cheekily smiling, camera held up as you flusteredly flailed your hands, “Don’t take my picture! I’m not even dressed up!”

“You always look good.” Jungkook flirted wrapping a hand around your waist as he tugged you closer. An embarrassed squeak escaped your lips, no matter how hard you tried a smile graced your lips as you let out a whine, pressing your hands to your face as Jungkook chuckled, “What? It’s the truth.” You could feel his warm breath against your neck before the invasion of kisses peppered against your skin, his thumbs rubbing against your waist as he hummed against your skin, “Sounds like you're close to your dad.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck loosely you let out a breath in contentment as you nudged against his neck, looking at him with an endeared smile as you shrugged a little, “Yeah, I learned a lot about gardening and plants when I was younger, it was our thing to go out on trails and hunt for little mushrooms.” You smiled fondly as you let your head rest against him, “Min Ji and Nari always complained it was too hot and too many bugs so they’d always end up going back to the house. But we’d stay out there for hours. During the summertime mom would always make watermelon lemonade for us when we got back. I miss those days sometimes.”

Jungkook rested his chin on top of your head, fingers trailing through your hair as he murmured, “Sounds nice... sounds like you and your family are close.” His voice seemed somewhat reserved, as if he were in thought.

“Well, we have our ups and downs like anyone else but...yeah, we are pretty close.” You pulled a little bit away from Jungkook to look at him, his eyes seemed somewhat downcast as you frowned a little, “Was it not like that for your family?”

Come to think of it, you don’t really know anything about Jungkook’s home life other than what he said in Vegas, which was about his younger sister. Jungkook frowned a little, not replying right away like he usually would before shrugging a little, “Not really. I’ve never been close to either of my parents.” He parted his lips for as if he was going to further elaborate before cutting himself off, choosing to look at the soft ground beneath you rather than at you, “I wanted too when I was younger, for what it’s worth I guess.”

Your frown furthered at his dim expression as your expression softened, your arms wrapping around him as you squeezed tight, letting your chin rest on his shoulder as you murmured softly, “Not everyone is close to their families and they almost always have a valid reason Jungkook. You don’t owe anyone that reason.”

Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes, his body weight slumping a little against you as he mumbled against your skin, “Even you? You can’t tell me you don’t want a reason or an explanation at least.” You pressed your lips together, unsure of where all of this was coming from before ultimately humming, letting your fingers twist into his hair.

“Of course I do,” You agreed gently, but it wasn’t just wanting to know for the sake of knowing, but it was simply because you just wanted to know everything you could about Jungkook, you wanted to understand him at his core self, “But only when you want too. When you feel comfortable enough too. Nobody wants to openly talk about anything bad that happened in the past. Don’t push yourself so much Jungkook. You can talk about it when you’re ready. I’ll always be willing to listen.”

“I know,” Jungkook mumbled against your neck, “I just wish it could be sooner.” You weren’t sure what was holding him back but it wasn’t like you were in a rush to get to know one another. You could afford to take your time and go at a slow pace. You certainly didn’t mind. Pressing your lips against his neck you squeezed him tight as you gave a shy little smile, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll always wait for you.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” You pressed your lips together in dismay, it wasn’t that you didn’t trust Jungkook, because you did, you had absolute unwavering trust in him. But given where your relationship was at...well...you didn’t want to cause any more harm to it then you already had. Not that you thought you would but-

“Nothing scandalous is going to happen babygirl I promise,” Jungkook replied, pressing a kiss against your temple as he wrapped a hand around your waist, giving you that dumb boyishly charming smile of his, “It’s just been awhile since I’ve seen Yugyeom, besides Hyerin will be there as well. If it makes you feel better this dungeon has a pretty strict no sex policy.”

You sighed as you pressed your hands into your face, trying to not let yourself whine as he pressed another kiss against your face, “You could always regress again, I still have that last picture you drew for me, you were such a sweet girl.” He cooed out before laughing at the sight of you stomping your foot.

“Jungkook stop!” You covered your face feeling somewhat embarrassed, his hand squeezed around your waist in reassurance before leading you into the dungeon. The lights were low lit but the environment seemed much more tame, Jungkook kept a steady grip on you, not too tight but not too loose, just enough to let you know he wasn’t going anywhere.

There were still a few here and there who were dressed in latex and masks but otherwise if someone walked in without knowing what this was they’d assume it was another club. Apparently according to Jungkook most dungeons weren’t exclusive but given it was a daunting environment most newcomers usually came with someone who was already acquainted.

You supposed you were on that list.

“Hey man! Long time no see,” Yugyeom waved you both over to the booth he sat at, Hyerin smiling as she waved, not looking nearly as broody as she did whenever she was regressed. So this would be just like a double date! You concluded, for some reason you felt nervous. Even despite working as a stripper you still didn’t fare well with small talk.

You felt more comfortable at least with Jungkook who was a social butterfly in and outside of work, sitting down across from the couple, “How was Seasonella?”

It was quiet for a moment, both Yugyeom and Hyerin raising their brows as they watched you and Jungkook exchange glances while shifting in your seats, “It- ah…” Jungkook offered a weak smile before chuckling, “Well, there won’t be one next year. To summarize, the mafia and police got involved, Y/n almost got sold into a prostitution ring and everyone told me at the worst time possible she could be pregnant. Which she isn’t by the way, but yeah. Busy weekend.” Jungkook wrapped an arm around you both looking at you with a toothy smile as you pressed your hands into your face.

Both Yugyeom and Hyerin were speechless- not that you could blame them before they began laughing, either because this just sounded like a normal part of Jungkook’s life or they didn’t believe you, regardless Yugyeom snorted, “Right, so you’re just gonna leave us on the edge of our seats now?”

Jungkook didn’t hesitate to dive into all the gruesome details on what had happened at Seasonella and the couple looked vastly entertained if not somewhat worried when Jungkook revealed Eva’s speech she had given him just before he found you. You had butted in a few times to correct some of the events that had happened only for Jungkook to give you a dumb smile that made you flustered and ultimately shutting you up.

“So yeah,” Jungkook finished recalling the weekend as he shrugged, thankfully leaving out details of what had happened at the after party, “How was your guys weekend?” He hummed as if he had just talked for the past twenty minutes about a normal weekend date.

“Is this just normal in stripping?” Hyerin asked, a smile mustered on her expression but you could tell she seemed a bit exasperated and admittedly you couldn’t blame her.

You rubbed the back of your neck as you muttered, “I’d hope not.”

Jungkook pressed a kiss against your hair as he chuckled, “No, it’s usually a lot more relaxed but Seasonella has always been a high stress event. At least if we’re still stripping by next year we won’t have to worry about it. I can’t help but wonder why Cherry ever got involved to begin with…” The air at the table seemed to turn a little tense as Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck, deciding to deflect as he shrugged, pulling a smile back on his lips with ease, “Anyways, doesn’t matter now. It’s all over.”

“Hey!” Everyone’s attention was drawn to a new man entering the conversation, tilting your head he seemed a little familiar...Wasn’t he the one who intervened the last time you went to a BDSM club? “Yugyeom! I can’t find the rest of the guys and I could uh- really use some help...It’s Shownu…” Yugyeom immediately perked up and your memory was drawn back to Shownu, yeah! That was his name, he tried to creep on you and Hyerin when you were regressed.

“I’ll go too.” Jungkook immediately puffed up as he and Yugyeom stood up, a viscous grin on his face at the sight of both men about to reject him, “I still have a few words for him.” Sighing the man waved them both along as you frowned, watching them disappear into the thick crowd.

“Shownu has a pretty bad rep in most dungeons,” Hyerin hummed as she curled up in her seat, “I don’t think he’s a bad guy but…” She trailed off before offering a weak smile, “But I think he has a hard time knowing when to stop, he’s pissed off a lot of dominants and often causes trouble between couples.”

You frowned as you wrapped your arms around yourself, “Can’t people get kicked out if they cause enough trouble though…?” There had to be some kind of system right? Jungkook didn’t go too in depth about how everything works but you made sure to make a mental note to ask him whenever he got back from his... ‘talk’ with Shownu…

“Well…” Hyerin parted her lips but she paused for a moment as if to gather her thoughts on how to explain, “Yes and no, people can only get directly kicked out if it’s by the dungeon master, or, in other words the owner. But Shownu knows a lot of the club owners and is on pretty good terms with most so, getting kicked out is pretty hard, for him at least.”

Glancing out over the crowd you weren’t sure what possessed you to ask, “How long has Jungkook been coming to places like this?” You could ask him yourself sure, and you probably would but...you were admittedly curious to hear from a different perspective.

Hyerin tilted her head as she tapped her finger to her lips in thought, “Longer than me. Yugyeom said they met at a munch and got on great. I didn’t meet Yugyeom until about two years ago and he started taking me here because I was interested.”

She paused for a moment before offering a weak smile, “Your boyfriend’s an interesting character, he’s a regular but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him share a scene with anyone before. Kind of weird considering he calls himself- and I quote- ‘ a very proud exhibit’-” Hyerin began cackling as you groaned, facepalming as your memory shot to the sloppy rough sex you shared for all of your friends to see, “He usually just...watches....he knows a lot of people here but I don’t think he’s ever participated in anything. Not that you probably care…!” She hurried as if not wanting you to get the wrong idea, “It’s just interesting, almost everyone who frequents dungeons are usually here to...well find someone to do a scene with…”

You hummed, unsure of how to reply because you weren’t sure yourself, it didn’t sound like the Jungkook you knew at least, he was never afraid of women and he always jumped at the opportunity to get his dick sucked, especially when you first met him, shrugging you ran a hand through your hair, “I don’t know...it is kind of weird but maybe he had his reasons? How can you be so sure he hasn’t done anything?”

Hyerin looked a little flustered as she began to rapidly flail a nervous laugh escaping her as she fumbled, “I never slept with him if that’s what you’re asking!” “Woah wait I never-” “I- I um…” She rubbed her neck as she tried to calm herself, your eyes had to be dilated at the way she forced a laugh, “I mean um…! Look,” She took a deep breath, “People here...talk…” She refused to look at you now, obviously embarrassed, “A lot. Yugyeom told me all of this, apparently he tried to set Jungkook up with a few people but it never really took off…? This was way back before I even met Yugyeom...I’ve met a lot of women who have wanted to do scenes with Jungkook, and I mean…”

Hyerin seemed to calm down a little as she let out a more natural laugh, “A lot. But apparently Jungkook would always tell them he wasn’t interested or he’d start sending mixed signals before abruptly cutting contact. I don’t know. I can’t say I’m positive but...from what I’ve heard, it just seems that way. Uh- I’m sorry by the way- for what I said earlier…”

She offered a weak, yet again embarrassed smile, “I’m sure that’s not what you meant but...a lot of women here get jealous. Jungkook and I aren’t even friends really, I’ve only ever talked to him because of Yugyeom but a lot of women get mad at the fact that I’m even in association with him. Doesn’t matter how many times I say it, nobody seems to believe it.” She gave an awkward smile as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“Oh…” You pressed your lips together before giving a small smile, “Well I believe you, I mean...I…” Closing your eyes you pinched your brows as you forced a laugh, “Definitely know what you’ve been through…” Sighing you looked out, trying to find Jungkook’s figure in a sea of people but you knew it was useless, “Being his trainee at Cherry Bomb was not as easy as some might think it would be. Our relationship has been...anything but easy.”

Hyerin frowned a little as she tilted her head before offering you a smile, “Look...It seems kind of weird to apologize but uh...I am sorry for when we first met! I’m not really uh- the most outgoing person when I’m regressed but…! I want to get to know you when we aren’t little so…! We can exchange numbers if you want? It sounds like you could use someone outside of work to vent too.”

Your lips parted in surprise, you hadn’t even given it any thought from last time, Hyerin was completely different from when she was regressed and so were you, “Of course!” You bounced in your seat in excitement, always happy to have a new friend, digging out your phone, “It actually would be great to have someone outside of work I mean…! It’s nothing against all of my friends there but, it can get a bit frustrating at times.”

“I can understand that,” Hyerin snorted as she typed her number into your phone, “Or I can at least imagine. Yugyeom and I have visited Cherry a few times and a lot of the girls are um…” She raised her brows as her smile tightened a little, “I’m amazed you have the patience, that’s all I’ll say. Here!” She handed back your phone, “Now we can stay in touch!”

“Seems like these two are getting on at least.” You both jumped at the sight of Jungkook and Yugyeom returning, Jungkook rolling his neck as if he had pulled a muscle as he sat down next to you, pecking your lips as you scooted away to try and get a look at him, “Hey! C’mere!” Jungkook grabbed you, pulling you back immediately as you wiggled to try and get away to get a better look at him.

“I just wanna see your hands!” You replied as Jungkook managed to wrap his arms around you, squeezing you tight making you yelp as you began to laugh, “Let me see your hands! You didn’t beat him up did you?”

“Fine, fine, fine!” Jungkook replied, rolling his eyes with a smile as he showed his hands which were impressively just as flawless as they were before, “I said I was gonna talk to him baby, and that’s all I did. Yugyeom can vouch for me.”

Yugyeom snorted as he wrapped an arm around Hyerin, “Only because it took both me and Wonho to hold you back,” Jungkook looked like a deer caught in the headlights before he glared, “Hey!”- “What? I still vouched didn’t I?” Yugyeom offered a playful smile, “Besides, what counts is you didn’t.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you rolled your eyes, “It’s better than doing it. We can’t have you all bruised up back on your first night at work.” You cooed, reaching up to squish his cheeks as he tried to bat your hands away.

“Don’t worry babygirl,” Jungkook stretched out as he wrapped an arm back around your shoulders, “Everything’s taken care of.”

“God I hate it here.” You told Jungkook that you both should get home at a decent hour and he agreed, but somehow, two am didn’t sound that late last night and somehow either you or Jungkook thought it was a bad idea. You had been so used to sleeping in over the past week you forgot how awful your regular sleep schedule had become.

“Hey, at least Seasonella is over.” Taehyung was stocking up today looking bright and chipper as he offered a boxy grin, “Now all you gotta do is focus on SSU coming up, I mean, it should be a lot more fun and relaxing at least. You aren’t aiming to win right?”

You were collapsed at the bar as you swiveled the glass of water Taehyung had been kind enough to get you, not that you were hung over but you had definitely been dehydrated, “True,” You sat up as you rubbed your eyes with a yawn, “That’s the idea at least. Me and Jungkook are supposed to start working on my routines today, he said since I have soloist experience I should be able to do a lot on my own but you know him, always happy to be hands on.”

“Mhm,” Taehyung grabbed a few more empty bottles from beneath the counter as he set them all out, “It’ll be fun! Once you get used to the whole schedule again. Besides, the worst is over now, everyone can just calm down and relax.”

You couldn’t help but give a tired smile as you nodded, it was nice to be back at Cherry Bomb again. You could have never imagined yourself feeling this way before you started working here but, you liked being home again and in your own environment.

“Doubt she’ll calm down.” Yoongi walked past you with a mutter as he held up the simply vodka box, setting it down on the ground as he grunted, “She keeps glaring at you.” Frowning you straightened up a little before looking in the direction Yoongi nodded. True to his word your eyes met with the one person you had nearly forgotten about altogether. Seulgi.

Her eyes were mean and cut dry as she whipped away from your figure, talking to her two little cronies as you rolled your eyes, “I don’t know what I did!” You pressed a hand against your chest as you sighed, “She thinks Jungkook has changed me. Or he’s been a bad influence or...fuck if I know at this point.”

“I think she’s jealous.” Yoongi replied as he leaned back against the counter as you tilted your head, sighing as you rubbed your head, you knew it was the only logical explanation but...It just didn’t feel right to accuse her of being jealous...Or maybe it just…

It just seemed hard to understand, Seulgi was…she always got everything she wanted. The best boyfriends, all the most amazing friends, everything. The idea of her being jealous of...you...just you...it was difficult to wrap your head around. Why would she ever be jealous of you?

“I don’t know what her problem is,” You shrugged with a frown, unsure of how you were going to handle dealing with her. It would be one thing if you left one another alone but...you had seen Seulgi in action before, you had been the one beside her before. If she has a problem with someone, she won't hesitate to find an opportunity to let them know, “I mean…” You pressed your lips together before shrugging, “Maybe I’ll just find a moment and talk to her about it.”

Yoongi groaned, obviously not agreeing with your idea as he began unpacking bottles, “It’s best to just ask! Right? I’d rather us talk about face to face then over a text message” You glanced at Taehyung for confirmation as he shrugged, pulling out his inventory list as he began scribbling.

“Sure I guess,” Taehyung hummed, “It really depends on if you think it’s going to change anything. And if it does, will it be beneficial to moving on or repairing your friendship.” You paused for a moment, having not thought about his words...Would you gain anything out of talking to her…?

Pressing your lips together you glanced back at Seulgi who was stretching with her friends, you supposed if anything, it would give you confirmation that it was time to move on if she couldn’t at the very least, be happy that you were happy, “I’ll talk to her later today.” You nodded to yourself before sitting up a little straighter, “So I guess you haven’t proposed to Yeri yet?”

Taehyung nearly knocked over the bottle of gin next to him as he fumbled with his inventory list, “Propose!?” Yoongi was wheezing with laughter as he slapped the counter.

“No, he’s been sulking the whole time you guys have been gone,” Yoongi wiped the non existent tears from his eyes as he sighed with amusement, “Keeps making excuses like oh her mom called, I had to go get groceries-”

“Shut up!” Taehyung hissed as he shoved him, his cheeks were bright red as he groaned making you and Yoongi laugh as he melted against the counter top, “I’ll ask her I will! I just…! Give me like another two weeks!”

You watched Jimin enter the room, teaching today's lesson as you rolled your eyes with a smile, “Yeah sure, okay…I’ll know in two weeks though, Yeri would be blowing up our chat if you proposed. Don’t wait too long!” You called out as you got off the chair, everyone beginning to make their way over as Jimin greeted everyone.

Class wasn’t mandatory by any means, but who would turn down a teaching by a soloist? The one difference you had noted was Chan Hee had yet to make her presence noticed by you.

Rather she seemed to stay with her group of friends, looking somewhat...meek? You frowned a little, you weren’t sure if it would be welcomed but you just wanted to make sure she was okay, walking over the group silenced as they watched you somewhat warily as you waved timidly, “Hey…” you offered a small smile as you wrapped your arms around yourself, “I just came over to see ask how you guys were. I know Seasonella was pretty rough for everyone.”

Chan Hee looked away, not saying anything as she pushed a strand of hair away from her face as her two friends squeaked a little, “It was!” The blonde of the right chirped, “Thank you so much for looking out for our girl.” She grabbed your hands with a bright smile as you jumped a little, having not expected this to go as well as it was.

The blue haired girl clasped her hands as she nodded, “Yeah! Seriously! No matter how rivals here are, girls need to look out for one another. Thank you Y/n!” You offered a small smile as you sheepishly rubbed your neck, “Of course! I’d do it for anybody. Stay safe guys, I’ll see you later tonight.” You were waved off with smiles as you walked back to the private room where everyone was currently.

Opening the door what you didn’t expect was Seulgi shoved up against Jungkook practically eating his mouth, just as quick as you saw it she was suddenly shoved away, Jungkook’s expression cold as he snapped in a low voice, “Don’t ever fucking do that again. Get out of here. This conversation is over Seulgi.”

Her face was twisted vehemently as she sneered back, “We’ll see about that you asshole!” Whipping around her expression only soured further at the sight of you as she snarled, “Get your boyfriend on a leash Y/n.” You couldn’t even find the time to reply due to the shock of the whole situation. Jungkook only glared at her back before the door shut.

Looking between him and the door you swallowed thickly before pushing your hair away from your face as you tried to comprehend what happened, “...What...what was that?” You asked incredulously, twisting to face Jungkook as his jaw clenched. Whatever had happened obviously put him in a bad mood but you couldn’t help but be completely side swapped at what you had just witnessed. It didn’t upset you as it was clear how Jungkook felt about it but...it left you rather confused and mildly concerned.

“Doesn’t matter.” He snapped, running a hand through his hair as he looked away from you, tongue pushing against his cheek as he began walking away, “Come on we have better things to focus on then her.”

Your lips were parting and closing several times as you pinched your brows together, but…! Something was obviously wrong, while Seulgi and you weren’t what you’d consider friends anymore, it still didn’t sit right with you the feud they both were having, if it could even be called that, “Jungkook what happened!?” You raised your voice a little still in shock, you may not have been close to Seulgi anymore but she was still your friend, you didn’t want her and Jungkook at each other's neck.

Jungkook’s jaw was clench as he whipped around, fire in his eyes as he growled, “Can’t you ever fucking leave something alone when I ask!?” Frustration was evident in his expression as it twisted in anger, “Why do you constantly just push? I am not in the mood to talk about it! How many times am I gonna have to say it until you drop it!?”

For the first time in your whole relationship with this man, you were rather speechless, feeling somewhat meek as you looked away from his seething figure as you rubbed the back of your neck, the silence was thick and you could feel the lingering gaze of your friends all curious.

You could feel specks of embarrassment knowing everyone was watching you both closely, as last time this had happened you chose to engage in an argument that ended in you almost quitting. And you really didn’t want to argue today and if he really wasn’t in the mood to talk about it then- “...Okay…” You drawled after a moment, somewhat exasperated as you let your voice soften a little, “You don’t have to talk about it. I just...she is my friend Jungkook.”

That argument that...kiss...whatever it was, you didn’t like it. Not because it happened but more so whatever lead up too it. And more than anything you didn’t like it being kept secret from you. You had already learned your lesson in not pushing Jungkook when he really wasn’t in the mood to be open but...it wasn’t fair, especially when it directly involved your friend.

Jungkook seemed to relax a little at your words but his expression darkened a little as he muttered, “She isn’t your friend. That’s for damn sure.”

Something about his words rubbed you the wrong way, you got it, he obviously had a falling out with her, but the way he was speaking. It was as if his words were law, as if just because he said she wasn’t your friend, it had to mean she wasn’t and you needed to stop acting as if you both were. That was your decision, not his. You understood he cared but...

Frustration immediately spiked as you inhaled sharply, gaining his attention as you raised your brows trying your best to keep a good attitude as you spoke, your voice a little more on edge, “Listen...you said you didn’t wanna talk about it. Let’s just…” You looked away to try and get yourself to relax, he probably didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did after all.

You were well aware Jungkook said things he didn’t mean in the heat of the moment, and even if he did it was always poorly worded. Sighing as you rubbed your face, “Lets just focus on SSU, right?” You held up your hands, trying to redirect your energy into something more positive as you offered a weak smile, “You wanted to go over some pointers with me today about it.”

If anything, redirecting the conversation to work always seemed to get things a little more calmed down between you both and you had been excited to learn from Jungkook about his own experience with SSU and how it would be tailored to suit you.

Jungkook tucked his tongue into his cheek before relenting as he waved a hand for you to follow him as you walked further into the room, “Right,” He sighed before following up, “SSU is basically a big popularity contest, it isn’t a guarantee that you’ll be promoted to a soloist- just don’t tell fillers that. It’s really just a big marketing ploy to try and get new people to come.”

Frowning you tilted your head, you supposed it made sense, but it still felt somewhat slimy to not be transparent about the reality of winning, “So, what? What do they gain by winning if you don’t get a promotion?”

Jungkook shrugged, offering a weak smile that you could tell wasn’t his usual energetic self, “Money, a lot of money, not from Cherry Bomb, they don’t work like that. But again, it’s a big popularity contest, the winner is by crowd choice so most voters are usually throwing a lot of money at the leading person. Promotions are solely based on when we need new soloist’s and who the best person would be. Great example was Hoseok and Taehyung, they went up against one another during SSU. Taehyung won that year but Hoseok got the promotion as well because two of soloist’s previously left a few months before.”

“That still seems a little shady to me. Isn’t this supposed to be every dancer's fair shot at becoming a soloist?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, you couldn’t help it, this just seemed a bit...dishonest. Really dishonest. Had Jungkook not told you this you would’ve been like any other filler and assumed this could be your one shot at a promotion, not that you held a lot of stock in it to begin with but still...

Jungkook shrugged as he tossed an arm around you, “Supposed to be, yeah. But that’s just how the stripping world works, nobody ever bothers to look at fine print. We are looking for a new soloist this year though.” Jungkook answered pointedly, “So Sejin is going to be looking through votes very carefully this year. Who knows, maybe another Taehyung and Hoseok will happen again.” He tossed a wink as you felt a smile tug on your lips as you rolled your eyes.

“Well I’m not gonna get my hopes up.” You rolled your eyes as you smiled, wrapping your arms around yourself once more as you both paused, now at the end of the room where you used to work on your form when you first started dancing.

Jungkook paused for a moment, his expression twisting a little as he looked away, “You could though,” Looking at him you tilted your head as he continued, “I mean seriously Y/n,” Oh no, he was using your name now…”You have everything going for you, why not just go for it?”

Why was he acting this way?

Setting down your bag you gave an awkward smile, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with how he was acting as you shrugged, “I mean I could but that’s....not what we agreed on…?” You kneeled down, avoiding his gaze now as you shrugged somewhat timidly already knowing he was in a bad mood and you didn’t want to make it worse with the wrong wording, “I mean- if I get 1st place that’s great! Of course that’s the biggest goal but-” You fumbled a little with your wording as you looked at your hands, “But we talked about it a lot when I first started and we agreed to just focus on getting a following for me so…”

“Yeah, when you first started,” Jungkook replied immediately putting emphasis on ‘first’, “But you aren’t new anymore and you already have a following as it is, you could destroy the competition. You’re just what we need Y/n.”

You appreciated Jungkook’s words, you really did, but this...it didn’t sound like him. It was one thing for Jungkook to advocate for you to go for it, he had done this every single time you doubted yourself or needed that gentle push from him, he even did it when you were too humble or shy to try and he loved teasing you lovingly in a way that would make you come to the conclusion to change the original plan.

But you didn’t need a gentle push right now, and any other day he’d know and respect this and would still of course bring it up in a light hearted teasing way. But this? This wasn’t him. He would never go about it like this, and especially not so seriously, grabbing your journal of choreography from your bag you stood up as your lips twitched a little disheartened, “Jungkook! I don’t…!” You paused as you sighed, rubbing your neck as you mumbled, “I don’t want to destroy my competition...I just...Can we please focus on choreographing? We can always talk about this later.”

You’d be more up for debating this topic when Jungkook wasn’t in a mood, when he was his normal peppy self and you could figure out what was motivating his reason behind the sudden aggressiveness he had displayed. And it wasn’t that talking about it now was off the table but, you could sense a shift in the air that always happened when things could get volatile easily.

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair, his expression looking semi irritated as he replied, “You can, you could if you’d just have confidence in yourself-”

“I do have confidence in myself!” You had up until this point tried to be as passive as you could but he had hit a sore spot that made you immediately defensive, cutting him off feeling mildly offended at his words, only to be ignored as he continued- “Then what’s holding you back?” He asked sharply, his expression narrow and short tempered as he questioned, “Other than this…! Frustrating mentality you have about always wanting to be nice to everyone! You’re the only person I know that would go out of her way to befriend the same backstabbing manipulative bitch that works here!”

You felt utterly offended and upset by his words, people could change! Was that not something he and you were both a product of? What was wrong with trying to make amends with people who wanted to set differences aside?

Your voice quivered in an attempt to try and remain calm as you gritted your teeth, “Are you finished?” You whipped around to face him your anger quickly growing and your patience now gone as you asked, “Or would you like to add more to the list of things you find annoying about me,” “That’s not-” “That's exactly what that sounds like Jungkook!”

Your expression contorting between upset and anger as you snapped, admittedly feeling mildly hurt by his words, “I don’t know where this is coming from! I’m- I’m sorry that you find it frustrating but that’s who I am! These backstabbing and manipulative bitches are still people Jungkook!”

You curled your fists as you glared, emotions rapidly coiling in your chest as unpleasant memories of your own dark moments at Seasonella arising as more emotion filled your voice, “You wanna know why I befriended Chan Hee? When I was at Seasonella, you wanna know what happened? She got raped and the shit beat out of her!”

You ignored the way Jungkook’s body stiffened at your words and his gaze shooting away from you as your eyes blurred only by a little as your lips twitched in anger, “I-...I would never leave someone like that alone by herself! Never. That is not who I am! I would never turn my back on someone- anyone who needs help,” You were rapidly blinking back the tears of your own strong emotions, you always treated others how you had always wanted to be treated, how you had wished someone would have intervened for you and Diego…. You pushed the ugly thoughts away, your lips quivered in bubbling anger as you glared down at the floor “And you bringing up my self confidence…?”

You inhaled sharply before letting out a weak laugh, “Jungkook,” Your gaze turned more pleading, it was a sore spot! He knew it was a sore spot and it wasn’t fair for him to bring this up every time you didn’t do something he wanted! “I thought you more than anyone else would know this, I didn’t become a stripper for money or fame. You said it yourself, anyone going in with that mentality was an idiot. I became a stripper because,”

You forced yourself to take a breath, not liking being under so much pressure to present a case for yourself as you pressed your hands to your face, “I became a stripper because for once in my life, I wanted to see if I could do it. I did it to help my self confidence. This- this stupid notion of me being a soloist, I’m glad you think I can do it! I probably can! But that wasn’t and never will be the reason I got into this. I have nothing to prove to anyone, I understand your frustration right now but dammit Jungkook I’m not going to be your verbal punching bag!”

You grabbed your bag from the floor as you glared at him once more, “I don’t know what you talked about with Seulgi- and you know what? It doesn’t matter! I don’t care! It’s the fact that you’re taking it out on me right now! And that’s what sucks the most about this stupid argument! This isn’t even about me being a soloist, or SSU. I don’t know what the fuck this is about! And- and questioning my character! When the hell have you ever done that before!?”

“Wait, wait, wait! Where are you going.” Jungkook immediately stepped in front of you, eyes widened as you began to walk towards the door, “I’m leaving!-” “No you aren’t, look! I’m sorry okay? I just, hey come on, stop,” “Jungkook! I’m being serious!”

You paused, irritated at the way he side stepped you to get you to stay still, Jungkook grabbing you by the arms, not tight, but firm enough that you couldn’t push away, “I’m sorry!” Jungkook replied again, louder this time in an attempt to stop you, “I just, don’t go for god's sake can- can we work this out?”

“You didn’t wanna talk about it!” You shouted, your chest filled with unfairness as your lips parted in disbelief and hurt in your eyes, “I tried asking and you said you didn’t wanna talk about! And that I was always pushing you to open up! I can’t…!” You pulled away from him, grabbing your head as you turned away from him “I can’t win with you Jungkook! I left it alone- so- so we wouldn’t argue!” You hated the way your eyes began to water as frustration boiled in your veins, you were so angry! Why couldn’t you ever do anything right!?

“C’mon don’t cry baby, look let’s just…” Jungkook grabbed your bag from your shoulder as he set it down, quickly turning you back around to face him guilt written across his face as the tears slid down your cheeks.

“If- if I’m so frustrating and- and pushy…! Why even date me!” You curled your fists as you vehemently rubbed your eyes, “Why do you even like me if I’m so annoying! If I’m just a- a whiny insecure bitch!”

Those were all his words, you knew he said things he didn’t mean in the heat of the moment but that didn’t mean they didn’t hurt, that it didn’t linger and make you wonder in the back of your head. Jungkook ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, his hands cupping your cheeks as you gritted your teeth in anger before defeatedly closing your eyes.

His thumbs rubbing against your wet cheeks soothingly as he sighed, “I’m sorry okay? I shouldn’t have picked a fight.. I just…” Something lingered on his face, as if he wanted to tell you something but couldn’t, his lips twitched as he huffed, “I hate seeing people take advantage of you.”

Letting his head rest against yours as he closed his eyes, “I fucking hate it. I hate seeing people use you for their own gain and I hate hearing the way people talk about you, and believe me I hear a lot, I hate it all of it. I just- I just want so fucking badly to show the world that my girl can do it, and that she isn’t just some fucking doormat they can walk all over. You might not get upset over it but I do, I can’t stand watching you be treated like this by people!”

Wiping your eyes you sniffled as you replied while shaking your head, “You can’t fight all of my battles Jungkook!” You had calmed down a little, hearing his reasoning, you could understand now why he was acting like this, why he was obviously frustrated by you at times but taking it out on you like that was not going to make you change those things about yourself, “I appreciate it, you know I do!”

You nodded as you sniffled again, leaning away to get a good look at his tired expression that looked at the ground, “But at some point you just have to ignore them Jungkook. We- we can’t keep fighting over stuff like this! There will always be people in this world who don’t like me or you and there is nothing that can be done about that. If you give that negativity a voice in your life then they’ve done everything they could’ve ever wanted. Because they genuinely think what they say about us matters when it shouldn’t.”

Jungkook’s arms wrapped around you, his chin setting on your shoulder as he mumbled, “I just want the best for you. I’d do anything for my girl.” His arms squeezed around your waist as his nose rubbed against your neck. Sighing you curled against him, “I know...but your dedication scares me a little sometimes.” Your tone was light and you could hear a snort from him, successfully calming the air between you both.

But...you wouldn’t lie...it did scare you sometimes...Jungkook was so intense and passionate, you could help but get caught up in the heat of his personality, you didn’t want to be burned by it. Pressing a kiss against your neck Jungkook hummed, “If we’ve hit our daily quota of arguing can we work on choreo now?” You pulled away from him with a childish glare as he smiled softly, his hands cupping your face as he smushed your cheeks, “My precious little cry baby.”

“For better or worse.” You mumbled.

Note: I was a glutton and couldn’t wait any longer, so lemme know how you guys enjoyed the chapter and all of your thoughts!!!

(Taglist CLOSED)

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#bts #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader smut #jungkook x y/n #jungkook smut #bts scenario #bts au #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook

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moonstruckbucky · 5 years

Text

Come Over (7/7)

Summary: You’re new to New York City. Fresh out of post-grad and wanting a change of pace, and this change comes in more ways than one.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader. Neighbor AU.

Warnings for Chapter: Angst, language, sad/dumbass Bucky, sad/dumbass reader.

Notes: So...we’ve reached the end. The biggest of thank yous to everyone who read, liked, commented, and shared this story. Everyone who ever sent in asks expressing their feelings over these two idiots. I hope you all enjoyed the ride - I know I definitely did.

Also, a very special thank you to @sugarfreecapsicle who was a tremendous help with some of the more difficult chapters. I couldn’t have gotten over those humps without you, Steph! ♥

Be sure to keep an eye out for more fics! Enjoy this final chapter everybody x

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Bucky’s head feels hazy, like he’s underwater and he can’t breathe. The feeling hasn’t stopped since he left your apartment a month ago. A month. In that time frame, he’s fought with Sharon constantly and he almost feels badly for how loud they are, knowing you can probably hear everything.

And then he remembers your rejection and he doesn’t let himself feel quite so guilty.

It’s there, though, lurking, just like his nearly desperate need to just see you, talk to you, explain himself. Explain that his head hadn’t necessarily been in the right place for what had happened, to happen. He doesn’t regret it, hell no; he just regrets the timing.

He can feel Sharon’s watery glare on the side of his face. He stands in the living room, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He’s kicked her out, gave her a week to pack her shit and leave after she’d all but confirmed the suspicions that brought him to your door. Her time away from home, from him, had mostly been spent under the covers of Rob, a coworker Bucky had met about three times before she stopped asking him to attend work functions with her.

He supposes he should’ve seen through that, but he’d been so reluctant to have it confirmed, that he’d pretended out of sight, out of mind - if he didn’t see it, it couldn’t be true.

He refuses to look at her, pointedly turns his head away when she approaches him in a last-ditch effort to save their relationship. The brush-off is a clear refusal to do just that, and she whimpers. His resolve hardens with the clench of his jaw, and he manages to turn frigid, dead eyes to her. It’s enough of a warning, and she sniffles once, leaves the apartment with her rolling suitcase behind her. The door closing behind her is all too loud in the silence.

Moments later, he hears the grumble of the moving truck, fading into the distance. Bucky’s resolve breaks, a deep gasping inhale that bends him at the waist. He braces his hands on his knees, lets himself sink to them on the carpet, fights for breath as he sobs. He curls his hands into his chest, fingers tight and digging crescent moons into his palms. He can’t find the words to explain how he’s feeling. It’s a tug of war within his chest, heart wanting to feel happy - happy that he no longer has to feel the stress of an oncoming fight. Yet it demands to feel sad - because such a large portion of his life is now gone...a woman he’d dedicated his time and his heart to, gone, and no matter how he wants to deny it, she’s left a hole. He feels angry - blind rage for giving his heart to a woman who’d merely played with it. Sure, they’d been happy once, but he feels so angry that their relationship had taken the turn it did.

His apartment feels rather empty now; Sharon had done most of the furnishing, and she’s left bare walls and minimal furniture. He’s not sure he likes it, but he feels he deserves it. After all, he destroyed one of the closest friendships he’d ever had and had compelled his girlfriend to find love and comfort with another man.

To his utter astonishment, he calls Sam a week later. While you had been his first thought, he bitterly accepted that you were avoiding him. And why shouldn’t you? He’d taken advantage of your friendship, crossed a line he’d been toeing dangerously from the start.

Sam is honest with him; he blames neither of you for what had occurred. Merely points out that communication would have been ideal, both between the two of you and between Bucky and Sharon. He asks Bucky how he plans to fix it. He doesn’t know. Doesn’t even know if it can be fixed. Sam assures him it can be if he just talks to you.

He’s not ready to take that step.

You, meanwhile, leave for work earlier than is required in order to avoid Bucky. It’s childish, a little petty, but you think you deserve it. How could you possibly look at him the same? After what you did?

You bury yourself at work, lose sleep over both the guilt and the need to just see him. Your coworkers, you know, can see the deep circles beneath your eyes you barely try to hide, can see the hunch in your shoulders, weighed down by a toxic cocktail of emotions you haven’t really wanted to sort through just yet.

Nights are spent in front of your TV, trying hard not to think about the utter silence next door. You heard them, a few weeks back, shouting and screeching and bellowing until it went utterly silent. The slam of a door indicative that someone had stormed out. You wonder if he’d ended it then, or if she did. If she held her infidelity over his head, pointed out all the things the other man did right, made him feel small.

You hope Bucky had been the one to end it, for purely selfless reasons. He deserves to reclaim that sense of control, to not be humiliated on top of bowing under the heartbreak of her infidelity. You hope he’s okay, that he isn’t suffering too much over the turn his life has taken, the trust that has been betrayed.

You miss him. Beneath the guilt and the sadness and the anger at yourself, you miss him. He’s so close and yet, there’s a mountain between you. A mountain that you know both of you could climb but don’t. Fear of misunderstanding, of rejection, of further destroying beyond repair the fragile ties of your friendship. Or what remains of it.

New York is cold now, a bitter bite to the air that forces you to don a scarf and a hat when you leave for work. Christmas is fast approaching, and you’re looking forward to getting away from your apartment for a few days. Sam’s been incessant in his begging, asking to see you despite living in the same city.

On the topic of Bucky, Sam treads lightly. He knows you won’t do anything if you’re pushed into it, but he’s really tempted to come whack you over the head for your stubbornness. Though he’s told you otherwise, said stubbornness with the added dose of remorse has you convinced Bucky hates you, resents you for selfishly having taken something you shouldn’t have.

No matter how much he begs, pleads, even shouts sometimes, you just won’t listen.

Wanda has, somehow, convinced you to go out tonight. You hadn’t wanted to humor her; you’d much rather go home, bury yourself under blankets and self-pity. But something in the way her eyes shine, imploring and sad at the same time, you find it hard to say no. Besides, time away from your apartment is what you’re after. Perhaps it’ll do you some good.

She brings you to an upscale bar, a place with dim lighting but a buzzing atmosphere. You let her order you a margarita with salt on the rim, even humor her with a shot of Jack that goes down warm and smooth. Channeling your early college days, you let loose, laugh loudly, even flirt with a guy who offers to buy you a drink. It’s empty flirtation, you know; you’ve given your heart to someone who unknowingly has it, but tonight, Bucky is far from your mind.

You play a round of pool with the man who bought you a drink. Derek, you think his name is. He’s funny, polite, and charming, and it’s all too easy to get caught up in his green eyes. When you catch yourself wishing they were blue, you order another drink.

The hangover you’re greeted with the next morning isn’t the worst you’ve had, but it’s proving to be a pain in the ass when even opening your eyes has a solid thud echoing in your skull. It takes a minute to realize your phone is vibrating on your nightstand.

“Hullo?” you mumble, muffled by the pillow.

“Just how long are you going to suffer in self-pity?”

“Good morning to you too, Sam.”

“That wasn’t rhetorical.”

“It’s a bit too early for this, isn't it?”

“Not when your best friend bombards you with drunk texts talking all about how she fucked up and Sam, will he ever talk to me again or Sam, how do I say I’m sorry? You know, I know you’re stubborn but even this is a bit much for you. If you’re resorting to drunk texts, then you need to talk to him.” He enunciates each word separately, his tone short and harsh, and you momentarily feel guilty for assaulting him with so much.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” you whimper, and he sighs on the other line. Unbidden, you’re crying again and it only makes your headache worse.

“It’s all right, honey. But sooner or later you’re going to have to do something. Whether that’s move or just, you know, talk to him like the adult you are, that’s for you to decide. Although I’m almost ready to intervene and make you talk to him.”

“I don’t even know what I’d say, Sam, even if I was ready to talk to him.”

“How about starting with ‘I’m sorry’ and see where it goes?”

You know he’s right, yet there’s still a blockage there. The fear that your friendship with Bucky is over, the trepidation in putting your feelings out there only to have him tell you it was a mistake, the harsh truth that, no matter what road you take, your friendship is changed regardless.

It’s all dependent on your next steps. Continue to hide or grow a pair and talk to him.

Sam’s silent on the other line, you realize, and somehow you know he knows what you’re thinking. Knows your decision before you’ve even voiced it aloud.

“I’ll talk to him,” you murmur, more to convince yourself of it than him. He, the cheeky shit, grins knowingly.

“I know you will. But I’m proud of you anyways.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to him. Just...not today. My head is going to explode.”

He groans. “Fine. But no more excuses.”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Love you.”

You smile softly, grateful for Sam’s unwavering friendship. “Love you too. I’ll let you know if he decides to never speak to me again or pitches me off his fire escape.”

He snorts as you hang up, wince as your head aches again. Blanket wrapped around you, you leave your bed for water and to relocate to the couch, nurse your hangover in front of the TV for mind-numbing reruns.

The next day, you spend twenty minutes in front of your bathroom mirror giving yourself a pep talk, running over everything you want to say to Bucky. It all sounds terrible, but it’s what you’ve got to work with. Sliding your hands over the button-up you wear, you nod confidently to yourself before whirling on your heel and leaving the apartment.

Only, you can’t knock once you’re in front of his door. You’re frozen, terrified, secretly hoping he isn’t home. But that isn’t the case because you can just make out the sound of the TV on low behind the wood.

Deep inhale, long exhale, two knocks spaced a couple seconds apart. God, even your knocks are hesitant.

A few moments pass, and you find it within you to knock again.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

His voice makes you shiver. You haven’t heard it in so long, hearing it feels like you’re breathing again. You can hear him getting closer to the door.

Breathing stops altogether when his eyes meet yours, wide, frozen, curious, even a little relieved at the sight of you. Until the mask slips over them and he stiffens his stance.

“You’re not the pizza guy.” Short, to the point, an almost you’re not welcome.

You shrug lamely. “Sorry to disappoint.”

He crosses his arms, tattoos billowing with the movement, and leans against his door frame. “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

Your hands cramp where you’ve been wringing them unknowingly. You jerk them apart, shove them in your jeans pockets instead. He’s waiting, and you feel like you can’t speak.

“U-Um, could, could we talk?” He quirks an eyebrow and your voice takes on a whimper. “Please?”

Wordlessly, he steps aside, sweeps out an arm to let you in. You’ve never been inside Bucky’s apartment. All of your previous coffee dates had been spent in yours, usually because you had furniture to be assembled. His place looks...bare. Minimally decorated. You half-expected Sharon to brighten up the place with flowers or paintings. But there’s nothing.

Shyly, you face him. His arms are crossed again and he’s been appraising you the same way you’d been his apartment.

“Where’s Sharon?” Because I can’t say this with her here.

The muscle in his defined jaw ticks in annoyance as he shifts from foot to foot, drops his arms to put his hands in his pockets.

“Sharon...Sharon moved out. Not too long ago. We, uh, we’re not together anymore.”

“Oh,” you whisper, silently cursing when your heart gives an excited lurch. “Um, I’m sorry?”

He looks up at you from under his lashes. “Are you?”

Tension fills the room. He isn’t talking about Sharon and you damn well know it. Nodding slowly, you sigh.

“I am sorry, Bucky. For...for Sharon, for...for being a shitty friend when you needed a good one. For taking advantage of you. I—”

“Wait, what?” he interjects, straightening and looking you head-on. You can’t look at him, guilty tears rising in your eyes as you look anywhere but at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I crossed a line, Bucky, one I shouldn’t have. I...It was selfish of me.”

“Selfish how exactly? Because if I remember correctly, I kissed you.”

“But I let it go...there. You needed a friend and I just selfishly took advantage of that. It wasn’t right, and I’m sorry.”

Bucky gapes at you, jaw dropped and blue eyes shining. With what, you’re not sure. Then, he starts laughing. Raucous and hard enough that he bends at the waist. You’re offended.

“I’m sorry that’s funny to you, Bucky. I’m trying to apologize for being an asshole and you’re just laughing at me. So, thank you for further humiliating me. I think I’ll be leaving now—”

You don’t get far. His hand wraps around your arm and tugs you back into him with a muffled oof. His other arm snakes around your waist and while your body warms with being touched by him again, you’re still annoyed he’s still chuckling.

Despite it all, you did miss the sparkle in his eyes.

His grin splits his face, only widens when you try to break free from him. “I’m not laughin’ at you, sweetheart. I’m laughing at this...situation. Here I was thinkin’ you were mad at me because I crossed a line. I thought you thought I was just using you. But I gotta tell ya, I’m ecstatic to know that’s not the case at all.”

You stare up at him, bask in the twinkle that’s back in his eye, the brightness of his smile. Then his words truly sink in, and you bury your head in his chest as you shake with laughter yourself. You’re embarrassed, surely, but the situation is far too comical not to laugh.

It sets Bucky off again and the two of you roar in his living room, still embracing one another. You’re breathless, chest and ribs aching from laughing so much, but finally, the two of you calm down.

“We’re fucking idiots, aren’t we?” you giggle, tipping your head back to look up at him. He’s still smiling at you, but there’s a new fondness in his eyes that you could, quite frankly, get used to seeing.

“That we are. But the important question is - are we forgiven?”

Grinning, you reach up to tangle your fingers in the hair at the back of his head, lightly tug to pull him down to you until his lips hover just above yours.

“I think that can be arranged.”

It’s heaven when his mouth finally presses to yours, soft, yet able to set your heart to racing. You smile against his mouth, bask in his warmth.

“If it wasn’t obvious,” he murmurs against your mouth, “I love you.”

Heart fluttering and tears of sheer joy stinging your eyes, you kiss him again. “I love you, too.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes angst #bucky angst #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff

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alignedjourney · 3 years

Text

Avoidance of Boundaries

Many of us can relate to growing up in households that did not have great boundaries. In my specific home, there were no bed times, poorly communicated limits, physical discipline that crossed lines, and often times scenarios where taking on someone else’s feelings or making oneself responsible for another’s feelings were the norm. Oh! And to all my other Latino friends out there, you may know this, but the word “boundaries”, in this context, does not have a translation in Spanish. It is no wonder that our culture is more familiar with the word “limits”. Keep in mind that you have already crossed boundaries once you get to limits. (Please know that I do not have judgement or resentment towards my parents as they were doing the best they could, and they were a much improved version of what they grew up with. I love them so much!).

Friends of Earth, I have a new awareness today that I did not have two days ago! I have spent most of my life Avoiding the need to set up healthy boundaries like a beast! If you remember, this path is about making new decisions, choosing to step into engagement, and using all experiences as learning opportunities to catapult growth. So, I changed my mind and plan to be the Queen of Boundaries, or at least a Dutchess or something until I get the hang of things.

Yesterday, my boyfriend made a joke that rubbed me slightly the wrong way. In my old life, I would have chosen to get mad/sad, give my power away, let the emotion burn deep inside, allowed my mind to spiral and create scenarios, lingered in the state of “why did this happen and why did he say that to me... doesn’t he know better! I’m a good person, I don’t have to put up with this! I don’t even know how to bring this up to him. What value does my word or opinion really have anyway?”, only to bury it, and then settle to be a victim... of a casual joke that had no ill intention. Gosh! That was exhausting!

Today, I have so much more perspective. My mentor (Tammy De Mirza) has brought to my attention that I do not/did not have any boundaries. Through her guidance, I now have awareness that growing up with unhealthy and minimal boundaries as a child lead to me become a slightly taller version of that child and a disempowered adult.

Frequently finding myself suppressing opinions, not having a clear sense of my own identity, and not feeling empowered enough to make decisions, became the unconscious norm and status quo of my life.

When I was married, I found myself relying on my partner for happiness, depending on him to make big decisions, allowing him to manage a significant portion of our responsibilities, and eventually I found myself fearing a life without him. Self battery talk looks like this: “What would being without him look like? What is my value if I’m not in this relationship? Well, this partner is much better than several partners before him and he takes care of me, so I will walk on eggshells to keep the peace and I will be accommodating in order to be the perfect wife and mother so I do not loose this portion of my identity. I don’t really need to share my opinion with him because he won’t really get me and that could put me at risk of not being valued”. (What the actual ***k! Yes, the real life Janet has a really trashy mouth with a loving disposition. Namaste y’all!).

Fast forward to today, and I don’t even know who that person is anymore, but I do remember her. Today, I CHOOSE a commitment to myself to prioritize my opinions, goals, needs and values on a totally different level going forward while keeping in mind that the growth process takes practice and actual execution!

So, how did I address the sweet, goofy boyfriend who made a joke that I could discern as being outside of my comfort zone? I honored my feeling. I did not like his joke and told him that I did not find it funny. I also explicitly stated, “I am drawing a hard boundary” on this joke and these are other parameters that fall under this same guideline. His response: “Fair enough and understood as well as respected”. He also knows that I value change in behavior in addition to the apology. The true apology is the change of behavior.

Now, how does avoidance play into the disliked joke? In the past, old Janet (the one that existed Before Tammy... we’ll discuss my life BT and AT in another post) would not have said anything at all, and buried this emotion because it did not necessarily have value or a right to be expressed. This would have been me simply repeating patterns of the childhood and not honoring myself. This type of action frequently resulted in me carrying emotional weight and even illness.

I am still learning how to walk in my truth and speak it, so I am thankful for a mentor that helps me with these realizations and a boyfriend who has a high emotional intellect and is compassionate. These two offer a safe space and make it easy for me to want to come out of the protective shell I have worn most of my life. It is freeing!

Waking up to the fact that avoidance has been a huge result of an emotional crippling I experienced growing up is so refreshing. It makes it easier to simply observe the avoidance and lack of boundaries as a predicament and a choice. So, today and going forward, I choose to overcome my predicament.

Though it may look small, this exchange of words with my boyfriend has been such a great act of self-love. I now understand why showing another person boundaries is love, for both the other person and self.

Love you guys!

Janet

P.S. Belief Systems = BS. Now sit with that for just one moment.

A significant portion of my insight came from Tammy’s Power to Choose Program™️ where she really has you observe your life as a reality that you are creating. I highly recommend it if you are ready to make true changes in your life. ❤️ 🙏

#avoidance #self healing #self love #self awareness #choices #boundaries #healthy boundaries #transformation #self growth #consciousness #overcoming obstacles #love #mentor #coach #spirituality #spiritual growth

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quidfree · 4 years

Note

yay prompts! would love nr 16 with james/sirius if you have time? i love your writing

always have time for my terrible twosome <3 i’ve gone with some teenage dumbasses bc james’ POV is so funny to write

16: new year’s kiss

gryffindor tower is abuzz with energy by the time midnight creeps up, mass of sweaty revellers making the common room the kind of slightly suffocating heat that makes people start to ask if a window couldn’t be opened. it can’t, because the wind is subartic outside, howling with a vengeance like it resents them for their youthful exuberance. james doesn’t mind- he likes the warmth, likes the overheated feeling of the party. it reminds him off the adrenaline high at the end of a long quidditch match, sweat plastered uniforms and faces red with exertion. gryffindor tower has that look and feel, right now, and it feels good.

most of the younger students are high on excitement more than anything else, or asleep already; the fifth years and upwards, though, are all somewhere above tipsy on illicit firewhiskey that james may or may not have played a part in smuggling in. he himself is tipsy, clumsier than usual and unduly emotive, but not heavily drunk, risk of a hangover still minimal.

he’s not drunk enough, say, for him to be distracted from the fact that it is nearing midnight on new years’ eve and there is no one lining up to kiss him. he is drunk enough, on the other hand, that he is righteously upset by this.

he bumps into remus where he lies sprawled over a couch, mug of what could pass as tea in the event of a teacher bursting in guns blazing cradled loosely on his chest. it’s straight vodka, in actuality, because remus’ token protests have long faded and he’s probably the heaviest drinker amongst them, lying in a maudlin heap as he snarks at passerbys.

“moony! it is eleven fifty six! on new year’s eve!”

“oh, you’ve learnt to tell the time, james. congratulations.”

james very graciously ignores the unwarranted sarcasm in favour of making a sweeping gesture to convey the gravity of his situation. “remus! who the fuck is going to kiss me? they’ve all- they’ve all buggered off!”

outrageously, remus doesn’t answer, maybe because he’s preoccupied by swearing at the stain on his shirt that james’ sweeping gesture may or may not have caused. james ignores this in favour of his own crisis.

“every single year. every single year i’ve managed to get a kiss from one of the girls. no, not one of the girls- the fittest girl! and now we’re sixteen and it actually matters and they’ve all managed to be otherwise occupied!”

he’s not sure how the odds have turned against him so fast. there are six gryffindor girls in their year, seven in the year above; he’s not keen on kissing anyone under fifteen, on account of how it feels sort of creepy and also loses him any cool points kissing girls usually gains. of the older girls four are in relationships, two are collapsed in a giggling heap, and one is in the hospital wing, so no luck there. in their year, two girls are taken, one is passed out, one is currently making out with peter of all people, and the other two are nowhere to be found. which is a problem especially because marlene and lily are by far the fittest girls in their year, and also james is actually friends with them so it’d be a laugh, anyways. well, all right, he’s friends with marlene; he and evans are still in a weird place on account of how the whole snivellus thing went down, but he figured this sort of thing was the ideal time to test the waters, right, because to be honest james is still very much interested and he feels like playing it off as a flirty jokey thing might be his best shot at seeing if that’s going to go anywhere anytime soon.

“it’s not,” remus says. so james might have said that out loud. “lily’s not going to kiss you.”

“she might!”

“she will not, james. it’s not happening.”

“you can’t say that for sure,” james protests, “we’re really getting on lately and earlier i said i’d see her later and she said-”

“james,” remus says. “there’s two minutes to go and she’s making out with marlene mckinnon.”

“what?” james says, and then looks, and nearly chokes on his own tongue. “what?”

remus mutters something incoherent and sloppily chugs the rest of his vodka in one go.

“you’re disguting,” james has the presence of mind to say, and absently taps his wand at him to clear the stain on his shirt, eyes still fixed on the bewitching sight of lily and marlene nearly knocking over the chess table and looking altogether quite disinterested in any masculine company between now and midnight. midnight, which is...

one minute away.

“merlin’s sake!” james exclaims, no longer angry but really quite aggrieved. all well and good for the girls, but now he’s just reminded of how desperately depressing it will be when the clock strikes and he’s stood like a plonker surrounded by people who have actual options. he’s a pariah, is what it is; he’s been forsaken by his fellow man. he wonders if hogwarts offers any monasterial training.

“oi oi,” a familiar voice says, rudely interrupting james’ stirring mental image of his life as a solitary eunuch, only it’s sirius, so he doesn’t hold it against him. “fucking hell, mate, you look dire.”

“circumstances call for it,” james mutters darkly, with another dramatic arm movement, which sirius dodges neatly. “thirty seconds till midnight, padfoot.”

“so?” sirius asks, quirking a brow. his utter lack of caring for any socially constructed festivity is something james finds both entertaining and obnoxious on a daily basis; currently he opts for the latter, giving him a stormy look.

“new years, wanker. no one to kiss.”

“oh, right,” sirius says, glancing around the room. “merlin’s dick, is that peter getting molested on the couch? you’ve really fucked it tonight.”

“tell me about it,” james sighs, though he’s somewhat mollified by the fact that sirius gets it, at least, enough that he tips his head against the wall and pulls a face. “to be honest i think i self-sabotaged. it’s a little weird now that we’re older. like, it feels like a big deal, and there’s really none of the girls i want a big deal with, except evans, obviously, but she’s a little difficult-”

“understatement of the century.”

“so maybe it is for the better that i’ve fucked it, even if it does mean i’ll spend the rest of my life as a dashingly attractive hermit-”

the rest of his increasingly impassioned declaration is cut off by the loud chimes of the new year rolling in, and then the raucous cheer of gryffindor house, only james doesn’t even get half a second to join in because suddenly sirius has hauled him off the wall by the shoulders and is kissing him on the mouth, hard, and james is sort of too gobsmacked to do much except make an incoherent sound of surprise and notice that sirius tastes like firewhiskey and cherry liqueur before sirius is ripping off him with a frankly obscene noise, lips spit-shiny and insultingly composed.

“what the fuck,” james says, quite reasonably, still clutching sirius’ jumper in both fists.

“you’ll not go and become a hermit, you twat,” sirius replies, grey eyes threatening on stormy, “where’d that leave me?”

“oh, right,” james considers, and lets go of him, only he sort of maybe doesn’t do that, because sirius’ brows shoot up and he sticks an arm out to brace against the wall as james drags him slowly closer.

“prongs, we’ve gone past midnight, you do realize,” sirius says, with a gratifying tinge of uncertainty.

“have we really?” james asks, and possibly doesn’t really leave sirius much time to answer before he yanks him down by that infuriating inch sirius has on him and smashes their mouths together.

sirius makes a startled noise that james mercilessly exploits to shove his lips apart and start kissing him like his life depends on it, because really, sirius is such an arse, springing that on him out of nowhere and then trying to get away with it like it’s no big deal, because- because-

“oh,” james says, briefly ripping free as sirius groans in confusion, “this is a big deal. only it’s not a big deal that it is a big deal.”

“you are an unbelievable-” sirius starts, only james is quite persistently kissing him again, and he writhes like an animal to shake him off, eyes flashing as he stubbornly pushes on. “you wanker, you-” and then, almost laughing with irritation: “james, for fuck’s sake-”

“what?” james exclaims, when sirius finally manages to shove him off by biting him like the vicious psycho he is. he’s quite sure they’ve really managed to clear everything up just fine, no loose ends, carry on, even if it took about twenty seconds, but then they are usually pretty good at this whole telepathy business so really sirius has no reason to act like this is so shocking, and james would rather like to get back to the snogging, because sirius was actually half decent at it the first time.

“it’s not a big deal that it’s a big deal,” sirius parrots, mockingly, and makes a semi-thunderous expression. james pulls a face.

“well, it’s not, is it?”

“is it?” sirius volleys back, and so james humours him and really thinks it through with due diligence for all of ten seconds, weighs the pros and cons, gains some nuanced insight into the situation and all that. around them, people are sloppily embracing, and james makes brief eye contact with a debauched looking marlene, who grins savagely at him and flashes him a thumbs up that he returns enthusiastically.

“it’s really not,” james declares, returning to more pressing matters, and then very patiently leaves sirius thirty seconds to get over whatever melodrama he’s cooking up now, using the time to sneakily card his fingers through sirius’ hair, which is the sort of soppy thing they obviously don’t do normally and which james has always secretly wanted to do, if only to verify whether sirius’ hair feels as obnoxiously nice as it looks. it does, although sirius snaps out of his brooding and then shakes him off like the prickly bastard he is, which makes james laugh, which makes sirius stop glowering at him.

“oh, well, fine, then,” sirius says, abruptly quite reasonable, and then slams james back against the wall and kisses the living daylights out of him before he can string a coherent thought together, the magnificent twat. it is sloppy and aggressive and james shamefully forgets to be an active participant for a bit because as it turns out sirius’ tongue smoothing over his bite marks feels distractingly nice. then he remembers himself and stops dazedly hanging off sirius in favour of kissing back, and then it gets mock competitive and silly and james is sort of laughing into it so they’re not entirely connected all of the time but it’s good, actually, and sirius’ eyes are sparkling between kisses so it’s really quite excellent, and neither of them really care about who’s leading this particular charge.

he’s not entirely sure how long it lasts, except at some point someone taps on sirius’ shoulder insistently and doesn’t go away when sirius ignores them completely (james does sort of try to acknowledge them, but sirius is really kind of a dick and doesn’t budge), and then remus’ voice is saying: “sirius, listen, don’t mind me, but you haven’t seen james, have y- oh, mother of godric!” and there’s a loud crashing sound next to them, and james really gets the inclination to do otherwise but they’re gryffindors, honestly, it’s not proper to ignore a friend in need, so he shoves sirius off him and considers remus where he stands gaping, mug in pieces on the floor.

“honestly, moony,” james sighs, in fatherly tones of concern, and magics his mug whole. “you’re so melodramatic.”

“you,” remus starts, and seems like he might be having a conniption, something akin to dawning horror in his gaze. around them, a fair number of people are staring in their direction, mostly curious or entertained, some (especially older) students resembling remus somewhat.

“you’re embarrassing yourself, mate,” sirius adds, in low tones, patting his shoulder sympathetically. “it’s really not a big deal.”

“i hate you both,” remus groans, and stalks away, grabbing a bottle of firewhiskey out of lily evans’ hands. james looks at lily evans, who looks back, then winks. she doesn’t return the wink, but she does smile with amused surprise before she turns to pat remus on the back.

“best new years’ ever,” james declares, grinning broadly as he slings an arm around sirius’ shoulders, which are decidedly less infuriatingly broad once you’ve laid claim to them.

“you’re so easy,” sirius says, fond in that mean way of his, and james smacks him on the back of his head and mentally reminds himself to never let him out of sight at a party again, anyways, because really that was the root of his problem right there.

#qui ecrit #qui repond #lmv #james #sirius #prongsfoot #prompt

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kpop-choco · 4 years

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tagged by: the lovely @sly-merlin, thanks for the tag, hun!! (sorry it took so long >.<)

tagging : @defnabeom, @actuallythatwaspromise, @softforqiankun, @bogeymanpop and anyone else who wants to join in the fun ^w^ (if any of the people I tagged - or anyone else- are curious what I would bold on your 20 aesthetics feel free to retag me (o･ω･o) )

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

soft ♡

dark academia ♡

edgy ♡

seventies ♡

preppy casual ♡

jaesmintea ♡ dia

naptimetea ♡ helena

jeonginks ♡ eiko

hae-sicheng ♡ kara

an organized mess l stepping off the escalator at the last moment l basketball shorts and sweatpants l the cool touch of jewelry l snoozing your alarm l cringe-worthy memories at 3am l chilling in your bed with your laptop screen as your only light source l dozing off in the car l the push of the wind l the sinking feeling in your stomach when the rollercoaster drops l skipping over cracks l sticking up your arm when you’re laying down l the dip of the bed when your loved one lays down l ‘this reminds me of you’ l buttery popcorn from the theaters l inside jokes l back hugs l stolen sweaters l eye contact l closing your eyes while on a swing l linked pinkies and broken wishbones l observing l vague yet specific l sleepy rambles l the melody of people l raised brows and hidden smiles

the32ndbeat ♡ qiu

sly-merlin ♡ simmi

kpop-choco ♡

@sly-merlin thanks so much for the tag I really enjoyed doing this!! ヽ(*⌒▽⌒*)ﾉ

#tagged #kpop-choco answers

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wookikun · 4 years

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aesthetic tag game

tagged by @hiddenclawsof (who wrote the very first WooKi I've read and well I'm facing some unpleasant moments but u still remembers me and that heals me a lot)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

I'm not gonna tag anyone cuz I'm unfamiliar here but still I want to do this si without tagging I just do it :(((((

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fan-wicktion · 5 years

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Sparrow (2)

MASTER LIST

warnings: bad language (potty mouth here, sorry), fight scene/violence, super super minimal reference to a daddy kink, weapons

a/n: I literally just posted P1, but look. I am excited. More to come soon!

------------------------------------------------------------------

John hadn’t bothered to chase you. He knew he had all the time in the world. He would find you.

But goddamn. He was pissed. He did all the work, mowed through all those guards, only to have his prize taken by some little girl? Absolutely not. There will be consequences. He clenched his fists, imagining the cheeky grin on your face taking pictures with his man. HIS target. She will pay for that.

——————————————————————————

Perfect.

You survey your apartment with a keen eye, taking note of every detail. Pistol on the underside of the coffee table. Knives under the couch. Another gun tucked into the lampshade. Ropes hanging innocently on the wall, looking like rock climbing gear. Backpack with the necessities positioned by the window. You patted yourself down quickly, ensuring you had everything. Gun in back of waistband, knives strapped to your thighs. Lingerie just in case. All this hidden under baggy sweats and an oversized tshirt. You muss up you hair a bit and apply lipgloss. Oh yeah. Let’s piss the big boy off.

You weren’t exactly sure why, but you needed to break that cool exterior. You had been hearing so much about the mysterious John Wick; how he never cracks under pressure, how he stalks his prey and never misses. The thought of him in your apartment trying to kill you sends a cold chill down your spine, but you know how to play the game. He’d be here soon, you could feel it. And he hesitated when he saw me, you remember. I can’t count on that again, but maybe…

——————————————————————————

John stalks up to the door, coiled like a spring. It had only taken a couple calls to get the information he needed. He noticed the lack of light coming from under the door and the quiet behind it. Maybe she’s asleep. He chuckles to himself, imagining her surprise when she wakes up and sees him looming over her like Death itself. That’ll teach her.

Quietly, he picks the lock and creeps through the door. He stands for a second, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness when— POP! The lights flick on. Lightning fast, he draws his gun.

“Yo, waddup.” The girl stands in the kitchen with her fingers on the light switch, lazily looking at him. She stares blankly, ignoring the gun pointed at her face. “You need something?”

——————————————————————————

Inside, you’re shaking. You learned a long time ago not to show fear, but damn was this terrifying. You mentally size up the man in your doorway, taking in his impressive height and build, noting how absolutely furious he looks. He wore an all-black suit and had his longish hair slicked back behind his ears. Very intimidating. He made your apartment look tiny.

You maintain the lazy mask, but as your last comment leaves your lips he’s on you. You know you can’t overpower him, so you let it happen. You have a plan.

He tackles you, taking you to floor with ease. He straddles you, pinning your wrists above you roughly with his left hand, and with his right he presses the barrel of his gun to your head. It takes all your strength to keep a straight face. You’re counting on him wanting information, and not just revenge.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” he growls, staring at you with eyes that pierce you to the core.

“Who, me?” you drawl, intentionally slowing your speech to keep your voice from wavering. You see his eyes flash with rage.

“You insolent little-” and he smacks you across the face with his gun.

It’s a warning. You know he could kill you in an instant, but he held back on that swing a little. Realizing his restraint, you decide to fuck with him some more.

“Harder daddy…” you whimper, making doe eyes at him. You see a strange look pass over his bearded face and you leer at him, grinning, but his expression is gone in an instant. What WAS that?

He leans in close, about to give you a piece of his mind. You can hear a low growl beginning in his chest, and you catch a whiff of his smokey cologne as he leans down, pushing most of his weight into his hands. You see your chance and take it. You buck your hips up as hard as you can, throwing him forward over your head. In a flash, you’re up, drawing your gun from your waistband and pointing it at him. You might have caught him off guard, but that wouldn’t last.

Slowly, he rises to his feet, seemingly unfazed.

“Interesting,” he says in a low voice, his tone dripping with sugary poison. “I suppose you think you can hurt me with that thing?” He takes a couple cocky steps towards you, staring straight into your eyes. His gun hangs loosely in his hand. You click off the safety of yours, returning his gaze. Jesus Christ. You fight the urge to break eye contact, insides shivering with nerves.

“What do you want?” you spit at him through gritted teeth, knowing you’re walking thin ice. You had no right to steal his target, and you knew it. But if you could get out of this alive, you would try your damndest to do it.

John had been slowly approaching, the beginnings of a devilish grin playing at the edge of his mouth. “There she is… I knew you couldn’t keep up your little charade.”

You growl under your breath. Try me. Your finger twitches against the trigger, itching to pull.

In one swift, unexpected movement, John lunges at you, disarming you with lightning speed and tossing your gun aside. You react quickly, pouncing backwards over the back of your couch, ducking in case he fires his own weapon. As you roll off it, you arm yourself with the throwing knives tucked below. You pop up from the floor, hurdling a knife in his direction, mostly to distract him. He blinks as it wizzes by his ear, but advances towards you calmly. Why isn’t he firing? You fling another knife, this time with a purpose. It lodges in his shoulder with a thunk, but he doesn’t even flinch. WHAT?! He eyes you darkly.

“The little girl has knives I see,” he practically purrs, and you feel goosebumps shoot up your spine. Enough! You want to scream. Stop looking at me like you want to devour me! The thought makes your heart skip a beat. John Wick, taking me right here on the floor…NO. Absolutely not. You had to get out of there.

Against your better judgement, you drop your last knife on the ground and approach him. Take back control. Take back control. You eye him up and down through your lashes, pretending to size him up. You force your body into a languid stroll and look him in the eyes.

“…And the big boy has a gun.” You bare your teeth and snarl at him, daring him to do something, anything. Come on…

He ignores you. Fuck. “You stole my target,” he states, all business. “I don’t like that. I came here to rough you up a bit, maybe scare you away. But what I didn’t realize—” he drops, kicking your feet out from under you, “—is that you’d be such a little pain in the ass.” As you fall, he grabs you by armpits and slams you against the wall, feet dangling. “Maybe I’ll just have to kill you instead…”

You feel a flush of pink rise to your cheeks. He lifted my like I was nothing, you observe, body quivering. You were scared of him, no doubt. But he had this confident aura about him that drove you insane. You know you let too much emotion onto your face when you see his pupils dilate.

“Ohoho…very interesting.” You want to die. This was not the plan. You remember your backpack at the window and quickly make a decision. John leans in close, lips practically brushing your skin, but before he can taunt you any more, you kick him in the crotch with all you have. He drops you with a yelp, taken by surprise.

“Not today, motherfucker!” you yell as you scramble past him, grabbing your bag.

“What the—” but you’re gone, swan diving out the window.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I appreciate the comment on P1, @pkg4mumtown ❤️

#john wick #john wick fanfic #john wick x you #john wick imagine #john wick is daddy #fanfiction #i'm going to write this even if nobody reads it #shameless #look i need this okay #john wick x reader #john the dom

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harryandmolly · 5 years

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The Emancipation of Ginny ~ 4

summary: shawn and ginny could’ve ruined everything six months ago, and sticking together despite their past could make or break them now as ginny stays on as his personal assistant. but what happens on tour doesn’t stay on tour.

warnings: Language, tequila-flavored nostalgia, Gertler on the loose

WC: 4.6k

Shawn and Ginny chatter while Shawn reaches for the aux cord and scrolls through his playlists. With a gasping chuckle, he seems to find exactly what he didn’t know he was looking for.

“Oh my god,” Ginny snorts, but her knee is bouncing and she’s nodding along so Shawn knows he’s got her.

The sharp clapping starts followed closely by drums, then the pulse of the synthy keyboard. By the time the breathy vocals start, Ginny is already there, ready to imitate them perfectly, the product of a thousand sing-a-longs.

Her warm voice curls around the “ah… yeah…” but Shawn steps in with a headbang and joins her for Whitney Houston’s iconic “WOO!”

They’re buckled into the backseat, dancing and wriggling to the intro of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” Jake bobs his head with a barely there smile. They do this a lot, especially when they’ve clearly pregamed their evening. Shawn knows what to play to get Ginny moving and singing along even louder than he is. Whitney is always a safe bet.

Shawn claps in time with the beat and sings a lower harmony to Ginny’s eerily excellent Whitney impression. When the chorus starts, they’re both belting, laughing and shimmying and paying absolutely no mind to the relative audience they’ve gathered.

They’re stuck at a light on Curzon St. because a lorry fender bender has blocked up traffic, but the folks around them are treated to a show as Shawn and Ginny put their all into the 80s pop classic. What they also don’t notice is the stunned teenager in the car to the right and just ahead of theirs who has the perfect angle to film them out the window, capturing every wail, every head bop, every time they grab Jake’s seat ahead of them to encourage him to sing along.

Shawn and Ginny didn’t know any of this until the next morning, by which time the Twitter video had gathered 11 million views.

Andrew Gertler has a Ginny Dresden problem.

Andrew adores Ginny. Andrew’s pretty sure that at this point, without Ginny, he’d have lost all his hair and maybe accidentally strangled his artist to death (not that Shawn isn’t a delight 97% of the time, but his job is very stressful, ok?!).

Andrew remembers when they stepped off that first plane together in New York, already thick as thieves. He had a feeling in his gut, the kind of feeling that directs him wisely, when he listens to it. The feeling didn’t have an action attached, it was more a reaction, a sinking feeling of dread.

The feeling said, fuck, this will be complicated.

The feeling, as always, was right.

Andrew saw it, obviously, as did everyone. When three months passed and he noticed no evidence of a sneaky affair, he figured they were safe, the sexual tension would remain just that (though, Andrew would admit, it wasn’t just sexual tension. Because that would be easy to get past. This was always more than that).

When Shawn and Ginny sat him down three weeks into their secret relationship, about six months after Ginny joined the team, Andrew was frankly stunned. He was annoyed, of course, at his naive belief that they had skipped over the complications he feared, and even more irritated that he didn’t notice, especially given the way they were looking at each other like they had each hung the moon for the other.

It’s probably weird to everyone around him, anyone in the industry who heard about this, that Andrew never considered firing Ginny. He really didn’t. He just… knew that wasn’t going to fly. He accepted their fate, trusted them to be grown-ups if and when things went south.

And when they did, chaos reigned only for a night before Shawn managed to right the ship. Thank god.

But Ginny, sweet, thoughtful, intuitively organized and proactive Ginny, she was still a problem.

It’s hard to know exactly what the fans know. They were whispering about Shawn and Ginny long before it became a thing, and they’ve continued whispering long after. Some believe they never broke up at all, that they hid their relationship for privacy. Some believe he’s still in love with her and refuses to fire her so he can win her back. And then some believe Shawn’s fucking Cez, so really, you can’t spend too much time listening to fans because as lovable as they mostly are, they’re also so insane.

But the fans keep Ginny in their line of sight at all times. They monitor how closely she stands by him, how often they’re seen out in groups together. She’s never far from their minds, or their theories, or their tantrum fits on Tumblr about how if she had any self-respect at all, she’d have left Shawn’s team when he dumped her ass.

Those posts make Andrew irrationally angry -- that’s when he knows he has to log off and take some deep breaths.

But the truth is, he can’t ignore them, not entirely. Because when they start chattering about how Shawn is playing with her heart, reeling her in and casting her back out again as he pleases, keeping her on the team for his own comfort, that kind of shit gets press attention eventually, if it gets enough of a groundswell buzz on social media. And then it becomes his business.

It happened all at once for Shawn, kind of the way falling in love did. When it started, he lived with it for 48 hours before he piped up and let it all come crashing down.

He remembers holding her on the plane, a Learjet taking them from Sydney to Tokyo. It was an overnight flight but Shawn’s body clock told him it was noon, so he was nowhere near tired, but Ginny could always pass out on command. He envied it, but he made her as comfortable as he could while he did it.

She was curled up against his chest in their reclined seats, the armrest up between them. He had a blanket draped over their bodies, bunched up under her arm because otherwise she feels “all trapped and shit,” which he knows she hates. Her springy curls are positioned so they’re tickling his nose. When he moves his head to avoid them, somehow they follow. So instead, he embraces it and buries his face in her hair.

The smell of coconut oil and something that’s just somehow Ginny completely overwhelms him. His heart kickdrums in his chest. His breathing starts to speed, but the weight of her on his chest constricts his lungs. He holds her tighter, blinking quickly as he tries to find his way out of this unfamiliar feeling.

He’s sick with it, whatever it is. The panic doesn’t fade when she nuzzles her cheek against him and lifts her head, blinking sleepily, mumbling in a raspy morning voice something about “get some sleep, you minger,” but he can barely hear her over the rushing in his ears. He just nods with a shaky smile and closes his eyes long enough to make her think he’s trying to sleep. She goes heavy against him again and he knows he’s alone, as alone as he can be with her plastered to his side, overheating him, clinging to him. He coughs uncomfortably, choking on his breath.

And the panic still doesn’t fade over the next couple days every time he looks at her and she smiles that big, beautiful Ginny smile, perfect white teeth framed by the signature matte red lipstain that is a scientific marvel because as much time as he spends kissing her, it never leaves a smudge. It’s like she was never there.

But she was. She was everywhere.

It was terrifying.

Even with the rise of panic, he doesn’t let himself consider the Scary Solution until 36 hours into what felt like a prolonged, very well-hidden anxiety attack. If Ginny caught on to his weird feelings, she never showed it, especially not when he was cupping her breasts and rowing his hips hard into her ass as he took her from behind, fucking her a little harder than usual.

The Scary Solution, of course, was ending it. The fact that he was even considering it was scary, though maybe not as scary as continuing. Two days ago, the idea of ending it would’ve made him bark like a defensive dog. He couldn’t imagine letting her go. Now, to his combined horror and relief, because fuck, human emotions are weird, it feels like the safest option.

He let himself stew for a while longer, but he didn’t want to draw it out too much, he told himself. It wasn’t fair to her. None of this was. So the sooner he ended it, the better off they’d both be, and the less likely it was that she’d hate him forever.

He sat her down in the armchair across from his and held her hands. He forced himself to look straight into her deep, dark eyes while he spoke because she deserved that kind of attention.

The truth is, he doesn’t really remember what he said. He stumbled something out about how much he cares about her, how he’s enjoyed the last two months more than any he’s ever had out on the road, but that this had all become too much. Things had moved way too fast. He didn’t want to end things like this, especially while they were still on tour, but he had to be honest with her. He had to focus on the music, on the path he’d be taking next and that as wonderful as she was, she was a distraction.

He hopes he said it as nicely as possible. But given the stricken, dumbfounded look on her face, he’s sure he could’ve done better.

Her tears were pretty immediate. His welled up but never spilled. She stared at him quietly for a while like she was waiting for him to take it back, or like she was looking for something in his expression that told her to dive in and fight for him. Maybe she didn’t find what she was looking for.

She stood on shaky knees, swiped at her face and mumbled something about talking to Andrew, about finding a replacement for herself quickly to minimize disruption to the tour.

That’s when it hit him. She was leaving.

He did realize when he made this decision she might not want to stick around, but somehow it didn’t truly register what he’d be losing until she said it.

His brain scrambled, watching her walk out the hotel room door, sniffling gently as she unlocked her room across the hall. He blinked. She hadn’t slept in her own bed in two months.

She was leaving him.

He was selfish to panic about it. He made this decision for them. He couldn’t expect her to stay, to be his personal assistant of all things, arranging his laundry and paying his house cleaner and reminding him to call his grandmother on her birthday. He had no right to feel this empty at the idea of continuing tour without her. But it was there, nonetheless.

He let himself lose his mind over that long, sleepless night without her. When he stood outside her room early the next morning, hearing her singing Norah Jones under her breath, he felt like shit.

“Please,” he begged, voice shaky with unshed tears, “Please don’t leave. Please. I know it’s fucking unfair to ask. I hate myself a little. I really do. But, fuck, please, I can’t do it without you, Gin. Not because… because I’d forget to fuckin’ put on pants in the morning if you didn’t tell me to, but because you’re… Jesus Christ, you’re my best friend. I can’t lose you like this.”

Ginny had every right to kick him in the shins. She didn’t. She had every right to laugh and tell him to go fuck himself for even asking. She didn’t.

Ginny’s dry cheeks stung with her tears. She sniffed and toed at the floor, locking her arms over her chest. “Don’t really want to leave, you know,” she murmured, “This is a good opportunity for me. I’m learning a lot.”

“So don’t leave,” Shawn pled, lurching forward. She adjusted, taking a step back. Shawn noticed and shivered, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Don’t leave. Stay. I think we can do it. I honestly think we can. We were best friends first, remember?”

She did remember. She had never felt this way about anyone before. That had to be worth holding onto, right?

Andrew’s been internally groaning all morning, watching the video spring up everywhere. E!News has it on their Instagram, People’s retweeting it, Tumblr’s having a fucking field day. Even Niall reposted the video on his Insta story with the caption: “😂😂😂 go off I guess.”

Not helpful.

In the next room, Shawn and Ginny are chuckling, nursing hangovers as they pack Shawn’s shit to get ready for their rescheduled flight to Miami. They find their viral video very amusing, thank you very much. When The Rock retweeted it with three of the dancing girl emojis, Shawn and Ginny both had to stop what they were doing, they were laughing so hard. Shawn’s wiping tears away when Andrew knocks on his door.

Shawn lets him in and narrows his eyes at the grimace on his face. “What’s up?”

“Just want to talk to you guys,” Andrew begins steadily, resigned. Shawn feels Ginny stiffen up beside him. The bed squeaks when she sits on it. Shawn lowers himself beside her and doesn’t let himself reach out for her hand.

“So this video. It’s… y’know, obviously it feels innocent enough, you’re just singing, being the shitheads you are, but it’s… ugh, god, you guys know I hate these conversations.”

Andrew looks weary. Ginny is silent, curious. Shawn is tense from head to toe, leaning forward slightly.

Andrew continues, “The reality is, there’s a lot going around about how you guys are back together again, how Shawn has seduced you again, how you can’t keep your hands off each other, yada yada--”

“Andrew--” Shawn interrupts, the word so sharp it almost sounds like a swear. Andrew cuts back in before Shawn can continue.

“No, but listen, you guys both know where I’m going with this. This will become an image problem. All we need is for one outlet to start sparking stories about how Shawn’s fucking the only woman on his team, and we’re all up in smoke. We haven’t had to work that hard to preserve the good guy image because, wow, how novel, Shawn actually is a good guy. But the media will have a hell of a time batting around the idea that he’s a fuckboy if we don’t shut this down.”

It’s not lost on Ginny that Andrew doesn’t seem to be speaking directly to Shawn, referring to him by name, glancing more at Ginny than at his artist. Probably because he can see the look on Shawn’s face and knows talking him into this is a lost cause. He knows he can use logic and reason and PR strategy to get to Ginny, but Shawn’s ears are already turning red.

“What are you saying then?” Shawn seethes.

Andrew sighs. “I’m saying you guys need to spend some time apart. We can’t have you photographed together for a while, not by fans, not by paps. You need to lay really, really low. If Shawn’s at the front of the pack, Ginny, you’re at the back. If we’re all out as a team, Ginny’s on one end of the table, Shawn’s at the other. We just have to let this blow over. It’s annoying and it’s strategy and I know you both hate it, but it’s where we are at the moment. I’m sorry, guys.”

Andrew’s words are simple. There’s no talking him out of this, he’s delivering his decree and that’s it. Ginny nods, looking exhausted. To Andrew’s surprise, instead of quiet rage, Shawn opens his big mouth.

“No.”

“What?” Andrew hums, eyebrows shooting up under the frames of his glasses. Ginny also looks startled.

“I said no. I’m not doing that. It’s stupid.”

They can both see the way Shawn’s bubbling over. They pause for a moment, waiting for him to continue. When he doesn’t, Andrew starts again.

“It’s shitty, but--”

“No, it’s fucking pointless, Andrew, we’re not doing that. We’re singing. We’re singing in the car. We’re singing Whitney Houston in the fucking car and someone put it on Twitter and now I can’t be seen with my best friend? No fucking way, I’m not doing it. My fans know better than this. They know I’m not some womanizing creep who’s fucking a girl on my team just because she’s a girl on my team. They know me and they know Gin, too. What are we supposed to do? Not speak to each other in public for a few weeks and boom, problem solved? That’s so fucking stupid. I refuse to live that way. It’s false and it’s fake and I won’t do it.”

Ginny blinks. Her lips are parted. She looks between Shawn and Andrew, whose face is unreadable. After a moment that feels like ten minutes, Andrew eases up out of his chair and looks down at them both.

“We’ll talk about this later.”

He lets himself out and back in to his own room next door. Ginny swallows. Shawn drops his face into his hands and leans forward taking a deep breath.

Ginny drops a hand to his back for a second before she takes it back and wrings her fingers.

“Fucking insane,” Shawn mutters.

“Well…” Ginny sighs. Shawn sits up.

“What?”

“Well, I get it, though. I get how it might not look great.”

“I don’t give a fuck how it looks!” Shawn croaks, “You’re really ok with that? With standing minimum ten feet from me at all times just to shut up the idiots on social media who think because we’re friends means I must be some gross loser who can’t keep his hands off his female teammate?”

Ginny wets her lips. “I’m ok with playing the game we have to play so we can stay on the path we’re on. I’m ok with whatever protects us.”

Shawn shakes his head. “Ginny, we can’t live like this. We can’t live dishonestly like this. This is how this kind of shit starts. It starts with a stupid little lie to protect some lame image and then it snowballs and then everything around me is a lie. Can’t you see that?”

He looks up at her, pained and red-faced. This time Ginny does leave her palm on his shoulder, rubbing her thumb into his muscle soothingly.

“I get that, I do. I know where you’re coming from. But I also know that you know that we have to pick our battles here. And more than that, we have to trust Andrew. You know it wasn’t easy for him to march in here and lay that out. You know he hates this kind of shit, manipulating something just to keep people off our backs. But he does it to keep you safe.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not a fucking child. I get that maintaining my image is part of his job, but--”

Ginny interjects. “No. Stop right there. It is his job. It’s what he’s paid to do. And he knows this better than we do. He knows what can happen if we do this wrong. So we need to listen to him and play by the rules, just for a little while. I don’t like it either. I really hate it, actually. The idea that people think I’m some sunflower following you around waiting for you is frankly incredibly insulting. But I’m focusing on the bigger picture, which is that if I stay on your team, I learn every day, I meet people, I’m growing my network and I spend all day every day with my best friends. So… yeah. I’m going to take Andrew’s advice. If you want, we can develop a secret sign language so we can still talk even when you’re standing fifteen feet ahead of me and not looking in my direction.”

Shawn snorts, defeated and tired. ��Ok. If I pull on my left earlobe it means ‘hi.’”

Ginny smirks and lifts the hand resting on his shoulder to flick at his ear teasingly. “Kay. If I scratch my nose it means, ‘Shawn, spit out your fucking gum.’”

Shawn found time over the next day or so to mumble out an apology to Andrew for overreacting. Andrew accepted it graciously in that way Andrew does where he makes you feel like you never had to apologize at all.

Ginny and Shawn stick to the “strategy” and keep apart for a couple weeks in public, riding in separate cars when they can, Ginny chatting animatedly with Cez and Brian, looking totally disinterested in her ex-boyfriend. All went according to plan.

One day during soundcheck for a radio festival in Vermont, Andrew and Ginny are bopping their heads in perfect time (without their notice), standing in front of the soundbooth.

Ginny, eyes fixed on the stage, tilts her head toward Andrew’s to speak. “Think Cez should move Zubin’s mike to the left like--”

“-- five feet? I was thinking the same thing,” Andrew finishes with a laugh. Ginny chuckles and bounds away, communicating the suggestion. When they’re back in place, Ginny returns.

“Last couple weeks were weird,” Andrew acknowledges, “But I just… I wanna say thank you. Whatever you said to him, it worked. You made my job easier. So thanks.”

Ginny shrugs. “You were right. He just needed to hear that from someone that… wasn’t you.”

Andrew laughs. “But being that person isn’t always easy. I have so much respect for him, you know? I mean, I know you know. But his insistence on living a totally honest public life is so, so cool. It’s just not always the best thing for him. And I never want to feel like we’re ganging up on him. I never want him to feel too managed. So when you can step in and get something across to him that I can’t, that’s a big fuckin’ deal for the whole team. You’re gonna be a kickass manager, Gin, maybe sooner than you think.”

Andrew nudges her gratefully with his elbow and strolls away to make a call.

Ginny looks back up at the stage, watches Shawn’s eyes close, his brow wrinkle as he kicks into a “Particular Taste” high note.

And she thinks for a very long second that she should feel better about what Andrew just told her.

The days following the breakup were… hard. Shawn’s head reeled, trying to wrap around his own actions. Ginny was mostly numb, trying not to look him in the eye. They mostly avoided each other except when it came to professional necessity -- Ginny checking in with him about arranging his flight home, Shawn asking where his old pencil case filled with guitar picks got packed. All of this monitored very carefully by Andrew, who was looking for any excuse not to send Ginny home but knew he had to be looking anyway, just in case.

But before long, Andrew stopped watching. It became clear disaster wasn’t to strike. Shawn and Ginny slowly and surely became a new version of Shawn and Ginny, a version that had gone through a stage of innocent, flirtatious friendship, intense and all-consuming romance, and now were settling into seasoned, tried-and-true partnership.

It definitely didn’t happen overnight. Andrew doubts Shawn and Ginny could put a finger on when exactly they really would’ve called themselves friends again after the spate of awkward tension, but the fact that they did it at all meant they were gonna be ok.

But if Ginny had to guess, it would be that night in Antwerp when she heard him in the next room strumming “St. Patrick’s Day” by John Mayer and felt completely, totally comfortable snagging her Gibson acoustic and padding over in too-long plaid pajama pants to knock on his door and be invited in to play.

They sat cross-legged and pretended to ignore that the last time they were together on his bed, they were making love, and now they’re making music, and Ginny thinks that’s a pretty decent substitute.

In another three weeks, the video is long since forgotten.

Though, to be fair, given how much of the bottle of Patron they’ve finished between the two of them, most things are, in fact, forgotten.

Ginny and Shawn are planted on a balcony, barefoot with their legs stuck through the railings, feet swinging over the streets of… Chicago, Shawn’s almost sure. Wherever they are, it’s the kind of city where Shawn feels like he can really breathe, not like New York or LA. He can breathe in London, too. He and Ginny both love London. He’d like to go back to London with her, hold her hand, walk around her hometown, kiss her neck and feel her giggle…

Shawn sits up and sneezes loud. Tequila always makes him sneeze.

“Does not,” Ginny quips, and Shawn realizes he must have said that complaint out loud, “That’s not a thing. Tequila doesn’t make you sneeze.”

“Does, totally does,” Shawn grumbles, taking another slug of it anyway. He follows it with a sip of beer and… a sneeze. He holds out his hands and makes a face at her.

“I rest my case.”

“You’re drunk,” she accuses, pressing her face into the railings like she’s testing to see if she could get her head through. Thankfully, she doesn’t try very hard.

“I am. ‘S good, haven’t been drunk in a while.”

“We were drunk last week,” she points out, sipping at the lime wedge she’s already mostly sucked dry. Shawn watches her cheeks hollow out and turns away, feeling his face get hot.

“You know I’m like, so glad you didn’t leave,” Shawn blurts, pivoting the subject on a dime. Ginny blinks cluelessly.

“When?”

“When we broke up. You could’ve left. You didn’t. I’m glad you didn’t.”

Ginny swallows. “I didn’t want to.”

“I didn’t want you to,” Shawn sighs, dropping his head forward against the railing.

“I wondered if maybe you did,” she confesses quietly, closing her eyes. She can feel him turning to look at her curiously.

“But…”

“I know. But I wondered if maybe you felt guilty about me losing my boyfriend and my job all at once and that’s why you asked me to stay.”

Ginny chances a glance at him. He looks gutpunched.

“But that didn’t last long,” she assures him, “I know why you wanted me to stay.”

Shawn blinks. His tequila-slow body feels like it jumps into hyperspeed. He grips the railings tighter and swallows, waiting for her to say it.

I know you were scared.

“You’re my best friend, too, Shawn,” Ginny assures him, light-eyed and wistful. Shawn tries not to feel disappointment at her dodging the opportunity to poke at him, make him really talk about why he let her go.

Sweet and stupid, they drunkenly sway on the balcony for another hour, muttering to each other about Shawn’s next album, about the record company anniversary gala coming up, about a weird dream Ginny had about pancakes a few nights ago that she worries might mean she secretly hates dogs. They talk until Ginny falls asleep with her face against the railing. Shawn wakes her up before she can get an impression on her cheek from the metal. He scoops her up as much as he’s able when he’s more tequila than boy and drops her on the bed next to his, drapes the duvet over her, bunches it up under her arm and collapses onto his own bed, heavy with exhaustion.

Pls help me keep Ginny in lime wedges and buy me a Ko-fi (link on main page)!

Taglist: @smallerinfinities @the-claire-bitch-project @achinglyshawn @infiniteshawn @stillinskislydia @singanddreamanyway @alone-in-madness @abigfatmess @shawnitsmutual @awkwardfangirl2014 @september-lace @grittyisathot @sinplisticshawn @mutuallynotmutual @rollingxstone @yslsaint @randi-eve

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fan fic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fan fiction #shawn #shawn mendes fic #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes series

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lavendermenaceart · 6 years

Text

365 Days

Summary: This is your 365th day with the BAU. You’ve become part of the family, no matter how hard that tasked had seemed at first. The team decides to celebrate but the party is ruined by your intense feelings for the local genius.

Word count: 2,426

Docs link

Warnings: Angst, jealousy, Open ended. This was a request from an anon <3 Thanks anon!!

Today marked your 365th day as a member of the BAU. You had been implemented to help JJ with communication liaison since she had been spending more and more time out and the field and also needed time with her other family. You say “other family” because the BAU truly was a family. At first, you felt like the odd one out, trying to integrate yourself but no disrupt the synergy the team already had with each other.

It was a difficult balance, but it had paid off. You’d become part of the family, and forged meaningful relationships with the entire team. One of your deepest relationships was with Penelope Garcia, but even she didn’t know about your crush on the local genius.

You thought as soon as the feelings started to develop, that you would be had by the world-class profilers. If they had notice, no one said anything. There had been teasing, light hints like “If you ever start seeing someone, they have to be family approved” and the like. The issue wasn’t lack of options, it was just Spencer.

You couldn’t move on from him. You tried all your tricks when you knew the other person didn’t like you. You would try to find things that annoyed you about him or things you dislike in other people. Nothing worked. He was too endearing, too much of a good person. He wasn’t perfect, but you couldn’t force yourself to love him any less.

Your crush had been disrupting your work, as you found yourself peering through your office window to glance at him, or you would pause unknowingly while working to imagine being in his arms or finally confessing. Sometimes you would catch yourself tearing up while he was in the field, knowing your new family and especially Spencer could never return.

You had started to come in early, earlier than Emily and anyone else on the team. At first, Emily had been concerned and curious but by now it was normal. Today, while working on case files and organization, you heard soft rapping at your door.

Standing, you cleared your throat and called “Come in.”

“Morning, Here is a little gift for your 1 year.” The dark-haired Emily Prentiss walked in, holding a cup of coffee that you knew you desperately needed.

You practically danced over to her, taking the foam cup from her and taking a sip.

“I’m going to marry you.” You blurted out, taking another sip to try and hide your embarrassed blush at the outburst.

“Well, we can celebrate the engagement beside your 1 year tonight!” Prentiss joked along with you, winking.

If it wasn’t for Reid, you would probably be in love with her.

You laughed and touched her arm before heading back to her desk. “We can tell the team later. I’m guessing we’re gonna go out?”

You sat at the edge of your desk, crossing your ankles over each other as you relaxed into the cup of coffee.

Emily sucked her teeth before laughing. “Just try to act surprised when Spencer or Garcia ask you to come out tonight. It’ll be fun, and now we have two things to celebrate.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes before shooing her out. “Nothing but trouble.” You mumbled as you propped your door open. So you could hear the comings and goings of the office.

Around an hour later, the rest of the team was trickling through the doors. Tara, Luke, Penelope, Simmons, Rossi, and Reid came to greet you in your office. It suddenly felt very hot and cramped. You didn’t know if it was from the number of people in the room or just the fact that you were in Spencer’s presence. You tried not to squirm as everyone congratulated you for your 1 year.

Penelope placed a cup of coffee on your desk and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Looks like I have to marry you, too.” You took a sip, glancing up to see Penelope smiling and acting flustered

“Awe shucks...Wait, “Too”, like you’re marrying someone else?” Penelope suddenly looked confused, and then extremely excited.

Tara rolled her eyes, exasperated. “You’re marrying someone and we haven’t even met them? How long has this been going on for? Who are they?”

There were mutters of agreement from Luke and Simmons, while Spencer stood stone-faced at the back of the group. You couldn’t tell if he was interested or upset.

There’s no way he’d be upset. Unless he’s actually mad I didn’t let anyone know I was seeing someone first. You laughed nervously, finally allowing yourself to squirm and struggle under the feeling of disappointing your friends.

“It’s me!” Emily came to your rescue, suddenly standing in your doorway.

Everyone looked confused and Penelope was about to go on some excited tangent when you spoke up finally.

“She gave me coffee when she came in, and I got so excited I proposed on accident.” You smiled sheepishly. “Sorry for getting all your hopes up. Still no one special.”

Penelope pouted for a second before returning to her cheery self. “You really need to sign up for Tinder or something.”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Luke spoke up, shaking his head at Garcia.

“Statistically, only 20% of couples meet on dating sites or apps, and even then a fewer amount gets married and stay married,” Spencer spoke up, seemingly agreeing with Luke.

“It’s not bad for some fun on the side.” Rossi shrugged. “I don’t think it’s great for a real relationship, either.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not looking for anything right now. Work is busy and..” You faltered before shaking your head. “I just have high standards.” You hoped they hadn’t caught your brief glance at Reid and by the way, they seemed placated by that answer, you guessed they hadn’t.

“Wellll, maybe you’ll find someone at the bar tonight! We’re going out for drinks and you have to come.” Penelope said decidedly, the determined look on her face telling you that you had no choice.

You smiled, feeling her heart warm as the team looked excited about your answer. “Of course, today is a day to celebrate. Two marriage proposals and my 365th day with you guys.”

Penelope cheered and bent awkwardly to hug you over your desk. You loved her hugs, they were so warm and always made you feel like nothing could ever harm you.

Everyone slowly filed out of your office, Reid lacking behind and looking like he was trying to decide whether to talk or not. You stood up, walking around your desk to lean against the front of it. Suddenly all the daydreams you had that started with moments like this made you stare at your feet and cross your arms as you reined in your embarrassment and nervous anxiety.

You tried to right the defensive stance as soon as he started speaking, letting your arms fall to your sides, your hands grasping the edge of the desk.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m glad you started working here. I know I’ve been working her practically since it’s inception, so I can’t imagine what it’s like to come in as a new person, but you’ve integrated well.” His words sounded like something Emily or any other boss would say to you, but they were surprisingly full of emotion. That’s one thing that you found so endearing about Spencer. He sounded so smart it was almost easy to forget he was human sometimes, but the emotion in his voice when he let his guard down melted your heart.

You tried not to melt into a puddle at his feet. “My first few months here, that’s all I wanted to hear. I felt like if no one said it, it wasn’t true. Now I know you guys, though. I know your actions speak for you. It’s still so incredible to hear that.” You looked away, willing yourself not to tear up before looking back at him. “Thank you, Spencer.”

His face split into a small smile, a welcome change from the serious tone and expression during the previous conversations. He nodded, stuffing his one free hand in his pocket before nodding toward the door.

“I’ve got to get to work.” He stated, a little awkwardly.

You nodded, turning back to sit at your desk. When he was out of view you pressed your hand to your chest, closing your eyes as you felt the deep, fast thumping of your heart.

It was growing dark outside, the moon taking the sun’s place as you drove to the address that Luke had sent you. You had dressed on a black silk tank top, tucked into black skinny jeans loosely so the fabric hung loosely over the dark faux leather belt you wore. A bright red kimono with floral patterns was the single bright piece you had on and you felt the breeze flow through the bright fabric as you rushed into the bar.

You were a little late due to makeup and picking out an outfit, but only by 5 minutes or so. You saw a hand waving and noticed Simmons had spotted you where he and the rest of the team took up a large booth.

You smiled, trying not to look like an idiot as you rushed towards them.

The bar was comfortable and warm, most of the furniture was made out of wood and most seats were red faux leather or some other fabric. The music and T.V’s weren’t blaring and the chatter of the customers was comforting background noise as you scooted into the booth with your friends.

“Finally, they arrive!” Rossi jested, raising his hands theatrically.

“Ah, yeah, sorry. I was busy setting up my Tinder profile.” You stuck your tongue out at him, making him chuckle.

Spencer sat next to JJ across from you, at the end of the booth. His eyes darted up to your face sharply, making your heart stutter. You almost made eye contact but Emily saved you.

“I never agreed to anyone else but Garcia being part of this marriage.” She crossed her arms over her chest, playing at being upset.

Everyone but Spencer fell into easy laughter and banter. You became increasingly nervous and worried as the minutes ticked by with Spencer putting minimal effort into any of the conversations. His eyes seemed glued to either you or the table.

At one point after you had all ordered food, Spencer denying anything, you saw JJ whisper something into Reid’s ear and then she announced that she and Reid were going to get drinks.

You just asked for a glass of Moscato while everyone else ordered. A sinking feeling took over your stomach until it settled into a pit at the bottom. You couldn’t stop squirming in your chair and hoping they would hurry back with the drinks so you could mellow out.

“Were you serious about the Tinder thing?” Simmons asked almost out of the blue as Tara and Rossi were discussing cars and Emily and Garcia enjoyed their appetizers.

“Uh, no. I’m really not looking for a relationship right now, I guess. Not a lot of people can handle dating someone with this job.” You shrugged, wishing the topic of relationships would vanish from all conversations.

“Understandable. I guess I just got lucky.” He smiled, looking through you a bit as he was no doubt thinking of his wife.

“Yeah, you really are.” You forced a smile on your face, suddenly feeling a spike of jealousy. Why couldn’t Spencer just like you? Why couldn’t you just tell him?

The night wore on and you had drunk more than you had expected. You were disheveled from dancing with Garcia, Prentiss, Luke, and Tara. JJ, Spencer, Simmons, and Rossi stayed sipped drinks at the booth, every now and again cheering you on. You were a little out of breath and tired, slinking over to the bar after excusing yourself from your friends. You ordered two shots of whiskey and some water, deciding these would be your last drinks of the night.

You slammed them down easily enough, taking a few gulps of water before a touch on your shoulder made you jump.

Spencer sat down next to you, scooting his stool a little closer so it would be easier to speak. You were drunk now, and his closeness made you feel like you were on a rocking ship, and your vision blurred every few seconds as you stared at his face.

“Are you okay?” He asked, as softly as he could.

“Uhhh, yeah. Just a lot tipsy.” You weren’t slurring too bad, a small part of your brain reining you in so you wouldn’t make too large of a fool of yourself.

“Yeah, but, you never drink this much. You seemed a little upset earlier.” From what you could tell, he looked concerned and it made you want to wrap your arms around him but instead, you settled with resting your head on his shoulder and staring at the wood grain of the bar.

“Just, all the talk of relationships. It bums me out.” You sighed softly. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get over….” You almost slipped. You. But you couldn’t. Spencer deserved better than a drunk confession. “This one person. I mean, we never dated, but I want to. I want to date them.” You sounded like a depressed teenager, even you could hear it.

Spencer nodded, tense under your head but you barely noticed. “I understand. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Have you told them about your feelings.” His tone was nearly flat like he was forcing a compassionate tone every few words but couldn’t quite nail it. Your drunk mind was oblivious to it.

“I haven’t, I mean. I can’t. They’re….They’re out of my league.” You frowned, shaking your head and nuzzling deeper into his shoulder. His scent was so warm and comforting. “I wish I could. I wish I would. It never seems to be the right time or place, and I don’t even know if they have feelings for me.” You shrugged, feeling the absurdity of telling your crush about your crush weigh on your shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Was his only answer. You wanted him to keep talking.

“Do you know what its like, Spence-Spencer?” You nearly whispered, staring at the bar.

Surprisingly he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer ever so slightly.

“I do, Y/N, I do.” You didn’t look up to see his eyes looking at you.

#fanfic #fanfiction #spencer reid #my reider #my fanfiction #writing #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #self insert #self insert fanfiction #spencer reidxreader #reader #cm #cm fanfic #cm fanfiction #reider

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sargenthouse · 5 years

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Interview with Dylan Carlson of Earth

Interview via Echoes & Dust From soundwaves to landscapes, the sonic experience conjured up by Earth is both a meditative and an immersive one. From having laid the root foundations of rock’s infamous exercise in extreme minimalism with the classic Earth 2: Special Low-Frequency Version, the Seattle-born earth-shakers have braced through the decades carrying a legacy of slow, heavy riffs and long, introspective song-structures with a strong emphasis on repetition. The band has kept their pace slow and steady whilst branching out into a multitude of directions, ranging from stoner rock on Pentastar: In the Style of Demons to the esoteric desert-rock musings on Primitive and Deadly. For the band’s first record in over five years, leading member Dylan Carlson has decided to strip things down for a back-to-basics, raw approach, working as a duo alongside drummer Adrienne Davies to harken back to Earth’s core sound. We caught up with Dylan ahead of his solo performance at Paris’ Sonic Protest Festival to ask about his upcoming record, as well as learn more about his approach to sound and music playing.

E&D: Last time you were scheduled to perform in Paris, you unfortunately had to cancel due to some serious medical emergency. How have you been, how is your health?

DC: I’m much better. It was a gallbladder infection, so I was put on a bunch of antibiotics and I did a bunch of tests to clear it up. I’m fine now.

E&D: Welcome back to France. I understand your mother speaks French, by the way. Is that right?

DC: Yeah, that’s true.

E&D: You grew up moving around many different places, including in Europe. Have you ever lived in France?

DC: No, we lived in Germany, but we visited a lot because my mum liked Paris. The first year, we lived in Ramstein, which is basically just an airbase. Then we lived in Augsburg, Bavaria for three years. It’s an hour away from Munich. I also lived another year in Wiesbaden, which is by Frankfurt. We used to travel a lot. We went to the United Kingdom a lot, too, because we had relatives in Scotland. This was in the Seventies. We came back to the States in 1980. I was in first grade, so this was between the age of six to eleven. We were in American schools though.

E&D: May 24 will mark the release date of the first Earth record in five years, Full Upon Her Burning Lips. Back in 2014, you stated that you had already had started sketching out three songs for the follow-up toPrimitive and Deadly. Have you kept these ideas for this new album or have they been used for your solo and side projects?

DC: They were kept. Generally, when I come up with stuff, it will be earmarked for whatever project it was originally meant for. We played a couple of the ones that ended up on the album a few times live. We played one of the two songs at Hellfest in 2014. Two other songs were developed from playing live and held over. We also did a live soundtrack in Gent for Belladonna of Sadness and we tweaked and kept one of the tracks we performed. The rest of the material was pretty much done a month before we went into the studio. So basically there had been three tracks that had been bouncing around for a while and the bulk of it was done really quickly right before the studio sessions. I came up with a lot of the arrangements in the studio, too.

youtube

E&D: Since Primitive and Deadly, you’ve released three solo albums and a collaborative album with The Bug. Did you originally plan on taking this ‘hiatus’ in between Earth albums?

DC: When we did Primitive and Deadly, it was the end of our relationship with Southern Lord. We had just gotten new management with Cathy from Sargent House. I knew it would be a bit of a while before the next Earth album came about. Things had to settle down and we had to test the waters, see who was interested in us. I had this other material that I thought would be a good solo record. It also gave me a chance to work with Sargent House as a label. Cathy was our manager but we weren’t with the label up until that point. It gave us a chance to do a solo project and a chance to work with Emma Ruth Rundle. It just kind of happened, I guess. It seemed like a good time to do it.

E&D: Coming into writing and recording this record, did you have any initial ideas or a particular head-space that guided you?

DC: This album was actually a bit different, in that I’d usually have a super strong conceptual idea that precedes the record. The records started out concept-heavy, but now it seems like I write music faster than I come up with concepts! [laughs] The concepts reveal themselves in the music more than the concept guides the writing of the music. This record came really fast because we decided we were going to do it with the core of the band, which is me and Adrienne. I ended up playing bass on the record. It was time to show what Earth can do with its core elements, as we’ve had so many members and guests join us over the year. We had been doing a lot of playing and writing in our practise space, just the two of us, and when it came time to do the album I figured “Let’s just do that!”. I also felt like it was a chance for the drums to really shine on record. I think the drums have been a big part of the band live, but with all of the instrumentation and overdubs, the drums aren’t left with much space on record. The drums were typically the last in line on record. For this record, I wanted everything really upfront and present. We’ve also had records that were quite lush-sounding, but I wanted this one to be really dry and stripped.

E&D: Did going back to a two-piece formation require some time to get re-accustomed to?

DC: No, not really. We’ve been working together for so long now that we don’t really think about it. When we add people, I generally know right away whether someone is going to work or not. For the tour that we’re getting ready to do, I’ll be adding another guitarist called Tristan. We did an improv show right before I left Seattle. We interpreted some Miles Davis stuff and we just clicked right away. We met because he was my driver on my solo US tour, before I found out that he was in a band. I invited him to jam and do this join, and now he’s joined the band for the tour.

E&D: Do you approach working as a duo or trio differently from a strictly solo performance?

DC: I find playing with people more enjoyable, certainly, it’s more fun to explore with other people and see what happens. Playing solo is different in that it’s just you, there’s no real buffer. When you’re in a band it’s much easier to cover up mistakes and wing it I guess [laughs]. At the same time, it’s still enjoyable to just playing.

E&D: Part of what makes your shows with Earth so impressive is how “locked-in” you all are at these slow tempos. It’s as though the band followed its own organic pace, like synchronised “breathing”.

DC: Yeah, it’s not “tight” but it’s that weird kind of “loose but on’” thing. It’s not like a regimented prog thing [laughs]. I guess the best description for it, to me, is that it “flows”. You play and things just go right, everything just flows, you’re not getting in your way.

E&D: Is this something you work on with the musicians you add to your line-up or is it something that needs to naturally lock into place from the get-go?

DC: I pretty much know once we play together whether it’s going to work. They either “flow” or they don’t [laughs]. It either just works or it’s not happening. It’s not something you can force.

E&D: You mentioned that this record was written with a more open approach, without a conceptual backbone to guide the sound. Looking back on the end result, what do you “see” when listening to the record?

DC: I think the album titles that came out of it give a general idea. I wanted this album to be more “witchy”, so to speak, with magical plants and animals. I think that it has a very strong feminine energy involved with it. I feel like the music industry in general, and rock in particular, can be very unbalanced and hyper-masculine, and I think it’s reflected in society now, too. We’ve had this hyper-masculine society for so long now. If you hear a band like Metallica, there’s no hint of the feminine anywhere in their music, lyrically or conceptually. It’s this super-weird, “hyper-male bubble”. To me, music, in addition to being intellectual and emotional, is also sensual – especially rock and blues music. It’s from the hips as well! [laughs] I was trying to tap into that side of existence more on this record than on previous ones.

E&D: I was going to say that I did feel some hints of what you mentioned when I first heard Primitive and Deadly.

DC: Yeah, it definitely started with that record, and I feel like it’s reached fuller expression with this one.

E&D: When it came to prepping the recording sessions, what guided your decisions regarding the gear and sound you wanted for the album?

DC: I basically used what I use live. Sometimes it’s nice to have a million choices for overdubs and whatnot, but for this one I just stripped it down. It forces you to be more creative with the materials that you do choose. I just used the same gear as my live setup, which is pretty minimal. It was really exciting to get all of the variety of sounds from those, rather than looking to do overdubs with a collection of gear like on previous albums. This was how me and Randall Dunn would work. We’d have a plethora of things to choose from, whereas I wanted things to be stripped back this time. There were four or five pedals at the most, but I used them in different ways than I had previously done.

E&D: For many, myself included, your music has marked a turning point, a discovery of a new way of listening to music. Can you remember what first raised your awareness of this way of ‘processing’ music? What made you want to go down that path?

DC: I guess, musically, I would hear riffs from bands that I liked, and I’d want them to keep playing that riff. I was always wondering what would happen if you just stuck on that one riff. At the time I was heavily into metal, but I was also into King Crimson. Through the Velvet Underground, I learned about La Monte Young. It was just this idea of enjoying the repetition of stuff. I used to listen to my guitar droning and practice singing through it. I would learn how to hold a note. I had done a couple of other bands before that, and I didn’t really like them very much. As I said, it started with a conceptual thing. Drone is a technique that’s in a bunch of different music. Indian music is probably its highest form of development, but Blues has it too with open string root notes. Maybe it’s this atavistic Scottish thing about bagpipes since I have Scotch heritage, I don’t know.

E&D: Was this on your own or in a band?

DC: It was more on my own, I guess. After my second band broke up, I just went into what I call “woodshedding”, for a couple of years. I was practising and listening to a lot of music, and thinking about what I wanted to do next. That’s where the ideas coalesced, I guess.

E&D: Any overview of drone genre inevitably mentions two figurehead acts: Earth and Sunn O))). Having met the band and having worked with them in the past, have you had an opportunity to discuss your respective approaches about the genre, what “drone” means to you?

DC: Yeah, I’ve guested on their records, but other than that they’re doing their thing and I’m doing my thing. We’re both pursuing different aspects to me. From my perspective, I view myself as always serving the music. The riff needs to be worth repeating, it’s not just about repeating it. It needs to be something that grabs people. I’m constantly concerned about increasing the melodic content and the musicality of what I do. I’m also not as concerned with being the loudest or the slowest, which I feel can reduce the music. Back when I started, the bands wanted to be the fastest bands on earth. Whenever you play something ahead of the music, the music suffers. I just always consider myself a servant of the music and a servant of the song, first and foremost.

E&D: The new album features songs that are fairly short by Earth’s standards. Given that repetition plays an important part in your music, how do you determine the length of a particular song?

DC: I guess there’s a couple of things. There’s the feeling that you’ve said what you needed to say in that length of time. A lot of the time, our songs tend to grow in length live. I sometimes view shorter songs as snapshots of longer pieces. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, the physical means of reproduction limits you to a certain amount of time. People aren’t going to buy an eight-album set – you need to get it down to two LPs [laughs]. We need to consider how it’s going to fit on the vinyl.

E&D: Finishing off, can you name one of your favourite albums, movies and books?

DC: There are so many albums, it’s hard to pick just one [laughs]! I guess I’ll say Memphis Underground by Herbie Mann for the LP. Movie-wise, I’ll say Le Samouraï by Jean-Pierre Melville. Book-wise, Blood Moon by John Sedgwick.

Earth’s new album, Full Upon Her Burning Lips, is released on May 24 by Sargent House. Pre-order here…

#Earth #Dylan Carlson #Full Upon Her Burning Lips

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